The No Contact Rule – How Does It Help Me Get My Ex Back? Part 2

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Can the no contact rule really help me get my ex back? Yes, but it is a process of step by step personal evolution, and you must not skip a step. The next step to winning your ex back is one that most people over look…emotional evolution. You must get your life back before you can get your ex back, understand? No? Well keep reading and I will explain it to you…OK?

How To Get Your Life Back Using The No Contact Rule

Since you have broken off all communication with your ex, you will have more time to focus on yourself…if you’re smart. Most people just sit there and wait for 30 days to pass, and then attempt to reconnect with their ex again. The reason just about everyone fails is…they weren’t ready emotionally to reconnect, and they lose control of the process and set themselves back.

You Have To Get Your Life Back Before You Can Your Get Your Ex Back

“How can no contact help me get my ex back?” by using this time during no contact to work on yourself emotionally. I call this your personal and emotional evolution, and it is an evolution. You have to let go of the old relationship, and learn from the mistakes…that the both of you have made. The best way to do this is by keeping a personal journal, and writing down your daily feelings.

Use this outlet to prevent you from contacting your ex and breaking NC. There are also many self help tools available in your local library to help with your emotional evolution as well, if you need it…go get some counseling too. Make no mistake, there is a tough battle ahead but you can get your life back, and then “get my ex back”, if you follow all the steps necessary.

Who Am I and Why Should You Listen to Me?

My name is S. Williams, and I have been helping people since 2008 to overcome break up pain, and get their lives back. I even have an “About” section that I recommend you read. I know the name of my site is: How to Get Your Ex Back Fast, but I teach people how to get their lives back, not their ex’s.

If you’re interested in working with me (and our forum members) to get your life back, join my free newsletter for access to the free plan to get your ex back fast, and start getting your life back today. The answers you need to start your personal evolution are waiting for you, don’t hesitate another minute…come and get them.

Once you get your life back, everything else will just start to fall into place…I promise. If you have any comments or questions please write them in the comment box below.

If this article was useful or helpful to you in anyway, please show your appreciation by giving me a “+1″ using the button below this article.

Until next time,

S. Williams

Copyright © 2008 and beyond – All Rights Reserved Worldwide – You DO NOT have permission to reuse this content in any way, shape, or form.

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215 Responses to “The No Contact Rule – How Does It Help Me Get My Ex Back? Part 2”

  1. Melissa says:

    My ex just finished our relationship after 10 years, We were having a LDR for the last 4 years and I pushed him away to some extent (his job always came first), he became extremely angry with me and now he has met someone else (casually) but says this is irrelevant to our relationship and doesn’t know what will happen with me in the future. I am devastated about what has happened and I would like to reconcile. I have been writing my daily thoughts down and sending them by email to my ex who has apparently been reading them but has not yet responded. I’m not sure if this is the right thing to do. I am worried that as it was lack of my attention that may have diven him away that if I do NC now it will drive him away altogether.-?

  2. jenni says:

    I have joimed the forum, in NC for 10 days, and am still feeling the emotional roller coaster. I have bought the “Magic of making up” and have been following it and Scott,s plan. I am scared that it is just making it easier for my ex to get over me. He has tried to contact me two times, but that was 5 days ago. I think he is just thinking “oh well, move on”.

  3. Pinky says:

    I have been using NC on my ex who is a co worker successfully.
    I have also got the book and working on the plan.
    I see that my ex is looking at me a lot,trying to hang around near my cubicle and even giving me direct eye contact when we cross each other on the hallway.
    But still he is not making any effort to contact me in office directly or by phone or message.
    Since we have to work together I tend to be polite and whenever I try to talk or say hi on an official note he comes closer to my personal place.But he has now gone on a one week leave without telling me.How do I break the NC with him.He was always very egoistic and never made any attempts during the relationship itself to call/message daily.How to open up the lines of commmunication again?

  4. Terri says:

    Ladies, I know that it seems like you are pusihng him away even further by using NC. But TRUST me when I say that “NC reall, really does work” I am a perfect example of it. My ex and I broke up 3 years ago and at first I thought I was going to lose my mind if I never got him back. As I realised that everytime I made some kind of contact, it seems like it pushed him away more. So I finally got fed up with the way he was acting like we were never in a relationship.
    I finally moved on (as hard as it was) but i did move on, started hanging out with my girls, and just started enjoying life to the fullest. To this day, my ex is still trying to get back with me but it is too late because I started loving me like I was loving him and now I feel like he is not good enough for me. His loss, not mines. Love yourselves ladies and watch and see how the tables turn. You will be totally amazed at how he starts to come back into your lives.

  5. S. Williams says:

    Melissa wrote:

    I am worried that as it was lack of my attention that may have diven him away that if I do NC now it will drive him away altogether.-?

    You said he was ignoring you (his job always came first)…how was it your lack of attention?

    If no contact drove him away (which I doubt) then he was never planning on coming back anyways.

    The whole idea of following the plan in the book, and on my Blog is to first get your life back, and then find out your ex’s true intentions.

    I would follow the plan and see what happens.

    Thanks for your comment.

    Take Care,

    S. Williams

  6. S. Williams says:

    jenni wrote:

    I am scared that it is just making it easier for my ex to get over me. He has tried to contact me two times, but that was 5 days ago. I think he is just thinking “oh well, move on”.

    If no contact has him jumping already…I doubt he will just move on…it don’t make any sense.

    He will just get angry because you have taken control of your life, you”re no longer on his leash.

    Keep following the plan, and focus on your personal evolution…the rest will just fall into place.

    Thanks for your comment.

    Take Care,

    S. Williams

  7. S. Williams says:

    Pinky wrote:

    He was always very egoistic and never made any attempts during the relationship itself to call/message daily.

    It doesn’t sound like he was really into daily contact.

    Pinky wrote:

    How do I break the NC with him.

    Follow the plan and when you feel you’re ready proceed with the plan in chapter 6 of the book MOMU.

    Pinky wrote:

    I see that my ex is looking at me a lot,trying to hang around near my cubicle and even giving me direct eye contact when we cross each other on the hallway.

    He is suffering from his own ego (stubbornness)…let him choke on it for a while, and when you reconnect maybe he will appreciate you more.

    Thanks for your comment.

    Take Care,

    S. Williams

  8. S. Williams says:

    Terri wrote:

    Love yourselves ladies and watch and see how the tables turn. You will be totally amazed at how he starts to come back into your lives.

    Right on Terri!

    Spoken like a truly evolved woman.

    I am glad you got your life, and yourself back again.

    Thanks for your comment.

    Take Care,

    S. Williams

  9. Terri says:

    Jenny,

    Listen to Scott. He is a MAN telling you what you should do to get your MAN back. Trust and believe that he is telling you this for your own good. I value what another man says about how to deal with men. It’s the TRUTH. Men like the challenge in a relationship. They love it when women have their own lives and men (especially the ones who really like you) love it when women really have to find it in their busy schedules to fit him in somewhere. My BF that I am with now always tell me that he loves me for who I am and to please never change. He likes the fact that I tell hin NO sometimes and that I am not always available to hang out with him. He loves that he has to chase me sometimes. I don’t do this to him on purpose because I do have a life and he is NOT #1 in my life.

  10. Pinky says:

    I have noticed that even though my ex broke up in a very bad fashion by avoiding me and not giving me a closure at all he still wears the shirt I gave him,drinks coffee from the cup I gifted,uses the watch and wallet presented by me still.When he uses these things unconscious of myself I get reminded about him.
    Is it also good at times of NC to subtly remind him of some old memories in a very noiseless way like wearing the dresses he gave or the ear rings he gifted.This can help him to think of the past and more importantly think that you are a truly understanding and patient person two qualities which any man wants in a woman and which will make him doubt if he can ever find a replacement for someone as wonderful as you.

  11. S. Williams says:

    Terri wrote:

    Listen to Scott. He is a MAN telling you what you should do to get your MAN back.

    I am not just a man…I am the man! Lol :)

    Terri wrote:

    He likes the fact that I tell hin NO sometimes and that I am not always available to hang out with him. He loves that he has to chase me sometimes. I don’t do this to him on purpose because I do have a life and he is NOT #1 in my life.

    That is how you keep a relationship from going stale…good job Terri! (Thumbs High) :)

  12. Jaylove says:

    @ Terri:

    Terri, I am soooo impressed and I believe every word you are saying. Thank you thank you thank you for confirming what I believe in my heart to be true. I AM loving myself more and more and I happy that I learned the lesson that REGARDLESS of who I am with…I AM THE STAR PLAYER. If the star is not being treated with love and respect, then I MUST make that move for me.

    It was very hard to walk away from the man of my dreams but I had to because I was so inlove and he was so not inlove. I finally gave up and every day I work to improve me and make myself a must better person and learn how to be in a relationship with me, men,friends, and others. I am just happen to find a beautiful woman like you who can be a example of the positive than come from walking away. I dont know if he will try to win my love again but I am a beter woman because of the pain. God Bless you

    JLove

  13. Terri says:

    Thanks Scott for the thumbs up. :)

    Jaylove,
    Thank you for your kind words. I was at a time in my life when I just did not know what to do to keep my ex. I did all the wrong things calling him, texting him, showing up at places I know he’d be. BIG MISTAKE. I made all the wrong moves in that relationship and I have learned a lot from it.
    I sometimes feel like I needed to go through that so that I can have a wonderful relationship that I have now. knowing what moves to make and ones not to make. I am a very happy woman now because I know that I am a wonderful, sexy, talented, intelligent, strong, independent woman that any man should be happy to have.
    Life is way too short to put all of your focus on one man. Get out there and date and just have fun which is what I’ve finally done. That special man will come into your life when you least expect it.

    Take care,

    Terri

  14. Jaylove says:

    @ Terri:

    Terri,
    You bring tears to my eyes right now. I’m so proud of you. I feeling like you are the light at the end of the tunnel for me. it has been about 1 month and 1/2 and i have been nc without any interruptions on my part. he has made two very weak attempts that was in the last month. I havent heard from him and it does hurt but I know it is best at the same time. Terri I was so good to him and I cant believe he could just walk away like that but he has and it still bothers me. I treated him well and I wanted this to work so bad. I have been just working on myself to try to accept it and detox so to speak. I have daily discussion to get past it and that is what keeps me strong. It has been hard and I am glad to be able to have you to add to my strength to keep moving forward.

  15. S. Williams says:

    Jaylove wrote:

    it has been about 1 month and 1/2 and i have been nc without any interruptions on my part.

    Hi Jaylove,

    Are you following the plan on my Blog, and have you joined our forum?

    You will succeed much quicker with the right plan, and support.

  16. Jaylove says:

    @ S. Williams:

    Hi,
    Well I get your emails? Is that what you are talking about? Im not completely sure

  17. S. Williams says:

    Terri wrote:

    I made all the wrong moves in that relationship and I have learned a lot from it.
    I sometimes feel like I needed to go through that so that I can have a wonderful relationship that I have now. knowing what moves to make and ones not to make.

    Terri,

    That is a very important part of the evolution I refer to in the free plan.

    This is why I say you must focus on your past relationship during NC, and realize your mistakes so you can learn from them, and have a happier relationship next time, either with or without your ex.

  18. S. Williams says:

    Jaylove wrote:

    @ S. Williams:
    Hi,
    Well I get your emails? Is that what you are talking about? Im not completely sure

    At the top of my Blog and in the very first email you received there is a link to the free plan.

  19. Jaylove says:

    S. Williams wrote:

    Jaylove wrote:
    @ S. Williams:
    Hi,
    Well I get your emails? Is that what you are talking about? Im not completely sure
    At the top of my Blog and in the very first email you received there is a link to the free plan.

    Okay I will join. Thank you for your wisdom and support. Nothing like a MAN in your corner duing hard times

  20. S. Williams says:

    Jaylove wrote:

    Okay I will join. Thank you for your wisdom and support. Nothing like a MAN in your corner duing hard times

    The free tips are useful, but the real help is in the plan, and our forum…which are both free.

    Our forum is the only one of it’s kind on the internet, you”ll see for yourself when you join through the free plan.

  21. Jaylove says:

    S. Williams wrote:

    Jaylove wrote:
    Okay I will join. Thank you for your wisdom and support. Nothing like a MAN in your corner duing hard times
    The free tips are useful, but the real help is in the plan, and our forum…which are both free.
    Our forum is the only one of it’s kind on the internet, you”ll see for yourself when you join through the free plan.

