Why Your Ex Will Not Leave You – 2 No Contact Rule Myths Shredded
Let me explain why your ex will not leave you. Everyone thinks that their ex will leave them if they use the no contact rule. But, guess what? They are already gone, that’s why they are your ex boyfriend/girlfriend…Right? The big mystery here is why do they want to keep in touch with you, but not be in a relationship with you, right? Well, lets solve that mystery and shred these myths. The no contact rule works and here’s why.
You Can Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back – The No Contact Rule Myth 1 Shredded
This is the mother of all the no contact rule myths. If I use the no contact rule on my ex, they will get mad at me. OK, lets take a look at that statement for a second. They already left you, did that make you mad? I bet it did, but yet here you are wanting them back anyways…Why is that?
Because you still love them. If the same holds true with your ex, then even if they get mad, they will not fall out of love with you, right? If you use the NC rule correctly, you will be polite, and that should not make anyone mad, maybe a little jealous though…catch my drift? Your ex will not leave you if you use the no contact rule. Lets kick this NC myth’s ass out of here and move on…shall we?
You Can Win Your Ex Girlfriend Back – The No Contact Rule Myth 2 Shredded
This one’s just as bad. If I use the 30 day no contact rule my ex will find someone else. Not true, you’re ex left you remember? Do you think by staying in contact with them, that they are magically going to fall back in love with you? This is a bigger Myth than this one, here’s why. Why would they want to be committed to you when they already have you following them around like a little puppy dog?
You’re always there when they need you now; why get into a relationship again? They can have their cake and eat it too. You’re screwing yourself with this plan you think is going to work…screwing yourself. Lets kick this one’s ass off into the gutter, and move on. Your ex is not going to find someone else because you start using the 30 day no contact rule. What will happen if you do not use NC is they will probably find someone else, and want to be your friend…sound familiar? If you really want to get your ex back then you must get a good plan and follow it.
The No Contact Rule Works to Get Your Ex Back
Whatever you’re doing now isn’t working or you wouldn’t be reading this article, right? So, why keep doing things that are not working? I think you are really hurting yourself if you dismiss the no contact rule. This plan works, but it requires a lot of focus and emotional control.
Most people can not do this all by themselves. That is why it is wise to find someone who will help you take on this battle. If you are emotionally unbalanced you need someone or something to keep you in balance…Right? I mean, do you really think by randomly getting advice from friends, family, and co-workers, that you’re going to succeed?
You need a plan, a plan that works. If you want to survive this break up you’ll need help. Just contact me and start learning how to use the no contact rule. Do It Today! Learn from your mistakes before you make them, and win your ex back. What can I do to help you get your ex back? Write me and let me know, OK? If you have questions about the no contact rule, please feel free to write your question in the comment box below, and I will answer it ASAP…I promise!
Who Am I and Why Should You Listen to Me?
My name is S. Williams, and I have been helping people for more than 3 years to overcome break up pain, and get their lives back. I even have an “About” section that I recommend you read. I know the name of my site is: How to Get Your Ex Back Fast, but I teach people how to get their lives back, not their ex’s.
If you’re interested in working with me (and our forum members) to get your life back, join my free newsletter for access to the free plan to get your ex back fast, and start getting your life back today. The answers you need to start your personal evolution are waiting for you, don’t hesitate another minute…come and get them.
Once you get your life back, everything else will just start to fall into place…I promise. If you have any comments or questions please write them in the comment box below.
If this article was useful or helpful to you in anyway, please show your appreciation by giving me a “+1″ using the button below this article.
Until next time,
S. Williams
http://www.howtogetyourexbackfast.com
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Hi,
My girlfriend ended the relationship 3 months ago, saying that she needed space, was confused, and was feeling different towards me from some time. She told me that she love me, but there was something missing that she couldn’t explain.
Our relationship was for almost 4 years, and we never lived together, each of us have their own apartment. I’m divorced and have a 17 year old daughter, she is single and never been maried.
I know that she wanted to marry, but I never compromise and proposed.
She let me know that was not the reason of she taking the decision, that it was her feelings towards me.
In this case, I didn’t commit to mariage after 4 years, but the reason that she gave me is that she is not feeling the sane for me.
I’m currently using no contact, because we didn’t live together, she has called a few times but only to know how I’m doing, nothing more.
Is NC the correct approach? How should I approach her, and what I have to do in order to prove my commitment? Propose, and risk that she reject me, because she really doesn’t love me anymore?
Let me know your opinion, please.
Hi Rolando,
You said you were using no contact, do you have a plan to follow?
If not you’re probably doing everything wrong…understand?
If you want to get her back, you”ll need to start pulling her towards you again, and no contact when used correctly in a step by step plan, can do just that…are you interested?
I am willingly to work with you if you’re willingly to get a plan and follow it…OK?
Otherwise, you’re just shooting in the dark…hoping to hit the target.
Meanwhile this distance between you and your ex girlfriend is getting wider.
Here’s one thing I can tell you right now…
Do not propose to her until you have a good plan figured out.
If you move too soon with something like that she will only think you’re proposing out of desperation…and she”ll turn you down flat…make sense?
Please don’t worry it’s not too late, and I will help guide you through this plan.
Thanks for taking the time to ask your question, and I look forward to helping you get back together with your ex girlfriend.
Take Care,
S. Williams
hi,
i’ve been together with my bf for 3 years and we have broke up and patch back for 2-3 times. it has always been the same issue as we both are strong headed and often quarrel. 1 month ago, I initiate to break up with him as the same issue surfaces again. i thought he will gave in and beg for me to come back but he dint and agreed w the break up. in the end i realise i cant live without him & regretted my decision & i begged for him to be back. he agreed but he has been v cold to me after we gt back till he doesnt wanna hug or kiss me. when we hold hands, he was relunctant too. thus i initiate to let him go again as i dont wish to force him to be tgt w me, he agreeed. but nw,i’m feeling so much pain in my heart, i just want e rs to be back to what it was. he said he still loves me but he has a barrier in his heart due to the repeating issues and afraid to get back to me. should i use the NC message?
Hi,
The best way to handle your current situation would be to leave your ex boyfriend alone, and get your life back again.
If you want to evolve past the break up and get your life back, go read the free plan to get your ex back on my Blog, and follow ALL the steps.
Take Care,
S.W.
I agree with S. Williams on this Rolando. Proposing marriage will send the wrong message to your ex. Be strong, follow the plan that he personally supports and win her back for good. Good luck to you!
me and my ex just had a huge fight we hav been broken up for a few months but still hanging out tlkng all the time and having sex ..i want him to be back with me but wen i start tha nc rule i want us to b getting along..or duz it matter?? hes been going out alot to bars and stuff im scared hes going to find some1 else i dont wana loose him and thats y i havnt used the nc rule yet ive juss been letting him have the best of both worlds
Hi Shay,
I would be more afraid of being stuck where you are now, not that he will move on and forget you.
Let’s get something straight…
You can not stop him from finding someone else, and having sex with him with not make him fall back in love with you either.
The only way you’re going to find out whether he is coming back or not, is by using no contact.
As far as getting along during NC, I don’t think he is going to be happy about being cut off sexually, or not knowing what you’re doing either.
NC is not about keeping your ex happy, it’s about you taking the time to get ready emotionally, for the next step…which is reconnecting after you break away from the old relationship using no contact.
Too many people fear losing their ex using NC and remain trapped as “just friends” while their ex gets everything they want.
Does that sound fair to you?
If you want to be successful using no contact, I suggest you go read the free plan to get your ex back on my Blog, and follow ALL the steps.
It’s time to get off “the leash” see the above article.
I hope this helped.
Take Care,
S. Williams
Would like to know how to assess if my ex of almost 4 months has in fact moved on permanently. She has stopped initiating contact with me altogether, but has responded to my occasional emails over this period. She recently told me she has her eye on someone else, and I suspect that the guy, although I don’t know him, will become her lover very soon, if he isn’t already.
Any advice. We broke up in December after a 6 year roller coaster that brought us to China. She left after breaking plates etc, and moved a block away. We are now expat “neighbors”.
Hi Djinho,
Have you been using no contact at all?
It sounds like you haven’t, and you’re still sending her emails.
I would go into full no contact, and see how she reacts.
I know she is your neighbor, but you can still say hi, but don’t get caught up in any conversations, or give away too much of what you’re doing, or what’s going on in your life…OK?
Just tell her you have been busy, and just need some space to think about things.
Use this time to re-examine what went wrong with your relationship, and how to make it right, also focus on emotional control (self help tools) that you may be able to find at your local library, or book store.
Too many people want to get their ex back right away before they find someone else…but what would’ve changed?
Nothing…that’s why you break up again…understand? If this happens too many times you may stay broken up for good…too risky.
Then after 30 days, when your emotional control is strong (so you don’t beg or plead if she says no) ask her out for a casual date.
If she says no, wait another 2 weeks (still using NC), and ask again.
I believe she will accept eventually because she will want to know what’s going on in your life.
This short (30 minute or less) coffee/lunch date will give you some indications of how she feels about you…just keep it light, friendly, not too much about yours or hers personal life, and do not bring up the past.
Keep it about the present, work, family, hobbies, just enjoy each others company, after all you haven’t talked in a while…right?
As far as this new guy, you can not stop her from dating.
Focus on yourself, and your emotional state, and let no contact do it’s work.
She may be expecting you to stop her from seeing this guy, but you won’t you will just keep to yourself, and she will wonder why.
Is he moving on?
Have I pushed him too far?
See what happened here?
Now she is the one who is worried, you have regained some power in this game.
Right now it is you who is doing the chasing, and she knows it.
What’s the hurry Djinho will wait for me…
Or will he?
This other guy may work out, or may not, and make you look even better.
Here’s some simple math:
You have 6 years with her
He has what a month?
I think you have a deeper place in her heart, and no contact will help prove that.
Why did she only move a block away?
I think the signs all point to a very good chance for reconciliation with your ex girlfriend.
You have to be strong now, and let no contact do it’s work…make sense?
I hope this helped.
Take Care,
S. Williams
Thanks for your reply Mr. Williams. Much appreciated.
One question:
After knocking out the 1-page letter today “in support of the breakup” (of 3 and 1/2 months ago), owning up to some pre-breakup lack of emotional support, and lightheartedly suggesting a coffee or lunch chat at “sometime in the future” (which wouldn’t be the first)– all of this a prelude to general NC from this point forward…. well, after reading your response, maybe it is not a very good idea to send it at this late date. What do you think?
Thanks,
Djinho
Hi Djinho,
You’re Welcome!
You are right, it is really late in the game to send a letter of apology.
Whatever you do during no contact, don’t hint at anything…OK?
Don’t let her know exactly what your plans are.
This will create the “air of mystery” that will put you back on her mind.
I would suggest instead of writing her letters, that you make a list of all the good and bad points of your relationship.
What are you going to do to erase those bad points, so you can add more good points to that list?
Start a journal like Monica did, this can be a very powerful tool as you work your way through no contact.
Write down your thoughts daily, explore your feelings, and your old relationship.
This will uncover many useful things for you to use when it comes time to reconnect.
For instance; what went wrong, and how to over come this the next time around.
You see the break up was a long time in coming.
What makes you think you can resolve this over night?
Become a detective of your past, and uncover the clues to winning her back.
Don’t worry about anything else, focus all your energy into finding a way to make this work next time around.
Think positive, use self help tools to help with emotional control, but do not sit there thinking you don’t have a chance to get your ex girlfriend back…because you do.
Get started using the advice I just gave you, and if there is anyway you can get the book (I know you’re trying to) start from page one and read from cover to cover.
Then start with chapter one and work your way slowly through each chapter, doing all the exercises in there, that along with your journal, self help tools, and a positive attitude will get your ex back faster than anything I know of.
Good Luck!
Take Care,
S. Williams
Hello Scott,
You must be really busy with emails. Wow.
I read the book and there is a lot of useful info with plan. I hope I can follow it through this craziness.
I would like to be on your personal email list if possible. I am new to this and not sure by which means to send questions. I have some questions of a more private nature, and maybe don’t want to broadcast on the blog, for example.
Wish I had known about you around Christmas time, when my ex was in the early stages of breakup. I traveled a lot in Jan and Feb (musician) and she got used to the new situation she created in early December, which was initially impulsive move-out to ugly apartment a block down the street, which I didn’t try to stop at all, since she was getting violent, breaking stuff, hitting me etc for not booking correctly flights to South America for vacation that never happened.I went to do my Sunday teaching job, came back and she was gone.
Feeling an emotional roller-coaster and given many factors and details of the relationship, am inclined to think it’s a lost cause already. Things are suddenly moving fast for my ex in advancing “moving-on” mode… birthday weekend with brand-new her new rich German love interest. Hope I can control emotions/jealousy if I happen to see her on the street on the way to my Sunday work today. She (Brazilian) walks right through my corner apartment field of vision like clockwork every weekday coming from and going to subway to her kiddie teaching job. I brought her to Shanghai practically penniless with me 4 years ago from Lisbon, and she also bailed for a while in the middle of this period, I went to Lisbon 4 months, came back, got together again, she between jobs at the time. Gold-digger?
I am 53, American/Portuguese dual national. She is 38 (one month from now), same birthday as my son in Portugal where we met teaching music at same school, me in throes of the worst kind of divorce.
She met recently new German love interest (48, engineer) through Brazilian embassy social group is. Unlike me, doesn’t speak Portuguese, she says. She learned English over the past 4 years in Shanghai, doesn’t speak German.
Don’t know if these details help for assessing this situation. I have to walk to Sunday teaching right now, may run into her on same street. 1-month No Contact starting today would put it right at her birthday (and my son in Lisbon) in late April. Is this a date to call her or not. We have had plenty of coffees since December breakup. Advice?
Thanks,
Djinho
Hi Djinho,
Yeah, it gets crazy sometimes, and then my Blog died last week, and I have been spending this past week building this one from scratch.
You are thinking too far ahead, that”s like trying to predict the future, instead of trying to predict the future, make plans for “your” future.
The sooner you get a handle on your own emotions, the faster things will get better…make sense?
30 days is only a benchmark (a starting point) it is not an exact science, it may take longer, it all depends on how far you have come with your emotional control.
Start a journal, and keep records of your daily thoughts, this helps people to stay on course.
You must convince yourself that you can live without her, and then you”ll be ready to reconnect.
If you want to start a new relationship, you have to break away from the old one completely first.
You need to re-examine your old relationship to find out what went wrong, and how to make it right next time around.
This should be your main focus for the next 30 days or so, do not try to predict the future.
Focus on emotional control, take a look at my section called win back your ex with emotional control, for some help.
Just stay strong, and remain positive.
Take Care,
S. Williams
Hi S. Williams,
My 4 & 1/2 years together girl friend broke up with me 4 weeks ago on 14mar09 (were very happy together, broke up because a small arguement which lead to bringing up pass conflicts), I begged and called and texted for 3 days, without rely and make her more angery ,then i read the magic of making up, thus i send her a text accepting the break up and started the no contact period changed my look with new clothes and lost a lot of weight, then she text me to meet up for lunch on the 27mar09 because it was my birthday and also bought one dish made by her mother for me(which i liked). We were not as close as we were but we chatted abit and she did not reject some of my touching. I can feel she purposely swing her arm quite strangly when we were walking side by side, like trying not to hold or let me hold her hands.
On the 29mar09 I send thur facebook about info of new phone which i knew she would like, and she was very interested and agreed to arrange to see the phone together. We have a quite happy chatting on the phone and she mentioned on the 31mar09 there was a special offer last day at a fashion store and i acted very interest thus she told me that she would have a look with me after working. During looking at the fashsion store I was interested in bags and tried on some,but she still likes to adjust the way I carry my bags like when we were together. Also I bought her acne cream and some green tea that day(i mentioned i ask a lot of girls for acne cream advice then she made a little mad face, like she used to when we were dating) because last time she mentioned she had a lot of pimples just after the breakup, after we a parted she send me a message thanking me for the acne cream and green tea and she really love them.
Could you pls tell me if she is having second thoughs about the breakup and is my no contact period being too short or is it just she realized that the reason we broke up is not as serious as she thought??
During these few days I bought one little gift for her and made excuces to meet her and she doesnt seem to reject, and we plan to see cats together in may or june 2009 because it comes to hk, what should my plan be?? Is she give me a new chance to court her again?? And am I being to clingy??
regards
Andy
Hi Andy,
30 days no contact is not written in stone, it can be shorter or longer, it really depends on you and your ex.
If your ex starts to miss you sooner, and you get your emotions under control faster, it can work after a couple weeks.
It sounds like things are going along nicely.
I would just keep following the free plan to get your ex back on my Blog, and try not to rush things…OK?
If you you push too hard for a reconciliation, you will end up pushing her away.
I would ease off on all the gifts…you can not buy her affection.
Plus how do you know it’s you she wants, and not all your gifts?
Take it a bit slower…OK?
Take Care,
S. Williams
Hi Scott,
I am unable to connect to the video links Jason Haner has sent me, because unfortunately Youtube is currently blocked here in China. Till when is anyone’s guess.
I really regret having messed up on purchasing the book through you, and as a result not gotten on your personal mailing list. It would be great, especially because of the unavailable videos, if there were some way to turn that around so as to get just a bit more greatly appreciated support.
I have been in full NC for about ten days since the final “friendly” pre-NC conversation with my ex, when I was informed by her that she was going to begin dating a German 5 years younger than me who she met at some social event. She altogether ceased her earlier pattern of kind of keeping in touch (me too, which no doubt has her wondering), and from the general timing I believe that by now things are quite possibly in full swing with Mr. New– although I have no real knowledge except for her unveiled interest in dating the guy. Nearly 4 months down the chute, I don’t know if this qualifies as a “rebound” relationship or something different. There is a 15-year age difference between us which was never a real problem, but it might have a bearing on where things are headed now. I don’t really know.
Following that encounter with my ex that also marked the beginning of NC (I came across your site that evening) I decided to move my desk-space away from the window so that I won’t see her passing by daily, and also made it so that nobody can see me either, or really even know whether I’m home or not. The curtains and current repositioned home-office reveal no signs of life from my apartment, day or night. It feels better that way.
I mention this because, like it or not, as it happens during this entire period I have been (and continue to be) seriously desk-bound and under the gun, slugging away on a PhD (one of her main unsupportive gripes leading to the breakup). So, for me going out a lot and turning into Mr. Social, with new wardrobe, friends, dates etc. these days is just not an option, even if that is the reccommended course of action for getting Emotionally Controlled and OK. I do get dressed up and out for performing (and earning a living) 3 or 4 nights a week, though, which might be just as good or better. Got some hip new glasses ordered, the occasional friendly date, or dinner with a buddy. etc. No innovative haircut, I’m afraid, since there aren’t many options when you haven’t got much hair to begin with. I’ve been thinking it might be time to get a chinese tatoo on my arm.
Coming up before too long is the 26th of April, which in the past was always a double-birthday occasion (both my ex and my son in Europe). No doubt this year my ex will celebrate this with Mr. New, if in fact they are an item. I don’t plan to ask her about it.
However, does it make sense to target her birthday in order to kill two birds with one stone: 1) interrupting NC after a month with the plan’s phone call to try to meet up for a half-hour coffee chat, and at the same time 2) to also wish her a happy birthday?
Or is it better to just pay no special attention at all to her birthday, just let it pass unremarked, and instead make the phone call after (or before) this date? It seems like navigating this poorly could be a sensitive point and even a potential source of conflict, the old “damned if you do, damned if you don’t.”
I am following your method pretty well, Scott, and so far the NC has been really helpful, and is not driving me stark raving mad. Not an option, really, because I keep pretty busy. And although I don’t want to jump the gun on anything or think too far ahead, on the subject of the birthday I would appreciate some objectivity and wisdom on how to most intelligently deal with it… or, intelligently NOT deal with it.
My ex was always a great pal of my son, too, so their shared April birthday always had a bit more weight than would normally be the case. And anyway, as you know, most women usually attach (or detach) great significance to these occasions… as the case may be. I even know one woman here who promptly dumped her partner recently, because on Valentine’s Day he failed to show sufficient consideration.
It’s not like I’m fretting about getting dumped… I already have been. I just want to avoid unwittingly racking up more negatives that could conceivably– and unfairly– affect a rebooted relationship down the line, should that be in the cards.
Maybe you’ll tell me that I should simply not concern myself with it at all. This is the doubt I have.
Thanks again for your help, Scott, and I hope to hear some feedback as soon as you can manage it. Let me know if I need to post this text on the blog to get a reply. Hope my ex isn’t reading it there.
