The No Contact Rule – How Does It Help Me Get My Ex Back? Part 1
Can the no contact rule really help me get my ex back? Yes, it can…this is what everyone asks themselves when they first think “I will use no contact to win back my ex”. The problem is that they go about it all wrong, and mostly because they do not fully understand how this whole plan works. That will be the focus of this multi-part series…to help you better understand the purpose behind using no contact to get your life, and hopefully your ex back again.
How Can Less Contact Help Get My Ex Back?
I know what you’re thinking…”how can being out of sight, put me on their mind?”…won’t me moving out of the picture just make room for them to move on themselves? This is a very reasonable conclusion, but then again who ever said love, and war were ever reasonable, right? The idea of no contact means that you are going to stop the most damaging thing you could be doing right now…chasing them, why?
Think about it, if you asked someone to leave you alone, and they didn’t…would that make you happier? Besides that in your highly charged emotional state…you’re scaring the crap out of them, right? You’re not going to win back your ex by being scary, besides that you’re probably scaring your friends and family to the point they just tell you to get over it already…sound familiar?
The no contact rule will help you get your ex back, and your sanity, but you must remember this will feel totally wrong. You will be fighting against everything you believe to be true, but then again everything you thought was the right thing to do has pretty much blown up in your face, right? So, stop wondering “will the no contact rule help me get my ex back?”, and start learning more about it, OK? In the next part we will look at the “Best Thing” no contact will do for you, help you get your life back…so stay tuned.
Free Step by Step Plan
If you have been dumped you have to learn how to think with your head and not with your heart. If you want my help getting your ex back, join my free newsletter for free videos, advice, support forum, and a free step by step plan to get your life/ex back fast. On my Blog you will find the answers and the support you seek, along with a free step by step plan. The answers you need to start your personal evolution are waiting for you, don’t hesitate another minute…come and get them. If you have any comments or questions please write them in the comment box below.
Who Am I and Why Should You Listen to Me?
My name is S. Williams, and I have been helping people since 2008 to overcome break up pain, and get their lives back. I even have an “About” section that I recommend you read. I know the name of my site is: How to Get Your Ex Back Fast, but I teach people how to get their lives back, not their ex’s.
If you’re interested in working with me (and our forum members) to get your life back, join my free newsletter for access to the free plan to get your ex back fast, and start getting your life back today. The answers you need to start your personal evolution are waiting for you, don’t hesitate another minute…come and get them.
Once you get your life back, everything else will just start to fall into place…I promise. If you have any comments or questions please write them in the comment box below.
If this article was useful or helpful to you in anyway, please show your appreciation by giving me a “+1″ using the button below this article.
Until next time,
S. Williams
http://www.howtogetyourexbackfast.com
Copyright © 2008 and beyond – All Rights Reserved Worldwide – You DO NOT have permission to reuse this content in any way, shape, or form.
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i can’t possibly know what they’re thinking right now, but today is day 2 for me… what if they do think about me, but are too afraid to say anything… i know my ex is a scaredy cat
Yoyo wrote:
Actually that is the real purpose of the recommended no contact message in the free plan…to make them think about you again, and begin to miss you.
Your courage to make the first move will inspire your ex to evolve, and become less of a scare-dee-cat in the future.
As scary as this whole process is…it will be good for both of you…watch and see.
Plus you asked them to not contact you, and that puts you back in the drivers seat in this situation.
Any suggestions for future posts about the no contact rule?
Thanks for comment!
Take Care,
S. Williams
hi, i would like to ask, wad if both parties are trying out the no contact method, so who is going to give way and initiate the first contact in the end?
Hi,
It doesn’t really matter…why?
It is because you are both involved in NC one way or another no matter who initiates it first, and that is the beauty of NC and the free plan.
Plus, the whole point of the free plan is to get your life back, not your ex.
If you focus on when to reconnect instead of getting your life back you will fail any ways.
Take Care,
S.W.
My whole issue about the no contact rule is that when he broke up with me he wanted to still be roommates…so I see him everyday! It’s financially easier for both of us this way. How do I possible have no contact with him – especially when he talks to me about his day and his life? I want him back so I really need some help on this one.
i just sent my second nc. The first one i sent i really messed up on t big ime. I went as far as having sex with him just a few weeks ago. I sent the second one to his e-mail. Telling him i had finally after 6 months that breaking up was the best for both of us. He e-mailed me back and said he will give me all the time i needed and hopes i figure it all out. And thats it. I am afaid that he will think that I do not care or love him at all If i do not contact him. But I am trying so hard not too. It has only been 2 Days and it is killing me not to reach him. I am afraid with him it will b out of contact out of mind. I am so scared by doing this I have lost him forever. I don;t think he will reach out to contact me at all…HELP
The No Contact Rule really does work. Just think of it like this, when you want something you can’t have, it makes you want it even more. So not contacting your ex at all will have him wondering what’s going on with you. He will then call you blocking out his # and then he will call and so on and so forth. It really works. It seems like it mostly works when you don’t even want your ex back.
@ Terri:
I am afraid though that he will think i don’t care anymore. I have gotten other guys opionions and they tell me if i stop calling or texting him he will move on. I am so afraid of this happenng..
Melinda wrote:
Hi Melinda,
This is a tough one…but completely doable.
Send him the recommended NC message, and then start to look for a new place to live.
If you really want this to work, this is what you’re going to have to do.
Besides what if he starts dating…do you think this new girlfriend will be happy with the fact that his roommate is his ex?
Take it from me they won’t, and you, or him, will end up moving anyways.
In the meantime just keep your personal life to yourself, a forum member had a similar situation and resolved without moving out…but she was planning to.
It seems when her ex saw her about to move out he told her how he really felt, and they got back together…slowly, as recommended in chapter 6 of MOMU.
Thanks for your comment!
Take Care,
S. Williams
beckyg wrote:
Your ex thinks he has you on a leash, and doubts you will be going anywhere…after all he can get you into bed whenever he wants.
Why buy the cow when he can get the milk for free?
beckyg wrote:
He doesn’t need to reach out to you…have you read the free plan yet?
beckyg wrote:
Oh Yeah…
Other guys opinions, not all guys are the same, and if he really has any deep feelings for you (other than sex) he will miss you.
Follow the free plan on my Blog, and stick with it, and you will see results.
Thanks for your comments!
Take Care,
S. Williams
Terri wrote:
That’s right Terri!
The only time this doesn’t work is when your ex doesn’t have any true feelings for you anymore…if that’s the case, it’s time to move on anyways, right?
Thanks for your comment!
Take Care,
S. Williams
I am on the receiving end of NO contact after dating for many years. We’ve been broken up for almost 4 months. The first couple weeks was NC, then was broken to exchange our things. Now, we’re back to NC again for a month now…He initiated both times, but said that he loved/misses me soooo much. If he is the one doing this, how can I believe him? Does he think this is a game? I still have minor things to give him and I was thinking about dropping them off with a note…is this bad or the ultimate, “don’t talk to me again?”
I need help and no-one seems to have an answer for me.
cindy wrote:
There is more to No Contact then just a note.
cindy wrote:
It is time for you to show him how NC really works.
