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Why Your Ex Will Not Leave You – 2 No Contact Rule Myths Shredded

Shredding NC Myths


Everyone thinks that their ex will leave them if they use the no contact rule.

But, guess what?

Let me explain why your ex will not leave you.

They are already gone, that’s why they are your ex boyfriend/girlfriend…Right?

The big mystery here is why, do they want to keep in touch with you, but not be in a relationship with you, right?

Well, let’s solve that mystery and shred these myths. The no contact rule works and here’s why.


You Can Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back

The No Contact Rule Myth 1 Shredded


This is the mother of all the no contact rule myths.

If I use the no contact rule on my ex, they will get mad at me.

OK, let’s take a look at that statement for a second.

They already left you, did that make you mad?

I bet it did, but, yet, here you are, wanting them back, anyways…

Why is that?

Because you still love them.

If the same holds true with your ex, then, even if they get mad at you, they will not fall out of love with you, right?

Unless they have already fallen out of love with you.

In that case, you will be better off leaving them alone, anyways.

If you use the NC rule correctly, you will be polite, and that should not make anyone mad, maybe a little jealous though…catch my drift?

Your ex will not leave you if you use the no contact rule.

So, let’s kick this NC myth’s ass out of here, and move on…shall we?


You Can Win Your Ex Girlfriend Back

The No Contact Rule Myth 2 Shredded

This one’s just as bad.

If I use the 30 day no contact rule my ex will find someone else.

Not true, your ex, left you, remember?

Do you think by staying in contact with them, that you are magically going to get your ex back?

This is a bigger Myth than the last one, and, here’s why.

Why would they want to be committed to you, when they already have you following them around, like a little puppy dog?

Use The No Contact Rule to Break The Leash Your Ex Has You On

You’re always there when they need you, now.

Why get back into a relationship again?

They can have their cake, and eat it too.

You’re screwing yourself over with this plan, you think it’s going to work


You’re just…screwing yourself.

Let’s kick this one’s ass off into the gutter and move on.

Your ex is not going to find someone else, just because, you start using the 30 day no contact rule.

What will happen if you do not use NC, is they will probably find someone else, and “still” want to be your friend…sound familiar?

This will only place you in relationship limbo.

A mini-hell for people going through breakups.

The funny thing is, they put themselves in that hell, by choice.

Don’t do it.

If you really want to win your ex back, then, you must find a good plan and follow it.


The No Contact Rule Works to Get Your Ex Back

Whatever you’re doing now, isn’t working, or you wouldn’t be reading this article, right?

So, why keep doing things that are not working?

I think you are really hurting yourself if you dismiss the no contact rule.

This plan works, but it requires a lot of focus and emotional control.

Most people can not do this all by themselves.

That is why it is wise to find someone who will help you take on this battle.

If you are emotionally unbalanced, you need someone or something to keep you in balance…Right?

I mean, do you really think by randomly getting advice from friends, family, and co-workers, that you’re going to succeed?

You need a plan, a plan that works.

If you want to survive this breakup, you’ll need help.

Just subscribe to the free breakup survival plan newsletter, and start learning how to “correctly” use the no contact rule.

Do It Today!

Learn from your mistakes before you make them, and win your ex back.

What can I do to help you get your ex back?

If you have questions about the no contact rule, please feel free to write your question in the comment box below, and I will answer it ASAP…I promise!


Who Am I and Why Should You Listen to Me?

My name is S. Williams, and I have been helping people since 2008 to overcome break up pain, and get their lives back.

I even have an “About” section that I recommend you read.

I know the address of my site is: How to Get Your Ex Back Fast, but I “really” teach people how to get their lives back, not just their ex’s.

If you’re interested in working with me (and our forum members) to get your life back, join my free newsletter for access to the free breakup survival plan, and start getting your life back today.

The answers you need to start your personal evolution are waiting for you, don’t hesitate another minute…come and get them.

Once you get your life back, everything else will just start to fall into place…I promise.

If you have any comments or questions please write them in the comment box below.

If this article was useful or helpful to you in any way, please show your appreciation by giving me a “+1″ using the button below this article.

Until next time,

S. Williams

Copyright © 2008 and beyond – All Rights Reserved Worldwide – You DO NOT have permission to reuse this content in any way, shape, or form.


Add a Comment
  1. Hi
    I sent the nc message to my ex gf after 5 days we broke up. she was texting me during this 5 days. but after i sent her the nc message she got mad and replied me “there was no need to tell me dont contact me b coz i was going to change my cellphone number soon and be sure i wouldnt contact u ever again. goodbye”.In addition we broke up b coz she told me she has met a new guy 2 weeks ago.

  2. going back we never went into anything about our relasionship at all just her saying this is hurting me more i suppose that still wrong because i should be having no contact at all right?

    1. Right, because you were discussing no contact with her.

  3. also i had already used the recommened nc message 4 days ago.but after her last call yesturday day three after she got angry i sent it again with a slight change just to refresh it and start again?

    1. You should have used the same recommended no contact message without any changes.

  4. sos i forgot to add is it a breach of the rule to awnser her calls yold her do not contact me about business we can go threw family.she wasnt contcting me about work it was about our relasionship what do i do if she contacts me am i still breaking the rule if she want to talk about us or tell me how she feels?

    1. YES!

      Break off ALL communications with your ex girlfriend.

      Trying to discuss your relationship is the worse possible thing you can do right now, it will only lead to more arguing and make matters worse.

      Start following ALL the steps in the free plan to get your ex back, and stick to the no contact rule.

