How to Get Your Ex Back Using The Infamous “Missing” Link
You want to get my ex back, and you bought every book out there, but you still can’t get anywhere, right? You need the “missing” link, what is that? Keep on reading. It seems a chain is only as strong as it’s weakest link. But what if it’s missing a link altogether? Here’s how to get your ex back using the infamous “missing” link.
The “Missing” Link
Everyone of those books out there refer to using some version of the no contact rule as your first step in getting your ex back. But, none of them really go into much detail, I am going to fix that right here and now. NC is just keeping your ex “out of the loop” personally while you follow a plan on how to get your ex back. Here is how to start and apply no contact in a variety of situations.
The First Step
Politely tell your ex that you need some time and space to work out some personal issues, and you”ll be in touch when you’re done. Also tell them that you would really appreciate it if they would respect that, and not contact you unless it was something very important. You can use any version of this you like, but this is the general idea…OK? How to get your ex back using NC is easier when you’re always polite.
Scenario 1 – You work for the same company
Just keep things polite, and do not engage in any conversations that are personal, just keep it all about work.
Scenario 2 – You Have The Same Circle of Friends
Pretty much the same advice, be polite, and do not discuss your personal life with them or your friends when your ex is present. Same thing if you happen to run into them out in public, stay cool.
Scenario 3 – You share a child or children together
Once again, when picking up, or dropping off your kids just be polite, and keep it all about your kids. Same thing when you go to any of their (kids) events where your ex will be present.
Scenario 4 – You’re roommates, live in the same house, but not room
Just be a polite roommate, keep to yourself, and if it is too uncomfortable make arrangements ASAP to live somewhere else.
What if your ex keeps contacting you?
Politely ignore them, you are not being rude they are…OK? The biggest excuse there is, (and I do mean excuse) to break no contact is my ex just won’t leave me alone, so I had to. No you didn’t, and now you have shown your ex that they can still control you. Now that you know how to get your ex back using the (not so missing) “Missing” link…get back out there!
If there is still something missing in your attempts to get my ex back, then join my free newsletter, and let me help. I can supply you with a chain of information designed to teach you how to get your ex back. After visiting Start Here First, if you have any comments or questions for me, please write them in the comment box below, and I will answer them ASAP!
Who Am I and Why Should You Listen to Me?
My name is S. Williams, and I have been helping people for more than 3 years to overcome break up pain, and get their lives back. I even have an “About” section that I recommend you read. I know the name of my site is: How to Get Your Ex Back Fast, but I teach people how to get their lives back, not their ex’s.
If you’re interested in working with me (and our forum members) to get your life back, join my free newsletter for access to the free plan to get your ex back fast, and start getting your life back today. The answers you need to start your personal evolution are waiting for you, don’t hesitate another minute…come and get them.
Once you get your life back, everything else will just start to fall into place…I promise. If you have any comments or questions please write them in the comment box below.
If this article was useful or helpful to you in anyway, please show your appreciation by giving me a “+1″ using the button below this article.
Until next time,
S. Williams
http://www.howtogetyourexbackfast.com
Copyright © 2008 and beyond – All Rights Reserved Worldwide – You DO NOT have permission to reuse this content in any way, shape, or form.
No related posts.
so if i just dissappear for awhile it will work?
chris wrote:
That sounds a lot like using no contact, which is part of the plan.
Do you have a plan?
Take Care,
S. Williams
Hi Scott,
i fit into the first catagory… I’ve been polite i smile at him and say hello/good morning whenever i bump into him even knowing he wouldn’t respond back… it hurts a lot. i don’t know why he has to be so mean when I’m the one who should be because he broke it off with me. Why cant he be just a little nice to me back? i sometimes go on ignoring him back when i feel down and not in the best mood and I’ve been having heaps of mood swing lately. Should i quit work Scott? it’s now been 4-5 months since he and i were together as a couple. Feels like its not going anywhere. he probably knows that i am holding on for him. should i completely dissappear just like he wanted and then try contact him after a while? Or will that make him forget me for good?
ruby wrote:
Have you followed a plan yet?
If not get a plan, and follow it.
You can sit there and ask yourself “should I do this, or should I do that”…forever, but where will that get you?
Take Care,
S. Williams
ruby wrote:
Because he is an asshole…that would be my first guess.
I pleaded with my ex girlfriend to take me back and told her I knew what I needed to change and even had the help of a counsellor to do it. I had insecurities and now have strategies to overcome these and already see a change in myself – that’s where I need to start. Anyway, she looked apprehensive and good reason. She told me she just didn’t think it was going to work right now and she would be looking over my shoulder for another guy. She said I could show her for now I have changed, as a friend. I began the NC and have really put strategies in place to improve myself. It’s been a little over 2 weeks. I have faith in myself and the no contact rule. But with NC, I didn’t tell her that was my plan which I should have. We run into each other and we used to have great communication and now it’s a smile or hello. I was going to write the following letter, based on the video,”agree with the break up for now.”
Dear Vicki,
It’s been difficult not to ask how you are doing when i see you. I wanted to let you know I agree with the break up now. It’s the best thing possible for both of us. I do have some exciting news to share with you sometime but for now I need time to for me. Maybe someday we can be friends.
I will then, shall we say, begin NC again for 3 weeks or so and continue self improvements. At least, as the video said,this will set the stage for my next moves and give me time to continue developing a plan. What do you think?
Sean wrote:
I would leave off the part “Maybe someday we can be friends.” it sounds like you only want to be friends, when in fact you don’t…so it’s lying…right?
Sean wrote:
NC is not about a certain amount of time, but more about an amount of progress.
If she has been attempting to contact you after 30 days, then move to chapter 6 the reconnection phase.
If not reevaluate your position and either contact her to set up the short meeting outlined in chapter 6 of the Magic of Making up.
Or wait a little longer if you feel you’re not emotionally prepared to get turned down…understand?
I purchased the Magic of Making Up and after reading through it and returning to Chapter 2, Don’t Panic, I have a question. I understand the take a break. I have read through some of the questions here about no contact. The book does not help me with one thing.
I did begin no contact with my ex already. It did not explain in the book, as you suggest in your responses to people that you should tell your ex that is what you’re doing. I just did it. So after 10 days, what do I do? Tell her? I have fumbled and been conveniently where she is but never initiated verbal contact, nor did she. I am on track, after reading Chapter 2 again and giving this an honest effort but my ex is likely to think I am mad now. Should I call or send a letter to explain?
Ryan wrote:
This letter was meant to be sent right after the breakup.
Since you did it wrong before buying the book I don’t know how effective the letter will be…understand?
If she tries to contact you then you could use what I suggest in FAQ #1 in the start here first section of my Blog…OK?
Remember a lot of the suggestions in the book, and the videos assume that you “just” broke up.
You have to be open to adapt your situation to the advice, and focus on the outcome, not trying to be nice to your ex…you want to attract them back.
If you want a one-one personalized plan to follow, I suggest finding a relationship therapist in your area to help you.
This is a free “self-help” Blog that I offer my time and advice for Free.
I was hoping someday people would start helping each other, but they mostly want to complain, and bitch about my advice not being perfectly matched to their unique situation.
Even though it’s free for you, it’s not for me.
I pay to have this blog on the internet for you all
Just for the record did you buy the book from me?
If so you can get my private email support, just send me your clickbank receipt.
@ chris:
What if my ex has told me that he is “done” and kinda started the “NC” already on ME?
Ken wrote:
You can read in my FAQ section how to properly join our forum, then after you go read the forum on No contact for singles we discuss the NC strategy a lot more…see you inside.
Scott,
I believe all what u say without even trying it bcoz I was in out of this same relation million times sometimes I go back calling or he pleads to come. Lately though in the ‘before the last’ break up I was so hurt that I did not try to contact him for more than a month, with out knowin of the rule but he never called, however I heard from friends that his mom was very ill with cancer so I thought for old times sake I should be there for him since I know that she means a lot to him. But I only emailed him to send my condolences and some management advice (I am a doctor) he was very hapy to hear from me. then we kept in touch ofcoarse my efforts – I regret- and he showed care and love again without sayign the words, but we went back to our old arguments of him not calling when he says he would, how I dont understand his actions, when together al lovely dovey and when we depart iam totally negelcted. THat put him in so much pressure obviously on top of his mom ‘s ilness pressure and we literally broke up again. I will follow ur directions but I pretty sure he wont call coz this is not the first time. I am not sure what to think or how to analyse the situation. I have my share of fault but he forces to react the way I do bcoz I didnot understand him. Now I am reading ur articles and I am understanding more mens perspective or love and relations but I think I am too late coz I pressed the last button with him and although I am going to try the one month NC rule I think I was late to know about ur advice. And I am not at a state that after the month I want to contact him after I folowed ur advice but at the same time i dont want to lose him, he is good guy when we r together, barely when we r distant but was always loyal despite our distant relation ship as I heard. Your advice ?
Mary wrote:
My advice would be to follow the plan we use in our forum, use the support from other members to help keep you on track.
NC is not about being ready in 30 days, it’s about evolving and getting your life back…understand?
If you want my help to get your ex back follow this link:
http://forum.howtogetyourexbackfast.com/topic/read-this-first
Make sure you read the rules and guidelines before you join, I strictly enforce them.
Don’t forget to sign up for my free News Letter for free videos, tips and advice on How to Get Your Ex Back.
Just click on the link under the little red heart in the upper right hand corner of my Blog.
“Remember a lot of the suggestions in the book, and the videos assume that you “just” broke up.”
What does “just” broke up really mean in terms of length of time?
Just broke up – Within the last couple of days or couple of weeks or couple of months?
Marcus wrote:
That is exactly why I wrote a supplement plan to help people who do not fall into that category, it is the one posted in our forum.
People who have been broken up for months have followed my plan, and it is helping them to get their life, and hopefully their ex back as well.
Marcus wrote:
That would be something you would use your common sense to figure out.
If you broke up a couple months ago I wouldn’t call that “just broke up”…would you?
Mostly what matters is taking action, if your ex still tries to maintain contact as friends, after being broke up for months, I would say go for it and use our free plan.
If you have broken up recently (days, weeks), you can still use the plan to see whether they still have any feelings for you, understand?
Well my ex broke thing off with me on Aug 1. That is 13 days ago. Would that be considered “just” broken up scenario? Also I have started the NC phase and I sent her the following letter. Probably not the right letter to send. Do I need to send the right letter? Thanks for you help.
Dear XXXX,
Thank you for your kind words. I understand where you are coming from.
Sorry if that singing telegram was a bit much. I now see by your actions that you have closed the door on us and I must do the same. Thank you for the time you invited me into your life. It was a joy and fun. It’s great the way you are and how you treat your family. I get you.
I agree and I think you should move on.
I hope you find what you are looking for.
Good luck in your search.
Marcus
P.S. Don’t be a stranger. If you have the desire to hang out, don’t hesitate to call. Perhaps a simple friendship could be in order.
Marcus wrote:
That is just a couple weeks, the break up is still pretty fresh.
Marcus wrote:
I believe you’re a forum member, right?
If you have been to our forum follow the step by step plan and send the “recommended NC message” ASAP.
It will do a much better job of flipping her switch and change the way she thinks about you and the current situation.
Your first NC attempt was weak and apologetic, most people’s are, that is why I came up with my version designed to “kick them in the ass”, and make them take notice.
One last question that I have not seen addressed. When I send the “NC message” how am I supposed to address the envelope. Just put the reciepants address with out no return address? I thinking that if I include my return address she will see who the letter is from and just toss it away without even looking at it.
Marcus wrote:
You can text, or email it, but if you prefer to mail it use her address as the return address.
This way the envelope will definitely make it to her…make sense?
Type it out so she doesn’t see your handwriting either, plus it looks so much more professional that way too.
How can she say return it to sender if it’s her address, she has to open it…Damn, I am sneaky.
Ok thanks. Just one more question. If I send another letter after already sending her a letter before won’t she just get on the defensive and just get mad all over again? Or maybe she will see it as a sign of weakness and needy and want to talk to me even less? After all she does have a psychology background herself.
Marcus wrote:
Have you read my recommended no contact message that is posted in the plan in our forum?
You tell me what part of “that” message sounds weak or needy?
I think you are just afraid to send the message, that’s normal but you have to suck it up and send it, OK?
No…no…no.. not the letter it self. I guess I was not clear. But the fact I sent another letter would look weak and needy?
Wouldn’t she in her mind think “he already sent me a letter why did he send another letter?”
Marcus wrote:
When she holds the new one next to the old one, she will understand why you sent the second one…that one supersedes the first “weak” letter and puts “you” in control.
The new letter will not offer “friendship” just a signal that you might not be waiting around for her anymore.
You see if someone thinks they have you on the hook…what’s the hurry, you”ll always be on the hook, right?
Welcome to “relationship limbo” where life sucks.
This new message will hit her unexpected and make her think there is more to you then she thought…curiosity.
She will be intrigued by this new letter, and it will probably piss her off, why?
You just jumped off the hook, now the hook is available and she will end up on it…if you follow our plan correctly.
Well the first letter I emailed to her. Does the make any difference?
Marcus wrote:
Use whatever method you “know” she will “definitely” get it, it does no good to send the message if she won’t receive it, right?
Now send the message word for word…the clock is ticking and the break up is getting older.
After you send it make sure to update your NC diary in the forum, or start one if you haven’t already.
Then read the others stories and find yourself a “forum buddy” and PM them, and you can support each other through this whole process.
The 2 keys to success here are taking action ASAP, and finding support (forum buddies) to help you with your emotional control, and to keep you from breaking NC.
It is not mandatory, but recommended that you get the book the magic of making up, as it is the primary book we work out of…OK?
Have you read the success stories on my Blog and in the relationship Rescue forums?…this plan will work, if you follow the plan correctly.
Ok so I did read you recommended letter but I was thinking of sending this letter. It will do several things.
1- Lighten their load by accepting the breakup.
2- An apology in case I did something wrong.
3- Tell them that I realized my mistakes.
4- Trigger their curiosity by telling them something
exciting happened in my life.
5- Close on a highly positive note
———–
Just wanted to let you know that you were absolutely right about the breakup…
Now I know that it was the right thing to do. You are a wonderful person and you deserve the best. I am sorry for having messed it all up.
I went through a pretty exciting transformation…A lot of amazing things have been happening lately. I would love to tell you about it some time.
Anyway I just wanted to thank you for everything and hope we can be friends in the future.
———————–
What do you think?
Marcus wrote:
It’s just like the first one.
If you’re afraid to follow our plan and use the recommended message I really can’t help you, understand?
You either believe in the plan or you don’t…if you don’t, you shouldn’t waste your time here, and look somewhere else…make sense?
Believe me, something tells me she will NEVER expect a message like the one I recommend from you, and that is part of the plan to surprise your ex.
But you have to have the “guts” to send it, do you?
OK OK…I will do it tonight. Thanks!
“I agree with you about the decision to break up”
Ok, so I am almost ready to send the let but I just one more question. Since I dating this girl for only six weeks and she decided to end things wouldn’t this be more of just ending things as opposed to a break up?
So could I change the first line to say”
“I agree with you about the decision to end things”
now..even worse..we talked on phone after the incident…he with the new woman…and he seems so friendly ..like I and him we are the best friends ever and mothing bad has ever happened… I ve not said anything bad about the woman..I tried to be nice..but I do not want him to think of me as a friend…he says to me I should not be concerned anymore about the bad things I did in past and it s all ok…I asked him whose the girl..his gf ( i know i should not have asked) and he said he does not know now and he ll see..then he said come on she is really nothing…but i do not believe him..he just wants to keep me in scene in case it does not go well with her..why I m concerned is before
he always was impressed the way I look and now I look ever better than before (been to even more gym) and when we met on sat I was looking really great..and he did not mention anything!
Do I need to start NC with him again since we are falling in friends zone!? I feel we are like friends now! Or just wait a bit more see hwo it goes…He s now telling me about his dates … it s terrible…i think he expected me to behave jealous after I saw him with the woman and I did not.
I did ask him to meet for a coffee/drink but he did not seem interested..he said in few weeks..so I have not insisted.
I think the more time he spends with that woman, the worse it is..
Adela
adela wrote:
Yes, if you followed the plan we follow in our forum you would’ve avoided falling back into the friends zone.
@ S. Williams:
ok thanks. i sent the NC letter to him.
@ adela:
ok thanks. i will send the NC letter to him.
Nc letter sent.
adela wrote:
Good Job!
I hope you used the recommended one in our forum word for word.
What if your ex wants you out of his loop and was never into yours?
yes word by word.
he does not want me out the loop but i no longer care and if he really does (but thats not the case) … his loss … i need to focus on me … just me! no more contact with him!
@ S. Williams:
I havent been able to purchase the MOMU yet, soo im not sure if your book includes the situation where your ex lives in a different state. To reconnect I wouldnt be able to arrange a coffee or lunch
what should i say when trying to reconnect?
emit8 wrote:
You could try many different things, but nothing will be as effective as a face to face meeting.
You should wait until you can arrange a face to face meeting before you attempt to reconnect.
If you called them and then they said things were good, and then you went there and they had changed their minds…what good would the phone call have done you?
The reconnection process is a very fragile time and your BEST chance of rekindling a connection with your ex would be face to face, and it is a crucial part of the plan.
People who can’t or won’t take the risk to set up a face to face meeting and try to do it other ways, have a very slim chance of getting their ex back, that’s just the plain truth.
I recommend following My Free Step by Step Plan, and eventually getting the book MOMU, and let yourself personally and emotionally evolve before worrying about how to reconnect with your LDR ex, OK?
@ S. Williams:
thank you for your advice I have thought it over and it sounds the right way to do it, I also forget to mention that my ex wasnt a LDR from the beginning. We moved together from our home town to start new, after our breakup I returned home and he stayed…
In the reconnection process should I ask him when he’ll be visiting home? And when he does, should we meet up for coffee or something?
emit8 wrote:
That would be a good idea, but only when you’re ready, OK?
If he is in town and you’re not ready…don’t just go for it, understand?
@ S. Williams:
Thanks again for your reply, I wont go ahead until I’m ready
Break up took place a little under 2 months ago after a 2 yr 5 month relationship. Things ended as we were moving our last belongings into new place together. We have text a few times but she keeps it short & never seems to contact me first. During these nearly 2 months i have looked needy in her eyes. I am currently on a week of NC, but find it very hard to make it a full day without wanting to speak with her. She truly seems to have moved on with new friends (no new boyfriend yet)and is always busy (plays college ball as i did). From my perspective she did this to fit in with her friends that are single, good looking, and love attention. Its a small college town (with few bars) so we will see each other on occasion.
Another problem is the lack of attraction. Although we were intimate days leading up and even night before, she mentioned finding herself, doubts & lack of attraction as reasoning for the break up.
My question has 2 parts. Should I continue this NC & disregard the acceptance message for a few more weeks?? With her showing complete indifference towards me how do I become that alpha male to attract her back?!?
drew wrote:
What you should do is follow my free step by step plan located at the top of my Blog.
You need to learn how to properly use no contact to win your ex back.
@ S. Williams:
I will read it. Thanks! Lets say I make it a month of NC (which is my goal). If she is already content with not having me now and is loving her freedom, is a month a good goal to set? She is very stubborn so Im not expecting her to contact me at all. I want nothing more then to flip the switch on her!!
Me and my exboyfriend had been together for two years on and off and recently he told me he wanted a “break”. During this I found out he had been seeing another girl and currrently is with her now. He even has a photo of her and him on his facebook profile along with other photos. He seems to be so into her and it hurts like hell. We have broken up now little over a month. I have not contacted him since the break up and neither has he contacted me. Recently a mutual friend of ours told me he has been asking about me wanting to know if i am ok and says he would like to call me but is afraid of my reaction. I don’t know what to comprehend. Why is he asking about me if he is so happy with his new love? I hope for his return but he seems so caught up in his new life.
drew wrote:
30 days is just a benchmark, a starting point, it could take more time, and usually does.
Just follow my free plan and take it one day at a time, do not look too far ahead, OK?
Nicole wrote:
Hi Nicole,
Your best bet of getting him back is to follow my free plan at the top of my Blog.
The sooner you get started, the better, understand?
Take Care,
S. Williams
@ S. Williams:
Thanks that makes sense! Last time i talk to her she said its weird talking to me. Why? Im over the emotional part more less stuck on the confussed part.
@ S. Williams:
Thanks that makes sense! Last time i talk to her she said its weird talking to me. Why? Im over the emotional part more less stuck on the confussed part. Both sides welcomed us as apart of each others family too. Strange how the female mind works!! Any ideas
drew wrote:
I told you..follow my free plan, and start your personal and emotional evolution.
@ S. Williams:
Just sent NC message and am now starting personal journal.
drew wrote:
Good Job!
Doesn’t it feel better to take control of your situation?
Now stick to the plan, OK?
Remember to join our forum for more guidance and personal support.
@ S. Williams:
Feels SO much better to take control! Thanks and im definitly following the plan from here on out!!!
Hi
I have started following your plan but today was awful. I’ve learnt that he has updated his facebook status as “in a realtionship” and that is just killing me. I’m kinda getting nervous and anxious here like there’s no hope for me. He seems so hopelessly in love with her. It has been a month and he hasn’t contacted. If he really care wouldn’t he have made contact? I don’t know maybe he never loved me. He’s all for her and doesn’t care about me. HELP
Nicole wrote:
Did you send the recommended NC message?
Nicole wrote:
Stop spying on your ex and focus on the plan, facebook updates don’t mean shit, understand?
Nicole wrote:
Follow the free plan step by step, and take it one day at a time, give it 30 days and you will feel, and see a difference…I promise!
Thanks for being there.
Nicole wrote:
You’re welcome!
Now stick to the plan, and make sure you join the forum and read what others are doing on their own NC journeys, OK?
It wouldn’t be a bad idea to find yourself a forum buddy too.
