No Contact Rule – 30 Days or a Lifetime?

 
woman peering through iron bars
 
The no contact rule is not magic, it’s common sense.

Do you really think 30 days is too much to ask, to get your ex back?

You only have 2 choices, really.

Use it for 30 days, or spend the rest of your life, right where you are, now.

The funny thing is that most people choose the second choice…do you?

 


 

No Contact Rule – Point 1

 
When a person moves neither forward or backward, they are just stuck.

Sound familiar?

This is the kind of “limbo”, the no contact rule can break you out of.

People believe it is better to “play it safe”, then to take control of their situation.

You are sorely mistaken if you think this is the easiest way to go.

In fact, it is much harder than using no contact, to get your ex back.

So, ask yourself; “Why am I doing this?”

 


 

No Contact Rule – Point 2

 
I mentioned, that you might think that using no contact, will be “too hard.”

What exactly is “hard” about it?

I know being away from your ex-boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, or wife is hurting you.

But, you can fix this problem, and, you’ll have to start with yourself.

Why?

Because, you’re the one convincing yourself to do nothing, and, put up with the pain.

Since you are already in pain.

Why not use the no contact rule, to end it?
 


 

No Contact Rule – Point 3

 
There is no definitive amount of time, a person must use no contact, to win back an ex.

People seem to think there is.

The basic ground rule is you must use it for at least 30 days.

But, this is just a starting point, in fact, every breakup, will be different.

For instance, if this has been an ongoing problem (break up every other week), as compared to a simple little fight, that just got blown out of portion, each resolution will be different.

The first example will take longer to solve, than, say the little fight, that just went overboard.

But, in both cases, using the techniques in the no contact rule, will bring both couples back together, faster.

So you see, do not focus on the amount of time it will take.

Focus, on a positive outcome, instead.

 


 

No Contact Rule – Point 4

 

Most people do not know, how to correctly use no contact…do you?

If you think it is only about not contacting your ex, you are mistaken.

There is so much more to a good no contact strategy.

The reason people are failing with NC, is, because, either they don’t have a good strategy, or, they refuse to follow a good strategy.

Both cases are a no win situation.

You have to understand one thing, right now.

The chances of your ex, coming back on their own, without you taking some positive action, are very slim, like winning the lottery, very slim.

 


 

No Contact Rule – Point 5

 

Another factor, most people overlook, when using no contact is support.

You need to have someone, whether it is a close friend or relative, to keep you steady, and, on track with your NC strategy.

The trouble here is that most of the time, your friends, and family, will not support your plan.

They become a thorn on your side, instead of, a solid foundation, to steady you.

It’s not their fault really, they think they know what’s best for you, but, in this case, they don’t, you do.

You won’t be able to move on, or, live a happy life, until you know for sure if it’s really over, between you and your ex.

Most people can not do this all by themselves.

That is why, it is wise to find someone, who will help you.

Someone like me. 🙂

If you are emotionally unbalanced you need someone, or, something, to keep you on track.

Right?

You need a plan, a plan that works.

If you want to survive this breakup, you’ll need help.

Wouldn’t you rather spend 30 days or more (if necessary), to solve this problem, then, to have to live with it, the rest of your life?

If you have any comments or questions please write them in the comment box below, and I will answer them ASAP.

What can I do to help you use the no contact rule, correctly?

What are you willingly to do, to you get your ex back?

 


 

Who Am I and Why Should You Listen to Me?

 

My name is S. Williams, and I have been helping people since 2008, to overcome breakup pain, and, get their lives back.

I even have an “About” section, that I recommend you read.

I realize the address, of my site, is: How to Get Your Ex Back Fast, but, I “really” teach people, how to get their lives back, not just their ex’s.

If you’re interested in working with me, (and our forum members) to get your life back, join my free newsletter, for access to the free breakup survival plan, and, start getting your life back, today.

The answers you need, to start your personal evolution, are waiting for you, don’t hesitate another minute…come, and get them.

Once, you get your life back, everything else will just start to fall into place…I promise.

If you have any comments or questions, please write them, in the comment box, below.

