The Real Truth About The No Contact Rule

It's Time To Learn The Truth About Using The No Contact Rule

 

This article is all about clearing up the mystery and confusion about the no contact rule.

I will explain exactly how it works and how to use it correctly to help you with your relationship problems.

We will explore how NC works, why it works, and what happens during your no contact time that will help heal you, and prepare you for a fresh start with your ex.

We will also debunk a lot of the misconceptions about using the no contact rule to get your ex back.

After reading this article you should have a very good understanding of what to expect when you properly initiate the no contact rule.

 


 

The Break Up

Why You Need to Properly Initiate The No Contact Rule ASAP!

 

Chances are very good that you’re reading this a little too late, but let’s discuss this anyways, OK?

Everyone’s first reaction after a break up is to get their ex back no matter what, this leads to begging, pleading, and even using “guilt” as a tool to get them back.

But what happens?

That’s right, they become even more distant, and this drives you nuts, which causes you to keep repeating the above cycle.

You continue until they either change phone numbers, email addresses, and whatever they can do to stop you from contacting them, or you give up and start to look for help.

The bottom line is…the sooner you stop chasing them (contacting them) the sooner the healing process can begin.

Now, next we will look at a great example of a no contact message to send to get the ball rolling, OK?

 


 

The No Contact Message

How to Write and Send The Proper No Contact Message

 

Now that you have come to your senses and want to make real progress in your attempt to win back your ex, it’s time to write and send your NC message.

A Good NC Message (if they broke up with you)

Hi, I agree with you about the decision to break up, I really believe it was the best thing for both of us. I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over. I would really appreciate it if you didn’t contact me during this time. I will be in touch when I am ready.

A Good NC Message (if you broke up with them)

Hi, I do not regret my decision to break up with you, I really believe it was the best thing for both of us. I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over. I would really appreciate it if you didn’t contact me during this time. I will be in touch when I am ready.

A Good NC Message (if they broke up with you, and you share child custody)

Hi, I agree with you about the decision to break up, I really believe it was the best thing for both of us. I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over. I would really appreciate it if you didn’t contact me during this time, unless it concerns our children. I will be in touch when I am ready.

A Good NC Message (if they broke up with you, and you share a business)

Hi, I agree with you about the decision to break up, I really believe it was the best thing for both of us. I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over. I would really appreciate it if you didn’t contact me during this time, unless it concerns our business. I will be in touch when I am ready.

*You can also substitute bills, accounts, etc. for the word business, or children.

 


*Note – Make sure you only respond to the messages that pertain to shared business, and keep it all about the business at hand.


 

Don’t let your ex steer you off course.

If they try, tell them you are not ready to talk about that, and please stay on the subject.

If they won’t…end your conversation.

NC is NOT about being mean, or hateful.

The no contact rule is about drawing personal boundaries, and defending them, you need time to heal, and you have to fight for your happiness.

 


 

Now!

If you’re not sure if you’re broken up or not (maybe just taking a break)…then use this form of that message to get yourself out of “Relationship Limbo”…OK?

Hi, We need to take a break, I really believe it is the best thing for both of us right now. I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over. I would really appreciate it if you didn’t contact me during this time. I will be in touch when I am ready.

 


 

After you have chosen the appropriate no contact message, how should you send it?

My answer is, whatever way you know for sure, they will get it, and read it…or what’s the point, right?

But!

You do not want to call them and tell them over the phone…OK?

Why?

Because they might hang up on you, and if they don’t they will probably just tune you out…make sense?

Plus you want them to have a copy to read over and over (which they will, believe me).

Next we will cover…The purpose of the no contact message, OK?

 


 

The Purpose of The No Contact Message

What The No Contact Rule Does And Does Not Do

 

Once you send the NC message and your ex tries to contact you, you MUST NOT reply to them, OK?

But!

There will be instances when you need to interact with them, such as:

1. You share children and must discuss matters pertaining to them.

2. You share a business, or work in the same place.

3. You have shared financial matters, a.k.a bills.

In these circumstances you just need to be polite, and do not get lured into a discussion about your/their personal life, the NC message, or the break up.

Just keep it to the point, and all about business…that’s it.

For more information about this topic please read the following article: Learn How to Get Your Ex Back Using The Infamous Missing Link

 


 

What about Social Websites and Mutual Friends?

 

No contact for the most part is to keep your ex from knowing what is going on with you personally, and they will become more and more curious.

It is highly recommended that you close all social accounts like FaceBook, and whatever other sites you waste your time on, and stay away from his mutual friends.

If you must talk to mutual friends, tell them nothing about your personal life.

This will help further down the line when you’re ready to set up a meeting to reconnect in a new relationship with your ex…understand?

Staying away from mutual friends and social websites will also protect you from false rumors sent by your ex to rattle your cage, and make you second guess using NC.

They want you to break no contact so they feel like they are back in control of the situation.

If you can not do these things, you’re NOT SERIOUS enough about using the no contact rule correctly, and your results will reflect your efforts.

In the end, you only get out what you are willing to put in…you reap what you sow.

 


 

Now to address some common questions about using no contact:

 

1. I haven’t spoke to my ex since our last argument. Will I look foolish sending the recommended no contact message, if my ex hasn’t contacted me, in a while?

No, if you do not send the recommended no contact message, you will not be using NC correctly.

This message is meant to flip both your “switches”, and, start your personal evolution together.