Djinho
Scott,
Sudden update to the most recent:
Just by pure chance ran into my ex with her German date early in the evening in half-empty nightclub I play in here in Shanghai a block from my home and my ex’s. Literally walked in the door and just saw them before focusing on anything else, right at first table 4 yards in front of my nose. She panicked with her eyes, but I just went on in and struck up conversations with various staff, musicians and people I know, on the other side of the room. Then I ordered a beer, talked to the boss-lady, another friend, etc., giving no reason whatsoever for the guy to suspect anything at all, unless my ex tipped him off to the presence of her ex. They picked up and left 10 minutes later.
Rather proud of myself for some high-end emotional control. Definitely a small life victory, I think.
The guy may be 5 years younger than me, but looks 10 years older, BTW. Hope he’s fascinating, rich, or a genius… otherwise she’s hard up going out with someone scruffy who looks like he could be her grandfather.
I was well dressed, looking good, and instead of any contact, struck up a conversation with a beautiful lady friend from Thailand alone at a table there. I only glanced once or twice from other side of the club to get a quick take on Mr. New from afar. Didn’t approach them at all, no greeting, nothing. Perfect gentleman-ex. Just the eye contact with my ex as I walked in the door.
So what’s next, Scott? What the hell do you think she is chewing on now?
Was I expected to make some kind of a scene, to be a “real man”, in her mind?
No patience for Mexican macho movies, sorry. I think I couldn’t have handled it better.
Djinho
Today I am inclined to think this is a situation where the only sensible thing to do is get my head around moving on, permanently.
Hi Djinho,
You are going through what everyone goes through, the doubt and fear period.
You feel it would be easier to just give up, then it would be to change and fight to get your ex back.
I would tell you to stick to the plan for at least 30 days before coming to that conclusion…OK?
As far as the Youtube ban in China, just another perk of living in a communist country I guess.
I could try downloading those videos and making them available for download from my Blog, if I knew who Jason Haner was.
I would suggest that you look over the self help tools I recommend on my Blog, and get your emotional control in hand.
This will help you to focus on using the free plan to get your ex back, and keep your spirits up.
Stay Strong!
Take Care,
S. Williams
Im trying this no contact rule but we live together so its heard…iv tryed going out as much as i can with friends and family to stay out of the house but its like he could care less one day he will be so talkative and jock around with me and the next its like i dont exsist, why does he act like this with me? am i doing something wrong when it comes to the no contact rule? please help i just want to win him back and be happy again.
i also forgot to add that the last time we talked about our relationship was a little over a week ago where he said he still wants to be friends and who knows maybe one day we can try it again but for now we both have a lot of growing up to do…what does he mean by that? im so confused!
Hi Amanda,
Have you thought about moving out?
If this living situation is hurting you, you might want to find another place to live.
It will be a lot easier to use no contact then.
Take Care,
S. Williams
Scott,
My girlfriend broke up with me 6 days ago. Its a long distance relationship so its IMs and phone.I know what caused the break up and i know what i need to work on the prevent it from happening again. We have had a rough month or so and a couple times we have went several days without contact. After these breaks she is the one who texts me telling me she loves and or misses me. This time she was very polite telling me she wishes me the best, that she loves me, and she knows we cannot be together.
Well, i got trashed and said some terribe things, then turned around and told her how much i love her. It was horrible,lol. Its was so bad that i think she may have blocked me on her IM. So, Im going with the 30 day rule. We have never went longer then 3 days in a year. Her son has a bithday in 35 days and im considering writing her on his birthday, wishing him a happy birthday and acknowledging where i went wrong, a little about my job, I hope you both a doing well. I think about you often. My concern here is she needs to know this wont happen again or she may never bother to contact me.
I feel like i need to mention the past due to the fact that she may never have read some of the IMs she may have blocked. Thank you for your time.
Hi Jimmy,
It sounds like you really need to use the no contact rule, because you’re running out of chances with your ex.
I would not write her on her son’s birthday, that will only look like you’re trying to kiss up to her using her son.
That makes you look pretty desperate, just like the old guy she knew, the one she doesn’t want to see anymore.
If you follow a good plan, you”ll find there are many “better” options to reconnect later, after you have gone through all the stages of change required to prepare yourself…understand?
Don’t let panic rule your mind, calm down and focus.
How Do I Get My Ex Girlfriend Back?
You can read a lot about no contact right here on my Blog, and you can also get more advice weekly by joining my newsletter.
One more thing, there will be a time and a place to mention the past, but “actions” speak louder than “words”, so take some action first, and start making the changes needed to attract her back to you.
I hope this helped.
Take Care,
S. Williams
Hi,
Do not send an apology letter that will make you look even more pitiful…understand?
Get your emotions under control before you make things worst than they already are.
I would just start no contact over again and learn from your mistakes.
If you did not want her feeling sorry for you, then you should not have contacted her looking for sympathy after your accident.
Go watch the videos I have in the Break Up Help Videos section of my Blog, read the comments other people have posted on my Blog, chances are you will see your similar situation, and an answer to it.
Spend more time learning, and less time chasing after her.
If you have the book, read it again.
If you don’t have it, I highly suggest you get it, I don’t care if you get it from me or not…just get it, and read it…soon.
Go read the free plan to get your ex back here on my Blog, and follow ALL the steps.
Take Care,
S. Williams
Hi S. Williams,
I already send u an email on April 4, 2009. Now the situation is like this, I send her a message thru facebook (around the time i send u the last message) to see a movie together the next week but she didnt replied and after that day i send u the message I when to the hospital because i had a small accident during my jogging work out but nothing serious happened. Got everything checked and came back home the same day. So when i was in the hospital I send her a message saying that i was in the hospital, in hopes to see if see will come to see me and some part of me wanted to test if she still cared, but all she did was texted to me and asked simple questions like really, why and which hospital? and only after the 4 or 5 message she called the first time (after 2 hours she got the news), I was really sad and upset and really wanted to cried because i really dont meant for her to care as a gf but for a serious relationship for more than 4 years I would expect more than this (at a point i was very angry that i made so much sacriface for her and done so much for her family but she can still treat me like this, luckily i didnt let it get to me), I answered the phone in a sad voice trying not to cry and she asked how i was and says every will be fine and asked if i wanted her to visit me tomorrow, I answered not really and ended the call without much conversation. When I got home it was about midnight, I finally texted her if she will visit me the next day and went to sleep, she replied the next day with a phone call in the afternoon, asking how i was and i should take care of myself and ended the chat.
Maybe I am not patience enough, but am i expecting to much in too little time?? I have already tried not to be a needy guy thru out all this time, but this incident I think it really made me look wimpy, but hey i was really in the hospital and not faking it…
After that we havent commicate in any sort of way, should i wait for her to call or should i call her first?? Is it ok for me to send out a sorry letter and also a thank you for all the things she did and i took for granted and sorry for the way our relationship ended up and hurting her feelings, sort of like the one T Dud said in the clean state method? Or should i start no contact again??
regards
Andy
Hi S. Williams,
P.s why i like to send a sorry letter is because she is the sort of person who like people to admit their wrong doing and that responsiblity, that was the usual way when we were together.
regards
Andy
Hey there S. Williams!
I must apologize. This is a long explanation. I just want to put you in my position.
I’m not sure if the “no contact” rule will work in my case and that’s why I’ll be posting this in hope for an answer.
I’m having a long distance relationship. Or well… Not anymore… If there ever was one. All I know is that we loved each other very much.
He wasn’t my boyfriend yet because we both agreed that we had to meet each other in person first, but we’ve known each other for about 2 months. He got interested in me and we talked a lot over the net and I liked him and eventually… He made me fall in love with him, and he also fell for me. He even said I was his dream girl, a lot better than any girl he ever had. What man would leave their dream girl?
Anyways… Things started going down hill for him. He lost his job and couldn’t get a new one and suddenly… He started hanging out with his friends a lot more and gave me less attention. I thought that he probably needed some time on his own to get back on track, but I still wanted to spend time with him. A day or two passed I think, and that’s when I just needed to know. Did he still love me?
I asked if he still thought about me while hanging out with his friends and he told me: “Not that much anymore.” Just as I had suspected. I now know, that I had spent too much time with him, and I guess that he kind of lost interest in me. I’ll have to remember that if I ever get him back.
Anyways… Back to the story. He told me that his love for me had reversed to “friends only” status and that things had been going too fast. I agreed with him but at the same time I got really scared and started whining about how much I loved him and that I didn’t understand why he didn’t feel love towards me the same way as he did before. He was being very understanding and tried to cheer me up and that made me very happy. But I still wanted him back.
I knew that I was being silly sitting there and whining but what could I do? But of course we could still be friends and I told him that I would get him back somehow.
So… I talked with him every day since the “reverse” and I wanted to act very positive and happy and just be my usual self. But still… He didn’t give me much attention. Just talking with him wouldn’t get him back I thought, and that’s when I searched the net for info.
I talked with him one last time, being very happy and in a good mood of course and then I went over to using the “No contact” method some days ago and I haven’t talked to him since then.
It’s probably silly of me to write all this and know that you’re gonna answer me with: “It’s gonna be fine.
” But I need to hear it form an expert.
I’m worried he won’t contact me. Won’t he just forget me and get over me? Won’t he just slip away if I let him be? I mean… He even told me after his confession about not loving me the same way, that it would probably be better if I could find a guy in my own country because he wasn’t good at long distance relationships! So maybe he’s just forgetting me, maybe he already did? He seems to be hanging out with his friends a lot.
I’m just not sure weather I can get him back or not. I’m worried he’ll slip away.
Sorry for the long explanation. I already read a lot about the “no contact” rule on your site and I really got more faith in it. But I still wanna ask.
Now that you know my position. Should I continue using the “no contact” method or is there any other way to get him back and make sure that he doesn’t slip away? Is he gonna contact me sooner or later or will he stand his ground with: “I know it sounds harsh, but it would be better, for both of us, if you could find a guy in your own country.” (that’s what really worries me by the way. He seemed really cool and calm about it.)
So what do you think?
And what is “a good plan” for the “no contact” rule? Isn’t it just to keep having no contact and act calm and cool if I get in contact with him till I’m sure he wants me back? I need to push him a little and then pull him a little right?
Sincerely, me
Dreamer wrote:
I have come to believe that people just need to get things “off their chest”, and that’s why I get all the long comments.
I don’t know if I am an “expert” but I have answered a lot of questions like yours before.
The age old question; will no contact work in my unique situation?
The everlasting answer, you could ask a psychic, or you could follow the plan and see for yourself.
You have a 50/50 chance of getting your ex back, how is what you’re doing now working?
If what you’re doing now isn’t working, why not try doing something else, like using no contact?
Go read the free plan to get your ex back on my Blog, and follow ALL the steps.
Take Care,
S. Williams
stormy wrote:
That is not how to follow no contact.
You might want to read your book again, and visit my section called “Start Here First”, to reacquaint yourself with how to use no contact, because you’re doing it all wrong.
stormy wrote:
You have the right to be happy as well, but if you find any “excuse” to break NC, it will be a long time before you get him back.
You can invite him next year, this year you’re working to attract him back…right?
Nobody said using no contact was going to be easy, but if you don’t use it correctly it will not work.
Go read the free plan to get your ex back on my Blog, and follow ALL the steps.
Take Care,
S. Williams
(day4 nc) I talked to him yesterday as at my nieces b-day, he txt me that morning saying it was odd not talking to me at all the day before. He said it seemed unbalanced to not speak to me at all. I told him both situations where not right. I told him I needed time so we could be good friends again, that right now it was just to painful for me to watch him move on and keep pushing me away. I told him I loved him and I couldn’t act like I didn’t, but if he just gave me some time to get over him when I decided I was ready and had no more feeling for him I would come back and we could be the best of friends again. I just need some time. First I’m starting to think I said to much about that, did I? And then he said he would still txt or call once in a while to see how I am, Said it was ok If i didn’t answer or respond. He just wants to know I’m ok. But he keeps in contact with all the females he knows. So Im not hopeful about that. I want him to call and txt every day i really do, but that also makes it feel so much harder to move on. He wants to go to the movies next week. I gave no answer. And on what should be day 15 of NC he will be at my house as we gather to mark the one year aniversary of my fathers death. I’m not sure how to stay distant from him or controll my emotions as far asthat goes. He and my father where close and he helped care for him til the moment he died. I’m sorry for being emotional but I have to invite him, he wants to be here and has a rite. I’m going to work very hard to get under control by then. But Mr williams How do I give off the appearance of being strong,and keep up th NC in a situation like this. its 11 days from now and I don’t want to mees this up.
I invite anyone with suggestions or advice, or experience in this to plz let me know.
Hi S williams,
I have already send 2 messages in you website before.
I have used no contacted rules as told and did what u told me and after 2 and a half months and lost a lot of weight and worked out alot she did contact me directly and asking to have lunch with me. We started to go to movies and saw 3 movies this few weeks and just saw Cats in HK last sunday. We share the same bottle to drink, we sometimes share desert with the same spoon she even saw me licked the spooned clean and doesnt mind. And dinner and lunch she would sometime cut her plate of food and used her fork to feed me so i can try some of her food and i would do the same and she will not refuse. Just last week i borrowed her my old phone (it was quite a expensive phone) and she didnt rejected it,it was definitely a gesture for trying to get back together she even suggested it because i planned to buy i new phone(but i can 100% say she is not the kind of person who try to take advantage of you just wanting to get gifts and thing for free her is not that sort of person). Sometime she will just call me and chat like back we were together. And every date she would let me take her to her home to her doorstep to say goodbye, clearly a sign for guys she wants to get serious with, but last sunday she didnt let me go to her doorstep to say goodbye instead just the downstair lobby of her home, but maybe she didnt want her mother or family to see us because it was the usual time her mother will walk the dog downstairs and her sister sometimes will meet her bf around this area.
But this week she kinda changed, she did not call me and when i try to have lunch she says on diet and wants to date her for movie she says she is busy and maybe next week…but we did sms a bit and flirted with her and she still reply and didnt mind. I know she may really be busy this week and quite concern about her weight lately, but i cant help get the feeling that she is avoiding me in some way, but all the little things we did hinted she does not reject me and may have a big chance of getting together. I once patted her butt becaused she said her butt looks big and she didnt reject just smiled and say why you pat my butt?? I also did a arm massage and head massge for her, i was just like we were together except without the kiss and sex…..
Was i too needy and kinda pushed her away?? Or was it just she wants to be hard to get?? Or she wants to take things slowly??
So confused….wait eagerly for your reply
@ Andy:
Join our forum, I do not answer personal relationship questions on my Blog anymore.
Will wrote:
If you read the free plan to get your ex back you will see how to get the book…MOMU
Scott,
I just sent your simplified NC letter to my ex girlfirend. What next? We had a 2+yr long distance (NY/CA) relationship; I proposed, she turned me down, cause unbeknownst to me, 6mo ago found a new (local) boyfriend who was, “helping” her. I’m focusing like a laser, getting my life together… that’s the key. I feel empowered after sending the NC letter, though I spend 3 pathetic weeks trying to win her back. She chose him over me, cause she said, “you weren’t there when I needed you” What are my chances to keep this girl I love?
BTW, how do I get this book you speak of? Or is the blog the only path to follow?
tina wrote:
Hi Tina,
It could not hurt to follow the free plan to get your ex back, and see what happens.
It will help you get your life back together, and help him to make a decision about you and your family.
Here is my story, and I need to know if it is too late to write ur form of the nc letter. I broke up with my boyfriend because I didn’t trust that he was going to ask me to marry him this november(my reasons behind not trusting him was because of how we got together in the first place, left our marriages to be with one another, things in the past were promised, and I had many insecurities as a result). I basically said let’s do it now or I am moving on. This was the third time I had threatened him with this, and he politely told me to go ahead and move on if that was really what I wanted. So I walked away for about 4 days, and made a date with someone else. Not because I really wanted to, but because I was forcing myself to stick with , I am moving on. I contacted him and said that I regret that I gave him an ultimatem, that I should have trusted him, and told him to stop me from going out with someone else. When he heard that, he became very upset, told me that his love has changed, he was tired of trying to prove it, and was very upset that it took me only 4 days to allow another suitor into my life. He took all his belongings (we did not live together), and gave me all mine. I was heartbroken, cries and begged him not to give up on us after all we have been through to get here, 3 years later, but he wasn’t listening. He then wrote me a long letter basically saying, that I had tried his love, and the nail in the coffin was when he learned I was going to go on a date. I sent him an apology letter back saying it was a mistake, and to please forgive me. He said he would forgive me, but that this was best. He also sent me a poem about how 2 weeks later, he was glad he had the chance to dance with me under the stars. I became even more upset, cause it seemed so final, so then I wrote him a long letter explaining my insecurities, the reasons for them, trying to make him feel guilty, but at the same time tried to turn it around, and basically said if this is really what u want, then so be it. He then sent me a letter back, and said that he wanted to process waht I was saying, and he would get back to me. I then told him, don’t bother, that his words meant nothing if we were going to stay stuck in this place, I told him that if he had a heart, to leave me alone, and stay away. He wrote back and said that is not how he wanted things to end, but consider it done. And that he will leave my kids and I alone forever. I did not respond. I drunk texted him once since then pretending that the text was for someone else commenting on how hurt I was that he had pics of him with girls on there, supposedly just hs friends. He texted back and said , I believe u sent this by accident. I didn’t respond. We broke apart our phone bills, and I went on line to pay my portion, noticed he paid it , I still did not contact him. Cancelled my account on fb, and my daughter reached out to him, saying she missed him, wished he was there for her hc dance. He said he missed her to, and her brothers, and her mom….she asked him if she should still have hope that her mom and him would be back together, but he said probably not. I guess after all this explaining, my question is that this all happened around 2 weeks ago, so I am confused if I should send a nc letter. I already sent the mean one. Is that the last impression I want to give. Do I send ur format, or at this point, do I leave well enough alone. My daughter pretended to him that I didn’t know she had contacted him, and he told her that he needed to respect my wishes by not contacting my children. She told him that she was planning on doing something special for my birthday which is halloween, and that she also reached out to him, cause she wanted to include him in the plans, but judgeing on his responses, that perhaps it wasn’t a good idea. She said she was sorry to meddle and bother him, said she loves him, and goodbye. He doesn’t really have anyone in his life. My 3 kids and I showed him so much love. We all miss him, and love him . What do I do? Leave it alone, or send ur format of the nc letter, and if so which letter do I send. Cause I broke up with him, then he in turn ended it with me. Please help. I want him back so badly. I have never loved anyone like I love him, and in these 2 weeks, I have reflected on the things I did wrong, but he is not 100 right either, and I can’t take all the blame. A breakup cause I loved him enough to want to marry him, therefore resorting to desperate measures. He left too easily. Said he needed to focus on getting a job, and I think my 3 kids and I scared him, because he thought about having to financially take care of that , perhaps. Please help. No nc letter, or yes a nc letter?
Hi S. Williams,
I had earlier purchased the Magic of Making Up and used the sample letter suggested under the Mind Magic section. It has some similarities to the NC letter you suggested.
In my NC letter to him, I mentioned that I’m totally OK with the break up and I apologised briefly for my wrongdoings. I also mentioned that I had some good news and that i wished i could share it with him but maybe in future coz we both need some space right now (all this was suggested in the book).
Can I still follow your step by step plan and consider this a start of my NC? I have sinced maintained NC with him for 2 weeks now.
melsha wrote:
Hi Melsha,
The NC message we recommend is much more powerful than the one in TW’s book.
If you send that one, and then start following the rest of the plan I think you will feel much better.
But the choice is yours.
If you choose not to resend the NC message just start at the beginning of the free plan to get your ex back, and skip that step (but no others, OK?).
Take Care,
S. Williams
I had a 2 1/2 month relationship with my ex which became very serious very quickly and only ended because he decided to take a trip to Australia for 6 months (which he planned before we started dating.) He left and we were on and off while he was gone (I’m in Israel, he was in Australia.) He came back and at first, we were together all the time but he suddenly “realized” he’s not ready for a relationship and I think I was doing a little too much emotional pushing. We broke up and I guess I gave him what he wanted because we are very close, but more like best friends who occasionally sleep together. He says we are not a good match, I think that maybe I need to get myself under control first…but if we weren’t a good match why would we want to hang out with each other all the time?
I do call him more than he calls me, but if I stop calling him he will eventually call me. It’s like we’re addicted to each other. I’ve tried using the NC rule before, but I’m also quick to break it as soon as he calls. Does the NC rule really work? I’m afraid that it won’t because the two of us haven’t been an actual couple for a while and remain “best friends” but I still have feelings for him. How can I push myself not to respond to him when he calls so I don’t fall back into a trap? Can you help?
Ava wrote:
Hi Ava,
I have just the thing to help you…it’s the free plan to get your ex back on my Blog.
Follow all the steps and you will find a great place to help support you with your no contact plan, OK?
Take Care,
S.W.
