The Free Breakup Survival Plan
A Step-By-Step Plan to Get Over Your Breakup And Get Your Ex Back
A Short Foreword
In these rough economic times, I understand a lot of people don’t have the money to invest in “Get Your Ex Back” courses, right after a breakup.
But, I feel that you still deserve some help.
That is why I offer this free breakup survival plan.
I have been helping people survive breakups since 2008.
In that time, I have learned the fastest way to get your ex back, is to evolve past the breakup, first.
Once you have your life back, and, under control, again.
Then, plan to get your ex back, by plotting out a reconnection strategy.
Getting your ex back is totally optional, and, at your discretion.
My main focus will be, to help you get your life back on track.
So, let’s get started and help you get your life, happiness, and, self-confidence, back, once again, OK?
If you so desire.
I will help you get your ex back, too.
The Table Of Contents
- Who Created This Plan?
(A little background on the creator of the free breakup survival plan)
- Plan Overview
(What the plan is all about, and, the steps.)
- The Breakup
(What you need to do right after your breakup, or finding this plan.)
- Writing And Sending Your No Contact Message
(Step-by-step instruction on writing the proper NC message, to fit your unique breakup situation.)
- Registering For Our Free Support Forum
(Step-by-step instruction on how to successfully register for our forum, and, get approved.)
- Posting Your Breakup Story And No Contact Diary
(Step-by-step instruction on properly setting up your forum topics, once you’re approved.)
- Your Personal Evolution
(Tips and advice on how to evaluate your failed relationship. This will help you learn from your mistakes, and, decide whether you want to reconnect with your ex.)
- Gaining And Maintaining Emotional Control
(Tips and advice to help you keep your head, and, not break NC.)
- The Reconnection Process
(Step-by-step process to reconnect with your ex, including a section for Long Distance Relationship’s, as well.)
Before I get into the plan overview, I want to cover this, first.
Your best chance of sticking with this plan, is to subscribe to my newsletter; The Free Breakup Survival Plan Newsletter, using this link.
Because once you subscribe, and, confirm your request, I will send you an email, each day.
I will do this for 30 days, and, guide you through your first 30 days of following, The No Contact Rule…which are the hardest.
I will “virtually” hold your hand for the first 30 days…sound good?
Even though, I will walk you step-by-step through everything you will need to do, here in the free breakup survival plan.
Daily support can be very helpful, and, help keep you focused and motivated.
If you have already subscribed, please disregard…OK?
The Breakup Survival Plan Consists of 3 Main Parts:
- Accepting The Breakup And Sending The NC Message
- Your Personal Evolution – Getting Over The Breakup
- Reconnection – Starting a Brand New Relationship With Your Ex (optional)
If you feel after your personal evolution, that you are happier, without your ex, so be it.
The breakup survival plan is all about making you happy, once again.
With or without your ex.
The Break Up
I know that just about everyone, who finds my Blog, and, the Breakup Survival Plan, has already made a ton of mistakes.
It doesn’t matter.
Really, everybody fucks up after a breakup.
You are not alone.
I fucked up BIG time during one rough breakup.
She walked out the door one night (pissed off), and, never came back, or spoke another word to me.
It wasn’t even a big fight, she just flipped out (apparently, lol).
I drunk dialed, drove by her apartment, wrote poems, drove all my friends away with my incessant whining, etc.
Sound vaguely familiar? 🙂
I was at a BIG disadvantage.
There was no internet to really speak of (1992), and, therefore, I never heard of the fucking no contact rule, or, got any advice.
Except, to shut up already, and, get over it, from “my friends”.
You have me.
But, only as long as you follow the rules.
I don’t waste time with people who like to waste my time.
I focus on helping people who really want some help, not just attention.
So, the first step in this whole mess, is, to accept the breakup.
Let your ex go, and focus totally on you, and getting over this breakup.
Fuck fixing the breakup, fix you, first, and then, worry about your ex, later.
Do not lose yourself in this breakup, you might not find yourself again.
Now, that’s a scary thought, huh?
I highly recommend that you take the time to read through the whole plan, at least, once.
Get a feel for it.
