The No Contact Rule – How Does It Help Me Get My Ex Back? Part 3

Share

The no contact rule can help you “get my ex back” but you have to be careful of a few pitfalls along the way…what pitfalls? Well, just keep on reading. What happens is you start out doubting the power of using no contact to win back your ex, then it starts to work, and you get excited, right? This is where it gets scary, and you have to keep your head, or you could blow the whole thing.

Why Breaking No Contact Will Break Your Heart

You have worked hard, and sent the NC message, and started to work on your own personal evolution, and then it happens…your ex tries to contact you…now what? Well since you’re in no contact the right thing to do would be to ignore the contact, unless you have to answer it (shared children, shared financial responsibilities, own a business together…things like that).

When Your Ex Comes Fishing For Information Do Not Break No Contact

Most of the time your ex is just fishing to see if you’re really serious about this no contact stuff. You have to show them you are, and stick to the plan, why? Because using the no contact rule to get your ex back takes time to work, and if you rush through it, you will have to start over again. It is better to do it right the first time, then to have to start all over again, right? Then why do so many people break NC too soon?

Because they are afraid that if they don’t respond to their ex’s first contact attempt, the ex will give up for good. Not true at all, they are worried about losing you…that’s why they are testing the waters. If it has been at least 30 days, and you feel strong enough (emotionally) to proceed to the reconnection stage, then go for it.

So to recap…when no contact starts to work, and you realize “I can get my ex back” stay calm, and stick with NC until you’re ready. Don’t kid yourself, you must be honest with yourself and think with your head, and not with your heart if you want to get your ex back for good.

Who Am I and Why Should You Listen to Me?

My name is S. Williams, and I have been helping people since 2008 to overcome break up pain, and get their lives back. I even have an “About” section that I recommend you read. I know the name of my site is: How to Get Your Ex Back Fast, but I teach people how to get their lives back, not their ex’s.

If you’re interested in working with me (and our forum members) to get your life back, join my free newsletter for access to the free plan to get your ex back fast, and start getting your life back today. The answers you need to start your personal evolution are waiting for you, don’t hesitate another minute…come and get them.

Once you get your life back, everything else will just start to fall into place…I promise. If you have any comments or questions please write them in the comment box below.

If this article was useful or helpful to you in anyway, please show your appreciation by giving me a “+1″ using the button below this article.

Until next time,

S. Williams

Copyright © 2008 and beyond – All Rights Reserved Worldwide – You DO NOT have permission to reuse this content in any way, shape, or form.

Share

152 Responses to “The No Contact Rule – How Does It Help Me Get My Ex Back? Part 3”

  1. Yoyo says:

    all i can say is, if you have momu and this site… you’re set, this site fills everything that momu did not include :D once again, thx scott

  2. S. Williams says:

    Yoyo wrote:

    all i can say is, if you have momu and this site… you’re set, this site fills everything that momu did not include once again, thx scott

    You’re Welcome!

    That was my whole goal when I built this Blog, and opened the forum…to go “beyond” all the books, and fill in all the holes.

  3. Carolyn says:

    Here’s the thing though, my ex hasn’t attempted to contact me (at least that I don’t know about)so is it going to be too much of a shock when I do contact him within the next two weeks when my no contacting is up. I must say I am all prepared for no response from him and at the same time I feel that this is going to work.

  4. Carolyn says:

    Ok, enough. All I have had today is people saying that I won’t get my ex back because I am not over him……..well daaaah! They say that the NC is for moving on completely. I know I will be disappointed if getting my ex back does work but I also know I can move on if this will be the case. BUT!!!!! this will not be the case, will it?

  5. S. Williams says:

    Carolyn wrote:

    Here’s the thing though, my ex hasn’t attempted to contact me (at least that I don’t know about)so is it going to be too much of a shock when I do contact him within the next two weeks when my no contacting is up.

    NO, if you sent the recommended no contact message it read you will be in touch when you’re ready, right?

    It also asked that he did not contact you until you contacted him…so what’s the big shock?

    Carolyn wrote:

    Ok, enough. All I have had today is people saying that I won’t get my ex back because I am not over him……..well daaaah! They say that the NC is for moving on completely.

    Don’t listen to the fucking Sheep, they don’t understand anything about NC.

    No contact is for moving on from your old relationship completely, making a new “fresh” relationship with either your ex, or someone new possible.

    You must get your life back before you try to get your ex…or anyone else back in your life.

  6. louise says:

    its bin just over a year since my x left me and i am stil ot over him ive done stupid stuff trying to get him back through oiut the year and although some worked and we got talkin again it started to drift off and no we dont even speak to each other i ave not contacted him in over 4 months and he is stil not bothered about me what can i do now to win him back or even just to get us talking again ?????

  7. S. Williams says:

    louise wrote:

    its bin just over a year since my x left me and i am stil ot over him ive done stupid stuff trying to get him back through oiut the year and although some worked and we got talkin again it started to drift off and no we dont even speak to each other i ave not contacted him in over 4 months and he is stil not bothered about me what can i do now to win him back or even just to get us talking again ?????

    Do you know why your attempts to reconnect failed?

    You were just picking up where you left off in the old failed relationship.

    If you want a fresh start you need to follow the free plan, and as weird as it might seem…send the recommended no contact message, and then start your personal evolution by following the rest of the plan, OK?

  8. Sandy says:

    This is why I am here once again, I need help to understand what is going on here. So I have gotten over my ex-husband that I was married to for 26 years. In the meantime I went on all these dating websites, met a lot of toads but I have a thing for this one guy. I met him four months ago on one of these websites, so we started talking to one another and he kept promising me that we would meet and go out. Well that eventually happen after two months. ( my best friend had to call him and tell him either shit of get off the pot)They set-up for us to meet but it was a surprise to me. He showed up to my work, I didnt know it, When he approached me I did not reconize him, he did not look like his picture. He had to refresh my memory. I know this was a bad thing. However, he did tell me he had been watching me for the past 30 min and he passed me three times but did not acknowledge him at all. Anyway I was not that attracted to him at first. But I said what the hell. We dance and hit it off really well, so I thought. We kissed and he said that he wanted to date me again. Of course he asked if I wanted to go get a hotel room. I told him I really liked him but I dont do that on the first date. Well he called me and and I called him for a while. We were suppose to go on another date but he really got sick. We had some issues in regards to he would tell me he was going to call and never did. He knew this irratated me in the worst way. This type of behavior would bring out my claws. I point blank asked him do you like to do this to me. He replied no. Anyway I went on vacation and he went on vacation. We didnt talk, but I just let it go because we were not in any committed relationship. Anyway on the Sept 14 I called him and wished him happy birthday, I didnt get a hold of him so I just left him a message. He returned my call but I missed it and he left me a message saying very sweet things and that we would call me the next day. Well the next day came and he didnt call. I thought well maybe he got busy and just doesnt have the time. So three days had gone by and I called him, Basically I asked him are we ever going to be more than a occasionally phone call, he didnt return my call. So naturally I called him back again and told him I guess I got my answer because he didnt return my call. Well I just got angry and mor angry. I listen to my friends telling me he is a jerk and just was leading me on, and only wanted sex from me and on on. So I called and left him a message basically to go to hell and I was the best thing that ever happen to him. We have not talked since Sept 14. The thing is I cant stop thinking about him or daydreaming. I just cant seem to get over him. My question is WHY do I feel this way? Why did he just stop calling me? Was it because I ask him if we were ever going to be more than occasionally phone call. Is this some kind of test on his part? Has he moved on and just does not have the balls to tell me? He knew that by not calling me back this would make me angry. Was this his way of getting rid of me without being the bad guy? Should I call him and apologize but I dont feel I did anything wrong? I am really hurt by all of this. I dont know how to move on. I have gotten off all these dating websites because its just a joke. I have had nothing but problems. The thing is I dont feel like going out with anyone, I dont want to open my heart again to dissappointment. I think I know what to do, But I just dont understand why a man does these things.

  9. S. Williams says:

    Sandy wrote:

    I think I know what to do, But I just dont understand why a man does these things.

    Hi Sandy,

    Men are not the only loonies on those dating sites…I have met tons of lying women too.

    Instead of worrying about the idiots out there, think about how you’re a good person looking, so there has to be more good people out there looking too…it just takes time.

  10. Carolyn says:

    @ S. Williams:
    Thank you Scott for your bluntness, just what I needed. And it made me laugh too because I am born NZ (Kiwi) which is the land of the sheep, so was quite an appropriate remark. It was a bad day yesterday and my emotions were all over the place, but today is an excellent day, and after reading your comment after getting up this morning (time difference on the otherside of the earth)I am all set to go and concur the day. You have a good one too Scott, and everyone else on here too. Smile and keep smiling.

  11. S. Williams says:

    Carolyn wrote:

    And it made me laugh too because I am born NZ (Kiwi) which is the land of the sheep

    Yeah, unfortunately the “sheep” I was referring to were the two-legged kind who wander around with their noses in the ass of the sheep in front of them.

    Nothing exists for them outside their little corral…and don’t you ever stray from the flock…you will be ridiculed. Baaahh! Baaahh!

    We turn sheep into Lions in our forum, they then eat the sheep who bother them…no more problems, right? ;)

  12. Carolyn says:

    @ S. Williams:
    That’s so funny and thanks for that Scott. Yep, I knew what you were talking about. And definately no more problems because I am the Lion. Catch up again soon Scott.

  13. Carolyn says:

    Afternoon Scott. Well what a day, I have been the Lion all day today and a very proud one at that :-) But I am having a slight moment at the moment – my question: I am the one that ended it with my ex, unintentionally at the time and (here’s the horrible part) by text message, but a nice text! boy was I having a moment then. Is this going to make it that extra bit harder to get back with him – i’ve more than likely smashed his ego.

  14. S. Williams says:

    Carolyn wrote:

    I am the one that ended it with my ex, unintentionally at the time and (here’s the horrible part) by text message, but a nice text! boy was I having a moment then. Is this going to make it that extra bit harder to get back with him – i’ve more than likely smashed his ego.

    Not really, if he still has feelings for you they will come to the surface.

    Just go to the top of my Blog and start following the free plan…use the NC message for people you broke up with their ex…it is listed in the plan, OK?

  15. Sandy says:

    I have a question for guys out there? Is it true for a man, if he is interested in a woman he will show her with actions and not words. Meaning if he says he will call but doesnt. Is this a typical reaction telling you that he really isnt interested at all? If it is then I think I am begining to understand men. I dont want to make the same mistakes again with other potentional dates. I guess what I am asking what do I believe and what should I not believe? I dont want to feel like a fool or embarass for thinking this date was actually going somewhere else then it actually did. I took his words to mean exactly what he said. But should I have taken his actions to mean the truth. My second question is how do I fix this situation with him. Do I try or not? I did tell him to go to hell out of anger. I am not that type of person, and I want to have good relationships with everyone. Or wait 30 days and see what happens. If he was truly interested in me then he would show with his actions. The problem is I dont want him to think I am a psycho. What do you think? thanks

  16. S. Williams says:

    Sandy wrote:

    Meaning if he says he will call but doesnt. Is this a typical reaction telling you that he really isnt interested at all?

