Tags: does the no contact rule, the no contact rule
Let me explain why your ex will not leave you. Everyone thinks that their ex will leave them if they use the no contact rule. But, guess what? They are already gone, that’s why they are your ex boyfriend/girlfriend…Right? The big mystery here is why do they want to keep in touch with you, but not be in a relationship with you, right? Well, lets solve that mystery and shred these myths. The no contact rule works and here’s why.
You Can Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back – The No Contact Rule Myth 1 Shredded
This is the mother of all the no contact rule myths. If I use the no contact rule on my ex, they will get mad at me. OK, lets take a look at that statement for a second. They already left you, did that make you mad? I bet it did, but yet here you are wanting them back anyways…Why is that?
Because you still love them. If the same holds true with your ex, then even if they get mad, they will not fall out of love with you, right? If you use the NC rule correctly, you will be polite, and that should not make anyone mad, maybe a little jealous though…catch my drift? Your ex will not leave you if you use the no contact rule. Lets kick this NC myth’s ass out of here and move on…shall we?
You Can Win Your Ex Girlfriend Back – The No Contact Rule Myth 2 Shredded
This one’s just as bad. If I use the 30 day no contact rule my ex will find someone else. Not true, you’re ex left you remember? Do you think by staying in contact with them, that they are magically going to fall back in love with you? This is a bigger Myth than this one, here’s why. Why would they want to be committed to you when they already have you following them around like a little puppy dog?
You’re always there when they need you now; why get into a relationship again? They can have their cake and eat it too. You’re screwing yourself with this plan you think is going to work…screwing yourself. Lets kick this one’s ass off into the gutter, and move on. Your ex is not going to find someone else because you start using the 30 day no contact rule. What will happen if you do not use NC is they will probably find someone else, and want to be your friend…sound familiar? If you really want to get your ex back then you must get a good plan and follow it.
The No Contact Rule Works to Get Ex Back
Whatever you’re doing now isn’t working or you wouldn’t be reading this article, right? So, why keep doing things that are not working? I think you are really hurting yourself if you dismiss the no contact rule. This plan works, but it requires a lot of focus and emotional control.
Most people can not do this all by themselves. That is why it is wise to find someone who will help you take on this battle. If you are emotionally unbalanced you need someone or something to keep you in balance…Right? I mean, do you really think by randomly getting advice from friends, family, and co-workers, that you’re going to succeed?
You need a plan, a plan that works. If you want to survive this break up you’ll need help. Just contact me and start learning how to use the no contact rule. Do It Today! Learn from your mistakes before you make them, and win your ex back. What can I do to help you get your ex back? Write me and let me know, OK? If you have questions about the no contact rule, please feel free to write your question in the comment box below, and I will answer it ASAP…I promise!
Until next time,
S. Williams
~I know that “love hurts” but with my help you will get strong enough to kick love’s ass~
http://www.howtogetyourexbackfast.com
Copyright © 2008 and beyond – All Rights Reserved Worldwide – You are free to reprint this article, as long as you do not change anything in the article – it must be in it’s original form…including my name, website address, and this statement.
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Hi,
My girlfriend ended the relationship 3 months ago, saying that she needed space, was confused, and was feeling different towards me from some time. She told me that she love me, but there was something missing that she couldn’t explain.
Our relationship was for almost 4 years, and we never lived together, each of us have their own apartment. I’m divorced and have a 17 year old daughter, she is single and never been maried.
I know that she wanted to marry, but I never compromise and proposed.
She let me know that was not the reason of she taking the decision, that it was her feelings towards me.
In this case, I didn’t commit to mariage after 4 years, but the reason that she gave me is that she is not feeling the sane for me.
I’m currently using no contact, because we didn’t live together, she has called a few times but only to know how I’m doing, nothing more.
Is NC the correct approach? How should I approach her, and what I have to do in order to prove my commitment? Propose, and risk that she reject me, because she really doesn’t love me anymore?
Let me know your opinion, please.
Hi Rolando,
You said you were using no contact, do you have a plan to follow?
If not you’re probably doing everything wrong…understand?
If you want to get her back, you”ll need to start pulling her towards you again, and no contact when used correctly in a step by step plan, can do just that…are you interested?
I am willingly to work with you if you’re willingly to get a plan and follow it…OK?
Otherwise, you’re just shooting in the dark…hoping to hit the target.
Meanwhile this distance between you and your ex girlfriend is getting wider.
Here’s one thing I can tell you right now…
Do not propose to her until you have a good plan figured out.
If you move too soon with something like that she will only think you’re proposing out of desperation…and she”ll turn you down flat…make sense?
Please don’t worry it’s not too late, and I will help guide you through this plan.
Thanks for taking the time to ask your question, and I look forward to helping you get back together with your ex girlfriend.
Take Care,
S. Williams
I agree with S. Williams on this Rolando. Proposing marriage will send the wrong message to your ex. Be strong, follow the plan that he personally supports and win her back for good. Good luck to you!
me and my ex just had a huge fight we hav been broken up for a few months but still hanging out tlkng all the time and having sex ..i want him to be back with me but wen i start tha nc rule i want us to b getting along..or duz it matter?? hes been going out alot to bars and stuff im scared hes going to find some1 else i dont wana loose him and thats y i havnt used the nc rule yet ive juss been letting him have the best of both worlds
Hi Shay,
I would be more afraid of being stuck where you are now, not that he will move on and forget you.
Let’s get something straight…
You can not stop him from finding someone else, and having sex with him with not make him fall back in love with you either.
The only way you’re going to find out whether he is coming back or not, is by using no contact.
As far as getting along during NC, I don’t think he is going to be happy about being cut off sexually, or not knowing what you’re doing either.
NC is not about keeping your ex happy, it’s about you taking the time to get ready emotionally, for the next step…which is reconnecting after you break away from the old relationship using no contact.
Too many people fear losing their ex using NC and remain trapped as “just friends” while their ex gets everything they want.
Does that sound fair to you?
If you want to be successful using no contact, I suggest reading more about it, or better yet get a good plan, and start following it.
It’s time to get off “the leash” see the above article.
I hope this helped.
Take Care,
S. Williams
Would like to know how to assess if my ex of almost 4 months has in fact moved on permanently. She has stopped initiating contact with me altogether, but has responded to my occasional emails over this period. She recently told me she has her eye on someone else, and I suspect that the guy, although I don’t know him, will become her lover very soon, if he isn’t already.
Any advice. We broke up in December after a 6 year roller coaster that brought us to China. She left after breaking plates etc, and moved a block away. We are now expat “neighbors”.
Hi Djinho,
Have you been using no contact at all?
It sounds like you haven’t, and you’re still sending her emails.
I would go into full no contact, and see how she reacts.
I know she is your neighbor, but you can still say hi, but don’t get caught up in any conversations, or give away too much of what you’re doing, or what’s going on in your life…OK?
Just tell her you have been busy, and just need some space to think about things.
Use this time to re-examine what went wrong with your relationship, and how to make it right, also focus on emotional control (self help tools) that you may be able to find at your local library, or book store.
Too many people want to get their ex back right away before they find someone else…but what would’ve changed?
Nothing…that’s why you break up again…understand? If this happens too many times you may stay broken up for good…too risky.
Then after 30 days, when your emotional control is strong (so you don’t beg or plead if she says no) ask her out for a casual date.
If she says no, wait another 2 weeks (still using NC), and ask again.
I believe she will accept eventually because she will want to know what’s going on in your life.
This short (30 minute or less) coffee/lunch date will give you some indications of how she feels about you…just keep it light, friendly, not too much about yours or hers personal life, and do not bring up the past.
Keep it about the present, work, family, hobbies, just enjoy each others company, after all you haven’t talked in a while…right?
As far as this new guy, you can not stop her from dating.
Focus on yourself, and your emotional state, and let no contact do it’s work.
She may be expecting you to stop her from seeing this guy, but you won’t you will just keep to yourself, and she will wonder why.
Is he moving on?
Have I pushed him too far?
See what happened here?
Now she is the one who is worried, you have regained some power in this game.
Right now it is you who is doing the chasing, and she knows it.
What’s the hurry Djinho will wait for me…
Or will he?
This other guy may work out, or may not, and make you look even better.
Here’s some simple math:
You have 6 years with her
He has what a month?
I think you have a deeper place in her heart, and no contact will help prove that.
Why did she only move a block away?
I think the signs all point to a very good chance for reconciliation with your ex girlfriend.
You have to be strong now, and let no contact do it’s work…make sense?
I hope this helped.
Take Care,
S. Williams
Thanks for your reply Mr. Williams. Much appreciated.
One question:
After knocking out the 1-page letter today “in support of the breakup” (of 3 and 1/2 months ago), owning up to some pre-breakup lack of emotional support, and lightheartedly suggesting a coffee or lunch chat at “sometime in the future” (which wouldn’t be the first)– all of this a prelude to general NC from this point forward…. well, after reading your response, maybe it is not a very good idea to send it at this late date. What do you think?
Thanks,
Djinho
Hi Djinho,
You’re Welcome!
You are right, it is really late in the game to send a letter of apology.
Whatever you do during no contact, don’t hint at anything…OK?
Don’t let her know exactly what your plans are.
This will create the “air of mystery” that will put you back on her mind.
I would suggest instead of writing her letters, that you make a list of all the good and bad points of your relationship.
What are you going to do to erase those bad points, so you can add more good points to that list?
Start a journal like Monica did, this can be a very powerful tool as you work your way through no contact.
Write down your thoughts daily, explore your feelings, and your old relationship.
This will uncover many useful things for you to use when it comes time to reconnect.
For instance; what went wrong, and how to over come this the next time around.
You see the break up was a long time in coming.
What makes you think you can resolve this over night?
Become a detective of your past, and uncover the clues to winning her back.
Don’t worry about anything else, focus all your energy into finding a way to make this work next time around.
Think positive, use self help tools to help with emotional control, but do not sit there thinking you don’t have a chance to get your ex girlfriend back…because you do.
Get started using the advice I just gave you, and if there is anyway you can get the book (I know you’re trying to) start from page one and read from cover to cover.
Then start with chapter one and work your way slowly through each chapter, doing all the exercises in there, that along with your journal, self help tools, and a positive attitude will get your ex back faster than anything I know of.
Good Luck!
Take Care,
S. Williams
Hello Scott,
You must be really busy with emails. Wow.
I read the book and there is a lot of useful info with plan. I hope I can follow it through this craziness.
I would like to be on your personal email list if possible. I am new to this and not sure by which means to send questions. I have some questions of a more private nature, and maybe don’t want to broadcast on the blog, for example.
