How to Get Your Ex Wife Back – Using The No Contact Rule
I can show you how to get your ex wife back using the no contact rule even if you have child visitation contact with her. You can get your ex back if you use the no contact rule correctly, and follow a good plan. With a good plan, and proper coaching winning back your ex wife will not be as impossible as you think. Let me explain just a few ways the no contact rule can help you win back your ex wife.
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How Can No Contact Help Me To Get My Ex Wife Back?
I know that your first reaction to this is; “Maybe this will work for someone who wants to learn how to get your ex boyfriend/girlfriend back; But, what about getting my ex wife back?” This is where you are making your first mistake. You’re thinking of her as your ex wife, when you should be thinking of her as woman who you want to get to know better.
Instead of trying to learn how to get your ex wife back, think of this as a way to get to know her better, and win her affection. The no contact rule is the first step in this process to win back your ex wife. When you stop chasing her, and start working on a plan to win her back, your chances for getting your ex wife back are very good. The no contact rule should be part of a good plan to help you get your ex wife back.
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If I Avoid Contact During Child Visitation – Will It Hurt My Chances To Get My Ex Wife Back?
This is one problem that is easily overcome so do not panic. The no contact rule is not an absolute rule, and it is flexible in such situations when you are trying to get your ex wife back again. Just be polite, and limit the conversation to the children only, do not bring up personal matters. Do not probe her about her personal calendar this will push her away, and if she asks about your personal life…just answer it is fine, thank you. Keep things short, and impersonal, and just be on your way. Now, you have control of the situation, and a much better chance of winning back your ex wife…Why?
Well, for one you are not chasing her anymore, and that makes her curious, and it puts you on her mind once again. If the break up was because she said you weren’t giving her enough attention before…don’t worry you still have a great chance to get your ex wife back. If you try to do a 180 turn, and start showering her with attention she will not trust it anyways…no one changes that fast, for good. No, you have to let your old failed relationship die using the no contact rule, and start working with a plan to reconnect with her later on. You will need a good plan to use the no contact rule to get your ex wife back, and we will talk about that in a minute.
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The Fastest Way To Get Your Ex Wife Back
The fastest way to win back your ex wife would be to stop trying to do this alone, and without some kind of plan. Anything worth doing is worth doing right, with that being said why waste your time searching for more free tips, and pick a plan, and work with it. I don’t care if you buy it from me or not…just find one, and start using it before it’s too late. If you have any comments or questions for me, please write them in the comment box below, and I will answer them ASAP! What can I do to help you understand how to use no contact? What are you willing to do to get your ex wife back?
Who Am I and Why Should You Listen to Me?
My name is S. Williams, and I have been helping people for more than 3 years to overcome break up pain, and get their lives back. I even have an “About” section that I recommend you read. I know the name of my site is: How to Get Your Ex Back Fast, but I teach people how to get their lives back, not their ex’s.
If you’re interested in working with me (and our forum members) to get your life back, join my free newsletter for access to the free plan to get your ex back fast, and start getting your life back today. The answers you need to start your personal evolution are waiting for you, don’t hesitate another minute…come and get them.
Once you get your life back, everything else will just start to fall into place…I promise. If you have any comments or questions please write them in the comment box below.
If this article was useful or helpful to you in anyway, please show your appreciation by giving me a “+1″ using the button below this article.
Until next time,
S. Williams
http://www.howtogetyourexbackfast.com
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Hello Scott,
I have been in late-starting NC mode for 3 weeks after December breakup, you may recall, where long-term girlfriend moved out a block down the street. If I had known about your book at the time, I think I’d have made fewer mistakes and we’d have put it back together by now. However, I didn’t know during 3 months what I do now, and instead managed to push her further away instead of pulling her back in. Eventually she became adamant that she no longer loved me and told me this in mid-March over our last coffee together, and also that she planned to start dating someone else the next day. We parted from this encounter amicably enough, and I found out about your program that same evening and began NC immediately, thinking it might still not be too late to eventually turn things around. I don’t know for sure whether she still loves me or not, but need to accurately decode this fairly soon, and decide on that basis whether or not I should be actually moving on myself.
During the past 3 weeks, as I told you, by pure chance I ran into my ex at a nearby night club, apparently out on another date with the new guy. I ignored them, and she must have told him her ex had walked into the joint, because they left together about 10 minutes later. A couple of days after this my ex initiated contact on MSN saying “hi, everything ok with you?”, to which I just replied, “busy. sorry, talk later sometime”. She replied “ok, no prob, just to know if you are ok. Bye”. Then I went offline.
Since then we have been online simultaneously a couple of times and both just ignored each other. She has not initiated more contact of any kind and neither have I. I don’t really know where her dating situation is at now, but it certainly occurs to me that after over 4 months of separation she may well have truly moved on, and the MSN “how are you” contact she initiated was just her putting a cap on my having got a look at her current flame accidently, and thus feeling some need to validate her “new” life by being suddenly “concerned” and “friendly”… if that makes any sense to you.
Meanwhile, in the past week I have had a couple of enjoyable dates myself, in restaurants we have frequented here in the neighborhood (if my ex walks in, or word gets to her, I figure that’s just fine) and, although I still remain interested in getting her back, thanks to your book and blog at this point I am not really in a desperate state of depression about the breakup, and am actually getting pretty used to the situation.
We are now into the 5th month of separation but remain neighbors who, except for what I have described above, are both practicing NC now. I see her walk by my building going to work occasionally, but keep to myself. I’ve tried to read her body language at those moments to get some idea of whether she is feeling great, angry, confused or whatever, but can’t really tell.
In your blog you have said that the 30 day no contact rule isn’t written in stone, and could require more, or less, depending upon “you ex and you”. Early this morning we both wound up simultaneously online again and ignored each other’s presence for twenty minutes or so, until she finally went offline and to work.
I thought to myself that this seems like a pointless game, and that rather than waiting another week or ten days to extend a lunch or coffee invitation by casual phone-call, as your plan calls for (and purposefully ignoring her upcoming birthday altogether), I ought to have asked her on MSN to meet for the coffee or quick lunch this weekend– both to show myself as having moved on, feeling good etc., and also to try to get a basic reading of where her heart and mind really are at this point.