    I would take that as a person isn’t interested whether it was a man or a woman.

  17. JackyD23 says:

    What do you suggest for being online?

    I have my ex-girlfriend on MSN and AIM messengers. I don’t want to block her, that seems really harsh and childish even if you say no contact. I did however delete her from my lists so I can’t see when she is online or offline. This way I don’t get the urge to contact her.

    What if she messages me? What should I do?

  18. S. Williams says:

    JackyD23 wrote:

    What if she messages me? What should I do?

    It depends…are you following the free plan on my Blog?

    Have you properly initiated no contact yet, as outlined in the free plan?

    If so, then I would not respond to her, that is what NC is all about.

    If you follow the free plan, it is explained in great detail.

  19. mina says:

    Hello
    I was following your plan and it seemed like a good idea to initiate NC with my ex boyfriend (LDR 4 years together, break up 2 months ago). He tried contacting me in the first 2 days (20 calls, 3 texts) and then i guess he gave up. That was 12 days ago.

    2 days ago he showed up at my work(2 hour drive)he said he is in town for some shoping and he stopped by to say hi (he knows people I work with, he used to work there too). He only has a day off every 14 days. I knew I was not ready for this. I tried telling him that I need to go and he said he can walk with me from work I agreed to one drink and then things just got out of hand.

    We were both a bit shy at the beginning of our meeting and then just fell into eachothers arms. I know he didnt plan on staying with me because he was expected somewhere else that evening. We went out for a drink and the next thing I woke up next to him the next morning.
    We had that chemistry right until the end of our relationship and after, it was to soon, I couldnt resist.

    He even told me he is sleeping with a girl that works close to where he works and liked him for some time now. He said he is not sure how he feels about her and he just couldnt be alone. He thinks it is time to move on. He said he wasnt in love with her because it is not how he still feels about me. I said I wish him to be happy and he answered that he is not happy with her because he knows how it feels to be happy like the way he was when we were together. Before he left he said ˝I was happy with you today˝. He keeps saying it is not the same with her.
    I didnt say anything about how I still love him or that we should get back together. I said I was happy and I was.

    He said he still has doubts if our break up was the right thing to do.
    I am so confused!!! He wasnt a liar or a cheater when we were together, now I just dont know anymore. Why do men do this? Is he playing a game? Is this a rebound for him or what? Did he move on? And he actually thinks I moved on already (even before him) because I have been on some dates.

    I know what you will tell me to do. The plan, NC, evolution…But I just lost all the hope and I am feeling so down at this moment that I need some push in the right direction. Is there even hope?
    Sorry for going on and on I already feel a bit better:)

    What do you think? Thanks in advance!

  20. mina says:

    And something else really bugs me. That new girl, he knows her for 3 yrs and he said he was never atracted to her before. And now he told me they talk about us (me and my ex, our relationship) a lot. What is that all about? Thanks

  21. S. Williams says:

    mina wrote:

    And something else really bugs me. That new girl, he knows her for 3 yrs and he said he was never atracted to her before. And now he told me they talk about us (me and my ex, our relationship) a lot. What is that all about? Thanks

    NC was driving your ex crazy (because he still cares about you), and that’s why he had to be an asshole, and force you to break it.

    I wouldn’t worry about what your ex or his girlfriend are doing…you know what to do, just do it.

    You made a mistake, and you learned from it, right?

    Now get back on track send a new no contact message, and follow the rest of the plan…use the forum for personal support…there are no short cuts.

  22. mina says:

    You are absolutly right, I am sending it today and start again.
    I have got nothing to loose, right. Things can only go better and I have to use my head and heal my heart in the meantime.

    Thanks for the gentle push in the right direction (all I needed). You really know what to say.

  23. Yoyo says:

    did i screw up if one of her close friends, which is also a friend to me asked me if i still liked her and i just responded i don’t know, i don’t think about that stuff, i try to focus on other things

  24. S. Williams says:

    Yoyo wrote:

    did i screw up if one of her close friends, which is also a friend to me asked me if i still liked her and i just responded i don’t know, i don’t think about that stuff, i try to focus on other things

    Just change the subject next time, but you did OK from what you told me.

  25. Sandy says:

    I have a question for men, why in the begining of a potential relationship do men say things that they dont mean? Why can’t men just tell you the truth? Is it because they still want sex from you if they havent gotten it? So they will say anything until they realize they are not going to get it, So they give up and its like they have disappeared and you never knew them. I just dont understand and its driving me crazy

  26. Sandy says:

    I have another question what are the signs that the guy you were dating is now seeing someone else? Does he still go on dating websites, or does he stop all together?

  27. Sandy says:

    I am so happy my picture is there instead of the old crabby face. Because that is not me. Even though guys are dicks I am living life to the fullest likes its my last. I am not alone I have friends and family. I am just so easy to please, maybe that is my problem with men

  28. S. Williams says:

    Sandy wrote:

    I am just so easy to please, maybe that is my problem with men

    Hi Sandy,

    Maybe you just need to learn how to take it slow…no matter what a man says to you, take things slow and see what develops, OK?

    If it’s just sweet talk to get you into bed it will wear thin, and they will take off…if it’s for real they will stay, and let things develop at their own pace.

    Sandy wrote:

    I am so happy my picture is there instead of the old crabby face.

    Sandy you can change your picture by using the link in my right-hand side bar to get a free gravatar.

    Just make sure you sign up using the same email address you use on my Blog, OK?

  29. Sandy says:

    Scott you are right, but its tooo late for the last guy. I think I scared him off. Can’t change what has already happen. Only can go forth. I am not going to contact him I havent talk to him in over two or three weeks. I assume he just moved on to another. I am truly fine with it. I am tired of persueing men, they can persue me for once. If they dont want to then they are not worth my time.

  30. S. Williams says:

    Sandy wrote:

    Scott you are right, but its tooo late for the last guy. I think I scared him off. Can’t change what has already happen. Only can go forth

    That’s alright Sandy…just learn from your mistakes, and move along.

  31. Sandy says:

    So I took a chance and emailed the second chance letter. And he responded that same day. In the letter I did tell him that I lost his phone number, I just asked him how he was doing and how I thought it was odd how we just stop talking, but that is how life goes. Well in his response he said he was interested in hearing my news and catching up. But I think I am started to understand men a little bit. Because he didnt give me his phone number. I am assuming he doesnt want me to call him. That I should just go about my life and if he calls me then he actually wants to call me. Am I on the right track here? Rather than thinking oh he is interested again, now I can get excited again. But that is not what he wants right now. The thing is I lost my copy of the e book that I bought now I dont know what to do next. Because I emailed him that letter four days ago, but havent heard from him. I am not expecting to because that is just the type of person he is. In fact I was very surprise that he responed to my email. But I had a funny story to tell him, should I email him again and tell him. Or should I just wait.

  32. S. Williams says:

    Sandy wrote:

    Well in his response he said he was interested in hearing my news and catching up.

    Well then I would suggest you wait a couple days to week, and if he doesn’t contact you then you email him again, and try to set up a short meeting.

    You could save the funny story for your face to face meeting.

    If you email a copy of your clickbank receipt I can get you another copy of the book.

  33. Sandy says:

    Do you think he is still interested in me or just being a nice guy? Because I really want this guy in my life and I dont want to screw it up again. thanks for your help as always

  34. S. Williams says:

    Sandy wrote:

    Do you think he is still interested in me or just being a nice guy? B

    He sounds interested…just take things slow, he is testing the waters to see how you will react.

  35. Sandy says:

    thanks will do, I also feel that he likes a challenge and I was not much of a challenge, so I want to be more appealing so I will be a challenge. But I really dont know how to do that. I dont want to appear rude just a challenge. Any suggestions from anyone. thanks

  36. natalie says:

    hi so okay this is my story..i was with my ex for almost 3 years and he has recently dumped me .. he told me that he didnt love me anymore and that he didnt want to be in a relationship also he has been wanting to break up with me for awhile now ..weird thing is we were totally fine and this was very shocking to hear all of a sudden he didnt bother calling me since ..its been a week and we both havent contacted each other yet .. im trying hard not to contact him at all we have bumped into each other n he didnt bother sayin hi to me..i need help !!

  37. S. Williams says:

    natalie wrote:

    i need help !!

    Hi Natalie,

    Just go to the top of my Blog and find the link to the free plan, and then start on stage one, and follow every step…don’t skip any.

  38. natalie says:

    @ S. Williams:

    i dont really get what am supposed 2 do

  39. kristin says:

    My boyfriend of 6 years broke up with me the other day..i knew he had not been happy for awhile but I know he loves me very much..basically i was slightly depressed with anxiety problems that left me very controlling and not making him feel good about himself. He stuck with me for 6 years ( we had one break before where he came back to me) because he loves me so much and wanted us to work out..hes going to be 32 in a month and is freaking out because he wants marriage and kids and can’t see it with me the way I am now..he feels like something isn’t “right” because of the way I am putting him down and I never act like hes good enough..even though he is! i have to work out my own issues before i can get back with him or anyone but I know if i can work them out we could be soo happy together! i havent contacted him at all since saturday when this happened..is this the best thing for me?

    Is it even possible for him to miss me if I never made him feel like I thought he was an awesome guy? He told me he still loves me but the spark is gone. I know I killed it with my attitude/actions. Is there hope for us! We shared soo much together and our lives are so intertwines..so close with each other families. Want the same things in life. this is awful!

  40. S. Williams says:

    natalie wrote:

    @ S. Williams:
    i dont really get what am supposed 2 do

    Can you read?

    If so…read, and then do everything in the free plan, that’s it.

    Now stop, and focus…you can do it.

  41. S. Williams says:

    kristin wrote:

    Is it even possible for him to miss me if I never made him feel like I thought he was an awesome guy? He told me he still loves me but the spark is gon

    Believe it or not…using no contact will re-ignite that spark.

    I know what you’re thinking if I ignore him…how will it help him miss me…won’t he just move on?

    Everyone thinks that SAME THING, and they’re WRONG!

    Now go to the top of my Blog and find the link to the free plan, and start with stage one.

    Calm down, and stop worrying…and really carefully read, and then follow the instructions.

    This will keep you busy, and start your personal evolution…it’s all going to get better from here on out…if you take action, understand?

  42. Todd says:

    Well now I’m in a pickle! I bought the book (of course after I completely screwed up for the first couple of weeks) and have, for the last week, written the letter and have been in NC completely. However(fyi, she left)…she texted me the other day and said hello, hope you are doing good…I need to come by and get some things from your place that I left. No problem…quick reply “no problem at all…I’ll let you know later this week when a good time is” and that was it. Now the pickle part…she moved on pretty quickly and hooked up with another guy within a couple of weeks (of course after saying to me and all her friends she wasn’t ready for anything with anyone). We played on a couple of softball teams together, so running into each other is inevitable. Tonight I was umpiring games where she is on a team (one that I got her on of course) and she had this new jackass with her. It’s tough to listen to everyone go “wtf is that all about” and watch the woman I loved so much be with this guy. It was a tough night…I have the plan, I have my plan and I follow it…but these situations seem to make me slip backwards a bit and I am unsure of what to do with them. Any advice?????? She is so indifferent…I’m a bit lost as to what to do going forward.