  5. i have just started the nc rule 3 days ago and she has called me already i seems to be working until i awnsered the phone and she said i was hurting her even more by having no contact with her.she went from being upset saying she still loves me want to be with me but cant to cause i have cheated to then getting really angry and saying fine if that what you want then i will change my number and this will be the last time i ever call you.have i messed up the rule. is her love going to turn to hate? if i continue the nc rule she only found out i cheated 2 weeks ago and she hasent calmed down yet she has mixed emotions …do you think theres any hope ?should i continue nc and or will she think i dont care?what should i do ?i am really confused?pls get bk to me asap i would really appreciate it

    1. Hi,

      If you want to see the best results, send the recommended NC message as outlined in the free plan to get your ex back.

      You can work things out about your “cheating” if you decide you want to get back together after using the no contact rule.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,


  6. she called me and i awnsered after three days of starting the nc rule.she only left me 2 weeks ago shes still very angry and hurt.the conversation went like this she said ur hurting me even more by doing this and got upset saying she still loves me and want to be with me but she cant then she suddenly changed and got really angry and said fine if thats what you want i have made it clear its not what i want and expained iv accepted she doesnt want to be with me she got even more angry and said fine i wont contact you i’ll change my number this is the last time i u will ever hear from me she seems really confused and think she still needs time to calm down and space i think this because she went from telling me she still loves me and wants to be with me to then being really angry?mixed emotions?have i messed up the rule?do you think there is a chance in the future or is her love going to turn to hate if i continur nc?help im confused?asap pls pls pls im trying to stay strong and want to contiue the nc rule have i messed it up>pls get bk to me asap im really confused ????

    1. Hi,

      You are NOT using the no contact rule correctly.

      No contact means no contact, and if you answer her calls and talk to her about the breakup you are making contact…the worse kind of contact.

      The more you break NC and argue with her, the farther you push her away.

      You have a 50/50 chance of getting your ex girlfriend back, but you have a 100% chance of getting your life back if you follow the free plan correctly.

      NC will not make her hate you, she is saying that to keep you from using no contact, why?

      Because it takes away her power to hold you while she makes her mind what she wants.

      How fair is that to you?

      What using the no contact rule correctly will do, is it will reveal your ex girlfriends true feelings for you.

      I help people survive a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex girlfriend back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.

      If you are ready to take action, go read the free plan to get your ex back, heal your broken heart, evolve past the break up, and get your life back again.

      That is the fastest way to get your ex back.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,


  7. Hey Tony
    I think you should resend the NC letter, and do not put a deadline. It’s a personal evolution, you can’t put a time on that.

    1. well she didnt really go on about our relasionship she only said im hurting her more by doing this she still loves me and wants to be with me but cant.then she got angry because she couldnt get her own way and sid fine this is the last time i will call you.if she calls again i will not awnser the phone will this show me it is still working if she calls but this time i really wont awnser it?have i blown it?pls reply asap i need to get on with my life and stick to the no contact rule properly just wana know if i have blown it?

      1. Every time you don’t follow the steps in the free plan to get your ex back, and break the no contact rule, your chances of reconnection are getting smaller.

        Stick to the plan.

    2. going back over me refreshing that i want no contact with her.i have double checked the message i sent her and never really changed the recommended message at all.she i really confused about what im doing because its completly out of character for me she is spoofed.i feel i have regained my power and this is the only way to not only get my ex back in the long run but to also heal my self i will NOT be breaking the rule again and allow her to rake my power she did last night i feel im on the right road to healing my self and maybe getting my ex back.she has been trying to contact me all day about petty things but i have ignored her.when i originaly messaged her the reccomended nc message she said if thats what you really want then make sure you stick to it i was abit confused do you think this is what she might want aswell?.if i stick to the rule im not to sure she will even contact me.but today i have started living my life again and can feel this is the only way for wheather or not i get my ex back even thow i still love her.

    3. hi william i forgot to tell you when first messaged the nc message she said im glad u dnt need to be in touch when ur ready thats fine im still young and living life now does this mean that there is no hope?i really think its over for good but i will still continue with no contact think its the best thing for me.really sounds like she is happy with no contact.

    4. sos to bug u again but 2 nights in a row now 5 days after nc i have had prank private number calls on my work phone i know its her because it never happens never.i sure she wants me to prank her back but wont because she will know its me returning the prank call breaking the nc rule.this means she is thinking about me or checking im still awake.i think this is a good sign??? now know she is still thinking about me and is giving me even more power im sure its her because it never happened before never when i was with her or when we spilt up only after i started this a good sign???? it seems to be working and gives me more strength to continue and religiously stick to the plan.
      thanks i believe in what your doing like i said even if i dnt get her back im going to concentrate on me and my future what ever happens with my ex happens after all she is the one who drove me away in the first place causing me to do something stupid even thow i knew it was wrong.