@ S. Williams:
I’m still in the process of purchasing my MOMU, soo I haven’t been able to read exactly what is contained in it only whats been put up in the free step by step plan. soo can you really find out if your ex boyfriend still has feelings for you after being broken up for 1 month already?
emit8 wrote:
Yes, You can
@ S. Williams:
Great now I’m really excited to get the MOMU, the thought of not knowing if he does or does not gets me really off edge.
thanks
Scott,
My situation is getting dire. My hubby and I married in November. We went on a Cruise Wedding it seemed to be going well and flowing, and then life hit us hard and fast. It is both of our second marriage. We both have two girls from the previous. His ex wants him in her pile. Left him for another man, hurt him badly, to the point he found out youngest is not even his. I am the only other one that knows. She began a plan to get rid of the new wife. This began when there were some changes. He would constantly tell me he was on my side. His sister would say he was being pulled in two directions and had “nothing” left. He said he was going for one night and it has turned into months. The first month he gave me some money for the mortgage. I think it is also important to stress that his salary got cut in half shortly after he left, he barely makes enough to cover our mortgage. I also lost my job, shortly after losing a baby, which had me in grief and probably did not handle on the stresses well. After he left, I think I handled it pretty strongly. The first week, I phoned him on a Monday and kind of lost it. His birthday was that Wednesday and it came and went without any contact. Late Thursday night, I phoned him from a number he didn’t recognize and he answered. We spoke, I asked if he was coming home anytime? He said, Yes, tomorrow. Needless to say he didn’t. We had an intruder that Saturday and police phoned him. He immediately texted me and asked if I was ok and where I was. I went to our home and he was there. He didn’t stay. He gathered more things. He told me “I love you, but I’m not ‘in love’. The next week he took photos of our wedding off of his webpage, I was not on it, but a friend told me. I asked if that was it, had he made his decision. He said no. He was just “hiding’ them. He did say when I asked him to come home, that is why he wasnt. Seemed childish to me. He said he didn’t want me to be with anyone else. Aprrox. 4 weeks went by when I didn’t see him. I had contacted him a couple times during this, but not more than a couple. I went to his office. We talked for 4 hours after hours. I told him how I had been working on things I did wrong in the relationship, and would he consider talking with a relationship expert. He agreed to it. Said we could start “dating” that it wasn’t irreparable. He said he wouldn’t be able to pay as much toward the mortgage the next month. I asked if he wanted me to put his auto on house to save money, he said yes. He left it at you call me , or I’ll call you. I texted a day or so later about the auto insurance. No reply. A few days later a friend texted him. I called him from her phone that night, and he was irritated and angry?? I was extremely confused. A couple weeks later, I get an email. It says he does not want to come back and he has no desire. That he wasn’t going to pay for a place he was not living. He said we DID have genuine love, but he was growing bitter toward me for his situation, living with parents etc. He said I would need to make arrangements for the utilities that he was taking them out of his name. I made another trip to his office. I said he was cruel. He said again it wasn’t irreparable. He stepped back as I was leaving and said I was beautiful that maybe he was, stupid. A few days later he texted me and asked if we would all be gone so he could get his suit, for a business meeting. We talked and I couldn’t give him my schedule, but just said sure tell me when, and he got frustrated and just hung up. I texted and said I would bring him his clothes that I wanted him to do well, and he said forget it. That I hadn’t changed. I brought the clothes to his office. 3 weeks later on the 4th I was in a major auto accident, I was with my children. We had no one to drive us back home as I was released from the hospital. We were several states away. He called my friend for advice(weird). The next day he used my being away to go into our home and get the majority of his things and also some of mine. I phoned him when I learned he was in our house. He was angry, he couldn’t find some of his things. I told him if I had them he would get them back, he kept saying how angry he was, and then I got angry. I told him that HE was the one that wanted this large home, He said “sell it”, I said “ok”, but we both have to put it on the market since we are married. He said stick a sign in the yard, “ok”, but the payments still have to be made and there are three other homes on the street for sale. No reply. I told him how I had used my savings so we could get a large home to accomodate his children having their own bedrooms, etc. (I already owned my own home), I also said that I genuinely loved his children, then hung up. NO CONTACT. He phoned two days later, I could tell by the time, it was during his commute home. I just watched it ring. I also had my child turn their cell off, so he couldnt’ try to get us there. A week later, On my birthday there is a message left on my phone. “Hi it’s me, I just wanted to wish you a Happy Birthday, I hope you have a great birthday and IIII hope I I get to talk to you soon.” HUH??? Now I am really confused. I also was made aware by a friend that he had been perusing an internet dating site. Desperately looking for women. I had never called him since then. I saw that a family member he was close to passed away, about a month later. Since he left the message I hope I get to talk to you soon. I thought it would be OK for me to call and tell him I was so sorry for his loss. I phoned his cell no answer, so I phoned his office. The secretary said he was in a meeting. Not sure if she recognized my voice. I did not leave a message. Next morning I phoned private. No answer. Everyone has said not to bother sending a condolence card. I AM A NICE person and this makes me feel heartless. He has also has continued to pay our electric bill, and has left the other utilities in his name, though I’ve paid. I am still unemployed and am having to wait ’til a case is settled. In other words NO INCOME. I have been living off of savings and that is scary. I am usually a VERY confident independent woman, sometimes he would complain that I am too independent and that I didn’t need him. He just left at a time I was grieving and overwhelmed by all of our new situations, so that made me needier and such than my normal self. Now 2 1/2 weeks have passed since his family member died. I also now know that he has been seeing another woman. OUCH! She has blatantly posted a photo of the two of them together with her head on his shoulder on his facebook. I don’t know what to do. Please help. The no contact doesn’t seem to be working. We actually need communication about the house and mortgage. Please help SCOTT…I don’t want to lose our home, or my husband. It’s been four months now!
I forgot to add, strangely enough we both pulled into the same crowded gas station the Saturday after I tried to phone him about his family member passing, I did a double take and recognized him, as did he, and then he backed up and sped off. Is it because he feels guilty with the other woman now ??? He always stressed how important fidelity is to him. I also think he has tried to justify his actions by telling himself we could be annuled that it wasnt a real marriage, so many weird things and justifications. He even put on the dating site that he had been divorced 4 years. That would be when he divorced the ex. Like he and I were never married, but we are still married!!So confused.
CeCe wrote:
You can make the no contact rule work, just keep your conversation all about business, and politely avoid all other questions.
But first you have to properly initiate NC, have you even started following my free plan?
The link is at the top of my blog.
Scott,
Thanks for your reply. I wrote”The no contact doesn’t seem to be working. We actually need
communication about the house and mortgage.”
See, I have had NO CONTACT WITH HIM…since I hung up on him 7-5-09, He DID try to call 7-7-09, and then again on 7-16-09 …leaving a message Happy Birthday, Hope I get to talk to you soon. STILL I MAINTAINED NO CONTACT!! Here is the clencher…NOW HE HAS A WOMAN, I think he met her AFTER he left me the message!! WE are still married no papers have been filed, he is LIVING at his parents and she is posting pics of them boating, having a good time, etc. She ALSO added some of his family members to her Facebook, and is publicly calling him “her man”. OUCH..I didn’t even do that!
I broke no contact (though I didn’t get to talk to him) by calling (he probably could see I called through caller ID) after his family member passed away. I did NOT leave a message, but tried to call his cell and office. A few days after that coincidentally, we both pulled into a crowded gas station at the SAME time…he saw me and quickly sped away. ??? This was after only 4 weeks ago, he said,” I hope I get to talk to you soon!!”
So in light of the above, I will take your advice to properly initiate NC again…My questions are:
#1, I feel silly saying “I really appreciate it if you would not contact me during this time” A. Because it has been so long )over a month now since he has tried to contact me). B. IF I have to contact him regarding business matters pertaining to our house,bills, etc, shortly after I write this…won’t if make me look unstable??
#2 If I write it NOW that he has a new woman he is spending time, talking to, having fun, with…will that make it easier for him to say GOODBYE for good to me? She will most likely be pressuring him to file something. We have no children.
#3, Below is what I am thinking of writing. Plese let me know if you think it would be effective, (I feel like I should mention him wishing me a happy birthday.) ALso, if I make mention of my condolences on his family member passing…or should I leave it out?
#4 Lastly, If for some unfortunate reason we do end up in divorce court. I am leary (because of a prenup, I get more if he initiates or does something wrong) of putting in writing that I “agree with his decision to break up, and that it was for the best” I fear that this could be used against me should we go to divorce court, with him stating that I wanted to the divorce as much as he did…??
PLEASE HELP!!
My Sample NC with my added words…Please make sure that don’t void, the proper initiating of NC…
Hi,
I want to thank you for the thoughtful birthday wishes. I also want to let you know that I am sorry for the loss of your loved one.
I agree with you about the decision to break up, I really believe it was the best thing for both of us. I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over. I would really appreciate it if you didn’t contact me during this time. I will be in touch when I am ready.
(your first name here)
P.S. I am worried because now he has another woman, he is not lacking good times or companionship?? WHat do I do about the other woman?
CeCe wrote:
Hi CeCe,
Where does it say you agree with the divorce?
You are separated, right?
You’re not divorced.
You could change the words “break up” “separation” in this case since you’re married and not divorced, plus he doesn’t need a reason to divorce you, he can do it anyways.
Plus, don’t you think being with another woman is something wrong…he is still married, right?
Don’t they call that adultery?
Has he filed for a separation?
Look, I am not a lawyer, just someone trying to provide support for people following a plan to get their life, and hopefully their ex back again.
Maybe you should be consulting a lawyer and seeing about arranging some marriage counseling, don’t you think that would be a better alternative?
CeCe wrote:
If you want to try my free plan (without any guarantee), then go ahead and follow it step by step.
I would send the recommended NC message word for word, except for the one alteration, OK?
If you’re not comfortable using my plan, then go seek professional counseling and legal advice.
Good Luck!
S. Williams
My boyfriend and I broke up on the 4th of July. He said he needed space…blah blah..about 2 weeks later he started talking to another girl, who doesnt have the greatest reputation. She actually hooked up with his brother…she lies and she is a skank. I know he has to figure this out on his own but its killing me to sit here and not do anything about it. I bought the Magic of Making up book and I did the NC for 30 days and to make a long story short we are hanging out a little bit, behind her back of course, but he is the one initiating contact. I just dont know what I can do to speed this up. I love him so much and I know he loves me too, I just feel now he does enjoy her company because its new and exciting. I just am worried that they are getting closer and it will be harder for him to break things off with her. Please let me know what I can do, I want her out out of the picture and fast. Iknow if she wasnt here everything would be fine between us. PLEASE help!!!
cara wrote:
It doesn’t sound like you followed the plan very well, and you ended up in the friends zone.
Why don’t you start over again and follow my free plan?
If you follow my plan your results will be much better, start with sending the recommended NC message…not the one in the book.
Well it has been more than 30 days since the breakup for me and about 20 days or so since I sent the NC letter. I have followed the plan to the letter now and I have worked on me and I feel like everything is way under control. I have gone out with another girl a couple of times and talking to several others. I have been working on my inner self using the David DeAngelo methods. This stuff works great. Today I plan to make initial contact with my ex. I am not expecting much but no big deal.
So I called my ex as planned. No answer so I did not leave a message just like in the plan. Now I will wait several days before making another attempt at calling her.
@ S. Williams:
I got a question I been stressing over to be answered by someone with experience….I called my ex boyfriend the other day to ask him “In the future would you like to try again, when your older?”
And my ex replied “yeh, yeh but not now”
He sounded serious over the phone but I’m not sure if he meant it. Did he say that to make me stop calling him b/c he knew thats what I wanted to hear?
Or did he say that b/c he feels bad?
what do you think? please help
Marcus wrote:
Hi Marcus,
Just make sure you are really ready to go to the reconnection phase, don’t rush through no contact, OK?
emit8 wrote:
I think you should follow the plan and stick with no contact, and stop chasing your ex.
You’re member of our forum, right?
So, follow the plan and you will see results, if you choose to not follow the plan, I really can’t help you.
Hi Scott,
First I just want to THANK YOU!! I believe you are right on track, and your support is phenomenal!! So, THANK YOU…for ALL YOUR TIME and FEEDBACK, it is much appreciated.
First, I think it is important to note since you mentioned it. I DID ask him to go to counseling. He Did not say NO, but has just avoided it. I don’t want to “pursue” him anymore by requesting that he go to counseling with me. I TRULY BELIEVE THE NO CONTACT WORKS! That is actually the ONLY time he REALLY tried to call me…when I hung up on him. But, it was VERY WEAK, he only tried to call maybe 2-3 times. Then found the other woman.
So, after the above, I think I had 4 questions posted and from your feedback, would you “approve” of the following for a NC message? Or should I leave off the “Thank you for birthday wishes” and the “Sorry for the loss of your loved one” comments out? Also, is there anything EXTRA I need to do, or handle about the “other woman”?
My Sample NC message:
Hi,
I want to thank you for the thoughtful birthday wishes. I also want to let you know that I am sorry for the loss of your loved one.
I agree with you about the decision to take a break, I really believe it was the best thing for both of us. I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over. I would really appreciate it if you didn’t contact me during this time. I will be in touch when I am ready.
(your first name here)
Also, I think I did buy your ebook back in May. My computer crashed and now I can’t find the information to get the ebook, on my other computer. Can you direct me as to how to find that. I didn’t write anything down?
CeCe wrote:
The no contact message has one purpose, and one purpose only, break away from the old relationship, and to flip a switch in your ex’s head, by doing a complete 180 degree turn from how you have been acting.
This means keep the message as “clean” as possible and use the recommended NC message word for word, OK?
I know it seems “odd” but that is because you want to think with your heart, when you should be thinking with your head…no emotions, understand?
CeCe wrote:
If you email me your clickbank receipt I will see what I can do, if you don’t have your receipt you will have to buy it again, this time burn it to a CD for a back up.
Just a quick update… I will reply on the blog with a little more detail. I have been doing the no contact for 18 days now (ex and I broke up about 2 months ago). He came by my house on Sunday and asked for a 2nd chance. I have been slowly doing the reconnection phase, so I don’t ruin anything. He (my ex) has been pushing really hard to get back our relationship. Bottom line… NO CONTACT really WORKS!!!! He even told me that having no contact with me has driven him insane!
Jenni wrote:
Hi Jenni,
That’s great news!
Now make sure you read and follow the guidelines in chapter 6 of MOMU.
You don’t want to slip back into the old failed relationship that didn’t work, that would be a big mistake.
So im about to send my no contact letter and he is my college lab partner so i know i will have to see him twice a week and work with him cause we did decide to remain friends (although i want more)and we and other friends have a carpool we cant break. how do i handle that?
Jane wrote:
Just be polite, and avoid any deep personal conversations.
You’re using no contact to keep your ex out of the loop about your personal actions, and motives…this makes him wonder what you’re doing, and if you’re moving on.
There is more about this when you follow the free plan, and make sure you use the NC message on the plan word for word, OK?
Hi,
Okay, just joined the forum and am ready with the plan.
Question:
We spoke 10 days ago and mutually agreed to a 30 day No Contact, will this suffice ?
I did not send any letter. We simple spoke and we agreed on 30 days to clear the air of all emotions before we meet or speak again.
Please advise. Oh, and I will be buying your book on Thursday.
Thank you soo much !!
/SleepingGraves
SleepingGraves wrote:
Hi SG,
I read your post, and you are not following the free plan.
I will delete what you have written, and you can start over again…this time please follow “every” step in the free plan, OK?
Hi Mr. Williams,
Okay, I must have missed something !
I will go back and read a bit more closely. I’m betting that although my ex and I have mutually agreed to the 30 day break that this is NOT the plan.
Despite being into this by 11+ days and her having asked me to NOT contact her at all (no facebook, phone, or email).
You still want me to send the letter correct ?
This will violate what she has asked me to do and will rest the clock to 30 days correct ?
Whatever I must do I will. Thank you !
Please advise on where I have blown it and if I am correct in where the problem lies.
Best/SG
SleepingGraves wrote:
30 days is not a magic number, there is a process involved that requires following a step-by-step plan like the free one on my Blog along with the book.
Do you know why so many people fail using no contact?
It’s not because it doesn’t work, it’s because people think it is just about “taking a break” for 30 days…Wrong!
There is plan to follow, understand?
Hi Mr. WIlliams,
I understand that 30 days is by no means a magic number, in fact in my case I dont think I will be magically over her at all for quite some time.
The question I have asked is do I send the letter or not considering my situation ?
Please advise. Thanks/SG
SleepingGraves wrote:
I am not your parents…I gave you options, you’re all grown up…choose one.
I have sent the damn letter =) Feeling foolish but whatever. Thank you!
/SG
SleepingGraves wrote:
Good Job!
The hardest part is over…now on with your personal evolution.
Hello,
I have been broken up with my ex for about 8 months now. At first he called me a lot and I asked him to stop. Then within the first 2 months he started an intense relationship with a woman which lasted all of 8 or 10 weeks.
Since then, he has called me every so often, and a couple of weeks ago he started calling me every day and when I answered (twice) he asked me if he could “have some sex”, that he would be OK the next day that he could keep emotion out of it. I said well that is because you are a guy. And he said no there are a lot of women like that. And I said well if there are so many women like that then why are you bugging me for sex, just go out with one of them? And he said, well I am not begging you.
He is a good looking guy and has a little black book full of single women, I am sure, so I don’t know why he would ask me this.
Sometimes I really do miss him and wish that we could start again. The break up came after a 2 year relationship and 7 months of living together…he is 37 and I am older than he is by quite a bit.
A lot of our problems stemmed from my insecurity, but he also seemed very committed to me, but with our new work colleagues he resisted calling me his girlfriend, which hurt a lot, I might add.
Do you think after 8 months it would be next to impossible to re-vive our relationship and how should I do it. I did not have sex with him by the way, and I haven’t heard from him in a week, either.
Thaks for your help.
Karen wrote:
You can follow the free plan on my Blog, and during your personal evolution you will find a way to get rid of your insecurities.
people have reunited after many years so 8 months isn’t impossible.
i don’t know how else to contact you scott, but no on replies to my diaries on the forum lol, there are 3 posts… and they’re all by me : ( and i don’t know where my buddy went, think she left
Yoyo wrote:
Have you been interacting with other members, or just asking questions?
If you interact on other members NC Diaries they will respond to your questions too.
It looks like you have made 6 posts, and mostly all on your topics.
The forum is about members helping members…people supporting each other who are going through the same situations.
a’ight i just did a shxtload of posting, i hope this works… but i notice people usually post on the ones with most posts… which kinda screws me as i only have 3 on my topic which are all my own >< i wish the people with like 150 posts can help me out
Yoyo wrote:
Have you tried PMing them and asking for their support?
I am sure someone will help you, and take an interest in your evolution.
good idea, i’m gonna do it right now!
oh, and you should of seen what i wrote on optimistic’s topic, i sounded just like you lol
Yoyo wrote:
Well that’s the point…
After reading enough on the forum, and on my Blog you should be able to help people just like I do.
The funny thing is (well not funny, but strange) is the more you help people…the more these things you tell the other people get ingrained in your own brain, and you start doing better as well.
A win-win situation all around, right?
Here’s my main problem. My ex and I have been broken up for 8 weeks now, and she started seeing a new guy and getting to know him 6-7 weeks ago. As of 2 days ago, they are finally officially dating. So, she has a new boyfriend, but this isn’t the typical rebound relationship as she didn’t move into it quickly. By the way, my ex broke up with me due to lack of attraction and has barely contacted me since the breakup. Many people think she’s still attracted to me, but it seems like she has really moved on. She did tell me, however, that she loves me as a friend (although I didn’t agree to be friends), and that if we are meant to be we will be. How should I go about winning her back even though she has a boyfriend? He seems like an a**hole who will eventually screw her over, but I’d like to take advantage of this sooner than later. How can I win back her attraction while she has a boyfriend. I’ve been following the “Magic of Making Up” for the 2nd time, and have been in strict NC for 18 days.
Trevor wrote:
Have you been following the free plan on my Blog for 18 days?
The NC message in MOMU is not as effective as the one we use on the plan.
If you haven’t been following that plan I suggest you start, and send her the recommended NC message. I know…I know…you already sent one, but it isn’t working very well is it?
This isn’t about what feels right…it’s about getting results…you want results don’t you?
So My ex and I have been Broken up for a couple weeks…after 3 years He just stepped out of the relationship just like you explain in the book. I found out it was because of another girl. I initiated NC with imedietly on my own terms, and he responded by calling me and texting me everyday, showing up at my work ect. I was overwhelmed and not ready by any means to face him especially since I have a feeling he is used to having his cake and eat it too when it comes to me. Finally I wrote the recomended NC message. I needed that time to get my life together, adn let go. He contacted me an Hour after I sent the message and is begging for answers. I still wont respond. The only thing is that I know there are other girls in the picture and Im afraid that he will move on to one of them or worst case scenario never value me enough to want to stop talking to them, so we could be together again one day. What do I do?
Rina wrote:
You’re doing it right now…you’re following the free plan on my Blog.
Stick with it, and stay strong.
I hope you are following all the rest of the steps, and will join our forum.
That could make the difference between failing or succeeding.
It’s been 2.5 weeks. I didn’t use a no contact message because I left him and when I left he asked, no texts or contact or or or. I told him I was all or nothing and have since replied shortly with the 2-3 messages he’s sent me, the latest one to tell me he dropped stuff off at my apartment as I’d requested in my response to his first long message (as if I hadn’t noticed a giant suitcase my roommate showed me). It also says that he knows I want nothing to do with him but he hopes that changes. Do I reply at all? If so, with a, I’m good – I’ve got some decisions to make and thought some space would be good for both of us, or wait for another week as part of the no contact?
Kat wrote:
Yes, this is the perfect opportunity to send your no contact message.
If you read and follow the free plan on my Blog you will find an example for someone who left their ex…like you did.
Send that example word for word, and start your personal evolution.
I’m new to the process and just posted my breakup story. We’ve been broken up for exactly 2 weeks with some contact. He was supposed to bring my stuff over today and I was hoping I could get him to stay and change things.. but deep down I knew that wouldn’t work
He told me to call him yesterday and we’d figure out when he was coming by. I called him we talked for a little and when he said “ok, so I’m gonna stop by tomorrow and drop off your stuff..” I said “Yeah.. I was thinking about that. I know you need your space and you don’t really want to see me right now. and if that’s what you need, I want to give that to you. So, we’ll deal with it another time.” he was very surprised. at first he was like “Really are you sure? because I can have your stuff back in a couple days?” and I said “yeah, the stuffs really not that important right now” and he was like “Well, thank you. I really appreciate you doing this for me. I really appreciate that.” and then when we got off the phone he said “I’ll talk to you soon”. It seemed to end positively.