    Thanks much…and let me have it, I’m sure I screwed up somewhere.

    Todd

  43. natalie says:

    scott the prob is i was very naggy & needy durin the relationship and we used to fight a lot.. he told me that he still cared about me however doesnt love me anymore .. and just walked away and hasent contacted me since.. is it still possible to get him back? :(

  44. S. Williams says:

    Todd wrote:

    Thanks much…and let me have it, I’m sure I screwed up somewhere.

    As long as you didn’t bring up yours, or hers personal life…you didn’t screw up.

    If this situation bothers you stop umpiring for now…that’s the best advice I can give you right now.

  45. S. Williams says:

    natalie wrote:

    he told me that he still cared about me however doesnt love me anymore

    The only way you will ever find out his true feelings is to follow the free plan.

    Asking me if you still have a chance is just wasting time.

  46. natalie says:

    I did a very stupid thing..after 13 days i txtd him sayin that i need 2 speak to him cause i was still in shock and that i needed closure .. so neways we met up and he said that he still cares for me but just fell out of love and told me that it would be hard for us to be friends but he would if it would make me feel better .. he also said that its very difficult for him not to be with me and that he missed me and some days were very hard for him but he wants to get over it because he doesnt wanna be in a relationship n that if i ever needed anything i should call him. .. i called last night and we spoke for a couple of mins but its too hurtful for me to just be friends since i love the dude.. he hasent called not even ONCE after the break up not even to check on me to see if i was fine.. it makes me so mad that he let me go even tho we were together for 2 1/2 years.. he also told me the reason why he also fell outta love cause i was bein very naggy and calling him alot and that he wasnt happy in the relationship ..

    can i fix what has happened and make him love me again? is it even possible ..? Tomorrows is r 2nd week after breakup so what should i do from now today i really wanna hang out with him today..!! Help Scott !!

  47. natalie says:

    plus isnt it a good thing that he acually bothered 2 c me?i wasnt xpecting tht..n he said tht if we r friends he dosnt wnt me to put hope so i dnt get hurt f nuthin happens…but knt i put 0.1% hope :( jus to mae myself feel better??

  48. S. Williams says:

    natalie wrote:

    can i fix what has happened and make him love me again? is it even possible ..? Tomorrows is r 2nd week after breakup so what should i do from now today i really wanna hang out with him today..!! Help Scott !!

    Hi Natalie,

    Are you following the free plan on my Blog?

    If not I would highly recommend you start at the beginning, and follow every step.

  49. natalie says:

    yea but i already broke the NC rule .. so whats the use? im in the “friend zone” now and i dont want to be..what should i do ?

  50. S. Williams says:

    natalie wrote:

    yea but i already broke the NC rule .. so whats the use?

    Just start over and do it right this time…learn from your mistakes, or just give up.

    It’s your choice.

  51. natalie says:

    okay so i totally messed up with the NC rule and my ex pretty much hates me right now i let my emotions get carried away i called him non-stop for 3 days .. i decided to start over and the first step i took is delete him off fb will that shock him since hes used to me being around all the time ? im gonna cut him off for around 2 weeks and try working on myself and try getting over him.. what do u think ? is it possible he would miss me? I could’nt take being friends with him it just hurt me more..

  52. S. Williams says:

    natalie wrote:

    im gonna cut him off for around 2 weeks and try working on myself and try getting over him.. what do u think ?

    Hi Natalie,

    I think if you’re going to attempt using no contact to win your ex back you should follow the free plan on my Blog.

    I highly doubt two weeks will be enough time to turn things around if your ex “hates” you now.

    Follow the plan correctly, and get results.

    Do it your way and take your chances.

    S.W.

  53. natalie says:

    hey again scott, i just read ur free plan. well, i feel stupid for breaking NC after a week..its been a month now and im trying to send a NC msg again. this time i wont mess up i learned from my mistake. but would it even make a difference ? i mean he said there is no hope of us getting back already.. if i cut him off completely would it change things? he has no access to my fb now since i deleted him so he wouldnt knw anythin abt my personal life..

  54. S. Williams says:

    natalie wrote:

    but would it even make a difference ? i mean he said there is no hope of us getting back already.. if i cut him off completely would it change things?

    Hi Natalie,

    I have heard that before, and the ex changed their mind.

    Haven’t you ever said something that you didn’t really mean?

    You must make a “clean” break if you want no contact to work.

    Then just focus on getting your life back…your personal evolution.

    When you don’t focus on getting your ex back as much it actually helps your cause more.

    I know that sounds strange…but isn’t life just a little strange?

    Stay Strong!

    S.W.

  55. Leen says:

    hi,my ex started dating again.. i sent him an NC. i told him that i needed time to think things through and work out some stuff. i hope that you can respect me and not contact me during this time.i will delete you from facebook and also msn. once i’m ready then we can c how it goes..

    tis is my NC.. can i still get him back? i love him.. but he says he dont love me anymore.. he says he loves her.help me plz!!!

  56. S. Williams says:

    @ Leen:
    Once again…I have already answered your question…you don’t need to keep asking it over and over.

  57. Trish says:

    My guy broke up with me about a month ago basically saying he loves me but isn’t sure if he is “in love” with me. I have been trying the NC rule for about a month. He has texted me in the last week, I answered one of them because it was concerning a business matter, I kept it short and sweet, not hostile. A couple hours later, I get another text from him, stated to have a good time later that night at a concert. I didn’t answer that text. I don’t want to get over excited that he did try to talk to me after over 3 weeks, because I don’t know what he wanted. Should I be texting him back? Will he text again? Is it working? What do I do now?

  58. S. Williams says:

    Trish wrote:

    I have been trying the NC rule for about a month.

    Hi Trish,

    What does that mean?

    “I have been trying the NC rule.”

    Have you been following the free plan on my Blog?

    If not, go to the top of my Blog and click on the link.

    All your questions will be answered by reading, and following that plan, OK?

    S.W.

  59. Sian says:

    Hi is it Scott? I’m 35 and I met this guy back in July this year on a dating site, never done it before but I can be quite picky : ) Anyway after few exchanges of emails and phone calls we met after a month. He lives a distance around 2 hours away but would travel to see me every weekend apart from when he went away twice for 2 weeks.

    Here’s the thing after 3 months of dating he didn’t tell a soul about me, not his mates, mum no-one. After about 6 weeks of dating I asked if I could visit him and his place he wouldn’t let me he said he was renovating his house which is fine, but I’m an Interior Designer, you’d think he’d have me there in a shot designing it for him?! But he said he’s stopping at his mums and the house he is doing up is not fit to stay in – I said what about hotels??? Another weird thing, when you meet someone generally you get into texting/calling mode he’d take hours literally to return my texts and I’ve never text him during work hours it was always say at 8pm and he wouldn’t respond until about 11. He gave me the impression that he wasn’t into calling/texting often so it made me feel uncomfortable to call him just for a chat, which isn’t right. Also when he went away sailing with his uncle (so he says!), he never got in contact at all the first time he went, before he went the second time around 3 weeks ago I told him that he should contact me so that I know that he’s safe, which he did, he called and sent texts. Here’s the thing, he got back to the UK and didn’t even call me to let me know he was back or that he’d missed me over 2 weeks and couldn’t wait to see me, I had to text to see if he was ok and again, it took him around 3 hours to respond. But I really needed to talk to him as I thought I may have been pregnant anyway he eventually calls a couple of days later said we’d do the test together – he bumped me on the Saturday to see his friends, watched the match and got drunk and to make matters worse he didn’t come seem me until 9pm on the Sunday knowing that I was really worried about doing the test and then he left at 4am to go to work. He keeps telling me I’m well turned out, “you look like money” or calls me “posh bird”, I asked if he felt intimidated and he said no! He’s very secretive keeps things close to his chest. My friends were going MAD and even my male friends were saying it’s weird for a guy not to tell even his best friend that he’s seeing someone even if they’re not serious about you – so the conclusion that was made was a) he’s a commitment phobe or b) he’s got someone else where he lives. I wouldn’t have minded so much about the hardly any contact it’s just that he made it all officially after the 3rd week of dating by asking me to be his girlfriend, all this did was take me out of the dating pool and made us exclusive, yet he’s treated me nothing like a girlfriend, if I’m dressed to go out he never compliments me, if we’re making love he doesn’t make a sound. Anyway, after much talking with my friends and following the Sunday after the test which was negative! I text him on the Monday in the day and got a response back about 11 pm, I then left it and didn’t hear from him at all for 3 days, this is weird giving the weekend I’d just had, anyway a couple of days ago I text him and just said I’m clearly not in your mind or your life and I can’t do this anymore. Obviously I didn’t get a response. My friends and my clients keep telling me how attractive I am and that they can’t understand why a guy would keep me hidden if he’s not with someone else. The thing is, I’m not short of offers but I do like this guy, even though he’s not treating me right – we got some tickets booked in December for a gig which I’d still like to go with him to and was thinking of leaving it for 3 weeks before making contact to see if he wants to go as friends – is this wise? Speaking of December another reason why I broke up with him I asked what his plans were over Christmas he said family – which is fine but I wanted to see him on boxing day he basically said no! I shouldn’t have to ask a “boyfriend” if I can see him or visit his place he should just want to, shouldn’t he? Anyway, do I just leave this put to bed?

    Advice MOST WELCOME and if you could shed any light on his behaviour would be great – I know he’s only ever been in a 2 year relationship and that was about 8 years ago apart from that he just dates people for a few months, no wonder if this is how he treats his girlfriends!

    I can’t believe I’m actually typing this so publicly but I really do need an answer as it’s doing my head in!

  60. S. Williams says:

    Sian wrote:

    I can’t believe I’m actually typing this so publicly but I really do need an answer as it’s doing my head in!

    Hi Sian,

    You need to get to the bottom of what is going on, so you can either move on or get your ex back.

    But first you must evolve past this part of your life and get your head on straight again.

    Getting your ex back right now will not do that…it will only make things worst, OK?

    So get the idea of getting your ex back out of your head, and start thinking about your personal evolution.

    I can help you with that, right here on my Blog…for free.

    Just go to the top of my Blog, and find the link to the free plan.

    Start at the beginning, and follow every step.

    You don’t need advice as much as you need a plan, and personal support.

    And guess what?

    You have found it…now use it, OK?

    Take action today!

    Take Care,

    S.W.

  61. jen09 says:

    Hey scott, after saying my ex never texts me and hes moved on etc, i had a text off him yest saying he has never stopped thinking bout me and he loves me but hes scared! he is scared also if feelins did cum back as he doesnt want to hurt me but he knows he needs me and we should be a family! i text him saying its over past should stay where it belongs, we can be friends and do something together with our child but im with someone who doesnt need me but loves me and will do anything for me! yes i was upset we didnt work for our child’s sake but for both of our sakes we should just let it go on move on and look to the future with other people!! why do they have to try it wen ur with someone and happy?? its fine him saying he loves me but i wouldnt never believe him esp how he treated me last 3months.