Wish I had known about you around Christmas time, when my ex was in the early stages of breakup. I traveled a lot in Jan and Feb (musician) and she got used to the new situation she created in early December, which was initially impulsive move-out to ugly apartment a block down the street, which I didn’t try to stop at all, since she was getting violent, breaking stuff, hitting me etc for not booking correctly flights to South America for vacation that never happened.I went to do my Sunday teaching job, came back and she was gone.
Feeling an emotional roller-coaster and given many factors and details of the relationship, am inclined to think it’s a lost cause already. Things are suddenly moving fast for my ex in advancing “moving-on” mode… birthday weekend with brand-new her new rich German love interest. Hope I can control emotions/jealousy if I happen to see her on the street on the way to my Sunday work today. She (Brazilian) walks right through my corner apartment field of vision like clockwork every weekday coming from and going to subway to her kiddie teaching job. I brought her to Shanghai practically penniless with me 4 years ago from Lisbon, and she also bailed for a while in the middle of this period, I went to Lisbon 4 months, came back, got together again, she between jobs at the time. Gold-digger?
I am 53, American/Portuguese dual national. She is 38 (one month from now), same birthday as my son in Portugal where we met teaching music at same school, me in throes of the worst kind of divorce.
She met recently new German love interest (48, engineer) through Brazilian embassy social group is. Unlike me, doesn’t speak Portuguese, she says. She learned English over the past 4 years in Shanghai, doesn’t speak German.
Don’t know if these details help for assessing this situation. I have to walk to Sunday teaching right now, may run into her on same street. 1-month No Contact starting today would put it right at her birthday (and my son in Lisbon) in late April. Is this a date to call her or not. We have had plenty of coffees since December breakup. Advice?
Thanks,
Djinho
Hi Djinho,
Yeah, it gets crazy sometimes, and then my Blog died last week, and I have been spending this past week building this one from scratch.
You are thinking too far ahead, that’’s like trying to predict the future, instead of trying to predict the future, make plans for “your” future.
The sooner you get a handle on your own emotions, the faster things will get better…make sense?
30 days is only a benchmark (a starting point) it is not an exact science, it may take longer, it all depends on how far you have come with your emotional control.
Start a journal, and keep records of your daily thoughts, this helps people to stay on course.
You must convince yourself that you can live without her, and then you”ll be ready to reconnect.
If you want to start a new relationship, you have to break away from the old one completely first.
You need to re-examine your old relationship to find out what went wrong, and how to make it right next time around.
This should be your main focus for the next 30 days or so, do not try to predict the future.
Focus on emotional control, take a look at my section called win back your ex with emotional control, for some help.
Just stay strong, and remain positive.
Take Care,
S. Williams
Hi S. Williams,
My 4 & 1/2 years together girl friend broke up with me 4 weeks ago on 14mar09 (were very happy together, broke up because a small arguement which lead to bringing up pass conflicts), I begged and called and texted for 3 days, without rely and make her more angery ,then i read the magic of making up, thus i send her a text accepting the break up and started the no contact period changed my look with new clothes and lost a lot of weight, then she text me to meet up for lunch on the 27mar09 because it was my birthday and also bought one dish made by her mother for me(which i liked). We were not as close as we were but we chatted abit and she did not reject some of my touching. I can feel she purposely swing her arm quite strangly when we were walking side by side, like trying not to hold or let me hold her hands.
On the 29mar09 I send thur facebook about info of new phone which i knew she would like, and she was very interested and agreed to arrange to see the phone together. We have a quite happy chatting on the phone and she mentioned on the 31mar09 there was a special offer last day at a fashion store and i acted very interest thus she told me that she would have a look with me after working. During looking at the fashsion store I was interested in bags and tried on some,but she still likes to adjust the way I carry my bags like when we were together. Also I bought her acne cream and some green tea that day(i mentioned i ask a lot of girls for acne cream advice then she made a little mad face, like she used to when we were dating) because last time she mentioned she had a lot of pimples just after the breakup, after we a parted she send me a message thanking me for the acne cream and green tea and she really love them.
Could you pls tell me if she is having second thoughs about the breakup and is my no contact period being too short or is it just she realized that the reason we broke up is not as serious as she thought??
During these few days I bought one little gift for her and made excuces to meet her and she doesnt seem to reject, and we plan to see cats together in may or june 2009 because it comes to hk, what should my plan be?? Is she give me a new chance to court her again?? And am I being to clingy??
regards
Andy
Hi Andy,
30 days no contact is not written in stone, it can be shorter or longer, it really depends on you and your ex.
If your ex starts to miss you sooner, and you get your emotions under control faster, it can work after a couple weeks.
It sounds like things are going along nicely.
I would just keep following the plan in chapter 6, and try not to rush things…OK?
If you you push too hard for a reconciliation, you will end up pushing her away.
I would ease off on all the gifts…you can not buy her affection.
Plus how do you know it’s you she wants, and not all your gifts?
Take it a bit slower…OK?
Take Care,
S. Williams
Hi Scott,
I am unable to connect to the video links Jason Haner has sent me, because unfortunately Youtube is currently blocked here in China. Till when is anyone’s guess.
I really regret having messed up on purchasing the book through you, and as a result not gotten on your personal mailing list. It would be great, especially because of the unavailable videos, if there were some way to turn that around so as to get just a bit more greatly appreciated support.
I have been in full NC for about ten days since the final “friendly” pre-NC conversation with my ex, when I was informed by her that she was going to begin dating a German 5 years younger than me who she met at some social event. She altogether ceased her earlier pattern of kind of keeping in touch (me too, which no doubt has her wondering), and from the general timing I believe that by now things are quite possibly in full swing with Mr. New– although I have no real knowledge except for her unveiled interest in dating the guy. Nearly 4 months down the chute, I don’t know if this qualifies as a “rebound” relationship or something different. There is a 15-year age difference between us which was never a real problem, but it might have a bearing on where things are headed now. I don’t really know.
Following that encounter with my ex that also marked the beginning of NC (I came across your site that evening) I decided to move my desk-space away from the window so that I won’t see her passing by daily, and also made it so that nobody can see me either, or really even know whether I’m home or not. The curtains and current repositioned home-office reveal no signs of life from my apartment, day or night. It feels better that way.
I mention this because, like it or not, as it happens during this entire period I have been (and continue to be) seriously desk-bound and under the gun, slugging away on a PhD (one of her main unsupportive gripes leading to the breakup). So, for me going out a lot and turning into Mr. Social, with new wardrobe, friends, dates etc. these days is just not an option, even if that is the reccommended course of action for getting Emotionally Controlled and OK. I do get dressed up and out for performing (and earning a living) 3 or 4 nights a week, though, which might be just as good or better. Got some hip new glasses ordered, the occasional friendly date, or dinner with a buddy. etc. No innovative haircut, I’m afraid, since there aren’t many options when you haven’t got much hair to begin with. I’ve been thinking it might be time to get a chinese tatoo on my arm.
Coming up before too long is the 26th of April, which in the past was always a double-birthday occasion (both my ex and my son in Europe). No doubt this year my ex will celebrate this with Mr. New, if in fact they are an item. I don’t plan to ask her about it.
However, does it make sense to target her birthday in order to kill two birds with one stone: 1) interrupting NC after a month with the plan’s phone call to try to meet up for a half-hour coffee chat, and at the same time 2) to also wish her a happy birthday?
Or is it better to just pay no special attention at all to her birthday, just let it pass unremarked, and instead make the phone call after (or before) this date? It seems like navigating this poorly could be a sensitive point and even a potential source of conflict, the old “damned if you do, damned if you don’t.”
I am following your method pretty well, Scott, and so far the NC has been really helpful, and is not driving me stark raving mad. Not an option, really, because I keep pretty busy. And although I don’t want to jump the gun on anything or think too far ahead, on the subject of the birthday I would appreciate some objectivity and wisdom on how to most intelligently deal with it… or, intelligently NOT deal with it.
My ex was always a great pal of my son, too, so their shared April birthday always had a bit more weight than would normally be the case. And anyway, as you know, most women usually attach (or detach) great significance to these occasions… as the case may be. I even know one woman here who promptly dumped her partner recently, because on Valentine’s Day he failed to show sufficient consideration.
It’s not like I’m fretting about getting dumped… I already have been. I just want to avoid unwittingly racking up more negatives that could conceivably– and unfairly– affect a rebooted relationship down the line, should that be in the cards.
Maybe you’ll tell me that I should simply not concern myself with it at all. This is the doubt I have.
Thanks again for your help, Scott, and I hope to hear some feedback as soon as you can manage it. Let me know if I need to post this text on the blog to get a reply. Hope my ex isn’t reading it there.
Djinho
Scott,
Sudden update to the most recent:
Just by pure chance ran into my ex with her German date early in the evening in half-empty nightclub I play in here in Shanghai a block from my home and my ex’s. Literally walked in the door and just saw them before focusing on anything else, right at first table 4 yards in front of my nose. She panicked with her eyes, but I just went on in and struck up conversations with various staff, musicians and people I know, on the other side of the room. Then I ordered a beer, talked to the boss-lady, another friend, etc., giving no reason whatsoever for the guy to suspect anything at all, unless my ex tipped him off to the presence of her ex. They picked up and left 10 minutes later.
Rather proud of myself for some high-end emotional control. Definitely a small life victory, I think.
The guy may be 5 years younger than me, but looks 10 years older, BTW. Hope he’s fascinating, rich, or a genius… otherwise she’s hard up going out with someone scruffy who looks like he could be her grandfather.
I was well dressed, looking good, and instead of any contact, struck up a conversation with a beautiful lady friend from Thailand alone at a table there. I only glanced once or twice from other side of the club to get a quick take on Mr. New from afar. Didn’t approach them at all, no greeting, nothing. Perfect gentleman-ex. Just the eye contact with my ex as I walked in the door.
So what’s next, Scott? What the hell do you think she is chewing on now?
Was I expected to make some kind of a scene, to be a “real man”, in her mind?
No patience for Mexican macho movies, sorry. I think I couldn’t have handled it better.
Djinho
Today I am inclined to think this is a situation where the only sensible thing to do is get my head around moving on, permanently.
Hi Djinho,
You are going through what everyone goes through, the doubt and fear period.
You feel it would be easier to just give up, then it would be to change and fight to get your ex back.
I would tell you to stick to the plan for at least 30 days before coming to that conclusion…OK?
As far as the Youtube ban in China, just another perk of living in a communist country I guess.
