The Real Truth About The No Contact Rule

It's Time To Learn The Truth About Using The No Contact Rule

 

This article is all about clearing up the mystery and confusion about the no contact rule.

I will explain exactly how it works and how to use it correctly to help you with your relationship problems.

We will explore how NC works, why it works, and what happens during your no contact time that will help heal you, and prepare you for a fresh start with your ex.

We will also debunk a lot of the misconceptions about using the no contact rule to get your ex back.

After reading this article you should have a very good understanding of what to expect when you properly initiate the no contact rule.

 


 

The Break Up

Why You Need to Properly Initiate The No Contact Rule ASAP!

 

Chances are very good that you’re reading this a little too late, but let’s discuss this anyways, OK?

Everyone’s first reaction after a break up is to get their ex back no matter what, this leads to begging, pleading, and even using “guilt” as a tool to get them back.

But what happens?

That’s right, they become even more distant, and this drives you nuts, which causes you to keep repeating the above cycle.

You continue until they either change phone numbers, email addresses, and whatever they can do to stop you from contacting them, or you give up and start to look for help.

The bottom line is…the sooner you stop chasing them (contacting them) the sooner the healing process can begin.

Now, next we will look at a great example of a no contact message to send to get the ball rolling, OK?

 


 

The No Contact Message

How to Write and Send The Proper No Contact Message

 

Now that you have come to your senses and want to make real progress in your attempt to win back your ex, it’s time to write and send your NC message.

A Good NC Message (if they broke up with you)

Hi, I agree with you about the decision to break up, I really believe it was the best thing for both of us. I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over. I would really appreciate it if you didn’t contact me during this time. I will be in touch when I am ready.

A Good NC Message (if you broke up with them)

Hi, I do not regret my decision to break up with you, I really believe it was the best thing for both of us. I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over. I would really appreciate it if you didn’t contact me during this time. I will be in touch when I am ready.

A Good NC Message (if they broke up with you, and you share child custody)

Hi, I agree with you about the decision to break up, I really believe it was the best thing for both of us. I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over. I would really appreciate it if you didn’t contact me during this time, unless it concerns our children. I will be in touch when I am ready.

A Good NC Message (if they broke up with you, and you share a business)

Hi, I agree with you about the decision to break up, I really believe it was the best thing for both of us. I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over. I would really appreciate it if you didn’t contact me during this time, unless it concerns our business. I will be in touch when I am ready.

*You can also substitute bills, accounts, etc. for the word business, or children.

 


*Note – Make sure you only respond to the messages that pertain to shared business, and keep it all about the business at hand.


 

Don’t let your ex steer you off course.

If they try, tell them you are not ready to talk about that, and please stay on the subject.

If they won’t…end your conversation.

NC is NOT about being mean, or hateful.

The no contact rule is about drawing personal boundaries, and defending them, you need time to heal, and you have to fight for your happiness.

 


 

Now!

If you’re not sure if you’re broken up or not (maybe just taking a break)…then use this form of that message to get yourself out of “Relationship Limbo”…OK?

Hi, We need to take a break, I really believe it is the best thing for both of us right now. I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over. I would really appreciate it if you didn’t contact me during this time. I will be in touch when I am ready.

 


 

After you have chosen the appropriate no contact message, how should you send it?

My answer is, whatever way you know for sure, they will get it, and read it…or what’s the point, right?

But!

You do not want to call them and tell them over the phone…OK?

Why?

Because they might hang up on you, and if they don’t they will probably just tune you out…make sense?

Plus you want them to have a copy to read over and over (which they will, believe me).

Next we will cover…The purpose of the no contact message, OK?

 


 

The Purpose of The No Contact Message

What The No Contact Rule Does And Does Not Do

 

Once you send the NC message and your ex tries to contact you, you MUST NOT reply to them, OK?

But!

There will be instances when you need to interact with them, such as:

1. You share children and must discuss matters pertaining to them.

2. You share a business, or work in the same place.

3. You have shared financial matters, a.k.a bills.

In these circumstances you just need to be polite, and do not get lured into a discussion about your/their personal life, the NC message, or the break up.

Just keep it to the point, and all about business…that’s it.

For more information about this topic please read the following article: Learn How to Get Your Ex Back Using The Infamous Missing Link

 


 

What about Social Websites and Mutual Friends?

 

No contact for the most part is to keep your ex from knowing what is going on with you personally, and they will become more and more curious.

It is highly recommended that you close all social accounts like FaceBook, and whatever other sites you waste your time on, and stay away from his mutual friends.

If you must talk to mutual friends, tell them nothing about your personal life.

This will help further down the line when you’re ready to set up a meeting to reconnect in a new relationship with your ex…understand?

Staying away from mutual friends and social websites will also protect you from false rumors sent by your ex to rattle your cage, and make you second guess using NC.

They want you to break no contact so they feel like they are back in control of the situation.

If you can not do these things, you’re NOT SERIOUS enough about using the no contact rule correctly, and your results will reflect your efforts.

In the end, you only get out what you are willing to put in…you reap what you sow.

