The Real Truth About The No Contact Rule

It's Time To Learn The Truth About Using The No Contact Rule

 

This article is all about clearing up the mystery and confusion about the no contact rule.

I will explain exactly how it works and how to use it correctly to help you with your relationship problems.

We will explore how NC works, why it works, and what happens during your no contact time that will help heal you, and prepare you for a fresh start with your ex.

We will also debunk a lot of the misconceptions about using the no contact rule to get your ex back.

After reading this article you should have a very good understanding of what to expect when you properly initiate the no contact rule.

 


 

The Break Up

Why You Need to Properly Initiate The No Contact Rule ASAP!

 

Chances are very good that you’re reading this a little too late, but let’s discuss this anyways, OK?

Everyone’s first reaction after a break up is to get their ex back no matter what, this leads to begging, pleading, and even using “guilt” as a tool to get them back.

But what happens?

That’s right, they become even more distant, and this drives you nuts, which causes you to keep repeating the above cycle.

You continue until they either change phone numbers, email addresses, and whatever they can do to stop you from contacting them, or you give up and start to look for help.

The bottom line is…the sooner you stop chasing them (contacting them) the sooner the healing process can begin.

Now, next we will look at a great example of a no contact message to send to get the ball rolling, OK?

 


 

The No Contact Message

How to Write and Send The Proper No Contact Message

 

Now that you have come to your senses and want to make real progress in your attempt to win back your ex, it’s time to write and send your NC message.

A Good NC Message (if they broke up with you)

Hi, I agree with you about the decision to break up, I really believe it was the best thing for both of us. I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over. I would really appreciate it if you didn’t contact me during this time. I will be in touch when I am ready.

A Good NC Message (if you broke up with them)

Hi, I do not regret my decision to break up with you, I really believe it was the best thing for both of us. I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over. I would really appreciate it if you didn’t contact me during this time. I will be in touch when I am ready.

A Good NC Message (if they broke up with you, and you share child custody)

Hi, I agree with you about the decision to break up, I really believe it was the best thing for both of us. I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over. I would really appreciate it if you didn’t contact me during this time, unless it concerns our children. I will be in touch when I am ready.

A Good NC Message (if they broke up with you, and you share a business)

Hi, I agree with you about the decision to break up, I really believe it was the best thing for both of us. I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over. I would really appreciate it if you didn’t contact me during this time, unless it concerns our business. I will be in touch when I am ready.

*You can also substitute bills, accounts, etc. for the word business, or children.

 


*Note – Make sure you only respond to the messages that pertain to shared business, and keep it all about the business at hand.


 

Don’t let your ex steer you off course.

If they try, tell them you are not ready to talk about that, and please stay on the subject.

If they won’t…end your conversation.

NC is NOT about being mean, or hateful.

The no contact rule is about drawing personal boundaries, and defending them, you need time to heal, and you have to fight for your happiness.

 


 

Now!

If you’re not sure if you’re broken up or not (maybe just taking a break)…then use this form of that message to get yourself out of “Relationship Limbo”…OK?

Hi, We need to take a break, I really believe it is the best thing for both of us right now. I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over. I would really appreciate it if you didn’t contact me during this time. I will be in touch when I am ready.

 


 

After you have chosen the appropriate no contact message, how should you send it?

My answer is, whatever way you know for sure, they will get it, and read it…or what’s the point, right?

But!

You do not want to call them and tell them over the phone…OK?

Why?

Because they might hang up on you, and if they don’t they will probably just tune you out…make sense?

Plus you want them to have a copy to read over and over (which they will, believe me).

Next we will cover…The purpose of the no contact message, OK?

 


 

The Purpose of The No Contact Message

What The No Contact Rule Does And Does Not Do

 

Once you send the NC message and your ex tries to contact you, you MUST NOT reply to them, OK?

But!

There will be instances when you need to interact with them, such as:

1. You share children and must discuss matters pertaining to them.

2. You share a business, or work in the same place.

3. You have shared financial matters, a.k.a bills.

In these circumstances you just need to be polite, and do not get lured into a discussion about your/their personal life, the NC message, or the break up.

Just keep it to the point, and all about business…that’s it.

For more information about this topic please read the following article: Learn How to Get Your Ex Back Using The Infamous Missing Link

 


 

What about Social Websites and Mutual Friends?

 

No contact for the most part is to keep your ex from knowing what is going on with you personally, and they will become more and more curious.

It is highly recommended that you close all social accounts like FaceBook, and whatever other sites you waste your time on, and stay away from his mutual friends.

If you must talk to mutual friends, tell them nothing about your personal life.

This will help further down the line when you’re ready to set up a meeting to reconnect in a new relationship with your ex…understand?

Staying away from mutual friends and social websites will also protect you from false rumors sent by your ex to rattle your cage, and make you second guess using NC.

They want you to break no contact so they feel like they are back in control of the situation.

If you can not do these things, you’re NOT SERIOUS enough about using the no contact rule correctly, and your results will reflect your efforts.

In the end, you only get out what you are willing to put in…you reap what you sow.

 


 

Now to address some common questions about using no contact:

 

1. I haven’t spoke to my ex since our last argument. Will I look foolish sending the recommended no contact message, if my ex hasn’t contacted me, in a while?

No, it doesn’t matter how much time has passed since you spoke with your ex.

If you do not send the recommended no contact message, you will not be using NC correctly.

This message is meant to flip both your “switches”, and, start your personal evolution together.

Sending the recommended no contact message (without changes) as outlined in the free breakup survival plan is VERY important, do it ASAP, and, don’t look back.