Jeanne wrote:
Hi Jeanne,
He can’t have his cake, and get to eat it too.
I hope you’re following the free system on my Blog, and sent the correct NC message.
I would block him as a friend on FB…that will help prove you are serious about no contact…and not being trapped in the “just” friends zone.
The free plan to get your ex back takes time, and you must follow all the steps.
Give yourself 30 days, and then re-evaluate your situation.
Don’t worry about what he is doing…just focus on the plan, and your personal evolution, OK?
Stay Strong!
S.W.
Hello S.,
I have a question. My ex broke up with me 6 months ago and he insisted that we remain friends. We had met for dinner 2 weeks ago and for the first time since the breakup we ended up in each other’s arms. He looked very sad and said it was “dangerous” and that we “shouldn’t go down this road again”, he wanted to have sex but said we shouldn’t and yet still insisted that we “always must be in each other’s lives”. I said that I didn’t think I could be friends anymore. I know it’s a little late to start NC, but I have started and it’s been 8 days now. (we are still Facebook friends, but I am NC there as well). Should I do NC or just cut him off? I am pretty sure he is dating someone.
Thanks,
Jeanne
Will wrote:
There are people in the forum going on 5 months…give it time, and maybe think about following the free plan to get your ex back on my Blog, and joining our forum for support.
Will wrote:
What if she doesn’t send you one?
An Xmas card wouldn’t violate NC, but it wouldn’t help your cause any either…why?
Because she will start to think of you as a “friend” again.
If you just want to be her friend…go ahead and send her one.
As far as her daughter…it won’t hurt to send her one.
Take Care,
S.W.
It’s been 3mo since NC. Wow! Working slowly on personal evolution, dating, etc… But I still think of her every day. I still love her completely.
We had 2yr+ LongDist relationship (NY/CA), I found out abt new local boyfriend–after I proposed to her! At first she said ‘yes’ then changed her mind a month later. I plan to find a way to visit her at 6mo mark… at least see if we can love each other again.
Question: I want to send her a Christmas card. We’re both very spiritual & it would be almost an insult not to send her a card, esp since I’m sending one to her 23yr old daughter, who she lives with. Would a Christmas card violate NC? BTW, She did reach out 1X; a short IM about cell phone pymt. I didn’t respond, but silence is what I asked for, isn’t it?
I appreciate your and others thoughts. She is in my bloodstream, and all arteries lead to the heart.
Hi,
SO, I have recently fought with my ex boyfriend, after we hung out four times in a month period, this month period of time is after 3 months of no contact, I didnt knw wnaything about this site back then, but I literally did most of what you are saying is good to do, anyhow, it seems it worked, but it was too soon and I gave wayyy too much right away it felt as if we were back in a relationship and we simply were not, not yet anyway. I was way too eager and went right back tot he things it had taken me 3 months to learn. Anyhow, this time, he got so mad at the things I said to him while we had our argument, and i also ended it with saying something rude and hanging up on him, later on I saw him as I was heading into work(he works half a block down the street, same schedule)and he followed me down the street asking me a million questions, i told him i couldnt speak at the moment, he then said “well you need to because I blpocked your phone number and I cant even call you later” I stopped and looked at him, he BLOCKED myyyy number?!?!
My main question now is, HOW on EARTH is he going to know that I am not contacting him, if he has my number blocked, how does he know that I am not speaking to him….we live on an island, a small island, we have a lot of the same friends….etc etc…
It has been two weeks since that huge gith that we both procalimed”we’d never speak to eachother again” but neither one of us mean it…he has asked two fo my best friends about me and where I am, and other things….but i just need to know, how to make it obvious that I am not “just blocked” from hims numberm im actually choosing NOT to contact him….is this a special circumstance that I need to do something different. i feel if I email him it is a bit nutso, and desperate to contact him some way shape or form even though he has blocked my number….and remember, he is extremely over reactive and he chased me down the street and said, i cant call you because I blocked you because you said that men stuff to me?! Of course I said something mean to you, you were treating me like I was worthless(after the three months of our break up and no contact what so ever, we slept together and he treated me like I was nothing special, I felt reallll real tricked and betrayed) anyhow, what should I do to send the NC message to him, if when we last spoke he made it clear that he blocked me from being able to contact him. If I send hima NC message is he going to think, wow, thanks ex girlfriend for reitterating the fact that I blocked your number I want so little contact with you that i made it nearly impossible for you to speak to me….what now?
Sailor H wrote:
Hi Sailor,
Send the NC message…who fucking cares what your ex thinks?
This is part of “your” personal evolution…not his.
If you want the full effect of the free plan to get your ex back, then you must follow all the steps…don’t be chicken.
Stay Strong!
S.W.
haha, Thanks…your right I shouldnt care what the ex thinks, but, of course I want him to think I am wonderful and awesome and perfect, hhaa and want to do everything correctly! I was just worried that since he blocked my number, that it would seem as if I am almost stalker like if I find a nother way to contact him, via email, just to tell him I no longer wish to speak to him at the moment, I will of course use your NC messages, and you are right im being a little chicken, just because the ending of it says “I’ll be in touch when im ready” which makes me feel like he will be like “wow she is crazy, I blocked her number, I am def NOT trying to speak to her”…..BUT you say no matter what the circumstance even if it seems as if Im reaching out to him, that the NC message is absolutely necessary even if the last time we contacted I verbally said it. I guess I understand that everything we said was sooo passionate and full of unnecessary rage, the NC comment you suggest is very short and to the point which may be like wow, shes really thinking about this…..I just don’t want to seem crazy. I feel crazy already. I feel as if he is going to tell our friends that I reached out to him, again, AFTER he blocked my number. I miss him so much and pretty much see him everytime I walk out my door so every little thing I do is crucial and has to be done with complete focus and dedication to the goal….I will send the message, do you suggest I change it/tweak it in any way, since he has initiated no contact with me first by blocking my phone number to where I could never call even in emergency….I feel really bad about that, why would he block my number….
also, I have read this site since yesterday at 5, and all night last night, and now again today and I hope I am postine in the right spot? I havent written my break up story, i have to go back and figure out where that goes, there so many spots to write stuff….I already have a personal journey as i am also reading the book, The Secret and they suggest the same thing.I need somewhere to ask specific questions to you on this site. I appreciate you having this, I feel almost instantly guided, I never speak to my friends about this because they just dont understand what it is I am trying to accomplish here. I just got laid off in my company so I realllly dont have annny extra cash to buy anything right now, but this is defintitely my number one priority. I have realized my faults and his and am also realizing how i would have to change things for it to be a different relationship, I now just need him to want to hear my new plan for how we can work, I just am soooo scared and nervous about the fact that he BLOCKED my number, it feel so permanent…he lives right downt he street as me and I have been so tempted to just walk throguh the door with a letter and a hug….I literally have to stop myself, its nuts how much I have to say and wish I could show him, it breaks my heart that he blocked my number it makes me feel as if I did something illegal…I was mad at him, and he goes to that extreme! whyyyyy would he do that? He said he did it online, why did he do that and then TELL me about it and follow me into work to ask about what I did the night before(he did that in a mean way acing as if I was flirting with all of his friends) it just doesnt seem right to me. NC message, sent in an email, this will go right to his blackberry, he is a bit immature, one of his character flaws for sure, and Im being chicken because I dont want him to show his friends that im still “sweating” him enough to send him yet another message…but if you are sure, just right to me that you are 100%sure that it doesnt matter that he already pretty much bannned me from speaking to him by the whole blocking thing, that it doesnt matter about that and I CAN and absolutely should use the message…also, even though we broke up 3 months ago(we only reconciled for about a month and it was mainly just sleeping over and phone convos)….alll of that Info S.W…sorry so long, and again if Im putting this in the wrong spot just remind me where is more appropriate….and THANKS again, I already feel better just knowing im asking someone who is listening and really knows the best choices, I clearly have not made the right ones, I did the NC thing for almost 3 months with minor run ins, short convos in between and he came back begging, and it was that point where I made all the mistakes and sent him runnnnning as fast as he could. UGH, I wish I didnt do any of that, I just want to have him back in my home, this winter is collld on the beach, and I know he misses me, he still asks my friends about me…shoot, if I wanted him to think i wasnt thinking about him I absolutely would NOT ask about him, right?! ahah….talk to you soon, thanks again:-)
Hi,
Its been a year since me and my ex’s break up and since then he’s been in a relationship. I was not so good at the begining of the break up, but slowly i started to melow down, where as now im at the point where im pretty confident and have myself back. The only problem is i still have feelings for my ex. Ive thought about the pros and cons, what i disliked about the relationshiip and what i liked. I realised what i want out of any future relationship, and that is a commited bf then husband, who loves me for who i am and the way i am, and that i love back. Ofcourse they have to be someone who makes me happy and that i can spend the rest of my life with. The problem with me and my ex is that after two years of dating things went down. Now he is with someone else, but still always has a reason to call me. In the begining of the break up i would send messages, wanting him back, but i backed down and started ignoring him when i realised it wasn’t working. Now since hes seen that i have been moving and hanging out with other guys, hes been contacting me. He called me and told me he loved me, and that he wanted me to know that he loved me, he also expressed his jealousy to me about him seeing me with my guy friend. That was all for then, but i had the erge to call him and i told him he would have to make a decision or i wouldnt be there when he was ready to come around, and he refused to make that decision which was between me and his current girl. So i made the big mistake of settleing in the friend zone, thinking that he would think about things and eventually make a decision. Hes been calling asking me about my school how long it will take, and when i want to get married. I didn’t give him an answer. He also asked me, if he were to ask me out on my birthday what would i say, i didn’t give him an answer, instead i tried acting with a bit of an attitude, and i told him i wouldn’t be specific with details with him since he wasn’t specific with me. I told him he would have to ask me to find out. I want to get out of the friend zone i want to get him back. I feel he dosen’t truly love the girl he is with, or else he wouldn’t be calling me telling me he loved me enough to care who i am with. How do i do this, is the Nc rule appropriate, and what are some tips? because he is a tricky one. The fact that he calls me everytime i am away from him telling me he wants to be with me, makes me think he is playing around with his current girl until he is ready to be serious. How do i make him wake up and realise im not going to be there when he is ready to come around, and that if he wants someone as good as me he needs to act pronto!?
Marissa wrote:
Hi Marissa,
If you want to take back control of the situation between you and your ex, you need to follow the free plan to get your ex back on my Blog.
You will find the link to it at the top of my Blog.
Take Care,
S.W.
hi Met a girl last febuary in fact it was on valentines day. Everything clicked, but i found out she had actually just split from her boyfriend the previous day so i knew things would take time and i could be a possible rebound. shes 24 like me but alot more maturer and carefull than any girl ive ever met. we met up about twice a week but didnt sleep together untill four weeks later on her birthday thats never happened to me before but thats the kind of person she is. it was so important for her to get to know me. she sent me message saying she loved me and lots of other similar things. i found out she had only ever been with four guys me being the fourth. she had been through some really hard times with her brother and sister dying and having to take care of her family. It made her often come across as unemotional but deep down she feels alot. she then went through 2 operations and quit her job and became unsure if she would stay in london. whilst recovering for a month from the operations we were apart but always on the phone and texting. she then told me that she thinks she needs time to herself that shes done so much for the other guys in other relationships and need to do more for herself. she often told me im the best man shes ever met, she knows she will never meet another guy like me, how amazing i am etc etc but i know you cant be sure with what people say. basicially we arranged to meet once she was back on her feet to plan how we would see each other as she was now staying in another town about two hours away. i agreed and said i wanted things to work but that we should just take things slow. whilst she was recovering at her parents who gave her bad stress and an anxiety attack she then told me she wanted to be alone. since then i have tried to show understanding and text her how i feel about her (quite alot in a kinda crazy way at first but later about once every 2 weeks) i know she has taking things badly like me and that she does really care for me. but im unsure of how to get her back. i havent been in touch for two weeks but have recently been thinking about texting her to wish her a happy christmas and new year. But now after reading your website i am thinking about sending the no contact plan to her with may have a nice xmas on the end.
can you help?
from me and many others i would like to say i can see you are really actually trying to help people with replying. what is knowledge if we cant share or help
Ken
Dan wrote:
Hi Dan/Ken,
I would go read the free plan on my Blog (top of the page), and send the recommended NC message (without any changes).
Then go and follow the rest of the steps in the free plan to get your ex back, and sign up for and use all the free support tools.
Take Care,
S.W.
hi my ex of 4 months recently dumped me i know he still loves me as he has been trying to contact me of his mates ph pretending to be his mate, he dumped me for being controlling and i want him back! i cryed and begged but then read this information and told him i agreed with the break up. i have kept contacting him though and now he wont text back but he answers hi ph, he is incredibly stubborn and i know that if he wants me back he is too stubborn to say or do anything. I am going to try the no contact rule but we have been in a long distant relationship and i am scared that he wont care and will not contact me ?? i know he is the one and cant loose him
maggie wrote:
Hi Maggie,
You only “think” he’s “the one.”
By using the free plan, and following every step, you will “prove” he is the one.
Don’t you want to know the truth?
Take Care,
S.W.
Hello Mr. Williams, so here is my story. I was seeing this guy for a while, things were great between us for months and then we decided to get into an exclusive relationship. Well we broke up later but we still stayed in touch (seeing each other, sleeping together). He said that he wasn’t ready for a committed relationship at the moment but always told me that he loved me and missed me. We met up last month for dinner and he told me that he still loved me and was always thinking about me. (this is a guy who in the beginning was afraid of saying the “L” word because women have jilted him in the past)for about 2 weeks after that we stayed in contact and everything was good. Although we didn’t have plans to see each other on christmas I thought that he would want to see me since only 2 weeks prior he said that he loved me. Not only did I not hear from him on christmas but I didnt hear from him for the rest of the weekend. I contacted him the following monday to him to see if he was ok to which he replied that he was and just didn’t use his phone much that weekend. The next day i was so upset that I decided to end things by sending him a text that said that we needed a break, blah blah blah to which he replied with “yup”. Now prior to this I had asked him if he wanted for me to leave him alone to which he always replied by saying no. His reply of a simple “yup” led me to believe that he doesn’t care about me anymore and is probably glad that I’m gone. I’m trying to do the 30 day no contact rule and see where it goes from there, but my question is, is this a lost cause? Also since he replied with a single “yup” does this generally mean that he doesn’t care. Is there any chance that he misses me or is he trying to play cool? I know that the questions that I’m asking can be answered by me using common sense I guess that I would just like to have a mans opinion.
sharee wrote:
Yup…he is just playing it cool.
Now you can really kick him in the ass, and wake him up by sending the recommended NC message word for word.
Go to the top of my Blog and find the link to the free plan.
Take Care,
S.W.
Hello Mr Williams,
Well, my boyfriend left me after a 5-years long relationship, he says he’s fed up, he wants to start New Year without me, etc. He was always the one who took initiatives in our relationship, he constantly showed me how much he cared, he wanted us to live together and have a child, however I wasn’t ready for that back then. I thought he’ll always be around and I sort of stopped trying, I got used to him too much and thought that he’ll always love me no matter what. We started living together but after a month or so he said that he doesn’t want to be with me anymore, that he’s fed up and wants to move on without me. Only now have I realized how I ignored him due to my own fears of commitment, what a fool I was, and now I have probably lost this wonderful man for good. I haven’t seen him or contacted him for over 2 weeks now, I’m respecting his wish that he wants me to leave him alone, what should I do next? I want to show him that I do want to change and have started changing my attitudes. I know that deep down he still loves me…At least I think so…
Annalynn wrote:
Hi Annalynn,
If you want to find out his “true” feelings follow the steps in the free plan on my Blog, the link is at the top of my Blog.
Take Care,
S.W.
Hello again Mr. Williams, So i did something really stupid. After about 10 days of no contact i sent him a friendly text saying hello. Is it too late for me? Should I just forget about ever talking to him again? I know that I’m an idiot but i figured that i would try and do the “adult” thing and not play games, just say hi. Thanks
sharell wrote:
Hi Sharell,
Yow weren’t trying to do “the adult thing” you were worried he forgot about you.
You let doubt and fear rule your world, and then you broke NC.
The best thing to do is send the recommended NC message (word for word) from the free plan on my Blog.
After that follow all the rest of the steps…they will help you with your personal evolution.
You must follow all the steps in the free plan if you want to succeed, understand?
Stay Strong!
S.W.
i was his lover/roomate/girlfriend/bootycall/wife for 1.5 years. he met a woman moved her in 3 days later and now their engaged. she had him push me out with a 30 day notice, i was leaving anyway before he met her, he didn’t know…i was being bullied by both of them since she arrived those 3 days and the departure was cutting remarks and the following 3 days of txting bad feelings, etc. then he announced getting married 2/14 and i would get an email announcement..i changed my email addy, my phone #, got off all sites facebook, etc so he can not see me to exercise the disappear, no contact rule…your thoughts…was this the same as no contact? He does know where i live and is connected to my brother.
thank you,
Angela
angela wrote:
Hi Angela,
It is a start, but it is not the same as using no contact correctly.
Go to the top of my Blog and read the free plan.
Follow all the steps, and this will help you move on past your old relationship, and get your life back again.
Once you have your life back, and after their marriage falls through (moving way too fast to last) you can decide if you even want your ex back again…sound good?
Take Care,
S.W.
Thank you Mr. Williams. I forgot to mention while still being involved with my ex, I was dating, but, did not put anyone in his face but he knew I was dating. Also, after I moved out and before I changed my phone # he text me saying he keeps hearing about my actions “out there, small world isn’t it”, what’s up with that?… and my friend I date is indirectly connected to my ex through a Charity Club, folks have told my ex I am dating (so and so) and he has communicated to me to date someone else that isn’t this Charity Club colse related..causes less friction,…I said nope, I see whom I please, I’m making appropriate life changes myself and if you have Charity Club business to discuss contact the appropriate folks please do not contact me, I will be in touch when I am ready.
angela wrote:
Great Job Angela! (Thumbs High)
Don’t let this guy tell you what to do.
Stay Strong!
S.W.
I have been in love with a man I met years ago. It really felt like we were soulmates, but it didn’t go anywhere. I looked him up on line, and he remembered me; however, he only wanted to be the friends with benefits. I can’t believe I could be so foolish to feel something that probably isn’t even there. I saw him about a month ago, and I refused to go to bed with him. He left very confused and bewildered. I was quite proud of myself, but still sad. I have not contacted him since then. I am hoping he does miss me. I promised myself after reading your site I will not contact him, even if it is forever. (I really hope not.) I don’t know if the NC will work in this case. I like being prepared so I adapted the NC message like this:
I don’t regret my decision to stop being your friend with benefits, and I really do believe it is best for both of us. I do have some important decisions to make, and will need some time to think them over. I would really appreciate it if you didn’t contact me right now. I will be in touch when I’m ready.
Hi Mr. William,
My ex recently broke up with me, after telling me that we been dragging on and off for almost 12 months. It is true that its been happening and she been wanting to break up for a while. I used to manage to get her back but i guess this time she is really determine. Also, she is now “long distance seeing” another guy that she met during her vacation couple weeks ago (she dumped me right after her vacation).
We life right next to each others and during these years of our relationship, we werent only just bf/gf, but also friends that spends 90% of our time together. She still wants me to be around for her in terms of friendship and if i do the NC, she will most likely want to ask me to go out to eat or hang out at night. But i can feel that she is really determine this time and that in the back of her head, i am an important person but we can not date each others anymore as our romance had died over a year ago.
Could you please tell me what should i do? she is expecting to go back to her previous vacation destination (where she met the guy), and spend 2 weeks there (leaving in about 6 weeks)
should my NC be at least 30 days? or can it be shorter since it might allow me time to win her back before she leaves again and come back brainwashed again.
thanks.
Daran wrote:
Hi Daran,
30 days is just a benchmark and rarely ever enough time.
I would forget about doing it for 2 weeks and trying to get her back before she leaves again…it’s NOT going to happen, OK?
This plan is not about winning back your ex, it is about getting your life back as a single person, and then deciding what you want to do.
No matter what you think right now, using no contact by following the free plan on my Blog (link at the top) is your best option.
Once you start following the plan and pull away from her, she will start to come back to you…but you must stick to the plan.
The more independent you become, the more she will want you.
Take Care,
S.W.
Hi Mr Williams
Me and my ex have been split for 3 weeks now. I have had no contact for a week now and i know its soon but it doesn’t seem to be working at all. I have been told that she is now seeing someone else and seems to have moved on and forgot me, quite simply this is all I seem to think.
A few weeks before we split she started saying to me how she loved me and I would be the guy she would want to settle with yet she didn’t want to feel like i have held her back and resent me in the future, I am the only guy she has ever been with. To me it means nothing but I think she feels the grass could be greener.