Aside from her single initiative at communication following the encounter at the nightclub 2 weeks ago (was it coincidental ?), there have been no repeat attempts from either side, but I guess it’s my turn, sooner or later. For all I know she might be head-over-heels in love dating this new guy. Or not at all. But it would be good, maybe, to at least not be totally in the dark about whether I am way, way too late getting started with the plan.
So, I have a few questions for you that would be great to get some feedback on:
– What might you be meaning, as it applies to this case, when you state in your blog, “act before it’s too late”?
– Am I being an NC extremist holding strictly to the 30-day rule at this point, when maybe there needs to be some adaptation applied? After all, we didn’t break up just last week-end. As I said, we are now into the fifth month and both living abroad temporarily, having now completely jettisoned former plans for leaving this country together as we came.
– Do I have an obligation by some standards of etiquette– in order to not be rude or totally ice– to at least very briefly return in kind her attempt to communicate with me several days ago?
Scott, I really think I understand NC’s potential in possibly causing her to miss me a bit, and don’t want to blow it, but I am not sure that suddenly coming off as creepily stone-silent for even longer is going to get the desired effect either.
I may be wrong, but I can’t imagine her trying again anytime soon to initiate contact to “know if I’m ok”, due to her probable bruised pride from my curt MSN response a week ago, She probably thinks that I am either playing a childish and stubborn pride game myself (hurt and silent from seeing her with another guy), or just possibly, that maybe I really have moved on. Until I started NC 3 weeks ago, moving on was exactly what she repeatedly told me I should do. She may well have truly meant it.
Any thoughts on all this? Is it time for the quick reconnaisance-mission coffee or lunch this week-end? My feeling is she probably would accept, if she’s not got plans already for a long weekend with the guy she brought to the nightclub… if he’s still around.
Thanks again for the book and blog. Regardless of where this crazy relationship finally winds up, the philosophy makes total sense to me.
Hi Djinho,
You’re not the first to doubt the effectiveness of the no contact rule, but it works.
You’re worried about hurting her feelings after she dumped you?
Lets see she dumped you, and that hurt your feelings yet you still pursue her…right?
So, if she is a little put off because she isn’t allowed to know what you’re doing, and how your feeling after she dumped you, I don’t see how that will be a deal breaker.
It creates curiosity in people who really care about what’s going on with you, and not someone who is just being nice.
If she truly has feelings for you she will be patient, right?
If not I guess she doesn’t have anything to offer you, but friendship.
I would just continue no contact, until you’re ready emotionally.
30 days is just a benchmark, even though you have been broke up for months, how long have you been using a plan to get her back…a few weeks?
This plan also teaches you about yourself, and understanding relationships, and emotional control, so when you get your ex back, you keep them this time.
I really don’t think you’re emotionally ready to set up a meeting, but if you want to find out what will happen, go for it.
If it doesn’t turn out like you hoped you can always begin again, start from the beginning of the book, and go back through it…OK?
What I meant by take action, was to get and follow a plan, most people bang around the internet looking and reading but never investing in a plan to follow.
And when they finally do months and many mistakes later, they expect instantaneous results in exactly 30 days.
Sounds kind of desperate…huh?
This desperation is what causes them to rush through no contact, and in most cases that doesn’t turn out very well.
They use some self help tools to get that desperation under control.
Then they should just start over again, but then again, if they’re really sure that they are ready (and not just rushing) and that the time feels right…go for it.
After all I am coaching you, but I am not there to see everything, so it’s your call, I don’t mind being wrong if it gets you back together with your ex…no one’s perfect right?
You mentioned stone cold silence, did you at least respond to the first message and tell her you need time to think, like the book suggests when you start NC?
Plus, why do you feel like you owe her something even after she dumped you, and now lives near by where she can be seen with her new boyfriend?
If anyone’s showing poor taste, it is her, and her lack of respect for your feelings by dating right in front of you, and then wanting to know how you’re doing.
How am I? Lets see every time I see you with your date, I feel like shit…OK? You happy now?
I would stick to no contact a while longer, but it’s your call.
Take Care,
S. Williams
Scott, thanks for your prompt response to my questions.
If I understand you correctly, I should have responded a little more than I did to her MSN “initiative” of a week ago and say something like:
“Hi, It hasn’t been a good time to talk with you because I’ve been super busy lately with some exciting things going on for me, will tell you about it later. Also needing time to think about some things, and give you space too.
Hope your job issues got resolved. Maybe we can be friends sometime, and get a mutual update over coffee or lunch. Take care.”
Anything missing? And do you think this is better done on MSN or by phone?
Thanks again for your support,
Djinho
Hi Djinho,
You can text her and let her you know that you have been busy, and needed sometime to think about certain things in your life, and you”ll be in touch when things aren’t so hectic.
I wouldn’t call.
Take Care,
S. Williams
Hello Scott,
I followed my instincts on this one because, as you said, you are not here on the ground.
Texted my ex today after the 3 week NC, and we got together shortly after for a drink and talked for a couple of hours. Clarified a lot of things.
She said she is in love with new boyfriend, and I guess I believe it. Apparently all systems are go, in relaxed kind of relationship, says he’s totally in love with her too. Two meter high single father of five-year old “accidental” boy (ives with him, friendly relations with Chinese mother who by choice does weekends with boy, also now remarried and pregnant 2nd time, they all dined together etc. Natural my ex’s new man would be looking for a love partner, he is boss of German-Chinese industrial joint venture, 9 years in Shanghai, has same daylight working hours as my ex (not musician hours like me ). She told me all this calmly and with great civility and friendliness, and that she’s taking a new job and moving in summer (not moving in with him) to his part of town. Sounds to me like they both struck pay-dirt.
Ok, they are into the relationship only 3 weeks (corresponding to the NC, by the way) and of course everything could change, but it doesn’t sound like a rebound. Looks like “friendship” withy my ex is the only thing remaining. So, honestly, Scott, is it really never too late to get an ex back? With this scenario wouldn’t you say realistically it’s probably time to recognize that I was too late in re-attracting her, and bury this love and move on? Give it to me straight, please.
Djinho
Hi Djinho,
I guess she just wanted to drive that stake into your heart that’s why she wanted to talk to you.
