The Real Truth About The No Contact Rule
This article is all about clearing up the mystery and confusion about the no contact rule. I will explain exactly how it works and how to use it correctly to help you with your relationship problems. We will explore how NC works, why it works, and what happens during your no contact time that will help heal you, and prepare you for a fresh start with your ex.
We will also debunk a lot of the misconceptions about using the no contact rule to get your ex back. After reading this article you should have a very good understanding of what to expect when you properly initiate the no contact rule.
The Break Up – Why You Need to Properly Initiate The No Contact Rule ASAP!
Chances are very good that you’re reading this a little too late, but let’s discuss this anyways, OK? Everyone’s first reaction after a break up is to get their ex back no matter what, this leads to begging, pleading, and even using “guilt” as a tool to get them back. But what happens?
That’s right, they become even more distant, and this drives you nuts, which causes you to keep repeating the above cycle. You continue until they either change phone numbers, email addresses, and whatever they can do to stop you from contacting them, or you give up and start to look for help. The bottom line is…the sooner you stop chasing them (contacting them) the sooner the healing process can begin. Now, next we will look at a great example of a no contact message to send to get the ball rolling, OK?
The No Contact Message – How to Write and Send The Proper No Contact Message
Now that you have come to your senses and want to make real progress in your attempt to win back your ex, it’s time to write and send your NC message.
A Good NC Message (if they broke up with you)
Hi,
I agree with you about the decision to break up, I really believe it was the best thing for both of us. I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over. I would really appreciate it if you didn’t contact me during this time. I will be in touch when I am ready.
A Good NC Message (if you broke up with them)
Hi,
I do not regret my decision to break up with you, I really believe it was the best thing for both of us. I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over. I would really appreciate it if you didn’t contact me during this time. I will be in touch when I am ready.
A Good NC Message (if they broke up with you, and you share child custody)
Hi,
I agree with you about the decision to break up, I really believe it was the best thing for both of us. I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over. I would really appreciate it if you didn’t contact me during this time, unless it concerns our children. I will be in touch when I am ready.
A Good NC Message (if they broke up with you, and you share a business)
Hi,
I agree with you about the decision to break up, I really believe it was the best thing for both of us. I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over. I would really appreciate it if you didn’t contact me during this time, unless it concerns our business. I will be in touch when I am ready.
Now!
If you’re not sure if you’re broken up or not (maybe just taking a break)…then use this form of that message to get yourself out of “Relationship Limbo”…OK?
Hi,
We need to take a break, I really believe it is the best thing for both of us right now. I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over. I would really appreciate it if you didn’t contact me during this time. I will be in touch when I am ready.
After you have chosen the appropriate no contact message, how should you send it? My answer is whatever way you know for sure they will get it, and read it…or what’s the point, right? But! You do not want to call them and tell them over the phone…OK? Why?
Because they might hang up on you, and if they don’t they will probably just tune you out…make sense? Plus you want them to have a copy to read over and over (which they will, believe me). Next we will cover…The purpose of the no contact message, OK?
The Purpose of The No Contact Message – What The No Contact Rule Does And Does Not Do
Once you send the NC message and your ex tries to contact you, you MUST NOT reply to them, OK? But!
There will be instances when you need to interact with them, such as:
1. You share children and must discuss matters pertaining to them.
2. You share a business, or work in the same place.
3. You have shared financial matters.
In these circumstances you just need to be polite, and do not get lured into a discussion about your/their personal life, the NC message, or the break up. Just keep it to the point, and all about business…that’s it. For more information about this topic please read the following article: Learn How to Get Your Ex Back Using The Infamous Missing Link
What about Social Websites and Mutual Friends?
No contact for the most part is to keep your ex from knowing what is going on with you personally, and they will become more and more curious. It is highly recommended that you close all social accounts like FaceBook, and whatever other sites you waste your time on, and stay away from his mutual friends. If you must talk to mutual friends, tell them nothing about your personal life. This will help further down the line when you’re ready to set up a meeting to reconnect in a new relationship with your ex…understand?
Staying away from mutual friends and social websites will also protect you from false rumors sent by your ex to rattle your cage, and make you second guess using NC. They want you to break no contact so they feel like they are back in control of the situation. If you can not do these things, you’re NOT SERIOUS enough about using the no contact rule correctly, and your results will reflect your efforts. In the end, you only get out what you are willing to put in…you reap what you sow.
Now to address some common questions about using no contact:
1. I haven’t spoke to my ex since our last argument, won’t I look foolish sending the recommended no contact message if my ex hasn’t contacted me for this long?
No, if you do not send the recommended no contact message, you will not be using NC correctly. This message is meant to flip both your “switches”, and start your personal evolutions together. Sending the recommended no contact message (without changes) as outlined in the free plan is VERY important, do it ASAP, and don’t look back. You will be very glad you did, just like the people here in the break up success stories section of my Blog.
2. Won’t it look like I am ignoring my ex therefore making them angry with me?
NO, you sent a NC message asking them to not contact you, so if they ignore your request and contact you about things other than the ones explained above you have every right to not reply. Usually what they are trying to do is get you to break NC so they don’t have to worry about what you’re doing. You think this is a good thing, but it’s not…why?
Because as long as they know what you’re up too they will never want you back in a relationship, why settle when they can have their cake and eat it too, right? They get to play the field while you heel like a nice little puppy. For more information about this topic please read the following article: Learn Why Your Ex Will Not Leave You – 2 No Contact Rule Myths Shredded
3. Won’t I just drive them into the arms of their new boyfriend or girlfriend?
They are already there, right? If not the no contact strategy will not make them do it, and if they do date someone chances are it’s to make you jealous, and when it doesn’t work, where does that leave them?
Now for a quick overview of what using NC will do: When send that NC message you’re telling your ex you agree with the break up and are no longer “chasing” them. You’re in a sense turning the tables and flipping a switch in their heads. They’re used to you pleading and begging and now you suddenly stop…why?
What are these big decisions you have to make…is it about them? Is this decision about whether to give up on ever coming back to me…what if I went too far? The emotionless “clean” message you sent them will have them guessing and putting you on their mind…that’s where you want to be. Next we will discuss what the no contact rule is really all about.
What The No Contact Rule Is Really About – 30 Days and The Healing Process
When you initiate the no contact rule you’re in fact putting an end to your old “failed” relationship with your ex. You know the one that’s been dying for some time…get together…break up…get back together…breakup again…etc. This break up is actually the best thing that could’ve happened, it was time to move on…move on from that bad relationship.
Break ups do not mean the end of you and your ex ever being together, this is the most important thing you need to realize during your NC time. You need to put all this behind you and heal yourself emotionally, and prepare to come back and reconnect with your ex…when you’re ready, do not rush through no contact…YOU WILL FAIL!
So What Do You Do While Your In No Contact?
Well here’s what you don’t do…sit there counting off 30 days and expecting your ex to come back like magic. Find any reason (no matter how lame) to break NC and contact your ex out of fear they won’t remember you after 30 plus days of NC.
There is much work to be done during NC and the faster you stop working against the break up and start working with the right tools, the faster you”ll be ready for reconnection, make sense? During your time alone you will make a list of the pros and the cons of your relationship to figure out if you even want your ex back.
Once you calm down and start thinking you might realize it was a bad match after all, or you will see that it was a great match but there were some issues. List these issues as something to work on when you get back together with your ex later on.
You also need to examine your past relationship to see where it started to fall apart, ever clue you uncover will give you a better chance at getting your ex and keeping your ex, OK? The bottom line is NC is not a 30 day thing, it is taking as much time as necessary to calm down, and evaluate your emotional state, work on the past problems, and plan for the future…with or without your ex.
How Will You Know When You’re Ready To Reconnect With Your Ex?
When you call and ask them out to a short meeting (coffee) and they say “no” and you can calmly accept that without panicking, there is more chances to do this later on, right? The fastest way out of relationship limbo, and the “Just Friends Zone”, is to properly use the no contact rule, and stick to it.
Free Step-By-Step System
Just in-case after reading all that you’re still scratching your head, I can help you understand, and I will do it for free. I run a revolutionary Blog, and Forum/Chat Room that takes a whole new approach to getting your ex back, and it works! I don’t care how many books you bought or read…you haven’t seen anything like what I have to offer you.
If you want my help to “get my ex back”, join my free newsletter for access to a free step by step system to get your life/ex back fast. The answers you need to start your personal evolution are waiting for you, don’t hesitate another minute…come and get them. If you have any comments or questions please write them in the comment box below.
Who Am I and Why Should You Listen to Me?
My name is S. Williams, and I have been helping people for more than 3 years to overcome break up pain, and get their lives back. I even have an “About” section that I recommend you read. I know the name of my site is: How to Get Your Ex Back Fast, but I teach people how to get their lives back, not their ex’s.
If you’re interested in working with me (and our forum members) to get your life back, join my free newsletter for access to the free plan to get your ex back fast, and start getting your life back today. The answers you need to start your personal evolution are waiting for you, don’t hesitate another minute…come and get them.
Once you get your life back, everything else will just start to fall into place…I promise. If you have any comments or questions please write them in the comment box below.
If this article was useful or helpful to you in anyway, please show your appreciation by giving me a “+1″ using the button below this article.
Until next time,
S. Williams
http://www.howtogetyourexbackfast.com
Copyright © 2008 and beyond – All Rights Reserved Worldwide – You DO NOT have permission to reuse this content in any way, shape, or form.
The Break Up
Why You Need to Properly Initiate The No Contact Rule ASAP!
Chances are very good that you’re reading this a little too late, but let’s discuss this anyways, OK?
Everyone’s first reaction after a break up is to get their ex back no matter what, this leads to begging, pleading, and even using “guilt” as a tool to get them back.
But what happens?
That’s right, they become even more distant, and this drives you nuts, which causes you to keep repeating the above cycle.
You continue until they either change phone numbers, email addresses, and whatever they can do to stop you from contacting them, or you give up and start to look for help.
The bottom line is…the sooner you stop chasing them (contacting them) the sooner the healing process can begin.
Now, next we will look at a great example of a no contact message to send to get the ball rolling, OK?
The No Contact Message
How to Write and Send The Proper No Contact Message
Now that you have come to your senses and want to make real progress in your attempt to win back your ex, it’s time to write and send your NC message.
A Good NC Message (if they broke up with you)
Hi,
I agree with you about the decision to break up, I really believe it was the best thing for both of us. I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over. I would really appreciate it if you didn’t contact me during this time. I will be in touch when I am ready.
A Good NC Message (if you broke up with them)
Hi,
I do not regret my decision to break up with you, I really believe it was the best thing for both of us. I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over. I would really appreciate it if you didn’t contact me during this time. I will be in touch when I am ready.
********************************************
Now!
If you’re not sure if you’re broken up or not (maybe just taking a break)…then use this form of that message to get yourself out of “Relationship Limbo”…OK?
Hi,
I think that we need to take a break, I really believe it is the best thing for both of us right now. I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over. I would really appreciate it if you didn’t contact me during this time. I will be in touch when I am ready.
*********************************************
After you have chosen the appropriate no contact message, how should you send it?
My answer is whatever way you know for sure they will get it, and read it…or what’s the point, right?
But!
You do not want to call them and tell them over the phone…OK?
Why?
Because they might hang up on you, and if they don’t they will probably just tune you out…make sense?
Plus you want them to have a copy to read over and over (which they will, believe me).
Next we will cover…The purpose of the no contact message, OK?
The Purpose of The No Contact Message
What The No Contact Rule Does And Does Not Do
Once you send the NC message and your ex tries to contact you, you MUST NOT reply to them, OK?
But!
There will be instances when you need to interact with them, such as:
1. You share children and must discuss matters pertaining to them.
2. You share a business, or work in the same place.
3. You have shared financial matters.
In these circumstances you just need to be polite, and do not get lured into a discussion about yours, or theirs personal life…that’s it.
Learn How to Get Your Ex Back Using The Infamous Missing Link
No contact for the most part is to keep them from knowing what is going on with you personally they will become more and more curious.
This will help further down the line when you’re ready to set up a meeting to reconnect in a new relationship with them…understand?
Now to address some common questions about using no contact:
1. Won’t it look like I am ignoring my ex therefore making them angry with me?
NO, you sent a NC message asking them to not contact you, so if they ignore your request and contact you about things other than the ones explained above you have every right to not reply.
Usually what they are trying to do is get you to break NC so they don’t have to worry about what you’re doing.
You think this is a good thing, but it’s not…why?
Because as long as they know what you’re up too they will never want you back in a relationship, why settle when they can have their cake and eat it too, right?
They get to play the field while you heel like a nice little puppy.
Learn Why Your Ex Will Not Leave You – 2 No Contact Rule Myths Shredded
2. Won’t I just drive them into the arms of their new boyfriend or girlfriend?
They are already there, right? If not the no contact strategy will not make them do it, and if they do date someone chances are it’s to make you jealous, and when it doesn’t work, where does that leave them?
Now for a quick overview of what using NC will do:
When send that NC message you’re telling your ex you agree with the break up and are no longer “chasing” them.
You’re in a sense turning the tables and flipping a switch in their heads. They’re used to you pleading and begging and now you suddenly stop…why?
What are these big decisions you have to make…is it about them?
Is this decision about whether to give up on ever coming back to me…what if I went too far?
The emotionless “clean” message you sent them will have them guessing and putting you on their mind…that’s where you want to be.
Next we will discuss what the no contact rule is really all about.
What The No Contact Rule Is Really About
30 Days and The Healing Process
When you initiate the no contact rule you’re in fact putting an end to your old “failed” relationship with your ex.
You know the one that’s been dying for some time…get together…break up…get back together…breakup again…etc.
This break up is actually the best thing that could’ve happened, it was time to move on…move on from that bad relationship.
Break ups do not mean the end of you and your ex ever being together, this is the most important thing you need to realize during your NC time.
You need to put all this behind you and heal yourself emotionally, and prepare to come back and reconnect with your ex…when you’re ready, do not rush through no contact…YOU WILL FAIL!
So what do you do while your in no contact?
Well here’s what you don’t do…sit there counting off 30 days and expecting your ex to come back like magic.
Find any reason (no matter how lame) to break NC and contact your ex out of fear they won’t remember you after 30 plus days of NC.
There is much work to be done during NC and the faster you stop working against the break up and start working with the right tools, the faster you”ll be ready for reconnection, make sense?
During your time alone you will make a list of the pros and the cons of your relationship to figure out if you even want your ex back.
Once you calm down and start thinking you might realize it was a bad match after all, or you will see that it was a great match but there were some issues.
List these issues as something to work on when you get back together with your ex later on.
You also need to examine your past relationship to see where it started to fall apart, ever clue you uncover will give you a better chance at getting your ex and keeping your ex, OK?
The bottom line is NC is not a 30 day thing, it is taking as much time as necessary to calm down, and evaluate your emotional state, work on the past problems, and plan for the future…with or without your ex.
How will you know you’re ready to reconnect with your ex?
When you call and ask them out to a short meeting (coffee) and they say “no” and you can calmly accept that without panicking, there is more chances to do this later on, right?
The fastest way out of relationship limbo, and the “Just Friends Zone”, is to properly use the no contact rule, and stick to it.
If you want a free step by step plan you can learn more about it and my free support forum here at:
Learn How to Get Your Ex Back
Related posts:
- How to Rule The No Contact Rule – You Need to Read This Right Now! The no contact rule works as long as you know how to use it. If you want to “rule” the...
- What The No Contact Rule Can Do For You – A True Life Example With so many people questioning the effectiveness of the no contact rule, I just had to share this true life...
- No Contact Rule – 30 Days or a Lifetime? The no contact rule is not magic, it’s common sense. Do you really think 30 days is too much to...
- The No Contact Rule – How Does It Help Me Get My Ex Back? Part 1 Can the no contact rule really help me get my ex back? Yes, it can…this is what everyone asks themselves...
- How to Cope With A Break Up Using The No Contact Rule I would like to explain how to cope with a break up by using the no contact rule effectively. Most...
Hi,
My bf told me that he needs space and to be alone for a while. I stopped begging , pleading and chasing him and initiated NC msg last week (12/9/2009) Since I am not sure if we broken up or not , I used the form like this :
Hi,
I agree your decision to take a break, I really believe it is the best thing for both of us right now. I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over. I would really appreciate it if you didn’t contact me during this time. I will be in touch when I am ready.
Is it ok or Do i need to re-send to use the form as above ?
He replied me ” I see. I am very sorry for both of us have to go through. It’s hard. But I just have something I would like to think them over too.”
I didn’t reply and start my personal evolution.
Orangepekoo wrote:
Hi OP,
You’re draft was very close to the original and should be fine, and it seemed to “flip” his switch because he replied after you said don’t contact me, right?
Plus he is sorry…not you…you have taken back the power.
If he continues to contact you hit him with another NC message, and the one from the above post this time.
Great Job OP! (Thumbs High)
S.W.
