How to Get Your Ex Back Using The Infamous “Missing” Link
You want to get my ex back, and you bought every book out there, but you still can’t get anywhere, right? You need the “missing” link, what is that? Keep on reading. It seems a chain is only as strong as it’s weakest link. But what if it’s missing a link altogether? Here’s how to get your ex back using the infamous “missing” link.
The “Missing” Link
Everyone of those books out there refer to using some version of the no contact rule as your first step in getting your ex back. But, none of them really go into much detail, I am going to fix that right here and now. NC is just keeping your ex “out of the loop” personally while you follow a plan on how to get your ex back. Here is how to start and apply no contact in a variety of situations.
The First Step
Politely tell your ex that you need some time and space to work out some personal issues, and you”ll be in touch when you’re done. Also tell them that you would really appreciate it if they would respect that, and not contact you unless it was something very important. You can use any version of this you like, but this is the general idea…OK? How to get your ex back using NC is easier when you’re always polite.
Scenario 1 – You work for the same company
Just keep things polite, and do not engage in any conversations that are personal, just keep it all about work.
Scenario 2 – You Have The Same Circle of Friends
Pretty much the same advice, be polite, and do not discuss your personal life with them or your friends when your ex is present. Same thing if you happen to run into them out in public, stay cool.
Scenario 3 – You share a child or children together
Once again, when picking up, or dropping off your kids just be polite, and keep it all about your kids. Same thing when you go to any of their (kids) events where your ex will be present.
Scenario 4 – You’re roommates, live in the same house, but not room
Just be a polite roommate, keep to yourself, and if it is too uncomfortable make arrangements ASAP to live somewhere else.
What if your ex keeps contacting you?
Politely ignore them, you are not being rude they are…OK? The biggest excuse there is, (and I do mean excuse) to break no contact is my ex just won’t leave me alone, so I had to. No you didn’t, and now you have shown your ex that they can still control you. Now that you know how to get your ex back using the (not so missing) “Missing” link…get back out there!
If there is still something missing in your attempts to get my ex back, then join my free newsletter, and let me help. I can supply you with a chain of information designed to teach you how to get your ex back. After visiting Start Here First, if you have any comments or questions for me, please write them in the comment box below, and I will answer them ASAP!
Until next time,
S. Williams
~I know that “love hurts” but with my help you will get strong enough to kick love’s ass~
http://www.howtogetyourexbackfast.com
Copyright © 2008 and beyond – All Rights Reserved Worldwide – You are free to reprint this article, as long as you do not change anything in the article – it must be in it’s original form…including my name, website address, and this statement.
so if i just dissappear for awhile it will work?
chris wrote:
That sounds a lot like using no contact, which is part of the plan.
Do you have a plan?
Take Care,
S. Williams
Hi Scott,
i fit into the first catagory… I’ve been polite i smile at him and say hello/good morning whenever i bump into him even knowing he wouldn’t respond back… it hurts a lot. i don’t know why he has to be so mean when I’m the one who should be because he broke it off with me. Why cant he be just a little nice to me back? i sometimes go on ignoring him back when i feel down and not in the best mood and I’ve been having heaps of mood swing lately. Should i quit work Scott? it’s now been 4-5 months since he and i were together as a couple. Feels like its not going anywhere. he probably knows that i am holding on for him. should i completely dissappear just like he wanted and then try contact him after a while? Or will that make him forget me for good?
ruby wrote:
Have you followed a plan yet?
If not get a plan, and follow it.
You can sit there and ask yourself “should I do this, or should I do that”…forever, but where will that get you?
Take Care,
S. Williams
ruby wrote:
Because he is an asshole…that would be my first guess.
I pleaded with my ex girlfriend to take me back and told her I knew what I needed to change and even had the help of a counsellor to do it. I had insecurities and now have strategies to overcome these and already see a change in myself – that’s where I need to start. Anyway, she looked apprehensive and good reason. She told me she just didn’t think it was going to work right now and she would be looking over my shoulder for another guy. She said I could show her for now I have changed, as a friend. I began the NC and have really put strategies in place to improve myself. It’s been a little over 2 weeks. I have faith in myself and the no contact rule. But with NC, I didn’t tell her that was my plan which I should have. We run into each other and we used to have great communication and now it’s a smile or hello. I was going to write the following letter, based on the video,”agree with the break up for now.”
Dear Vicki,
It’s been difficult not to ask how you are doing when i see you. I wanted to let you know I agree with the break up now. It’s the best thing possible for both of us. I do have some exciting news to share with you sometime but for now I need time to for me. Maybe someday we can be friends.
I will then, shall we say, begin NC again for 3 weeks or so and continue self improvements. At least, as the video said,this will set the stage for my next moves and give me time to continue developing a plan. What do you think?