My plan was now, to have no contact. Does this count? Hasn’t no contact now already been initiated?
decoratedxemergency wrote:
Did you send the recommended no contact message as outlined in the free plan word for word?
If not you have not properly initiated no contact.
Read and follow every step in the free plan if you want to succeed.
I purchased the book The Magic of Making up. Here is how things have gone.
Mon. We broke up. I was really hurt and upset and did a little pleading but wasn’t “crazy”. He asked to spend the night because he didn’t want to leave me alone(no sex) he just cuddled me. I know stupid…
Tues. He left, had to borrow my car as his truck battery died. He asked if he could come over Wed and eat dinner with me since he was dropping my car off. I am not vindictive so I said yes. Downloaded Magic…
Wed. He got so stressed he went home from work called and said he would come over Thurs.
Thurs. Dropped off car, ate dinner. I KNOW what the problems and believe me, I am more than contrite. Anyhow, I gave him the Clean Slate, not to “save” the relationship, but because I OWED him the apology – and yes he kissed another woman, but that isn’t on the table right now, it was what I did.
Fri. I wrote the NC letter and went to his apt. while he was at work and left it on his door.
I don’t have caller ID (yeah, I know..) Mon. he calls at 8:30 a.m. I thought it was another call I was expecting. Tried to be polite said I didn’t have much time to talk. He asked me to read his Air Force essay (which I had given him my word I would help him with before the breakup and download). Said he got the letter and wanted to know what my news was…I popped something off the top of my head as he caught me off-guard and then I got off the phone within 5 min. Tues Eve. I spiffed up the essay and sent it back with the email saying. ” As promised. As for that news, it will come later.”
I have started the NC over again (of course I can’t send another letter) but I need to know if the plan is too badly messed up now? or can I still recover. P.S. When he broke up he told me that he is still in love with me and that people break up and get back together all the time, but he needs time and space and doesn’t want a relationship — so why is he contacting me frequently??? I need the space to heal and am starting the NC again starting today? I need some feedback as I am scared that I blew the plan and confused by his actions.
PPS: I am not answering the phone anymore, I am just screening all the calls for the next month.
MW wrote:
Hi MW,
You messed up by being so available, so here’s the plan
You need to start over, and follow the steps in the free plan (top of the Blog).
It works along with the book MOMU.
If you want the best results I would highly recommend you send the version of the NC message outlined in the free plan (it works much better than the one in MOMU)…word for word.
It is a VERY important part of your personal evolution.
As far as keeping your word or breaking NC…what’s more important?
No contact only works when you follow the plan…not your version of the plan, understand?
That means no contact.
How can your ex miss you when you never left?
He gets his cake, and eats it too…where does that leave you?
It’s your life, and your decision…so what’s it going to be?
I showed you a path, now you have to chose whether to take it or not.
Take Care,
S.W.
My ex and I have been on and off for almost 2 years, and we recently broke up in college because of the distance, although we both tried, it ended because of a lack of trust.
He still texted me on and off just to say hey and invited me to another state for the weekend with some friends, but told me “just as friends” and that he doesnt want to date me anymore but still really wants me as a friend. I tried the friends thing but it hurt so much because he would make me jealous by telling me about this new girl he was supposedly seeing.
I sent him the NC message 2 weeks ago and he asked if I was serious, and then said he will respect my decision. exactly 2 weeks later, he texts me out of nowhere just to say hey at 2am, and asks if he could please chat to me because he was stressed and asked if I am free for thanksgiving break. I told him no, and he stopped replying. But this morning I see he has re-added me on facebook but as of last night, is listed as in a relationship with that new girl he had been seeing. I was devastated and shocked and I feel that all hope is gone. Why would he still text me though, if he has a new girlfriend, and how do I handle this situation when we will be back home in the same city in a month for winter break?
I know I messed up with the NC message, should I re-send it again, wont that make him just continue to fall in love with this new girl if I wait another 30 days?
Sarah Stein wrote:
Hi Sarah,
If he keeps contacting you then send the no contact message again…if not just continue to ignore his attempts until you’re ready to reconnect.
If he was falling in love with this other girl…why was he thinking about you?
If you want your life back, and the best chance of getting your ex back you need to continue evolving.
Keep following the rest of the steps in the free plan…the NC message was only the beginning.
Focus on getting your life back…not on your ex, and the rest will fall into place.
Stay Strong!
S.W.
I’m wondering if the NC approach will actually work in my situation. It seems like a “one size fits all” approach, and there are so many different situations. I don’t want to send a NC in my situation if it will actually make it worse.
My bf never actually gave me the official break-up talk. The story is he cheated, we worked on overcoming it and he said he was definitely sorry, we got back together, but then I looked at his phone texts a couple times and he found out. Then he just stopped seeing me but kept staying in touch saying “I don’t know whether friends or dating” and then later when I asked about starting new he said, “I’m not in the same space I was.”
I stupidly agreed to the “let’s just be friends” line. It’s been 7 months since we stopped dating. He asked me to meet him for coffee one time, and he texts me randomly asking what’s up, jokes and smiles, says he’d like to get together when I suggest it, but then never follows through.
Lately he’s been texting regularly saying hi and asking what I’m up to.
What should I do?
@ Jaye:
Just to clarify my question: It’s been so long that we’ve been “just friends” (7 months). It seems strange to me to send a NC letter at this late point. I can see this method working really well if I had done it within early weeks after the break-up, but what about now?
Jaye wrote:
Hi Jaye,
What have you got to lose?
Do you like the position you’re in now?
If not stop over analyzing the FREE plan, and start using it.
This plan looks like “one size fits all” because it does, and it works.
I am not here to convince you…that’s your job.
I just provide free information, it’s your choice whether you use it or not.
But it really seems to me you want help, but are afraid to use it for one reason or another.
It is obvious that you have tried everything you can think of, or you wouldn’t be here looking for help, right?
It is NEVER too late to help yourself, and this plan does work…I have seen it.
Your move…
Take Action Today!
Or not.
Take care,
S.W.
@ S. Williams:
It is true I’ve tried everything and nothing is working for us getting back together. He seems to want to be just text friends. I’m seriously thinking of trying this out. You’re right, what have I got to lose now?
Hi sw this no contact is really test me but with that free plan of yours I’m makin myself stronger I have to be the exercises of letting that gut twisting pain is better for mei no its just my negative thourts that he aint coming back r haunting me. He must be a bit shocked that I’m not begging and kicking of wich is normal for me thank u for your time to help me see sense an sanity lol
natalie10 wrote:
Hi Natalie,
You’re Welcome!
We have ALL been through break ups and had broken hearts.
I know it’s not easy, that is why I set all this up to help people succeed with, or without a relationship help book.
The book MOMU does make it easier…but if people can’t afford the book, that doesn’t mean they don’t deserve any help, right?
Stay Strong!
You’re doing great Natalie! (Thumbs High)
P.S. If you’re not a member of our forum…join right away the support is amazing, and free.
S.W.
well,i already sent him an sms telling him how he is right about the break up.told him something great had happened lately and that was it.he’s called severally since then and sent me sms’s as well but i replied none.the last one he sent,was more like i should bottle up the “great happening” thant had occured.although that was before i found you.dont know what step to take anymore.though it’s ovious he’s curious.
U see,i actually cheated and after having the guilt get the best of me,i told him to clear my conscience and have him deal with me for what and who i truly am.after he got me to break all contact and even pushed to have the other guy’s name,he went ahead and got his number and tried to reach him.i tried to prove to him that i was now for real until he got me angry one day and i got angry and lashed out at him,asking him to leave me.after a week i tried to contact him but he kept shoving the “still friends” at me and said he was in no mood for any emotional commitments.As a matter of fact,i cant really explain how i got to cheat on him but it did happen and i’ve been sober since then.I really want him back.I’m not proud of what i did.
i see lots of issues with boyfriends and girlfriends using the N/C rule but what about longterm marriages (11years) does this still apply
beemer07 wrote:
A relationship is a relationship whether you have a piece of paper or not, right?
This plan has worked with married people living in the same house with 3 kids.
You can read about it in the success forum.
BTW – did I just reject your forum request?
I have a bunch of people in that area of Canada that like to play pretend in our forum (that’s why I use the approval process now)…real pain in the ass.
I hate having to do it this way, but people take advantage of the internet to play games.
Once I get a feel that you are “for real” you can request again, OK?
Take Care,
S.W.
yes you rejected my request,
I am in state of where we have been trying to fix things for 10 months, we tried a contracted seperation = she moved out and after 2 weeks you start dating again…as time progresses you date more, this went on for 4.5 months, we then did a period of time, about 6 weeks were we limited our contact and she decided to come home and give it a try again..try to get that spark again….i work my butt off trying to show her i am worthy but see decided about 9 days ago to move out again. she went and got an apartment again, she os buying lots of stuff. I got the i love you but i am not in love with you line, she also told me she was my best friend. She seems to be broken hearted by moving out but thought it was best as the spark/connection was not coming back.
not sure what we are doing right now except she is gone.
beemer07 wrote:
She needs time…give it to her, two weeks is not enough time.
You tried it the other way, now try using no contact by following all the steps in the free plan on my Blog.
The link is at the top of my Blog.
I think if you follow the plan correctly and get yourself back as a single man again she will she a new you…not the “old” husband.
Your personal evolution is the key to your happiness.
Don’t think about this as getting your wife back.
Think of it as getting yourself back first…something was lost, and the best way to find it is to not even look for it…it will find you.
Sounds crazy but it works…every time.
Can’t promise you she will come back (50/50 chance – but 11 years doesn’t disappear over night) but if you follow all the steps in the free plan…you will be happy again, with or without her…trust me.
beemer07 wrote:
Re-register I will accept you this time. I have to be careful…not my choice.
Take Care,
S.W.
thanks for the words
we did counsiling, read self help books, you name it.
Can you explain what is with that line, i love you but i am not in love with you
beemer07 wrote:
It is a confusing contradicting statement, huh?
You would have to be a confused person to say something like that…she’s confused and having mixed feelings she needs time to sort them out.
You need time to sort your feelings out too.
That’s what NC is all about, you will see after you start using it and interacting with the other members in our forum.
*Warning – Do not join our forum until you’re ready to send the recommended NC message and follow the plan, OK?
If you want to debate NC do it here on my Blog.
The forum is for “like-minded” people who share a single vision.
NC is hard enough without people spreading doubt and fear, understand?
Take Care,
S.W.
all i can say is i tried everything else…it did not work so why not try this.
I have heard of this working before it just does not seem right, it truly goes against what your heart is telling you.
but i also know people always wants things they cannot have so i am going to try it.
before i contacted you and found this forum i had already decided this method is all i have left to try. just leave her alone.
this women means the world to me, i would die for her.
it is very difficult to let go but if someone is telling you they are not happy in the relationship then what other options do you have??
When all of this started the counsilors made us make up a complaint list. I believe i adressed all of the issues but in vain except i am a better person for it and still not the desired result.
We are each others best friends, we do everything together, i cannot understand how someone states you are my best friend but i am leaving, what is going on in their mind. Is she lieing?
I am very confused
so i screwed up the no contact. i broke down and called him. i had been doing really well. not answering texts and only texting about financial matters that we still have tied up. last night i called him. i said hey and he responded. i asking him how he was and he said fine and that he was just watching the game. then out of the blue he asked why i hadnt answered the phone on nye. he didnt call me on nye, he text me. i told him that i was out and did not get the message until much later than he actually sent it. i then changed the subject and asked him how his nye was. he said fine. i could sense that he has been pissed since nye because of his tone, so i quickly said, i dont want to keep you from the game so i’ll let you go. he said ok and talk to you later. now, before you tear me a new one… i really thought i was going to try to reconnect with him last night. i felt ready. but when i spoke to him and he was all about why haven’t you answered me, i retreated and felt like that wasn’t the right time. we have been having some problems since october and officially broke up on oct 6. since i sent the nc msg, he has called a few times and left some msgs. i dont know what to do now. should i re-start nc again since i found out i wasn’t ready to move to the reconnect phase? the call wasn’t horrible like they have been in the past, but i am kind of in limbo about which way to go. we went the whole month of november not speaking or texting once every week until we finally had a terrible fight in dec and ended things. so it’s kind of like we have been in nc for much longer. help!where do i go from here? he is the love of my life and we have 6 years under our belt. this can’t be it.
li li wrote:
Hi li li,
Kinda of using NC is like trying to get a little pregnant.
As you found out…”kinda” using no contact doesn’t work very well…does it?
You need to follow the whole free plan not just send a message and wait 30 days that just about never works…it takes longer.
li li wrote:
This I find confusing…
You ask for my help, and then when I tell you what to do, you don’t listen.
So…
How am I supposed to help you, exactly?
You don’t want help you want a fucking magic trick to make things all better without any work, right?
All I can tell you (and you should have known this by now) is to re-send the NC message word for word, and this time follow all the steps in the free plan.
I offer some great free tools…but I can’t make you use them.
If you really want to succeed, and not just fuck around wasting your time, and mine…get serious and follow the plan this time.
Stay Strong!
S.W.
We are each others best friends, we do everything together, i cannot understand how someone states you are my best friend but i am leaving, what is going on in their mind. Is she lieing?
I am very confused.
I can see you feel very strong about the NC. I have no contact for 48hours now…it is killing me.
What are your thoughts about my opening statement??
beemer07 wrote:
Following the plan will reveal the truth.
beemer07 wrote:
I feel strong about it because I have seen it work.
Did you send the recommended NC message word for word?
Stay Strong!
S.W.
I spoke with her on Thursday at Lunch time about respecting my space. I did not give her anything in writting yet. We have not spoken or seen each other for 3 days now. IF she tries to contact me i will then give her something in writting, does not seem right to doube up on that message, thoughts????
I purchased the book and read it through quickly this morning. I will try and follow it but i do have a few questions and will read it again.
Dating again….how is she supposed to find out, also it seems a little quick seeing someone, we have been together for eleven years. Would in not be sending her a strange message?
A few other things are this, we are best friends, we do not argue, we get along great…she lost the spark or flame. I cannot really improve my looks any, we both went to the gym together 4 to 5 times a week. So with that said i am not sure how to send her any message except for the NC rule. I need to time with her to rekindle our love do i not??
I help her pack up her things when she left and then we went out for dinner, pretty friggen weird…we got along. Maybe it is the 10 months we have been doing everything else that made this possible.
With her going out for dinner with me this women must still have a strong attachment to me or am i wrong?????
Today i know she came over to the house to pick up her mail but i was not home and she knew i would not be home, That is pretty negative
thanks for your support and if anyone else has hany comments on my bizarre relationship i would like to hear it
beemer07 wrote:
That is why I posted the free plan, it covers things that the book doesn’t.
beemer07 wrote:
She doesn’t need to “find out”, that’s not the point you’re missing the point of dating.
It is about you getting yourself back again as a “single” person.
beemer07 wrote:
She needs to miss you, and if you’re always there for her…how can that happen?
It is apparent she has strong feelings for you, but she doesn’t know it anymore.
You have to start yours, and hers personal evolution by using the recommended NC message in the free plan…the one in the book doesn’t work as well.
This plan has worked for marriages, and for all kinds of relationships, including LDR’s…just read the forum, and the testimonials on my Blog.
You have to believe in this plan in order for it to work, the plan doesn’t fail…people fail to use it correctly.
It takes some real courage to take that initial first step and send the correct NC message.
Stay Strong!
S.W.
thanks for feedback, i am fighting the urges to accidentially bump into her at the gym, harder then i thought.
i will read the free one again and again until it sinks in.
Scott,
one last question, I am trying not to read into this anything more then it is.
My wife is out buying new furniture and stuff for her apartment, spending thousands of dollars. (she walked out without taking furniture as we agreed)
I know she needs furniture to live with but this gives me the bad feeling she has no plans whatsoever to come back.
The last time she left she took the bare minimum to survive.
your feedback on my other whines you felt she is confused, sometimes i think she is and there is hope but as i write this i feel there is none.
what does your experience tell you??? I know i am grasping at straws.
NC for 4 days now
beemer07 wrote:
I am not trying to be funny, but this is what I truly believe.
beemer07 wrote:
Women love to shop.
Am I right, or what?
You are doing fine…
You need to really try to focus on yourself and getting yourself back as a single man again…and not try to rationalize what your wife is doing at the moment.
She is just having fun buying new stuff.
Stay Strong!
S.W.
beemer07 wrote:
It will get easier the longer you stick to the plan, and begin to understand the grand scheme of No Contact…it’s not as scary as it looks.
Stay Strong!
S.W.
i’ve been in the no contact phase for a minute and things were starting to work out. he was calling and texting and even asked if i was seeing someone else. then i had a moment of weakness and we had sex. how do i recover from this? CAN i recover from this? i feel like all my hard work went out of the window. I want my ex back but I’m scared I may have screwed it up for good. help scott!
Hi SCOTT
I have been doing nc for over 20 days and was feeling very gud. However recently (past week) i noticed that it looked like some of my emails on my hotmail account have looked like they have been read. It is possible my ex new my password and has been into my mail. Ahhh that means he may have read all my emails and will know about the plan im doing. If he jas he’ll be so smug not knowing what im doing and that i want him back. Im so worried as i think now if he has been into my email is there any point in continuing since he cud no what im doing.
Obvioulsy there is a chance that im just being silly and he hasnt actually been in my mail, however i just have a niggeling feeling, simply because it looked like some of my mail had been opened and read.
I have to be honest im so tempted to ring him to find out?
jas wrote:
What happens when you fall down?
Do you just lie there?
No, you get back up on your feet again, and say WTF happened…what did I trip on?
Then you learn from your mistake and continue on your journey.
Just start over and send the recommended NC message word for word again…OK?
Don’t be frightened you can do it.
Stay Strong!
S.W.
Sally wrote:
Change your password, and don’t give it a second thought.
You WILL succeed.
Sally wrote:
Don’t do it Sally…be Good!
Onward with your personal evolution.
Stay Strong!
S.W.
Thanku Scott i wont do it. Password has been changed. I just keep thinking if he has been in my email he will know about the whole plan, does that still make it valid? And will be laughing to himself.
Sally wrote:
Great Job Sally! (Thumbs High)
Sally wrote:
When he starts to miss you…he won’t be laughing for long.
If he had been spying it won’t be long before he will drop you a series of hints, and even if he had been spying you are still in control.
If he is spying on you he is obviously still in love with you.
Stay Strong!
S.W.
Ok thanks, you are so right. I just thought it wud put him back in control as the emails are about ‘getting your ex back’ so obvioulsy its clear i want him back. But this dosent matter right?
Sally wrote:
Nope, because although we are talking about getting your ex back…
This whole plan is really about getting your life back as a single woman, and then deciding if you even want your ex back again.
Plus, it’s doesn’t matter what you’re reading…it’s how you are acting, and you won’t be acting like you need him back during your personal evolution.
You’re a woman with a plan, and a destination.
You’re going to kick loves ass, hard…no mercy!
Stay Strong!
S.W.
I guess what im trying to say is that all alot of my emails which he may of read are all about trying and wanting to get him back. In the chance he has been haxcking into my mail does this matter?
Sally wrote:
Not at all…don’t worry about it…you’re fine.
I am sure he knows that you want him back by the way you acted after the break up, but that doesn’t matter.
There is no “defense” against NC and the free plan…he is not in control…you are.
Stay Strong!
S.W.
Lovely, thanks very much for your support. This is going v well so far. Even have a date on wednesday with a guy who seems very nice.
Will stay strong:) Its a one way road now
Scott,
thanks for your words of encourage…kind of feels like me against the world.
The phone rang tonight and it was her..did not recognize her new phone number.
She asked how i was doing…told her fine. but i was strangly quiet according to her, she kept asking me why..told her i really had not to much to say, we had to talk about a few lose ends about the household, conversation lasted for about 5 minutes.
back to the starting blocks i guess??
beemer07 wrote:
There are over 600 members (and growing daily) in our forum, and over 100,000 searches on Google a month for get your ex back.
You are definitely not alone.
beemer07 wrote:
Did you ever send the recommended NC message word for word from the free plan?
If not, now would be a good time, and now that you know her new number…let it go to VM most of the time so you are not so “available” for her.
Keep reading the steps in the free plan, but do not join our forum until you’re ready to follow the plan, and the rules of the forum.
In order to keep the chaos to a minimum…I strictly enforce them.
You can keep asking questions here on my Blog until you’re ready.
You won’t make much progress until you take that first big step and send NC, and start your personal journey.
No rush…when you’re ready.
Stay Strong!
S.W.
thanks Scott, my network of friends is very small.
For the next few days i will continue of not contacting her but there is no point in giving her the N/C letter until she is totally out of the house i guess. I know she is coming over some time this week to pick up a few more things, Hopefully i will not be at home when she comes over.
I have always been there for her, helping her do everything. very difficult to sit by in the stands and watch this unfold as i do not agree with this breakup of this eleven year relationship. This is my problem and i have to deal with it.
Even with her leaving i would still do anything for her. I am not offering anything but i am afraid what will come out of my mouth if she ask.
Going to read some inspirational letters again, they help somewhat but i do not see anything real close to my situation
Scott, Been reading the forum post and a question cam to mind.
Everyone that is read appears to be quite young or were in a short term relatioship. You still feel this works with people 46 and 53 years old that have been together for just over 11 years.
Older minds think different do they not?
beemer07 wrote:
yeah you would be better off just waiting until she is finished moving.
beemer07 wrote:
You see this as the end of your marriage, I see this as a chance to make your relationship with your wife even better.
Sometimes you have to break something to fix it.
beemer07 wrote:
I look at every situation as dealing with true love.
Not by age, time, or living situation
If there was true love in the relationship before the break up, then NC will help dig that back out again, and make it even better…how?
Everyone wants to repair their relationship, that is like hey patch the hole, and re-paint.
But what caused the hole…did you fix that?
What if the problems go deeper than that?
When people get something into their mind…you can’t just paint over it…they have to work through this on their own.
You can’t be there and tell them what to think, you have to get out of the way, and let them evolve.
She wants to have her own space and evolve, and the only way that seems fair (fair to you) from her perspective her is to break up.
This doesn’t mean it’s over, it means she needs to work things out.
If you love her you want her to be happy, right?
Well then get out of the way and let her rediscover what she wants.
In the meantime why don’t you go out and re-discover yourself as well…then you two can come back together and have a whole new relationship, and life together.