You will be very glad you did, just like the people here in the break up success stories section of my Blog.

 

2. Won’t it look like I am ignoring my ex therefore making them angry with me?

NO, you sent a NC message asking them to not contact you.

So, if they ignore your request, and, contact you about things other than the ones explained above, you have every right to not reply.

Usually, what they are trying to do is get you to break NC, so, they don’t have to worry about what you’re doing.

You think this is a good thing, but it’s not…why?

Because as long as they know what you’re up to, they will never want you back in a relationship.

You have to be completely gone, before they will start to miss you, and, rethink having you in their life.

Why settle, when they can have their cake, and, eat it too, right?

They get to play the field, while you heel like a nice little puppy.

For more information about this topic please read the following article:

Learn Why Your Ex Will Not Leave You – 2 No Contact Rule Myths Shredded

 

3. Won’t I just drive them into the arms of their new boyfriend or girlfriend?

They are already there, right?

If not, the no contact strategy will not make them do it, and, if they do date someone chances are it’s to make you jealous.

So, when it doesn’t work, where does that leave them?

Now for a quick overview of what using NC will do:

When you send the NC message, you’re telling your ex that you agree with the break up and are no longer “chasing” them.

You’re in a sense turning the tables and flipping a switch in their heads.

They’re used to you pleading and begging and now you suddenly stop…why?

What are these big decisions you have to make…is it about them?

Is this decision about whether to give up on ever coming back to me?

What if I went too far?

The emotionless “clean” message you sent them will have them guessing and putting you on their mind…that’s where you want to be.

 

4. Will the no contact rule work on a narcissist?

Hell ya, it will work.

It will work on anyone who has the ability to feel love, even, if it’s mostly for themselves.

If narcissist’s didn’t need anyone, but, themselves, they wouldn’t ever get into a relationship.

Make sense?

Plus, narcissist’s think so highly of themselves, that they “expect” people to chase after them.

The no contact message pretty much tells them, you are NOT going to chase them, and, you don’t want them to chase you, either.

Don’t try to read too much into this whole process.

The no contact message will put a dent in anyone’s ass, even a narcissist.

Test my theory, send the recommended NC message to your narcissist ex, and, see what happens.

Next, we will discuss what the no contact rule is really all about.

 


 

What The No Contact Rule Is Really About

30 Days and The Healing Process

 

When you initiate the no contact rule you’re in fact putting an end to your old “failed” relationship with your ex.

You know the one that’s been dying for some time…get together…break up…get back together…breakup again…etc.

This break up is actually the best thing that could’ve happened, it was time to move on…move on from that bad relationship.

Break ups do not mean the end of you and your ex ever being together, this is the most important thing you need to realize during your NC time.

You need to put all this behind you and heal yourself emotionally, and prepare to come back and reconnect with your ex…

When you’re ready, do not rush through no contact…

YOU WILL FAIL!

 


 

So What Do You Do While Your In No Contact?

 

Well here’s what you don’t do…sit there counting off 30 days and expecting your ex to come back like magic.

Find any reason (no matter how lame) to break NC and contact your ex out of fear they won’t remember you after 30 plus days of NC.

There is much work to be done during NC and the faster you stop working against the break up and start working with the right tools, the faster you”ll be ready for reconnection, make sense?

During your time alone you will make a list of the pros and the cons of your relationship to figure out if you even want your ex back.

Once you calm down and start thinking you might realize it was a bad match after all, or you will see that it was a great match but there were some issues.

List these issues as something to work on when you get back together with your ex later on.

You also need to examine your past relationship to see where it started to fall apart, ever clue you uncover will give you a better chance at getting your ex and keeping your ex, OK?

The bottom line is NC is not a 30 day thing, it is taking as much time as necessary to calm down, and evaluate your emotional state, work on the past problems, and plan for the future…with or without your ex.

 


 

How Will You Know When You’re Ready To Reconnect With Your Ex?

 

When you call and ask them out to a short meeting (coffee) and they say “no” and you can calmly accept that without panicking.

This is just your first try, there will be more chances to do this again, later on, right?

The fastest way out of relationship limbo, and the “Just Friends Zone”, is to properly use the no contact rule, and stick to it.

 


 

Who Am I and Why Should You Listen to Me?

 

My name is S. Williams, and I have been helping people since 2008 to overcome break up pain, and get their lives back.

I even have an “About” section that I recommend you read.

I realize the address of my site is: How to Get Your Ex Back Fast, but, I “really” teach people how to get their lives back, not just their ex’s.

If you’re interested in working with me (and our forum members) to get your life back, join my free newsletter for access to the Free Breakup Survival Plan, and start getting your life back today.

The answers you need to start your personal evolution are waiting for you, don’t hesitate another minute…come and get them.

Once you get your life back, everything else will just start to fall into place…I promise.

If you have any comments or questions please write them in the comment box below.

If this article was useful or helpful to you in any way, please show your appreciation by sharing it with your friends, just use the buttons below this article.

Until next time,

S. Williams

Copyright © 2008 and beyond – All Rights Reserved Worldwide – You DO NOT have permission to reuse this content in any way, shape, or form.

784 Comments

Add a Comment
  1. María Fernanda Ávila Cárdenas

    Hi, I broke up with my ex at first, but then I wanted him back and he rejected me multiple times… then we ended up as friends two days ago. Which NC message is recommended for me? We don’t have any kids or business together. Thank you in advance!