Sean wrote:
I would leave off the part “Maybe someday we can be friends.” it sounds like you only want to be friends, when in fact you don’t…so it’s lying…right?
Sean wrote:
NC is not about a certain amount of time, but more about an amount of progress.
If she has been attempting to contact you after 30 days, then move to chapter 6 the reconnection phase.
If not reevaluate your position and either contact her to set up the short meeting outlined in chapter 6 of the Magic of Making up.
Or wait a little longer if you feel you’re not emotionally prepared to get turned down…understand?
I purchased the Magic of Making Up and after reading through it and returning to Chapter 2, Don’t Panic, I have a question. I understand the take a break. I have read through some of the questions here about no contact. The book does not help me with one thing.
I did begin no contact with my ex already. It did not explain in the book, as you suggest in your responses to people that you should tell your ex that is what you’re doing. I just did it. So after 10 days, what do I do? Tell her? I have fumbled and been conveniently where she is but never initiated verbal contact, nor did she. I am on track, after reading Chapter 2 again and giving this an honest effort but my ex is likely to think I am mad now. Should I call or send a letter to explain?
Ryan wrote:
This letter was meant to be sent right after the breakup.
Since you did it wrong before buying the book I don’t know how effective the letter will be…understand?
If she tries to contact you then you could use what I suggest in FAQ #1 in the start here first section of my Blog…OK?
Remember a lot of the suggestions in the book, and the videos assume that you “just” broke up.
You have to be open to adapt your situation to the advice, and focus on the outcome, not trying to be nice to your ex…you want to attract them back.
If you want a one-one personalized plan to follow, I suggest finding a relationship therapist in your area to help you.
This is a free “self-help” Blog that I offer my time and advice for Free.
I was hoping someday people would start helping each other, but they mostly want to complain, and bitch about my advice not being perfectly matched to their unique situation.
Even though it’s free for you, it’s not for me.
I pay to have this blog on the internet for you all
Just for the record did you buy the book from me?
If so you can get my private email support, just send me your clickbank receipt.
@ chris:
What if my ex has told me that he is “done” and kinda started the “NC” already on ME?
Ken wrote:
You can read in my FAQ section how to properly join our forum, then after you go read the forum on No contact for singles we discuss the NC strategy a lot more…see you inside.
Scott,
I believe all what u say without even trying it bcoz I was in out of this same relation million times sometimes I go back calling or he pleads to come. Lately though in the ‘before the last’ break up I was so hurt that I did not try to contact him for more than a month, with out knowin of the rule but he never called, however I heard from friends that his mom was very ill with cancer so I thought for old times sake I should be there for him since I know that she means a lot to him. But I only emailed him to send my condolences and some management advice (I am a doctor) he was very hapy to hear from me. then we kept in touch ofcoarse my efforts – I regret- and he showed care and love again without sayign the words, but we went back to our old arguments of him not calling when he says he would, how I dont understand his actions, when together al lovely dovey and when we depart iam totally negelcted. THat put him in so much pressure obviously on top of his mom ‘s ilness pressure and we literally broke up again. I will follow ur directions but I pretty sure he wont call coz this is not the first time. I am not sure what to think or how to analyse the situation. I have my share of fault but he forces to react the way I do bcoz I didnot understand him. Now I am reading ur articles and I am understanding more mens perspective or love and relations but I think I am too late coz I pressed the last button with him and although I am going to try the one month NC rule I think I was late to know about ur advice. And I am not at a state that after the month I want to contact him after I folowed ur advice but at the same time i dont want to lose him, he is good guy when we r together, barely when we r distant but was always loyal despite our distant relation ship as I heard. Your advice ?
Mary wrote:
My advice would be to follow the plan we use in our forum, use the support from other members to help keep you on track.
NC is not about being ready in 30 days, it’s about evolving and getting your life back…understand?
If you want my help to get your ex back follow this link:
http://forum.howtogetyourexbackfast.com/topic/read-this-first
Make sure you read the rules and guidelines before you join, I strictly enforce them.
Don’t forget to sign up for my free News Letter for free videos, tips and advice on How to Get Your Ex Back.
Just click on the link under the little red heart in the upper right hand corner of my Blog.
“Remember a lot of the suggestions in the book, and the videos assume that you “just” broke up.”
What does “just” broke up really mean in terms of length of time?
Just broke up – Within the last couple of days or couple of weeks or couple of months?
Marcus wrote:
That is exactly why I wrote a supplement plan to help people who do not fall into that category, it is the one posted in our forum.
People who have been broken up for months have followed my plan, and it is helping them to get their life, and hopefully their ex back as well.
Marcus wrote:
That would be something you would use your common sense to figure out.
If you broke up a couple months ago I wouldn’t call that “just broke up”…would you?