If this article was useful, or helpful, to you in any way, please show your appreciation, by giving me a “+1″, using the buttons, below this article.

Until next time,

S. Williams

Copyright © 2008 and beyond – All Rights Reserved Worldwide – You DO NOT have permission to reuse this content in any way, shape, or form.

54 Comments

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  1. OK, ironically he called yesterday for the first time. I didn’t answer right away but I called back after an hour and thought it might be a good time to let him know I am getting all my stuff Friday. He said he called because we need to talk, that he misses me and wants to work things out. I told him I’m will think about it and will call him, I ended it there. Now, what?

    1. Hi,

      I have no idea what kind of plan you have been following so how am I supposed to answer a question like; “now what”?

      I have no idea at what stage of NC you are at or anything, so my suggestion is…

      Go get your stuff, don’t talk about anything, just leave or have a friend go get it, or have him drop it off and have a friend be there in your place.

      After that send the recommended no contact message as outlined in the free plan.

      Go read the free plan on my Blog, and follow ALL the steps.

      Beware premature reconciliation, it will only benefit your ex boyfriend.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

  2. My bf and I broke up and it’s been 11 days since we had no contact. I wrote him the little note and all. The problem is that we were living together and I have alot of furniture and other items that are in his house. I have the keys to his house and he knows I come in to get stuff little by little. I believe he is moving on and even went on dates but I’m so miserable! How long do I wait to contact him? When do I get my stuff? Do I just come in and get everything when he’s at work and not tell him? Do I email him? Call him?

    1. Hi,

      I am not sure what “little note” you are talking about…did you send the recommended no contact message (no changes) as outlined in the free plan?

      If you’re not following the free plan I can not help you.

      If you want my help, first make a date to go get ALL your stuff at one time…don’t drag this out hoping he will ask you to come back.

      You must take control of this situation.

      Once you have all your stuff out of there, go read the free plan on my Blog, and follow ALL the steps which means sending the recommended no contact message…no changes.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

  3. really amazing….. Need your help as i m stuck in a worser situation..how can i contact you.

    1. Hi,

      I do not offer private personal support.

      What I offer is a free plan and support forum for people who want to get their lives back together after a break up.

      Go read the free plan on my Blog, and follow ALL the steps.

      You will learn how to help yourself, and get your life back.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

  4. i downloaded magic of making up and subscribed to your e-mails. maybe i missed it but what is the NC message?

    i was going out with this person for 4 years and broke up 4 months ago. we have been communcating until the past week when i got tired of rejection after a good day of hanging out.

    i don’t know what to do at this point.

    1. Hi,

      If you subscribed to my newsletter, the first email you received explained about the free plan, and about a free bonus report as well.

      Go read the free plan on my Blog, and follow ALL the steps.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

  5. Thank you!
    Take care,
    Katty

  6. Thank you for reply, Scott.
    Are you really sure, that sending NC message is a good idea after three months of silence?

    1. Yes, the recommended NC message is the only way to properly initiate no contact.

  7. Hi Scott,

    First I must say, that this is a really great place for people who are looking for help. Thanks for creating it!

    I have this problem:
    My BF (of six months) broke up with me three months ago. I didn’t sent him NC message, because I didn’t know I should do it. But I haven’t contacted him since the breakup (my pride has helped me with that). But I have met him few times because of our common friends and I tried to behave “neutrally friendly”.

    I will be living abroad for half a year and only then do I plan to reconnect with him. (Do you think I have a chance to succeed or will it be too late to reconnect? I hope, that I will have more time to change and evolve, but who knows…)

    The biggest problem right now for me is my personal evolution – I am working on changes (my attitude and appearance), but I am still thinking too far ahead (planning the reconnection) and not concentrating on the present. I really feel lost and it seems impossible to let go… (and I am worried, that he will find someone else by the time I get back or that the reconnection will not be possible…)

    Do you have any idea what I should do?

    Would you allow me to become a member of your forum even thought I haven’t send an NC message? I would really like to…

    Katty

    1. Hi,

      I think you should go read the free plan on my Blog, and follow ALL the steps.