She asked me for a break and i did the total opposite to what i should have done and let my emotions get the better of me and kept trying to contact her and was trying to talk to her when i saw her. This annoyed her and just seems that I pushed her into this guys arms even more. On of the last times I spoke to her I asked her to look me in the eyes and tell me that she does not love me any more like she had said in a text recently she started to well up and said she couldn’t and walked of quickly. After this I text her and said that I understand that she doesn’t love me anymore and that there is nothing I can do about that and that I will not contact her from now on and I have not yet. She has sent me 1 single text asking if I had something of hers and also left a comment on a facebook status of mine, That’s it. All I keep seeing is pictures of her and this guy and i cant get it out of my head. Have I gone to far and is no contact just a waste of my time and a false hope to me.
We spent almost 4 years together and I just cant understand how she can not be bothered at all about us splitting and how she can just stop loving me in a matter of a few days. I clearly should have used NC from the word go but she was sending me mixed signals like texts saying she does love me and miss me. But when I replied just saying its the company she missed and not me etc… Quite simply what should I do?
James wrote:
Hi James,
If you want to reveal her “true” feelings for you use the free plan (link at the top of my Blog).
Don’t worry about her dating, that doesn’t mean shit, you can still win her back if you stick with the free plan.
Take Care,
S.W.
I am using your plan and it helps allot. What I am wondering is how long should I use the nc for? I read allot 30 days but then i sometimes read differently. Plus do I wait for her to contact me or do I need to make the first contact. As I said it has been a week and she hasnt even contacted me plus she just doesnt seem bothered and seems happy with her life. Am i realy just wasting my time?
ok…I let him contact me we had to sign some papers at a Notary. We hugged and I left it at that. I have moved 30 miles from him, he knows and said the only contact should be the car. His response was I might miss you and remembered the hug…his Sunday was a long day…Ok what next?
angela wrote:
Did you send him the recommended NC message as outlined in the free plan?
If not do that ASAP, if you have already, then go follow the rest of the steps in the free plan, OK?
Stay Strong!
S.W.
James wrote:
Good, read it and do everything it says to do, all your questions are answered in the plan.
James wrote:
Sorry…I am not a mind reader.
If you think you’re wasting your time, then give up, and move on.
If you want to follow the plan go follow it…it’s your choice.
Take Care,
S.W.
Wassup , i had already sent her the nc message 3 times b4 meeting this website and broke it all 3 times in a matter of days. Finally i got strong enough to just stop contacting her after i felt like she was getting annoyed and pushed further away. its been 4 days since we talked but i never sent the message to her or anything and i dont want to because she might think im playing games. I was thinking send it if she ever does contact me , should i just sent it one lastime or idk ? thanks for the help
& also i heard she’s been seeing some guy we both went to hs with and there still in school together with each other. during our relationship she would always bring him up as a friend tho .
Chris wrote:
The best thing to do is send it ASAP, so you can start your personal evolution.
After you send it follow the rest of the steps in the free plan at the top of my Blog.
It doesn’t matter what she said, or who she’s with…you keep on using NC until you get it right.
Take Care,
S.W.
the shady part of my situation is that @ first she just wanted a break and i felt like she was just saying that cus she promised nd swore she would never break up with me. she ” wanted an open relationship where we can see other people and w.e cause she feels like were taking each other 4 granted , but she said she wasnt gonna see any1″ i got tired of the b.s so i just ended it. and she wanted me back a couple times when i started nc but started pulling back when we tlked after awhile, so even tho i broke up with her will i still be valid in this situation ?
sorry I was not trying to make you a mind reader what I was trying to ask was how long does it tend to take for no contact to work in your experience? Will it work even if your ex is already with someone else (just 2 weeks after split)? And also is it best for me to wait for her to contact me or visa versa?
James wrote:
Between 3-6 months and sometimes longer, there is no set time limit.
The real question is how long are you willing to work to get your life and your ex back again?
James wrote:
This has no bearing on your results, or chances whatsoever, it is just your doubts and fears talking.
James wrote:
Totally up to you, but you are looking too far ahead, and this will only hinder your personal evolution.
Take Care,
S.W.
S.Dubb !!! I’ve mentioned to you that we didnt talk for four days right since the lastime i called her and you suggested that i send her the nc message asap and get it write this time. when i did she replied ” you sayin it like i been writin you likee .. likee fuck outta here everything gotta always work on your time likee . . take all the time you need i wasnt plannin on contactin you anyway. goodbye ” The thing about my situation that i was trying to tell you was that in my case she suggested a break first , and since it was my 1st longterm relationship i wasnt used to it at all and i started panicking thinking i was gonna loose her and i ended up suggesting a break up , she agreed to it but all i did was suggest. she started crying tho and etc and the convo ended. but we’ve been on and off with the talking cause i had put nc into place a couple times and it worked sometimes but than look what happened now , and idk what she means by everything has to work on my time because im always there for her and shes the one who hasnt been calling me i had to always call her during our break up im sooo confused right now , i knew she was gonna react like that because i put it in place so many diffrent times . i need help
Chris wrote:
What did you expect her to say when you kicked her in the ass with the NC message…Thank you?
It doesn’t matter what she says, or does…just follow ALL the rest of the steps in the free plan.
How can you be confused when I gave you a map?
Just follow the map, and don’t pay attention to all the noises you hear your ex make along your journey, OK?
Stay Strong!
S.W.
THANKS A LOT MAN , IMA DEFENITLY STICK WITH THE PLAN AND DO WHAT I HAVE TO DO FROM NOW ON . ITS TIME TO GET MY SWAGGER BACK ND GET ALL THE CONFIDENCE AND EVERYTHING ELSE I BEEN LACKING SINCE I MADE HER TOP PRIORITY. HOPEFULLY IN THE FUTURE ILL BE ABLE TO GIVE HOPE TO EVERYONE ELSE ON HERE , THANKS S.DUBB . PRRECIATE IT ALL .
Chris wrote:
We call that your personal evolution.
Chris wrote:
You’re Welcome!
my ex gets irrate when he learns I am involved with another guy military (long distance) & folks in a mutual military club affiliation. I have written no contact, etc. he texts and says if he sees me with that club or affiliates when out and about he will make my life painful and i will end up hating him. he called my brother stating i am bashing him online (not true) it’s not my style, says i’m poison to those clubs, trash talk, etc.
He has a gal living with him two days after they met, why does he keep trashing me and he demands I stay away from the club affiliation(s). Also it surfaced through grapevine that he caught new girl emailing back and forth a guy while living in his house and he’s told my brother everything is my fault, what’s up with all this stuff, if I make him unhappy and i’m not there why does he keep on?
Scott i think i just fucked up all my chances bro , i literally feel like shit right now and all im asking if for your ears and opinion . Me & my girl have been togeter for a year and six monts before she decided we needed a break because of the constant aruging and me getting upset over dumb stuff . i admit to that nd higly regret it . But besides thatur relationships had to be one of the best on earth , we were so close and our love so deep . Being that i was my 1st long term relationship i didnt know how to ope with the break { unofficial break up } so i decided to say i think we should just break up and she started to cry and w.e but it was too late , convo ended up ending . We then talked the next day nd she said she wanted to be friends and let things smoothen out so when we go out things can be perfect , but i wanted her back now . I ended up putting no contact in place 3 times and ended up breaking them . & i put it in plce 3 days ago and she was soo pissed like she said she felt like i violated her . Today my friend invited me 2 a party nd she was there but i got there ten mns be4 it ended just to breeze thru and show love . we ended up talking after i seent her in the train when iwasabout to go home and she said i think the world revolves around me and that imungrateful , like she didnt want a hug or anything , totally neglecting me . she kept saying shes done and she cant take nomore and we went our seperate ways . when i tell u she seemed like she was over me , i nvr seen her act like this . i dont wanna send the nc message again cause i did like 3 dys ago and she sed dont worry she wont ctact me ever again. any hope ? what should i do , because she didnt break up with me i did it and wit my actions tryna get her back i made it worse . iwas thinking bout writing her a lettr apologzing , help ! i dont wanna fck up if ievenhave any chances left
moe wrote:
Hi,
There is a version of the NC message for people who broke up with their ex.
The time for apologies has past, and now it’s time to leave her alone.
I highly recommend following the free plan, and sending the recommended no contact message for your situation…word for word.
NC only works when you stick to the plan.
Stay Strong!
S.W.
hi there! my ex and I went out for almost 2 years (the last 4 months we were on and off – one month on, one month off etc)…I bought your book “the magic of making up” which is great and allowed me to get back together with ex everytime thanks to the no contact rule, except that as soon as we would get back together I would fall into the trap of wanting things to move too fast again and we would end up breaking up again! the last time we broke up was beginning of decembre, he dumped me again. said he loves me but needed to figure things out in his life first. I thought for sure we were over this time. then we started texting each other over xmas holidays. we would text 5 times a day. he even said he missed me once. this went on for 2 weeks, when finally I had enough. I didnt wnt to keep waiting around until he figured out his feelings so I sent him a NC text message saying exactly what you said. he replied back that he was sad but understood and that this was torture for him too but that time would tell if we were meant to be or not. I held strong and didnt reply to that message. Unfortunately a week later in a moment of weakness, I texted him that I was thinking about him but he never replied! Since then (it’s been 3 weeks since I texted him I was thinking about him and 4 since the NC message) I’ve been good and haven’t gotten in touch. He hasn’t attempted contacting me either. There were still a whole bunch of photos of us together on fb, so last week I decided to remove them. since my ex and I have maintained a lot of respect for each other I sent him a message on fb to tell him that in the interest of moving forward/starting fresh I was going to detag and remove some photos of us, that it was nothing personal, just wanted to give him a heads up. he was in miami and I made the mistake of giving him a restaurant recommendation in miami. he wrote back thanking me for the heads up and recommendation and ended up writing a whole paragraph about what he ate in miami and he signed “hugs and kisses”. I have not written him back. In the meantime, when he got back he also removed/detaged some photos of us but the weird thing is he’s left quite a few of them. for example, he left a really nice one of us in his profile picture album and quite a few of us as a couple are still tagged, such as one where I’m smudging cake on his mouth. the only photo he removed was one of us kissing and another one of us as a couple. he also went ahead and posted a whole album of his vacation in the caribbean and how happy he looked. at this point it’s going to be a month of no contact on valentines day weekend and a few days after that it would have been our 2 years anniversary. I don’t know what to do anymore, I really love him but am wondering if I shouldn’t have told him I was moving forward. I don’t know what to think anymore either, if I should contact him on the anniversary of our 2 years or not? Not sure how to proceed from here onwards and would really really appreciate your advice???
Suzanne wrote:
Hi Suzanne,
You’re not following the plan correctly and reconnecting much too soon.
That is why you keep breaking up again.
You have to stay in no contact long enough to bury the old relationship and move past it.
That doesn’t mean moving on from your ex altogether, it just means you have to get past the place you are now.
If you reconnect too soon you pick right back up where you left off in the old “failed” relationship…and it just fails again.
Go read the free plan Top of my Blog) it is meant to work along side the book MOMU.
Use the recommended NC message in the free plan, and send it word for word…no changes, then follow the rest of the steps, OK?
If you keep doing what you have been doing, you will continue to get the same “bad” results…do it right this time.
Take Care,
S.W.
P.S. No contact, means NO contact…don’t contact him on your anniversary (you’re broken up anyways…why celebrate that?).
Thanks for the great advice : ) so you’re suggesting I resend a NC message eventhough I thought I was already pretty clear by texting him a month ago and then messaging him on fb that in the spirit of moving forward I was going to detag/remove photos of us! I think that was pretty clear. Do you think it means anything that he did not remove all cute couple photos of us on fb or am I just reading too much into it? I’m worried that if I really cut him off, he’ll think I’ve really moved on and will do so too and that I’ll have lost my chance. Thanks : )
Suzanne wrote:
I wasn’t suggesting…I was telling you.
If you want to be successful you will need to send the proper NC message…do you want to succeed?
Suzanne wrote:
People play games with pictures, and comments all the time on FB…who cares what he does?
Don’t even look at FB any more it is just a distraction, and you need to focus to succeed, OK?
Suzanne wrote:
I would be WAY more worried about being stuck in the “just friends” zone, a sort of limbo in between hell and heaven.
Everyone worries about the same thing, if he is going to leave you, he’s going to leave you…whether you use NC or not.
I think he is full of shit…want to find out if he is really just full of shit?
Read, and follow the steps in the free plan…no second guessing, that’s just a waste of time.
I approved your forum request, please read and follow the forum guidelines so I don’t have to block you, OK?
Stay Strong!
S.W.
hi scott,
thanks again for all the great advice. I read the forum guidelines, still not quite sure what I did wrong so please let know – SORRY if I posted something I shouldn’t have! I definitely want to succeed and move forward and be happy whether with or without him : ) and love that you are turning ass kissers into ass kickers!
sorry to keep pestering you about this but I’ve read all the guidelines and the plan and I’m still a little confused as to why I need to resend a NC message? I was pretty clear in the one I sent a month ago which sounded just like the one you wrote. Another thing, as we speak he just sent me a message on fb. I’m a designer and I recently had some press which I posted on my profile and my ex just messaged me “congrats on the great press. happy for you. xxx” now would this be the time to reply “thanks” and then add a NC message or do I just not reply? sorry to keep bothering you with this but I really want to follow your plan from A to Z and want to make sure I start on the right foot.
THANKS a million for your help.
Suzanne wrote:
I am not sure what you are talking about here.
Suzanne wrote:
Because it is part of the plan…the most important part.
If you don’t want to send it, that’s OK.
Just find someone else to help you out, OK?
Suzanne wrote:
Really?
Part “A” would be to send the recommended NC message.
Then you just follow the free plan…step by step, it’s easy
Suzanne wrote:
Now is the perfect time to send the recommended NC message word for word.
Take Care,
S.W
Thanks Scott : )
Since I’ve already told him in the past that I agree with the breakup and thought it was for the best. How’s this NC message?
“I still believe we need a break from each other for now. I have some decisions to make and need time to think them through. I’d really appreciate it if you didn’t contact me during this time. I will be in touch when I’m ready.”
Suzanne wrote:
It doesn’t matter what you said in the past, sometimes you have to repeat yourself to get the message through.
I would send the recommended NC message word for word.
That’s if you really care about succeeding, if not go with your version.
Good Luck!
S.W.
My bf broke up with me about 2 weeks. He was texting me almost everyday telling me that he loved me, missed, even asked if I was going to start seeing other guys. I got tired of his mind games and sent the nc message Saturday night. I have not heard from him since. I guess I want to know if it’s normal that they go from texting you to not hearing from them at all after you send the nc message? Did the nc message make him mad and now he won’t text me at all? We go to the same school and have 4 classes together. He is ignoring me now and it’s making me second guess myself for sending the nc message. I will not contact him or start a conversation with him.
Annie2010 wrote:
Hi,
He is probably mad that you kicked his ass to the curb.
If he really has feelings for you they will not fade away because you asked for your space, and time to think.
Now he will start to really think about his “true” feelings for you, and start to evolve.
He broke up with you, and you’re worried about sending him the NC message?
What did you want, to be trapped in the “friends zone” while he made up his mind?
Stay Strong!
S.W.
You’re right. Guess I just needed that reassurance that I did the right thing! He can be pretty stubborn so I know if we get back together it will take awhile and I need to be patient. He’s spending a lot of time with his friends and having a good time. So that’s what I’m going to do too, even though it’s hard. Thanks again!!!
Scott, I have some news. After sending the NC message yesterday my ex called me tonight! all I have to say is wow Scott you are the man….I haven’t had a call from him on 6 weeks and one day after the NC message he calls me. I think for the first time he is truly afraid he might have lost me. so I didn’t pick up his call but after calling he texted me saying he felt bad about our email exchange (the one where he told me congrats on the great press and that he was happy for me and to which I replied sending the NC message word for word). so isn’t it ironic that I send the NC message he sends the nice message and he’s the one telling me he feels bad – WOW Scott I’m speechless. so his text was “feeling bad about our email exchange and wanted to chat, x” and he signs with an x! anyhow, so what do I do now, do I reply with another NC message, do I not repy???
Suzanne wrote:
You didn’t break NC, so there is no reason to send it again.
Now!
If he continues to contact you with his “cute apologetic” messages, then you kick him in the ass again with the NC message so he knows you’re not fooling, understand?
Now that you have completed step one, follow the rest of the steps in the free plan.
Great Job Suzanne! (Thumbs High)
Stay Strong!
S.W.
yeaaah my first thumbs high – cant tell you how excited and proud I am : ))))
so I did smth bad today and checked my ex’s fb messages (I know I know shame shame and terrible thing to do) anyways I did it cause I sensed something was off after he called. I see he sent his ex (of 3 yrs ago who lives 14hrs away by plane but that he keeps in touch with on and off) a message right after messaging me. nothing major in his message just asking her how she’s doing. then she replies with this long email about her life and how she jst got promoted bla bla and then ends it with “sometimes I miss you more than words can say”. OMG Scott my stomach turned upside down when I read this. I felt terrible. I felt like he had reached out to me and because I wasn’t there he felt lonely, reached out to to her and I had now left the door wide open for them : ( the worst is that he answered her asking her for her address and then proceeded to open an amazon.com account. so I’m thinking he must be sending her smth for vday! serisouly at this pt should I just give up on him??? or am I overreacting bec this lives 14hrs plane ride away and he’s probably acting like this because of the NC msg I sent him and the fact that I didnt pick up the phone?
Suzanne wrote:
Hello!
He dumped you…didn’t you feel lonely…did he care?
Stop spying because it is rude, and you don’t know what is truth or fiction, understand?
Don’t make me take back that Thumbs High.
It kills me when people bitch about using no contact…won’t that be rude to my ex?
And then they use their “shared” passwords to spy on their email accounts and they spy on their FB accounts…isn’t that rude too?
If you read the free plan you will learn that this is about getting your life back, not your ex.
If you focus on and worry about what your ex is doing you will fail…period!
The plan is free…read it, follow it, and be successful.
Stay Strong!
S.W.
Thanks Scott! I know I shouldn’t be doing this, it’s like a bad addiction. Some ppl have cigarettes, others alcohol I have this I try to help myself and it ends up bitting you in the ass : (( I really wish I didn’t have that pw.
I understand what you’re saying about getting your life back – it’s what I want and I was doing so much better this month when I hadn’t had any contact from him until recently. but I’ll stay focused, promise!
Hello!
Great website!
I and my ex have been together for 1 and a half years before she went to the US to study there for 6 months.
After she went there, we quarrelled a lot about small things; I just wasn’t happy with the contact she gave me and backfired at myself with telling her how badly she’s hurting me.
5 days ago I got a message from her telling me, that she has thought and doesn’t want to hurt me. She is not ready for this thing yet and thinks that I deserve a better girlfriend.And that she just doesn’t see another way right now.
As prolly everyone here I sent her some messages, that we need to talk it over and bla bla…
Well anyway I’ve come to realize, that this break is really the best thing for us to do right now.
However, I am uncertain as how to proceed. Just 2 days after the break-up (my birthday) she sent me a mail, asking me if I was going to the casino etc. I didn’t respond right away and the next day she forwarded it to me again (tells me, that she still loves me). I let another half day pass and answered her, that we were at the casino and went to a friends later on etc.
But what I also told her was that:
“i am very confused at the moment.
i love you and i dont want to lose you.
i just have to think and come clean with myself because only then it has some sense to go on.
I ask you to give me some time – I am sure you need that too.
And maybe then we have a second chance”
Now that I started reading your blog, I see that as an error. Do you think I can leave it at that or should I send her another NC message?
Although another NC message would seem needy I think as I already told her I need space.
I think the best thing would be to leave it at that and just don’t talk about love or second chances when I call her when I’m ready.
Maybe you have some advise for me.
Thanks,
Daniel
Daniel wrote:
Hi Daniel,
I don’t think you have read the recommended NC message in the free plan, because it is anything but “needy”…go read the free plan.
I highly recommend that you send the NC message in the free plan…word for word, and then follow all the rest of the steps.
Take Care,
S.W.
“I don’t think you have read the recommended NC message in the free plan, because it is anything but “needy”…go read the free plan.
I highly recommend that you send the NC message in the free plan…word for word, and then follow all the rest of the steps.”
Yep as I said, I’ve sent that message before reading the NC messages in the free plan.
Thank you for your help.
Oh btw.
“I don’t think you have read the recommended NC message in the free plan, because it is anything but “needy”…go read the free plan.”
I didnt mean the NC messages, I meant sending her the message straight after sending her the one I posted.
I think I need to wait till monday morning at least to send her the NC message from the plan – to show her, that I have really thought about it.
I think if I would send her the NC message just 1 day after sending her a message with “I need time” would be a bit needy?