Sending the recommended no contact message (without changes) as outlined in the free breakup survival plan is VERY important, do it ASAP, and, don’t look back.

You will be very glad you did, just like the people here in the break up success stories section of my Blog.

 

2. Won’t it look like I am ignoring my ex therefore making them angry with me?

NO, you sent a NC message asking them to not contact you.

So, if they ignore your request, and, contact you about things other than the ones explained above, you have every right to not reply.

Usually, what they are trying to do is get you to break NC, so, they don’t have to worry about what you’re doing.

You think this is a good thing, but it’s not…why?

Because as long as they know what you’re up to, they will never want you back in a relationship.

You have to be completely gone, before they will start to miss you, and, rethink having you in their life.

Why settle, when they can have their cake, and, eat it too, right?

They get to play the field, while you heel like a nice little puppy.

For more information about this topic please read the following article:

Learn Why Your Ex Will Not Leave You – 2 No Contact Rule Myths Shredded

 

3. Won’t I just drive them into the arms of their new boyfriend or girlfriend?

They are already there, right?

If not, the no contact strategy will not make them do it, and, if they do date someone chances are it’s to make you jealous.

So, when it doesn’t work, where does that leave them?

Now for a quick overview of what using NC will do:

When send that NC message you’re telling your ex you agree with the break up and are no longer “chasing” them.

You’re in a sense turning the tables and flipping a switch in their heads.

They’re used to you pleading and begging and now you suddenly stop…why?

What are these big decisions you have to make…is it about them?

Is this decision about whether to give up on ever coming back to me?

What if I went too far?

The emotionless “clean” message you sent them will have them guessing and putting you on their mind…that’s where you want to be.

 

4. Will the no contact rule work on a narcissist?

Hell ya, it will work.

It will work on anyone who has the ability to feel love, even, if it’s mostly for themselves.

If narcissist’s didn’t need anyone, but, themselves, they wouldn’t ever get into a relationship.

Make sense?

Plus, narcissist’s think so highly of themselves, that they “expect” people to chase after them.

The no contact message pretty much tells them, you are NOT going to chase them, and, you don’t want them to chase you, either.

Don’t try to read too much into this whole process.

The no contact message will put a dent in anyone’s ass, even a narcissist.

Test my theory, send the recommended NC message to your narcissist ex, and, see what happens.

Next, we will discuss what the no contact rule is really all about.

 


 

What The No Contact Rule Is Really About

30 Days and The Healing Process

 

When you initiate the no contact rule you’re in fact putting an end to your old “failed” relationship with your ex.

You know the one that’s been dying for some time…get together…break up…get back together…breakup again…etc.

This break up is actually the best thing that could’ve happened, it was time to move on…move on from that bad relationship.

Break ups do not mean the end of you and your ex ever being together, this is the most important thing you need to realize during your NC time.

You need to put all this behind you and heal yourself emotionally, and prepare to come back and reconnect with your ex…

When you’re ready, do not rush through no contact…

YOU WILL FAIL!

 


 

So What Do You Do While Your In No Contact?

 

Well here’s what you don’t do…sit there counting off 30 days and expecting your ex to come back like magic.

Find any reason (no matter how lame) to break NC and contact your ex out of fear they won’t remember you after 30 plus days of NC.

There is much work to be done during NC and the faster you stop working against the break up and start working with the right tools, the faster you”ll be ready for reconnection, make sense?

During your time alone you will make a list of the pros and the cons of your relationship to figure out if you even want your ex back.

Once you calm down and start thinking you might realize it was a bad match after all, or you will see that it was a great match but there were some issues.

List these issues as something to work on when you get back together with your ex later on.

You also need to examine your past relationship to see where it started to fall apart, ever clue you uncover will give you a better chance at getting your ex and keeping your ex, OK?

The bottom line is NC is not a 30 day thing, it is taking as much time as necessary to calm down, and evaluate your emotional state, work on the past problems, and plan for the future…with or without your ex.

 


 

How Will You Know When You’re Ready To Reconnect With Your Ex?

 

When you call and ask them out to a short meeting (coffee) and they say “no” and you can calmly accept that without panicking.

This is just your first try, there will be more chances to do this again, later on, right?

The fastest way out of relationship limbo, and the “Just Friends Zone”, is to properly use the no contact rule, and stick to it.

 


 

Who Am I and Why Should You Listen to Me?

 

My name is S. Williams, and I have been helping people since 2008 to overcome break up pain, and get their lives back.

I even have an “About” section that I recommend you read.

I realize the address of my site is: How to Get Your Ex Back Fast, but, I “really” teach people how to get their lives back, not just their ex’s.

If you’re interested in working with me (and our forum members) to get your life back, join my free newsletter for access to the Free Breakup Survival Plan, and start getting your life back today.

The answers you need to start your personal evolution are waiting for you, don’t hesitate another minute…come and get them.

Once you get your life back, everything else will just start to fall into place…I promise.

If you have any comments or questions please write them in the comment box below.

If this article was useful or helpful to you in any way, please show your appreciation by sharing it with your friends, just use the buttons below this article.

Until next time,

S. Williams

Copyright © 2008 and beyond – All Rights Reserved Worldwide – You DO NOT have permission to reuse this content in any way, shape, or form.