    Im really excited about it and I will be honest, right now I just want to love myself alot so i can get myself back. I really have been hurting for a while and I am hoping this is going to help me. Maybe the ex will come back, maybe be not. I dont know. Trying to Detox and accept that it is over. that all

  22. Terri says:

    Jaylove,
    I Know it is hard right now and I truly feel your pain. As long as you continue to focus on YOU and what you want out of life, you will heal. It took a long time for me to get over my ex and when I started to get that feeling back (healed hart) I knew that nothing can stop me now. I got my confidence back and I walk into any place with my head held very high. I was always a people person so that made it even more easy for me to meet people and just have fun and enjoy life.
    My friends noticed a difference and they are happy to be around me because I am happy and it seems like everyone notices the smile that I keep glued on my face. I finally realised that I am too blessed to be stressed out over a man that thinks he’s gods gift to every woman. NOT!!!! Like I said before, to this day, I may get a text, or a call from him that I never answer. I am happy and you will be too. TRUST ME!!!

  23. S. Williams says:

    Jaylove wrote:

    I really have been hurting for a while and I am hoping this is going to help me. Maybe the ex will come back, maybe be not. I dont know. Trying to Detox and accept that it is over. that all

    You won’t be alone…over 300 members (and growing daily) who feel the same way you do…you will be in good company.

    Go read the success stories on my Blog (what people are saying) and in the forum.

  24. jjj0626 says:

    Hi S. williams

    My name is Jeff, im having some problems on what i should do in my situation.

    um so lets start with this. Im 19 and my ex is 18. We were engaged to be married and i thought it was really going to work out. but apparently not..

    We use to be together all the time and she seemed to be really happy when we were together. our relationship was nearly 11 months long. and now that i look back on it and it seems rather soon for everything thats happening to … be happening.

    Well i know where my downfall was in the relationship i think. I was so consumed in being with this girl that made me happier than anything in the world 24/7 that it pretty much suffocated her. ive heard some things that she has said about me. she said i was controlling and i dont really see how she can say that considering i treated her like a princess. i also never held a job for very long and i realize now all of these things were stupid and foolish acts of my past but i cant take them back, if i had a time machine i would but i just cant.

    but to get to the “main” point of this email.

    I just recently moved to a city about 40 minutes away from her and leading up to the move she said she would come with me. but heres where the catch is.

    right before i moved we found out that she was pregnant, and all of the sudden everything she had ever said about her mom and all that has just up and changed. she use to say she was two faced and she hated her and she didnt ever want to be around her.

    and the second she found out she was pregnant it all changed and she wanted to be around her mom the entire pregnancy. i did not see that as fair for me to miss out on watching her belly grow and being there for her thru the pregnancy and i got angry and we started arguing alot because she has changed her mind. this finally led to her thinking that we needed some time apart. her mom and dad split up for a year and they said it made their relationship stronger than ever, so she wass under the impression that it would for us too. I realize now that everything i did was wrong and i should not have gotten out of hand that much and i should have had a job and shown her that i will be able to help out with everything also. but then again not until the 8th of september did she start getting her stuff together either.

    i did everything everyone says not to do. dont blow up their phone and call them alot, dont message them alot, on and on. i really messed up right there. she finally told me that we will never get back together and its just not going to happen.

    so im currently just trying to leave her alone and give her her time.

    ive read on yur webpage about this NC or no contact rule and i have a question about it.

    im trying to apply the NC rule and im trying very hard to find myself in this time apart and im busting my ass trying to get a job and im looking for a school to get going to within the month hopefully. so im just curious how i go about this NC rule when she is pregnant with my child.

    She is the mother of my baby i cant just NOT try and talk to her… even tho she wont talk to me or be friendly towards me… Well on the 23rd of sept i have a doctors appointment that i go to to hear the babies heart beat. and obviously she will be there. im just really not sure how to act when i see her for the first time after this its been driving me insane. id rather have her as a friend than nothing at all in my life. also i dont want to seem clingy or still “in love” with her whrn i go. im not sure what to do can you help me and give me some advice on what to do in my situation??

    id reall appreciate it. id love to start over from scratch with this girl but i know right now is not the time because i dont have a job or anything yet. im just going insane.

    please help.

    thanks alot,

    Jeff

  25. jjj0626 says:

    oh wow u reply to emails fast way legit. nvm thx :) ill talk there

  26. Yoyo says:

    my situation is kinda weird, my ex went on vacation for a month and the feeling kinda faded then she broke up with me when she came back… we still talked on msn and on the phone though and she sounded fine too… but when she came back it was all different >< i'm scared she forgot about me during her trip already… and NC is making her forget me even more

    i do believe NC works, but idk if it will in my special situation, help me out here plz scott

  27. S. Williams says:

    jjj0626 wrote:

    oh wow u reply to emails fast way legit. nvm thx ill talk there

    I do my best…way better than the other people out there selling ebooks, without any support, see you in our forum.

  28. Jaylove says:

    Terri wrote:

    Jaylove,
    I Know it is hard right now and I truly feel your pain. As long as you continue to focus on YOU and what you want out of life, you will heal. It took a long time for me to get over my ex and when I started to get that feeling back (healed hart) I knew that nothing can stop me now. I got my confidence back and I walk into any place with my head held very high. I was always a people person so that made it even more easy for me to meet people and just have fun and enjoy life.
    My friends noticed a difference and they are happy to be around me because I am happy and it seems like everyone notices the smile that I keep glued on my face. I finally realised that I am too blessed to be stressed out over a man that thinks he’s gods gift to every woman. NOT!!!! Like I said before, to this day, I may get a text, or a call from him that I never answer. I am happy and you will be too. TRUST ME!!!

    Terri,
    WOW!!! You should just like me in so many ways. This is definately a sign from above. My ex thinks he is God gift to every woman too. This is truly truly amazing. Yes I have been keeping the focus on me. I carry a notebook around and read and study it everyday to help me stay on the right course. I am so happy you understand, you survived, and most importantly that you are stronger and better. If you are anything like me, I am sure this bull wont happen again to you. As for me, I work on it daily. I do mean daily. It is from the very sec my eyes open, I have to be on game point cause his memory is right right there. I thank God for helping me. As you know, I still love him but not stupid enough to let him continue to break me down and miss out on the beautiful life God intended for me to have. One day, it wont hurt so much, the tears will go away, and I will be able to help another woman just like you are helping me.

  29. nic says:

    i recently got dumped by my ex. When i first got the text saying we should go our seperate ways, i followed up with the usual bombardment of text messages saying to give it another chance etc. She actually agreed to see me again, but said she will let me know, but i still continued texting her asking if i could see her today (for the next 3 days) which was a big mistake, though i only know this now. As expected, she started ignoring all calls and texts. This was about a week ago.After all this i sent her a brief text saying she’s right, time to move on. Since then there has been NC for 6 days. Problem is, she lives 200 miles away so it was a Long distance relationship that had only gone on for 3 months. There is no way i can conveniently turn up in her town as she would know straight away im there just for her- and that’s in the very unlikely event i could even bump into her, as i wouldn’t know where she would be. My situation seems hopeless, yet i can’t seem to eradicate that glimmer of hope from my mind. I don’t know what my next move should be- whether to continue no contact indefinately, or perhaps e-mail her in a month or so. Any ideas would be great. Thanks

  30. S. Williams says:

    nic wrote:

    I don’t know what my next move should be- whether to continue no contact indefinately, or perhaps e-mail her in a month or so. Any ideas would be great. Thanks

    Hi Nic,

    Go to the top of my Blog and find the link for the free plan, and then start at stage one and follow every step…this is your best bet for success.

    Take Care,

    S. Williams

  31. Jeanne says:

    I’m in the exact same boat. It has been 3 weeks since my ex dumped me and one week since absolutely no contact. We live 300 miles apart. What do I do now? I miss him so much it’s killing me.

  32. Yoyo says:

    my situation is kinda different… ex was on vacation somewhere else for a month, and broke up with me after coming back… without seeing me once… in person… we did talk on the phone and msn while she was on vacation

    i sent the second chance letter and currently am doing the nc rule for about 10 days now

    just wanted to know if the steps i take are the same as everyone else as my situation is somewhat different, and ya i read the free plan and i have MOMU – but just wanted to know your opinion scott, thanks

  33. S. Williams says:

    Jeanne wrote:

    I’m in the exact same boat. It has been 3 weeks since my ex dumped me and one week since absolutely no contact. We live 300 miles apart. What do I do now?

    Hi Jeanne,

    Like I told Nic…

    Go to the top of my Blog and find the link for the free plan, and then start at stage one and follow every step…this is your best bet for success.

    Take Care,

    S. Williams

  34. S. Williams says:

    Yoyo wrote:

    i sent the second chance letter and currently am doing the nc rule for about 10 days now

    Hi Yoyo,

    Yes, you follow the same steps, the first and most important part of the plan (after you send the NC message) is to start your personal evolution, and get your life back first…then go after your ex.

    Take Care,

    S. Williams

  35. Terri says:

    @ Jaylove,

    I definitely feel what you are going through. It will be tough but you have a lot of people in your corner now. When you get the feeling like you want to call him or text him, email Scott and let him know that you are having a weak moment and that you need someone to help you through this. My girlfriends got soooo mad at me because I would call on them when I had a weak moment and then do something stupid like call him anyway just to get rejected. I soo had enough of being rejected by him. He knew what he was doing because I gave him all of my power and he used it aginst me.
    Ane yes, i wll never let another man treat me like that again. How do I know?? Because I LOVE ME now and as long as I am loving me, another man don’t stand a chance at breaking my spirit again.
    I hope this helps you feel even stronger today Jaylove. One day ata a time is all it takes for you to overcome this heartache. Believe in yourself and others will believe in you also.

  36. S. Williams says:

    Terri wrote:

    It will be tough but you have a lot of people in your corner now. When you get the feeling like you want to call him or text him, email Scott and let him know that you are having a weak moment and that you need someone to help you through this.

    Better yet…join our free forum it is part of the free plan.

    All the members support each other…and you can use the fast forward technique outlined in the free plan as well.

  37. mina says:

    What should I do? My boyfriend broke up with me 2 months ago. We had a long distance relationship for 4 years.
    We had a lot of arguments mostly of them was my fault. I realised that after the break up. I was really jealous and clingy. I realised I had some insecurity issues and I am dealing with that. We did not cheat on eachother. But the arguments got messy at the end.
    So he decided it is best for us to break up. I said O.K. and thought that is the end. But then he called after just 5 days and we started to talk on the phone and see eachother and one time we slept together. I was getting really hopeful that we are getting back together because he was always saying I was special and I am the only women he ever felt this way about. He was saying stuff like that when we were together, too.
    And I pushed him to tell me what he wants and he said he enjoys being single. Ofcourse, nothing has changed. We still talk and see eachother and he knows everything that is going on in my life. But I am a nervous wreck.
    I decided it is best for me if I don´t speak to him again so I sent him a NC text about 2 hours ago. He already called 8 times texted 2 times and I do not know what to do!!
    Help!!
    P.S. I am sorry for my grammar but English is not my native language.

  38. S. Williams says:

    mina wrote:

    I decided it is best for me if I don´t speak to him again so I sent him a NC text about 2 hours ago. He already called 8 times texted 2 times and I do not know what to do!!
    Help!!

    Hi Mina,

    What NC message did you text?

    Are you following the free plan here on my Blog?

    Take Care,

    S. Williams

  39. Yoyo says:

    it’s only been 17 (10 days after i sent letter) days of NC and i already feel great, should i wait longer… i feel like i’m prepared, she doesn’t come up on my mind that much anymore and i am in control of my emotions and when i think and don’t think about her… songs we listened to me have almost no affect… i know the NC rules has more than one purpose, to evolve myself and let the other person miss me, i feel that i’ve evolved, but how long will it take for her to miss me and have the space needed?

  40. S. Williams says:

    Yoyo wrote:

    i know the NC rules has more than one purpose, to evolve myself and let the other person miss me, i feel that i’ve evolved, but how long will it take for her to miss me and have the space needed?

    If she hasn’t tried to contact you, then I would give it more time…before moving into the reconnection phase.