Daniel wrote:
Hi,
That would be fine, but the sooner you send the “right NC message” the better.
In the meantime do not contact her, and if she contacts you…send her the recommended NC message.
Take care,
S.W.
Hey,
I sent her the NC message this morning.
I’m feeling more confident now and am ready for my job interview (alongside school) on tuesday – something I have put off and off for a long time.
Another question sprang to my mind though.
What about all the friends we have together?
Basically I think: OK those are our friends I give a damn if you like me to spend time with them or not, I just do.
What about her parents though?
In the last months the have become very close to me. Actually I would say they are my best friends. We do a lot of stuff together – even though there daugther is living in another country.
Same thing here, I don’t give a damn if she likes me to spend time with them or not. I just really much enjoy the time with them and they actually are my best friends. Time with them puts my mind off her and lets me enjoy the fun I have with them; instead of on her like it would be expected.
Do you think, that it is good to keep spending time with them even though I am in NC with their daughter?
Thanks for all your help,
Daniel
Daniel wrote:
Hi Daniel,
Glad it hear it…Great Job! (Thumbs High)
Daniel wrote:
There is nothing wrong with spending time with common friends, as long as these friends do not try to interfere in yours/hers business.
If they do, then stay away from them until this is over, there is plenty of time to explain later, and if they are “true friends” they will understand, right?
Daniel wrote:
The same thing applies here, it will better to be alone, and to evolve, then to have company and remain stuck where you are…make sense?
Sometimes we have to take these journeys alone.
Stay Strong!
S.W.
i really want to send the no contact message to my ex boyfriend.
we’ve been split now for nearly 3 months and i have broken contact with him (as in deleted off facebook/msn and we havent texted or talked or emailed) for 3 weeks now.
is it too late to send it?
he might find it weird for me to randomly come out of the blue with the message :/
what would be the best way to go about it?
natasha wrote:
Hi Natasha,
The best way to go about this whole plan is to not worry about what your ex thinks or does.
This not to win him back, this is to win you your freedom from this heart break you’re experiencing.
With that said it is NEVER too late to send the recommended NC message in the free plan.
He will be surprised that you had the “guts” to send a message like that, and stand up for yourself.
And it is the beginning of your personal evolution, don’t let your worries about looking ‘weird” stop you from evolving and becoming happy again.
Stay Strong!
S.W.
Oh it will not work because my ex boy friend said to me don’t call and talk to me again how i just NC message will not work..
Catty wrote:
Hi,
You don’t have to “call or talk” to your ex, just send an email…it is all explained in the free plan on my Blog.
You can still send the recommended NC message…if you have “the guts” to do it.
If not I guess you are screwed, but that is your own choice, because you are too afraid to take action.
Fortune favors the brave. :rambo:
Take Care,
S.W.
@ S. Williams:
no he said or even sms me how can i said i agree he will say she don’t have any pride
i will send tomo NC message and i will not read the peply whatever i will be i will not answer even if he said it will not work or no need to send this email it’s over..okay i will be brave..but tell me williams one thing he said i am not his soulmatea nd no chemistry after our first date between us maybe he is right maybe he realized that after one year of sms, calls and emails and we work at same co..tell me people should i move on or not??
catty wrote:
Follow the plan, and time will tell if you need to move on completely or not.
How do I handle this email for the first time after we broke up she told me she loved me but her parents would hate her if she got back with me and how much her dad used to like me ??
Please scott dont freak out on me,
Nice picture Big daddy.. Wow.. H O T!!! No wonder you get “millions”
I had a great time last night and it was good to see you, really good and the awesome fuck session was amazing. Already had 3 more O’s to it this am 
Anyways, I have to figure out what I’m doing in life, going to do with you/us. I don’t know.. but please, please understand whatever happens I need to take it VERY slow.
I’m glad you went in a hotel instead of driving while falling asleep. I hope you’re enjoying your stay with your sister
Big Daddy wrote:
Read the free plan, and figure out your next move, it is all laid out in the plan, you just have to read it.
S.W.
My EX and I broke up just over a year ago, Feb. 24, 2009, after what I would call 4 really good years together. We had broken up previously for 4 months just 6 months prior to this break up. Yes, I’m the dumpee for most respects. Our ages, I’m 41 and she is 37. Our last words spoken to each other were over a year ago, the day of the break up. So yes, I initiated No Contact immediately. I did not announce it by letter or any other means. She at one point made a comment that, “I’d like to remain friends but I know you don’t believe in that.” This statement coming from sometime during our relationship that I had mentioned that I don’t believe in being friends with EX’s because someone is always working an angle to get back together.
The Break Up: She came over one evening stating, “I can’t do this anymore. Nothing has changed.” Which was quite a surprise to me at the time. We talked peacefully for a bit and I asked what the issues were and she just kept saying, “You don’t listen to me.” I asked if we could sit down for a moment and discuss this, which we did. I continued with my questioning of the problem(s) she continued with, “You don’t listen to me.”
Finally I stated that she’s right. The relationship was probably not working as I had been asking her to move in with me on two separate occasions over the past two years and I felt that she would never discuss it. I also stated that I felt she wasn’t committed to the relationship pointing out that in a committed relationships couples work through problems not abandon ship. After that we got up from our positions in the living room. She moved towards me to hug and/or kiss me, I just held my hand up and said, “No”. I was too hurt and confused at the moment. The last thing I said to her as she was walking out the door was, “This is really crazy. You’re going to regret this.” She left. Anyway I remained very calm and respectful with her during our last encounter of a year ago.
A few weeks later I found a box of some of the gifts I had given her over the years, my house keys, garage door opener, etc… on my porch. The gifts were things she really didn’t care for. No communication from her at all. She did mention during our break-up discussion that she was going to return some things to me. She of course left a number of her personal items at my home, e.g. toiletries, leather jacket, boots, kids toys & sleeping bags, and a $2000 treadmill. I packed them neatly and stored them in my basement for her figuring when she wants them she can come collect them. As I said, it’s been over a year now and they’re still there. I just can’t bring myself to break contact to say, “Let’s make arrangements for you to get your things back.” We’re both rather head strong people.
We pass each other every morning driving to and from work, me to work her from work. For the first few months I’d wave, I finally just stopped as she would only occasionally wave and if she did, haphazardly at best. She has two children, 8 & 13, that live primarily with the father as she works 3rd shift. The father is remarried and she had always been thoroughly disgusted with him, serial-cheater.
After a lot of sole searching I believe the breakdown was she felt I needed to develop a greater/deeper relationship with her boy, 8, like I had with her daughter, 13. He was quite the testing young chap with me, very defiant. I never hit or scolded him. He would just push me to a point were I would block him and his tantrums out. To the best of my knowledge she’s not seeing anyone but I’m not 100% sure. I pass her apartment complex daily, it’s on my way to work or going to town. She generally always seems to be home and I don’t see any new vehicles. For the most part I’m moved on and have made changes for the better but I’m still in love with this girl. Quite frankly I have dated others but unable to gather and sustain interest longer than a date or two.
So… is after a year too late for me? Again, we have had NO contact. How do I approach this then? Do I just keep moving forward and see if she contacts me and follow the plan from there?
Thank you for your time and attention.
– John
John wrote:
Hi John,
You could try going straight to the reconnection phase which is discussed in part in the free plan on my Blog, and in more detail in the book MOMU.
If she continues to put you off you could then try using the no contact message recommended in the free plan, and follow all the steps after that.
Take Care,
S.W.
Hi,
My ex-boyfriend of 3 and half years broke up with me January 7th. I moved out that week and w/i a week I began my begging and pleading. After that week, I stopped the begging but still sent an occasional email about my mail. After about two weeks of no contact, I wrote him a long email discussing the good times of our relationship and where we went wrong. I put a lot of time into the email, I was not making accusations or blaming him for anything. It was very thoughtful. However, I did not get a response. Two weeks passed of no contact. I begin dating someone else, and engaging in other activities to get my mind off of him, but deep down still wished the best for our relationship. One weekend me and my friends decided to go out to a club and who do we see him with another girl. We hadn’t seen each other in a month and a half. I did not break a sweat or say anything to him or make a scene. We live in a small town and everyone knew about our relationship so that night people felt the need to talk to me and him about the situation. Two days passed and I emailed him b/c I hadn’t received my check from my job, eventhough I had changed my address. He responded and said that it was at his house and that he would have his room mate give it to me. He then replied and said that maybe we should try to be friends to help this tough transition. I replied with “Sorry, but I can’t do it. I love you as a boyfriend. . . I can’t be your friend and pretend like I don’t have feelings for you. If you don’t want to date me, its better if we both move on.”
He quickly replied with “can you handle dating me and not being my gf?” Basically this opened up the door for communication. We hadnt spoken or talked in two months. He said he was still in love with me and wanted to see if we could make things work. We saw each other again, and i know I made the mistake of sleeping with him too soon. He told me that the last month had been the hardest month and he wasn’t able to get much work done in law school. He told me he had had dreams about me every night and that he really missed me. We couldn’t get enough of each other. We saw each other every day but it wasn’t enough for me, because we weren’t technically back into a relationship. Every time I left his house, I felt low and would always contact him for reassurance that he was really trying to see if things could work and not that he wanted me around because it was convenient and was stressed out from law school. He would reassure me but say that he didn’t have time to stress about it. For some reason or another, he wanted to know if I had dated someone during our breakup. Since I wanted to be completely honest about everything I told him and I could tell he was jealous. I did not want to tell him what we did because it was in the past and I felt like we couldn’t start fresh if we discussed the past. He ended up sending the dude a facebook message asking what we did. At this point I am continuing to do things on his terms in fear of loosing him. Any question he asked, or anything he wanted me to do I did. He also wanted to be completely honest about any cheating we both did when we were in undergrad. We told each other everything. I forgave him because I felt that we were both young and it had been over 2years ago. Instead of standing up for myself, I fell in to deep too soon. He then sent me an email saying that we shouldn’t go on pretending like our relationship could work, because things were just too fucked up. He said that it sucks because he felt like we would be better partners for the next person. he said there were things he just couldn’t get over even though he had tried. He ended the email with, I love you so much and we have so much history and that we should continue to be in each others life. I was crushed because I was on the rode to getting over him and I let him back in and he decided he couldn’t do it. His pride of knowing what I had done while we were broken up wouldn’t let him get over it. He said he loved me and would do anything for me especially until I left from living out here. I didn’t respond and he ended up calling me and I didn’t pick up and he texted me the supposed reason why he called. The reason was some small talk. I didn’t respond. That was 4days ago. I just sent the NC message and he replied with “ok take all the time you need” I don’t know if that is a usual response but it makes me feel like he doesn’t care and has moved on. What should I be doing?
Lauren wrote:
Hi,
Did you send the recommended NC message as outlined in the free plan on my Blog?
If you did Great Job! :thumbup:
If not send that one ASAP, and then follow the rest of the steps in the free plan.
If you did send the recommended NC message (no changes) then you are off to a great start, and his response is a cover up to make it look like you didn’t affect him.
But!
Think about it, you asked him to not contact you, and he did to tell you in a few words it didn’t bother him.
Well, if it didn’t bother him, why did he reply after you asked him not to contact you?
You NC message kicked him in the ass, and gave him a “wake up” call.
Now follow all the rest of the steps in the free plan, OK?
Stay Strong! :rambo:
S.W.
Scott,
I joined your forum. Posted my story as required, Break Up Story. Proceeded to start my NC Diary to which I inquire if I should still be sending a NCM after > 1 year no contact. To which you responded (abbreviated);
“If you feel that the plan doesn’t fit your situation…don’t join our forum…it’s that simple.
I wish you luck somewhere else.
Buh-bye!”
Then you close my topic?!? Yet on your blog yesterday you say go to the Reconnection phase and if that doesn’t work then use the NCM.
Scott I realize you’re a buy man and I’m not trying to be difficult nor argue your strategies. I’m simply looking for help, guidance, and a straight answer.
Are you telling me that after a year of NC I should still send an NCM – or – should I try reconnecting and if that fails do the NCM?
And dude did you really kick me from the forum?
Thank you for your time and attention.
John wrote:
Yeah, but did I tell you to join the forum?
I said to try using the reconnect strategy, and then if that didn’t work to follow the free plan.
The forum is not for people just trying out parts of the plan.
It is not fair to the rest of the members that I enforce them to follow “all” the rules, and then let people in who do not, right?
You don’t have a clue what it was like to offer this kind of support.
I do, I have been doing it by myself for almost a year (forum) 2 years (Blog).
It is a GIANT pain in the ass, without some kind of structure, and rules. :banghead:
You obviously didn’t read the forum guidelines before “you” requested to become a forum member.
John wrote:
WFT is a “buy man”…is that a marketer?
I am a marketer, but I do not require anyone to buy anything to use the free plan, and our forum…they just have to follow “all” the rules.
I offered you the free plan, but I did not tell you to join our forum and not send the NC message, did I?
You can follow the reconnection process yourself, you don’t need the support of the forum.
You can even read the forum, and see what other people did during reconnection (if you’re smart).
I have everything a “smart” person needs to help themselves, right here on my Blog for free.
But I only offer the free forum to people who have the guts to send the NC message because they need it the most.
John wrote:
Dude…you disqualified yourself by joining after (supposedly) reading the forum guidelines, and then not following them.
I am not telling you to send the NC message, that is your choice, I gave you an answer yesterday.
But don’t join the fucking forum unless you’re ready to send the NC message.
Read the forum guidelines, like you said you did when you replied to my email after you requested a forum membership.
I wrote them, and enforce them, but I don’t tell people to read them and ignore them, they do that all on their own.
Just because the forum is free, and not real fancy doesn’t mean that I will not enforce the forum guidelines, as you found out.
Now, either stop whining to me about your fuck up, and start using all the free gifts I have given you, or go somewhere else for support, OK?
You can learn a lot just by reading our forum.
John wrote:
I answered this question yesterday.
Take Care,
S.W.
P.S. Who waits a whole fucking year to take action after a break up? That is a whole new category of procrastination.
i’ve been split with my boyfriend for 3 months. i sent the exact message from this site about 2 weeks ago. so i am on about day 14, but i havent been counting the days. as when i feel the time is ready, i will reconnect.
he is seeing someone else, and has been seeing her for about 2 and a half months now. is this a rebound?
he said he has been ignoring me as its easier for both of us. im worried he will never contact.
he is very angry towards me after all these months, and is a stubborn boy. he thinks i am seeing one of his friends, but this is not true. how can i make him see that im not without breaking no contact? i feel like with him believing this, is making him move on and forget about me :/
nat wrote:
Probably.
nat wrote:
It does not matter what your ex thinks, you are in control, you started NC, and your personal evolution.
Focus on yourself, follow the rest of the steps in the free plan, and keep on evolving.
When you least expect it that’s when the magic will start to happen…just watch.
NC takes time, focus, and patience.
Stay Strong! :rambo:
S.W.
Hi Scott. I have been doing NC for 4 weeks now. We see each other everyday at school. He’s hooked up with another girl but I notice that when I’m around, he acts like he’s not with her and as soon as I start walking a different direction, then he walks with her. I don’t understand this? We do not talk at all in school but I catch him starring at me and he quickly looks away. I met a guy friend for dinner last night with a bunch of friends and he found out about it. I heard he was pretty upset about it and is looking pretty sad at school. Everyone at school knows he with another girl now, I think he’s just using her or she’s a rebound, but don’t understand why he won’t talk to her or walk with her when I’m around? I see her get in his car after school and he takes her home everyday. I’m going to continue NC. Not sure I want him back but I’m really trying to figure out his behavior? Any ideas? I know you’re not a mind reader, just looking for a male perspective. Thanks for all your help!!!
Annie2010 wrote:
Yeah here’s a great idea.
Stop trying to figure out his behavior, and focus on your own personal evolution.
As long as you allow him to rent space in your head, you will be stuck right where you are now.
Stay Strong! :rambo:
S.W.
Good idea!!!! Wish I could get him out of my head for good!!! Thanks.
Scott,
The “buy man” was a typo. I meant BUSY man. No insult intended.
Again, I thank you for your response.
– John
John wrote:
I guess this would fall under the “you need to pay better attention” category again, huh?
John wrote:
You would be amazed at the shit I have to put up with to help people.
I get called all kinds of names by people who obviously need some type of “professional attention”…so my skin has become pretty thick.
I just like to clear things up, and set things straight for the visitors, that’s all.
John wrote:
You’re welcome, I hope it helps.
Take Care,
S.W.
My girlfriend of 4 years broke up with me 3 days ago. She says she still loves me just needs sometime to find herself and be single. We have both admitted that we moved very fast in our relationship. I explained to her that i wanted to give her her space and that i need my own space to sort myself out and that we will be ok. She didnt take this the best but said she would give the contact a rest and maybe talk in a few weeks. I believe the NC method might work. But she has txt me 2/3 times a day since we i started NC. once evening telling me she watched a baby show which nearly killed her as the was a nice husband like how i would be. The last one asking me to please reply.
Does this mean she is missing me or that she just wants to keep tabs on me? I really want her back and dont want to make any mistakes.
Should i keep on at NC and for how long?
T.M. wrote:
Both.
T.M. wrote:
Then go to the top of my Blog, and find the link for the free plan and read it, then follow all the steps.
Take Care,
S.W.
I am using the NC rule at the moment with my ex, I know she still loves me so i am hopeful all will work, I have one question though, Is hanging with others girls a good idea? I dont want her to think ive moved, or want her to hate me for being with other girls? Keep in mind we are young, 19, So seing eachother with other girls/boys is hard!
Adam wrote:
Hi,
She broke up with you, and you are worrying about what she thinks, grow some balls, you are not her puppy dog.
You are free to have friends, just like she is, and age has nothing to do with it, it is never too early to start growing up, and acting more mature.
Read the free plan at the top of my Blog, and follow all the steps, learn about relationships while you are young, so you don’t spend half of your life doing things wrong.
Take Care,
S.W.
Hello,
I must admit, I did not have a particular ‘no contact’ plan, not worked out the way it is here, and in “The Magic of Making Up,” which I just read a couple of times.
Oddly enough, though, I have done some of what is recommended. When my ex left me (telling me she’s like to remain friends), I told her I couldn’t just be friends and then went out of deliberate contact with her.
She asked me to come over her house for a friend-type get together and I turned her down. This pissed her off, and I didn’t hear from her for quite a while. I didn’t contact her either, and I decided to measure my resolve not to by quitting smoking at the same time. This helped distract me from constantly thinking about her, and got me thinking about, well, my health.
That was 34 days ago. About six or seven days ago, I ran into her unexpectedly at a social event. I was friendly, but that was all. I did give her a hug goodbye (I had already hugged her friends; it seemed like it would have been blatant not to), and she said, “See you soon.” I don’t think I said anything, but I can’t remember.
Then, two days ago, I got a text message from her, just saying, “Hello. How are you?” I replied that I was alright, even though I kept wanting to jam toothpicks in my eyeballs due to the occasional urge to smoke (which she of course, causes at this point, though she does not know that).
Then, yesterday, I got a text message saying, “I think we should meet up sometime soon and say hello. Take my dog for a walk or something. Let me know if interested.”
So I called her, and we talked for a bit, lightly, and tried to schedule something. I actually am really busy this week, so I had to turn down a couple of days. Thursday is a night that I usually practice martial arts, and when we were together I would sometimes take a night off to hang out with her, so she asked if I was planning to go to karate class on Thursday, implying we could hang out then. I told her I was.
After hanging up the phone, that’s when the little voice “You just screwed up” started kicking in. I felt like this is exactly what is going to piss her off, me not being flexible.
I also started ruminating, thinking, “Why is she doing this?” and coming over and over again to the conclusion that she just thinks enough time has gone by for us to get together as friends. We will get together, I am certain, but I don’t want to give her the impression that I have any intention of just being friends, and at the same time I don’t want to scare her away.
I never did write a “no contact” letter, because I didn’t come across that suggestion until we already had been out of contact for weeks.
It is also true that I have just begun to arrange dates with other women. There is no way she can know that, because that happened online, but the timing of her getting in touch was amazing.
I have to find some way to stay light with her, keep her laughing, but also let her know I am not going to just start hanging out as a ‘friend’. How can that be done? Can it?
Patrick wrote:
Hi,
You can’t get what you “really” want out of life, unless you are willing to take some risks, and that’s a fact.
If her feelings are strong enough to have a real relationship with you, then using NC (the right way) will not drive her away.
In fact it will only make her want you more, even if she doesn’t act like it.
There is only one sure way out of the friends zone, and that’s following the free plan, use it along with MOMU.
If she tries to shove you back in the friends zone again, follow the free plan on my Blog, and use the recommended NC message (no changes), OK?
I have a feeling she is going to try the “let’s be friends” shit on you again, so read the plan over and be prepared to move forward.
