This article is all about clearing up the mystery and confusion about the no contact rule.
I will explain exactly how it works and how to use it correctly to help you with your relationship problems.
We will explore how NC works, why it works, and what happens during your no contact time that will help heal you, and prepare you for a fresh start with your ex.
We will also debunk a lot of the misconceptions about using the no contact rule to get your ex back.
After reading this article you should have a very good understanding of what to expect when you properly initiate the no contact rule.
The Break Up
Why You Need to Properly Initiate The No Contact Rule ASAP!
Chances are very good that you’re reading this a little too late, but let’s discuss this anyways, OK?
Everyone’s first reaction after a break up is to get their ex back no matter what, this leads to begging, pleading, and even using “guilt” as a tool to get them back.
But what happens?
That’s right, they become even more distant, and this drives you nuts, which causes you to keep repeating the above cycle.
You continue until they either change phone numbers, email addresses, and whatever they can do to stop you from contacting them, or you give up and start to look for help.
The bottom line is…the sooner you stop chasing them (contacting them) the sooner the healing process can begin.
Now, next we will look at a great example of a no contact message to send to get the ball rolling, OK?
The No Contact Message
How to Write and Send The Proper No Contact Message
Now that you have come to your senses and want to make real progress in your attempt to win back your ex, it’s time to write and send your NC message.
A Good NC Message (if they broke up with you)
Hi, I agree with you about the decision to break up, I really believe it was the best thing for both of us. I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over. I would really appreciate it if you didn’t contact me during this time. I will be in touch when I am ready.
A Good NC Message (if you broke up with them)
Hi, I do not regret my decision to break up with you, I really believe it was the best thing for both of us. I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over. I would really appreciate it if you didn’t contact me during this time. I will be in touch when I am ready.
A Good NC Message (if they broke up with you, and you share child custody)
Hi, I agree with you about the decision to break up, I really believe it was the best thing for both of us. I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over. I would really appreciate it if you didn’t contact me during this time, unless it concerns our children. I will be in touch when I am ready.
A Good NC Message (if they broke up with you, and you share a business)
Hi, I agree with you about the decision to break up, I really believe it was the best thing for both of us. I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over. I would really appreciate it if you didn’t contact me during this time, unless it concerns our business. I will be in touch when I am ready.
*You can also substitute bills, accounts, etc. for the word business, or children.
*Note – Make sure you only respond to the messages that pertain to shared business, and keep it all about the business at hand.
Don’t let your ex steer you off course.
If they try, tell them you are not ready to talk about that, and please stay on the subject.
If they won’t…end your conversation.
NC is NOT about being mean, or hateful.
The no contact rule is about drawing personal boundaries, and defending them, you need time to heal, and you have to fight for your happiness.
If you’re not sure if you’re broken up or not (maybe just taking a break)…then use this form of that message to get yourself out of “Relationship Limbo”…OK?
Hi, We need to take a break, I really believe it is the best thing for both of us right now. I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over. I would really appreciate it if you didn’t contact me during this time. I will be in touch when I am ready.
After you have chosen the appropriate no contact message, how should you send it?
My answer is, whatever way you know for sure, they will get it, and read it…or what’s the point, right?
You do not want to call them and tell them over the phone…OK?
Because they might hang up on you, and if they don’t they will probably just tune you out…make sense?
Plus you want them to have a copy to read over and over (which they will, believe me).
Next we will cover…The purpose of the no contact message, OK?
The Purpose of The No Contact Message
What The No Contact Rule Does And Does Not Do
Once you send the NC message and your ex tries to contact you, you MUST NOT reply to them, OK?
There will be instances when you need to interact with them, such as:
1. You share children and must discuss matters pertaining to them.
2. You share a business, or work in the same place.
3. You have shared financial matters, a.k.a bills.
In these circumstances you just need to be polite, and do not get lured into a discussion about your/their personal life, the NC message, or the break up.
Just keep it to the point, and all about business…that’s it.
For more information about this topic please read the following article: Learn How to Get Your Ex Back Using The Infamous Missing Link
What about Social Websites and Mutual Friends?
No contact for the most part is to keep your ex from knowing what is going on with you personally, and they will become more and more curious.
It is highly recommended that you close all social accounts like FaceBook, and whatever other sites you waste your time on, and stay away from his/her mutual friends.
If you must talk to mutual friends, tell them nothing about your personal life.
This will help further down the line when you’re ready to set up a meeting to reconnect in a new relationship with your ex…understand?
Staying away from mutual friends and social websites will also protect you from false rumors sent by your ex to rattle your cage, and make you second guess using NC.
They want you to break no contact so they feel like they are back in control of the situation.
If you can not do these things, you’re NOT SERIOUS enough about using the no contact rule correctly, and your results will reflect your efforts.
In the end, you only get out what you are willing to put in…you reap what you sow.
Now to address some common questions about using no contact:
1. I haven’t spoke to my ex since our last argument. Will I look foolish sending the recommended no contact message, if my ex hasn’t contacted me, in a while?
No, it doesn’t matter how much time has passed since you spoke with your ex.
If you do not send the recommended no contact message, you will not be using NC correctly.