She could have just moved on without going into great detail about how madly in love she and her new boyfriend are…don’t you think?
I think she was waiting for you to break down…did you?
If not “You’re The Man”!
Really that is why I tell everyone not to go to chapter 6 until they are ready for the emotional roller coaster ride.
So what has happened here?
You heard a lot of words, but people say one thing and mean the other all the time.
You did great by not begging, and keeping your cool.
If she was expecting to break you, you have now taken control, now she has some thinking to do, and should not bother you anymore.
If she does, then it is proof she is not “in love” with her new man.
If you want to settle and be “just friends” and be reminded of her and watch her have fun while your stuck, then go for the friend thing.
But, it doesn’t sound like you want that, so don’t be her friend, go back into NC, and if she leaves, so be it.
There is just one thing that bothers me, why does she want to be your friend and rub this new romance in your face?
That doesn’t sound too friendly to me.
Stay Strong!
Take Care,
S. Williams
P.S. If you read chapter 6 the first get together is NOT the time to talk about past or present relationships, it is to just spend a little time together, not hash out the whole relationship right then and there…another reason not to RUSH through no contact. But, just about everyone screws it up the first time. (emotional control)
Hi Djinho,
My biggest point right now would be that you totally strayed from the plan.
Re-read chapter 6 and see that the first meeting was supposed to be short, about 30 minutes and then get out of there.
You are not supposed to ask about her current relationship or bring up your old relationship together, you just spend a little time, and leave her wanting.
It sounds like you went digging and she just had to give you the answers right there so you got what she had to give, but I somehow don’t really truly believe that things are as good as she says they are.
Do you think she would tell you if they were having problems…what good would that do her?
She would look like a fool for leaving you, no instead she is very happy without you, but wants to be your friend…why?
Do you think her new BF is going to like that, that she’s friends with her ex?
That sure would make him kind of jealous don’t you think?
Where is all this leading?
The choice is yours, you have the book with the free plan to get your ex back, and my coaching.
You can:
A. Give it another go, and learn from your past mistakes, and stick to the plan this time, or…
B. Give up, and move on. But I don’t see how that will be possible remaining friends with her…do you?
Take your time, and think things over, no decisions have to be made right here and now…OK?
Take Care,
S. Williams
Scott,
Yeah, I guess I am The Man. There was no begging, cajoling etc, and yes maybe you are right that I left her with some thinking to do, for whatever that’s worth. But I don’t see that this matters much now. No, I didn’t break down one bit, was cool as a cucumber and probably charming, actually, new look etc, which was enthusiastically commented on by her as soon as she saw me. Over some food we spent the first hour and a half mostly talking about the ins and outs of her changing job situation, which I knew months ago would be the main thing on her plate at this time. At one point she asked me what my “exciting news” was, but I took a phone call instead at that moment, so we wound up not talking about me much at all, which was just as well. I just let her talk, and she obviously wanted to talk about problems at work, and also brought up the encounter in the nightclub two weeks ago. My whole point in meeting (and no arm-twisting was required) was to get a needed update on her, so as to know better how to proceed in my own life. Out of the blue she gave me a CD computer Chinese language course and also some special shoe polishes when I walked her back to her place. She was in no rush to leave the bar/restaurant, even on a Friday night (says she doesn’t go out Fridays), and obviously enjoyed my company, but so what? She has found someone who, even I would have to admit, most likely fits her routine and lifestyle better than I ever have or will. Have you any idea of how many New Years or family Christmas parties I have had to leave over the years to go to work playing music for someone else’s? A symbiosis only worked with my former wife, who was a professional musician too. Most spouses can’t handle it.
I wouldn’t say she “rubbed the new romance in my face”, either. I think she answered my questions honestly. I got the low-down on her life, and now, as is obvious to me, it’s time to step aside and go back into NC, and probably permanently. I mean, what else would I conceivably do now… start cheerleading for them, calling or texting to find out juicy details of their scene as it develops in the future ? I know when it’s time to step aside, Scott, and as you say, yes, if she leaves (and as far as I’m concerned she’s already gone), then … so be it.
I said to keep in touch as I left, an informality, but I agree with you she could very likely eventually try contacting me at some point down the line, and it may or may not be proof that she is not “in love” with Mr. New, but I don’t plan to wait by the phone for her. I saw clearly in her eyes she still has feelings for me. It would be quite natural that she has, I didn’t do her wrong, but she’s made a choice now to upgrade. Also tested the “speck of food in the corner of mouth routine”. No jumpy reaction from her. But so what? At this point she has slept with the guy (once, she says… I’m not counting) and this will presumably continue to develop, so there is obviously no point in being a friend in any active sense of the word. If for nothing else it was a positive meeting because it gave me some sense of closure in this drama, that was missing since December.
I don’t know what my questions are now, Scott, but if you have more astute comments I’d like to hear them. Thanks.
Djinho
Things are always peachy at the beginning of a new relationship: the endorphins go into overdrive for a month or two according to studies, as I’m pretty sure you know. So, scientifically, she is in endorphin heaven right now and that means new BF is nothing less than a greek god for a while. After the endorphins calm down is when people find out where they’re really at.
I am going back to a minimum of 30 days NC in any case, or longer, and will think hard about whether the NC is making part of a plan, or instead really just moving on. I’m not totally sure right at this moment, and for now I don’t see much difference anyway between first steps to moving on or first steps to following a relationship recovery plan. I mean, it’s NC either way, right?
As for “remaining friends”, I don’t see that as a viable alternative relationship to suddenly switch on, except maybe in a distant future where everyone has moved various on eons ago. And it’d be a rare occurance then too. “All or nothing at all” was the Sinatra song saying pretty much what needs to be said on that topic. As for the BF getting jealous, he texted her 4 or 5 times during the course of the encounter, and according to her already sent photos of the happy couple to his mother in Germany.
Hi Djinho,
What people don’t realize when they’re in a broken heart situation, is that it can go either way 50/50 chance you get them back or you move on.
Somethings were just not meant to be, but our fear of loss blinds us so much at times that we can not see it was for our own good.
That is where NC comes into play, take the time away from pursuing your ex to find out your “true” feelings for them.