If you have any questions (about the plan), you can reach me on my contact page, or you can hold on to them until you become a forum member, and, then, post them in your NC diary, and, I will answer them, ASAP
Some Forum Prep Work
Now, let’s do some prep work, in anticipation of joining our forum.
First thing, go get yourself a brand new Gmail address to use when you join our forum.
This way if your ex, or friends have access to any of your old email addresses, they won’t know about this one, right?
You can open a new “free” email account at Gmail by clicking here.
Next, think of a good username for the forum.
If you do choose to join our forum, in order to provide the highest level of confidentiality, please…
DO NOT USE YOUR REAL NAME as a username (or anything that could be easily associated with yourself), it would also be a great idea to use a different email address too.
This will definitely help you keep your activity private, and untraceable through search engines.
You don’t want nosy friends, family, or your fucking ex, to find your forum account by Googling a common nickname of yours…do you?
You don’t know how many members regretted not doing these two steps, first.
I know you are anxious to get started, but, take your time, and, do things right, if you want to protect your privacy.
Don’t make the same mistakes, be prepared when you are approved as a forum member.
Writing And Sending Your No Contact Message
I would advise caution if your ex has a restraining order against you.
I am NOT a lawyer.
I am NOT qualified to give legal advice.
I recommend for any “legally sensitive” situations like a restraining order, that you should use commonsense, and, consult a real lawyer before sending “any” message to your ex.
OK, now that I have that legal warning out-of-the-way.
First, let us explore the theory and thinking behind the recommended NC message, as outlined in the breakup survival plan.
This will (hopefully) clear up a lot of the “doubt and fear”, surrounding this step of the process.
What The No Contact Message Is
It is a simple unemotional message, letting your ex know that you agree with the breakup, and, you are politely asking that they do not contact you.
Unless it is about some shared business, like; children, bills, etc.
You will contact them, when you are ready.
If you are ever ready…it’s your choice.
Can you see, how this simple message puts things into perspective, and, gives you a starting point for the healing process?
There has to be a healing process, and, there has to be a starting point for that process.
You’re not going to drift around in relationship limbo waiting for your ex to give you that starting point.
You’re going to give it to yourself.
That’s what the no contact message (I created) is for.
You are drawing a line in the sand showing where your failed relationship ends, and where your healing process begins.
I hope so.
What The No Contact Message Is, NOT
The no contact message is not is a contract to never get back together with your ex.
That’s the drama talking.
You’re not giving up on your ex.
You are giving up on the already dead relationship, you used to have with your ex.
No one said you can’t have a NEW relationship with your ex, in the future.
How about an even better relationship?
Does that sound good?
It’s all possible, once, you let go of the past, and, send the recommended NC message.
This is the first kick in love’s ass.
The NC message.
Let’s get to it, shall we?
Writing Your No Contact Message
I wrote a few articles about The No Contact Rule, but, I feel this one is the best:
I recommend that you read this article first, and, if you have any questions, post them in the comments below the article.
*In the comment form, at the very bottom of the page, below all the recent comments.
Once you are ready to write your NC message, pick the version that best suits your unique breakup situation.
I tried to cover them all.
The shared business version can be altered to fit any kind of business, like; children, church, etc.
Don’t become discouraged, if you don’t see a version that is written specifically for your unique situation.
Just post your question(s) (as a comment) below the above mentioned article, and, I will answer it.
Now, that all your questions have been answered.
You should have written the perfect NC message, following all the “mandatory guidelines” mentioned in The Real Truth About The No Contact Rule
What are the mandatory guidelines?
- Do not change anything in the recommended NC message, except the part about contacting you, if you need to be in contact about shared business, or, children, or both.
- Also do not use their name, just use the word “Hi”.
- Don’t add anything at the end, just sign it with your first name (not nickname).
- It MUST stay clean, and emotionless.
If you alter (butcher) the NC message, when it comes time to post (your exact message) in your NC diary on our forum, you will not like what happens.
PLEASE FOLLOW ALL THE GUIDELINES – THEY ARE VERY NECESSARY
Altering the NC message to “sound more like you” or “to be more polite”, will kill its effectiveness.
And stall your healing process.