Hi,
I have a question about when to use the agreeing with the breakup.
LD relationship with a man I knew as a friend before. Live 3hr drive from each other. Knew him through my ex, always got on well, was in contact with me during my divorce. He had broken up with his girlfriend and was very slow to make a move. Stated from the beginning that he wants a serious relationship. He made it clear that he has a lot of stuff going on at work but everything was fine at the beginning though we communicated by text and phone. We met up and it was fantastic. He slowly started going quieter, came over to see me again – drove 10hrs because his work schedule meant he had to be somewhere else and he wanted to keep his promise. Erratic communication so I stated my thoughts in an email without recriminations. He replied that he’s in survival mode because of work but wants us to work. Communication got a little better but not as before.
Met up after almost 3 months. He wanted to play golf, I agreed. Found out that a friend of his who lives quite close will be joining us as he hasn’t seen him in ages. Wasn’t happy but I got over it, didn’t want to spoil the evening. He mentioned going away together in Jan but that he hates Xmas and will prob go off alone. Then mentioned that I should learn his native language in order to communicate with his mother.
Next day was good, even got thanked for being so patient. Went out for dinner. Talked about his work, past relationships (all cheated on him), asked if he thinks it’s a good idea to keep seeing each other. He said he believes it will work (although he shied away from any commitment asking if it would be a waste for me if it didn’t work out). I said I want to get to know him better. Went back to the hotel, he wanted a backrub and fell asleep. I got grumpy, moaned about it all being about him. He got angry that he had just fallen asleep. I said “just give me a hug” and something snapped in him. Got dressed, went out. Followed him. Very angry, I asked if he had just viewed the whole thing as a fling. He got even angrier. Paid, packed and said it’s over.
I asked why: He’s completely stressed, can’t cope, at his wits end with work. He said I want reassurance and commitment (I retaliated that I don’t want to marry him tomorrow and that he was the one painting pictures of a relationship). His first free time for 5 weeks and he spent it with me, that it should be enough. That he’s not good with words, told me he’s serious and it should be enough. That my reaction to the trip was lukewarm (explained that I was a bit upset about him wanting to get away for Xmas) He said it will never work, nothing to do with his emotions as he cares but purely a rational decision. I tried to explain that my divorce, men around me who only want one thing and the fact that his ex still hasn’t moved out made me uneasy. He didn’t want to hear it. Got childish asking if I expect him to quit his job, live under a bridge etc. Tried to say it’s teething problems, he disagreed and said it won’t work so I said that I won’t beg or persuade him – he said goodbye and left.
After that I sent a text asking if he got back safe and he simply replied that he did, he got a thank you in return. The more I look at the situation, the more I believe that the girlfriend is not really an ex. Maybe he gets a strange kick out of having someone else hanging on? It has been more than three weeks and he has not made any contact. I did not send any kind of no contact letter and I don’t know if I should make the step of agreeing so I feel that I have regained some control over the situation. Although after three weeks it may be better to just continue no contact without a no contact letter…
Any advice?
Hi there,
My bf broke up with me 7th november. He said he doesn’t feel anything for me anymore. I rang him a week later and couldn’t help but plead with him. To this he replied ‘we have been through this’. I left it and said OK. He still has a few bits of mine and I we arranged that night for me to go get it the next day. But I felt that I would plead again so didn’t go. I just said I will contact you when I free. Since then it has been 5 weeks and I have had zero contact with him. I never sent a N/C message, I just left him to it. I just don’t see where I am supposed to go from here…
Hi there,
My ex broke up with me last October and I wasn’t part of your forum yet. I didn’t send him the NC message but right after the break up we were still talking but i initiated it. a week after i just dropped everything. deleted him off facebook and even on IM. Do i still send him the NC message? or do i continue to not talk to him.
rinky.
pmoo wrote:
I know it’s hard. I just went through a nasty breakup with the guy I called not only my soulmate, but my best friend. My “best friend” whom I caught scouting for “extra activities” via craigslist. In my own “temporary insanity” period, I forgave him, (KNOWING he was lying, mind you!) and somehow I ended up begging HIM to stay with ME and promising I’D change (this guy was good at the game)!!! Anyway, my point to your comment is, we too had things that needed to be exchanged. I still had clothes he’d left here and he still had my key. I tried and tried to set up a time we could meet to make the exchange and he was just always WAY too busy. We broke it off in early September. Last week, I got tired of waiting and being his personal storage unit so I boxed up his shit, took a little road trip, and dropped it (literally, tee hee) on his doorstep. It was loud enough to make a noise
Fortunately someone else came to the door so I didn’t really have to deal with him at all. It was literally past the point of rudeness keeping his crap here for as long as he did but it was always a power struggle with him and I was always the one to bow down. But this time, I TOOK CONTROL, for once. And it felt incredibly liberating. I already changed the locks a long time ago 
Ya know, this “great guy” who I thought was just so wonderful…come to think of it, he really didn’t treat me so great at all. I had friends and family tell me I always seemed unhappy with him. When I thought about it, they were right. I still haven’t quite figured out why he had gotten such a hold on me so quickly but I am strong now. I have had time to self reflect and realize that HE was the one manipulating ME. I am now back to being myself again and I’m happier than before I met him. You’ll be ok, I promise. Just give it some time
silvercat wrote:
Hi silvercat,
My advice is to stop over thinking a simple plan, OK?
Go follow the free plan to get your ex back, and send the recommended NC message.
I help people survive a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.
This is for your benefit…no one else’s.
Take Care,
S.W.
pmoo wrote:
Hi Pmoo,
I help people get over a broken heart and get their lives back, not get their ex back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.
Do you know why you feel lost?
You don’t have a plan.
I have a plan for you and it’s free.
Don’t over think your situation…just follow every step in the free plan to get your ex back, and take control of your life.
Take Care,
S.W.
rinkdinkydoo wrote:
Hi RDD,
I help people get over a broken heart and get their lives back, not get their ex back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.
Go read the free plan to get your ex back, and send the recommended NC message…no changes.
Then follow every step after that, OK?
Of course you remain in NC which means no contact (talking).
Once you read the whole plan, and use the free support tools you will understand how it works.
Take Care,
S.W.
silvercat wrote:
Hi SC,
You don’t need to “tweak” anything…just send it.
It not supposed to make sense, it is supposed to cause a shift…once again don’t over think a simple plan.
Besides what have you got to lose?
The people who have THE MOST problems with their personal evolution are the one’s who “over think” the free plan to get your ex back…just follow it, OK?
Watch what happens next.
Stay Strong!
S.W.
Thanks SW,
just to clarify – he didn’t even do the “let’s be friends” thing and hasn’t been in contact. Won’t he interpret it as chasing if I suddenly write him telling him not to contact me and that I will contact him in the future? Just wondering how to tweak the last part of the NC message….
@ S. Williams:
hey SW is that really ur photo-what u look like>
silvercat wrote:
i in the same boat-i aint spoke to mine for 5 weeks solid. i feel stupid just telling him o yea…its cool i respect ur decision. are you goin to send it and after how long have you not spoken to him….
hey,
i am in the exact situation too. i have gone NC for 1 month now without initiating a proper NC message. My ex did not bother to contact me at all during this time too. Just thinking if it would be weird that I suddenly initiate an NC message because it seems like I am the one who still cares. Did you eventually sent out the NC message though? And if you did, what happened after that ?
Hi,
The NC message is very necessary and will give you the fastest results when using the no contact rule.
I am all about helping people help themselves as quickly as possible, time is too valuable to waste, so don’t waste a minute.
If you read the free plan and decide to follow ALL the steps you can join our support forum, and get support from people using the same plan.
NC is nearly impossible to stick to alone.
Thank you for writing.
Take Care,
S.W.
pmoo wrote:
Yeah it’s a few years old but that’s me and my son, and our ex dog.
pmoo wrote:
It must feel even more stupid to still be hung up on someone, right?
You have a choice, feel stupid loving someone who doesn’t love you back, or feel stupid taking back your power, and your life.
Your choice…this isn’t rocket science.
Take Care,
S.W.
It must feel even more stupid to still be hung up on someone, right?
You have a choice, feel stupid loving someone who doesn’t love you back, or feel stupid taking back your power, and your life.
Your choice…this isn’t rocket science.
Take Care,
S.W.
ok well my last question is: can i do this without sending the NC message. if u see where i am coming from-i have had 5 weeks of bliss n/c and to send this message is like contacting him hence breaking n/c… or is that the idea?
I would really appreciate it if you didn’t contact me during this time. I will be in touch when I am ready.———
there is no way in hell he ever wud contact me anyway plus me tellin him i will ne in touch might ‘scare’ him off-he gets scared easily… please justify these few points i made and then i will feel more confident sending the n/c message…
Hi, thanks for this. I am just a bit unsure about the last part because he made no sign of wanting to stay in touch and I believe he will take it as chasing. Is it possible just to agree, say it was for the best, that things are coming together for me and wish him the best? It is difficult to decide what to do as everyone else is telling me to move on and leave him alone as any contact will only feed his ego. @ S. Williams:
pmoo wrote:
Hi,
I am not here to convince you to use the free plan to get your ex back, you came to me, remember?
It’s not enough I maintain this Blog, and plan for free…now I have to beg you to help yourself?
Go read the break up success stories section on my Blog.
A lot of people have been successful following the free plan to get your ex boyfriend back…I haven’t heard any feedback from people who haven’t been successful surviving a break up using this strategy.
The choice is yours…do it right, or do it your way.
Take Care,
S.W.
Hi S.W
i understand where you are coming from but my ex is very stubborn even though he has initiated lets just be friends thing.He is with someone at the moment we live literally a few minutes away from eachother.He owes me money but i know he doesnt have the money now to give me so cant ask for it back.Plus he is a very principle man if i tell him him not to cantact me and i will contact him when am ready i dont think he will contact me and is that not going to push hime further to this new girl or they will get even more closer?
i know i shouldnt be over thinking this but just want to be sure i have not contacted him for a few days now but is the NC message still nessaccary is not trying to let him know that you are still waiting for him but just need a bit of time so why will he miss you if he knows that you are still waiting for him?
Just want to understand this poperly am very confused as in why i need to sent him that msg.
Regards
Annette
Hi,
I help people survive a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.
Your ex is stubborn…who cares?
This is not about him, this is about you taking back control, and getting your life back.
You’re not confused, you are frightened, and this fear will keep you trapped in relationship limbo.
I can show you a way out, but you have to have the courage to follow the plan.
Nothing I can say or do can give you courage, only you can give that to yourself.
It’s your life/happiness, if you won’t fight for it, who will?
Everything you need to know about how NC works is on my Blog, and in the free plan to get your ex back…go read it.
Take Care,
S.W.
silvercat wrote:
Hi SC,
There is only two ways to follow the free plan to get your ex back.
The right way, or your way…your choice.
My question is: do you want to be successful, or not?
Take Care,
S.W.
@ S. Williams:
Thank you for the encouragement.
Things has been changed now.
One of my fds talked to him last nite and he said he would like to breakup but afraid to say it in front of me coz I was crying. He said he is not ready to settle down for me and not sure what he wants. He feels guilty to leave me like this but he wants to be alone.
Now , we broke up, do i need to send another NC message to him using this form like this ?
Hi,
I agree with you about the decision to break up, I really believe it was the best thing for both of us. I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over. I would really appreciate it if you didn’t contact me during this time. I will be in touch when I am ready.
Orangepekoo wrote:
Exactly!
Send that message just as it is, and then follow the rest of the steps in the free plan.
The NC message is just the beginning of your personal evolution, and the first step to surviving a break up.
Stay Strong!
S.W.
no contact message sent!
shadypm wrote:
Great Job Shady! (Thumbs High)
And your personal evolution begins.
Now follow all the rest of the steps in the free plan to get your ex back, they are very important to your success in surviving a break up.
Stay Strong!
Hi SW
I have a quick question.
I was already aware of how no cotact works so when my boyfriend of six months said he was under stress (which he actually) ans did not feel he could provide me with a good relationship for now. But wants to be together when “things settle down” I knew not to fight it. I told him I wanted him to be happy and take space if he needed. But I did not promise to be waiting for him or anything. I felt pretty secure about his feelings for me. I really believe he cares for me and did not want it to come to this.
Anyway, that was 3 1/2 weeks ago and I have not contacted him. I told him to call when “things settle down” and I would we “see what happens”. I told him did not know how I was going to feel so I would say if we could be together or not. But I tolsd him respected his space and decision.
My question is: It it necesaary for me to send the NC message? I don’t see why it would be. I stated my case and confidently told him to “take care of his bsuiness”. Our relationship was very good..no fighting or anything. Very respectful. No pressure from me or overbearing behaviors. Do I really need to create a shift here? I think my confidenance in letting him go and not making promises is enough of a message. And I thin so is the fact that I have respected his decision and been concentrating on myself ever since. I do not think the NC would make any sense in my case.
Steph wrote:
Hi Steph,
I guess you’re just afraid to send the recommended no contact message.
You have not properly initiated NC until you send it.
You can kid yourself all you want…but it doesn’t change the truth.
I help people survive a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.
If you want to succeed, follow the free plan to get your ex back…step by step.
If you want to continue to over think a proven plan…good luck.
I am not here to debate something I know works with testimonials to back it too.
You go ahead and keep doing what you feel comfortable doing…OK?
But do not join our forum if you are not going to follow the plan, understand?
If you had any idea how this whole plan (how to get your ex back) worked you would not have even asked these questions…keep reading my Blog until you get it.
Take Care,
S.W.
Hello!! My boyfriend of a little over a yr broke up with me. We broke up two days before Halloween. I made all the mistakes with letters, text messages, and phone calls for a second try. After all this, few days ago it was decided that we would have no contact for 2 months and then his words were we’ll talk about it.
What should i do?? Waiting for 2 months seems like a long time.
Do u really think it’s necessary that i need to send him a NC message when it’s already established that we would have not contact one another for 2 months??
Thank u!!
jasmin wrote:
Yes
@ S. Williams:
I spoke with him over the phone on sunday and it was established that we would not contact each other for 2 months. By this time, he already was frustrated with me.
The next day, i wrote him a short paragraph long note saying how much i loved him and why i kept coming to see him. At the end in my note, i wrote that i understood that he needs his space.
He has left the country and am assuming that he should be back in a wk or a 1 1/2 wks.
When i saw him the past two times, he already told me that it wasn’t a good idea to continue seeing one another since we are trying to move on. He was already frustrated with me those times and seemed exhausted thinking about this situation and other things as well.
Do u still think it’s necessary for me to send him a NC message having said all the above with his mental state at the moment and agreeing that we wouldn’t contact each other for 2 months??
Hey SW,
I was just wondering how im suppose to sign in every password i have had sent to me has came back to be the invalid password.
jasmin wrote:
Yes, I highly recommend you send the NC message outlined in the free plan to get your ex back (word for word).
Especially after what you have said and done…you did not initiate no contact properly.
Now stop stalling, and send it, OK?
I help people survive a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.
Take Care,
S.W.
Anna wrote:
Hi Anna,
If you took the time to read the email you were sent after you registered for our forum, you would have noticed that you have to be approved before you can log in, and you will be sent an email when that has happened.
It really pays to completely read your emails.
I hope you pay better attention to the free plan to get your ex back.
Take Care,
S.W.
Happy xmas scott I’ve woke up this mornin an guess what I’ve realised I don’t want him back I deserve better an if he does get in touch I’m goin to say too late m8 u had ur chance u no something scott I never use be insecure an I’m not goin to be anymore please could still pop in an see ur blog its bein very affective for me thanx natalie
natalie10 wrote:
Happy Holidays Natalie!
Good Luck!
Fatima Nicholson wrote:
Hi Fatima,
You should do like every other person who wants to succeed does, follow every step in the free plan to get your ex back.
That means you should not skip any steps, OK?
I help people survive a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.
Send the recommended no contact message, and stop over thinking a simple plan.
Stay Strong!
S.W.
p-mo wrote:
Hi p-mo,
Unfortunately you broke NC, and now you need to send another no contact message as outlined in the free plan to get your ex back (word for word).
Where does it say in the plan to send your ex a holiday greeting?
This is NO CONTACT.
You are using the no contact rule, remember?
The quicker you learn the plan, and stick to it…the faster you will evolve and get what you want.
Stay Strong!
S.W.
My husband broke up with me about four months ago and I did the typical thing and begged, pleaded and cried. The last time I cried over the phone, b/c the relationship was LDR, it was Thanksgiving. Since, then I haven’t spoken with him, about a month. I just started reading the blog and articles. I didn’t get the chance to send the NC message; is that okay, b/c we have not spoken to each other since. What should I do?
hey scotts… i sent my N/C message. then i sent him a text on xmas eve sayin merry xmas to him n his family… i dont get anything back! i was actually quite shocked-am unsure what 2 do now…. plz help… P
You said in the NC message, I would really appreciate it if you didn’t contact me during this time. I will be in touch when I am ready.However, my ex is not trying to contact me so how is that effective. I mean I agree with the first top prtion, but the rest is quite confusing.
can u say the n/c message to his face????
p-mo wrote:
No, it is not recommended at all.