764 Comments

Add a Comment
  1. I can’t find my nc diary of the forum and I can’t start a new topic or reply. Was I blocked?? Most likely. If so, what did I do to get myself blocked? I gave you any intention that I was not following the rules, I apologize. I was just being honest about my feelings and I am working with myself regardless of my thoughts and emotions. I didnt mean to cause any harm if thats what happened 🙁

    1. Hi,

      You were banned for breaking the rules about posting things on your NC diary that are supposed to be posted in your home personal journal.

      Basically all your negative thoughts and feelings.

      Besides that, you were always taking (asking for support) and hardly ever giving (offering support to others).

      Our forum is a support forum. That means you are there to support other people not just whine about how you feel.

      That is not fair to the other members.

      You can still follow the plan, and if you have a forum buddy you can still support each other privately.

      The only thing ability you have lost is the ability to post on our forum.

      If you’re really serious about using the no contact rule to get your life back you can still do it.

      Thank you for writing,

      Take Care,

      S.W.

      1. About supporting others, I was. I was doing that privately in messages. And I’m sorry that I appeared to be whining and posting negativity, but I was also posting how I was working on myself to get rid of it and following through the plan. And I was asking for support because I thought thats what it was about.

        Now that I understand and see what I was doing wrong because it was brought to my attention, may I please be given another chance? The NC Diary is really helping me and I do want to be apart of the forum. Please and thank you. 🙁

        1. Hi,

          Once you’re banned it is permanent. You should know this from reading the forum guidelines.

          As far as not knowing you were doing anything wrong.

          That is a lie.

          I pointed this same issue out to you a week or so ago. You thanked me and assured me it would not happen again.

          It happened again.

          I explain everything in great detail in the forum guidelines on how members should (and shouldn’t) post.

          You were supposed to have read it, but apparently you didn’t.

          Thank you for writing.

          Take Care,

          S.W.

  2. Hi. My boyfriend of 3 yers, and almost 10 years of being friends came back from an extended holiday last weekend and broke up with me. It came as quite a shock, although if I’m honest I could tell something was up while he was away – we hardly spoke, he didn’t call me for 5 days after he got there – and for a few months we had had problems, mostly down to me. You see when we got together I was recovering from a very bad habit that he made clear there was no room for in his life. I had no issue with this, it was something I was fighting anyway and I believed that finally being with my soulmate whom I had loved from afar for so long would give me the support I needed to finally put the past behind me. This worked for a while, but then when I had to deal with crises including dealing with rape, finding work and family dramas it all got too much and I relapsed. I kept it hidden from him because I believed I could fix myself and I didn’t want to hurt him. I told myself he must never find out and that I would make everything right.

    Anyway, he did find out. We had a huge row and what he was most upset about was the destruction of trust between us. I promised (and meant it – after all, this was the greatest love of my life and I was lead to believe he felt the same) to sort it out and to be honest with him in future. He was so supportive, caring, understanding (thinking about it now I want to shoot myself as I can’t believe I lost the most wonderful man on earth) and went through treatment with me, surprised me by taking me to New York for a ‘well done’ holiday and we were blissfully happy for a while. Everything was as close to perfect as anyone could wish for, we were best friends who had known each other a long time and we looked after each other and the sex was out of this world in quality and quantity. I was so happy but then a year down the line I lost my job and loads of other stuff happened I felt like history was repeating itself and I went back to my bad old ways. In secret. Yep, BIG mistake.

    Again, I told myself I could control it, stop being so weak willed and save what mattered most to me – our relationship. I gave myself a week to sort it out, enlisted some trusted friends and convinced myself that I was protecting him by keeping it secret. I was also deceiving myself as things got out of control, he found out and came back from his trip last week saying that the space had given him the courage to do ‘the right thing’ and end it. He said it had been on the cards for a while, that he couldn’t have the future he wanted with me and I couldn’t possibly change his mind. I said little as I respect him enough not to make more promises that by now just seem empty. I watched him cry his eyes out and felt like such a cow for not holding him in case it confused things. I said I wouldn’t stand in the way of him doing what he believed was right (and I CAN see he had no other option if he needed to break this fucking terrible, tragic cycle)as I am in love with him and all I don’t want him to be with me and be unhappy. He then broke down and cried saying I don’t make him unhappy, he loves me. I wasn’t convinced he stopped wanting to be with me.

    I put on a strong front that night, but the next day bombarded him with begging texts and calls. He replied to every single text within 5 minutes so I thought I had a chance to convince him to see how things could be different if we see this as a new beginning instead of the end, but he said his mind was made up. He then told me about a girl he met on holiday who was ‘beautiful and attracted to’ him and I went insane with jealousy, screaming, crying, swearing at him down the phone. I felt as though I was not getting the full story or the real reason for him dumping me. I tried to make him jealous by saying I had to go as I was meeting a guy, but he rang me back and said now there’s no chance for us getting back together if you’re going out with this other guy tonight. I told him the truth, but even after we got off the phone the texts continued for another 2 hrs until he told me to move on and go to sleep.
    The next day I started NC. I sent the letter last thursday, although a mutual friend just told me he is working out of town for a few days so won’t have received it yet.

    I’ve now in week 3 of being clean and I feel amazing, I forgot how good it feels, I found my inspiration again. I have been seeing friends everyday, treated myself to new clothes, underwear, perfume and have been going to the gym a lot, really working on improving myself and I feel so positive. There is just one thing missing. My whole body aches with this awful dull pain. It is constant, all I want is to hear his voice, see his face, and see him notice that I really have changed. Apart from my breaking heart I have never felt better – other people have even noticed and commented on how great I look. I have a new, dream job and I know for a fact that I am a long way from where I was a year ago. I know I have to make these changes for myself and it feels good, but us being apart feels so wrong. Our love was the only thing I have ever been sure of in this life, and we both found it incredible that the other person felt the same.