Let the fear of loss fade away so you can make a clear headed decision about your future.
Don’t keep yourself blinded by the fear of loss, and thus entrapping yourself in a self imposed hell of your own making…understand?
No contact is a powerful tool, and in the end there is really only one thing people are really looking for, and that is happiness.
Who is to say that getting your ex back will give you the happiness you want, and deserve?
Sometimes “moving on” is what was best for you, but only when you use no contact properly will you get the answers to that question.
And even though we crave that answer, we fear it at the same time.
In the end it is your emotional well being, and happiness that counts, not whether you got your ex back or not…right?
Stay Strong!
Take Care,
S. Williams
This answer/comment of your seems to me to be very carefully considered indeed, Scott, and I thank you for taking the time to do so.
Reading between the lines I sense that your gut-feeling of where this breakup is headed is towards probably moving on, and if that is accurate I appreciate your candidness, and it doesn’t bother me that this is perhaps your sincere take on it based on the contextual info I have provided up to now. You have carefully circumvented negativism and replaced it with realism, and as you point out, the question of what the best outcome really is or isn’t will only be answered by no contact, ultimately. This appears to be pretty strong truth, and beyond that, I would say alternate routes don’t even exist. I can’t think of what one might be, anyway.
“Using no contact properly” I take to mean following through the process step by step until decisions can be taken based on the clarity yielded, as opposed to just struggling to quit here and now. It boils down to just a few extra steps, essentially, to get at the truth… and the process also reveals it’s own value in terms of letting go of fear, and opening the door to time being the great healer.
Am I understanding you correctly?
Djinho
Hi Djinho,
It seems to me instead of wondering what will happen when you follow no contact all the way through, I suggest you just do it, and find out.
Speculation can seem to be constructive, but sometimes you just have to go for it.
In other words…
Get out of the way and let life do it’s thing.
We do have a lot of control over most things in life, but there comes a point in time when you just have to let go, and see what happens, and what usually happens is life.
I am not saying give up hope, I am just saying if what you are doing isn’t working, do not keep doing it, try doing something else.
Put your faith in no contact, let things go for now, and see where life takes you…you may be pleasantly surprised.
What was that definition of insanity?
Oh yeah!
Doing the same thing, the same way, over and over again expecting a different result.
Stop focusing on getting your ex back, and start focusing on getting your life back, and they may follow right along if they were meant to be part of your life.
If not then you will be ready for the one who was meant to be part of your life.
Love rewards patience.
Take Care,
S. Williams
@ S. Williams:
As you can see, I’m here reading this page at 4am. I already left a post on the “for men only” page like I usually do, but I have another question:
When you say make a plan, what are the best options? I don’t know if what I’m planning is effective:
*NC for a few months, mention that I need time to think (vaguely)
*then the first date like in the book
*the rest of the dates like in the book
*etc
What do you think?
Sean Carter wrote:
It is very hard, if not impossible to make one plan “to fit all” situations.
With that in mind, focus on the goal:
1. Break the cycle you’re in now (politely)
2. Let yourself get over the old relationship, in a sense let it die.
3. Work on your emotion state, build your confidence, and stop worrying about things you have no control over, like her boyfriend…focus on the end result.
4. Plan the reconnection (chapter 6 in Magic of Making up)
Use the information in the book, on my Blog (free plan to get your ex back), and in my comments, to formulate a plan that fits your unique situation.
If you have a question ask me here…OK?
Take Care,
S. Williams
Dear Scott,
Yesterday (Sunday) was my ex’s birthday, which according to a mutual colleague/friend who spoke to her turned out uneventful. Apparently her new boyfriend didn’t end up spending it with her for whatever reason (maybe bedded her and then dumped her?) and she expressed sad disappointment over her birthday to our mutual friend, who plans to have coffee with her in a day or two. She said “what boyfriend?” when he asked why they didn’t show up at his gig Sunday afternoon as planned.
For my part, back in total NC again since the coffee encounter 2 weeks ago when she informed me she was also sleeping with the new boyfriend of 3 weeks, in love etc., and me disgusted with her new casual sex-life, I had in any case decided to not contact her at all on her birthday (it’s same date as my son’s, so she knows I didn’t just “forget” about it). I thought about it but resisted even texting her a simple happy birthday which she may have expected (and relished), and instead of doing that I got motivated to completely delete her contact from my social sites, msn, IM etc., (which she will no doubt become aware of in the next day or so).
It was not easy for me to choose to do that, but I got tired of seeing her appearing and disappearing before my eyes online, and so I reasoned it would be good for me not only to put an end to that constant reminder, but also by the same action to let her understand that she will no longer access any news about me there either. I will continue in NC, meanwhile, and if she wants to try to get hold of me she can still attempt to do so by phone, gmail or walk a block over and knock on my door. Meanwhile, I’m actually still out of town, and she won’t find me home anyway.
I told our mutual friend to not mention me in any way when he’s in touch with her, and I’m pretty sure he won’t. I’m trying to keep her totally out of the loop about me, to see if either of us misses each other sufficiently any more, and my sense is that if there is anything at all to salvage here, she will have to figure it out her feelings pretty soon. I find myself gradually losing interest in this dance as the months go on.
So, given all this, how and when does phase B of “the plan” (coffee, suggestion of fun date) fit in? (We would probably have a few laughs and then carry on like “normal exes” still going their separate ways). Besides, although she maybe doesn’t even know it yet, we are currently not even in the same city, and this could continue to be the case if I should choose to stay longer on this gig.
Any suggestions on how and when to proceed? Do you think I have gone overboard on NC?
Djinho
djinho wrote:
I would just keep doing what you’re doing, and let her be for the time being.
If you’re out of town you really can’t set up a series of short dates designed to reconnect with her in a “new” relationship…right?
If you “move on” then that is what you wanted to do…right?
Let things play themselves out, she left you, and she knows the way back.
Mean while just take care of business, and live life.