If you read the free plan to get your ex back, or the book the magic of making up you would understand why.
I don’t mind answering questions that are not answered on the free plan, but 99% of the questions I get are already answered on the free plan.
I spent a lot of time typing that up.
Go read before you ask questions that are already answered…I am a busy person.
Take Care,
S.W.
Hey,
Just wondering, is it normal to not recieve a message back from the ex after youve sent the no contact message? My ex’s reasons for calling it off is cause he doesnt “love” me anymore… but when we broke up hes not even the one to say anything.. Im the one that asked to question and he just cried. and then once everything had settled in, I then tryed to talk to hm about it and he doesnt answer any questions… nothing, just sits and listens. I have no idea what this means. Hes also made it very hard by being everwhere I’m going. Like christmas parties that he said he wasnt going to go to and also inviting himself on outing Ive had planned with his sister… Its making all very hard to figure out whats going on… Could it be thats hes just trying to be friendly? after our last dicussion where I let my emotions get th better of me, Ive sent the NC message you have suggested (word for word) thats why I ask the question… Is it normal not to hear anything from them once you have sent the NC mssage?
Kathy wrote:
Hi Kathy,
Yes it is, after all you asked your ex not to contact you, right?
Some people just listen better than others.
Stay Strong!
S.W.
HAHAH well I guess I should take it as its nice to know hes listerning to me…
thanks
Im sure Ill have another question to ask in time…
till then
have a good new years
Ok Im back already..
Um… This may seem like a really dumb question… But Im gonna ask it anways..
The point of NC rule is for me to get myself together emotional but basicly the NC rule works because your starting a fresh with the ex… Not trying to rekindle the past.. but rekindle a future??? Is that right??
Kathy wrote:
Hi kathy,
Yeah it is a kind of dumb question, why?
Because if you read the free plan to get your ex back, and followed all the links and started working in our break up help forum (basically followed the free plan) you would understand the simple concept by now.
But I will give the short version…
NC breaks you out of the just friends zone, or relationship limbo, and begins your personal evolution.
The purpose of your personal evolution is to calm down, get your emotional control back, and evolve past the old “failed” relationship, and survive a break up.
Once you have buried the past, and regained your self confidence you can either get your ex back, or completely move on to a new relationship with someone else.
When you use NC correctly (not breaking it all the time, and starting over) your ex will personally evolve too.
All this can take from anywhere to 60 days to 6-7 months, but it will happen and you will be happy again…I promise!
Just focus on each step, one at a time, and take it day by day, OK?
Just keep reading the free plan, and definitely get involved in our forum.
I hope this clears things up for you, and anyone else with this question.
Take Care,
S.W.
Sally wrote:
Hi Sally,
First, it is more than OK to date during NC…it is recommended.
Second, what do you think is more desirable, a weepy woman waiting for her ex to come back, or one that other men date and find attractive?
If your ex gives up on you because your dating he is a wimp, and he didn’t love you very much at all…you can (and will) do much better.
Third, do not look too far ahead…it will ruin your personal evolution.
You can not tell the future, can you?
I help people survive a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.
Make sure you are following the free plan to get your ex back on my Blog.
Take Care,
S.W.
Sally wrote:
Hi Sally,
Most people break NC about 2-3 times…some have broken it 5-6 times and still succeeded.
Make sure you are following every step in the free plan to get your ex back on my Blog.
Follow the steps and start using our break up help forum for support, OK?
Stay Strong!
S.W.
Hi Scott
Already well over a week into nc and feel like im already getting my life back, its amazing. Anyway i have been asked out on a couple of dates nothing serious just drink and maybe cinema. Is it ok as part of the nc plan to go on dates during this time. Obvioulsy im not ready for anthing serious but going out wud be nice. Is this ok? And what if my ex finds out i have started going on a couple of dates, he may think im over him already and never want me back or make contact! Obvioulsy thats not what i want. Its been a month since we broke up.
Any advice
Thanks Sally
Also after i broke nc for the second time over a week ago i said a few things to my ex, not nasty just not very kind. However the next day i sent the nc message to him and have not contacted him since and it has been over a week. I no i shouldnt of said some things i did, like ‘you didnt treat me well anyway’. I no this wont happen again as im into the nc plan and feeling so much better. Its still worth me going on isnt it?
Thnks Scott, great advice
Il go on my dates, as i feel its part of the process. And everything u say makes sense. Yes i think i have proberly been looking too far ahead. Too right, no one noes the future. Im following the steps in the plan.
Thanku, your advice and help is very much appreciated
When it says in the NC letter, “that I would really appreciate it if you didn’t contact me during this time. I will be in touch when I am ready”. Is that letting your ex know that if he did attempt to call that he shouldn’t. Also, my ex hasn’t tried to contact me at all and I haven’t sent the NC letter yet, I just completely stopped talking to him. Should I still send it, even though I have not spoken to him; because it sounds weird.
If you need to talk to your ex-husband concerning issues about legal documents, is that exception or did I break the NC Rule because it’s really important information,what should I do?
Fatima Nicholson wrote:
All these questions are covered completely in the free plan to get your ex back, go read it, OK?
I have much better things to do than answers questions that have already been answered.
If it is too much trouble to read what I have supplied to you for free…I can’t help you.
I help people survive a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.
In order to succeed you have to work very hard, and I don’t see you doing anything but asking question after question.
Thank you for writing.
Take care,
S.W.
pmo wrote:
Here you go: The free plan to get your ex back
There is also a link at the top of my Blog.
There is also a link in the top of the first email you get when you join my free newsletter.
You see the idea is you join my newsletter…then read my newsletter, and then follow the instructions in my newsletter, and then help yourself.
It seems simple enough, but it is amazing how many people fuck it up.
Yet, these same people can smoke, drink, text, talk on the phone, and drive their cars at the same time…but they can not follow some simple directions.
ok without sounding totally duh can you redirect me to the plan. i have been getting emails which i have read but I seem to have gotten lost between the plan and goin on this forum then the chatrooms. Do you have a link to the free plan?
Regards,
P
Im having a really hard time with the NC message. I have been on this website for almost 2 weeks now and I have read tons of the posts and read the stories but. I still have some of his stuff in my place that he keeps saying hes going to take and never does. He still owes my dad money and i would like for him to have it paid off before i send it so i dont break my NC over money that isnt even mine. Do I just keep waiting or do i send it and not talk to him even though my dad is out quite a bit of money. Im so confussed.
Anna wrote:
Hi Anna,
I am the one who is confused.
Do you want to get over a broken heart and survive a break up?
If so, you have to take action and help yourself.
If he owes your dad money that is between him and your dad, right?
As far as his “stuff”, drop it off at your dad’s place, and when he comes to pay him he can pick it up…problems solved!
Now what’s your excuse for not taking action?
S.W.
sam wrote:
I HIGHLY recommend sending the no contact message outlined in the free plan to get your ex back…word for word…no changes.
When you change it, you change your results…it doesn’t work the way it should.
That’s why the plan says not to change any of the words.
Everyone who has not followed these guidelines has failed…why?
Because the NC message is worded that way for a reason.
I help people survive a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.
i sent the message but i kind of rewordedit and ended up making it a little bit longer just saying that there right there better off without me and so much happeir without me are relationship was a failure i have something to figure out i will contact u when i am ready. i hope that was ok i just felt like that is what i needed to say. after i sent it i felt awhole lot better lol like i was letting go admitting there right !!!!!
in the middle of no contact. i did have to text him today re: financial ties that we have. kept it short and sweet this time. nothing personal at all. I said ” hi. XXXX called and the payment is due on the 18th. also, the insurance will cancel at the end of the month.” he said a quick ok. i feel like such a bitch for not answering his text on nye. i know i need to stay the course. this is really not in my nature. i am a very loving woman and to not call and not responding is way out of character. i just wish there was a way to know if he was thinking of me as much as i am thinking of him. on the upside, i do feel myself getting stronger and more controlled. i had the urge to send I LOVE YOU, LETS WORK THIS THING OUT when i sent the message about the bill….. but i didn’t. score one for me i suppose…. sigh. just a little blue today.
Ok So i sent my NC yesterday and i think its already working. I heard through a mutual friend (that he HAD to go his hair cut by cause i certainly wasnt doing it)he is quite upset with my sudden change in wanting to have anything to do with him. I quote “now she doesnt want to have anything to do with me.” “I guess now she will have all the time in the world to do whatever she would like” Yes i do have all the time in the world but so does he and hes been doing a really good time at keeping himself occupied with all the girls he hangs out with, that he is slowly starting to realize they dont want him just use him for rides.
Anna wrote:
Great Job Anna!(Thumbs High)
Welcome to your personal evolution which will help you survive a break up.
Stay Strong!
S.W.
i changed it like u said i should since the first time i rewrote it, and this time i did it exactly how uwrite it out
he did not respond back this time though is that bad?
sam wrote:
Hi Sam,
Getting no response is not a bad thing.
Great Job Sam! (Thumbs High)
Stay Strong!
S.W.
sam wrote:
The chat room is no longer available as of today.
The software was causing problems on the forum.
The break up help forum is the best tool for you to use anyways…follow the steps in the free plan to get your ex back, and set up your forum membership correctly.
Take Care,
S.W.
where is the chat thing at u said in a email
Scott,
its been 5 days since i started NC as per ur free plan (by sending the NC msg and all).
he hasnt contacted me after that and obviusly even i didn’t.
i am coping well, though i admit this NC makes a woman’s tender heart get stronger. i can FEEL.
it is like u know, i can VISUALIZE him seeing me going through the NC period…”living my life”. i can SEE him looking at me blankly.
watever, i have hit the gym already.feels bloody good, blv me. i go out everyday with frnds or for my study purposes.
what more do u recommend me to do during the NC period?? like regarding my self rejuvenation?
you’ve said before that the optimal length for no contact rule are 4 to 5 months, but isn’t there too much risk of my ex having moved on by then?
Hello scott!
Ive started reading your post/blog last week
to ease my pain and look for encouragement…
and it enlightened me in many different ways…
last week while reading your blog
I instantly removed my sim card from my cellphone
and destroy it, to disappear from his radar.
accidentally we met last Thursday,and I grabbed the
oppurtunity to hand him the letter so
I handed the note which I already
prepared and planning to send to him as instructed on
the plan except that the calling thing, I did not
include that I will call him when Im ready
My ex offered a ride to the terminal
because he said it would be difficult to ride
He asked me if i received the text he sent
I said I dont because I have already changed my number
he only said oh..
end of the conversation…
my question is….am i on the right track?
I changed my number so I will not be tempted to
text or call him..:( now I don’t know if he
still calling ir texting me…
patty.w wrote:
Hi Patty,
Judging by the break up success stories a lot of people have gotten their ex back after that length of time.
Take Care,
S.W.
stephani wrote:
Hi Stephani,
Sounds like your ready to start your personal evolution, and survive a break up.
Having unnecessary contact with your ex during your personal evolution only slows you down.
Looks like you took care of that, you can contact him when you’re ready to reconnect.
Great Job Stephani! (Thumbs High)
Stay Strong!
S.W.
Hi their, Me and my ex broke up about 1 month ago. We remained best friends, doing what best friends did,,, She knew i wanted more, and she liked me being around, she just wanted to be single for a while. Anyway, things where going great, And shes loved me to death, she just didnt want commitment right now. (We did have a fall out)
Things started to turn when she starting hanging out with this guy, A rebound i assume. And they would have sleep overs etc etc. So as being protective i was, i stuffed that up hard core. i got involved with him, and kinda told him to stay away, I know not cool, Anyway Only like a day before she was telling me how much she loved me, Then after she finds that out, she says she hates me and she hates him, But she never wants to see me again. This was about a week ago now, and we havnt spoken since. We kept in contact pretty much the same as we did when we where together. But im not sure if she actually hates me or what.
Long story short, i got involved when i shouldnt have and probably blew any chances i had by begging and so forth, she was in control, i want to turn it around, she was crazy about me. We where together for 2 and a half years and planned our lives together.How can this rebound guy destroy such a strong relationship we had?
Will the NC rule work, i do want her back. She knows that i did (But since not talking, i want to have the power, and im moving on hanging out with friends meeting new girls.) How do i get the power back, and have her come back to me, Its happend before about a year ago.
Regards.
Jono wrote:
Hi Jono,
You can follow the free plan to use NC correctly to get your ex back.
You will find the link at the top of my Blog.
Take Care,
S.W.
So the No contact rule will put me in power?
I want her back so much she was my world..
But Using this no contact rule, What am i trying to achieve we have mutral friends. We live in the same area.
Do i want to dissapear, Iv been trying to do the NC rule for a while. But If she texts me, Ignore it?
Your Free help does not cover all the questions >.<
Thanks anyway.
Jono wrote:
Ummm, yes it does…if you take the time to read all of it.
I can only lead the horse to water.
Ill be the water:)
I sent my Ex the NC message, I never sent her this before. I just said i agreed with it, and i wont bother you any more. etc etc.
But i sent her the message over myspace then blocked her account,
And im starting from their.
Was this a wise choice although we have not spoken, we didnt bring in the NC rule, i just never spoke to her after that. Hope the made the right decision.
Im sorry for being rude before, i request your assistance.
hello Mr.Scott my friend!
You don’t know what this means to me…
I’m so touched you reply on my post
(hehe)…I feel so happy that there are
people like you..willing to help us..
thanks really!
from this day on..i will be here in this site
for self encouragement..
by the way… i don’t see your blog
titled win your ex back with emotional control..
may you hyperlink it?
Thank you so much!
I feel I find a true friend
here on the internet…:)
Jono wrote:
Hi Jono,
I help people survive a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.
Go read the free plan to get your ex back on my Blog, and follow ALL the steps.
I hope you sent the recommended NC message to your ex.
Take Care,
S.W.
stephani wrote:
Hi Stephani,
You’re Welcome!
I can not find an article by that title on my Blog, or the internet (I Google it), so I can’t help you out with that.
But there are plenty of articles to read on my Blog.
Make sure you read the free plan to get your ex back.
Take Care,
S.W.
Sally wrote:
Great Job Sally! (Thumbs High)
You will survive a break up and kick loves ass.
Stay Strong!
S.W.
Just got back from a weekend with my girl friends and unfortunelty the same hotel as i stayed in with my ex last year when we were together. Got flooded with memoriesa and everywhere i turned was reminded of him. But on thus im on day 30 of NC so doing really well and feel im evolving, so even though it hurt i did not contact him, why go back to square 1! Even got a date tonight. When i was away juyst told myself all your wise words Scott:). Feel like a different person now, so much stronger. Dont know the future whether he’ll contact me or not, but all that matter is my evolution what will be will be.
Thanks Scott, heres to another 30 days.
As i have neally done 30 days and going strong, they said they wont but my family and friends are not that keen on him and sometimes wonder if they have texed him or wud do telling him to leave me alone. Like i said i dont think there bothered, more concerned with their own life. But if they did contact him, wud that break my nc and evolution which i feel is going so well? To the point i actually dont care if he come back as i know with this plan ill be strong enough on my own.
I obviously can control my actions but not my friends. What do you think
you see one of my close friends works with him and although she has promised me she wouldnt say anything to him, just hello. I worry that one day she wud slip and say something horrible. Maybe im just worrying, but i no how well im doing and dont want anything to get in the way of that.
Sally wrote:
Yeah, you can’t control what your friends say.
But you can control what they get to know about your personal life.
Don’t tell them about NC and your plans, OK?
Sally wrote:
Worrying too much about things you can not control will affect your personal evolution (and your chance to survive a break up)…focus on yourself.
Stay Strong!
S.W.
ok, thanks:) no i have not told anyone about nc and my evolution. Just if any of my friends happened to see him (not likely though) and did say something (not nice) that wouldnt break my nc wud it?
Sally wrote:
Nope.
Yes i sent the NC message that was put in this website, for she broke up with you.
Still have not spoken to her nor vice versa.
Am doubting that things will come clear again between us, We ended completly (After the break up and after being just friends) on a rought note >.<
Ill read the free help now
Jono wrote:
Mindset is everything.
If you doubt your chances, you will not succeed.
You have to have the right attitude to survive a break up.
Think positive!
S.W.
lilldream2 wrote:
Hi,
First, go read the free plan to get your ex back on my Blog, and follow ALL the steps.
Then start at the beginning and send the recommended NC message, and then follow the rest of the steps and enroll in our free support system.
Everything you need to know is in the free plan, OK?
I help people survive a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.
With the right plan, and NC message coupled with a great support system your chances for success just quadrupled.
But!
You need to follow all the steps, and stick with NC.
Our support system will help you do that…if you use it.
Take Care,
S.W.