 


 

Now to address some common questions about using no contact:

 

1. I haven’t spoke to my ex since our last argument. Will I look foolish sending the recommended no contact message, if my ex hasn’t contacted me, in a while?

No, it doesn’t matter how much time has passed since you spoke with your ex.

If you do not send the recommended no contact message, you will not be using NC correctly.

This message is meant to flip both your “switches”, and, start your personal evolution together.

Sending the recommended no contact message (without changes) as outlined in the free breakup survival plan is VERY important, do it ASAP, and, don’t look back.

You will be very glad you did, just like the people here in the break up success stories section of my Blog.

 

2. Won’t it look like I am ignoring my ex therefore making them angry with me?

NO, you sent a NC message asking them to not contact you.

So, if they ignore your request, and, contact you about things other than the ones explained above, you have every right to not reply.

Usually, what they are trying to do is get you to break NC, so, they don’t have to worry about what you’re doing.

You think this is a good thing, but it’s not…why?

Because as long as they know what you’re up to, they will never want you back in a relationship.

You have to be completely gone, before they will start to miss you, and, rethink having you in their life.

Why settle, when they can have their cake, and, eat it too, right?

They get to play the field, while you heel like a nice little puppy.

For more information about this topic please read the following article:

Learn Why Your Ex Will Not Leave You – 2 No Contact Rule Myths Shredded

 

3. Won’t I just drive them into the arms of their new boyfriend or girlfriend?

They are already there, right?

If not, the no contact strategy will not make them do it, and, if they do date someone chances are it’s to make you jealous.

So, when it doesn’t work, where does that leave them?

Now for a quick overview of what using NC will do:

When you send the NC message, you’re telling your ex that you agree with the break up and are no longer “chasing” them.

You’re in a sense turning the tables and flipping a switch in their heads.

They’re used to you pleading and begging and now you suddenly stop…why?

What are these big decisions you have to make…is it about them?

Is this decision about whether to give up on ever coming back to me?

What if I went too far?

The emotionless “clean” message you sent them will have them guessing and putting you on their mind…that’s where you want to be.

 

4. Will the no contact rule work on a narcissist?

Hell ya, it will work.

It will work on anyone who has the ability to feel love, even, if it’s mostly for themselves.

If narcissist’s didn’t need anyone, but, themselves, they wouldn’t ever get into a relationship.

Make sense?

Plus, narcissist’s think so highly of themselves, that they “expect” people to chase after them.

The no contact message pretty much tells them, you are NOT going to chase them, and, you don’t want them to chase you, either.

Don’t try to read too much into this whole process.

The no contact message will put a dent in anyone’s ass, even a narcissist.

Test my theory, send the recommended NC message to your narcissist ex, and, see what happens.

Next, we will discuss what the no contact rule is really all about.

 


 

What The No Contact Rule Is Really About

30 Days and The Healing Process

 

When you initiate the no contact rule you’re in fact putting an end to your old “failed” relationship with your ex.

You know the one that’s been dying for some time…get together…break up…get back together…breakup again…etc.

This break up is actually the best thing that could’ve happened, it was time to move on…move on from that bad relationship.

Break ups do not mean the end of you and your ex ever being together, this is the most important thing you need to realize during your NC time.

You need to put all this behind you and heal yourself emotionally, and prepare to come back and reconnect with your ex…

When you’re ready, do not rush through no contact…

YOU WILL FAIL!

 


 

So What Do You Do While Your In No Contact?

 

Well here’s what you don’t do…sit there counting off 30 days and expecting your ex to come back like magic.

Find any reason (no matter how lame) to break NC and contact your ex out of fear they won’t remember you after 30 plus days of NC.

There is much work to be done during NC and the faster you stop working against the break up and start working with the right tools, the faster you”ll be ready for reconnection, make sense?

During your time alone you will make a list of the pros and the cons of your relationship to figure out if you even want your ex back.

Once you calm down and start thinking you might realize it was a bad match after all, or you will see that it was a great match but there were some issues.

List these issues as something to work on when you get back together with your ex later on.

You also need to examine your past relationship to see where it started to fall apart, ever clue you uncover will give you a better chance at getting your ex and keeping your ex, OK?

The bottom line is NC is not a 30 day thing, it is taking as much time as necessary to calm down, and evaluate your emotional state, work on the past problems, and plan for the future…with or without your ex.

 


 

How Will You Know When You’re Ready To Reconnect With Your Ex?

 

When you call and ask them out to a short meeting (coffee) and they say “no” and you can calmly accept that without panicking.

This is just your first try, there will be more chances to do this again, later on, right?

The fastest way out of relationship limbo, and the “Just Friends Zone”, is to properly use the no contact rule, and stick to it.

 


 

Who Am I and Why Should You Listen to Me?

 

My name is S. Williams, and I have been helping people since 2008 to overcome break up pain, and get their lives back.

I even have an “About” section that I recommend you read.

I realize the address of my site is: How to Get Your Ex Back Fast, but, I “really” teach people how to get their lives back, not just their ex’s.

If you’re interested in working with me (and our forum members) to get your life back, join my free newsletter for access to the Free Breakup Survival Plan, and start getting your life back today.