  41. Yoyo says:

    like i said before, i didn’t do my nc letter exactly like your one, i did it more like the on tdub showed so there wasn’t the part about i’ll keep in touch when i’m ready, so she responded right after and said “i’m glad you agree, i need sometime alone, it’s still kinda hard to get over it, i’m sure we’ll be friends again :)” then after that she never contacted me again

  42. Yoyo says:

    and like i said before before lol, she is scaredy cat and knowing her she won’t msg me first T_T

  43. S. Williams says:

    Yoyo wrote:

    and like i said before before lol, she is scaredy cat and knowing her she won’t msg me first T_T

    You’re a forum member, right?

    If not you should join and let the other members help you with some of your doubts and fears…meanwhile stick to NC, OK?

  44. mina says:

    @ S. Williams:
    I copied the message you wrote for us to use. Because I tried telling him before on the phone that I it would be best if we had no contact but he just called anyway. I wanted to know where I stand and then he said that single life suits him. Ofcourse nothing has changed. He still had me and I noticed he still resented me for some stuff in our relationship.
    So I texted your message and he called 15 times (I didn`t answer) and sent me texts ˝please call me˝ and asking me what is wrong and the last one was ˝I see what you want, thanks˝ and I just cried my eyes out.

  45. Carolyn says:

    I can’t send the message because it has been 3 weeks since my NC and my ex bf hasn’t tried to contact me in two weeks, so wouldn’t that sound a bit silly sending the whole message?

  46. Pinky says:

    @ mina:
    If during NC your ex decides to go on a vacation and is still not calling/texting you what do you do?
    You dont even know when they are coming back..

  47. S. Williams says:

    mina wrote:

    So I texted your message and he called 15 times (I didn`t answer) and sent me texts ˝please call me˝ and asking me what is wrong and the last one was ˝I see what you want, thanks˝ and I just cried my eyes out.

    Good Job!

    That is how you ‘flip the switch” now go and follow all the rest of the steps in the free plan, OK?

  48. S. Williams says:

    Carolyn wrote:

    I can’t send the message because it has been 3 weeks since my NC and my ex bf hasn’t tried to contact me in two weeks, so wouldn’t that sound a bit silly sending the whole message?

    Not at all, and it will definitely flip his switch.

    This is an important part of the plan, and it will start your personal evolution.

  49. S. Williams says:

    Pinky wrote:

    @ mina:
    If during NC your ex decides to go on a vacation and is still not calling/texting you what do you do?
    You dont even know when they are coming back..

    You keep following the plan, and focus on your personal evolution, you must get your life back before you can get your ex back.

  50. mina says:

    @ S. Williams:
    He called 3 times today and I am having a hard time not picking up.I will stick to it though.
    I actually think that he needs this time too. Because he told me before NC that he is still hurting from some things I did and cannot forgive me (no cheating). It was just me being a bitch sometimes like pushing him away when I just wanted a hug (insecurity isues, I know-had them since childhood)
    Like everyone else I just worry that he will move on in this time and forget about me, but then again maybe I will.

    Thanks again for advice and I really admire how you take your time to help us poor souls!

  51. S. Williams says:

    mina wrote:

    Like everyone else I just worry that he will move on in this time and forget about me, but then again maybe I will.

    Follow the free plan on my Blog and it will help you tremendously…especially our forum.

  52. Yoyo says:

    scott my man, you sir… are a genius

    nevermind about her being a scaredy cat and would never message me… she JUST did : D so… what now? lol

    confirmed, no contact rule DEFINITELY works

  53. jaygirl says:

    Hi. Came here via google. I wil go to your blog from here to check out the free plan. I want to however tell my story
    My case is different because no one dumped the other. We have been dating for two years, he is 28
    I asked him if he had plans of ever getting married to me but he said he was not mentally ready to make that decision.
    Iwe went back and forth until I told him I felt we should call it quits since he had no future plans for me,
    And was also planning to leave the country soon.

    We broke up, he has been calling and says he wants to be friends. But I know it won’t work that way. We broke up five times earlier becos of this same marriage issue
    But we came back together because we were trying out d friendship method.
    He has made it clear though that this time he doesn’t want us to get back together as a couple because he feels guilty stringing me on when he has no plans for me for the future

    The thing now is that I want him back, as a bf not as a friend. I was also very emotionally dependent/clingy while we were dating.
    I am wondering if the no contact rule will work for me, or make him miss me more and miss all the nice things I did for him.

  54. S. Williams says:

    Yoyo wrote:

    scott my man, you sir… are a genius
    nevermind about her being a scaredy cat and would never message me… she JUST did : D so… what now? lol
    confirmed, no contact rule DEFINITELY works

    I would love to take the credit for coming up with the no contact rule…but I didn’t.

    I just helped to re-define it so people can understand and stick with it.

    You’re in no contact so don’t reply, unless you’re ready to start reconnection, OK?

    If you’re ready then read chapter 6 again, and come up with a good reason to set up your first short meeting…now you must beware “Premature Reconciliation”.

  55. S. Williams says:

    jaygirl wrote:

    I am wondering if the no contact rule will work for me, or make him miss me more and miss all the nice things I did for him.

    It will…just start following the free plan on my Blog, OK?

  56. Will says:

    Hi Scott,
    I’m re-reading “Magic” book f/2nd time. NC ltr sent Sep 11th… prev 2wks of pathetic pleading, flowers, etc… all gone unanswered by her. I sense I gave my power to her and she took it, by not replying to ANY of my phone, txt, email… etc. To recoop: 3yr LDR, then I proposed in June, she accepted then changed her mind. I visited again in Aug & found out–very painfully & embarassed–she had a pretty steady boyfriend. I asked if she chose him over me, she said, “him” I’m a littlt slow, but after 3yrs, now she jumps to another guy. Do I even have a chance here. When we last spoke Aug 17, she said she “wants to be friends” and “… he’s here, you’re not, I need someone here.” What’s your feeling. Is this over, and I’m not seeing it, or do I keep trying. I love her and feel she could love me again, if we were together. She say, “forgive me” but not sure what exactly that meant. Meanwhile, I’m working on me–getting a better job, etc… Your feedback is important to me, because you gave me hope that I might be able to save this… I love her completely. Ideas? Thanks, Scott.

  57. Pinky says:

    Hi Scott,

    I am still on NC with my colleague.He has made no attempts to contact me.Last week he was on leave for the whole week.There was a sudden urgent training arranged in the office for a program which he has been waiting to attend for a long time.Since he was on leave and I wanted him to attend it I texted him abt it.I even asked him to let me know if he wanted to include his name for the book materials.He did not reply.I did it only because I wanted him to benefit from the training.Today he has come to the training.He was wearing the shirt that I had gifted him.I was a part of the training too.He did not speak a word to me.Did not look in my direction.During the lunch break even though he was with his friends he sat in front of me.(normally he avoids me,but still did not look in my direction or speak).2-3 times in the training he just glanced at me once and gave me eye contact for abt 10 seconds but Iam not sure if Iam imagining it.He cud have told me he did not want me messaging or could have told a courteous thanks.But he didnt do both.He was normal talking to his friends and didnt pay me any attention.
    Should I give him some more time or is he angry that Iam keeping my distance?
    I need your valuable advice.

  58. S. Williams says:

    Will wrote:

    Do I even have a chance here.

    Will,

    You have a 50/50 chance…just like everyone else.

  59. S. Williams says:

    Pinky wrote:

    .Since he was on leave and I wanted him to attend it I texted him abt it.

    That’s called breaking no contact, you can not keep no contact and you’re screwing things up even worst.

    Focus on your own evolution and stop trying to kiss up to your ex, OK?

  60. Yoyo says:

    this is a somewhat complicated situation, nothing you can’t handle though scott, i’m sure :D

    ok, last friday my ex texted me and said hey, how have you been? then i hopped on the forum right away and asked what i should do now, since i already feel ready. you told me to reread chapter 6 of momu which i did, but i was still maintaining nc rule. my ex texted me again 2 days later and asked me why i am ignoring her if i said i was giving her time in the first place (i didn’t do your version of the nc letter, i used t dub’s version) since i was ready to reconnect i just called her back and said i wasn’t ignoring her, i have just been busy lately, then i asked her if she wanted to chill on wednesday, then she said hmm what am i doing that day… then she said i’ll see. from the tone of her voice she seemed not very exciting like how she usually was :S so i was like, you sound tired… and she said oh, i am… then i said oh ok, i won’t bother you then, and we ended it at that. did i mess up?

  61. S. Williams says:

    Yoyo wrote:

    from the tone of her voice she seemed not very exciting like how she usually was :S so i was like, you sound tired… and she said oh, i am… then i said oh ok, i won’t bother you then, and we ended it at that. did i mess up?

    You broke no contact too soon…next time she tries to contact you hit her with the NC message we use in the free plan, OK?

    Then give it at least a month…her tone will change.

  62. Yoyo says:

    aw shiii, i said maybe we should chill on wednesday… what do i do now? i’m ready… but she isn’t so i go back into no contact for another month?

  63. S. Williams says:

    Yoyo wrote:

    aw shiii, i said maybe we should chill on wednesday… what do i do now? i’m ready… but she isn’t so i go back into no contact for another month?

    Yeah, and use the recommended NC message word for word…it works a lot better.

    She didn’t sound very excited about meeting you, so when she tries to contact you again…go back into no contact.

    I mean she asked why you were ignoring her…did she even read your first NC message?

  64. Yoyo says:

    and if i do, i was wondering if i edit the nc letter… cause she knows already i agree with the break up lol… if i tell her twice it might be weird :S not sure ><

  65. Yoyo says:

    so when she goes like, ok i’m fine for wednesday, then i just go like i agree with the break up… blah blah blah keep in touch when i’m ready?

  66. S. Williams says:

    Yoyo wrote:

    and if i do, i was wondering if i edit the nc letter… cause she knows already i agree with the break up lol… if i tell her twice it might be weird :S not sure ><

    Just use the NC message without any edits…it works.

  67. Yoyo says:

    ok so basically reviewing the game plan, right now i just chill and be myself… once she contacts me i send NC letter to her… but if she doesn’t contact me i don’t send NC letter correct?

  68. S. Williams says:

    Yoyo wrote:

    ok so basically reviewing the game plan, right now i just chill and be myself… once she contacts me i send NC letter to her… but if she doesn’t contact me i don’t send NC letter correct?

    Now that you have talked to her…it might be a while before she contacts you again, unless she inquires about Wednesday.

    But she will contact you again (especially when you don’t get back to her), and that’s when you hit her with NC again.

  69. Yoyo says:

    the thing that’s troubling me is this is both our first relationships so, and also most of the time i known her we liked eachother lol so i haven’t really heard what she sounded like when she didn’t like me so i was confused as to whether she was excited or not… usually when you talk to the person you like they sound happy right… but this time she sounded not as happy… so i don’t know if that’s a normal or what, you get what i mean?

    i’m really confused about seeing her or resending the nc letter i mean, if i see her and have a great time on wednesday and eventually reunite that’s great, and i can use the nc letter as plan b if things don’t go so well right??

    i’m sure she still feels for me, that’s why she would wonder if i was ignoring her, if she didn’t she wouldn’t give a shxt whether i replied to her asking how i was lol

  70. S. Williams says:

    Yoyo wrote:

    i’m sure she still feels for me, that’s why she would wonder if i was ignoring her, if she didn’t she wouldn’t give a shxt whether i replied to her asking how i was lol

    That is how your ex keeps you in the “just friends” zone, she knows your still waiting around for her….that doesn’t help to make her want you back.

    If she thinks she is about to lose you, and you’re possibly “moving on” she will show her “true” feelings for you.

  71. Yoyo says:

    it’s cause of my second chance letter, i wrote:

    hey i was acting a little crazy before but ya you’re right we should have broken up it was the best thing for both of us sorry for not caring about you enough before something cool happened i need to tell you sometime you won’t believe it i will give you sometime to yourself maybe at some point we can be friends

    i didn’t put the it would be best if you didn’t contact me during this time so ya, i was kinda screwed :S if i didn’t contact her she will be confused why i ignored her… and i thought we were ready to reestablish contact since i feel fine >< so you see i'm in a big mess…

  72. BB says:

    Hi Scott,

    I have a question/situation. After my ex broke up with me, we would hang out about once a week, but it seemed that we were in constant contact through e-mail or phone (99% of the time he initiated it). Anyway, about a week ago I TOLD him to his face that I needed time away from him and that he shouldn’t call or e-mail me. I wasn’t angry or upset when I said those things, but I’m afraid that I messed up things for good by not writing him an e-mail or letter. What should I do now? He hasn’t contacted me so I feel silly sending him a NC message. Help! Thanks!