We broke up 2.5 months ago. I initiated the NC soon after that. It went well for about 2 weeks and I broke it. We started hanging out. Confessing love and soulmate stuff but he still cant commit. I gave it another go (the NC rule). Lasted me 1.5 weeks. He was so confused…texted me frantically saying he’s confused and miss me and dont know what he’s next step is but still loves me too much to let go and move on. Silly me broke the NC again. Felt sorry for him and I was weak and missed him so, that I broke it again. I was so weak, I went over to him and asked him to start over. What I have done, was just reinforce he’s decision of staying broken up and not committing. Anyway I sent him a note today saying I agree with his decision and I think we both need a clean break and I wished him well. So today will be day No. 1 of NO CONTACT. I will not break it this time as I am very serious in getting him back!! As this has been my 3rd try of NC, I am wondering whether I still stand a chance in winning him back?? All the other times I’ve given in so quickly!!
Now i have changed my password to my private email account i seem to be getting my emails fine. I think my ex may have been accessing my account and read my private emails. He may even have got access to this sight. Its a long shot but my ex may have been hacking in:(.
If he did know exactly what i was up to (the nc plan) it will still work right? He may have not been in my emails but its just starnge
Sally wrote:
I am sorry…
The number you have reached has been disconnected.
Hi Scott,
I’m trying to follow the steps as you’ve outlined. I’ve registered for the free newsletters. I haven’t been able to register for the Forum yet though. I understand I have to wait to be accepted (confirmation), but just wanted to know how long that might take. I haven’t sent my NC message yet because I’m awaiting Forum acceptance. Is that correct? Thank you.
Elizabeth wrote:
Did you read the email you received?
There are steps you must take before you are accepted.
If it has been over 24 hours you must re-register again.
Morganna wrote:
Good because this is not about revenge, it is about getting your life back again.
Morganna wrote:
Be firm about everything especially no contact, and then follow the rest of the steps in the free plan to get your ex back.
Stay Strong!
S.W.
Scott, is this okay?
Hi,
I see that you have closed the door on us in what friendship is concerned. Maybe because we aren’t ready for that, thus it’s probably the best thing for both of us at the moment. I have some
big decisions in my life to make and I need time to think them over. I would really appreciate it if you didn’t contact me during this time. I’m not going to pull my credit card from you, but I suggest you
start looking for someone else to pay for the site. You can transfer the money by the 10th as we agreed. I will be in touch when I am ready.
M
PS. I already wrote to him I agree with the breakup as it the relationship wasn’t making any of us happy and I didn’t want to repeat myself. He insisted for us to be friends, I said ok, but we haven’t been in touch for about a week. This “bring friends isn’t working out” thingy seems like a good excuse to send the message, as we brokeup on Dec4th and went NC for a few weeks. He’s with another girl and I’m positive he will respect my decision and won’t contact me at all.
Morganna wrote:
Hi,
You need to use the recommended for the best results.
Just substitute the word site for the word business, simple enough.
*************************
Hi,
I agree with you about the decision to break up, I really believe it was the best thing for both of us. I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over. I would really appreciate it if you didn’t contact me during this time, unless it concerns our business. I will be in touch when I am ready.
*************************
Later send a separate short message giving him a firm deadline to get financial backing, and then pull your financial support on that date…no extensions.
He should have thought about that before he broke up with you, right?
If you’re too nice he will take advantage, and it will look like you are being soft.
You must start NC correctly in order to get the best results, OK?
Take Care,
S.W.
@ S. Williams:
Yes, it has been over 24 hours since I sent the first request, but I didn’t receive any further info. I did read all the info contained in the initial response. I’ve gone back to re-register, but a comment said “contact system administrator.”
Elizabeth wrote:
I don’t know why you would see that kind of message unless you were a previous forum member and were banned…were you?
If not, you should have no problem re-registering.
I delete all accounts that do not respond within 24 hours, and now I have changed that to 1 hour because it gets to be too much work to see who has waited how long.
I figure anyone who is SERIOUS will respond right away.
You might check your spam filter after you register next time.
Yahoo, Hotmail seem to take forever to receive emails.
I use Gmail, and when I test out the system I get my notification email with-in 1 minute or less.
You have to receive the email and follow the directions in it to be approved.
Take Care,
S.W.
Lol yeah he should’ve thought of that. Tough luck. That will teach him a lesson about not taking things for granted. I believe this is necessary for him to realise how much I’ve been there for him. I’ll follow your advice and will be firm about a deadline. I’m not about revenge but I can tell you he’ll be in deep shit because of this. It makes me grin
He can ask the new lovergirl to pay for his stuff. Thanks for your help and suggestions, I feel more confident to send the message!
Hi Scott
small question. When you say I should send another short message later concerning business, should it be later as in later in the day or later as in 2 or 3 days later?
Morganna wrote:
That’s your choice, but don’t include it in your NC message.
Keep that message all about NC, OK?
If he replies right away to your NC message, then send him the message about your credit card, OK?
If not send it the next day…sound good?
Stay Strong!
S.W.
Sounds fabulous
NC sent! I didn’t even blink
NC sent! Let’s hope for the best!!!:)
Chilli wrote:
Hopefully you used the recommended NC message in the free plan to get your ex back…word for word.
If you did you are going to survive a break up and kick loves ass.
Great Job Chilli! (Thumbs High)
Stay Strong!
S.W.
Morganna wrote:
Great Job Morgana! (Thumbs High)
You’re going to survive a break up and kick loves ass.
Stay Strong!
S.W.
Veronica wrote:
Hi Veronica,
30 days is just the beginning.
No one is ever ready in 30 days, they just think they are, and then rush to reconnect, and fail.
Veronica wrote:
Relationships that move “too fast” often burn out just as fast.
That is why chapter 6 on the book The Magic of Making up recommends you move slowly when you reconnect.
This relationship will make him miss you even more, don’t worry.
In the meantime I highly recommend you read the book The Magic of Making up along with following the free plan to get your ex back.
I help people survive a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.
Stay Strong!
S.W.
Ok Scott, I’m on a dead ead here. I sent the NC message you recommended over a month ago and been following the free plan. I feel confident, I focused on myself and my life and I’m feeling great! The problem is… I still want him back. I’m ready to reconnect but he’s with another woman now. Things that took us months feel comfortable doing, is taking them days. Things are going really fast for them. It’s only been 2 months since our breakup, which happened because of a fight. They started going out about 3 weeks later, although he kept doing things to grab my attention (which I ignored). I wanted to know, things happening this fast for them, is it a sign that I’ve really lost him and it is too late?
Hi Scott
Thanks for your advice. I do have the book but I can’t really call him and ask him out for coffee when he’s with another woman… I don’t feel that would be appropriate. We’ve been together for 18 months, he started going out with her 3 weeks afterwards… is this a rebound you think?
Veronica wrote:
Why not…can’t he have friends?
I think it is too soon anyways, like I said before 30 days is never enough time, it is a starting point.
Veronica wrote:
Sure sounds like one to me.
18 months doesn’t just vanish in 3 weeks, keep on evolving and go out on some dates.
The worst thing you can do in a situation like this is wait around for your ex to come back.
You must let go of him and the old relationship, that’s when the magic starts to happen.
Stay Strong!
S.W.
Veronica wrote:
Hi,
Maybe your best bet is to stay in NC and keep in evolving and see what happens with his new girlfriend.
If you don’t make yourself available he will start thinking that you will move on, and then he will decide how he feels about you and his present girlfriend.
He will have to make a choice.
If his feelings are still strong for you, then he will break up with her, and come after you.
If you fall into the “just friends” zone he will not have to decide, and you could be waiting forever.
Just keep enjoying your freedom, and date other guys.
No sense sitting around while he evolves, right?
Let this relationship with his new girlfriend run it’s course.
If he never comes back, he was never coming back anyways.
He needs to decide what he wants, and you can’t make him want you.
All you can do is follow the free plan to get your ex back, and stay out of the friends zone because that will just stall the whole process.
I help people survive a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.
Take Care,
S.W.
Well of course he can have friends…
I know if I contact him he will want to reconnect with me, but on a just friends zone. I have read what you wrote about being friends with an ex, but I assume that is for people who just broke up and didn’t have the NC period beforehand and doesn’t apply to my situation (correct me if I’m wrong). In my situation, having evolved, feeling confident, no pressure, etc, is it wise to start becoming friends with him while he’s with another woman? Is it a good step to slowly start accepting him into my life as friends so he starts feeling comfortable with talking to me and getting close to me as friends, even though I’ll have to make myself unavailable many times? Having spent over 30 days with NC and being emotionally stable, will I fall in the “friends zone” gray area we shouldn’t fall right after we break up or is it a different in these circumstances?
D.Taylor wrote:
Hi,
This is your life, and you don’t need to waste it waiting for someone to make the first move…you make the first move.
Sending the recommended NC message will not be odd…it will be “bold”, and she won’t expect it.
D.Taylor wrote:
You came to the right place to set her straight.
Nothing removes the “smug” like a swift kick in the ass with a size 10 boot, and that is just what the right NC message will do…you in?
Go read the free plan to get your ex back on my Blog.
Read it, and follow the steps.
It’s time to kick some ass, and take back control of your life again.
I help people survive a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.
Take Care,
S.W.
I havent spoken to my girlfriend for over a month… after rough two months of her saying yes and no. I got angry as see was telling me to relax and she’d be back and wants to have some ‘fun’ and ‘be crzy for a while’. At this comment I told to not contact me until she was 100% about us being together (she said she was only 65% and thats not good enough for her).
How can i send her the message seeing as were not speaking…. it would be odd just to send a message out of the blue?!?!? im waiting for a text/email and use this as my reply but doudt this will arrive. My friend has recieved an email asking after me (and my ma as see has been ill)
she is so smug and I want to level the field and show her im not waiting for her to change her mind and see cant treat people like this.
Hi S. Williams,
Today marks 5 weeks since I last spoke to my ex and 3 weeks since I sent NC. I didn’t expect him to call, text, etc., seeing that we began having problems in Nov. 2009. Things went downhill from here.
I’m glad that I haven’t broken NC either. I haven’t been able to register for the forum, but I purchased the book and the audio version as well. I am journaling.
I’ve gone out on one date, but I see myself comparing the date to my ex. I ex was clean shaven, dressed well, articulate, wore cologne. My date was unkempt, scruffy. Ugh!
Lastly, my ex continues to keep my on his cell phone bill. I thought he would have disconnected my line by now. I don’t know if he’s doing it to allow me to have a phone, not pay a termination fee or if that means he still cares. What would you advise about any of this? Thanks .
Elizabeth wrote:
In-order to be approved for the forum membership, you have to read and follow the directions on the email you get after you register.
You must reply back with your answer in one hour…are you doing that?
Elizabeth wrote:
I would advise that you make plans to get another phone, and do not worry about what he is doing, or why he is doing it, OK?
The free plan to get your ex back is about focusing on yourself, and your personal evolution.
I help people survive a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.
You must evolve past your old relationship before anything good can happen.
Stay Strong!
S.W.
last time i spoke to him, i told him that i was going to stop talking about us and all that, i mean it was really clear! so do you think in this case it’s really necesary to sen the NC message??
Mariana wrote:
Yes, because what you said is no where near the same as what is said in the NC message.
Hi Mr. Williams,
I followed your advice and purchased my very own cellular phone today. That feels good.
Now I can call and text whomever, without worrying if my ex is looking at the bill. By the way, he still hasn’t disconnected my service. In any event, another tie has been severed.
Thank you.
Elizabeth wrote:
Hi Elizabeth,
I bet it does feel good, independence, there’s just nothing like the feeling of controlling your own world…is there?
You just put another foot in loves, and your ex’s ass.
Great Job Elizabeth!
Stay Strong!
S.W.
It’s to late for me to send the nc letter as he has stopped contacting me already!
What do I do now, I’m desperate to get him back, I can’t find the next step to take!
Alison wrote:
If you really believe that, there is NOTHING I can do for you.
Just keep searching the internet maybe someone else can help you, OK?
Good Luck!
S.W.
Shainna wrote:
Hi,
If you sent the recommended NC message from the free plan to get your ex back on my Blog (without changes) it will work.
The only problem I see with the plan is you.
Shainna wrote:
You don’t have the “heart”, or are you just plain chicken shit?
I think you’re chicken shit, because you think he won’t come back if you cut him out of your life.
Well, guess what?
That is exactly what you need to do, if you want to succeed.
If you can’t do the hard stuff, I can’t help you, understand?
You can’t get a little pregnant, and you can’t fuck around “being nice” when you use NC.
Now you should always be polite, but don’t let your ex walk all over you, and take advantage.
Let me break it down for you, OK?
He is off fucking another woman, and you don’t have the heart to say…”fuck you” I won’t be treated this way?
I love this part:
Shainna wrote:
Needs you for what…to wipe his ass if his new girlfriend won’t do it? :banghead:
Please tell me you are not going to let this asshole take advantage of you.
I help people survive a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.
I teach people how to “kick loves ass”…not kiss it. :rambo:
If you have the courage to do things right, follow the free plan, if not…go look somewhere else for help, OK?
If you don’t follow the free plan correctly you will fail, so what’s the point, right?
Take Care,
S.W.
Hi there, I am new to this so I have question. My ex broke up with me a week ago because he wanted to be with another woman. Found out he was spending time with her for a month before he called it quits with me. He did leave some stuff here. I suppose it’s not important to get back, He acted as if it didn’t bother him to dump me but then there were times I could tell he was having a hard time with it. he did tell me that he wanted to be friends cause what if he needed me, I know he has feelings, I think he’s deciding if he really wants this woman. But that’s besides the point. Just trying to give u a little Insite on him. Anyway a few days later i brought his girlscout cookies to where he was staying without him home and didn’t tell him I dropped them off, I have had no contact with him since he left me, till today. A couple of days later after he got the cookies while he was working he sent me a text “hey thanx for bringin my cookies I hope u are doing good.” I replied “your welcome, hope u are doing good too.” his reply “yup I am” I sent back “I am glad, things are good here as well” he said “that’s good” then after that I sent the no contact message of the one about him deciding to break it off word for word. He then replies ” Ok i hope everything goes well for ya.” so my question is, is this working already? Or has he moved on awhile ago? We were doing bad in our relationship for months that’s why I asking. He is the type of guy that if something makes me happy he respects it and won’t try anything. Please give me something to work with so I feel confident this will work.
Oh I forgot one thing, he Is under my phone line as well. I don’t have the heart to disconnect it. He is paying the bill.
me wrote:
Yes, and it is discussed in the free plan, go read it, and follow every link in it, and read them too…lots of information.
One of the first success stories in our forum was a couple that were living together, she applied NC/free plan and won him back, while living as roommates.
This plan only works to reveal your ex’s true feelings, it doesn’t change them.
The biggest objective of the free plan to get your ex back is to help you get your life back again, so you can be happy as a single person, and then decide what you want to do about your ex.
I help people survive a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.
Maybe once you start kicking his ass with NC, he will reconsider the offer to go to counseling.
Take Care,
S.W.
me wrote:
I only just replied 7 minutes ago, there is no fucking way you read the whole free plan, and followed all the links in 7 minutes.
If you’re too fucking lazy to help yourself, go find someone else to hold your hand.
I don’t do that.
Good Luck!
ok Scott, I have asked for advice before and you suggested counseling. This is not an option…he is not willing. So here goes…he asked me to marry him and I moved myself and my 2 elementary school children into his home. He is now unsure of what he ants because he claims I have pushed him away by not trusting him and constantly questioning him..and then after the breakup or break from one another or whatever it is(limbo)…I have made every mistake as far as begging and pleading etc…because I have changed my children’s life so much…I have given him all of the power…so now we are living as more or less roommates/friends until I can save enough money to get myself and my children a place of our own to live…is there any way to use NC in this situation to improve my chances??? So that I can take back some of the power and make him want me back before it is too late and I leave???
ok, thanks Scott, I see that it says be polite and keep to myself, but I do not see what the NC note should say or how to approach that.
ouch!!! I am still looking and do not see where it shows me how my NC letter should read???
me wrote:
Keep looking you will figure it out, all the information you need to “help yourself” is in the free plan.
I don’t compile it into little “happy meals” for each and every situation…why?
Because it is not necessary, and even if I did…I would still get (and do get) questions like yours.
If you read the plan, and understand how it works and look at all the choices of NC messages I provided, a little light bulb might come on.
I am only one person who gives so much time now that my work falls behind, people have got to help themselves, or look elsewhere.
Speedy wrote:
Hi Speedy,
That is a good sign, and it means it is time to strike.
In-order for the free plan to work you have to put aside all the doubts, and fears, and past bad memories, OK?
You must believe in the plan, or you will fail, it is that simple.
I totally believe in the plan, or else I would not recommend it to anyone.
If you’re unsure about correctly using the no contact rule, and the free plan to get your ex back…come back when you are.
If you are ready to reveal your ex’s true feelings for you, then go read the free plan to get your ex back on my Blog, and follow ALL the steps..