The answers you need to start your personal evolution are waiting for you, don’t hesitate another minute…come and get them.

Once you get your life back, everything else will just start to fall into place…I promise.

If you have any comments or questions please write them in the comment box below.

If this article was useful or helpful to you in any way, please show your appreciation by sharing it with your friends, just use the buttons below this article.

Until next time,

S. Williams

Copyright © 2008 and beyond – All Rights Reserved Worldwide – You DO NOT have permission to reuse this content in any way, shape, or form.

772 Comments

Add a Comment
  1. I have bought the MOMU. Is that ok? or do I still need the free plan?

    1. Hi,

      MOMU is a great book, but I wrote the free plan to work along with MOMU and the other books/courses out there that are all great but miss the point when it comes to NC.

      Plus, the free plan is FREE, you just have to signup to my newsletter to get the link, and I gave you a link for my newsletter signup in my first reply to you.

      Take Care,

      S.Williams

  2. dear S Williams,
    you are right about the fact that I have been thinking of reconnection since the break up. I will admit to that. But I have felt that I do not need my ex to be happy. In fact I had been doing pretty well the past 2 months, it is the past 3 days that I went into “panic mode” again, thinking that we have not spoken the past 3 months, that he might be getting over me as I was getting over him, and suddenly felt the way I had felt when we had just broken up. I will not reconnect with him during the Christmass season, as you say. I am willing to do what it takes, and listen to your advice. I have to resend the NC message again? thank you very much

    1. Hi,

      Focusing on and anticipating a reconnection stops you from actually moving on and evolving past the break up.

      You won’t be sending the NC message again, because you never sent the right one the first time.

      Sending the right NC message makes all the difference in how fast (and effectively) a person evolves on their personal evolution back to happiness after a breakup.

      You need to read the free plan, and follow all the steps.

      Take Care,

      S.Williams

  3. I am sorry I do not see where the +1 button is! could you please tell me?

    1. It is at the very bottom of each article (not page) it is red and says “g+1

  4. dear S. Williams,
    i was thinking about a reconnection. I mean we have broken up 10 months, he has not contacted me in any way since July, won’t he think I am crazy to tell him please do not contact me? 10 months post breakup out of the blue?
    I know our past relationship is over, I would like a new one with him.

    I have evolved a lot these past months. I have read MOMU, I have run marathons, started professional traing as a swimmer, made new friends, etc. Why would reconnection be a mistake at this point? I would like that. this is what I have been preparing myself for. Thank you again

    1. ophra said:

      i was thinking about a reconnection.

      That is all you have been thinking about since the break up, and that is why you truly have not evolved past the break up – reconnection at this point would most likely end in another break up.

      I have seen it happen – a lot.

      ophra said:

      I mean we have broken up 10 months, he has not contacted me in any way since July, won’t he think I am crazy to tell him please do not contact me? 10 months post breakup out of the blue?

      This is another indication that you are not ready to reconnect, or have evolved past the break up and gotten your life back as a single woman – you worry too much about what “he” thinks…who cares what he thinks – you want to be happy again – don’t you?

      You asked for my advice, and I gave my honest advice – you need to start over and use the no contact rule correctly, if you had done that 10 months ago you would be experiencing a greater sense of freedom and self worth, and you would be happy – not needing your ex.

      You do not need your ex to be happy – that is the number 1 stumbling block for everyone who wants to to get over a break up, and be happy – they refuse to believe that.

      Take Care,

      S. Williams

  5. HI, S. Williams,
    my boyfriend broke up with me 10 months ago, February 2012. I sent an NC message, 2 weeks later saying I agreed with his decision to break up (but not asking him not to contact me).
    Then he contacted me in April, May, June and July We also bumped into each other several times in June, July. I did not give in to his advances (offer to go to a party, watch movies at my place) but told him to go for a coffee, for which he was late, so I cancelled it, because I had to go to the movies with my dad, and was running out of time. He proposed to meet after the movies I refused. Fast foward a couple of weeks (still July) I bump into him at a bar. I was with two male friends of mine, and he came and sat to the table next to us. He said that I was beautiful, and that I should go and find my boyfriend. (he thought my male friend was my boyfriend- he had left to another bar.) I told him he was just my friend and that he was really jealous. He said “you can’t imagine how much”. I said “well I have to go” and I saw he was extremely irrtated.

    I bumped into him two months later. (September) I greetd him, we chated and i said “i will call you for coffee next week” he said “call me”. So I called him, for the first time since our break up, 5 days later. He sounded very irritated at the telephone, asked who it was (had deleted my number obviously) and I asked if he wanted to go for coffee Tuesday or Wednsday, or else the following week. He said “I can not go for a coffee” “generally”.

    I now regret pushing him away during the summer, and leaving when he admitted to being jealous. I feel this was his way of admitting he had feelings for me. I thought he would re-contact me, but he never did, and rejected my offer for coffee in September.

    I am reallly sad again the past few days. We have not spoken since September. I still want him, and find it inconceivable that it is over. I want to contact him but i am scared of his reaction.

    I have been reading HOW TO KICK LOVES ASS every day. I would like to hear your advice on what i should do. We have broken up since February and I only contacted him once in September. I am thinking of calling him during the Christmass season.