      If you’re really serious about your personal evolution you will start it right by sending the recommended NC message (word for word)…it is a requirement to become a forum member, everyone has to do it.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

  8. steve wrote:

    Under these circumstances, shouldn’t I just build on the two days I already have going and not risk a redundant NC message simply looking like further contact?

    Hi,

    You’re just afraid to send it.

    The bottom line is NC works much faster with better results when you follow ALL the steps in the free plan.

    Don’t take my word for it, go read our forum, and the success stories on both my Blog and the forum.

    Success is waiting for you, if you have “the balls” to follow the plan correctly. 8)

    Take Care,

    S.W.

  9. I know you’re adamant about sending a NC message. Here’s why I’m hesitant– It would be redundant. I spoke with my ex gf in person over the weekend and I told her I wasn’t going to contact her b/c I was still in love with her and not ready to be friends. Of course this was all before I found your site. She was rather cold, then we ended up hanging out the next night, which resulted in some drama, and she called me the next morning and we both agreed our hanging out isn’t healthy right now. So I did contact her more that day, just everyday stuff, but now it has been two days with me not contacting her at all. If I send the NC message, I’m afraid of 2 things–first, it will come off as kind of redundant, and like I’m contacting her yet again to say things we’ve already been over, and secondly, I don’ think she’ll buy it–I have been soooo clingy and pleading, over and over, unfand done everything wrong up to this point–to suddenly ask that she not contact me will sound false and almost laughable, and like I’m trying to make a play for something. Under these circumstances, shouldn’t I just build on the two days I already have going and not risk a redundant NC message simply looking like further contact?

    Thanks!

  10. Kl wrote:

    How long will it take to get the book “magic of making up” if I am from Malaysia?

    Hi,

    The book MOMU is only available online as a download, so if you order it, you should get it immediately.

    Go read the free plan for more details about the book, and how to use it along with the free plan, OK?

    Take Care,

    S.W.

  11. How long will it take to get the book “magic of making up” if I am from Malaysia?

  12. arastol wrote:

    but how do i get it if he doesn’t take or return my call in the first place? Should I switch to email?

    You know him better than I do, use whatever method you think will work, just stick to the plan I just gave you, alright?

    Take Care,

    S.W.

  13. yes i was going to send the NC message after i get my stuff, but how do i get it if he doesn’t take or return my call in the first place? Should I switch to email?

  14. arastol wrote:

    I forced myself to gather the courage and calm to break NC and call my ex boyfriend in a bid to get my suitcase from him. it had been more than five weeks of NC (but without the message).

    Hi,

    Since you never really properly initiated NC (sent the NC Message), you can’t really break it, understand?

    I wouldn’t worry about how many times you call to get your stuff, just don’t bring up the breakup or any other personal information.

    Just keep the contact direct to the point, and set up a time to get your stuff.

    After that I would “highly” recommend that you start following the free plan, and send the recommended NC message (no changes), then you will be using NC correctly.

    Take Care,

    S.W.

  15. Hi again,

    I am going away on a trip in a week, so this Thursday evening I forced myself to gather the courage and calm to break NC and call my ex boyfriend in a bid to get my suitcase from him. it had been more than five weeks of NC (but without the message). I was nervous but I pulled my act together, wrote down a few words to say and called him in the evening. All that effort and then he didn’t pick up. I didn’t leave a message, thinking he’s gonna return the call. He broke up with me and the break-up wasn’t hateful and although we both cried during the breakup, I’ve not bothered him since in any way.
    The thing is, it’s Saturday now and he still hasn’t returned my call. it’s weird, because I can’t think of a reason he wouldn’t want to talk to me. However I still need my suitcase and now I don’t know how to proceed. Do I call him again in a couple of days? If again he doesn’t pick up, do i leave a message and tell him I just want my stuff? Or do I not leave a message and if again he doesn’t pick up, I send an email and keep it to the point? Is calling again on Sunday evening too soon? (I’m worried he might be going away for the week with his daughter, which would mean my suitcase would probably go with him or stay locked in his appartment). Any thoughts?

  16. Kirby25231 wrote:

    I wanted to thank everyone who helped me. This would include my ex’s brother-in-law. Would it be breaking NC if I e-mailed him to thank him?