Stop trying to “patch things up”…tear down the whole house and build your dream home (relationship).
Don’t be afraid to dream.
Stay Strong!
S.W.
great feedback…thanks
beemer07 wrote:
You’re Welcome!
Hang in there.
Hi Scott,
I read a few of the inspirational articles again….they give me some much needed strength. A question came to mind
Much of the information is based on taking care of yourself, letting go etc.etc.
Just like before how does your ex know you have gone thru this change if you are not seeing them????
beemer07 wrote:
You’re over thinking a simple plan.
This works for people who don’t even live in the same country.
When the time is right you will follow chapter 6 and proceed with a reconnection strategy…then your ex will see how you have changed.
People have been successful with this plan using a web cam and Skype.
Consider yourself lucky that you will be able to arrange a face to face meeting they are way more powerful.
Stay Strong!
S.W.
another question,
I was given this called “Rebuiding” it does mention many of the topics and helpful advice you give out. most importantly: take care of yourself.
But this came to mind and i would like your thoughts
The dumper (Wife)probably made the decision to leave in my case probably 2 years ago (11 year relationship) and finally worked up the courage to leave.
Do you think the NC will work if this is the case? she still has strong feelings about me as i told you in the past. but if she disconnected years ago????
what do you think??
beemer07 wrote:
Whatever has been disconnected, can be reconnected, right?
You did it once when you first started dating…why can’t you do it again?
Stay Strong!
S.W.
scott,
I have been reading the NC forum stories and not seeing much success as far as getting the EX back but i am seeing stories of people moving on.
Is the focus of the NC to get your ex back or get you life back on track???
beemer07 wrote:
I don’t know what part of the forum you’re reading but there are quite a few success stories of people getting their ex back.
And a few that gave up and moved on (their choice, not because the plan didn’t work), and quite few more that decided they didn’t want their ex back even after the plan worked and their ex came back.
The forum is only 8 months old, and didn’t really get busy until about 3 months ago.
I guess people are afraid to use free support.
beemer07 wrote:
Since there is no way to make anyone do anything short of drugging them, and bringing them back home.
The plan focuses on you getting your life back as a single person.
This called your personal evolution.
During your personal evolution you learn to become less dependent on your ex, and happy as a single person again.
As this is happening you will discover a lot about yourself and your ex, and what went wrong.
Right now all you think about is getting them back ASAP, right?
That’s why you won’t be successful, and only drive them away.
At the end of your personal evolution you will have a choice…get your ex back, or not.
But your chances of getting them back before you personally evolve are very, very slim.
Bottom line this plan works…if there was true love in your relationship, your ex will come back.
Once you become self confident and secure as a single person, you will attract her back.
I have seen it happen.
But if you’re looking for a guarantee…you have a 50/50 chance which will only increase in your favor as you evolve.
So you have a choice…sit at home feeling sorry for yourself, hoping and praying for them to come home.
Or you can use the free plan and personally evolve past the old relationship, and prepare for a new one with, or without your ex.
Your choice…
Take Care,
S.W.
thanks Scott,
I did give her the N/C letter a couple of days ago, (Sunday Morning)
so we will see what happens? i have tried everything else so what have i got to lose.
I am very good friends with her brother and my sister in law, should i just lay low on talking to them as well?
Like i said before she sent me an email stating we should not she each other much so she got the jump start on me.
beemer07 wrote:
Did you use the one from the book, or the free plan?
The one in the book is for people in a less serious situation.
The one listed in the free plan on my Blog is much more effective.
beemer07 wrote:
No, you don’t have to hide and cut yourself off from the world, just don’t talk about your plan, or the break up.
If they want to talk about it just change the subject…if they insist, avoid them because they will only make matters worse.
Beware the “helpful” friends and family members who think they can “fix things” for you, understand?
The fewer people involved…the better.
Stay Strong!
S.W.
Hi Scott. I need a little kick in the butt. My ex and I broke up in decemeber and since then it has been a roller coaster. Calling and not answereing ( on his part), mixed signals, a slip up that ended with us falling into bed together and some broken promises. I am feeling really low right now. He came to my home after stalking me down and made me so confused. “I love you” “Are you dating someone else”, “I didn’t tell you I didn’t want you or us”, “sometimes things just don’t work out” etc…. I can’t take it. I want him back and I love him, but not like this. We have six years under our belt. How do I do this? Is it too late to send the NC msg? I feel like I am going crazy. Please help.
jas wrote:
Hi jas,
No, it is never too late to start taking control of your life, and this situation.
To get started go to the top of my Blog and find the link for the free plan.
Click on it, and then start at the beginning and read, and then do what it says for every step, OK?
You came to the right place, you will kick loves ass and get your life, and your ex back again.
Stay Strong!
S.W.
Scott,
Yes, i used the one from your website but like is said she beat me to the punch and told me we should not see each other.
beemer07 wrote:
Great Job Beemer! (Thumbs High)
It doesn’t matter who did it first, in fact it makes more sense doing it after her, because you are agreeing with her decision.
You’re not begging, pleading, or trying to get her back…she will notice.
You planted the seed now give it time to grow…meanwhile enjoy yourself…it’s very beneficial to your personal evolution.
Don’t look at this like a bad situation, it’s just a chance for you and your wife to fall in love all over again.
This new relationship will be even stronger than the old one.
Stay Strong!
S.W.
thank you for the encouraging words.
With my circumstances of the 10 months of trying everything….do you think it would be best if she contacts me down the road or still proceed with making contact with her maybe in a couple of months.
kind of tired of chasing her..would be nice if she chased me….know what i mean.
beemer07 wrote:
There is no set time frame, or rule about who has to contact who.
Try not to look too far ahead, as you evolve these things will become clear to you…you will know what to do.
Stay Strong!
S.W.
Scott,
I keep hearing from people that there is not chance of her coming home after all of our effort to date. This is the second time she has left.
You know my story.
What does your experience tell you
beemer07 wrote:
Hi,
People say a lot of things, they should mind their own business.
My experience tells me anything can happen, and your best chance is to stay out her way, and follow NC.
My experience also tells me that people who try to predict the outcome of NC never evolve.
They just keep chasing their own tails.
As long as she is still alive there is always a chance she will come home.
The sooner you follow the steps in the book, and in the free plan and allow yourself to move past the old relationship…the sooner things will start to change.
I can’t predict the future, but I do know that a positive attitude really helps.
Stop asking for people’s opinions, and stop listening to them.
You picked a plan to follow, now follow it and give it a few months.
The magic usually starts around 4 months or sooner, some people took 5 months.
But you have to stop thinking ahead, and trying to predict the outcome.
If you’re going to do that make sure it is a positive outcome, not a negative one…use The Law of Attraction to manifest what you want.
Hang in there, and stay strong!
S.W.
Hey Scott…my username is ninijudge…lol…i troed to get a password and it denied me twice! I want to keep you and others updated
Oh and Scott i believe the plan will work but do I really need the book because unfortunately I can not get one right this minute!?
Haniya wrote:
You were registered, but you didn’t follow the rules…I have deleted you…re-register.
Scott
I know i am being a pest but unfortunately my job and training over the past 25 years is to plan ahead and analize.
I guess in this situation i need to stop overthinking like you said.
It has been 15 days sense she moved out and 6 days sinse the Offical N/C . We have not seen each other during these 15 days, we have been in contact with each other twice by email sinse the offical N/C about the upgrades to our Rental property that are happening but nothing else. She keeps referring to me by my pet name she gave me???
beemer07 wrote:
Yeah old habits are hard to break, but maybe you can tackle this one during your personal evolution.
It just takes time.
Stay Strong!
S.W.
Hi S
I’ve been in NC with my ex for over a week now. He’s on a rebound relationship (or so I hope anyway…) and he’s trying all sorts of things to make me feel jealous. I haven’t reacted cause I know that’s what he’s expecting but I’m so mad! From things I know, I suspect things are cooling off between them. May that be due to the fact that trying to make me jealous a provoke a reaction from me isn’t working?
Rox wrote:
Hi,
Are you following the free plan (top of my Blog)?
Did you send the recommended NC message?
If not…you’re not following no contact correctly.
I would worry about that more than what he is doing.
Take Care,
S.W.
Hi S
Yes I’m following the plan now. We’ve broken up in early Dec, and have been in NC for the most part till now. I’ve only found your blog last week, so I started correcting what I was doing wrong right away.
I sent the NC message last week. I just couldn’t help feeling excited for seeing that the NC message is probably already having results and that maybe I still have chances of getting him back, although I’m focusing on myself. Thank you so much for taking the time to do this for us.
this does not help
A family member was talking to my wife and she stated that she thinks what she is doing it the best thing for her and me,( the seperation )
Summary, she has been gone for 16 days, 7 days sense the N/C letter.
What does your gut reaction tell you about her statment?
beemer07 wrote:
First you shouldn’t believe everything you hear, unless you see it come out her mouth…and even then she might not mean it.
Second if you keep worrying about what she is doing and saying you’re going to fail at NC.
Stay Strong!
S.W.
Hey Scott I have been having major dreams about me and my ex getting back together and usually i don’t have dreams about loves or likes!! I haven’t talked to him in 4 days and I am hoping he is missing me
Sry for not posting the question but do u think he is missing me even though he talks to the girl in england…n we both r in ga?
Haniya wrote:
If you’re using no contact correctly he will miss you.
If you keep thinking about, and worrying about what you’re ex is doing you’re not following the plan correctly.
Your success depends upon your personal evolution, you need to get a life without your ex, before your ex will come back.
Stay Strong!
S.W.
Hi Scott,
My family member told me another few tidbits about what my wife said.
- no connection-
- my lack of true friends
- she is tired of our struggle
there is one more thing but for some reason this person will not tell me
I am getting the impression the wife is justifying her decision to leave.
Is this typical?? not sure what to think about all of the negativity??
beemer07 wrote:
Show me the part of the free plan, or in the book where it says to spy on your ex through family members.
Listen, if you don’t have any faith in this plan…why are you using it?
I will guarantee you that you will fail, if you don’t start following the plan, OK?
I can not help you if you will not follow the plan, understand?
I am not a fortune teller, and I can not read your ex wife’s mind…try a Psychic Site for that information, OK?
Why don’t you get some counseling to help control your doubts and fears?
Stay Strong!
S.W.
thanks.
Going for counseling tommorrow
The plan is my last hope like i said, i am following it.
beemer07 wrote:
Good choice Beemer! (Thumbs High)
beemer07 wrote:
Well, then make sure you follow all of it, not just the parts you want to.
That means no spying, and if these “family members” can’t keep their mouths shut you need to stay away from them until you get through this.
Their information is unverifiable, and it is damaging your personal evolution.
Beware the “helpful” friends, and family, they do way more harm than good.
Stay Strong!
S.W.
I had an LDR with a man in another country, we had planned on me moving in. I am American. Long story short didn’t work, the last time I went to visit I was very sick. (not even able to let him touch me etc.) He said we should be friends I immediatly lost it. I called once after I got off the plain home, then wrote him a letter six months later,having not known anything about NC or this website. I wanted to let him know I was learning to change my extremley negative habbits I hadn’t noticed before, (he sure did)and feeling different,also thankful for the positive times. YAY ME I grew and changed. I had also started a diary to figure myself out. I figured out alot. casually he let me know he missed my affection,we know we have to be friends however I don’t want to be friends with benefits. I have grown alot since last time I saw him. Do I need a plan or is the plan just be myself?
DD wrote:
Hi,
Everyone needs a plan, and I have a free one for you (top of my Blog).
Follow every step in the plan, and watch what happens.
It is good you worked on yourself, but you have to use no contact to stay out of the friends with benefits zone, understand?
Take Care,
S.W.
when we broke up said” I agree with you about the decision to break up, I really believe it was the best thing for both of us. ” I we have not had notact in like months almost year, except the ltter I wrote about all the changes I made, then he contacted me?
Bottom line: my ex gets irrate when he learns I am involved with another guy military (long distance) & folks in a mutual military club affiliation. I have written no contact, etc. he texts and says if he sees me with that club or affiliates when out and about he will make my life painful and i will end up hating him. he called my brother stating i am bashing him online (not true) it’s not my style, says i’m poison to those clubs, trash talk, etc.
He has a gal living with him two days after they met, why does he keep trashing me and he demands I stay away from the club affiliation(s). Also it surfaced through grapevine that he caught new girl emailing back and forth a guy while living in his house and he’s told my brother everything is my fault, what’s up with all this stuff, if I make him unhappy and i’m not there why does he keep on?
DIMPLE wrote:
WTF does that mean?
Are you following the free plan on my Blog, or not?
If you are, make sure you follow all the steps.
If you are not following the free plan…what are you waiting for …it’s free!
As far as his actions?
What can I say, an asshole is an asshole, right?
Take Care,
S.W.
WTF does that mean? Answer: Yes. Your no contact letter was sent, as I stated in my post thus his negative reaction. It did not make him want what he can’t have. He is ignored but your next step does not implicate what that next step is if reaction to no contact is as negative as this. I know there are folks experiencing immediate negative reactions as this thus prompted your response to asshole behavior..your thoughts.
DIMPLE wrote:
Yes, and do you know why?
Because it doesn’t matter what kind of reaction your ex has, this is your personal evolution…not his.
Your ex’s reaction doesn’t mean shit.
Of course he will get mad you kicked him in the ass and took back control.
The plan is simple…just follow all the steps and stop over thinking, OK?
Stay Strong!
S.W.
Thank you for your website. My bf broke up with me about 10 days ago. He’s been in contact with me by text message almost everyday since then saying he still has feelings for me, he still loves me, he misses me. I’m tired of his mind games so I sent the nc message last night. He pretty much freaked out and was texting me and even called me but I didn’t answer and didn’t text back. I really feel I flipped the emotional switch and will get control back. The only problem is we go to school together and have 4 classes together. I’m just going to be polite and keep our conversations short, but I know him. He will hound me about the nc message I sent him and will want to know what it means. Thanks for all your help!
Annie2010 wrote:
Hi Annie,
Just be polite and tell him you’re not ready to talk about it, and you will contact him when you are.
If he keeps on insisting tell him to “fuck off!”…OK?
To quote Patrick Swayze from the movie Road House “You be polite until it’s time to not be polite anymore.”
Don’t let your ex bully you into breaking NC.
Stay Strong!
S.W.
My ex and I “officially” broke up a year ago, we’ve been on and off since then & he has a girl friend now and it got serious, (as it seems to me he does care about her) but he still talks to me/picks fights with me/cheats on her with me. Should I send a NC message anyway but slightly different?
gentile.kristie wrote:
You can still use the free plan, to start your personal evolution, it doesn’t matter what his relationship status is.
gentile.kristie wrote:
What you should really do is ask yourself, why would you trust a man who cheats on his “serious” girlfriend, and what would stop him from doing it to you…true love? (lol)
How desperate can a person get?
Without trust, there will never be true love.
Take Care,
S.W.
Just a question.
My ex already does not talk to me or contact me in any way unless he wants something, what kind of NC message could I send him that isn’t going to make me look crazy, since he ALREADY doesn’t contact me?
I also actually initiated no contact a few days before I found this site and forum.
SamBullington wrote:
Hi,
You must send the recommended NC message as outlined in the free plan, it doesn’t matter what you did a couple days ago, you didn’t do it right, understand?
Now, if you’re more worried about looking “sane” than getting results…I can’t help you, OK?
The free plan is a “gift” to my visitors, if you can’t accept it, I suggest you find another site to help you.
I only deal with serious people, and serious people follow instructions to get great results, the other people just screw around until it’s too late.
Take Care,
S.W.
P.S. I see that you are a member of our forum.
Per the forum guidelines you agreed to follow, you have until the end of today to send the NC message and start your NC diary before I take away your forum privileges…decision time.
Scott
I sent the NC before I found you here, and I followed your advice to try to register the forum but your system keep rejecting me. Plz help me to register it
I will need to get my money to get the book, he is worth for me to seeking out to get him back. We got along very well and compatible on most levels, I hurt his pride and his heart while he cared too much about me, just to soon though and scared the hell out of me
Thanks
Kelly wrote:
You must follow ALL the instructions for joining our forum to be accepted.
Well, I did it.
I never thought I would, but I sent the NC letter.
Wow, I feel almost liberated in a sense already
MS H wrote:
Great Job MSH! :thumbup:
It takes real courage to send the NC message without changes, and it will take the same kind of courage to follow through with your personal evolution, and win back your ex.
But!
That was only the FIRST step, follow all the rest of the steps in the free plan, and continue to evolve.
Stay Strong! :rambo:
S.W.
@ S. Williams:
Hey Girl-
In thought & I have used this NC when i was completly done w/ 1 bf, the silence drove him nuts..Ever heard the saying Silence Is Golden…U cand do more w/ silence then u can do w/ words…I admitt it is harder 4 me to do w/ this boyfriend 4 some reason…But once u get the balll rolling it gets easier…It can b very hard….i am exper it now…but u dont love every1 the same…
My boyfriend of 4 years is taking a long break from me because he caught me cheating about a month ago. He used to live with me, but after the incident, he moved a couple hours away and has a new job. Before he left, I asked if we could keep in contact/visit each other once in a while and he said yes, but since he left, he hasn’t initiated contact with me. I’ve been the one to call him about once or twice a week, and he does pick up the phone and we talk like friends. Will the NC rule apply to my situation?
By the way, I also did a few wrong things when it first happened. I begged and pleaded for him to come back while crying in front of him. He told me that the break has to happen so that we can start on a clean slate, and that he’s currently still undecided about whether he wants to be with me or not.
Jessie wrote:
Hi,
The whole idea of using the free plan is to get your life back, not your ex.
I suggest you use the free plan to get your life back, and evolve past the old “failed” relationship, and your cheating incident.
This will leave a clear path for you and your ex to start a new relationship later on.
Take Care,
S.W.
Hi,i dated my ex(H) for 3years while i was in a bad relaytionship with another guy(E)who is the father of my son,and my ex(H)knew about guy(E),me and my ex were really inlove only i didn’t have the guts to leave Guy(E)because of my son.Anyway After 3yrs of waitting for me,i felt like i wansn’t making my ex(e) happy because i couldn’t be or see him as much as we both wanted(not that he complained or made me feel that way)i felt i was holding him back from having a real relaytioship that he deservers,so i told him many times to be with someone else(now i loved so much and couldn’t imagine my life with out him)i moved to another city for school(which he begged me not to)and then he moved back to his country,we kept on talking for months until we had a fight and didn’t speak for about 2 months or 3,then he started writting me on msn and we were a bit back in contact,i asked him if he met someone else and he said no,days later i called him and he didn’t answer his phone so i guessed he was with a girl,he called me back and told me he met a girl 2 months,when i asked him why he didn’t tell me,when i asked him days ago,he said he didn’t want to hurt me and didn’t know how to tell me and that he started dating her to get over me.now the girl knew about me and how much he was in love with me,so he had to promise her that he will not go back to me,after 1 year she is asked him to marry her,he tells me sometimes that he loves her(which i don’t belive)and also tells me that he still has feelings for me.he is working in another country now and we’ve been talking once in a while online and 2 months ago(which was the last time we spoke) he told me that she was going to visit him in the country he is working for 2 months sameday he told me he still has feelings for me.i haven’t tried to contact him in anyway since then but 2 days ago,he left me an offline message on msn saying”hi how are u”i don’t know if i should reply him now or not??even when he is not online after the message.i still love very much and really waitting to be with him,as i’ve been single
sandy wrote:
Hi,
You need to read, and follow ALL the steps in the free plan.
This will give you both time to evolve, and think about what you really want.
Take Care,
S.W.
Hi
I was in a long distance relationship and she broke up with me about two months ago. We didn’t talk for a while at first and after two weeks she called on my birthday to wish me happy birthday. I tried being friends with her but it just ended up hurting me more so two weeks ago i told her i don’t want to be her friend and i deleted her on Facebook. I haven’t talk to her for two weeks now. Should i still send the NC letter? Even though i already told her that i don’t want to talk to her? Please help!
Broke up with her 3 times and after 3rd time she was acting like maybe shed give me the last chance I needed then asked for complete space. Contacted her once every 4 days or so the first 5 weeks. Now i’m done been a week with no contact. I don’t think she needs a no contact message since she needs and wants time to heal and figure things out. Treated her badly for 13 months. She’s being cold and self destructive right now. She needs her time and so do I.
I have been completely changing the jerk I had become btw.
My ex and I broke off almost 2 months ago and he initiated no contact exactly a month ago. He told me over a text message, “Nevermind, its hard for me to tell you everything when you keep demanding for it. Lets not contact for now.” because I kept bombarding him with text messages asking him about our failed relationship the few weeks we did keep in contact.
A few days ago before I found this site, I sent him a text message telling him I got over everything, and that I agree with the break up and that I respect his request for space and that I would do that as of now.
However he didn’t reply me, and a mutual friend accidentally asked him if I did send him a message. He asked her how she knew, and she said that she just knows, only to get a reply saying that he was tired and that he was gonna go sleep. He did say stuff on his webpage like “I miss her now..” (even though I’m not sure if its to me) but I fear I might’ve just screwed up my chances now that our mutual friend went to ask him.
Would you recommend that I send the recommended NC message again despite the fact I already sent one pretty recently?
I can’t find the no contact letter anywhere.
I don’t know if my relationship is possible to get back and I would like some advice/opinion about that before following this plan. Is there somewhere I can post about that before doing all of this? I have read the pages instructed after signing up at the forums, but there was no where I could see to agree and no letter.
I have read two books already including the one mentioned here.
TY
Lumiere wrote:
Hi,
Yes I would, why?
Because the message you sent, was not the recommended NC message as outlined in the free plan…not even close
If you want to get free advice, and support then you MUST follow the free plan, as it is written, and send the NC message without any changes.
If you’re not comfortable with that, then go look for some better advice, OK?
The people who have followed this plan correctly were successful, and the one’s that did not, were not successful.
It’s your choice.
Take Care,
S.W.
x456 wrote:
Hi,
If you read the free plan, you will find the NC message, and everything else you need to do.
x456 wrote:
Umm, that’s what my Blog is for, and you’re posting on it right now.
x456 wrote:
Once again, if you read the entire free plan, and then attempted to join our forum, and “carefully” read each of the emails you received after registering, you would know what to do.
This plan, or any other plan, will not work if you don’t read it, and pay attention to what you’re reading, so you can follow ALL the steps, make sense?