Mostly what matters is taking action, if your ex still tries to maintain contact as friends, after being broke up for months, I would say go for it and use our free plan.
If you have broken up recently (days, weeks), you can still use the plan to see whether they still have any feelings for you, understand?
Well my ex broke thing off with me on Aug 1. That is 13 days ago. Would that be considered “just” broken up scenario? Also I have started the NC phase and I sent her the following letter. Probably not the right letter to send. Do I need to send the right letter? Thanks for you help.
Dear XXXX,
Thank you for your kind words. I understand where you are coming from.
Sorry if that singing telegram was a bit much. I now see by your actions that you have closed the door on us and I must do the same. Thank you for the time you invited me into your life. It was a joy and fun. It’s great the way you are and how you treat your family. I get you.
I agree and I think you should move on.
I hope you find what you are looking for.
Good luck in your search.
Marcus
P.S. Don’t be a stranger. If you have the desire to hang out, don’t hesitate to call. Perhaps a simple friendship could be in order.
Marcus wrote:
That is just a couple weeks, the break up is still pretty fresh.
Marcus wrote:
I believe you’re a forum member, right?
If you have been to our forum follow the step by step plan and send the “recommended NC message” ASAP.
It will do a much better job of flipping her switch and change the way she thinks about you and the current situation.
Your first NC attempt was weak and apologetic, most people’s are, that is why I came up with my version designed to “kick them in the ass”, and make them take notice.
One last question that I have not seen addressed. When I send the “NC message” how am I supposed to address the envelope. Just put the reciepants address with out no return address? I thinking that if I include my return address she will see who the letter is from and just toss it away without even looking at it.
Marcus wrote:
You can text, or email it, but if you prefer to mail it use her address as the return address.
This way the envelope will definitely make it to her…make sense?
Type it out so she doesn’t see your handwriting either, plus it looks so much more professional that way too.
How can she say return it to sender if it’s her address, she has to open it…Damn, I am sneaky.
Ok thanks. Just one more question. If I send another letter after already sending her a letter before won’t she just get on the defensive and just get mad all over again? Or maybe she will see it as a sign of weakness and needy and want to talk to me even less? After all she does have a psychology background herself.
Marcus wrote:
Have you read my recommended no contact message that is posted in the plan in our forum?
You tell me what part of “that” message sounds weak or needy?
I think you are just afraid to send the message, that’s normal but you have to suck it up and send it, OK?
No…no…no.. not the letter it self. I guess I was not clear. But the fact I sent another letter would look weak and needy?
Wouldn’t she in her mind think “he already sent me a letter why did he send another letter?”
Marcus wrote:
When she holds the new one next to the old one, she will understand why you sent the second one…that one supersedes the first “weak” letter and puts “you” in control.
The new letter will not offer “friendship” just a signal that you might not be waiting around for her anymore.
You see if someone thinks they have you on the hook…what’s the hurry, you”ll always be on the hook, right?
Welcome to “relationship limbo” where life sucks.
This new message will hit her unexpected and make her think there is more to you then she thought…curiosity.
She will be intrigued by this new letter, and it will probably piss her off, why?
You just jumped off the hook, now the hook is available and she will end up on it…if you follow our plan correctly.
Well the first letter I emailed to her. Does the make any difference?
Marcus wrote:
Use whatever method you “know” she will “definitely” get it, it does no good to send the message if she won’t receive it, right?
Now send the message word for word…the clock is ticking and the break up is getting older.
After you send it make sure to update your NC diary in the forum, or start one if you haven’t already.
Then read the others stories and find yourself a “forum buddy” and PM them, and you can support each other through this whole process.
The 2 keys to success here are taking action ASAP, and finding support (forum buddies) to help you with your emotional control, and to keep you from breaking NC.
It is not mandatory, but recommended that you get the book the magic of making up, as it is the primary book we work out of…OK?
Have you read the success stories on my Blog and in the relationship Rescue forums?…this plan will work, if you follow the plan correctly.
Ok so I did read you recommended letter but I was thinking of sending this letter. It will do several things.
1- Lighten their load by accepting the breakup.
2- An apology in case I did something wrong.
3- Tell them that I realized my mistakes.
4- Trigger their curiosity by telling them something
exciting happened in my life.
5- Close on a highly positive note
———–
Just wanted to let you know that you were absolutely right about the breakup…
Now I know that it was the right thing to do. You are a wonderful person and you deserve the best. I am sorry for having messed it all up.
I went through a pretty exciting transformation…A lot of amazing things have been happening lately. I would love to tell you about it some time.
Anyway I just wanted to thank you for everything and hope we can be friends in the future.
———————–
What do you think?
Marcus wrote:
It’s just like the first one.
If you’re afraid to follow our plan and use the recommended message I really can’t help you, understand?