    He has been asking mutual friends about me, if I’m ok etc and assured them nothing happened with this girl, just drunken flirting (he’s really not the kind if guy to play away, so I kinda believe him)But we have had no contact in 8 days now. Our facebooks still say we are in a relationship. I’m not going to change it as it was him who broke up with me, and he knows that (in spite of what the letter said) I do want to be with him. I just don’t want things to go back to exactly how they were. We had become a bit too comfortable with each other anyway in my opinion.

    Do you think there’s any chance I can win his trust again over time and that he will take me back so we can get on with building the future we had planned together all along? I don’t want it with anyone else. I know I will have to do a lot of hard work, but I am so ready for it, I feel brand new. Also, how should I play it if he does call? I think if we met up now I would turn into a blubbing emotional wreck, I can’t even look at his picture without weeping. I don’t want to show him that sad, needy side of me, just the strong, happy, fun-loving girl he fell in love with. And if he doesn’t contact me – at what point is it ok not break NC?

    Sorry for the super long post…but it feels so good just to write it all down, here where people are going through similar heartaches and confusion.
    Thanks for reading, I hope

    1. Hi,

      You don’t need to “win his trust”, if you win his respect by creating a great life without him.

      You don’t need your ex to be happy.

      I help people survive a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex boyfriend back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.

      Go read the free plan to get your ex back and follow ALL the steps to heal your broken heart, evolve past the breakup, and get your life back again.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

  3. Even though he is living with another woman will the no contact rule and the NC message still apply? I mean, I found out yesterday that my friend ran into him and wouldn’t be a little suspicious that he is suddenly getting a message from me the next day?

    1. Hi,

      The no contact rule will work in any situation because it is NOT about getting your ex boyfriend back, it is about evolving past the breakup, and getting your life back.

      If you read my previous replies, and clicked on the links, and read the information you would understand why.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

  4. Thank you for all your help..I just had one more question in the NC letter it says I agree with your decision to break up..That was the thing I was worried about writing, because won’t he be like, Why is she writing this when we haven’t been dating and broke up 3 years ago?? I don’t want to sound like a stalker..haha..Even though he still sends me the mixed signals but has never said we should get back together since 2009.

    1. Liz says:

      I just had one more question in the NC letter it says I agree with your decision to break up..That was the thing I was worried about writing, because won’t he be like, Why is she writing this when we haven’t been dating and broke up 3 years ago?? I don’t want to sound like a stalker..haha

      Hi,

      Stalker, really?

      There is no way the NC message can make you out to be a stalker.

      This is a simple yet powerful process, there is no drama involved, only what you try to stir up in your imagination.

      You can find any excuse not to do what needs to be done, but that won’t help you get your life back, will it?

      The no contact rule only works when you use it correctly.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

  5. What to do if you have been separated for 3 years and have a child.My ex has been flirting,sending me text and asking me to hang out but I couldn’t because of medical problems I had at the time it was too much stress to even think about getting back together. Now he started acting weird where he is nice then mean the next time for no reason and stopped coming in when he always hung out. Still flirting then the next time when I call him or talk to him acting mean. I had asked him in Feb about us getting back together because he kept hinting that he was so lonely and wished he had someone to hang out with or a girlfriend. So when I said what about us he laughed sarcasticly and said didn’t we already try that it and it didn’t work and what would be different. And I started to cry and he said please don’t hate me. Then when I didn’t call back he said I guess you do. I called him back and said he had a right to his opinion and I can’t force him to be with me. Fast forward to this summer he has been calling and texting and then being wishy washy and mean other times. Well another guy that has liked me and wanted to go out has been calling and talking and trying to get me to go out with him. But of course I haven’t because I can’t get over my ex. So my family said just tell my ex how I feel and say this other guy really wants to go out but I want to really make sure you don’t want to get back together because I know what you said before but I still love you. He said don’t even bring this up just go out with hhim if thats what you want and don’t worry about me. I don’t hate you don’t get me wrong and I love you but not in love with you. Which really broke my heart because I have known him for 15 years and he was my first boyfriend ,we dated since high school. He said why don’t you just go out with him and I said fine but I still care about him. He said we are better being friends and he doesn’t want to go back to how it was weird before like when I told him how I felt in Feb..cause then it was awkward between us. But he is the one saying I can’t fall asleep and needed too call you and coming over and just saying he was going to swim in the pool at my house without calling or anything ..and asking me to send pics of myself in text messages. He never was a player or friends with benefits person before because when we met he introduced me to his mom within 2 weeks and wanted me to live with him within 2 months. I feel like I don’t know him now. When I asked him back in Feb about getting together he said ask him again in a year or maybe he would be the one asking me next time!! My question is what kind of NC letter do I send since technically we haven’t been together in 3 years but he still trys to get back together or use me and then act wishy washy..and how do I not have contact when he has my daughter give me the phone and say he needs to tell me something about taking her and then when I get on he says he really didn’t have anything to tell me and just wants to talk.

    1. Hi,

      It doesn’t matter how long it has been since the break up, why?

      Because your ex boyfriend is essentially leading you on, and then dropping you on a regular basis.

