No Contact Rule – 30 Days or a Lifetime?
The no contact rule is not magic, it’s common sense. Do you really think 30 days is too much to ask, for a lifetime of love? You only have 2 choices, really. Use it for 30 days, or spend the rest of your life right where you are now. The funny thing is that most people choose the second choice…do you?
No Contact Rule – Get My Ex Back – Point 1
When a person moves neither forward or backward, they are just stuck…is that you? This is the kind of “limbo” the no contact rule will break you out of. People believe it is better to “play it safe” then to take control of their situation. You are sorely mistaken if you think this is the easiest way to go. In fact it is much harder than using no contact to get your ex back. So, ask yourself; “Why am I doing this?”
No Contact Rule – Win My Ex Back – Point 2
I mentioned that you might think that using no contact will be “too hard.” What exactly is “hard” about it? I know being away from your ex boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, or wife is hurting you. But you can fix this problem, and you’ll have to start with yourself. Why? Because you’re the one convincing yourself to do nothing, and put up with the pain. You are already in pain, so why not use no contact to end it?
No Contact Rule – Get Ex Back – Point 3
There is no set amount of time to use no contact to win back an ex. People seem to think there is, when in fact every break up will be different. For instance, if this has been an on going problem (break up every other week), as compared to a simple little fight that just got blown out of portion, each resolution will be different. The first example will take longer to solve then say the little fight that just went overboard. But, in both cases using the techniques in the no contact rule, will bring both couples back together faster. So you see, do not focus on the amount of time it will take, focus on a positive outcome, instead.
No Contact Rule – Win Your Ex Back – Point 4
Most people do not know how to correctly use no contact…do you? If you think it is only about not contacting your ex, you are mistaken. There is so much more to a good no contact plan. The reason people are failing with NC is because either they don’t have a good strategy, or they refuse to follow a good plan. Both cases are a no win situation. You have to understand one thing right now. The chances of your ex coming back on their own, without you taking some positive action, are very slim, like winning the lottery, very slim.
No Contact Rule – Get Your Ex Back – Point 5
Another factor most people over look when using no contact, is support. You need to have someone, whether it is a close friend or relative, to keep you steady, and on track with your NC plan. The trouble here is that most of the time your friends, and family will not support your plans. They become a thorn on your side, instead of a strong force to steady you. It’s not their fault really, they think they know what’s best for you, but they don’t, you do. You won’t be able to move on, or live a happy life until you know for sure, if it’s really over between you and your ex.
Most people can not do this all by themselves. That is why it is wise to find someone who will help you. If you are emotionally unbalanced you need someone or something to keep you in balance…Right? You need a plan, a plan that works. If you want to survive this break up you’ll need help. Wouldn’t you rather spend 30 days or more (if necessary) to solve this problem, than to have to live with it the rest of your life? If you have any comments or questions please write them in the comment box below, and I will answer them ASAP. So I ask you; What can I do to help you better understand the no contact rule? What are you willingly to do to you get your ex back?
Until next time,
S. Williams
~I know that “love hurts” but with my help you will get strong enough to kick love’s ass~
http://www.howtogetyourexbackfast.com
Copyright © 2008 and beyond – All Rights Reserved Worldwide – You are free to reprint this article, as long as you do not change anything in the article – it must be in it’s original form…including my name, website address, and this statement.
hi…im just reading your blog about no contact rule…let me explain you about my condition…i’ve been together with my ex for nearly 6 years, and the thing that made me so shocked was he already has a new girlfriend 2 days after we broke up…now, me n him don’t have any contact anymore….is no contact rule method really work?what should i do?im no longer contact with him for a month since we break up. then one problem has happened. there is someone which is i don’t know who is he/she emailed to his new girlfriend, wrote about nasty things to her.him, her and most of my ex’s friends thought that the mysterious person was me, they were blame me for all things i didn’t do…for this situation is that still possible to make my ex wanting me back?what should i do to make no contact rule method work for me??how long do i have to wait for my ex to come back?is he already feel nothing to me?or is just the rebound relationship?waiting for reply needly….thanks a lot
melissa wrote:
My advice would be to go to the section called “Start Here First” and read all the FAQ’s.