Take Care,
S.W.
Cyke wrote:
Hi,
Yes, you do need to send the recommended NC message, why?
Because the message you sent, was not the recommended NC message as outlined in the free plan…probably not even close.
If you want to get my free advice, and support then you MUST follow the free plan, as it is written, and send the NC message without any changes.
If you’re not comfortable with that, then go look for some better advice, OK?
The people who have followed this plan correctly were successful, and the one’s that did not, were not successful.
It’s your choice.
Take Care,
S.W.
P.S. Don’t ignore the rules, and try to register for our forum, if you won’t comply, and send the recommended NC message, OK?
Everyone else did and you will have to too, if you want to join our forum.
Stop being a chickenshit, and just send it, or go find someone else to help you.
ty for the reply. I will re-read everything again, and try to subscribe once again, perhaps I missed something.
Here is my situation: x and I have split for 6 months now. His choice. I agreed to time away for him initially, but I was not happy about it and I was devastated and I asked him to stay. He said he could not be monogamous but had not cheated. He said he was no longer attracted to me now. He did have one online flirtation 2.5 years ago. I almost split from him then. He said he loved me and it meant nothing to him. He was scared he would lose me.
He wanted to be friends and still live together I think during the break. We lived together part time. I flipped and said no or little contact until he decided what he wanted. We still contacted, then he said he wanted no contact for 2-3 months but then asked me to call him at the holidays and still contacted/responded to me. We have kept contact via email and text. I would say overall I have contacted more maybe.
He then asked me to do a job with him a month ago that we were hired to do together. I was not able to. At some point then I ignored him for 2 weeks. He then contacted via email and said he loved me, missed me and he was thinking of me a lot. He had made me his ICE.
I asked why he did not call me then if he felt that way. He called me from the job and we talked for a long time. He said again he missed me so much etc. He said he would call when he got back and there was more to discuss, but he did not call.
I texted and eventually we talked again. I asked him what he was thinking/feeling and he said he was too tired to discuss it then. Our contact increased a lot, I was going through a lot of stress with family issues and I asked him a few times what was up.
He seemed to be involved in starting a new R 3 weeks or so after he got back from the job. A woman was pursuing him he said. I asked him why he was telling me all of this if he was starting a new R and did he ever envision being a part of my life again in any real way. He had invited me to events and to visit his mom. We were all like a family as I helped care for her for 2 years.
He eventually replied that he wants to end our romantic r and remain friends. He said he was not sure how to go about doing that and inviting me to things was his way of doing it. He said there was no R on the horizon when he had initially said that about missing me and so on.
Now that he is, he thinks beginning a new R he un-inivited me to the event. I have not replied or contacted him since then. I’m tired of the flip flops. He kept telling me through the past 6 months that he loves and misses me, but he would never tell me what he wanted.
I have not replied to him and it has been about 15 days- I have not contacted him at all. He has made comments twice at FB to me, I have not responded.
Neither of us has ever married. I am the only one he has asked to marry.He asked me to marry early in our R and we looked at rings but I did not feel ready. Then he did not want to.
A month before our split he was discussing our wedding again. We were closer to each other than to anyone in the world we both said and there were many wonderful things about our R. I asked him at our split to not give up on us, he said he would not. I also asked him at christmas on the phone to get counseling, he didn’t say anything.He said at some point during our phone conversations during our initial split that he thought I did not want him. He also said he had thought about us staying together a lot and trying to make it work.
Is there any hope here? I’m so tired and I don’t know what to do any more. I don’t know whether to just give up or to get back in and fight for my R. Should I just respect that he wants a friendship now. I don’t know if I believe this is what he really wants. I don’t think I can do that at this point in time. He was very hurtful at our split. I don’t know what to make of all this. I have been dating now.
Apparently the new R has not really taken off the ground, but he said he was going to do everything he could to make this one last. I don’t understand why he wouldn’t work to make our r last as he loved me more than anything for so long, asked me to marry him and to grow old with him and he was with me longer than with anyone else. We have problems but I don’t think they’re insurmountable.
I just wonder if it is worth me doing any of this? I really am at the point of just giving up completely. But then I think of all we shared and I dont’ want to. I still miss him. IYO what chances do we have of reconciling?
x456 wrote:
Hi,
You have a 50/50 chance of getting back together, just like everyone else who breaks up.
The free plan is not about getting your ex back, it is about getting your life back, and then deciding what to do after that.
If all you think about is getting your ex back, you don’t have a life of your own.
Use the free plan to get your life back again, if all you want to do is get your ex back, you’re in the wrong place.
The name of my Blog is how to get your ex back fast, and I have found the fastest way to do that is to get your life back first.
Carefully read, and PAY ATTENTION to the free plan before you decide whether to join or not.
Take Care,
S.W.
I am wondering if i have waited too long and if it’s too late to get my ex back. It has been 3 months now and i have tried everything in the book to woo her back except the NC. We were married for 7 years and have 2 young boys ? She now has a boyfriend.. :cursing:
Steve Bully wrote:
There is your problem, you tried to “woo her” into coming back, that doesn’t work.
The free plan is not about getting your ex back, it is about getting your life back first, and then making a clear headed decision about what you want to do next.
Take Care,
S.W.
Thank you S.W. i will get my life and my business back to where it’s suppose to be. After that i will decide how i feel about her. If i feel the same way i do today i will ask her out again.
NC i believe.
I guess I’ll go in a different direction then cause sending a no contact message puts what I need before what she needs. She has already asked for NC from me and I want to start putting her needs before mine for once. So thanks! Also thanks for calling me names…later!!
Cyke wrote:
Exactly!
You obviously haven’t read my Blog, or the free plan, if you had, you would know this plan is about getting your life back, not your ex.
You must get your life back first, then make a clear headed decision about what you want.
You think kissing your ex’s ass is going to work, I have a forum full of people who have learned the hard the way, that doesn’t work, and now you will too.
I teach people how to kick loves ass, not kiss it.
Cyke wrote:
You’re welcome! :thumbup:
And thank you for trying to join our forum when you knew you weren’t going to go what was necessary to be approved.
This is EXACTLY why I have to use an approval system, and still the dense people think they can get around it…geez!
You are better off going somewhere else, you don’t have the courage or discipline to succeed with the free plan anyways, and you know it.
Good luck…
You are going to need it.
Take Care,
S.W.
After the break up (a bit more than a week), I came up to him and said hi one day and he seemed pretty happy to hear from me. He asked me if I was okay right away, and I said I was. When I asked him the question in return, he said he didn’t know. He started going on about a project he started on before the breakup without me even saying anything. The conversation lasted a few minutes before I left.
That was the last time I had contact with him, and it’s been about 3 weeks or so since the break up. I’ve read your NC advice, but I was just wondering if I still need the write the letter to him. I kind of already done the NC rule and did the other steps, except write an offical thing to give to him. To me, I think it’s okay if I just left the situation alone, because we go to the same school and I notice he often seems to walk past me on purpose (I use that to my advantage and become more confident). Do you think I would still need a “formal letter”?
And thank you so much for all of this advice, it’s really helped me through some tough times.
Hukora wrote:
Hi,
There is a BIG difference between “kinda” following NC, and following ALL the steps in the free plan.
One works, the other doesn’t.
Don’t take my word for it, read the success stories in our forum, and on my Blog.
Hukora wrote:
Well, since it is the MOST important step of the free plan, yes, I think you should send the recommended NC message as outlined in the free plan.
Take Care,
S.W.
I have 1 concern about the NC letter. Consider that the NC letter is part of a fairly well-known method to “get your ex back.” If you send the letter word for word, isn’t it possible that the ex may recognize the letter for what it is and therefore the plan? Does it even matter?
Thank you for the advice. What I meant by kind of wasn’t because I was talking to him. I don’t even look at him now. I just meant I haven’t sent the letter. I finally got to getting rid of the stuffed animals he gave me and deleting him off my facebook. It’s just weird he kept all of my comments and photos on his profile, but oh well. I thought it’d be awkward to send him the NC letter now because it’s been weeks since we’ve actually talked. It might feel like I’m bringing up the issues again if I sent it and letting him know I’m still thinking about him enough to send a letter. I’ll do it soon though. I’m so amazed at how you get to helping all of these people. Thank you again!
Remo wrote:
Hi,
Consider that the free plan is NOT about getting your ex back, instead it is about getting your life back, if your ex comes back after that, you may not even want them back.
It has happened quite a few times already.
This is a personal evolution, not some scheme to trick your ex into coming back, understand?
The things you will learn about yourself, your ex, and relationships in general, will forever change the way you look at relationships again.
The NC message puts you back in control of your life, it doesn’t guarantee your ex will come back, but your life/happiness will…sound good?
Do not follow the free plan if all you’re interested in is getting your ex back.
Take Care,
S.W.
P.S. People have found their ex’s diaries, and it was a BIG eye opener for them, it helped them see things through another person’s eyes.
Hukora wrote:
Hi,
But you are “still” thinking about him, aren’t you?
You can’t hide from he truth, you can only face it, and then deal with it.
Sending the recommended NC message is the best way to deal with getting your life back again.
The sooner you send it, the sooner you start your personal evolution.
Take Care,
S.W.
Though it’s only four days from the NC, I find myself sticking to the faith and I’m happy…. Somewhat, I feel like crying when I think of my ex, but it’s not like before. I use to be super lonely whenever we fight, but now I feel much lighter because I disciplined myself to go on with my life! Thanks Brother S.W, I’m thankful for you!
me and my ex have been broken up for about 5 months, we talk on a regular basis because i thought staying friends would help getting him back, but i dont think thats working, is it too late to send the NC message
Hi,
You can start using NC to get out of the just friends zone, it would be better than pretending your happy, right?
Go read the free plan on my Blog, and follow ALL the steps.
Take Care,
S.W.
thanks, can i use the format you have, just as it is word for word.
Yes, that is what is recommended in the free plan…don’t change the message or add anything to it unless the plan instructs you to.
Take Care,
S.W.
Thank you, and wish me look in finding my smile back and getting him to notice haha. read all the success stories, hopeful i succeed too.
My brother is really good friends with my ex and still wants to talk to him online. My brother knows that I’m okay and going through that personal evolution, but I don’t know if he’ll tell my ex that I am, or if it will hurt my chances of getting back together with him. Is this not a good idea?
Paula says:
Hi,
If your brother opens his mouth and tells your ex boyfriend what you are up to it will affect both of your “personal evolutions”.
This is why I don’t recommend telling anyone about the free plan or no contact…the fewer people who know, the better.
Tell your brother to keep his mouth shut, or just prevent him from chatting with your ex if that is possible, just until your are through with NC and get your life back again.
Take Care,
S.W.
My brother understands what I’m doing and promised on pain of death to not speak a word about my plans, but I learned that he did tell my ex that I seemed ‘fine’ without him. So I told my brother to reiterate the no contact message. I don’t know if this is bad because it takes away some of my ex’s curiosity about me or good because it may pull on my ex in the manner that he might wonder if he’ll lose me forever..
I think I’ll just tell him to keep me out of the topic of conversation for a while… I don’t want to ruin my chances.
I am really trying to look at your plan as an option. However my situation is a bit different and I cannot or have not been able to find anything that speaks to a scenario were we are still living together. She considers us separated but we have 5 children and actually get a long for the most part. I know I need to take this to another lever but just don’t understand how to do it when we are still living together.
Jim says:
Hi,
It is funny how people believe they have to have a customized plan for each and every unique situation there is out there, I have covered pretty much every scenario.
You said she “considers you separated”, does that mean you haven’t officially separated?
If she considers you are separated then use the recommended no contact message for being on a break.
This plan works/has worked in your exact situation.
All you have to do is follow the plan.
All you have to do it cut her out of your personal thoughts and feelings, and only discuss shared business…bills, children.
You can read about it here:
Scarlett’s Story
It is a series of comments, so you have to keep reading down to read along.
Take Care,
S.W.
Hi,
Finally ready to send nc message and wanted to know if this is ok to send
hi april
its been difficult not to ask how u r doing when i see u.I wanted to let u know i agree with the break up now, its the best thing for both of us .I have some big decisions to make and i need some time to think them over.I will be in touch when i am ready.
or do i need to add in “i would appreciate it if you didnt contact me at this time”
Hi,
DO NOT alter the recommended no contact message…why?
Because you are adding emotion, the message is unemotional for a reason…trust me.
Would I still be giving out advice if it was all bullshit and didn’t work?
You have to have faith in the plan in-order to succeed.
If you are not ready yet…no problem, there is no rush, let yourself evolve, and then start when you are ready…don’t be a fool.
Take Care,
S.W.
WOW!!! RIGHT AFTER SENDING NC MESSAGE, EX REPLIED WITH EMAIL STATING I MUST HAVE SENT THIS IN ERROR BCUZ SHE HADNT BEEN TRYING TO CONTACT ME, AND THAT WHEN SHE DONE SHES DONE,AND TO STOP PLAYING CHILDISH GAMES AND THAT I NEED TO GIVE HER BACK HER BAG LOL.I DID NOT REPLY, THEN SECOND EMAIL CAME SAYING I WAS A LAME AND TO OLD FOR THIS AND THAT IF THIS EMAIL OR GAME GIVES ME PEACE THEN SO BE IT.STILL I DID NOT REPLY
JUST WONDERING HOW TO READ INTO HER RANT EMAIL
Hi,
She is just mad because you have taken back control of the situation – stick to the plan.
Take Care,
S.W.
Me and my ex take games to a whole new level and I am so confused where to go to from here. I broke up with him, and then we started talking a week later and I called him crying at which point i enabled the nc rule (without really knowing that there was a specific way of doing so)
He didn’t talk to me once, and I added him on facebook about two months later. he invited me to hang out and i could tell he missed me and I had sex with him and he started crying, in the morning i started crying and asked if we could be together. I continually called him and asked for us to be together, crying, begging everything and he said “i dont know i cant be with you knowing youve had sex with other people” and gave me a guilt trip and told me he was talking to someone else.
Is it possible for me to start this whole process over again?
Jane says:
Hi,
What process it that…the one where you fuck everything up?
Yeah, you could make all those mistakes again, but then you found my Blog, right?
People go crazy when they break up…join the club.
And, that is exactly why I do what I do.
If you want to keep making mistakes and fucking up…be my guest.
But!
If you are ready to kick loves ass…
Go read the free (I hope you can afford it) plan on my Blog, and follow ALL the steps.
Watch your ass love…Jane has a new plan…lol
Take Care,
S.W.
Hi, thank god i found this site i got dumped about a week ago.
He is now ignoring me, due to the stupid crap we do when we get dumped. So i dont have a problem sending the NC.
The only prob i do have is its his birthday in a few weeks and i arranged for a balloon to be sent to his work (stupid moment i know ) the message doesnt say much except have a great birthday x . does this change anything about sending the NC. I deleted his number so would have to email what do i put in the subject ?
Hi,
Cancel the balloon if possible, if not you will have to wait until it is delivered, and then send the recommended NC message.
This is all covered in the free plan on my Blog, go read it, and follow ALL the steps.
Take Care,
S.W.
Its quite cool really, because ive been reading some of the other stuff on here, the reason for my break up is that i have no life of my own ( not even before him, no friends no family just my kids ) which is why i was so focused on our relationship and why i eneded up being so miserable). !! and screwed it up. That fact that it was an LDR Didnt help i hope i can get it back i think i ended up hurting him which is why he has dropped the contact.
I have little problem with sending the nc message.
A lot of books saying that you should not let the ex know you dont want any contact. However i want to give it a try.
My ex did not break up with me, he is saying he needs time to work on himselve and space blablala, and he was saying we need to let it rest for now untill we aren;t mad at eachother anymore and he will call me soon.
I know him, when he is saying that its like i dont want to move on with you , but dont want to hurt you. Well after a lot of crying on the phone last sunday i agreed with the ” we need to let it rest”
We broked up before and after a time he showed up and wanted to give it another try. So we did, it went great for 2months i mean really really great!!! We were never that close ass last 2 months untill last sunday.
A few days earlier he was calling me but i was busy and told him i’ll call him back and then he went nuts. I did not call back cause i did;nt have calltime on my phone,well the next day he did not want to see me. And i cried again starting doubting about his feelings for me…
the next day he told me he want to see me, but i didnt have time ..
so in the evening he told me he is going away with his parents to a party and after that he will come to my place.Well it was 00 in the night and i did not her from him/ i called him and he did not pick up I WENT CRAZY and did go to his house. Well his car was infront his house. So he lied he was at home, i ringed his doorbell and than he opened the door ( after i sended him 20 messages called him 50 times) and i founded HIS EX in his house they were sleeping together. No kissing no seks i know that but still it feels like he cheated on me… well his ex left and i punched him in his face he did get really mad told me what are you doing her i did not ask you to come blalabla well i breaked down infront of him started crying, how can you do this to me!you lied told me you was in that party with you parents i call you tomorrow big kiss/ YOU BETRAYED ME. and he apologized asked me to forgive me even cried told me he doesnt know why he does that.
We went to my house and started talking for hours but on the end he told me he dont want to hurt me again, and we need to let it rest.
I cried and begged him no to leave me WHILE HE WAS THE ONE THAT LIEED TO ME AND SLEEP WITH HIS EX. EVEN THOUGH THEY DIDNT HAVE SEX. I KNOW THE GIRL VERY WELL,,,
ÄND I WAS BEGIING HIM NOT TO GO INSTEAD OF WALKING AWAY AND LEAVED HIS ASS!
I AGREED WITH THE SPACE THING… BUT IT FEELS LIKE HE BROKED UP WITH ME.
I DID NOT CONTACT HIM sinths SUNDAY. SO WE DID NOT TALK WITH EACHOTHER FOR ONE WEEK ALMOST. i DID NOT EVEN sended him a email or anything….
but now my dilemma its his birthday tomorrow and i really dont know what to do say, or send in my nc message. So advice is welkom…
thank you, sorry its really chaotic im tired and my english isn’t that good.
Hi,
Did you even bother to read my Blog before asking your question?
I can answer that…no you didn’t.
Go read the free plan on my Blog, and follow ALL the steps.
Take Care,
S.W.
Hey scott
On 18th day of nc and hanging in tough and, just wanted to know,ive been riding same train with ex and lately we have literally been standing side by side when exiting train we both never acknowlege each other but it really seems so strange ,and just wanted to know that by being so close in proximity to her everyday ,even though i have no contact what so ever am i still doing nc correctly. Just want to make sure this not breaking nc.
Hi,
As long as you don’t talk about personal things with her you are NOT breaking no contact.
But, if you could possibly find another train to take it would make it easier on you…easier to evolve past the break up, and get your life back again.
Take Care,
S.W.
Hello its me again,
I did no contact for a month we got together for a couple of hours 2 times in3wks 3rd time was disaster what you called premature reconciliation.So now what? We share cats im presently taking care of them, but he will come for a week to take care of them when i leave on vacation.I wont get the kit in time before i go and i don’t want him to receive it at the house so do i go back to no contact?We are on good terms but he said he doesn’t want to be with me I sent an email to you yesterday?My question is what comes after premature reconciliation??SOS!!
Hi,
What do you do after you fuck up and don’t follow the plan correctly…what do you think you do?
You have two choices.
Give up, or learn from your mistakes and start over, and stick to the plan this time.
As far as your cats go, find someone else to watch them for you, and send the recommended no contact message (no changes) ASAP.
Take Care,
S.W.
it has already been 2 months since we broke up, the last time we talked was 6 days ago on my birthday, he keeps replying to my msgs on msn whenever I post some, he says he doesn’t wanna talk forever but still come back to talk sometimes when I’m online, I don’t know if it would be right to send the nc msg now or not, things still seem fresh between us somehow, 10 days ago he got mad cause I told him he’ll find his dreams girl soon and told me I know where she is, its an LDR btw, and I regret begging for 2 months since I didn’t know what to do.. so should i send the nc msg now? and what about my blog, should I keep it active or just disappear from his life? or show him that I’m having fun?
Hi,
If you want to reveal your ex boyfriend true feelings for you abandon the web 2.0 life, and start living a real life.
Go read the free plan on my Blog, and follow ALL the steps.
Leave the Blog, facebook, and any other way he uses to keep tabs on you alone.
Take Care,
S.W.
How is your recommended no Contact letter going to work here? I already sent a no contact letter to my ex at the beginning of October 2010. but he has not responded and if I send him another one provided by your free plan do you think it will annoy my ex? I told you in one of my emails that I made a terrible mistake of harrassing him on the phone after the breakup because I got a nervous breakdown and as a result he blocked his phone and told me that he never wants to call me or wants me to call him again so how does the No Contact rule work to get my ex back?
Hi,
I have answered this question many times.
The free plan is not about how to get your ex boyfriend back, it is about getting your life back.
Therefore it doesn’t fucking matter what your ex boyfriend thinks, says, or does, this is about you.
If you don’t “get” that, I can’t help you.
Take Care,
S.W.
thank you for the advice. Yes at this point I am not really interested in getting my ex back or even having any more relationships I am more interested in getting my life back and now I get it. At first I didn’t understand your answers because you just gave me links leading me to your free plan in your blog and believe me I read it. I am sorry for any inconvenience that I have caused you. The thing is not only getting my life back but also getting rid of the guilt feelings from making the mistakes I made after the breakup.
Hi,
Working through the guilt feelings is part of your personal/emotional evolution…which is what the free plan is all about.
If you followed all those links (in the free plan), and went to our forum and started reading what the other members have posted about their personal evolution in their NC diaries, you would have answered your own question.
This is a “self-help” program, you have to put tremendous effort into if you want to succeed.
Take Care,
S.W.
P.S. How much work do think it took one person (me) to set this all up (Blog + Forum), and maintain it?
I do not believe in organized religion, but I do believe that God helps those who help themselves.
First of all I would like to appologize for driving you crazy with my questions and yes I am already reading your free plan but the No contact letters that you suggested espcially the one to write when my ex broke up with me brings up another question. Your no Contact message says this “Hi,
I agree with you about the decision to break up, I really believe it was the best thing for both of us. I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over. I would really appreciate it if you didn’t contact me during this time. I will be in touch when I am ready.” in this letter I am asking my ex not to cantact me at this time and that I will contact him when I am ready. so my question to you is how can I tell him that if he is the one who told me not to contact him and that he will never contact me again.