Don’t do that to yourself, OK?
The message is “perfect”…now what?
Send it by email, text, registered letter, singing telegram…lol
Whatever you do…
Do not try to delivery it, over the phone.
Don’t ask why.
Just believe me, you don’t want to do it over the phone.
So, let’s recap
- We looked at an overview of the breakup survival plan.
- We had a nice little chat about breakups, and how to prep for forum registration.
- We just finished writing, and sending your NC message to your ex.
You are now ready to register for our forum.
Registering For Our Free Support Forum
*NOTE – If Your Country Blocks You From Viewing Our Forum, there is really nothing I can do about it.
Everything you need to know, to follow the free breakup survival plan, is here.
Just ignore the references to “joining” the breakup support forum, OK?
Let me start off by saying that you MUST follow ALL the forum registration steps in-order to be approved.
I expect people to be serious enough to follow ALL the forum rules and guidelines.
They are TOUGH.
Without these rules and guidelines, the wrong people would get approved, and cause nothing short of chaos.
Things would spin out of control, and no one would get the support they deserve.
How do I know this?
That’s how it was in the beginning.
I ended up closing the forum for about a month, it became overwhelming.
I was going to give up.
But, I didn’t.
I evolved, and so did the forum registration process.
It was created to weed out the people who are not serious enough to follow the forum rules and guidelines.
Now, that you know a little background about the registration process.
It’s time to start the registration process.
- Go to this address: http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/register.php
(this will open in a new window, so you won’t lose your place on this page)
The forms themselves are pretty self-explanatory, just fill them out.
- Once you have filled out all the forms, click on the register button on the bottom right-hand side of the page.
Now, here comes one of the parts that most people screw up.
- After you click on “Register” you will see this message.
How do they screw this part up?
They don’t reply within an hour.
It says “one hour”.
I will extend it to 24 hours, but, after that, you will get rejected, and, you will have to register again.
Why do I do this?
To weed out the “tire-kickers”, people who are not serious about joining our forum, and helping themselves.
- The next step to registering, is properly replying to the email, you will receive after you register.
This stage of the registration process, lets me know that you are aware of, and agree to follow, the forum rules and guidelines, and, the Terms of Service.
Although you already agreed to follow the TOS when you ticked the box on the registration form.
I want a second confirmation, just to make sure you read the TOS.
The item I want you to be “fully” aware of is: Exhibit A – Operating Policies – article 12.
This article of the TOS states that you agree that all your written words (content) on the website howtokicklovesass.com, belong to me, the website owner.
Why do I do this?
I don’t want people coming back later asking me to delete all their posts, and topics (Breakup Story and No Contact Diary).
You are agreeing to give up ownership of your content, in exchange for free support and advice.
After all, if it wasn’t for all the other NC Diaries, and Breakup Stories.
What would you have been able to read, when you needed some comfort?
I hope so.
If you’re not comfortable with this…
DO NOT REGISTER FOR OUR FORUM
Now, that I have covered that sticky subject, let’s proceed.
You should be waiting for your email to come, so you can reply with-in one hour.
*IMPORTANT – If you do not receive your email within a few minutes – CHECK YOUR SPAM FOLDER.
If it is in there, make sure you white list this email address: firstname.lastname@example.org, to avoid future trips to the spam folder.
OK, your email has arrived.
Read every word of it, and then hit the reply button.
Now, All I need to know is that:
- You agree to READ and FOLLOW ALL the steps in the Free Breakup Survival Plan.
- You agree to follow all the forum rules and guidelines.
- You agree to abide by the website terms of service.
- The first thing you need to do once you log into your forum account is:
- Start your Breakup Story Topic, and, post your breakup story.
- Start your No Contact Diary, and, post the exact NC message you sent to your ex.
I need to see that on your reply to me, before, I will approve your forum registration.
Once you are approved you will get an email with your password.
Now, you can log in, and get started.
Once you have performed the above tasks, you are free to PM, and post, on any “active” member’s topic that you like.
Just follow the forum rules and guidelines, and, everything will be fine.
Now, it’s time to post your breakup story and, no contact diary.