Take Care,
S. Williams
My exwife Christine decided in januari 2008 after a marriage of 17 years to divorce me. I had a lot of problems with it and we stayed another 8 months together but after a very nice holiday with the 4 of us (we have 2 children, a boy of 13 and a girl of 11 years old) she decided to divorce anyway. In the beginning it was very difficult for and I did all the things that I shouldn’t do. But since august 2009 I feel better and stopped making the mistakes. We still have a lot of contact because we share the parentship of our children, they are one week with Christine and one week with me. In order to be able to take care of my children I changed a lot in my life. I quit the board of direction of the company I am working for and have another job in the company and I started doing the housekeeping which I wasn’t used to in the years before. I really love the weeks with my children but am still missing Christine after 15 months. The divorce itself was not a painful one. Even though she knew that I didn’t want to divorce, I respected her decision and all the arrangements we made were with mutual agreement. We still see or speak eachother on a regular basis, but a few weeks ago she was a little bit annoyed when I asked her something personal. So I send her an SMS in which I said that I didn’t want to be anoying and that I allready accepted the divorce and I knew that it was better for the 2 of us. But also that she is the mother of my children and will always keep a special place in my heart. But if she is annoyed when I ask something personal, that it would be better to keep our contact only when it concerned our children.She answered me that I will always be special for her and that she wants to keep the contact as it is. The fact that she was annoyed had more to do with her then with me.
From that day on it was abvious that she was feeling better when she saw me and we even spend some time together, but only when it also concerns our children. During the birthday of my son last week, we had breakfast together the 4 of us in my house and in the evening we went to the restaurant together. We also celibrated his birthday together with her and my familie. Motivated by this I went to her house a few days later to invite her by suprise for a dinner for two. But she was really chocked by this and said that she was not willing to go with me and that I still was not over her. And she pulled back. At the other hand she said that my invitation was too early and we might have a dinner together in the future.
Tonight I called her and told her that I didn’t want to have any contact with her anymore because I cannot stop thinking of our divorce, even tough I accept it. She listened to it and agreed with me that it was betgter to keep the contact restricted to the children.
Later this evening I saw that it acording to your plan better to send an email but I called her.
What do you advice me to do now? Is it still possible to win back her love after 2 years? As far as I know she does not have a serious relationship with somebody. But if she should have one, I don’t think you can speak of a rebound after such a long time being separated from me.
Thanks in advance for your answer.
paul wrote:
Hi Paul,
Anything is possible, but the free plan is not about getting your ex back, as much as it is about getting your life back.
By properly initiating NC, and starting your personal evolution you will be able to move on from your old failed marriage, and let it die.
The longer you think about reviving that old failed marriage, the longer you will be stuck (not moving forward or backward).
The past can’t be changed, but you can create a better future, but you have to let go of the past, and your failed marriage first.
Accept that it failed, and learn from your mistake, and move on as a single parent.
This way a new destiny will start to unfold for you, understand?
The free plan will also not make your ex come back, but if you stick to it, it will reveal her true feelings over time…no matter what she has said up to now.
Attitude is everything, and if you truly believe you don’t have a chance, then you won’t have a chance.
I don’t know what you told her over the telephone, but if it wasn’t the recommended NC message outlined in the free plan to get your ex back, word for word, without changes, you should email her the correct version.
After that follow the rest of the steps in the plan.
Take Care,
S.W.
Hi Scott,
I outlined the no contact like you said, and it worked. Me and my ex communicate a lot through txt (when we were together).. he just txt’d me after the no contact.. i don’t know how to handle the situation. it is late where i am so i am just going to pretend i’m asleep and answer it tm. we don’t live in the same city so it’s not like he can see my transformation and i don’t want to mess this step up. What is the proper next step here? Should I ask to meet up? What do i do if he is just ‘checking up on me?’. i have done a lot of reading on this, but not much on what to do over txt msg when he contacts me, how to react?
beth wrote:
After about 3-6 months of no contact, and when you are “really” ready, then you follow the reconnect phase in the free plan, and in chapter 6 in the book MOMU.
If you just sent the recommended NC message, you should not be thinking about reconnection at all right now.
What you should be doing is, following all the rest of the steps in the free plan to get your ex back on my Blog (link at the top).
Take Care,
S.W.
beth wrote:
30 days is NOT enough time to get anywhere with your personal evolution.
Ignore his texts and keep following the free plan to get your ex back.
If you continue to worry about “losing him” you will fail with NC, and end up right back where you started, understand?
How do I know you’re not ready to reconnect?
By this question:
beth wrote:
Continue to focus on your evolution, and ignore his contact, you’re not ready yet.
Stay Strong!
S.W.
i have been following the plan, and i really do feel like there has been a transformation. i tried other stuff for the first month, and then i finally gave in and dove in head first with your plan. i sent the nc over a month ago. i’m not sure what to do now that he is texting me. how do i approach this contact?
Scott,
it has been over 2 months since my wife left me on the day of my bday and fathers day wich falls on my bday. i really havent botherd her that much and one month ago i initiated no contact at all and i have been dating not seriously just girls to past the time. you see im 41 body buildr work for the govt she is from a bad family (trailor Trash) and 27, i bought her a new huge house and car, then after 8 months of marriage boom she was gone. the first week of no contact she would call but not leave a messege and then she would text me with some stupid ? or something lame i would not reply to any of her attempts. i have a my space traker and she works 3 days a week in an office but no computer at home. so she would check my page every morning during thise days. the other 2 days she works with my sister because together they have a cleaning business i help them start. so she cant check it then, so 4 days goes by and as soon as she gets into the office on monday she checks my myspace lol why? this past week she only checked it on monday and not tues or weds. i dont tell my sisster or anyone how and what im doing i dont want anyone to know. she ask for a divorce one time and then when i said i would file and i have a lawyer she told my sister she was pissed and why do i need a laywr that she would go down with me lol she thinks its that easy like changing your socks stupid! i do want her back but things have to be diffrent we were only married 8 months im like god you couldnt stick it out a year? but i will not contact her. so she has 2 kids not with me but i love them. they are oth from different fathers. so what do you think is she comming back some day oh btw she is always going out parting now, thursday and sat nights to the same bar every week. so what do i do? thanks
mike says:
Hi,
Go read the free plan to get your ex back on my Blog, and follow ALL the steps.
Take Care,
S.W.
I called my ex after being in no contact with him for 8 months(I started it by sending the recommended text outlined in your blog). But when I called him everything was doing fine until I noticed I was stuttering. He told me to speak up, and I had to end the call. Should I start over?
