The Secret to Making The No Contact Rule Work
People wonder all the time about using NC to get their ex back. 99.99% of those people do not use the no contact rule correctly, but I know the secret…do you? Just like any technique there is a right way and a wrong way, I have found the secret and I will share it with you so you can get your ex back fast.
What The No Contact Rule Is Not About
Everyone believes that after they breakup with their ex and stop talking to them that they are using the no contact rule correctly,Wrong! This is merely ignoring them and they just think you’re mad and will get over it like you always do. Using NC to get your ex back and save your relationship takes a lot more than just ignoring them, especially if they broke up with you.
You want to get them back but not the way they were when your relationship wasn’t working out, make sense? After all if they come back the same way they left…what has changed? This relationship is still headed for the rocks you’re just circling around them until you crash again. No, you need to set a whole “new course” for your relationship away from those rocks for good, and the no contact rule can help you do just that.
OK – So What’s The Big Secret?
The secret is in the almighty No Contact Message. What message you ask? And I answer “Exactly why NC is not working for you, you did not properly initiate your no contact strategy…did you?” This is why everyone thinks that the no contact rule will not help you get your ex back, they don’t use it correctly. Or, they use it so late that it takes a long time to take affect but it still can work…just takes longer.
If you have been attempting to use no contact to win back your ex boyfriend/girlfriend you need to find out more about how to write the Magic No Contact Message. I am not going to go into all that with this article. What I want you to take away from this article is the fact that if you didn’t properly initiate NC with a good no contact message, you’re using the no contact rule all wrong. So do not expect great results until you learn what you need to know about writing a proper NC message, and then of course send it off to your ex.
Free Support
In times like these you have to learn how to think with your head and not your heart. If you need help learning how to do this join my newsletter for free videos, advice, and information on how to join our free forum. In our forum you will find the answers and the support you seek to learn how to make the no contact rule work. The answer to how to write The Magic No Contact Message is waiting for you in our forum, don’t hesitate another day…come and get it. If you have any comments about this article please write them in the comment box below.
Who Am I and Why Should You Listen to Me?
My name is S. Williams, and I have been helping people since 2008 to overcome break up pain, and get their lives back. I even have an “About” section that I recommend you read. I know the name of my site is: How to Get Your Ex Back Fast, but I teach people how to get their lives back, not their ex’s.
If you’re interested in working with me (and our forum members) to get your life back, join my free newsletter for access to the free plan to get your ex back fast, and start getting your life back today. The answers you need to start your personal evolution are waiting for you, don’t hesitate another minute…come and get them.
Once you get your life back, everything else will just start to fall into place…I promise. If you have any comments or questions please write them in the comment box below.
If this article was useful or helpful to you in anyway, please show your appreciation by giving me a “+1″ using the button below this article.
Until next time,
S. Williams
http://www.howtogetyourexbackfast.com
Copyright © 2008 and beyond – All Rights Reserved Worldwide – You DO NOT have permission to reuse this content in any way, shape, or form.
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i would realy like to know what my xs is going fealing abought the brack up. im i the only one that is going thought hell its ben a month of nc
i ask her to mairy me she sais yes thin we broke up i ask for the ring back she texed me back saying she would send it back and thanked me for loving her so much but ints been a mounth and ever day i go to the maial bot but theres nothing i dont want to get my hopes up.
now i drink
Hans Ervin wrote:
Hi,
I have no idea what you’re ex is feeling, and I don’t know what plan you are following for NC.
I recommend that you read the free plan on my Blog, the link is at the top of my Blog.
Take Care,
S.W.
Hi! I was wondering if I did the right thing…
My ex broke up with me a month and a half ago, and for the first couple of weeks I wouldn’t answer his calls or anything. I didn’t cry or beg or any of that stuff, but I did end up answering him after those couple of weeks. Nothing special, but then I weakened a bit from that.. and…
About a week ago I emailed him saying that I agree with the break-up and that he made the right decision, but that it would be a shame to throw away the friendship.
Since then I’ve called with fake excuses like getting back money from him, etc… He always answers or calls back but I thought better to cut this off too, especially now that he is dating another girl.
So I just sent him the NC message in a text.. and he replied twice within the hour:
1st one: “OK, good luck!”
2nd one: “Decisions that have to do with me?”
Was it wrong to send this NC message after I’d already agreed with the break-up before and now that he’s dating? I feel like I look foolish repeating over and over that I agree with the break-up lol
Should I take this chance to reply back and say “no they have nothing to do with you” in order to make sure he thinks I’ve moved on? Or shall I ignore?