You either believe in the plan or you don’t…if you don’t, you shouldn’t waste your time here, and look somewhere else…make sense?
Believe me, something tells me she will NEVER expect a message like the one I recommend from you, and that is part of the plan to surprise your ex.
But you have to have the “guts” to send it, do you?
OK OK…I will do it tonight. Thanks!
“I agree with you about the decision to break up”
Ok, so I am almost ready to send the let but I just one more question. Since I dating this girl for only six weeks and she decided to end things wouldn’t this be more of just ending things as opposed to a break up?
So could I change the first line to say”
“I agree with you about the decision to end things”
now..even worse..we talked on phone after the incident…he with the new woman…and he seems so friendly ..like I and him we are the best friends ever and mothing bad has ever happened… I ve not said anything bad about the woman..I tried to be nice..but I do not want him to think of me as a friend…he says to me I should not be concerned anymore about the bad things I did in past and it s all ok…I asked him whose the girl..his gf ( i know i should not have asked) and he said he does not know now and he ll see..then he said come on she is really nothing…but i do not believe him..he just wants to keep me in scene in case it does not go well with her..why I m concerned is before
he always was impressed the way I look and now I look ever better than before (been to even more gym) and when we met on sat I was looking really great..and he did not mention anything!
Do I need to start NC with him again since we are falling in friends zone!? I feel we are like friends now! Or just wait a bit more see hwo it goes…He s now telling me about his dates … it s terrible…i think he expected me to behave jealous after I saw him with the woman and I did not.
I did ask him to meet for a coffee/drink but he did not seem interested..he said in few weeks..so I have not insisted.
I think the more time he spends with that woman, the worse it is..
Adela
adela wrote:
Yes, if you followed the plan we follow in our forum you would’ve avoided falling back into the friends zone.
@ S. Williams:
ok thanks. i sent the NC letter to him.
@ adela:
ok thanks. i will send the NC letter to him.
Nc letter sent.
adela wrote:
Good Job!
I hope you used the recommended one in our forum word for word.
What if your ex wants you out of his loop and was never into yours?
yes word by word.
he does not want me out the loop but i no longer care and if he really does (but thats not the case) … his loss … i need to focus on me … just me! no more contact with him!
@ S. Williams:
I havent been able to purchase the MOMU yet, soo im not sure if your book includes the situation where your ex lives in a different state. To reconnect I wouldnt be able to arrange a coffee or lunch
what should i say when trying to reconnect?
emit8 wrote:
You could try many different things, but nothing will be as effective as a face to face meeting.
You should wait until you can arrange a face to face meeting before you attempt to reconnect.
If you called them and then they said things were good, and then you went there and they had changed their minds…what good would the phone call have done you?
The reconnection process is a very fragile time and your BEST chance of rekindling a connection with your ex would be face to face, and it is a crucial part of the plan.
People who can’t or won’t take the risk to set up a face to face meeting and try to do it other ways, have a very slim chance of getting their ex back, that’s just the plain truth.
I recommend following My Free Step by Step Plan, and eventually getting the book MOMU, and let yourself personally and emotionally evolve before worrying about how to reconnect with your LDR ex, OK?
@ S. Williams:
thank you for your advice I have thought it over and it sounds the right way to do it, I also forget to mention that my ex wasnt a LDR from the beginning. We moved together from our home town to start new, after our breakup I returned home and he stayed…
In the reconnection process should I ask him when he’ll be visiting home? And when he does, should we meet up for coffee or something?
emit8 wrote:
That would be a good idea, but only when you’re ready, OK?
If he is in town and you’re not ready…don’t just go for it, understand?
@ S. Williams:
Thanks again for your reply, I wont go ahead until I’m ready
Break up took place a little under 2 months ago after a 2 yr 5 month relationship. Things ended as we were moving our last belongings into new place together. We have text a few times but she keeps it short & never seems to contact me first. During these nearly 2 months i have looked needy in her eyes. I am currently on a week of NC, but find it very hard to make it a full day without wanting to speak with her. She truly seems to have moved on with new friends (no new boyfriend yet)and is always busy (plays college ball as i did). From my perspective she did this to fit in with her friends that are single, good looking, and love attention. Its a small college town (with few bars) so we will see each other on occasion.
Another problem is the lack of attraction. Although we were intimate days leading up and even night before, she mentioned finding herself, doubts & lack of attraction as reasoning for the break up.
My question has 2 parts. Should I continue this NC & disregard the acceptance message for a few more weeks?? With her showing complete indifference towards me how do I become that alpha male to attract her back?!?
drew wrote:
What you should do is follow my free step by step plan located at the top of my Blog.
You need to learn how to properly use no contact to win your ex back.
