How to Rule The No Contact Rule – You Need to Read This Right Now!

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The no contact rule works as long as you know how to use it. If you want to “rule” the no contact rule then keep on reading and I will tell you…OK? Just like any strategy there are Rules and Regulations, and the sooner you learn them, the sooner you will succeed. Stop whatever you’re doing and keep on reading…because no one can fail with the no contact rule if they use it correctly.

What The Rulers Know

They know that nothing comes without hard work and sacrifice. What are you willing to do to get your ex back? If you really mean that then here is the first “key” to ruling the no contact rule. You must have complete emotional control. This means you have to be able to cut your ex loose, and not worry day and night that they are going to get mad and leave you.

Guess what? They already left you and now you are in relationship limbo waiting for “something” to happen. Stop waiting for “something” to happen and “make” something happen. Get to your local library for some free information on self help, using this information will make you a ruler of the no contact rule, because it will give you complete emotional control.

Once You Rule Your Emotions You Will "Rule" The No Contact Rule

You Can Not Get A Little Pregnant

And you can not “just try” using the no contact rule and expect it to work. You must believe in it and understand how it works. You have to stop contacting your ex, be polite but be firm and just do it. If you have developed emotional control as I suggested earlier, you will be ready and able to do this. OK, now what?

If your ex contacts you, do not reply to any emails, texts, or calls. If you run into them in public just tell them you need some time to think about “things.” This will send a strong message that you are not satisfied with the current relationship you have with them now. If you break down and start contacting them again out of “fear” of losing them, you will eventually lose them for good…Why?

Because this little arrangement is going to get stagnant someday…and just die along with your chances of getting back together with your ex. The no contact rule can save you from this fate if you know how to use it correctly. Even though I have shared some great tips with you about the no contact rule, you will need need a great plan, make sure you go read the free plan to get your ex back fast on my Blog. If you have any comments, or questions for me about using the no contact rule, please write them in the comment box below, and I will answer them ASAP!

Who Am I and Why Should You Listen to Me?

My name is S. Williams, and I have been helping people for more than 3 years to overcome break up pain, and get their lives back. I even have an “About” section that I recommend you read. I know the name of my site is: How to Get Your Ex Back Fast, but I teach people how to get their lives back, not their ex’s.

If you’re interested in working with me (and our forum members) to get your life back, join my free newsletter for access to the free plan to get your ex back fast, and start getting your life back today. The answers you need to start your personal evolution are waiting for you, don’t hesitate another minute…come and get them.

Once you get your life back, everything else will just start to fall into place…I promise. If you have any comments or questions please write them in the comment box below.

If this article was useful or helpful to you in anyway, please show your appreciation by giving me a “+1″ using the button below this article.

Until next time,

S. Williams

Copyright © 2008 and beyond – All Rights Reserved Worldwide – You DO NOT have permission to reuse this content in any way, shape, or form.

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312 Responses to “How to Rule The No Contact Rule – You Need to Read This Right Now!”

  1. Mari says:

    What do you mean by emotional control?

  2. S. Williams says:

    Hi Mari,

    What do you think Emotional Control means?

    To control your emotional state.

    I will give you my definition…

    It means to control your doubts, and fears so you can focus on the solution, and not worry about the “what ifs”…understand?

    The more you let your emotions run the show, the harder it will be to get your ex back.

    Take Care,

    S. Williams

    • Marji says:

      Hi S,
      My guy broke up with me 2 weeks ago. I stupidly emailed him afew days later, but no answer. I then went to his house last Friday afternoon to talk and he did not answer the door, even though I heard him inside. No one else was there at the time. Ignoring me really hurt and I know I was very stupid in going over there. He does not communicate well if at all and I now feel it is useless to chase after him,as I am sure he’s gone forever. He is very stubborn. If I use the No Contact Rule from this point, won’t he figure I just don’t care and move on with his life, or be happy I have finally given up?. I think my 20 extra lbs may have been part of the problem. I have since began a weight loss program. Have I lost him forever? Each day that goes by, we disconnect even further. It just feels so hopeless. We were together for 8 months and I am sure he truly cared, by his actions and words. I know there were some things that needed to be worked out, but how can you do that, when he won’y even yalk or listen to me ? I don’t know exactly what happened, but he’s broken up with me before and I was the one who got us back together each time. I thought things were good for the past 4 or 5 months. He was so affectionate, attentive and loving and then boom. He is not a player. I guess he is moving on. Will I ever hear from him again ? Is there anything I can do right now to get him back or is he one of the percentages that doesn’t return ? We live close to each other and I am sure will run in to each other in town at some point.n’t want to make a fool of myself anymore, but I don’t want to totaLLY lose him forever. My girlfriend says if I use the NCRule, it will just push him even further away and he will forget me all together ? If the damage is already done, how can it possibly be undone at this point ? If someone ignores you and appears to be indifferent to you, doesn’t this mean that they are totally finished ? Is there any hope ?
      I look forward to you answer. Marji

      • S. Williams says:

        Hi Marji,

        You have a 50/50 chance of getting back together, if you still want to after using the no contact rule for at least 12 months.

        I help people get over a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.

        Go read the free plan to get your ex back and follow ALL the steps to get over a broken heart, evolve past the breakup, and get your life back again.

        Thank you for writing.

        Take Care,

        S.W.

        IMPORTANT – If you found this information helpful or useful, please give me a “+1″ rating by using the colored “+1 button” at the top or bottom of the above article. I’d really appreciate it.

  3. David says:

    hey mate,
    me and my gf were dating for 11 months. i made the mistake of living with her family for 3 months. i also made the mistake of talking to a former flame twice which she found out. she was very upset and broke up with me. i regret making this mistake but it wasnt the real reason we brokeup. we eventually broke up 2 weeks ago. she quotes fergie’s song ‘big girls dont cry’ as part of the reason for us breaking up. she feels she needs to be single now as i had become to smothering and clingy. i realise this now. after the break up i let my emotions run high and i begged and pleaded to take me back and professed my love. ooops. we have now gone on 2 weeks holiday. at the start of the holiday i sent her a msg saying i agree with breakup and i understand she needs to do this. i am now employing the no contact rule. but at he end of the 2 week holiday we will back in college. what is the best plan to get her back and break her need to be single idea. any ideas,i rly want her back.
    thanks david

  4. S. Williams says:

    Hi David,

    I would show her you’re not that “clingy, needy” guy by sticking with no contact.

    You have to break that mental image she has stored in her head, and that will take a while.

    I would suggest following a good step by step plan, no contact isn’t hard (except emotionally), but it is confusing.

    It’s not about time (30 days) it is about “change”, time is just a way of measuring how long it took to change, that’s all.

    Read my Blog, and watch the videos in the stop a break up section too.

    Another great tool is all the comments people have left, read them, and you will find you’re not alone out there.

    Your best chance to get her back is doing things right, the first time.

    The Best Way To Get My Ex Girlfriend Back

    Make sure you join my newsletter as well, for weekly tips, and advice.

    This Blog is the “real deal”, if you can’t find the help you need here, you won’t find it anywhere.

    Feel free to ask more questions if you need anymore help…OK?

    Take Care,

    S. Williams

    • carlos says:

      just wanted to say i’ve been reading thru these q&a’s and wanted to know i’ve been dating women for about 4 months as of aug 1st she stated i was gettin possesive and it reminded her of a previous bad relationship she stated i was putting her back in box, i fell in love with her during this short time i knew her feelings were not da same but i continued,ive did all the wrong stuff,since she dumped me, flowers begging and still trying to email her ,i am on 3rd day of no contact and been real hard considering we caught train together everyday ive avoided same train and wandering is this cool to do the reason i got fed up is becuz she walked past me on train with just a hi and that was it i cud not believe it shud i continue avoiding same train, or catch same train and dont speak by the way b day is in 3 weeks want to know if i shud answer her call on that day.

  5. David says:

    cheers mate for the fast reply. well i suppose my situation is unique in that we are both still young and we go to the same college. how do i keep employing the no contact rule when the holidays are over and i have to go the same college parties and the pub? i also still havnt given her her bday present yet? what should i say and do if she comes knocking on my door seeing what im upto. Sorry for all the questions it just i have all these doubts about how to handle it the right way. i know i have to return back to my old confident self and only once ive done that can make a move. can you offer any particular suggestions for my situation? she says she has forgiven me for the infedelity but is under the opinion that we will never go out again. can th no contact rule and a good plan break this?
    thanks
    david

  6. S. Williams says:

    Hi David,

    Yes, with a good plan, and guidance you can bring out her true feelings for you, and win her back.

    If you made some mistakes then no contact will give her the space she needs to think about, and forgive you for them.

    When you try to rush in and force her to forget and forgive, she only gets more angry, because you are only thinking of yourself.

    In the meantime you are learning how relationships work, and how to change both your mental, and physical outlook.

    And when the time is right (and this varies from situation to situation), you will learn how to properly reconnect to make an even stronger bond this time.

    No contact doesn’t mean you can not say hi, and be polite, it means you don’t talk about anything personal, or ask her anything personal…you understand?

    People should learn by now, that you should never say never.

    I hope this helped.

    Take Care,

    S. Williams

  7. David says:

    hey everybody just a massive tip for you all i found. ruling no contact and getting her back is 90% in your head and 10% in your actions. you need to become the confident and self assured person you were before the breakup. Ruling the no contact rule means you are rejecting your ex. remember this phrase
    “the power in a relationship is with the one needs it the least!”
    cheers scott for your continued help!
    peace

  8. S. Williams says:

    Hi David,

    You’re welcome, and I agree with everything you said except for the part of “you are rejecting your ex.”

    You’re not rejecting them, you are just rejecting their attempts to keep up to date with your personal situation, and emotional state, that’s all.

    They left you, yet they want to keep in touch so they know what you’re thinking, and if you’re moving on, and leaving them behind.

    When they can’t do this, it builds great curiosity, and will help later on in the plan when it’s time to reconnect.

    And you’re 100% correct in saying emotional control is 90% of winning your ex back.

    Keep up the good work!

    Take Care,

    S. Williams

  9. Hudson says:

    Hi, me and my bf were together for 1,5 years and just broke up more than a week. He said he wanted to be free as a bird and thought our relationship didnt work and I did everything to save this relationship but we still break up. The last thing i said was that he’s right and I agreed with his choice and from then i used the No contact rule but i don’t know how long the No contact rules works ’cause i feel very hopeless right now? What can i do to get him back?
    thank you a lot!

  10. S. Williams says:

    Hudson wrote:

    The last thing i said was that he’s right and I agreed with his choice and from then i used the No contact rule but i don’t know how long the No contact rules works ’cause i feel very hopeless right now? What can i do to get him back?

    You need some guidance and you will get just that in our forum…go to the FAQ section and carefully follow the directions…OK?

  11. john bobbit says:

    Hi ive just split from my girlfriend as she says she cant relax around me and that we argue when we go out. She was living in my house but has since moved back home with her parents. We both agree that things were great between us and had a nice life together until either of us went out and had a drink. I wanted to work on our problems as i love her very much but she wanted to end things, she thinks that life is all about going out, i dont think she will ever fully settle down. Its been three weeks since she went home and i miss her like crazy. We were in contact up until a week ago, she would cry down the phone and tell me how much she misses me. A week ago i applied the no contact rule, i aint heard from her.Am i doing the right thing by not contacting her, i really want her back. i understand she has free will and will come back if she really wants to, but are there any other tips you could give me please.

  12. S. Williams says:

    john bobbit wrote:

    are there any other tips you could give me please.

    If you want help to get your ex back follow this link:

    http://forum.howtogetyourexbackfast.com/topic/read-this-first

    Make sure you read the rules and guidelines before you join, I strictly enforce them.

  13. john bobbit says:

    @ S. Williams:
    Thats not much advice…….

  14. S. Williams says:

    john bobbit wrote:

    @ S. Williams:
    Thats not much advice…….

    You have just sorted yourself as someone too lazy to help.

    Please DO NOT join our forum.

    Good Luck!

  15. Monkey says:

    Hey. My boyfriend and I broke up maybe 6 weeks ago. We dated for 2.5 years, and everything was going great until he turned 23.. and he started to wonder about us and whether or not he wanted to marry me. We broke up because he said he didnt see himself marrying me–but I think there’s more to it than that. I’m his first girlfriend and I think he just doesnt want to commit this early in life to someone especially since he hasnt dated around. Since our breakup I went through a couple of weeks of random and hopeless conversations with him trying to get him to see how good we were together. But eventually (about 2 weeks ago) I decided to stop being the victim and just leave him alone. Since I have done this, he’s been messaging me almost everyday, trying to keep things casual but failing miserably. I am polite to him but dont go into anything relating to our relationship. Anyways, I can’t tell if he’s having second thoughts or if he just misses me as a friend. We were best friends for 2 years. Please don’t give a generic response, I actually want to know how to handle this.

  16. S. Williams says:

    Monkey wrote:

    Please don’t give a generic response, I actually want to know how to handle this.

    The best way to handle this would be to join our forum and read, learn, and follow the step by step plan.

    If you’re really serious about turning this situation around you will do exactly what I just told you to do.

    So…

    If you want my help to get your ex back follow this link:

    http://forum.howtogetyourexbackfast.com/topic/read-this-first

    Make sure you read the rules and guidelines before you join, I strictly enforce them.

    I hope that wasn’t too “generic” for you…if so there are a lot of other websites out there.

    Good Luck!

  17. Nicole says:

    hi there. I am not sure if this is the right place to ask this.. but before I completely lose my mind, I thought I try this. My bf and I separated (we are common-law) 5 days ago. We were together for 4.5 yrs and 1.5 yrs we lived together.

    Is it possible for me to get my ex-bf back after I got him arrested? I know deep down inside of him, he is a great guy. 4-5 days ago, he physically and verbally abused me. I ended up calling the cops because my ex-bf’s bro-in=law kept on threatening me that he will call the cops and call the lawyers on me. It really ticked me off because I was the one who was taken advantage of physically and verbally. So, I decided to call the cops so that I can request a restraining order/peace bond. I regret calling the cops because after what I told them what happened, at the time I only wanted a restraining order/peace bond to be put in place to make sure that if he’s ever around me, he would behave well. The cops said that they will arrest him. I tried to tell that I will drop my statements and I lied, just so they will not arrest him, but they would not listen to me. I swear to God that I never wanted him arrested. I cried that whole night. Well, I have been crying and thinking what could have if that didn’t happen… everynight. He got arrested, but he was released on the same day.

    After 2 days, I came to conclusion that I still want to be with him. But he is not answering any of my calls, texts, and emails. I am sure that he is very angry that I got him arrested. I tried calling his family as well (because I was close to them). They are also ignoring me. As soon as they hear my voice they hang up. I don’t blame them because legally, I think they are not supposed to be in contact with me. I don’t even think it was smart of me to contact them. But, I am just so worried about my ex-bf and the fact that I want him back.

    I am really desperate, because I love him so much. So, please if anyone has an effective method of getting him back, I will really appreciate your input.

    Thanks,
    Nicole

    I know it is an insane thought, but is there anyway that I can get him back in my life, despite of what happened? Or should I just try to move on, eventhough it is so hard?

  18. S. Williams says:

    Nicole wrote:

    I know it is an insane thought, but is there anyway that I can get him back in my life, despite of what happened? Or should I just try to move on, eventhough it is so hard?

    The best way to answer that question would be to join our forum and follow out step by step plan.

    If you want my help to get your ex back follow this link:

    http://forum.howtogetyourexbackfast.com/topic/read-this-first

    Make sure you read the rules and guidelines before you join, I strictly enforce them.

  19. CHERYL says:

    i’m still hanging in there eventhough it’s been tough. I’ve been using the no contact strategy and I hope it’s paying off. My ex’s sister asked my 15 yr old son if he wanted to work for her. Now mind you she has a landscaper and she had my son planting flowers and such. My son’s opinion has always meant alot to my ex and my son told him that if he left again that he would’nt talk or speak to him ever again. I thought that the sister needed him for one day but it is indefinite and I know that once my son warms up to her she will ask questions. You see I told my ex that I was severing all ties with him and I told his sister that too. I told him that I had no intention of ever seeing him again. I’m the one who broke up with him and it hurts so much.He’s my first love and my son’s father and we have loved each other for a very long time. He is going through some medical issues and trying to work too and I know he has alot on his plate. Being patient is very difficult for me I want to call him so much but I haven’t.I’m concentrating on myself right now eventhough he is on my mind every second and I’m improving myself and I know eventually he’ll be back just the time in between is very excrutiating.I know the love between us is there and always will be and he needed some space and I’m giving that to him and believe me I know he’s wondering about me[I know him too well] especially when my boys tell him that their mom has lost alot of weight and I’m not calling him at all I know that he’s thinking that I might get away. You see I’m the only woman that has ever truly loved him. I appreciated everything he ever done for me,I never cheated on him,been ther for him no matter what. He always said that he could lose both arms and legs and Cheryl would still love me AND HE’S RIGHT. He knows that I’m a good person and a one man woman. He has been involved with women that has used and abused him alot and he always comes back to me. He’s 42 and I’m 40. Before we broke up he told me we wasted enough time and through the years he always should have been with me and knowing him like I do I know that will always be with him. He asked my son to give him to September when everything is better and in my heart I pray that this is it. I’ve given him alot to think about and I know his heart belongs to me. In the past I begged and pleaded for him to come back and this time I haven’t and I know he’s wondering. He’s been coming by my house to see if I’m home[you know driving past]my mom told me some car kept going past and pulled behind my truck. I know he’s curious as to why he hasn’t heard from m e. Especially if he has his sister have my son work for her and she doesn’t really need him. I’m just keeping the faith and praying everything will be aok.

  20. S. Williams says:

    CHERYL wrote:

    I’ve been using the no contact strategy and I hope it’s paying off.

    No contact will only work when used correctly.

    If you want to learn how to use it correctly join my free newsletter by clicking the heart in the upper right hand of my Blog.

  21. CHERYL says:

    @ S. Williams:
    Hey Scott! I’m hanging in there. I love being able to vent and talk about my situation. It helps so much! I feel my ex’s sister is trying to help the situation and make everything better. About 2 yrs ago my ex’s dad and older sister had a dissagreement. A woman I work with is good friends with a guy who works for my ex’s dad. This woman would come to work and tell me things about my ex. I told her time and time again that I didn’t care. This woman is best friends with my supervisor too so of course they all hung out together. There was jealously therew because my ex’s family had money and there was some trips that I went on with my ex’s family. They found out about these trips from the guy who works for my ex’s dad. My ex’s family wanted to know who told me all these things and I told the truth and the guy told them that I talk about the family at work which is totally untrue. His dad and I haven’t spoken in 2 yrs. His dad and I were always close and this hurts alot but I can’t do anything because this would put my job in jeopardy. My ex kept telling me to hang in there everything will work itself out in the long run. I know he was stressed about this too but I could’nt even tell him the full story. I wanted these people to stop gossiping and poking their nose in my business and since I told the truth everything has calmed down at work but I know if I say anything now it will get real bad. The guy lied and blamed everything on me and said that I trash the family all the time. The troublemakers wanted me to lie amd say a customer told me. I didn’t want to lie at all that’s why I told the truth. I know this is a big mess and hopefully everything will work out. I’m still hanging in there. THANX!!

  22. S. Williams says:

    CHERYL wrote:

    I love being able to vent and talk about my situation. It helps so much!

    Hi Cheryl,

    I don’t mind you commenting and venting but PLEASE don’t post the same exact post 3 times, OK?

    If you want a plan to follow I highly suggest you look at our forum guidelines and follow the plan.

    You do not have to join the forum to read and follow the plan, but you have to register in order to post.

  23. CHERYL says:

    @ S. Williams:
    Sorry about that Scott. I sometimes get rusty on the computer. I didn’t know that I posted it 3 times, sorry.

  24. Marcus says:

    Hello,

    However, what if you were only seeing someone for 6 weeks? I don’t think none of those “no contact” strategies will work. Sure, we had some good times together and instant chemistry. I think I will need a different approach to basically start over with this girl. How can I do that?

    In the beginning we had amazing chemistry and would make each other laugh at anything at any time. We’ve gotten intimate and physical with each other. Somehow along the way I lost my confidence and my insecurities showed its ugly head and this introduced to much drama between us in a short amount of time. More than what she was comfortable with and this is not what she wanted. I am now working on those insecurities and regaining me confidence back. How can I show her this and get her to give us another shot?

  25. S. Williams says:

    Marcus wrote:

    I don’t think none of those “no contact” strategies will work.

    How do you know if you haven’t tried using them?

    If you want to attract her back, using the plan we follow in our
    forum is the way to go.

  26. Marcus says:

    @ S. Williams:
    S. Williams wrote:

    Marcus wrote:

    I don’t think none of those “no contact” strategies will work.

    How do you know if you haven’t tried using them?

    If you want to attract her back, using the plan we follow in our
    forum is the way to go.

    The reason I think it will not work is because we did not have a long term relationship. It seems these no contact rules are for couples that had long term relationships. At least 3 months or more. Mine was only for 6 weeks. I don’t think she will have that same emotional connection or emotions that someone of a longer term relationship would have. Could 6 weeks be considered a relationship or still just dating? So this is where I am confused.

  27. S. Williams says:

    Marcus wrote:

    Could 6 weeks be considered a relationship or still just dating? So this is where I am confused.

    You’re really over thinking this whole situation, use the NC approach and see what happens, or don’t, and leave things the way they are now.

  28. Etet23 says:

    Hi Scott,
    I really find the NCR interesting and im very willing 2 try it,even though i have doubts,ive been thinking if the NCR works no matter what situation it is,my ex t0ld me that we’d just be friends but still wants having s** with me as if im still his gf,but i ofcourse i dont want s** al0ne,i really want him back and h0pes he w0uld want me back n0t just 4 sex but by falling inl0ve wit me,
    thanks
    etet23

  29. S. Williams says:

    Etet23 wrote:

    my ex t0ld me that we’d just be friends but still wants having s** with me

    Hi etet23,

    You are in what is known as the “just friends with benefits zone”, and your ex is getting all the benefits, let’s turn that shit around, OK?

    Go to the top of my Blog and read the section about my free plan, the sooner you start, the sooner you will get out of the JFWBZ, understand?

    Take Care,

    S. Williams

  30. Etet23 says:

    Hi again. . .
    I’m n0t sure on where 2 see ur free plan. . .can u please just give me the link,thanks. . .im just so c0nfused rigit n0w,thanks again. . .

  31. S. Williams says:

    Etet23 wrote:

    Hi again. . .
    I’m n0t sure on where 2 see ur free plan. . .can u please just give me the link,thanks. . .im just so c0nfused rigit n0w,thanks again. . .

    It is at the top of my Blog, to the right of the contact link.

    Free Plan – How to Get Your Ex Back Fast

  32. Sarah says:

    Hi,

    I broke up with my live-in boyfriend 3 weeks ago now. 2 weeks ago i suggested to him starting over again, but doing it slowly like just meeting up at weekends. he said he needed some time and would get abck to me. I havnt contacted him since, but wondered if it was too late to let him know im ok with the break-up so that he still doesnt think of me as needy or desperate?
    Thanks,
    Sarah

  33. S. Williams says:

    Sarah wrote:

    havnt contacted him since, but wondered if it was too late to let him know im ok with the break-up so that he still doesnt think of me as needy or desperate?
    Thanks,
    Sarah

    Hi Sarah,

    No, I don’t think it is too late, and you should start following the free plan on my Blog right away…the sooner the better, OK?

    Take Care,

    S. Williams

  34. Sarah says:

    @ S. Williams:
    Thanks. so whats the best way to communicate that Im ok with it? a text message? I was just worried about breaking the no contact that i had already managed (2 weeks of no communication).

    Sarah

  35. S. Williams says:

    Sarah wrote:

    @ S. Williams:
    Thanks. so whats the best way to communicate that Im ok with it? a text message? I was just worried about breaking the no contact that i had already managed (2 weeks of no communication).
    Sarah

    Hi Sarah,

    Use one of recommended no contact messages in the free plan and either email or text it to your ex.