Also, how hopeless is it if he’s already dating 2 weeks after the break-up?
Thanks a million!
Jane wrote:
Hi,
No, you did the RIGHT thing.
Great Job! :thumbup:
Jane wrote:
What can I say…love makes us do crazy things, right?
Jane wrote:
Not hopeless at all…
Some people think they can hide their feelings by immediately dating after a break up.
It’s funny, because you can run, but you can’t hide from your true feelings…can you?
Follow the rest of the steps in the free plan, the NC message is only the first step of your personal evolution.
Stay Strong! :rambo:
S.W.
Hi Scott! Thanks so much for your answer! You’re awesome!!!
I’m glad I’m following this plan, I feel more in control, and the book gave me so much hope…
He sent me a 3rd text after the above 2, saying “why are you ignoring me? as you like.. have a good life!!”
He’s pissed off or what? I didn’t reply to anything and I will not – I’m following your advice from now on.
I would like to be added to the forums but after checking out the guidelines I saw that I have to send the NC message as part of the rules… Do I have to send another one to get in, or is the one I sent yesterday enough?
Thanks
Jane wrote:
That depends…What version of the NC message did you send yesterday?
the one you recommended for the dumpees lol
word for word
Jane wrote:
That is all it takes besides agreeing to follow ALL the forum guidelines, and the terms of service.
This is all outlined in the email you receive once you request your forum membership.
Go for it…if you have enough courage to follow the plan through to the end.
This isn’t a game.
Take Care,
S.W.
Hi,
Ive been having a topsy turvy time with the ex and have recently invoked NC – she got really mad with me, over some silly broadband bill but really it was because im not her puppy anymore. However i have only found this site in the last few days and dont know if its too late to send the NC message – she will prob be in touch in the next few days as we still ahve a flat (and a cat) that we are moving out of end of the month, which just happens to be her 21st. I instictively sent her a kind of NC message (im quite switched on about relationships) but not the word for word one – i know for a fact she has been playing the field in the month since we broke up (mar 3) and i know that she ahs slept with at least two guys – 1 of which was the cause of the break up. Shall i still send NC message or will this just look odd?
Also – i am not going to contact her at all on her 21st b-day which i was going to propose to her on! and she knows this now
Pawel wrote:
Hi,
You need to send the correct NC message to start “your” personal evolution, this has nothing to do with your ex, understand?
Fuck what she thinks, this is about you.
What are you more worried about getting your life/ex back, or looking foolish?
Your Choice.
If you want your life back again, read the free plan, and follow ALL the steps in it, OK?
Take Care,
S.W.
Ok scott will do!
I’ve blocked her on all my facebook etc – thatll be the test for me not checkign everything she is doing – changing her profile pics to slutty ones…last time i looked there were pics of me all over FB – me and her…i will send the NC message now and then join the forum.
You da man!
Pawel wrote:
Great Job! :thumbup:
I just booted someone from our forum for looking at her ex’s facebook, and then freaking out.
You just kicked their ass with NC, what do you think they are going to do…they are going to post shit on FB to piss you off, right?
90% (if not more) of the members recommend deleting them from FB, it only helps your personal evolution.
Stay Strong! :rambo:
S.W.
i have been ignoring my ex for a few weeks now but i answer him every 3 or 4 days or so then i am always the one that ends the conversation. he has said he misses me a couple of times and i have ignored that. is there something else i should say when he says he misses me?
also, what exactly do u mean by the NC msg? is it just a msg that tells ur ex not to contact u?
need help says:
Hi,
Good question, and you will find all the answers in the free plan on my Blog.
Go read the free plan, and follow ALL the steps, and learn how to get your ex boyfriend back by getting your life back first.
Take Care,
S.W.
Can I ask one little question please?
What do you do, if your ex pulls suddenly the no contact on you, three months after you sent the no contact message?
Should we ignore it and just go on with our personal development?
ingriSoul says:
Hi,
I don’t see how your ex boyfriend could use no contact “on you” when you are correctly following free plan, are you following the free plan?
Did you follow ALL the steps?
If so, just ignore his message, and if not, start following the free plan today.
Take Care,
S.W.