@ S. Williams:
I will read it. Thanks! Lets say I make it a month of NC (which is my goal). If she is already content with not having me now and is loving her freedom, is a month a good goal to set? She is very stubborn so Im not expecting her to contact me at all. I want nothing more then to flip the switch on her!!
Me and my exboyfriend had been together for two years on and off and recently he told me he wanted a “break”. During this I found out he had been seeing another girl and currrently is with her now. He even has a photo of her and him on his facebook profile along with other photos. He seems to be so into her and it hurts like hell. We have broken up now little over a month. I have not contacted him since the break up and neither has he contacted me. Recently a mutual friend of ours told me he has been asking about me wanting to know if i am ok and says he would like to call me but is afraid of my reaction. I don’t know what to comprehend. Why is he asking about me if he is so happy with his new love? I hope for his return but he seems so caught up in his new life.
drew wrote:
30 days is just a benchmark, a starting point, it could take more time, and usually does.
Just follow my free plan and take it one day at a time, do not look too far ahead, OK?
Nicole wrote:
Hi Nicole,
Your best bet of getting him back is to follow my free plan at the top of my Blog.
The sooner you get started, the better, understand?
Take Care,
S. Williams
@ S. Williams:
Thanks that makes sense! Last time i talk to her she said its weird talking to me. Why? Im over the emotional part more less stuck on the confussed part.
@ S. Williams:
Thanks that makes sense! Last time i talk to her she said its weird talking to me. Why? Im over the emotional part more less stuck on the confussed part. Both sides welcomed us as apart of each others family too. Strange how the female mind works!! Any ideas
drew wrote:
I told you..follow my free plan, and start your personal and emotional evolution.
@ S. Williams:
Just sent NC message and am now starting personal journal.
drew wrote:
Good Job!
Doesn’t it feel better to take control of your situation?
Now stick to the plan, OK?
Remember to join our forum for more guidance and personal support.
@ S. Williams:
Feels SO much better to take control! Thanks and im definitly following the plan from here on out!!!
Hi
I have started following your plan but today was awful. I’ve learnt that he has updated his facebook status as “in a realtionship” and that is just killing me. I’m kinda getting nervous and anxious here like there’s no hope for me. He seems so hopelessly in love with her. It has been a month and he hasn’t contacted. If he really care wouldn’t he have made contact? I don’t know maybe he never loved me. He’s all for her and doesn’t care about me. HELP
Nicole wrote:
Did you send the recommended NC message?
Nicole wrote:
Stop spying on your ex and focus on the plan, facebook updates don’t mean shit, understand?
Nicole wrote:
Follow the free plan step by step, and take it one day at a time, give it 30 days and you will feel, and see a difference…I promise!
Thanks for being there.
Nicole wrote:
You’re welcome!
Now stick to the plan, and make sure you join the forum and read what others are doing on their own NC journeys, OK?
It wouldn’t be a bad idea to find yourself a forum buddy too.
@ S. Williams:
I’m still in the process of purchasing my MOMU, soo I haven’t been able to read exactly what is contained in it only whats been put up in the free step by step plan. soo can you really find out if your ex boyfriend still has feelings for you after being broken up for 1 month already?
emit8 wrote:
Yes, You can
@ S. Williams:
Great now I’m really excited to get the MOMU, the thought of not knowing if he does or does not gets me really off edge.
thanks
Scott,
My situation is getting dire. My hubby and I married in November. We went on a Cruise Wedding it seemed to be going well and flowing, and then life hit us hard and fast. It is both of our second marriage. We both have two girls from the previous. His ex wants him in her pile. Left him for another man, hurt him badly, to the point he found out youngest is not even his. I am the only other one that knows. She began a plan to get rid of the new wife. This began when there were some changes. He would constantly tell me he was on my side. His sister would say he was being pulled in two directions and had “nothing” left. He said he was going for one night and it has turned into months. The first month he gave me some money for the mortgage. I think it is also important to stress that his salary got cut in half shortly after he left, he barely makes enough to cover our mortgage. I also lost my job, shortly after losing a baby, which had me in grief and probably did not handle on the stresses well. After he left, I think I handled it pretty strongly. The first week, I phoned him on a Monday and kind of lost it. His birthday was that Wednesday and it came and went without any contact. Late Thursday night, I phoned him from a number he didn’t recognize and he answered. We spoke, I asked if he was coming home anytime? He said, Yes, tomorrow. Needless to say he didn’t. We had an intruder that Saturday and police phoned him. He immediately texted me and asked if I was ok and where I was. I went to our home and he was there. He didn’t stay. He gathered more things. He told me “I love you, but I’m not ‘in love’. The next week he took photos of our wedding off of his webpage, I was not on it, but a friend told me. I asked if that was it, had he made his decision. He said no. He was just “hiding’ them. He did say when I asked him to come home, that is why he wasnt. Seemed childish to me. He said he didn’t want me to be with anyone else. Aprrox. 