Posting Your Breakup Story And No Contact Diary
IMPORTANT – YOU MUST POST “BOTH” YOUR BREAKUP STORY AND NC DIARY IN YOUR VERY FIRST VISIT TO OUR FORUM. FAILURE TO DO SO WILL RESULT IN YOUR ACCOUNT BEING DELETED.
Hopefully you have understood, and, accomplished everything you have been asked to do, so far.
If you have had some problems, don’t worry, just go back, and, pick up where you left off.
If you have received your rejection email from the forum, you will need to register for our forum, again.
You can use the same email and user name, you used the first time you registered.
I will have deleted your old account.
To recap: If you do not respond to the registration email within 1-24 hours from the time you registered, you will be rejected, if you don’t follow ALL the instructions on that email once you reply, you will be rejected.
Remember, if you’re not ready, stop trying to join our forum.
Come back when you are ready.
You can still read our forum, but, you won’t be able to post until you’re ready to become a member and participate.
I can’t make you ready, but, I can be there for you when you are ready. OK?
Posting Your Breakup Story
OK, assuming you are now a “full fledged forum member” and you have logged in, you will see this link at the middle of the page.
Click on “Add New” next to Topic.
Now you will see the “Add New Topic” section:
For the title of your breakup story you will use this format:
“your forum user name” – My Breakup Story
If your user name was “Damaged Goods” it would read: Damaged Goods – My Breakup Story
*It is very important that you use your forum user name in the title so other forum members can find your story, and read it.
Once you have finished writing your story, make sure the forum box shows “Heart Break Hotel”, so it will post in the correct forum.
If it is not showing, use the drop-down menu to find it, and, then click on the “Send Post” button to the right.
If it is not showing, use the drop-down menu to find it, and, then click on “Send Post” button to the right.
This will bring you to your posted breakup story, read it over and make any edits, now.
You have 60 minutes to make edits, and then you can’t make any…why?
I don’t want people changing their posts all the time.
Get it right the first time, and then you’re done! 🙂
I will close your Breakup Story.
This is so members can’t post under it.
Members are supposed to post comments on your NC diary, and, post questions on their own NC diary.
That is how members will chronicle their personal evolution.
Posting Your No Contact Diary
Towards the top of the page you will see a link called:
“HOW TO KICK LOVES ASS-BREAK UP FORUM”
Click on that part of the link, not the part on the other side of the “>>” symbols.
This will bring you back to the front page.
Where you will repeat the same process you did for your Breakup Story.
Click on “Add New” next to Topic.
Now you will see the “Add New Topic” section:
For the title of your NC Diary you will use this format:
“your forum user name” – My No Contact Diary
If your user name was “Damaged Goods” it would read: Damaged Goods – My No Contact Diary
*It is very important that you use your forum user name in the title so other forum members can find your story, and read it.
The first post in your NC diary should be a copy of the “exact” version of the recommended NC message you previously sent to your ex.
When new members see that you have sent the same recommended NC message as outlined in the free plan (just like everyone else).
This will inspire them to do the same.
Once you have finished posting make sure the forum box shows “My No Contact Diary”, so it will post in the correct forum.
If it is not showing, use the drop-down menu to find it, and then click on the “Send Post” button to the right.
This will bring you to your posted no contact diary, read it over and make any edits, now.
You have 60 minutes to make edits.
After 60 minutes have passed, you can’t edit your post.
NOTE – This will be your NC topic and you will post all your NC questions and progress in this topic…
Please do not start another topic to talk about NC, OK?
*Quick Note about our forum and the forum support buddy system.
Make sure you get yourself a buddy, and get into a support group ASAP.
You can read more about it here: Break Up Buddy Support System
You have now properly posted your breakup story, and, no contact diary.
Let’s move to the next step in the plan.
Your Personal Evolution
Now that you have severed your ties with your old “failed” relationship, it is time to start the healing process, and, look at what went wrong.
A. Get a notebook and start a personal journal
I know you’re thinking wow, what a tip, right?
Well guess what?
You would be amazed by the feedback I have received, from people who started a personal journal, at the beginning of their evolution.
They swear, it was what kept them going, and, helped them to make it through this whole process, without giving up.