  62. Sian says:

    Thanks Scott, I am actually “emotionally” ok, I’m curious as to why, if someone says there single, why the would keep you as a girlfriend hidden and no-one’s able to give me any answers as to his behaviour, that’s the bit that bugging me – does anyone know why he’d behave this way?

    I will log onto the links.

  63. S. Williams says:

    jen09 wrote:

    why do they have to try it wen ur with someone and happy??

    Good question Jen!

    I think he always thought you would be waiting for him…but you evolved past that dependence…the very purpose of no contact, and your personal evolution.

    Before people should rush to get their ex back they should clear their heads long enough, and find themselves again…and then decide (with a clear head) if they even want them (their ex) back again.

    What happens is people panic during a break up, and practically brainwash themselves into thinking they must have their ex back.

    Life as they know it will cease to exist without them, but after the brainwashing wears off (NC/personal evolution) things can be different, right Jen?

    By using your strength and courage to follow a plan, and make a change, you have probably saved both of you (and your child) a lot of misery.

    Great Job Jen! (Thumbs High) :)

  64. S. Williams says:

    Sian wrote:

    Thanks Scott, I am actually “emotionally” ok, I’m curious as to why, if someone says there single, why the would keep you as a girlfriend hidden and no-one’s able to give me any answers as to his behaviour, that’s the bit that bugging me – does anyone know why he’d behave this way?

    Hi Sian,

    Actually of you were “emotionally OK” you wouldn’t let this bother you so much.

    Come follow the plan, and stop worrying about answers to questions that don’t really matter…unless you let them matter.

    Smart people do stupid things all the time…if we had to figure out why every time…we wouldn’t have time live our lives.

    Focus on the things you can find answers to …like what do I want out of life (besides your ex).

    My experience helping people has been once they personally evolve…they can answer all the questions they had at the beginning of the process themselves.

    Do not try to look too far ahead, and just follow the plan one step at a time, one day at a time, OK?

    Stay Strong!

    S.W.

  65. lovely1 says:

    It’s been a month and almost a week. My ex contacted me on myspace. First he said “hey, I hope you’re doing ok. how is your schooling going?” I immediatelyl responded b/c I’m in idiot… but I said “I’m doing great, school is good. I hope you’re doing well.” THEN…He said “I should have worked things out with you I had something truly great.” I waited three days b/c I just didn’t know what to say to that, and I wasn’t sure how to handle it. I sent him a text message and said “I appreciate that you messaged me the other day. I am working on me and concentrating on school. I don’t want to rush anything” I haven’t heard anything from him and it’s been three more days. I have to admit I’m a little obsessed, I was checking his email to see that he was on a dating website getting messages from girls. He’s 24 and he’s talking to 18 and 19 year olds. We had dated for a over a year and a half, I work full time and go to nursing school full time. We have almost opposite schedules. I admit that he had been spending a lot of time with his new younger friend who had just turned 21. I realize he felt like he is young and wanted to see what else was out there. I did everything for him. I’m seeing a counsellor and she said that I babied him. But he used to ask me for his help. I enjoyed doing things for him and being with him. It took me to ask him three times for him to say that he didn’t love me anymore. I told him he had to tell me or I couldn’t move on. But that message really through me for a loop. Oh I bought that making of magic book, and I am working on me. I really appreciate your posts! Thanks for listening!

  66. S. Williams says:

    lovely1 wrote:

    It took me to ask him three times for him to say that he didn’t love me anymore. I told him he had to tell me or I couldn’t move on. But that message really through me for a loop. Oh I bought that making of magic book, and I am working on me.

    Hi lovely,

    You had to practically torture him to get him to say he didn’t love you…that’s because he was lying.

    So, why are you two still broken up?

    You didn’t follow a good plan to personally evolve and then prepare to reconnect with your ex.

    You have the book MOMU, and now you have found the perfect tools that work right along with that book.

    Go to the top of my Blog, and find the link to the free plan.

    Start at the beginning and follow all the steps in the plan along with the exercises in the book MOMU (chapters 1-5), and you will become a new person.

    Once you have broken your love addiction you will be ready for a new relationship with anyone you choose…sound good?

    Get started today…OK?

    Stay Strong!

    S.W.

  67. lovely1 says:

    I have lost 28 lbs since we broke up a month and a half ago. I am even hanging out with a new guy as friends. I’m getting out in the social swing of things. It through me for a loop when he contacted me. Do I do another month of no contact? He hasn’t contacted me since I told him that I didn’t want to rush anything. Although, his mom does in emails two to three times a week.

  68. S. Williams says:

    lovely1 wrote:

    Do I do another month of no contact?

    Hi lovely,

    When you reconnect is up to you based on how you feel, and how far you have progressed with your personal evolution.

    Some people take 60 days or more before they feel they can attempt to reconnect…some much longer.

    The point is to get your life back first, before trying to reconnect with anyone in a new relationship, understand?

    If you don’t then you need to start reading the free plan, until you do…it’s all in the free plan on my Blog.

    If you have been following the free plan on my Blog (every step), and you have been working on your emotional evolution…you will progress faster.

    If you attempt reconnection too soon, it will blow up in your face.

    If you’re not following the free plan, and a member of our forum you should be, OK?

    Take care,

    S.W.

  69. kurisu says:

    im totally confused by this NC rule. My understanding, based on what i read from this site is that the purpose of NC is to get your life back and to be ready to reconnect.

    But what if your the other party is not yet ready?

    you reconnect and she will tell you again that its better to be friends or she will tell that she doesnt want commitments

  70. S. Williams says:

    kurisu wrote:

    But what if your the other party is not yet ready?

    Hi Kurisu,

    If you follow the plan correctly your ex will start to personally evolve along with you.

    The reason 99% of people who use the no contact strategy fail is because they don’t use it correctly.

    The free plan on my Blog will not only teach what to do…but it will also supply the other major missing factor…free personal support from me, and people going through the same thing you are in our forum.

    Keep reading the free plan, until you completely understand how it works, and then (and only then) start doing everything it tells you to do…every step.

    If you skip steps your ex will not be ready when you are, understand?

    There is no guarantee you will get your ex back (50/50 chance), but you will get yourself back, and be happy again…sound good?

    Start reading…

    and then Take Action!

    S.W.

  71. Sian says:

    Hi Scott, last night I took a fundamental step which I’d like to share with everyone!

    I sat down and did an “Analyse Me” in this I wrote down all the boyfriends I had a physical relationship with be it for years or months, and I wrote them down in order of dating them (luckily for me it’s just a handful!). I wrote down why I liked them, then their good and bad points. Then I wrote down my good and bad points and what I actually what in a man.

    What transpired was a revelation! Going through them one-by-one none of them ticked the most importnt things on my list and matching them to me, turns out NONE of them were compatible barring the aesthetics and we all know beauty does not a relationship make!

    So, even if I DID get my Ex back it would never have worked period – we’re not in the same league and he was definitely aware of this! I think the hard part for me, was being HONEST with myself and I mean REALLY honest.

    Maybe it’s an age thing or the length of time you spend alone without a partner, but for some reason when we meet someone we tend to lose sight of what it is you REALLY want and I’ve found that I’ve just been settling and perhaps the real reason why none of my past Ex’s have worked out is because THEY realise it’ll never work because we’re not in the same league but they’re intrigued enough to take it as far as I will let them! It never dawned on me until I did the list what I was doing wrong and why my relationships weren’t working, so now I will have my list embedded in my brain so that I never forget what it is I’m looking for!

    So now I’m on a new path to discovery and this time, I WON’T be settling! If the next man I meet does not scratch-up to what I want/need, I won’t be lowering myself to his level and accepting it because I’ve been single for a while and I’m mid 30s, I will be honest with myself and say no and keep walking until the right man for me turns up and I truly believe he will, now that I’ve been honest with myself!!!

    Scott I think this is probably what you meant by “evolve” in your plan – well it works!!! Mentally I’m cleansed and feel really great and positive andcI ain’t going back!

  72. kurisu says:

    @Scott

    good day to you. I’ve been NC with her for 6 days but i just sent the NC message 3 days ago. Before I started NC she was the one avoiding me because she said she wants space.

    We work in the same company. 2 weeks ago, her friend asked her to borrow money from her but unfortunately she has no money so she asked me to lend her friend the money. Today, after 3 days of NC, I received an email from her. I was shocked because she’s never the one who emailed 1st after our break up. She said her already paid the money but she also need the money because her brother has some financial problems.

    I dont know if I would reply or not because I dont want to break the NC. But I eventually I emailed her and said that she can have the money. Did I break the NC? Im thinking maybe her brother really needs the money and it would be rude for me not to reply. Or is it a trap? I really dont know.

    PS

    Scott, please approve my registration in the forum. Im dying to share my story to others :) Thanks

  73. S. Williams says:

    Sian wrote:

    Scott I think this is probably what you meant by “evolve” in your plan – well it works!!! Mentally I’m cleansed and feel really great and positive andcI ain’t going back!

    Hi Sian,

    That is exactly what the NC period is for to personally evolve, and clear your head so you can make intelligent decisions…not emotional one’s.

    In the end you will have the answers to all your questions, and you will be free to go live your life again…with, or without your ex.

    Great Job Sian! (Thumbs High) :)

  74. S. Williams says:

    kurisu wrote:

    I dont know if I would reply or not because I dont want to break the NC. But I eventually I emailed her and said that she can have the money. Did I break the NC? Im thinking maybe her brother really needs the money and it would be rude for me not to reply. Or is it a trap? I really dont know.

    PS

    Scott, please approve my registration in the forum. Im dying to share my story to others :) Thanks

    Hi Kurisu,

    I would get this financial involvement wrapped up, and then send the NC message again, use the recommended one in the free plan…word for word.

    After that do not respond to her contacts or lend money to any of her friends.

    This will only ruin your chances for success using the free plan, understand?

    You are not being rude…you are fighting to get your life back, and then your ex.

    If your friends get mad I guess they were only your friends to borrow money, and you need to find better friends.

    As far as your forum membership, if you did not get approved something must have happened to the approval email.

    I just deleted your membership so you can reapply.

    Take Care,

    S.W.

  75. natalie10 says:

    I’m sorry I have to ask this is it really possible to pull your ex back from another women scott with the nc is it that powerfull the human mind is so complex but sinse bein in this site its learnin me things I shud of learnt years ago that’s why I want your book thanx nat

  76. S. Williams says:

    natalie10 wrote:

    is it really possible to pull your ex back from another women

    NC is not magic.

    If your ex truly loves you he will come back, if he never loved you that deeply he won’t.

    The free plan helps uncover the truth that’s all…it can’t change it.

    Once you know the truth then you will be free to carry on with your life…with or without your ex.

    And that’s what this whole plan is all about…nothing mystical.

    The more time you spend following the free plan, and using the forum for support, the faster you will evolve.

    Posting a bunch of questions on my Blog isn’t part of the plan.