    You won’t be breaking no contact because you never really initiated NC correctly, understand?

    NC is a lot more than just stop talking to your ex, you will learn that as you follow the plan, OK?

    Take Care,

    S. Williams

  36. Marie says:

    Help:

    I did the no contact rule for 2 weeks and he contacted me, things were going ok, an occasional call or e-mail and obviously I want him back so it seemed like a good sign. He even agreed to meet up and help me with an assignment (I gave him the option of helping over e-mail) we had our meeting, it was awkward but not awful and then he abruptly split on the walk home to go to his place. I texted him once since with no reply, at which point I’ve decided to go back to no contact. He has said to me that I’m still someone he wants to date but can’t right now. I thought by leaving it up to him to contact me I was doing the right thing and giving him the space he needed. I just don’t know what to do and I feel so awful and hopeless.

  37. S. Williams says:

    Marie wrote:

    I just don’t know what to do and I feel so awful and hopeless.

    Hi Marie,

    You obviously didn’t use no contact correctly.

    If you want to learn how to really harness the power of NC, you need to follow the free plan on my Blog.

    Go to the top of my Blog, and find the link to the free plan.

    Start reading, and follow EVERY step, OK?

    See you on the other side of sorrow.

    S.W.

  38. Marie says:

    Thanks so much, i just started we’ll see how this all pans out.

    Cheers!

  39. S. Williams says:

    Marie wrote:

    Thanks so much, i just started we’ll see how this all pans out.
    Cheers!

    You’re welcome, and welcome aboard! :)

  40. Ricky says:

    hey, me and my ex were in a long distance relationship for 1.5 yrs, we sort of fell out, well she was the one that fell out, and she started dating this other guy, man i swear i was going through it, i currently still am, but have gotten better as days go by, well i had started on the no contact rule after i did the common, pleading, begging, calling, texting, andemailing prcoess. Well when she started calling me i usually miss her calls on purpose the first call tries, then i answer, i always seem happy, seem like im busy, and my life is going well, but see heres the thing, that happened last night right, then this morning she called, usually when she calls me, i purposely miss either her first call, or sometimes even her second, because i’m not trying to make it seem like she can reach whenever she wants, so yes like i said she called me this morning after we talked and talked, she told me, she stills cares about me alot, she still this and she still that, i can tell however something in her voice sounded stressed, so we got off the phone because she was running late for work, but i called her right back after telling her i was concerned about how she sounded, and just said she just misses me thats all. Now she claims she is going to call me when she gets off work and go home and settled down, my initial plan is to miss her first couple calls, then either wait awhile to call her back or something, IS THIS A SMART MOVE, or should i just not have any contact with her at all, as im asking advice right now i can tell she is doing something else, maybe hanging out with her new boyfriend, or something, i know i shouldnt have my mind on it

    thanks for your time, i know it was long

  41. S. Williams says:

    Ricky wrote:

    Now she claims she is going to call me when she gets off work and go home and settled down, my initial plan is to miss her first couple calls, then either wait awhile to call her back or something, IS THIS A SMART MOVE, or should i just not have any contact with her at all,

    Hi Ricky,

    If you’re really serious about winning back your ex you need to follow the free plan on my Blog.

    There is a forum full of people doing the same thing, and you can find support in there as you evolve.

    Go to the top of my Blog and find the link for the free plan.

    You can’t keep doing things the way you are now, and expect her feelings to change.

    Take Action Now!

    S.W.

  42. Michelle says:

    Hi Simon,

    I have bought the book ‘Magic of Making Up’. I am using it, my ex bf broke up with me 6 wks ago, and I have sent the ‘note’ (like in the book says) a week ago, I have not replied to any texts from my ex.
    I have a major concern about Xmas day and my ex’s Bday. If my ex wants to see me or speak to me on Xmas day what do I do? Do I ignore calls? Do I ignore texts? The reason I ask this is cos we had already organised to see each other on Xmas day a few wks ago.
    Do I ignore my ex’s Bday,not wish him a happy bday etc?
    I have these questions because Xmas and my ex’s bday fall on the ’30 day no contact rule’.
    I know my ex will contact me for Xmas and I need help in knowing exactly what to do and say?
    Is it mean to ignore his Bday?

    Thankyou! Michelle :)

  43. S. Williams says:

    Michelle wrote:

    I have these questions because Xmas and my ex’s bday fall on the ‘30 day no contact rule’.

    All this is explained in detail in the free plan.

    Go read the free plan, and you will know what to do.

  44. James says:

    Hi,

    My partner of 13 years, has left me. We had been together since she was 19. I financially supported her throughout that time so that she could do her bachelors degree and masters degree. We have had a very hard year financially in 2009 and only just managed to scrape through. We couldn’t go out at all, no new clothes – nothing. She spent her time playing computer games. It was probably one of our worst years as I had to take a lower paid job whilst she continued with her studies. Sometimes I would shout (at the world, not at her), but generally we were pulling through together. I then got a job back on the previous money. She also got a very well paid job and so we were looking forward to a fantastic 2010. I bought her new outfits for work as she does need to look smart.

    So in the first week of her new job, she meets a lecturer from the university she attended for a drink after work, but did not come home and they spent the night in a hotel. Afterwards she announced that she was leaving me. She then spent the following week doing as she pleased and going to meet him. I told her if she was carrying on like that she had to leave right now rather than wait to find her own place. She has temporarily gone back to her mothers. I told her she could not collect her things but her father could as I did not want to speak to her. Stupidly, I allowed her to collect all of her things, but it became very emotional as I really did not want her to leave. She was in tears and came out with “I love you very much, but I’m not in love with you” line. She admitted being attracted to the other guy, but didn’t love him and that it was abrand new thing, not a long standing affair.
    I have not contacted her since, but I am afraid that non contact will give her the chance to fall in love with him.
    Before our financial problems, that are now at and end, we had a great relationship.
    Should I write an NC letter? I really am at a loss as to what to do.

    Thanks

  45. Iris says:

    @ James:
    I felt sick to the stomach reading what happened to you. It’s terrible thing to do to you, you must realise she wasn’t being fair..all the time you supported her and in the time she most needed you, she stayed but soon as she was able to stand on her own feet, she’s outta the door like nobody’s business! SHE OWES YOU BIG TIME! you deserve better but you love her and there’s nothing no one can say to change your feeling right now. By all means try the No contact rule but from what’s going on she is waiting to see if anything serious happen with that lecturer and after manipulating him, she will definitely move in with him. But if things doesn’t work out, she might come back to you to feed her emotionally because of the rejection until she finds someone else that caught her eye. Love cannot be manufactured, she love you as a friend and not in love otherwise she would never have wanted to experiment other ‘things’. Love makes people blind but put yourself in her shoes and ask yourself if you cuold have done something like that to her?.

  46. James says:

    Thank you Iris for your words. No I don’t think I could have done that to her. In fact, it’s often been said of me that when women pay me attention and it was obvious to all, I was blind to it. What I didn’t mention is that the lecturer concerned (who I know and knows me) is married with three children. the youngesst being a year old. His wife has (apparently??) just left him, but I’m not sure.

    Yes, at the moment I still love her with all my hear in spite of what has happened.

    I’ll get there.

    Thanks again Iris.

  47. pmoo says:

    Hi there,

    My bf broke up with me 7th november. He said he doesn’t feel anything for me anymore. I rang him a week later and couldn’t help but plead with him. To this he replied ‘we have been through this’. I left it and said OK. He still has a few bits of mine and I we arranged that night for me to go get it the next day. But I felt that I would plead again so didn’t go. I just said I will contact you when I free. Since then it has been 5 weeks and I have had zero contact with him. I never sent a N/C message, I just left him to it. I just don’t see where I am supposed to go from here…

  48. Iris says:

    @ James:
    Unfortunately, the only you can get over her is after she use and abuse you and after you’ve realised that it has happened, it will hurt a lot so just be prepare. The good side is you’re good looking so you wouldnt have any problem to get a so called rebound or just get laid with a hottie and you’ll feel heaps better, as long as u let the lady know its not serious or something so nobody else get hurt.

    Good luck with everything.

    I believe everything happens for a reason. You lose one, you get 10.

    ciao

  49. S. Williams says:

    James wrote:

    Before our financial problems, that are now at and end, we had a great relationship.
    Should I write an NC letter? I really am at a loss as to what to do.

    Hi James,

    Put the past behind you, and start your personal evolution.

    Follow the free plan…every step, and get your life back again.

    Once you have put yourself back together again, then you go after your ex…if you still want her.

    Take Care,

    S.W.

  50. S. Williams says:

    @ pmoo:
    I already answered your same question on another post on my Blog.

  51. Alan says:

    Hi there,

    Thanks for working hard on this blog an keeping it updated.

    I read an e-book about getting girl friend back. I’ve been following the NC rule for 8 days now. It might seem early. Still I miss her and some things are not clear to me.

    I understand the mistakes that I made (mostly, stop being myself and focuss my days on her), I’m trying to change little by little and become again the guy I used to be.
    Sometimes I suspect that she is already with someone else (after 3 weeks).

    My first reaction to her decision was really strong.. I seemed desperated because I feel I love her so much. No I understand it’s just a reaction.

    She has some stuff that belongs to me and she should retrieve some things from my place as well. So in this case I don’t know how long should I wait to get that done. I mean, it will hurt if ater 2 weeks she will only contact me for picking up some stuff…

    Any tips on how should I proceed from now on? Keep the NC, contact her so she can get her stuff away from my place?

    To everyone else: You are not the only one suffer, and this will keep happening to people every single day. Try to be strong. Try your best… and sooner or later you’ll get the best. Cause Karma will really follow us all!

    Thanks and happy new year.

  52. S. Williams says:

    Alan wrote:

    Any tips on how should I proceed from now on? Keep the NC, contact her so she can get her stuff away from my place?

    Hi Alan,

    I would suggest that you contact her and set up a short meeting to exchange things, and then once you get home send her the recommended no contact message as outlined in the free plan on my Blog.

    Make sure you read the whole free plan first and follow every link so you understand how this works.

    After that start at the top and complete every step…do not skip any.

    Take Care,

    S.W.

  53. Julia says:

    I dated a guy for a year and a half. We broke up, and decided to remain friends. We remained best friends for about a year. I then went through a tough period where I really needed my friends but he then decided he needed a break from me. However, within a few days he started texting me everyday again. We have never gone more then a week without talking up until this point. He then got really frustsrated with me and said some stuff that was really hurtful but he said that he was frustrated and didn’t mean it…however the words that he left me in an e-mail were so hurtful. We then kept arguing and talking to him became harder and harder because he would get frustrated with me so easily for no reason. He didn’t understand why I was so hurt. I cut off communication with him as I was suggested to. He told me it was an immature decision but he was going to respect my wish. He said that he is fine with everything and that having no contact is up to me. The thing is…I do still really love him. I am not sure how he feels about me. I think he still cares about me and has feelings to some extent because of the time and energy he spent and the frustration he showed at times. I don’t know anymore…but then he didn’t fight to keep me into his life when I implemented the no contact rule. He just me he disagreed with my decision but would respect my wish. He did tell me that it was impossible to cut him off forever because we will continue coming to dinners he knows I will be at and events I will be at. In fact, he came to a dinner that I attend every week 5 days after implementing the no contact rule…however, it was the one dinner that I did not attend because I had other plans. However, I received picture messages and texts from others so I would be aware of the fact that he came to this dinner.

    Its now been 5 weeks since we have last had any contact. I am worried that the longer we go without contact, the more he will move on. I really don’t know how he feels about me. Whether we were dating or not we talked everyday for the most part. A good amount of the time, he had always been the one to initiate the contact with me… This is the longest we have gone without talking. I am worried he may determine that he likes his life so much better without me in it. I want him to be happy, but I want him to realize that he does miss talking to me and having me in his life. I am kind of hoping the no contact will make him realize that he is in love with me and that he wants me in his life but as more then a friend. Is this hopeless thinking?

  54. S. Williams says:

    Julia wrote:

    I am kind of hoping the no contact will make him realize that he is in love with me and that he wants me in his life but as more then a friend.

    Hi Julia,

    You MUST use no contact correctly in order to get the best results…simply not talking isn’t no contact.

    Go read the free plan on my Blog, and follow ALL the steps.

    Take Care,

    S.W.

  55. maggie says:

    hi it has been 15 days and i have NOT contacted my ex! its very hard especially after having a few drinks but I am doing it. He still hasnt called and it makes me wonder if he even will? I am so upset today because I had a dream that my so called best mate (whom sleeps around) slept with my ex in a dream ans he was texting her and chasing her i woke up sooo extreemly angry and jelous and now i have just found out that next weekend her freind is having a 21st and she noes my ex and he will be going and I am soo jelous and dont want him to go because i no my mate will be all over him and try and sleep with him.I want to see him before this party so he can remember what he had. it will be 3 weeks of no contact next thursday. can i contact him and see if he wants to meet up as mates and i am stong enough to play it cool??

  56. S. Williams says:

    maggie wrote:

    can i contact him and see if he wants to meet up as mates and i am stong enough to play it cool??

    15 days no contact isn’t much at all especially if you haven’t sent the correct NC message and followed the free plan.

    maggie wrote:

    I am soo jelous

    That doesn’t sound like someone who is “playing it cool.”

    Take Care,

    S.W.

  57. Liza says:

    Hi, the last thing i said to my ex-boyfriend was over text he said i “guess we cant talk” and i said “your right we cant until you can be mature i wish you the best but i wont be apart of it anymore” he replied saying “i didnt know what i was talking about, that he wants to be with his girlfriend girlfriend, and that i never let me be and just stop” I didnt reply to that message and that on Dec. 30th i havent contacted him since then, my guess is that if i maintain no contact he will realize i was serious im afraid if i contact him it will make me look like i dont have control by not even replying to his last message i think he would see that i was serious. I dont want to drop in and see “how hes doing” because that makes me look dumb for saying we cant talk until he can be mature. And i wont know if he is ready to be mature until he actually contacts me first right?

    Im just wondering since i didnt reply to his last message if that will really get to him that i havent contacted him since then and that he will eventually call or contact me. Is keeping up with no contact a good idea its only been about 14 days no contact.

    Thanks for the help!

  58. S. Williams says:

    Liza wrote:

    Is keeping up with no contact a good idea its only been about 14 days no contact.

    Hi Liza,

    It is if you use no contact correctly as outlined in the free plan at the top of my Blog.

    Take Care,

    S.W.

  59. shelly says:

    hi my boyfriend and i were together 2.5 yrs and we broke up about 6 mnths now…….we don’t really have such a good relationship now so would the no contact rule work in my case?

  60. S. Williams says:

    shelly wrote:

    we don’t really have such a good relationship now so would the no contact rule work in my case?

    Hi Shelly,

    Yes it will.

    2.5 years of feelings don’t disappear in 6 months.

    Go to the top of my Blog and find the link for the free plan.

    Take Care,

    S.W.

  61. AJ says:

    Hi S. Williams,

    I had a casual sex relationship with a friend of five years, so theres a bit of history there! In the end I fell in love (well I think I did) with him and he did not feel the same way! So I employed the no contact rule for a year and while that year went by I worked on my self confidence etc, When I felt good about myself I made the decision to reconnect with the ex and he was willing. Our first meeting went well and I felt he still liked me through his actions, I spent the night with him, but did not sleep with him, it was great! However, after our meeting I left it a few days before I contacted him and he did not respond to my IM, I made the mistake of saying “are you not talking to me aye?” I totally had a weak moment and should not have done that!(im gutted!) anyways he emailed me back the next morning to say he was not home and that was why he didn’t respond! My question is: did I screw it up by saying what I said? and is he actually still interested or is he just being nice for the hell of it, because I showed a bit of insecurity…please advise, Im quite confused! and I was hoping to have a relationship with this person! Also Im thinking if it’s not worth it to just move on?

  62. S. Williams says:

    AJ wrote:

    So I employed the no contact rule for a year and while that year went by I worked on my self confidence etc, When I felt good about myself I made the decision to reconnect with the ex and he was willing.

    I don’t know “how” you employed the NC strategy, but a year is sure long enough to get results.

    AJ wrote:

    Our first meeting went well and I felt he still liked me through his actions, I spent the night with him, but did not sleep with him, it was great!

    Here is where you screwed up, you moved way too fast.

    Even if you didn’t sleep with him you moved way too fast.

    Do you have the book the Magic of Making up?

    If so, you need to read chapter 6, it explains everything you need to do when you decide to reconnect with your ex.

    AJ wrote:

    My question is: did I screw it up by saying what I said? and is he actually still interested or is he just being nice for the hell of it, because I showed a bit of insecurity…please advise, Im quite confused! and I was hoping to have a relationship with this person! Also Im thinking if it’s not worth it to just move on?

    My advice would be to read chapter 6, and try to continue the reconnection phase….slowly according to the advice in the book.

    If he pulls away then start using NC all over again, this time follow the free plan on my Blog (top of the page).

    If you really want to know his true feelings you must use NC correctly.

    I highly suggest you get copy of the book The Magic of Making up, and read it before you go any further, OK?

    Take Care,

    S.W.

  63. maggie says:

    hi, so it was about 30 days no contact till i rang my ex to see if he wanted to meet for a coffee etc.. he had to work but sounded happy to hear from me. I made the conversation short and said i had to go he asked heaps of questions about what im doing now where im at if im seeing anyone etc i said tell you later bye” then a week later he txted me and said “what you up to”? i didnt reply then 4 hours later he said “ok then, just wanted to see wat u were up to and if you wanted to TRY an be mates?if not ok then” he is a very stubborn man and i know this means hes trying to get back with me this is a hudge step for him. so i replied the next day saying “i dont know about mates I will have a think and get back to you on that one” he said “ok thn”

    I left it and dont know what to say i dont know what hes thinking advice pleasssseee!! =) i still dream of him its been 2 months since the break up =)

  64. S. Williams says:

    maggie wrote:

    so it was about 30 days no contact till i rang my ex to see if he wanted to meet for a coffee etc.. he had to work but sounded happy to hear from me. I made the conversation short and said i had to go he asked heaps of questions about what im doing now where im at if im seeing anyone etc i said tell you later bye”

    Good job, if you answer all the questions what’s the point of meeting face to face?
    maggie wrote:

    so i replied the next day saying “i dont know about mates I will have a think and get back to you on that one” he said “ok thn”

    And here is where you screwed yourself.

    Why did you even answer him?

    Have you been following the free plan on my Blog?

    Did you send the recommended NC message word for word?

    If you didn’t then you weren’t using NC correctly, and that’s why he is trying to shove into the “just friends” zone.

    If you don’t have the book The Magic of Making up I suggest you get it, and read it along with using the free plan on my Blog.

    Especially chapter 6 which covers the reconnection phase, the part you screwed up.

    If you’re really serious (about getting your ex back) you need to get a plan, and stick to it.

    Go read the free plan (top of my Blog) and send him the recommended NC message and use NC correctly this time.

    And don’t use the excuse “he’s a stubborn man” to not follow the plan, I have heard that one way too many times.

    You have to be more determined (stubborn) if you want to succeed.

    Take Care,

    S.W.

  65. Mariana says:

    ok i understand, but what if i’m at the same class with him!!! what should i do??? how can i rule at the no-contact rule if sometime i nedd to talk to him about work!

  66. S. Williams says:

    Mariana wrote:

    ok i understand, but what if i’m at the same class with him!!! what should i do??? how can i rule at the no-contact rule if sometime i nedd to talk to him about work!

    This is explained in the free plan…follow all the links for the no contact rule.

  67. James says:

    Hi Mr Williams
    I haven’t posted in a while but I have some confusion and doubts in my chances now. I have been split from my ex for over a month now and at the start of the split did pretty much everything i should not have don, text constantly, tried to beg, reason etc… anyway i started to use the contact rule and after about 2 weeks my ex contacted me and wanted to talk about my things that she had. I spoke to her through text and to cut a long story short she was with another guy a week after we split and is with him now. She said that she did love me and that she wanted to try again but i pushed her away not giving her space and that now she has already moved on and said that i should do the same. We were together almost 4 years and i know she did love me and don’t understand how she could have moved on so quick. I am alot more in control of my emotions and know what i have to change and have already put those changes into practice. After the talk had finished i followed instructions saying i needed time away and asked her to understand and respect that and she got upset saying she still wants to be friends. I again asserted the message and said i needed space. I have kept to what i said and i know i will. But am i doing this to help me move on or are my deep hopes that she hasn’t actually moved on and does miss me viable? How do i go about this new relationship do i just leave her to it and hope it is a rebound? sorry to ask so much and put so much i just really need your expert opinion and advice on this situation.

  68. S. Williams says:

    James wrote:

    i just really need your expert opinion and advice on this situation.

    Hi James,

    If you want my advice, here it is.

    Go read the free plan (top of my Blog), and follow every step, and that means sending the recommended NC message…word for word.

    Don’t worry about her new relationship, there is nothing you can do about it anyways…focus on following the free plan.

    That is the key to success.

    Take Care,

    S.W.

  69. James says:

    that is exactly what i have done i have used the no contact. and i know there is nothing i can do about the relationship but what do i do? do I contact her when she is still in the relationship? Do I wait for it to maybe run its course and end? I have spent alot of time on myself and already feel allot better in myself. I still miss her alot but have controll of emotions etc… How long through your experiance on average does this take to work if it will? and how often does it work? I know this is a very general question and alot af facyors come into it but in general?

  70. S. Williams says:

    James wrote:

    How long through your experiance on average does this take to work if it will? and how often does it work?

    The plan always works to get your life back, as far as your ex 50/50 chance.

    As far as time…people have reconnected in about 3-6 months.

    Others have decided they didn’t want their ex and moved on to relationships, and their ex’s came crawling back (begging), but it was too late they didn’t want them anymore.

    The whole key to this plan, and getting your happiness back, is your personal evolution.

    You do not sound like you’re ready to reconnect at all.

    I have dealt with a lot of people and I can tell when they are bullshitting, you can bullshit yourself, but not me.

    Did you even follow the free plan, correctly?

    James wrote:

    i started to use the contact rule and after about 2 weeks my ex contacted me and wanted to talk about my things that she had. I spoke to her through text and to cut a long story short she was with another guy a week after we split and is with him now. She said that she did love me and that she wanted to try again but i pushed her away not giving her space and that now she has already moved on and said that i should do the same.

    After reading that, it doesn’t sound like it…you broke NC.

    You are still a big ball of insecurity…no one would want you in this state.

    If you want to succeed, stop wasting yours, and mine time by asking stupid questions, and follow the free plan correctly.

    How long does it take?

    As long as necessary…if you are really serious.

    Take Care,

    S.W.

  71. James says:

    haha I think your honesty thanks. Sorry I know i go on. and yea you are rite im not ready. I will deal with loving myself before i think about her.
    Thanks again

  72. coolguy says:

    My gf of three years broke up with me before two months and two weeks for almost a silly reason. I have tried all means of communication but none worked. I smsed, called, wrote a letter but none seemed to help me get her back. The letter achieved sth: she picked up her phone but was not willing to talk. Just surfing thru the net I stumbled upon ur NC rule. Do u think it might bring about any change if I apply it now or is it kinda too late to use it now? I will appreciate anything u tell me.

  73. S. Williams says:

    coolguy wrote:

    Do u think it might bring about any change if I apply it now or is it kinda too late to use it now? I will appreciate anything u tell me.

    Hi,

    You have been chasing her, that’s the problem.

    Stop chasing her, and get your self confidence, and your life back again.

    Go read the free plan, if you think you can follow all the steps, then do it.

    If you’re looking for an easier (less risky) way, then keep on searching the internet, I can’t help you. 8)

    The bottom line is, you have to be willing to lose something in-order to gain what you want.

    You have to let go of the old failed relationship ASAP.

    Take Care,

    S.W.