So, get one, and start writing in it…OK?
B. The first thing I want you to write
The first thing I want you to write in your new journal is a list.
Make a list of all the pros and cons about your past relationship with your ex.
This will help you to figure out if it is even worth getting them back or not, so get to work.
*Note – this list will change as you evolve…so keep updating it daily/weekly, OK?
C. Next start to evaluate
Evaluate all the things that you noticed went wrong, and, lead up to this breakup.
Was there something you didn’t like about your ex, or was your ex always hinting about things they didn’t like about you?
Make a list and make plans to change these things about yourself, and to talk about the things you didn’t like about your ex when you reconnect later on in the plan, OK?
*Note – this list will change as you evolve…so keep updating it daily/weekly, OK?
D. I HIGHLY RECOMMEND
I highly recommend that you also get yourself a good relationship course.
It will not only help guide you through your personal evolution, but, it will also help prepare you for reconnection with your ex, if you choose that path, later on.
With a great guide on how to get your ex back, and, the free breakup survival plan, you are SURE to kick loves ass, in the shortest amount of time, possible.
OK, now that you’re off to a good start, let’s talk about our next crucial step…
Gaining And Maintaining Good Emotional Control
It is so important that you maintain good self-control during your evolution, and to do that you will need the help of some good self-help tools, like this one found in the “The Magic of Making up System” by T. W. Jackson.
*The following is an excerpt from the “The Magic of Making up System” by T. W. Jackson*
The FAST FORWARD Technique
We have all heard the saying “Time heals all wounds.” But, that is little solace for the person experiencing the pain of the wound RIGHT NOW. Wouldn’t it be nice if there were a way to “fast forward” past the pain? Just press a button and speed up time to a point where we feel more balanced and rational. While I don’t have a magical button for you to press, I do have The Fast Forward Technique. The Fast Forward Technique has many uses, but one of the best is for getting over the pain of loss. If you commit to performing this three times a day at least, you will be amazed.
STEP 1: Feel whatever it is you are feeling and notice how and where you feel it. For example many people feel emotional hurt in their chest or heart (that is why it is called heart-break). But, that may or may not be true for you. Now just focus on your feeling and ask yourself silently or out loud the following:
Can I allow this feeling?
Can I welcome this feeling?
And then answer. It doesn’t matter if it is a Yes or No.
STEP 2: Ask “Could I let this feeling go?” Again, a Yes or No is acceptable.
STEP 3: Ask “Would I let this feeling go?”
STEP 4: Ask “When?”
STEP 5: Now examine the feeling again. Does it feel different? Did you feel a shift? The shift is different for everyone, but is a sign of small healing. You want to feel how your feeling has changed and repeat steps 1 through 5.
The Fast Forward Technique should not be a struggle. In fact, it will usually feel quite warm and soothing.
You will want to do 2 or 3 sessions a day. One session may be 5 or 6 repetitions or more through the 5 steps.
Also, let me let you in on a little secret. I have used The Fast Forward Technique for many things including Managing my feelings about:
. Quitting smoking
. Dealing with “snack attacks”
. Writers Block
. Getting over my father’s death
. Sticking with my workout program
. Major arguments with my wife
The Fast Forward Technique and I are old friends and I hope that by introducing you to each other, you will reap a lifetime of benefits as well.
NEW!! – TW Jackson’s Calm Mind Technique
Learn how to calm your mind during times of extreme stress, using this easy mind trick, created by TW Jackson.
Go watch video #6, in the Break up Help “Videos” section of my Blog.
Note this is just a small example of the powerful techniques and advice in his system, and, why I highly advise you to buy it, as soon as you can.
You can pick up a copy here: *The Magic of Making up System.
In the meantime, you have me, this free breakup survival plan, and, our free forum.
So you are in good hands, until you can afford the system.
Now, on to the last step…reconnection.
*UPDATE* – Another great set of tools (which I use myself) are Subliminal Training audio tracks.
These help you to flush out the negative thoughts in your subconscious mind that will slow down your emotional healing process as you get over your break up.
Plus, they will help you stick to the no contact rule.
They are very, very simple to use, all you do is listen to them while you work, workout, drive, run…whatever.