    Thank you

    1. ophra said:

      I sent an NC message, 2 weeks later saying I agreed with his decision to break up (but not asking him not to contact me).

      Hi,

      That was your first mistake, if you want to be successful using the no contact rule you need to send the recommended NC message as outlined in the free plan.

      All the successful people who posted success stories on my Blog did.

      ophra said:

      I still want him, and find it inconceivable that it is over.

      This mindset will keep you trapped in relationship limbo forever – you must move on and let go of the past, and your break up.

      Once again – All the successful people who posted success stories on my Blog and in our forum did.

      ophra said:

      We have broken up since February and I only contacted him once in September. I am thinking of calling him during the Christmass season.

      That would be a mistake.

      Why don’t you give yourself an early Xmas present and start using the free plan (correctly) to start your personal evolution, and get your life back again.

      And yes…that means sending your ex the recommended NC message (no changes) as outlined in the free plan, it doesn’t matter how long you have been broken up, or if you already sent “some sort of” a NC message already – trust me…it doesn’t matter – JUST DO IT!

      I help people get over a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.

      Go read the free plan to get your ex back and follow ALL the steps to get over a broken heart, evolve past the breakup, and get your life back again.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

      IMPORTANT – If you found this information helpful or useful, please give me a “+1” rating by using the colored “+1 button” at the top or bottom of the above article. I’d really appreciate it.

  6. After being delirious and ridiculous…calling, texting, showing up at his house…I’ve sent my NC letter via text and got a response “k”. Now, I’m not going to contact or respond. I’m getting my life back! Thank you!

    1. You’re Welcome! 🙂

      I hope you used the recommended NC message as outlined in various articles on my Blog, and the free plan.

  7. Hi,
    After being in a 4 year relationship, he says he “doesn’t know” how he feels and ends it. I, go through the motions of being hysterical, begging, etc. During which he pretty much ignores me. I stopped contacting him for about 2 weeks and then sent a bunch of texts tonight- none of which he responded to. I then came across this website… Sent the NC word-for-word… about 3 minutes later he responds, saying “okay, let me know if/when you want me to contact you”. I (in shock) do not respond… about 3 minutes after that… he says “I miss you, I want to talk to you, I’m sorry I didn’t get your messages until now” (that last part’s bull***, im sure). So now do I answer? I’m unsure how long I should wait. That was what I wanted, wasn’t it?
    Maggie

    1. Hi,

      Do not respond, stay in no contact.

      The no contact rule (the way I advise people to use it) is explained in the free plan.

      I would give it 12 months of NC, and see how you both feel after one year apart.

      If you go back too soon, you will end up right where you are now (broken up) in a very short time.

      I help people get over a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.

      Go read the free plan to get your ex back and follow ALL the steps to get over a broken heart, evolve past the breakup, and get your life back again.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

      IMPORTANT – If you found this information helpful or useful, please give me a “+1” rating by using the colored “+1 button” at the top or bottom of the above article. I’d really appreciate it.

  8. hi scott,i sent no contact letter,hi we need to take a break,i really believe its the best for both us right now.i have some big decisions to make and i need some time to think them over.i would really appreciate it if you didnt contact me during this time.i will be in contact when i am ready.he replied straight away accusing me of trying out a new guy.i resent the no contact letter.he then sent another msg,saying “listen theres no need to contact me bye dianna” i did not reply.im really trying to be strong.i dated him for 2yrs.but the last mth has been horrible just friends,that really hurt.and i couldnt keep putting myself thro that.ive stopped going to my local club.even tho he drives 20 e/way twice a wk to go there still.grr.help

    1. ps ,my son lives opp my club.which is handy,he tells me, the exes car is in carpark.so i know to avoid going.

  9. After sending the NC what if he doesn`t respond?

    What does it mean?

    1. Hi,

      It means that your ex is respecting your request for no contact.

      Don’t worry about how your ex responds, it doesn’t matter.

      I help people get over a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.

      Go read the free plan to get your ex back and follow ALL the steps to get over a broken heart, evolve past the breakup, and get your life back again.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

      IMPORTANT – If you found this information helpful or useful, please give me a “+1” rating by using the colored “+1 button” at the top or bottom of the above article. I’d really appreciate it.

  10. Hi Scott,

    I had a few questions before initiating the NC rule. Just a quick background, my bf and I broke a month ago. He broke up with me. Our last contact was this past Saturday. I actually wrote you a more detailed e-mail and sent it but then I read again that this would get a faster response so I wanted to post some quick questions here.

    1. He has all his stuff back, including the scrapbook I made him for our one year anniversary. He cherished that. At one point during the last few weeks he did say that he looks at those pictures from time to time since he deactivated his face book last year and can’t look at our pictures online. I was working on one for our two year anniversary as well, but I never finished it. We made it to two years and two moths. All the pictures are there though, but it is not decorated completely. Do I give him that before NC so he can remember the good times and have that to look back on?