    5. Hi william day 9 of nc she has been trying so hard for me to break nc but have not let is abit difficult because we have a child together.when we first split up she was happy to communicate via txt regarding our child.since i started nc she has not stopped trying to call me regarding our child when originaly this is what she wanted she said we should txt each other to make plans regarding our child.the day after i started nc like i said she has not stopped trying to call me.after a couple of days of communicating through txt regarding our child she messaged saying im not replying to messages anymore its long!call me if you want to make plans.she was using our child to try make me break no contact.cut along story short she was calling once again yesturday and like usual i ignored the call knowing she would message me about plans as i have tried to completly minimise all contact.she then messaged me saying can you call me its really important obviosly to do with our child.i replyed whats wrong and got no reply.anyway she called be bk and i had to awnser the phone as i was worried about our child and didnt know what was was nothing major but i could not just ignore it just in case it kinda took away some of my strength but not all she must be getting deperate to hear my voice if she is willing to use our child as atool for making me awnser the phone knowing i will have to awnser if im worried about our child.i think she feels she has lost control of me and is now using our child to control things even stopping me from seeing my child.maybe looking for some sort of reaction which i havent given her because i know shes doing it purposly.still i have not lost all my power from the one conversation and i am on my way to healing when we do communicate regarding our child she can be very rude but i dont bite on this and keep it very simple stating i will not arguee with you i only want tpo make plans regarding our child.she is acctually making it eaiser for me to heal because even thow i cheated she is pushing me away by being such a *itch and using our child to try hurt me and control things as she feels she has lost control over using nc is completly the opposite of my character and feel she is getting confused about whats going on.i really cant have any contact with her at all unless is to do with our child which i will continue to to via txt as the slightest conversation with her takes some off my strenghth time she uses our child to force me to break nc i will contactn her father to ask her what is wrong if she dont reply to my messages as we still have a good is has to be done and done properly.i cant hear her voice as it does take away some of my strength proven to me by awnsering to phone yesturday.its like she takes it away from me and she gets it its weard.but next day i woke up i was back on track after the conversation yesturday it really make s me more determine than i was before to stick to nc as i no the consequences of hearing her voice.back to me i really feel like im getting stronger except for the conversation yesterday where she did take some strength of which i am over now other wise i am getting stronger i am starting to concentrate on my self and healing me insted of using nc just to get my ex back i know the quicker i heal the sooner i’ll be able to find out her true feelings weather is good or bad once i have healed it wont effect me weather she wants to be with me or not i have a plan and will stick to it.many thanks again if you have any advise let me know.

      1. Hi,

        You can use the phone and still follow the no contact rule if you’re careful.

        You can talk on the phone just keep it all about your child.

        If she asks about anything else, just tell her you are not ready to talk about it.

        If she keeps it up (trying to discuss your personal life) then tell her you will only text with her about your child.

        Thank you for writing.

        Take Care,


    6. hi,
      i am finding it really hard to use nc.we have a child and i have to meet her 2 times a week to to collect my child.i meet her for the first time after starting nc 13 days ago.i think i messed it up as she started talking yo me about other things not regarding our child.i asked her to meet up with me for a chat for 10mins and she said youve wasted enough of my time already no.i knew she would react like this but couldnt help it.meaning i have broken nc.i know if i dnt have to see her then it would be alot easier.after that the same day she sent me a load of abusive messages regarding our relasionship.i had to start again today but have decided to really stick to nc i will have to get someone in my family to meet her to pick up my child.if i dnt see her i will heal quicker and find it alot eaiser to stick to i resent the nc message today and straight away she messaged me a load of abuse said fine just stop txting me regarding our child go threw family im never gona call you.then called me 2 minuties later and messaging me telling me to awnser the phone.i think when she gets the message even after messing up and sending it again she really reacts to gona stick to it and get family to pick up my child or she will continue to try and break my nc every time i see yhis the wright thing to do or should i conyinue to meet her for my child.its 10 times haeder when you have to phyisicly have to see the ex twice a week whats yoour advice on this situation.i think its best i have no contact at all not even to pick up my kid?????????????

      1. paul says:

        i had to start again today but have decided to really stick to nc i will have to get someone in my family to meet her to pick up my child.if i dnt see her i will heal quicker and find it alot eaiser to stick to nc.


        Now you’re using your head.

        That sounds like a great idea.

        This will give her space to cool down, and give you a break from the interrogation every time you meet to pick up your child.

        Keep up the good work.

        Stay Strong and Positive!


    7. Hi,day 18 of nc.remember i went to meet my ex the other day to collect my child and asked her if she would meet me for 10 mins for a i said she said no and that i have wasted her time and went into one.for the last 5 day she has been sending me horrible messages looking for a reaction but i didnt give her one.anyway cut another long story short i got a txt from her last night asking to meet up.saying you asked me to meet up and talk i bluntly said angry and allways will be.i have been tryin to block everything out but realise i cant do if you still want to meet just let me know.if you dont i understand but would appreciate it if you let me know insted of ignoreing me.what the hell do i do??????part of me wants to meet her and the other doesnt.i think she maybe trying to 1 get me to break nc and 2 bring me back down and feed her anger making it easier to stay away.i think she is really stugalling with nc as i will not speak to her on the phone only via txt and get family to collect my child meaning she has nc at all only txt regarding our child.what do i do should i meet her or not im confused???i feel it mat take away all my

      1. Hi,

        No one said using the no contact rule was going to be easy, but it works.

        You really need to stop whining like a fucking baby and follow the plan, OK?

        If you read the free plan to get your ex back, you will find a free support system you can use as you follow the plan.

        But make sure you read the forum guidelines and follow ALL the rules or you will be banned.

        Thank you for writing.

        Take Care,


  8. She has been messaging me a lot lately. I ignored her. I told her to allow me to continue our break and to not contact me until the formal event.

    This was her response

    However long you want, I’ll wait.

    I’m better at waiting for you
    than you were for me.

  9. What should I do? We broke up a week ago. She is confused about her feelings. She started getting confused about her feelings toward a guy named Alex. I started the NC rule and have only said a couple of words like good night. She seems like she is moving on. What should I do? She wrote this today.