    It is a starting point but you should be way past that by now…stop stalling your personal evolution Natalie, I want to see you succeed.

  77. sapphire says:

    hi Williams,
    Here’s a copy of the previous sms i sent to him

    Just wanted to let you know that you are right about the break up.
    when things happen ,they happen for a reason.
    something great happened lately…guess what?

    well,it got him senging an sms ,then call then 2 more calls and more sms which in the last one,he asked me to bottle up what ever the great thing was since i obviously did not want to tell him.he hasnt called since then even though in the relationship i did most of the calling considering the fact that then he was not in a good position (money-wise to call).

    Now,with the copy of the NC sms i’ve put up there,do you suggest that i send a copy of your NC to him?cos i sent that on the 30 nov 2009 or should i wait for him to try to contact me again before sending it?

  78. S. Williams says:

    sapphire wrote:

    Here’s a copy of the previous sms i sent to him

    Just wanted to let you know that you are right about the break up.
    when things happen ,they happen for a reason.
    something great happened lately…guess what?

    Hi Sapphire,

    Where in that message does it tell your ex to not contact you?

    I would send the recommended NC message as outlined in the free step-by-step system on my Blog, today.

    You won’t be breaking NC by doing this…why?

    Because you never really started it with your previous message.

    But you will be correctly starting your personal evolution, and that is how you will get your life, and hopefully your ex back again, OK?

    Take Care,

    S.W.

  79. sapphire says:

    I just copied a copy of your NC sms.
    don’t you think he’ll suspect something when i send it?i mean,first i send him the sms i showed you above and 2 days later i send him the one you created for us.
    i really dont want to feel stupid considering the fact that he hasnt contacted me since then and and i dont want him feeling like i’v been gloating over him.

  80. S. Williams says:

    @ sapphire:
    Don’t over think this strategy.

    Just send the NC message, and move on with your personal evolution, OK?

    Stay Strong!

    S.W.

  81. Chelsea says:

    To make a long story kinda short…I’m 17 and I found out my boyfriend of 5 years lied to me again, for the third time. I found out the day before i left on my cruise..at that time, he was begging for me back, saying we’ll make things work when i get home, and it’ll never be too late to make it work with us. I couldn’t text when i was gone but when i turned on my phone when i got to the airport, i had a txt from him two days before saying “i hope you’re having fun, i miss you. i love you so much. i’m sorry” I txt him back when i get home and he wants nothing to do with me..i freak out and ask for him back and finally get him to talk..he tells me time is best for us and will bring us closer..so i we were friends and okay when we saw each other at school..but then i find out he told this girl that he never told me we’d get back together. so i txted him and got so mad and we said some really harsh things and said we were done for good…that was a little over a month ago..i’d left him alone after that but two weeks later, he finds out my grandma passed and he txted me saying he was so freakin sorry and he’s here whenever i need to talk..a week later, i asked if he’d consider meeting me to talk and he said not that night but another night for sure. it’s been a little over two weeks since then, and when he sees me in the halls, he wont look at me and if he sees me, he goes SO far out of his way to make me jeaous..it’s gotten kind of amusing.It’s almost like I usually would’ve gave in by now, and txted him but havent, he’s doing all this to get a reaction out of me..Also, he broke up with me a couple of summers ago, and i made out with someone and so did he. He has never been able to get over me making out with this boy though, because they were friends..the girl that he told that he was never coming back to me to, was the one girl that the guy i had made out with has EVER been close to serious with..so it seems like he’s trying to get me and the guy back by talking to her..it’s been a little over two weeks with absolutely NO contact..will giving him time make him come back?

  82. S. Williams says:

    Chelsea wrote:

    it’s been a little over two weeks with absolutely NO contact..will giving him time make him come back?

    Hi Chelsea,

    There is much more to using no contact that just not contacting your ex.

    Go read the free plan on my Blog for more information, OK?

    Take Care,

    S.W.

  83. Kathy says:

    I broke the no contact..
    My mum went into hospotal. I dont have many friends. my ex was my best friend before we started dating and while we were dating. I went to him for evrything and once again i needed him. and yes i did cry on the phone. But i didnt ask questions about us.
    Since hes been in contact with me. I know hes probly just being nice but for some reason I feel like theres something there.. he hasnt been so into messging straight back or calling staright back or using msn in such a ong time.. I dont know what I should do. Yes I want him back into my life as my man again but I need his comfort at the moment… Should I be putting the No contact back in place? will it be werid for me to be sending another mesage aboiut me neededing my space as im the one that ran back to him. I dont know what to do.. I want him back. But im getting to the stage that Ill have him anyway he comes, if that be friend zone. Im not sure even if the day came that he did feel something aagin hed tell me anyway.. he doesnt like to admit that he was worng.. how do you fight with that… any insight would be great.. even point me in the right direction of a blog or anything..

  84. S. Williams says:

    Kathy wrote:

    Should I be putting the No contact back in place?

    Hi kathy,

    If you want to succeed you have to be strong, and send another NC message, and then do not reach out to your ex anymore until you feel you’re ready for reconnection.

    Kathy wrote:

    I dont know what to do.. I want him back. But im getting to the stage that Ill have him anyway he comes, if that be friend zone.

    If all you want is to “settle” for the “just friends” zone…do nothing…you are already there.

    You went back to that when you became weak, and broke NC.

    No contact only works when you follow the plan.

    Your personal evolution is meant to make you into a independent woman…not a cry baby that has to reach out at the first sign of trouble.

    Kathy wrote:

    Im not sure even if the day came that he did feel something aagin hed tell me anyway.. he doesnt like to admit that he was worng.. how do you fight with that… any insight would be great.

    You fight that by being strong and using NC correctly.

    Now you are fucking up by trying to look into the future and predict the outcome…BIG MISTAKE!

    Stay Strong!

    S.W.

    Kathy wrote:

    any insight would be great.. even point me in the right direction of a blog or anything..

    You’re on the BEST blog on the internet for getting your ex back…but you don’t have the courage to use the tools.

    What do you want a “magic” blog where everything is easy…good luck!

  85. li li says:

    So, i kind of had to break no contact yesterday. We have some financial matters that are still tied up. Anyway, i got a phone call for him from the bank. I sent him a text to let him know they wanted to talk to him. It was very brief. I just said ” happy new year,XXXX. the bank called for you today. the number is XXXXXX. My exact words. Left it there. Wondering is that ok? Later on last night, i went to a nye party with my friend and i got a text from him asking what i was going to do last night. i didn’t answer even though it was hard. i’m following the plan and i feel stronger, but i still have some nagging feelings about whether or not he will be angry at me for not answering his calls and texts. When that happens I remind myself of the times when my calls and texts went unanswered and that he broke things off with me and has no right to be privy to what i am doing or not doing. That’s a hard pill to swallow. I don’t want to be his friend. I have enough of those and after 6 years together I wouldn’t even know how. I won’t settle for pieces of him. How am I doing so far?

  86. S. Williams says:

    li li wrote:

    I sent him a text to let him know they wanted to talk to him. It was very brief. I just said ” happy new year,XXXX. the bank called for you today. the number is XXXXXX. My exact words. Left it there.

    It would have been more effective if you left the Happy New Year out…that showed weakness in your resolve for NC.

    That’s probably why he contacted you and asked about your personal business…he feels that you are breaking down on your NC stance.

    He sensed some weakness, and tried to exploit it…you have to be strong.

    li li wrote:

    How am I doing so far?

    Other than being too personal with your text, you seem to be doing OK.

    Stay Strong!

  87. Kathy says:

    No I dont expect magic, I dont even believe in luck let alone magic.

    If Im going to send another No contact letter, what should I say. Ive already used your other one word for word.. Should I just be modifying it?
    He finoaly told me the reason he called it off the other day…
    He said hed just had enough. what does that mean as such.. is there still a chance with someone thats just had enough?

    I know I have alot of promblem and demands I need to face before anything.. Im eeven now going to see a doc about it… Its not because of the realationship ending.. but it was the icing on the cake. so I should I not be worring about no contacting rule.. and just focus on myself? just play everything as it comes? as Im the one suggling a lot more than him. and have been for a while.. I just hid myself behinde him.
    I do have to thank to though… I would have never of know I had issues until reading your blogs and web pages. So thanks xo

  88. S. Williams says:

    Kathy wrote:

    If Im going to send another No contact letter, what should I say. Ive already used your other one word for word.. Should I just be modifying it?

    Hi Kathy,

    I would send the same NC message again, just edit the beginning to: “I still agree”…instead of just using “I agree” would that make you feel better?

    The NC message is for you…no one else.

    It doesn’t matter if it makes sense to anyone else…but it has to be sent to really begin your journey again.

    Do this for you and for a better New Year…OK?

    Stay Strong!

    Kathy wrote:

    I would have never of know I had issues until reading your blogs and web pages. So thanks xo

    You’re Welcome!

  89. Kathy says:

    Hello, once again my gardian angles,
    Ive done as you informed me to do, and sent a same No contact message again but this time with “I still agree with the Breake up”.
    The first day I ever found your wonderful words of wisdom I sent the Message straight away. and never heard from him… But this time he sent me a message back. Agree to what I have asked of him. I truly wasnt expecting it. Is it a good sign? The couple of days that we have spoken.. he did happen to ask the right questions to find out that Im going on a date.. it slipped out.. could it have something to do with all the contact ive been getting from him latly?
    We do mutral friends and they seem to suggest that hes happy with were he is… not that I think he would tell them otherwise.. but i dont know… I wasnt expacting to hear from him once i sent the no contact message again..

  90. S. Williams says:

    Kathy wrote:

    I wasnt expacting to hear from him once i sent the no contact message again..

    Hi Kathy,

    I will tell you the secret to success when following this plan…

    DO NOT try to predict the outcome…this is where everyone fails and breaks NC.

    Follow this simple step-by-step plan, and watch the truth reveal itself to you…you don’t have to chase it, it will come to you.

    Great Job Kathy! (Thumbs High) :)

    Stay Strong!

    S.W.

  91. Kathy says:

    Thanks Scott,

    I know all the things I should be doing and all the things I shouldnt be doing.. But its hard. Its hard to all of a sudden let go, let go of all the memories, thoughts and feelings and its even harder to think that they dont feel the same and then you start to wonder why!
    Im so excited to think Im going to be able to find my old self again. I miss who i was. But its ging to be a long road ahead.
    Im so glad Ive found this browser, somewhere to go, somewhere that understands. I do hope in the long run… My ex does come back. but only when im ready to take it back on again..
    Im so greatful to have your giudnece scott.

  92. Leen says:

    Hey SW,
    I have been on NC with my ex for 4months now and he has started dating someone else. As for me i only go on casual dates for now.

    I only reconnected with him a few days ago. He has been trying to contact me a lot this past few days. Telling me a lot of things about him and asking me about some programming stuff. Btw he is much better in programming then me. So i don’t know why he is asking me. During the time he asked me about the programming he asked mostly about what im up to and what im doing.

    on new years eve he send me a sweet text message saying that he is happy that God painted his life with a special color which is me.. i just replied back saying happy new year… he then sent me a few more text asking where i was and what i was doing. i only replied saying that i’m buzy bc im hanging with friend and family. He then replied saying that he was at home alone and was going to bed and wished me good night.