I’ve been in a 8 yearplus relationship with my ex. We’re different cultures. We also have an 6 year old daughter. He is with someone else becoause he claims it makes his family happy. I found out 4 days ago and instituted the No contact rule. I used the one that says… he breaks up with me. He keeps textn and calling. I have another daughter who will be 12 tomorrow. He called today i didnt know that it was him calling. At first shocked almost didnt know what to do. i said hi and he asked if he can drop off her birthday gift tomorrow. I said ok but i did let him know that contacting me besides matters that concern our daugter is not ok. please respect that. and i gave him the no contact rule again. It hurt so bad. i feel so lost. When he text and call although i dont respond it throws off whole day off. Its difficult to sleep when he tries to call. He isnt taking this seriously because i heard a smile in his voice. Like he will succeed. He chose another why is he calling me everyday. I get so angry. I love him and at the same time i feel relief that its over. what am i to do?
Hi,
Just keep ignoring his attempts to get you to break NC, and stick to the plan, he will get tired and that “smile” will fade from his voice…believe me.
Make sure you read and follow ALL the steps in the free plan here on my Blog.
The NC message is only one of many steps that you need to take to complete your personal evolution.
Stay Strong!
S.W.
Hi Scott, I initiated the no contact recommended. We have a 6 year old daughter. He usually takes me grocery shopping..I dont have a working car. I have followed the no contact. He calls and text everyday. Today he seemed upset that I havent responded to his contact efforts. His text read “all i ask is how you and everyone doing thats all. just say good”. he didnt receive a response. As he’s my only reliable transport to the grocery store..taxi..its difficult to get one. Do i let him take me?
Hi,
If you want to avoid problems and succeed getting your life back asap, you need to find alternate transportation.
It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see this is leading to trouble.
Use your common sense, and keep ignoring his “empty” chit-chat texts.
After all you asked for no contact, correct? If this person really wanted to be ‘friends” he would fucking respect your request…right?
Actions speak louder than words.
Take Care,
S.W.
Hey Scott,
I sent my ex the No Contact message, and he immediately replied with, “No, please. Don’t contact me, ever. Even in the future, I don’t want it. I don’t want to speak to you. Move on with your life.” and just got really defensive, rude and became firm with his decision. He then continued on to ask me again to stop contacting him and to leave him alone, and it was really weird. I never seen it coming to this, but again, no one does. How do I deal with this and what happens now? I mean, what do I do now?
Anisa says:
Hi,
Your ex loves the drama, doesn’t he…over react, much?
What do you do?
He told you what to do, and I will help you do it…how’s that?
Hopefully you did 2 things correctly:
1. You sent the recommended NC message as outlined in the free plan (without changes).
2. You didn’t reply to all his bullshit drama, that’s what he was trying to get you to do, respond, and beg, and plead…etc.
If you screwed up on either 1 or 2 you need to send the NC message again, and then leave it alone.
Next you need to go read the free plan on my Blog, and follow ALL the steps.
Thank you for writing.
Take Care,
S.W.
Hello, I have an issue that I have not seen addressed. I suspect that my ex has seen this site or something like it, because she sent me an email last week that looks pretty much exactly like the No Contact initiative that you talk about. I did many of the incorrect things you mentioned. In my desperation I came across this website and now I think I see how she is thinking. Should I still try sending no contact note myself or go with hers and find something else to do with my time?
Hi,
Since the free plan is about getting your life back, not your ex, it doesn’t matter who sent who a message first.
If you want to evolve past the break up, get your life back, and reveal your ex’s true feelings for you, use the free plan.
Go read the free plan here on my Blog, and follow ALL the steps.
Thank you for writing.
Take Care,
S.W.
Hi Scott
I wrote to you many months ago last time. I was doubtful of your method, but in the end i did it anyway. It was in january. She was my wife, we got divorced in december, she left me ( and cheated ) for 21 year old coworker, shes 10 years older then him. They are together for last 8 months! Last time i saw her was also 8 months ago, in august’10. Well, i feel i bit better with myself, but still miss her very much and clinging to hope, that she might contact me or something. Because i filed for divorce based on adultery, i think that convinced her, that i don’t want to have nothing to with her at all. Question is what i should do now? Is 8 months already not too late to have hope, that she would like to be with me again? I know, that you not want to join couples together, but help to get back our devasteted lives, but i need to ask. Shold i try ask her out, even if i have strong feeling that her relationship with the other man developed to the point, that is no longer rebound, if it was?
Please, let me have your answer.
All the best. Matt
Matt says:
Hi,
If you are following the free plan then you should be working on getting your life back, not your ex wife.
Your wife cheated on you, and lives with another man, there is nothing you can do to make her want you back, she has to decide this for herself.