And before you say “Go and read the free plan” I have to state that I have, many times, and read the MOMU book hundreds of times. I have moved on, and the time to contact him felt right. But the only thing is that I’m very shy, and it has hindered me many times before. I have also been bothered with social angst and still suffers from some of those symptoms. Using the phone was one of my biggest fear when I was little. Thankfully I’ve outgrown from it.
So what should us shy people do?
Also This question was supposed to be on another blog entry. (There’s something wrong with my laptop…)
tara says:
Hi,
This is a relationship self-help Blog, I help people follow a free plan, I do not help people get over phobias, or fears.
I would recommend getting counseling for your fears, and “symptoms”, it doesn’t sound like you are “over them” completely.
If you had followed ALL the steps in the free plan, and used the advice/guidance in MOMU, these fears should have been something you worked on during your 8 months in no contact.
Did you follow all the steps in the free plan to get your ex back, did you join our forum for support?
If you had gotten a forum buddy, and told them about your fears, they probably would have recommended you get help as well before trying to reconnect.
There is no way to write a plan to cover every situation, but you knew you had these “problems” why didn’t you get help during your NC period?
It doesn’t make any sense to me.
Why try to reconnect when you were scared to use the phone?
I don’t know how you ended the call, did you say you would call back, or just hang up?
It would be nice to have “all” the details when you ask for advice.
If you ended the phone call on a positive note, and said you would call back, then call back, but only if you’re not afraid, if you are afraid, you are NOT ready, understand.
Leave your ex boyfriend alone, and go get help dealing with your shyness, and other symptoms you mentioned…OK?
When people lie to themselves and tell themselves they are ready for reconnection, and they are not, things like this are bound to happen.
Take Care,
S.W.
Thank you for your response.
You right, I totally forgot about my shyness. Right after I read your response, I called my psychiatrist to schedule up an appointment. I’ve always been shy, and have come to terms with it. But my phone phobia has to go away. Even though I’m shy, it’s just the way I am, and I shouldn’t let it get to me. When my ex left me, he told me I was pretty but really quiet and shy. If that was the reason he left me…then I don’t think I want him back…
When I ended the call, I ended it on a positive note saying “I will call you back, have a nice day.” Even though I stuttered a bit.
hi it all started 6 weeks ago my ex wife try killing her self cause of me being hard on her for 10 years she out right blamed me and took our two kids to her mothers when she told me it was cause of me i tryed killing my self to the guilt was to much to take i have done all sorts of stupid stuuf to get her back such as faking surgys to try and get her to feel sorry for me i have and an angry problem all my life but have never hit her in any way i ask her this and she said never all she wants to do is talk and be friend what get me the most is that i want to fix the porblem and make our relationship strong and for my kids to have mum and dad together and not to have a slpit house going on can you help me please
Hi Doug,
I am sorry to hear about your current situation, and I would like to help.
Have you tried going to marriage counseling with your wife?
I know that finding the time and money to do this can be challenging, but I have a solution.
I have done some extensive research to find a solution for all the people who write me that are in your same situation…that’s right, you’re not alone.
I found this man who has over 30 years (of face to face) counseling experience, and can help you from the comfort of your own home.
I really think you should go watch his video, and pay close attention to what he has to say.
How to Save Your Marriage
I really believe you will enjoy what he has to say, it will help you, and give you hope.
I wish you the best of luck.
S.W.
Hi Scott,
I live In Australia with my 3 daughters and my wife lives overseas in a Pacific Island country with another man. In short, my wife left me and the kids and ran away with another married man who has a wife and kids of his own. I want to know if you can hekp somebody in my situation ? I do want my wife back and I do pray for the restoration of my marriage. The relationship with thsi man started when my wife went overseas to study. It has been on/off for three years now, however she has been living with this man the past 12 months straight. She does not want to come to australia to live but she does miss her daughters terribly. I have stopped her phone contact to the kids because they are very distraught and unstable ater the phone calls which used to happen once a month for 10 minutes. Last contact she had with our kids was September 2010. Our kids are much more settled now and they want to live with me in Australia and don’t want to live with their mum and the other man overseas. The girls are all under 10 years of age. It is a tough one, but I want to win her heart back. I ahve made big changes to my life. Unfortunately on the two occasions I spoke to my wife in 2010 she did not want to speak to me as I was taking up her time with the kids. Also the otehr guy is a control freak and obviously they have trust issues, he even reads every email so it is hard to speak with her or even email her without him finding out. Is there anything that you can offer program wise to give somebody in my situation a chance ? Some say it is never too late, I would love to be one of those persons appearing on blogs giving a testimonial that my wife and I are reconciled, and very happy and our family are doing well. Any commenst would be appreciated.
Stephen says:
Hi,
You CAN NOT make someone come back, but you can evolve past the break up, and move on with your life.
I help people get their lives back, not their ex’s.
Go read the free plan to get your ex back here on my Blog, and follow ALL the steps.
Once you have read, and started following the free plan, I would also suggest that you start studying the law of attraction…why?
It is because I feel it would be a great help for people in your situation.
I started a topic about it in our forum, and here is the link:
The Law of Attraction & Relationships
Thanks for writing.
Take Care,
S.W.
Thanks Scott,
I appreciate your reply. However, the first thing that came to mind when I read your response was the reference to the title of this site “How to Get your ex Back Fast” which appears not to tie up with your comment that you help people get their lives back, not their ex’s.
Regardless I acknowledge all you have said and am more than happy and ready to read your plan on your Blog, and also follow through with studying the law of attraction. I acknowledge I need to get my life back, I have been “moving on” and making changes, power of positive thinking and prayer does work wonders. However I need more and I am sure that your site will help me improve in all facets of my life that need enhancement. At the end of the day, whilst I am moving on, I do want to reconcile with my wife and am hopeful what I learn from your sites will contribute to a successful restoration of my marriage, even though this may not be your main aim.
Thanks again Scott.
Stephen says:
Hi,
I would explain about this in detail, but I already have in the “about section” of my Blog.
Every “legitimate” blog should have an “about”, “about me” section, and explain who they are and what their Blog is all about, and I do.