They are great, and they really work.
Like I said, I have used, and use them all the time.
They help keep me on track when life seems to be closing in on me, like it does to everyone, every once in a while, right?
Now, I bet you’re wondering why this section is so short.
There are tons of unique methods and tactics, being discussed in our forum.
There are over 60,000 posts on our forum (and counting).
A virtual plethora of information.
Go start reading.
Better yet, become a forum member, and, join the conversation.
The Reconnection Process
Now, if you have been doing all the previous exercises, and writing in your journal along with working in our forum, (hopefully with a forum support buddy or group) you should be evolving nicely.
If you have screwed up and had to start over, you’re not alone…have you been reading the other members posts in our forum?
The important thing is that you DO NOT GIVE UP, you only fail when you fail to keep taking action, understand?
Everyone is under the (false) impression that 30 days of no contact is a magic number, now, I will say some people have done it in under 30 days, but, every situation is unique.
So, do not plan on reconnecting, immediately after, 30 days of successful NC, OK?
Every time you mess up (break NC) you have to start over again, and send a new no contact message as outlined earlier in the plan.
How do you know when you’re ready?
Well the best answer to that question would be when you didn’t need to ask that question at all…you”ll just know it inside.
Everyone evolves at their own pace…it’s not a race.
If you have your emotions under control you won’t be so jumpy to go ahead when you know you’re not ready.
That is why I advise everyone to work on yourself before trying to involve someone else (your ex).
DO NOT RUSH THROUGH NO CONTACT.
Reconnecting With Your Ex When You’re In A LDR (Long Distance Relationship)
You really need to find a way to be in the same place (country, city) they are, or wait until they are going to be in your area for at least a couple of weeks, why?
Because a face to face meeting is your best bet for success in the beginning of the reconnection stage.
Chances are they have told you to move on, and it’s over for good..that’s it.
Why do you think they did that?
Because you probably told them how much this break up hurt you, and they do not want to be responsible for anymore of your pain…make sense?
Now, how do you think you will convince them with a text, email, phone call, or web cam to take that responsibility again?
I doubt you will.
They will feel like they are taking a risk in exploring a new LDR with you, and if it doesn’t work out, they are the bad guy, and broke your heart all over again.
Now, if you are in their area for a while and just want to chat, this seems much less threatening than having to make up their mind whether to risk having you come to them, and being responsible for your emotional pain like the last break up.
You see they will be thinking back to what you said, and how you acted from the last break up.
This is why I think you will have much more success if you can wait until a face to face meeting is possible with your LDR ex.
A face to face will let them feel the full effect of your personal, and emotional evolution, far better than a phone call where they can not read your body language.
If you can not wait until you can arrange a face-to-face meeting then try the following suggestions:
*Update: There have been a quite a few people in our forum that have had great success with web cam reconnects, so this might be a great alternative if you can not arrange an “actual” face to face meeting.
Call them on the telephone and use the methods outlined in MOMU (Magic of Making up) chapter 6, if you can not do this because of conflicting time zones, try these other examples.
As I mention above, these suggestions are not just for phone use.
They can easily be used as an email, or text message, as well.
Maybe try breaking the ice, by forwarding a joke email (that you know they would like), or, a link to an interesting article online, that you both share an interest in.
Put a short note like : pretty funny don’t you think? (for a joke), or pretty interesting, what do you think? (if it’s an article).
Avoid using the words “I” “me” or anything that would refer to you as couple…like “we”.
Ex – Remember when we went to the lecture about that (subject of the article link)?…this brings up memories of the old failed relationship, keep it very casual…move slowly, OK?
The main point being, do not bring up anything about wanting to talk about personal stuff…just break the ice, if your ex replies then follow-up with a very indirect invitation to video chat…because you would like to thank them.
“Hey how have you been? If you have sometime next week let’s get together on Skype, I just have to personally thank you for what you did.”
If your ex asks “thank me for what?” tell them you will explain in the chat, and you would like to do it face to face (in person if possible, if not) then use video chat in your case, because it’s an LDR.
What do you thank them for?…giving you the space you needed when you asked them for it, and then go on to talk about anything but yours/his personal life…keep it very casual, OK? (work, school, sports, movies, news…etc.)