He is keeping you on a leash…follow the free plan without fear, and see what happens…it is way better than feeling helpless, right?
Thanks for you comment!
Take Care,
S. Williams
ya, about that… i did my letter different from the one you made >< i didn't find your site until today, i follow T dub's guide lines in the video where i go like hey, i agree with the break up, something cool happened i gotta tell you sometime, i'm going to give you some time to yourself, maybe at some point we can be friends…….. then i left it at that… i noticed you didn't put the "some point we can be friends…" did i just jeopardize the whole operation?!!? it was from teachings of T dub himself!!
Yoyo wrote:
The NC message is different than TW Jacksons on purpose, why?
Because in certain situations where people have been going up and down back and fourth for months before finding the book, they need a stronger NC message to get the ball rolling.
If you feel your situation needs more of a “kick start” then go follow the free plan on my Blog, and send the recommended no contact message.
If not, then just follow the plan along with the book from that point on…OK?
Is this a good 1st NC letter? After 2+year long distance relatinship, I proposed in June, only to find out a few weeks later, she was seeing someone else–and had beeen for past 6mo. She said it was because I wasn’t there, me in NY she in CA. I love her dearly & went crazy depressed & all the stupid stuff when I found out. She says she doesn’t love him… Dear xxxx,
After much soul searching, I agree the best thing for us is to end our relationship – you already did that without telling me, before I proposed to you. But you’re right, I’m not in CA and you don’t seem interested in moving to NY with me.
It’s best for both of us. I’m back on my feet again. I want a partner who I can love & trust, who likes the city as much as I do & who wants to travel. I thought that person was you, but like you’ve said, “the force of circumstances changes people.” You’re settled in CA now & seem happy with xxxxx, so I guess that’s for the best, too.
Just being “friends,” would only complicate things. So I think it’s healthier if we give each other a break, OK.
Will wrote:
Hi Will,
That would not be a very effective NC message.
I would seriously consider following the free plan on my Blog, and send the recommended no contact message, OK?
All the information is there, and the price is right!
Thanks for posting your question.
Take Care,
S. Williams
ok, i’m following the book and it seems the no contact rule is the same as your one where we don’t talk for 30 days. i really don’t know if it’s having any affect. but then again, it’s only day 3. basically we chill with the same group of friends and it was our friend’s birthday so we went to a restaurant to eat. she sat at another table in front of mine, but her back was facing me. we did not speak once the whole time :S not even hi or bye, we never made eye contact even. i don’t know if i’m only supposed to say hi or bye when we do, or just leave it as it is and not say anything >< we never really 'passed by' eachother, we were just eating at the same place at the same time, and we were both fully aware both of us were there
Yoyo wrote:
You can be polite and say hi, if she says hi to you.
My ex has just broken up with me the day before yesterday.
We’re in a LDR but he’s only been away for less than a month. He started of with saying that he wants to break up with me because he is too busy with school work all the time, and he really does not have the time for me. He didn’t want me to wait for him all the time. But he went on to telling me that he met a new girl that he likes afterwards.
I obviously don’t think he really likes another girl. Because I’ve known him for so long, and it’s just not something he would do. But what is also quite obvious is that he is only saying it so I would give up on him, and eventually agree to break up. But afterall, I can’t be sure about any of these because I can’t really know what he’s thinking.
The next time I will see him is in 3 months. we agreed that we will stlil be friends. I’ve been calling and pleading to him the past 2 days, but now I stopped. And we email instead. Because of the time difference, we only email once every one or two days.
I just don’t want to cut him off completely, would a few short emails a week work? I’m really worried, I really do want to get back with him.
Jess wrote:
If you want no contact to work…you must follow all the steps in the free plan, OK?
You will find great personal support in our forum…use it.
I made it thru the nc for the time. I had some contact and he felt a strong attraction towards me. When he said there was someone else, I said I needed to get the remainer of my things. He offered to pay for them???? I told him it was not about the money and that the things were brought to his place for him and I to enjoy. He was flirty and amde coments like in two weeks I will be back. But, the next day he packed up my “stuff” and put on the front porch. And commented on how I just lost the Money he was going to offer me. To me it was like he was going to try to Buy my love while he made up his mind, ( I think) so, I piched up the box on the porch. But before I did that he said, “call me in a couple days”……………..What is this?
Man we were great together and he just would’t except the fact that the text from an ex boyfriend meant nothing. He just wont hear it and said he lost trust and with that went the love. YET he is still attracted to me and knows he won’t find anyone like me.
waterlily wrote:
That was an attempt to keep you under control.
Use the free plan on my Blog to get back the control, and hopefully your ex too.
i got dumped 8 weeks ago i would be a bit odd if i sent that letter 2 months after we split up so wud just the other nc work still. i dont no where he lives and dont see him so wouldnt be able to get the letter to him.
jenna wrote:
You don’t have an email address?
If you don’t follow the free plan…your results will not be very good…that’s why I offer people the free plan.
But it is your choice whether you follow it or not.
yeah i do have an email address for him but i dont no if hes recieving my emails as i sent him an email couple weeks ago of few pics of our son and he said he didnt get them. i live with his mum and he hasnt even given her his new address.
jenna wrote:
That’s tough situation living with his mom…but you can still follow the plan if you want to.
Just use the email address you have, what did he say about the pictures he didn’t get…did he give you another email address?
well ive got the ebook to. yeah it is but shes really nice and shes not really talking to my ex much as she thinks hes an idiot and lost the plot. no he didnt give me another he just shrugged his shoulders and said dont no y he didnt receive the pictures and he says im not blocked that he nos of. trouble with sending that letter in an email its easy to be unread or deleted, before i got the ebook and looked on here i decided to give him a mth of no contact with me or my son as hes not putting our child 1st either hes choosing dating and gambling over seeing him and his mum agrees with the no contact for a while as she agrees to.
jenna wrote:
OK then you’re all ready to go.
Just go follow the steps in the free plan listed at the top of my Blog, and start you’re personal evolution.
The sooner…the better.
jenna wrote:
OK then you’re already to go.
Just go follow the steps in the free plan listed at the top of my Blog, and start your personal evolution.
The sooner…the better.
i sent the nc message thurs but i had already stopped texting him for a week or so as i hadnt needed to speak to him, the only contact we have had was when he popped round house to give his mum a bday card and sorted some things out with her, we briefly spoke and i was polite said hi and carried on looking after our child, hes made no effort to even text me and im kinda thinking he wud never make contact so wudnt realise im doing the nc message. hes the type of person if u tell them to leave u alone he wud. if he doesnt contact me to see our child i cant see him even thinking about me. the only time hes mentioned my name is when he went on a date he told them about me and our son. with the letter i sent it thru email as i dont no his home address and i get the feeling he might of deleted it without reading the message, maybe i should face facts that its over between us, its been 2mths since we split and hes dated 3 girls in that time and is currently on a new one.
jenna wrote:
You have only just started to follow the plan, if you don’t think he read your NC message write it out, and hand it to him the next time he visits.
In the meantime read chapters 1-5 and do all the exercises…OK?