This message is meant to flip both your “switches”, and, start your personal evolution together.
Sending the recommended no contact message (without changes) as outlined in the free breakup survival plan is VERY important, do it ASAP, and, don’t look back.
You will be very glad you did, just like the people here in the break up success stories section of my Blog.
2. Won’t it look like I am ignoring my ex therefore making them angry with me?
NO, you sent a NC message asking them to not contact you.
So, if they ignore your request, and, contact you about things other than the ones explained above, you have every right to not reply.
Usually, what they are trying to do is get you to break NC, so, they don’t have to worry about what you’re doing.
You think this is a good thing, but it’s not…why?
Because as long as they know what you’re up to, they will never want you back in a relationship.
You have to be completely gone, before they will start to miss you, and, rethink having you in their life.
Why settle, when they can have their cake, and, eat it too, right?
They get to play the field, while you heel like a nice little puppy.
For more information about this topic please read the following article:
3. Won’t I just drive them into the arms of their new boyfriend or girlfriend?
They are already there, right?
If not, the no contact strategy will not make them do it, and, if they do date someone chances are it’s to make you jealous.
So, when it doesn’t work, where does that leave them?
Now for a quick overview of what using NC will do:
When you send the NC message, you’re telling your ex that you agree with the break up and are no longer “chasing” them.
You’re in a sense turning the tables and flipping a switch in their heads.
They’re used to you pleading and begging and now you suddenly stop…why?
What are these big decisions you have to make…is it about them?
Is this decision about whether to give up on ever coming back to me?
What if I went too far?
The emotionless “clean” message you sent them will have them guessing and putting you on their mind…that’s where you want to be.
4. Will the no contact rule work on a narcissist?
Hell ya, it will work.
It will work on anyone who has the ability to feel love, even, if it’s mostly for themselves.
If narcissist’s didn’t need anyone, but, themselves, they wouldn’t ever get into a relationship.
Plus, narcissist’s think so highly of themselves, that they “expect” people to chase after them.
The no contact message pretty much tells them, you are NOT going to chase them, and, you don’t want them to chase you, either.
Don’t try to read too much into this whole process.
The no contact message will put a dent in anyone’s ass, even a narcissist.
Test my theory, send the recommended NC message to your narcissist ex, and, see what happens.
Next, we will discuss what the no contact rule is really all about.
What The No Contact Rule Is Really About
30 Days and The Healing Process
When you initiate the no contact rule you’re in fact putting an end to your old “failed” relationship with your ex.
You know the one that’s been dying for some time…get together…break up…get back together…breakup again…etc.
This break up is actually the best thing that could’ve happened, it was time to move on…move on from that bad relationship.
Break ups do not mean the end of you and your ex ever being together, this is the most important thing you need to realize during your NC time.
You need to put all this behind you and heal yourself emotionally, and prepare to come back and reconnect with your ex…
When you’re ready, do not rush through no contact…
YOU WILL FAIL!
So What Do You Do While Your In No Contact?
Well here’s what you don’t do…sit there counting off 30 days and expecting your ex to come back like magic.
Find any reason (no matter how lame) to break NC and contact your ex out of fear they won’t remember you after 30 plus days of NC.
There is much work to be done during NC and the faster you stop working against the break up and start working with the right tools, the faster you”ll be ready for reconnection, make sense?
During your time alone you will make a list of the pros and the cons of your relationship to figure out if you even want your ex back.
Once you calm down and start thinking you might realize it was a bad match after all, or you will see that it was a great match but there were some issues.
List these issues as something to work on when you get back together with your ex later on.
You also need to examine your past relationship to see where it started to fall apart, ever clue you uncover will give you a better chance at getting your ex and keeping your ex, OK?
The bottom line is NC is not a 30 day thing, it is taking as much time as necessary to calm down, and evaluate your emotional state, work on the past problems, and plan for the future…with or without your ex.
How Will You Know When You’re Ready To Reconnect With Your Ex?
When you call and ask them out to a short meeting (coffee) and they say “no” and you can calmly accept that without panicking.
This is just your first try, there will be more chances to do this again, later on, right?
The fastest way out of relationship limbo, and the “Just Friends Zone”, is to properly use the no contact rule, and stick to it.
Who Am I and Why Should You Listen to Me?
My name is S. Williams, and I have been helping people since 2008 to overcome break up pain, and get their lives back.
I even have an “About” section that I recommend you read.
I realize the address of my site is: How to Get Your Ex Back Fast, but, I “really” teach people how to get their lives back, not just their ex’s.
If you’re interested in working with me (and our forum members) to get your life back, join my free newsletter for access to the Free Breakup Survival Plan, and start getting your life back today.
The answers you need to start your personal evolution are waiting for you, don’t hesitate another minute…come and get them.
Once you get your life back, everything else will just start to fall into place…I promise.
If you have any comments or questions please write them in the comment box below.
If this article was useful or helpful to you in any way, please show your appreciation by sharing it with your friends, just use the buttons below this article.
Until next time,
Copyright © 2008 and beyond – All Rights Reserved Worldwide – You DO NOT have permission to reuse this content in any way, shape, or form.