What comes to my mind is…do you do any research before deciding to participate in something, or do you “blindly” follow someone’s advice?
I suggest you go read my “about section” before deciding to do anything, OK?
Thanks for writing.
Take Care,
S.W.
Hi Scott,
Sincere apologies, I missed three quarters of your site before corresponding with you. Entirely my fault. I have read your stuff and think it is great. It is a real shame I had not come across your site so much earlier, as I am sure it would have made the world of difference. The Law of Attraction is excellent as is the No Contact rule, I wholeheartedly believe your systems work no matter one’s colour, race, creed and culture etc…
Thanks for helping to put so many lives back together and best wishes for your future endeavours. I come across plenty of people that are in dire need of assistance and will point them to your web site every chance I get. As for me, I will work on myself using a number of the principles you have provided.
Stephen
I just wanted to write in and say S.Williams you are a stud. I have not read all your stuff… just finished the first page. I had my wife walk away a couple years back and did a lot of work to get my life back on track. My life is moving forward and I am on a good path. [No reconciliation (shrug) I did what I could.] I just read your responses and thought I should tell you how nice it is to do what you do. Replying back to those who have asked questions rocks and shows you care.
Have a great day and keep up the good work.
Hi,
Thank you for your kind words.
You have a great day too!
Take Care,
S.W.
I actually already bought the Magic of Making Up. I’m wondering if it would work with those divorced already and the ex-wife, less than 2 months after the finalization left to another state and eloped into a rebound MARRIAGE in particular. Thomas Trumen says not all is lost. We spoke on the phone once. But it’s tough finding times to coach/get coached. Now I’m still close to her family, they are all here in Albuquerque still, including her sons (my stepsons). She texted me last Friday seeing how I was doing. I’m looking for the right boundary. She asked me last Friday also and yesterday afternoon while her new husband was at work if I could pay her son’s phone bill, and asked me not to tell anyone that she asked me that favor, or the favor on Friday night which was to rent her a car to come visit. I said no to both of them, she’s persisting on the phone bill. But she said she’s visiting next weekend, driving alone. I’d like to see her but know the right things to say, do, and amount of time to see her, not get taken advantage of but not reject, take into account all your advice. How can you help? Sorry if this is too long. Thanks and God bless you.
Hi,
She is married.
I would advise you stop trying to get her back at this point.
You should be focusing on evolving past the divorce, and getting your life back again as a single man.
If there is a chance for reconciliation with your ex wife, it will be after she gets a divorce from her current husband.
I help people get their lives back, not their ex’s, and I explain why in the “About” section of my Blog.
If you want help evolving past the divorce and getting your life back again, go read the free plan to get your ex back here on my Blog, and follow ALL the steps.
Thank you for writing.
Take Care,
S.W.
I am planning on giving my wife the NC letter, but she won’t be moving out for another month or so. She initiated the separation and I am ready to start now. We do have a daughter and an almost 10 year history between us. I am hoping that all of this will work using the NC rule.
Hi,
The no contact rule, and the free plan “when properly used” will reveal your ex wife’s true feelings for you.
Why are you waiting for her to move out?
You can still use NC while sharing a house/apartment.
This is covered in the free plan.
Just remember this is about getting your life back, not getting your ex wife back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.
Go read the free plan to get your ex back on my Blog, and follow ALL the steps.
Thank you for writing.
Take Care,
S.W.
Hi,
I am not sure if this is an unusual situation, everyone I have talked to doesn’t know what is going on. I need an objective opinion so I know what to do.
I have been with my high school sweetheart for almost ten years and fairly recently bought a house together. The past few months she has been acting distant and after some prying on what was wrong she told me she was going to move back in with parents. She called it “a break” and said it was because I wasn’t doing thoughtful things anymore. I specifically asked if their was another guy and she said no, and told her that I wanted to know if their is in the future so I can move on, she agreed. After that I left flowers and little notes around our house while she was there. After each time she seemed legitimately happy because she would call to thank me with the happy voice that I remember. Two weeks ago she told me she was going to her cousins wedding in North Carolina (we’re in Michigan), but after a few days I found out she went to Australia to see a guy she met in Las Vegas 6 months ago. This is completely out of character, she’s a quiet, “Do Good” type of girl. Before she left she told me that she still loved me and that she wasn’t sure what kind of love it was anymore. Her mom has trying to cover up where she went, all she would tell me is to not give up if truly love her and that she told her that she still loved me before she left. I now know that she must have kept in touch with this guy since her work trip to Las Vegas. I don’t know if she loves this guy or what to do in this situation. I still love her and want her back but if it isn’t salvageable then I need to move on.
I understand that my story’s sporadic but that’s how the past 2 weeks have been. Any help or insight would be appreciated.
thanks
Z.S.
Hi,
It sounds like you broke up to me, and she is using some excuse like you weren’t being “thoughtful” enough.
That sounds better than I am bored with our relationship and I want out.
Remember actions will always speak louder than words.
WTF kind of break is it when she is off exploring romantic possibilities with other men?
Would she put up with you doing that to her?
She is stringing you along until she figures out what she “really” wants.
Welcome to relationship limbo.
But there is a way out.
If you want to reveal your ex girlfriends true feelings for you use the no contact rule.
I help people get their lives back not get their ex girlfriends back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.
Go read the free plan to get your ex back on my Blog, and follow ALL the steps.
Thank you for writing.
Take Care,
S.W.
I was thinking.. you say you got 50/50 chance of getting the ex back.
How come? Is there some major roles playing in? Let’s say you got your life back, no premature reconcilations and had been together/married for 5 years or more. Wouldn’t it set up the chances, with a very high volume?
Just wondering.
Hi,
When people ask me what their chances are of getting their ex back, I have no idea…How could I?
I don’t know you or your ex personally, so anything I say would only be a guess anyways, so I give a conservative guess of 50/50.
Besides, I help people get their lives back, not get their ex boyfriend or girlfriend back, and I can guarantee a 100% success rate if you follow the free plan to get your ex back correctly.
Before you ask about the name of my Blog…I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.
Thank you for writing.
Take Care,
S.W.