  73. S. Williams says:

    Yoyo wrote:

    i didn’t put the it would be best if you didn’t contact me during this time so ya, i was kinda screwed :S

    Go follow the free plan, and resend the correct no contact message and watch what happens.

    I get people everyday telling me how NC saved their relationship…but you must do it correctly.

  74. S. Williams says:

    BB wrote:

    What should I do now? He hasn’t contacted me so I feel silly sending him a NC message. Help! Thanks!

    Hi BB,

    You might feel silly, but that’s what needs to be done…send your ex the recommended no contact message as outlined in the free plan.

  75. Yoyo says:

    @ S. Williams:
    i asked to meet her tomorrow, but haven’t gotten her answer yet, should i call it off and just send the letter then?

  76. S. Williams says:

    Yoyo wrote:

    @ S. Williams:
    i asked to meet her tomorrow, but haven’t gotten her answer yet, should i call it off and just send the letter then?

    I would wait until she tries to contact you again, then hit her with the NC message.

    Chances are she will not respond to you on Wednesday to see if you try to chase her, when you don’t she will contact you, and then…Wham! NC

  77. Yoyo says:

    @ S. Williams:
    i’m just scared she will contact me tomorrow after school, that’s when she knows how much homework she has or what she has to do that day to decide whether she’s going or not, if she says yes and i hit her with the NC letter i think she’ll be pissed… she’ll be ready to go and finally meet me then i call it off :S she might be like… are you playing with me?!

    i hope she tells me today… if worse comes to worse and she does contact me tomorrow right before we’re supposed to meet, what do i do? should i just send it now?

  78. S. Williams says:

    Yoyo wrote:

    i hope she tells me today… if worse comes to worse and she does contact me tomorrow right before we’re supposed to meet, what do i do? should i just send it now?

    If she does contact you back and acts like she is truly interested, then go meet and keep it short (30 minutes).

    Do not bring up any personal stuff (old relationship, you’re present dating situation) keep it about work, school, sports, news…things like that.

    If she blows you off, or acts shitty at the meeting…hit her with NC again after the meeting, or the next time she contacts you, OK?

  79. Yoyo says:

    alright, thanks a lot scott, a life saver as always :D

    i will also try the instant reconnect technique, it sounds very effective from what i read, even tdub himself said it may be too potent :)

  80. Will says:

    Hi – I’d like other member’s feedback; Scott, you’ve been great, but need like-minded LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP feedback:

    When I visited, she said she, “wanted to be friends.” She ran off with her new boyfriend, leaving me sitting in her apartment – cold. I want to get back together, but am in NYC, she’s in CA. I keep coming back to T-Dub’s statement that people don’t change – once a cheater, always a cheater. Should I move on? I love her & think she still has feelings for me: 3yr long dist back & forth. New boyfriend helps her a lot & she says I can’t help her from afar…. Help me guys.

  81. S. Williams says:

    Will wrote:

    Hi – I’d like other member’s feedback; Scott, you’ve been great, but need like-minded LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP feedback:

    Hi Will,

    WTF are you doing on my Blog?

    Follow the free plan, and you will get to meet a lot of LDR people, in our forum…

    Stop dragging your ass, and start reading, OK?

  82. Will says:

    Scott, I bought the book, on my 3rd read now. It’s been 3wks since I last talked w/her. 5wks since she ran out on me w/new boyfriend… 12 days since I snt NC letter, word-for-word. How do i get feedback? I thought this was the forum???? Thx.

  83. S. Williams says:

    Will wrote:

    I thought this was the forum???? Thx.

    Will,

    This is a Blog…follow my free plan (top of the blog) and you will find the forum, paying attention really helps…it really does…so focus, OK?

  84. car says:

    @ Terri:

    Did you send a no contact letter after three years ?
    What event prompted your ex’s renued interest ?

  85. Yoyo says:

    dang, she didn’t reply me about meeting today like she forgot all about it :S should i just send the correct nc letter now or just wait till she does contact?

  86. S. Williams says:

    Yoyo wrote:

    dang, she didn’t reply me about meeting today like she forgot all about it :S should i just send the correct nc letter now or just wait till she does contact?

    I had a feeling she would blow you off…why?

    She wants to see if you will chase her, when she gets curious (and she will), and contacts you…don’t respond, and then send her the NC message.

    That ought to give her a little kick in the ass wake up call, huh? ;)

  87. Yoyo says:

    hmm, possibly i have a feeling she didn’t take my invitation seriously though cause on the phone i was like, oh i wasn’t ignoring you i was just busy – anyways, maybe we can chill on wednesday or something then she said hm what am i doing… i’ll see… so ya… my invitation was kinda fail so idk…

  88. S. Williams says:

    @ Yoyo:
    Just stick to the plan and stop second guessing everything, OK?

  89. Yoyo says:

    since i’m done the self evolution thing, all i need to do now is wait until she contacts me right?

  90. Yoyo says:

    LOL wowow, i was right she did forget it, wth??! she just texted me and was like i kinda forgot about today, sorry

    what do i do now? ><

  91. S. Williams says:

    Yoyo wrote:

    LOL wowow, i was right she did forget it, wth??! she just texted me and was like i kinda forgot about today, sorry
    what do i do now? ><

    It is no wonder you picked a name …Yo-yo

    Pull your head out of your ass, and start thinking…follow the free plan, or stop asking me stupid questions, OK?

  92. Yoyo says:

    i didn’t mean to offend or anything :S i just want to make sure i didn’t make any mistakes, i’ve messed up already and everytime i mess up my chances decrease, i didn’t want to mess up again…

    and ya, i shouldn’t ask you whenever something happens >< it's just that my forum buddy seems inactive most of the time and no one replies my diary

  93. Lisa says:

    I bought the book and have read it twice now before I start doing the plan – need all the help I can get. But, I have been reading this site and everyone is mentioning about a letter or message or something – where in the world is this in the book – i cannot see it?

  94. S. Williams says:

    Yoyo wrote:

    i didn’t mean to offend or anything :S i just want to make sure i didn’t make any mistakes, i’ve messed up already and everytime i mess up my chances decrease, i didn’t want to mess up again…

    Then follow my previous advice, and send her the NC message, and you will find out if she is serious about you or not.

    Don’t be afraid to find out the truth, OK?

  95. S. Williams says:

    Lisa wrote:

    I bought the book and have read it twice now before I start doing the plan – need all the help I can get. But, I have been reading this site and everyone is mentioning about a letter or message or something – where in the world is this in the book – i cannot see it?

    Have you read the free plan?

    I would guess not because you would know the answer to your question…it’s at the top of my Blog.

  96. Yoyo says:

    @ S. Williams:
    ok i sent it and i am following the plan, i’ve done everything in the plan except i broke no contact on day 20 because i felt that i was ready for the reconnection process, but apparently she wasn’t… i used your version of nc letter this time so it should be all good now, because in my previous letter i did not tell her not to contact me and she did after about 3 weeks… foolishly i replied… should have waited longer… oh well, back to NC day 1 i guess… and ya i know it’s not about 30 days, but i’m ready it’s just her

    so friends, don’t break the NC rule too early and end up like me :P look at the bigger picture… if you contact her, ya, you’ll hear her voice and be happy… for a short while, but when you don’t contact her and get her back for good you’ll be happy for a long time! :D

  97. S. Williams says:

    Yoyo wrote:

    so friends, don’t break the NC rule too early and end up like me :P look at the bigger picture…

    Think of it like a recipe for a cake…if you don’t wait your eating mush, but if you’re patient your eating some good cake at the end, right?

    Hmmmm…I must be hungry talking about cake. ;)

  98. Yoyo says:

    haha ya, that is a good comparison and the longer time goes by… the harder to get back your ex, which will be like the cake getting burned then you can’t eat it :(

  99. S. Williams says:

    Yoyo wrote:

    haha ya, that is a good comparison and the longer time goes by… the harder to get back your ex,

    Actually time is not your enemy, but making too many mistakes will ruin your chances…time makes the heart go fonder.

    Yoyo wrote:

    which will be like the cake getting burned then you can’t eat it :(

    Maybe while you’re waiting you”ll remember cake is not that good for you, and go find something better to eat.

    But you”ll never know if you don’t follow the recipe (the plan) all the way through to the end, right?

  100. Yoyo says:

    i thought the window of opportunity gets smaller as time went by :S

    i’ve made about 4 mistakes now… first begging and pleading, then the text messages, then sending the incorrect nc letter and finally breaking nc rule… i feel like i’m on thin ice right now :(

  101. S. Williams says:

    Yoyo wrote:

    i feel like i’m on thin ice right now

    Yet you try to tell me you feel like you have emotionally evolved, and are ready to reconnect.

    It doesn’t sound like it.

    The biggest mistake anyone makes in your situation, is to kid themselves that they are ready to reconnect.

    You would be very confident right now, and you wouldn’t worry if you got her back or not…if you were truly, and totally emotionally evolved.

    You need to start following the plan, and get the book if you don’t have it already.

    You’re skipping the most important part of this plan…the personal evolution.

  102. Jessica says:

    My bf broke up with me about a month ago. For no real reason. I tryed to stay calm But some days it was way to had. The last ten day I have done the nc thing but Its hard not to see him from time to time cause he lives with friends. Does nc start all over if I do chat with him brefly? I just say HI, How are things? How is work? and that is all. I even stoped visiting my friend to some point. So do I have to start the nc thing all over again or what I am doing is fine? 10 days ago I did send him a letter saying i accept it and is happy for me and so on. Cause I see him from time to time does that rune my chances to ever getting him back or help me?

  103. S. Williams says:

    Jessica wrote:

    10 days ago I did send him a letter saying i accept it and is happy for me and so on. Cause I see him from time to time does that rune my chances to ever getting him back or help me?

    Hi Jessica,

    You need to start over again, and follow the free plan on my Blog.

    Don’t worry about the past 10 days, just follow the plan, and it will answer all your questions for you.

    The support in our forum is the best on the net.

  104. Yoyo says:

    i guess i wasn’t, i felt confident though, because with the book and this blog i thought that i had a 100% chance to get her back, it was only a matter of time and i thought since she contacted me i already had it in the bag, however wrong i was… that’s why my confidence broke down so suddenly

    ya, i am not evolved yet i was just over confident, back to evolving… :P

  105. S. Williams says:

    Yoyo wrote:

    ya, i am not evolved yet i was just over confident, back to evolving…

    Do all the exercises in chapters 1-5 in MOMU, and go get active in our forum.

    The more you help others evolve the faster you will evolve as well..you get back 10 times as much as you give out…remember that.

  106. Jessica says:

    If I got to start over with nc then I cant visit my friend at all cause if i do he will more than likely be their. Unless we only meet somewhere else. I have done some soul searching and not emotional about it anymore. I feel that I am doing good.

  107. S. Williams says:

    Jessica wrote:

    I have done some soul searching and not emotional about it anymore. I feel that I am doing good.

    If you try this without correctly following a good plan, your chance for success is slim…it’s hard enough with a good plan, and support forum.

    What’s more important seeing your friend or getting your life back again?

  108. Carolyn says:

    Hi Scott. Quick question; When making the first phone call I have no idea what I will say. Apart from Hi ……… it’s Carolyn – what would be the best thing to follow after that? Any advice?

  109. Carolyn says:

    Carolyn wrote:

    Hi Scott. Quick question; When making the first phone call I have no idea what I will say. Apart from Hi ……… it’s Carolyn – what would be the best thing to follow after that? Any advice?

    You know what Scott, forget I asked that. I will just roll with it. I am calm and collected and with being a better me now it won’t be a problem.

  110. Carolyn says:

    Scott…….i just made that first all important phone call and, well this is what happened. I rang from my mobile as he has ID caller on his home phone so he would know it was my number. He answered with a lot of music in the background. He said “Jannelle”……….I said “Jannelle, no this is Carolyn” and it went silent. I said hello a couple of times and I don’t think he hung up, not sure because it was just so quiet. So I hung up. Then rang straight back and he had put the phone on answering machine!…………..so now what? Does this sound like I have to move on now, for real Scott?