    My question is what does this mean? He has a new gf already. why is doing and saying all this to me? why is he suddenly being so concern about me and all that?

  93. S. Williams says:

    Leen wrote:

    My question is what does this mean? He has a new gf already. why is doing and saying all this to me? why is he suddenly being so concern about me and all that?

    Hi Leen,

    Good question, but I can’t read his mind for you.

    I could guess and say he is missing you, and might be open to talking with you again.

    I would recommend that you read chapter 6 in the book MOMU and maybe set up some reconnection dates as outlined in that chapter.

    If you don’t have the book yet you can buy it here:

    http://www.howtogetyourexbackfast.com/get-the-magic

    Stay Strong!

    S.W.

  94. Leen says:

    Hi S.W,

    I already have the book MOMU. I’m actually afraid to meet him and see him face to face. I don’t know why. I don’t want to do another mistake. I’ve been on NC twice. The 1st NC was prematurely broken after 3weeks also because he started contacting me and being all sweet. I have been strong with my 2nd NC for 2months now. Keeping everything short with him even when he contact’s me. I have no problem chatting with him but should i really meet up with him now? He is still with his gf. I don’t want to go to the “friend zone” at all. I need your advice.. Thank you so much!!

    Regards,

  95. S. Williams says:

    Leen wrote:

    I don’t want to go to the “friend zone” at all. I need your advice

    Hi leen,

    First off…

    Great Job With NC Leen! (Thumbs High) :)

    Secondly, there is no rush…if you feel that you’re not ready, then you’re not ready, and he isn’t either if he is still with this other woman.

    Keep doing what you’re doing and make yourself less accessible if possible to make him miss you even more.

    You don’t have to be rude…just try not to be available as much.

    If he contacts you and its’ not about any kind of shared business or children…ignore it.

    If he has a question let him talk to his girlfriend about it…he’s with her now, right?

    No more cake and eating it too, understand?

    Stay Strong!

    S.W.

  96. Leen says:

    Hi S.W,

    Thanks for the advice. I actually wanted to hear someone tell me this!! I know its the right thing but i’m just scared and unsure..

    I don’t know if he is still with her. I have deleted him from my facebook and msn. So i don’t know whats up with him.. I never asked him either.
    Thank You once again!!

  97. joy says:

    my bf broke up with me a week ago says im to insecure i havnt called and havnt heard a peep no phone call or nothiing. will he ever call me again we were together 6 yrs.

  98. S. Williams says:

    joy wrote:

    my bf broke up with me a week ago says im to insecure

    Hi Joy,

    Prove him wrong, and show him you’re NOT insecure…kick him in the ass :kickbutt: using the free plan on my Blog (link at the top).

    You can get your life back, and you ex too if you follow the plan long enough.

    Take Care,

    S.W.

  99. Kelly says:

    Hello Scott.

    I sent him my NC letter before I found you and haven’t talk/email him since after my other email about my negative STDs blood test. My old NC said like the second chance letter from other site recommendation ( that I have good thing happened which was true in my business and he and I both need some space..etc), he hasn’t contact me either since March 24. I had sent him a check before my old NC email for the small amount $26.00 that he registered 4 domain names for me from godaddy.com, I haven’t seen him post that to my bank account, I assume that he still cares about me, I want to send him your NC message again and using that as an excuse to send the new NC, I want to resend another small check to his office by mail with the NC message as “…..Hey, you were right about ended things between us, I think that the break up was the best thing for both of us, I was very happy with you every time we were together but I guess things happened for a reason. I have some big decision to make and I need time to think them over. I really appreciate it when we don’t contact each other during this time. I will be in touch when I’m ready. Thank you” , and sign my name out.

    Since he didn’t contact me after my first NC then I can’t say ” I would really appreciate if you don’t contact me this time”, sounds silly.

    I got a feeling he will be around ( hey most my lovers always came back and looked for me Scott after certain time but I no longer wanting them back!!, it might true for him too, who knows!!), but he was the best relatiosnhip I ever had because we fit in like a puzzle; age/thoughts/kids/food/view life-finance-political-music the same/very compatible sex and laugh a lot, went out until midnight every time with or without sex like 2 teenagers having the fun of their life.

    What do you think about my/your new NC?, should I send another one?, I will wait for your advice and send it to him along with another check ( I wanted to clean the stale on emotions and money wise to make a clean cut).

    Oh, after we broke up I never beg/plead or try to do the stupid calling/texting. I just sent my NC and keep quiet as the nature of my personality. I just don’t see myself doing all those I guess I’m some what emotionally capable but strong willed and I’m too old to bs ( we both 50)

    Thank you Scott.

  100. S. Williams says:

    Kelly wrote:

    What do you think about my/your new NC?, should I send another one?, I will wait for your advice and send it to him along with another check ( I wanted to clean the stale on emotions and money wise to make a clean cut).

    Hi,

    I would wait until you do not have any kore financial dealings with your ex to send the new NC message.

    When you send the “last” check to him, include the NC message with it, but use the recommended NC message without changes…it works the best, OK?

    Kelly wrote:

    Since he didn’t contact me after my first NC then I can’t say ” I would really appreciate if you don’t contact me this time”, sounds silly.

    One question…

    What are you more worried about, sounding silly, or getting your ex back?

    Don’t let your pride stand in the way of your happiness.

    Stay Strong! :rambo:

    S.W.

  101. Kelly says:

    Scott.

    You wrote “I would wait until you do not have any kore financial dealings with your ex to send the new NC message.

    When you send the “last” check to him, include the NC message with it, but use the recommended NC message without changes…it works the best, OK?”

    That sounds conflicted. You said I would wait until I do not have any kore financial with him and then you said I should send my last check along with the original NC, please explain.

    I just wanted to use the sending another check of $26.00 as an excuse to send your original NC to him, not about the money that is matter since it’s a very small amount and I know he would not want to take it back from me. He used to spend a lot of money courting me (after 20 days of dating, by X-mas he gave me 23 Red and Pink Roses with Versace vase that he bought separated along with other Vistoria Secret’s gift, don’t you think he cared too much too soon and then backed off without working out on minor problem with me, he is nuts too)

    About the part ” I would really appreciate if you don’t contact me this time”, doesn’t make any sense on my part since he has not contact me at all after my NC, that term will be no used. He would think I’m nuts to say that unless that’s what you want him to get me back to his head? in that way.

    I’m confused Scott

    Thanks Scott

    A silly woman

  102. S. Williams says:

    Kelly wrote:

    I’m confused Scott

    So am I.

    I have given you the same advice I give to everyone else who has been in your situation (and there have been many), you are just too proud to follow it.

    I can’t help you with that…that’s something you have to work out for yourself.

    Maybe you should look somewhere else for advice.

    You can search for relationship help and there are lots of other Blogs to read, and ask advice on.

    Good Luck!

    S.W.

  103. Vanessa says:

    Hi, My boyfriend is very confused at the moment as he has personal problems he says to me that he doesn’t know whether he has feelings for me and that he has drifted apart from me. We were best friend for 3 years and official in a relationship for 1. He hasn’t contacted me in 4 days Im very confused I don’t know whats goin on. Will he contact me if I give him time, Surely he can’t get over me yet? Thank you

  104. S. Williams says:

    Vanessa wrote:

    We were best friend for 3 years and official in a relationship for 1. He hasn’t contacted me in 4 days Im very confused I don’t know whats goin on. Will he contact me if I give him time, Surely he can’t get over me yet?

    Hi,

    If he needs time give it to him, but don’t just get left hanging…use the free plan to start your personal evolution.

    Go read the free plan on how to get your ex back, and follow all the steps, OK?

    I don’t think he is over you.

    Take Care,

    S.W.

  105. Vanessa says:

    Thanks, Is 4 days still early to say, Will I hear from him in time and how long.

  106. S. Williams says:

    Vanessa wrote:

    Thanks, Is 4 days still early to say, Will I hear from him in time and how long.

    Hi,

    If you follow the free plan correctly, it usually takes 3-6 months to succeed.

    Take Care,

    S.W.

  107. emillia says:

    im in the process of no contact and its so difficult and painful..we been awesome for 6 months, and i was moving south to be with him as he is away from me, we/he talked alot about marridge, kids, the whole nine yards, he told all his friends all about me, how perfect i am etc..things have gone wrong at his end..the place he was getting for us isnt happeing (financial difficulties) and out of the blue after 6 months of the i love you tx and missing you so much, you are my everything, you are my world, im so happy you love me txs and conversations i get a tex 3 weeks ago saying i love you so much but my heads messed up you can find somebody better than me…… and another one saying i love you..i tried to call back straight away and he had turned phone off…been off ever since..ive mailed and tx and called like an idiot for 2 weeks..totaly heartbroken, all i want is him back, so a week ago i was online and saw these pages and started no contact, tomorrow will be a whole week of no contact to him and its killing me..i dont know what to do.. all i need is somthing to say if we finished or not..then i would know that im living in denial..but i just know everyword he ever said to me was/is genuine and from his heart..sorry to go on..but im so confused :(

  108. S. Williams says:

    emillia wrote:

    so a week ago i was online and saw these pages and started no contact,

    Hi,

    I don’t know what “pages’ you saw online, but you should go read the free plan on my Blog, and follow ALL the steps.

    I highly recommend that if you didn’t use the NC message outlined in the free plan, that you send it right away.

    NC is difficult, but if you follow all the steps in the free plan, you will get the support you need to succeed.

    Take Care,

    S.W.

  109. Tanya says:

    Hi

    I have been looking for advice on no contact and married people with children. There does not seem to be as indepth focus. My husband was addicted to WOW and met a girl online which of course manifested into an “emotional affair”, after ignoring the family (4 kids)for a year and constant emails and texts from this girl I had had enough and filed for divorce, he slept on the sofa for three months but I could not go through with divorce. We had massive rows over this girl as he refused to stop seeing her at the beginning and I sunk into a depression. He started to work away as he is a chef and lived most of the time in the hotel he would be gone two and a half weeks and home for 2 days. Of course unwinding from work he was on WOW and had no time for me or kids. Eventually he stopped paying bills and got us into debt, I went to work and managed to pay them all off. I became convinced he was having an affair agian because of anne summers on his bank statement, he had no interest in me etc etc. Apart from sex when he was home. I asked him for a divorce again in January and he called my bluff as he says, and we became separated.When he visits children it ends in a fight. The last one was very messy where he called me a fat lazy whore, I am neither fat or a whore, and with my schedule not lazy. I blw my top and literally saw red, I was so angry I threw most of the living room at him. Now of course I am a violent psycho. All I wanted was for him to tell me where I stood in this relationship as we would still have sex when he visted kids and actedd like nothing had changed. He was still using the washing machine to wash his chef whites, eating our food and paying nothing. So I started claiming Maintenance and then this whole fight went over the top. He left in disgust sayinhg why would he want to be a psycho. I am depressed, I admitt because hes left me in limbo saying he doesnt know what he wants and has now decided to rent a house near his work. So I am guessing our marriage has finished. I want him back and I miss him, but a friend recommended no contact to try and sort myself and real feelings out, see whether its just fear thats keeping me attached. So far I have not called or emailed for ten days, and it is hard as I just want to talk to him. I changed my phone number and he has emailed me to switch the phone back on, which I ignored. So I have no idea whether he is trying to contact me or not. It will be hard as eventually he will visit the children and I am not sure what to do then. I do want him to get the message I am not his play thing I am his wife. All I wanted was him to move closer to home with his job as the distance is killing me and the children, and to make time. He won`t. this has become an issue, and I can not be in a marriage where only one person is in it. But I do miss him like hell. We have been together since I was 14 I am now 34. How does no contact work for couples with kids?