    Dear Tony,

    You know, this isn’t so bad as I initially felt. This isn’t so bad. I smiled and laughed a lot today. Alex showed me a lot of wonderful new music to listen to. I talked to Hanyue and Xiao and Danielle and Casey and I’ve never felt closer to them. My heart and head are still so, so confused, but… I think I’m okay. For the most part. Memories, memories, memories. We made a lot of fantastic memories together. But, I think that from the very beginning, we were best friends more than anything. I think that this is the best for both of us. I think… I think we are okay. I think I am okay. I know we’ll always be good friends. We promised, after all!

    For now, I’m going to store away all of our good memories in the back of my head. I miss it… I’ll miss it all… all the fun and romantic and silly and wonderful moments we had together. But hey, they won’t end! Just because we aren’t a couple anymore, doesn’t mean that we won’t still have those fun and silly and wonderful moments… simply sans the romantic ones. Since, you know, we aren’t a couple anymore and everything. But like I said… I think that from the very beginning, we were best friends more than anything else.

    It’ll still hurt from time to time… say, when a particularly touching memory escapes the recesses of my mind. Or perhaps when I glimpse an old post or look back on my tumblr. Or maybe seeing a small token of your affection—like Pokpok and Buu. Because it was so nice to have a lover, and it hurts to have all of that taken away so abruptly, so suddenly! And that the small reminders of what used to be still remain. It hurts, undeniably.

    But I’m so grateful for the time we’ve spent together.
    And now I’m ready to let it go. And move on.

    We’ll always remain friends, though.

    I love you, Tony!

    Thank you for everything.

    Patiently waiting until we can talk again,

    1. OMG!

      This chick loves the DRAMA! lol

      I hope you’re following the free plan and you sent the recommended NC message as outlined in the plan.

      If not, you need to send the correct NC message ASAP, and then follow all the rest of the steps.

      Do not worry about what your ex girlfriend says or does, it is only to illicit a reaction from you and get you to break NC, she wants control back.

      She doesn’t want you right now, just control over you.

      Are you going to let her do that to you, huh?

      I wouldn’t.

      That’s why I help people survive a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex girlfriend back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.

      Go read the free plan to get your ex back on my Blog, heal your broken heart, and get your life back again.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,


      1. I have to say that I think I have a good control over my emotions right now. I have a lot of things to do: school work, tennis, and regular work. I’ve been really busy lately, so it would be hard to break NC even if I wanted to. I have to see and talk to her though this coming Saturday for a formal event.

  10. Oh and she broke up with me after looking me in the eyes and promise me she wouldnt break up with me, she also said she wanted to push back the wedding cause she was scared, and i asked her if shes completely over me and see if theirs someone better than me, she said yes. so should i send the bday card? or u think i can get her back?

    1. Hi,

      I guess your ex girlfriend’s words do not match her actions.

      Use the free plan to get your ex girlfriend back to reveal her true feelings for you.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,


  11. Hey,

    I was wondering if I should say happy birthday do my ex-fiance. We broke up a month ago, and i was tryin to get her space but couldnt help it, and i think it drove her away but then i did get her 2 weeks space of NC, and she sent me a text sayin i talk to your friends and dont wait for me, and i tried to get her back bring memories. But later she sent me a replay sayin I F another guy and now im dating him. But to find out later she told one of my friends she didnt F him but is talkin to this guy and seein where its goin. I know its a rebound relationship cause she never wants to talk about her feelings with anyone and this guy is nothing like me. He has on his facebook, saying he likes big butts, big boobs, stripe poles. He goes downtown. I just know its not her. She block me on facebook. shes been dating this guy for like 3 weeks, they dont write on each others wall or say on status goin out with my girl or my guy. Nothing. thats what people tell me. So now do I send her a birthday card in mail, just signing sinceraly (my name) thats all. So should I? or just give the NC and she realize that she does miss me and wonders why I didnt say happy birthday to her on her bday?

    1. Hi,

      I would recommend that you DO NOT send anything to your ex girlfriend except for the recommended no contact message as outlined in the free plan to get your ex back.

      I help people get their lives back, not get their ex girlfriend back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.

      You can’t reveal your ex girlfriend’s true feelings for you by kissing her ass, can you?

      The free plan will help you evolve past the break up, and reveal your ex girlfriend’s true feelings for you.

      Go read the free plan to get your ex back on my Blog, and follow ALL the steps.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,


  12. HI I wonder if you can help me out here Iam trying to use the no contact rule as much as possible the problem that i have is myself and my ex have been together for thirteen years and have 2 children together so i have to go around and see them also we have dogs wich we kind of share and she isnt always able to walk them and if i do not go round they do not get out when i use no contact for a day or 2 it dose seem to make her angry cos im not helping out she dose have alot on with an almost full time job a house to run 3 dogs and two kids quiet a lot of the time when i use nc she dose seem to give me little signs she wants me back like talking about the past good times eye contact touching and so on but only a little bit now and then last weekend when i called to pick up my daughter i was a bit stand offish with her she got quiet angry with me and said i was being distant from her well we have broken up but she really did not like it when i asked her to let me know next time she needed any help to give me a call she said it dose not matter she would manage so i left the next nite she left it as late as poss and called me with some excuse to take the dogs out she talked to me on the phone for 20 mins about nothing really and i could not get rid of her this led me to belive she was wanting me back when i went the next day i think she expected me to be back when she got home and i was an hour later she was ok i did the dog thing which i did not really need to do came back she said her and our daughter where going shopping and left. just a little bit of back ground info for you as i said been together 13 years two daughters 12 and 15 years and 3 big dogs we split in january stayed in our house for the next 2 months sharing the same bed made love 1 week before the split it has been rocky since she got a new job 4 months before she is working with people who are mostly 10 years younger than us and dont have the commitments we have think she wanted more of that she told me at the end of last year her new years resolution was for us to have sex 3 times a week 2 weeks later she becomes very distant and i confront her and she says its over not 100 per cen but think the causes are her working to hard us having money troubles and working with people who have a more care free lifestyle ive been gone 2 months now she is not happy falls out with kids all the time is very angry never makes the kids meals anymore lets them do what they want all her family think she is a fool for leaving me iam not perfect but i have alway loved her with all my heart i kind of think she thinks i have someone else wich i have not im not ready as i still love her and cant stop thinking about her i dont think she has anyone else yet dont think she knows what she wants but dont think she wants me but she dose not want me to move on yet iam not sure if i should go back if she asked me as it has not been good for quiet a while but iam still very much in love with her.
    sorry its a bit long but it could have gone on a lot more.
    I have read what you have wrote on this page and it is first class advice and i would be more than gratful if you could help me
    thanks for this and keep up the good work