  74. luce says:

    I messed up nc the first time i went for it by ringing him at the end of Jan to ask if he had a nice xmas. I felt so disapointed with myself. Anyway i initiated nc again with the message on the 31st of Jan. It has been over 20 days now and i will do t this time and feel i am evolving well.

    I think my nc messagw was a bit crap it said ‘sorry i rang just wanted to see how u were and wish u a happy new year. I still agree with the breakup. And have some major decisons to make. I still want no contact and will be in touch when ready’

    I am already well into nc,was this message ok or do i need to send another

  75. luce says:

    I am in this to kick ass and i no it may take even up to 6,7 months but i no by the end of summer il either have my ex back or would of moved on. Either way im on a raod to success, if i keep following the plan as im doing. Im just a bit worried about the nc message i sent over 20 days ago. Will it be ok if i keep followin the plan?

  76. S. Williams says:

    luce wrote:

    I think my nc messagw was a bit crap it said ’sorry i rang just wanted to see how u were and wish u a happy new year. I still agree with the breakup. And have some major decisons to make. I still want no contact and will be in touch when ready’

    This is NOT the recommended NC message in the free plan.

    Follow the free plan, and you will get the best results, do it your way, and you get what you get.

    luce wrote:

    I am already well into nc,was this message ok or do i need to send another

    What do you think?

    luce wrote:

    I am in this to kick ass and i no it may take even up to 6,7 months but i no by the end of summer il either have my ex back or would of moved on.

    OK, then keep following all the steps in the free plan, and check back in 6 months.

    Take Care,

    S.W.

  77. luce says:

    Thanks Scott, do i need to send another nc message? Or continue as i am following all the steps of the plan. I did send the nc message but i no it was a bit crap, its just ive already done 20 plus days and woulsdnt want to start over? Any adivce

  78. luce says:

    ok, i am going to send the reccommeded nc message word for word. And then start my nc diary as soon as i get email confirmation. Then im going to kick ass.

  79. S. Williams says:

    luce wrote:

    Any adivce

    Yeah, when you ask for advice, and I give you advice…follow it.

    luce wrote:

    And then start my nc diary as soon as i get email confirmation.

    That is NOT going to happen. 8)

    I rejected your request to join the forum.

    I can see from your erratic posting on my Blog, you will only abuse the forum again, as you did once before, when I booted :kickbutt: you.

    Stop wasting your time trying to sneak back into the forum, and follow the free plan…why?

    Because it works.

    Take Care,

    S.W.

  80. AJ says:

    Hi,

    It’s been a month since I last saw my ex, I stopped txting and calling him because I felt like I screwed up our last meeting by moving too fast!He emailed saying that he had lost his mobile and if I wanted it to email him; I had ignored it, he then IM me and I ignored him until he asked if he could come and visit…my god I thought I was going to die, I made the mistake of saying yeah sure (damit, I was so dissapointed with myself). The next day I emailed him to say I had a double booking and could not make it, he said thats ok i’ll just go past your place anyways…I didnt know what he meant by that? but I felt really sad because I turned him down! Anyways, he turned up at my place and offered to take me out for a ride on his motorbike, which I accepted (again disappointed with myself, because I keep jumping at the oppurtunity). I find that Im doing ok with the no contact part but when Im in his presence I immediately fail!! What should I do? Not see him again?

  81. S. Williams says:

    AJ wrote:

    I find that Im doing ok with the no contact part but when Im in his presence I immediately fail!!

    Hi AJ,

    You call breaking NC, doing OK with the no contact part?

    Are you fucking kidding me? :cursing:

    The whole idea of NC and your personal evolution is to become a strong, independent, happy person…not your ex’s little puppy dog. :banghead:

    AJ wrote:

    What should I do? Not see him again?

    Yeah, and send him the recommended NC message as outlined in the free plan…word for word.

    Grow a backbone, and stand up for yourself, or your ex will never respect your wishes.

    Take Care,

    S.W.

  82. Angela says:

    Im a little confused on what to do because me and my ex were together for 4 years and have 2 kids together, I have bought the magic of making up have done the no contact rule but my situation is a little different my ex still calls me all the time talks to me about all his personal life and here and there still tells me he loves me but is to hurt to be with me . What exactly can i do to get him back ? Thanks

  83. S. Williams says:

    Angela wrote:

    I have bought the magic of making up have done the no contact rule but my situation is a little different my ex still calls me all the time talks to me about all his personal life

    News Flash!

    That is NOT using NC correctly…are you kidding me? :roll:

    Angela wrote:

    What exactly can i do to get him back ?

    Hi Angela,

    First you need to read, and follow all the steps in the free plan.

    That means sending the recommended NC message, word for word, no changes…and then sticking to the plan.

    You have to evolve past the old failed relationship first, and get yourself back again.

    This is the first step to getting your ex back.

    This is all explained in detail in the free plan.

    Take Care,

    S.W.

  84. Tiffany says:

    How long should I follow the no contact rule?:( three weeks? Should I give him his v day present? (It’s a sketch book full of words and pictures) We broke up before v day so I nvr gt to give it to him.

    Thank you.

  85. S. Williams says:

    Tiffany wrote:

    How long should I follow the no contact rule?:( three weeks? Should I give him his v day present?

    Hi Tiffany,

    NC is not a game, it takes time.

    If you are “really serious” about succeeding be prepared to go for as long as 3-6 months.

    If you’re not willing to go that long please find another website for assistance.

    I know there are plenty of places where they lie and tell you you can get your ex back in 7 days…try that one.

    I don’t lie, and I don’t put up with stupid bullshit either.

    There is a free plan on my Blog, if you can find it, you get to use it for free.

    If you can’t find it, you’re not very serious.

    As far as the present, it will make a nice get back together gift when you follow the plan correctly, and succeed.

    Take care,

    S.W.

  86. Annie2010 says:

    Going on 4 weeks of nc, even though we see each other everyday at school. We have not spoken and I act like he doesn’t exist while he flaunts his new gf in my face. He’s still cocky and arrogant and talk about me to his friends behind my back. I’m seeing a side of my ex that I’ve never seen before. I have also found out some things he has done while we were dating and the lies that he told me. I’ve made the decision that I honestly do not want him back. When I first saw him with his new gf, it really bothered me and I think he knew that it did. But now when I see them together, it does not bother me at all and I wish her a lot of luck with him. I’m going to continue nc and in a few months when he wants me back, I will be gone. I’ve been working on myself, working out, socializing and having a good time. Everyone tells me how great I look. My ex has gained some weight and his new gf is not at all attractive. In fact, I’m kind of shocked he’s with her. He started dating her one week after we broke up, so it makes me wonder how emotionally unstable he is to lower himself and date girl he said he would never give a second look at. I’ll keep you posted. Staying strong.

  87. mike says:

    So my ex gf broke our relation about a month ago, and since then I spoke her a few times on msn. In each msn session she mentioned going out with other men :S

    So I decided to go NC with her, this is the fifth day. I’m online at mns, but she can’t see it. However I feel I’m losing her completly now, since she is talking to other men on msn right now and not with me. Should I go online, but let her initiate the contact?

    Please help

  88. S. Williams says:

    Annie2010 wrote:

    I’ll keep you posted. Staying strong.

    Keep up the good work Annie! :thumbup:

    Stay Strong! :rambo:

    S.W.

  89. S. Williams says:

    mike wrote:

    Should I go online, but let her initiate the contact?

    Hi Mike,

    No, you should follow the free plan on my Blog, and use NC correctly.

    Once she see’s that you are not chasing her, she will chase you…sound good?

    The link for the free plan is at the top of my Blog.

    Take Care,

    S.W.

  90. ari says:

    hey there i have a question, me and my ex have been broken up for 2 months now about a week ago he texted me and saw each other he kissed me and we never touched us going back or anything after we kinda texted and then he just dissapeared. I saw him at a club yesterday b.c we r in the same group of friends he didn’t dance w.e me or anything we only said hi or i did and he was really weird around me and kept looking when he thought i didn’t notice, he was the one who broke it off and now i don’t know what to do b.c im talking to someone else and i do like him but i love my ex. If u could give me some advice i would appreciate it =)

  91. S. Williams says:

    ari wrote:

    he was the one who broke it off and now i don’t know what to do b.c im talking to someone else and i do like him but i love my ex. If u could give me some advice i would appreciate it =)

    Hi Ari,

    It sounds like your ex is confused about what he wants, and now that you’re talking to someone else, he is trying to throw you “mixed” signals.

    You can get to the bottom of this by following the free plan on my Blog (link at the top).

    This will help you reveal his “true” feelings, while you explore things with your new friend.

    Take Care,

    S.W.

  92. duke says:

    hi S. williams! i read this thread and might as well try to post mine as well if maybe you can tell me some advice and what i should do from where i am now.

    my ex and i broke up and for her we were on friendly terms. it went on for like a week and then till i realize that i had to cut her off. i thought out of the box and saw that in the situation, we were in the NC where i dont contact her but she contacts me and i just reply. it was like her being comfortable telling me things and texts me when she feels like it. i saw two things from there because she wants us to be “friends”. i saw that she wasnt ready to cut me out of her life yet and she may be gauging of the present sitauation and if she could take anything from there. til i realized that i woulndt be healthy to conitnue that pattern because she heals while i do not. i serve as her doormat and cushion her fall. its like when she wants to text me she does and while i am stuck waiting for her to text thought i do not initiate contatct at all. and so then i cut her off politely and she was like “are you ending the friendship?” and i said “it wont be healthy for me because i ive been waking up many times in the morning and find it hard to sleep.” she apologized about it and i said nothing more. she said that she is my friend and i replied “maybe in time, we can be friends”. and she texted last that said “thank you for everything and pls always take care”. from then on i did not contact her. today is my 3rd day of NC.

    S. Williams, can i ask where do i go from here? to get her back? im using this time for me to heal. sure there are times when i think of her and like what i read the “what ifs” but i just let it all be and dont think further because what i know is that its important is i SHOULD HEAL FIRST.

    btw, i do have the magic of making up copy but i just want to ask for further advice, thank you so much mr. williams. hope to hear from you soon.

  93. S. Williams says:

    duke wrote:

    btw, i do have the magic of making up copy but i just want to ask for further advice

    Hi,

    The book MOMU is a great start, but I created the free plan, as a support guide to fill in the missing pieces of ALL the E-books out there.

    I highly suggest you got to the top of my Blog, and find the link to the free plan, and start following all the steps immediately.

    Take Care,

    S.W.

  94. amy says:

    hi its been seven days since i sent the nc im finding it hard probably be cause he said before i sent it that he was thinking about suggesting a coffee but it seams we cant even talk without one of us getting the wrong impression and ended it by saying oneday in the distant future we can have a chat and a laugh about old times and whats happened happened we should just leave it there.Since sending it i am trying to stay strong and focused. do you think him saying it like that hes just feeling sorry for me and letting me down gently.

  95. S. Williams says:

    amy wrote:

    do you think him saying it like that hes just feeling sorry for me and letting me down gently.

    Hi,

    No…

    I think he is just talking shit. 8)

    Just focus on following the free plan, and keep on evolving, this process takes time, 3-6 months, not days.

    Stay Strong! :rambo:

    S.W.

  96. gemma says:

    I did the nc message and only contacted ex 2 do with money etc and our son out of the blue he sent me a message saying he doesnt love me and dont need to no how i feel?? i said i loved him wen we 1st split up but nothing since, i dont get why ex’s have to be hurtful, he didnt need to say any of it he could of kept his feelings to himself

  97. S. Williams says:

    gemma wrote:

    i dont get why ex’s have to be hurtful

    Because your proper use of the no contact rule as outlined by the free plan, has got him evolving, and it is pissing him off.

    I would just ignore what he says, and focus on your own personal evolution, and leave him to his own evolution, OK?

    Stay Strong! :rambo:

    S.W.

  98. amy says:

    hi sw you say hes talking shityou dont think he has any intensions of asking me out for coffee am i wasting my time with this guy. see i think he called it a day because i wasnt over my ex i have intiated all the contact since he called it a day so is putting astop to that showing him ive moved on and will it prompt him to contact me eventually.what do i say if and when he does eventually contact me i want to make him want me back.

  99. S. Williams says:

    amy wrote:

    what do i say if and when he does eventually contact me i want to make him want me back.

    This is all covered in the free plan.

    The reason you are failing is because you are only focusing on getting your ex back…follow the whole plan.

    There is no way you can make someone want you, they either do, or they don’t.

    This process is about getting your life back.

    Why don’t you try reading, and following the free plan on my Blog, and give it at least 3 months (using NC correctly).

    If you want help making someone want you back, try another website, OK?

    Take Care,

    S.W.

  100. Alex says:

    Hey, My ex broke up with me about 2 months ago, I feel because I was too clingy, I was begging for her to return at first but then said to her that I agree with the break up and everything and started no contact. Then every few days or so she would instant message me asking random questions and then initiating conversation with me, I didn’t talk to her too much and did not initiate contact myself. Then the other day she asked if I was ok and why I never initiated conversation with her. Last night we were out on the town (we have the same friends) I did not talk to her much or pay much attention to her, but then I noticed she kept trying to get my attention and eventually as I walked past she grabbed my hand and held on untill it was just our finger tips as I walked away. A minute later when I came back she had her back to me but grabbed my hand and squeezed it so tight and it felt really passionate, by the side of her so no one could see. Then later on we talked together just flirting a bit and our heads got close a few times but nothing happened. Then she had to go. But she started texting me later on just chatting with perhaps a little flirting, then I said good night but she did not reply. Today we have been talking on instant messenger and had little moments of flirting but then moments of just chatting, with no mention of the intimate things of last night :/. Im so confused, do you have any help or advice please? Should I carry on not talking to her much and letting her initiate conversation?
    Thanks

  101. S. Williams says:

    Alex wrote:

    Im so confused, do you have any help or advice please?

    Hi,

    If you really want to take back control of your situation, stop hanging around her so much (find some new friends).

    Then go read and start following ALL the steps in the free plan, the link is at the top of my Blog.

    Take Care,

    S.W.

  102. Jane says:

    Hi,

    My boyfriend of over a year initiated a break between us recently. I know how important this NC time is for me to get my life back on track and find my own inner happiness, strength and fulfillment. I sent the NC message and he responded shortly that it all ended so suddenly and is happy to talk about anything, whenever. Then mentioned that he has my stuff to drop off or hold onto. I haven’t responded yet and am not sure what to do. I’d appreciate your advice. Thank you.

  103. S. Williams says:

    Jane wrote:

    Then mentioned that he has my stuff to drop off or hold onto. I haven’t responded yet and am not sure what to do. I’d appreciate your advice.

    Hi,

    First, I hope you sent the recommended NC message (word for word) from the free plan on my Blog.

    Second, going to get your stuff, or having him drop it off is NOT breaking NC.

    Getting into a long discussion about your break up/personal lives during the exchange is…see the difference?

    Read the free plan, and follow all the links about NC/No Contact in the plan.

    This should give you a good idea about how NC works in many different situations, OK?

    Stay Strong! :rambo:

    S.W.

  104. emma lou says:

    okay so i have just been in a very intense rship. Absolutely adored eachother until i gave more which made him give just well less, which i couldnt hack. So i suppose in fear and for self preservation i told him i couldnt do it. He admitted that he hadnt given it his all as has been hurt in the past and thats why.
    We left it at that & he went to France for the week with work. we didnt speak for 3 days – he tried to contact me twice saying he loved and needed me but i didnt reply – after 4 days i caved & tried to speak to him just on msn and clear the air, he then said he didnt think we could go back, i was heartbroken and it was very obvious, he rang me and we spoke but by the end of the conversation i felt like i was the one apologising and trying to pursuade him (when really it is only due to his lack of effort we are in this mess) so he says lets have some space and we will talk when we get back and that he still loved me.

    The next day i woke up still heartbroken because i still felt so rejected by him, that night i contacted him and said that he was probably right and that perhaps it is time for a clean break and that the time we had had together was amazing and one i will always cherish, he replied and said that he was glad i had thought about it and that the truth was he didnt really know what he wanted as he works away so much.

    I took it as being over from there really (as i am an all or nothing girl :) ) i picked myself up and got through eachday telling myself its over, move on. Anyway Sunday evening arrives and i get a skype message from him saying ‘hey emma, how are you, i have been thinking about you.
    I was shocked as didnt expect it – so didnt say anything. Later that night i got a message that said ‘ hey, did you want to meet up tomorrow, for lunch or after work. hope your ok xx’
    again, shocked to see it. He was only home that day before he left today for new york for 4 days. I was confused so i didnt say anything and then yday just said ‘hey ben, thanks for your msg but i already have made plans, enjoy your day offx’

    what does all this mean and have i broken the none contact rule by replying – please help, i do adore this bloke, i just wanted a little but more from him.

  105. emma lou says:

    sorry that message is so long :) x

  106. S. Williams says:

    emma lou wrote:

    Anyway Sunday evening arrives and i get a skype message from him saying ‘hey emma, how are you, i have been thinking about you.

    Hi,

    This is known as trying to keep you in the “just friends” zone.

    Now is the perfect time to use NC correctly.

    Go to the top of my Blog and find the link for the free plan.

    Read the plan, and follow ALL the steps, OK?

    Make sure you send the recommended NC message (word for word)…no changes.

    Take Care,

    S.W.

  107. kristy says:

    If you broke the no contact rule do you still have a change getting your ex back.

  108. S. Williams says:

    kristy wrote:

    If you broke the no contact rule do you still have a change getting your ex back.

    Yes!

    Just find the link for the free plan on the right-hand side of my Blog, read, and follow ALL the steps.

    Take Care,

    S.W.

  109. sharon says:

    Hi, THANKYOU for all your great tips and tons of good information! i really appreciate the support you offer. My situation is this. My ex dumped me this past fall. I saw him losing interest near the end. It was awkward inside. Lead to some lack of self respect/disrespect from him etc. So, I acted cool, like we were on the same page at first. But then my emotions got the best of me and I wrote him a letter saying what I thought went wrong (in Nov)He didnt respond. he pretty much was doing the NC with me for several mos. till i then wrote a second letter on jan 1st, dropped the letter off with a few things of his and a few small items i thought he’d enjoy.(I got his permission to lve them b/t his doors without a visit)After the drop-off of items,I was totally silent, which was the first time since the break-up. So After about 3 wks, he started emailing me articles of interest he knew i’d enjoy. he sent me pics from his vacation with his 2 boys. He wasn’t ‘warm’ and still isnt, but he sends articles frequently, about 3 x/wk, maybe 4. this has gone on for about 2.5 mos now. i did call him this past friday to see if he’d like to ‘move forward’, we’ve always had so much fun together kind of chit chat and maybe we could meet for a drink. He said he would think it over. I then wrote him a short note yesterday telling him soo much has changed in life, virtually in all areas (remained ambiguous/mysterious)but emphasized how ive changed for the better, not citing specifics on how or why….just focused on ‘improved’, ‘personal growth’. the letter was short and sweet, a follow up to the previous days phone call. SO, this is where im at. I never wrote a specific NC letter cause im just joining now (6mos post mortem:)My ex never responds personally to things i send, but he’s been consisitently sending me (only me) articles, things of interest to me. Nothing too personal though. Except for the parent/teacher conf. results a week ago re:his son. I dont want to be my Ex’s ‘email buddy’ with this ‘sharing of articles’ and an occasional kid update. But, i dont know if the NC thing is appropriate. I just asked him out for a drink 3 days ago. (he obviously didnt take me up on it yet but??? I would GREATLY appreciate your advice here. It doesnt fit circumstances ive come across here yet. Again, thankyou for all your help!

  110. sharon says:

    BTW, my letter in Jan. to him, was a letter saying how much i adored him and his 2 boys, but ‘accepted’ his decision with the breakup.

  111. S. Williams says:

    sharon wrote:

    But, i dont know if the NC thing is appropriate. It doesnt fit circumstances ive come across here yet. Again, thankyou for all your help!

    Hi,

    I have to disagree that your situation doesn’t fit any on my Blog.

    You’re ex is keeping you in the just friends zone as an “email buddy”.

    He won’t make a “clean break” and keeps you hanging on the hook, just like everyone else on my Blog.

    If he was “over you” then why does he keep communicating with you, yet keeps you at an arm’s length?,

    The first mistake people make when they are looking for help is to think their situation is so unique and “un-fixable”…it isn’t.

    You need to read the free plan, and follow ALL the steps.

    Remember this plan is NOT about getting your ex back, it is about getting your life back (the personal evolution), which in turn will attract your ex back to you.

    This plan works, if you have the courage to use it properly.

    Take Care,

    S.W.

  112. anthony says:

    @ S. Williams:
    why do u think u are the master of solving relationships. the law of averages dictates that not everybody will get back with their ex,s with no contact i think ur a fraud man.

  113. jose says:

    need help please…its been 7 days with the no contact rule,,..and my ex keeps calling and sending me texts….
    she says that she misses me like never before…that i was right that she was gonna regret it….but she knows we are not gonna be together again,,,,

    the thing is that i started the no contact rule when i realized
    she was seeing another guy ….. our relationship lasted for 2 1/2 yrs ….i ended the relationship…and then a month and a half…she began rebound relationship…with this guy….

    then we started talking and going out againg….she was confused….and i though she was not seeing him…but she started lying….

    and i got mad.. this is were we are right now,,,,

    i would appreaciate any advise ..thanx

  114. S. Williams says:

    anthony wrote:

    @ S. Williams:
    why do u think u are the master of solving relationships. the law of averages dictates that not everybody will get back with their ex,s with no contact i think ur a fraud man.

    I never said I was the “master of solving relationships”, you just called me that.

    Also show me where on my Blog, or forum that I say everyone will get their ex back.

    Since we are “sharing” what we think of each other…I think you are an ignorant asshole, that should take the time to read a website, before judging it.

    Now do the world a favor, and go fuck yourself. :kickbutt:

    Buh-bye! :wave:

  115. S. Williams says:

    jose wrote:

    i would appreaciate any advise ..thanx

    Hi,

    7 days is not long enough, she is just trying to see if you will fold when she comes after you.

    I don’t know if you used the free plan on my Blog, and sent the recommended NC message.

    If not, I would recommend following the free plan, and sending that NC message ASAP.

    NC works best when you follow a good plan with support.

    Take Care,

    S.W.

  116. Alastair Barnes says:

    Hi. I went out one night with my guy friends, got so drunk and kissed another girl. My girlfriend found out, not from me, from her friends a week later, which is the worst thing and we broke up. I was so stupid and regret everything about it. And for the past few weeks iv been tryin to get her back. Iv done some of the most thoughtfull things i can think of like 24 red roses to her school, wrote letters, made a cd, even wrote an apology card to her parents saying sorry for what iv put there daughter through. Its been up and down, but i think its because iv been constantly at her, she previously always said she needed space, but i think i was to over eager and pushy, and just stupidly desperate i couldnt stop!

    Now she is saying its over and we wont get back together. She tells me to move on bec she wants to but yet when other girls leave me comments or pictures of me with other girls are on facebook(internet site) on my profile, she kinda freaks out. Not to sound arrogant or cocky in anyway, but i was always the one who got more attention. She has admitted she misses me and loves me but then says thats not enough. She gets so angry at me sometimes which is obv bec im presurising her. So i just acted friendly and nice to her on sunday and am trying a different approach of NC for at least a week since iv been chasing her for the last few! Sunday nite was the last time iv spoke to her and it is now tuesday. Her friends even have told me just to give her space or move on. But i dont want to move on. My question is, if she still feels these things, and since iv stopped chasing, is it possible that she will start thinking maybe he’s given up and start missing me and thinking about me more and in a way cause her to panic a bit? also i have her as a friend on facebook, i know she creeps my facebook as she has mentioned things before but i have a look at hers the odd time as well! So im thinking by friday to delete her as a friend on facebook and making my page private so she cant see my business or people talking to me. I would send her a simply straight to the point message saying, im not being malicious or have ill feelings towards you i just think its better if both of us keep to ourselves. Do you think she would start thinking even more if i said that? or would that defeat the point of NC? sorry for the questions just looking for an other opinion, and the NC is actuali helping me loads, im getting out of the cycle of having to talk to her because trying to get her back was reali beginning to drag on and i was really handing my balls on a plate to her lol not good! many thanks anyway

  117. S. Williams says:

    Alastair Barnes wrote:

    I would send her a simply straight to the point message saying, im not being malicious or have ill feelings towards you i just think its better if both of us keep to ourselves. Do you think she would start thinking even more if i said that? or would that defeat the point of NC?