  110. S. Williams says:

    Tanya wrote:

    How does no contact work for couples with kids?

    Hi,

    This is covered in the free plan, go read it.

    One woman saved her marriage using NC, and her comments are on my Blog, if you take the time to read through the 3500 comments you will find out what she did.

    Take Care,

    S.W.

  111. Sarah says:

    Hi Scott, I have broken the no contact rule again but I have got more answers from my ex. He swore to me that he wasn’t seeing anyone else but couldn’t swear that he didn’t love me anymore. He hasn’t changed his mind yet and I’ve found out that the split was caused my neediness, moodiness etc. I have now deleted his number off my phone and I’m ready for no contact but will I have a chance to get him back with no contact showing him I’m not needy etc..? It says everywhere on the net that it is effective but is 6 weeks of begging and pleading too late to salvage our relationship if we still love each other?

  112. S. Williams says:

    Sarah wrote:

    It says everywhere on the net that it is effective but is 6 weeks of begging and pleading too late to salvage our relationship if we still love each other?

    Hi,

    If you two really love each other NC will work, if you didn’t love each other…nothing will work to get you back together.

    Take Care,

    S.W.

  113. arastol says:

    so basically you don’t know if you loved each other until you’re back together? ;) the proof of the pudding is in the eating hehe

  114. Rick Dillard says:

    SW,
    I think you know more than you are letting on :-)
    I feel like you truly know the dynamics of a human relationship. while we separate from the terrible push/pull connection, it gives us time to be happy and in turn will attract happy situations via the law of attraction. if we stop feeding them energy, whatever situation is going on with them will disappear and we can re channel that energy into ourselves (which what we wee doing before the separation). I’m almost a month in and a week ago it all clicked. just feed all that potential energy into yourself and get yourself back. thank you taking down that forum. it really was becoming a home away from home and everyone really was bringing each other down. a lot of members may have been upset but they can go fly a kite in the rain. while i was sleeping i found myself feeding her thoughts and emotions and i cut it immediately and brought it back to me. i’m learning to feed myself again lol. now i am truly ready to evolve. i am starting to feel like my old self again. i was wondering why i was so tired all the time and that is because she was draining me, darn vampire. they feel when that energy supply is cut off lol. they just know when their are on the back of your mind. just like we did when were begging and pleading (this is all irrelevant because i am only worrying about me now lol). it made us want them more. now i am definitely going to push push push myself to evolve like never before. its go time! i am becoming really indifferent to the situation and this whole situation taught me a lot about emotional control. if it works out, cool. if it doesn’t, i know i will attract cooler, awesomer things! think with your head and not with your heart. now i am super aware of where my emotions are going at all times and i can control them. all i think about is positive things!!! thank you SW. you da man!

  115. S. Williams says:

    Rick Dillard wrote:

    thank you SW

    You’re Welcome!

    I am glad I could help. :)

    Stay Strong! :rambo:

    S.W.

  116. Lee says:

    The question I have does this apply to womn I have dated. I dated this chick for 3 weeks and been taling with her via text message since.

  117. john says:

    hey we broke up two months i did all begging and crap then sent NC but Broke it but sent it again and broke again after 8 days gah!! now she ssent something last monday said please try to move on we dont need to talk now we just need space she is dating someone btw? so i just wanted closure so we talked tuesday and said everything then sent NC now what do you think she meant move on? I am saying heck with it all throwing hands and doing NC just seeing if would work this late in the game? you know?

    • S. Williams says:

      John says:

      I am saying heck with it all throwing hands and doing NC just seeing if would work this late in the game? you know?

      Hi,

      The no contact rule, and the free plan only work when you stick to the plan.

      The more you break the no contact rule, the more you screw up the plan, but it is never too late to start doing it right.

      Make sure you sent the recommended no contact message (no changes), and that you follow ALL the rest of the steps.

      The message is only the first step, and you will need good support to stick to the plan, and get your life back, and then get your ex girlfriend back again if you still want to.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

  118. john says:

    thanks scott it really helps and i did send the NC, just so dang confusing how people get?

  119. carlos (los los) says:

    Hey,scott

    Just wanted to get input before i post updates bout ex on diary. with a question i had with reconnect process
    last week i was thinking alot about reconnecting with ex ,well at least a meet for coffee etc.she ended up emailing me about this bag again that i had from past well i emailed her back with list if things i needed back and we agreed on place to retrieve each others items once we did this she asked if i was still in the market about buying house, it caught me a little by surprise since i knew that the last time we were in contact was after her verbal assault for sending nc message,well i told her i was in a hurry i would get info at another time.well after that i felt great because i felt nothing after we saw each other and made contact i felt after that it was time to reconnect,but the thing is we met for coffee end of last week and it went really good all talk was about mostly sports and family.well after this i felt like reconnect went good but still all i could think about was if i really wanted to go through a new relationship wit her and after she called me next day to see if i wanted to go to a church event and i went,it went good also, but next day i just couldnt call her or see if she wanted to hang out because i felt that even though my emotions and everything was in check,i couldnt help but think that the being together everyday routine was what got me here in first place and i admit i was probably smothering her at that time .i can tell now she keeps hinting for me to make a move toward getting a little more personal like movies and coming by house,but a part of me feel that im reall not sure if this reconnect is a good idea and trying to move very slowcuz im not sure if she has evolved .kinda feel like what wud stop her from doing her same routine if we continue so i guess im asking if after reconnecting with ex maybe being cordial might be best thing for us rt now, or is this moving to fast bcuz im not sure if a true reconnect is what i want!!!

    • S. Williams says:

      Hi,

      Moving slowly is always the best policy…why?

      Your ex girlfriend may be trying to place you back in the “just friends” zone where she can feel like she has you under control again.

      Follow your gut instincts, and tell her (politely) to back off if you feel the relationship is moving too quickly.

      This will cause her to move to the next stage of her personal evolution.

      Stay Strong!

      S.W.

  120. Cam says:

    Hi S. Williams,

    Two weeks after my boyfriend broke things off with me via email, saying that I was too controlling and that he felt like he had no choice from all the stress of arguing, this was causing him and making him feel ill…I replied with one email (and have had no other contact since then for the past week) that I understood why he feels the way he does, and that I did a lot of things wrong in this relationship (I’m 28 but this is my first serious relationship of over a year) and needed time and space to resolve some personal issues. I also followed your suggestion and said that I would appreciate it if he didn’t contact me while I did this, and that I would get in touch when I was ready.

    I am now lost, as to how no contact will work, when he is a very respectful guy and will literally follow my directions not to contact me? And if I am the one to reach out when I am ready, I won’t have any way of knowing if he is missing me. Was it a mistake and unnecessary to ask him not to contact me?

    I should add that he is in England, and I am in the States right now, and he broke up with me over email when I flew home for the holidays. If I go back to England, he might feel pursued and scared that I am going back for him – which would be true, but I am also looking for job there in line with my interests.

    Please help with next steps. His break up email to me was 3 weeks ago, my reply to him was a week ago, and so it has been 3 weeks already and I simply do not know what the next step is when I’ve asked him not to contact me per your advice.

    Thanks very much for your help,

    • S. Williams says:

      Hi,

      The best thing you can do at this point is to leave your ex alone, and get your life back.

      You both need to evolve past the old “failed” relationship and break up before there will ever be a chance for a new relationship with anyone else…including your ex.

      The quickest way for both of you to evolve, is to properly use no contact, and that means sending the recommended NC message as outlined in the free plan.

      Go read the free plan on my Blog, and follow ALL the steps.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

      • Cam says:

        Thanks for responding. I am doing so, and following your advice to leave my ex alone, and have sent out the NC message. Knowing him though, he will respect my wishes of my writing “I would really appreciate your not contacting me” in the message and that I would get in touch when I am ready. This means the next point of contact has to come from me? I was hoping to wait until he missed me and see if he will get back in touch. And given our being in 2 different places, there is no chance of running into each other.

        • S. Williams says:

          Hi,

          Anyone that would give up that easily, over a message, never loved you that deeply to begin with, and you deserve better than that.

          So, stop making excuses for him, and just stick to the plan.

          Focus on getting your life back as a single person again and don’t worry about getting your ex back.

          If you’re truly worried about him coming back, it is because you already doubt the strength of his love for you.

          If you ever wondered how your ex truly felt about you, you are about to find out, and that’s what scares people…the truth!

          Stay Strong!

          S.W.

  121. Cam says:

    Many thanks for the blunt analysis, and I am looking forward to finding out his true feelings, whether he really loved me or not.

    I am hung up though on what the next step is after I focus on myself for a month or two. Am I to wait for him to contact me? Why would he do so if now I’m in States and he’s back in Europe? After a year and half together, he breaks up with me on email probably because he thought I wouldn’t get on the plane to go home for the holidays and would stay and argue with him if he broke up with me in person while I was still over there. I am disappointed if this is what he thinks I would do, but I still love him, and am willing to wait for him to feel better again and recover. He said my controlling behavior made him feel stress that he couldn’t cope with and felt tired and physically ill all the time, and that he wished there was another way but I gave him no choice.

    So, I hope that my giving him time and space for 2 months or so while I work on myself and sort out my career, will show through my actions that I care about what he wanted – time and space, and that I love him. How will this work logistically though after 2 months apart with no contact? Am I to assume if he doesn’t contact me in this time even though my NC letter asked him not to, that he doesn’t love me anymore? Or is the next move supposed to be from me, flying over there to get my stuff, and to ask him to lunch? I am lost as to how I get from no contact back into contact and how to navigate this when we are now in two different countries. If I move there for work, it would be in hopes of reconciling with him. If he still says no, then I am not sure I can handle myself emotionally to keep working there – I would have to move back to the states, and start all over again to recover a broken heart. Right now my heart has hope, because I am working on winning him back.

    Please advise if you can, on what my next step should be.

    Many thanks

  122. Anita says:

    I lied to my ex and he wants out now. I realised that I really love him now and that he’s good for me. I want him back but he wrote me an email telling me that it’s a waste of time to call him. He hopes that one day we will be able to forgive one another. How can I get him back with this NC rule? I read about it some where else is that it’s good if you want to cut all ties with your ex & heal. I dont want that. I want him back. Pls help! Im going crazy at the moment.