I could try downloading those videos and making them available for download from my Blog, if I knew who Jason Haner was.
I would suggest that you look over the self help tools I recommend on my Blog, and get your emotional control in hand.
This will help you to focus on using the plan, and keep your spirits up.
Stay Strong!
Take Care,
S. Williams
Im trying this no contact rule but we live together so its heard…iv tryed going out as much as i can with friends and family to stay out of the house but its like he could care less one day he will be so talkative and jock around with me and the next its like i dont exsist, why does he act like this with me? am i doing something wrong when it comes to the no contact rule? please help i just want to win him back and be happy again.
i also forgot to add that the last time we talked about our relationship was a little over a week ago where he said he still wants to be friends and who knows maybe one day we can try it again but for now we both have a lot of growing up to do…what does he mean by that? im so confused!
Hi Amanda,
Have you thought about moving out?
If this living situation is hurting you, you might want to find another place to live.
It will be a lot easier to use no contact then.
Take Care,
S. Williams
Scott,
My girlfriend broke up with me 6 days ago. Its a long distance relationship so its IMs and phone.I know what caused the break up and i know what i need to work on the prevent it from happening again. We have had a rough month or so and a couple times we have went several days without contact. After these breaks she is the one who texts me telling me she loves and or misses me. This time she was very polite telling me she wishes me the best, that she loves me, and she knows we cannot be together.
Well, i got trashed and said some terribe things, then turned around and told her how much i love her. It was horrible,lol. Its was so bad that i think she may have blocked me on her IM. So, Im going with the 30 day rule. We have never went longer then 3 days in a year. Her son has a bithday in 35 days and im considering writing her on his birthday, wishing him a happy birthday and acknowledging where i went wrong, a little about my job, I hope you both a doing well. I think about you often. My concern here is she needs to know this wont happen again or she may never bother to contact me.
I feel like i need to mention the past due to the fact that she may never have read some of the IMs she may have blocked. Thank you for your time.
Hi Jimmy,
It sounds like you really need to use the no contact rule, because you’re running out of chances with your ex.
I would not write her on her son’s birthday, that will only look like you’re trying to kiss up to her using her son.
That makes you look pretty desperate, just like the old guy she knew, the one she doesn’t want to see anymore.
If you follow a good plan, you”ll find there are many “better” options to reconnect later, after you have gone through all the stages of change required to prepare yourself…understand?
Don’t let panic rule your mind, calm down and focus.
How Do I Get My Ex Girlfriend Back?
You can read a lot about no contact right here on my Blog, and you can also get more advice weekly by joining my newsletter.
One more thing, there will be a time and a place to mention the past, but “actions” speak louder than “words”, so take some action first, and start making the changes needed to attract her back to you.
I hope this helped.
Take Care,
S. Williams
Hi S. Williams,
I already send u an email on April 4, 2009. Now the situation is like this, I send her a message thru facebook (around the time i send u the last message) to see a movie together the next week but she didnt replied and after that day i send u the message I when to the hospital because i had a small accident during my jogging work out but nothing serious happened. Got everything checked and came back home the same day. So when i was in the hospital I send her a message saying that i was in the hospital, in hopes to see if see will come to see me and some part of me wanted to test if she still cared, but all she did was texted to me and asked simple questions like really, why and which hospital? and only after the 4 or 5 message she called the first time (after 2 hours she got the news), I was really sad and upset and really wanted to cried because i really dont meant for her to care as a gf but for a serious relationship for more than 4 years I would expect more than this (at a point i was very angry that i made so much sacriface for her and done so much for her family but she can still treat me like this, luckily i didnt let it get to me), I answered the phone in a sad voice trying not to cry and she asked how i was and says every will be fine and asked if i wanted her to visit me tomorrow, I answered not really and ended the call without much conversation. When I got home it was about midnight, I finally texted her if she will visit me the next day and went to sleep, she replied the next day with a phone call in the afternoon, asking how i was and i should take care of myself and ended the chat.
Maybe I am not patience enough, but am i expecting to much in too little time?? I have already tried not to be a needy guy thru out all this time, but this incident I think it really made me look wimpy, but hey i was really in the hospital and not faking it…
After that we havent commicate in any sort of way, should i wait for her to call or should i call her first?? Is it ok for me to send out a sorry letter and also a thank you for all the things she did and i took for granted and sorry for the way our relationship ended up and hurting her feelings, sort of like the one T Dud said in the clean state method? Or should i start no contact again??
regards
Andy
Hi S. Williams,
P.s why i like to send a sorry letter is because she is the sort of person who like people to admit their wrong doing and that responsiblity, that was the usual way when we were together.
regards
Andy
Hi,
Do not send an apology letter that will make you look even more pitiful…understand?
Get your emotions under control before you make things worst than they already are.
I would just start no contact over again and learn from your mistakes.
If you did not want her feeling sorry for you, then you should not have contacted her looking for sympathy after your accident.
Go watch the videos I have in the Stop A Break Up section of my Blog, read the comments other people have posted on my Blog, chances are you will see your similar situation, and an answer to it.
Spend more time learning, and less time chasing after her.
If you have the book, read it again.
If you don’t have it, I highly suggest you get it, I don’t care if you get it from me or not…just get it, and read it…soon.
If you want my private personal email support then buy it through me.
Now get out there and start learning how to get your ex back.
Take Care,
S. Williams
Hey there S. Williams!
I must apologize. This is a long explanation. I just want to put you in my position.
I’m not sure if the “no contact” rule will work in my case and that’s why I’ll be posting this in hope for an answer.
I’m having a long distance relationship. Or well… Not anymore… If there ever was one. All I know is that we loved each other very much.
He wasn’t my boyfriend yet because we both agreed that we had to meet each other in person first, but we’ve known each other for about 2 months. He got interested in me and we talked a lot over the net and I liked him and eventually… He made me fall in love with him, and he also fell for me. He even said I was his dream girl, a lot better than any girl he ever had. What man would leave their dream girl?
Anyways… Things started going down hill for him. He lost his job and couldn’t get a new one and suddenly… He started hanging out with his friends a lot more and gave me less attention. I thought that he probably needed some time on his own to get back on track, but I still wanted to spend time with him. A day or two passed I think, and that’s when I just needed to know. Did he still love me?
I asked if he still thought about me while hanging out with his friends and he told me: “Not that much anymore.” Just as I had suspected. I now know, that I had spent too much time with him, and I guess that he kind of lost interest in me. I’ll have to remember that if I ever get him back.
Anyways… Back to the story. He told me that his love for me had reversed to “friends only” status and that things had been going too fast. I agreed with him but at the same time I got really scared and started whining about how much I loved him and that I didn’t understand why he didn’t feel love towards me the same way as he did before. He was being very understanding and tried to cheer me up and that made me very happy. But I still wanted him back.
I knew that I was being silly sitting there and whining but what could I do? But of course we could still be friends and I told him that I would get him back somehow.
So… I talked with him every day since the “reverse” and I wanted to act very positive and happy and just be my usual self. But still… He didn’t give me much attention. Just talking with him wouldn’t get him back I thought, and that’s when I searched the net for info.
I talked with him one last time, being very happy and in a good mood of course and then I went over to using the “No contact” method some days ago and I haven’t talked to him since then.
It’s probably silly of me to write all this and know that you’re gonna answer me with: “It’s gonna be fine. ;)” But I need to hear it form an expert.
I’m worried he won’t contact me. Won’t he just forget me and get over me? Won’t he just slip away if I let him be? I mean… He even told me after his confession about not loving me the same way, that it would probably be better if I could find a guy in my own country because he wasn’t good at long distance relationships! So maybe he’s just forgetting me, maybe he already did? He seems to be hanging out with his friends a lot.
I’m just not sure weather I can get him back or not. I’m worried he’ll slip away.
Sorry for the long explanation. I already read a lot about the “no contact” rule on your site and I really got more faith in it. But I still wanna ask.
Now that you know my position. Should I continue using the “no contact” method or is there any other way to get him back and make sure that he doesn’t slip away? Is he gonna contact me sooner or later or will he stand his ground with: “I know it sounds harsh, but it would be better, for both of us, if you could find a guy in your own country.” (that’s what really worries me by the way. He seemed really cool and calm about it.)
So what do you think?
And what is “a good plan” for the “no contact” rule? Isn’t it just to keep having no contact and act calm and cool if I get in contact with him till I’m sure he wants me back? I need to push him a little and then pull him a little right? ;)
Sincerely, me
Dreamer wrote:
I have come to believe that people just need to get things “off their chest”, and that’s why I get all the long comments.
I don’t know if I am an “expert” but I have answered a lot of questions like yours before.
The age old question; will no contact work in my unique situation?
The everlasting answer, you could ask a psychic, or you could follow the plan and see for yourself.
You have a 50/50 chance of getting your ex back, how is what you’re doing now working?
If what you’re doing now isn’t working, why not try doing something else, like using no contact? ;)
Take Care,
S. Williams
(day4 nc) I talked to him yesterday as at my nieces b-day, he txt me that morning saying it was odd not talking to me at all the day before. He said it seemed unbalanced to not speak to me at all. I told him both situations where not right. I told him I needed time so we could be good friends again, that right now it was just to painful for me to watch him move on and keep pushing me away. I told him I loved him and I couldn’t act like I didn’t, but if he just gave me some time to get over him when I decided I was ready and had no more feeling for him I would come back and we could be the best of friends again. I just need some time. First I’m starting to think I said to much about that, did I? And then he said he would still txt or call once in a while to see how I am, Said it was ok If i didn’t answer or respond. He just wants to know I’m ok. But he keeps in contact with all the females he knows. So Im not hopeful about that. I want him to call and txt every day i really do, but that also makes it feel so much harder to move on. He wants to go to the movies next week. I gave no answer. And on what should be day 15 of NC he will be at my house as we gather to mark the one year aniversary of my fathers death. I’m not sure how to stay distant from him or controll my emotions as far asthat goes. He and my father where close and he helped care for him til the moment he died. I’m sorry for being emotional but I have to invite him, he wants to be here and has a rite. I’m going to work very hard to get under control by then. But Mr williams How do I give off the appearance of being strong,and keep up th NC in a situation like this. its 11 days from now and I don’t want to mees this up.
I invite anyone with suggestions or advice, or experience in this to plz let me know.
stormy wrote:
That is not how to follow no contact.
You might want to read your book again, and visit my section called “Start Here First”, to reacquaint yourself with how to use no contact, because you’re doing it all wrong.
stormy wrote:
You have the right to be happy as well, but if you find any “excuse” to break NC, it will be a long time before you get him back.