    Hi,

    You would be much better off using the message outlined in the free plan.

    Go read it, and follow ALL the steps.

    Take Care,

    S.W.

  118. Jake says:

    Hi,
    im in a big trouble, my fiancee broke up with me 1 week ago, actually she was trying to call me but she didn’t get me, so she broke up with me on internet, i wasn’t home.i called her for news and she was asking me if i was reading what she wrote but i didn’t..she told me she must break up with me because things are not working out anymore and she doesn’t have the same feelings as in the begining…i was crying and begging her to reconsider her decision but she said there is no more chance, she was also crying when she was calling me, the last thing she said before ending the call was “call me when you are ready so you can tell me how i can send you the ring back” actually we were together since 2years and it was a distance relationship but there was no problem at all the proof i asked her to marry me and she said yes but a few months later she dumped me!i used to pay flight tickets for her so she can come and visit as much as she wants to!a few weeks before the break up i told her im gonna pay a flight ticket for her and she was really happy and we were planning what to do when she is here,a few days later she was not that sure anymore about visiting me…and 1week ago she broke up with me as i said!
    so since the day of the break up i didn’t call her didn’t text or anything else…but it’s the same with her!no contact at all…i thought that after 1week she will prpbably call me even for asking me about the ring knowing i didn’t do it but still no contact.
    mean while im going out with friends trying to have as much fun as i can but to be honest i can’t stop thinking about her, i really love her sooo much and i feel i can change the world only for her and that’s why i didn’t run after her because i really don’t wanna miss my chance to get her back.
    actually the most difficult is when i wake up in the morning and i directly feel that it’s gonna be another day without her… im really suffering a lot even if im trying to have fun and meet other girls and so on…and that’s what im doing. im looking sooo positive from the outside but deep inside it’s just chaos!
    and im worried that the NCR is not gonna work and that she is not gonna contact me!
    please help me
    (sorry for english mistakes)
    Jake.

  119. S. Williams says:

    Jake wrote:

    im worried that the NCR is not gonna work

    Wow, I have never heard that before. :roll:

    If you want to get your life back, and hopefully your ex too, you need to stop whining and panicking, and start following a plan.

    Go read the free plan, and follow all the steps.

    When you send her the recommended NC message, use this version of the message:

    Hi,

    I agree with you about the decision to break up, I really believe it was the best thing for both of us. Please send me back my ring. I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over. I would really appreciate it if you didn’t contact me during this time, unless it is about returning my ring. I will be in touch when I am ready.

    Don’t change anything else…OK?

    It is VERY important that she knows you’re serious about NC, so don’t show signs of weakness.

    This plan will reveal her true feelings, and I doubt her true feelings have changed as much as she says they have.

    The free plan will make her decide what she wants, and reveal her true feelings.

    Get started right away.

    Take Care,

    S.W.

  120. Jake says:

    i will do so, thank you! want to add that she is really a strong girl! but i already initiated the no contact rules since 1week (the day of the break up)
    and i was wondering that may be if i keep in NC her she will contact me back sooner or later, it may be for asking me what to do with the ring or coming back crawling!that’s why i didn’t contact her since 1 week not about the ring or anything else!
    and is the plan gonna work knowing that we are 1000 of km far of each other?
    i mean when i will try to reconnect later, how is it gonna work then?
    that’s why i didn’t send any NC message
    do u see what i mean?
    thank you anyway for your reply!

  121. S. Williams says:

    Jake wrote:

    is the plan gonna work knowing that we are 1000 of km far of each other?
    i mean when i will try to reconnect later, how is it gonna work then?

    This is explained in the free plan, and we have had forum members in LDR’s reconnect successfully.

    Take Care,

    S.W.

  122. Jake says:

    NC msg sent! and im moving to the forum and so on! but just wanted to know (and sorry for disturbing btw) is she supposed to answer my NC message?
    regards
    jake.

  123. S. Williams says:

    Jake wrote:

    but just wanted to know (and sorry for disturbing btw) is she supposed to answer my NC message?

    Hi,

    No, she isn’t, and it doesn’t matter one way or the other.

    This plan is all about you, and getting your life back again.

    Take Care,

    S.W.

  124. pear says:

    wow,I sent NC msg, word for word. got the butterflies. think I will go mt a friend for a drink to di-stress and not think.

  125. S. Williams says:

    pear wrote:

    wow,I sent NC msg, word for word.

    Good Job! :thumbup:

  126. Shamil says:

    Hello,

    Me and my girlfriend broke up in the beginning of March. We were together for 6 years and have been living together for 8 months.

    In January I had an altercation with her brother in law at a family get together. That began the whole cycle that lead to our eventual breakup. I have been getting drunk a lot during the time as I was on holiday, and we were fighting a lot. We had a really bad fight in the end of February and then a week later I offended her father in law with a silly txt message, because her families attitudes towards me were a big issue in our fights.
    In the beginning of March she said she said she was moving out for a couple of months until she could see change (as in me stopping drinking). So she moved in with her parents, a week later she called me and told me she was not coming back anymore.
    I went insane from then on and started calling her and being clingy and being a psycho basically. I’ve calmed down over the last week, and we agreed that we would meet in the future as ‘friends’.
    The issue here is, I have stopped drinking for good and am completely sober. However my emotional state is a complete mess.
    She left me on the 3rd of March which makes it almost two months. What should I do?

    Should I put into effect an NC plan now and better myself?
    - here is a run down on my situation:
    me and my gf both 23 years old.
    - been going out 6 years incl. 1 year long distance
    - have had 2-3 serious break-up/make-up moments

    can you help me with a step by step plan?

    or is everything lost?

    Thank you

    Shamil

  127. S. Williams says:

    Shamil wrote:

    can you help me with a step by step plan?

    Hi,

    I sure can, it is called the free plan.

    Before you shoot down the idea of sending the recommended NC message this long after a break up…listen.

    This is not about getting your ex back, it is about getting your life back, and the first step is having the courage to send the NC message outlined in the free plan.

    I will bet there were more things going wrong (on both sides) than the drinking, excessive drinking usually happens when people are not happy (take it from me).

    Take this time away from her to start your personal evolution, you will be surprised where it leads you.

    She wanted change, and now you’re going to give it to her.

    Take Care,

    S.W.

  128. Shamil says:

    once i have my life back though id like to try again with my ex…

    is there much advice you can give me there?

  129. S. Williams says:

    Shamil wrote:

    once i have my life back though id like to try again with my ex…
    is there much advice you can give me there?

    It is all part of the free plan, but don’t try to look too far ahead.

    Just follow ALL the steps, and let go of the past relationship completely, the rest will practically fall into place.

    Yeah, it is just that simple.

    Take Care,

    S.W.

  130. fred says:

    I haven’t had contact with this girl in almost 6 months. I tried texting her an inside joke the other day but I got a reply of “?” and “who is this?”. So should I just give up on her now? I just wanted to end no contact but become friends again, nothing romantic.

  131. S. Williams says:

    fred wrote:

    I just wanted to end no contact but become friends again, nothing romantic.

    Hi,

    Did you ever properly initiate NC?

    If you just stopped talking to her, that wasn’t NC.

    If you only want to be friends then keep trying, don’t give up after only one try…OK?

    Take Care,

    S.W.

  132. fred says:

    No one initiated no contact exactly. Things got bitter one day and it ended with her ignoring me. So beginning that night neither of us tried talking to each other. And it had been several months until I texted her the other day and got the reply I posted above. So I am stuck in between of either just forgetting about it or trying to contact her again. Everytime I think I’ll contact her I back off because I get worried that it isn’t a good idea, just because it has been a long time and remembering how our last conversation went.

  133. ee says:

    Adam-

    I am not mad at you I am not looking to talk about this, I just want to talk about the gay stuff we always talk about – what we had to eat, how work went, Frusciante and things like that. I love you and I always will. It has just really come to a point in this relationship that we MUST grow up. We both are acting very immature and selfish. Cops should not be called food should not be thrown and I shouldn’t have to climb thru a window because I am afraid the cops are on their way and I will get a dui. We need to grow up. I am sick of playing these games, I love you and I want to work this out . You are my life and I would love to someday get married have children and grown old and vacation like we have talked about. Nothing seems right without you in it, but then again even though you are in my life lately it doesn’t seem right I am always feeling like I want too much when all that I want is to love you and support you, I realize that in the past I have been to clingy, but that is what the whole growing up and trying thing is about. Forgiveness and another chance. I love you and I know you love me. I will never forget the great times we have had together and I would love to create more of them with you. I remember when you helped me free those mice from the glue traps that your parents had placed around. You were so gentle and you cared just as much about getting them free my love for you grew right then. I know how great of a guy you are and that is why I keep pushing. You have done so many fantastic things for me. We are a great team when we work, but we fight like we have sex – its always hardcore. We need to grow up and love each other not fight, disagreements are fine but these fights have got to stop!. I am making you a promise now that I will listen to your feelings and try to meet you ATLEAST halfway preferably 100% but I promise I will always give you 50. Always. I can’t live like this anymore its not good for either one of us. Like you have said these are our best years and I want to spend them enjoying them with you not fighting. If you are ready to try like hell because no one said this is going to be easy but I can guarantee you the result will be worth it 100 times over. Love like this you won’t find again – EVER!, I am a GREAT woman and I love you enough to have put up with this shit, yeah I’m not flawless no one is but I always am trying and that is what counts. I try hard to see my flaws and then I try even harder to fix them. I’m here if you want to grow up and work on this, I want you as my future but I won’t play theses games anymore I want you in my life but I want the stability of knowing you are there tomorrow. If this is something you can do than I am excited for our future, if not than you are right this needs to end before it gets worse. If I don’t hear from you I will take this as the end. I’m not calling you anymore or writing, you know where I stand and that the door is open when you want to talk to me you will. I’m not laying down rules or trying to control you I just want us both to be happy and I know we are happiest together. I love you with all I have but I can’t do this anymore, I have self-respect.

    All of my love,
    Erica

    Oh and ray’s show is Friday…..just an FYI.

    i sent him this letter before i found your site. is this a good no contact letter?

  134. S. Williams says:

    ee wrote:

    i sent him this letter before i found your site. is this a good no contact letter?

    Hell No!

    That is more like a no contact essay…damn! 8-O

    Go read the free plan on my Blog, and follow ALL the steps, and that means sending the recommended NC message (without changes).

    Take Care,

    S.W.

    P.S. It doesn’t matter that you already sent one NC message, just send the correct one, ASAP, OK?

  135. Popsicletoes says:

    Well, long story-shortened…
    we had a whirlwind relationship that lated for 6 months before he got freaked out and tucked his tail to run.
    He told me that he wasn’t ready and to some extent I do believe that. He wanted us to remain friends, I said that I didn’t want to be his friend and stopped all contact…
    Well, I hadn’t heard a word from him for 3 weeks, until tonight.
    He sent me a text regarding an issue with a vehicle that I had bought from him (which was the context of our last conversation 3 weeks ago) He said that over the last few weeks he had tried to help resolve the issue (I had already resolved it 2 weeks ago but never informed him)
    In the text he said “I’m sorry baby girl, didn’t mean for it to turn out that way, I miss your silly smile. Call anytime”

    How do I handle this?… I mean, my heart is still hurt from the way he handled things, but at the same time, I miss him greatly. I am in love with him but have begun to move on with MY life.

    I’m not sure what to do right now and what I really want the outcome to be… I thought that we were a great match and still do… But he is just out of a 14 yr marriage and I don’t think he is ready for what I want in a relationship. I don’t want to settle for an altered state of what we had, I love him too much to be just his “friend”…

    Please send a reply as soon as you have a chance…I need advice before I act.
    Thank you in advance!

  136. S. Williams says:

    Popsicletoes wrote:

    In the text he said “I’m sorry baby girl, didn’t mean for it to turn out that way, I miss your silly smile. Call anytime”

    How do I handle this?

    Hi,

    Now is the perfect time to send the recommended NC message (without changes), and let him know that he will missing your smile for a long time.

    This guy thinks he has you wrapped around his finger, take back control, send the NC message today.

    Take Care,

    S.W.

  137. Popsicletoes says:

    Oh no! I answered the text this morning…

    He sent the newest text last night but I didn’t respond until this morning… Here’s the conversation…

    Him: (on Tues. night)
    Well I have talked to a dozen people and they said that cuz I sold the vehicle the warranty doesn’t transfer. Sorry baby girl I didn’t mean for it to turn out like that. Hope school is good, miss that silly smile! Call anytime

    Me: (on Wed. morning)
    No worries… We got the new tranny put in yesterday. :)
    School is going fine, although I didn’t miss the homework. lol
    Hope all is well with you.

    Him:
    Sorry you took over my problems:( , not much change here. Finally filed the bankruptcy! Have to wait until Sept. 1st now for the divorce hearing. Just work out a lot now, put some new pics on body*^#@(.com under (my username) if you get bored. Missing Michigan, need to take a trip up there soon

    ME:
    Not necessary to apologize… really :)
    I’m taking classes 3 days a week for school, kick boxing 3-4 nights a week, and still working.
    T graduated last week! :)

    Him:
    Awesome! R got 5 C’s, 2 B’s, and 1 D…He was very happy!

    Me:
    That’s great! Sounds like you’re getting everything back on track… Keep your focus, it will all fall into place, and be patient! ;)

    Him:
    Trying to make smart choices. The ex doesn’t bother me anymore at all and that’s a plus!! Thanks for sending the pictures back but I’m gonna keep mine if you don’t mind

    (when I initiated NC, I mailed him the portraits of him and his daughter that I had hung on my bedroom wall along with his T-shirt that I slept in. No note, just his stuff…. he had a portrait of my son and I in his room as well)

    Me:
    I don’t mind at all if you keep it…
    I’m glad that she’s letting you move on with your life J…You deserve happiness!

    Him:
    I sometimes question my choices, I think about you often, you made such an impact on my life. I’m glad that you’re well, don’t forget about me down here! TTYL

    This was the last text he sent me and I didn’t respond…

  138. Popsicletoes says:

    @ Popsicletoes:

    So, I have hand written the NC letter word for word… I dropped it in the blue USPS box down the street so I won’t be tempted to pull it out of the mailbox.
    I had a brief text conversation with him earlier today and since then I haven’t been able to get him out of my mind.
    I realize that having these little conversations, with nothing coming of it, is just making my go right back to the same heart break I had at the start of all of this.
    I know one day he’ll call again, but for now I need to heal and focus on me.

  139. Dave says:

    A few months ago we broke up. After 3 weeks of limited contact i contacted her for a date. She was first of not really sure. But after a few weeks of nice limited contact she agreed. And we had a great weekend! So we made a commitment that we are not couple but we can also not date, kiss or whatever with other guys/woman. But then it went wrong again. I was maybe giving her to much and she needed to much space and she was still so affraid to get into relation again. So she stopped it again :S. Is it maybe this time a good plan to stick with NC for a longer time and let her chase after me? I mean i showed already that i want to change. Some advise please! And does it still work as strong the NC?

  140. S. Williams says:

    Dave wrote:

    So we made a commitment that we are not couple but we can also not date, kiss or whatever with other guys/woman.

    Hi,

    What the fuck kind of agreement is that?

    You just built a prison, and locked yourself inside it, because you are too scared to properly fight for your freedom, or your ex.

    Dave wrote:

    But then it went wrong again.

    Yeah, BIG surprise! 8)

    Dave wrote:

    Is it maybe this time a good plan to stick with NC for a longer time and let her chase after me?

    It would be a great time to read, and follow ALL the steps in the free plan.

    You are no where near using NC correctly, and you will continue to fail until you start using NC correctly.

    Take Care,

    S.W.

  141. Dave says:

    Yes it was because she was affraid to be again hurt and to be to quick in a relation. So i was of course getting stressed from the fact we were not couple.

    But i didn’t contacted her at all from now. And i will read your plan. But is NC still strong enough also in my situation were we broke up more times before?

  142. Chase says:

    Me and my ex had a falling out. Shes been behind my back with her other ex. Im going to use the no contact rule. But then what? How do I get her to realize what she pushed to the side?

    -chase-

  143. Shelbi says:

    Ok I have an update as of yesterday….I am currently doing NC with my ex….BUT he brings his new girlfriend into the restaurant that I work at as a hostess! I did not seat them and instead acted as though they were NOT even in the restaurant! I worked cleaning tables all around and did not even look at them. Well afterwards later last night, he called me….I DID NOT ANSWER! Were my actions in accordance with your plan? Was it best to not make a big deal over them and act as though they were not even in there?

    THANKS S.W.!!! :)

  144. S. Williams says:

    Shelbi wrote:

    Well afterwards later last night, he called me….I DID NOT ANSWER! Were my actions in accordance with your plan? Was it best to not make a big deal over them and act as though they were not even in there?

    Hi,

    You did great Shelbi! :thumbup:

    Just ignore his contact, and go about your life.

    The more you ignore his lame-ass attempts to make you feel bad, the sooner he will give up trying to upset you.

    Stay Strong! :rambo:

    S.W.

  145. S. Williams says:

    Chase wrote:

    Im going to use the no contact rule. But then what?

    Hi,

    This is all covered in the free plan on my Blog.

    Go read the free plan, and follow ALL the steps.

    Take Care,

    S.W.

  146. Tania says:

    Hi Scott. First let me thank you for all the great things you are doing to help others :hurray:

    My BF and I had dated for over a year and he broke it off about 2 mos. ago…and yeh I begged pleaded cried that nite but NEVER contacted him after (before I found this blog)! Couple weeks later he started showing up at the same place he knew i would be at, sat next to me flirting, asked me to grab something to eat once after and then after the workshop ended for the season(and he couldn’t see me anymore)he finally called/textd and asked me to meet..I was finally feeling strong and had made some major changes in my life so i went but it went downhill fast when my calm cool demeanor cracked :banghead: when he wasn’t saying and doing what i needed to hear. Then he backed off said he realized he’s not ready and needs more time to sort things out. I am feeling the same pain all over again!!..I intend to send the NC letter now, my question is did things unravel because I reconnected too soon or because I never sent a NC letter from the beginning (wish I had seen this before)?? and do I send a “break up” letter or “on a break Letter”?..confused
    Thank you so much for your time advice!

  147. S. Williams says:

    Tania wrote:

    I intend to send the NC letter now, my question is did things unravel because I reconnected too soon or because I never sent a NC letter from the beginning (wish I had seen this before)??

    Hi,

    Both, you were “coaxed” into breaking NC too early by your ex, and all his bullshit tactics…learn from your mistakes, OK? 8)

    And you MUST send the recommended NC message without any changes to properly initiate NC, and draw your line in the sand.

    Tania wrote:

    do I send a “break up” letter or “on a break Letter”?

    Since you are still broken up use the message agreeing to the break up, OK?

    Then go read, and follow ALL the steps in the free plan.

    Take Care,

    S.W.

  148. Mia says:

    My ex and I were together for five months. we were in a long distance relationship he said that his doesnt feel the same about me anymore but still cares. It has been a month since the break up and I have had contact with him. He asked if we could be friends and I told him no thanks. I havent contacted him since. Im worried since it has already been a month he is over me. Should I keep doing the no contact?

    • S. Williams says:

      Mia says:

      He asked if we could be friends and I told him no thanks. I havent contacted him since. Im worried since it has already been a month he is over me. Should I keep doing the no contact?

      Hi,

      Just not contacting your ex boyfriend is not using no contact correctly.

      If you want to learn how to use the contact rule correctly, go read my free plan, and follow ALL the steps in the plan.

      Don’t worry that a month has past, sending the recommended NC message (no changes) will still work, so do it ASAP.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

  149. Dawson says:

    G’day Williams,

    I first thank you for taking great effort and Solving people needs.
    Mine is LDR …Me and my gal broke up for no reason…She said that she needs a guy with more Compactibity and Maturity.So i’m not the rite one.We date for almost 9 months and now she came up with this.
    Act we had met face to face before getting into this relation.
    She was also so confident and asked me to met her parents too.But over there fewthings seems to be din’t work pretty well.Cos her father was not happy with background.
    But still had supported me in many ways by going against her parents.One fine day she said need break from me…i was surprised.Cos we used share lot of thing even about her past feelings for some guys…
    When she said i’m not compatible and not matured enough for her.I just kept quite instead getting into argument.then she said thats it i’m done with you….that is point i started panicking,begging and apologized her for no reason.Cos i was not able to control my emotions which was driving me crazy….
    then after 2 days she had mailed me….

    “This is the last email from my side. I just want to apologize for yesterday and wanted to say thank you for everything!!! You have been a great friend and good listener as well. I want you to peruse your dreams and be happy in life. I was angry yesterday and damaged your ego , don’t have that right to do it to anyone!! I hope you will forgive me for that. I am sure you will get through the phase and be back to normal life with a better human being. I do have gratitude for all the good things and good moments we have shared. I will be back when time is right. This is a blog which I generally read , see if its helpful. Take care, eat well and don’t give up on your positive thinking and hard work!! You will always be in my prayers!!! Take care”

    after this mail i had never replied or phoned or text ….just keep quite and tried to control my emotion first …from past one week i’m in NC.

    I was also going through your free plan ….In that i see only few hope in LDR..Cos I’m IN australia and she is in US.
    But still i belive in faith and Move on accordingly.

    Help me out with few suggestion….which would be more help in future not to repeat the mistake.

    Cheers!!!!

  150. Mia says:

    I already contacted about getting my stuff back and he got mad and isnt talking to me anymore. He thinks that I never wanted to talk to him again by telling him I didnt want to be friends should I still send the no contact message.

    • S. Williams says:

      Hi,

      Get all your stuff back, and then follow the free plan, and send the recommended no contact message to first get your life back, and then get your ex boyfriend back again if you still want to.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

  151. NeeNee says:

    My ex and I broke about a month ago (reunited with my HS sweetheart on FB). We’ve been dating about 7 months, LDR…..anyway, prior to the breakup, we argued about the dumbest things, FB post, etc. He finally ended the relationship VIA FACEBOOK!!!! I cried and begged and he became a royal arse! I pulled myself together and instituted the no contact rule ASAP. Prior to our breakup, I bought airlines ticket to visit him (in the town we both grew up, which he still lives)….I “indirectly” through mutual friends made sure he knew I was in town and HAVING A BLAST! Some of HIS friends (who love me) came out to meet me at a pub (and I made them “swear” that they wouldn’t tell him I was in town)…of course they did, like I knew they would (also mentioning I didn’t want him to know I was home)..2 days after I got home (3 weeks at this point of NC)..guess who calls??? The ex….and stated “you’ve been on my mind…how are you? I kept it cool, cheery,…and BRIEF!!

    The question is…now what? Continue the no contact rule????

    • S. Williams says:

      NeeNee says:

      2 days after I got home (3 weeks at this point of NC)..guess who calls??? The ex….and stated “you’ve been on my mind…how are you? I kept it cool, cheery,…and BRIEF!!

      The question is…now what? Continue the no contact rule????

      Hi,

      Unless you were following the free plan on my Blog, you weren’t using the no contact rule correctly.

      It is never too late to start using NC correctly.

      Go read the free plan in it’s entirety, and then follow ALL the steps.

      Yes, that means sending the recommended NC message without any changes, OK?

      Take Care,

      S.W.