    • S. Williams says:

      Anita says:

      I lied to my ex and he wants out now.

      Hi,

      I don’t know how many times you lied, or how bad the lie was, but it doesn’t seem like he has very deep feelings for you if he’s ready to toss you over a lie.

      Anita says:

      I realised that I really love him now and that he’s good for me. I want him back

      He will realize the same thing if you stop chasing him, and focus on evolving past the break up.

      I help people get their lives back, not their ex’s, if this statement confuses you read the “About” section on my Blog.

      If you’re still interested in getting my help, go read the free plan here on my Blog, and follow ALL the steps.

      Thanks for writing.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

  123. Lynn says:

    Scott I sent my no contact message today and my ex just thought I was being a snot nosed brat =\
    whats going on with him? Does this mean it worked or what?

    • S. Williams says:

      Hi,

      Congrats on sending the NC message, hopefully it was the recommended NC message, and you didn’t change it.

      He is just pissed off because you kicked him in the ass, and took back control of the situation.

      Like I tell everyone, properly using the no contact rule will reveal your ex boyfriends true feelings for you.

      Once you evolve past the break up you might realize your ex wasn’t all that after all.

      Stay Strong and Positive!

      S.W.

      • Lynn says:

        hah good to know =D

        Now he’s telling me he doesn’t want to fight and that he still loves me
        but whenever he gets the chance he brings up our fights of the past, why does he keep doing this? Is he refusing to let go? Because he told me very harshly that he doesn’t want a relationship with me ever.

        • S. Williams says:

          Lynn says:

          Now he’s telling me he doesn’t want to fight and that he still loves me why does he keep doing this? Is he refusing to let go?

          Hi,

          He will say anything to keep you in relationship limbo until he makes up his mind about what he wants.

          And who knows when that will be?

          Who knows what he means anymore, how can you believe a person that flip-flops all the time?

          Stop second guessing his words, and take action.

          Follow the rest of the steps in the free plan and get your own place and life, and then decide what you want to do about your ex.

          Thank you for writing.

          Take Care,

          S.W.

  124. Sarah J. says:

    [quote]Hi,

    If you two really love each other NC will work, if you didn’t love each other…nothing will work to get you back together.

    Take Care,

    S.W.[/quote]
    So basically every loving relationship is recoverable?
    Can’t you still love eachother, even though the partner who broke up “gives up”?
    I mean.. Isn’t it more about personality? I mean I really loved my ex, truly. But he broke my trust somewhat, and even though he seemed to have changed a LOT I was too afraid to be hurt again. I still really really miss him and we had a very intimate and loving relationship. He didn’t send the NC message, do you really believe it would do the difference? Cause we had NC, I asked for space and he gave it to me.. After some days of begging.. I thought a lot about him, and a month later he called to catch up and we met it was okay, very casual. I felt for him, so I couldn’t be friends and was too afraid to be hurt again! I still miss him, and I think he misses me too.. But the broken trust really got me, and it’s hard for me to trust people… He called me once after that but I couldn’t bare seeing him.
    Just really curious because I miss our awesome times, but what he did was close to cheating and therefore to me dealbreaker. I read about the clean slate method, and maybe if he used it at reconnecting i had thought differently, but you’re not supposed to bring anything up..

    Wow I realise how weird it is that it interests me so much if he could get me back… Psychology really interests me, and I think plus my situation with my new guy pulls the trigger.

    Oh and thanks for your e-mail-subscriptionthing! Helped me a LOT this week.

    • S. Williams says:

      Sarah J. says:

      So basically every loving relationship is recoverable?
      Can’t you still love eachother, even though the partner who broke up “gives up”?

      Hi,

      If two people are truly, deeply in love, they will find a way to make things work, it is just that simple.

      If someone “gives up”, they weren’t very much in love.

      Talk is cheap, and actions speak louder than words.

      There are many levels of love, but the kind you are talking about requires commitment, not “giving up”.

      If you have trust issues, maybe you should seek professional counseling to help resolve them first, and then worry about your ex later.

      If you want help getting your life back go read the free plan to get your ex back on my Blog, and follow ALL the steps.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

  125. simon says:

    hi i my girlfriend broke up with me last month and i initially tried to remain friends as this it she said she wanted and i thought it would help me get her back, obviously i realised that this was just making me feel worse than ever so took your advice and sent the no contact message and she went off on one saying it wasnt fair and that i was being immature so i took the time to explain that i wasnt being fair to myself by being in constant contact and it was killing me the way things were and i needed time to heal and feel better with that she then went on a bit of a rant about i may be making myself feel better but what about her feelings? and that im just hurting her, i dont know what to do

    • S. Williams says:

      Hi,

      Let me get this straight.

      She broke up with you, and now she is bitching about you sending the recommended no contact message, is that right?

      Do you know why, she is upset?

      She was planning on using you as her “emotional crutch” until she found someone else.

      She was probably dangling the prospect of getting back together as the “apple on the stick”. The only trouble with the apple on the stick is you can NEVER get that damn apple, it is always out of reach.

      I think you deserve better than that, don’t you?

      That is why I help people survive a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex girlfriend back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.

      You need to send the NC message again, and this time DO NOT respond to her, and definitely don’t explain yourself or apologize.

      She broke up with you…remember?

      Plus, she sounds like a real selfish bitch on top of it, and it is time someone told her “NO”.

      Let her learn how to heal herself, and you focus on healing yourself, OK?

      Go read the free plan to get your ex back on my Blog, follow all the steps, start your personal evolution, and learn how to use the no contact rule to heal your broken heart.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

  126. simon says:

    oh i forgot to mention i work with her very closely and its very hard to not speak to her without looking like i am just being ignorant

    • S. Williams says:

      Hi,

      You just keep it all about work, do not discuss anything personal.

      This is covered in the free plan, just read all the links for NC.

      The free plan has helped people who lived together use the no contact rule successfully, work-mates can not be any any harder than being roommates.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

      • simon says:

        thanks for the advice i did send the message twice but whenever we are in work and i try to get away she tries to talk to me about personal stuff even though i specifically asked her not to even after she said she understood that i need to heal she still wants to tell me about her mum and dad and other family stuff, should i just tell her to fuck off or what its really pissing me off and as far im concerned holding me back emotionally

        • S. Williams says:

          Hi,

          What I meant by personal stuff was asking about your personal life, the break up, NC, or anything else that isn’t work related and necessary.

          So, if she keeps telling you about her family, yeah, tell her to fuck off, and you don’t want to hear it.

          Tell her to keep your conversations about work, and work only.

          Maybe you should consider a different job, or work partner?

          Thank you for writing.

          Take Care,

          S.W.

          • simon says:

            hi there sorry for going on but today at work i didnt talk to her i didnt ignore but didnt talk to her about anything other than work anyways after a couple of hours into it she called me out for it and again said i was being a dick and making her feel left out and uncomfortable because i was enjoying myself with everyone else and not her so i explained again why i felt this was a necessary step and although she says understood i could tell she was pissed anyway long story short i cracked and proceeded to tell how her how i felt about her which was obviously a bad mistake because i know its not reciprocated, so i decided to send another text just telling her to stay out of my way because i have too many unresolved feelings about the relationship and that i cant be around her and that was whats best for both of us she didnt text back but know she will pissed

            • S. Williams says:

              Hi,

              The free plan to get your ex back is highly effective (even in your situation) but you have to stick to it.

              The whole object of applying the no contact rule in this manner is to help you survive a break up, and heal your broken heart.

              All I can do is lead a horse to water, I can not force it to drink.

              If you’re going to fall to pieces every time she “gets pissed”, no plan will work for you.

              If she cared for anyone but herself, she would leave you alone with the personal bullshit, and respect your request for no contact.

              You should really consider finding a new job, or work partner because you are just going to go around in circles with this selfish bitch, understand?

              Thank you for writing.

              Take Care,

              S.W.

              • simon says:

                i agree i cant afford tofind a new job just now though i have told her now to just leave me alone and not to talk to me at all i hope that will be the end of it and if she is upset tough

  127. Liz says:

    Would it be too late to join the forum and start my own NC diary…even though my break up was about 2 months ago and have done NC for more than 8 weeks now. I still feel as I’m not over it and need help with my personal evolution ALOT.

    By the way, sorry if this in the wrong section. i didn’t know where to place it..

    thank you.

    • S. Williams says:

      Hi,

      The forum is for people following the free plan to get your ex back.

      You do not need to post to follow the no contact rule and personally evolve.

      I am very strict about the rules (a.k.a I ban a lot of people every week).

      I only allow people who I feel would be a good fit to join, and you don’t seem like a good fit.

      You have everything you need to succeed without joining our forum…keep reading and evolving.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

      PS – If you really feel the need to post, you can join one of the many breakup forums available online, just search for “break up forum”

  128. Jennifer says:

    Is it common not to get any response to a NC message? It sounds like a lot of people have their exes get pissed off- mine simply did not respond at all.

    • S. Williams says:

      Hi,

      I have seen it go both ways.

      Just read all the no contact diaries in our forum.

      People react differently (on the outside) to the no contact rule, but it doesn’t change how they feel inside.

      The only way to reveal their true feelings is to follow ALL the steps in the free plan to get your ex back, and focus on getting your life back above everything else.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

      PS – The worse thing you can do is jump to conclusions. You must be patient, your thoughts shape your reality. The law of attraction works whether you are aware of it or not, check out this topic in our forum on The Law of Attraction and Relationships“.

  129. sarah says:

    Hey,

    I already break my NC rule after 15 days. What should I do now?

  130. Gene says:

    I have been in no contact with my ex for two weeks now (the ex cheated on me). Well today my freaking yahoo account sent all my contacts a message including my ex! He emailed me back and said “Uh…thought you didn’t want to talk to me anymore” He thinks I sent the message! I didn’t answer him back, just ignored his emai…

    So now my NC for two weeks is screwed! All for nothing! I am so pissed! I am back to square one! I was getting my power back. He was showing signs of missing me! Help! I just want to cry….

    • S. Williams says:

      Hi,

      No – you didn’t break NC.

      If this message went out to all your contacts it had to have been just a general notice, or something like that…right?

      If you had sent him a message on purpose trying to get his attention, or to talk about the breakup, or ask him a personal question about what he has been doing in his personal life (dating) then you would have totally broken NC.

      But you didn’t, right?

      This was a fluke – take him off your contact list, and keep moving forward with your personal evolution.

      You did the right thing by not answering him back, if he keeps trying to contact you – resend the recommended NC message as outlined in the free plan.

      I hope you have been following the free plan, and you sent the recommended NC message – if not start now, and send the recommended NC message – and no, that won’t be breaking NC – that will be correctly initiating the no contact rule – which in turn will speed up your personal evolution.

      I help people get over a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.

      Go read the free plan to get your ex back and follow ALL the steps to get over a broken heart, evolve past the breakup, and get your life back again.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

      IMPORTANT – If you found this information helpful or useful, please give me a “+1″ rating by using the colored “+1 button” at the bottom of the above article. I’d really appreciate it.

Leave a Response


9 × two =