My wife and I separated 2 1/2 months ago ( I moved out). I blew every possible rule I could probably think of according to what I have read in. Now, last week I was served divorce papers and found out (through looking in her journal, which she completely flipped out about) that she is already physically involved with another man! We have a three year old boy and she has two girls from a previous. Despite the fact that she is “into” this other guy and according to her journal, he is ready to take on all the kids in this relationship moving forward, do I stand a chance of getting her back?
Hi,
Everyone has a 50/50 chance of getting back together again.
If you use the no contact rule correctly you can reveal your ex wife’s true feelings for you.
This is why I help people survive a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex wife back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.
Go read the free plan to get your ex back on my Blog, start your personal evolution, heal your heart, and get your life back again.
I can also recommend another program that is primarily focused on stopping a divorce.
Why do I recommend this particular program that deals directly with
saving marriages?
This man has over 30 years experience as a marriage counselor and offers a free course, which you can find here:
Stop Your Divorce and Save Your Marriage
Thank you for writing.
Take Care,
S.W.
Thank you for your prompt reply!
Since last Thursday, the need for a written no contact note certainly wasn’t needed. We had a huge blowout, which entailed plenty of very ugly things said in the wake of me confirming that she is already physically involved with another man. That supposedly loves her. In that blowout, I think I pretty much convinced her that the only relationship and communication I want is only if it involves our son or the pending divorce.
Understood that I need to get on with my life and correct my behaviors before getting involved with anyone else – let alone my wife (or soon to be ex), should that opportunity present itself.
Interesting to note that this past Thursday, she took the kids to Disney Land and each day she has been sending me pictures of our son enjoying himself at the theme park. Could that mean despite our huge blowout that she still has feelings for me? Or could that mean she’s rubbing my face in it? Not quite sure how to interpret and I guess I’m the only one that can as I know her.
Hi,
The need to make your intentions “crystal clear” (without emotions) is the fastest way to get your personal evolution started, and to evolve past the break up and pending divorce with your ex wife.
That free course I recommended will help you to stop making matters worse, and doing things you will most certainly regret later.
But, that decision is yours.
Thank you for writing.
Take Care,
S.W.
After about 6 months separated i bought “the magic of making up”(I was desesperate by the time and already made a appointment with my lawyer for a divorce) and i realized i was doing all the wrong moves. After a week of doing the non contact rule i began to see a slight change in her. She wasn’t afraid of me anymore(sadly in my country some men harass and kill their ex wives if they left him or catch them with another man) and she wasn’t trying to avoid me anymore. In some cases she would come from work earlier when i was visiting my 3 years old son and talk to me. After three weeks I broke the NC rule because after my son pre-kinder meeting she was some kind receptive and i took the chance to invite her for lunch. I did everything the program say to do in a first date and all went smoothly. Now I am waiting for a week to pass by to ask her for a second date. Sadly i don’t have any ideas for places for a second date. There is no much places that create excitment and rush of adrenaline where i live(no roller’s coasters rides, no fireworks displays, no speedboats rides, etc) do you have any good ideas for a second date? Also we have been going out thogheter a couple of times to take my son to his swiming classes. Am I breaking the NC rule between dates for doing this? And a last question, my son birthday party is coming soon and i will meet a ton of her friends that know me from the past, i bet some of them secretly always hated me and must be very happy when my wife and I broke up( I bet that fat ugly and angry girl was, and the slutty one too) How do i react them? Trying them nicely or just ignore them? Thanks for your time, any good advice would be appreciated.
Hi,
Just remember to take things slowly just like it was a brand new relationship.
If you rush things you will end up right back where you were before the breakup.
As far as dealing with her friends, just be polite and don’t worry what they say or do, it is what your ex wife thinks that matters, not them.
You should also beware that your thoughts/feelings create your life as well, that is why you MUST remain positive.
You can learn more about this concept (the law of attraction) in our forum.
I help people survive a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex wife back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.
For even more information on how to correctly use the no contact rule, go read the free plan to get your ex back on my Blog.
I can’t help you with an idea for an exciting “emotionally bonding” date since your area lacks attractions that are exciting, but just remember this is a “new” relationship with an old love, OK?
That is the MOST important thing to remember in getting back together with your ex wife, and staying reconnected.
Thank you for writing.
Take Care,
S.W.
I split from my wife becuase of much drama between her children, friends, family and her pulling back on me. We split up and I left her and singned divorce papers. To make a very long story short, I regret it very much and I want her back. She got real nasty a few weeks later so I initiated the nc rule and it lasted 4 weeks till she engaged with me about some nonsense that I was seen at her house and then she stated I stole something out of her house. After 50 emails back and forth of finger pointing I sent one final heartfelt email and told her everything that I have been doing and that this was not me who stole anything. She changed her attitude and then we began to talk civil and both agreed to not argue anymore. We have been chatting for a week now. I asked where we are going with this and she said right now she wants to be friends and that she couldnt make a commitment to me right now but that time will tell if we could.
Ok so right now we are having very nice interactions but its killing me about the friend thing. she is also showing me she is having a wonderful time without me around. She is meeting new friends and hanging out with all kinds of strangers. I on the other hand have lost my job with no money in basically in a hopeless situation. Henc I cant even buy your book. My question is Should I re-insert the NC rule and ditch the friend B/S or should I just follow the plan or am I just a lost cause in all this.
Any hope for me? I want to start this program but I just want to make sure I am doing the right thing.
Hi,
The friend’s zone is relationship limbo…you don’t want to go there.
The best way to reveal your ex wife’s true feelings for you is to correctly use the no contact rule.
I help people survive a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex wife back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.
The quickest way to get your ex wife back is to get your life back first.
Go read the free plan to get your ex back and follow ALL the steps to heal your broken heart, evolve past the breakup, and get your life back again.
Thank you for writing.
Take Care,
S.W.
thanks, I was concerned and not sure I should do the NC rule becuase she said it would time to make a commitment back to me. Or rather time will tell. And since im thinking time might only be a week or two from our coverstiaon I still wasnt sure becuase we are getting along so much better now. And for the time will tell what she means by that is I think my behavior. but I also dont know how long this will take.
I dont want to push her over the edge but maybe your right. I just really enjoyed having converstaions with her and the little chit chat.