And if you’re really serious about getting your ex back, you should consider getting a good book with a detailed plan in it like the Magic of Making Up system.
melissa wrote:
These are questions that can be answered here:
Love Readings
Hi,
It’s already been a month of no contact, although I didn’t exactly send the NC message (not knowing about it at the time). We broke up a month ago over the phone and only exchanged 2 txts the next day to confirm the breakup (his idea, he felt he needed to be by himself as he didn’t know if he’s ever going to be able to love again and didn’t want to waste my time. we were together for one year, going through some major things together). I never replied to his last message and just went ahead with NC. I’ve kept busy, had fun with friends, registered for a half maraton and only after a few days I started feeling more confident and didn’t feel like crying anymore. NC was relatively easy as I didn’t feel there was much to say anyway and i didn’t want to chase him. I felt I should regroup first. Now it’s been 4 weeks and though is still miss him sometimes and thinks it’s a shame it ended, I understand that he is at a point where he needs space and I don’t hate him. Quite the opposite. He has respected my wish not to call me, but now I feel it will be time soon (maybe in another 3 weeks or so) to have the exchange of stuff. I don’t want our first contact to be about that, so I’m thinking I could send him a short grudge-free happy easter to him and his family text a week from now (on easter). That would be me breaking NC after 5 weeks. Is that the right thing to do if I’m hoping for reconciliation in the long run?
arastol wrote:
Hi,
Yes, that would be breaking NC, but you eventually will have to break NC if you want to reconnect, right?
I wouldn’t suggest sending a card, I would advise that you go read the free plan on my Blog.
The last part is about reconnection.
Use the plan outlined there, and if he just puts you off, start from the beginning of the free plan, and follow every step.
NC is more than just stopping communication, and how you initiate it really makes a difference.
The way it is done in the free plan works really well.
The link for the free plan is on the right-hand side of my Blog.
Take Care,
S.W.
Thanks, you really are a star for getting back to everyone so quickly. I have read the plan and I even have the book the Magic of Making up and I know it’s recommended to reconnect with a phone call, but since I would be contacting him on Easter a phone call is not really an option as we are probably both out of the country to be with our families at this time. So I would just send a happy holiday text and see if and how he responds. I have no reason to think he wouldn’t want to hear from me. After the text I plan not to initiate anything until a week or two later when I will need my stuff back from him and then I will call him.
Does this sound like an ok plan to you? I’m trying to tread very carefully here not to blow any chances.
arastol wrote:
Hi,
I would recommend waiting until a later time, give yourself more time to evolve.
I don’t know how long NC has been, or of you sent the recommended NC message in the free plan on my Blog.
30 days is never enough time, and if you didn’t use the recommended NC message it may take a lot longer.
You only get one chance to make your opening reconnect move, don’t rush into it…take your time, and make sure you are completely ready.
Take Care,
S.W.
Hi, thanks and happy Easter to you. I was very tempted to text him for the holiday, but I listened to you, and didn’t contact him. It’s almost five weeks now since last communication/breakup. No I did not send the NC message (because I didn’t know about it at the time).
Here’s another question: This coming week I will have to break no contact and call him, because he still has my suitcase and I’ll need it for an upcoming trip. So I will have to call him and ask him to meet me somewhere to exchange the stuff. My question is, how do you keep it light and fun and not remind him of the breakup (as it says in the plan), if you have to exchange stuff. Isn’t stuff in itself a reminder of a failed relationship? Also during the first call, should I mention why I’m calling immediately, or just before hanging up? What are the pitfalls I should look out for?
Also, will you let me join the forum if I didn’t send the NC message in the first place?
arastol wrote:
Great Job arastol! :thumbup:
arastol wrote:
Just keep it all about the business of getting your stuff, and that’s it!
Avoid all talk of your NC message, and what you are doing by changing the subject, or saying you are not ready to talk yet.
Whatever you do, don’t let him get you rattled, if you need support…bring a friend, he won’t start in front of someone else.
The key to success here is to make it a fast exchange, and leave, this is NOT the time to try to reconnect, understand?
There is more about how to handle situations like this in the free plan…read it.
arastol wrote:
NO!
You must agree to send, and send the NC message outlined in the free plan to become forum member.
The forum is for serious ASS KICKERS only.
Keep up the good work, and…
Stay Strong! :rambo:
S.W.
Hi.
i recently got a job I’d been searching for the past 6 months. I wanted to thank everyone who helped me. This would include my ex’s brother-in-law. Would it be breaking NC if I e-mailed him to thank him? Obviously, there would be no talk about the ex.
Thanks.
Kirby25231 wrote:
Hi,
No, that would not be breaking NC, as long as you don’t ask about your ex, or answer any personal questions.
Stay Strong! :rambo:
S.W.