Speedy wrote:
Yeah, it sure beats the shit out of those “Flogs” fake blogs that are just there to sell you shit…I am a real live person.
I even love how they have the fake comments…how do I know they are fake?
Everyone uses a real first name, I have been doing this for almost 2 years, and hardly anyone ever uses a regular name…right speedy?
Anyways…you are free to read, and think over the free plan, do not start this if you are not ready.
I have banned a lot of people from my Blog, and our forum for starting, and then not following through.
I am one man running this Blog, and our forum, and I only have time for SERIOUS people.
I don’t care if you buy anything from me, but I hate it when people start to help themselves, and then quit.
So don’t do that to me, or yourself, OK?
I help people survive a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.
Take your time, and make a decision, and when you’re ready read, and follow the free plan to get your ex back.
Take Care,
S.W.
First of all I’d like to say I’m impressed of how frequently you stay updated with your website!
Alright so hears whats up with my situation now. My ex and I broke up about 6 weeks ago, she tried breaking up with me 7 weeks ago but couldn’t? But the next weekend she did, I ended things on good terms, I said can I come over tomorrow to see you for one last time? She agreed and instead of “going off” on her we just had a normal hang out, watched some funny sit-coms had a few laughs and a long goodbye hug.
About 5 days after we broke up she already had a new boyfriend, I was torn, we still hadn’t spoken since we broke up. But I told myself (and friends told me) that this guy was just a rebound. After that she started playing head/mind games with me, just things on Facebook, commenting on some old pics etc. I guess she wanted to know how I felt about her new BF and why I wasn’t freaking out about it to her. Still no contact after 2 weeks but then my birthday happened… she sent me a B-Day text saying “Happy birthday hun have a good one =)” I said thanks”. The “hun” thing kinda threw me off but I left it for now and had some fun at my party.
The next week was about a triple dosage of the mind games on Facebook. Almost getting annoyed with it, cause I was tired of getting this mixed messages. The weekend after my birthday she talked to me on Facebook chat. I was pretty happy she was talking to me but I acted normal. She hit me with the I really miss you and talking to you, I hope we can still be friends. I hesitated at first and I don’t know how she got it out of me, we somehow started talking about feelings and BIG mistake I brought up her new BF and how she had no regards towards my feelings… I went off on her/him a little, Im I nice guy so this was new to me, didn’t know why I was saying this stuff. But I knew I wouldn’t be able to sleep that night so I turned the conversation around back to the we can still be friends bit. In the end I agreed to stay friends. I felt that was wrong the next mourning. I don’t want to have to settle for the table scraps off the table I wanted the whole thing or nothing (kinda selfish I know). The next day after the “friends” talk she texted me seeming really friendly and happy. I had to tell her and I did, I said I don’t think us being friends is going to work. She replied “okay. (Ohh and I forgot to mention we weren’t friends before we started dating. We pretty much met each other, liked each other and started dating)
So no contact from her after that text to her. But her friends started texting me saying I know you cant be friends with “______” anymore but I hope that means we wont talk ever again. I know its her asking her friends to say that cause her friends and I rarely texted/talked while we were dating (other then hanging out in person)
(I just realized this is a lot to read I appreciate your time, thanks)
The day after Valentines day she broke up with her boyfriend. So they lasted about 3 weeks. My friends told me to check Facebook and I did and it showed she was single. Later that night she texted me? I was like ohh kayyy? She said she now realized why we cant be friends, and that shes sorry what she did to me and how I didn’t deserve it etc. I said thank you for the apology, then she said “you’ll meet a real special girl one day way cooler then me!” (Im assuming she was bating me to see if I still like her, she probably wanted me to say “no the the coolest girl and the most special to me etc.” but I didnt say that) All I said after that was I have to go to bed now, goodnight.
Another week goes by no contact, then last Friday (5weeks after we broke up) she talked to me on Facebook chat. We had a good normal conversation, she brought up the past a little saying stuff like “remember when we” etc. Honestly this sounds like I’m lying but thinking back we never fought once or argued throughout our relationship. It was only after, so all memories are great other then the most recent. I left the convo early saying I had to go cause I was meeting up with some friends. (Leave her wanting more). So shes been single for a week after that FB convo. The next day she texted me at work with a simple hey whats up? And of course it makes me happy hearing for her but I don’t know if she still just wants to be friends. We text for a bit but I left if after a while and didn’t reply. Later that night (last Saturday) I went to a friends party and got drunk. Worried, I told my friend to take my phone away before I want to call/text her. And he did. But apparently some of my friends started texting her later that night saying to leave me alone and stop bothering him, (I was not aware of this until today) And apparently she texted one of my friends yesterday but he didn’t reply. Still no contact since the texting at work.
So some questions,
Is there still a chance? After my friends told her to stop bothering me?
***I’m not 100% sure about the no-contact, if she texts me anytime soon this week or the next, do I simply “ignore” her text or call and not reply? I feel bad ignoring her cause I’m a nice guy and shes a sweetheart.***
(Still haven’t talked on the phone or in person since we broke up and haven’t seen her for 3 weeks.) Ohh yeah our relationship lasted for 3 1/2 months. So I’m not an expert but doesn’t no-contact for 1 month seem a little long? That’s about 1/3 of the length of our relationship. But if it means getting her back it’ll be worth the wait.
But she needs attention and I’m sure if another guy starts giving her some she’ll temporally forget about me and continue on. (like her last BF)
Hope for the best, plan for the worst. I guess…
But then again shes only been single for just over a week, and myself 6 weeks. (Ohh and I never said but she broke up with me*)
I’m pretty sure why now, and would love a second chance. But I don’t think things will work if I go back to her, she’d have to come to me I think. Like she did at the start of our relationship. I loved the attention she gave me and was all for me almost obsessed but I loved it. And eventually asked her to be my GF.
Shes been the only one worth fighting for. And I really want her back like most guys do after a break up, but like I REALLY do.
There’s been many positive signs that she is not over me, and hints and stuff with Facebook still, commenting on my Pics etc. but nothing since the work text.
Hope is a great motivator, its not like I wont get over her eventually, but at this point I still don’t want to be over her cause she worth waiting/fighting for.
I Hope there is still a chance, that’s what keeps me going.
Thank you for your time.
Sorry forgot to click the “Notify me of followup comments via e-mail”
OH NC Massage will not work..he said to me don’t talk or even sms me any more see u in next life
how i can send NC massage to him after allof that??
Update.
So my ex has another boyfriend now… So I’m really confused. She broke up with her last BF 11 days ago(and me 6 weeks ago) and already has a new BF today. So is this just 2 rebounds back to back, or..? What am I suppose to do, move on? She texted me today (about 2 weeks after the NC message) asking how I was. I didn’t reply but why is she contacting me? To see if I react to this new relationship? Does that mean she still cares what I think?
Q: ***Do you think this is just a rebound of her rebound? Cause I dont know.***
Thanks.
Speedy wrote:
Hi,
None of this matters, you can follow the free plan to get your ex back, and send the recommended NC message.
This will have no bearing on your personal evolution…follow the plan.
Take Care,
S.W.
Alright I’m going to send the NC message tonight. Its the start of a new month and March is going to be my Ex free month! It’s going to say:
“Hi,
I agree with you about the decision to break up, I really believe it was the best thing for both of us. I guess when things happen they happen for a reason. I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over. I would really appreciate it if you didn’t contact me during this time. I will be in touch when I am ready.
Speedy”
How’s that sound? Should I take out the Things happen for a reason part(because it wasn’t in your original copy)?
And send it over a text or Facebook? (Probably not both haha)
And I’m signing up for your wonderful website again, I got rejected the other day (I probably was taking to long to read and took over and hour haha)
Ive read your other articles about deleting her off Facebook, should I only delete her or her and her friends? Cause I know she’ll probably be checking up on me whenever shes over at one of their houses but who knows… And Facebook delete ASAP or in a few days?
Thanks again, just browsing through your website makes me feel better =)
Take Care,
Speedy
Speedy wrote:
Yes, don’t change the original message, it works the best.
Speedy wrote:
Which ever way you know your ex will get it, and read it.
Speedy wrote:
Get rid of any distractions that will fuck up your personal evolution, you can always add them back later, if you want to.
This is your happiness you’re fighting for, how bad do you want it back?
Take Care,
S.W.
my ex broke up with me a month and a half ago. Sinc then, i did the whole begging and pleading and he ignored me. Then i said i accepted the break up and then stupidly did drunk dialling. After that i stopped contact for 30 days and then sent a message from another system saying that i was busy with my new life etc and he could call me if he wanted to chat but i also wrote that he might need space for now, but in the future we could catch up. I sounded up beat and happy in the letter. Unfortunately, i only read this after i sent it. So now, i think i’m going to evaluate my self and not send him anything for 60 days. What does everyone think?
Shaan wrote:
Hi,
I already told you what I recommend, and that is to follow the free plan to get your ex back on my Blog…every step.
It doesn’t matter if you sent a letter already, that letter will not work as well as the one outlined in the free plan.
I help people survive a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.
But it is your decision, so good luck!
Take Care,
S.W.
Thanks! I’ll follow your plan now. I should have saved my money and followed this plan!
Shaan wrote:
Don’t worry, I am sure there are things in the book you bought that will help you as you follow the free plan.
I help people survive a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.
And as long as you follow all the steps and stick to the free plan to get your ex back, you will get the results you want, and that’s all that matters, right?
Take Care,
S.W.
BabyDoll wrote:
Yes, follow the steps in the free plan to get your ex back (link at the top of my Blog).
BabyDoll wrote:
They are free, and the link is at the top of my Blog.
BabyDoll wrote:
I don’t know about you looking like a “cow” for not wanting to go and pretend you want to be there, but he sure is an “ass” for asking you to go after he broke up with you.
I help people survive a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.
Skip the event…send the recommended NC message (no changes) and kick-start your personal evolution.
It’s time to take care of yourself now.
Take Care,
S.W.
hi:
tx for your blog. very helpful.
2 questions:
1) he broke up with me on sat, but i had said few weeks ago i’d go to one of his functions tonight, he told me that he would like me to be there. we haven’t contacted each other since then. should i still go, and THEN send him the letter?
2) also, how do i get access to your materials if i already bought MMMU book thru T W’s site?
tx muchly!
BD
sorry i meant he told me on Sat that he still wanted me to come. and this means we’d have to sit together, etc. i know this is an important event to him. do i go? i don’t want to come across as a cow… lol
BabyDoll wrote:
It is not “cold”, it is unemotional, and for a real good reason, that’s why it works so well.
I would love (not!) to explain how this all works in detail, but I have a ton of work to do, and what it all boils down to is you.
Do you believe in the free plan to get your ex back?
If not come back when you do, it’s just that simple, OK?
I have worked with a lot of people, and the free support system has helped them either “move on” (because they decided at the end they didn’t want to get their ex back even though their ex now wanted them), and to get back together with their ex.
The beauty of this system is you are in control, and you make the decisions about whether to move on, or get back together.
Sending the “cold” (lol) NC message doesn’t mean the end of all your chances, if it did I wouldn’t have success stories in the forum, and on my Blog…would I?
You have a frightened “powerless” state of mind, and that means you will fail, no matter what course of action you take.
That is the “actual” scary truth.
If you don’t have the courage to do what is needed, then do not follow the free plan, go find something you are more comfortable with, OK?
I don’t have the desire to “convince” you or anyone else to follow the free plan.
I only offer it to those who want to use it, there are many other options out there to try.
Take Care,
S.W.
Thx for your reply. tho im doing a bit better today, i have never felt so weird and just sick to my stomach in my life. i feel so upset, wow. i can’t even tell you what a weekend from hell i just had.
i agree that you and TW’s philosophy makes sense. but, doesn’t the NC message sound really cold?
also, i’m afraid of losing feelings for him during NC time. how often (and how long does it take them, on the average) would you say in your experience that people come back to their exes after no contact? many people are blogging about how NC works but mostly because they as the dumpees move on. :’((
but i don’t want to move on.
oh, and i have seen NC work for one of my closest couples. after my friend told her guy to stay outta her life till he figured out what he wanted, he came back less than two months later, begging her back. (married for 20 years now)
conversely, my friend says he is probably with his gf now because she took pressure off him and stayed friends with him after he told her he needed a break, that otherwise they probably wouldn’t be together now.
thoughts?
OKOK!!!
and thank YOU for kicking my ass. MAN, i needed that…
instinctively, i do agree that this is my best fighting chance at this. truth is, you are right in one of your articles you mention that no one falls out of love instantly. (come to think of it, he did mention during our break up that he still loves me/is attracted and that this would be harder on him than on me. WTF?)
you are right that fear paralyzes you, in fact it permeates your energy and your person. in fact it already has caused enough harm in my life and relationship. so yes, i will do as you say and follow your plan…
thx again!!
BD
BabyDoll wrote:
If you think you are scared, imagine what I felt like (scared shit-less) when I first started to answer people’s emails, and try to help them.
I didn’t know what to do, but they were begging me for help…no one else would answer their emails.
The more I tried to do my best for them, the more I learned.
But it all started with the first step, and that is always the hardest one.
It is amazing what you can accomplish once you over come your fears…isn’t it?
Borabora wrote:
My answer is: Give it at least 3 months, and see what happens, also take a look at the break up success stories on my Blog, and in our forum.
Now that you have sent (hopefully) the recommended NC message you need to follow all the rest of the steps in the free plan to get your ex back.
I help people survive a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.
Take Care,
S.W.
amy wrote:
That is the whole point of the personal evolution, and getting your life back first.
If you have broken NC, re-send the recommended NC message, and then start from the beginning of the free plan to get your ex back on my Blog and follow all the steps.
I help people survive a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.
Take Care,
S.W.
I broke up with my ex 2 weeks ago. It was relatively mutual, but i ended up begging him, pleading over the last few weeks, including lashing at him when i was drunk. He took it all very calmly and did not respond, only telling me to forget about him and move on to love the people who truly care for me.
ANW, stumbled upon the site today and i officially issued the NC via email. Know he was online and definitely have read that.
I have picked myself up.. got a new haircut, lost weight (too emotional and hence lost appetite), etc. When I bumped into him the day before, I basically just ignored him and smile and had tonnes of laughter with my friends while he was having a discussion with a client at the other table.
My question is – will this NC works? I am moving towards personal evolution for sure, keeping a journal and rationalising the r/s while picking up hobbies and working out in the gym and focussing on work.
Will he moved on without me? Esp if after a duration of NC and he does not return? I heard he’s been taking up golf, going on a volunteer trip to Sri Lanka alone and taking up a Grad Dip.
Just a little concerned because I feel so much for him and I know he feels deeply for me.
hi sw, i havent wrote for sometime im still reading all the other comments and it does seam to help me that not all is lost.I have broken the nc so many times i have lost count i agree with you that its all alot of drama he is still replying to my emails we have both got into this bad habit that i want to break.my ex said that he never contacted me that i was the one that contacted him i suggested dinner he said no that maybe a coffee would be good sometime he comfirmed this by sending one of the emails i sent its like hes using all this amunition against me. He said that he was going to suggest a coffee and have a chat but that was all but it does not seam that we can even talk and that maybe one day in the future we could meet up for coffee and have a chat and a laugh about old times i have told him that he is right and i agree about the break up and have left it open that if he wants to contact me in the future. I need to stop chasing my own tail and concentrate on myself and be more settled.I hope that in time he will contact me and that we will meet up for a coffee.I cant stop thinking about him and giving myself a hard time that if i had stopped the nc then things might have been different.
catty wrote:
That’s normal, he still has feelings for you, and it pisses him off.
You took control, and now you will keep it, by following the rest of the steps, and sticking to the plan.
What did you expect your ex to say? “You’re right…I’m sorry! Let’s get married tomorrow!”
Yeah Right!
Stay Strong!
S.W.
i sent NC and he reply no need to think it is over
hi scott:
thx again for your help and i do hope that you get some personal satisfaction out of knowing you help human beings out on a daily basis, i mean, we are people who are suffering thru THE worst time of our lives.
i need to ask you some yes/no questions here: am i correct in assuming the following things about the NC message?
1) it may panic them about your feelings 4them
2) it shows them you are no longer scared
3) it puts the control back in your hands
4) since THEY do NOT know WHEN you will be ‘ready’, that may panic them even more
4) it allows you as the dumpee to have your space and time apart, while allowing you to revisit the ‘relationship’ with them later, since YOU are the one who now tells THEM that you will contact them whenever the HELL you damn well please! :kickbutt:
also, if they DO come thru begging and pleading with you BEFORE the month is up, are we supposed to proceed with caution, be ‘COY’ and say we are just not sure? even when they want you back?
thanks and you are awesome scott!!
BD
BabyDoll wrote:
All this is covered in the free plan, read it, and follow “all” the links and read everything they lead to as well.
30 days is NEVER enough time, this plan is about getting your life back, not your ex.