    1. Hi,

      There is this recommended NC message, right here:

      A Good NC Message (if you broke up with them)

      Hi, I do not regret my decision to break up with you, I really believe it was the best thing for both of us. I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over. I would really appreciate it if you didn’t contact me during this time. I will be in touch when I am ready.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

  2. Hi Scott,

    I’m a professional musician and children’s entertainer with quite a few upcoming gigs. I use/need social media to promote my events in order to make a living, so it makes your `delete/dont use social media accounts’recommendation very impractical for me to follow. (I have two business pages and one personal facebook plus twitter, instagram and find sharing via my personal page to be the most effective. (and yes, my ex subscribes to all and blocking her seems different from not contacting). So do you have any alternative suggestions regarding this area?

    1. Hi Wyatt,

      The reason I suggest that people block their ex or just stop using social media during NC, is because it causes problems with their personal evolution.

      If your ex doesn’t bother you, and you don’t use social media to stalk your ex, then, it shouldn’t be a problem.

      After running our support forum for 8 years I have seen how social media can become a problem.

      I am just trying to help people get the best results in the shortest amount of time.

      In the end, it’s what you are willingly to do to get over the breakup in the shortest amount of time.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

  3. hi S. Williams,

    a few days ago me and my ex talked in the phone at midnight, after a quarrel I burst into tears and said I would get over him(after I showed my hope to be back together),that this was the last phone call between us and wish him all the best.I just wonder whether this is sort of NC? And we did never contact afterwards. so should I sent the NC the way you suggested again? if yes, will it sound strange cuz I’ve already said the almost same thing for several times? Or just keep the way we were right now?
    Thank you.

    1. Hi Amy,

      The NC message works because it is emotionless.

      You burst into tears and threaten to never talk to him again, he knows you’re just acting out in anger.

      The NC message is emotionless.

      You lost control when you threatened your ex, the recommended NC message will put you back in control.

      Don’t worry about sounding “strange” worry about getting over your breakup ASAP, and getting your ex back, if you still want to.

      Go read the free breakup survival plan, and send the recommended NC message.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

  4. I am already doing NC it’s been 10 days for me. Even though I didn’t send a message (because I found your blog yesterday ) I’ve still done everything else. Temporarly deleted all my social media. She has tried to contact me already, but of course I havn’t replied. I’ve also started to work on something’s for myself but anyways should I still send the message?

    1. Hi,

      Like I said before, if you didn’t send the NC message, how does she know you’re using NC and not just ignoring her?

      You MUST send the message (as outlined in the free breakup survival plan) in-order to get the best results.

      Real NC starts “after” you send your ex the NC message. You have been ignoring her for 10 days, that’s it.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

      1. Perfect, thank you. Also is it ok if I leave out the “I’ll be in touch when I’m ready.”? I want to move on from her. I do not want her back so I don’t see the point in telling her I’ll end up contacting her.

        1. Hi,

          The NC message works best when you don’t alter any part of it.

          You don’t have to contact her if you don’t want to.

          It basically says you will be touch when YOU”RE READY…if you are never ready, you won’t be in touch, right?

          This leaves YOU in control, not your ex.

          Take Care,

          S.W.

  5. Hi, my boyfriend and I have broken up/gotten back together many times. I have used NC on him in past and it brings him back, but once we get back together and the “honeymoon” phase is over, it’s back to fighting and breaking up/making up. Is it worth it to try NC again maybe for a longer period of time?

    1. Hi,

      It doesn’t sound like you’re using NC the right way.

      You have to let the old relationship die, before you can start a new one with your ex.

      This is all explained in the Free Breakup Survival Plan, go read it.

      Everything you need to survive a breakup, and get your ex back is in the plan.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

      PS – Sorry for the late reply, Gmail was putting my comment notifications in the spam folder. I have it fixed, now.

  6. Hi Scott,

    I have a very complicated story, but I will try to make it short. I’ve been dating with my girlfriend for something more than 2 years. Everything was perfect until the beginning of this year. After the new year, she met her old crush after a few years. I was very insecure about it and have been crazy. She tried to calm me down, that nothing is going to happen, that she loves me, not him. She told me that they just want to be friends. I believed her, but I didn’t believe him. So I contacted him and found out I have nothing to be afraid of, honestly. So I accepted it, but after some time I felt somethinf strange. My girlfriend was acting different. I had a feeling that she was acting better to the new friend than to me. So that made me insecure again. I was really clingy. I was really crazy again and I felt that she is backing away from me, but I didn’t understand why. One of the reasons was my insecurity, but the other I didn’t know. After some time she told me, that she thinks that she fell in love with him. My heart turned black after getting to know that. I didn’t know what to do, because I knew I couldn’t stop it. So I talked to the friend she “maybe fell in love with”. He told me, that I have nothing to be afraid of, because she has no interest in her. And that was really the truth. He told her, that he can’t be friends with her if she’s in love with him, because it’s destroying our relationship. And that’s the point where it ended. I met with my girlfriend and she told me, that she needs some time to figure out some things a think about everything and that it’s going to be best, if we go apart. She broke up with me, but left an open door, because she wanted to stay friends with me and insured me, that it may change some day, but surely not at this time. She wanted time to be alone. I fell into depression. I just couldn’t understand why, but I had to accept it. We stayed in contact and I was trying to insure her about my feelings towards her, and she accepted it, but it didn’t change anything. She was stressed all the time. She was in depression, and she was also having her final exams which didn’t help the situation. I tried to be her support during the exams and she was thanful and told me that I’m the only one who really cares about her, but she didn’t give me any sings about loving me or anything. I felt strange. And after her final exams, she told me that she’s been thinking about everything bad in our relationship (which wasn’t actually really bad and was solvable – only if she told me about it). She told about how she felt sometimes and never told me about it. I was surprised, shocked, because I had no clue that she felt miserable a few times, because of me. I understood all these problems and I left them behind me. It was also something about my behavior. I didn’t realize anything until now and I insured her that it could have been that easy to solve everything if she told me about it before all of this. I really thought about myslef and changed this behavior. And because all of this, she thinks and believes that it will be better if we will be apart. I couldn’t believe it. All of those things were and are solvable, but she now wants to end everything because of it? I tried to explain to her, that we can try it again, now that I know about all of reasons why was all of this going on. But she said, that she can’t do it right now. She told me, that maybe give us another chance some day in the future, but not now. I tried to accept it, but I felt miserable, because I had a feeling that it won’t get better. She told me that all of those feelings she had faded away, because she loved me soo much, but now she feels different about it. And the interesting part is, that she is demands at least staying friends and wants to see me often, go out and do stuff, but I just can’t go out with her and act like we had no relationship, act like I don’t love her. I told her all of this and we argued after that. I just couldn’t go on, so I told her that it’s going to be best if we don’t contact each other for some time, I deleted her from my friends list on Facebook. She couldn’t believe I deleted her and felt really bad about it. She told me, that she thought I was different, but now she thinks I’m same as all men. But we agreed on not contacting each other. It has been 2 days from the moment. I’m willing to try the No Contact to see, what happens. She knows I love her, and she knows I’ve been with her all the time – from January to March (when we broke-up), until now. I just don’t know what to expect. Can you tell me something about my situation? Thank you very much for reading.