You can invite him next year, this year you’re working to attract him back…right?
Nobody said using no contact was going to be easy, but if you don’t use it correctly it will not work.
Take Care,
S. Williams
Hi S williams,
I have already send 2 messages in you website before.
I have used no contacted rules as told and did what u told me and after 2 and a half months and lost a lot of weight and worked out alot she did contact me directly and asking to have lunch with me. We started to go to movies and saw 3 movies this few weeks and just saw Cats in HK last sunday. We share the same bottle to drink, we sometimes share desert with the same spoon she even saw me licked the spooned clean and doesnt mind. And dinner and lunch she would sometime cut her plate of food and used her fork to feed me so i can try some of her food and i would do the same and she will not refuse. Just last week i borrowed her my old phone (it was quite a expensive phone) and she didnt rejected it,it was definitely a gesture for trying to get back together she even suggested it because i planned to buy i new phone(but i can 100% say she is not the kind of person who try to take advantage of you just wanting to get gifts and thing for free her is not that sort of person). Sometime she will just call me and chat like back we were together. And every date she would let me take her to her home to her doorstep to say goodbye, clearly a sign for guys she wants to get serious with, but last sunday she didnt let me go to her doorstep to say goodbye instead just the downstair lobby of her home, but maybe she didnt want her mother or family to see us because it was the usual time her mother will walk the dog downstairs and her sister sometimes will meet her bf around this area.
But this week she kinda changed, she did not call me and when i try to have lunch she says on diet and wants to date her for movie she says she is busy and maybe next week…but we did sms a bit and flirted with her and she still reply and didnt mind. I know she may really be busy this week and quite concern about her weight lately, but i cant help get the feeling that she is avoiding me in some way, but all the little things we did hinted she does not reject me and may have a big chance of getting together. I once patted her butt becaused she said her butt looks big and she didnt reject just smiled and say why you pat my butt?? I also did a arm massage and head massge for her, i was just like we were together except without the kiss and sex…..
Was i too needy and kinda pushed her away?? Or was it just she wants to be hard to get?? Or she wants to take things slowly??
So confused….wait eagerly for your reply
@ Andy:
Join our forum, I do not answer personal relationship questions on my Blog anymore.
Scott,
I just sent your simplified NC letter to my ex girlfirend. What next? We had a 2+yr long distance (NY/CA) relationship; I proposed, she turned me down, cause unbeknownst to me, 6mo ago found a new (local) boyfriend who was, “helping” her. I’m focusing like a laser, getting my life together… that’s the key. I feel empowered after sending the NC letter, though I spend 3 pathetic weeks trying to win her back. She chose him over me, cause she said, “you weren’t there when I needed you” What are my chances to keep this girl I love?
BTW, how do I get this book you speak of? Or is the blog the only path to follow?
Will wrote:
If you read the free step by step plan you will see how to get the book…MOMU
Here is my story, and I need to know if it is too late to write ur form of the nc letter. I broke up with my boyfriend because I didn’t trust that he was going to ask me to marry him this november(my reasons behind not trusting him was because of how we got together in the first place, left our marriages to be with one another, things in the past were promised, and I had many insecurities as a result). I basically said let’s do it now or I am moving on. This was the third time I had threatened him with this, and he politely told me to go ahead and move on if that was really what I wanted. So I walked away for about 4 days, and made a date with someone else. Not because I really wanted to, but because I was forcing myself to stick with , I am moving on. I contacted him and said that I regret that I gave him an ultimatem, that I should have trusted him, and told him to stop me from going out with someone else. When he heard that, he became very upset, told me that his love has changed, he was tired of trying to prove it, and was very upset that it took me only 4 days to allow another suitor into my life. He took all his belongings (we did not live together), and gave me all mine. I was heartbroken, cries and begged him not to give up on us after all we have been through to get here, 3 years later, but he wasn’t listening. He then wrote me a long letter basically saying, that I had tried his love, and the nail in the coffin was when he learned I was going to go on a date. I sent him an apology letter back saying it was a mistake, and to please forgive me. He said he would forgive me, but that this was best. He also sent me a poem about how 2 weeks later, he was glad he had the chance to dance with me under the stars. I became even more upset, cause it seemed so final, so then I wrote him a long letter explaining my insecurities, the reasons for them, trying to make him feel guilty, but at the same time tried to turn it around, and basically said if this is really what u want, then so be it. He then sent me a letter back, and said that he wanted to process waht I was saying, and he would get back to me. I then told him, don’t bother, that his words meant nothing if we were going to stay stuck in this place, I told him that if he had a heart, to leave me alone, and stay away. He wrote back and said that is not how he wanted things to end, but consider it done. And that he will leave my kids and I alone forever. I did not respond. I drunk texted him once since then pretending that the text was for someone else commenting on how hurt I was that he had pics of him with girls on there, supposedly just hs friends. He texted back and said , I believe u sent this by accident. I didn’t respond. We broke apart our phone bills, and I went on line to pay my portion, noticed he paid it , I still did not contact him. Cancelled my account on fb, and my daughter reached out to him, saying she missed him, wished he was there for her hc dance. He said he missed her to, and her brothers, and her mom….she asked him if she should still have hope that her mom and him would be back together, but he said probably not. I guess after all this explaining, my question is that this all happened around 2 weeks ago, so I am confused if I should send a nc letter. I already sent the mean one. Is that the last impression I want to give. Do I send ur format, or at this point, do I leave well enough alone. My daughter pretended to him that I didn’t know she had contacted him, and he told her that he needed to respect my wishes by not contacting my children. She told him that she was planning on doing something special for my birthday which is halloween, and that she also reached out to him, cause she wanted to include him in the plans, but judgeing on his responses, that perhaps it wasn’t a good idea. She said she was sorry to meddle and bother him, said she loves him, and goodbye. He doesn’t really have anyone in his life. My 3 kids and I showed him so much love. We all miss him, and love him . What do I do? Leave it alone, or send ur format of the nc letter, and if so which letter do I send. Cause I broke up with him, then he in turn ended it with me. Please help. I want him back so badly. I have never loved anyone like I love him, and in these 2 weeks, I have reflected on the things I did wrong, but he is not 100 right either, and I can’t take all the blame. A breakup cause I loved him enough to want to marry him, therefore resorting to desperate measures. He left too easily. Said he needed to focus on getting a job, and I think my 3 kids and I scared him, because he thought about having to financially take care of that , perhaps. Please help. No nc letter, or yes a nc letter?
tina wrote:
Hi Tina,
It could not hurt to follow the free plan, and see what happens.
It will help you get your life back together, and help him to make a decision about you and your family.
Hi S. Williams,
I had earlier purchased the Magic of Making Up and used the sample letter suggested under the Mind Magic section. It has some similarities to the NC letter you suggested.
In my NC letter to him, I mentioned that I’m totally OK with the break up and I apologised briefly for my wrongdoings. I also mentioned that I had some good news and that i wished i could share it with him but maybe in future coz we both need some space right now (all this was suggested in the book).
Can I still follow your step by step plan and consider this a start of my NC? I have sinced maintained NC with him for 2 weeks now.
melsha wrote:
Hi Melsha,
The NC message we recommend is much more powerful than the one in TW’s book.
If you send that one, and then start following the rest of the plan I think you will feel much better.
But the choice is yours.
If you choose not to resend the NC message just start at the beginning of the free plan, and skip that step (but no others, OK?).
Take Care,
S. Williams
I had a 2 1/2 month relationship with my ex which became very serious very quickly and only ended because he decided to take a trip to Australia for 6 months (which he planned before we started dating.) He left and we were on and off while he was gone (I’m in Israel, he was in Australia.) He came back and at first, we were together all the time but he suddenly “realized” he’s not ready for a relationship and I think I was doing a little too much emotional pushing. We broke up and I guess I gave him what he wanted because we are very close, but more like best friends who occasionally sleep together. He says we are not a good match, I think that maybe I need to get myself under control first…but if we weren’t a good match why would we want to hang out with each other all the time?
I do call him more than he calls me, but if I stop calling him he will eventually call me. It’s like we’re addicted to each other. I’ve tried using the NC rule before, but I’m also quick to break it as soon as he calls. Does the NC rule really work? I’m afraid that it won’t because the two of us haven’t been an actual couple for a while and remain “best friends” but I still have feelings for him. How can I push myself not to respond to him when he calls so I don’t fall back into a trap? Can you help?
Ava wrote:
Hi Ava,
I have just the thing to help you…it’s the free plan at the top of my Blog.
Follow all the steps and you will find a great place to help support you with your no contact plan, OK?
Take Care,
S.W.
Hello S.,
I have a question. My ex broke up with me 6 months ago and he insisted that we remain friends. We had met for dinner 2 weeks ago and for the first time since the breakup we ended up in each other’s arms. He looked very sad and said it was “dangerous” and that we “shouldn’t go down this road again”, he wanted to have sex but said we shouldn’t and yet still insisted that we “always must be in each other’s lives”. I said that I didn’t think I could be friends anymore. I know it’s a little late to start NC, but I have started and it’s been 8 days now. (we are still Facebook friends, but I am NC there as well). Should I do NC or just cut him off? I am pretty sure he is dating someone.
Thanks,
Jeanne
Jeanne wrote:
Hi Jeanne,
He can’t have his cake, and get to eat it too.
I hope you’re following the free system on my Blog, and sent the correct NC message.
I would block him as a friend on FB…that will help prove you are serious about no contact…and not being trapped in the “just” friends zone.
The plan takes time, and you must follow all the steps.
Give yourself 30 days, and then re-evaluate your situation.
Don’t worry about what he is doing…just focus on the plan, and your personal evolution, OK?
Stay Strong!
S.W.
It’s been 3mo since NC. Wow! Working slowly on personal evolution, dating, etc… But I still think of her every day. I still love her completely.
We had 2yr+ LongDist relationship (NY/CA), I found out abt new local boyfriend–after I proposed to her! At first she said ‘yes’ then changed her mind a month later. I plan to find a way to visit her at 6mo mark… at least see if we can love each other again.
Question: I want to send her a Christmas card. We’re both very spiritual & it would be almost an insult not to send her a card, esp since I’m sending one to her 23yr old daughter, who she lives with. Would a Christmas card violate NC? BTW, She did reach out 1X; a short IM about cell phone pymt. I didn’t respond, but silence is what I asked for, isn’t it?
I appreciate your and others thoughts. She is in my bloodstream, and all arteries lead to the heart.
Will wrote:
There are people in the forum going on 5 months…give it time, and maybe think about following the free plan on my Blog, and joining our forum for support.