If you have read everything on my Blog, and what goes on in our forum you will completely understand that last statement.
Take Care,
S.W.
Update,
So I sent the exact NC message on the 1st. Today being the forth, one of her friends texted me.
“You can get back together with “____” if you go out and buy me cheese cake. RIGHT NOW!”
First of all I haven’t talked to her friends in over a month and outta the blue I get this message?
Two I think they were just bating me to see if I’d bite at the opportunity.
And 3 wtf? Cheese cake? About as random as the whole text.
So i replied
“If she really wants to get back together with me she can tell me herself”
Does that break the NC? (And I now realize I probably was best off not replying) But then again what if she really does want to get back together and was wondering if I still liked her before she made her move?
Thoughts? Thanks.
Speedy wrote:
If that was someone who will tell her what you said (or show her the text), yeah, that was breaking NC.
Why do you fall for that shit?
Speedy wrote:
Duh! :banghead:
Hi Scott,
I have NC with my ex now 28 days. Before few days he phoned me as a secret number. So I unswear. I did not talk much with him and ended the phone call.
After that he e-mailed me 2x.
I never replay to his email.
Do I need send an other NC message?
Or in this cause I did not broke it?
Thank you for answear
Katka wrote:
Hi Katka,
Yes, I would send another NC message, word for word…no changes…why?
Katka wrote:
Not because you broke it, because you didn’t (that sneaky bastard tricked you by using a different number).
You need to send another no contact message because your ex is not respecting your first no contact message.
He is trying to force you to take action before you are ready.
Do not let him.
He needs another kick in the ass, so give it to him.
You’re doing great Katka!
Stay Strong!
S.W.
P.S. Next time a unknown number calls you, let it go to voice mail, OK?
Hey there. It’s been a week and a bit since i sent the nc message. Havn’t heard from my ex since. Alot of other forums have said that if after sending a messge like that, if the ex does not contact, you should give up…time limit 30 days. I havn’t spoken to ex i 30 days anyway…and then sent the nc message. I understand it can take up to 60 days for them to get back to you. I n the meantime i am trying to get on with my life. Thanks
Shaan wrote:
Hi,
They are giving out a lot of misinformation. I have seen people reconnect in 3-6 months, but that is up to you…when do you want to give up?
It all depends on how strong the person is, or is willing to become.
If you’re weak you give up too soon, if you’re strong you kick loves ass, and win back your life.
I help people survive a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.
Go read the free plan to get your ex back on my Blog, and follow ALL the steps.
Take Care,
S.W.
Speedy wrote:
That is because I don’t cover what happens when people don’t follow the plan correctly.
1. 3.5 weeks is never enough time…you rushed things.
2. The first meeting is supposed to be a short one just coffee (or any non-alcoholic beverage will do), not an emotionally charged date for the first meeting (that is after 3 dates or so, and things are going well)…you blew it obviously.
Then instead of politely accepting her decision, you opened your mouth, and put your foot in it.
My suggestion would be to send the NC message again…no changes, and then wait about 3 months before even thinking about reconnecting.
The NC message is only the first step, you skipped all the steps after that (your personal evolution) and rushed (nice one “speedy”) to the reconnection, and got beat down.
I have to say this so much I should just get a fucking tee-shirt, and print this on it…”A plan only works, when you correctly follow every step”.
Learn from your mistakes, and start over again.
Stay Strong!
S.W.
Update.
It was about 3.5 weeks after the NC message and I was feeling confident and ready to call up my ex and I did! Instead of asking her to go for coffee or lunch (we dont drink coffee and never went out for lunch while we were dating so…) I asked her if she wanted to go GoKarting with me on Sunday (Yesterday, I called her on Thursday). I thought an emotionally charged date would be better cause things between us got a little routine and boring.
So we talked for a bit just nice small talk then I asked her (First time we talk on the phone since we broke up so 2 months ish) I popped the question and she was pumped to go I could tell from her voice and shortly ended the conversation afterwords. A couple hours later that day she was texting me saying stuff like why the sudden change of heart? etc. I said I thought it would be nice to see you. Shes like it’ll just be the two of us right? I said Yep and she was like Okay Sweet =)
The next day (Friday) she was texting me thought the day. And then she hit me with a, so its just 2 “friends” going gokarting right? Nothing else. Cause thats how I see it, to people who are “just” friends going out. And hearing that “just friends” thing kinda got to me. I thought I had to man up and tell her straight up. I said something like, well Id consider it more as date, are you okay with that? And I said I’ve told you how I felt about just being friends in the past. Maybe we should just forget it. Shes like well then why cant you just accept it as friends hanging out? And I’d rather pay for myself unless all this is off now? I replied “Its okay I’ll find someone else to go with, take care. Cause I didnt want to fall into the “just friends zone” and also let her get her way.
Now she started to freak out a little after I sent that. She hit me up with about 6 long ass texts. First one was all WOW but why would you do that, and stop taking hours to text me back fuck! Why cant we chill as friends once and see how it goes?!” And before I could reply I got hit with like 5 rapid fire texts haha. Saying stuff like Listen sweety, listen good! We are friends or nothing, I guess I didnt make that clear. I was so happy to get your call last night and thought oh hey another friend would be great right about now. But no I deserve better! Grow up “Speedy” we are not together and we wont be, I dont feel the same. Your a nice guy but if you dont wanna be my friend dont talk to me!
So it really sucked hearing all that shit haha. She was trying to make it sound like I wanted to get back together with her? I didnt imply that once. I almost wanted to tell her that shes full of herself thinking I still want her. I simply wanted to hang out and see if the sparks would fly again or see if I still had any attraction for her. But why did she have to go and complicate things and hit me with “its just friends” hanging out, she should’a left it and see how things would go on their own.
So after that mouthful of texts I played it cool and said “This is WAYY to much trouble for an afternoon of GoKarting. And I got lots of friends.”
Then this next text was rather shocking. “Sorry I just want to be your friend didnt I make it clear? And stop telling people you can have “Niki” (<-Random name) whenever you want! Cause you cant!
Now that just pissed me off. Now shes starting rumors about me and one of her close friends? (Cause I've never said that to ANYONE so it was obviously a lie). I had enough of this bullshit so I sent her. "I dont spread lies about you, and Id apreciate it if you dont spread lies about me. This I way to much drama! Quit texting me."
She reply's with Then stop being a jerk then! (pretty much admitting that she just made that up) shortly after that she sent me "I think you can never have too many friends =( it sucks that you wont be mine so explain what you wanted to happen on Sunday.
And thats it I didnt reply after that.
*****
So did I make the mistake of saying no I dont want to go as "just friends" or should have I tried going (and let her get her way) and see if the sparks would fly? Cause I know shes lost attraction for me and thats what the whole point of this meeting was for her to see I've changed and are more fun and exciting and confident like when we first started dating.
*****
I've red your free guide but nothing really about this specific topic. Please help!
Ill probably wait a while now maybe another month ish before I try and ask her to hang out again. That "just friends" thing drives me insane though.
Thanks for listening.
Speedy
Maria wrote:
It is waaay too soon to be thinking about the reconnection.
If you try to look too far ahead you will mess up your personal evolution, understand?
Focus on following all the rest of the steps in the free plan to get your ex back…the details for reconnection will work themselves out when it’s time, OK?
Stay Strong!
S.W.
I’ve already begun my journey with the no contact rule(and I’m sticking to it). Last firday I sent him the message. But I’m wondring a little a bit about the reconnection part. My ex is a very quiet guy, and prefers to stay home than going out on the weekend to meet someone at the cafe. ^^; Is there anywhere else we can plan to meet?
Thanks! ^^
Man, I really shouldn’t think too much XD
But I realised something recently. I’m not thinking about him as much anymore. Just not as much as I used to do XD Maybe it’s because of the fast forward technique I’m using these lately XD
Well here I am again. I messed up I reached out and I screwed up. The difference now is that I really know she is gone and the chances of me getting her back are way less than 50/50. However I resent the NC message and I want to try…I want to evolve and if she is there she is there if not I want to be in a better place…
I was wondering if you could give me some advice on getting my ex back. We were dating for 7 months when he broke up with me. He said that he’d been feeling this way for about a month now. When I asked him why he told me that the passion was gone. He still thought I was a great person and still loved me but just wants to be friends. I told him I didn’t know if I could just be friends and asked him if I decided I couldn’t just be friends could he picture his life without me? and he told me no. This happened Sat morning. Monday morning he sent me a text saying that ‘I know this weekend was hard but our hearts will heal.’ Then signed his name. Thursday he sent me a e-mail showing me different careers I could do within the medical field. (I’m going through a hard time right now trying to figure out what I want to do with my life and school right now.) He wrote in the e-mail ’2 other health care options. Although I saw your pics with the little girl you’re watching and you look perfect for work with kids ‘ I posted some pictures on facebook with me and a little girl I just started nannying. I have not responded back to the text or e-mail.I think that it’s odd though that he has already contacted me twice.
The last weekend we were together we went to the Shedd and were fine. He even insisted on buying me a souvenir from it. When he came to my family’s house for Easter Sunday he had forgotten to bring something so the dinner. (We had driven separate because I had to work early the next day and I was closer at home. On the way he was flirting asking what he would get if he beat me.) Though because it was Easter Sunday a lot of stores were closed so he went to 4 different stores in order to bring something. I thought it was odd that he put in that much effort if he knew he was breaking up with me the next weekend. When he said goodbye our last weekend together we hugged for about 2 minutes. He also took some left overs home and wrote on my mom’s wall ‘I took some of your home cooking home. Does that mean I can tell my roommates it was my home cooking ?’ He wrote this the day after easter.
If you have any other questions let me know. I want to get back together with him without being just friends. Thanks for anything you can give me!!
Elizabeth wrote:
Hi,
If that is true, then stop wasting time sifting through the past, and start taking control of your future.
If you want your ex back, you need to get your life back first.
This means being happy without your ex, and not spending all your time thinking about ways to get him back, understand?
I have seen this method work time and time again, all you need to do is read the free plan to get your ex back on my Blog, and follow ALL the steps.
I help people survive a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.
Take Care,
S.W.
Scott,
I’m amazed at your will power. I would have already been driven crazy by now from people asking the same questions over and over without doing any reading.
Person #1
“My significant other left me and I want them back! But they’re acting weird! What do I do?!”
“Take the power back by following the free plan.”
Person #2:
“My story is a little different, but basically my ex left me and I want them back. What do I do in my unique situation?”
As if the answer will be different next time… argh, what’s so hard about initiating no contact correctly and then focusing on oneself rather than the ex? It’s like people are treating their exes as personal belongings rather than human beings.
Oh, and I’d like to thank you for your guidance. When my ex dumped me a few months ago I followed other “How to” guides and nothing seemed to work. She ended up dating somebody else two days after she said “I’ll always love you.” to me and was in an official relationship three weeks later. (Gotta love facebook proclaiming the news to the world.) I kept my cool and stayed out of her way, never stalking her. But she’d show up at social networking sites once or twice a month to drop me a casual message. (Having her cake and eating it too, right?) I finally properly initiated no contact two weeks ago and she responded right away with “Let me know when things are working out for you.” (Already breaking the no contact request, hah.)
The painful feelings are gone (and so is the stress) but I still have a lot of work to do. The feeling of being back in power and recovering from my loss of self respect is wonderful though. Thanks again for your help, and good luck at convincing others to kick love’s ass.
Rusty V wrote:
Yeah, it does get real old sometimes.
But, when I see that I am helping people, I suddenly forget all the pain in my ass, and get excited that I am actually making a difference in people’s lives…it feels great.
Rusty V wrote:
Great Job Rusty!
Stay Strong!
S.W.
Elizabeth wrote:
Hi,
The best time to launch your reconnect plan is when you feel ready, and not a minute sooner.
The free plan to get your ex back, and chapter 6 of the book the magic of making up will help you put together a plan when you are ready.
Did you follow the free plan for 90 days, or just stop contacting your ex?
I help people survive a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.
Take Care,
S.W.
Hi Scott,
I am fastly approaching my 90 day mark (in 3 more days). I’ve stuck to the plan. NC with the ex and the ex hasn’t contacted me.
My ex’s mother passed away last year on the 22nd (exact day of the 90th day of NC).
Would it be wise to contact him on this day and extend my thoughts to him on this day? Should I reach out? If so, what should I say? If not, I’ll keep moving forward until I’m ready to reconnect. Thanks
I can’t seem to register to the forum. I have changed the pin 2 times but failed to login. I do have the Magic of Making Up by T.W Jackson. Please help! Thanks!
Leow wrote:
Hi,
Try reading, and then following the directions on the emails you get after you register.
If you can’t read, and follow directions, you won’t last long in our forum.
Take Care,
S.W.
Hi Scott. It’s been awhile since I have written but here’s a little update. Still doing NC going on 3 months now. I feel like my ex is getting over me, especially since he’s talking, texting, and being with so many other girls. He use to stare at me constantly in school but I noticed he doesn’t anymore. Prom is less than 2 weeks away and he’s taking a really pretty girl from another school. I don’t know her but I heard about her. I wasn’t going to go to prom and then decided I would go with my friends and no date. But the more I thought about it, I decided I should have a date so I’m taking a guy from another school too. It’s going to be awkward because my ex and I are in the same group of friends and we will be on the same “party bus” for prom and pictures. I just hope I can hold myself together. My ex and I went to every homecoming together and prom last year. It will be heartbreaking to see him with someone else. Everyday it gets a little easier. It was nice being on spring break for a week and not having to see him. I’m looking foward to the school year ending and moving on with my life. Right now, I don’t want him back. I will be happy when I don’t think about him as often as I use to. He texted me last week and wished me a happy birthday. I just said thanks, nothing else.
Annie2010 wrote:
This will be the last hurdle, and then you should feel a lot better after summer break.
Remember breaking up doesn’t mean it’s forever, you are just moving in different directions at the moment, this happens through out life.
People that grow apart sometimes find each other again, and the bond is even stronger the second time around…remember that, OK?
Breakups, and heartache are all just another (necessary) part of our evolution.
They prepare you for the next stage, look forward to the next stage, everything changes.
Have fun at your prom…you can do it!
Stay Strong! :rambo:
S.W.
Ellie wrote:
Hi,
If “you’re ready” then why are you crying about sending the recommended NC message?
What are you more worried about, getting your life back, or looking “odd”?
I help people survive a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.
When you are “really” ready, go read the free plan to get your ex back, and follow ALL the steps, OK?
Take Care,
S.W.
Hi there,
I’m ready to take on the challenge (BF broke up with me a week ago), but my question is we’ve already established the fact that it was for the best that we broke up, told him i agreed with it etc… isn’t it just going to sound plan odd if i say the exact same things again?
We’ve had a LITTLE contact since then (all initiated by me) and we’re on friendly terms.
I’m just trying to get it into my little pea-sized brain!
There was no begging or pleading on my part, he told me i was further on in the relationship than he was and he didn’t know whether he would get there or not… he’s still grieving for his late mum, going through a tough time – it just feels cold and against the grain.
Ellie wrote:
That means the free plan to get your ex back should work faster.
Ellie wrote:
And you’re not going through a tough time after he dumped you?
I help people survive a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.
People ask for help, but they are afraid to do what needs to be done.
I can’t help with that, I provide the “free” support, you have to bring the courage to correctly use it.
Your choice.
Life is a series of choices.
Take Care,
S.W.
Ellie wrote:
Great Job!
The first step is always the hardest, now follow all the rest of the steps of the free plan to get your ex back, and you will be on your way to being happy again.
Stay Strong!
S.W.
It’s done. Word for word as your NC message states. Scared me to do it, but I need to take control – i’m sick of crying all the time.
Hi SW.
I was wondering if your plan would work with me. We werent together long. About three months. I found a help book called pull ur ex back and several others where they said it was important to use the NC rule. He wanted to end things after another argument and i said maybe u should take time to think about things. After that I texted him telling him i need space and that he was right we were arguing all the time. So I broke the NC rule and asked him why hes not responding to me. He said he was doing what i said to do and take time to think. So I was talking to one of my friends and said how upset I was about us not working out and she went back and told my ex. So he said “I was reconsidering working it out but you blew it” So I let it alone for awhile and started talking to this other guy to help get over him. The NEW GUY was friends with my ex in high school a long time ago. I told the NEW GUY to tell my ex that i wanted my yearbook back. THE NEW GUY told me that my ex said he wanted his sweatshirt back and said “Shes Fking crazy Dude. Stay away from her.” I havent talked to him in two weeks. But i havent seen him in a month. Can your plan help me? Thanks so much.
Im still waiting for the password for the forum. But as I was waiting I sent the NC message and he replied back within one second saying “R u serious? I haven’t tried to contact you” Is that bad? In a way its good b/c thats the first time hes responded to any of my texts. lol
Jessica wrote:
Hi,
It is not the length of time that matters, it is the strength of the love bond.