    1. Hi,

      If you read the advice I have given to others then you should know what to do, but I will say it again.

      I help people get their lives back, not get their ex girlfriend wife back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.

      Go read the free plan to get your ex back, and follow ALL the steps.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,


  13. Hi 🙂

    my ex and i were taking a break as we had a difficult year. things seemed to be getting more or less back on track until his family interfered and he sent me a message saying ‘i dont want to be with you anymore im sick of the lies and gossip’. that day i had sent him a NC letter

    do you think this is a spur of the moment response as he was angry? i replied asking him to not contact me anymore as i needed space to get over him as it sounded like he is over me.

    we have had no contact in 3 days. would my next step be to maintain NC as i had already sent the NC letter?


    1. Hi,

      He sounds like he is over the old failed relationship, and you should get over it as well.

      Does this mean he will never date you again?


      But if you don’t leave him alone and evolve past this break up and get your life back, you could possibly drive your ex boyfriend away for good, along with other people who will get tired of hearing you talk about the break up and your ex.

      I help people get their lives back, not get their ex boyfriend back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.

      Go read the free plan to get your ex back on my Blog, and follow ALL the steps.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,


  14. I plan to move out of my ex boyfriends apartment next week and in with another friend then initiate no contact. Hes trying to keep me in the friends zone right now and I won’t have it. I’m going to use NC correctly on him for a month or more and see what his true feelings are.

    1. Hi,

      Great Decision!

      Plan on 6+ months.

      That seems to be how long most of the forum members have been using the no contact rule and getting great results.

      Remember this is about getting your life back, not getting your ex boyfriend back.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,


  15. Reply:

    I don’t really think the NC rule will work in my case, because he will just get more distant, since I already pushed him away every time he disappointed me. Sending him that will make him slip away further, I know him… he still calls me at work, but not my cell because he feels I will ignore his calls… at work we do not have caller ID so I answer not knowing who is calling, he stays on the phone like he wants to say more or can’t hang up with me, maybe he wants to see me, but expects me to initiate it? I’m so confused and do not know how to respond to him..

    1. Hi,

      Do you know why you’re confused?

      Because you are trying to kid yourself, that’s why.

      Your common sense is fighting with your emotions, and that leaves you in a virtual tug-a-war with yourself…make sense?

      You thought kissing his ass would work, but it didn’t, then you kept kidding yourself by thinking you can fix this break up, but you can’t.

      You CAN NOT repair your failed relationship, but you can evolve past it, and get your life back again.

      This will prepare you for a “new” relationship with anyone, including your ex boyfriend.

      NC is not about getting your ex boyfriend back, it is about getting your life back.

      I help people get their lives back, not their ex boyfriends, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.

      Go read the free plan to get your ex back on my Blog, and follow ALL the steps.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,


      PS – If you have serious doubts about using the no contact rule in your situation, do not use the free plan to get your ex back. No plan will work if you don’t have faith in it.