    Have a nice day!

    1. And I also forgot to mention, that the “maybe falling in love” with her crush from the past faded away in March, when we broke up. So after that, it had nothing to do with the situation afterwards.

      1. Hi,

        After dating you for 2 years, it seems that she still doesn’t know what she wants.

        I recommend reading the free breakup survival plan, and sending the NC message as outlined in the plan…ASAP!

        She is trying to make you feel guilty about your reaction to this whole mess…don’t let her.

        If the positions were reversed, she would be freaking out, too.

        She was also (supposedly) hiding her true feelings about your relationship, how she wasn’t happy.

        So, what does she do? She looks up an old flame, and starts flirting…WTF?

        I think you deserve to know where she “really” stands on her feelings toward you, and your relationship.

        Do you wonder why the “old flame” took off?

        He has probably been in your shoes, before. She treated him the same way when they were dating.

        Use the no contact rule to flush out her true feelings, and then you can decide what you want to do.

        Give it at least 30 days…do not break NC.

        Take care,

        S.W.

  7. Hi,

    2 weeks ago, my fiance broke our engagement with the reason that we were constantly arguing, he felt that we can’t communicate anymore and he kept saying hurtful words that he wants to go separate ways and he reckon he’ll be happier without me.

    We were still somewhat texting but I’ve ignored him for 6 days once and just 2 days ago, I sent him a long email about our memories and how I felt. He began frantically texting me but I didn’t reply. Should I still send the NC message or just continue NC for minimum 30 days?

    We are 6 months to the wedding and vendors are already starting to contact me. Im stressed. I dont want to cancel anything yet.

    1. Hi Lisa,

      First, put aside all your past memories, they are the past, people (and their feelings) change.

      I wouldn’t make any solid plans with the vendors, just yet.

      You should contact your fiance, and ask him to go to couples counseling.

      If he refuses, send him the NC message as outlined in the free breakup survival plan.

      That will give him 30 days to think about what he really wants to do.

      At the end of of the 30 days, contact him, and ask him, once again, to attend couples counseling with you.

      If he refuses, resend the NC message, cancel the wedding (for now), and follow ALL the steps in the free breakup survival plan.

      Keep NC for at least 90 days, before even considering contacting him…unless, he calls you to say he will attend couples counseling with you.

      You are NOT using NC to get him to marry you, you’re using it to get him to go to counseling, so you can (hopefully) workout your premarital problems.

      It is better to cancel the wedding, than to marry the wrong man.

      I hope this helps.

      Take care, and good luck.

      S.W.

      1. I dropped a message suggesting couple counselling. He refused but on the other hand, he said hurtful words – “I dont think I want to continue this marriage” and ended the conversation abruptly because he had to leave.

        Should I go on NC now? I’m feeling hurt.

      2. Hi S.W,

        I sent him a mesage and suggested couple counselling, received a missed call from him after. When I called back, he sounded really nice and sweet but refused couple counselling. He continued by saying hurtful words – “I don’t think I want to continue this to marriage.” The phone call had to end abruptly as he needed to leave.

        I felt hurt and worthless but I didn’t send him any text or called back. I want to start NC from here on. Is it a good idea or any other suggestions?

        1. Hi Lisa,

          Yes.

          Go read the free breakup survival plan, and send the recommended NC message.

          Give it 30 days, and DO NOT break NC not matter what, even if he says he wants to go to counseling.

          Take care,

          S.W.

  8. My boyfriend wanted us to remain”friends”. Even though it would mean I was a friend in his mind,without real friendship (when you help each-other out), but more like someone he will not hate. He wanted us to see each-other after sometime I have texted my ex-boyfriend after13 days of no contact asking him not to contact me unless he changes his mind.
    I told him that I would like himnot to contact me as a friend and wished him all the best.
    The reason for break-up are enough and we did talk about it (no one cheated), but I can accept the reality that at this point it’s over. I would rather go on Tinder than try to convince him to get me back (though I really wish he would change his mind). Right now I am sick of proving myself to someone who does not really see what is so great about me.
    Have I broken the NC with this text message or have I just started it now?