Take Care,
S.W.
Thanks for taking the time to reply. That’s very cool of you.
I think you are right. I am going to wait it out for a bit, see what she does, and then, yes, if it comes down to a “let’s be friends” thing, write out one of those messages.
I read a bit more around this blog and I see an emphasis on writing that NC message, which I never did. I sort of spoke it, but not clearly enough.
Anyway, thanks again. I’ll try to stick to the plan.
patrick wrote:
You’re Welcome!
Thanks for stopping by.
Take Care,
S.W.
Scott,
I apologize for asking another question (it’s sort of the same question) so quickly, but I need an immediate plan, as well as a long term one.
I have been out of contact with her for over 30 days, but like I said, I didn’t write an explicit message, just told her I didn’t want to be friends and left her alone.
As I mentioned, she asked to go on a dog walk. I told her it was a busy week and I could not meet when she wanted to, which was yesterday evening. As it turns out, I ran into her last night at a local concert (this was not planned; she rarely goes to this place, although I do). She was sitting at a table with her ex boyfriend from before me (who knows, maybe he has MOMU? Stranger things have happened). At any rate, I played it as outwardly cool as I could. Fortunately for me, one of the women who I have a date planned with was also there, so I talked to her a bunch, despite the fact that I had shown up alone.
I have no idea what is up with her and the other guy, and was probably helped out in keeping calm by a female friend of his coming up to me (I did not ask for this, I swear to you), and saying, “I hope you’re not worrying about that, because that’s nothing to worry about.” I told her I didn’t need to know, but thanks.
To make a short story short enough to post, the night went on. She asked if we could go for that dog walk today. I agreed. So that is happening.
I can’t tell if whether I am supposed to be at the beginning of NC, or if this is something else, as in Chapter 6 of MOMU.
So the thing is, what do I do? Should I cancel the dog walk, and then write a NC message? No matter what was going on between her and the other guy (it seemed a little touchy for whatever, but whatever), I stayed calm and funny when I talked with her (probably too much, I admit it).
She left me a voicemail saying it was lovely to see me and she was looking forward to the dog walk and etc . . . smooch sound at the finish. Then two text messages, spaced about half an hour apart, one to say good night, and the other sort of randomly to say she was going to be tired at work the next day (it was a late night).
I’m sure I should have done some things differently.
If I go ahead and go on this walk with her (which will be under an hour), then how do I communicate that I am not there to be her friend without explicitly bringing it up?
This of course would have all been easier had I been doing all of this according to a plan to begin with, but I’m kind of in the middle of it now, and wondering.
It’s amazing you take the time to reply to these comments, and I have signed up for your newsletter, just so you know. I’d appreciate any insight you might have on what to do and how to act.
Thanks for considering it.
Patrick wrote:
Hi,
I think your best chance at getting her back would be to cancel the walk (it’s too soon to reconnect), and then send the recommended NC message (no changes), and follow the free plan.
The more games you play, the worst your chances get, and don’t kid yourself NC (and the free plan) are not a game, it’s a process that gets results.
Patrick wrote:
Yeah, I believe in good customer service, even if you’re not my customer.
It’s too bad the “other” marketers out there don’t feel the same way…more people would be successful getting their life/ex back again.
Take Care,
S.W.
Hello,
I just sent the no contact letter!! It is my wife that I sent the letter we had a falling out and she moved in wth her parents !! We have been split 4 weeks now!! I have seen her with another guy a couple times and that gets me nervous as she says it was a friend…. She calls or text messages me allmost everyday but says she’s confussed and not sure what she wants now!! I have been trying my ass off to save this marriage the begging, offer for therapy, anything for us to try!! I hope the letter helps, thanks for hearing my problems!!
Brian wrote:
Hi,
That is a great start! :thumbup:
Now you need to follow ALL the rest of the steps in the free plan as well.
This is a process that will take 3 months or so to properly work, and you need to follow all the steps to be successful.
Stay Strong! :rambo:
S.W.
My ex broke up with me exactly a week ago. He said the reason was he was tired of trying to fix things, and I admit and understand that it was my problem. I was going through a stressful time and didn’t respond as much as I should have to him. He says that he doesn’t feel anything for me except just friendship, but from what I hear from his friends and himself, he’s been taking it all pretty hard. He told me that he hasn’t slept well, if at all, and the night before he broke it off he only had 2 nights of sleep.
He said that he lied to me the week before when he told me that he wanted to reconcile and end the break we were on, he even put his ring (of our pair of couple rings) on my finger and told me with tears in his eyes that he would choose me. In the end after talking it over, he decided he needed a 1 month NC to clear his mind. The first night I called him 2-3 times and after that I didn’t contact him until exactly a week after when i emailed him. Two days later he told me that he didn’t love me anymore and all that was left was pure friendship. He told me that he had feelings for this girl and it turns out that she liked him too, and during that 1 week we spent NC, they started holding hands (the girl also got out of a relationship not that long ago). During when we were talking, i begged (yes i know now it wasn’t the best thing to do) to have a second chance and he said it wasn’t fair to the girl or to me… and after a while he just said it wasn’t fair to me. He also changed from saying that if we did get back together it wouldn’t last more than a few months, down to a few weeks to a few days and then he wasn’t even willing to think about it. He said that he didn’t believe that he would be able to try again. When I got home, a mutual friend of ours was shocked and said that he was devestated when he went to see me with all intention of reconciling before we went NC, and that he was really upset and talked about going out and getting drunk after we had a talk.
Two days later, we meet up to have another talk after we both calmed down a bit. At first, he put his arms around my shoulders and sometimes on my back when we walked, hugged me from behind, let me lean on his shoulder as he leaned back on my head, and held my hand when I put my hand on the table. After I asked for a 2nd chance, he withdrew and immediately started saying that everything he did was just as a friend and nothing else. I kept myself as composed as I could during that time, I did not cry at all, and did not push him to get back together, except maybe a bit when i asked for a 2nd chance.
Since the breakup he’s been talking to me regularly, sometimes while he’s in a lecture, sometimes when he gets home. So about a bit less than daily. I know he checks my blog at least once everyday, as there’s a tracker on it. I never confronted him about it, but he has admitted that he does read it. On the day that we had our ‘calm’ talk, he checked the blog 3 different times, and even went back to read entries from weeks before.
I really don’t know how he feels and I’m confused at what to do. From reading different sources and asking friends I have already decided to give him time to unwind from all this stress that’s been building up. So I don’t contact him, but when he contacts me I reply and try to appear ok.
Do I start NC? Do I send the letter? (it’s been a week) Can I keep blogging? Or does that still count as contact?
win wrote:
Hi,
I would highly recommend that you read, and follow all the steps in the free plan, the link is at the top of my Blog.
Not only do you need to give him space, but you need to let him know that you will not wait forever, and he needs to sort out his feelings for you.
The best way for that to happen it to completely remove yourself from his life, so he will see how his life would be without you in it.
If you keep responding to his messages, it is like you never left, and this break up could go on for a very long time.
You have to be brave and take action if you want to get your life/ex back again.
Take Care,
S.W.
S.DUBB TMMRW IS GONAN BE THE DAY IM GOING TO CONTACT MY EX , IVE BEEN THRU NC ALREADY FOR 3O DAYS AND I HONESTLY FEEL LIKE I HAVE EVOLVED AND GOTTEN OVER ALOT OF STUFF . I FEEL STRONGER , BUT IN THE BACK OF MY MIND I DIDNT LOOSE HOPE. ITS CRAZY BECAUSE YESTERDAY MY EX CONTACTED MY CUSIN WHICH SHE HATES , ND SHE WAS TLKING TO HIM ABOUT HOW I MOVED ON AND HOW I MIGHT NOT COME BACK ND HE WAS TELLING HER THAT HES GONNA TALK TO ME SO WE CAN WORK THINGS OUT. I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT IM GONNA DO , ANY TIPS FOR MY PHONE CONVO WHEN I CONTACT HER OR ANY TIPS IN GENERAL ? & THANKS FOR ALL THE HELP BROTHA , PPRECIATE IT ALL MY DUDE . I WENT FROM FEELING LIKE SHIT TO THE SHIT WITH A STRONG BACKBONE , IT TOOK TIME BUT IT HAPPENED NONETHELESS
DOLLARS wrote:
Review the last part of the free plan, and chapter six in the book The Magic of Making up.
The whole point of this phone is to set up a short face to face meeting…that’s it.
Don’t do the catching up over the telephone, it will screw up your chances of getting her to meet face to face.
Good Luck!
S.W.
hm… yes i understand that NC is important and I am willing to cut contact, but should i stop blogging jjust cuz i know he’s reading?
win wrote:
See, this is where common sense comes into play.
I don’t know what you Blog about, so how do I know if you should stop Blogging or not?
If you read the free plan, and understand how this whole process works, you will be able to answer that question yourself.
I offer a FREE plan, but there is NO WAY I can cover every possible situation, is there?
You really shouldn’t follow any plan until you fully understand it.
That means YOU MUST READ everything on my Blog, and you could also read our forum too, and see the plan in action.
If you still don’t understand the process after that, I am afraid I can’t help you.
After all, this is a self-help program, and I know it works…I have seen the results first hand.
But…
Like everything in life, you only get out, as much as you put in.
Take Care,
S.W.
I don’t think it’s too damaging if your ex is out to get YOU anyway he can, even by means of being a total dishonest bastard. He should never ever interfere with your work, after all, how would HE feel if you drove him out of his basic living just because you had this chip on YOUR shoulder. And how would he feel if he had to go back to eating crumbs for a living from the very hands who snobbed and humiliated him, in private, and in public? It is OK to play the jealousy game once in a while, just to test the waters, but not really use it to stiffle your shared affection in such a way that he/she kills it completely, and your hope is out the door, for good. If he decides to play dumb and ignores you, he is simply not the guy for you. But again, as I’ve said before in a galaxy far away. A second chance, on account of ignorance, is reasonable. The rest should be paid work.
S.DUBB , B4 I ASK MY QUESTION I JUST WANNA THANK YOU FOR BEING RIGHT BY MYSIDE THROUGHOUT MY PERSONAL EVOLUTION , ND YOU ARE HELPING MAKE CHANGE IN THE WORLD . WE ALL APPRECIATE IT ALOT :party: :hurray: :hurray: :hurray: :hurray:
TODAYS THE DAY IM MEETING UP WITH MY EX FOR THE 3O MIN – HOUR DATE , ND I JUST WANTED TO KNOW IF U HAD ANY TIPS FOR ME TO KEEP IN MIND WHILE ON THE DATE , I DONT WANNA MESS THIS UP . EVEN THOUGH I BEEN THRU THE EVOLUTION I DONT WANNA SEEM NEEDY OR ANYTHING BY MAKING MISTAKES I DONT EVEN KNOW IM MAKING , PPRECIAITE IT BOSS !
JONES wrote:
Hi,
I just updated the free plan to address this topic.
You can find it in the last section:
Stage Four – The Reconnection Process
D. Getting a “Yes”, and What to Talk About, and What NOT to Talk About During Your Reconnection Meetings
Just go read:
The Free Plan to Get Your Ex Back Fast
Good Luck!
S.W.
SMH WELL WHEN I SPOKE TO MY EX ON WED , I ASKED HER IF SHE WANTED TO GET A SMOOTHIE ON THURS AND SHE SAID SHE WAS HANGING WITH HER FRIEND, THAN I ASKED WHAT SHE’S DOING FRIDAY ND SHE SAID NTHING . THAN SHE SAID SHE DOESNT KNOE IF SHE WAS READY TO SEE ME ND I SAID OK I UNDERSTAND , THEN SHE SAID OKAY ND I SAID ALLRIGHT I G2G IM ABOUT TO PLAYBALL . THAN WE ENDED THE CONVO , 5 SECONDS LATER SHE CALLS BACK ND SAYS DID I SAY ANYTHING B4 SHE HUNG UP ( KNOWING DAMN WELL I DIDNT ) , THAN I SAID NO BUT ITS JUST A SMOOTHIE , THAN SHE SAID ALLRIGHT WELL TEXT ME ON FRIDAY IF U STILL WANNA GET A SMOOTHIE . SO I TEXTED HER TODAY WHILE SHE WAS IN SKOOL , FIRST THING I SAID WAS GOOD MORNING , HOW ARE YA ? SHE SAID LOL HEY , IM FINE . THAN I SED MEET ME AT SO AND SO , CALL ME B4 U GET ON THE TRAIN . THAN SHE GOES I CANT EVEN GO , MY MOM WANTS TO ME TO COME STRAIGHT HOME AFTERSKOOL . ND I SAID OO OK , I UNDERSTAND , BECAUSE I DIDNT WANNA SEEM NEEDY . THAN SHE TEXTS YEAH SORRY . SIGH , WHAT SHOULD I DO NOW ?? P.S SHE IS 17 ND I AM 18 SO MAYBE HER MOM DOES WANT HER TO GO STR8 HOME IDK , IDK WHAT IT WAS . WHAT SHOULD I DO NOW ? SPRING BREAK STARTS MONDAY SO SHE’LL BE FREE I THINK .
Ok, So even though I live with my bf, we had broken up and we were headed for seperaing. I followed your advise, did my own thing, avoided contact and it worked! He missed me and came back even when I thought there was no hope. Things wee going wonderful…until…yesterday. I accidentally knocked over his laptop and the screen got cracked. He got very mad, said some awful things and said that he wants me out of his life and that my accident brought up other issues and he just doesnt want to be around me. So im now back to square one. I understand that perhaps he is angry and being irrational. I have accepted his words and I told him of no contact…This is impossible. We were so close and because of some silly accident we have fallen apart. I dont see how no contact can correct this situation. Do you?
Stephanie wrote:
Hi,
It sounds like you reconciled with your ex too quickly.
I wouldn’t worry about fixing your relationship right now, I would worry about finding a better living situation.
You should move out, and get your own place, and then send the NC message again.
This time do not break NC as soon as he says he has had enough…take it slowly.
He was obviously lying when he said he wanted to start over fresh.
Solve your problems one at a time…You need to find your own place first.
Stay Strong! :rambo:
S.W.
Hi,
My ex broke up with me last may after 10 yrs of being together.said he loved me but was no longer attracted to me. He said we r always friends. i accepted that coz at that point i couldnt deal with the pain of letting go completely. wanted to still remain in contact with him.I still loved him so i did all i could to keep him happy hence i identify with the “following them like a puppy dog”. 2week’s before we got into a big fight because of the past we had together and he hurt me with his words so i hung up the call. He never called back. Its been 2 weeks now since the fight, our last communication. he is in a major trouble now and also got a new job and didnt tell me about it. Normally am the person who gets a call about all the crisis or the good things. I do feel taken for granted…to some extent feel that he is indifferent to me. Can someone help me??? should i follow the non contact from my side or should i just call and tell him how i feel. I dont want to lose him..i sound desperate but am really in a lot of pain and need help…
jenny wrote:
Hi,
The fastest way out of the”just friends” zone is to use the free plan, and NC.
Don’t worry about any mistakes you have made, go read the free plan, and start your personal evolution.
You will become stronger, and more attractive, and your ex will come back to you quicker.
The more you worry about losing your ex, the worst things will get, you will drive him away.
Don’t worry, this plan works, just be patient, and give it at least 60 days, and you will be amazed at all the changes.
Take Care,
S.W.
I am trying this on my husband who wants a divorce. We have been together for 11 years; married 5. I sent him the NC message last night and he gave me no response. I have already tried all of the other desperate attemps…when i left him alone for a few days he would try to contact me and seemed to open up a little here and there and had even talked about counseling at one point….and i think maybe i would fall back into being desperate and he would shut back down and go back to “not being in love anymore” and “this can’t be fixed”….i know he cares about me, he has told me this and he seems very confused at times, but thinks that divorce is the best solution…i don’t know what to do…so i will see if this works. We have our first court date in 2 days to start the divorce….i don’t know if anything will work at this point?
christina wrote:
Hi,
Whatever happened to the counseling?
That would have been a great start, never the less, using NC will help too.
See if you can push for a separation instead of a divorce, but if that won’t work don’t worry.
Remember a divorce is just some “legal papers”, it’s what’s in your hearts that really matters.
If you don’t go crazy and make things worst through the divorce process there is always hope for reconnection after the divorce.
People look at divorce like it actually means something, it doesn’t…why?
Because people get married that aren’t really in love all the time, and people get divorced that are still in love all the time too.
The problem is, when people are forced to go through a “bitter” divorce, it ruins the love that was there, don’t let that happen to you, OK?
Use the free plan, and focus on getting through this, and reconnecting later on.
I really think this is your best bet.
Take Care,
S.W.
okay…thanks for responding so quickly! I don’t know what happened with the counseling? He “out of the blue” emailed me one day, after not talking for a week or 2, and asked if I would go to counseling with him…we agreed to meet up and talk about it more the next day. When we met up he did not even mention it…when I brought it up…he just said “do you really think that’s going to fix us”? I have suggested it several times since and he always just shuts down the idea completely. He is now pretty adimate about the divorce and now that the attorney’s are involved it is even uglier. He has been reassuring me that it’s not about another woman and he needs to “fix” himself and he’s working on himself….that he cares deeply for me but is not “in love” with me anymore and wants me to be happy and he just thinks he’s not the man to do it. He told me last week that he “just gave up”. He has even accused me of being with another man…I have NEVER cheated on him and couldn’t even imagine being with someone else (the thought actually makes me sick). We have always had such a deep bond and we have had break-ups before….but this is different. He also said he doesn’t want to look like the “dumb bitch” who came crawling back….I guess in the past he was always the one trying to patch things up and there were times I did move on (before we were married) that he did come back begging. It was always at that point when I had really let go. I feel like alot of this is something he is trying to prove to his family (mom in particular)11 years we have been together…it really hurts! How can I feel this way and he feels nothing??? We also have a 4 year old daughter together….he gets her every other week…so doing the NC for 30 straight days is going to be a little difficult…I try to just stay friendly and cordial when we exchange her…but he is either really ugly with me or won’t even look at me.
christina wrote:
NC will last a lot longer than 30 days (3-6 months), and sharing a child is covered in the free plan, so that will not be a problem.
Take Care,
S.W.
me and ex got back together in nov after 3mth split, things was great until he started getting ppl from past involved again we lasted 6 weeks he said he didnt know what he wanted but still loved and wanted me but couldnt see us working out. we had a brief thing end of jan as he said he loved me and cudnt stop thinking bout me, week later he was gettin distant.
i find out today hes got a gf and has been with her months and our child as met her a few times as he said they are serious. he had a go at me b4 coz he thought sum1 i went on a date with had met him. he didnt even have the decency to tell me i found out from his sister. how can couples months be ok to introduce child to, hes already had his dad come out of his life 3 times since 4mths old hes not even 2 and hes meeting another women! wonder if his gf knows it hasnt been long since we split.
Will this work even though your ex left you because they claimed to not harbor the same feelings for you anymore. My ex broke up with me a month ago, and most of my friends tells me it’s a lost cause.
Yuroshi wrote:
Hi,
Anything you totally give up on is a lost cause.
It looks like you don’t feel the same way as your “friends” do, otherwise you won’t be on my Blog, right?
It doesn’t matter what your peers think…what do you think/want?
I say nothing is a lost cause, and people who give up too soon live to regret it.
You have nothing to lose that you haven’t lost already, and everything to gain.
Go read the free plan on my Blog, and follow all the steps, even if you don’t get your ex back (50/50 chance), you will get your life back again.
Take Care,
S.W.
So I broke the NC because I got credit card statements in the mail and it appears that he took “someone” to dinner and a movie out of town. I confronted him and he denied it..saying it was a male “buddy”. He was calling and texting like crazy trying to deny it and then it came down to him telling me “f* you” believe what you want. I haven’t talked to him since…what do I do now?
Would the No contact work if ex has got a girlfriend?, we broke up end of jan and i think hes been with this girl since feb but no1 knows as he kept it a secret from me and been going behind my back taking our son on days out with the gf
jenna wrote:
Yes, it will.
Take Care,
S.W.
christina wrote:
Hi,
First, I would get him off your credit card account, and then start NC over by sending the recommended NC message as outlined in the free plan.
Take Care,
S.W.
Am i over-reacting?? I found out from someone that my ex has been dating someone for months and hes even introduced our 2year old son to her since they been together and i didnt know! i said i wasnt happy about it and he said he did it coz they are serious as its been months not weeks!! we split up 3 months ago. i dont think its right hes meeting her so soon
I proposed to her she said Her parents are looking out for her ….
I told her to take her time she stopped talking to me though we are co-workers
we sit very close to each other
I was hit by her re-action then I purchased your Pull your ex back, started to apply NC Rule no texting or calling or use her facebook/orkut .