  16. My ex and I initially worked together and became friends (sharing smoke breaks etc). A coworker passed away and we started to hang out outside of work as we were both friends with the woman who passed and were both grieving. I could tell he was attracted to me but took things really slowly. We dated for about a month before we became physical. At that point we playfully admitted that we were both the types to be monogamous. Over the next 9 months things progressed and he started spending one week night at my house and every Saturday. I am a single mom and don’t have as much freedom to sleep out. It was never anything I demanded of him, he just created a routine for visiting me. For about the past month I had sensed he was getting distant. He admitted that his friends were are also his roommates were getting into drugs and he was feeling weird about it. I listened to him and was really unsure whether he was asking me to broach the subject of moving in together. I tentatively offered that as a possibility which he quickly and politely rebuffed. He then admitted to me that he was feeling off about it all because he had dabbled in drugs at his house and didn’t feel good about it. His grandfather had passed away the day we had this conversation. We continued to hang out in the same routine he had established, and I would make myself available to go out into the city together several times a month also, and stayed at his house every so often. He always commented how nice it was to have me over at his place when I did so. I did slowly start to notice that he seemed more stressed out and distant however. A situation at work caused him to have to work 6 days out of 7 and he was often tired and quiet. I felt like he was prepping to break up with me but our mutual friends assured me that they knew he cared deeply about me from things he had said and his obvious devotion to me. Then, over Easter weekend, he went to his hometown to inter his grandfather’s ashes and didn’t maintain contact through much of the weekend. I backed off because I knew from his non verbal and verbal communication that he was deeply effected by this family event. The day after he returned he requested to come over and “talk”. I immediately sensed something was amiss. He came to my house and broke up with me saying he had been thinking about it for 2 weeks and had been struggling with it. His reasons were that he felt that I deserved someone who was more committed, he felt that I was more emotionally attached than he was, and he was afraid that if he continued with me he would run off. The entire time he spoke he sat in his chair clenching his hands with his face twitching like mad. My neighbors were next to us doing yard work. I went into emotional shock and told him in a controlled soft voice that I didn’t feel like I was free to express myself at that moment. He offered to have dinner to talk about it but the sting of the rejection made me say no immediately. He left within 15 minutes of arriving. I texted him that night to say that I thought our relationship deserved more than 20 minutes and that I didn’t need a response but that I had to at least express that. He texted back to say that he was sorry about the brevity of the encounter but that he felt that I had wanted him to leave and he apologized for the manner in which he had carried it out. He also stated that his lines were open if I wanted to talk and that he didn’t want to run away or ignore me. I wrote him back to say that I was heavy hearted and that I felt he was never emotionally available, he had walls up, but that in the end it didn’t matter because he had accomplished what he wanted to, he wasn’t down for me and that was that.
    I haven’t heard from him since. I am wondering if it is silly to initiate NC at this point. He is the type of guy to really think things out before he speaks so I feel like at this point I should really challenge whether or not I should approach this tactic with the idea that I could win him back. I really care for him and was hopeful that this was growing into a long term relationship.
    Thanks for reading if you’ve gotten this far.

    1. Hi,

      Since the free plan is about getting your life back it is never too late to use it.

      Not only will the no contact rule help you evolve past this break up and get your life back, it will also reveal your ex boyfriends true feelings for you.

      Do not focus on getting him back, focus on following a step-by-step plan to guide you through your personal evolution.

      Go read the free plan to get your ex back on my Blog, and follow ALL the steps.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,


  17. Hi,

    I am in this situation. He told me he needed a break after we had a big argument about him not doing anything for my birthday. He had to go out of town with his brother and brother’s brother in law to bring back his brother’s brother in laws daughter from Kentucky, it just so happened that he had to fly out on my birthday, all he did was leave me an empty birthday card, saying “Thinking of you on your birthday, you bring the best out of me, love you” I was disappointed and got distant with him while he was away. (Although, I understand he had something very important to do, it’s just how I felt that he did not offer to take me out or do anything, not even dinner) Anyway, he noticed I was being cold and distant (it was because I felt hurt) and when he got back he immediately began arguing with me when he called me, saying that I did not care about him while he was gone, but I told him I didn’t feel like he cared because he didn’t plan anything with me for my 35th birthday before or said anything about doing anything after he got back. When my friends asked what he did for me, I said he didn’t do anything… that made me really hurt.

    Anyway, our argument escalated and I said hurtful things to him, I told him he didn’t understand what I was going thru (I was processing a loss still and was feeling low and depressed as well), so the moment I felt he disappointed me it hurt even worse, I told him he didn’t understand, so he responded “maybe I don’t understand you, and maybe we should just go our separate ways” I sad “fine if that’s what you want” he said “no that’s not what I want, but I think we need a break” I didn’t want a break.

    I was hurt and acted out on it, I felt bad over it after and called him 5-days later and I asked him to come over and I apologized to him, but he still said he needed a break. I was so hurt! He became much more distant and hot and cold at times, he wasn’t quite the same with me, like going out of his way to see me and do things for me, he just seemed like he withdrew. I felt he kept having excuses to see me after this.. one day, I made reservations for dinner on a Saturday night (but had asked him days before if we could go) then on that Saturday he tells me he couldn’t make it because he was super busy, I got so discouraged about him I just said “you know what I can’t do this anymore, maybe you should just have your break you needed” and he said okay, but I don’t understand why we cant still talk, I told him I did not want to talk to him while he took a break. He said “okay then.” Then I asked him for my key back and he was okay with that but then, when I asked him for it again he became rude about giving it back to me. He finally brought it to me, and was very casual & short when he saw me.

    I want him back in my life but it feels like he is losing interest… he says he has mixed feelings about me, and does not know if he wants a relationship. At the beginning he already told me he loved me within 2-months! and told me he wanted us to move in together after 3-months and was talking about wanting to have a baby! I was like wow! We need to take our time with that. I may have made him feel rejected, after he was on his break he would still text me and or call me to see what I was up to but when I asked about the relationship he complains that I was not putting in my effort into the relationship, and said he got tired. I am so confused, I already told him I would like to make things work between us if he still wants to. He just says to give him time, and that time will tell.

    I’m so hurt… don’t know what to do but distant myself from him, after I confessed to him how I feel about him and that I did not want to lose him. (background: He lost a lot of weight prior to meeting me, at his heaviest he was at 300 lbs and lost a little over 100 lbs, but he is somewhat still insecure about him self) So, when he met me he was super excited to have met me! But now that I am falling in love with him he is pulling away. I think he may have fears of letting me down and disappointing me again or disappointing me further or he may not feel adequate for me. I have a master’s degree and he has some college courses under his belt and runs a small business with his brother.

    What do I do?

    Please help!!! I’m lost.

    1. Hi,

      My advice is to give him the time he asked for.

      If you want to reveal your ex boyfriends true feelings for you, use the no contact rule to evolve past the break up and get your life back.

      I help people get their lives back, not get their ex boyfriends back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.