But, you do have control over your own life and happiness. You can be happy without your unfaithful ex wife.
Focus on getting your life back as a single man.
This could be the determining factor in getting all the things you want.
As long as you “cling to hope” you are not evolving past the breakup/divorce, and this will not help you get your ex wife back, or have a new relationship with another woman.
You will be FUCKED.
And you are doing it to yourself.
The free plan works if you really focus on following ALL the steps, and use our support system “correctly”.
Just sending the recommended no contact message is not nearly enough, you have to personally and emotionally evolve, not just wait around for your ex wife to come back.
Thank you for writing.
Take Care,
S.W.
Dear Scott W.:You sound very wise! The NC process sounds promising, but before I embark on this process, how can the Reconnect phaze ever happen if I was in a long distance relationship? How can I ever suggest “meeting for coffee” when he lives 3 states away? P.E.
Hi,
Long distance relationship reconnection techniques are covered in the free plan.
Go read the free plan to get your ex back on my Blog, and follow ALL the steps.
Thank you for writing.
Take Care,
S.W.
Scott,
I’m in a fairly confusing situation, and I’m not sure if the NC plan will work for me due to a few circumstances.
We have a child together, and are expecting our second within a few weeks. We are not living together right now as he is in another province for work, but he spends some weekends here with us as that is the only way for him to get to spend time with our son. As long as his employer will allow when the time comes, he will be spending some time here after the new baby is born. NC would be impossible with him under the same roof, but I know that I could keep any conversation strictly about the children and every day things.
I’m not sure if the timing is right, but I don’t want to hold this off much longer. I’ve been told to go NC in the past, and have just been too chicken shit to do it until now.
What would you recommend?
Thank you,
Amy
Hi,
You’re right it is confusing.
Did you break up, what’s the story?
He gets you pregnant (twice) but he doesn’t want to be with you?
I help people survive a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex boyfriend back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.
It is your life, you have to decide what you want. If you want something better you have to get off your ass and go for it.
If you want to reveal your ex boyfriend’s true feelings for you go read the free plan to get your ex back, heal your broken heart, and get your life back.
As far as how to handle visitations with the kids, that is explained in the free plan as well.
Thank you for writing.
Take Care,
S.W.
PS – As far as whether the time is right…I would suggest you do it before he gets you pregnant again.
Thanks for the reply,
Yes, we are broken up. Have been for a few months. He’s in what I like to call “limbo land”, where he says he doesn’t know what he wants or if he still loves me the same but that he does still love me and doesn’t want to let go in case it’s a mistake.
I’m tired of the mind fuck, and need to do something about it. The last year of our relationship has been a complete mess. Of course I would like him to realize he does still love me the same, but more importantly, I need to get my life back together. I’m not even sure if our relationship would be salvageable and it’s hard to figure that out when he’s still contacting me everyday.
I was just concerned about it being much more difficult to do right now considering the circumstances, but the more I think about it, the more I know this is something I need to do.
Girlfriend broke up with me a month ago. Still hurts like hell. Shes only tried to contact me once and thats because I was wanting an answer. Since then its mostly bene No Contact
Want to sign up to the plan. Have just sent her your No Contact message word for word.
Dear S.W.,
I went through your free plan and also the most importantly the NC msg. I did send the exact word to word ( without any changes ) NC Msg to my ex boyfriend yesterday and he replied after a couple of hours saying that I should take care and asking about my europe tour ! But I didnt reply to his email till now and dont intend to do it…
Now what should you think that I should be doing next?
If I follow NC correctly then in how much time he should be contacting me again..one thing he is a very serious guy and its very difficult to get several messages out of him…
Also its my bday next week and if he wishes me over e mail then shd I respond?
Waiting for your reply…!
Good day
Dee
Hi,
What should you do next?
Follow ALL the rest of the steps in the free plan, and remember this is about getting your life back, not your ex boyfriend.
If he wishes you a happy birthday, just reply thank you, that’s it, no more replies after that.
You can use the no contact rule to reveal your ex boyfriend’s true feelings for you if you use it correctly, and you are patient.
I help people survive a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex lover back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.
Go read the free plan to get your ex back and follow ALL the steps to heal your broken heart, evolve past the breakup, and get your life back again.
Thank you for writing.
Take Care,
S.W.
Hey S.W.
How r u? u probably dont get asked that much!