    I forgot to say :My feelings for him have not changed and I need a lot of time to heal.We have been together 1 yr and 4 months, + 2 months on a break (because I tried to figure out why he wanted to break up with me, and he realized I was innocent). Eventually, he said he only sees me as a friend/sister and we can no longer be together .(I reminded him that he wanted to have sex to me, so he replied that our Relationship meant something to him, not just sex.
    But he still wants to be single.

    So the question was: did I break the NC asking him not to become friends, please?

    1. So the question was: did I break the NC asking him not to become friends, please?

      Hi Jenny,

      You can’t break NC if you never initiated correctly, in the first place.

      If you read the above article about no contact it will explain the right NC message to send, and why.

      As far as I’m concerned, you haven’t started NC, yet.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

      PS – If you want a free plan to help you survive your breakup click here.

  9. My boyfriend broke up with me a month ago, he is 28 and I’m 23. We had a long distance relationship. It was for 6months. He broke up with me because i got angry with him about a text he sent me which made me feel like i was less important to him. (Silly reson) he told me that he didnt like this type of my attitude. I texted him after the break up again and again asking for a second chance but he said that he will never start a relationship with me again and he was mentaly so far from me now. I want him back. He just reply only once if only i send him a text and if i send more he stop replying. It is him who dont want to talk with me at all so doesn’t it look ood to send him a NC message mentioning that i need space? Because he doesnt want to talk to me at all.

    1. It is him who dont want to talk with me at all so doesn’t it look ood to send him a NC message mentioning that i need space? Because he doesnt want to talk to me at all.

      Hi,

      It doesn’t matter “how it looks”.

      What matters is once you send the recommended NC message, YOU take back control of the situation.

      You are no longer waiting for him to contact you, he’s waiting for you to contact him.

      He will also wonder why.

      Why you are giving up on him.

      If you read the many NC diaries in our forum, you will see that it works.

      The real reason you are afraid to send the NC message is not because it “will look odd”.

      You are afraid to let go of the old failed relationship, and, that will keep you trapped.

      You are imprisoning yourself, and, only YOU can set yourself free.

      Sending the recommended NC message is the first step.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

  10. Okay, I have done it,

    I feel as though I am breaking my own heart, because I really love this man. Now I need to join the forum because I need help to get through what I have just done. I copied the message from this article and emailed to him. Now I have to block him from facebook. I will do that another time.

    Hi, We need to take a break, I really believe it is the best thing for both of us right now. I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over. I would really appreciate it if you didn’t contact me during this time. I will be in touch when I am ready.

    1. Hi Maisie,

      Good Job! 🙂

      Day 3 of my newsletter will walk you through the process of joining our forum.

      You have to follow ALL the steps, in-order to be approved as a forum member.

      Take Care,

      Scott

  11. Hi Scott,

    I just tried to block my ex on facebook, and I just couldn’t do it. Does this mean that I cannot join the forum?

    1. Hi,

      Blocking your ex on Facebook, is not mandatory.

      But.

      If you constantly talk about what he’s doing on Facebook, on our forum, you will get banned.

      That is why I suggest, that serious members block their ex’s, or, even better yet, deactivate their Facebook account, while going through NC.

      Facebook has caused nothing, but, trouble on our forum.

      Take Care,

      Scott

  12. Hi Scott,

    Please see below my NC message to my ex, though I am just assuming that he has broken up with me, because he has stopped call and texting me. My question is, should I send him another message as I did not tell me not to contact me? Also, I really can’t wait to join the forum. I have a few ex partners, but I have never had the desperate need to seek help to heal and to also try to get them back. This man is very, very special to me, and I really want to be his wife.

    Hello ?,

    I sincerely hope that all is well with you. I just want to say again to you that I am very sorry for talking too much in the past. I also know that you are worried about me drinking too much, but believe me when say that “I hardly drink since I’ve met you”. However, the real reason for me getting in touch with you, something great has happened to me, (God loves us all) and I would really like to share that gift with you one day, therefore, if you’ve decided not to see me again, I totally agree with you, as “I need the space too”.

    In saying all this, maybe at some point, we can be friends.

    Warm gentle good wishes goes out to you,

    1. Hi Maisie,

      As I explained earlier, in my reply to your email.

      Your first message is not the recommended NC message.

      Your message was weak, and apologetic…totally ineffective.

      Sending the appropriate NC message, is more important than, sending more than one NC message.

      You MUST send the recommended NC message, as outlined in the free breakup survival plan, in-order to join our forum.

      Take care,

      Scott

  13. my wife and i were married 25yrs. she wanted divorce, because she said she was just completely emotionally drained. she has also said she doesn’t feel sexual attraction to me. but she tells me she still loves me. she cried day of divorce. which was today, one day after our 25th anniversary. I have made it clear our entire separation that I want her back. and I did beg the night before divorce. she still wants to b friends, and dinner with our kids every sunday, our kids are all grown. will this NC plan work for me?

    1. Hi,

      The free plan covers how to use NC in any situation, you just need to sign up for my free newsletter, and you will receive a link to the free plan.

      If you want to keep the love alive…let the old relationship die.

      Love is not about resurrection…it is about evolution.

      Every (24 hours) a day is born and it dies…life is an evolution…so is love.

      You have to let go of the past if you want to move towards the future…simple, but not easy.

      You don’t really want your wife as much as you want to stop feeling rejected. The sooner you start NC (the right way) the sooner you will stop feeling this way, but it will take time.