  152. Alonzo says:

    Intro:
    Like so many others, me and my live in gf of 8 months started off great. I had known her for over ten years as a friend and wasn’t looking to date anyone serious when we just “clicked”. We are the same age, mid 40′s, and share she same interest – Horses, Rodeos and Country Life. We also bonded with a rare deep connection for one another during the first six months and at our age we have a good understanding of just how short life is and had discussed not wanting to waste our time with nonproductive relationship drama. She told her parents that I was a keeper and that I had my S%@T together. We kept our horses at her parents and drove there every other day to ride and eat dinner… In short, we brought the best in on one another… or as she would often say, we were now living life in color as aposed to black and white when we were single.

    Without getting into too many details, I broke up with her becuase she hadn’t been honest about a long time friend who was actually an ex bf. I had discovered this fact by accident and had read something where he still had fellings for her and would feel awakard if she brought her bf with her on a weekend guided trip, but never told her that I knew. A few months later she and her girlfriends hired this “long time friend”, who lives 7 hours away, as a guide.

    As their trip grew closer – a week away, I started to distance myself from her…
    She ask what was wrong and I told her that I wouldn’t tell her who she could be friends with, but my decisions regarding my future would be based on her selections and if she chose to go out of town with an ex bf for the weekend with her girlfriends, we would be through as a couple… BIG BLOW_UP after that statement…

    At first she denied it, until I told her how I knew and what I had read… When she was busted, her pride took over and we split that instant duiring a heated argument…

    That was 33 days ago. She sent me text messages regarding getting my horses off her parents place for the first week… I sent her a no contact letter… and she sent me a no contact letter the next week… Two weeks after she sent me a NC letter, I sent one text message regarding some important mail that I needed and she didn’t reply and I found another way to work around not having the mail that I needed Other than that I’ve been very good about using NC….

    Neither one of has really broke the NC rule… We never called or texted one another… I didn’t call her parents the first week we broke up to thank them for treating me as family, but other then that..
    We’ve both been pretty good as NC…

    Suggestions?

    (Great website!)

  153. Jan says:

    Hi, we’ve split up after 7 years, I’ve sent the message and implemented no contact, however, how do I know that if I contact him in a few months time he won’t have moved on already. I know he’ll never forget about me but how do I know he won’t be happier with someone else? I love him and I just want him to be happy. Please help me.

    • S. Williams says:

      Jan says:

      I’ve sent the message and implemented no contact, however, how do I know that if I contact him in a few months time he won’t have moved on already. I know he’ll never forget about me but how do I know he won’t be happier with someone else? I love him and I just want him to be happy.

      Hi,

      I think Jan is full of shit…why?

      Because you “want him to be happy”, but you are more worried about your ex coming back, aren’t you?

      How do I know?

      Because you wouldn’t ask such a stupid question.

      Instead, you would just properly use the free plan, and let time reveal your ex boyfriend’s “true feelings”.

      And if he is happier with someone else, then you should be happy too, right?

      So why the question about him moving on, if all you’re worried about is him being happy?

      I am just pointing out how futile it is to bullshit yourself, it doesn’t do any good, does it?

      If you continue to lie to yourself about your feelings you will fail at no contact, understand?

      If you really want to succeed, stop thinking about stupid shit like that, and start following ALL the rest of the steps in the free plan.

      Please make sure you read, and understand the forum guidelines and the free plan completely before even attempting to join our forum, and posting.

      I have been banning a lot of people lately.

      I can’t help people who cannot/will not read, and follow directions.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

      • Jan says:

        Ok, but please can you answer my question?:

        If by the time I’m ready to contact him, he has already moved on and is happy with someone else should I still bother getting in touch?

        Thank you for your time :) x

        • S. Williams says:

          Jan says:

          Ok, but please can you answer my question?:

          If by the time I’m ready to contact him, he has already moved on and is happy with someone else should I still bother getting in touch?

          Hi,

          That is not a question, it is a personal choice, and totally up to you, and like I said, if he could move on so easily he never cared for you as deeply as you feel you cared for him, make sense?

          If you sit around worrying about this instead of following the free plan to get your life back, you will be keeping yourself in relationship limbo…not your ex, you will be doing it to yourself.

          If you correctly follow ALL the steps in the free plan, your ex’s true feelings will be revealed.

          Take Care,

          S.W.

  154. apple says:

    i actually did the NC rule and it brought my guy back. He wanted to end our relationship due to his own personal battles. I begged and cried. He’d still text to see if i was ok and that he missed me. and when i begged and cried he backed away from me so i did the NC. it took maybe a week or so, he would send me a message to say hi, id say hi..nothing more then that. He’d text all hours in the night too. I told him that i supported his decision and that i wont bother him anymore about it. he called me and said that he wanted me to come visit at his job site to be his little helper… (whatever…..lol), i went and played it cool. Didnt make any advances with him, i allowed him to take the lead and we are back. things arent all the way the same, because i know he is still dealing with his battles, but at least we are still close and working through it.

    • S. Williams says:

      Apple says:

      so i did the NC. it took maybe a week or so, he would send me a message to say hi, id say hi…nothing more then that.

      Hi,

      You’re kidding, right?

      You answered his text messages?

      That is not how to use no contact correctly.

      You didn’t get him back, he got you back. Lol

      It won’t be long before you are right back to where you started.

      If you’re really serious about using no contact to get your life, and your ex boyfriend back again, go read the free plan on my Blog, and follow ALL the steps.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

  155. jeepsy says:

    hi
    The NC worked… my ex calls me on every weekend just to speak but he ends up talkin abt old issues n blamin me n tellin he doesn wanna get back even wen i don ask abt gettin back… so last time he started puttin me down n i had to cut the call cryin after tat i neva buzzed him ,now after exactly a week he sent a text msg sayin”only if you had trusted me,it wu hv been so nice..”…now i really dunno how to go abt it.. n wot shd i interpret this as…. m really confused.. need yua help…

  156. Andrew says:

    Well i never asked anyone for advice before but i really dont no what to do anymore. Me and my ex girlfriend were together 2 and half years. We both believed we would be together forever and told each other we were the love of our lives. The last few months of our relationship were terrible as we constantly fought over stupid things and eventually she decided to end our relationship because she no longer felt the same way about me and that my attitude changed and she was sick of the fighting. I tried everything to get her back and nothing worked and seemed to just make things worse. Were broken up almost 2 months now and we still talk alot and remain good friends but it just hurts me even more remaining just friends. She said she like to get back with me but is afraid of getting hurt and just doesnt feel the same way as before. As of yesterday i decided to use no contact rule and i asked her not to text or call me anymore unless she wants to talk about getting back together. I just hope no contact will make her realise if she misses me and wants be with me?

    • S. Williams says:

      Hi,

      You are not using no contact correctly, you must send the recommended NC message as outlined in the free plan.

      Go read the free plan on my Blog, and follow ALL the steps.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

  157. J says:

    I had told my ex I was tired of being the last on her priority list, I never spent 2 consecutive days with her, saw her once maybe twice per week, she always had changed and made last minute plans with friends, she told me she had alot of guy friends. She would often make up arguements to get out of plans we made. She said she cared and loved me but could not handle jealousies and insecurities. She said I’m washing my hands of this. You will not hear from me again. I told her it had nothing to do with insecurity but had to do with I was tired of being treated like a doormat. We were only dating a few months but I thought we really hit it off, at least thats what she told me.

    Should I implement the No Contact rule or should I tell her I realize that perhaps I came on too strong too fast and perhaps scared her off?

    • S. Williams says:

      Hi,

      This is the “perfect” situation to use the no contact rule, and show her you are not insecure.

      If you really are “insecure” your personal evolution will help you to see it, and take action to cure it (your insecurity)…make sense?

      Go read the free plan on my Blog in it’s entirety first, and then follow ALL the steps.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

      • J says:

        Thank you.

        I was just wondering what if she is just as stubborn as I am and she never contacts. Is there a time to contact or if she never contacts, then it was not meant to be?

        • S. Williams says:

          Hi,

          The last thing you should be focused on is the reconnection stage…why?

          Because if you don’t successfully complete all the steps/stages before that one…you will fail.

          There is a very good reason why most plans are written in stages and steps.

          This plan is about getting your life back, not your ex.

          The sooner you understand that concept,the sooner you will stop asking stupid questions, and focus on your personal evolution.

          Take Care,

          S.W.

  158. pleasehelp says:

    So I was forced to hang out with my ex yesterday. I was working on our bands album and (he’s the drummer) he came by just to listen in, even though the drums were finished. So we spent like 2 hours together-first time we’ve seen or talked to eachother since the breakup. I tried to be “happy” around him without talking to him about anything other than band stuff (which was pretty successful). We seemed like friends. That killed.

    The reason he broke up with me in the first place was cause he wanted to focus on his future and the relationship was too much of a “distraction”.

    So we hung out for 2 hours.. none which i instigated… and i don’t know if this breaches the whole 30 days No Contact. I’m on day 8 now. I couldn’t help it (he’s part of the band, technically he can do whatever when it comes to band stuff…) but i secretly enjoyed it. We had fun… I can tell we still have chemistry… i was trying not to flirt or even talk more than we need to… but he was sitting next to me for the first time in a week. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO ACT? like i feel like i’m in a super delicate situation… I don’t want to breach the “no contact” rule… but i have to work with him. How do i act when i have to work with him and have to hang out with him???

    Also… I felt like the last 4 or 5 days i have been really good… And when I saw him again i felt like my heart was in my stomach and i’m back at square one. I need space to be okay. to heal. I don’t know if we’re over… i don’t know if i could get him back. I don’t know if he even loves me anymore. I don’t know if what he said (about focusing on his future and being stressed about college/loans/graduation/future) is true. I don’t know if he misses me. I don’t know if he’s over it. All this uncertainty is killing me. I was fine before today. But now i’m panicking. How do i act when we have to hang out? Do we have a chance of anything in the long run? Or should i cut my losses and just try to maintain a professional relationship? Please Please Please help me…

    Thank You soooo much. I’m sorry this is so long.

    • S. Williams says:

      Hi,

      Are you following the free plan?

      It doesn’t sound like it…why?

      Because this is all covered in the plan.

      How to handle NC under work situations, in the best case you would be better off leaving the band until you have completed your personal evolution.

      Life is full of choices.

      What do you want more, to be in this particular band, or to get your life back again…sometimes you can’t have both at the same time.

      Go read the free plan on my Blog, and follow ALL the steps, OK?

      Take Care,

      S.W.

  159. John says:

    Hello,

    I like your site there’s a lot of good advice in here, but can I use the NC rule after 5 months apart. In the last 5 months we have been going back and forth and yes I have done everything wrong. I begged her to give me another chance and have made myself seem desperate, lonely and depressed I could not control my emotions until the past few weeks I realized I had to stop trying to get her back. We were together for 8 years and I guess things just got stale and she wanted change in her life, we were engaged and ready to get married.

    At this point she tells me I just need to forget about her, let go and move on with my life. I still love her very much and we have a 4 year old son together, so I can’t really use the NC rule completely since I see her every week.

    Is it too late for me? She never wants to talk about the relationship anymore and she only calls me when she needs something for my son.

    Thank you in advance. Any advice will help

    John

    • S. Williams says:

      Hi,

      5 months is not too long, after all this is about getting your life back, not your ex girlfriend.

      The funny thing is once you get your life back, your ex usually wants to come back too, that is why you MUST get your life back before anything else.

      Go read the free plan, and follow ALL the steps.

      Sharing a child while using no contact is covered in the plan.

      Once you send the message, you will have begun your personal evolution.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

  160. Brian says:

    Hello,

    I’ve been employing the no contact rule for 2 weeks now (started the day after we broke up) Although I actually went to see her the day after the break up to, ‘talk about it’ (she dumped me over the phone, but we decided to see each other in person) Anyway, no ‘talking’ transpired, and I spent an hour or two just doing the kind of things we would normally have done (albeit it was a little awkward) When it came time to leave, I collected some of my things I had left at her house (deliberately leaving stuff behind, good excuse to come round again I thought) She said it would be really nice to just stay friends, I agreed, and I left with her saying it was up to me to get in contact with her. The next day after looking around the internet I decided to employ the No Contact rule, and ‘dropped of the face of the earth’ so to speak, meanwhile trying to build my confidence and feel better about myself.

    So on to my question, she just text me earlier today for the first time since I started NC, the thing is I don’t know how to respond, the text reads; “Hello =] how’s you? Uni going well? Xxxxxx” Should I ignore it? Should I just reply with a short message answering her question and be done? Or should I tell her something a long the lines of ‘I need some space’ ?

    Thank you

    • S. Williams says:

      Hi,

      Now would be the perfect time to send the recommended no contact message as outlined in the free plan.

      Go read the free plan on my Blog, and follow ALL the steps.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

  161. Chelsea says:

    Hi S. Williams,

    I am new to your site, but I am loving it because it is very helpful.

    I was together with my ex boyfriend for 2 years. He’s had a couple of bad relationships before, so he can pretty vulnerable when it comes to this kind of stuff. But last month, he made the big move of proposing to me. However, even though I said yes, I was under a lot of stress due to family opposition (there is an age gap between us & he lives halfway around the world). So we had a couple of big arguments in the following weeks. Less than a month later, my boyfriend asked me to send the ring back & we broke up. We haven’t contacted each other in 3 weeks. When he broke up with me, I actually asked him if I could contact him, but he said I could only contact him via e-mail.
    Do you see any hope for this relationship? Does the no contact rule apply for long distance relationships? If I apply the no contact rule, how long should I wait before I can contact him again?

    Thanks very much for your help S.Williams.

    • S. Williams says:

      Hi,

      I can not predict your ex boyfriends feelings for you, but you can help reveal his true feelings by using the the free plan.

      Go read the free plan on my Blog, and follow ALL the steps.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

  162. Some girl says:

    Hi S.Williams,

    I had a great relationship in the past months. He broke up with an issue that we never tried to solve it, but instead when appeared first time, we both get emotionally upset and continue together, second time appeared he said he wants to go away of the relationship though he seemed did not want, and he stayed at the end. Third time the issue appeared, he reacted in the same way-rather than talking and solving the cause-he accused me that I am just like that, that is my issue, he can not deal with my character and wanted to leave the relation. I agreed, though we stayed in touch talking and calling from time to time. It was killing for me, but helped me realize that, actually it was his issue not mine-that the way I react in some situations-when he gets upset about-its because he did not meet my expectations, and he was practically unconsciously making me angry. This anger would grow to a point that I will trow it out on him in another moment. Now I know the causes for the issue, and the reason is banal, but we are not together. Will he ever understand that? How to contact him to tell him I want to continue? I do not want to push him away, I understand how he feels – I think so. I do not know how to explain to him. We are in second week of no contact at all-which I applied after seeing that he just chats with me and shows no signs for anything…
    Thanks!

  163. jaya says:

    Hi Scott,

    Its such a great n helpful forum for genuine n heartbroken people who dont wanna get hurt anymore unecessarily.i just love tis place.
    just after my boyfriend of two months broke up wid me ,and after few days of text msgin calling him continously he wu forward my calls ask me not to call and at times put me down with abuses trying to change me n making me feel guilty etc… wid the help of the recommended NC text,i kick started NO contact rule and i exactly followed each n every step… previously he Wu call n text me every week telling abt his feelings by sending mixed signals n i had enough of it n somehow one day i found tis website n i thot it wu work n sent the recommended no contact text.i thot he wu not contact me but wanted to get him back for good.
    It was about ten days later tat he again called up i dint answer his call and he immediately text-ed me saying he wants to be friends wid me i dint reply either.. he kept calling thrice i dint respond and it was like abt exactly a month tat i ignored his call all the time.
    exactly after a month finally one day he knocks at my door asking my parents for me.. my mom doesn know abt him though so i dint know how to respond i just treated him wel gave him some sweets since it was a festival tat day n he had come home wid sweets sayin he came to wish for the festival… n then he told he came to say tat i should not hold any hard feelings against him n tat he doesn believe in makin enemies n friendship is all tat he wants… n started explaining himself abt a molestation case wiz was charged on him by co worker.
    after he left i dint know whether or not i should call him.. but i just called him up n he thanked for all the hospitality n suddenly he says he s busy in a company but he was at his friends place he again started his confusing games.. n i just called him again to speak n he speaks in a weird way i asked him if he wanted to talk but he turned down the offer saying he s busy again n will call in 2 min but he dint call n next day morning i called him to know if he really wants to sort out but he turns down the offer n says he dunno abt that day s plan n i gave in this time n called him he invited to the friends place he was in n i agreed n i went there.. i dunno but i felt there was a change in his attitude it was not the same.. not very caring i couldn see tat he was in love wid me ….i found him chattin wid a female pal though i was sitting next to him.. it was just killin me.. n i thot i shd ask him to meet over a coffee outside but he again gave some lame reasons n i just couldn stay there i gave some reason n came back home though he was forcing me to stay in tat place.. if i ask him to meet outside n speak he gives reason but he s inviting me to his place n also now he s not calling n acting indifferent ,m so terribly confused.. yesterday wen he came home he says he wanted to be friends n then says tat he knows i wont give him chance without even asking me n then again he tells he loves me n acts so indifferent .. since yesterday after he came home m findin myself chasing him n he s again acting the same old way…i want him back for good
    do you see any good signs of him or is he just testing waters … Scott do you think no contact should be applied again or i should continue speaking to him wen he calls or even i should act indifferent wen he calls ,i dunno where i went wrong …your advice would mean a lot to me… n i know it s gonna be perfect.. it has helped me get him knocking at my door ,that moment the first person i thought abt was you…thanks scott!!..and i would be grateful to you if you give me a kick ass solution for this Mr unavailable love… i want him back for good

    thanking you
    JAYA

    • S. Williams says:

      Hi,

      The free plan is about getting your life back, not your ex.

      If you are still interested in my help, go read the free plan on my Blog, and follow ALL the steps.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

  164. Veejay says:

    Hi… My Girlfriend just broke up with me the other day saying that she was discouraged that her grades have become low and that she also got a 1 failure in her grades and right now she’s been getting hectic and busy with her life in her group projects due to the fact that her group mates wont help her and that she wants her grades back up high again…

    She just broke up with me in text message and it’s always been like this and happened for 7 times already… though most people tell me to give up, the only thing I can do most of the time is just leave her alone and just give her an open door in case she still wants me back again… She doesn’t want a face to face break up because she is afraid of me… but in my cellphone she sends emotional group messages saying “she’s had no other choice”, “you’ve changed my life” and I just turned it off coz its kind of irritating… I don’t look at my messengers, my facebook, I plan to get a new sim card so she cant text me. Is this type of No Contact good? I know that in using it, I must NOT expect her to be back as my gf but to “concentrate” on myself more.

    Waiting for your advice and your reply… just feeling crappy today

    -Veejay-

    • S. Williams says:

      Hi,

      Feeling crappy today…how about everyday, everyday you let her drag you around on a fucking leash?

      You can break that leash, and get your life back again, interested?

      If so, go read the free plan on my Blog, and follow All the steps.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

  165. sunflower says:

    hey scott..
    My ex dumped me and I did all the mistakes of begging and pleading.
    I desperately wanted him back but after a lott of thinking I feel I dont need him now and dont want him back…hes fucking incapable of loving anybody and why waste my life with him??
    Can you suggest what to do??coz now seriously I DONT WANT HIM BACK

  166. S. Williams says:

    Hi,

    The free plan is not about getting your ex boyfriend back, it is about getting your life back and evolving past the break up…sound good?

    If so, go read the free plan on my Blog, and follow ALL the steps.

    Take Care,

    S.W.

  167. Victoria says:

    Got a text on Thanksgiving from my X should I reply or ignore?
    So its been two months since he broke up with me via FB..and it was devastating for me.
    We met on Myspace and built a relationship initialy on line and then we spoke on the phone sent videos and text…we were long distance California and Miami we finally set up a weekend get together in San Fran after 11 months of routine communication and he was already telling me he loved me and how we were completely exclusive…although we did try to keep it realistic by talking about the possibility of there being no physical chemistry. We spent an amazing 4 days together and there was perfect chemistry and not one akward moment. When I left he told me he loved me and gave me his jacket at the airport. He was driving back and I was flying back. When I landed my phone was flooded with text’s saying it had only been a few hours and he missed me terribly already. Things were strange at first I think because of the reality of having to go back to phone calls…a week later it was my birthday and he sent me roses and balloons with a note that read…happy bday baby I love you so much…and im so excited about our future together my love. One week later we were on the phone talking and i asked him about his facebook single stat…he danced around the subject and said I put too much into it.. it came up a few times and then we hung up on not good terms not a fight but really short with eachother. That was a wednesday night…That weekend he had a family wedding to attend (his girl cousins whom he’s very close to)and I didnt hear from him at all till Tuesday…I had sent messages and texts all weekend and was ignored. I mentioned the cousins earlier because I think maybe they might have given him some advice…On tuesday what I got was a very hurtful the typical “Its me not you letter” on FACEBOOK!!!! no less… after a year this is what I got…”we need to find someone who makes our hearts skip a beat and bla bla bla….sounded nothing like the man I had come to know…I cried and tried to get him to reconsider..probably making myself look pathetic..he responded once more with” Im sorry Victoria…I want to call you everyday and I feel sick to my stomach about it cuz nothing I could say would make up for what I have done..I never lied to you and I was genuine about my feelings and I just dont have the strength for a long distance relationship… HE’S THE ONE WHO TOLD ME HE HAD HAD LDR before and that we could make it work..also that he had no ties where he was and he would relocate in a heartbeat…I made a few more mistakes after that letter by texting about three more times each about a week apart..with things like Im at a club and Im thinking about you miss you baby or “Dont you miss me at all?” to which he responded that evening…with “I DO”…. last one was..”doubts” to which he responded…”sometimes..Im soooo sorry I hope your doing ok”… ::big sigh:: I responded ” Im doing well, you cross my mind every now and then and I miss my friend” Well after that I realized I was not implementing the ever necessary no contact rule..so Ive not communicated again for 15 days….YESTERDAY…for ThanksGiving he sent me a text…that read…Happy Thanksgiving Im thankful to have known and shared so many great memories with you!! Have an amazing day =). It felt like a general message that I was a part of a recipient list of friends he sent that to….should I respond or not…I ignored it so far…help
    IS NO CONTACT EVEN GOING TO WORK FOR ME?

    • S. Williams says:

      Hi,

      The free plan is NOT about getting your ex boyfriend back, it is about evolving past the breakup and getting your life back.

      Go read the free plan on my Blog, and follow ALL the steps.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

  168. Aly says:

    hey, after he brokeup with me 6 months ago.. i always had just an idea of how i can play games at getting him back but the reason i messed up and made things work is i i did not stick to enything i was doing i told him one thing and changed my mind the next time eventually it just brung out drama that he wasent willing to deal with enymore.. i has SOO many chances i can not beleive how many chances i had an how many time si did not realize he wanted me back.. but i always played games.. showed him i dident care and i just pushed him away. so after 6 months of messing things up of started no contact about 20 times but always talking back to him….. can i start the no contact rule right now? an will it work..?? by the way he is still with his rebound girl
    i told him that i was sorry for the games and how i treated him when we dated and i told him that we shouldent talk enymore because im starting a new relationship( thats not true) and i realize maybe i shouldent have said im started a new one?.. but my question is, he dosent seem to care since he hasent texted me or enything after i sent him that leter.. but he probably thinks hes not worried because he knows i will answer when i dont mayeb it will work.. any advise? im sceard his rebound will turn into love.

    • S. Williams says:

      Hi,

      It is pointless to worry about what your ex boyfriend does with his life.

      You should your energy on things you can change.

      That is why the free plan is not about getting your ex back, it is about getting your life back.

      Go read the free plan on my Blog, and follow ALL the steps.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

  169. michael watson says:

    Hi i went out with a girl for 6 months..very much on and off and it was a long distance relationship. We seem each other at weekends and when off work, during the week as well…

    We have argued, we have broken up a few times BUT i still very much love her…We’ve split again…im currently in the zone whereby, she has blocked me on facebook but says she will readd me sometime.