I understand what you told me when you said it does not matter what this man says or thinks because it is not about getting back together with him but it is a healing process for me and an important step to getting my life back together. So my question to you is that if I should write this no Contact message to him or simply do the no contact rule without writing this message?
I am very serious about following your free plan but I just need you to answer this question without getting mad, and I promise that I will not ask you anymore questions until I studied this free plan and start putting it to practice for my own benefit.
So this is my final question even after you said it in the free plan.
Are you sure that I should tell this man to stop contacting me and tell him that I will contact him when I am ready as you stated in your NC letter?
Hi,
I have given you ALL the advice you need.
Now, either take action, or take a fucking hike.
You have wasted enough of my time.
Take Care,
S.W.
P.S. jesus loves you! In the name of jesus I will take a hike into the kingdom of heaven where he has a mansion for me! I can do all things in jesus Christ who strengthens me! God Bless you and Hellelujah Jesus!
Hi,
If Jesus really loved me, he would stop sending me idiots (like yourself) that ask for my advice, and then are too scared to follow it.
Enjoy your hike!
Take Care,
S.W.
Okay. My ex (son’s father/whatever you want to call him) and I have been at this for YEARS. YEARS! The first 6 – 7 years of ours son’s life was spent w/us hating each other. Things changed about 3 years ago. Then he was deployed to Iraq. We got closer (believe it or not), but we argued during his R & R (because I was too darn clingy from jump so he ignored me then my insecurity set in, blah, blah, blah). When he came home for good, we ended up arguing again. But in essence, he wants things to naturally progress (whatever that means), and I’m ready to get on with it already. He’s not where he wants to be yet, but wants me by his side while he gets there. Me on the other hand . . . I’m ready, and I don’t hide it. I want to move on with it and want him to begin putting our family together and grow upset when he’s there for his sisters, friends, or anyone and not for me. It drives him bonkers. I try to remain patient, but our son just turned 10.
Our most recent blow-up was because he went out of town for a so-called “family emergency” when we were dealing with a situation involving our son having a break-through about feeling left out by his dad. At any rate, I did the whole no contact thing after telling him off. I began making things about our son only which was another argument in itself. He can only visit with our son at my place or some other public venue/family member’s house (another story). Therefore, most of his visits are at my home with our son.
I’ve tried to get it where they see each other outside of both of our homes, but it tends to lead to a battle. Therefore, I seek to avoid the arguing allowing him to see our son. After a while of no contact, me staying out the situation and not interfering with their visits, the ex and I end up talking about our relationship issues and seek to try again. However, the same thing keeps happening.
I’m still exploring this WONDERFUL site, but any analysis or advice you can give would be appreciated. Things are okay with us so far. but it’s only been a couple of days. He gives me all the attention and does things to create this happy family atmosphere, but sooner rather than later, he disappoints me. I’ll grow bored with us not going out because he has no money. Or I’ll begin complaining because he’s doing something with or for someone else when our son or I need him. PLEASE HELP ME FIX THIS ONCE AND FOR ALL!!!!
Sorry for the long message.
Hi,
It sounds like you are breaking no contact too soon, that is why you end up right where you were before.
Go read the free plan on my Blog, and follow ALL the steps.
Plan on staying in NC for 3-6 months this time.
You both have to evolve past the old failed relationship that you keep falling back into, time after time.
Take Care,
S.W.
hey
dont know whether its the correct forum to ask this but I want to purchase Magic of making up.However since I live in India and the payment options doesnt show my currency,will I be able to do that??Please reply
Hi,
You can use the PayPal payment option, they do business every where in the world.
Let me know if you need any more help, OK?
Take Care,
S.W.
hey scott, just had a question about some thngs going on with me and ex.couple weeks ago we started back going out, and i could notice she was very i guess cautious about us, i really felt she had not evolved,bcuz i was starting to feel like im in friend zone, we hav been recently going out but once we hit back to her place she seems like she always sleepy or basically trying to get rid of me,my instincts have finally won me over bcuz other night on way to a nba game she got a call that she answered and she was telling this guy that it was not going to work out between them and ,i was shocked that she cud do this right in front of me,of course i didnt react i played it smooth and now im certain she doesnt look at me in a attractive or shud i say i really thnk i really fucked up in trying always to show her how much i care and now i see that my availability to her when ever she wants to hang out is actually showing her im weak ,so today eventhough we talked and laughed this morning im really ready to sock it to her i mean i dont want to be spiteful but its time for her to see the other side of me,just not sure how to go from here ,or do i send nc message again .,bcuz yes that call did bother me so maybe im not fully evolved cuz i know now she is not.
Hi,
It sounds like you either broke NC too soon, or moved too quickly after reconnecting.
I suggest re-sending the exact NC messages (no changes), and then following ALL the steps in the free plan.
This time plan on staying in NC for 4-6 months to give your ex girlfriend time to evolve, and move past the old failed relationship.
The real key to success is to focus on getting your life back, not your ex girlfriend.
Take Care,
S.W.
First of all I would like to ask a simple quick question, If I’m having trouble retrieving a password, each time I do it still refuses to let me login. what can I do?
I’m eager to start my forumn!
I’ve recently started having problems with my girlfriend. We would fight over issues such as going out to a club or hanging out with her friends. I admitted and realized I was wrong to her many times after we broke up still she would not budge. This is when I realized I needed REAL help. This girl means so much to me and I know she still loves me so much cause she says and well, I can sense it.
During our relationship she had went behind my back and talked to someone new. Maybe pursuing them? then confronted me and fessed up. I told her I would forgive and we could work on it. Fast forward three months to present day and She tells me sometimes she thinks we would be better off as friends cause of our disagreements but I feel different. This girl REALLY loved me, and I still feel she does.
I made the mistake after our break up of not giving her space. I begged her to give me a chance, and it simply didnt work. So now here I am, lost and confused. Hoping this site will help me. So today I talked to her on the phone and we agreed on not talking for a few days but now reading this I realize I need to start the NC ASAP.
So, please help me get started with my password login issues first.
What is your advice on my complicated situation?
thank you so much for everything! You truly have helped me already!
God Bless,
Dena
Hi,
You were never approved for forum membership.
Sometimes the system screws up and sends a password before you are approved.
There is an approval process you must complete in-order to become a forum member.
You need to re-register and then follow ALL the instructions on the email you receive after that.
Make sure you read everything, and follow ALL the rules or you won’t be a forum member for very long.
I am VERY serious about people following the rules.
Take Care,
S.W.
i sent the recommended NC letter…n den he came back..
within a week again we are having troubles..
I fucked up my situation…
I know and accept
What to do now??
Hi,
Now that you have personally witnessed what happens when you fuck up, go back and start over, this time stick to the fucking plan, OK?
Go read the free plan on my Blog, and follow All the steps.
Take Care,
S.W.
I’ve been broken with my ex for over a year now. We barely talk as is, but we do tweet/ comment on facebook sometimes. I’m not really desperate but I do want him back. But I dont want to pay any money if it’s already too late. So…is it too late for me? Have I waited too long?
Hi,
The free plan is about getting your life back, and evolving past the break up, it is not about getting your ex boyfriend back.
If you are still tweeting and chatting you didn’t use no contact properly.
You didn’t make a clean break.
This is explained in the various articles on my Blog.
If you would like to make a clean break from your past with your ex, go read the free plan on my Blog, and follow ALL the steps.
Take Care,
S.W.
I guess my question is really is it too late to even consider getting him back? If so, do I even need to send a NC letter? If I have no plans of ever reconnecting with him, is the NC letter even necessary? And I’ve been through the NC thing before. We did not talk for about 3 months and then suddenly started again. I actually wrote him an email asking him not to contact me before that period as well So, writing “I understand why we broke up” is a little redundant at this point.
Hi
the plan seems great and i want to go for it since I have not been happy with my current relationship. I am just a little confused with one thing – if I have not yet broke up with him yet, how should I do it? It seems as the NC message is only AFTER a break up as a follow up, am I right? I would love to break up over a message, email so i would not get emotional but at the same time I would feel that is rude. Please advice.
p.s. I’ll do whatever works to get him back;).
Thank you in advance.
ok, I am sorry, I’ve found it. i guess, the msg out of relationship limbo would be good.:-)
When in no contact, should I greet her a merry Christmas? or what if she greets me? should i answer?
Hi,
Great question!
That’s probably why I covered it in the free plan, go read it, and follow ALL the steps.
Take Care,
S.W.
that was fast.thanks
Hi,
I agree with you about the decision to break up, I really believe it was the best thing for both of us. I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over. I would really appreciate it if you didn’t contact me during this time. I will be in touch when I am ready.
any other NC message other than this for someone that broke u with you
Im afraid that she sees in your site that i copied the exact message.
and is there still a chance even if she repeatedly say that I should not hope anymore and she will not come back, that I am not a part of her future anymore
and my girl is off to korea after graduation so I have 3 months to win her back if she still loves me, is 1 month NC enough.
thank you so much
scott hey, after reconnecting to soon i found out that its all about me being back to myself again, i let ex wither back into my life and put me back in friend zone bcuz i was not ready well after weve been back n forth about with emails talking bout who is at fought i sent no contact message finally back to her and now i get it that its not bout thiry days but more about when i can get my life back and not care whats going on with her, just wondering if i did it right by sending no contact message again word for word even though it was during email fights i have not responded to her emails eventhough she steady sending them even after nc message.
Hi,
As long as you didn’t reply to her emails after sending the NC message again, you did it right.
Now follow ALL the rest of the steps in the free plan.
Stay Strong!
S.W.
Hello SW.
My ex initiated contact by email last night. Telling me how hurt she is about what we’re going to miss out on in future and what she’s going to miss about our relationship, yet telling me that she’s accepted that it’s over. She wishes I had some magic formula to make it all go away but then says we’re past that now. (She broke it off) She ended by asking me to collect my things from her home and telling me I’d broken her heart.
Some aspects of the email seem pretty damn final, yet others are possibly glimmers of hope for the future. Time will tell on that I guess.
My question is, do I initiate NC now and collect my things later? Or do I wait until I’ve collected my things to initiate NC?
Hi,
Yeah, she’s sitting on the fence about this break up, and all that is going to do is give her an ass full of splinters (if the fence is wooden).
In this situation I suggest wasting no time at all collecting your things, and then send the recommended NC message as outlined in the free plan.
Go read the free plan on my Blog, and follow ALL the steps.
Take this time to focus on getting your life back, and to personally evolve past the break up.
Take Care,
S.W.
Hi S.W.
I want to join the site and follow all the rules as I have tried everything and it has not worked. I really want to get my life back and would love to get my ex back too. I have a question about No Contact in my situation.
You see. We work together. I actually have not been to work in a lil over a week since our last conversation which turned into a full blown fight. I felt completely betrayed and decided to completely cut every form of communication off, since we work together and he also would call me or stop by my cube to visit me etc, everything was just a viscious cycle and he wasn’t giving me what I want.
Any who, I changed my phone number and blocked him from my e-mail address. I have another 5 weeks off of work possibly more (I’m looking for a new job).
How do I send him a No Contact message when he can’t reach out to me if he doesn’t have my phone number and I blocked him from my email address? He does have my work email and phone number but I’m not at work and I really don’t plan on going back. I’m looking for a new job and plan on finding one. I also plan on moving out of my current apartment when the lease is up or before that. So how do I send the No Contact message in this situation. I do have a phone connected to my pc and he still has that number?
But I feel stupid sending him the No Contact message when I basically told him he lost me forever and I changed my cell and blocked him from my email address and have not been back to work, and plan on getting a new job and apartment. Sometimes I still want him back. I definitely want to get better.
Thanks in advance!
Hi,
The free plan is not about getting your ex boyfriend back, it is about getting your life back.
Do not over think a simple plan, just follow ALL the steps and you will see the results your deserve.
Getting a new job and place to live is a GREAT idea.
Go read the free plan on my Blog, and follow ALL the steps.
Take Care,
S.W.
My exboyfriend broke up with me about 8 weeks ago and we were together for 2 years. i was a wreck but forced myself to continue my daily life and even go out more and meet new friends. I read selfhelp books and have been really trying but still miss him. the contact between us has been very minimal, only text msgs and never started by me and i’ve always been short (never told him how i missed him). our last contact was when i saw him out, we spoke briefly and politely..afterward he texted me saying how we really cared about me and wanted to keep in touch. since then i sent out a mass text with my new # cause i got a new phone and he responded initiating convo. but i didn’t answer. we haven’t talked since. I really want him back but have also learned a lot about myself and our relationship. Do i send out a NC msg even though we basically haven’t been and he hasn’t been trying? or do i reconnect casually?
Scott, I am tired of going on to forums where everybody depresses each other about their break ups and no contact and how difficult it is..It just makes me feel more frustrated! I am at the point where I want to DO SOMETHING about it! I have not spoken to him for 5 days and he has not bothered asking me how I am..He lives two hours away and I know he is spending a few days here in my town with family but has not bothered texting me as he always used to when he was here..He absolutely adored me..He was proud of being with me because I am an ex model..He used to pannick if he thought I was out seeing somebody else..He truly did love me!..He is much younger then I am but honestly, it was never and issue for us..We were extremely close and compatible in every single way..I can not understand his sudden cold and silent treatment..I am guilty of doing the text and email thing where I sent numerous a day..trying to get him to realize what he is throwing away..It has not helped at all! I now need to resort to something different..I need to know if there could be a chance if I start on this system? First of all he lives two hours away, he is younger and there might be somebody else and that is why he has lost interest so abruptly and suddenly!
Hi,
First off, I don’t help people get their ex back, I help them get their life back.
If you’re interested in working hard to get your life back, and to be happy again…keep on reading.
Go read the free plan on my Blog, and follow ALL the steps.
Take Care,
S.W.
okay.. So does that mean I should still send the NC thing even though it seems forced/out of nowhere
Hi,
Yes, if you want the best results from the free plan, follow ALL the steps.
Send the recommended NC message without any changes.
If this makes you feel uncomfortable don’t do it, and look for a plan you feel more “comfortable” with.
Take Care,
S.W.
I dont see how its going to work for me or how am i supposed to write the NC letter when he never contacted me and its been a month still no contact? where do i go from here?
Hi,
You are afraid to do what is necessary.
You asked for advice, I gave you some great advice (proven to work), and you are afraid to use to…why?
What do you have to lose that you haven’t already lost?
If you are letting your pride standing your way, you’re making a BIG mistake.
Like I tell my 13 year old son, there are two ways to do things.
The hard way, or the easy way.
You choose.
Take Care,
S.W.
hi, friend told me about site long story short ,also showed me nc letter well, tried it ended up as close friends broke nc ,became friends again after mom died, now know i need to get on with my life,never did whole complete program,but see i shud have came here first, so ive broke nc 3 times and sent letter twice and (tw jackson letter once) got her attention both times,but never did your program all the way thru ,now we just speak to each other but she now does not answer my emails i see her at work everyday and its just hi and bye,i think that ive broke off acepting being friends so many times that now
she wont even consider anything i do,shud i move on or try one last time to go thru whole program, just wonder how poerful letter wud be after ive sent so many times or if there was another one like it out there also each time i broke nc was because of something tragic in my life.
Hi,
I don’t think a “more powerful” NC message is the answer to your problem, you need to grow a stronger backbone.
If you are going to make excuses like “tragedies” and other bullshit reasons to break NC…nothing will help you…period!
I help people get their lives back, not their ex’s.
If you think you have “the guts” to stick to a plan, go read the free plan here on my Blog, and follow ALL the steps.
Take Care,
S.W.
hello, wanted to know if i agreed like an idiot to be friends but knew i still had feelings for her but then let her know that the friend shit cud not work, but i have done this 3 to 4 times with friend shit now and this time around she will not respond to any of my emails,and i have sent her a letter that i saw on internet from magic of making up, but ended up emailing her after no response after bout 2 weeks i think she thinks im nuts now lol,saw your contact message and want to get in this program,at present time its been bout week and we speak in passing bcuz at same job but i initiate first and she speaks back is this speaking to each other ok during nc or shud i let her speak first or just walk on by and say nothing , just get my shit together.
Hi,
I help people get their lives back, not their ex’s, if you want to stay out of the “just friends” zone, and evolve past the breakup, keep reading.
The correct way to use NC in any situation is explained in the free plan here on my Blog, read it, and follow ALL the steps.
As far as interaction at work, keep it short and polite, and don’t initiate anything unless it is totally necessary for work reasons, again this is all explained in the free plan.
Take Care,
S.W.
Hi,
I just happen to find your website today. I actually did purchase Making of Making Up about three weeks ago and already sent the Second Chance letter. I’m on my third week of NC. My ex did try to ask some questions about me on the 5th of NC, but I told him to give me some space and haven’t heard from him since then.
So my questions is, can I still send the NC letter you recommend?
Jessica says:
Hi,
Yes you can, in fact I highly recommend that you do.
Don’t worry about looking foolish or breaking NC, just send it, OK?
The second chance letter is weak, and usually doesn’t get very good results, that’s why I created the free plan, to supplement MOMU.
Go read the free plan here on my Blog, and follow ALL the steps.
The no contact message is only the first step.
Thank you for writing.
Take Care,
S.W.
Thank you for responding. I just send the NC letter. But do I need to start NC all over again?
Hi,
It doesn’t matter when you start counting your days on NC, there is no certain “magic” number of days, it is an evolution and takes as long as it takes.
Thank you for writing.
Take Care,
S.W.
For me, he said that he didn’t want to see me again. I didn’t directly tell him I would be making no contact, but it’s what I’ve been doing. But it’s a tricky situation for me.
We go to the same church and both of us are there every Sunday. I still went, but made sure I wasn’t seen for the first 3 weeks. He broke it first after that, to give back to me something I’d given him as a gift. He went back to ignoring me.
Mind you, I’ve been doing the No Contact rule. I just don’t want to switch churches because it’s my church, not because I still want to see him. I don’t want to have to give that up because of a guy. I’ve been placing myself in places where I know he won’t be, and if he does happen to see me at church, I’ve made sure that it’s from a distance. We haven’t gotten close enough to meet eyes, let alone speak.
It was like that for another 3 weeks. This past Sunday he stretched it. He didn’t talk to me or acknowledge me, but he placed himself where he knew I would be. I reacted as if I hadn’t seen him there.
Am I doing the right thing? I’m not even sure what I’m doing. Does no contact really work? I’m not sure if it’ll work, in my case. I can tell that he’s burying his feelings for me and pushing it aside. Long story short, he feels that the love he felt for me wasn’t “real”, that it was only influenced.
Christine says:
Hi,
I help people get their lives back, not their ex’s, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.
Everything you need to know, and do is included in the free plan.
Go read the free plan to get your ex back here on my Blog, and follow All the steps.
Thank you for writing.
Take Care,
S.W.
My ex and I have been broken up for a little over a year.
We still are on and off with cotacting each other.. I feel like we are still playing
These games. Does the NC letter still apply to me? Can I still send him
The NC letter? Or is it to late for that??? Since we’ve been broken up.
Simply because it says i agree with the break up.
does that letter still work for me even though we already
Been broken up for along time?
Hi,
Yes, the NC message will work in your situation, why?
You said your ex boyfriend still contacts you, and it seems like he is playing a game, right?
He is trying to keep you on his leash until he decides what he “really” wants, but that isn’t fair to you…is it?
You need to correctly use the no contact rule to evolve past the break up, and get yourself off his leash.
This is why I help people survive a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex boyfriend back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.
Go read the free plan to get your ex back on my Blog, start your personal evolution, heal your broken heart, and get your life back.
Thank you for writing.
Take Care,
S.W.
Hi Scott.
I have been reading your blog for a couple of days and wanted to ask you a question about the no contact message. My ex and I broke up 2 months ago, but we still live together and were sleeping in the same bed up until 2 days ago. I gave him the silent treatment for a while, but he would always tried to communicate with me and at times attempted to have sex, but I never gave in up until a couple of weeks ago. He kept telling me that he loved me but never said he wanted to reconcile. I was the one that would ask if this could ever work and he would say no. I spent the night at a friend’s house 2 weekends ago and he sent me a text asking if I was okay and to please not ignore him. I sent him the recommended no contact message from your site and he replied, “Fine. I still love you.” I completely ignored the text and him that night. The following morning he sent me a text saying that he realizes that I have moved on and that he was sorry things didn’t work out and that he wished I would have fought for the relationship. I responded that I had tried on several occasions to make it work but he always said that he didn’t think it was going to work and that I was tired of him playing with my emotions. To get to the question, after that is when we started talking again and went out once and had sex that one time. I saw that things weren’t going to change so I sent him another message saying that I did not want this anymore and that I was still looking for an apartment. When he came home that night he asked if I wanted to go to the movies and I said I had plans. I asked him if he got my message and he said no. I told him everything that I sent in the text and he tried together all close to me and holding me. He also asked if I was going to shut him out again and not talk to him. I said no and we were talking and made dinner. I came home really late that night and the next night he started touching me and wanting to hold me. I kept pushing him away and he sent me a text saying he missed me and asked what was wrong with me and why I didn’t let him touch me. I said that this is why I ignore him and get upset because he doesn’t understand. The next day he sends me a text saying that this situation has been going on for 2 months and that he wants me out of our apartment (my name is also on the lease and I paid for half of rent/bills up until we broke up because I needed to save money to move). As of yet I have not responded and completely ignore him. I’m sorry for this being so long and maybe you’ve answered this question, but I want to do this correctly. Should I wait until I move to send the no contact message or should I send it now while we’re still living together?
Hi,
It would be a lot easier to correctly use the no contact rule after you have moved out.
Stay away from your ex boyfriend, and keep to yourself, and move out ASAP.
Once you have moved out and have all your stuff as well, send him the recommended NC message as outlined in the plan.
I help people survive a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex boyfriend back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.
In preparation for when you are all moved out, go read the free plan to get your ex back on my Blog.
Thank you for writing.
Take Care,
S.W.
PS – It is totally possible to follow the free plan while you are roommates, but since you are moving soon, it wound be better to wait…less drama.
Hi Scott.
Thank you for the quick response.
I have until July 1st to move, but I am definitely hoping to move long before that. Technically, he can’t throw me out of the apartment because both of our names are on the lease; however, I know that I have to leave for my own sanity and well being.
As of three three days ago, I have been sleeping on the couch, and we don’t talk at all or do anything together. You can say that we’ve been doing our own thing for about 2 months. He does, on occasion say hi to me and asks how I am, and I respond with very short answers.