      Go read the free plan to get your ex back on my Blog, and follow ALL the steps.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,


  18. Hi,
    My boyfriend and I were together for almost a year and madly in love. It was so perfect that we never even had a fight. We were planning on moving in together. He told me I was the one. That he even know how and where he wanted to propose.

    But middle of Feb he got distant for a couple of weeks, and finally after me asking multiple times what was wrong, he told me that it “wasn’t working” and he didnt know why. That he still loved me. That maybe it was a case of the right ppl at the wrong time.

    The next day he changed his mind and asked for a break instead. He said he loved me so much, and maybe he just needs to get his thoughts straight. A week later… He broke it off. He loved me but didn’t know if was still in love. That broke my heart.

    We’ve been broken up for a month now. NC for a little over a week. It was his bday on Monday and I stayed strong. But now I heard that he may have had sex w. his former housemate on Saturday and I’m wrecked.

    Do I remove him off my facebook? Do I stay in no contact?
    I don’t understand how it all changed so fast.
    It’s wrecking me.

    1. Hi,

      Agonizing over why your ex boyfriend broke up with you is a pointless waste of time, and will do nothing for your situation.

      I help people get their lives back, not their ex’s, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.

      Go read the free plan to get your ex back on my Blog, and follow ALL the steps.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,


  19. SW I am in a rather awkward situation,I am a lesbian,me and my girlfriend dated for 14years she was divorced from her husband,together we raised her daughter,after going out of town to see her parents last year things suddenly changed,she said stuff like she loves me,but not the same and she cared for me and then broke it off,i begged her to stay and work things out,and she agreed,i treated her like gold was considerate,did everything i could to show her how much i loved her,but after 3 months she moved out and back to her ex husband(abusive ex)without any explanation at all,there was no contact between us except 2 quick conversations when i innitiated it but she will tell me that this man has changed,was a alcoholic but stopped drinking and is good to her,it hurts me so bad,i told her to call me if she needs to talk,so far i started nc again now a month has gone by again.Me and her daughter is on good terms,but i never mention her mother or our breakup at all.She will be visitting me soon.Is there any way for me to get her back,she is my everything,please?

    1. Christel says:

      SW I am in a rather awkward situation,I am a lesbian,me and my girlfriend dated for 14years.She will be visitting me soon.Is there any way for me to get her back,she is my everything,please?


      I am NOT an expert on Lesbian relationships, but I know a lot about helping people get their lives back.

      I suggest you use no contact the way it is outlined in the free plan to get your ex back, evolve past the break up, and get your life back.

      Before you decide what to do about this situation (your ex), you need to get your life back first.

      Go read the free plan to get your ex back here on my Blog, and follow ALL the steps.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,


  20. so me and my ex broke up nine months ago and we are very good friends he has a girlfriend and he still sleeps with me its hard to say no when were hanging out i really want to but im young and stupid cause im inlove with the boy i try all the time to not stay in contact with him but it is very hard hes in my class at school so i have to see him everyday besides weekends he was my first love and hes my bestfriend we dated for a year this is really hard for me. is there anyway you think i can get him back?

    1. jaymee says:

      so me and my ex broke up nine months ago and we are very good friends he has a girlfriend and he still sleeps with me


      You have a 50/50 chance of getting your ex back, if you even want him once you come to your senses.

      This guy cheats on his current girlfriend with you.

      What makes you think he won’t do the same to you, if you got back together?

      I help people get their lives back, not their ex’s, go read the “About” section on my Blog.

      After that, go read the free plan to get your ex back on my Blog, and follow ALL the steps.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,


  21. So my ex ended the relationship in December, said she needed to find herself and that she did not love me anymore. I made all the mistakes an emotional person makes, we were going to get married in March. We have been in contact with each other every now a then over the last three months. Two weeks ago I suggested we go for dinner and it was pleasent so I phoned her a few days later and asked her if I could her for dinner she said that she did not think it was a good idea so I said OK and that I would give her, her space. On Monday I mailed an NC message to her.

    Did I do the right thing?

    1. godwana says:

      On Monday I mailed an NC message to her.

      Did I do the right thing?


      It depends on what kind of NC message you sent your ex girlfriend.

      Go read the free plan to get your ex back here on my Blog, and follow ALL the steps.

      If you didn’t send the recommended NC message as outlined in the free plan (without changes), then do it ASAP.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,


      1. Hi,

        Yes,I did use one of the recommended NC messages and have gone through the plan many, many times to understand it, thats why I sent the message.

        Thanks for the quick response!

        1. Excellent!

          Now, you need to work on your negativity (ex. Did I do the right thing?).

          I suggest you take a good hard look at this topic we started in our forum:

          The Law of Attraction and Relationships

          It can make the difference between a productive/progressive personal evolution, or a loooong hard struggle.

          Thank you for writing.

          Take Care,


  22. me and my ex are meeting up its been a month since i saw her…i just talk to her 3 days ago and set a met up…but how should i order to get her back

    1. Hi,

      This is covered in stage 3 of the free plan to get your ex back here on my Blog, go read it.

      In fact read the entire plan, and make sure you are really ready for the reconnection stage.

      If reconnection fails, you can come back and start the free plan from the beginning.

      Thanks for writing, and good luck!

      Take Care,


  23. S.W.
    I have been with my Ex for 10 months and we had a very nice christmas together.
    But all the sudden he says we are becoming like friends and I bursted out… I left his house behind after an argument and without talking for 1 week. He sent me a reak up email and I went to see him twice. He did not change his mind. So the other day I saw him accepting the break up in a very calm, gentle way, smiling and “Its ok, you made it clear.” I smiled gently as much as possible.
    He said he missed me but not as much as he is supposed to. He also said he is not crazy about me any more. and does not love me any more.