Jessica wrote:
The response doesn’t matter, but it sounds like you flipped his switch, and got back on his mind…mission accomplished.
I help people survive a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.
Now follow all the rest of the steps in the free plan to get your ex back, OK?
Take Care,
S.W.
Thanks Scott so much. I already feel better like I got the power back. Im also leaving my old job and have a second interview set up at a new job. EX was getting annoyed with me complaining how I hated my job and didnt do anything about it. I wish I found your help earlier!
I proposed to his girl working with me and she sat on it for a long time. Then I followed pull ur ex back techniques.
Very strictly followed NC Rule and all other techniques, though we bounce on each other every day.
She left to U.S for 3 months, I invited to chat with , she accepted and here is the chat transcript .
Please go thru and advice, I am confused now.
6:50 PM me: hi
how r u doing ?
7:02 PM She: hello…
i’m not changed….
don’t disturb me plz.
7:03 PM me: hey I casually pinged u
dont assume too much
She: aha….ofcrse not….
7:04 PM me: its me who have changed
u need to know that
She: but it is not visible…
u r still doing the same…
7:05 PM wat ever i don’t have any interest to knw abt u
me: what am I doing the same ?
She: n scarp..
me: tell me what I am doing repeatedly
thats not the answer
She: how ocme no..
7:06 PM anyways gud byee
me: y r u running away
7:07 PM I have changed
but u refuse to believe bcoz
u have not changed
and u r pretending so much and overacting
7:08 PM She: shut upp…
7:09 PM me: give me one good reason y r u so angry
and upset
7:10 PM She: ‘m not angryy……
7:11 PM me: u r shouting …. ” shut upp…”
and u r very rude
7:16 PM ok dont think too much
I have to run
cu later
Hi Scott! I’m just dropping in to say I’ve had success! I didn’t get my ex back but I have my complete self respect and dignity back.
I pretty much kept to the no contact rule for 35 days (and still going a few days later.) But the other day as I was browsing facebook a little suggestion box appeared on my screen suggesting that I take a look at a photo album that featured a mutual friend of my ex and I. I clicked on the album, it turned out to belong to my ex. The photo album was from when we were still dating, and interestingly enough her new boyfriend was tagged in some of the photos. Photos of them together on dates. They were seeing each other behind my back while we were still together…and she was posting it on the internet.
Everything finally makes sense. She’d go weeks without speaking to me, then when I confronted her about it (which caused the breakup) she tricked me into believing the breakup was my fault and that I was needy. I wasn’t needy, I was just caring for a cheater. Hell she even said: “I’m not seeing somebody else if that’s what you’re thinking…” when I didn’t even bring up the possibility of cheating during the breakup. I thought she was just being rude for ignoring me for so long.
Thanks to the No Contact plan I didn’t have any problem severing all ties with her and have absolutely no plans for reconnection. I’m not an emotional wreck and I’m glad I’m no longer in an abusive relationship.
Maybe she tried to hang around me out of guilt or to “ease the pain of losing her” or making sure she made the right decision in leaving me, I don’t know her thoughts, I don’t care either. I’m just kicking love’s ass outta here. So thanks again, if I hadn’t found this blog I’d probably be emotionally flipping out right now and blaming myself instead of going on my merry way. The future doesn’t seem so bleak after all.
Laks Norie wrote:
Hi,
It sounds like you are trying too hard to reconnect, follow the steps in the free plan on my Blog.
If she doesn’t seem to respond to your reconnection attempts, follow the free plan from the beginning and start NC all over again.
Take Care,
S.W.
Hi S.W.
My ex broke up with me in August 2009,
Since then we met two three times unsuccessfully to get back together.
Only the 3rd time she wanted to see me actually! The 2nd was when she took her things from the house.
Now she tells me we have no future and she moved on and i must do the same. We
are from different countries and were together for 4 years.
I did all the non working stuff, but now
i think i am not so sad anymore, but still want her back. Do you think i should write th nc message or she not? She moved on!!
Nikos wrote:
Hi,
The best way to find out if your ex has really “moved on” is to follow the free plan on my Blog.
Sending the correct NC message is very important, send it (without changes) and start your personal evolution.
Take Care,
S.W.
My boyfriend broke up with me in february, and since then, I have initiated a bad no contact right after the break up, but broke it by texting him that I missed him. After that, I haven’t contacted him for months. In that periode, I have grown, lost 2 ibs, and gotten a makeover. Is it okay to send him a no contact message now? Or is it too late? When he sees me out in public, he ignores me, and acts like I doesn’t exist to him. I’m usually a very shy person, so I sorta ignored him too. Will the no contact message still work?
And is it normal to lose a little of hope to get them back in the process of your personal evolution.?
Umaty wrote:
Hi,
NC and the free plan will work to help you get your life back, no matter how long it has been since the break up.
The theory behind the free plan is to get your life back as a happy single person first, then decide if you still want your ex back.
This is the best way to do it because you will be thinking with a clear head, not in a state of panic when your decision making process is all screwed up, understand?
The first mistake people make is thinking the longer they wait, the worst their chances are of getting back together.
In reality it is is the longer you wait to do the right things, that kill your chances of getting your ex back.
Who begs, or pleads?
Someone who is desperate, that’s who.
Don’t let your conjured up image of NEVER getting back together drive you nuts, you’re just panicking.
When a person is in this state of emotional distress, why would you want to make a big decision about your relationship with your ex?
If your ex really truly loves you, you will be able to get them back, but you MUST get yourself back first, and the free plan will help you do that.
Take Care,
S.W.
Hi! A friend of mine who I haven’t been talking to in a long time, just told me that a unknown guy on facebook had pursued my ex to get back together with me around the time of the break up.
The guy on facebook was a guy who hit on me a lot after the break up, who I didn’t know a lot about(ignored him actually).
My “friend”(I don’t consider him as a friend anymore due to the fact that I told him I didn’t want to know ANYTHING about my ex) also said my ex was pissed off because of it… either it’s on me or the guy, I don’t know…
*Sigh* I felt a bit angry after that talk :cursing: I didn’t really wanna know that
Oh! by the way! texted him the no contact message on wednsday. He just answered “oh okay” back.
So at least now I’m on my way.
hey there, my ex and i broke up at the beginning of this month. we were doing the long distance thing since last summer, and a month before we both get home (at the beginning of the month when we broke up), stuff started to get really bad. after we broke up, i went through a week long period of weakness where i tried to talk to her instinctively. i wasn’t begging or pleading, just making small talk. since then, i’ve been doing the no contact stuff. but my only worry is that i did it wrong. i did tell her that breaking up is giving me time to gain perspective and she knows that i am seeking help to enhance the parts of my life that screwed up our relationship. but we have spoken after i told her this, including a time when we spoke and i said that even though i’m doing this for myself, she’s a big part of why i’m trying to change. and i asked her if i completely lost her. her response was not that i have lost her. regardless, i’m not sure if the no contact rule was actually applied. since that last conversation, however, i have not initiated any contact. she also has tried contacting me twice since then. one was to ask about school, the other was to wish me a happy graduation. my responses were both short and standoffish but not rude. it has been almost 2 weeks since the first message and just over a week since the graduation message. have i messed it up?
jaco wrote:
Hi,
I definitely doesn’t sound like you were following the free plan, but it is never too late to start.
Go read the free plan, and follow ALL the steps, OK?
Take Care,
S.W.
Hi Scott. I initiated NC with a proper message 19 days ago. I followed MOMU and advices on forum (it was down for couple weeks). I have been evolving and taking care of myself. No contact with my ex. However, he called few days ago and left two messages that he found a book of mine at his place. The book belongs to my mother and I would like it back. I haven’t responded to his phone calls but did send a polite text next day to drop it off at my mailbox that my friend will pick it up. He replied it won’t fit and that he would drop it off at the front door and not knock or come in asking when I am going to be home. I replied few hours later that I’d be home late evening to drop it off then. No replies from him. No book either. I want it back but do not want to contact him. Did I already break NC? Do I need to resend it? How do I ask for a book without breaking NC? Thank you.
Jitty wrote:
Hi,
This is NO problem at all, have a friend of yours meet him, and get it for you, or have him drop it off at your mothers home, after all it is hers.
You did not break NC, but it sounds like he is setting you up to…why do you have to be home when he drops it off?
Keep thinking, I am sure you will think of a way to get an item back from your ex without having to break NC.
Stay Strong! :rambo:
S.W.
Hi,
I was just wondering if the NC message would work if I returned my ex’s belongings. Could I send the message afterwards or before? Which would be more effective?
Shelbi wrote:
Hi,
I would recommend that you send the NC message after the exchange, then you could start NC without any reason to make contact.
Take Care,
S.W.
I want to be nice though….I do want him back! Do you honestly think this will work for an 18 yr. old? HAHA! I mean he cannot stand me…he is cold and unfeeling…acts like I never existed!
Shelbi wrote:
Hi,
Let’s find out…OK?
Follow the free plan, after all the price is right.
What do you have to lose, that you haven’t already lost, right?
I honestly know for a fact, that it will not work for someone who doesn’t believe it can help them.
Why?
Because they have already given up.
Take Care,
S.W.
well as a final concern, do you have any suggestions for a NC message that is *polite* while at the same time retaining all of your recommended concepts? THANKS SO MUCH S.W.!
Shelbi wrote:
Hi,
That’s like asking if there is anyway to go swimming without getting wet?
There is a real good reason for the NC message to sound empty and emotionless, if you change it, it loses it’s effectiveness.
Go read our forum, you will see how well that NC message works.
You do want to succeed, right?
If you care more about being polite, than succeeding, then by all means change the NC message.
But, if you do that you might as well go find another plan to follow, why?
Because this plan requires courage, and you don’t sound like you have enough to pull this off, do you?
Keep searching, and I am sure you will find a nice *polite* plan to follow.
But I doubt it will work as well as the free plan does.
Take Care,
S.W.
I do want to follow your plan….it’s just that a couple of weeks ago he had started messaging me on facebook and I guess he *new* girlfriend got pissed off so he wrote me saying NOT to message him again! He is rather fickle….I just want your matture plan to be effective against his immaturity and young mindset. I am 20 by the way…
Hey,
I am preparing my NC message, but I suppose I am having some second thoughts: should I go through with this when he almost immediately began seeing someone else after he broke up with me? He had told me I “just widdled away the love he had for me”….Now the other nigth he calls me 3 times…I do not answer and he leaves NO message. What does this all mean? HELP Please!
Shelbi wrote:
Hi,
Why don’t you read the free plan, send the recommended NC message, and help yourself?
All the answers to your questions will be answered when you start your personal evolution.
Take Care,
S.W.
hi well
ive read loadsa posts on the nc but not one saying they were getting anywhere|? shouldnt people come back and tell us? esp ones who ve poured hearts out here and not just on test, as some sites make those up?
cool site thou… need to explore more thou
i just read ur blog etc..i donno how many NC messages i have sent to him before i read this, the thing is i cannot stay that way.. even after a messaege that way i cannot stay long.. so now if i send him a NC message again he will think am stupid hehe…what if i stay NO CONTACT without sending him a message?
ann wrote:
Hi,
Nobody has to follow up, but some people choose to, and they post in our Success Stories forum.
Take Care,
S.W.
girlpooh wrote:
Hi,
You can try it, but ALL the people that I have seen succeed, have used the free plan correctly.
Take Care,
S.W.
What do I do with this? Went NC after she left me for someone else, 3 months later out of the blue just got a long email from her saying his sorry she is, that she has started counseling, regrets what happened, wishes she could turn back the clock…stops short of suggesting a meeting of getting back together, but says she was not ready to get better, but now she is and it took losing me to realize it. She thanked me and said I am and always will be in her heart.
Do I use this chance to try and meet with her? I miss her and would love to try and reconcile (though have no idea if she is with someone else as she also does not mention that at all).
Help?
DLKY wrote:
Hi,
I would back off, and wait to see what happens.
She says she is “ready” to get help, but she hasn’t gotten any yet.
Don’t reply, and let her start her evolution, and she will get back to you if she really meant what she said about “you always being in her heart”.
Keep working on your own personal evolution, and give her time to catch up with you, sound good?
Stay Strong! :rambo:
S.W.
Thanks for the fast reply SW – If at all possible I’d love for you to see the email, any way I can send it to you to get your opinion? Since it has been over 90 days of NC, I am curious if this is my opening to try to meet, and don’t want to blow it if she’s giving me a chance.
DLKY wrote:
Hi,
This is the beginning of her evolution, give her time to evolve.
The name of this game is…patience.
Take Care,
S.W.
hey S.W….
I was wondering if the NC plan would work in my case…as we broke up because he felt i never loved him. id go for long periods without talking to him,would ignore his calls and talk back at him.truth is i do love him but i never wanted to show it. we have been talking since then and he says he still loves me but cant be with me(whatever that means)…any advice?your take?
irene wrote:
Hi,
If you want to reveal his true feelings, use the free plan to get your life back again.
Take Care,
S.W.
Ummmmm my gf started dating her “best friend” 4 days after we broke up. She didn’t cheat i know for a fact. But about last week i sent her a message saying that i loved her and i didn’t want to ruin her relationship and i’d be gone from her life and i wished her the best. It’s been a month and 11 days since we broke up. i haven’t talked to her since that last message. So still send that NC message?
Andrew wrote:
Hi,
Yes, you do, your message was not a NC message, it was an attempt for sympathy, and to make her feel guilty…that won’t help you.
Besides, do you want her to come back because she “feels sorry” for you?
If you want to kick loves ass, and get your life back, follow ALL the steps in the free plan.
I have sent you the link twice already.
Stop fucking around, and go get your life back.
Take Care,
S.W.
I bought the book first and then came across your website second. I didnt send the nc message. I am two weeks into no contact and wondered if it was worth ringing her up and seeing if she would meet like friends as it says in the book. Or if I would lose points and I should start again with the no contact message.
Jimmy wrote:
Hi,
Go read, and follow ALL the steps in the free plan, use the book as an aid especially chapter 6 (reconnection) when that time comes, for now just focus on the free plan, OK?
Take Care,
S.W.
Okay, so I’ve been broken up with my ex for about 4 months and I’m just wondering if it’s too late to send an NC letter. I feel like because I’ve broken NC a couple of times and made the mistakes of begging and pleading early on in the breakup(I stopped after learning it was a bad thing) that it may not be as effective.
I do know that NC works, except my plan isn’t as effective. I just don’t know how to really initiate the NC message part when the break up happened so long ago.
Reen wrote:
Hi,
If you know that NC works, you should also know that it works no matter how long ago you broke up.
Sending the recommended NC message (without changes) is to start your personal evolution, not to get your ex back.
You must get your life back, or you will remain in relationship limbo for a long time to come.
Don’t worry about getting your ex back, use the free plan to get your life back.
Take Care,
S.W.
Also, if for some reason, your ex contacts you again, would it be acceptable to respond again with the NC message(as a reminder) or is it better to just ignore him/her and let the initial NC message do its job?
Reen wrote:
Hi,
If your ex constantly attempts to contact you, then yes, send another NC message (word for word)…otherwise ignore them.
Stay Strong! :rambo:
S.W.
hi scott,
and i miss it….and i promise no more facebook talk,ever…. last chance?
so for how long am i banned?come on….pleaseeeeeeee,i need the group,its a source of strength at this time
ash wrote:
Hi,
The ban is permanent.
There are plenty of other forums out there you can join for support.
Take Care,
S.W.
Hi Scott,
I don’t know if you remember my earlier posts. Well, I attempted NC as per you free plan once but failed. It seems that I was unprepared to follow your plan at that time because despite your advice, I sent an email to my ex about my travel abroad. So I broke NC.
Well, despite that, the 1-week abroad trip actually did good to me. It made me see things more clearly, become more strong and realise that I can live (and enjoy) without my ex. Thus, I realised I’m ready for the plan. I send another NC message (word for word) and it’s almost 3 weeks of NC since then. I’m following your free plan (minus the forum) and it’s going pretty good.
However, I’ve been reading a couple of posts from your forum and would love to join – not to whine about my break-up but rather share my positive experiences with others.
Prior to joining the forum (since I know how strict you’re about it now and I don’t want to be banned), I wanted to know if what I did prior to sending the NC message didn’t harm the free plan in any way. I had sent my ex an email describing him my true feelings (about how much it hurts to remain and talk as friends only) and that I realise that we should stop talking and that we need a break. I put in much of my emotions in that email. Then, the next day I sent the NC message (word for word)in a separate email and that’s it for now. I hope that still counts as following the free plan.
Thanks.
Monserah wrote:
Hi,
As long as you sent the recommended NC message as outlined in the free plan, and follow ALL the forum guidelines, you will be fine.
Make sure you read the forum guidelines very carefully, because I do not give warnings, and once you’re banned it’s for good.
I can’t help people who are not serious enough to follow the rules.
If you want sympathy, or attention…go to another forum.
Our forum is NOT for people’s comfort, it is for support, and guidance to help them get their lives back again.