Will wrote:
What if she doesn’t send you one?
An Xmas card wouldn’t violate NC, but it wouldn’t help your cause any either…why?
Because she will start to think of you as a “friend” again.
If you just want to be her friend…go ahead and send her one.
As far as her daughter…it won’t hurt to send her one.
Take Care,
S.W.
Hi,
SO, I have recently fought with my ex boyfriend, after we hung out four times in a month period, this month period of time is after 3 months of no contact, I didnt knw wnaything about this site back then, but I literally did most of what you are saying is good to do, anyhow, it seems it worked, but it was too soon and I gave wayyy too much right away it felt as if we were back in a relationship and we simply were not, not yet anyway. I was way too eager and went right back tot he things it had taken me 3 months to learn. Anyhow, this time, he got so mad at the things I said to him while we had our argument, and i also ended it with saying something rude and hanging up on him, later on I saw him as I was heading into work(he works half a block down the street, same schedule)and he followed me down the street asking me a million questions, i told him i couldnt speak at the moment, he then said “well you need to because I blpocked your phone number and I cant even call you later” I stopped and looked at him, he BLOCKED myyyy number?!?!
My main question now is, HOW on EARTH is he going to know that I am not contacting him, if he has my number blocked, how does he know that I am not speaking to him….we live on an island, a small island, we have a lot of the same friends….etc etc…
It has been two weeks since that huge gith that we both procalimed”we’d never speak to eachother again” but neither one of us mean it…he has asked two fo my best friends about me and where I am, and other things….but i just need to know, how to make it obvious that I am not “just blocked” from hims numberm im actually choosing NOT to contact him….is this a special circumstance that I need to do something different. i feel if I email him it is a bit nutso, and desperate to contact him some way shape or form even though he has blocked my number….and remember, he is extremely over reactive and he chased me down the street and said, i cant call you because I blocked you because you said that men stuff to me?! Of course I said something mean to you, you were treating me like I was worthless(after the three months of our break up and no contact what so ever, we slept together and he treated me like I was nothing special, I felt reallll real tricked and betrayed) anyhow, what should I do to send the NC message to him, if when we last spoke he made it clear that he blocked me from being able to contact him. If I send hima NC message is he going to think, wow, thanks ex girlfriend for reitterating the fact that I blocked your number I want so little contact with you that i made it nearly impossible for you to speak to me….what now?
Sailor H wrote:
Hi Sailor,
Send the NC message…who fucking cares what your ex thinks?
This is part of “your” personal evolution…not his.
If you want the full effect of the free plan, then you must follow all the steps…don’t be chicken.
Stay Strong!
S.W.
haha, Thanks…your right I shouldnt care what the ex thinks, but, of course I want him to think I am wonderful and awesome and perfect, hhaa and want to do everything correctly! I was just worried that since he blocked my number, that it would seem as if I am almost stalker like if I find a nother way to contact him, via email, just to tell him I no longer wish to speak to him at the moment, I will of course use your NC messages, and you are right im being a little chicken, just because the ending of it says “I’ll be in touch when im ready” which makes me feel like he will be like “wow she is crazy, I blocked her number, I am def NOT trying to speak to her”…..BUT you say no matter what the circumstance even if it seems as if Im reaching out to him, that the NC message is absolutely necessary even if the last time we contacted I verbally said it. I guess I understand that everything we said was sooo passionate and full of unnecessary rage, the NC comment you suggest is very short and to the point which may be like wow, shes really thinking about this…..I just don’t want to seem crazy. I feel crazy already. I feel as if he is going to tell our friends that I reached out to him, again, AFTER he blocked my number. I miss him so much and pretty much see him everytime I walk out my door so every little thing I do is crucial and has to be done with complete focus and dedication to the goal….I will send the message, do you suggest I change it/tweak it in any way, since he has initiated no contact with me first by blocking my phone number to where I could never call even in emergency….I feel really bad about that, why would he block my number….
also, I have read this site since yesterday at 5, and all night last night, and now again today and I hope I am postine in the right spot? I havent written my break up story, i have to go back and figure out where that goes, there so many spots to write stuff….I already have a personal journey as i am also reading the book, The Secret and they suggest the same thing.I need somewhere to ask specific questions to you on this site. I appreciate you having this, I feel almost instantly guided, I never speak to my friends about this because they just dont understand what it is I am trying to accomplish here. I just got laid off in my company so I realllly dont have annny extra cash to buy anything right now, but this is defintitely my number one priority. I have realized my faults and his and am also realizing how i would have to change things for it to be a different relationship, I now just need him to want to hear my new plan for how we can work, I just am soooo scared and nervous about the fact that he BLOCKED my number, it feel so permanent…he lives right downt he street as me and I have been so tempted to just walk throguh the door with a letter and a hug….I literally have to stop myself, its nuts how much I have to say and wish I could show him, it breaks my heart that he blocked my number it makes me feel as if I did something illegal…I was mad at him, and he goes to that extreme! whyyyyy would he do that? He said he did it online, why did he do that and then TELL me about it and follow me into work to ask about what I did the night before(he did that in a mean way acing as if I was flirting with all of his friends) it just doesnt seem right to me. NC message, sent in an email, this will go right to his blackberry, he is a bit immature, one of his character flaws for sure, and Im being chicken because I dont want him to show his friends that im still “sweating” him enough to send him yet another message…but if you are sure, just right to me that you are 100%sure that it doesnt matter that he already pretty much bannned me from speaking to him by the whole blocking thing, that it doesnt matter about that and I CAN and absolutely should use the message…also, even though we broke up 3 months ago(we only reconciled for about a month and it was mainly just sleeping over and phone convos)….alll of that Info S.W…sorry so long, and again if Im putting this in the wrong spot just remind me where is more appropriate….and THANKS again, I already feel better just knowing im asking someone who is listening and really knows the best choices, I clearly have not made the right ones, I did the NC thing for almost 3 months with minor run ins, short convos in between and he came back begging, and it was that point where I made all the mistakes and sent him runnnnning as fast as he could. UGH, I wish I didnt do any of that, I just want to have him back in my home, this winter is collld on the beach, and I know he misses me, he still asks my friends about me…shoot, if I wanted him to think i wasnt thinking about him I absolutely would NOT ask about him, right?! ahah….talk to you soon, thanks again:-)
Hi,
Its been a year since me and my ex’s break up and since then he’s been in a relationship. I was not so good at the begining of the break up, but slowly i started to melow down, where as now im at the point where im pretty confident and have myself back. The only problem is i still have feelings for my ex. Ive thought about the pros and cons, what i disliked about the relationshiip and what i liked. I realised what i want out of any future relationship, and that is a commited bf then husband, who loves me for who i am and the way i am, and that i love back. Ofcourse they have to be someone who makes me happy and that i can spend the rest of my life with. The problem with me and my ex is that after two years of dating things went down. Now he is with someone else, but still always has a reason to call me. In the begining of the break up i would send messages, wanting him back, but i backed down and started ignoring him when i realised it wasn’t working. Now since hes seen that i have been moving and hanging out with other guys, hes been contacting me. He called me and told me he loved me, and that he wanted me to know that he loved me, he also expressed his jealousy to me about him seeing me with my guy friend. That was all for then, but i had the erge to call him and i told him he would have to make a decision or i wouldnt be there when he was ready to come around, and he refused to make that decision which was between me and his current girl. So i made the big mistake of settleing in the friend zone, thinking that he would think about things and eventually make a decision. Hes been calling asking me about my school how long it will take, and when i want to get married. I didn’t give him an answer. He also asked me, if he were to ask me out on my birthday what would i say, i didn’t give him an answer, instead i tried acting with a bit of an attitude, and i told him i wouldn’t be specific with details with him since he wasn’t specific with me. I told him he would have to ask me to find out. I want to get out of the friend zone i want to get him back. I feel he dosen’t truly love the girl he is with, or else he wouldn’t be calling me telling me he loved me enough to care who i am with. How do i do this, is the Nc rule appropriate, and what are some tips? because he is a tricky one. The fact that he calls me everytime i am away from him telling me he wants to be with me, makes me think he is playing around with his current girl until he is ready to be serious. How do i make him wake up and realise im not going to be there when he is ready to come around, and that if he wants someone as good as me he needs to act pronto!?
Marissa wrote:
Hi Marissa,
If you want to take back control of the situation between you and your ex, you need to follow the free plan on my Blog.
You will find the link to it at the top of my Blog.
Take Care,
S.W.
hi Met a girl last febuary in fact it was on valentines day. Everything clicked, but i found out she had actually just split from her boyfriend the previous day so i knew things would take time and i could be a possible rebound. shes 24 like me but alot more maturer and carefull than any girl ive ever met. we met up about twice a week but didnt sleep together untill four weeks later on her birthday thats never happened to me before but thats the kind of person she is. it was so important for her to get to know me. she sent me message saying she loved me and lots of other similar things. i found out she had only ever been with four guys me being the fourth. she had been through some really hard times with her brother and sister dying and having to take care of her family. It made her often come across as unemotional but deep down she feels alot. she then went through 2 operations and quit her job and became unsure if she would stay in london. whilst recovering for a month from the operations we were apart but always on the phone and texting. she then told me that she thinks she needs time to herself that shes done so much for the other guys in other relationships and need to do more for herself. she often told me im the best man shes ever met, she knows she will never meet another guy like me, how amazing i am etc etc but i know you cant be sure with what people say. basicially we arranged to meet once she was back on her feet to plan how we would see each other as she was now staying in another town about two hours away. i agreed and said i wanted things to work but that we should just take things slow. whilst she was recovering at her parents who gave her bad stress and an anxiety attack she then told me she wanted to be alone. since then i have tried to show understanding and text her how i feel about her (quite alot in a kinda crazy way at first but later about once every 2 weeks) i know she has taking things badly like me and that she does really care for me. but im unsure of how to get her back. i havent been in touch for two weeks but have recently been thinking about texting her to wish her a happy christmas and new year. But now after reading your website i am thinking about sending the no contact plan to her with may have a nice xmas on the end.
can you help?
from me and many others i would like to say i can see you are really actually trying to help people with replying. what is knowledge if we cant share or help
Ken
Dan wrote:
Hi Dan/Ken,
I would go read the free plan on my Blog (top of the page), and send the recommended NC message (without any changes).
Then go and follow the rest of the steps in the free plan, and sign up for and use all the free support tools.