Don’t worry about what he is doing…that will screw up your personal evolution.
ive been single for 2 months now and i have not been texting ex for 8 days but i sent the nc message thurs. i had to break NC and text him today wish i hadnt but he owes me 2 weeks worth of bills and i have no money to buy my child nappys etc and desperatly needed that money. i just sent a quick text sayin ” i need money owed from 2wks plz as no money for baby.” should i just carry on with nc after that or would i have to resent mc message?
jenna wrote:
It is perfectly fine to contact your ex during NC as long as it is about things like your child’s care.
As long as you keep it short and to the point…you did not break NC.
Sounds like you did very well…keep up the good work!
It is perfectly fine to contact your ex during NC as long as it is about things like your child’s care.
As long as you keep it short and to the point…you did not break NC.
Sounds like you did very well…keep up the good work!
thats good then, i worried a lil that i might of broken NC. i dont usually message him even about childcare as i have been trying to give him space from me and our child so he can see if he wants to be proper dad or single male as hes not really showing much interest in our son at the moment. he needs to also realise he cant control this situation and keep me hanging on like he has in the past, i have as much control over all this just as much as him.
jenna wrote:
He can’t expect you to foot the bill for his child…you need to make him accountable for his child’s care too.
i have sorted child maintenance thru csa its easier dealing thru them as my ex isnt very good with money hes never really lived away from his mum b4 and living with me was his first taste of independance and even then i sorted out all bills etc, hes not very grownup in grown up relationship/living way even tho hes older then me but ive been living on my own since i was 15 and im 23 now
hey I happened across your site and am planning to start on this to see if it works but i don’t know if I should:
My ex broke up with me with a excuse ‘this just doesn’t feel right’ right after this one time we had sex. I’m 23, he’s 21, and I really love this guy even though we were together for a short while(before was just casual friends for about 2 years in same circles of friends) and still do even tho he started saying things about me some time after the break up, which was partly my fault because i was still emotional and talked about what happened on a public channel. He had previously said he wanted to go back to just being friends like before. I went through the whole msn/irc/skype chatting thing a lot to him after the break up. perhaps it was too much for him? It was end of May when it happened, and some mutual friends kind of made the situation worse as well and got me more upset. It has come to a point whereby he has stopped all communication with me mainly because of one stupid fight initiated by me because i was overly emotional because of too much built up anger over his unnecessary lying. We had both still been seeing each other to patch things over at times and we had sex several times. I’m still confused over why I still want this guy even after his lying but he has always said he wasn’t lying about the relationship when he said ‘i love you’ back then and stuff. I’m not sure if it’s because he’s just stupid, younger and made many mistakes but you could say the whole thing affected me deeply. I feel perhaps my case has gone too far and the only time he responded was when i decided for myself to stop moping and decided to do something so called his house phone this one time… just to ask him out for coffee my treat, which he went through ‘he’ll think about it to saying just tired, not right now and some other time’ basically no… but it did go better than the hang up and anger i expected. I want him back despite his flaws and I’m willing to grow through everything together, but it can’t work if he can’t work on it. Should I start on your plan, because now I don’t know if he even wants to be friends? My friends advise me to forget him and move on, and logically I understand their viewpoint, but for some reason I just can’t let things end like this, so should I even try? Just confused, thanks. But i felt good about the call to him to ask him out for coffee, because I felt I didn’t have anything to lose anyways, so yeah.
Thanks, love to hear a reply.
joanne wrote:
Why not?
Do you have a better plan?
This is really kinda funny…yet happens all the time.
Doubt
You doubt the free plan (which means you pay nothing), but you are afraid of using it…why?
I will answer that you’re frightened.
Will you let fear rule your life?
Or will you fight to be happy?
hey..i am finding the way to get my ex back
I really need someone to teach me how to get him back. He seems like alr forget me totally.I alr tried my best not to contact him at all…but the end..he like also dont really do anything at all..does it mean no more chance i will get him back???
He still in college studying n i alr working. We actually no chance can meet up. SO, it should be consider as no contact at all right??
We alr apart for like 3 months. Do i still have chance to get back with him???Can u HELP me??
and this wednesday will be his bithday..
SO, can teach me what should i do???
elsie wrote:
Hi Elsie,
The free plan on my Blog will teach you want to do.
It’s at the top of my Blog go find it and start following what it says.
Take Care,
S. Williams
@ S. Williams:
Thank you Williams for the quick reply… after reading my story, you think it’s actually still possible for us to even get back together, like maybe a 2nd chance and see if things do work out?
Yes, I do have a lot of self-doubt, but it does seem a far-gone case and friends on both sides,some who know what happened, don’t really make the situation better, would that have any influence on the plan?
me too..i doubt to send the NC message or not..
So, i should not keep in touch with him for 30 days.
Can i start the plan without the NC message??
joanne wrote:
Hi Joanne,
Ever person who ever came to me for help has basically said the same thing.
They are all afraid, and have doubt.
But then I get emails like the one I got this morning from Wendy, that proves to me that this plan works.
Go read her email on my “What People Are Saying” page at the top of my Blog.
I think it will answer a lot of your questions.
As far as it being too late…you will never know until you try, right?
elsie wrote:
The free plan is a journey, and no journey can ever really start without taking the first step.
Sending the correct NC message is the first step.
If you don’t send it you haven’t started your personal journey (evolution).
Well the guy that I liked stood me up for the concert…I am really done, my self-esteem is shot. What did he think this was fun for him to do to me. Now all I want is revenge..I want him to feel like I do. How it is for someone to stand him up. I dont know how much rejection I can take. I dont even what to talk to men anymore..I dont what to get hurt. I guess I shouldn’t of contacted him to ask him to the concert in the begining that way I wouldn’t set myself up for dissappointment
@ S. Williams:
My goal is AT LEAST another 60days NC, ’cause I need that much time to personally ‘evolve’ & become the man I know I can be. Only then, do I have a chance of reconnection with my Ex… or not? Please, everyone on the Bolg & in the Forum, go to Scott’s “What People Are Saying” which I never checked out ’til today. It’s VERY inspiring… I absorb every crumb here. We learn from each other… even our Ex’s, who were in our lives for a specific reason. It’s up to us to honestly look within ourselves and to God, find out the reason and act upon it. Love & Peace to all. Wow.
Hey Scott – Now day-30 of NoContact. WOW! A month ago, I’d never thought I’d make it this far
Will wrote:
Excellent Job Will! (Thumbs High)
Sometimes it feels good to prove yourself wrong, huh?
Stay here as long as you need to…there’s no rush.
The world can wait for the new Will, and wait as long as it takes to make that happen.
Take Care,
S. Williams
Sandy wrote:
Hi Sandy,
Don’t beat yourself up…you had to take a chance, right?
Many people sit and suffer, and never get the courage to reach out…you did!
Well, unless he was in a car wreck or something you have a real asshole on your hands.
Kick his no back bone lying ass to the curb.
I will speak on the behalf of the “real” men in the world, and tell you we are not all cowards like that guy…so give us another chance…OK?
Just to be fair I have run into women you were just as spine-less and cold.