4 weeks went by when I didn’t see him. I had contacted him a couple times during this, but not more than a couple. I went to his office. We talked for 4 hours after hours. I told him how I had been working on things I did wrong in the relationship, and would he consider talking with a relationship expert. He agreed to it. Said we could start “dating” that it wasn’t irreparable. He said he wouldn’t be able to pay as much toward the mortgage the next month. I asked if he wanted me to put his auto on house to save money, he said yes. He left it at you call me , or I’ll call you. I texted a day or so later about the auto insurance. No reply. A few days later a friend texted him. I called him from her phone that night, and he was irritated and angry?? I was extremely confused. A couple weeks later, I get an email. It says he does not want to come back and he has no desire. That he wasn’t going to pay for a place he was not living. He said we DID have genuine love, but he was growing bitter toward me for his situation, living with parents etc. He said I would need to make arrangements for the utilities that he was taking them out of his name. I made another trip to his office. I said he was cruel. He said again it wasn’t irreparable. He stepped back as I was leaving and said I was beautiful that maybe he was, stupid. A few days later he texted me and asked if we would all be gone so he could get his suit, for a business meeting. We talked and I couldn’t give him my schedule, but just said sure tell me when, and he got frustrated and just hung up. I texted and said I would bring him his clothes that I wanted him to do well, and he said forget it. That I hadn’t changed. I brought the clothes to his office. 3 weeks later on the 4th I was in a major auto accident, I was with my children. We had no one to drive us back home as I was released from the hospital. We were several states away. He called my friend for advice(weird). The next day he used my being away to go into our home and get the majority of his things and also some of mine. I phoned him when I learned he was in our house. He was angry, he couldn’t find some of his things. I told him if I had them he would get them back, he kept saying how angry he was, and then I got angry. I told him that HE was the one that wanted this large home, He said “sell it”, I said “ok”, but we both have to put it on the market since we are married. He said stick a sign in the yard, “ok”, but the payments still have to be made and there are three other homes on the street for sale. No reply. I told him how I had used my savings so we could get a large home to accomodate his children having their own bedrooms, etc. (I already owned my own home), I also said that I genuinely loved his children, then hung up. NO CONTACT. He phoned two days later, I could tell by the time, it was during his commute home. I just watched it ring. I also had my child turn their cell off, so he couldnt’ try to get us there. A week later, On my birthday there is a message left on my phone. “Hi it’s me, I just wanted to wish you a Happy Birthday, I hope you have a great birthday and IIII hope I I get to talk to you soon.” HUH??? Now I am really confused. I also was made aware by a friend that he had been perusing an internet dating site. Desperately looking for women. I had never called him since then. I saw that a family member he was close to passed away, about a month later. Since he left the message I hope I get to talk to you soon. I thought it would be OK for me to call and tell him I was so sorry for his loss. I phoned his cell no answer, so I phoned his office. The secretary said he was in a meeting. Not sure if she recognized my voice. I did not leave a message. Next morning I phoned private. No answer. Everyone has said not to bother sending a condolence card. I AM A NICE person and this makes me feel heartless. He has also has continued to pay our electric bill, and has left the other utilities in his name, though I’ve paid. I am still unemployed and am having to wait ’til a case is settled. In other words NO INCOME. I have been living off of savings and that is scary. I am usually a VERY confident independent woman, sometimes he would complain that I am too independent and that I didn’t need him. He just left at a time I was grieving and overwhelmed by all of our new situations, so that made me needier and such than my normal self. Now 2 1/2 weeks have passed since his family member died. I also now know that he has been seeing another woman. OUCH! She has blatantly posted a photo of the two of them together with her head on his shoulder on his facebook. I don’t know what to do. Please help. The no contact doesn’t seem to be working. We actually need communication about the house and mortgage. Please help SCOTT…I don’t want to lose our home, or my husband. It’s been four months now!
I forgot to add, strangely enough we both pulled into the same crowded gas station the Saturday after I tried to phone him about his family member passing, I did a double take and recognized him, as did he, and then he backed up and sped off. Is it because he feels guilty with the other woman now ??? He always stressed how important fidelity is to him. I also think he has tried to justify his actions by telling himself we could be annuled that it wasnt a real marriage, so many weird things and justifications. He even put on the dating site that he had been divorced 4 years. That would be when he divorced the ex. Like he and I were never married, but we are still married!!So confused.
CeCe wrote:
You can make the no contact rule work, just keep your conversation all about business, and politely avoid all other questions.
But first you have to properly initiate NC, have you even started following my free plan?
The link is at the top of my blog.
Scott,
Thanks for your reply. I wrote”The no contact doesn’t seem to be working. We actually need
communication about the house and mortgage.”