    Usually when she does this, i make my facebook public so she will snoop around, is this a good idea? normally it works?! im concerned it could get old, seeing ive used it a couple of times now to get her back…? I also try to retrigger her memories by posting old photos of us etc on my facebook… i fear this time it could be over and i am concerned…

    I dont know how i can keep me in her mind if that makes sense, especially when i dont see her around and about…ive used jealousy to get her back and as i said retriggering memories to…but im fearful this time.

    We went a month from novemeber to december, talking on and off and then she came to see my for a weekend..now we are worse off it might seem but i still love her alot…its around a month now since i seen her in person but we have talked,, she was texting the other day and must have forgotten to send me a text,, i was a little annoyed but she thought she had sent something and text saying, a reply would have been nice you ignorant prick. I’ve ignored her at times over this most recent month of being apart and she has complained. Ive spoken to her and fessed up my love and shes complained…im really stuck. I know what i need to do, i need to make her miss me? right. Also she is on a dating website (where we met) she is using it again…im afraid shes going to meet someone new.

    Ive removed her number from my phone so i cant text her and as said, she has deleted and blocked me on facebook although if she wants, she can see mine as its open. She is on my ms instant chat, which i am staying away from at the minute as i dont want to talk to her and want her to miss me. any advice?

  170. Abi says:

    hi..sep 2010 my BF proposed me..v both were loved eachother in dec he said need some space from me..in future if feels to get marry he will lemme know it he sayings…but still he respects me..till jan somwwat he was replied to my txt…but last he is not at all replyin to me..so i started to use no contact rule…today is the 4th day…still he didn turned up to my side…i will follow this rule for 6 weeks..aftr that also he dii not respond means wat to do??? wat hes actually thinking in his mind…he s sayin he don want to get committed rite now…he wants to be single itseems…he wants to concentrate on his career itseems…but im so mad on him..pls find some way for me…i want him..i don want to miss him in my life…

    • S. Williams says:

      Hi,

      Make sure you’re using the no contact rule properly.

      Go read the free plan here on my Blog, and follow ALL the steps.

      Remember, the free plan is about getting your life back, not your ex boyfriend.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

  171. shaz says:

    Hi,
    I applied the no contact rule after we have been broken off last year. Since then we stayed friends but i have been finding it hard to move away. I try and after a few days she will be in touch and im back to square one again. I have picked mylsef up over and over again so many times but am tired now.

    She has got engaged and rubs it in my face about how much she loves him and all the wedding plans. I have quietly listened to all that and have had enough.

    We were together for 10 years and all of a sudden in within a week of chatting to this guy she has got engaged.

    I finally resulted in surfing on the net and got alot of information from your site. I have applied the no contact rule from yesterday. She texd me twice i didnt reply, she called i didnt attend to the call , she then texd saying well i tried no answer have a good weekend. I texd today saying how i need tym to myself to think things through and i have some decisions to make. When i am ready i will get in touch.
    I got a reply saying ` ok up to you, i am at a funeral so will be busy anyways.
    I have not replied and do not intend to either.

    What are my chances if i carry on ignoring..please help!!
    Many Thanks

    Shaz

    • S. Williams says:

      Hi,

      I help people get their lives back, not their ex’s.

      You are NOT using no contact correctly, and this isn’t about “ignoring” anyone.

      You are nothing more than her little puppy on a leash, if she needs a “friend” let her call her fucking finance. If she had any respect for you and your feelings she would leave you alone and let you move on.

      If you’re interested in learning how to correctly use NC to evolve past the break up and get your life back, go read the free plan here on my Blog, and follow ALL the steps.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

      • shaz says:

        Thanks alot..
        4 days on no contact at all. Got another tex saying how i blocked her on fb, i ignored it and wont reply.
        many thanks again
        will kp u updated.

        regards

        shaz

  172. Jim says:

    I dated this girl for about for about 5 weeks. As always things were great. She was into me. I met her back in November 2010. I spent the entire night talking to her, showing my interest. I asked her out a few days later, but never got a reply back. So I moved on, and didn’t think much about the rejection. 2 Months later I saw her at party on New Years eve, she gave me shit for not asking her out. The next 2 (Sat Night & Sun afternoon) days we hung out at my place, and made plans to go out the following Friday. Things were fun & exciting. Later in the week she made me dinner, continued to see each other on each during the week & weekend. Going out spending time together. We were texting each day a simple good morning & how is your day going, etc….. I am in my early 30′s, she is in her mid 20′s. She just started back to graduate school & internship. And everything just came to a stop, due to her busy schedule. I may have of came across to strong, while she was trying to accomplish her goals. She did not have any free time for me. So I have backed off. It has been 7 days on NC. I am really into this girl (emotions), but not sure how to handle this? I have been extremely motivated to keep my self in shape, focus on work & hanging out with other girls. However, I really want to contact her, because I care for her. I know this is not a long time, but I do not want to screw this up.

    • S. Williams says:

      Hi,

      It doesn’t sound like you ever started a serious relationship with her, you were hanging out, spending time, and now she is busy.

      I wouldn’t worry about it, you ran into her once before, it will happen again.

      I would just continue living your life (not waiting for her) wish her well in your heart, and move on.

      The trick to getting what you want is to attach a positive feeling to a situation, not a negative one.

      If you try to convince someone how they should feel, that is a negative feeling, leave her to make her own choice and be grateful for the time you spent together.

      If she is really interested in you, she will look you up, right?

      Take Care,

      S.W.

  173. justin says:

    So myself and this girl have been talking for a bit over two years, finally we decided to get into a relationship and it was great, sparks, romance, fireworks, the works basically. Either way so we broke up because she said she may still have feeling for her babies dad and I’ve been attempting the no contact rule but its just tough when she’s finding reasons to be mad at me to I suppose justify the reason why we broke up and blame it on me instead of taking the blame, things like writing me emails and just writing rude comments on facebook and what not. Any advice?

  174. S. Williams says:

    Deborah says:

    Afer the personal evolution, I was ready to re reconnect to my ex, i send him nice SMS christmas message to him and his family. We have been correspondencing to each other till we met together for a coffee/date on 5th January, 2011 and since then we have been meeting and sms each other till he found out i was on the internet dating thinking i was seeing other men(which i was only removing profile) and it backfires on me (he send accusing sms messages to me – so jealous guy). We are now back to a square one (he is not talking sms now!). I am in the Reconnection stage (which i am up to and I feel like im failure!). Please help? What do i do?

    Hi,

    I would just send him the NC message again, and start all over, it sounds like your ex boyfriend needs to evolve and start learning to trust you.

    If he doesn’t, he is NOT the man for you…why?

    The truth of the matter is that love is based on trust and respect, without these two things you have nothing.

    You can’t make someone evolve, that is their own personal choice, if he wants to be with you he will change, and this change will benefit everyone, not just your “new” relationship.

    I help people get their lives back, not their ex’s.

    The whole idea behind the free plan is to get your life back, not your ex, keep working on making your life the best it can be, with or without your ex.

    Maybe your strength, focus, and determination will inspire your ex to evolve, if not, you will find someone better, I guarantee it.

    Stay Strong and Positive!

    S.W.

  175. ProblematicPrincess says:

    My “botfriend” is in jail. I have been writing to him,(he does not write back) also accepting his calls and he still treats me like second best. Would you suggest the “no contact” rule in this circumstance? He will only be in there for 4 more months. At this point in our relationship something has to change when he gets out or it will be over.

    • S. Williams says:

      Hi,

      This would be a great time to start NC, and follow the free plan.

      I help people get their lives back, not their ex’s, and the best way to get your life back is by evolving past the break up.

      Since your ex is in jail for 4 months you don’t have to worry about running into him in public, right?

      That is one less thing to worry about dealing with while using NC, so start ASAP.

      Go read the free plan here on my Blog, and follow ALL the steps.

      Thanks for writing.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

  176. Nick says:

    Ok, long story short. My gf and I were together 4.5 yrs. We were talking bout marriage the weekend before the break-up. She left the relationship because she was not happy and crying everynight. She says she still loves me but doesn’t want to hate me. I tried no contact for a week but I had to tell her how I felt. I still love her and want her back. She got angry and defensive at that. I plan on staying in no contact until she contacts me. If she does contact me do I even respond or should I resist? How does this work? Should I plan on moving on or do I just sit and wait for her? I do want her back eventually. Thanks in advance.

    • S. Williams says:

      Nick says:

      I plan on staying in no contact until she contacts me. If she does contact me do I even respond or should I resist? How does this work? Should I plan on moving on or do I just sit and wait for her? I do want her back eventually.

      Hi,

      First of all, NC doesn’t work unless you use it correctly, that means following a plan/process, not to just emotionally stalk her (about your feelings), and then stop talking to her, that doesn’t work very well at all.

      That is why I created the free plan, but you need to follow ALL the steps, not just some of them, understand?

      Secondly, I help people get their lives back, not their ex’s, if this confuses you go read the “About” section on my Blog.

      If you are still interested in my help after reading that section, go read the free plan here on my Blog, and follow ALL the steps, including sending the NC message as outlined in the plan…no changes.

      If you can’t/won’t follow ALL the steps, please go seek advice/guidance somewhere else.

      The sooner you find a plan you will follow completely, the better.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

  177. Nick says:

    Hello again. I sent that last post before reading any of your advice. I’m sure I screwed things up alot since I didn’t really know how to use no contact correctly. I am going to join your forum and follow all of your steps. Anyways, I sent my NC message, exactly word for word(she broke up with me), and she said this back “U no wat fkk u. u hurt me or did you forget? quit txtin me. i dnt wanna hear from u until u at least pull ur head out of your ass n grow the fkk up.” I hope and pray that your system works. I’m desperate to get my life back in order.

    • S. Williams says:

      Hi,

      Good job on sending the NC message, I guess she got a little upset.

      That usually happens when you take back control, you flipped her switch alright.

      Everyone (well, NOT everyone) bitches about sending the cold, heartless recommended NC message as outlined in the free plan.

      Now, I ask you, which message sounded more angry, cold, and heartless, the recommended NC message, or her reply?

      This plan always works, because it is about getting your life back, not your ex girlfriend.

      You have a 50/50 chance of getting her back, after you get your life back, if you still even want her back at all.

      This is a personal/emotional evolution, not a scheme to win your ex back.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

  178. Nick says:

    Thanks for all the help. A couple Quick questions. How do I handle mutual friend?(we have quite a few) Do I tell them to not talk about me to her and trust them(some I really trust, and some I’m not so sure bout)? What should I tell them? If the ex contacts me can I simply state that I need time to think things through and I’ll contact you when I’m ready(repeating NC basically)?

    • S. Williams says:

      Nick says:

      How do I handle mutual friend? What should I tell them?

      If the ex contacts me can I simply state that I need time to think things through and I’ll contact you when I’m ready(repeating NC basically)?

      Hi,

      DO NOT discuss the break up, NC, or the free plan with ANY of your friends/family, that is why people join the forum, so people in the same situation, following the same plan, can support each other.

      Your peers will NOT understand, it has been posted about/discussed many times in our forum.

      The bottom line is, if they can’t mind their own business, you need to find new friends to hang around with, it is just that simple.

      This isn’t some kind of joke or soap opera, it’s your fucking life, right?

      As far as your ex, ignore any communication she sends you (unless it’s shared business that has to be dealt with), if you see her in public and she wants to talk about NC, the break up, or anything personal, tell her; “I am not ready to talk about that right now, I will be in-touch when I am ready”, and then get out of there.

      You can learn a lot more about the no contact rule and how to apply it, by reading the articles on my Blog.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

  179. Steven Michailov says:

    Hello S.W.:) First of all, I would like to personally thank you for the great site. I’m sure it’s going to be helpful for a lot of people, desperately trying to get their ex- back. So, unfortunately, I kinda screwed the things, because I didn’t send the no contact letter, because I found about this website a month ago, when everything had been already finished. However, I’m not sure if she’s really my ex, because we weren’t exactly a couple. The story:
    November 2009 in my previous work, a new girl colleague came. A really hot one. I said to myself: “Hmm, a really hot chick, but it doesn’t matter, I see girls like her at least 5 time a day”. Then – nothing. I forgot about her, moreover we worked in different rooms. To April 2010, when I started to notice that I spend more and more time in her room. Again – nothing – she was just a funny and intelligent girl, who I like to spend time with. But there was nothing more from my side. We talked about her boyfriend, who she was with from 6 years. We talked about my girlfriend that days (later we broke up, for good and I don’t miss her, we’re good friends now). The colleague is 26, I’m 32. Later, the things turned into a “innocent” flirt at the workplace (I know, I know, it’s wrong :). However, finally we went out in one Friday night. The attraction between us was already obvious. Both of us had a backup plan, in case that the conversation isn’t good enough. We talked all night long. I understood that the relationship with her boyfriend is not good. Nothing happened this night. We went out again next Saturday. Nothing happened again. We went out another evening and we finally kissed. We were in love. Few days passed and she went on a business trip. One night then I received a series of sms and I understood that she had known some things about her boyfriend and that’s the end of their relationship. But the last sms literally killed me: “But… are you sure that you want me with all my issues?” Of course, I said yes, I’m a big boy and I know how to manage the risks. She got back, they separated and she said that she would need a little time, whicj is normal, because in fact he was the man in her life for six years. I went abroad for holiday for two weeks. We slept together /finally/ when I got back. I remember she said that if one of us is not ok with the situation, he must say it. I quit my work there and started to work in another company. After all, we started to see each other more and more seldom /not because of the work; we live really close from each other/. I thought that she doesn’t know what to do. In December I wrote her an email explaining how I can’t go on like that, so she has to decide. And she said: “I understand. You should go on”. A month ago I decided to block her from skype and facebook. Do I still want her? Yes, I do. Sad, but true.
    So, I missed to send her a no-contact letter. As far as I know she’s got a boyfriend now. However, I believe in a simple fact – either someone wants to be with you, or not. Nothing in-between. Maybe I’m wrong. So, what should I do? :) Sorry for my English, it’s bad, but I’m not a native speaker:)

    • S. Williams says:

      Steven Michailov says:

      So, I missed to send her a no-contact letter. As far as I know she’s got a boyfriend now. However, I believe in a simple fact – either someone wants to be with you, or not. Nothing in-between. Maybe I’m wrong. So, what should I do?

      Hi,

      I don’t know what you mean by “I missed to send her a no-contact letter”, but if you want the best results you need to send her the recommended no contact message as outlined in the free plan.

      I am with you, either someone is all the way in, or all the way out, when you start messing around in the “gray area” in-between things only get worst.

      Go read the free plan here on my Blog, and follow ALL the steps.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

      Steven Michailov says:

      Sorry for my English, it’s bad, but I’m not a native speaker:)

      Broken English is not a problem, I can understand you better than these fucking lazy people who write me in text code.

  180. Steven Michailov says:

    Thanks for the answer :) But, a lot of time passed, whole 4 months. Isn’t it late for the NC letter? Thanks :)

    • S. Williams says:

      Steven Michailov says:

      But, a lot of time passed, whole 4 months. Isn’t it late for the NC letter?

      Hi,

      No it is not too late…why?

      1. This is “really” about you getting your life back, and evolving past the break up, it is about you, not getting your ex girlfriend back.

      2. It will put you back on her mind, and make her think about what happened (the break up), and what she really wants.

      You have absolutely nothing to lose, and everything to gain.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

  181. jay man says:

    Hi was with my ex for 13 years but we were separated but living together for the last year of it still playing house and supposedly trying to work on things. she spent the last year using me and looking for a new man and finally found 1 that she’s really interested in. after they decided to get serious she came home on valentines day with a coach bag and an attitude and told me she was dead set on moving out. we have 2 children together one 6 and one 9 year old. I just moved her out last weekend and help her with all of her furniture. and I was a mess emotionally up until a couple days ago when I had a conversation with an unlikely counselor. since then I have stopped being friendly to her and have only been hi and bye when I pick up the kids but today was her day with the kids and when I got home she stopped me and asked me if I wanted to talk before she went to her house and she told me she wanted to be friends and didn’t like the feeling of me not being friendly with her I didn’t know what to say but I told her that i stoped being sad and I don’t know if I can be her friend as long as she’s with him because of how everything went do and she took her time through the whole year trying to find one. So I guess my question is should I keep going no contract and how should I do with 2 kids So should I just walk away I love you very much and had to gender role reversal problem I’ve been recently aware of. and I don’t know if I consider him a rebound relationship because she took her time to find him. do you think I’m wasting my time? any advice be most appreciated.

    • S. Williams says:

      Hi.

      During that last year did you ever go to couple counseling together?

      Just curious.

      Did you just stop being talkative with your ex, or are you following a plan?

      I recommend following a plan.

      If you just started shunning your ex, you will only make things worst.

      Go read the free plan here on my Blog, and follow ALL the steps.

      If you use no contact correctly you can still be polite, but keep your personal business to yourself.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

      • jay man says:

        Well we when counseling once but I had to drag her there she wasn’t interested and it didn’t help at all. But last night she changed her facebook picture to a picture with her and her new boyfriend And my parents saw it and called me. so I text her and ask her if she had put on blast any more than she already had which started a dialogue between us where she said to me she has been crying every day and then she misses me and regretted putting the picture up. but I checked today and she still hasn’t taken it down but in answer to your question yes I have been kind of shuning her. but I think I’m going to start just being polite and still be avoiding. We’ve been best friends all these years and she left me even though we were best friends but she can’t expect me to still be her friend even while she’s doing this. but what do you think would you consider him a rebound or something more? P.s. thank you for doing this answering everybody’s questions I mean.

        • S. Williams says:

          jay man says:

          but in answer to your question yes I have been kind of shuning her. but I think I’m going to start just being polite and still be avoiding. We’ve been best friends all these years and she left me even though we were best friends but she can’t expect me to still be her friend even while she’s doing this. but what do you think would you consider him a rebound or something more?

          Hi,

          He is probably a rebound, nothing serious, but the BEST way to find out would be to use NC “correctly”.

          Go read the free plan here on my Blog, and follow ALL the steps.

          Thank you for writing.

          Take Care,

          S.W.

  182. Jeff says:

    Just wanted to get your thoughts on my situation….

    My ex girlfriend and I broke up about 2 weeks ago now. She said she still loves me and wants to be in a relationship with me, but when we fight, she gets emotionally hurt, and that isn’t worth it to her.

    We spoke a few days after because I had to get my stuff from her place. We connected. I spoke what I was thinking since the breakup, stuff about change, which I mean, but I guess she would take as a grain of salt at the moment. Again, we met for dinner the next week to talk things over again. She seems as if she wants to actually get in a relationship, but her mom kept telling her, “people don’t change,” which persuaded her otherwise.

    I employed the no contact rule, and in the mean time, went out with an old fling for lunch. Her roommate happened to see this and tell her and another friend told me she seemed quite mad. I only went on this “date” because I heard she was with another guy. I guess I also made premature judgements as well.

    This brings me to last night. While we were together, we would order things from a site and have it sent to her house. I totally forgot her address was saved, and when it got shipped, it went to her house..oops.

    I explained the situation in the emails in which she seemed as if she wanted to avoid me, but then asks me about my training (I’m a bodybuilder) which I find weird if she didn’t even want to see me. Anyways, we met so she could get the package and we talked for a while. Just friendly small talk. I told her about my big week with getting a new job, possibly moving out, my uncles death, etc. At the end, I told her I’ve been working on myself, both her concerns and mine, which has been going well, and her face lit up. We both then said a friendly goodbye and left.

    I’m a very hopeful person and the fact that it went so smoothly, gave me hope she’d see me in another light. Today, I’ve been emotionally broken as I haven’t heard from her and EVERYTHING reminds me of her…It’s just one of those days.

    Did I do the “meet up” correctly and should I continue to employ no contact?

    Sorry for the long read!

    • Jeff says:

      I want to include this is the “second round” of our relationship. Basically, I employed the NC letter before, with no response. She worked at the gym I went to and as we both didnt want to be immature, we spoke to each other as friends as we were in the same social circle. To be quite honest, it was flirting from day one…she knows that. This round, we entered the “love” part, so this time, the break up is even harder. Usually, I would leave it alone, but I know her concerns can be addressed.

      • S. Williams says:

        Jeff says:

        I employed the NC letter before, with no response. She worked at the gym I went to and as we both didnt want to be immature, we spoke to each other as friends as we were in the same social circle. To be quite honest, it was flirting from day one…she knows that.

        Hi,

        If you properly use the no contact rule you are NOT being immature, you are asking for personal space so you can process and evolve past the break up.

        If you let her keep drawing you back in, or keep trying to stay “friends”, NC will not work and you will remain stuck where you are.

        I help people get their lives back, not their ex’s, to better understand why, go read the “About” section of my Blog.

        If you are interested in using the no contact rule to get your life back, and reveal your ex girlfriends true feelings, go read the free plan here on my Blog, and follow ALL the steps.

        Thank you for writing.

        Take Care,

        S.W.

  183. jay man says:

    I already bought the magic of making up about 4 months ago when this started getting heavy so I’ve heard the audio tapes and read the book but my question is now that I’ve been applying no contact first with a shuning attitude and then today trying to be polite should I expect her to be rude to me an act as if she’s angry even though she told me she misses me and she’s been crying and sad?today I saw her when she picked up the kids and it was like she was giving me the cold shoulder should I have started a dialogue with her about it when she told me she missed me or should I have done what I did and just kept on giving her the limited contact? I guess my question really is I know I am going through a myriad of emotions should I expect her to do the same is it normal for her to be angry with me even though she’s thinking about me and missing me and will she come out of it thinking more about how she misses me or just hardon her resolve to be angry with me?

    • S. Williams says:

      Hi,

      It seems like you are “over thinking” this whole situation.

      Limited contact is the cowards way of dealing with a break up, and just wastes time in 99.99% of the situations.

      If you are afraid to “completely” let go of the past, you can not evolve towards the future…playing it safe doesn’t work.

      You have the book MOMU, now go read the free plan, and follow ALL the steps.

      I created the free plan as a supplement to the book MOMU, so use it, and you will have a step-by-step plan to follow, along with the great relationship advice in the book the Magic of Making up.

      Plus, you are free to use the free support system as well, The How to Kick Loves Ass Break up Help Forum.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

  184. jay man says:

    Maybe you’re not remembering who wrote this but I have 2 children with her and I cant have no contact with her because we have kids so limited contact is the best I can do I don’t speak To her about anything other than child related issues And I’m very brief with her when we have the trade of the kids so I don’t understand how you could say limited contact is the cowards way out I have no other alternatives. and the problem with the magic of making up and other systems is that none of them address what to do when you live together as needed for a year before she moved out it would have been nice to have saved the relationship before it got this far but nobody covers that circumstance. but please answer my question should I expect her during this time to beat angry with me even though she’s missing me yes or no?

    • S. Williams says:

      jay man says:

      I don’t understand how you could say limited contact is the cowards way out I have no other alternatives.

      Hi,

      There is a BIG difference between just exchanging the kids, and information about the kids, and limited contact.

      People who “hint” around at “limited contact” do not fully believe in the effectiveness of using no contact, and therefore I wonder why they even bother at all, because they will fail.

      As I have explained before I do not help people get their ex’s back, I help them get their lives back, and I explain this in the “About” section on my Blog.

      If you are fucking worried about how much she will “miss you” or if she will be “angry with you”, then you are NOT serious about getting your life back, you just want to persuade your ex to come back.

      jay man says:

      the problem with the magic of making up and other systems is that none of them address what to do when you live together as needed for a year before she moved out it would have been nice to have saved the relationship before it got this far but nobody covers that circumstance.

      I asked you if you went to counseling, and you told me, quote: “Well we when counseling once but I had to drag her there she wasn’t interested and it didn’t help at all.”

      If she wouldn’t go to professional counseling with you, how do you think a ebook was going to help?

      You can’t “save a relationship” if only one person wants to, you have to let it go, and move on.

      That is why I help people get their lives back.

      If you did as much reading as you do whining you would know this, and you would be able to find the free plan.