Take Care,
S.W.
I’m in a very complex situation right now. Hope you can help with some advice please? Cos it is not exactly a break-up, but even worse?
To sum the history up:
- he was interested and chased after me
- i wasn’t interested cos i just ended a r/s but i was bored, so well, i initiated making out (and no we havent slept together)
- he wanted it to become serious and then i said no. lets keep it casual
- three weeks down the road, i decided that i was ready to try to take it to a more serious level
- he said we need to get to know each other better, lets be frens first, but that yes he is still very attracted to me. But nope, he doesn’t want to get together now
- then he got very bz with work ( i know it is not an excuse cos his colleagues are all very busy)
- but for some reason, i freaked out/felt very rejected when he started to cool down/not ask me out, and i started to do the chasing. Needless to say, it ended bad, with him rejecting me proper, and me drunk=calling him. Now we are not talking…(i havent spoken to him in a week although we do still see each other online on MSN)
- the last time we spoke was a day after my drunk call (where i said loads of nonsense). He texted me to ask if i was ok, i said Yep ok, and that i was just very drunk.
Now what? I am focused on rebuilding my own life, but i dun want to lose a friendship or the possibility of us getting back together
Or is it way way too late? what can i do??
Just to add on- when he rejected me, i sent him the right NC message- said that i would respect his decision etc. And then spoilt it with the drunk call ( i know) but during the last message, i said that i am ok, we can be frens but just take it slow.
that’s it.
jer lee wrote:
Hi,
Just start NC over again…that’s all.
Go read, and follow ALL the steps in the free plan on my Blog.
Use the message written for couples taking a break from each other.
Take Care,
S.W.
Hi
I just have a few questions before i start the plan.
I have decided to send my ex the NC message by text, but its been 2 months since any contact between us, what if she has changed her number?
Also should I put my name at the end of the message in case she has deleted my number?
Thanks
bh040510 wrote:
Hi,
The whole point is to just get the recommended NC message to your ASAP.
If text doesn’t work use email or regular mail if you have to.
It is OK to add your name to the end, nothing else, no take care…etc., or anything apologetic, understand?
Take Care,
S.W.
Thanks for the quick response
I chose the text as the best way because I only have her work email and I dont want her to discuss the NC message with her work colleagues straight away. Also I dont know her exact address to post a hand written letter, and I dont want to hand deliver because I dont want to bump into her or her family
Thanks
What comes after no contact? I’m wondering about the plan everyone says you need to have.
My ex and I broke up about two months ago after about a year of togetherness and I was in 4 weeks of no contact until today. I was planning for two months.
The reason for our breakup was that we both needed to work on personal issues…he was about to lose his job with no a lot of prospects and a relationship that needed work was too much. I realize now that I wasn’t ready for it either. I told him that I needed time and couldn’t talk to him for a while. He said he didn’t want to “completely lose me.”
I spent the last few weeks losing about 8 pounds so far, going to the gym, classes, organizing my life again and other self-improvement. And I do feel stronger.
However I made an error today (I guess) when I contacted him and asked if we could meet in three 3 weeeks to re-evaluate our situations. I thanked him for initiating the breakup, because our relationship needed to end. I wasn’t happy either. But I love him as a person and want to start from there.
He said it wasn’t a good idea to agree to reconsider things in three weeks. He said “Let’s see how it goes.”
But I feel good, that he knows how I feel, like a weight has been lifted off me.
I think no contact will be easier for me now. So what’s the plan now to get back my ex? I think you have a book out there about it.
I was plannign on continuing no contact and getting back to my self-improvement and focusing on me. Maybe I’ll meet someone I can have a better relationship with but I still rather be with him.
What to do now?
turtle wrote:
I wouldn’t worry about what comes after NC yet.
Looking too far ahead will screw everything up, understand?
You are NOT using NC correctly, go read, and then follow ALL the steps in the free plan on my Blog.
It will tell you everything you need to know.
Take Care,
S.W.
Hi my name is Marty and I have recently separated from my fiancé of 2 ½ years in which we separated once before because of differences and she felt there was no light at the end of the tunnel. Well this past January I proposed to my girlfriend/fiancé and she said yes and we were on the path of planning a wedding. But to give you more insight as to what our relationship was like it was good but we did argue allot because I am the type of person that plans things our rationally. And what my girlfriend wanted was to have children when at the time she lived in another country and I didn’t have the best job or health insurance. I told her I would love to have kids with her but I want to be in a better situation financially and out of respect for her I wanted to make her a wife first. She has contributed allot to helping me out financially and she said that she liked helping me because she knew that I appreciated her help in which I did. I never in a million years took advantage of her and I always respected her because she came from abusive relationships and I was the first person to really love her and show it. At times I would need to remind myself to show her attention but my family her family saw that I loved her. But her personality is not what you did for me yesterday its what are you doing for me right now. She is the only child and I assume that she is spoiled on top of being selfish. I told her if I gave you the Taj Mahal you would complain that it wasn’t big enough and all I wanted her to do was appreciate me as someone who really loved her for who she was regardless of her faults. So with traveling back and forth she said it took a toll on her but when she last visited I got a really good paying job and I told her to come back and stay as we do the needed paperwork in order for us to get married and she said ok. She was visiting in May when I told her this and during that time I hugged and kissed her and told her that I cant wait to take care of you and she you my appreciation for being there for me when I needed you. Towards the end of the her last visit we argued and when she returned home I didn’t here anything from her so I emailed to see if she made it home safely. She replied yes but she stated that she wants to live her own life no and this confused me because of what we talked about when she visited. So two weeks went by and I needed to know what was going on and she hung the phone up on me twice. So I emailed her and asked her what did I do to deserve this kind of treatment and she said that she wasn’t going to change because when she needed me to understand her I wasn’t there for her and that is not the case. I knew when I began my relationship with her is that I needed to communicate with her and if I made a mistake and I sat her down and I said how can I be a better man for you. But when she’s faced with a problem she runs away from it and changes the circumstances to suite her decision for the break up. I did the begging and pleading but of course it didn’t work. She said that she didn’t see me in her life. A few days went by and I said that I will pay for a plane ticket so that she can come back to the states and we can work our problems out. So she said that with all that she contributed to the relationship she put herself into financial trouble and asked if I could send her 2000 Euros to pay her bills. And if I would have known this while we were together I would have helped her more so than now because overall it didn’t sit right with me. She said very nasty things to me and said that she didn’t see herself with me anymore but you need my help! So out of guilt and knowing what she did for me I sent her what I could which was 500 Euros and three weeks later she says thank you but it wasn’t enough. I just wanted to email you so you wouldn’t think I wasn’t grateful. She said I guess everything is her fault for helping someone else but then on the other side she said I hope everything for you is going ok. I didn’t reply to the email as I am in the NC period ever since I sent the money to her three weeks ago.
Now my problem is that I still love her and want this to work out between us because I never loved anyone like I loved her. And I guess I am crossing my figures hoping that she will change her mind and we can work things out. Some time ago I asked for my ring back in exchange for the rest of her clothes and she said ok that she will send it. And she has yet to do it. And she loooooves her clothes, Ive actually seen her cry over them when her so called friend would steal her clothes. So I need your advice what do I do? Do I move on or think that things will turn out in the end? Because I think that she is using the ring and her clothes as a vise to come back to the relationship whenever she gets ready. My sister in law says she will be back but I dont have the strength to sit and wonder.
marty wrote:
Hi,
You don’t have to wait around for her to make up her mind, use the free plan on my Blog, and get your life back.
This will start your personal evolution, and give you back the control of your life you don’t have now.
When you show her that you will not dangle from a string any longer this will kick-start her own personal evolution, and help her to decide what she “really” wants.
In the meantime you are getting your life back, so one way or the other you will be happy, with or without your ex, make sense?
Take Care,
S.W.
So… I’m currently in NC with my ex, but I’m really worried about breaking it because I’m going to a friend’s birthday party and he might go too. What should I do if he does show up or if I do see him? Ignore him? Act happy/cheerful? Something else?
Reen wrote:
Hi,
Just act natural, and if he says anything to you like “hi”, just say “hi” back and continue on your way.
If your ex tries to corner you and ask about the NC message, or your personal life or the break up, just reply with “I am not ready to talk about that yet”, then excuse yourself and go on your way again.
If he becomes rude, just ignore him, and go on your way…that’s it.
NC is not about ignoring your ex totally, it is about not letting them into your thoughts, and personal life.
After all, all that became private after they choose to break up with you, it’s NONE of their business.
Don’t let them (or anyone else) guilt you into breaking NC.
You are not being rude, or ignoring them, they are being nosy, and they are not respecting your request for space.
If all else fails, either kick his ass, or leave and find some other place to have fun…OK?
I hate people who will not take a hint.
Stay Strong! :rambo:
S.W.
P.S. If you are really worried, and not ready to face your ex yet, just skip the party, if they are really your friend, they will understand, right?
Ok, signed up for your forum and read through the free plan. I’ll take a good read tomorrow.
And I see my error!
Question: I knew a few weeks ago that he would call to find out how some medical issues/tests were going. While I broke NC, I told him he could call when I got my results.
But I shouldn’t have done that b/c that gives him private information that he isn’t entitled to anymore.
So, what’s the damage control? Do I ignore his call/message — won’t he be hurt?
turtle wrote:
Hi,
If you broke NC, resend the recommended NC message word for word.
As far as him “being hurt”, how did you feel when he broke up with you?
How does it feel to be stuck in the “just friends” zone?
Ex’s do not realize (or care) how much it hurts (you) when they try to keep you as a friend right after the break up.
NC will not work unless you use it correctly.
He can’t have his cake and eat it too.
Take Care,
S.W.
Hi there – i’ve read your site and just sent my ex the NC letter. We broke up a week ago, no contact until last night when we met to exchange personal items. He said that he didnt want to date anymore but really wanted to be friends. We were very close and spent a lot of time together over the past year. I said that would be hard for me to do. This morning i sent the NC message to him. About 20mins later he replied “ok.”
Just an “ok”. But what is he thinking when he got this from me? What mind set does this put the recipient in?
Right now, it doesn’t matter what he’s thinking. You didn’t do this to get him thinking anything. You did this to give yourself space and time to think and you told him in a dignified and polite manner. It hurts when someone breaks up with you and you’re doing what you have to do to feel better.
But he’s probably curious about what decisions you’re making. Are you moving? Was there a guy you wanted to date?
It’s only been a week. You’ll feel better soon.
Good job sending the NC message!
Turtle is right, the response to the NC message doesn’t matter, you flipped his switch.
How do I know?
He replied when you asked him not to, he was compelled to respond…you flipped switch.
Now, go read the rest of the free plan, and follow ALL the rest of the steps, OK?
Stay Strong!
S.W.
This might be the right place to keep track for me. Anyway I had dated this chic for about 3 weeks and she done gave me the boot. I have been texting to her she replies we talk a bit. My question is does thiswor for situations of this matter.
Lee says:
My answer is YES!
Hi,
Me ex boyfriend calls me everyday but he say’s he doesn’t want to see me or have a relationship. I’ve stopped answering his calls and keeping myself busy. He’s gone as far as sending me a text message telling me he will “See me at the concert” (which I was never invited to) as if it were a mistake he then texted and called to ask me how I am doing from the concert. If he doesn’t want to see me or be together why does he keep contacting me?
Thanks,
Lisa
Lisa says:
Hi,
If you don’t know, I sure as hell don’t know either…so let’s not worry about it, OK?
If you want to reveal your ex boyfriend’s true feelings for you, go read the free plan, and follow ALL the steps.
Take Care,
S.W.
Hello,
I have been reading on your blog, i see nothing on the blog for engaged or divorced people. So do not know how best i could use your plan to my situation.
he is not contacting me anyways and had been ignoring my calls since our breakup.Its been two weeks(ex fiance actually) he called off the wedding as we had a lot of arguments(both played equal part). we dated off and on for 5 years but finally decided to get married (he proposed last year) We had lot of arguments before our wedding, our families are involved too and we are now formally off in front of both our families. Seems doors are shut forever with lot of negative impressions.
I did all pleading crying and begging and nothing changed. he said he certainly would never want to work things out anymore,if it did not work now, it would never work later. i feel my situation is too hopeless and irreversible.
is there really really a hope for my situation?
When i send him the N.C. message,for how long (months) i should not try to reconnect? and if he tries to contact me(see slim chances after broken engagement and so much anger and hurt though), should I ignore all attempts unless i am ready to reconnect again or ignoring could mean i am now marrying someone else? Should i be taking that call to see what he had to say? Do not know I am too confused? I do not even know if i would ever hear from him again, after such a split.
Thanks,
Sanj
sanj says:
Hi,
A divorce = a break up, a called off wedding = a break up, a broke off engagement = a break up.
These situations are all the same, and the free plan will work the same for them as it would for any break up situation.
sanj says:
I would plan on at least 2-3 months of NC to let things cool down before even considering reconnection, for now focus on your own personal evolution, and let the dust settle.
If he tries to contact you during NC do not reply…follow the plan…it works, go read the success stories on my Blog and in our forum.
My suggestion would be to tell “the families” to stay out of your business, and then go read the free plan, and follow ALL the steps.
Don’t kid yourself into believing your situation is hopeless…it is not hopeless.
Take Care,
S.W.
hi,
Thank you so much for your swift reply
Is there any email address i could send you a detailed break up story
Due to some confidential problems i am unable to post here
Would really appreciate if you provide with an email address that you check and reply , where i could write.
I tried to send you an email too but see no answer
Would really appreciate.
Thank you
Best regards,
Sanj
sanj says:
I received your email, and answered it.
You are free to send me your detailed break up story but my advice will still be the same.
I do not offer break up analysis, because it is not necessary, either you believe you have a chance, or you don’t.
If you have already convinced yourself it’s hopeless there is nothing anyone can do for you.
You have to make a decision…do you want to get your life back, and maybe your ex as well, or just give up?
If you want your life back, stop asking questions, and start taking action by reading and following the free plan on my Blog
Take Care,
S.W.
Hi S.Williams,
Ijust sent y a question abt the nc letter. I should have read thru the other emails more thouroughly which you say ta do, sorry. But, please negate my question. The nc letter goes out tomrrw. It’s abt me not him..period.
Thanks for helping.
Dorothy
Dorothy says:
I can’t help people who lie, and will not follow directions.
Scott,
It is Sanj from the forum, I have a question, Please do not ban me for asking this. i tried to search the answer to this on the blog under faq, but could not find it.
when you send the N.C. message to your ex, may be first time, they might not get it, and take it just like a message from us, but when you resend the same message again after breaking N.C., and they happen to google the exact message, it directs them to the blog. Does it matter what they think we are doing is like to get them back? And feel, he kind of still trying to get them back in smarter way now, than begging and pleading, I mean just curious to know.
Sanj.
sanj says:
Hi,
I have been asked this many times before, here’s my answer.
It doesn’t matter if they know you are following a plan, why?
Because they can’t stop you, what are they going to do, not contact you?
You already asked them not to…lol
Second if they research even more, they will find that this plan is NOT about getting them back, it is about you getting over the past relationship, and getting your life back…big difference, right?
Then if they research even more on our forum, they will read success stories where people got their lives back, and decided they didn’t want their ex back, or got someone better.
It will be very good for your ex boyfriends evolution if he did Google the message and found all this out.
Plus, if he is worried enough to Google things, he still wants you back.
Anything that happens will work in your favor…every time.
You are over thinking things because you doubt that no contact will work for you, and that will be your down fall, not your ex Googling the NC message, understand?
Don’t sweat the small stuff, and focus on the plan, it works every time to help you get your life back, and your happiness…that matters more than your ex.
Take Care,
S.W.
hey scott
Thank you for the reply
I do not doubt it at all, as i stick to what you said it is about getting your life back and if there was true love they will evolve too and be back, so i am very hopeful.
Sanj
Hi there,
I made a mistake. My ex broke up with me in the end of June. He moved to California. I m here in NY. He always send a msg “thinking about me”.
Last week, I sent to the NC letter to him. He told me he respects me and he agrees with that but just remember he still thinking about me everyday. I feel very sad because I miss him so much.
We started chatting online. He said he broke up because he is not in love with me. But after we broke up, he does miss me a lot, he still cares about me a lot and he is sad when he is thinking about me. We were very happy 2 years together. That it is hard for him to let me go. He can’t let me move there if he doesn’t know exactly how he feels about me (mean he is not in love with me). He feels a big responsibility and commitment. He doesn’t know what he is supposed to do. He needs time to figure it out what to do, but don’t rely on him. I was so happy because at least he told me his feeling. He let me give him a call on weekend because he wants to talk about it all on phone.
I thought he was ready to talk about us. I gave him a call. We started talking very nice. He said even though we broke up he just want to let me know that he still cares about me a lot. But if he made me uncomfortable he was sorry about that and will not do it. He doesn’t want to hurt me. We kept talking and he made me confused about his feeling