Since I am not sure if I’ll still be there for the month of June, although I am really trying very hard to movebout before the end of June, do you still suggest I wait until I move or is there a way I can start the plan now?
Hi,
You can start right away if you want.
Just pay attention to the articles on the no contact rule, and follow/read all the NC links in the free plan to get your ex back.
Thank you for writing.
Take Care,
S.W.
Good morning, Scott.
Okay. I’ve been reading the articles quite frequently.
In my nc message, can I write that during this time I would appreciate if we did not communicate unless it pertains to the money you are giving me and the moving day?
I will send it once I hear from you.
Thank you for your help.
Hi,
This is covered in the free plan to get your ex back, under one of the NC articles.
If you have shared business to conduct with each other after you send the recommended NC message, include it in the message.
Just keep it direct and to the point, and all about business.
The leaner (unemotional) the message, the better.
Thank you for writing.
Take Care,
S.W.
Scott,
We have no shared business. The money he is giving me was agreed upon after we broke up because when we moved in, we split the deposit on the apartment and bought furniture in which we also split the cost.
This is why I am asking if this is something that should be brought up in the nc message or once I let him know about the day I’m moving.
Karina says:
Yes, you do.
You have an agreement of money to be paid, that is business.
Just leave him a note (after you move out) with instructions on where to send the money he agreed to pay you.
Or you could tell him when you are moving out, and ask for the money before you leave…your choice.
Either way you would not be breaking NC because you are only discussing “shared financial business”, nothing personal.
There is no way I could possibly sit down and conceive every possible situation and provide an “exact” solution tailored to your individual needs.
This is pretty much common sense if you take the time to understand how the no contact rule as applied in the free plan to get your ex back works.
This is all explained in the free plan, and in our forum.
This is NOT rocket science.
Thank you for writing.
Take Care,
S.W.
Hi Scott.
Thank you for your response. I sent the recommended nc message earlier today and included the part about the business agreement we had. He waited until he got home and asked if we could talk about the message and what it meant. I just said that I don’t wish to discuss that right now and walked away.
Was this the proper way to handle it? What if he continues to ash? Should I keep giving the same response or send the message again?
Hi,
I guess your ex can’t read.
Yes, just tell your ex, and anybody else that asks about the breakup or the NC message; “I am not ready to talk about it, please respect my wishes, and I will talk when I am ready”.
Thank you for writing.
Take Care,
S.W.
Dear Scott,
I’d like to thank you for this wonderful blog, I’ve learned a lot of from you. I’m in NC for almost a month now and I’m doing much better now, although there have been some ups and downs I’ve hold up myself strong and shift the focus back on myself by practing the “fast forward techniques”.
However, I do have an important question for you – after evaluating the failed relationship with my ex, I have come to realize that I was the one who contributed the least into our relationship as I had great trust issues and I was the one always getting mad at him for small things.I’d always taken him for granted. I used to shout at him and used many disrespectful words when I got mad, though he just listened and took it all in.
Therefore, I’d like to know if NC is the right approach, when you’re the one who hurt your ex most and made them leave you like I did. Won’t NC make it seem like I am trying to hurt them again by being “emotionless” all of the sudden? My ex definitely would be expecting a sincere apology letter from me instead of an NC letter, so I thought this may drive them further away as they may think I am stubborn and did not even contribute the last effort and reflect on my own mistakes after the breakup?
I’d like to know your thoughts on this. Thank you!
Catherine
Hi,
Isn’t it a little late to be second-guessing the no contact rule after using it for a month?
Anyways, this is about getting your life back, not making up with your ex.
I help people survive a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex boyfriend back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.
If you acted this way around your ex there had to have been an underlying reason to cause you to react this way, right?
You weren’t born a bitch, were you?
It takes two people to make a relationship succeed, and two to let it fail.
This is NOT “all” your fault.
Your ex boyfriend has some blame in this as well.
It seems like you are digging to find an excuse to break the no contact rule, and this will only blow up in your face.
The great thing about NC is that if done correctly (following the free plan, and using the correct NC message) it will cause both people in the relationship to personally evolve, and discover things about the relationship they didn’t notice before.
Like your revelation about being a “bitch” your to ex boyfriend.
Just like you, he will have these same revelations about himself (in time), and discover his own short-comings.
Nothing helps more than when YOU discover these things about yourself, it is a big “a-ha moment” that sticks with you.
Everyone wastes so much time trying to find a “quick fix” to get their ex back when in most cases “time” is the answer, and you have to learn to be patient.
Do you know why patience is so rare?
You can’t buy it.
You have to learn it, cultivate it, and most people refuse to do this, and then they fuck things up by trying to rush.
If you and your partner had a true love connection it will NOT fade away so quickly that you have to rush through things to keep them from running off with someone else.
You have to fight these urges, and stick with the no contact rule long enough for it to work.
Time is really on your side if you use it correctly, it is not your enemy as most people have come to believe it is.
Life isn’t a race, it is a journey.
While it is noble to take all the blame upon yourself, it won’t help your relationship with your ex boyfriend…at all.
And while apologies are “nice” they don’t amount to shit in the real world.
Apologies are only words, and actions speak louder than words.
If you really care about your ex boyfriend, have the guts to stick this out, and let yourselves evolve.
Take the road less traveled, that is where the “journey” not only gets interesting…but also rewarding.
Go read the free plan to get your ex back, heal your heart, evolve past the break up, and get your life back.
You have to be a “whole” person to be able to contribute to a healthy relationship, even one with an ex boyfriend.
This is the fastest way to get your ex boyfriend back.
Thank you for writing.
Take Care,
S.W.
Scott,
My ex and I sort of mutually agreed to not talk for a while. That was two months ago. Do I still need to send the NC message? I think it would seem redundant to do that.
The only problem is, we did not specify who would contact who first so it’s still kind of up in the air. We also didn’t specify a time.
I hesitate to send an NC message two months after we mutually agreed on NC so I am not sure what the next step is for me.
BTW, I’m going to stop posting to Twitter TODAY! Thanks for your advice on that.
md
Hi,
It won’t seem redundant.
You want to move on and get your life back, you’re tired of waiting and wondering, right?
Sending the recommended no contact message will get the ball rolling again.
You don’t need to both agree on a time to reconnect, it is about when you are ready, then you contact your ex to explore the possibilities of a new relationship.
Thank you for writing.
Take Care,
S.W.
Hi Scott.
I sent the recommended NC message exactly three weeks ago today. When I sent it, he waited until he got home to ask me to talk about the message. He asked me twice at different times during the day, but I did not talk about it. For the past month I have been sleeping on the couch in the living room, and on several occasions he has told me to come sleep in the room and that he didn’t feel right with me sleeping on the couch. However, I do not give in. We have been doing our own thing, and I have been been going out with friends and even spending a couple of nights out of the house, as well as he has. He also went on vacation for a week, and when he got back, I was getting ready for work and he came up behind me and gave me a kiss on the back of my neck. There are times when I catch him staring at me, but I just continue to mind my business.
He tries to constantly make some type of physical contact with me either by touching my leg, hand or hair and he has initiated small talk with me and has asked if I lost weight and how much did I lose and made a comment about my hairstyle. I give short responses not to be rude, but I never go into detail about my life. I’ve also been packing my stuff since I have to move out by the end of June,and he has been present a couple of times when I have been packing.
This past weekend, I spent the night at my friend’s house and didn’t return until Sunday afternoon. When he got home that night, I was doing some more packing, and it took him a while to say hello, then a few minutes later he went out and got back late that night.
When he got home, I was sleeping on the couch and he stood there for a few seconds and then went to the room. A few minutes later, he sends me a text saying that he didn’t realize that things were that bad that I couldn’t wish him a Happy Father’s Day. He also said that he has tried to keep things good bewteen us but it seems that I don’t want to be bothered. He went on to say that through all of this he still loves me very much and he misses me although he does not expect these words to change anything. He said that he knows I’ve moved on but felt that he needed to let me know that. He wishes that things could be better between us.
I did not respond; however, in the morning before I went to work, I told him that I did wish him a Happy Father’s Day, and he said that he didn’t hear me. I didn’t say anything else and just left. Last night, I bumped into one of his mother’s friends. The friend called me later on to do a family member a favor from my ex’s computer. I had to call him because his computer crashed, and I didn’t want him to lose anything on the computer. I told him that his mother’s friend was at the house with the family member and that I was helping him write a resume but the computer crashed. Everything was resolved and he thanked me. When he got home, he came to me and again placed his hand on my leg, stayed there for a few minutes staring at me and said thank you for helping them out. The friend, however, told me to tell my ex not to let his mother know that he was at the house. My ex asked me why and that it seemed strange so I told him to call him so that he could explain it to him. Apparently, the mother told her friend that he shouldn’t come to the house uninvited and that he and I had broken up along with a few other things I’m sure.
Have I been handling things correctly considering that I am still living there and am fully aware that I can’t completely ignore him or be rude?
Thank you.
Hi,
There is a forum member going through a similar situation, and you can read her NC diary here:
Using No Contact When Living With Your Ex
It seems like you have the general idea, but just to clarify a few things…
I help people survive a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.
Go read the free plan to get your ex back and follow ALL the steps to heal your broken heart, evolve past the breakup, and get your life back again.
Thank you for writing.
Take Care,
S.W.
PS – Allowing him to constantly touch you is NOT a very good idea, and will fuck up both of your personal evolutions. If you’re “really” serious about NC, tell him to stop. He is NOT respecting your NC request. If you are not serious about NC and getting your life back, keeping doing what you’re doing.
Hi Scott.
Thank you for your response.
There were times when I did push his hand away when he tried to touch me, but I thought that by not reacting or responding to his touching me that it served the same purpose. I do understand that I actually have to make it clear to him by being firm about my decision.
I am definitely very serious about following NC and will follow your advice as far as the touching is concerned and about getting my life back. I really believe that it will be a lot easier once I move out. I have no problem ignoring him at home, but he is the one that always initiates some type of communication. As I stated before, I manage to keep the responses short with an aloof attitude.
Thank you for your constant support.
Thank you very much for your constant support.
You’re Welcome!
Hi S, William
My ex and I broke up about a month ago, since then I have been pleading begging him, I even went to see him, and thought things were sorted out.
He said he wants to be friends. & I Agreed sent him an text saying if its friends you want then im willing to do it to get closer to you.
yesterday, i saw him.
and we text all day. I found myself pleading again. and in the end i said yes we can be friends what ever makes you happy and im wlling to work at it.
now he thinks we are cool and friends.
he is the sort of guy who if i retract my statement and say i dont want to be friends hell see me as being immature and wanting to cut of all contact.
so please. what do I do?
Honey
Hi,
Your ex boyfriend is a selfish idiot, and you are a sap.
If he had any feelings for you, he would just cut you loose instead of feeding you enough crumbs to stay interested, and keep you trapped in the “just friends” zone.
Since he has no balls, you are going to have to gather the courage and use the no contact rule to set yourself free.
I help people survive a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex boyfriend back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.
Go read the free plan to get your ex back and follow ALL the steps to heal your broken heart, evolve past the breakup, and get your life back again.
Thank you for writing.
Take Care,
S.W.
My ex broke up with me 3 weeks ago. It will be a month this Saturday. I stopped having contact with him probably 1 day after. I never sent the NC message though, I had it all written out but my friend’s told me not to send it. So I never did. Instead, we both just went cold turkey not talking to each other.
Is it too late to send the NC message? Esp since he hasn’t spoken to me in 3 weeks. (I did find out he uses his friend to keep tabs on me though).
Hi,
What about your friends?
You listened to them this far, why not keep on listening to them, it sounds like they run your life for you.
I help people help themselves, and that takes courage.
If you are going to let your friends tell you what to do, you don’t have what it takes to use the no contact rule properly.
It is NEVER too late to send the NC message and get your life back.
I help people survive a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex boyfriend back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.
The fastest way to get your guy back is to get your life back first.
Go read the free plan to get your ex back and follow ALL the steps to heal your broken heart, evolve past the breakup, and get your life back again.
Stop second-guessing yourself, and listening to your friends, they just like playing in your life, they get to meddle without any consequences.
Thank you for writing.
Take Care,
S.W.
Me I have been divorcedfor 4 months now me and my ex have had some heated moments. We share in custody i live in the house she in a room she rents. Last night for no reason we got together for dinner i asked she accepted after dinner we went danceing and had a blast. After 3 am we left i asked if she wanted to sleep over and i would drive her home in the morning she accepted. Well we had sex today i asked her about it and she said she don’t remember it asked her if she would like to go out for a movie tonight and she replied thats not going to happen.
Please Help
Tom
Hi,
Having sex with your ex wife is not going to help you get her back, it will only fuck things up more, as you have seen for yourself.
I can show you how to use the no contact rule to evolve past your divorce and get your life back.
I help people survive a divorce and get their lives back, not get their ex wife back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.
Go read the free plan to get your ex back and follow ALL the steps to heal your broken heart, evolve past the divorce, and get your life back again.
Thank you for writing.
Take Care,
S.W.
Hey Scott.
I will keep this short, but I really hope I can make you get the feeling:
What you do is VERY noble. It must be really hard at times, supporting so many people, and having many of them sound so bossy.
I don’t think they do it on purpose, they’re just desperate. But still, sometimes, what you get on the receiving end is some sort of “bad” feedback.
Don’t let this ever put you down. I don’t know how to stress this concept enough : YOU ARE SOOOOO VEEEEEERYYY N O B L E.
What you do, giving your time and energy for free…
People like you make this planet a better place, and your actions definitely make your soul/heart/core-energy a much healthier engine (the same way a Porche is valuable for its engine more than any of its other luxuries? Like that.)
YOU REALLY ARE CHANGING LIVES AROUND THE G L O B E.
Making a difference, touching SO many lives.
It’s PURE BEAUTY.
Thank you so much.
Thank You, and You’re Welcome!
I hope that I am making a positive difference in people’s lives.
Thank you for writing.
Take Care,
S.W.
hi scott.,
me and my ex broke up 3 weeks ago.last week i sent him nc massage.and i never spoke to him ever since..i read ur free plane and the other articals.and those have helped me so much to make up my mind and move on with my life.thank u so very much for ur great advices..
the reason we broke up was as he said he some times feel like he need space in big time.he didnt like to speake to me at that times…he ignored me and didnt even care about me at all.this made me so mad..
this have happend befor even.we have been together for 4 years now.but we mannaged to get over it some how.but he used to say that it will affect to both of us if we get marry.
he loved me so much.but he was thinking about something which could happen within 10 or 15 years and broke up.(he have 3 sisiters,they all are married and all the marrages are messed up.he is bit scare about marrage) BUT the reall problem he have is his job….it is a depressing job…so i feel like he took it over me.
scott i belive that i can work this out.when he get over with it. he is in a city 3rhs from where i am.so i dont get to see him at all.the only communiction system we had was phon.but now i have stopped that too.
scott,is this is a common situation in men? i want things to be ok..even if it takes months thats also fine.sometimes i feel bad coz he wanted me to move on with my life. which is what i am dong now.i am afraid that he would think like i have forgotten him.though i send him the nc he havent respond to it yet.he is a bit resistant lover…
but what ever it is i am in the plan for sure…
scott what do u think….give me an advice..
thanks…
Romes
Hi,
The only important thing right now is your happiness.
People will use all sorts of “excuses” when they don’t have the courage to tell someone the truth.
You can use the no contact rule to find out the truth.
I help people survive a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex boyfriend back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.
Go read the free plan to get your ex back and follow ALL the steps to heal your broken heart, evolve past the breakup, and get your life back again.
Thank you for writing.
Take Care,
S.W.
Hey Scott,
I subscribed to the free plan last Sunday, however I have some difficulty logging in where it mentioned that the ‘user doesn’t exist’, thus I tried to re-register again. I did send my NC letter to him and started posting up my break up story and supposedly to proceed with my NC diary and my personal evolution.
He broke up with me about a month ago because he got back together with his ex. I can’t deny there were so many issues in between us – our different schedules, his inferiority towards me, and his ex girlfriend who is his current girlfriend who kept on bugging us.
About 3 hours after emailing him the NC letter, he messaged me out of nowhere sending pictures of his cars after an accident. I don’t wanna break my NC, and that I decided to completely ignore him. He kept on messaging, asking how I am doing as he is pretty sure that I’m doing fine. He tried emailing me as well, to acknowledge me about his accident. He even called ( I didn’t pick up ) and texted that he needed help from me in terms of transportation.
I am so puzzled right now, I mean is he only taking advantage of me because he knows how silly I was few weeks back after the broke up that I begged, pleaded him to reconcile, I was having the bad time of my life getting depressed when he was happy with his new girlfriend. I did all the DONT’s right after the break up for 3 weeks, until I decided to stop for 1 week, and thank God I your site, Scott. ( that’s when I decided to send the NC letter ) Just because I did love him so much, does that give him the bonus that he can ask me for help now… when I am coping up better? I mean, where is his current girlfriend? What does he want from me? I am confused.
Help me out, Scott!
Thanks.
Hi,
If you get a message that your account doesn’t exist, it is because your account was closed to due violating the TOS or Forum Guidelines.
All these answers you are asking yourself about your failed relationship will be answered in time, but you MUST focus on getting your life back using the free plan to get your ex back, and the no contact rule first.
Don’t worry about your ex boyfriend, let his current girlfriend take care of him, and you focus on yourself, and allow yourself to get over this break up.
The only one holding you back and hurting you, is YOURSELF.
Everyday you waste whining about the break up us another wasted day.
Thank you for writing.
Take Care,
S.W.
Hi Scott,
So sorry I didn’t mean to violate the terms and conditions applied! Because I read the follow up plan twice… and it stated that I should post my break up story and NC diary at the same time! my bad for assuming that I should post it in one post! ): So sorry! I am being serious. I didn’t mean to refuse not to or to disobey your terms ): Please gimme another chance.
Take careee.
Hi,
The point is if you can’t read and follow directions, the free plan to get your ex back will not work for you.
There are no more chances, I suggest you look for advice and support somewhere else.
And pay attention next time.
Thank you for writing.
Take Care,
S.W.
hi scott,
i have been in NC with my ex for closer to 3 weeks now.but 3 days ago he called me unexpectedly..so i was surpriced..
he was all asking about how i am doing,about my job and etc.i was bit exited but managed to be cool and relaxed and end it by saying that i have to go now coz i have to go out for some work.and i said i call him some other time when i have time..and then he asked me where i am going and said ok and hung up..
what i wanna no is what to do now.? i didnt call him after words..coz i feel like i should have more time to be cool with the break up..
is it ok to call him within a week or so, or do i have to wait for some time…give me some advice
thanks
jenn
Hi,
I am assuming you have been following the free plan to get your ex back, if so…
Your ex boyfriend wasn’t respecting your NC request, and you rewarded him by answering the phone and answering questions.
That was a big mistake!
Resend the recommended NC message as outlined in the free plan to get your ex back, and then stick to the plan.
The no contact rule only works when you stick to it.
Remember this is about getting your life back, not your ex boyfriend.
Thank you for writing.
Take Care,
S.W.
I’m in LDR for 2 years now. Things went fine at first, and we’ll meet once in 2-3 months until since early this month, he began to withdraw and suddenly initiated his own ‘no-contact program’ with me…why i said this it’s because he no longer text/email/chat/calls me like we used to do. This happened since a month ago.
I had been the one who constantly trying to keep up with him, wondering what’s wrong with our relationship…if he is thinking to break up, and do all the calling/text/chat once in few days. The answer I always got is ‘I’m blank’ ‘I don’t know’ ‘I got problems now and I don’t want you to get involved.’ …3 days ago a friend of us asked me if we’re okay, I lied to her by saying yes…she said she didn’t believe me because she told me that was chatting with him and when she inquired about how’s things between me and him, he told her ‘I feel like I wanted to be single again.’ and changed the topic. (and she posted the chat messages to me)
Now…should I start with the NC? Please advice…
Hi,
Now would be a great time to start using the no contact rule to reveal your ex boyfriend’s true feelings for you.
I help people survive a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex boyfriend back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.
Go read the free plan to get your ex back and follow ALL the steps to heal your broken heart, evolve past the breakup, and get your life back again.
Thank you for writing.
Take Care,
S.W.
hi scott..
me and my ex have brock up amonth and 2 weeks ago..i was in a no contact period but i think it didnt work in some points especially i was in a rush to get him back…
the reason for my braek up is he is 4 years younger than me,and looks like his familly have put a realy strong affect on that on him and he broke up…
one of my friend told me yesterday that my ex told him that he have made the decition and wont think about me ever again..and dont wanna talk about it too…
i havent spoke to him for 3 weeks or so….what my friend told me really made me feel panic i guess…i felt like i should move on with this.so i send him ur recomended NC MASSAGE just now and started regaining my life back..
its not he i want … its my life….
but in my case do u think that i can change him…he is 23 and iam 27…i trully love him and when we were together he too….its bit hard to make up my mind….
but i remove everything which remind me of him and became clean…and also i deactivated my FB too.
i need my life back..and if possible my ex too……
will this work for me in my situation and how???
zuzan
Hi,
Yes this will work for your situation, as long as you stick to the no contact rule, and follow all the steps in the free plan to get your ex back.
Just be patient, and get ready to personally evolve, survive your break up, and get your life back again.
Thank you for writing.
Take Care,
S.W.
hi scott,
Thank u very much for ur words…it gave me so much confidence…i learn by my mistakes.i no if i rush througth things it wont work out at all…
wether to get my ex back or not,what i want is to live my life HAPPILY…thank u soo much for ur support…i feel at least there is someone out there to help me when i need it the most….
Thank u,
and take care
zuzan
Hello!
My ex and I have been together for two years and 8 months and been living together since. We’ve been through hell together and back and each time something causes us to break up, we would always eventually come back together again. The whole time I’ve been a great gf to him and a great friend. I have been taking care of him since and took him in because he had trouble finding a job and he had no where to go, literally. As soon as he felt his life was coming together, (because he thought he was getting a job), I found out that he’s been cheating on me with another girl and wants to leave me. He obviously planned to never tell me about her, I found out for myself. That whole “the grass is greener on the other side” attitude. She’s very unattractive btw with two kids by someone else, on welfare and she doesn’t have a job and neither does he. She is being taken care of by her friend. And the fact that they hardly don’t know each other, (He’s only know her for a month).