Take Care,
S.W.
hi my ex of 4 months recently dumped me i know he still loves me as he has been trying to contact me of his mates ph pretending to be his mate, he dumped me for being controlling and i want him back! i cryed and begged but then read this information and told him i agreed with the break up. i have kept contacting him though and now he wont text back but he answers hi ph, he is incredibly stubborn and i know that if he wants me back he is too stubborn to say or do anything. I am going to try the no contact rule but we have been in a long distant relationship and i am scared that he wont care and will not contact me ?? i know he is the one and cant loose him
maggie wrote:
Hi Maggie,
You only “think” he’s “the one.”
By using the free plan, and following every step, you will “prove” he is the one.
Don’t you want to know the truth?
Take Care,
S.W.
Hello Mr. Williams, so here is my story. I was seeing this guy for a while, things were great between us for months and then we decided to get into an exclusive relationship. Well we broke up later but we still stayed in touch (seeing each other, sleeping together). He said that he wasn’t ready for a committed relationship at the moment but always told me that he loved me and missed me. We met up last month for dinner and he told me that he still loved me and was always thinking about me. (this is a guy who in the beginning was afraid of saying the “L” word because women have jilted him in the past)for about 2 weeks after that we stayed in contact and everything was good. Although we didn’t have plans to see each other on christmas I thought that he would want to see me since only 2 weeks prior he said that he loved me. Not only did I not hear from him on christmas but I didnt hear from him for the rest of the weekend. I contacted him the following monday to him to see if he was ok to which he replied that he was and just didn’t use his phone much that weekend. The next day i was so upset that I decided to end things by sending him a text that said that we needed a break, blah blah blah to which he replied with “yup”. Now prior to this I had asked him if he wanted for me to leave him alone to which he always replied by saying no. His reply of a simple “yup” led me to believe that he doesn’t care about me anymore and is probably glad that I’m gone. I’m trying to do the 30 day no contact rule and see where it goes from there, but my question is, is this a lost cause? Also since he replied with a single “yup” does this generally mean that he doesn’t care. Is there any chance that he misses me or is he trying to play cool? I know that the questions that I’m asking can be answered by me using common sense I guess that I would just like to have a mans opinion.
sharee wrote:
Yup…he is just playing it cool.
Now you can really kick him in the ass, and wake him up by sending the recommended NC message word for word.
Go to the top of my Blog and find the link to the free plan.
Take Care,
S.W.
Hello Mr Williams,
Well, my boyfriend left me after a 5-years long relationship, he says he’s fed up, he wants to start New Year without me, etc. He was always the one who took initiatives in our relationship, he constantly showed me how much he cared, he wanted us to live together and have a child, however I wasn’t ready for that back then. I thought he’ll always be around and I sort of stopped trying, I got used to him too much and thought that he’ll always love me no matter what. We started living together but after a month or so he said that he doesn’t want to be with me anymore, that he’s fed up and wants to move on without me. Only now have I realized how I ignored him due to my own fears of commitment, what a fool I was, and now I have probably lost this wonderful man for good. I haven’t seen him or contacted him for over 2 weeks now, I’m respecting his wish that he wants me to leave him alone, what should I do next? I want to show him that I do want to change and have started changing my attitudes. I know that deep down he still loves me…At least I think so…
Annalynn wrote:
Hi Annalynn,
If you want to find out his “true” feelings follow the steps in the free plan on my Blog, the link is at the top of my Blog.
Take Care,
S.W.
Hello again Mr. Williams, So i did something really stupid. After about 10 days of no contact i sent him a friendly text saying hello. Is it too late for me? Should I just forget about ever talking to him again? I know that I’m an idiot but i figured that i would try and do the “adult” thing and not play games, just say hi. Thanks
sharell wrote:
Hi Sharell,
Yow weren’t trying to do “the adult thing” you were worried he forgot about you.
You let doubt and fear rule your world, and then you broke NC.
The best thing to do is send the recommended NC message (word for word) from the free plan on my Blog.
After that follow all the rest of the steps…they will help you with your personal evolution.
You must follow all the steps in the free plan if you want to succeed, understand?
Stay Strong!
S.W.
i was his lover/roomate/girlfriend/bootycall/wife for 1.5 years. he met a woman moved her in 3 days later and now their engaged. she had him push me out with a 30 day notice, i was leaving anyway before he met her, he didn’t know…i was being bullied by both of them since she arrived those 3 days and the departure was cutting remarks and the following 3 days of txting bad feelings, etc. then he announced getting married 2/14 and i would get an email announcement..i changed my email addy, my phone #, got off all sites facebook, etc so he can not see me to exercise the disappear, no contact rule…your thoughts…was this the same as no contact? He does know where i live and is connected to my brother.
thank you,
Angela
angela wrote:
Hi Angela,
It is a start, but it is not the same as using no contact correctly.
Go to the top of my Blog and read the free plan.
Follow all the steps, and this will help you move on past your old relationship, and get your life back again.
Once you have your life back, and after their marriage falls through (moving way too fast to last) you can decide if you even want your ex back again…sound good?
Take Care,
S.W.
Thank you Mr. Williams. I forgot to mention while still being involved with my ex, I was dating, but, did not put anyone in his face but he knew I was dating. Also, after I moved out and before I changed my phone # he text me saying he keeps hearing about my actions “out there, small world isn’t it”, what’s up with that?… and my friend I date is indirectly connected to my ex through a Charity Club, folks have told my ex I am dating (so and so) and he has communicated to me to date someone else that isn’t this Charity Club colse related..causes less friction,…I said nope, I see whom I please, I’m making appropriate life changes myself and if you have Charity Club business to discuss contact the appropriate folks please do not contact me, I will be in touch when I am ready.
angela wrote:
Great Job Angela! (Thumbs High)
Don’t let this guy tell you what to do.
Stay Strong!
S.W.
I have been in love with a man I met years ago. It really felt like we were soulmates, but it didn’t go anywhere. I looked him up on line, and he remembered me; however, he only wanted to be the friends with benefits. I can’t believe I could be so foolish to feel something that probably isn’t even there. I saw him about a month ago, and I refused to go to bed with him. He left very confused and bewildered. I was quite proud of myself, but still sad. I have not contacted him since then. I am hoping he does miss me. I promised myself after reading your site I will not contact him, even if it is forever. (I really hope not.) I don’t know if the NC will work in this case. I like being prepared so I adapted the NC message like this:
I don’t regret my decision to stop being your friend with benefits, and I really do believe it is best for both of us. I do have some important decisions to make, and will need some time to think them over. I would really appreciate it if you didn’t contact me right now. I will be in touch when I’m ready.
Hi Mr. William,
My ex recently broke up with me, after telling me that we been dragging on and off for almost 12 months. It is true that its been happening and she been wanting to break up for a while. I used to manage to get her back but i guess this time she is really determine. Also, she is now “long distance seeing” another guy that she met during her vacation couple weeks ago (she dumped me right after her vacation).
We life right next to each others and during these years of our relationship, we werent only just bf/gf, but also friends that spends 90% of our time together. She still wants me to be around for her in terms of friendship and if i do the NC, she will most likely want to ask me to go out to eat or hang out at night. But i can feel that she is really determine this time and that in the back of her head, i am an important person but we can not date each others anymore as our romance had died over a year ago.
Could you please tell me what should i do? she is expecting to go back to her previous vacation destination (where she met the guy), and spend 2 weeks there (leaving in about 6 weeks)
should my NC be at least 30 days? or can it be shorter since it might allow me time to win her back before she leaves again and come back brainwashed again.
thanks.
Daran wrote:
Hi Daran,
30 days is just a benchmark and rarely ever enough time.
I would forget about doing it for 2 weeks and trying to get her back before she leaves again…it’s NOT going to happen, OK?
This plan is not about winning back your ex, it is about getting your life back as a single person, and then deciding what you want to do.
No matter what you think right now, using no contact by following the free plan on my Blog (link at the top) is your best option.
Once you start following the plan and pull away from her, she will start to come back to you…but you must stick to the plan.
The more independent you become, the more she will want you.
Take Care,
S.W.
Hi Mr Williams
Me and my ex have been split for 3 weeks now. I have had no contact for a week now and i know its soon but it doesn’t seem to be working at all. I have been told that she is now seeing someone else and seems to have moved on and forgot me, quite simply this is all I seem to think.
A few weeks before we split she started saying to me how she loved me and I would be the guy she would want to settle with yet she didn’t want to feel like i have held her back and resent me in the future, I am the only guy she has ever been with. To me it means nothing but I think she feels the grass could be greener.
She asked me for a break and i did the total opposite to what i should have done and let my emotions get the better of me and kept trying to contact her and was trying to talk to her when i saw her. This annoyed her and just seems that I pushed her into this guys arms even more. On of the last times I spoke to her I asked her to look me in the eyes and tell me that she does not love me any more like she had said in a text recently she started to well up and said she couldn’t and walked of quickly. After this I text her and said that I understand that she doesn’t love me anymore and that there is nothing I can do about that and that I will not contact her from now on and I have not yet. She has sent me 1 single text asking if I had something of hers and also left a comment on a facebook status of mine, That’s it. All I keep seeing is pictures of her and this guy and i cant get it out of my head. Have I gone to far and is no contact just a waste of my time and a false hope to me.
We spent almost 4 years together and I just cant understand how she can not be bothered at all about us splitting and how she can just stop loving me in a matter of a few days. I clearly should have used NC from the word go but she was sending me mixed signals like texts saying she does love me and miss me. But when I replied just saying its the company she missed and not me etc… Quite simply what should I do?
James wrote:
Hi James,
If you want to reveal her “true” feelings for you use the free plan (link at the top of my Blog).
Don’t worry about her dating, that doesn’t mean shit, you can still win her back if you stick with the free plan.
Take Care,
S.W.
I am using your plan and it helps allot. What I am wondering is how long should I use the nc for? I read allot 30 days but then i sometimes read differently. Plus do I wait for her to contact me or do I need to make the first contact. As I said it has been a week and she hasnt even contacted me plus she just doesnt seem bothered and seems happy with her life. Am i realy just wasting my time?
ok…I let him contact me we had to sign some papers at a Notary. We hugged and I left it at that. I have moved 30 miles from him, he knows and said the only contact should be the car. His response was I might miss you and remembered the hug…his Sunday was a long day…Ok what next?
angela wrote:
Did you send him the recommended NC message as outlined in the free plan?
If not do that ASAP, if you have already, then go follow the rest of the steps in the free plan, OK?
Stay Strong!
S.W.
James wrote:
Good, read it and do everything it says to do, all your questions are answered in the plan.
James wrote:
Sorry…I am not a mind reader.
If you think you’re wasting your time, then give up, and move on.