    2. He bought a project car to work on and it is in my garage. It does not run, but he bought an engine for it and his friend will install it at the end of March. It would be very difficult for him to find a place that he can keep it. I know he had wanted to come and work on it a bit too, but I know that NC means he cannot so I will not entertain that option. I asked him at one point if he was just using me for my garage and he said that he was not. He seemed disappointed that I asked that and thought that of him. He said if that’s what you truly think about me then I’ll just have it towed. Do I alter the NC message to say this: (it will be a text)

    You were right. I agree with you about the decision to break up, it really was the best thing for the both of us. I have some big decisions to make and I need time to think them over. I would really appreciate it if you didn’t contact me during this time unless you just need to pick up your car so the engine can be installed. I’ll be in touch with you when I am ready.

    3. I know I have to, but I am sacred to say that I believe it is the best for us alone. Part of me wants to say, “I do believe it is the best for us right now.” I want him to see it as not the end of us completely, but as the chance to grow and evolve so that if it is right, we may come back together one day after that. I am scared if I leave out the “right now,” he will he will extinguish every last thought of ever trying again. Words of reason or encouragement would be great…

    4. Do I need to deactivate my facebook account, even though he isn’t on there anymore? He hasn’t been for several months now.

    I hope that you get a chance to read the e-mail that I sent and respond.

    Thank you in advance for your help and all that you do.

    Sincerely,
    Ellie

    1. Hi,

      This is about evolving past the break up, and getting your life back, so you shouldn’t stop at anything to succeed.

      Have him get his car out of your garage, this will only lead to trouble, and as long as you let him use your garage, he will think he stills has a foot in the door.

      This will not help either of you.

      I recommend you add this line in your version of the NC message:

      “I would really appreciate it if you didn’t contact me during this time, and you move your car out of my garage ASAP.”

      How selfish can your ex be to think that it will not bother you to see him working on his car in your garage.

      The relationship ended, and that means he needs to move his car out of your garage, it is only fair.

      I help people survive a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex boyfriend back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.

      Go read the free plan to get your ex back and follow ALL the steps to heal your broken heart, evolve past the breakup, and get your life back again.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

      IMPORTANT – If you found this information helpful or useful, please give me a “+1” rating by using the colored “+1 button” at the top or bottom of the above article. I’d really appreciate it.

  11. OK I will read the Free Plan again and again to see where I skipped. Sorry and Thank you

    1. Hi,

      What you really need to do, is re-read is the email you received after you registered for our forum.

      There are specific instructions that you must follow exactly to be approved for membership.

      Everything you need to know and do is contained in that email.

      Many people have successfully registered without any problem so I know it is not too difficult, you just have to pay attention, and read.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

  12. Scott,

    Unfortunately I coulnt joined your forum. I did everything you asked me to but I think I am banned. I think you have made it sooooo complicated and difficult. I wish it were more easier to use. I need to talk to someone in my situation to share our ideas and support each other. I dont know how to do that. Can I leave my email here so other people can send me mail if they are in the same situation?

    1. Jack_53 said:

      Unfortunately I coulnt joined your forum. I did everything you asked me to but I think I am banned. I think you have made it sooooo complicated and difficult. I wish it were more easier to use.

      Hi,

      You DID NOT do everything that was completely explained in the email you receive after you register, if you did would be able to post in our forum.

      There is a very good reason for asking “all” prospective forum members to do “all” the things in that email, it sorts out the people who have what it takes (to succeed with the free plan) from the people who don’t…it is just that simple.

      I am a one man operation, I don’t have time to monitor and control people after they become forum members and spew crappy posts all over our forum.

      I can tell how serious they are by how effectively they perform the few “simple tasks” outlined in the registration email, and guess what?

      It works!

      I do have to ban some people even after they “fake” their way through the registration process, but very few.

      The cold hard truth is, if you couldn’t manage to follow a couple simple tasks that are completely outlined for you in an email, you weren’t going far with the free plan anyways.

      What does this mean to you?

      It means you need to get a hold of yourself emotionally before you start trying to join any plan to get your life (or your ex) back again.

      The best plan in the world will fail if the person trying to follow it is bouncing all over the place just looking for sympathy and attention.

      If you just need someone to talk to, you can do that in any of the 100’s of other relationship forums out there…why don’t you try one of them out?

      Just search for: relationship+forum

      You will find plenty of them to choose from.

      Our forum is for serious people who want to follow a “proven plan” using the no contact rule, and get their lives back again.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

      PS – If you leave your email here you will probably get more spam than anything else, try searching for another forum to join.

  13. Yes which is really annoying. I guess my NC wont really make a difference or any impact? I feel like he just heard what he really wished to hear.

    1. Dear Amanda,

      Dont hurry ! Scott believes in his theory. We should believ it too. You shouldnet expect immediate response. It seems like a marathon. Do not expect a miracle in a flash. I am also in the same shoes. Waiting for the result.

    2. Amanda said:

      I guess my NC wont really make a difference or any impact?

      Hi,

      The most IMPORTANT ingredient in any plan, or strategy, is your attitude.

      Your negative attitude sucks, and this will only attract more of the same (negative results) into your life.

      The Law of Attraction is real, and it is working all the time, you decide whether it works for you, or against you.