When I confronted him, he kept saying he did it because he is unhappy. I kicked him out and he’s been staying with her. When I tried to get him to work it out, he refuses. Saying he’s cares about her, doesn’t want to hurt her feelings and yet he doesn’t hardly know her. I know for a fact he doesn’t love her. Then he turns around and says that it is hard for him to choose and says he wants me and her. Then when he gets in front of the other women, he fronts off and says I don’t want to be with you anymore, that “so and so is my woman now.” (I know, bs right?) He said he wants to do his own thing.
We get into a huge fight the night leaves after he gets his stuff. A week later he calls me but my uncle picks up the phone. He says to my uncle to tell me that he will come by for the rest of his stuff, which he knows damn well he has nothing else in my place and whatever is left here I told him I would drop it off at his aunt’s place and he agrees. He never shows up and he doesn’t call back after that and I haven’t heard from him sense and I never tried to get into contact since. But then I find out that around the same time he calls me he tries to stay with his foster sister for a week and then when she says no, he asks to stay with a friend of mine who lives several blocks away from me for a week. He tells him no. Suspicious, right??
And the fact that he kissed me when we were talking (this was around the same time I was begging him to work things out when I found out. Yea, I’ll admit that, but it was the first and last time) means he still has feelings for me right? He kissed me the way he used to kiss me as if were dating for the first time. I felt my absence and us reuniting re-kindled something. I have so many doubts about what I feel and thinking that I get so confused. He said he wants to work things out with me the day we talked when it happened but as soon as he gets in contact with the other woman, (because he said he wanted to go back to get whatever he left at her place) he changes his mind and says she’s my woman now. He fronts off in front of her because she was there. And then I hear from him a week later, “telling my uncle he’s stopping by to get his stuff” and then he never shows up and I never hear from him again.
I’ve given him a place to stay, been really a perfect gf to him. He came into my life with nothing and I’ve shared everything with him! I’ve exposed so much positive side to life to him, we had a lot of fun together, have done things together he has never done before and made a huge impact on his life. We went places because we both love traveling. He has no transportation, I do. And neither does the other woman because she takes the bus. He litterally went from sugar to sh*t. Even though what he did to me was beyond cruel, I miss him very much. It’s been 3 weeks since it has happened and since the break up. I don’t want to call him, I’m waiting for him to call me because if I do call him, it will just give him a major ego trip. So that’s why I want to apply the NC rule and I have been sticking with it. I even blocked him from my FB.
Recently, I found out that a friend of mine ran into him and his new girl at the bustop. He introduced her to my friend as his fiance. He kept telling my friend how he was unhappy and how he is now over and over and over again. And then he asks about how I am doing. My friend tells him that’s I’m doing great and he says he’s glad I’m doing great.
I guess I’m hoping this female is just a fling, or a rebound girl and I’m hoping he comes to his senses and tries to contact me and would want to work things out with me. Because I’m clearly better than this girl, better looking and I have a lot more to offer. I’m hoping he will realize how special I am and realize that he will never find another like me. EVER. I still love him. This is the first time he’s cheating on me btw. I want to forgive him but I dont know if I can ever trust him again. Can the whole idea of the NC rule still apply even when he’s living with her and in the company of another women? Even though I did beg and plead and we fought and got each other angry, is it too late? (Sorry for the whole life story)
How will the NC message for me will work if my ex is living with the other woman and I don’t know the address? I don’t know his email address and he doesn’t have a cell phone. Calling there is out of the question as well. And not to mention I already blocked him from my FB. Is it too late? Will the NC rule still work for me without the message? I haven’t been talking to him or heard from him since the break up, cheating on me incident which was 3 and a half weeks ago.
Hi,
I help people survive a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex boyfriend back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.
Go read the free plan to get your ex back and follow ALL the steps to heal your broken heart, evolve past the breakup, and get your life back again.
Thank you for writing.
Take Care,
S.W.
PS – Sending the recommended NC message is crucial to your success, and necessary if you ever intend on becoming an active member of our Break up Help forum.
Find a way to send it to him, do not deliver it by calling, VM, or by telling him face to face, it must be in writing.
You could unblock him on FB send the message, and then block him again.
I know women value security in a relationship, you have to honestly ask yourself; “how safe and secure could you ever feel with a unreliable man like this?”
I see.
But it takes 48 hours to reblock him after you unblock someone.
I don’t want him to send any messages to me or replies when he gets it.
And does this sound like this girl is a fling or a rebound? I felt that with my absense and not being around or hearing from me, it will get him to rethink about our relationship and contact. And maybe even want to work things out. They have only been dating for a couple weeks or a month. The break up is still fresh and their relationship is new.
But it’s hard for him to do all that when he is in the company of another woman.
Hi,
That isn’t a problem, you just ignore his replies (if he even does)…delete them.
It is very important to use the no contact rule correctly, and that means sending the no contact message.
Thank you for writing.
Take Care,
S.W.
I went ahead and sent him the NC message. So what next?
I have to admit, I was afraid to send it because I was afraid that the message would push him farther away from me, ruining the chances of getting back together or re-kindling something new (even though I know he’s with someone right now and living with her) and to be honest, I do want him back
I still feel like this girl is a rebound.
But I read all your blogs and I know this is the time to work on myself. The break-up is still fresh ( 3 1/2 weeks fresh) so I know it will take time and I know I have to give it time. (I am a impaitient person lol) I want everything to happen now so I remind myself, it’s not going to happen overnight.
missminx says:
Great Job!
It takes real courage to send the recommended NC message, and you did it.
As far as what to do next, you should be following the free plan to get your ex back, it will tell you how to join our free break up help forum.
You can get real support from fellow ass kickers who are evolving past a break up just like you are, plus I answer questions as well.
Thank you for writing.
Take Care,
S.W.
Thank you very much
Btw, do you think she is a rebound girl from what I told you? Just what some advice.
And so I can on ahead and re-register with the forum??
Hi,
This doesn’t sound like a very strong relationship, it seems like he just wants to hide from things for a while, but I wouldn’t worry about that.
You will see the fastest results if you focus on getting your life back, not your ex.
Let your old failed relationship go, and you WILL get your life (happiness) back, one day at a time.
Not only will you be happier than before, you will be much stronger than before too.
All the members of our forum will attest to that fact.
You can register for our forum, but you MUST obey ALL the rules…read the forum guidelines and terms of service BEFORE joining.
Thank you for writing.
Take Care,
S.W.
Thanks so much!
And guess what? The same day I sent the NC message, what does he do? He calls me that same day! Not even an hour has passed! Of course I dont pick up the phone, my uncle does and he uses that same excuse. “I’m coming to pick up my stuff.” and he doesn’t have any stuff here and my uncle said he sounded mad!
My mom warns him not to come over and tells him there is nothing here like we have been telling him. The next day I didn’t expect him to show up but he did, but he brings his rebound girl with him! A lot of nerve, right? I stayed inside of course and didnt see him or talk to him. My family was out there to intercept them and stop them from coming to the door. They parked way on the other side and hid. He was hesistant to coming up at first but the other girl kept pulling him and edging him on to continue.
My uncle stops him and tells him to leave, that he has no reason of calling or showing up. He gets mad, throws a fit and they leave (temporaily). He calls the cops to get his stuff, the cops show up and I talk to them and I tell them everything that happened and they believed me and advised me to get a restraining order against them both. The cops leave and talk to the ex who were waiting somehwere and they leave and he or she still had to nerve to call me an hour later but no one picks up and I havent heard from him sense. My aunt tells me that they were hugging and kissing outside but the only reason he did that was because my aunt was outside and of course he knew she was going to tell me. He’s not the person to show or express affection in public, never was. Just another front like when he talked to my friend. And of course the relationship is new but eventually it will get stale. A rebound relationship never lasts long right? That’s what I have been hearing.
Surprisingly, he hasn’t blocked me from his FB page or replied to the message yet. I’m still waiting for the 48 hours to reblock him.
I felt he was truly “happy” and over me he wouldn’t go through all this trouble trying to get to me or whatever the reason may be. What do you think from a guy’s point of you?
Hi,
I think he was trying to get you jealous, and I think you can do better than a guy like him.
Thank you for writing.
Take Care,
S.W.
Not sure if this will apply to me. I have been seeing my guy exclusively for 3 months. How we stopped seeing each other had to do with me trying to ease drop on his conversation with his roommate & I was caught. Long story. My guy had been acting strange for some time & when I tried to confront him on this at his house he wouldn’t let me in & said he roommate (who is male) was in a bad mood. Roommate saw us talking outside & said he was confused & went back inside. My guy told me to go home & we will talk later & not to worry about it basically. But since he had been acting so strange for the past week I decided I was going sneak around & see if I could ease drop. I know childish, but my curiousity got the best of me. Well he caught me & yelled at me and told me to go home! In which I did. But since then I had sent him several amoung several texts & VM to him for the past 2 days after. Basically apologizing & asking if it is over. And no response & then he finally did & said “GOOD BYE! FOR GOOD! LEAVE ME ALONE..” In which I did & it crushed me, so I said good bye but called & left a VM apologizing again & said I cared & I will give me his time to himself. So would the NC still apply to me? Or would I word it differently?
Confused
And oh I should mention It has been almost 4 days now since I have said anything to him.
Hi,
4 days without talking is nothing to worry about, you need to use the recommended NC message (no changes).
You can reveal your ex boyfriend’s true feelings for you by using the no contact rule.
I help people survive a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex boyfriend back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.
Go read the free plan to get your ex back and follow ALL the steps to heal your broken heart, evolve past the breakup, and get your life back again.
Thank you for writing.
Take Care,
S.W.
IMPORTANT – If you found this information helpful or useful, please give me a “+1″ rating by using the colored “+1 button” at the top or bottom of the above article. I’d really appreciate it.
Hi,
7 year LDR. I wanted time, so I told him. 6 weeks later I wanted to be with him again. He didn’t. He said he didn’t trust me anymore and wanted to stay alone.
He told me to forget him. I said OK, sent him the NC letter, stopped calling and ignored his calls. I answered one by mistake, he said he wanted me back, he missed me. I was so happy! But 2 days later he said he was just feeling alone, and wanted me to be his FWB. I said I wanted to stick to NC, but he kept calling (this week). Last night I sent him a text telling him we should talk (I was drunk and shouldn’t have.) He will call later.
Don’t know what to do anymore. NC card is already used, he doesn’t respect NC, and I don’t know what he wants from me.
What should be my next move???
Thanks.
Aru said:
Hi,
You can play the “NC card” more than once.
In fact, there have been some people who needed to use that card quite a few times before becoming successful.
The idea is to learn form your mistakes, not repeat them.
If you use the no contact rule correctly, you will get your life back again, and all the rest will fall into place.
I help people survive a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.
Go read the free plan to get your ex back and follow ALL the steps to heal your broken heart, evolve past the breakup, and get your life back again.
Thank you for writing.
Take Care,
S.W.
IMPORTANT – If you found this information helpful or useful, please give me a “+1″ rating by using the colored “+1 button” at the top or bottom of the above article. I’d really appreciate it.
Hi there – its been 2months and a bit since we broke up – i have only just found this website. Prior to seeing this website i made all the mistakes you can think of – after a month of not seeing him he sent me emails saying he still cares and we met up it was nice but i couldent trust him so the next day i kept going to his and the arguments started all over again (that was the end of september)
throughout october i wouldent leave him alone and he got so so angry and blocked all my emails so they kept bouncing back to me.
now my question is as he hasent replied to any of my texts and blocked all emails is there any point sending the NC message (i sent it yesterday the 9th of october – do you still think if i made that step after all the prior mistakes i still have a chance (plus i think his moved on with a new woman)
can you just give me your advice on whether me sending the NC message (without changes)was still the first step and would you say theres any hope – i sent the NC message by text but how do i know if his even read it or got rid of the phone
thank you so much
ps when i said couldent trust i kept going to his house questioning him about certain things and he even admitted lieing to me
sorry for not sending the message all in one go – i forgot to add i did get a delivery report saying message was recieved – but that dosent mean he read it cause he said he will delete any texts he gets from me – if i try and post a letter also with the NC message then i will look silly if he did read my text?
Hi,
Yes, sending the NC message without any changes was the correct first step.
Don’t worry about if he read it or not, if he contacts you again, send the same exact NC message, and then you know he got it.
I personally think he is full of shit, and he is lying about deleting your messages.
You have a 50/50 chance of getting your ex back, but the real questions is, is that the right thing to do?
Using the no contact rule correctly will reveal your ex’s true feelings for you.
I help people survive a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex boyfriend back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.
Go read the free plan to get your ex back and follow ALL the steps to heal your broken heart, evolve past the breakup, and get your life back again.
Thank you for writing.
Take Care,
S.W.
IMPORTANT – If you found this information helpful or useful, please give me a “+1″ rating by using the colored “+1 button” at the top or bottom of the above article. I’d really appreciate it.
thank you scott – i have been depressed for 2months and he really has confused me 23 yrs old and his 11 years older than me – i also think he lies about deleting my messages because last time we argued he was almost replying verbally to my text messages.
i gave you a +1 rating i think your websites brillant – its given me confidence just reading stories on here – that in itself is amazing as its actually stopped me crying for the first time! thank you
ps im worried he will type the NC message in google and see i got it from this website – but i dont think his that lame that he would do that
do you also think 2 months is a along time and my many mistakes over a long period of time have given me no hope – i want the old person i fell in love with back not the one who has hurt me so bad for the last 2 months
Hi,
It doesn’t matter if he discovers where you copied the NC message from, he can’t stop you from getting your life back, and he will realize that.
The no contact rule is about getting your life back, not your ex boyfriend…you are more important than he is.
Once he realizes things are going to change forever, he will start to evolve and make life style choices, choices he would never make unless he had to.
Anything that happens from here on out will only make things better if you don’t let yourself fall back into your old ways.
This is your personal/emotional evolution, and the only one who can hold you back, is you.
1-2 months is average for most of the people who follow the free plan. Most people try everything they can before finding my site, don’t worry about it.
Thanks for the +1 vote, my site is getting buried by all the marketers that spend their time building search engine rankings instead of “actually helping people”.
Thank you for writing.
Take Care,
S.W.
but isnt he doing exactly what im trying to do – he started the NC first cut everything off from me, phone emails, landline everything so his getting his life back anyway – that makes me feel inferior like its too late because his already seen me act desperate the last 2 months
ps i also told my ex in anger i moved on and he didnt react so have any made it worse by pretending?
Hi,
Listen.
I help people get their lives back, not their ex boyfriends, or ex girlfriends.
If your ex boyfriend doesn’t want to come back there is nothing you can do but move on, and find someone who loves you enough to commit to a serious relationship.
But you don’t even know what he wants, and I highly doubt he does either.
That is why the no contact is your best option, it will help you get over the break up and get your life back, and also force your wishy-washy ex to make a fucking decision.
If he chooses someone else it wasn’t because of anything you did, he was going to do that anyways, why?
He doesn’t love you enough to commit, or he just doesn’t commit to anyone but himself.
Either way you are better off without him.
Don’t pretend to know more than you do, let time reveal his true feelings for you.
Stop asking me “what-if” questions and start following ALL the steps in the free plan.
Thank you for writing.
Take Care,
S.W.
ok yes thats very true he said to me he dosent answer to anyone but himself and i dont think he ever did love me – so 4yrs of fakeness – oh well i suppose i better follow the steps and forget about what his doing
thank you
ps sorry i got rejected for the forum – do you know why i did because i thought i followed the steps – i sent the NC message
Hi,
No, you didn’t follow the instructions correctly.
If you are not serious enough to take the time to read, and follow instructions, DO NOT join our forum you will only get rejected or banned.
Thank you for writing.
Take Care,
S.W.
Hi Scott,
After two months of NC my ex texted some of my close friends. Basically, he told them that he wanted to change. I chat with one of these friends frequently and told her to not reply. But then last weekend, she told me that she replied and I found out that one other friend did that too. I didnt ask what they said exactly. As far as I ca remember, I never look miserable in front of them. I told them how much I wanted to move on. Should I worry my friends and ex talking to each other about me? I havent broken NC yet but he did try to call me several times. I picked up once because the number shown on my mobile was strangely a local number where I live, while we dont live in the same country. I only said hi, and the line was cut off due to bad signal. He tried again, I didnt answer. Did I send mixed-signal here? Should I resend the NC msg again? Thank you.
Hi,
All you can do is ask your friends to mind their own business, if they will not respect you, then you need to stay away from them as well.
Worrying isn’t going to help, you have to take positive action.
If he keeps trying to contact you, re-send the no contact message again.
Thank you for writing.
Take Care,
S.W.
Hi Scott,
Thank you so much for replying. It seems that I cant stop them to keep in touch with my ex. I told them not to. They did it anyway. They told me about it eventhough I didnt ask. I live thousands miles away from the ex and my friends. They have probably met, but just never told me. Anyway I shouldve focused more on myself and stopped bothering it. Thank you once again. I’ll resend the NC msg next time he tries to reach me again. Have a wonderful weekend.
You’re
Welcome!
Ok man so you banned me from your forum (club & pet student’s no offence ment).
I truly beleived in NC and in your idea (the plan) and was happy to follow it to the word. I jumped off the cliffe the ”plan”, only to find the safty net has been taken away like… your on your own pal, (yeh thank’s buddy). Anyway i’m still following NC the ”plan” be it on my own.
You can take it or leave it. your a bully you pray on weak people and hand out your yard stick (just an obversaion no offence ment) but on the other hand I think people do benifit from your forum so keep it up man.
Just remember the student learn’s from there mentor. WTF if the mentor is screwed up in the brain and need’s to get a life? (no offence ment).
Hope you get your life back man, a plot of land, build a home and live a happy life with your son and dog. WTF, has that got to do with NC?
If you are man enough you will dream up some answer.
Kindest Regards kickass xox
Hi,
Overreact much?
You can still follow the free plan (I gave you), and read the forum posts, and if you followed directions you would have made a forum buddy or two (if they could stand you), and that is all the support you would need.
Don’t blame me for your mistake, you were warned in the forum guidelines (if you even read them).
You were banned from posting because you were abusing the privilege.
If you “actually” read the forum guidelines as you said you did before I approved your forum membership, you would’ve seen that I do not allow excessive whining in our forum.
All you did was whine about your ex girlfriend, that doesn’t do anything for you, or the other members who were trying to help you.
Every time they reached out, you refused their advice.
I expect members to support each other, not drown the other members in their fucking crybaby tears.
There are plenty of other forums on the internet where you can go seek sympathy. I offer a plan, and support, not sympathy.
I state clearly in the forum guidelines that our forum is not that kind of place, and if you don’t abide by the forum guidelines, you will loose your ability to post in our forum.
So, what happens when the student is fucked in the head, and doesn’t listen to the mentor?
He (kickass) gets his ass kicked out of the forum.
Thank you for writing.
Take Care,
S.W.
Hi,
i just want to ask, I’m planning to send the NC message, but I thought I could ask, Wouldn’t it seem weird to send the message when my ex already have someone new after a few days we broke up?? I know I should send it straight away, but I was the one who requested to be friends. The first day we broke up, she didn’t agree, but the second day, she suddenly changed her mind, and wanted to add me back on facebook.
Thanks.
Hi,
No, it wouldn’t seem “weird”, it would send a clear message that you will not be treated as left-overs, and have plans for your life.
Trying to “stay friends” in hopes of undermining her new romantic interest will not work, it will only work against you and keep you trapped in relationship limbo.
Staying friends seems like playing it safe, but it really is just putting a leash on yourself and waiting to be petted…that is pathetic.
Fortune always favors the bold, not the meek.
Stop stalling, and send the recommended NC message as outlined in the free plan.
When you stand up for yourself, you gain respect.
The strongest “healthiest” relationships are built upon “mutual” respect.
Thank you for writing.
Take Care,
S.W.
If this helped you, give me a Google +1, so Google gives me some respect…Thanks!
Hi,
Okay, I’ve drafted it, but I thought I could add in “Though it’s a little late, I just want to tell you” in front of the NC message, the rest stays the same. Is that feasible?? or does that give them any other message, that I may or may not have intentionally include?
Hi,
You don’t need to kiss your ex’s ass by apologizing, that’s weak.
I teach people to kick loves ass, not kiss it.
You are either all the way in, or all the way out…it doesn’t work any other way with the free plan.
If you’re all the way in, send the recommended NC…no changes.
If you’re not comfortable following the free plan as it is laid out, I suggest you go find support somewhere else.
I can’t help you because you will not follow my instructions (your choice not mine).
Thank you for writing.
Take Care,
S.W.
Hi. I was helping her with her Ph.D thesis. And I promised her to help her to the end. Now she always blame me that I promised to help even if we are not in a relationship. I dont know what to do? She is trying to use guilt-tripping.
Hi,
I am sure she promised to stay with you forever too (before the break up), so much for promises, huh?
How can she expect you to concentrate and supply any kind of academic support while you’re trying to deal with this break up?
You have to handle one thing at a time, and right now, getting your life back on track is more important.\ than helping her with school work.
It doesn’t matter what she wants, you have to get your priorities straight.
You can use the no contact rule to reveal your ex girlfriend’s true intentions, and evolve past this break up, if you use it correctly.
I help people survive a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex girlfriend back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.
Go read the free plan to get your ex back and follow ALL the steps to heal your broken heart, evolve past the breakup, and get your life back again.
Thank you for writing.
Take Care,
S.W.
IMPORTANT – If you found this information helpful or useful, please give me a “+1″ rating by using the colored “+1 button” at the top or bottom of the above article. I’d really appreciate it.
When we meet ( as we are work partners) she starts criticizing about our past fights – the reasons why she broke up – and who bad and cruel I was to her. ( she is wrong) because she is deep in severe misunderestanding. What should I do? should I listen and keep silent?
Jack_56 said:
Hi,
No, don’t even listen, just delete anything she sends you without reading it.
Block her on all your social networks, and do not acknowledge her attempts to get your attention.
She needs to learn how to survive without you in her life, and you need to focus on yourself.
You can’t save anyone until you learn how to save yourself first.
This is all explained in the free plan.
I highly recommend that you take the time to read the free plan, and answer your own questions about how to correctly use the no contact rule.
Learning how to help yourself is a priceless skill.
Thank you for writing.
Take Care,
S.W.