      Why does he do this?

      Because he knows you’re waiting for him, and he can get away with it.

      You need to gather some courage and step off this fucking roller coaster ride.

      The no contact rule can help you get your life back, and reveal your ex boyfriend’s true feelings for you.

      You need to send the recommended NC message (for people sharing a child) without any changes.

      I help people survive a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.

      Go read the free plan to get your ex back and follow ALL the steps to heal your broken heart, evolve past the breakup, and get your life back again.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

  6. not 8 but day 9! (:

  7. Hi Scott,

    it’s me again. there is something i havent disclose to you yet. well actually he is now back to his previous ex before me. i have to admit that they knew each other longer, the girl has always offered him sex while we were together. we met about two months after he broke up with her and i swear to god she never left. she has been constantly bugging us. i dont think i was his rebound bcos we took things slowly and i havent even slept with him yet bcos i wasnt ready though, i wouldnt want things to be progressing too fast. 4months vs 2years… that was pretty an unfair circumstance right.

    just to update you, ive started my own personal diary ever since i sent him the NC message. i listed the pros and cons, and the issues between us before. one thing i realized was that i didnt fulfil his sexual needs as yet and that i figured one of the few reasons he left and went for her.

    actually, the reason he texted me about his previous encounter after he got involved in a car accident, he wanted to seek help from me as his mode of transportation. i kinda wonder if he used that excuse to meet me, we havent meet each other for a month. after several attempts, he hasnt contact me ever since the above message as i continue ignoring him. he even blocked me in whatsapp, well i didnt hesitate to do the same either.

    to be honest, Scott i am not ready to talk to him and i am still in the progress of evolution. i went for exercises, hung out with my girls and most people noticed i looked way better now and yep i am feeling good about it. there are lotsa things i need to stay in focus at the moment.

    i am doing the right thing, am i? i wont break the NC after all my hardwork and courage all this while. like u said, if u stick to nc plan correctly, you can know how does your ex boyfriend thinks or feels for you. btw it’s day 8 of nc!

  8. Hi, Scott.

    Omg I am so relieved to get this immediate feedback from you. Thank God! I can’t deny I am kinda bothered by the message, honestly, but I am sticking to my NC rule and I am not going to break it whatever it is. That’s the promise I made to myself. I am too tired to be the one chasing all the time and get back to square one again! I am doing all this for myself!

    I do hope it gets to his head that I refused and I DON’T wanna be his friend with benefits / relationship limbo at all.

    Yes, he is trying to create dramas here and make me feel guilty about it. How awesome is that. He even blocked me. ( Guess who’s being childish here? )

    Ohhh well, my guardian angel, yes I would stick to it. Let’s just do it once and make it right.

    Thanks for your endless support, Scott.

    God bless you.

  9. Hi Scott.

    it’s been day 7 of NC and he actually gave up contacting me after several attempts of smses, emails and calls. He even left me this one last whatsapp message before he blocked me.

    ” You moved on? I am here not to open old wounds, but to beg you for help and mercy. I know the truth hurts the most for you. I wouldn’t wanna keep hurting you, I can’t lie I have feelings too, I won’t lie that I do loved you when we were together. I never wanted to part ways between us, Old memories kept haunting, it was hard, really hard hurtful decision to make. There was one time I wanted to keep you but it’s unfair for you… but i had to take it. and I wouldn’t wanna hurt you, and foremostly, lying to you… I am here to make a truce, to be a friend to you… it’s okay if you’re not up to it… let me just ask you for thousand apologies. It was never you to be blamed, it was me all along. Do take care of yourself.”

    Again, I continued ignoring. Till he said ” It’s okay. I’ll disappear into thin air. ” and he blocked me after that.

    I don’t know what to do now, Scott.

    1. Hi,

      Great Job! 🙂

      All that whining and crying was to test your resolve, and you passed the test.

      If he had any respect for you he would have honored your request for no contact, instead he whines like a big fucking baby trying to “get his way”.

      It is all about him.

      Just keep sticking to the free plan to get your ex back, and ignore his attempts at drama.

      He wanted to be free, let him enjoy his freedom, and you do the same.

      The no contact rule only works when you stick to it.

      Thank you for writing.

      Stay Strong and Positive!

      S.W.

  10. Hi Scott,

    I am so thankful to find this website. I just broke up with my ex about a month ago for he decided to get back to his ex-girlfriend. This was my first serious relationship, and undeniably I admit that I did all the don’ts before ( I sounded so pathetic, really ) and after few weeks I decided to just have total disconnection. It took me courage to send him the NC message like you recommended. Yes I just DID few days ago!

    ” Hi,

    I agree with you about the decision to break up, I really believe it was the best thing for both of us. I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over. I would really appreciate it if you didn’t contact me during this time. I will be in touch when I am ready. ”

    I seriously stumbled upon when I clicked the ‘send’ button. And I was doubting the efficacy of it to be honest. But hey, I am here to gain control on my own life again, that matters most.

    To my surprise, he replied my email just hours after I sent him that message, sending pictures of his previous encounter. He just got involved in an accident. Well after reading the efficacy of NC rule, I SHOULD NOT break my NC for anything else unless for some exceptions like you noted earlier on! He is in desperate need of help he made it sounded like an urgent matter but hey if it’s an emergency he should call 911, right?