Take Care,
S. Williams
I guess it was just not meant to be..No wonder his wife divorced him and fled to Mexico. After this experience it is getting harder to believe anyone..You did make me laugh with the comment Kick his no back bone lying ass to the curb. Thanks for that
Sandy wrote:
You’re welcome!
Guys like that give all us men a bad name.
S. Williams:
Hi, I didn’t go ahead with NC, but called him twice. Once was just to ask him out to starbucks, my treat. at first he said maybe he’ll think about it but then in the end it was essentially no, he didn’t want to talk to me. I left it at that. That was last Saturday. Then this Tuesday I called him again and I was polite and talking nicely, but he was just frustrated and didn’t want to talk to me. He told some girl(he considers like older sis, who has a bf but has said openly to have slept with many guys before, sharp tongued and considered the no.1 bitch in my uni) about our fight and now cause of a small thing she’s removed me from fb. I don’t know who else he’s been talking to…
In that second call, he said if I want things to be ok, don’t contact him for 6 months. I said 1 mth and etc… in the end January was the result. He will contact me then he says.
Do I still send the NC msg by email/fb/letter? Is the best thing to do to break off contact with the ppl he’s currently always with or limit their viewing on my fb as well? Should I be bothered about whether they know the story or not?
His birthday is also coming up soon on the 21st… do I do anything about it?
joanne wrote:
Why not…do you want him back?
joanne wrote:
My advice is to start following the free plan at the top of my Blog.
Start at the beginning and follow every step.
I didnt talk to him at all..and follow the NC plan
but my friend did it and mention to him that ‘ u know who told me though the who didnt wish u”
So isn’t spoil my plan??
SO what should i do then?? My friend didnt know anythg about it..just thought wan to help me…so she wrote that..
HOW?? The plan cant follow anymore??
elsie wrote:
If you’re following the free plan on my Blog, then just stick to NC and don’t worry about what your friend said, OK?
If you continue to follow all the steps you will learn just how NC works.
ok..thanks..i will stick to the plan
whats the nc message i gt to send my x before i start ignoring him?
charlene wrote:
It is all explained in the free plan at the top of my Blog.
BTW – NC is not about ignoring your ex…but you will learn that when you start following the free plan.
I sent a nc letter, we reunited 30 days later, only to hear that he wasn’t in love with me anymore. This happened after a wonderful date, but I did not make love to him. He tried. Said he was trying to see if that would make it all clearer in his mind. I was like, r u kidding me? In any event, do I cut my loses, or send another nc letter, or leave well enough alone and not contact him period. And if I do send a nc letter, the one we r to follow wouldn’t really apply. If sending another one is ur advice, perhaps u can advise what to say. Or do I say nothing at this point,, and work on myself knowin g that he is not in love with me anymore. As of last night, oct 15th. Help.
tina wrote:
Hi Tina,
I sure can just go to the top of my Blog, and find the link for the free plan.
It is all explained in the plan.
tina wrote:
Yeah have his cake and eat it too…use this plan and make him choke on the cake for a while…that will get his attention.
it’s been a little more than a month since the break up and the NC started immediately. How long should I wait? I’m scared to even make any contact. I want him to make the contact. what’s the next move. Oh yea, we’re two states away right now…
braveschick wrote:
Are you following the free plan on my Blog?
braveschick wrote:
You must let go of the old relationship, and personally evolve before you attempt to reconnect.
If you’re scared then that means you are not ready.
Keep following the free plan, and let yourself evolve.
Stay Strong!
S.W.
i never sent a NC message…it’s just been no contact on either part.
how can i evolve and let go of the old relationship if i want us to get back together…eventually…
braveschick wrote:
You broke up, right?
That’s the old relationship.
After you follow the plan long enough you will evolve, and drop all the emotional baggage left over from that old “failed” relationship.
Once you have completely let go of the “old” relationship you will be ready to reconnect, and start a new relationship with your ex…make sense?
You need to follow the free plan, and send the recommended no contact message word for word (no changes).
The sooner you start your personal evolution, the sooner you will be ready to reconnect.
Take Action Today!
S.W.
is it too late to send the NC message even though the break up happened over a month ago and we haven’t had any contact since?
braveschick wrote:
No
But if you don’t feel comfortable just sending the message you could arrange a short meeting as outlined in chapter 6 of MOMU.
If during that meeting you get put back into the friend zone, or if they refuse to meet…then send the recommended no contact message because you have been in contact now, right?
Taking positive action following a plan is way more effective then taking no action at all…no matter how stupid it seems, right?
My live in boyfriend of 5 yrs. broke up via text on Oct. 19th. We have text each other, and had one big blow out over the phone. He asked for a meeting the second week because he want to say how sorry he was and to tell me he just wished to move on. I did agree to meet him. He called and said what he had to say over the phone. He also told me that he will pay for the rest till the end of the lease which is 6 months and he is willing to give me the car. As long as I agree not to call him, text him, drive by his parents house or his job. He also wants to see the dog we have together. So far, I’ve made no contact since the last day he called. I don’t know where to go from here. Why is he willing to still pay the bills? Oh I forgot, before we hung up, I told him that why just take a trial separation and sort out our feelings, he agreed and say for me to call him Jan. 1st, 2010. I cannot wait that long to see him or talk to him. What can I do? I am afrain he will find someone else during that time. Specially during the holidays. Please advice.
Ruby
ruby wrote:
Hi Ruby,
Follow the free plan on my Blog, go to the top of my Blog and find the link.
Everything thing you need to know is written in that plan…just follow every single step, and change your life.
Take Action Today!
S.W.
hey. the no contact rule seems to be working for me. now my ex is contacting me each week it seems like. how are you sure if he is contacting you just to friends or if he really misses you…. something i want to know.
Chelsea wrote:
Hi Chelsea,
He is contacting you because he misses you, and wants to see if you’re still single.
Once he finds that out (your still single) he will probably be reassured and just want to be friends.
If you want the best chance to win back your ex follow the free plan (top of my Blog), and start your personal evolution.
All your questions will be answered over time…about 30-60 days (maybe longer, every situation is unique).
Take Action Today!
S.W.