Follow the guidelines in chapter 6 and keep it to about 30 minutes, and then make an excuse to leave…leave your ex wanting more, OK?
Warning: Make sure you’re ready, so you don’t get sucked into a personal conversation about your past, relationship.
If the meeting starts to go this way…get off before it explodes…just say; “I have to go I have a phone call…nice chatting, maybe another time, OK? Bye)
This what I have so far to help people who are in a long distance relationship reconnect, but I still would highly recommend that you wait until you can do it face to face, for the full effect.
The chances of you getting an invitation (from your ex) to their country or city will be slim, but if you take all the risk the pressure is off them, understand?
The bottom line in a LDR or in any relationship is it requires some risk, and if you’re not up to taking that risk, then I would advise you wait until your ex makes the first move, or to move on, and find someone local.
LDR break ups just like local breakups can take months before both sides are ready to talk…you must have patience.
The best piece of advice is to stop waiting for them to come back, and start to move on by dating again…this usually speeds up your ex’s personal evolution.
There are quite a few LDR break up success stories in our forum which means this plan works for LDR break ups too.
A. When you know you’re ready to attempt reconnection with your ex
Call them to set up a short (30 minute) meeting for coffee, or lunch.
*Don’t flirt or stay on the phone too long.
All you need to do is be polite and break the ice, something like; “Hi, how have you been?
I am doing good.
Hey, do you feel about meeting for ice cream/coffee next week at this time and place?”.
Once you have the meeting date set up with your ex just say; “See you there…good-bye”.
Lunch is tough to keep to 30 minutes so I would make it something like coffee or ice cream. Make a midday event in a crowded place, so you’re both comfortable.
Examples of the wrong place to meet:
- His/Your Place
- A Movie (too long)
- A wedding (again too long)
- A common friends house
(it should just be you two)
- A bar for drinks (no alcohol)
- Someplace you used to go together before the break up
(brings up memories of the past failed relationship)
B. Call them do not text or email…why?
Because you want to hear their voice and judge their emotional state (are they happy, sad, angry, or not really interested).
If they do not answer do not leave a message, OK?
Just try again in about 3-7 days.
Do not call too much this will look you’re stalking them and your ex will run.
C. If you get a “yes” then keep your cool and lay out the plan you previously made.
If you get a “no” lets see what T. W. Jackson recommends in his The Magic of Making up System.
*The following is an excerpt from the “The Magic of Making up System” by T. W. Jackson
Getting a No
You may meet with a little apprehension. Like “Uhhh…I really don’t know?”
Just kind of chuckle and nonchalantly say “It’s only coffee”…or “only lunch”
This most times will turn into “Okay.”
It’s possible that in spite of your careful planning, your ex will not agree to go on a date with you. At this point you may be tempted to:
. Beg and plead
. Get angry
. Accuse your ex of cheating on you
. Rehash every argument you ever had
. Generally fly off the handle
The appropriate response is to gracefully bow out by accepting their no.
You can just say, “Alright,” and wish your ex well and then end the conversation.
This leaves the door open for future communication.
*end of excerpt
Your next move, would be, wait a week, and, try again.
- If a week later, you get rejected, again.
- Resend the exact NC message, you sent in the beginning – no changes.
- Now, wait 60 days, instead of 30, to try to reconnect.
- If, the same thing happens, again, in 60 days.
- Resend the exact NC message – no changes.
- Now, wait 90 days, before trying to reconnect.
- Can you see the pattern, here?
- Eventually, your ex will give in, or, you will just move on, but, don’t worry about it, now. OK? Just focus on following the free breakup survival plan, it works.
You just might have caught them, on a bad day…do not give up, only time will tell, if this was meant to be, or not.
In the meantime, use our forum, and, read what other members, said and did, when things like this happened, to them.
Our forum, is the most powerful tool, you will ever have, at your disposal, so, please use it.
D. Getting a “Yes”, and What to Talk About, and What NOT to Talk About During Your Reconnection Meetings
Before we cover what to talk about, let’s talk about a proper greeting, and goodbye.