    I am not breaking my NC despite all his messages and missed calls! It’s been 4 days of NC and I feel incredibly great with myself being occupied with the things I love to do.

    p/s : I just signed up to your free forum. Will do my best to follow the step-by-step plan!

    Thanks Scott, you are indeed an angel.

    1. Great Job! 🙂

      Don’t fall for his guilt trip messages.

      Don’t let your ex boyfriend use your caring nature against you.

      Like you pointed out, if it’s “really” an emergency he should call 911, right? 😉

      The free plan to get your ex back, and the no contact rule only work when you stick to the plan.

      Stay Strong and Positive!

  11. hi,

    I’m back. After 7 days on NC and deactivating my facebook, my ex bf email me below to my personal email and work email after few unsuccessful sms attempts to me

    “i assume that you are getting rid of me in your life? because there are a few stuff that are yours in my room.. shall i throw them away? or do u want them? if u want them? i cant post them because it is expensive.. and i am coming back in 6 mths but… its all up to you.. 🙂 example, some of the stuff like a few stuff that u bought them for me .. PS: if no reply, then i will just assume.. :)”

    I wish i knew what his male-confused-brain is thinking. is he freaking out or is he just using this as a bait? well, as tempted as i am to reply my thoughts and feeling for him, i’m definitely not going to fall for his trap.

    i’m proud of myself for gathering this confidence which i never thought i would have.

    great stuff here, scott! =)

    1. Hi,

      Let him “assume” and shove them up his ass if he wants to, your happiness and freedom is worth a lot more than some “stuff”, right?

      Keep sticking to the free plan to get your ex back, and the no contact rule…you’re doing great! 🙂

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

  12. hi,

    my ex bf of 2 yrs broke up with me 12 days ago and i sent NC message exactly as per the recommended message 5 days ago. i was not expecting a reply from him at all.. which goes like

    “thanks for agreeing to the decision. i hope what ever decisions u will make will be good for you. as i hope u will know that no matter what, i will always support all the decisions u have made. take good care of yourself”

    so i didnt reply to his msg and stay NC for 3 days.. i deleted my facebook 2 days ago and just received a sms from him a while ago saying “hah i didnt expect you to delete your facebook or block me. maybe i should block you out from my life too :)”

    i hope i did succesfully “flipped” his switch.

    i have no intention to reply to the msg and i am going to stick to the NC plan. as much as i am feeling hurt and sad by his remarks, i understand that he must be angry and all emotional. hence i think that all the more we should stay NC for the next couple of weeks or probably months.

    This site has really given me the strength which i needed to pull through this rough period in my life right now. Thanks a ton!

    1. Great Job Nathalie! 🙂

      You definitely flipped his switch.

      His response was meant to illicit a reaction, but you held your ground.

      Good move with Facebook, many a forum member went down in flames because of Facebook.

      The no contact rule is completely ineffective if you don’t take it seriously.

      Remember, this is about getting your life back, not your ex boyfriend…30 days is only a benchmark and hardly ever enough time.

      Be patient.

      Stay Strong and Positive!

      S.W.

  13. Hi,

    I emailed my ex 4 days after we broke up and NC started and basically sincerely apologised specifically for all the things I did that hurt her. I also mentioned at the end of the email in a short one-liner that i missed her so much.

    Am going to continue going NC after this. But was wondering if I had jeopardised my chances by sending that email?

    1. Hi,

      You are NOT using the no contact rule correctly.

      I help people survive a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex girlfriend back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.

      The fastest way to get her back is to get your life back first.

      Go read the free plan to get your ex back and follow ALL the steps to heal your broken heart, evolve past the breakup, and get your life back again.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

  14. Hi,

    I’m not sure if I should send the letter to his email or home address because I’m not sure if his “gf” has access to any of them. Any advice?

    Thanks

    1. Hi,

      I would recommend sending it to every place you can think of so you can make sure his girlfriend doesn’t stop him from getting it.

      Man I hate people who fucking manipulate other people’s personal stuff.

      Use text, (work) email, snail mail, telegram…whatever you can think of.

      That is all you can do, right?

      The no contact rule and free plan to get your ex back is about getting your life back, not your ex boyfriend, so it doesn’t matter if he somehow doesn’t get the NC message you sent.

      What really matters is that you do your very best to get it to him, and then stick to the rest of the plan.

      Don’t just skip sending the NC message because you don’t think he will get it…do your very best to get it to him, OK?

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

  15. Hi,

    My boyfriend broke up with me a year ago, is it to late to send NC. Isn’t odd to send NC even tough he never contacted me since then. I am really confused plz help.
    Thanks

    1. Hi,

      Since the no contact rule and the free plan to get your ex back is about getting your life back, and not your ex boyfriend…it is NEVER too late to send the recommended NC message.

      Thank you for writing.

      take care,

      S.W.

  16. Hi,

    Was going through the blog and thought of writing. My relationship of 8 years is just over now. He has been treating me like a doormat for the past 3 yers now..I have resisted having no contact for the past 2 months now and he din’t even try to talk or get in touch now. I did send the highly recommended NC Message yesterday after 2 months of silence… will this work? or it is finally over? I have become little emotionally stronger but still hope to get back together with a better relationship.. 8 years is long enough to let it go overnite.

    Please advice the next step. How long will this NC end?

    1. Hi,

      If you use the no contact rule correctly (the free plan) you can reveal your ex boyfriend’s true feelings for you.

      I help people survive a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex boyfriend back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.