  111. S. Williams says:

    Carolyn wrote:

    Does this sound like I have to move on now, for real Scott?

    Hi Carolyn,

    Did you follow the free plan?

    The reconnection is the last part of the plan…did you follow all the steps before that?

  112. Terri says:

    Hi Scott,

    I have something that I need you to help me out with. I have mentioned to you that I am in a relationship with a good man that treats me like a queen and respects me and loves me for who I am. Here is the probelm. Lately he’s been acting a bit different, we’ve been datind now for 4 months and within those 4 months, I’ve noticed that he still allows his childs mother to have an effect on him which is causing probems for him and I and the reason I say that is because the things we used to do are starting to become less and less.
    Since I have been down this road before and choose to not go there again, I decided to confront him about it just to have him tell me that I was “tripping”. Well Scott I am not tripping as those are red flags that I’ve seen in my past relationship. So he hung up the phone on me and I did not call back. After realizing that my comments made him react in such a way as hanging up on me, made me think that he still has some feelings for his childs mother. So instead of calling back and arguing about the hang up, I am going to move on because I just don’t have time for the baby momma games or the disrespect from him acting childish by hanging up on me. What do you think Scott??

    Fed up already!!!

  113. S. Williams says:

    Terri wrote:

    I am going to move on because I just don’t have time for the baby momma games or the disrespect from him acting childish by hanging up on me. What do you think Scott??

    Don’t let past bad experiences rule how you think.

    Relive the conversation, and ask yourself: “could I have done this a little bit better?”

    Maybe you should try to calmly talk about this with him before deciding to throw in the towel…OK?

  114. Terri says:

    I hear waht you are saying Scott it’s just that if I continue to have discussions with him about things that I feel he takes fro granted, then why shouldn’t I move on? I am willing to let him come to me because he knows that what he is doing is wrong.
    If you are still having relations with your ex, why should I stick around for that?
    I have been hurt before Scott and it took a long time for me to get past the hurt and start dating again. I don’t want to put to much more into this relationship if he is still going to answer her text messages at all hours of the night because the baby fell and hurt his leg.
    That is totally disrespectful to me and our relationship. When he comes to me and try to talk this out, I am willing to listen but believe me when I say this, things are going to be very different on my part because i have to protect my heart and I am willing to break his before he break mines.

  115. Terri says:

    I hear waht you are saying Scott But why is it “could I have done thngs a little better” Why is it all about him? How is it that we go from seeing each other every other day (which was perfect) to seeing each other once a week? This is a new relationship not somthing that we’ve been in for years. it’s just that if I continue to have discussions with him about things that I feel he takes for granted, then why shouldn’t I move on? I am willing to let him come to me because he knows that what he is doing is wrong.
    If you are still having relations with your ex, why should I stick around for that? i thank you Scott for your advice and I will see him again

  116. Terri says:

    Sorry for the triple post.

  117. S. Williams says:

    Terri wrote:

    If you are still having relations with your ex, why should I stick around for that?

    If he is still sleeping with his ex, then I would most definitely move on, unless you both agreed to not being exclusive just yet.

    If that’s the case tell him you want to be exclusive, and if he refuses, move on, or use the free plan to see if he really wants just you, OK?

  118. Terri says:

    That’s just it Scott, We’ve already declared that we were exclusive that is why I am confused to the sudden changes he is making. The thing is Scott, we’ve been knowing eache other since 92 and we never dated we were just good friends. Now that we are a couple, things are changing in a way that I don’t feel comfortable.

  119. S. Williams says:

    Terri wrote:

    Now that we are a couple, things are changing in a way that I don’t feel comfortable.

    Start following the free plan on my Blog, that would be your best move right now.

    Since you didn’t officially break up…send the take a break NC message, and then start following the rest of the plan too.

    During your personal evolution you will discover things about yourself, and your past relationship.

  120. Carolyn says:

    @ S. Williams:
    Yes scott, i was a stickler to the plan. I am very shocked at the non response I got and also very pissed off. Someone who is that nasty and immature doesn’t deserve my love and attention – I did nothing wrong here and because I followed the plan to a ‘T’ I will go ahead with MY LIFE without him in it. I did not give up, I’m moving on – so even though it didn’t work out for me the way it would have been nice to, that is ok and because it’s ok is because I followed the plan and got myself a healthy mind, body and soul. So at this point I will say all the best to everyone on here and never give up on yourself whichever way it goes. Thanks Scott.

    xxx

  121. S. Williams says:

    Carolyn wrote:

    I’m moving on – so even though it didn’t work out for me the way it would have been nice to, that is ok and because it’s ok is because I followed the plan and got myself a healthy mind, body and soul.

    But it did work out for you…

    you got rid of a selfish asshole, and became a whole woman again.

    Carolyn you definitely kicked loves ass!

    Keep on kicking ass, and live a great life.

  122. Carolyn says:

    @ S. Williams:
    Thank you scott for all your support and to the MOMU. And I agree, it did work out for me in the end because I am loving me now more than I ever had over the past 46 years (oh minus from 0-10 yrs old lol. I wish I could give you a BIG hug right now because you do save so many souls on this site. All the best Scott.

    xxxooo Carolyn.

  123. abiii says:

    hiya, I have been on the forum on your website and posted my story but need a little bit of advice a bit further on down the line..

    I have been in NC for little under 3 months with a colleague of mine. He has still not contacted me and would not reply to a message from me. He doesnt speak to me at all and I see him at work staring at me/ looking for me in meetings but he is aparently seeing someone in a LDR.

    Is this hopeless or shall I look back onto the forums or could u give me advice? Much apreciated X

  124. S. Williams says:

    abiii wrote:

    I have been in NC for little under 3 months with a colleague of mine.

    When you say you have been in NC for 3 months…did you follow the plan on my Blog?

    Did you send the recommended NC message?

    If not get started following the free plan on my Blog…that’s the best advice I could give you right now, OK?

  125. abiii says:

    yes I did send the exact NC message..hopeless?

  126. S. Williams says:

    abiii wrote:

    yes I did send the exact NC message..hopeless?

    What about following the rest of the plan…do you have the book?

    Have you been working on your personal evolution?

    Have you been using our forum for more personal support?

    Nothing is hopeless…just keep following the plan, and leave him alone for now, OK?

  127. Will says:

    Hi Scott,
    Im on Forum now & have recvd lots of GREAT! feedbak, esp post abt breakup “from a woman’s point of view.” Wow. Seeing LDR breakup MUCH clearer… key to achieving ths is MOMU book; it’s essential!!! Word-for-word NC ltr snt 18 days ago. Question, after discoverig ex has new boyfriend whn I visited her in CA (Im in NY) + seeing them happily togthr, am I chasing my tail? She admitted she’s sleeping with him (T-Dub’s words about women ‘bonding’ once they’ve had sex with someone echo a lot now). Her divorce is finalized nxt mo. Ths guy ‘helps’ her a lot now (instd of me from afar). Cld ths be a ‘rebound’ relationship f/her? We have 2+ yrs togther, plans, dreams, etc (albeit vry little sex). Ths guy was a local CA friend f/6mo – now her lover, and Im dumped. I’ve resolved to continued NC ’til I get a better job (one of key problems to her unhappiness w/me); I lost my job aftr my divorce, hit bottom, etc… In ths LDR, how mch weight should her ‘bonding’ sexually w/ths new guy play in my overall plan to win her back?

  128. S. Williams says:

    Will wrote:

    In ths LDR, how mch weight should her ‘bonding’ sexually w/ths new guy play in my overall plan to win her back?

    None.

    Just focus on the plan, and your personal evolution.

  129. Will says:

    Thx Scott f/ur clarity. I’m dating again, aftr being ‘true’ & far away from ex f/a long time… jst being w/another girl who enjoys my company is positive, too. I’ll hang in there f/at least another 30-60 days… I need that much time to follow my plan & evolve to the point, where I can show my ex that I truly am the better man. It’s all about me… you’re right, worrying about who she’s having sex with, shouldn’t distract me.

  130. S. Williams says:

    Will wrote:

    I need that much time to follow my plan & evolve to the point, where I can show my ex that I truly am the better man. It’s all about me… you’re right, worrying about who she’s having sex with, shouldn’t distract me.

    It is all about getting your life back, and then deciding (at that point) if you really want your ex back again…if so follow the reconnection plan.

    What happens with her between now and then you can’t do anything about, so why worry yourself, right?

  131. SleepingGraves says:

    Hi S. Williams,

    Okay, I have one question for you and then I am ready to get your book and go with the plan.

    We mutually agreed over the phone to 30 days of No Contact. She stated this would help us to heal and for me to better express my feelings, it was her idea initially but I agreed to it with her.

    Her last email to me was “I am serious about the thirty days. We should have no contact and this means no Facebook, no phone, no email, okay ? Let me heal and you heal too okay ?”

    She does not want me to contact her. How then do I send my own No Contact message when we have already agreed 12 days ago to not contact one another ?

    Please advise me and then I am ready to proceed.

    Thank you !!!

    Best/SleepingGraves

  132. Amy says:

    @ Will:Will, i understand how you feel. My LDR with my ex ended with him taking a girlfriend locally who was convenient but he never said it was because she was special to him, just knew him as an acquaintance for 3 yrs. Anyway it’s great you are enjoying yourself with someone else who is local to you and wants to be with you. If she erases the ex from your mind and heart that’s not a bad thing!

  133. S. Williams says:

    SleepingGraves wrote:

    Okay, I have one question for you and then I am ready to get your book and go with the plan.

    I have one question for you…

    If you already have a plan in action, why are you looking for another plan?

    I would guess that you feel this is not going to work, and you’re most likely correct…why?

    Because you’re not following any sort of plan to get your life back, and analyze what went wrong…so how is “30 days” going to make any difference?

    The same problems and attitudes will be waiting when you come back in 30 days, right?

    The only way to use the no contact rule correctly is to follow a step-by-step plan.

    I would start from the beginning and send the recommended NC message (even if she gets mad), and start you’re personal evolution.

    Or, you can wait until 30 days is up and see what happens, and then if the results are not what you like, come back and start this plan, OK?

  134. Will says:

    Thanks Amy, I’m a way off from finding someone to erase 3yrs of love… I feel like a wary & cautious animal now. Are you on Scott’s blog? Go there & we can support ea othr. How far along are you with reconnecting with your ex? Or have you moved on? I’m curious about how to acomplish phase-II, reconnection from afar?

  135. S. Williams says:

    Will wrote:

    Are you on Scott’s blog?

    You mean the forum…don’t you?

    You’re already on my Blog right now. :)

  136. nancy says:

    @ Terri:
    I agree that perhaps this NC can work. I haven’t spoken to my ex since 8/16 and recently he initiated contact via email on birtdhay plans for our son…minimal but nevertheless contact. i’ve been very cordial and responsive but no talk of “us” just our lil man… let’s see what happens. I don’t hold much hope..we are going to get divorced.at some point once we can sell our marital home. he said “no rush” on the divorce..let’s get the house right first…:(

  137. Will says:

    Yes, Scott, I meant the FORUM. Amy, get onto Scott’s forum, It’s helped me A LOT, ok… many like-minded souls working thing thru :-)

  138. S. Williams says:

    nancy wrote:

    he said “no rush” on the divorce..let’s get the house right first…:(

    Maybe you can slowly bring up the idea of getting some marriage counseling instead of a divorce?

  139. Yoyo says:

    the thing that sux about my ex is she doesn’t really have her own mind on anything, she listens to her friends all the time… it can be so annoying sometimes… i hope her friends don’t fk me over, or she has her own mind for once…

    and ya, i’m following the plan, day 29 of NC… but i broke it last time so i’m back to day 6

  140. S. Williams says:

    Yoyo wrote:

    the thing that sux about my ex is she doesn’t really have her own mind on anything, she listens to her friends all the time… it can be so annoying sometimes

    Yeah that would be like dating her, and all her friends at the same time…what a headache.

    But chicks like to flock together until one looks at the others boyfriend…then it’s all claws baby.