      I help people get over a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.

      Make a commitment to yourself to stay in no contact for at least 12 months, and do not focus on getting your ex-wife back – let your ex go.

      Your main focus is to break your dependency on your old relationship (and your ex) for happiness, and reestablish your life as a Happy Healthy single person.

      This is much more important than getting your ex back, and in 12 months you will realize what I’m saying is true.

      Go read the free plan to get your ex back and follow ALL the steps to get over a broken heart, evolve past the breakup, and get your life back again.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

      IMPORTANT – If you found this information helpful or useful, please give me a “+1” rating by using the colored “+1 button” at the bottom of the above article. I’d really appreciate it.

  14. Hey Man!

    I’ve been reading your stuff and I actually do believe your way is the only possible way of getting back together. Since your “method” focus on getting my own sh*t together first.

    I really want to join the forum, ’cause I know it is going to be very helpfull.

    And I am not skepitcal about the letter. In fact, I think it’s very well written, and something I had learned months ago.

    So long story short, I had a loving relationship that lasted a year an a half. Then she dumped me on June, we got back together, but I found out about this “other dude” and we broke up in July for good.

    I contacted her in august, then in september we had a coffee date, but then she started flaking on me on a regular basis, up until the point I realised it was no good to have contact and went NC.

    The thing is how I went NC…
    I sent her a 3 pages long email, telling her what I’ve understood about the relationship, what I liked about, what I’ve learned during the break up and that I though it was good for us not talk to each other anymore. And ended it with “I’m not saying goodbye, but also not saying see you soon. I’ll leave it to the ellipsis…” [A bit too dramatic]
    This was 28 days ago.
    **I have not begged her back, said I was sorry, or asked for forgiveness. It was a “closure” email**

    She answered me some 20 days later a two lines long email, which I haven’t read, But the subject was “This is not an answer” She started it with “Hunny Bunny” and ended it with see you soon.

    Anyway, I’ve been NC ever since. And the question is:

    Even after explicitly saying that I was no longer going to contact her for god knows how long, and telling her that it was best that she’d do the same, don’t you think it is going to be counterproductive telling her the same thing again, since I already told her that?

    I mean, I told her “I’m going NC for an undetermined amount of time”, she answer the email, I tell her again “I’m going NC for an undetermined amount of time…again”. I do believe it will not show much maturity and/or commitment to my own words, which my devaluate myself for her even more.

    What do you say?

    Thanks Man!

    1. Hi,

      Your last message was wishy-washy and lacked any real commitment, the recommended NC message in the free plan draws a definite line in the sand.

      “I’m not saying goodbye, but also not saying see you soon.

      So what were you saying? lol

      You are really over-thinking the whole situation.

      I have found that people don’t truly start to evolve past the breakup, until after they send the recommended NC message, as outlined in the free plan.

      Just send it word for word, and don’t look back – in a few months you will be glad you did it.

      You don’t really want her back as much as you want to stop feeling rejected. The sooner you start NC (the right way) the sooner you will stop feeling this way, but it will take time.

      I help people get over a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.

      Make a commitment to yourself to stay in no contact for at least 12 months, and do not focus on getting your ex back – let your ex go.

      Your main focus is to break your dependency on your old relationship (and your ex) for happiness, and reestablish your life as a Happy Healthy single person.

      This is much more important than getting your ex back, and in 12 months you will realize what I’m saying is true.

      Go read the free plan to get your ex back and follow ALL the steps to get over a broken heart, evolve past the breakup, and get your life back again.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

      IMPORTANT – If you found this information helpful or useful, please give me a “+1” rating by using the colored “+1 button” at the bottom of the above article. I’d really appreciate it.

      1. I know it was Wishy-Washy…

        But it didn’t lacked commitment. I said this specifically:

        I think it’s is better for us not talk to each other for some time. How long? I don’t know!

        And you missed the most important point in then “goodbye see you soon stuff”, which was “I’ll leave it to the ellipsis…”, which means, I’m not going to look for you, I’m leaving it to chance, if our paths ever cross again. Thats is what I meant.

        (Maybe it sounds more speciffic in Portuguese, ’cause that’s a real quote here in Brazil when you want to say you are leaving things to chance)

        So bottomline, and the real truth is, I left things to chance. The only way I’m going to contact her is if I ever see her somewhere someday, which is borderline impossible, since I live in Sao Paulo (19 million habitants).

        I’m 100% commited in get over her, and 110% commited in improve myself. I’ve started a diet, joined a Gym, and I’m taking meditation classes.

        I would just like to follow a decent plan, and yours sound like one. I just don’t want to break my own words and tell her again I’m going NC, ’cause to me it seems stupid repeating my self.

        “Oh, there he is, going NC again! Let’s see for how long!”
        Know what I mean?

        Cheers!

        1. I would just like to follow a decent plan, and yours sound like one. I just don’t want to break my own words and tell her again I’m going NC, ’cause to me it seems stupid repeating my self.

          It seems MORE foolish to look for a “decent plan”, and then not follow the plans instructions correctly – you only get out of a plan, what you are willing to put into it.

          Take Care,

          S.W.

  15. Hi, my guy and I have been broken up for a month exactly today. we have however been in contact sporadically through it though. After 2 weeks of complete silence, he texted me to ask how i’ve been and we had a short conversation and then it ended. a few days later (last night) i thought about everything and decided I need to get my life back on track, and stop sitting and waiting for “someday” and with that, I decided to send him the NC message. I sent him the one where he broke up with you. and shortly after I sent it, he replied and said Lmao…ok
    Now, I felt relieved when I sent the message because I felt free and like I just got some clarity – but it really REALLY hurt that he said “lmao” does that mean this won’t work for me? Why would he add that extra part? I am still going to implement your advice but I was just wondering if that’s a normal reaction to the NC message.