See, I have had NO CONTACT WITH HIM…since I hung up on him 7-5-09, He DID try to call 7-7-09, and then again on 7-16-09 …leaving a message Happy Birthday, Hope I get to talk to you soon. STILL I MAINTAINED NO CONTACT!! Here is the clencher…NOW HE HAS A WOMAN, I think he met her AFTER he left me the message!! WE are still married no papers have been filed, he is LIVING at his parents and she is posting pics of them boating, having a good time, etc. She ALSO added some of his family members to her Facebook, and is publicly calling him “her man”. OUCH..I didn’t even do that!
I broke no contact (though I didn’t get to talk to him) by calling (he probably could see I called through caller ID) after his family member passed away. I did NOT leave a message, but tried to call his cell and office. A few days after that coincidentally, we both pulled into a crowded gas station at the SAME time…he saw me and quickly sped away. ??? This was after only 4 weeks ago, he said,” I hope I get to talk to you soon!!”
So in light of the above, I will take your advice to properly initiate NC again…My questions are:
#1, I feel silly saying “I really appreciate it if you would not contact me during this time” A. Because it has been so long )over a month now since he has tried to contact me). B. IF I have to contact him regarding business matters pertaining to our house,bills, etc, shortly after I write this…won’t if make me look unstable??
#2 If I write it NOW that he has a new woman he is spending time, talking to, having fun, with…will that make it easier for him to say GOODBYE for good to me? She will most likely be pressuring him to file something. We have no children.
#3, Below is what I am thinking of writing. Plese let me know if you think it would be effective, (I feel like I should mention him wishing me a happy birthday.) ALso, if I make mention of my condolences on his family member passing…or should I leave it out?
#4 Lastly, If for some unfortunate reason we do end up in divorce court. I am leary (because of a prenup, I get more if he initiates or does something wrong) of putting in writing that I “agree with his decision to break up, and that it was for the best” I fear that this could be used against me should we go to divorce court, with him stating that I wanted to the divorce as much as he did…??
PLEASE HELP!!
My Sample NC with my added words…Please make sure that don’t void, the proper initiating of NC…
Hi,
I want to thank you for the thoughtful birthday wishes. I also want to let you know that I am sorry for the loss of your loved one.
I agree with you about the decision to break up, I really believe it was the best thing for both of us. I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over. I would really appreciate it if you didn’t contact me during this time. I will be in touch when I am ready.
(your first name here)
P.S. I am worried because now he has another woman, he is not lacking good times or companionship?? WHat do I do about the other woman?
CeCe wrote:
Hi CeCe,
Where does it say you agree with the divorce?
You are separated, right?
You’re not divorced.
You could change the words “break up” “separation” in this case since you’re married and not divorced, plus he doesn’t need a reason to divorce you, he can do it anyways.
Plus, don’t you think being with another woman is something wrong…he is still married, right?
Don’t they call that adultery?
Has he filed for a separation?
Look, I am not a lawyer, just someone trying to provide support for people following a plan to get their life, and hopefully their ex back again.
Maybe you should be consulting a lawyer and seeing about arranging some marriage counseling, don’t you think that would be a better alternative?
CeCe wrote:
If you want to try my free plan (without any guarantee), then go ahead and follow it step by step.
I would send the recommended NC message word for word, except for the one alteration, OK?
If you’re not comfortable using my plan, then go seek professional counseling and legal advice.
Good Luck!
S. Williams
My boyfriend and I broke up on the 4th of July. He said he needed space…blah blah..about 2 weeks later he started talking to another girl, who doesnt have the greatest reputation. She actually hooked up with his brother…she lies and she is a skank. I know he has to figure this out on his own but its killing me to sit here and not do anything about it. I bought the Magic of Making up book and I did the NC for 30 days and to make a long story short we are hanging out a little bit, behind her back of course, but he is the one initiating contact. I just dont know what I can do to speed this up. I love him so much and I know he loves me too, I just feel now he does enjoy her company because its new and exciting. I just am worried that they are getting closer and it will be harder for him to break things off with her. Please let me know what I can do, I want her out out of the picture and fast. Iknow if she wasnt here everything would be fine between us. PLEASE help!!!
cara wrote:
It doesn’t sound like you followed the plan very well, and you ended up in the friends zone.
Why don’t you start over again and follow my free plan?
If you follow my plan your results will be much better, start with sending the recommended NC message…not the one in the book.
Well it has been more than 30 days since the breakup for me and about 20 days or so since I sent the NC letter. I have followed the plan to the letter now and I have worked on me and I feel like everything is way under control. I have gone out with another girl a couple of times and talking to several others. I have been working on my inner self using the David DeAngelo methods. This stuff works great. Today I plan to make initial contact with my ex. I am not expecting much but no big deal.