On day 6 of no contact woohoo and feeling great!
had a mess up sending my NC message, i wrote ill be in touch instead of i will be in touch. Probably doesnt even matter but when i realised the mistake (dam touch screen phone) through my teary eyes i sent the corrected version the next day word for word. he wrote back to the first one saying.. ‘o well, i hope everything works out for you. i love u and wish u the best. see ya around.x’ What do you make of that Scott?
i didnt reply of course, just sent him the word for word NC message the next day when i realised the mistake cuz i wanted to be on the exact same plan as everyone else trying to get their lives back. He understandably did not reply. I hope i didnt take away its punch by having to send it twice but hey im on the free plan now so who cares, it all about me!
I should say at the start of the ‘break’ as he called it, I was the one pleading to get him back then my tune changed and i said fuck this so i started standing up for myself and guess what he then started saying he would get back with me if he could and that he loves me and blah blah blah then he started saying it was actually a break up. He confused me more than anything. He said he’d ring me to meet up then never text, second time in a week he did that so thats when i decided fuck this, im sending the NC message and here i am 6 days later NC’ing his ass and im sure hes expecting me to cave any day but im not going to. I was with him for nearly 6 years so its going to be hard, but i truly believe i deserve better and need help to get on and get my life back.
this forum is great, i definitely wouldnt have known how to even go about sending a NC message if i hadnt ended up here let alone the strenght to not contact him. thanks so much Scott
Hi,
Resending the NC message didn’t look bad because he contacted you in-between them, even if he didn’t, the NC message is about you, not him.
This is about getting your life back, not getting your ex boyfriend back.
Stick to the no contact rule at all costs, this is the only way to quickly evolve past the break up, leave the failed relationship behind, and prepare yourself for the next chapter of your life.
You have been stuck re-reading (reliving) the same old chapter over and over.
Now it is time to write the next chapter.
Stay Strong and Positive!
S.W.
PS – You’re Welcome!
I’m wondering if there is a length of time that may have passed to make it too late to get my ex back, also, what if he is in another relationship now? I did the breaking up, which he fought tooth and nail, but later, I regretted it. He eventually found another girl, the only one he dated since me. I’m feeling a little out of my element here. Please help, thank you!
Hi,
If you were truly in love, I don’t think it will ever be too late to get back together.
You can use the no contact rule to evolve past the breakup, and reveal your ex boyfriend’s true feelings for you.
I help people survive a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex lover back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.
Go read the free plan to get your ex back and follow ALL the steps to heal your broken heart, evolve past the breakup, and get your life back again.
Thank you for writing.
Take Care,
S.W.
Thank you so much. I read the plan many times over an found it to be very helpful. You are right, however about needing to examine my motives in wanting to get back together. Thank you very much for answering me so quickly. I’m hoping that eventually everything will be clearer and moving on will be easier. I’ve made several mistakes in this process and am working to correct my errors.
Tami
Hi there,
My ex (who I go to Uni and share lectures with) had told me that she needed time to be by herself, be independent, be single – all the things that we’ve all heard before.
No amount of pleading or promising to change had brought her back (I’m embarrassed to say that I was guilty of these errors!), so I went NC on her – told her that I needed some time to sort myself out, etc…she replied, telling me that she didn’t want to be ignored and still wanted to be friends.
Anyway, I took your advice and sent her the above NC message tonight – word for word – and, in a few minutes, was sent a reply asking (word for word) “Decisions about what?”
I haven’t replied – should I? What should I say – given that I’ll still see her in lectures and around campus?
Any help would be much appreciated.
Kind regards,
K
Quick update that might provide some insight into her mindset (in addition to the above) – after about 30 minutes I then received another message from her saying things to the effect of “when something bad happens to me one day you’re going to realise you wate every single day you refused to have anything to do with me…I’m sure if I wasn’t here anymore you’d be devastated…life is too short to cut people out of it…the fact that you don’t want me in your life at all is the biggest shame…what did you even waste a year with me for.”
What?! What do I even say to that – she seems to be in the “have your cake and eat it too” mindset – so long as I’m around chasing her, she’s happy, but then the moment I turn away and she loses a little control, suddenly she lets rip…
Any help?
Hi,
Good job on sending the no contact message.
This is an average response to receiving the NC message, why?
Because you have taken back control of the situation, that’s all.
The no contact rule only works when you stick to it.
How to handle yourself in public (around your ex) is explained in the free plan under the NC links, just follow them and read all the articles.
I help people survive a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.
Go read the free plan to get your ex back and follow ALL the steps to heal your broken heart, evolve past the breakup, and get your life back again.
Thank you for writing.
Take Care,
S.W.