      Your break up could just be the tip of the iceberg (as far as bad things happening to you), if you don’t change your negative attitude…asap!

      What do I mean by negative attitude?

      Is the glass half empty or half full?

      OK, after reading your last comment I would definitely say you think the glass is half empty.

      What do I think (more like know)?

      The glass is definitely half full, why?

      Your ex’s response to your NC message shows he stills cares, and he was trying to scare you into believing he doesn’t.

      Otherwise he wouldn’t have felt compelled to contact you so quickly after you sent him the no contact message.

      He was hurt and scared, and he was trying to make you feel the same way, and you let him.

      You have the power now, and you control what happens in your life, and with your happiness, not your ex.

      This isn’t about getting your ex to come back (that part is easy), this is about finding out if your ex is even worth getting back in the first place, this part takes time, commitment, and courage (not so easy).

      If you focus on getting your life back, and not just on getting your ex back…you win, and winner takes all.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

  14. Hi I just sent my NC text word to word. He replied ” Ok. I promise.” What should I think of it?

    1. Hi,

      You can be assured that he received your NC message, and that he can’t follow directions.

      Your NC message specifically asked him NOT to contact you, and that was the first thing he did.

      This is about getting your life back, and if you focus on analyzing your ex instead of evolving past the break up you will fail to get your ex back, your life back, or to ever feel better again.

      Is that what you want?

      I help people survive a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex boyfriend back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.

      Go read the free plan to get your ex back and follow ALL the steps to heal your broken heart, evolve past the breakup, and get your life back again.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

      IMPORTANT – If you found this information helpful or useful, please give me a “+1” rating by using the colored “+1 button” at the top or bottom of the above article. I’d really appreciate it.

  15. Hi Scott,

    first of all, thank you for taking the time to offer advice and a word of encouragement.

    I met this guy 4 years ago and there were strong feelings for each other at the time but life got in the way and we lost touch for a couple of years. We recently rekindled our friendship and it was clear the feelings were still there. We met and everything was great and we wanted to meet again. About a week later he tells me he has a girlfriend, that he is unhappy in the relationship and doesn’t love her, but he’s finding it difficult to break up with her cause she moved to be closer to him. I’ve had my share of liars and I have seen how he handles his relationships, so I know he’s being honest about it.

    I played it cool, was very understanding and nice about it, even joked. But as the conversation went on and he was telling me how things happened between them, I was in disbelief. She basically told him they were in a relationship and he just said… ok, and gave in. I was so perplexed I basically told him he needed to grow a pair, grow up, be accountable for his decisions (or lack thereof), how could he let that happen and they say it’s her fault. He got pissed and left me speaking by myself.

    The day after I emailed him telling him he had to fight for the things he wants, for his happiness, just said what a friend that doesn’t encourage self-pity would say. I was sympathetic but assertive. He didn’t reply. A few days later I went online and we chatted on IM, and even though I said everything’s fine on my end and he said ok, he was being really cold and distant with me. Which I understand. I told him a lot of things that probably were hard to listen because he’s just pretending it will all go away by itself while doing nothing about it.

    It’s been 3 weeks and we haven’t been in touch, I’m just letting him be. No chatting online, no text messages, no Facebook interaction. We live in different towns so I don’t have to worry about bumping into him. My question is. He was sort of chasing me for months and last time we spoke, it felt I was chasing him. We weren’t in a relationship so I’d like to ask your advice about sending the NC message to him (or a version of it). Just being in NC without sending a message of some sort, I don’t feel like I’m flipping the switch for me or him. I felt like by leaving him alone in his unhappy relationship is making him realise what he’s missing out on with me, or other people. I want to leave the door opened because I’m truly interested in him but moving on with my life. The NC message would be perfect if we had been in a relationship but under these circumstances I’m not sure if I just keep this NC the way it is or send some kind of message.

    Thank you so much for taking the time to read this and would love your input and advice. All the best!

    1. Hi,

      Why would you be “interested” in a wuss that can’t speak up for himself?

      I don’t believe this other woman “forced him” to be in a relationship with her, and she probably makes him have sex too.

      Oh, what torture!

      You’re right about using the no contact rule without an NC message, it is pretty much useless.

      As far as sending an NC message just send the one that talks about “taking a break”, because you are taking a break away from each other.

      Don’t edit anything, just leave as it is, or don’t send it at all.

      Even though you never made it “official”, it still like felt it was heading that way, right?

      If I were you, I would make it a permanent break, he sounds like a loser, or a liar, or both.

      Don’t assume to know people, judge them by their “current” actions, not their words.

      I help people survive a break up and get their lives back, not get their (almost) boyfriend back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.

      Go read the free plan to get your ex back and follow ALL the steps to heal your broken heart, evolve past the breakup, and get your life back again.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

      IMPORTANT – If you found this information helpful or useful, please give me a “+1” rating by using the colored “+1 button” at the top or bottom of the above article. I’d really appreciate it.

  16. Hi SW,
    I went on my first outing with my ex and things were going ok. One of my guy friends called and I was genuinely happy to hear from him since it has been a while. It got a little awkward after… is this really bad?