      The fastest way to get him back is to get your life back first.

      Go read the free plan to get your ex back and follow ALL the steps to heal your broken heart, evolve past the breakup, and get your life back again.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

  17. Thank you!!!
    infact it made feels a bit better. Was feeling too depress and low these few last months and very often i came on my breaking point. And i also stop spying on his or his actual girlfriend profile. It hurted and pain a lot when seeing all these thats y i stopped and specially after reading your article about facebook!!!

    I just hope for the best!!

  18. hello, yesterday i send my boyfriend a NC message:
    Hi,
    We need to take a break, I really believe it is the best thing for both of us right now. I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over. I would really appreciate it if you didn’t contact me during this time. I will be in touch when I am ready.

    Now he just send me a text msg asking me “what decision are you talking about”

    i know i should not reply but he has always being possessive about me! in fact he still does not never want break up despite he is already dating another one?Once he even told me to stay with him, things might changed and he might come back to me. Pls help out!!!

    Thanks for your advice and very interesting blog! It gave me a new hope!

    1. Hi,

      Good job on sending the NC message, now do not reply to his inquiries.

      The no contact rule will help reveal your ex boyfriend’s true feelings for you, if you stick to the plan.

      I help people survive a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex boyfriend back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.

      The quickest way to get your guy back is to get your life back first.

      Go read the free plan to get your ex back and follow ALL the steps to heal your broken heart, evolve past the breakup, and get your life back again.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

  19. My heart was beating so fast when I put my finger on the send button. I didn’t think I would do it today; but I did it. Told myself the sooner the better, tomorrow will not make any difference in this situation of mine. Once the NC message went through I reached nervous peak but instead of sitting there wondering how he was going to react to it, I looked for things to distract myself and kept telling myself that this is about me. About 20 minutes later he replied telling me we weren’t exactly a couple tht I can’t say I broke up with him and he has not tried calling ever since I told him not to. He said good luck with the decisions making and hope I am well. Just as I thought he might say but i was quite surprise that he replied. I was tempted to reason with him that it was our friendship and whatever we were that I broke off about but rather not. As long as I know the truth and what it’s about that’s all that matter. My focus now is to work on starting my personal evolution.

    Thanks for the kick!! – “It’s time to start living up to your name” they remind me to have courage.

    1. Great Job!

      Just because he chooses to live a lie about your relationship it doesn’t mean YOU have to, right?

      While you’re kicking loves ass, he will still be nit-picking the tiny details.

      Life is what YOU make of it, and you have decided to make yours GREAT!

      Thank you for writing.

      Stay Strong and Positive!

      S.W.

  20. ok, read them. Thanks SW! Just one more question before I take action, would I be able to use … my decision to ‘end things’ or ‘stop seeing each other’ as opposed to ‘break up’? He would find me a weirdo if I use ‘break up with you’ because we were never a couple. The NC message seem to work best for ex girlfriends and boyfriends; for those who had begged and pleaded. I was the one who called things off.

    1. Hi,

      If you take away “boy” and “girl” you have “friend” and friendship is also a relationship.

      Don’t be afraid to call it what it is…a break up.

      If you broke up with him just use the version of the NC message that reflects that, I know there is one.

      Begging and pleading is not necessary to succeed with the no contact rule or the free plan to get your ex back.

      You are over-thinking a simple plan.

      The plan is simple, but it is NOT easy, that’s why I offer support.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

      PS – It’s time to start living up to your name “fearless” and just send the recommended NC, and get your personal evolution started.

  21. Thank you for your quick response.

    Yes, I wish I hadn’t send that message I was in full emotion and did want to say goodbye for good. But now I’m just missing him. Why do you think he never responded to my message?

    Could you please tell me again how using no contact correctly will reveal his true feelings for me?

    Also you mentioned that I am trapped in relationship limbo. What exactly is it? because you’re right I do feel trapped for the last 7 weeks and I’m eager to start my personal evolution but I don’t know when I could muster up the courage to send that nc message.

    1. All your question are answered in the articles about how to use the no contact rule, go read them.

  22. Hi Scott, I’m back.

    I’ve been putting off trying to do anything about my break up.. just burrying the pain and have thought that I was doing great and that I am slowly forgetting him but I just made a mistake and checked his facebook and notice he’s still interacting with the other girl. I really dislike this feeling of jealousy and a little angry and i don’t know if I should try anymore but I keep wondering if sending him a no contact would help me get over him faster.

    Just wondering though wouldn’t I be pushing things if I send a no contact letter when I already sent him my goodbye letter?

    “Please don’t ever try to contact me, there is no need to anymore. This is for the best for both of us. I wish you the very best, take care x”.

    I didn’t get a response back and it hurts cause in the letter I was silly enough to even reveal how much I like him, I thought he could be nice and reply back. Instead I know that he has been chasing the other girl. All this shows that he doesn’t want me and by telling him that I’ll be in touch when I am ready would only boost his ego..

    I know you’ll advise me to just send the recommended nc letter but is there an exception to that? Do you think I should bother with this guy? I get people telling me that if he wants me he will contact me despite the goodbyes.. I just don’t know if it’s appropriate for me to contact him anymore.

    But I do want to be happy with or without him I guess I’m just afraid sending nc will only re-open the wound and worse if he doesn’t reply once again ignoring me… I think things will only work if he comes to me.

    By the way I have a copy of MOMU.