    Thanks in advance!

    1. Hi,

      Don’t worry, you did the right thing, and hopefully you didn’t reply to his reply to your NC message…if so, you just need to send the same exact message again (no changes).

      His overreaction was caused by you “flipping his switch” – that’s what we call it when your ex gets pissed off after you send them the NC message and take control of the situation.

      They were hoping to “string you along” for a while until they found someone new…you were “plan B” – now you are not. 🙂

      You don’t really want him back as much as you want to stop feeling rejected. The sooner you start NC (the right way) the sooner you will stop feeling this way, but it will take time.

      I help people get over a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.

      Make a commitment to yourself to stay in no contact for at least 12 months, and do not focus on getting your ex back – let your ex go.

      Your main focus is to break your dependency on your old relationship (and your ex) for happiness, and reestablish your life as a Happy Healthy single person.

      This is much more important than getting your ex back, and in 12 months you will realize what I’m saying is true.

      Go read the free plan to get your ex back and follow ALL the steps to get over a broken heart, evolve past the breakup, and get your life back again.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

      IMPORTANT – If you found this information helpful or useful, please give me a “+1” rating by using the colored “+1 button” at the bottom of the above article. I’d really appreciate it.

  16. Hi so long story short we dated for 9 months she broke up with me. I begged pleaded did every mistake in the book and we kept seeing each other for four months after that.recently i sent her a nc letter and we didn f talk for seven days. That was when i caught her in hrr carr by the beach talking with an ex. I broke nc made a jealousy scene. She talked to me the samd day saying she had tought twice before getting back to me but not anymore that i should forgrt getting back with her and that it wiuld be better to stop talking to one another. I agreed it would be for the best.

    Now doez the nc letter make any sense? And after she said that is everything lost for sure? I know i have to focus on me and that you can t give me an answer based on only this. I know the road ahead is long and i agree with your 12 months at least time frame but do you think i crossed over point of no return with her?

    1. Hi,

      The first thing you need to do to heal in the shortest amount of time is to completely give up on the idea of getting your ex back – put it right out of your mind – this will only hold you back.

      I help people get over a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.

      Stay in no contact for at least 12 months, and do not focus on getting your ex back – let your ex go.

      Your main focus is to break your dependency on your old relationship (and your ex) for happiness, and reestablish your life as a Happy Healthy single person.

      This is much more important than getting your ex back, and in 12 months you will realize what I’m saying is true.

      Go read the free plan to get your ex back and follow ALL the steps to get over a broken heart, evolve past the breakup, and get your life back again.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

      IMPORTANT – If you found this information helpful or useful, please give me a “+1” rating by using the colored “+1 button” at the bottom of the above article. I’d really appreciate it.

  17. I keyed my ex’s car and no i’m not crazy. What’s crazy to me is a guy that askes you to marry him within a month of knowing you, talks about having babies with you telling you that your his world, his happiness his everything. That he loves you, needs you and wants you more than anything and he would never leave you. Tells you that he has never had a love so intense or a girl that was so good to him and even insists on buying your wedding dress ( and there is so much more he told me ) and then breaking off the engagement 2months later only to start dating another girl and having her moving in with him. That to me is crazy and could drive anybody crazy trying to comprehend such actions. I have never shown any kind of hostility towards him while we were together and I am not a mean person but I am passionate and when I love someone its for real, not just words. I apologized to him and gave him money to fix it and and asking God for forgiveness ever since. I’m not crazy I’m a woman in love with a man and believed everything he said and that was my fault. I’m pretty sure the ultimate non forgiveness in a relationship is cheating and people forgive their loved ones for doing that everyday. I just made a stupid mistake . I sometimes wonder if men ever take into consideration what they do the women’s feelings and that sometimes there are consequences when they hurt someone so bad. I’m not excusing my actions I felt horrible for acting in such a manner and I regretted it ever since but I still love him dearly and truly want us to work out please tell me there some hope.

    1. Hi,

      When people fall in love – they go crazy in a sense.

      I think you fell in love with what he had to say more than anything else, and when his actions didn’t match his words, you got angry because you felt like you were rejected, but you weren’t, the relationship just didn’t work out.

      It happens ALL the time.

      This is important – “actions speak louder than words”.

      What do his actions tell you about his love for you now?

      Maybe he wasn’t in love, but just riding a high that occurs during the honeymoon stage of a relationship.

      You can ask 100 people what it feels like to fall in love, and you will get 100 different replies.

      You could’ve also just been riding that honeymoon high.

      Follow the no contact rule for 12 months, and you will discover the truth about your relationship after the anger and disappointment fade away, and you have your life (sanity) back again.

      The bottom line is people say “I love you” all the time, and find out later that it wasn’t that deep of a love, but a romantic high.

      You should be thankful he revealed his true feelings before you did get married, right?

      As far as if there is any hope… there is – but first you must realize that you don’t need your ex to be happy again.

      Don’t fight to get your ex back, fight to evolve past the breakup and get your life back, and then decide what to do – a desperate state is never a good place to make decisions.

      I help people get over a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.

      Go read the free plan to get your ex back and follow ALL the steps to get over a broken heart, evolve past the breakup, and get your life back again.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

      IMPORTANT – If you found this information helpful or useful, please give me a “+1” rating by using the colored “+1 button” at the bottom of the above article. I’d really appreciate it.