    He never had a long term relationship before and he always ended all the other relationships in the similar way. Maybe he freaks out from the commitment and lies to his own feelings unconsciously…

    He defines himself Very insecure…and never did anything to get things he wants except when he got to know me 11 months ago…

    He also has a bit of libido problem, moody maybe caused by the parents divorce in his childhood.. He went to psychotherapist but stopped.

    Do you think I am taking the right steps???? Since he does not do things to what he wants, he may not even call me…

    1. TWEETY says:

      Do you think I am taking the right steps???? Since he does not do things to what he wants, he may not even call me…


      His problems are “his problems” and no one can make him face them, he has to make a choice.

      You can not fix your ex boyfriend, but you can fix yourself.

      That is why I help people get their lives back, not their ex’s.

      If this statement confuses you go read the “About” section on my Blog.

      If you are still interested after that, go read the free plan to get your ex back here on my Blog, and follow ALL the steps.

      Thanks for writing.

      Take Care,


  24. I don’t know if this is a valid question for this site. I have a dear friend that I dated months ago. I initiated no contact then and she came back but we were just friends but hanging out and having fun. Now that we are friends she has started to screw me around a bit and the other night we were supposed to go out and she was to text me. She didn’t. So I asked why she didn’t contact me and she said she lost her phone and just found it. I told her I didn’t believe her and to delete my number. Since then I tried to work things out at least to get some closure but she said she was told she was a liar and told not to contact me. So I told her I would delete her number but she hurt my feelings and if she wanted the door was open is she had a change of heart. I believed this was a great friendship. I won’t contact her again. Do you think that this deleting of her number and no contact will make her want to contact me at some point again?


    1. L. Shoe says:

      Do you think that this deleting of her number and no contact will make her want to contact me at some point again?


      If you believe your ex friend is a liar why would you want her back as friend?

      I think it would be better to find a friend that would treat you right.

      As far as NC working, it probably will, why?

      Because she will get curious about what you’re up to, especially when she runs out of gossip.

      But, if you keep trying to contact her, it probably will take a long time to work.

      Thanks for writing.

      Take Care,


      1. Thanks S.W.

        I don’t know if she really lied or not. She didn’t really plead her case besides that fact that she said she has never lied to me. Granted this was all through text. I think its all so impersonal as well. I initiated no contact yesterday. I would just like to have a face to face to get some closure. She won’t give that and is being stubborn and dying for the cause. I told her I had feelings too and she never looks at that side of the situation. I know I deserve better treatment. Just trying to get a grip on the whole situation. I will not contact her. I will stay strong and see if she contacts me. We have shared, as friends, a lot of personal things. We will see if she thinks it was worth it or if it was just a big fat lie altogether. I will set boundaries if she does contact me and won’t jump to respond either. Thank you for your response.

  25. ok, my ex broke up with me on the 13th of jan, basically, i was begging and wanting her to give it another chance and to meet up and talk like adults, she refused and told me time apart made her realise she didnt wna be with me, she is moving on with her life and i should too blah blah. she started dating someone else, i panicked and sent her an email on the 29th of jan.
    she replied on the 31st saying move on with your life and things will get better if you keep smiling. i went no contact after that untill 9th of feb. where she asked me how i was doing, i asked ker to be friends and then told her i didnt want to be friends cos i read this was a bad idea, plus it makes it hard when she moves away in summer. anyway she text me on the 14th, i text her today saying she should not keep texting me as it confuses me, and unless she wants to work things out, not to text me, and she replied saying ” just forget me, u want to be together and i dont want to, im finally happy and moving on with my life and so should you.. i told her some exciting things are actuli happening, and she replied, oo, exciting, as in a girl 😉 as tho she not bothered, then i told her i could not be friends cos she was moving away, and she said she dunt wana be friends cos i want more, she said she wont let me cause no more bother in her life and she said for me to move on with my fantastic life and all the exciting things, and just forget about her. to me this sounds like she wants me, but she said she cud never get back with me cos of all bad memories. but i am just going NC now and hope i can be strong…would it be too late to go no contact after all of this? p.s sorry its so long

    1. by the way, the last part of the message i posted, where she asked if there was a girl, this happened before she told me she is finally happy and moving on, the second part should have been first. will showing her i can go NC prove to her i am changed and make her attracted to me knowing she cannot have me anymore?

      1. david says:

        will showing her i can go NC prove to her i am changed and make her attracted to me knowing she cannot have me anymore?


        I help people get their lives back, not their ex’s.

        If this statement confuses you, I suggest you read the entire “About” section on my Blog, and then decide if this is what you want to do.

        If you decide that you are ready, go read the entire free plan to get your ex back here on my Blog, and follow ALL the steps, OK?

        Thanks for writing, and placing your trust in me…you won’t regret it.

        Take Care,


        1. i have said countless times i will go no contact, i have said multiple times to my ex i cannot contact u untill i move on, but i still do contact her, and it gets to the point where i want her to give it another shot.. is it too late now to apply no contact again? considering she has told me she is finally happy and is moving on with her life?

          1. david says:

            is it too late now to apply no contact again?


            Like I said before, the free plan is about getting your life back, not your ex.

            With that in mind, it is NEVER too late (unless your dead) to get your life back.

            Thanks for writing.

            Take Care,


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