    1. Hi,

      Your NC message sucked. It contained way too much emotion.

      This is about you, not him, and if you use the no contact rule correctly you will get your life back, and reveal your ex boyfriend’s true feelings for you.

      Please don’t feed me that bullshit about how you can’t contact him again, you are not contacting him, you’re telling him something…big different.

      Use the recommended NC message (no changes) and you will get the desired results…your life back.

      I help people survive a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex boyfriend back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.

      Go read the free plan to get your ex back and follow ALL the steps to heal your broken heart, evolve past the breakup, and get your life back again.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

  23. We’ve been together for 2.5 year. I hurt him by showing lack of commitment and questioning my feelings. He broke up. I’ve been trying everything for the past 3 weeks to get him back – I said sorry thousands of times, I expressed that I understand my mistakes, showed appreciation, promised more involvement and to change myself, asked for one more chance. I even drove 300 km to his city just to talk to him for one hour. He kept distance for all the time saying I hurt him too much and it’s not a decision of his heart but his mind. I asked about the conditions of coming back right after he broke up – he said he doesn’t want to raise my hope but maybe he need to long after me or get to know other girls and compare me with them. Nothing I’ve tried for the past 3 weeks helped, he gets distant each time I mention ‘us’ in terms of getting back. He shows me how glad he is about the decision he made and discourages me from fighting about him by telling me that now he is a party guy picking up girls that he never was before. He’s never partied, been rather the type of a shy guy, condemned people for such a behavior. Once we were on a party with his sister who ended up kissing a random guy he rebuked her strongly, now he is doing the same… I would say his moral principles have been always defined. Why does he behave like this now? He also told me I should move on as well, enjoy my singel life style and get to know if I feel better without him. I asked what if I do so and end up with a conclusion that I’m happier with him anyway – he answered it makes no diference cause he’s the one who has to come to that conclusion to get back together. How should I behave? Is the “no contact” tactic right in my case so that he could start missing me? Or is it better to be there as a friend and keep talking about everyday life as he has nothing against such small talks (it makes me sure he won’t forget about me that easy)?

    Today I had a chat with him in terms of the idea of the “no contact message” I let him know that I’m ok with the brake up, I believe we will both take advantage of it and that I prefer no contact for now. He expressed as always that he wouldn’t have the hope that it will help and we will get together again. I said I don’t have that kind of hope. Than I asked how could he be so sure about the future if he still doesn’t know how does it feel to be apart from me for real. He answered that maybe I’m right, for now he only knows he loves the new way of life he is living, he doesn’t know how it will be in the future. But he does know one more thing – that I’m leaving in the future (I’m going for 4 month long students exchange program abroad starting from January). Than he said bye. I left him a coment that if I turn out to be the love of his life the exchange shouldn’t be a problem…
    I’ve always known he is scared of the fact I’m leaving for 4 months. Do you think I still have a chance to get him back or my departure that scares him a lot makes it impossible? How should I behave to get him back?

    1. Hi,

      I can help you use the no contact rule (correctly) to evolve past your break up and reveal your ex boyfriend’s true feelings for you.

      I help people survive a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex boyfriend back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.

      The quickest way to get your guy back is to get your life back first.

      Go read the free plan to get your ex back and follow ALL the steps to heal your broken heart, evolve past the breakup, and get your life back again.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

  24. it hasn’t been 24 hours …is it too soon to send the NC message? I am hurting bad and am glad i found this article. I want to start this and heal…i feel like death and have to get back to functioning for my son’s sake. I really feel he is the one and want him back.

    1. Hi,

      There is no time limit to when you can start using the no contact rule to evolve past a break up, and reveal your ex boyfriend’s true feelings.

      I recommend you start ASAP…why?

      The sooner you start, the sooner you get your life back, and the answers to all your questions about your relationship with him.

      I help people survive a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex boyfriend back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.

      Go read the free plan to get your ex back and follow ALL the steps to heal your broken heart, evolve past the breakup, and get your life back again.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

  25. I did the NC, and he contact me, we had coffee for a feel time, and fun talking, and he admmit that he miss my company, but not sure about the idea of get back together. then last weekend we had a fun dinner together, and we went out with friends together. most of friends has told him that he should get back with me, so the all night he was thinking a lot of things during partying. By the end he was a bit drunk, so I took him to his place with taxi, I was going to leave, but he hold me really tight and said : “I am so sorry, sorry for everything I did to you, and I am hurting you.”
    I didnt know what he means, but anyway we end up slept together. When we woke up in the morning, he asked me: “how are you feeling been here with me?”
    I said : “I don’t know.”
    He said: “I think it is dangerous for both of us.”
    so I said: “I understand, I think I better go now.”
    He said: “No, we can eat something together first”
    So we had so lunch,and I left after shower.
    I know that I made a big mistake, what should I do now?
    please help……

    1. Hi,

      This is called Premature Reconciliation.

      It sounds like you reconnected too soon, and then jumped into bed waaay too soon.

      He saw a chance to get laid and went for it, you thought you could win him back with sex, and it didn’t work.

      All you can do is learn from your mistakes.

      You need to start over and use the no contact rule correctly to reveal your ex boyfriend’s true feelings for you.

      I help people survive a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex boyfriend back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.

      The fastest way to get your man back is to get your life back first.

      Go read the free plan to get your ex back and follow ALL the steps to heal your broken heart, evolve past the breakup, and get your life back again.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

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