If you want to follow the plan go follow it…it’s your choice.
Take Care,
S.W.
Wassup , i had already sent her the nc message 3 times b4 meeting this website and broke it all 3 times in a matter of days. Finally i got strong enough to just stop contacting her after i felt like she was getting annoyed and pushed further away. its been 4 days since we talked but i never sent the message to her or anything and i dont want to because she might think im playing games. I was thinking send it if she ever does contact me , should i just sent it one lastime or idk ? thanks for the help
& also i heard she’s been seeing some guy we both went to hs with and there still in school together with each other. during our relationship she would always bring him up as a friend tho .
Chris wrote:
The best thing to do is send it ASAP, so you can start your personal evolution.
After you send it follow the rest of the steps in the free plan at the top of my Blog.
It doesn’t matter what she said, or who she’s with…you keep on using NC until you get it right.
Take Care,
S.W.
the shady part of my situation is that @ first she just wanted a break and i felt like she was just saying that cus she promised nd swore she would never break up with me. she ” wanted an open relationship where we can see other people and w.e cause she feels like were taking each other 4 granted , but she said she wasnt gonna see any1″ i got tired of the b.s so i just ended it. and she wanted me back a couple times when i started nc but started pulling back when we tlked after awhile, so even tho i broke up with her will i still be valid in this situation ?
sorry I was not trying to make you a mind reader what I was trying to ask was how long does it tend to take for no contact to work in your experience? Will it work even if your ex is already with someone else (just 2 weeks after split)? And also is it best for me to wait for her to contact me or visa versa?
James wrote:
Between 3-6 months and sometimes longer, there is no set time limit.
The real question is how long are you willing to work to get your life and your ex back again?
James wrote:
This has no bearing on your results, or chances whatsoever, it is just your doubts and fears talking.
James wrote:
Totally up to you, but you are looking too far ahead, and this will only hinder your personal evolution.
Take Care,
S.W.
S.Dubb !!! I’ve mentioned to you that we didnt talk for four days right since the lastime i called her and you suggested that i send her the nc message asap and get it write this time. when i did she replied ” you sayin it like i been writin you likee .. likee fuck outta here everything gotta always work on your time likee . . take all the time you need i wasnt plannin on contactin you anyway. goodbye ” The thing about my situation that i was trying to tell you was that in my case she suggested a break first , and since it was my 1st longterm relationship i wasnt used to it at all and i started panicking thinking i was gonna loose her and i ended up suggesting a break up , she agreed to it but all i did was suggest. she started crying tho and etc and the convo ended. but we’ve been on and off with the talking cause i had put nc into place a couple times and it worked sometimes but than look what happened now , and idk what she means by everything has to work on my time because im always there for her and shes the one who hasnt been calling me i had to always call her during our break up im sooo confused right now , i knew she was gonna react like that because i put it in place so many diffrent times . i need help
Chris wrote:
What did you expect her to say when you kicked her in the ass with the NC message…Thank you?
It doesn’t matter what she says, or does…just follow ALL the rest of the steps in the free plan.
How can you be confused when I gave you a map?
Just follow the map, and don’t pay attention to all the noises you hear your ex make along your journey, OK?
Stay Strong!
S.W.
THANKS A LOT MAN , IMA DEFENITLY STICK WITH THE PLAN AND DO WHAT I HAVE TO DO FROM NOW ON . ITS TIME TO GET MY SWAGGER BACK ND GET ALL THE CONFIDENCE AND EVERYTHING ELSE I BEEN LACKING SINCE I MADE HER TOP PRIORITY. HOPEFULLY IN THE FUTURE ILL BE ABLE TO GIVE HOPE TO EVERYONE ELSE ON HERE , THANKS S.DUBB . PRRECIATE IT ALL .
Chris wrote:
We call that your personal evolution.
Chris wrote:
You’re Welcome!
my ex gets irrate when he learns I am involved with another guy military (long distance) & folks in a mutual military club affiliation. I have written no contact, etc. he texts and says if he sees me with that club or affiliates when out and about he will make my life painful and i will end up hating him. he called my brother stating i am bashing him online (not true) it’s not my style, says i’m poison to those clubs, trash talk, etc.
He has a gal living with him two days after they met, why does he keep trashing me and he demands I stay away from the club affiliation(s). Also it surfaced through grapevine that he caught new girl emailing back and forth a guy while living in his house and he’s told my brother everything is my fault, what’s up with all this stuff, if I make him unhappy and i’m not there why does he keep on?
Scott i think i just fucked up all my chances bro , i literally feel like shit right now and all im asking if for your ears and opinion . Me & my girl have been togeter for a year and six monts before she decided we needed a break because of the constant aruging and me getting upset over dumb stuff . i admit to that nd higly regret it . But besides thatur relationships had to be one of the best on earth , we were so close and our love so deep . Being that i was my 1st long term relationship i didnt know how to ope with the break { unofficial break up } so i decided to say i think we should just break up and she started to cry and w.e but it was too late , convo ended up ending . We then talked the next day nd she said she wanted to be friends and let things smoothen out so when we go out things can be perfect , but i wanted her back now . I ended up putting no contact in place 3 times and ended up breaking them . & i put it in plce 3 days ago and she was soo pissed like she said she felt like i violated her . Today my friend invited me 2 a party nd she was there but i got there ten mns be4 it ended just to breeze thru and show love . we ended up talking after i seent her in the train when iwasabout to go home and she said i think the world revolves around me and that imungrateful , like she didnt want a hug or anything , totally neglecting me . she kept saying shes done and she cant take nomore and we went our seperate ways . when i tell u she seemed like she was over me , i nvr seen her act like this . i dont wanna send the nc message again cause i did like 3 dys ago and she sed dont worry she wont ctact me ever again. any hope ? what should i do , because she didnt break up with me i did it and wit my actions tryna get her back i made it worse . iwas thinking bout writing her a lettr apologzing , help ! i dont wanna fck up if ievenhave any chances left
moe wrote:
Hi,
There is a version of the NC message for people who broke up with their ex.
The time for apologies has past, and now it’s time to leave her alone.
I highly recommend following the free plan, and sending the recommended no contact message for your situation…word for word.
NC only works when you stick to the plan.
Stay Strong!
S.W.
hi there! my ex and I went out for almost 2 years (the last 4 months we were on and off – one month on, one month off etc)…I bought your book “the magic of making up” which is great and allowed me to get back together with ex everytime thanks to the no contact rule, except that as soon as we would get back together I would fall into the trap of wanting things to move too fast again and we would end up breaking up again! the last time we broke up was beginning of decembre, he dumped me again. said he loves me but needed to figure things out in his life first. I thought for sure we were over this time. then we started texting each other over xmas holidays. we would text 5 times a day. he even said he missed me once. this went on for 2 weeks, when finally I had enough. I didnt wnt to keep waiting around until he figured out his feelings so I sent him a NC text message saying exactly what you said. he replied back that he was sad but understood and that this was torture for him too but that time would tell if we were meant to be or not. I held strong and didnt reply to that message. Unfortunately a week later in a moment of weakness, I texted him that I was thinking about him but he never replied! Since then (it’s been 3 weeks since I texted him I was thinking about him and 4 since the NC message) I’ve been good and haven’t gotten in touch. He hasn’t attempted contacting me either. There were still a whole bunch of photos of us together on fb, so last week I decided to remove them. since my ex and I have maintained a lot of respect for each other I sent him a message on fb to tell him that in the interest of moving forward/starting fresh I was going to detag and remove some photos of us, that it was nothing personal, just wanted to give him a heads up. he was in miami and I made the mistake of giving him a restaurant recommendation in miami. he wrote back thanking me for the heads up and recommendation and ended up writing a whole paragraph about what he ate in miami and he signed “hugs and kisses”. I have not written him back. In the meantime, when he got back he also removed/detaged some photos of us but the weird thing is he’s left quite a few of them. for example, he left a really nice one of us in his profile picture album and quite a few of us as a couple are still tagged, such as one where I’m smudging cake on his mouth. the only photo he removed was one of us kissing and another one of us as a couple. he also went ahead and posted a whole album of his vacation in the caribbean and how happy he looked. at this point it’s going to be a month of no contact on valentines day weekend and a few days after that it would have been our 2 years anniversary. I don’t know what to do anymore, I really love him but am wondering if I shouldn’t have told him I was moving forward. I don’t know what to think anymore either, if I should contact him on the anniversary of our 2 years or not? Not sure how to proceed from here onwards and would really really appreciate your advice???
Suzanne wrote:
Hi Suzanne,
You’re not following the plan correctly and reconnecting much too soon.
That is why you keep breaking up again.
You have to stay in no contact long enough to bury the old relationship and move past it.
That doesn’t mean moving on from your ex altogether, it just means you have to get past the place you are now.
If you reconnect too soon you pick right back up where you left off in the old “failed” relationship…and it just fails again.
Go read the free plan Top of my Blog) it is meant to work along side the book MOMU.
Use the recommended NC message in the free plan, and send it word for word…no changes, then follow the rest of the steps, OK?
If you keep doing what you have been doing, you will continue to get the same “bad” results…do it right this time.
Take Care,
S.W.
P.S. No contact, means NO contact…don’t contact him on your anniversary (you’re broken up anyways…why celebrate that?).
Thanks for the great advice : ) so you’re suggesting I resend a NC message eventhough I thought I was already pretty clear by texting him a month ago and then messaging him on fb that in the spirit of moving forward I was going to detag/remove photos of us! I think that was pretty clear. Do you think it means anything that he did not remove all cute couple photos of us on fb or am I just reading too much into it? I’m worried that if I really cut him off, he’ll think I’ve really moved on and will do so too and that I’ll have lost my chance. Thanks : )
Suzanne wrote:
I wasn’t suggesting…I was telling you. ;)
If you want to be successful you will need to send the proper NC message…do you want to succeed?
Suzanne wrote:
People play games with pictures, and comments all the time on FB…who cares what he does?
Don’t even look at FB any more it is just a distraction, and you need to focus to succeed, OK?
Suzanne wrote:
I would be WAY more worried about being stuck in the “just friends” zone, a sort of limbo in between hell and heaven.
Everyone worries about the same thing, if he is going to leave you, he’s going to leave you…whether you use NC or not.
I think he is full of shit…want to find out if he is really just full of shit?
Read, and follow the steps in the free plan…no second guessing, that’s just a waste of time.
I approved your forum request, please read and follow the forum guidelines so I don’t have to block you, OK?
Stay Strong!