Hi Scott,
This is a great thing that you are doing for people. I was getting sick of not having my life back. I have a long way to go, but have decided to join a gym, date, and just signed up for guitar lessons(which is something I always wanted to do.) I feel as though I am on my way to personal evolvement, although I could be better at journaling. Here is the latest with me, I sent the NC letter on October 25th. This is the second one. The first time around was on Sept. 15th, but then we had pre-reconciliation and he was in the wanting to be friends stage. After hearing on the night of the 24th, that he just was not feeling it, and was afraid that if we started dating , I would pull the commitment crap, and if he was not feeling it, he was afraid that he would hurt me. Basically, he wanted to be involved in my life and in my kids’ lives, but with no commitment. I got his number. Thanks to you, I have finally awakened from the dead, and I slapped him with the NC letter on the 25th of October. He immediatley responded and said consider it done, do what you need to do, I will respect your wishes and not contact you. The next day(after being on this roller coaster with him for 2 months now), I decided to accept a date for the following Friday which was my birthday weekend, and through a mutual friend he found out. He called me 16 times, 11 texts, and 3 vmm. He said that until I picked up , that he would incessantly call me. He said that he needed to talk this through. HERE IS WERE I THINK I WENT WRONG, AND WAS WONDERING WHAT TO DO, AND IF THIS NC THING WILL STILL WORK FOR ME. I sent him a message reminding him that he just stated the night before that he was not in love with me. I told him that I was serious when I said that I was getting off the roller coaster. I told him that I at this point, I could not be friends with my ex lover. I wrote that I had some big decisions to make, and asked him to please stop with these incessant messages, and to respect my wishes. I said it is time for me to open my heart to others, and suggested that he did the same. I said I gave you my all, and you shit on me, and you will never have that opportunity to do that again. I promise!!! I said we ended because this was your choice, and were not “in love”. I have alot to offer, and it has been wasted on the hope that you loved me enough to give me a second chance!!!You have lost this person for good, it is over, and please stop contacting me. You have done enough damage to my kids, my heart, and my well-being. WELL THEN HE FINALLY STOPPED CALLING AFTER I LET HIM KNOW THESE THINGS. The next day, he called, I let it go into voice mail. He said he was sorry for his behavior, said that he wanted to remember all the good times, and did not want things to end this way. He also said that I was right, and that you do not know your true feelings for someone until you hear that they are with someone else. He said he will leave with many good thoughts on his end. I did not call back, or respond what so ever. On Saturday the 31st it was my birthday, and he sent me a text saying, “not trying to initiate anything, just wanted to say I hope you have a wonderful birthday, Happy Birthday!!! Once again , I did not respond. So I guess my questions are, did I screw up the NC ordeal, and if so what do I do, or at this point or am I in a good spot and should leave well enough alone? Why does he do this? Ugh!!! Thanks Scott!!!
Angelina wrote:
Hi Angelina,
He is doing this to keep you in the friends zone…he’s not ready to let go of the old relationship (knee jerk reaction).
He is freaking out because you’re forcing him to evolve which is a good thing.
You should send the no contact message recommended in the free plan again, and then continue to progress with your personal evolution, and let him evolve as well.
It is only when you both personally/emotionally evolve that the time will be right to attempt reconnection, understand?
Stay Strong!
S.W.
I am so angry right now, i met this nice man few weeks ago and we get in really well and he bumped into me and my child other day! some how my ex found out and warned him to stay away from his child and told me that if i ever moved in with a man he wud make my life hell and take our child full-time. hes now pissed off with me saying how dare i let men meet up with our son. what is his problem it hasnt nothing to do with him who i date or if they meet our child, he wud have to eventually if i got serious with anyone
jen09 wrote:
Hi Jen,
That’s right!
He can’t tell you how you can see, and as long as your child is safe…he can not take your child away either.
He just jealous (but then why did he leave you, right?)…and, that’s tough shit!
Hopefully this new guy in your life will make allowance for the fact that your ex is being an asshole, and keep on dating you.
I think he is just trying to scare away all your potential mates because he doesn’t know what he wants, but that doesn’t matter any more, does it?
I hope things work out for the best.
Stay Strong!
S.W.
@ S. Williams:
no it doesnt! im happy for the first time in 3months and its for him to date other women but i cant be happy, maybe he knows wen i date people i get into relationships and hes had 4 women in the time we have split and they have all gone wrong… maybe he sud look at his own faults and stay out of my business, its stupid for him 2 say i can never live with a man, how dare he have the right to tell me i cant get into a serious relationship or he will make my life hell, he needs 2 realise which i told him that he doesnt own or control me and he needs 2 get a life and stay well out of mine. i told the man im dating to ignore him and hes happy to and i have support of my ex’s family, they are happy that ive found sum1 i like so im
and ive calmed down now lol
jen09 wrote:
Great News Jen! (Thumbs High)
Stay Strong!
I really want to be civil with ex when around our son but he makes it impossible and says he gets angry coz he said i wont let him take our son to meet women and he thinks ive introduced my man to him which i havent. then in next breath says he wont introduce women to our son until hes sure… so whats he moaning bout?. i dont get why hes saying thats the reason he isnt talking to me esp as hes only gone on couple dates with each women, if he was in a relationship i could understand lil bit more. i am organizing son’s christening and he said we wouldnt have to talk to eachother, i no we can get on as we did one time last mth got along as friends, surely he would think of whats best for our son more then his own feelings
Hi Scott,
It’s now 60days since NC, w/LDR ex, me in NY she in CA, apparently w/new boyfriend. I’m still working hard on me; no traction w/resume & new job yet; NYC = tough market… Oct 27, my birthday came & went. I was going to use that as a ‘barometer’ for evidence of her caring about me any more… but then, I did initiate NC w/your letter, so maybe she’s taking me literally. I did think, she’d at least reach out & wish me a HappyBday. Tough to think she’s so into her new relationship, that our 2+yrs of love is completely forgotten
Ironically, her 22yr old daughter txt’d me HappyBday, but she’s on FaceBk, so it likely came up that way–it was sincere tho. Ex isn’t on FaceBk. I’m dating & have met several nice people, one I’m close with–but not in love with. My ex is still in my bloodstream–all arteries lead to the heart. Very hard to accept that she’s gone forever. I want to reconnect with her, but how. I have MOMU book, but perplexed abt how to do this LDR NY/CA??? I should be employed by Spring, and want to visit CA & at least try–or at least get closure that she’s in love with this new guy. I have 3 sisters who live in Bay area, so I can go with pretense of visitng them. I need a plan, and not much info about LDR reconnection???!!! Thanks Scott, and to all who’ve helped me get this far.
Will wrote:
Hi Will,
There is a section about LDR’s in the free plan on my Blog.
LDR’s are tough…all ways around, but they can be worked out with sometime, and some thinking.
Maybe you can do some brainstorming with other LDR people in our forum?
Don’t rush yourself, and continue to evolve…you sound like your doing great…keep it up, OK?
Stay Strong!
S.W.
jen09 wrote:
Hi Jen,
Exactly!
He’s lying about what is really bothering him…that’s why it doesn’t make sense.
He is going to learn the hard way what it is like to try and live a lie…it sucks!
It seems he is only interested in your son when he can use him to make you jealous…when does he spend any other time with him?
Your persistence is paying off…you are no longer under his thumb…it seems like he is under yours now.
But instead of talking about it like an adult…he chooses to fight over stupid shit…give it time, OK?
Stay Strong!
S.W.
@ S. Williams:
he sees our son when it suits him, he wants to take him away for the weekend to see his dad but in the 3mths we split he chooses to want to take him away for my birthday. i told him he can take him the next day. what he doesnt like it that he has been dating loads of women to find a relationship and ive gone on 1st date in the time we split and ended up in a relationship, not my prob if he has trouble finding relationships, he prob expected me to be single for years but instead ive moved on without him and hes not centre of attention anymore…. aww poor him lol
jen09 wrote:
Yup…let his personal evolution begin.
In life and love you either learn..or you crash and burn.