      Now, either find the plan, and start following it, or look else where for assistance because I only work with “serious” people, because only strong serious people can succeed.

      All the others, waste their time, and mine.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

  185. jay man says:

    Also I can’t find links to the extra stuff talking about Could you please post without me how to get them? Thank you

  186. jay man says:

    Thanks for that, I need a slap in the face to realize what I was doing wrong. I realize now that this is all about learning how to move on with myself and not just worried about her coming back. Since the last time I posted I’ve been maintaining limited contact keeping it only to be based on the children Which is becoming a little difficult now because it’s my oldest daughter’s birthday coming up And were having to coordinate plans for the party and during the times that we’ve been face to face she begins conversations about what’s going on not with our relationship but with her life I just keep my mouth shut let her talk and wait for a good moment to change the subject. I’ve been trying to get out more and start dating and have met a couple people online just trying to get my mojo back but today she called me about the kids and then started talking about the money situation, we have an arrangement so as to avoid child support, my feelings are , if you want tobe with this other guy he should be giving you money he has already offered to give her money but she refuses to take it and she agknowledges that eventually she will have too. I got a little angry and loss control of my emotions I didn’t blow up at her but I did say that she needed to start getting money from him sooner rather than later. I’m not sure if I should have even mentioned that .I feel like im sposed to not say anything about her new man and that was kind of breaking the rules but when I get off the phone with her I got so angry and then so sad. I don’t know how I really feel I know that I want to be over her and get on with my life but I know there still a major place in my heart for her which I’m trying to eradicate. But its hard because we spent almost half our live together.but tonight my daughter has a performance and we both have to go watch her together. I don’t know if I should sit by her and she probably expects or purposefully sit far away from her I’m confused because I don’t want to act rude but I don’t want her to think that im her friend but at the same time I dont want her to see me knocked down in spirit but rather looking successfully happy moving on so I’m a little confused about how to act when I’m around her in the circumstances but as soon as it’s over I’m leaving and it’s just back to the way it is limited contact only about the children. my story is similar to james who posted up above and I feel really betrayed and burned by her. Did james ever write back afterwards or was that his last post on this page? Anyways thatnks for being so awsome and being there for people like me it really means the world to have someone who cares and can make sense out of it all!

    • S. Williams says:

      jay man says:

      Did james ever write back afterwards or was that his last post on this page?

      Hi,

      I don’t know if he ever wrote back on my Blog, but he might have decided to follow the free plan, and joined our forum.

      You can read the Heart Break Hotel section of the forum, and look for a break up story similar to his.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

  187. MM says:

    Hi SW,

    Well my girlfriend of 4 years and I broke up 6 months ago. Anyhow, 6 months of going back and forth and now she is DONE. 2 days ago I told her how much I loved her and wanted to marry her, etc. She basically said it’s over etc etc. She had to get off the phone because she had plans (a date). She immediately texts me to expect an email in the morning and to please read it. So I get the email at 7am the next morning. It is long and basically how much she loves me and the reasons the relationship didnt work out etc. I didnt respond. She texts me 1 hour later saying she sent an email. I didnt respond. Later that night, she texts me saying she hopes I read her email and didn’t just throw it out. I didn’t respond.
    Am I doing the right thing? Should I just continue to not respond? or send a quick text saying “yes I got it, thank you” and then stay away.
    -MM

    • S. Williams says:

      MM says:

      Later that night, she texts me saying she hopes I read her email and didn’t just throw it out. I didn’t respond.
      Am I doing the right thing? Should I just continue to not respond? or send a quick text saying “yes I got it, thank you” and then stay away.

      Hi,

      Now is the PERFECT time to send the recommended no contact message as outlined in the free plan.

      Go read the free plan here on my Blog, and follow ALL the steps.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

      • MM says:

        So I sent the nc email word for word. She responded 10 minutes later with “ok”.
        I feel worse.

        • S. Williams says:

          MM says:

          So I sent the nc email word for word. She responded 10 minutes later with “ok”.
          I feel worse.

          Hi,

          Great Job!

          I am NOT worried at all, do you know why?

          Because I KNOW THIS WORKS.

          The message is only the first step of the plan, and just the beginning of your personal/emotional evolution.

          Don’t sit around with your thumb up your ass, keep on going, and follow ALL the steps in the free plan.

          Thank you for writing.

          Take Care,

          S.W.

  188. jj says:

    ok i made shed loads of mistakes at the beginning of the break up. then we just chatted, then he said just friends which i tried and then realised i couldnt do.Told him i couldnt be friends with someone i still had feelings for. This is five mnths down the line ( is it all too late now??) i have employed the no contact rule so far today is day seven the only thing is im struggling like mad wanting to contact him but i know i cant.. and i wont.

    • S. Williams says:

      jj says:

      This is five mnths down the line ( is it all too late now??)

      Hi,

      It is never too late to get your life back.

      I help people get their lives back, not their ex’s, this is explained in the “About” section of my Blog.

      Go read the free plan here on my Blog, and follow ALL the steps.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

  189. Axyl says:

    I’m the one who ended the relationship (or tried to). Havn’t been an item for almost two years. We “get together” once or twice a week. She made it clear several days ago that we are not a couple. that hurt me so I sent her and e-mail saying I will not contact you or bother you any longer, and hope one day we could be friends blablabla. (We were a couple for 9 years prior to the split). It has been several days since this no contact thing started and I have been doing good on my part, however she’s been calling like crazy, e-mail, waiting online for me to show up on all my accounts, showed up at my house. I finnally picked up the phone when she called and don’t quite remember how our first talk went, since then she called twice a day and I limited it to 3 min and was ok with that until tonight I was on the phone with her for a long time and she offered to come over to help me with something and wanted to take me somewere. hmmm. I really get the impression that I am not the only one in this situation who is needy er whatever you want to call it. I still havn’t tried to reach her since I committed to this.(guess I didn’t need to eh). I didn’t give her an awnswer for getting together tommorow because I couldn’t say no at the time. I told her I would let her know tommorrow. I will try to avoid her till I get some feedback. I love her but uhhh, female version of me???

    Please, what are some good options?? and is there online support like you guys?? chatroom somewere to dialoge with people??

    thank you and God Bless.

    • S. Williams says:

      Axyl said:

      Please, what are some good options?? and is there online support like you guys?? chatroom somewere to dialoge with people??

      Hi,

      I offer a free plan, and support forum, but you have to follow the plan and the rules to remain a member of our forum.

      Go read the free plan here on my Blog, and follow ALL the steps.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

  190. jiya says:

    I had been together with my boyfriend for 4 years, it was a long distance. It was amazing until he left me for his ex (who never loved him back) in 2008. Though he came back to me asap saying he was just confused. It took me a while to forgive him but I couldn’t forget what he did. After that day, we just started arguing alot. I would argue and he’d just listen and agree with me because he loved me. But slowly as time passed, he changed, he became the worst person ever. He treated me like a piece of trash for straight 9 months, breaking up with me, calling me names, cursing me out. But I loved him a lot, yet I suffered. Finally after 9 months, I couldn’t take it anymore and I left him without uttering a word which drove him crazy. He begged me back for 2 months to trust him again. I did, we got back. He came down to see me, everything was perfect until we started arguing again. He got me alot of gifts and clothes. So he says i am an ungrateful bitch etc etc.

    Throughout those years, we kept getting back and breaking off. Though, we are that kind of couple that break up but eventually get back as he said when we were together. Last year december he met me again, it was amazing but we started arguing again. He called me a whore and what not pretty much on daily basis and defended his ex girlfriend against me. It takes a mental toll and eventually I started badmouthing him too. Relationship got screwed and yesterday we got into a big argument and i went through a nervous breakdown, my parents saw my condition and threatened him with police. Today I spoke to him again and he said he has blocked me everywhere, he will block my number and will never look back again. In the end he said, ”Do I love you? yes. Do I hate you? yes. My hatred is larger than my love. You went too far and If you don’t learn a lesson this time, you never will. Refrain from contacting me again, It was nice knowing you, good bye forever” and just left me. I still love him, yes i made mistakes but so did he. He cursed me on daily basis. He wont delete our pictures on facebook for some reason. What should I do? Will no contact rule work? If it does, how long? Please help me I am really shattered…

    • S. Williams says:

      Hi,

      Your ex sounds like he has a lot of anger issues, and that seems to be the biggest problem in your past relationships with him.

      I would leave him alone and let him straighten himself out. You can’t “fix” him, he has to seek out help on his own.

      Meanwhile, you should let go of the past, evolve past the break up, and get your life back.

      I help people get their lives back, not their ex’s, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.

      Go read the free plan here on my Blog, and follow ALL the steps.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

      jiya says:

      Will no contact rule work? If it does, how long?

      The no contact rule works great for allowing you “both” to evolve past the break up, and get your own lives back again.

      As far as the amount of time, I would say 3-6 months, but there is not “set” time for an individuals progress.

  191. jiya says:

    So does it mean I can’t have him back? Yeah he does have a lot of anger issues but he loves me a lot until the last time he said he did but he wants this to end. If he agreed being friends I would have a chance of getting him back. I heard he deleted my pictures on his facebook (something he never did because those pictures meant a lot to him). Your blog is amazing it grants me some comfort or I was crying the whole day but I feel hopeless. If I use no contact rule, would there be any chances of him coming back?

    • S. Williams says:

      jiya says:

      Yeah he does have a lot of anger issues but he loves me a lot

      Hi,

      The question is; does he love himself enough to get help?

      If people can not love themselves first, they will never truly love other people.

      Anyone can say I love you, but not many people really mean it.

      As far as your odds for reconciliation, you have a 50/50 chance of getting your ex boyfriend back.

      But the real question is; will you even want him back once you get your life back, and you are thinking with a clear head?

      Focus on the journey (getting your life back) not the outcome (getting your ex back, or not) because if you do not, you will only screw things up more and more.

      I have seen this happen many times when people ask me for advice, and then choose not to use it.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

  192. jiya says:

    I feel helpless. So what do you think I should do? I am falling apart, I really need him in my life. He doesn’t realize he needs help. Should I call him? He refused to talk to me though. We have had alot of break ups but we always end up together. What would you suggest me to do besides letting him go because If I had to let him go, I wouldnt come here. I see you give people great advice. Please give me a piece of advice too. Thank you

    • S. Williams says:

      jiya says:

      I see you give people great advice. Please give me a piece of advice too.

      Hi,

      You seem to have an addiction/obsession that you feel is love.

      If it is love why not put it to the test?

      Leave him alone, stop worrying about getting back together, and focus on getting your life back.

      You MUST get your life back as a single woman before you will ever attract the love you truly deserve and desire, whether it is with your ex boyfriend, or someone else.

      Acting like a little girl, letting yourself “fall apart”, and crying for something you want WILL NOT work.

      I gave you “great advice” already, and you ignored it.

      I will tell you one more time.

      Leave your ex boyfriend alone, and go read the free plan to get your ex back, and follow ALL the steps.

      If you are unwilling to let go of the break up and evolve past it, I can not help you.

      Try your luck somewhere else, and I wish you the best of luck.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

  193. Mac says:

    Hello there S.W, me and my girlfriend has been together for three years.When there was a new roommate shifted in about a month ago we start to argue because i was suspect she had a feeling with her roommate and a week later she told me, she need a break. She told me she still have a feeling for me and the “break” was not due to third-party or something because she need to find her own life. But has days passed i saw she posted a picture with the guy together, she even describe she has a best sex ever plus he staying in a room together with my ex.I believe that what she went through with the guy is a rebound relationship.The good thing is i begin to control my emotional now and starting to apply NC but do you think applying NC will get back my ex, with current situation? help me!

    • S. Williams says:

      Mac says:

      do you think applying NC will get back my ex, with current situation?

      Hi,

      You have a 50/50 chance of getting your ex girlfriend back, which will either get better or worse depending on how long you wait to take action.

      I suggest you start to take action today, and start your personal evolution ASAP.

      Go read the free plan to get your ex back here on my Blog, and follow ALL the steps.

      Thank you for writing. :-)

      Take Care,

      S.W.

      PS – This is most likely a “fling”, and people lie about things all the time on FaceBook because they can. Don’t worry about your chances, they are great as long as you take action today.

  194. Rachel says:

    I think you are insulting people more than ”helping” them. And what do you mean getting your life back? Are people here asking you for help lifeless or what? And if thats what you do ”help people get their life back” then kindly change your blog tittle and stop giving them hopes of their ex coming back.

    Thank you very much.

    • S. Williams says:

      Rachel says:

      And if thats what you do ”help people get their life back” then kindly change your blog tittle and stop giving them hopes of their ex coming back.

      Hi,

      If you took the time to read my “About” section before posting your uninformed opinion you would understand why I help people get their lives back.

      Rachel says:

      I think you are insulting people more than ”helping” them.

      There are over 5500 comments on my Blog and probably less than 10 like yours.

      What does that tell you?

      Plus, if you pulled your head out of your ass and took the time to read my entire Blog instead of a few comments, you would have found the break up success stories section, where quite a few people disagree with your assessment…lol

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

  195. Rachel says:

    No one knows If the stories you are posting are even true. People can anything on internet and secondly, maybe you should improve your language so people won’t look down to you? take that as an advice from me lol

    • S. Williams says:

      Hi,

      Now you’re calling me a liar…lol

      Every story is verifiable by either going to our forum, or by the emails I have saved on my PC.

      You obviously don’t like my Blog or my advice…so why are you here?

      I know why. You posted just recently using the name “jiya“, and now you’re back with a different user name and email address to break my balls.

      You’re angry because your boyfriend kicked your ass to the curb, and you want to take it out on somebody.

      I can’t say I blame the guy, after these last 2 emails you strike me as a complete asshole that only likes to start trouble.

      Now, as far as my language…if you don’t like it, take a fucking hike. :-)

      This is my Blog, and everyone comes here of their own free will, and they can leave the same way.

      Now, please go bother someone else.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

  196. Mark says:

    I have used the no contact rule after a girl i was dating for 3 months eventually told me she was not looking for a relationship and wanted to be just friends , i expected it and did not start obsessing over …even tho i really liked this girl.
    I have seen her out at local nightspots and have been polite and been brief with casual chit chat when she approaches me , but i have kept it short (Hi , How you , Im good ! etc etc.
    She has IMed me a number of times greeting me and asking how i am and i have always kept it short and replied with to the point answers before telling her i need to log off and go , sometimes i dont reply at all. She’s invited me out for a drink and even offered to buy my drink if i come talk to her like before.I dont want to be dumped in the friendzone by being her friend as such but i also dont know if im taking it to far with the no contact rule , been 3 months of no contact ,iv never innitiated any conversations with her.
    I do believe this system you are preaching works as i have done the begging pleading wussy stuff and always end up worse off in the past with other girls. No contact gives me confidence knowing she is controless….
    I think it may get to a point where im not even intrested in her because im used to not hanging with her anyway .haha :)

    • S. Williams says:

      Hi,

      It is pretty pathetic when someone has to bribe you with a drink to get you back in the “friends zone”.

      Drinking alcohol during any conversation with your ex (at this point in the break up) would be a BIG mistake.

      NC doesn’t give you any power over your ex, it gives you back the power over your own life.

      You never lost the power over your own life, you just forgot you had it.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

  197. kally says:

    Hi

    My Boyfriend and I had an argumnent, i text him and said i will always love him and he knows where i am if he still wants me in his life..i have not heard from him for 1 month and i have not contacted him…will he come back? I told him if i dont hear from him i wont be contacting him.

  198. Lizzy williams says:

    HI i just wanted to ask you if am doing the right thing me and my ex have been together for 2 and half years and our relationship was very strong but then we started having ups and downs like every other relationships then he broke up with me. ok here is the thing i have been in no contact rule for about 1 month now but before i went no contact with my ex i was begging to come back…and to make things work i got my family to beg him… and i got some of my friends to beg him for me, but he said NO and he said he is done. so i went no contact with him and its been 1 month with no contact. but do you think i already ruined my chances in the begining by begging him to come back or do u think there is still hope if i continue with no contact. pleas help thank you

    • S. Williams says:

      Hi,

      Yes, you have a chance…if you get your life back first.

      I help people get their lives back, not get their ex boyfriend back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.

      I doubt you are using the no contact rule as outlined in the free plan so you will need to start doing it correctly ASAP.

      Go read the free plan to get your ex back on my Blog, and follow ALL the steps.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

  199. Lizzy williams says:

    HI thanks for the reply and yes i have read every single post and page on th free plan and i wish i had knew about this site earlier. but i am confused because the mistake i made before going no contact was not writting the no contact message you mentioned. but is it too late to sent that message through to him after i already did 1 month of no contact or should i just continue the no contact or should i break it by sending him the no contact message. help

    • S. Williams says:

      Hi,

      You can’t break no contact, you never started no contact, all you did was stop communicating with your ex, there is a big difference.

      This is about getting your life back, and the recommended NC message is the most important first step of your personal evolution.

      If you want the best results, you must send it as outlined in the free plan to get your ex back.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

  200. Aditya says:

    Hey,

    i broke up with my girlfriend on 1st April 2011, she said that she wanted to study.but now i got to know my friend that she went for a movie with a guy who used to propose her everyday even after knowing that i was committed to her.she used to talk to me even after breakup,but just a week back she told me that we cannot continue like this and she broke up permanently saying that she wont call me or text me.she gave the reason that i did not support her when she needed me the most.a week before i accepted the breakup,but i begged alot and tried to convince.even when she used to call me i used to cry and ask for forgiveness.then once i asked that do you like someone else? she said “maybe” and i was shattered after hearing that it was the same guy who used to propose her.our mutual friend told me that they are not committed.but i’ve done every thing which i was not supposed to.but i never abused her and never said anything against her.but when her friend told me that they went for movie,then suddenly i abused that guy whom she went with,i dont think so that my friend will tell anything to my ex… but i have no idea.do you think that i’ve any chance of getting my ex back? please help.what should i do?now she has removed me from facebook also.and i tried to col her once to know why she did that,she just cut it of.and we have 2 mutual friends and none of them is picking up my call.actually when i met one of the mutual friend yesterday she told me that my ex went for movie with that other guy…and i abused that guy in front of that mutual friend.i guess she has told her this thing.what can be done? help if u can.please! and now i want to send her a handwritten letter stating that i’am accepting the breakup and i was crazy but sorry about that,now i’am cool and calm.but her mutual friends are not willing to help me and i cant post the letter at her house because her parents can read it.so what should i do to make the 1st move?

    • S. Williams says:

      Hi,

      I help people get their lives back, not get their ex girlfriends back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.

      The most important part of this process (your personal evolution) is sending the no contact message, how you do it is up to you (anything but telling her verbally), but find a way to get it to your ex girlfriend.

      If you want to learn how to use the no contact rule in the most effective way, go read the free plan to get your ex back on my Blog, and follow ALL the steps.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

      PS – If you double post the same question under two different articles again I will delete both of your posts. DO NOT clutter my Blog because you are fucking impatient.

  201. Josh says:

    Hello,
    About 5 months ago my girlfriend of 2 months broke up with me because she claimed she still had feelings for her ex, she was with him for 3 days and then came back to me and stayed with me for about 5 days and went back and this process continued for about a month, Her mom took something the wrong way and told her that she could not date me ever again. She accepted that and went back to her ex and stayed with him for about 4 days, then she came back to me and told me that we would figure out a way to go date behind her moms back. 3 days later she gave up on that idea and she started talking to a new guy, they dated for about a month until she found out that he cheated on her 4 times. She broke up with him and i’ve tried to tell her my feelings and get her back but she says she just needs to be single because she cant handle another breakup because of the stress from her heart condition. I think if she tried hard enough and wanted it bad enough we could easily find a way to get her mom to accept me. She texts me every now and then to see how im doing but only as a friend. I sent her a no contact message this morning asking her to not contact me because i need some time to decide if i should move on or not. She said “oh..well okay if thats what you want. i guess if you need to hear anything health wise about how im doing then someone else can fill you in.” I didn’t reply and i left it at that. What should i do from here?

    • S. Williams says:

      Hi,

      Your NC message doesn’t sound like the recommended NC message as outlined in the free plan.

      I help people survive a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex girlfriend back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.

      The correctly worded no contact message is the first and most important step of your personal evolution.

      Go read the free plan to get your ex back, start your personal evolution, heal your broken heart, and get your life back again.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

  202. BB says:

    My boyfriend broke up with me 4 days ago. We had been together for 2 years, the past 4 months of which have been long distance. He broke up with me because he says he can’t do it anymore and has run out patience with me. I think it may have been because I was trying extra hard to compensate for the distance and expecting the same from him. Anyway, I initiated the no contact rule yesterday. Will it work even when it’s long distance?

    • S. Williams says:

      Hi,

      Yes it will work for LDRs, and here is why.

      I help people survive a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex boyfriend back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.

      Go read the free plan to get your ex back, start your personal evolution, heal your heart, and get your life back again.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

  203. Lea says:

    S.W.,

    My ex and I live on opposite sides of a very large city and it is 99.9% likely that we will not run into each other. I have not spoken with him since he broke up with me. Do I still need to send the NC letter, or just continue being strong and not contacting him? He has not tried to contact me to date either.

    • S. Williams says:

      Hi,

      If you take the time to read all the articles on my Blog about the no contact rule, you will understand that the NC message is the most important part of your personal evolution, why?

      It flips your ex boyfriend’s emotional switch, and starts his personal evolution to evolve past the break up.

      Your ex will not start evolving without it, you MUST send the recommended NC message as outlined in the free plan if you want to achieve the fastest results.

      I help people survive a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex boyfriend back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.

      Go read the free plan to get your ex back and follow ALL the steps to heal your broken heart, evolve past the breakup, and get your life back again.

      The fastest way to get your ex boyfriend back is to get your life back first.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

  204. Agaba Nelson says:

    Hi william,
    currently I am trying to move on after my girlfriend of 2 years left me. I had never loved anyone so much like the way I loved her and I still do deep with in me. After we split, we’ve met twice but talk about nothing. I love her but I want to get over her. There are days I think about her more than anything but I keep convincing myself that she’s gone, that I’ll get a better person.. but it hurts..
    Any serious tips on How to let go of her veryfast…Please. thx.

    • S. Williams says:

      Hi,

      The best way to handle your current situation is by using the no contact rule correctly.

      I help people survive a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex girlfriend back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.

      Go read the free plan to get your ex back and follow ALL the steps to heal your broken heart, evolve past the breakup, and get your life back again.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

  205. John says:

    S.W

    here’s my situation. This girl whom I love say I am just her friend. I am confused she wants and accept me to treat her like a girlfriend. We held hand, go to dinner, watch movies together, etc…but she tell people i am not her boyfriend. So i was wondering, is your no-contact rule good for my situation?

    • S. Williams says:

      Hi,

      Yes, the no contact rule as I teach people to use it will help you reveal her true feelings for you.

      It is too confusing when people send mixed signals, huh?

      Go read the free plan, and send the NC message about taking a break.

      This will flip her emotional switch and make her think about what she really wants from you.

      When people don’t have to deal with a situation, they won’t.

      Use the no contact rule and the free plan to get your ex back to “help” her decide what she wants, and in the meantime you can start moving on with your life too.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

  206. Bobby J says:

    My ex and I have been broken up from 3 months now. I have rarely contacted him first and as of a week ago, did not respond to his texts or call. He has not tried again in a week. Is NC too late for me?

    • S. Williams says:

      Hi,

      It is NEVER too late to start NC and “correctly” use the no contact rule to get your life back again.

      I help people survive a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex boyfriend back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.

      The fastest way to get your man back is to get your life back first.

      Go read the free plan to get your ex back and follow ALL the steps to heal your broken heart, evolve past the breakup, and get your life back again.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

  207. Annie says:

    Today is my 1st day of the NC rule. MY bf of 3 years decided that he could no longer “do this” and that our relationship was becoming “unhealthy”…
    Whether I agree with that or not I’m not sure, but maybe i was just blinded and wasn’t actually paying attention to how bad things we’re getting. I’m not exactly implementing the NC rule to win him back, I’m doing it for me. I need to make a clean break, I told him I respected his choice, and asked him to not contact me. I plan on changing my number, and completely remove myself from his life.
    I know it’ll be hard, so I’m sure I’ll spend a lot of time writing on here to distract myself from him, and to keep myself on track.