    1. Hi,

      I would guess it is pretty rude to take a phone call (unless it was an emergency) when you are on a date with someone.

      You should have you cell phone shut off and give your date your full attention.

      If you were following chapter 6 of MOMU, it was supposed to be a very short (30 minute) get together for coffee, so you could have returned the call after your meeting was over.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

  17. Hi,

    So a text message is preferred than a hand-written letter that I can give along with her stuff?

    Thank you!

    1. Hi,

      If you hand her a hand-written note she will read it right there, and commence to question you about it.

      Doesn’t make much sense…does it?

      Believe me, my way of doing it will work much better.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

  18. Hi S. Williams,

    After reading your perspective on “No Contact”, I find it very informative and quite revolutionary since it includes a “No Contact Message”.

    My situation, however, is that we have been broken up for a bit over 1 week and last night I just texted her “Hey ___, I still have feelings for you. So after this, please stop contacting me” and basically we were just going to meet up to return personal belongings.

    The date to meet up is actually tomorrow night and I was wondering if it would be a good idea to enclose a copy of your no contact message (as well as a spray of cologne she liked on me when we first started)?

    So is it a good idea to send this message on top of the text I sent earlier? Does the no contact message apply to female dumpers (since I noticed many of your subscribers are females being broken up by their boyfriend)?

    1. Hi,

      The no contact message works in any break up situation.

      Wait until you exchange your stuff, and then after you leave, text her the recommended no contact message as outlined in the free plan…no cologne scented letter.

      I help people survive a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex girlfriend back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.

      Go read the free plan to get your ex back and follow ALL the steps to heal your broken heart, evolve past the breakup, and get your life back again.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

      IMPORTANT – If you found this information helpful or useful, please give me a “+1” rating by using the colored “+1 button” at the top or bottom of the above article. I’d really appreciate it.

  19. Hi SW, I sent the NC letter about 2.5 months ago and didn’t contact him since. I was studying in another country and now I’m home. I feel like the NC letter and the whole process really helped me move past a lot of things. Now that I’m home, I still do miss him and want to try one last time to see if its meant to be. I don’t know if I’m ready to initiate contact yet, which probably means I’m not, but I was wondering if there is such a thing as having too much time pass?

    1. Hi,

      There is no such thing as waiting too long.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

      1. do not even know where to start and how to manage except day by day… circumstances are sifi to fictional if written out – or verbally passed on. did not find anything not tried and not even sure what I WANT or do not want – though at times it seems I do know… no games, that was all asked and I have lost life, a tonof money, any home and a lot of trust and self respect – stolen from and stalked and not even sure how much —- ya know what? sure your site helps some. I will stop here and wish you well and best regards with your efforts – even to help a few or masses, all the best to you. it has been a very long time, and i cannot even get to point of reading this material with out being tearful somewhat and upset – just lost. the one step… i need to accept all the horrible truth of being used and run far away and stay away. change MY life and give up on anyone who does not care for me as i care for them. i am older and should know better… split milk and a life lost. a good one. hopeful and god willing me strength, it will be good again and with one who really is sincere for me, and like wise.

        1. Hi,

          Sounds like you don’t have a problem feeling sorry for yourself, and that will only hold you back.

          My Blog and the free plan helps those who are willing to help themselves.

          Just like anything in life you get out what you put in, and sometimes you get more or less, but that should never stop you from always putting your all into everything you do.

          Trying is not the same as “doing”.

          I help people survive a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.

          Go read the free plan to get your ex back and follow ALL the steps to heal your broken heart, evolve past the breakup, and get your life back again.

          Thank you for writing.

          Take Care,

          S.W.

          IMPORTANT – If you found this information helpful or useful, please give me a “+1” rating by using the colored “+1 button” at the top or bottom of the above article. I’d really appreciate it.

  20. Can I still send this even though it’s been a year? We’ve argued a lot throughout the year, and I think I remember reading that I can send it even if it’s been a long time but I’m not sure where I read that.

    1. Hi,

      Yes, you can, and should, send the recommended NC message as outlined in the free plan, why?

      I help people survive a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex boyfriend back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.

      Go read the free plan to get your ex back and follow ALL the steps to heal your broken heart, evolve past the breakup, and get your life back again.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

      IMPORTANT – If you found this information helpful or useful, please give me a “+1” rating by using the colored “+1 button” at the top or bottom of the above article. I’d really appreciate it.

      1. So basically, this is just about self-control and not letting yourself be influenced by things that have occurred in the past. So when you do go to talk to your ex, you aren’t going to thinking of all the junk that has happened between you both which could essentially cause an argument, but more about attracting them back and letting them realize “Oh, wait. Was that such a good idea?”

        My problem is that I have a hard time letting go of the things he’s said and done, so it causes arguments between us, which obviously reinforces his decision. He said to me once “I probably won’t like you again, unless you changed.” and now I think I can understand what he means.

        I’m lucky though, he still cares about me a lot, he just can’t see himself dating me again. However, I can try to change that with this NC trick. I’ve got nothing to lose, right? 😀

        1. Hi,

          This is NOT a “trick”.

          The no contact rule when used correctly is about YOU personally evolving past the break up, and moving on with your life.