Hi again,
I am going away on a trip in a week, so this Thursday evening I forced myself to gather the courage and calm to break NC and call my ex boyfriend in a bid to get my suitcase from him. it had been more than five weeks of NC (but without the message). I was nervous but I pulled my act together, wrote down a few words to say and called him in the evening. All that effort and then he didn’t pick up. I didn’t leave a message, thinking he’s gonna return the call. He broke up with me and the break-up wasn’t hateful and although we both cried during the breakup, I’ve not bothered him since in any way.
The thing is, it’s Saturday now and he still hasn’t returned my call. it’s weird, because I can’t think of a reason he wouldn’t want to talk to me. However I still need my suitcase and now I don’t know how to proceed. Do I call him again in a couple of days? If again he doesn’t pick up, do i leave a message and tell him I just want my stuff? Or do I not leave a message and if again he doesn’t pick up, I send an email and keep it to the point? Is calling again on Sunday evening too soon? (I’m worried he might be going away for the week with his daughter, which would mean my suitcase would probably go with him or stay locked in his appartment). Any thoughts?
arastol wrote:
Hi,
Since you never really properly initiated NC (sent the NC Message), you can’t really break it, understand?
I wouldn’t worry about how many times you call to get your stuff, just don’t bring up the breakup or any other personal information.
Just keep the contact direct to the point, and set up a time to get your stuff.
After that I would “highly” recommend that you start following the free plan, and send the recommended NC message (no changes), then you will be using NC correctly.
Take Care,
S.W.
yes i was going to send the NC message after i get my stuff, but how do i get it if he doesn’t take or return my call in the first place? Should I switch to email?
arastol wrote:
You know him better than I do, use whatever method you think will work, just stick to the plan I just gave you, alright?
Take Care,
S.W.
How long will it take to get the book “magic of making up” if I am from Malaysia?
Kl wrote:
Hi,
The book MOMU is only available online as a download, so if you order it, you should get it immediately.
Go read the free plan for more details about the book, and how to use it along with the free plan, OK?
Take Care,
S.W.
I know you’re adamant about sending a NC message. Here’s why I’m hesitant– It would be redundant. I spoke with my ex gf in person over the weekend and I told her I wasn’t going to contact her b/c I was still in love with her and not ready to be friends. Of course this was all before I found your site. She was rather cold, then we ended up hanging out the next night, which resulted in some drama, and she called me the next morning and we both agreed our hanging out isn’t healthy right now. So I did contact her more that day, just everyday stuff, but now it has been two days with me not contacting her at all. If I send the NC message, I’m afraid of 2 things–first, it will come off as kind of redundant, and like I’m contacting her yet again to say things we’ve already been over, and secondly, I don’ think she’ll buy it–I have been soooo clingy and pleading, over and over, unfand done everything wrong up to this point–to suddenly ask that she not contact me will sound false and almost laughable, and like I’m trying to make a play for something. Under these circumstances, shouldn’t I just build on the two days I already have going and not risk a redundant NC message simply looking like further contact?
Thanks!
steve wrote:
Hi,
You’re just afraid to send it.
The bottom line is NC works much faster with better results when you follow ALL the steps in the free plan.
Don’t take my word for it, go read our forum, and the success stories on both my Blog and the forum.
Success is waiting for you, if you have “the balls” to follow the plan correctly.
Take Care,
S.W.
Hi Scott,
First I must say, that this is a really great place for people who are looking for help. Thanks for creating it!
I have this problem:
My BF (of six months) broke up with me three months ago. I didn’t sent him NC message, because I didn’t know I should do it. But I haven’t contacted him since the breakup (my pride has helped me with that). But I have met him few times because of our common friends and I tried to behave “neutrally friendly”.
I will be living abroad for half a year and only then do I plan to reconnect with him. (Do you think I have a chance to succeed or will it be too late to reconnect? I hope, that I will have more time to change and evolve, but who knows…)
The biggest problem right now for me is my personal evolution – I am working on changes (my attitude and appearance), but I am still thinking too far ahead (planning the reconnection) and not concentrating on the present. I really feel lost and it seems impossible to let go… (and I am worried, that he will find someone else by the time I get back or that the reconnection will not be possible…)
Do you have any idea what I should do?
Would you allow me to become a member of your forum even thought I haven’t send an NC message? I would really like to…
Katty
Hi,
I think you should go read the free plan on my Blog, and follow ALL the steps.
If you’re really serious about your personal evolution you will start it right by sending the recommended NC message (word for word)…it is a requirement to become a forum member, everyone has to do it.
Take Care,
S.W.
Thank you for reply, Scott.
Are you really sure, that sending NC message is a good idea after three months of silence?
Yes, the recommended NC message is the only way to properly initiate no contact.
Thank you!
Take care,
Katty