I would recommend that you offer your hand for a handshake, and thank them for meeting with you, when you meet, and when you leave, why?
Because doing anything more would be ‘presumptuous’ and may make your ex uneasy.
If your ex initiates a hug, don’t pull away, but don’t let your ex take it too far, by giving you a passionate kiss.
Remember, this is the beginning of a ‘brand new’ relationship, and you should act accordingly…Take it Slow!
OK, you have your first short (30 minute or less) meeting all set up…now, what do you talk about?
Obviously there are somethings you should not bring up at your reconnection meetings.
There will be plenty of time to ask your personal questions later on, after you have reestablished a “new” bond with your ex, so just keep it light, upbeat, and fun.
After all, you will not get a second meeting if you bore them to death, or cross-examine them about what they have been doing (dating wise), right?
1. What Not To Bring up, or Talk About:
- Your Break up
(This should be a no-brainer, but I figured I would warn you anyways)
- Your Old Relationship
(Another no-brainer, right?)
- Their Personal Life
(dating, things of that nature, no cross-examination, remember?)
- Your Personal Life
(see above examples about dating)
The KEY to SUCCESS – Remember this is NOT a trip down memory lane, it is the beginning of a new relationship, with an old friend, understand?
How would you feel if you just met someone, and all they did was talk about their old relationships….booorrring!
What should you do if your ex insists on asking about NC, and why you sent the message.
You should calmly, and politely change the subject by saying “I really don’t want to discuss that now, let’s just catch up, OK?”
If they seem to not be able to let it go, then you need to “politely” end the meeting by saying something like: “I really just wanted to catch up with you, and see how you were doing.
I didn’t want to drag up the past, I think it would be better if we did this another time.
I have to be going.”
Then get up say “good-bye” and leave.
This is another good reason you should come to the meetings separately, so you can leave separately, understand?
You can wait a week or so, and try setting up another meeting, maybe by then they will be ready to “just talk”.
2. What You Should Talk About:
- The Latest World News
(not ex’s or anything of that nature)
- TV Shows
The KEY to SUCCESS – You know your ex, so try to bring up things you know you both like, and have in-common.
This will help them to remember why they were attracted to you in the first place, make sense?
Just don’t bring up the old relationship by saying I know you like seafood, remember that time we went to…
Be smart about it, do it carefully, and thoughtfully.
Just remember this is not an interview, or an attempt to rekindle your old “failed” relationship.
That should all be behind both of you by now, and you should be ready to start a brand new, stronger relationship, learning from the past mistakes of the old failed one, understand?
Have fun at your meetings, make great company, and you will not have any trouble setting up more “future” meetings together.
Above all, take it slow, and avoid premature reconciliation (break up help video #4) OK?
This concludes the free breakup survival plan, but it is as everything on my Blog, and in our forum, an ongoing work in progress.
If you have any suggestions please contact me, and I will add your suggestions if they fit, OK?
Please keep in mind the MAIN objective is to get your life back, not your ex.
Remember, the breakup survival plan is meant to work along with a good relationship course, like: “The Magic of Making up System”.
I highly recommend that you get this course (including the 3 free bonus books), and, use it, along with the free breakup survival plan, and, our support forum.
Whether you buy this system, or not.
I will still provide you will all the free guidance, and, support you will need to succeed.
I promise! 🙂
Now, get to work getting your life (and, hopefully your ex) back, again.
I wish you the best of luck, and I am always here to help you.
Who Am I and Why Should You Listen to Me?
My name is S. Williams, and I have been helping people since 2008, to overcome breakup pain, and, get their lives back.
I even have an “About” section, that I recommend you read.
I realize the address, of my website, is: How to Get Your Ex Back Fast, but, I “really” teach people, how to get their lives back, not just their ex’s.
If you’re interested in working with me, (and our forum members) to get your life back, join my free newsletter, for access to the free breakup survival plan, and, start getting your life back, today.
The answers you need, to start your personal evolution, are waiting for you, don’t hesitate another minute…come, and get them.
Once, you get your life back, everything else will just start to fall into place…I promise.
If you have any comments or questions, please use my contact form, and, send them to me.
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Until next time,
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