  208. Catherine says:

    It’s been my 6th month of NC, I’ve been coping with it well, of course there are some low moments but I was able to manage it until recently my ex’s mom tried to contact me, I received 2 messages and a friend request from her on Facebook. I didn’t reply to her, however her attempts in getting in touch with me got me wonder if I’m doing the right thing ignoring his parents…it’s really hard as I love them so…but at the same time I know I’m still not ready to be in touch again as I still hold negative emotions against my ex…what should I do I’m really struggling…is it possible it was my ex trying to get his parents contact me as he was too afraid to break the NC rule?

    • S. Williams says:

      Hi,

      His parents should understand and realize that their efforts to contact you this soon after a break up is not the smartest idea.

      Just continue to do what is right for you, and you can reconnect with them in the future…when you’re ready.

      This will be a great test of their friendship.

      A good friend would understand and give you space, and a false friend would judge you for your actions.

      They could also be trying to act as ambassadors for their son, and that is none of their business.

      Your instincts tell you to avoid contact with them, listen to your inner self.

      Thank you for writing.

      Stay Strong and Positive!

      S.W.

  209. Patrick says:

    hi SW,
    i knew a guy and we really got along well. At first I just wanted a caring friend after my previous painful relationship but then things went a bit further. I kind of got used to his company and then he stopped contacting me. I thought it was my over-mentioning my ex and guys i used to date and some of my life attitudes that scared him away. So I hang out with my friends again and intended to start new dates and move on with my life. A week later, he emailed me apologizing hard and explained why he hadn’t contacted for a while. I don’t really buy it, though…The statements seemed sincere. However, I still think that last time he cut loose was because he wanted some space of his own and I don’t have a problem with that. And obviously he might thought I started to get sticky. I’m not usually sticky. His writings seemed normal, the way we used to communicate.I don’t know where this relationship is going but I definitely don’t want to lose him as a friend.
    So my question is: how long should I wait until I reply?(several emails of his right now and I have kept that reply waiting for three days so far)What attitude should I take and what should I possibly write to reply?
    Should I just write about my getaway these days in a plain way as if I had never ever worried why he didn’t call?
    thx a lot.
    my emotional control is fine so far.

    • S. Williams says:

      Hi

      There is a simple way to tell if someone means what they said, their actions match their words.

      If your instincts are telling you something doesn’t feel right, they are correct.

      The only way to become friends again is to evolve past the failed relationship, and that takes time.

      You can use the no contact rule to reveal his true feelings for you, and to evolve past the break up.

      I help people survive a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex boyfriend back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.

      Go read the free plan to get your ex back and follow ALL the steps to heal your broken heart, evolve past the breakup, and get your life back again.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

      IMPORTANT – If you found this information helpful or useful, please give me a “+1″ rating by using the colored “+1 button” at the top or bottom of the above article. I’d really appreciate it.

  210. July says:

    hi Scott,

    Thank you for all these efforts. I understand how important it is to get yourself back and to be yourself in a relationship. I had a long distance relationship for 1.5 years, we were in different countries. He went to my country and stayed with me for the whole christmas holiday, and half year later I went to his country and stayed with him and his family. We had a lot of disagreements this time, although we had many good memories too. After I got back to my own country, my temper was even worse. Eventually he said he needed space to think. Then He finally decided to break up with me, saying that he wasn’t sure what he wanted now, and that he would only be happy without me. (Ironically when we were in love he said the opposite.) It was a struggle because it’s our first love. I agreed that we broke up. It’s been two months now and he had contacted me a few times, sometimes it’s me who initiated email exchanges, more often it’s him, especially this time after I haven’t contacted him for more than a week. He and I both still love each other, I know. And I realized the problem with me was that I lost myself gradually as the relationship moved on, one possible reason was I loved him more and more and because we were in different countries it’s hard to unite. I’m sure I should have started the NC much earlier. But my questions are:
    1. when I googled the standard NC letters you offer, it came out in the google search. And you said we shouldn’t alter it to accommodate our own style. So, what if my ex find it wierd and google it and find out that I’m trying to get him back? It’d not be good.
    2. I don’t have a chance to meet him in person if I don’t go through the pains to get a visa, buy expensive tickets to fly to his country. And I’m off to other parts of the world to study next year. Would this plan still work? (sorry it’s not doubting you, but I do want to listen to your advice before I initiate any move.)

    Thanks, July

    • S. Williams says:

      July said:

      when I googled the standard NC letters you offer, it came out in the google search. And you said we shouldn’t alter it to accommodate our own style. So, what if my ex find it wierd and google it and find out that I’m trying to get him back? It’d not be good.

      Hi,

      This is not about getting your ex back, it is about getting your life back, so it wouldn’t matter one way or the other who saw/read the letter/the plan online.

      If you only focus on getting your ex back your chances for success are slim, very slim.

      I have been doing this for three years now, and I never heard of anyone failing because their ex found the letter online and discovered the free plan, it is not a secret…lol

      What I have run into (repeatedly) is people who are afraid to send the NC message (unaltered), and then making excuses why they shouldn’t send it.

      You can use the no contact rule to reveal his true feelings, and to evolve past the breakup.

      I help people survive a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex boyfriend back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.

      Go read the free plan to get your ex back and follow ALL the steps to heal your broken heart, evolve past the breakup, and get your life back again.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

      IMPORTANT – If you found this information helpful or useful, please give me a “+1″ rating by using the colored “+1 button” at the top or bottom of the above article. I’d really appreciate it.

  211. Dee says:

    Hi SW,
    I’ve sent the NC letter 3 months ago. It was really hard at the beginning, but it got a lot easier as time went by. I had so much on my plate that I had to be able to move on without him. I thought the NC might help me get over him and for a while I thought it did. Now that I’m back home, all I can think about is him. I haven’t initiated contact because i’m a chicken and I’m scared of what I might hear. Do you think this means I’m still not ready yet? Do you suggest I wait longer? Thanks again for all your advice.

    • S. Williams says:

      Hi,

      The whole idea behind using the no contact rule as outlined in the free plan is to get your life back, not your ex boyfriend.

      The average time it takes for someone to successfully get their lives back and become themselves again is 12+ months.

      3 months is NOT enough time to expect yourself to be free of the past relationship.

      Keep following ALL the steps in the free plan, and keep putting your ex boyfriend, and the break up behind you…live in the present.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

  212. Sam says:

    I am the one who broke it off for many reasons. I sent the NC message. How do you keep the NC if he lives across the street? Not speaking to him is easy, but if he wants to see me, he can look out the window and know when I’m home, when I’m not home, etc.

    • S. Williams says:

      Hi,

      If you read the free plan, and all the articles on my Blog regarding the no contact rule, you would have learned that NC is not about hiding from your ex, just cutting them out of your personal life.

      When your ex sees you out his window, unless he can read your mind, he doesn’t know what you’re thinking about or what’s going on in your life.

      I help people survive a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex boyfriend back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.

      Go read the free plan to get your ex back and follow ALL the steps to heal your broken heart, evolve past the breakup, and get your life back again.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

      IMPORTANT – If you found this information helpful or useful, please give me a “+1″ rating by using the colored “+1 button” at the top or bottom of the above article. I’d really appreciate it.

  213. monica says:

    Hi,

    Okay so I have been seeing this guy for a little over a year…and its ben a very complicated situation. I personally feel like something serious could have happened if only this guy had let his guard down. I know that sounds like a typical girl being pathetic over a guy that aint all that into her BUT you guys obviously dont no my situation. See, this guy is on the shy, keeps to himself, had a very negative past history…kinda like a broken object that I’ve been trying really hard to fix. I’m the first girl he’s ever even gotten this close to, as he has never shared this side of him to anyone and the longest relationship hes ever had was 3 months with other girls. Anyways, after all this time of analyzing and being a crazy person and hoping for the best, i was thrown with a really big curve ball. So, last weekend I was gone out and he came by too see me. Him and my good friend got into a really deep talk about relationships and he was telling her to not ever settle in life and to wait for “the one” …and then he said that that is why he is still single …because he is not gonna settle and is still waiting for the one…and then added in “im not saying its not her” meaning me (but according to my friend it sounded more like a cover up, cu he realized what he just said and how it sounded pretty rude….Anyways I was completely slapped across the face by that comment…so the next day when i found out what he said I completely ignored him because I didnt want to let my emeotions get the best of me and he tried messaging me once and I ignored him. This guy has taken me totally for granted so I am completely taking him out of my life but obviously in the back of my head I would hope that “no contact” would make him realize that the one and only girl that was ALWAYS there for him is no longer there…so anyways I dont no if this is a lost cause or if there is any minor hope…that he would actually come begging back lol?

    • S. Williams says:

      Hi,

      The free plan is not about getting your ex boyfriend to “come begging back”.

      It is about evolving past the breakup, and revealing your ex boyfriend’s true feelings for you.

      You can’t fix someone else because you don’t know what is best for other people.

      They need to make the choice about what they want, and do not want, not someone else.

      I help people survive a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex boyfriend back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.

      Go read the free plan to get your ex back and follow ALL the steps to heal your broken heart, evolve past the breakup, and get your life back again.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

      IMPORTANT – If you found this information helpful or useful, please give me a “+1″ rating by using the colored “+1 button” at the top or bottom of the above article. I’d really appreciate it.

  214. Jack says:

    Dear Sir,

    I read your “No CONTACT” rule. What if I work with my ex. She is a work partner. We have to meet sometimes at the office.
    What should I do ?

    • S. Williams says:

      Hi,

      That question is covered in this article on my Blog about how to handle no contact in different situations.

      I help people survive a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex girlfriend back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.

      Go read the free plan to get your ex back and follow ALL the steps to heal your broken heart, evolve past the breakup, and get your life back again.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

      IMPORTANT – If you found this information helpful or useful, please give me a “+1″ rating by using the colored “+1 button” at the top or bottom of the above article. I’d really appreciate it.

  215. Jack_56 says:

    Oh . i am spending the second week of my NC. We meet today at the office ( as we share a business). after formal 30 min talk about work, she didnt leave the office nor didnt she let me go because she started to talk about her studies as if she didnt want me to leave. She seemed to miss me. But I tried to be strong and firm. She followed me to my car and I was the one who said good bye. After we got into our car, she called me and started to talk about new language learning system she recently found.
    She was very careful not to make me sad. she treated very causiously. BUT I really missed her and all I could to was to pretend to be cool.

    Oh . now when I got back home, I really miss those days we were together. Oh I truely feel that I do love her.

    Do you think its a sign in her?

    Besides, in response to my NC message , she didnt directly replied that email , but she angrily criticized about an issue regarding our business. Anger was quite abvious in her email she sent a few min after my NC message. What do you think?

    Thanks a million for replying.

    • S. Williams says:

      Hi,

      If your ex will not respect your NC message…send it again, and keep sending it until she gets it through her head that she can’t force you to talk to her.

      Keep all your talk about business, and when she tries to change the subject to something personal, tell her you would rather not talk about that, and get up and leave, or ask her to leave your office.

      If you don’t stick to the plan, you will “both” suffer.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

  216. Jack_56 says:

    Hi.

    I am following NO CONTACT (the THIRD WEEK). As we are work partners, sometimes we have to meet. She keeps criticizing about our relationship, her long-held misconceptions about me. I m staying strong. But she doesnt want to stop nagging. What should I do.

    • S. Williams says:

      Hi,

      If she is going to make your work life hell, I would seriously consider finding another place to work, or a new work partner.

      Until then re-send the NC message (no changes) every time she talks to you about anything but work, and keep ignoring her persistence to talk about your old failed relationship by changing the subject back to work, and telling her you are not ready to talk about it.

      The free plan and the no contact rule only work when you stick to the plan…no exceptions.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

  217. Jack_56 says:

    she shows nothing . no feeling. im not sure if she is pretending or not but as a work partner she finds an excuse to text me (mostly about work) but i think she is just trying to keep in touch. but she seems almost cool. Do u think she is suffering too and resisting ? is this no contact of three weeks the time for her to get used to foget me and on the contrary helping HER to be accostumed?

    • S. Williams says:

      Hi,

      If you read and “understood” the main idea behind using the no contact rule as outlined in the free plan, it is about getting “your life” back, not your ex.

      So, what your ex says, does, feels, eats, thinks about, etc…

      Doesn’t matter, and it will only impede your progress if you obsess about it.

      Focus on following all the steps of the free plan, and on your personal evolution, not on getting your ex girlfriend back.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

  218. Jack_56 says:

    Hi.

    Thanks for the advice, but fortunately I have my life back. I dont feel depressed anymore. I have my own life but at the same time I want to get HER back. (I dont need her though)

    • S. Williams says:

      Jack_56 said:

      Thanks for the advice, but fortunately I have my life back. I dont feel depressed anymore.

      Hi,

      You might not be depressed, but you’re still obsessed with getting her back…that is just as bad.

      If you “really” don’t need her as you say, then forget about her and live your life, if you two were meant to be together time will tell.

      Stop writing about her, and then you will stop talking about her, and finally you will stop thinking about her…that is when you will finally be over her and the old failed relationship and ready for something new.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

  219. Jack_56 says:

    Hi S.W

    Yesterday I invited her out for lunch as you recommended. It went well. First she didnt accept the invitation but I ensure her that it would be a simple friendy lunch. She came over and I tried to show a diiferrent guy from whom she knew before.

    The 1st question is if I need to continiue NO CONTACT again after that meet up? and try to be cool until she suggests the rekindling?

    The 2nd question is that can I make her jealous indirectly ? becasue I wanted to test her and said I need to be somewhere tomorw at 10.00 a.m and she got joulous and kept texting me to learn who I m going to meet and why? but she tried to hide her emotions and said that she guesses that I m getting around her about our business. and I texted her back and said that “No ! this is personal and has nothing to do with our company.kept texting me and tried to learn who I am going to meet.

    thanks for your comments in advance.

    Jack

    • S. Williams says:

      Hi,

      You are NOT following the free plan correctly.

      The free plan suggests using a lunch date as a first reconnection, but only after using the no contact correctly long enough to get over (evolve past) the break up, and break free of your obsession for your ex.

      This usually (in most cases) takes 12 months.

      You have not been correctly applying the no contact rule to your breakup situation for 12 months, and you definitely have not evolved past the breakup or your obsession for your ex girlfriend.

      If you want to be successful, you MUST get your life back (end your obsession).

      To accomplish that you need to re-initiate the no contact rule by resending the recommended NC message (no changes), and then sticking to the plan for at least 12 months.

      If this was really true love, she will be waiting for you in 12 months, if she moves on, she never really loved you as much as you think, and it was for the best…accept it.

      If you are not going to follow my advice please seek guidance elsewhere…OK?

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,

      S. W.

      • Jack_56 says:

        Hi

        thanks for the reply. I do underestand what you mean. I think I exactly follow your free plan. As we work together , I didnt contact her for almost 7 weeks. sometimes she called or texted me to inform me sth about our business. But I will keep going . besides I didnt underestand what mistake did I make? I did the lunch date correctly . There was no sign of passion on my part.
        I really appreciate your help.

        all the best,

        • S. Williams says:

          Jack_56 said:

          besides I didnt underestand what mistake did I make?

          Hi,

          You broke NC way too early, and trying to make her jealous isn’t a very good idea.

          Trying to make her jealous shows you are still desperate to get her back which is a sign of ex obsession.

          You must do your best to keep all contact with your ex girlfriend about business, and keep everything personal to yourself.

          This will take practice, but it is very doable.

          It takes at least 12 months to evolve past a break up, and get over your ex obsession, and when you have daily/weekly contact it might take even longer, so be prepared.

          In the end, you will have your life back, and you will also know where you stand with your ex, and if you even want her back again, but you have to be patient, and persistent, and stick to the no contact rule long enough to get your life back (evolve past the breakup and your ex obsession).

          Thank you for writing.

          Take Care,

          S.W.

          • Jack_56 says:

            “and if you even want her back again, you have to be patient
            and persistent and stick to the no contact rule long enough
            … ”

            Would you please justify this from her side? Dont you think she might imagine that I am gone and get over her and forget about her? Remember! its HER who dumped me! Dont you think she might be happy that she gets rid of me during this long time no contact? Like so many dumpers , she has her own (false)reasons that I was not a proper choice (though I did all I COULD for her). How can I show her I made some changes? May be she think that I am cool because there si no love relationship between us! She might thik that if she gets back to me I would turn into that needy guy.

            I cant thank you enough for your patients to reply my detailed and complicated situation.

            • S. Williams says:

              Jack_56 said:

              Would you please justify this from her side?

              Hi,

              There is nothing to “justify”, this about getting your life back, not your ex girlfriend.

              I explained this to you before, and it is explained in the free plan, as well.

              Thank you for writing.

              Take Care,

              S.W.

  220. Leki says:

    Hi,

    I broke up with my boyfriend 9 weeks ago, for the first 2 weeks of the break up, i text him, apologising wanting to talk till eventually he turned around and said im not going back, you have made your choice now deal with it, just like i have to etc…stupid thing is end of each week i emailed him saying how i understand what i did was wrong, most i left it was 2 weeks then i text to say i was moving to devon. I talked to a friend who was also his friend about him, asked about him and i know she prob told him a lot of things. I know that didn’t help.

    What made it worse was, my dad got involved, asked him is this it for ever etc, he said i have no answers for you, when my dad assumed he was never taking me back he said a”another person in your family saying things i never said, maybe you should stay out of it, would do her some good, life isnt that clean cut, what ever happens, happens. That was proberly 5 weeks after the break up. then a week later, he blocked me on facebook, dad asked why an he said its something he had to do, then my dad sort of had a go at him and my ex went mad, said he wanted to be alone. a day after i text him wanting a straight answer, tried calling him but as exspected he hung up and never replied. Since then i have implied the 3 week no contact rule, i havnt talked to my friend about him in a week.

    Its been 3 weeks and 3 days since that no contact rule, he still hasnt spoken to me and now i feel like i pushed him to far and now he’s never going to talk to me.

    Is it to late now?

    • S. Williams says:

      Hi,

      As far as it being too late to get your ex back, only time will tell, and it won’t be because of what happened in your break up, if you don’t get back together in the future, it will be because you are not compatible enough to sustain a healthy relationship.

      It takes more than love to keep a relationship alive, and that is the main reason why men pull away from the women they love.

      It is NEVER too late to start using the free plan, to get your life back, and evolve past the break up.

      Keep your family, and friends out of your personal life, as far as the break up is concerned, and do not discuss the details of NC, or the free plan with them, OK?

      This is not because what you are doing is a big secret, or anything, it is because people misunderstand the whole principal behind the no contact rule, and they start giving you the wrong advice.

      You cannot follow my advice, and theirs…it won’t work.

      Pick someone’s advice to follow, and stick to it.

      The choice is yours.

      My advice works, go read the success stories on our forum, and on my Blog.

      I help people get over a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.

      Go read the free plan to get your ex back and follow ALL the steps to get over a broken heart, evolve past the breakup, and get your life back again.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

      IMPORTANT – If you found this information helpful or useful, please give me a “+1″ rating by using the colored “+1 button” at the top or bottom of the above article. I’d really appreciate it.

  221. michael says:

    hi, i was recently dating a woman, and we both fell for each other.She was in an abusive relationship for many years. shes been thru the mill emotionally and physically.we both have children from previous marriages. we recently seperated , with her saying she wanted to be friends.as you can imagine its been pretty hard. we have had a little contact, however ive given her the space she deserves.. altho the romantic in me, put some flowers on her step, just to remind her im still around

    • S. Williams says:

      Michael said:

      She was in an abusive relationship for many years. shes been thru the mill emotionally and physically.

      Hi,

      It is very common for people in breakups to make excuses for their ex’s behavior rather than except the fact that they were rejected.

      I guess it gives them an excuse not to move on, but (in my opinion) that is a BIG mistake.

      I help people get over a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.

      Go read the free plan to get your ex back and follow ALL the steps to get over a broken heart, evolve past the breakup, and get your life back again.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

      IMPORTANT – If you found this information helpful or useful, please give me a “+1″ rating by using the colored “+1 button” at the top or bottom of the above article. I’d really appreciate it.

  222. emma says:

    hi. i have a strange one, my ex left 4 weeks ago saying he had no feelings and didnt feel attached to me, it was a major shock for me cos from the seconed he said it i just didnt belive him, i felt there was another reason for this as he had always had feelings for me (known him 15yrs and were together 15 months) and he activly showed them daily. anyway the night he left i was too shocked to plead or cry so i silently watched him pack up all his belongings, nothing was said from his part either, just as he was about to leave i said can we not sort this out he said theres no point, he then says he will be back the next day to collect his more valuble belonings and also some clothes and also give me my keys he then left. from that point i didnt contact him at all, no texts emails phonecalls nothing, he didnt turn up the next day either. 9 days past with no contact and out of the blue he texts and says how r u? i was again shocked and couldnt reply because all i kept thinking was what is this?? why is he texting?? what do i do?? about an hour past and i finally decided to reply i just said im good thanks u? he replied straight away and said im getting there, so what u up to? i then replied back and said nothing much watchin tv, u? again he replied, this went on for about 10 mins then he text asking if we were ok for conversations, i wasnt sure what he ment so i asked him, he replied i just mean are we ok to talk, i relied back i am open for conversation but i dont think i can do the friend thing, i need time. he then replied now im confused??? he then sent a message asking if i would be ok if he came tgo mine for a few drinks and a conversation, at this point i will admit i started getting excited and full of hope but also sceptical, i waited a long time before i relied and all i said was when where u thinking, for the first time he didnt rely straight away i got his reply about 25mins later basicaly sayin he was 5 mins away, i was completly blindsided by that. so he came in and i could see he ws nervous but he smiled at me and sat on the sofa next to me, he was looking pretty good and his body was very open in my direction he kept eye contact throuout the night and always smiling, we ended up chatting for 14hours, the who night basically just talking about what we have been doing day to day he told me about some stuff to do with his familly some things he had been dealing with, he was acting like nothing had happend and not once did the topic of us or the breakup or what he was even doing here came up the entire night, when he left it had basically been a really good night lots of laughs and really no awkwardness at all, we said goodbye no hug no kiss and that was that he left, i decided later on that day i would text him and just say thanks for last night i enjoyed myself, he imediatly text back saying im glad u enjoyed urself, i have just woken up but it was worth it i really enjoyed myself! he then said how do u fancy some company again tonight? i repkied with yes i would like that. we made a time and these texts where way more friendly he even added kisses on the end, so again he ca me up and again he lookedgood and again we talked all night and he was flirting body language everythin was open towards me, so again after having a great night he left again no hug or kiss just a will see u later, he said i will text u later when i wake up and i said yep ok, that was over 2 weeks ago and i havent heard a peep out of him, no text nothing, i have not contacted him either but what i need to know is why do that come back 9 bdays later only to leave again, and his stuff is still here and he still has my keys, whats going on in his head for him to do this??

    • S. Williams says:

      Hi,

      I wouldn’t worry about what is going on inside his head.

      It sounds like he is using you (when he needs company), and you are letting him get away with it.

      How screwed up is it to make plans with someone, and then disappear – who needs someone that can’t be depended on?

      I suggest getting your keys back, or just changing the locks, boxing up his stuff, and then sending him the recommended NC as outlined in the free plan.

      He won’t deal with his emotions until he has too – do you want waste your life waiting around in relationship limbo?

      I help people get over a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.

      Go read the free plan to get your ex back and follow ALL the steps to get over a broken heart, evolve past the breakup, and get your life back again.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

      IMPORTANT – If you found this information helpful or useful, please give me a “+1″ rating by using the colored “+1 button” at the bottom of the above article. I’d really appreciate it.

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