  141. Yoyo says:

    it’s soo annoying… especially when they say bad things about you… like hmm i don’t think they really match… or look good together, i really don’t give a shxt about what they think to be honest… and when you make a mistake, and your ex is sad they all get mad at you T_T and a lot of times they comfort her and agree that i was wrong although in most cases i wasn’t and then she blames me for it! being a dude is so painful sometimes lol, i don’t criticize my friend’s gfs, but my ex’s friends criticize me :( i’m sure all the guys here can relate!

  142. Erin says:

    Hello,

    It has been over a month now since my ex and I broke up and 1 week and 2 days since I have spoken to him.
    I have the urge to send him a text saying hello. Is this a bad idea on my part?

  143. S. Williams says:

    Erin wrote:

    Hello,
    It has been over a month now since my ex and I broke up and 1 week and 2 days since I have spoken to him.
    I have the urge to send him a text saying hello…is this a bad idea on my part?

    Yup…it would be a bad idea to not follow the free plan on my Blog, just take this gift, and set yourself free, OK?

  144. Yoyo says:

    ok, right now is day 7 of NC#2 because i broke the first one at 20 days T^T and she did blow me off on the date we were supposed to meet and said she forgot… so now do i wait another 23 days? in MOMU it says the reconnection phase should be at least 30 days after the break up, so is it 30 days after break up or no contact? the contact i had with my ex was very brief though, the time i broke NC i just said i was busy so i didn’t respond her and if she wanted to meet, but that time i sent the wrong NC letter anyway, it did not include the “please do not contact me during this time”, but the one i sent 7 days ago did (which was also the day she blew me off…) you said maybe i should wait a month, did you mean another month or the 10 days i missed? right now i’m focusing on my studies and meeting new people to keep my mind off her, but i still want her back T^T

  145. Will says:

    I nearly fell off my chair this morning. Ex made first (meager) contact via GoogleChat. Its day-18 since NC + the 10 days she ignored me during my pathetic begging phase. I wasn’t home whn mssg came in (all-the-better). She said: “Hello! I am very sorry, I missed the date of payment for the phone. May I send you money by mail?” I gave her a cell phone, ‘cause her ex-husbd’s plan ends soon. It was easy f/me to pay, but w/the new boyfriend in the pict, its like salt in the wound to keep doing that. She abruptly stopped using the phone after I visited & found out about the new boyfriend. Guilt? Paranoia? Both? I’m not answering her back. It’s the principle of the thing. If she wants, she can mail it. She has my address + can pay TMobile direct. What’s important is that she reached out… albeit in a small way. I went on another date tonite & had a great time… 2nd girl I’ve dated in 2wks. Nothing serious – my ex still has the key to my heart :-( bt it’s fun to laugh & relax with girls who seem to like me. Not obsessing over my LDR ex & her new boyfriend (both completely out of my control!!!!!!) Im grateful to God + many others on this blog/forum for helping me get my life back… thus far. I’m committed to AT LEAST another 45 days NC, before I figure out how to take the next step.

  146. Misa Misa says:

    @ Terri:
    I’m going through the same thing I missed my ex and He is annoying me like crazy and I fed up with it so I don’t talk to him anymore even his friends are rude to me so I don’t talk to them either but I don’t want to be treated like crap by my ex I don’t deserve that I’m better than that

  147. Renee says:

    I will be brief: We were in a 3 month relationship May to Aug09…and broke up but still kept contact for another 6 weeks…had an argument and he immediately started seeing someone else. I made an attempt to convince him to let us get back together in Sept 09 he refused…said he love her/she loved him. Told him I hated him…NC for 5 weeks. Sent email in Oct09 saying I don’t hate him…maybe we can talk in future…just come back without hesitation. He reached out Thanksgiving09 and stayed in touch through June09…he mentioned marriage…but was not doing Over The Road driving (planned to move down south and never return to NY)…never returned my calls, emails, or came to see me when in town…so told him he is going to make me give up June 16th…ignored my email June 24th (I did not respond to his Father Day email June09)…so he stopped texting/calling me and I stopped texting and calling him. Been almost 6 months since we seen each other. 4 months since last contact…until 3 days ago when I sent him an email stating (Titled: One Last Chance or Should I move On?) that stated how I must accept the fact that he is gone and never coming back…how what we shared was special, rare & doesn’t come along very often if ever in a liftetime…Yet I will never forget you. He responded within 24hours (that is a record for him)…stating he didn’t call or say anything so we can get each other out of our system. Says he is back in NY for his kids (divorced Sept 09) and he will call me soon…his ending words “love you always”…I really do love this man with all of my heart and soul. He is 37 and just ended an 18 year marriage…I believe he is my soulmate…I have experiened the kind of love/attraction that is unheard of/fairy tale like…the kind of attraction that makes your heart skip a beat and a kiss that made me cry after we were apart for 3 months…our first NC. Any advice will help. I don’t want to blow my chances with him…I am very spiritual and extremely sensitive (I knew he was coming into town before his sister told me he was on the way)…I was extremely emotional for two weeks…hence…I just found out that he has been here for two weeks…I didn’t know that before I sent the email/letter. I just had to let him know that I was coming to accept the fact that he is gone for good and never coming back and that I will never forget him. HELP!

  148. S. Williams says:

    Renee wrote:

    HELP!

    Hi Renee,

    My best advice to you is to follow the free plan on my Blog.

    It is all laid out for you…just follow each and every step, OK?

    If you believe he is truly your soul mate then you need to fight, and that means doing things you don’t understand.

    The link for the plan is at the top of my Blog.

    Take Care,

    S. Williams

  149. Renee says:

    I will follow your plan…seeing how he did respond (within 24 hours) I will just continue our NC…he did let me know that he is back in Rochester…one of the reasons we ended instead of rekindling was because he was doing OTR and he knew he was not interested in LDR…he let on that he has a problem with trust and he is emotionally unavailable…lots of issues…I am not making excuses just knowing what I am up against…he says he will call me soon and that he “loves me always”…however he did not answer my question of One Last Try or Should I move on?…my note to him was “accepting it is over and he is gone for good”…I will continue praying, writing in my journal which I have done since I was 17…I now 40…I will not contact him again…if the relationship is worth rekindling which he has acknowledged then he has to make an effort too…for some reason he believes our paths will cross and then we can decide to try this again…Fine…but we both have to be willing to work together…I have already put my pride aside for the sake of LOVE…besides I am using this time to get myself together..I too am recently divorced and have many issues to fix…financial as well as emotional…for some reason God will not let me be “broken-down” sad anymore…I will keep you posted…

  150. S. Williams says:

    Renee wrote:

    besides I am using this time to get myself together..I too am recently divorced and have many issues to fix…financial as well as emotional

    Hi Renee,

    That is exactly what the personal evolution is all about, getting your life back first.

    Stay Strong!

  151. Amy says:

    @ Renee:
    Hi I think your situation and mine are extremely similar. 3 month relationship, he is divorced and him saying get each other out of our systems…..i wonder if in our case we didn’t really have a REAL relationship yet but we just need a chance??? maybe that’s what it is.

  152. Renee says:

    @ Amy:

    Hello Amy.

    I do hope we are not talking about the same guy. But we were in a relationship but he began showing signs that he was not ready to be in a relationship so I ended it back in Aug08. He divorce was finalized in Sept 2008…Wow! Looking at my string above I am off by 1 year. We met and started seeing each other in May08-Aug08…contact ended 09/21/08. Resumed speaking November/Thanksgiving 2008 through June 2009. Met in person in January 2009. It was real for both of us. He is running scared. Said I was baby of his future…just not ready for me yet. I am living my life. Was finally able to get past the crying stage (and it has never taken me more than 90 days to get over anyone…including my ex-husband)…I just had to go the distance and make sure before I let go. I am somewhat free…living my life. Our paths will cross again…who knows what the future really holds. I know I am on his mind again. In time maybe he will come around…if not so be it. I finally made it to the personal evolution stage. I never thought I would get this far…

  153. jen says:

    hey scott,
    Its been 12 days since i sent the NC message and 11 weeks since we split up , i sent odd text to him regarding him seeing our child but nothing personal, all our mutual friends, his family and even girls he meets that talk to him has been giving him a hard time over him not seeing his child, and for sum reason they seem to be talking to him about break up and giving him advice, hes getting annoyed and he sent me a message telling me hes f***ked off with it all and want everyone to stay out of it, ive not said anything as its no1 elses business but for sum reason its like hes blaming me and i dont no why, if hes getting so annoyed with ppl telling him he sud see his kid more then maybe he sud do it instead of crying about it. i hate it wen exs use the one that got dumped as a reason for things going wrong or annoying them? is it a general man thing to pass the blame

  154. S. Williams says:

    jen wrote:

    is it a general man thing to pass the blame

    No, that’s pretty much an asshole trait that can be found in both sexes.

  155. Renee says:

    Hi Jen.

    Remember that althought it would be nice for fathers to stay in their children’s lives when a relationship ends we can’t make them. It is their personal choice. What has worked for me in the past is not pressuring the father to see his child if he does fine if he doesn’t well that is something the father will have to deal with later on in life. Just make sure you don’t deny him access to his child as many women do to try and get back at him for the relationship/marriage ending.

  156. jen says:

    Renee wrote:

    Hi Jen.
    Remember that althought it would be nice for fathers to stay in their children’s lives when a relationship ends we can’t make them. It is their personal choice. What has worked for me in the past is not pressuring the father to see his child if he does fine if he doesn’t well that is something the father will have to deal with later on in life. Just make sure you don’t deny him access to his child as many women do to try and get back at him for the relationship/marriage ending.

    hi renee,
    i understand you can make a father keep in contact with his child, but hes always gone on to his family etc that no matter what he would stand by his child and even no he still does the proud dad bit and says his child is his life but then doesnt see him, i dont get how one minute his child is his life and no hes an inconvinience, if he doesnt want 2 see him fine he sud tell me instead of seeing him 2hrs every 2 weeks and making my son cry over it and drop the proud dad bit

  157. Renee says:

    Hi Jen. Try to separate what you are feeling and the urge to confront him on this. It is his way of “making you come to him” because he knows that seeing your child upset and wanting to see his father is in itself very painful. Don’t let the child see that it upset’s you to the point where you start saying bad things about the father in front of or to the child. Instead let the child talk to you about his/her feelings (if old enough; otherwise just be there to wipe the tear and comfort him/her. Before you say a negative word about the father remember a child is a reflection and a PART of a PARENT…so when you say bad things about the PARENT you are saying it about the child. That may not be your intention but the child could feel this way. Be careful. When you do talk to the father let him know that what he is doing is not fair to the child…at the same time if you think he may take out his anger over what has happened between the two of you out on the child it’s best he does not see the child for awhile. Maybe suggest at least talking to the child on the phone to keep contact…My mom never said a bad thing about our father to us…We loved are dad…as we got older we knew the truth about what happenend and our mom never denied us access to him or or him access to us. Subsequently, when I had my children and the father disappeared I too understand the pain the child was feeling and I did not add to it by badgering the father or by holding on to how he treated my child by not seeing him/having the child wait up for him (sometimes on the porch in the cold for hours saying “Daddy will be here, he promised” yet never showed up. Now my son is 22 and he won’t go see is father even though his dad has asked me to relay the message that he wants to see his son…I tell his dad that his son is a grown man…I can’t make him see you and you should’ve thought about that back when he was ten wanting to see you.

  158. Renee says:

    @ S. Williams:

    Hi Scott. I have been feeling weak since Saturday. I know I have to stay strong and not contact my ex but it is hard. I am past the crying stage this I am sure of but some days like today I want to email him and ask him if I can see him. It has been 6 months since we saw each other…I know he is looking for a job and I will not see any man if he does not have a job, have his own car (not a “friends” car) or his own place. He didn’t have his own place when we went out for three months and he took advantage. When he stepped up he stepped out. I just had to vent.

  159. S. Williams says:

    Renee wrote:

    I tell his dad that his son is a grown man…I can’t make him see you and you should’ve thought about that back when he was ten wanting to see you.

    Exactly!

    You only get one chance to be a good parent…there are no “do overs”.

    That is why I go where ever my son and his mom goes.

    I will not allow him to be a victim of a failed relationship.

    Although his mother and I are not married any more, we are friends…and good parents.

    Soon it will be my turn to pick where we live…finally.

    Focus on being a good parent because you only get “one” chance.