    Hi,

    No, that would not be breaking NC, as long as you don’t ask about your ex, or answer any personal questions.

    Stay Strong! :rambo:

    S.W.

  17. Hi.

    i recently got a job I’d been searching for the past 6 months. I wanted to thank everyone who helped me. This would include my ex’s brother-in-law. Would it be breaking NC if I e-mailed him to thank him? Obviously, there would be no talk about the ex.

    Thanks.

  18. arastol wrote:

    I was very tempted to text him for the holiday, but I listened to you, and didn’t contact him.

    Great Job arastol! :thumbup:

    arastol wrote:

    This coming week I will have to break no contact and call him, because he still has my suitcase and I’ll need it for an upcoming trip. So I will have to call him and ask him to meet me somewhere to exchange the stuff. My question is, how do you keep it light and fun and not remind him of the breakup (as it says in the plan), if you have to exchange stuff. Isn’t stuff in itself a reminder of a failed relationship? Also during the first call, should I mention why I’m calling immediately, or just before hanging up? What are the pitfalls I should look out for?

    Just keep it all about the business of getting your stuff, and that’s it!

    Avoid all talk of your NC message, and what you are doing by changing the subject, or saying you are not ready to talk yet.

    Whatever you do, don’t let him get you rattled, if you need support…bring a friend, he won’t start in front of someone else.

    The key to success here is to make it a fast exchange, and leave, this is NOT the time to try to reconnect, understand?

    There is more about how to handle situations like this in the free plan…read it.

    arastol wrote:

    Also, will you let me join the forum if I didn’t send the NC message in the first place?

    NO!

    You must agree to send, and send the NC message outlined in the free plan to become forum member.

    The forum is for serious ASS KICKERS only.

    Keep up the good work, and…

    Stay Strong! :rambo:

    S.W.

  19. Hi, thanks and happy Easter to you. I was very tempted to text him for the holiday, but I listened to you, and didn’t contact him. It’s almost five weeks now since last communication/breakup. No I did not send the NC message (because I didn’t know about it at the time).
    Here’s another question: This coming week I will have to break no contact and call him, because he still has my suitcase and I’ll need it for an upcoming trip. So I will have to call him and ask him to meet me somewhere to exchange the stuff. My question is, how do you keep it light and fun and not remind him of the breakup (as it says in the plan), if you have to exchange stuff. Isn’t stuff in itself a reminder of a failed relationship? Also during the first call, should I mention why I’m calling immediately, or just before hanging up? What are the pitfalls I should look out for?

    Also, will you let me join the forum if I didn’t send the NC message in the first place?

  20. arastol wrote:

    I know it’s recommended to reconnect with a phone call, but since I would be contacting him on Easter a phone call is not really an option as we are probably both out of the country to be with our families at this time.

    Hi,

    I would recommend waiting until a later time, give yourself more time to evolve.

    I don’t know how long NC has been, or of you sent the recommended NC message in the free plan on my Blog.

    30 days is never enough time, and if you didn’t use the recommended NC message it may take a lot longer.

    You only get one chance to make your opening reconnect move, don’t rush into it…take your time, and make sure you are completely ready.

    Take Care,

    S.W.

    1. Okay so my guy left me for another girl in the midst of losing his job, being depressed, going through rehab,and having to find a new place.So I didn’t know how to use the no contact rule before I actually looked it up in your forums and well I’m not sure what I should do next?

      This was my nc message: “Hey I’m sorry idk what I did but I’m sorry for whatever it was.. I hope ypur happy and everything works out I really do.. If ya still want to be friends or just talk cool if not I understand. Wish ya the best” His response “You didn’t do anything!!! do wanna talk soon. I can’t tell you how sorry I am” me “No don’t be its cool ya when your free would be nice if thats ok?” then I texted him the next day and he was busy then he texted me the following day and I was busy .. I texted em back that night and haven’t heard from him since. That was Oct 18 I left it alone since then I don’t know what to do, we haven’t spoken. Wish found your website before hand so I would’ve done exactly what I was suppose to :/

      1. Hi,

        It is not too late to start using the no contact rule and get your life back, and in the meantime reveal your ex boyfriend’s true feelings for you.