I did not get any response from her and me applying the NC Rule , then I lost my phone, I did break the NC Rule and told her ” I just remember your number alone I need some information about …..”
she obliged it was on 15th March , the same day I met her and told her I was sorry for all the misbehavior (I patted her butt, took her pics without her knowledge , wrote love poems on her etc.,)
I told her to forget about everything ,,, and she said she will not forget anything.
I told her she deserved someone better than me, I wanted say good bye .. she refused to say good bye.
I told her I did not wanted to have any bitter feelings in her.
I told her she is hurting me and she said ” I want to hurt you and she wanted to have bitter feelings.
Then I said if she wanted to hurt me and have bitter feelings in her ” you really love me ” and walked away.
Since then I have no communication or whatso ever with her , but I visit her cube and pay no attention to her yet she has not responded what should I do now I am very confused.
WILL I GET A RESPONSE FROM HER .
Piscean wrote:
Hi,
I recommend you read, and follow ALL the steps in the free plan on my Blog.
People have had much more success following that plan, then the ones in the the book.
The books offer a lot of useful advice to aid you in NC, but the NC messages tend to suck.
Take Care,
S.W.
OK i’m sticking firmly to the no contact rule but she is calling me about our apartment. i moved back home and she is staying at our place till she moves out. she keeps sending texts and emails about how she needs to talk to me about the place and its important. should i talk to her about our apartment or just let her figure it out. also i know she is moving to a new apartment should i even bother with this whole thing seeing she is moving. can we still get back with her moving out for good?
dave wrote:
Hi,
Your apartment would fall under the subject of shared business, and you should communicate with her to get this apartment situation wrapped up.
As far as the moving making it harder to get back together, it won’t make a difference.
Focus on following the free plan, and your personal evolution, the rest will come together in due time.
Take Care,
S.W.
Thank so much for the fast response. I have to ask one more thing. I made the contact and she kept trying to change subjects. Two things she said were ” do you think we will ever get back together ” i responded i don’t know. and she wants me to come over tomorrow night and watch American idol. i said i don’t know we will see. My plan is to not go. Am i right?
dave wrote:
Hi,
You really need to read the free plan, it explains a lot of the answers to your questions.
I don’t know how you started NC, or how long you have been using it.
But it sounds like she is luring you in for premature reconciliation, so she can confirm you are still on the hook.
You need to read the free plan, properly initiate NC, and then follow ALL the steps after that.
When you talk to her (about the apartment, etc.) and she asks about the break up you reply “I am not ready to talk about that, lets focus on the business at hand, OK?”
It is very important that you remain in control at all times, and when it is time for reconnection (much later in the plan), you do not make your first meetings in a private place like her apartment…read the plan, OK?
Take Care,
S.W.
Oh god. So i just found out she went to a guy’s apartment. She told me she likes this guy and that’s part of the reason we broke up. I’m pretty sure She slept there too.Like 99 percent sure. First do i confront her. she doesn’t know i know. Two should i just move on.I know that’s my decision but im really confused now. we only been broken up for about 10 days and i used no concact for about 4 days except about the apartment. i know your a busy man and i thank you again for your responses. I won’t keep bothering you but could you please tell me what you think of this.
dave wrote:
Hi,
I think you should spend more time following the steps in the free plan, and less time spying on your ex.
You will only fuck things up if you keep doing shit like that, understand?
Take Care,
S.W.
Hi. My boyfriend and I were together for about a year (long distance), we broke up, we had a premature reconciliation and then we broke up again (we were supposed to get married). On and off the relationship lasted one and a half years. So. Now we’ve broken up again. I didnt know what no contact was a month ago but yet i did it naturally, when we had a big fight. I didnt know about the NC message by then. First NC attempt lasted 1 week, he sent me an email, i didnt reply, then he caught me on msn and said he was sorry about how things ended. I said it was ok. Then he told me he was going out on a trip i wished him luck and said i had to go. Back to NC for another week, he tells me after that week he is seeing someone. I said it was ok and that i was happy for him (i was gutted). No contact again for 2 weeks, then he calls me, i am very cool about the call, make it short, he gets kind of weird when i tell him i have to go (6 minutes into the conversation) kept it simple and funny. He says “i love you”, i say bye, i hung up, he calls again just to let me know he meant it as a friend. Then he says how wonderful it is to see my smile again (it was a skype call) I say bye again and hang up. Next day (yesterday) he is telling everyone how in love he is with his new girlfriend.
I don’t know if sending him a NC message after that will work out because it might seem as a way of reacting to him saying how in love he is with this person. Thoughts?
dani wrote:
Hi,
You don’t understand how this whole process works, it doesn’t matter what your ex thinks, this is about you.
Once you take the correct steps, and start to regain your life without your ex, he will want to come back…if he ever really loved you, that is.
This process will reveal his “true” feelings, isn’t that what you want to know…if he really loves you?
After all, who wants to be with someone who does not love them, right?
Use the free plan, and find the answers to these questions, or just sit there spinning your wheels.
Your choice!
Take Care,
S.W.
My boyfriend broke up with me three week ago but than I cried and begged to have him back, three days later he called me up and said that he’d like to try it again but two days later after that he broke up with me again. Two Days later I sent the NC message to him and he replied with “LoL Ok, Whatever you want”… Does that mean the relationship is over and done with completely? or can I still win him back with the NC rule for 30 days?
I forgot too mention.. we were together for 5 months before he broke up with me.
Karen wrote:
Hi,
You can use the free plan to get your life/ex back again, but it will take longer then 30 days…plan on about 3 months at least.
Karen wrote:
The amount of time you were a couple doesn’t matter, the strength of your love/bond does.
Take Care,
S.W.
Would it be wrong of me to just move all my stuff out of my ex and I’s apartment without telling her. She wants to move out together and i see no point in that. she has moved on and is seeing someone else only after a week in the break up. I broke no contact a couple times to talk about the apartment and who is going to keep the couch ,t.v. and so on but it always turns into talking about other stuff like school and work. i just want my stuff out and move on. i hope one day to get back together so would me doing this effect that.
dave wrote:
also this would leave her with all the packing and the annoying stuff about moving. i was planning on just getting what i need and leave the rest to her. i dont want the dishes or soaps or food like all the small things. ithink you know what im saying.
dave wrote:
No, I don’t think that would be a problem.
dave wrote:
Let her new boyfriend roll up his sleeves and help her.
It is amazing how people break up with other people, and expect them to be over it (OK) in a short time.
It doesn’t work that way, and if they cared about anyone but themselves they would realize how hard it is on their ex’s and leave them alone.
Get your stuff out, tie up that last loose end, and head off on your personal evolution.
The past can’t be changed, but the future awaits, start moving towards it.
Stay Strong! :rambo:
S.W.
me n my ex broke up ,i left she begged me bak and said she accepted my moving away plan rite b 4 i camr back she changed her mind ,but still wanted me back, but not with the moving away plan we lived together and i was in a homeless situation when i left abruptly, she begged me back i refused totally said no way ,well she finally lead me to beleive i could come back and wont be homeless anymore and she still thought i wanted to try when i came back ,i had to tell her that were friends and only friends and if she tried to sit by me or tryn get back with me i would leave in a quik hurry so im back in the house and its easier now cuz 1 i got my house back and not homeless 2 the car i have acsess to ,i origannily broke uoop with her for talkin to her x husband,took her back after she cried uncontrollably and swore on jesus and her son and everything in the world that she would never do it again,…. well 3 weeks later she did it again ,i went thru her phone and found out he had called her at work and asked her to run an errand for him, she said yes,and planned it all day while deleting what she thought was all of her texts ,,but im very smart and figured it out,,, so i broke up with her and told her theres absolutely nnoooo chance of us anymore,,,for the week i was outa the house she constanly text me and called me and here i am back in te house!!!!i feel like shes having her cake and eating it too cuz she was miserable without me and i want her to suffer alot and she does when i leave her i think she wants me here so she can slowly detach from me so she wont go thru the pain of missing me and realising her wrongs!!!what should i do??
S.Dubb wassup. So things have been going great after no contact ; during my first meeting with my ex it took me alot of jokes and talking to open her up a little. the sencond date was good , she was more comfortable ; during the 3rd date i got her over to my place and we were hanging out nd w.e nd we ended up making out nd after we did it was like she was happy but confused. so we hung out for some more time , then i took her to the train to go home. we had a blast on the way to her train ride , we were holding pinkys and all ; flirting and etc. then when i was getting off the train i poked my lips out asking for a kiss nd she said no in a playful way , then said to call her when i got home cus we needed to talk. fast fowards , i called her and shes like what does us kissing mean , like are we still friends or what ? she was very hesistant while asking nd i said i mean im attracted to u but u dont want a relationship so i cant force u , than she said okay we’ll leave it at that. so i called her right back because i thought she wanted me to ask to be her man again ; so i asked and she laughed at first and said i think u know the answer to that question already. then she said its not that she just doesnt want a relationship with me , she just doesnt want one at all right now. i know ive been doing a good job with her ; but what should i do now ?
sammy wrote:
Hi,
You’re right!
She is using you, having her cake, and eating it too.
You can stop that, and take control of your situation, and get your life back by correctly using NC.
Go read the free plan on my Blog, and follow ALL the steps, OK?
Take care,
S.W.
May 5, 2010 at 5:25 am
I hope you can help me. I am so confused about what we are but technically we are on break. I havent contacted him for a month. But there are some complications:He lost his father a few months ago(i thinks its terribly hard for him):(, and 90% of my things are still at his house, and i feel like im on a time crunch because he might he leaving in july/aug to afganistan. But since this month of no contact he hasnt contacted me and i understand he is probably going through lots of grieving and maybe isolation periods because of that, but if i get my own place within a couple weeks i would have to get my things and then that would be so hard and it would break the no contact rule. I dont know what to do. The only thing that i just recently did was send him a cheer up kinda card with some money in it for taking care of my bird overthere. But i didnt get mushy at all.
Bethany says:
May 5, 2010 at 5:50 am
Oh, i forgot to add that he wanted me to recover at my parents place because i had back surgery in january. And also i sent the card because i wanted him to know im there for him and i feel for what hes going through. So i dont know if thats the same as a average break or whatever.
Bethany wrote:
Hi,
What you should do is, get your own place, get your stuff back, and then send the recommended NC message as outlined in the free plan.
Your ex needs time alone, and you need to get your life back as a single woman again.
You can’t force someone through times like these, you can only get out of their way, and let them find their own way.
Stay Strong! :rambo:
S.W.
thanks s.w.
I just broke up with my fiance of 1 yrs and 4 months.I left for the army on feb 15 2010 and havent seen her for over two months. we have a 4 month old daughter. This is our third break up and im afraid she might never come back. i love her very much and want her in my life. she has a dominating mother who does not like me at all for her son n law. she influences her greatly. this last week i noticed a decline in her calling and texting. being in a long distant relationship because of me in the military comunication is very important. her phone had broke and she could no longer receive and send text because the screen went black. i could only call her and she could make calls. during that weekend she only called me once and sunday not at all. i panicked and found out thru a friend that she was looking for a job. to make things short she had gotten upset with me the night before and the following morning told me not to contact her anymore. i called up her work and ask to talk to her. they allowed her to speak with me and she was not happy but i wanted to hear her tell me it was over and not thru a text. she didnt tell me over the phoen it was over only that she didnt know yet and would calll me later after work. will she called me 3 hours later and told me she got fired because i called to her work and that it was over and wanted nothing to do with me ever again. i called her job to see if i could get her job back for but boss that fired her told me it had nothing to do with me calling for it was for other reasons he could not tell me about for legal reasons. i havent text or called her but i want her back. will this no contact still work for me or am i the exception and havent a prayer. please give me some advice to win her back its been two days. she is on my family plan and still uses the phone but is not texting only calling i checked. i didnt know if she would throw the phone away and get a new phone and number.
victor wrote:
Hi,
Yes, NC will work great in your situation…why?
Because you will be giving her what she asked for (no contact), and what she didn’t expect (you not begging her to come back).
Go read, and follow ALL the steps in the free plan on my Blog, OK?
Take Care,
S.W.
Hi there, I’m in a bit of a situation here.. I was dating my boyfriend for 5 months, we broke it off once than got back together shortly afterwards only because I was living with my ex than moved out to prove to him that I have no feelings for the ex what so ever. We recently broke up again about a month ago due to some “emotional outbursts” I did the worst of things by begging him to come back to me, but he said that he didn’t feel the same way he used to when we first started dating. I forced myself not to contact him for 2 weeks, we got together for coffee and everything seemed great, he complimented me on how my attitude, my appearence changed, etc… He asked me if I missed him and I said yes, and that was it… Is there any chance that he might change his views and want to get back together as gf/bf not just as a friend?? We had a pretty good connection.
Erin wrote:
Hi,
If you had a strong bond, then NC will help reveal his true feelings for you, and help you get him back.
Go read the free plan.
Take Care,
S.W.
I was drunk and quarreled my wife,I called her bitch,and a whore coz it’s seems she’s flirting w/my friend,…after a week we reconciled ,but a month after she did not want to talk w/ me and said that our relationship is over,we’ve been together for 17 yrs. Little did I know that she was chatting w/an american divorceeshe ,and she frankly told me that she fell in love w/him,she even told me that the guy is sending her money,…
can you you give an advice what to do?should i win her back or just move on?I love her much,….but it seems hopeless,…she even boasted that the guy is very handsome(I have seen the picture at TAGGED.COM,……..please tell me what to do I am very depressed now a days,..I couldn’t even concentrate on my work
steve wrote:
Hi,
I can’t tell you if it’s over for good, or not…but, I can help you get your life back.
Go read the free plan on my Blog, and then follow ALL the steps.
Take Care,
S.W.
My long distance bf finished with me 6 wks ago today and I have begged and pleaded with him to take me back with no success. He met me two weeks after the split but said it would definitely be the last time seeing as we had to leave each other alone as it’s too far. I’ve said everything and he just says we will never get back together and he wants someone closer. He says he doesn’t know if he loved me and maybe he was just saying it. (he would only ever tell me drunk, but said he thought the world of me in sober). He also said we didn’t get on and weren’t a match. I believe we did after all the times he asked if i was going to move and said he missed me but we did have arguments. I’ve gone two days without contact before and he contacted me and just said he was ringing because he had no-one else to speak to after a night out and we still couldn’t go out. Is there any hope or should I just use the no contact rule to get over him?
Sarah wrote:
Hi,
Your ex seems to be sending “mixed” signals, and since we can’t read his mind…
The best way to answer that question is by following ALL the steps in the free plan.
The free plan will help you get your life back, and move past the break up, after you regain yourself you can make an intelligent decision about your ex.
Do not try to think this all the way through in your panicked emotional state, use NC to take back control of your life first, understand?
Take Care,
S.W.
@ S. Williams:
Thanks Scott. Today is the first day of no contact and whilst I was on facebook and would usually chat to him he kept going on/offline and sitting there ‘idol’ so i guess your right about the mixed signals. Hopefully in time I will have an answer and by using no contact I may get there quicker.
hi,
i understand that you suggest sending a nc letter at any case, but he was the one who said he “wouldn’t want to hear from me for a while” ie. he did not specify the time he needs too cool off. (he decided not to have contact with me after an extremely long and loud fight, saying he couldn’t stand having those fights every couple of months). i agreed not to contact him and it’s been 3 weeks since the fight, nobody contacted anyone, except when we accidentally met and he was clearly still angry.
my question is – is the my agreement not to contact him enough?
i have read your plan, but i don’t think i should ask for nc, since he was the one who already did exactly that. i pretty much got my life back together, i do what i usually do, fulfill my obligations, i go out, i date a bit, i even went on a holiday with friends.
it was a very intensive relationship (and i mean this in a 90% positive sense) and we’re both extremely proud.
any advice for me at this point?
missy wrote:
Hi,
If you don’t plan on following the free plan correctly, my advice would be to look for advice somewhere else.
I don’t have any “special” plans for people who are too proud to use NC correctly.
I have seen this work in many different situations, and those people told me the same thing you just did.
Take Care,
S.W.
Hi,
I’ve been in a long distance relationship with my ex for 1 1/2 years. We broke up because of the distance as he told me that it is not working for him as he needs someone to be there. Right after we broke up, I did the usual mistake to contact him. We were still chatting for about 3 weeks and I asked him if there was still a chance for us to be together, and he replied “I don’t think its possible as I don’t feel the same way for you anymore”.
That really broke my heart and that’s when I initiated the “No Contact” rule. Three weeks later, we met online and he initiated contact by saying “Hi” to me and we started chatting again, but this time I took it slow and just acted like friends.
But what I find confusing is that I still have feelings for him, but I know I cannot rush things with us. He gives me mixed signals as sometimes he can be very chatty with me online (we talk about everyday stuff, nothing about our past relationship), but sometimes he can be silent the whole time. How can I tell if he still have feelings for me or not? He will be coming to town tomorrow and he asked to meet up. I agreed to that, but how should I react to him?
What would it take to really make this work as I really want us to get back together.
I’m following your plan each and every word.i’m also following the MOMU word per word. Honestly i have moved on from my ex. I can’t even remember when was the last time i talked to him.. i send him an NC like months ago.. I’ve been moving on and leaving my life.. out of a sudden, he im’s me..i have deleted him from my msn not knowing that i need to block him also so that he can’t see me online. He like asking me lots of thing about me and what i’m doing. I only replied to some of his questions. and the answers were like yes,no,good,ok.. i didn’t feel like talking to him.
Why is he suddenly being all nice and wanting to know what i’m up to? oh yea, and when i didn’t reply to him, he got pissed off for some reason. He is really confusing me now.. please help me and tell me what to do. and if what i’m doing is right or not.
sam wrote:
Hi,
You don’t have to talk to him.
He is probably checking to see if he still has you on the hook.
If you are ready to attempt reconnection read the free plan, and chapter 6 of MOMU.
Take Care,
S.W.
Eyevee wrote:
Hi,
If he is sending you “mixed signals” then do not meet him, and properly initiate NC by following the free plan on my Blog.
Take Care,
S.W.
Thanks for the insight.
I don’t want to reconnect with him. I don’t feel like having him in my life anymore. Can i not reconnect with him? Maybe in the future i might but not now.
What say you?
sam wrote:
Hi,
I say it is your life, and you should do whatever makes you happy.
You don’t have to reconnect, in fact the free plan is about getting your life back, not your ex.
Take Care,
S.W.
i already had intiated no contact before coming across this article. Basically after already one reconnection which failed due to him feeling my drama again, he put me back in the friend category. We talked about it and i told him i didnt want friends i was looking for more. After a few days of thinking i came back and decided to try friendship. Long story short, he was distant again and not msg me as much and barely answering my chat. So i decided to block and delete him off msn to see if i could sort my own emotions out bec i felt disrespected and didnt like how i felt. After two weeks, he finally noticed i wasnt on line and i must have deleted/blocked him (as i had done this in the past). After he deleted me i sent him this eamil.
Hey,
Just so you know..and because i feel guilty, I want you to understand, that im not angry..and I had to disappear, because it is what was best for me for how i was feeling in order to move on.
I really did connect so well with you and I certainly enjoyed the times we had when things with us were going somewhere. I dont expect a reply to this email… just know im not leaving mad.
take care,
So now i havent been in contact for 2 weeks and im wondering if this email is close enough to the type of email you said to write or do i have to resend the one you did.
your thoughts?
thinking wrote:
Hi,
You need to send the recommended NC message as outlined in the free plan, your version isn’t even close.
Take Care,
S.W.
thanks for your reply. I think your site and ideas are great. I do have one more question about the letter. I will send it, but what im unsure of is that we never really did get back to being bf and gf when we reconnected, so it feels wierd to say im glad we broke up. I think he will think im nuts with that wording because it was never really a breakup this time, it was more of a reconnect that never went anywhere due to my questioning his motives for re cotacting me. what are your thoughts.I just want to be certain before i send it..esp since we havent been in contact for 2 weeks and actually havent talked for longer
thinking wrote:
Hi,
Then it can be for the last break up, before the reconnect.
It doesn’t matter what your ex thinks, just send the message (word for word), and start your personal evolution.
Take Care,
S.W.
Hello!
Following both the free plan and MOMU, I’ve already sent my NC message about three weeks ago, but outside circumstances have been really making it hard to drop out of his radar completely. I haven’t talked to him on AIM, FB, phone, or in person, but almost every day for the past three weeks we’ve been forced to be in each other’s presence for at least a couple of hours a day because we hang out in the same very social group of friends and have the same obligations. Although I don’t approach him and give him a respectable amount of distance, we’re always skirting around each other’s periphery; in the past two weeks, the only time I’ve actually talked to him was to congratulate him for graduating from college, since I had already offered my congratulations to everyone else in our group.