          After a period of 9-12 months you will know if you really want your ex back or not.

          You have to be able to let go of everything about the old failed “relationship”.

          Your time would be better spent reading and following ALL the steps in the free plan to get your ex back fast.

          Thank you for writing.

          Take Care,

          S.W.

  21. Hi S.W,
    I have been reading your website for days, including all free plan, guidelines, etc. and got the book and the audio (they are awesome), and I want to register for the blog. However, i still have a question about the whole getting my life and eventually my ex back.

    We broke up because he is not over his ex girlfriend. He has been very depressed after a year of lots of downs and a few ups (loosing his job, his ex, moving to a new country, etc). I had a great life before I met him and during the first 2 months but his depression, indiference, and obvious lack of interest made me an insecure person, jealous, and I realized that the Ex factor was destroying our relationship and was making me unhappy.

    He broke up with me last week acknowledging how wonderful I am and how much he regrets not being able to love me they way I deserve, and also acknowledging that it was incredible how well we got along together when he was not depressed. He proposed that I looked for him when I felt better and was able to smile again.

    I agreed with the break up (even though i hurt me) and decided to get myself back by not isolating myself, going our with friends, watching funny films, listening to encouraging music, working more hours to keep my mind busy and going back to the gym.

    Now, given the fact that he is still crying his ex, should I still send the NC message and pursue his return to my life?

    I am getting myself back with or without him, but I still wish he healed and we have a 2nd chance.

    Thank you,
    Jen

    1. Jenny said:

      Now, given the fact that he is still crying his ex, should I still send the NC message and pursue his return to my life?

      Hi Jenny,

      If you have been reading the free plan, and the articles on my Blog, you would know that this is about getting your life back, not your ex boyfriend.

      You are not using the no contact rule effectively until you send the recommended NC message as outlined in the free plan.

      I help people survive a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex boyfriend back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.

      Go read the free plan to get your ex back (again) and follow ALL the steps to heal your broken heart, evolve past the breakup, and get your life back again.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

      IMPORTANT – If you found this information helpful or useful, please give me a “+1” rating by using the colored “+1 button” at the top or bottom of the above article. I’d really appreciate it.

  22. would it be alright if I put the phrase ” just want to tell you that” before the NC message and then follow the rest of it exactly as how you want us to write it?

    1. Hi,

      Do not alter the NC message unless told to because of a shared situation as outlined in no contact rule section of the free plan to get your ex back fast.

      And make sure you use the subject line: You were right

      That will get it opened and read.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

  23. I said some things hurt my ex.I think he won’t forgive me.But I love him so much and he love me too.What can I do for him?

    1. Hi,

      You can’t change the past, but you can shape your future by living in the present.

      If your ex boyfriend broke up with you over something you said to him he was probably just looking for a reason to break up.

      Don’t worry about “getting him back”, focus on using the no contact rule to reveal his true feelings for you.

      I help people survive a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex boyfriend back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.

      Go read the free plan to get your ex back and follow ALL the steps to heal your broken heart, evolve past the breakup, and get your life back again.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

      IMPORTANT – If you found this information helpful or useful, please give me a “+1” rating by using the colored “+1 button” at the top or bottom of the above article. I’d really appreciate it.

  24. What if your ex is already seeing someone else? And has not contacted you? Should you still send no contact?

    1. Hi,

      The free plan to get your ex back fast is about using the no contact rule to get your life back, not your ex boyfriend.

      It doesn’t matter what your ex is doing, the NC message is about you, and surviving this break up.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

  25. I used a NC message that was similar to yours a week ago when my bf broke up with me. I just didn’t say I was going into no contact. I just went into it. I said I understood what he was saying about the break up that thing’s just haven’t been right. He asked what I meant..but I never answered cause now I am in NC it’s only been two weeks – but I think the same message went across. Can I still stay in NC cause I don’t want to break it now.. since I am starting to feel a bit better and don’t really want to hear from him anyway at this moment in time.

    and hopefully I didn’t get him pissed by not answering back – I just wanted to get into NC stat.

    1. Hi,

      Hoping the right message was conveyed is not the same as sending the correct NC message.

      If you use the no contact rule correctly you can reveal your ex boyfriend’s true feelings.

      When he replied you should have sent the recommended NC message as outlined in the free plan, why?

      Because it works.

      I help people survive a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex boyfriend back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.

      Go read the free plan to get your ex back and follow ALL the steps to heal your broken heart, evolve past the breakup, and get your life back again.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

      IMPORTANT – If you found this information helpful or useful, please give me a “+1” rating by using the colored “+1 button” at the top or bottom of the above article. I’d really appreciate it.

      1. Should I re- send the correct NC even though it been a week of NC? I just don’t even want to hear from him at the moment. like I can’t be bothered to re open the break up and talk about it. I kind of want to move on and have him reach out to me. THe reason for the break up was because he doesn’t know what he wants in life.. he wants to “find himself” and wasn’t really sure about us. So I think the space is good. I accepted the break up and now in NC. but if it is best to resend it i will.

        1. Yes, re-send the recommended NC message as outlined in the free plan…no changes.

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