  160. S. Williams says:

    Renee wrote:

    Hi Scott. I have been feeling weak since Saturday. I know I have to stay strong and not contact my ex but it is hard.

    Hi Renee,

    Are you following the free plan?

    If so, have you joined our forum for more personal support?

    There are a lot of good people in there going through the same emotions as you are.

    Check it out, OK?

    S.W.

  161. jen09 says:

    @ Renee:

    hey renee, ive never spoken about my ex in front of our son, my son is 17months so doesnt realise his dad doesnt see him the only reason he cries when he leaves its because my ex’s mum who i live with makes my son wave goodbye to him and lets him watch him leave, ive told him its best if his dad kissed him goodbye and left when he was playing or something, ive told him plenty of times he can see his son anytime he wants he knows where i am as i live at his mums house and im not tired of trying to get him to come round, i told him if he wants to see our son for him to let me no when he can as why wud i chase someone to be a dad. most dads i no who split with the mothers love seeing there child and get upset when they arent around them.

  162. Angela says:

    @ S. Williams: Hi i have the same situation i sent my ex a nc text saying Hi i agree with the breakup,i need time to figure things out and think it would be best if you didnt contact me unless its about our child i will contact you when im ready..now after i sent that like 5 mins later he was calling over and over again then he texted me and told me he was done being nice to me . My ex and i are still close and get along very well and talked on the phone everyday until yesterday when i started the nc rule. Am i still doing the right thing by doing the nc rule or is he going to hate me for doing this even though we were still close….thanks angela

  163. S. Williams says:

    Angela wrote:

    Am i still doing the right thing by doing the nc rule or is he going to hate me for doing this even though we were still close

    I don’t see how using no contact will make someone hate you unless they have a mental illness.

    If your ex is mentally ill I would suggest consulting someone in that field for advice…not me, OK?

    If he is normal (not mentally ill) then correctly following the free plan on my Blog will not make him, or anyone else hate you, understand?

    You have 2 choices…let things stay the way they are, or follow a plan to change them.

    S.W.

  164. Angela says:

    @ S. Williams:Thank you !! I did buy the book and i am following im staying strong and not going to give up at all short time pain brings life time gain and i believe this so much thank you for your support….Angela

  165. S. Williams says:

    Angela wrote:

    not going to give up at all short time pain brings life time gain and i believe this so much thank you for your support….Angela

    You’re Welcome Angela!

    Your attitude is the kind that brings success.

  166. Renee says:

    @ S. Williams:
    Hi Scott.

    Okay…I told you I was feeling weak…if I was important to him he would have called me like I asked in my original email with an attached letter. I guess I was looking for closure and he just gave me a weak response. If you remember my first post I looked at my email/letter as the start of NC (I told him I was accepting the break up and used words like Please forgive me; still crying, I miss you). Wow how pathetic. Any power / control I had by not reaching out to him for the last 4 months I lost and now he has the upper hand. I feel the NC is about taking my life back and putting the ball in my court. I have been running on empty for months now and I have had enough. I am ready to be the women I was when I first met him only better. Scott please comment ASAP as I said I broke up with him in August 08 but we have been in touch somewhat (until he went OTR) but no real effort on his part. I am ready to follow your plan word for word with the following NC Letter:

    Hi,

    I do not regret my decision to break up with you, I really believe it was the best thing for both of us. I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over. I would really appreciate it if you didn’t contact me during this time. I will be in touch when I am ready.

  167. S. Williams says:

    Renee wrote:

    I am ready to follow your plan word for word with the following NC Letter:

    Hi Renee,

    Good decision!

    After you send that message make sure you follow all the rest of the steps, and read everything about no contact so you understand how it works.

    Welcome Aboard!

    S.W.

  168. Renee says:

    I just sent it and my real NC begins.

    Hi,

    I do not regret my decision to break up with you, I really believe it was the best thing for both of us. I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over. I would really appreciate it if you didn’t contact me during this time. I will be in touch when I am ready.

    Renee

  169. S. Williams says:

    Renee wrote:

    I just sent it and my real NC begins.

    Perfect!

    Now make sure to keep following the rest of the steps in the free plan, OK?

  170. Renee says:

    I have already started my NC Journal and listed the Pros and Cons of the relationship. I didn’t realize how I was holding on to the past and he has since moved on. If we are not meant to be together I would rather free myself mind body and soul beginning NOW instead of waiting another 18 months to do it. I know better. I got so wrapped up in the idea of being in love that I forgot about ME. I kept/keep telling myself that I have the capacity to love the way I do because I love ME first…I forget who said this but “The more intellectual you are…” you know the rest. And yes, I am putting this in my journal right now.

  171. Renee says:

    Looking for a Forum Buddy? Would like to pair up with someone who is mature(ish)…has grown children and (of course) going through the pain of a breakup…

  172. S. Williams says:

    Renee wrote:

    Looking for a Forum Buddy? Would like to pair up with someone who is mature(ish)…has grown children and (of course) going through the pain of a breakup…

    Hi Renee,

    You might get better results if you post this in our forum in the support buddy topic.

  173. angela says:

    @ S. Williams: I am also looking for a buddy I am 25 with 2 children one is 6 and the other is almost 3 . I have recently seperated from my ex a few months ago after a 4 yr relationship we were going to get married and we share to kids together if you would like to be a buddy just let me no as i am in need of one. Thank you Angela

  174. jen09 says:

    angela wrote:

    @ S. Williams: I am also looking for a buddy I am 25 with 2 children one is 6 and the other is almost 3 . I have recently seperated from my ex a few months ago after a 4 yr relationship we were going to get married and we share to kids together if you would like to be a buddy just let me no as i am in need of one. Thank you Angela

    hey angela, have you joined scotts forum?? everyone whos doing the plan all go there for support, ive been split from my partner since aug and we have a 18month old child together x

  175. jen09 says:

    @ angela:

    hey angela,
    have you joined scotts forum? thats where everone whos following the plan on here go to support eachother, i am 23 and me and my partner split in aug we also have a child together hes 18mths old xx

  176. angela says:

    @ jen09:Nice to meet you. I dont think i know how to join the forum could you please help me in doing that would be much appreciated. Thanks Angela

  177. jen09 says:

    @ angela:

    at the top of the page its says free plan-how to get ur ex back fast, click on it and follow it step by step x

  178. Angela says:

    @ angela: Today im really feeling insecure even though my ex and i were still close and i have started the no contact today he blocked me from seeing anything on his profile is he just doing this to see if he can get a reaction from me or if all give into to him please help thanks Angela

  179. S. Williams says:

    Angela wrote:

    i have started the no contact today he blocked me from seeing anything on his profile is he just doing this to see if he can get a reaction from me

    Yes, that’s exactly what he is doing…you cut him off, and he is trying to get back at you.

    Don’t worry about it…that’s happens a lot.

    The old relationship has to die to make room for the new one…it is starting to die, let it go in peace.

  180. jen says:

    I was talking about break-ups with work mates today and its funny how some ppl that do the dumping dont have a very open mind. I split up with an ex i was with for 5years and he was upset and asked if we would ever get back together i told him ” im not saying yes or no as you never no what will happen in a few years time or how u would feel”, me sayin that never got his hopes up as he had quite a few relationships and is now happily married, my recent ex from the start of breakup til now he tells me and other ppl he will NEVER get back with me and will NEVER get feelings back for me ever again. thatsd happened for quite a few of my workmates to, why dismiss the thought of something might happen in future, no1 knows who they would end up with but if u have certain ppl thinking they would never want exs back again it would make them convince them selfs they dont have feelings. at this moment in time i dont want any of my exs back but im willing to keep an open mind in future as i dont know how i will feel about them in 6mths-10years

  181. Angela says:

    @ jen: I was wondering if it would be a bad idea to tell me ex i hope he feels better cause he is really sick or should i just leave it be. Thanks Angela

  182. jen says:

    @ Angela:

    I think you should just leave it be

  183. Angela says:

    ok so i wrote a text to my ex from the book saying yeh ! it was so much fun. you are still picking me up tonight right ? that was one of the dirty tricks anyways he did text me back but i was thinking he would say what are you talking about instead he says no i am not picking you up…ok so i text him back what i was suppose to say saying to him oh sorry that was meant for someone else there under your name in my contact list then he says to me after i text that.. oh ur new bf lol ok np. I am doing everything the plan says but hes not saying the things that are thought to be said. Is this his way to try and test me or is this just not working for me ? Please help

  184. S. Williams says:

    Angela wrote:

    I am doing everything the plan says but hes not saying the things that are thought to be said.

    Hi Angela,

    I don’t know what plan you are following, but you would do a lot better to follow the free plan on my Blog.

    Start from the beginning because it doesn’t sound like your progressing very well with the current plan you’re following.

    S.W.

  185. Angela says:

    @ S. Williams: i am following the plan from the book the magic of making up ….what should i do Angela

  186. Angela says:

    @ Angela: I first started by sending him a letter agereeing to the breakup and so on….. then i immediately started the no contact rule idont no whatim doing wrong please can you guide me i have read over the free plans and bought 2 books

  187. S. Williams says:

    Angela wrote:

    @ S. Williams: i am following the plan from the book the magic of making up ….what should i do Angela

    It doesn’t sound like you’re following it correctly, otherwise your results would be a lot better, right?

    Now I told you what you need to do…go do it.

    S.W.

  188. Natzoid says:

    My boyfriend of 3 years and 9 months broke up with me last saturday, and it came as a complete shock. He said there was nothing I could do, he just didnt feel the same anymore. Of course I begged and pleaded like an idiot but there was no budging him and I left.
    Background to us: we met at uni and have been together pretty much from the beginning. Never once broken up in our whole time together. we spoke about getting married, having kids etc etc. we’ve always had a good relationship, always have so much fun together, want the same things in life, both love travelling and we have been to sooo many places together. we finished uni this summer, had another great holiday together etc. In August I went to India for 10 weeks to do voluntary work and have literally just got back (13th oct) and he has moved somewhere for a new job which he started while I was away. When I was away we spoke by text every day, and phone once a week (coz its expensive obviously), he was really looking forward to me coming back (wanting to pick me up from the airport and wanting me to come to the Bristol (place he now lives) a day earlier than I was planning etc etc. While I was away he bought me a ticket for his work xmas party etc and since gettin back we were plannin on goin away on a mini break to morocco, he also spoke about how he might be doing a placement in spain and wanted me to come with him etc.
    on friday, we had a bit of an argument over some girl he works with that lives across the road coz i felt like she wanted him. even though i trust him completely and kno he wud never cheat on me, we had a stupid argument. I have been acting very jealous in recent times, mainly because my dad cheated on and left my mum a couple of years to go. But Rob is someone I completely trust so I dont know why I pushed him away etc. I completely understand why hes broken up with me, it must have got too much, I wouldnt have been able to deal with it etc. But, this is the wake up call I need, I would never be like it again, I trust him so completely nad love him with all my heart and still believe we are meant to be together. He broke up with me on the saturday mornin sayin he didnt feel the same and used to be able to imagine us together forever but not anymore, I tried to beg him (stupid) and reason with him that we should work on it but he said he’d felt it for a long time even at uni. but it doesnt make sense with the plannin he was makin for our life, sayin id really enjoy bristol etc and wantin me to come to spain. and we had a lovely hol in turkey together in june. oh and also, we used to have problems with him not contacting me enough when we were apart&long distance in summer which i used to get upset about, but in recent times he was ringin me all the time, which made me really happy.

    straight after, he took me to the train st and paid for my ticket, he wouldnt kiss me goodbye. I went home to my parents’, which is over 3hrs away & about £100 to get to bristol on the train, so we’re now long distance, no reason to ever see him again . on the train I back home rang him&he said i need to speak to my parents, sister, friends &not him. he text me to see if i got home ok, i didnt reply, he also text my sister and mum to make sure i did coz i didnt reply. i text him sayin ‘dont pretend to give a shit’. i then text him later sayin ‘r u happy?’ and he said ‘no’. at 5am on the sunday, i woke up and it all hit me so i rang him and begged and pleaded for a second chance, sayin he shud have spoken about it and we cudve worked it out, he said we cudnt. In the mornin i sent him a message on fbook, showin him some news links that id thought he’d be interested in (the type of thng we always did) and was all cool. he replied and also said how he’d told his mum and was just cryin loads whilst doin it. I havnt replied as I decided to go NC to try and make him realise what hes missing.
    So it’s been one week and he sent me a facebook message today saying simple ‘hey, how are you? what you been up to? how’s the job hunting going. x’ how do i reply to this. I havnt sent him a no contact message and I dont want him to think im being childish and ignoring him. I dont want to lose him.