I’ve been with my partner for 3 years. He & I separated but have been talking & seeing each other on the weekends. He told me yesterday he wants no contact for at least 3 months. So I changed my status on a social website were on to single. I got an email from him about an hour later asking me if I would still go to a concert we were planning on going to this weekend. Of course I want to go. I want to be back with him. What do I do?
Tulip wrote:
Hi Tulip,
If you want to get yourself out of the friends zone you need to follow the free plan on my Blog.
The sooner you start following this plan…the sooner you will get your ex back again.
Take Action Today!
S.W.
My husband moved out september 09 saying that he needs time, after moving out he tried to make things work between us but then changed his mind again saying he needs more time.. now he saids we will be together again and that sometimes he misses me so much but i text him too much..he saids hes scarred of loosing me forever. we have a son together and so he textes me everyday asking me how i am and hows the baby.. i would like to follow the contact rule.. but how if we have a son together.. he wants to be with me again but doesnt want me to text him yet he textes me everyday just to check up
mellissa wrote:
Hi Mellissa,
That is totally covered in the free plan on my Blog, you can find it at the top middle of my Blog.
Go read, and follow every step and link…read everything it says to read, and you will understand what you need to do, OK?
Take Care,
S.W.
I need help fast… haha I’m sure everyone does.
My situation is a bit different though. We didn’t officially breakup. It’s a long distance thing, so it adds tons of stress to the relationship. I messed up and lost it on him one night. Felt like a total heel afterwards, apologized and told him I needed to go away for a few days. I then wrote him an email a few days later apologizing and explaining my actions. He replied and asked me to get on Messenger in 10 mins. I did, but he wasn’t there. He left me a message about 1/2 later apologizing that it took him so long. We played tag on messenger for a bit and then I gave up. He sent me a mail but it was very generic, felt cold. I tried to ignore the coldness and talked to him as always. The coldness remained. I wanted to ask him why he wanted me to get on messenger in 10 mins. that day cause he never did explain it.
Finally I decided to use the no contact method, cause it was better then putting up with the ‘chill’. He messaged me a couple of times, I ignored it for 2 days. Then just gave a quick happy reply.
He mailed me 3 times yesterday, logged in this morning and my morning message (he use to always send me quotes in the morning but stopped about 2 weeks ago) was there in messenger.
I check my mail and he’s now asking if I have skype, which he knows I do!? There is another message sitting there now. What do I do?? Do I continue to reply occasionally? Ignore him completely? Still ask why he wanted to talk to me so urgently that night? Or let that go?
I just don’t know if I should be ignoring his mail or replying, or what?
Clearly the minimal contact has had an effect on him but I don’t know if it’s had enough of one….
Sammy wrote:
Hi Sammy,
Your best bet would be to follow the free plan on my Blog.
Because your break up not really official, and you haven’t made all the usual mistakes (begging/pleading) your results should be great.
Follow all the steps in the plan, and give it at least 30 days.
Take Care,
S.W.
My ex and I were in a long distance relationship He broke up with me a week before I was supposed to visit but we decided to go ahead with the trip anyway. His reasoning for breaking up was “no romantic feelings” which didn’t make sense when I went to visit and he still kissed me, slept with me, held my hand, etc.
Today I sent him a no contact message and he responded with shock and confusion. I cannot get out of a trip to his town next week, where I will be staying by myself and visiting friends, but he knows I will be there. I want him back so badly. What do I do?
@ Shayna:
he also “needs me in his life” and tells me I’m the most important thing and his best friend, etc
Shayna wrote:
Hi Shayna,
Follow the rest of the steps on the free plan on my Blog.
Sending the NC message is only the beginning.
If you want to see if he is only after sex or if really loves you, follow the rest of the plan, and stick to no contact.
Stay Strong!
S.W.
Hi My name is Laura
Really need some advice. Me and my ex broke up about 5 weeks ago. I initially ended it but regreated it and never wanted it to end. But my partner said he didnt even want to try for us and told me to move on and he needed time apart. I have been left so confused as i no he loves me still. I have broken the no contact twice and i feel so stupid and ashamed. I broke it after the first week when i drove up to his house asking to talk and ended up begging for him back and crying. Then yesterday after 3 weeks i ended uo contacting him and he agreed to come over to talk to me. At first it seemed to be going ok, then when he said he needed time and had to go , i started begging again and got upset.
I have woken up today feeling so bad as i was doing well, and he wad actually starting to miss me. Please tell me is it too late for me and a chance of getting him back. I am 100 per cent determined this time, as i no its the only way
@ Laura:
I already answered this same exact question on another post.
Please don’t spam my Blog with the same question…it is rude…OK?
hey, im using no contact but i havent told my ex. its the same day and she has just text me saying hi how was your day etc…
should i text her back?
and if not wot do i say when we do eventually get in contact?
because she will be like… why havent u text back? and she may think im playing a game.
davey boi89 wrote:
Hi,
NC doesn’t do any fucking good if you do not properly initiate it…(a.k.a. tell your ex)
Go read the free plan (link at the top), and follow all the steps.
Make sure you send the recommended NC message, word for word…no changes, for the best results.
Take Care,
S.W.
im sorry but i cant find the link :S lol
davey boi89 wrote:
Here’s a big hint…it has the words “free plan” in it.
This is a test, if you can’t find the link, you’re not capable of following the plan…Geez!
Some days my Blog seems like “The Blog of Idiots”…if you build it they will come…unfortunately. :banghead:
i got it
lol
i already did this a few weeks back but i didnt stick to it because i wasnt ready
if i do it again will she think im playing a game?
davey boi89 wrote:
The people who have succeeded have started over at least 3 times.
Everyone screws up, but not everyone gives up, and they are the ones who succeed.
If you want to succeed, and be happy again…don’t give up.
Stay Strong! :rambo:
S.W.
thank you!!!
:thumbup:
great help
just one more question if i may.
she is moving away in march/april to startover and be with family.
cant this still work? or am i chasing a neverending dream.
davey boi89 wrote:
You are thinking way too far ahead.
Focus on today, and each step of the plan, the main focus should be on your personal evolution, and getting your life back, not your ex.
davey boi89 wrote:
Isn’t that what life is all about, chasing dreams…if not, what’s the point?
Stay Strong! :rambo:
S.W.
ok thanks, but what do i do if she texts or calls early on during no contact? or if she msgs me on facebook?
and what do i say if she replies to the text saying…. wot desicions do u need to make?
davey boi89 wrote:
What part of “No Contact” don’t you understand?