  18. hello

    me and my exbf broke up in october 2011. i sent the nc msg as recommended on this site in nov 2011. i actually sent him the msg thrice since the nc was broken in between due to him contacting me. after that i followed the nc properly , and wen i thot i felt it was a good time to contact him , i did, after 4 mths of nc. i got a good response from him after that. i went really slow after that and he used to be the one initiating contact most of the time. we used to talk regularly on fb chat though it was for a short duration and once we spoke on fone. the last conversation we had was of he hinting of meeting me though there ws no talk of any concrete plan. i was just waiting for a good time to suggest him for the first meeting so i wasnt expecting anything from him at that time. i started observing some changes within him during that period as in, he seemed much more withdrawn or it seemed as if he was avoiding me, though i cudnt pinpoint out the exact thing. he generally seemed to act careless with me during our conversations and in his attitude towards me.he is very much single and i know that he wasnt even interested in any gal.but the chatting seemed abrupt, so i tried to let him know that it wud be better if we can communicate through sms or fone, and he was open to the idea, though he seemed to be too passive. so i thought its best not to talk during this time and give each other space..maybe stay as friends for now and talk abt meeting some other time. i told him that its better that we dont talk on chat.i thot i had clearly communicated to him what i felt and i expected a better communication , maybe preferablyt thru sms or fone and even on chat.but he seemed to insist on talking on chat only. since i had already been clear on this point earlier i didnt respond to him wen he said hi on chat.he got extremely annoyed on this and said “since u seem to be no longer in a mood to talk to me, no more talking now.all the best for ur future. bye” and deleted me from fb.he never deleted me after the breakup and now after a year from the breakup he has done this.

    so now i don know what shud i do in this situation. shud i send him the nc msg again?or should i just let it go?at present i ve simply ignored it n i havent reacted to him at all.

    plz advise.on one hand i m happy that we are no longer friends on fb since fb was anyways a hindrance rather dan a good thing. on the other hand i m not happy coz its he who has done it so i just feel that maybe he might feel that he has gained control over the situation by doing this and this is not good for any chance of future reconciliation maybe?i don know if i m rite or rong ..so plz advise me.

    sheela

    1. sheela said:

      so now i don know what shud i do in this situation. shud i send him the nc msg again?

      Hi,

      You should start NC over again, and send the recommended NC message.

      You did not stick to the no contact rule long enough (12 months) – this happens every time someone focuses on getting their ex back more than on getting their life back.

      I help people get over a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.

      Go read the free plan to get your ex back and follow ALL the steps to get over a broken heart, evolve past the breakup, and get your life back again.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

      IMPORTANT – If you found this information helpful or useful, please give me a “+1” rating by using the colored “+1 button” at the bottom of the above article. I’d really appreciate it.

  19. Hi S. Williams,

    I have a question regarding No Contact.

    My ex and I have been broken up for almost 2 months, started no contact a week after the breakup. He was the one who broke up with me.

    He wanted to be friends with me, we were for one week. But I decided to go no contact because I thought it was best to give each other space, and I wasn’t interested in being friends with him at that time, and I wanted to start moving on.

    I was the one who initiated no contact, and this was my message that I sent to him through text:

    “I’ll be honest with you. I don’t think we can really be friends right now. So I am not going to contact you for a while, not because I’ve moved on or i have no more feelings for you because I do. It’s best if we give each other space.”

    And he acknowledged my request by saying, “I do not think it’s the best thing, but if you truly want to okay.”

    Since that, I’ve never replied to him or broke no contact.

    Although I am not 100% over him yet, (that is why I want to join the forum, and totally get my life back) I can say that I am currently at a better state than I was three weeks ago. I did things that I want. I re-learned how to have fun and be happy by myself. I still think of him, though, that is why I want to be properly guided here.

    So, my question is, do I still need to send him the recommended no contact message? I think the message is almost the same…

    I hope to hear from you soon.

    1. Celestine said:

      So, my question is, do I still need to send him the recommended no contact message? I think the message is almost the same…

      Hi Celestine,

      Yes – you must send the recommended NC message if you want to be approved as a forum member – everyone does – are you special or something? lol

      Come on – your ‘weak-ass’ (almost apologetic) NC message isn’t even close to the recommended NC message as outlined in the free plan.

      You have to take this seriously, and stop trying to ‘play it safe’ – that is why I tell people don’t plan on getting your ex back – get your life back first, and watch the magic happen – just read the break up success stories on my Blog.

      I help people get over a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.

      Go read the free plan to get your ex back and follow ALL the steps to get over a broken heart, evolve past the breakup, and get your life back again.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

      PS – Since you never really properly initiated NC in the first place – you will not be breaking NC by sending the recommended NC message.

      IMPORTANT – If you found this information helpful or useful, please give me a “+1” rating by using the colored “+1 button” at the bottom of the above article. I’d really appreciate it.

  20. dear S Williams,
    I have received the link, clicked on the survice button but I have failed to receive the free plan. I do not know how to whitelist your adresses because my hotmail account does not have any safelist option. Perhaps because I live in Greece, or I am pc illeterate. I will try creating a Gmail account tomorrow, and send the recommended NC message, as it is past 12 am in Greece. Thank you

    1. Hi,

      Hotmail, and Yahoo take a long time, that is why I recommend Gmail.

      Check your junk/spam folder tomorrow, and if your confirmation email is not in there – open a Gmail account, and sign up again.

      Take Care,

      S. Williams

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