  189. Angela says:

    @ S. Williams: I have read the free plans and bought 2 books…do i need to start this allover again with a another letter agreeing to the breakup cause so far i havent broke the nc rule im so confused….Angela

  190. Angela says:

    Ok my ex just text me and this is what he said “” was in isolation at the hospital today “” should i text him back i hope you feel better or not say anything at all ? please if anyone knows ? Angela

  191. Angela says:

    I just wanted to mnake sure i was doing the nc rule correctly i should have no contact at all with my ex other then us talking about our kids right? so if he trys to call text message nomatter how nice he is or what he says i should not respond at all am i getting the right idea ? Thanks Angela

  192. Angela says:

    @ Natzoid: You reallyneed to send him the letter saying this
    I agree with you about the decision to break up,I think its whats best for the both of us. I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over. I would really appreciate it if you didn’t contact me during this time unless it is about our children. I will be in touch when I am ready. This way here your explaining everything to him and your not icnoring him…thias should have been sent before the nc ok.

  193. S. Williams says:

    @ Natzoid:
    Hi Natzoid,

    Go to the top of my Blog and find the link to the free plan.

    Read, and follow every step.

    S.W.

  194. S. Williams says:

    Angela wrote:

    im so confused….Angela

    So am I…

    So I will say it one more time…go start over from the beginning with the free plan.

  195. Renee says:

    Hi SW.

    I bought MOMU by TW Jackson about an hour ago. I have been following the plan to the “T” since last week. Thank you so much.

    -LCA

  196. S. Williams says:

    Renee wrote:

    Hi SW.
    I bought MOMU by TW Jackson about an hour ago. I have been following the plan to the “T” since last week. Thank you so much.
    -LCA

    You’re Welcome LCA!

    You were wise to use the free plan to give yourself a head start while you waited to get the book.

    Now you’re a week ahead of the game, right? ;)

    Keep up the good work, and you will get what you deserve.

    After all, that’s all anyone can ask for, right?

    Take Care,

    S.W.

  197. k8t says:

    I have had no contact with my ex for 3 weeks and I have now sent him a short letter saying i agree with the brake up. He has not called and its been five days. Will he ever call?
    I sent the letter with sum of his underwear and his memory card, do u reckon thats the problem?

  198. S. Williams says:

    k8t wrote:

    I sent the letter with sum of his underwear and his memory card, do u reckon thats the problem?

    Hi K8T,

    I think it was the type of NC message you sent…it was ineffective.

    I recommend you follow the free plan on my Blog, and send the recommended no contact message…word for word.

    The free plan has had quite a few success stories now, so I know it works.

    The sooner you take action, the sooner you will start feeling better…I promise.

    Take Care,

    S.W.

  199. copy says:

    Hi
    What are men’s emotional hot buttons and what does a guy think when he received a NC message?

  200. S. Williams says:

    copy wrote:

    Hi
    What are men’s emotional hot buttons and what does a guy think when he received a NC message?

    Hi Copy,

    I would say men are attracted to physical things more than anything.

    A “hot” button for me would be someone who takes care of themselves, that shows they have some self respect (not vanity).

    I have to be able to respect someone before I could ever really love them.

    I could have sex with someone I didn’t respect…just don’t expect me to stay around very long after that.

    The whole idea of the NC message is to flip a mental switch in your ex’s head.

    You can read a lot more about that in the free plan.

    Just follow all the links, and read the articles.

    Take Care,

    S.W.

  201. Scott says:

    Hi,

    I started NC the other day (its been two days). She texted me Sunday and then tried to talk to me on line. I ignored both. I had made the mistake over the previous 6 weeks to do everything wrong (texting, gifts, promises)

    So yesterday she said “can i get my dish back and then you can go on pretending I’m not here”. I said “of course, Friday”.

    She then texted me late at night saying “are you up”. I said “barely” and then she gave some lame excuse about “wanting to talk about xmas”.

    Am I breaking NC by replying at all? I read where you shouldn’t ignore them completely…
    Help

  202. copy says:

    My ex’s birthday is this sat. Do I wish him a happy birthday and if so what do i say. He broke up with me 3 weeks ago and i issued the NC rule last Thursday.
    Thanks!!!!

  203. S. Williams says:

    Scott wrote:

    Am I breaking NC by replying at all? I

    Hi Scott,

    If you discuss Xmas…you’re breaking NC, and you need to send the recommended NC message from the free plan on my Blog.

    If she needs a dish back…leave it with a friend, or drop it at her work.

    She is playing you for the fool, and keeping you from personally evolving.

    Scott wrote:

    I read where you shouldn’t ignore them completely

    That was meant if you run into them in public…if they say hi, say hi back, and then keep on moving.

    You don’t have to be rude, but you can not let them get you into conversations where they will try to find out how you feel.

    No contact means no personal contact…do not share your feelings with your ex.

    If you read the free plan on my Blog it explains NC in detail.

    Take Care,

    S.W.

  204. S. Williams says:

    copy wrote:

    Do I wish him a happy birthday and if so what do i say. He broke up with me 3 weeks ago and i issued the NC rule last Thursday.

    No contact means…No Contact.

    Stay Strong!

  205. gwow says:

    wow, you guys are good on this website, kept my attention…..here is my story…

    I am in the situation where i dated my ex for 4 years. We broke up in June to “find ourselves”. He became really depressed and just needed to find out who he is, as for myself. We dated for so long it was just right. Although i stuck around and played girlfriend(which is where i messd up) until october. That is when i found out he has someone else in mind, that would be the rebound. If he told me he didnt want a relationship and needs to find “himself” why does he have a completley opposite girl as me? ALREADY! I am the outgoing very attractive girl while she is the plain jane, quite girl (not half as good looking as me). Anyways not to show signs of jealousy but i dont get it. This is now January and i am finally doing no conact with him. As up until last week we would randomly see each other and yes we would give into temptaion and we would hookup. Our sex gets more stellar everytime.He lies to me about her all the time but its obvious he is lying because we have the same best friends and when im not invited around bc he brings her, not cool..i find everything out but then its just me looking/feeling like the idiot AGAIN~! Since him and i have broken up i did what i had to do to find myself and fix me, i have figured out my life, career, i started doing pole dancing which saved my life!!! I lost 30lbs so far and im just improving myself non stop. He was my bestfriend and i was so amazing to him. I finally am just now disappearing from his life because i never have. He took me for so much granted and its like he doesnt even care about what we had..he just wants to use this new girl and get what he wants from her..After all this i shouldnt want him back but i still want to be with him. We never fought, we had an amazing relationship in my eyes he just needs to make himself happy before he forces to let anyone else make him happy. Will no conact be the right solution to make him realize how great he had it with me?
    How can he just act the way he does towards me and show little to no care nor feelings? I dont get it :(

  206. S. Williams says:

    gwow wrote:

    Will no conact be the right solution to make him realize how great he had it with me?

    Hi,

    If you want to reveal his “true” feelings for you then NC and the free plan are the way to go.

    Go to the top of my Blog and find the link for the free plan.

    gwow wrote:

    How can he just act the way he does towards me and show little to no care nor feelings?

    Like I said, the free plan will help you to uncover his true feelings, if you follow it correctly.

    Take Care,

    S.W.

  207. playin4keeps says:

    I was in a relationship for 1.5 years and for about the last 3 months my ex kept telling me she thinks she needs to be alone. But she’d never actually end up taking the time alone. Recently, she worked up the nerve and took a firm stance in wanting to be alone. Honestly, I’ve done nothing wrong. I’ve been the best I could with her and she’s even agreed. She’s telling me that she feels confused because we started dating immediately after she ended a relationship. She tells me she is very happy w/ me but feels like something is lacking emotionally. I’m guessing is not ever letting go of the previous relationship. She doesn’t know that she wants to work things out with her ex, but she has clearly stated that our relationship is over, but has repeatedly said she is so confused about her feelings. She’s asked for space. I sent her a message telling her I am sorry for not respecting her request for space, but that I do feel like we will both benefit from it and that she should take the time to herself, etc. So NC has begun. I’m feeling very hurt and confused. I want her back. I don’t want to lose her. I know for a fact that I’ve treated her better than anyone she’s ever been with. She’s even made it clear. Said noone has ever made her feel like I have. But then why leave me?! I really want this to work. I want her back.

  208. S. Williams says:

    playin4keeps wrote:

    I sent her a message telling her I am sorry for not respecting her request for space, but that I do feel like we will both benefit from it and that she should take the time to herself, etc. So NC has begun.

    Hi,

    If you want to be successful with NC, you need to read the free plan on my Blog, and Follow ALL the steps.

    Your version of the NC message will not work as well as the recommended NC message in the free plan.

    Take Care,

    S.W.

  209. playin4keeps says:

    Thank u. I’ve actually purchased the MOMU also. I think I’ve already set all the balls in motion for the things that I needed to do. I didn’t hesitate to do so. Although, as I stated, I did nothing wrong. I did take time to assess myself and identify areas where I can make improvements to myself; i.e. physically, emotionally, financially. The hardest thing is hearing from the person you love that they are confused. But telling you that they are definitely sure that it is over. It’s so hard to let go when you know that a part of them is fighting with them to stay. We have never in 1.5 years been away from each other more than 4 days without speaking. So much goes through your mind. And the biggest one is, “can they that easily and quickly forget all the great moments we had? how can I be the best thing that’s happened to you today and just another joe tomorrow?” I wish it was just as simple as no contact.

  210. S. Williams says:

    playin4keeps wrote:

    I wish it was just as simple as no contact.

    Hi,

    NC is a process, not a solution.

    It is a personal and emotional evolution.

    At the end of that process you will have the answers to your questions.

    The free plan is not about getting your ex back, it is about getting your life back, but you need to follow the plan correctly.

    That means sending the recommended NC message word for word.

    It’s your life, and your choice.

    Take Care,

    S.W.

  211. lauren says:

    i subscribed to the link, and it was supposed to send me a confirmation and i still have not received anything

    • S. Williams says:

      Hi,

      If you subscribed for the free tips on how to get your ex back, and didn’t receive a confirmation email, check your spam/junk folder.

      If you still can’t find it try signing up with a gmail account they seem to work without any problems.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

  212. Jessica says:

    Hello S. Williams,
    I recently got broken up with and I am 7 months pregnant with my ex’s child. I initially did all the “Don’ts” after he broke up with me (calling excessively, begging and pleading for him to come back, telling him I’ll change and that I NEED him in my life, etc.) and now i’m trying the no contact rule (been about 8 days since I last said anything to him). He moved on to a new relationship 1 week exactly after he broke up with me, and I messaged the new girl on facebook to confirm it, and right now I feel like all of the mistakes I made can’t be undone and that he really is leaving me for someone else. Do you think it’s too late to reconcile? And how do you think I should go about contact with him? I don’t want the reason we talk to each other to be just about the baby, I truly love and adore this guy. And I understand the pressure he feels about everything, because we did move extremely fast and now he’s about to be a dad. What should I do?

    • S. Williams says:

      Hi,

      You worship this guy enough to make yourself blind to the fact that he would rather be with other women?

      That is crazy!

      Love is a TWO-WAY street.

      Don’t waste your love on someone who does not love you back…you are building yourself a prison.

      Love yourself enough to leave this guy, and get your own life back again so you can be a good mother, not some sappy bitch who would neglect her child while she runs after some guy who dumped “both” of you.

      You must follow the no contact rule correctly, and that means following the free plan, and sending the recommended NC message.

      Any contact after sending the NC message should only be about your shared child, and nothing else.

      If you can’t (or won’t) follow the free plan correctly…I can’t help you.

      You would be better off seeking advice somewhere else.

      I help people get over a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.

      Go read the free plan to get your ex back and follow ALL the steps to get over a broken heart, evolve past the breakup, and get your life back again.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

      IMPORTANT – If you found this information helpful or useful, please give me a “+1″ rating by using the colored “+1 button” at the top or bottom of the above article. I’d really appreciate it.

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