Read the fucking free plan, and stop asking dumb fucking questions that have already been answered in the free plan. :banghead:
Why do you think I posted it on my Blog, to practice my typing?
lol! ok ok i get it. i just wanna be sure.
i sent the msg and got a reply. i didnt text her back because im following the plan
i didnt not know this until i sent the msg but we have been split up for about a month. i was acting desperate and needy but i have stopped now. will the text sill have the same effect?
davey boi89 wrote:
You have reached the limit of stupid questions I will answer from one person. :wave:
lmfao Did he really ask like 12 questions ? lmfaooo , damn . I can relate to him though i guess , but daveyboy89 just follow the free plan tho foreal if you want your girl back. You need these days to get your swagger back and your confidence back up , right now your feel like this because she’s your main source of happiness , during this time just learn how to be happy without her , and BELIEVE . Dont contact her until you can look yourself in the mirror and truly tell yourself your the shit . S.DUBB , WTF IS UP BROTHA ?!? SHIT I WOULD NEVER THINK NO CONTACT WOULD HAVE THIS EFFECT ON ME , IM STARTING TO FEELMY OLD SELF OR THE PERSON I WAS IN THE BEGINNING OF THE RELATIONSHIP TO COME BACK , STILL GOT LOTS OF DAYS TO GO THO , IMA MAKE IT . YOU NEED TO TURN ALL THIS FREE SHIT TO SOME $$$$ SHIT AND GET PAID FOR YA SHIT. UNTIL THAN YOUR THA SHIT , KEEP DOIN YA THANG WE APPRECIATE IT. :party:
Ok i was doing great until i looked on my facebook and saw she has deleted me and my sister as friends!
i spoke to her brother on there earlier and said i was feeling GREAT! :thumbup:
but later on i see she has deleted me!?
i feel like contacting her so bad!
i dno wot to do or make of it?
i managed to get a grip and not contact her.
my ex is moving away end of march early april. do i just let her go without seeing her again? i know its time for me now but i cant just let her go like that can i??
david wrote:
If you want to succeed, follow the plan, and DO NOT break NC for anything.
Stay Strong! :rambo:
S.W.
I know what u mean and i dont inted to break NC. but she will be movin away to another country in april.
im staying strong and all that, and im not gonna contact her but if she asks to see me before she leaves do i tell her no??? i cant do that to her can i?
i dont mean to question the plan but shes going to another country! and if i dont see her before she goes ill pobably never see her agian! well thats wot im thinkin atleast
ok shes just text me saying …. i no i shudnt be txtin u but i couldnt say nothing, happy birthday! wish u all the best, have a great day! x
is thanking her for the card a no go???
and if i cant do that, can i thank her parents and ask her parents to say thanks to her???
david wrote:
This is explained in the free plan, and has been discussed many times in our forum.
If they wish you a happy holiday (any holiday) you can send a short text saying only “thank you”…that’s it.
If they text you again, ignore it.
You have thanked them, and that is all you needed to do.
Any extra “chat” is just an attempt to weasel their way in, and get you to completely break NC.
Don’t do it.
Stay Strong! :rambo:
S.W.
P.S. Think about this…This H-B text was to relieve her own guilt more than anything (she even said so “but i couldnt say nothing”). Yeah, happy birthday baby, so how is that broken heart…any better after I ripped it out for you?
If she really cared she would have left you alone, instead of reminding you how much you miss her…thanks bitch! 
did then thank you text was hard but i did it. i rang her parents to thank them and they asked if i wanted to talk to her. i said no i need some time to sort myself out, i was just ringing to thank you and i will text her.
felt kinda bad for saying i didnt wanna talk to her but hey, im not goin bk to sq 1!!!
david wrote:
Then next time use your head, and stop being so dramatic.
You could have easily sent them a nice little hand written thank you note…no one said you had to call your ex’s parents…did they?
The free plan is so fucking easy to follow, it is people who make it hard.
Learn from your mistakes, OK?
Stay Strong! :rambo:
S.W.
sorry to keep asking questions but im Feeling really bad about the convo i had with her mom when i said i didnt want to talk to her. [:(]
i had to say i didnt want to because i didnt want to beak NC and couldnt say.
Should i call back her parents and say…
its not that i didnt want to talk to her, i just need to sort myself out first.
or should i just leave it? but i dont want them to think i dont wanna no her. [:(]
dno wot to do. [:(]
david wrote:
David,
You do not have what it takes to follow this plan and be successful, please look somewhere else for support.
I do not have the time to answer your 6 questions a day.
I am only one person, people have to become self sufficient at some point.
Good Luck!
Buh-bye! :wave:
u no if ur here to help people then y talk to me like that. i can do it, i have stuck to NC and i plan to as well. im a lot stronger than u think mate! and ill show u. just cuz i have been askin questions doesnt mean im weak! we all need a bit of help from time to time u know
david wrote:
Because people like you take advantage of my generosity.
What if I charged you $25 a question…would you ask me so many questions then?
My time is just as valuable as yours, now stop whining on my Blog, and go somewhere else. :kickbutt:
I have given you all the help I you deserve.
I am saving some for other people, you are not the only person going through a break up.
I believe in the no contact step, but the my problem is that I sort of did it already, albeit not as calmly as it would have been had I send an NC letter.
When my ex dumped me, I told him as we were parting not to call, email or text me, thereby initiating no contact.
So my question is, what do I do? Since I have already said not to contact me, do I send him an NC letter regardless? It seems like I would be telling him something he knows already.
Your advice would be greatly appreciated.
unsure wrote:
Hi,
Follow the free plan on my Blog (link at the top), and send the recommended NC message…no changes.
Some (most) people need to hear things more than once, so there would be nothing wrong with sending the NC message.
Take Care,
S.W.
Hello!,
Okay im in a bit of a situation where my ex girlfriend dumped be 3 days ago, she said she just lost the same feeling we once had. she was crying i was crying, she offered to be friends i first accepted then after on facebook chat i told her i needed a while to think about that and its best we dont talk. I will be here for you if you want to give things another shot(I know bad mistake to say) But my friend said that in school she really misses me. I havent said a word to her. He said she wanted to hang with him and me and another girl this saturday. (( originally me and my ex set my friend and the girl up,)) I dont know what to do if i should go or not
Kevin wrote:
Hi,
If you really want her to miss you, send the recommended NC message from the free plan on my Blog…don’t change a word.
Then go and follow ALL the rest of he steps in the free plan, OK?
Take Care,
S.W.
I have decided to cut all contact dead with my ex bf after 2 1/2 months of a drawn out break up. At first he was giving me hope with comments such as ‘go away sort youself out and then come back to me’ ‘we’ll get back together when I know you’re not going to be horrible to me’ etc and during all of this time I was not leaving him alone, I kept asking him ‘do you want to break up with me…are you too scared to do it so you’re just hoping to phase me out’ etc to which he kept replying ‘no’ or ‘maybe, maybe not’ or ‘I don’t know’.
I went round to his house to see him once a week during this indecisive period of his to which I was either met with distance or some touching, or if I tried to get close he would flap me away or jump. I now know I should have given him to space he needed, but I suppose me bothering him out of panic just made things worse.
He never initiated contact with me once during this period, but to give me his new mobile number.
I think I then abused sign of him reaching out by calling him non -stop one night to ask him why he was doing this, and why he hadn’t come to a house party that night of which I had invited him to. He was mad saying I hadn’t done what he had asked etc
Two days later I then tried to arrange where I would be staying after his gig, would I still be staying at his like he had siad was fine a week before, to which he out right said there was no room for me to stay at his because others would be there. I could still go if I wanted to, but I could not stay at his.