I have been going to outings that are independent of him, of course (with picture evidence on FB that he can see), and working on myself with the self-help tools you linked to on this blog. And whenever I have to be in his presence, I’ve been acting insanely cheerful and confident in spite of him being there. Even changed my looks a bit! But I’m worried that I’m doing this wrong or at least not doing enough in order to counter my constant contact with him.
Is it impossible for him to miss me at this point? Is there any way for me to disappear from his radar even more? The obligations that we share will keep us bound together for the next month at least, and I won’t be able to escape from them in order to get away. And even though I’ve been improving myself, he hasn’t given any sign that he’s even thinking about turning around. He willingly goes to events he knows that I’ll be at, but he’s definitely awkward, rarely initiates conversation with my closer friends, and his body language isn’t improving at all. Any advice would be great!
Thanks!
Lottie wrote:
Hi,
It doesn’t matter what your ex says, or does…keep working on yourself, and stick to NC.
We had yet another success story in our forum today, so I know that this plan works, but it takes time.
Stay Strong! :rambo:
S.W.
Thank you for the kind words, S.W.!
Just one more thing: considering what I wrote in my previous post, am I following NC the best that I can with the circumstances that I have? Or are there more ways to drop off his radar?
Thanks again!
Lottie wrote:
Hi,
NC isn’t about hiding, but the less you have contact the better.
It is more about not letting them into your personal life or thoughts, they will wonder what’s going on with you personally.
Just follow the guidelines for public contact, and if you can, avoid showing up at places you know your ex will be.
This is not crucial by any means, but it makes NC a whole lot easier for you in the beginning…make sense?
Stay Strong! :rambo:
S.W.
My ex boyfriend broke up with me 3 months ago, and just last week we agreed to be good friends again. My question to you is: Is 3 months too long to send the NC message now? and wont i look unsure if i tell him i want to be friends then a week later tell him not to contact me?
Thanks,
Marion
Marion wrote:
Hi,
No, 3 months is not too long, and it doesn’t matter what your ex thinks, the free plan works, no matter what your ex says, or does.
Now, I have a question; Why did you agree to be friends when you wanted more?
This plan takes courage to follow, if you don’t have the “guts”, please do not attempt to follow it, OK?
Take Care,
S.W.
I agreed to stay friends because im scared that if im not at least friends with him, i will loose him completely.
Marion wrote:
Hi,
There is your biggest problem…you’re scared of losing him, but you already have, haven’t you?
You are ex boyfriend and girlfriend, and now you have stuck your ass in the “just friends zone”…bad move. :banghead:
He is in control, and you are just twisting in the wind.
When you stop being “scared”, you can stand up for yourself, and get your life back again by following the free plan on my Blog.
You can’t use this plan half-assed, you must be committed.
As long as you are afraid to act, you will be stuck, and you are the one keeping yourself stuck…sucks, huh?
But you can always be “good friends” with your ex, right?
I teach people how to kick loves ass, not kiss it.
Take Care,
S.W.
you are completely right, i messed up.
could you please help me write a NC message that would be appropriate with the situation i am in?
Marion wrote:
Just use one of the versions recommended in the free plan (no changes).
But, before you do anything, go read the entire free plan, and then use the recommended NC message, there is a version for people who were dumped, or who dumped their ex.
Use the version that best fits your past break up.
I know your next question…
But won’t I look stupid sending that NC message after 3 months, and agreeing to be friends?
Yup. :banghead:
But what do you care about more, what you look like, or what you will feel like after you take back control of your situation?
You fucked up…join the club, I am the president.
Everyone fucks up, but not everyone can admit to it, and learn from their mistake, right?
You will be one of the minority that screwed up, admitted to it, and then had the guts to do something about it.
Forget the past, learn from your mistakes, and use that knowledge to create a better future, that is what smart people do.
Go read, and make sure you understand what you need to do, and no second guessing, that will eat you from the inside out, just like cancer.
This plan works, and we have the success stories to prove it in our forum.
And it is FREE! :hurray:
Take Care,
S.W.
okay one more question:
When we were still together we both decided to stay home for college, now that we are broken up, he might be going away. do you think that by me sending him this NC message, it will mess up my chances of him still staying home?
Marion wrote:
Hi,
Rule number one: Do not worry about how your ex will act during NC, it doesn’t matter…at all.
Focus on the plan, one step at a time, OK?
Take Care,
S.W.
okay i have one more question. I have the contact letter copied and pasted and ready to send. In the past few days i have decided i dont want this man back. the only reason honestly im thinking of sending the letter is im afraid that the email i did send him to say im moving on makes me sound like im pineing away for him, where id prefer to look strong and then have him come back and reject him majorly. So my question is..if i really dont care to get back with him is it just better to jump on my horse and move on like i have been doing for the past 3 weeks, or should i send him the contact email from this site. if there is no benefit as i moving on regardless let me know your thoughts. I still would love to have him crawl back and ignore him.
thinking wrote:
Hi,
The free plan is NOT about getting your ex back, it is about getting your life back.
Stop over thinking a simple plan, OK?
Read the plan, send the NC message, and start your personal evolution.
Take Care,
S.W.
well then if its about getting on with my life.. then i disagree with your comment because as far as im concerned you shouldve just said well then move on unles your havin trouble and if you start having trouble then you could always resort to the nc letter as a last resort.!
Logically thinking, there would be no reason for me to waste anymore of my energy and thoughts by sending a no contact letter after ive done so much personal journey already spent weeks of no contact and have come to terms i dont want him back. Why would i wantto feel set back.
I asked you my question because i was curious about the advice you would give thou. I know you willl probably take this personally/rudely but please dont.
Also, dont get me wrong i think the programs is helpful for those that are not strong enough to just cut contact and try to get a life but i think as long as you are guiding ppl you also need to not always respond with the same comment becasue that no contact letter does sometimes need some mild tweek.
As for no contact, i do agree it works. Most exs will contact you by 8 weeks if theyre gonna contact you and most do, but personally unless he/she still has some feelings he is not gonna be back no matter what you do.
I have put my own self in teh shoes of being the breakup person and how i would feel if i got that letter with the men that i had no longer feelings for/want a relatiosnhip with. Well in those situation it would no way have motivate me to get back with him if i had no feelings left. Just somethign i think ppl should be told on here. I agree it works in alot of cases but there is i ibet a good enough majority that it doesnt work. Why you think you would need to send anotehr letter to me makes no sense but let the guy know your still pineing over him.
Second i think a mild alteration to the letter is okay rathter than looking like an idiot by sending a script when it doesnt say what acutally happened. for eg in my case i wouldve said “i agree with the breakup and you not wanting to get in a relatioshsip, i think its the best thing for us both ect..” (bec that is what really was what it was about) rather than say that scrip that doesnt even match the situation.
I know your worried that ppl will deviate and put too much information or emotion in the ltter and it looses its effectivens, but geeze it has to be a bit like the situation or you look stupid. Hey thats my opinion and i know you will disagree.
YOu do alot of wonderful work for ppl on here, and i think thats very admirable. I hoenstly thou think you should be a bit more open in your htoughts of yoru reponses in regards to the nc letter.
i know you will probably delete this bec you wouldnt want negativity or true discusson on this board..but thats your choice. Effective today as i decided tonight im moving on completely from my ex and i wont waste anotehr thought and i dont want him back.
This is one of the best letters i have ever read on this topic
Ladies (and gents),
I have just finished reading another post where they said, “I will never love again, no one will ever be as good, I’m to blame, etc., etc., etc.”
Enough!
A relationship cannot save you, it did not create you and it will not break you. If I could get you all in a room and take each one of you by the shoulders and give you a quick shake and then a hug, I would. Listen to me: The one who would leave you is NOT the one for you, never was. YOURS will not leave you. Yours will not turn away in disgust. Yours will not let you go so someone else can have you. THIS one was not the one. TRUST that. BELIEVE that. OWN that.
Your heart IS broken, mine was too. The heart can and does heal itself. You will learn from this. It does indeed all suck. It’s the end of something, an important part of your life, sure, but if anything, it’s only the very beginning of what can be a better life. THIS guy got out of the way so your REAL guy could make his way to you to find you, to love you, to hold you close.
Your right one won’t have to be convinced, coerced, threatened, cajoled, to be with you. HE either gets it or he does not. If he does not, then he’s being stupid anyway and you don’t want that. People change all the time, so realize that when I say “this man” it can also mean the way this man is *now* It’s possible he could change, people do it all the time, but until such time as he does, don’t sit there holding your breath for that to happen. When he changes, he won’t be “this man” anymore, get it?
Please, for the love of pete, please get it in your heads that when someone rejects you, THEY are the ones who lose, NOT you. NOT you. YOU are in the driver’s seat of any and all relationships you are in. You can shape it, encourage it, inspre it to look and feel anyway you want. If your man doesn’t “get” that he should want to spend time with you, then YOU pull away until he removes his head from his ass. If she dares to call you a name, insult you, ignore you, God-forbid hit you, whatever, you don’t pick up the dang phone until they get their crap straight. Enough with accepting half-baked attitudes!
If you “loved too much” then they didn’t deserve that from you anyway and you can and will find someone who will appreciate that. If you have a habit or trait you know needs attention, tend to your business, however do not let anyone tell you you are somehow deficient in some way, you are NOT. Which leads me to rule number one on this board: Thou shalt not call names. And that means you do not insult yourself, belittle yourself, put yourself down, denigrate your previous actions, etc. You observe what happened, you see where you can improve and you move on. That’s it, just don’t do it again. But don’t beat yourself up because that accomplishes nothing except to make you hate and mistrust yourself in the long run which in turn causes other people to treat you that way. That’s no way to live or to conduct your relationships.
When you get it in your head, feel it in your heart, and know it in your soul that YOU are the prize here, THAT is the very moment your life will truly open up and your real Prince or Princess Charming will come running into your life. At that moment, only the good ones will apply for the position because the bad ones won’t stand a chance, you won’t give those jokers the time of day.
I love men, I really do, and I love the man in my life, but I LOVE MYSELF MORE and you should too. No one, and I mean no one, is more important in your life than yourself and maybe the flesh from your own blood, meaning, your children. No one who can’t see your true worth and value can ever be a good partner to you, and if someone has left you and told you or insinuated that you weren’t “enough,” THAT person is blind to your real self, and that person also can’t be a good partner to you. If you are or have been hiding your true self in the hopes that no one will notice or in an effort to keep someone from “running away” STOP. You don’t want someone who will freak out so easy, because you can’t count on that. You bring a full person to the table, and you expect a full person to meet you halfway there. If you’re not bringing your full self, you are selling yourself and your potential partner short. You need someone who can take what you dish out in good faith. Of course don’t abuse that, but if you mean well, your partner will be able to handle it without too much changing on either part.
If you believe that a person was brought into your life by some predestined arrangement, if you think destiny or even God brought them to you, could you not then also believe that it was that very same Power that also exited them out? Don’t you think God knows better than you do? Do you not think then that the Universe is trying to tell you something? Stop fighting against it and you will come to the REAL purpose, partner, and meaning of your life that much quicker.
I haven’t written this as a tirade, as a scolding, as a condescencion or anything of the sort, but it truly breaks my heart to see so much self-abuse when I’ve gone through the same heartbreak you all have, and I know what’s on the other side. It really will be ok. I’m only hoping some of these words will help you bypass some of the knee-crumpling, soul-crushing pain I went through a couple of years ago. The pain is NOT necessary, the LESSON is.
There most definitely IS a light at the end of the tunnel. That tunnel is dark, it’s uncertain, it’s even frightening for some to have to go through this pain, sometimes for the frst time and for some of us, we’ve been through it before and we all want it to be the last time. I completely understand, but if you can keep going forward in FAITH and just telling yourself especially in your darkest moments that you WILL make it out the other side a better, happier, more fulfilled person, that none of this is in vain, that you are heading towards something better, then your trip through that dark tunnel will not only seem shorter, it will be shorter, not so completely intimidating, and you are most definitely not traveling it alone.
and this one..this is what inspired me…
I’ve been thinking about this a while, because I see almost everyday, the agony and defeat of battling No Contact. It’s about finding your center again. Finding that happy, wonderful, sexy, and desirable person you were before all the disappointments, resentment and heartache come into your world. This works whether it’s after a breakup or after an argument with your significant other.
Some people will do whatever they think will take take the pain away, even for a short while. Sometimes that’s going to be a phone call, an email, a card, looking at their website, dating profile, asking friends about the ex, driving by the ex’s house, any number of increasingly desperate actions. It feels good for that one second you saw/heard/talked to/thought about them, it makes you feel ‘connected’ to them again. Here’s the secret, real connection comes *from* the other person, not to the other person. Repeat — real connection comes from the other person. Long story short, if they don’t feel connected to you, you’re not connected. So that fleeting sense of euphoria you get from contacting a person who left you is false because there’s no connection to them again. And then when it’s over, you’re in for a huge letdown. Bigger than even before the ‘contact’.
There’s a few reasons why it’s just better to do nothing for at least a month or so right after a breakup with your ex, or at least for a few days after a fight with your SO; some of them will be common sense, some of them will be surprising.
If you don’t do anything, you can’t screw anything up. — If you don’t call/email/meet and alternate between crying, reasoning, screaming, bargaining, pleading, asking to get back together, promising it’ll ‘be different this time’, etc., you can’t come off like a psycho gf/bf. Everyone goes through some extreme mood swings right after a breakup or fight; sad, depressed, melancholy, happy, angry, euphoric, raging, reminiscent… do NOT unleash them on your SO. It’s enough to make you crazy — it’s enough to make them believe you might be. At the very least flaky, and who wants flaky? If you do anything remotely resembling this, you’re proving them right for breaking up or staying away. So it’s better not to do anything.
If a person has asked for “space” GIVE IT TO THEM. — I cannot stress this enough. Get it in your head that whatever you were doing before, was NOT working. It just wasn’t, otherwise we wouldn’t be here. So if you make that “one last call to end things on a good note,” send that one last email to tell them off or explain your feelings, it’ll just push them away further, make them want to stay away. It will, it will, it will. This is human nature, basic animal instinct, to run away from that which is chasing us. If they felt they needed to get away from you before the breakup, trying to “talk some sense into them” will only make them feel smothered. When you give them space and you’re not chasing them, you’re giving them room to breathe, all of a sudden they don’t feel smothered anymore and they’ll go where they see a “space.” Weird, but true. If you then want to invite them into your ‘space,’ you can, but if you don’t want to, you’ve started to create the separation. Either way, you’re better off concentrating on your own feelings for now.
Giving them space gives you space. — Space to clear your thoughts about the situation. Space to think about what you want. Space to get rational again instead of floundering around in your self-imposed emotional abyss. Think of it this way, when you’re in quicksand, you sink deeper in the muck the more you flail around. You start to feel the panic rise and you move around even more, start kicking and grabbing and pulling to try to get yourself out, but each thing you DO makes you sink further and further, making you more panicked, you get impatient, and pretty soon, you’re a goner. Easiest and quickest way to get out of quicksand? Do Nothing, remain calm, and let someone come look for you to GET you out.
Absence really does make the heart grow fonder. — It’s been true for thousands of years, why should you be any different? You think they’ll forget you? You should HOPE they forget all the bad things that led to the breakup or blowout. The clinginess, the fights, the chronic lateness, the disappointments, the time you were rude to their friends- it’s ok, you’re not taking the all blame, you’re just hoping they forget your faux pas. You can save the apologies and the long talks for after you’ve gotten centered again, if you want. “Letting them miss you” only happens when they forget the bad stuff. This happens only over time, as emotions settle down and rational thought (which leads to positive thoughts) sets in. It’s natural human behavior to eventually forget the bad things and remember only the good. It’s the brain’s self-defense mechanism. But how is that possible if you’re calling to tell them –again– how much they messed up and how much they will regret it? Every time you do that, you send yourself back to square one, both in their mind and in yours. So do nothing, and they can miss you, at the very least, they will think fondly of you. But they can’t do either if you don’t go away!
Doing nothing about the other person leaves you energy to do something about you. — Clear your mind, clear your closets, clear your schedule. Love yourself. Calm yourself. Improve yourself. Believe yourself. Amaze yourself. Learn from this experience what you can improve so that the next time is better than the last. No one says it can’t be with this same person again, most breakups can be reversed. But the relationship CANNOT be the same! If you go through the healing/growing process, it will not be the same. Take time. Detach from the outcome. Once all is said and done you may want it or you may not, but good habits can only truly “stick” the next time around if you go through the process of healing, recovering, improving, forgetting, growing and accepting. It can’t “go back” and why would you want it to? Going back to the exact same relationship would only bring you to the same cycle again.
Leave the past in the past along with all the bad habits, bad behaviors, and Go FORWARD bringing with you all of your newfound glory, your newfound skills, your fresh take on love. Doing nothing can do amazing things for you and your relationships.
i hope you leaev these two letters on here bec they are the best that i came accross on a breaking up message board on the internet. It was the most helpuf information i have read and it might help ppl stick even more to your break up plan.
I wont post here again. I wish you all the best your doing great.
thinking wrote:
Hi,
You are completely wrong…
First, the free plan is not about getting your ex back, if you fucking read the free plan you would understand that, but you obviously haven’t read, you just want attention.
Second, you have to be strong to send the NC message, and “tweaking it” isn’t going to make it work any better, it will just make it easier for the “weak people” like yourself who are afraid of looking stupid.
If you consider yourself stronger than the people in our forum, the one’s you who had the guts to send the NC message “without tweaking”, you are seriously kidding yourself.
I think you are a train wreck just waiting to happen, and you want to have it on my Blog.
My Blog is here for people who want to follow the free plan, and get their lives back.
You are obviously angry, I guess your plan to just break it off isn’t working out too well, is it?
I understand you can only lead a horse to water, but I don’t need some insecure asshole spitting it in my face.
If you are content in your current plan to just give up because you’re too prideful to send a message that will signal the end of your break up, and the beginning of your new life (without your ex), then why are you still reading the internet for information?
You need to stop kidding yourself, and start following a plan, or seek professional counseling to get past this.
Reading the internet, and posting on break up Blogs is not healing.
I know you disagree, but the many success stories in our forum are proof enough for me that this plan works, if you have the guts to follow it.
thinking wrote:
I love this comment, you assume to know me, just like you assume to know how the free plan works.
You’re right about the negativity, the people who read my Blog are looking for answers, not more self pitying bullshit.
Bullshit, bullshit posted by frustrated people like yourself who have given up and are now bitter, I offer a better path, but you have to have the guts to follow it.
As far as true discussion, I don’t see any true discussion, just more of the rambling bullshit I see in other heart break forums, nobody has a plan, or support, they just post away without any direction.
They just want sympathy, and attention, neither of these things will make them feel better for long, they are just a “quick fix”.
I offer a solution, a way to get your life back again, with or without your ex
That is why I started my own forum, and people have admitted they can’t anything like this anywhere else in the internet…for free.
thinking wrote:
I am going to leave them up, but I think they are just more self pitying people rambling on, without any intention.
I offer a simple, step-by-step plan to help people who are obviously lost.
Plus reading a map won’t get you to your destination, only action will, and I provide free support for that as well.
In our forum people following the same plan, not different versions of it, support each other.
But, when members start to go over the edge (like yourself) I have to remove them because they are heading for a wreck, and they want to drag others into it.
I have a real good feeling you are one of those people I banned from the forum.
I would really appreciate it if you didn’t post here anymore, but I doubt that’s going to happen.
Take Care,
S.W.
how can one not respond with that kind of reply from you. its full of anger and ridicule to a person. Who does taht anyways.
The only letter that is full of anger is yours sadly.
Its really unfortunate you take this all as negative critism, and take it personally. YOur program has some great stuff to it and as i have said I admire what you do to support ppl.
And.. no i havent been here before, and yes its great that some ppl get wonderful results i never dispute
again good luck everyone i wish you all the best. Ever situation is different, and while some things can work its not a failure if you try this plan and it doesnt..but anythign is worth a try when your struggling. Keep strong and keep moving.
take care
thinking wrote:
Oh, really?
thinking wrote:
How can someone not keep their word?
They say things they don’t mean, that’s how.
You call it ridicule, I call it the truth.
The truth hurts, but it will set you free if you have the guts to accept it.
You also mistake anger for conviction, and passion…and, I have both.
I knew you would be back.
thinking wrote:
This plan will work every time, if you follow it correctly, and follow it long enough to get the results you want.
People who believe all that bullshit about 30 days are fooling themselves, this plan has worked in as little as 7 days, and in as long as 6 months.
Some people have gone much longer than that, but they all got their lives back again.
Some (most of them) got their ex’s back, the others either didn’t want them back (even though their ex’s wanted to come back), and the others realized they were much better off without them.
But they all got their lives back, and are happy again, living a happy life.
These are the three possible outcomes of following the free plan, a