S.W.
hi scott,
thanks again for all the great advice. I read the forum guidelines, still not quite sure what I did wrong so please let know – SORRY if I posted something I shouldn’t have! I definitely want to succeed and move forward and be happy whether with or without him : ) and love that you are turning ass kissers into ass kickers!
sorry to keep pestering you about this but I’ve read all the guidelines and the plan and I’m still a little confused as to why I need to resend a NC message? I was pretty clear in the one I sent a month ago which sounded just like the one you wrote. Another thing, as we speak he just sent me a message on fb. I’m a designer and I recently had some press which I posted on my profile and my ex just messaged me “congrats on the great press. happy for you. xxx” now would this be the time to reply “thanks” and then add a NC message or do I just not reply? sorry to keep bothering you with this but I really want to follow your plan from A to Z and want to make sure I start on the right foot.
THANKS a million for your help.
Suzanne wrote:
I am not sure what you are talking about here.
Suzanne wrote:
Because it is part of the plan…the most important part.
If you don’t want to send it, that’s OK.
Just find someone else to help you out, OK?
Suzanne wrote:
Really?
Part “A” would be to send the recommended NC message.
Then you just follow the free plan…step by step, it’s easy
Suzanne wrote:
Now is the perfect time to send the recommended NC message word for word.
Take Care,
S.W
Thanks Scott : )
Since I’ve already told him in the past that I agree with the breakup and thought it was for the best. How’s this NC message?
“I still believe we need a break from each other for now. I have some decisions to make and need time to think them through. I’d really appreciate it if you didn’t contact me during this time. I will be in touch when I’m ready.”
Suzanne wrote:
It doesn’t matter what you said in the past, sometimes you have to repeat yourself to get the message through.
I would send the recommended NC message word for word.
That’s if you really care about succeeding, if not go with your version.
Good Luck!
S.W.
My bf broke up with me about 2 weeks. He was texting me almost everyday telling me that he loved me, missed, even asked if I was going to start seeing other guys. I got tired of his mind games and sent the nc message Saturday night. I have not heard from him since. I guess I want to know if it’s normal that they go from texting you to not hearing from them at all after you send the nc message? Did the nc message make him mad and now he won’t text me at all? We go to the same school and have 4 classes together. He is ignoring me now and it’s making me second guess myself for sending the nc message. I will not contact him or start a conversation with him.
Annie2010 wrote:
Hi,
He is probably mad that you kicked his ass to the curb.
If he really has feelings for you they will not fade away because you asked for your space, and time to think.
Now he will start to really think about his “true” feelings for you, and start to evolve.
He broke up with you, and you’re worried about sending him the NC message?
What did you want, to be trapped in the “friends zone” while he made up his mind?
Stay Strong!
S.W.
You’re right. Guess I just needed that reassurance that I did the right thing! He can be pretty stubborn so I know if we get back together it will take awhile and I need to be patient. He’s spending a lot of time with his friends and having a good time. So that’s what I’m going to do too, even though it’s hard. Thanks again!!!
Scott, I have some news. After sending the NC message yesterday my ex called me tonight! all I have to say is wow Scott you are the man….I haven’t had a call from him on 6 weeks and one day after the NC message he calls me. I think for the first time he is truly afraid he might have lost me. so I didn’t pick up his call but after calling he texted me saying he felt bad about our email exchange (the one where he told me congrats on the great press and that he was happy for me and to which I replied sending the NC message word for word). so isn’t it ironic that I send the NC message he sends the nice message and he’s the one telling me he feels bad – WOW Scott I’m speechless. so his text was “feeling bad about our email exchange and wanted to chat, x” and he signs with an x! anyhow, so what do I do now, do I reply with another NC message, do I not repy???
Suzanne wrote:
You didn’t break NC, so there is no reason to send it again.
Now!
If he continues to contact you with his “cute apologetic” messages, then you kick him in the ass again with the NC message so he knows you’re not fooling, understand?
Now that you have completed step one, follow the rest of the steps in the free plan.
Great Job Suzanne! (Thumbs High)
Stay Strong!
S.W.
yeaaah my first thumbs high – cant tell you how excited and proud I am : ))))
so I did smth bad today and checked my ex’s fb messages (I know I know shame shame and terrible thing to do) anyways I did it cause I sensed something was off after he called. I see he sent his ex (of 3 yrs ago who lives 14hrs away by plane but that he keeps in touch with on and off) a message right after messaging me. nothing major in his message just asking her how she’s doing. then she replies with this long email about her life and how she jst got promoted bla bla and then ends it with “sometimes I miss you more than words can say”. OMG Scott my stomach turned upside down when I read this. I felt terrible. I felt like he had reached out to me and because I wasn’t there he felt lonely, reached out to to her and I had now left the door wide open for them : ( the worst is that he answered her asking her for her address and then proceeded to open an amazon.com account. so I’m thinking he must be sending her smth for vday! serisouly at this pt should I just give up on him??? or am I overreacting bec this lives 14hrs plane ride away and he’s probably acting like this because of the NC msg I sent him and the fact that I didnt pick up the phone?
Suzanne wrote:
Hello!
He dumped you…didn’t you feel lonely…did he care?
Stop spying because it is rude, and you don’t know what is truth or fiction, understand?
Don’t make me take back that Thumbs High. ;)
It kills me when people bitch about using no contact…won’t that be rude to my ex?
And then they use their “shared” passwords to spy on their email accounts and they spy on their FB accounts…isn’t that rude too?
If you read the free plan you will learn that this is about getting your life back, not your ex.
If you focus on and worry about what your ex is doing you will fail…period!
The plan is free…read it, follow it, and be successful.
Stay Strong!
S.W.
Thanks Scott! I know I shouldn’t be doing this, it’s like a bad addiction. Some ppl have cigarettes, others alcohol I have this I try to help myself and it ends up bitting you in the ass : (( I really wish I didn’t have that pw.
I understand what you’re saying about getting your life back – it’s what I want and I was doing so much better this month when I hadn’t had any contact from him until recently. but I’ll stay focused, promise!
Hello!
Great website!
I and my ex have been together for 1 and a half years before she went to the US to study there for 6 months.
After she went there, we quarrelled a lot about small things; I just wasn’t happy with the contact she gave me and backfired at myself with telling her how badly she’s hurting me.
5 days ago I got a message from her telling me, that she has thought and doesn’t want to hurt me. She is not ready for this thing yet and thinks that I deserve a better girlfriend.And that she just doesn’t see another way right now.
As prolly everyone here I sent her some messages, that we need to talk it over and bla bla…
Well anyway I’ve come to realize, that this break is really the best thing for us to do right now.
However, I am uncertain as how to proceed. Just 2 days after the break-up (my birthday) she sent me a mail, asking me if I was going to the casino etc. I didn’t respond right away and the next day she forwarded it to me again (tells me, that she still loves me). I let another half day pass and answered her, that we were at the casino and went to a friends later on etc.
But what I also told her was that:
“i am very confused at the moment.
i love you and i dont want to lose you.
i just have to think and come clean with myself because only then it has some sense to go on.
I ask you to give me some time – I am sure you need that too.
And maybe then we have a second chance”
Now that I started reading your blog, I see that as an error. Do you think I can leave it at that or should I send her another NC message?
Although another NC message would seem needy I think as I already told her I need space.
I think the best thing would be to leave it at that and just don’t talk about love or second chances when I call her when I’m ready.
Maybe you have some advise for me.
Thanks,
Daniel
Daniel wrote:
Hi Daniel,
I don’t think you have read the recommended NC message in the free plan, because it is anything but “needy”…go read the free plan.
I highly recommend that you send the NC message in the free plan…word for word, and then follow all the rest of the steps.
Take Care,
S.W.
“I don’t think you have read the recommended NC message in the free plan, because it is anything but “needy”…go read the free plan.
I highly recommend that you send the NC message in the free plan…word for word, and then follow all the rest of the steps.”
Yep as I said, I’ve sent that message before reading the NC messages in the free plan.
Thank you for your help.
Oh btw.
“I don’t think you have read the recommended NC message in the free plan, because it is anything but “needy”…go read the free plan.”
I didnt mean the NC messages, I meant sending her the message straight after sending her the one I posted.
I think I need to wait till monday morning at least to send her the NC message from the plan – to show her, that I have really thought about it.
I think if I would send her the NC message just 1 day after sending her a message with “I need time” would be a bit needy?
Daniel wrote:
Hi,
That would be fine, but the sooner you send the “right NC message” the better.
In the meantime do not contact her, and if she contacts you…send her the recommended NC message.
Take care,
S.W.
Hey,
I sent her the NC message this morning.
I’m feeling more confident now and am ready for my job interview (alongside school) on tuesday – something I have put off and off for a long time.
Another question sprang to my mind though.
What about all the friends we have together?
Basically I think: OK those are our friends I give a damn if you like me to spend time with them or not, I just do.
What about her parents though?
In the last months the have become very close to me. Actually I would say they are my best friends. We do a lot of stuff together – even though there daugther is living in another country.
Same thing here, I don’t give a damn if she likes me to spend time with them or not. I just really much enjoy the time with them and they actually are my best friends. Time with them puts my mind off her and lets me enjoy the fun I have with them; instead of on her like it would be expected.
Do you think, that it is good to keep spending time with them even though I am in NC with their daughter?
Thanks for all your help,
Daniel
Daniel wrote:
Hi Daniel,
Glad it hear it…Great Job! (Thumbs High) :-)
Daniel wrote:
There is nothing wrong with spending time with common friends, as long as these friends do not try to interfere in yours/hers business.
If they do, then stay away from them until this is over, there is plenty of time to explain later, and if they are “true friends” they will understand, right?
Daniel wrote:
The same thing applies here, it will better to be alone, and to evolve, then to have company and remain stuck where you are…make sense?
Sometimes we have to take these journeys alone.
Stay Strong!
S.W.
i really want to send the no contact message to my ex boyfriend.
we’ve been split now for nearly 3 months and i have broken contact with him (as in deleted off facebook/msn and we havent texted or talked or emailed) for 3 weeks now.
is it too late to send it?
he might find it weird for me to randomly come out of the blue with the message :/
what would be the best way to go about it?
natasha wrote:
Hi Natasha,
The best way to go about this whole plan is to not worry about what your ex thinks or does.
This not to win him back, this is to win you your freedom from this heart break you’re experiencing.
With that said it is NEVER too late to send the recommended NC message in the free plan.
He will be surprised that you had the “guts” to send a message like that, and stand up for yourself.
And it is the beginning of your personal evolution, don’t let your worries about looking ‘weird” stop you from evolving and becoming happy again.
Stay Strong!
S.W.