        Why?

        Because…

        I help people survive a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex boyfriend back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.

        Go read the free plan to get your ex back and follow ALL the steps to heal your broken heart, evolve past the breakup, and get your life back again.

        Thank you for writing.

        Take Care,

        S.W.

        IMPORTANT – If you found this information helpful or useful, please give me a “+1” rating by using the colored “+1 button” at the top or bottom of the above article. I’d really appreciate it.

  21. Thanks, you really are a star for getting back to everyone so quickly. I have read the plan and I even have the book the Magic of Making up and I know it’s recommended to reconnect with a phone call, but since I would be contacting him on Easter a phone call is not really an option as we are probably both out of the country to be with our families at this time. So I would just send a happy holiday text and see if and how he responds. I have no reason to think he wouldn’t want to hear from me. After the text I plan not to initiate anything until a week or two later when I will need my stuff back from him and then I will call him.
    Does this sound like an ok plan to you? I’m trying to tread very carefully here not to blow any chances.

  22. arastol wrote:

    That would be me breaking NC after 5 weeks. Is that the right thing to do if I’m hoping for reconciliation in the long run?

    Hi,

    Yes, that would be breaking NC, but you eventually will have to break NC if you want to reconnect, right?

    I wouldn’t suggest sending a card, I would advise that you go read the free plan on my Blog.

    The last part is about reconnection.

    Use the plan outlined there, and if he just puts you off, start from the beginning of the free plan, and follow every step.

    NC is more than just stopping communication, and how you initiate it really makes a difference.

    The way it is done in the free plan works really well.

    The link for the free plan is on the right-hand side of my Blog.

    Take Care,

    S.W.

  23. Hi,
    It’s already been a month of no contact, although I didn’t exactly send the NC message (not knowing about it at the time). We broke up a month ago over the phone and only exchanged 2 txts the next day to confirm the breakup (his idea, he felt he needed to be by himself as he didn’t know if he’s ever going to be able to love again and didn’t want to waste my time. we were together for one year, going through some major things together). I never replied to his last message and just went ahead with NC. I’ve kept busy, had fun with friends, registered for a half maraton and only after a few days I started feeling more confident and didn’t feel like crying anymore. NC was relatively easy as I didn’t feel there was much to say anyway and i didn’t want to chase him. I felt I should regroup first. Now it’s been 4 weeks and though is still miss him sometimes and thinks it’s a shame it ended, I understand that he is at a point where he needs space and I don’t hate him. Quite the opposite. He has respected my wish not to call me, but now I feel it will be time soon (maybe in another 3 weeks or so) to have the exchange of stuff. I don’t want our first contact to be about that, so I’m thinking I could send him a short grudge-free happy easter to him and his family text a week from now (on easter). That would be me breaking NC after 5 weeks. Is that the right thing to do if I’m hoping for reconciliation in the long run?

  24. melissa wrote:

    is no contact rule method really work?what should i do?

    My advice would be to go to the section called “Start Here First” and read all the FAQ’s.

    And if you’re really serious about getting your ex back, you should consider getting a good book with a detailed plan in it like the Magic of Making Up system.

    melissa wrote:

    how long do i have to wait for my ex to come back?is he already feel nothing to me?or is just the rebound relationship?

    These are questions that can be answered here:

    Love Readings

  25. hi…im just reading your blog about no contact rule…let me explain you about my condition…i’ve been together with my ex for nearly 6 years, and the thing that made me so shocked was he already has a new girlfriend 2 days after we broke up…now, me n him don’t have any contact anymore….is no contact rule method really work?what should i do?im no longer contact with him for a month since we break up. then one problem has happened. there is someone which is i don’t know who is he/she emailed to his new girlfriend, wrote about nasty things to her.him, her and most of my ex’s friends thought that the mysterious person was me, they were blame me for all things i didn’t do…for this situation is that still possible to make my ex wanting me back?what should i do to make no contact rule method work for me??how long do i have to wait for my ex to come back?is he already feel nothing to me?or is just the rebound relationship?waiting for reply needly….thanks a lot

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