I was so hurt by this, his gf of 3 1/2 years, who had loyally gone to all of his gigs was no brushed aside. So I called him that night and said it was decision time…You can’t tell me can you…do you want to be with me or not? and without hesitation he said no without any feeling. I asked why he could not have just told me this in the first place (as his had been pushing me away for the past month) to which he replied ‘oh whatever’ and hung up on me.
That was exactly a month ago. During that period I sent him a message saying I accepted his decision, I’m sorry for making you want to pull away etc he actually replied!! saying He needed to be alone, but I’ll always need you and that he would call me soon he promised. I didn’t wait for him to call me, a week had gone by so I rang him, asking for a second chance etc and he said he was happy to just be alone right now, (he sounded very calm, decisive and upbeat) and the fact that I had kept saying during the relationship that he was selfish made him think that he needed to be more selfish. I had also continuously said that he had changed so he said well you said I have changed and yes I have, I have never been that sort of person before (the whole him ‘wanting space’, and to leave him alone for a bit occurred after, one night we had an abusive and mild physical fight mid-May, so I think that was what he was reffering to. We had been fighting for the past year about him not caring about me anymore, him spending too much time with his friends, his lack of attention etc, so this fight appeared as if everything had just come to a head)
I said all the usual crap on the phone I’ll always love you, nobody will replace you etc, asked for another chance to which he replied with the infamous ‘I don’t know’ .
So I left it at that. Then I annoyingly saw him at a river festival in my home town. He had not seen me so I went to the beer tent, I turned round to see him running out of the crowd towards me. He gave me a huge hug and said we should go sit with him and his friends. We didn’t because I didn’t want to be in his face. But then I ran into him an hour later, my friend left us as she thought we would talk considering as he was in a good mood. We didn’t talk about the relationship, we just walked around for an hour talking non-stop, like friends but it was still awkward. When we departed he gave me another hug saying I could ring him whenever I wanted ( he said this on 2 seperate occassions) he was giving me the eye contact, I took this as loving eye-contact. Great I thought we had a chance after this meeting so I left him to mull it over, I knew he had gigs but I didn’t go to any.
Then total reversal, a few days after he takes down his ‘in a relationship’ on facebook, so others could see that he had changed it, but it was not to single, it was just set to nothing. I was gutted, I felt publically humiliated. I rang him! I said somebody had text me asking if I was o.k as she had seen what he had done. I asked so is that it then we’re not together… and he said ‘well I thought that this is what this was’ as if I was playing stupid. I said I thought we had a chance after our meeting last week, to which he replied ‘I don’t know I’m busy at the moment, part of the deal of me being alone was so I didn’t have to argue anymore and I wasn’t being told what I can and can’t do’ So I left it at that.
The next day I couldnt believe it but I ran into him in town (I thought he was still in London, at his University house) I went over, he seemed obviously distant, I said I hadn’t wanted to argue on the phone, the day before. I asked him if he didn’t feel the same about me anymore, to which he shrugged, said the usual I don’t know. I asked why he couldnt just say. Hr replied with why do I have to interrogate him everytime I see him. Anyway we spoke about other things, and parted.
I have left it at that, its now been 3 days. I plan to not contact him what-so ever, especially as in over a month we will both be back at the same University. So this is my dilema, as I will see him so soon, in a working environment, will a no-contact message hold any worth, he knows he is going to see me soon. He knows how I still feel about him and want him back. He just appears to be slowly moving on, he looked so well, glowing, as if he was in love…
I have a plan, I am not going to respond if he does contact me, but how will I start the reconnection process when we are going to see each other back at uni. I think it will defiinetly be too soon for me to try to reconnect with him as soon as we start back at uni. He has also made it so blatently obvious that he doesnt want much contact with me, especially after I blew it by confronting him about facebook and then questionning him in the street. I don’t know how to approach this. I need your advice. It seems to late for a no contact letter as this was all drawn out over 2 1/2 months. I should have sent it straight away, should I just move to phadse two, do not contact, do not respond until I am comfortable to, then try to reconnect when I am over it?
Lee wrote:
Hi,
You should not worry about what has past, you and I can not do anything about that, unless you can borrow a time machine.
There is no time limit to sending the recommended NC message.
As weird as it might seem, you need to send it.
Go read the free plan on my Blog, and follow ALL the steps, OK?
Take Care,
S.W.
Hi Scott,
I was certain that my ex that I split up from 5 months ago (Long Distance) still had feelings for me as he was giving me mixed signals so I asked him if he did and he said no. He got angry and we kept in all in contact over the next couple of days until he went on holiday. He was still a bit frosty with me before he left.
When he returned, I spoke to him on facebook and asked if he had a good holiday, we spoke briefly for 10 minutes and he went offline. I thought he was still mad so I left him. He contacted me at 2.34 am, asking why I hadn’t phoned him earlier, I told him why and he said no the computer was playing up. He asked if I was with anyone, I said no and he said why because your sexy. He then asked me whether I was going to ask how many girls he had been with on holiday. He said three and after i questioned him he swore on his mum’s life he hadn’t been with anyone.
So the next day, Sunday. He chatted online but wasn’t overly friendly and said gotta go i’m bored. I didn’t contact him again until Monday online, when I had planned to send him an email telling him the way that I felt and to give him space to think about his feelings and whether we could go on a date. Well I didn’t do that, I asked him whether we could discuss it again and it got heated and he got really angry. He said if he wanted to ask me out he would ask me which he doesn’t and said he was probably ringing for sex or dirty pics, he said sounds bad but its true. He then said he would prove it to me and then he deleted my mobile number (which I can’t see) and deleted me and my sister from facebook. I told him I just wanted him to be there for me as i was going through a hard time and I’m confused. He said I say that every week and went. I immediately requested his friendship again and called him a few times but he didn’t answer. He said I could add him again around Christmas.
I’m so angry and hurt but I still love him. Will he ever come back through no contact if he was the one to initiate it?
Your help would be greatly appreciated.
Sarah says:
Hi,
You don’t want to make your ex boyfriend come back to you, you want to attract him back by getting your life back first.
Do not focus on getting your ex boyfriend back, this will only make things worst, if you are confused I can help.
Go read the free plan on my Blog, and follow ALL the steps.
Take Care,
S.W.
P.S. You MUST get your life back by evolving past the break up first, before you will be ready for a relationship with anyone else, including your ex boyfriend.
me and my ex have been broke up for over a month now, she said she wanted space and I have been trying to get it to her. the weird thing is she has been emailing me sometimes random statements saying she promised to tell me or random questions. what is the purpose of this if she is the one who asked for space?
Hi,
I have no idea why your ex girlfriend is acting the way she is…maybe she was drunk…who knows?
If you want to take control of this situation, go read the free plan on my Blog, and follow ALL the steps.
Take Care,
S.W.
my ex will travel this week to another country , when it’s the right time to use the N/C rule ? before or after he travels ? and if after so when ? i want him to feel life without me and that he knows if he loves me or not , in the right time ….
Hi,
Since the way we use the no contact rule is about evolving past your break up and getting your life back, the sooner you start the better.
Go read the free plan to get your ex back on my Blog, and follow ALL the steps.
Thank you for writing.
Take Care,
S.W.