So I called my ex as planned. No answer so I did not leave a message just like in the plan. Now I will wait several days before making another attempt at calling her.
@ S. Williams:
I got a question I been stressing over to be answered by someone with experience….I called my ex boyfriend the other day to ask him “In the future would you like to try again, when your older?”
And my ex replied “yeh, yeh but not now”
He sounded serious over the phone but I’m not sure if he meant it. Did he say that to make me stop calling him b/c he knew thats what I wanted to hear?
Or did he say that b/c he feels bad?
what do you think? please help
Marcus wrote:
Hi Marcus,
Just make sure you are really ready to go to the reconnection phase, don’t rush through no contact, OK?
emit8 wrote:
I think you should follow the plan and stick with no contact, and stop chasing your ex.
You’re member of our forum, right?
So, follow the plan and you will see results, if you choose to not follow the plan, I really can’t help you.
Hi Scott,
First I just want to THANK YOU!! I believe you are right on track, and your support is phenomenal!! So, THANK YOU…for ALL YOUR TIME and FEEDBACK, it is much appreciated.
First, I think it is important to note since you mentioned it. I DID ask him to go to counseling. He Did not say NO, but has just avoided it. I don’t want to “pursue” him anymore by requesting that he go to counseling with me. I TRULY BELIEVE THE NO CONTACT WORKS! That is actually the ONLY time he REALLY tried to call me…when I hung up on him. But, it was VERY WEAK, he only tried to call maybe 2-3 times. Then found the other woman.
So, after the above, I think I had 4 questions posted and from your feedback, would you “approve” of the following for a NC message? Or should I leave off the “Thank you for birthday wishes” and the “Sorry for the loss of your loved one” comments out? Also, is there anything EXTRA I need to do, or handle about the “other woman”?
My Sample NC message:
Hi,
I want to thank you for the thoughtful birthday wishes. I also want to let you know that I am sorry for the loss of your loved one.
I agree with you about the decision to take a break, I really believe it was the best thing for both of us. I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over. I would really appreciate it if you didn’t contact me during this time. I will be in touch when I am ready.
(your first name here)
Also, I think I did buy your ebook back in May. My computer crashed and now I can’t find the information to get the ebook, on my other computer. Can you direct me as to how to find that. I didn’t write anything down?
CeCe wrote:
The no contact message has one purpose, and one purpose only, break away from the old relationship, and to flip a switch in your ex’s head, by doing a complete 180 degree turn from how you have been acting.
This means keep the message as “clean” as possible and use the recommended NC message word for word, OK?
I know it seems “odd” but that is because you want to think with your heart, when you should be thinking with your head…no emotions, understand?
CeCe wrote:
If you email me your clickbank receipt I will see what I can do, if you don’t have your receipt you will have to buy it again, this time burn it to a CD for a back up.
Just a quick update… I will reply on the blog with a little more detail. I have been doing the no contact for 18 days now (ex and I broke up about 2 months ago). He came by my house on Sunday and asked for a 2nd chance. I have been slowly doing the reconnection phase, so I don’t ruin anything. He (my ex) has been pushing really hard to get back our relationship. Bottom line… NO CONTACT really WORKS!!!! He even told me that having no contact with me has driven him insane!
Jenni wrote:
Hi Jenni,
That’s great news!
Now make sure you read and follow the guidelines in chapter 6 of MOMU.
You don’t want to slip back into the old failed relationship that didn’t work, that would be a big mistake.
So im about to send my no contact letter and he is my college lab partner so i know i will have to see him twice a week and work with him cause we did decide to remain friends (although i want more)and we and other friends have a carpool we cant break. how do i handle that?
Jane wrote:
Just be polite, and avoid any deep personal conversations.
You’re using no contact to keep your ex out of the loop about your personal actions, and motives…this makes him wonder what you’re doing, and if you’re moving on.
There is more about this when you follow the free plan, and make sure you use the NC message on the plan word for word, OK?
Hi,
Okay, just joined the forum and am ready with the plan.
Question:
We spoke 10 days ago and mutually agreed to a 30 day No Contact, will this suffice ?
I did not send any letter. We simple spoke and we agreed on 30 days to clear the air of all emotions before we meet or speak again.
Please advise. Oh, and I will be buying your book on Thursday.
Thank you soo much !!
/SleepingGraves
SleepingGraves wrote:
Hi SG,
I read your post, and you are not following the free plan.
I will delete what you have written, and you can start over again…this time please follow “every” step in the free plan, OK?
Hi Mr. Williams,
Okay, I must have missed something !
I will go back and read a bit more closely. I’m betting that although my ex and I have mutually agreed to the 30 day break that this is NOT the plan.
Despite being into this by 11+ days and her having asked me to NOT contact her at all (no facebook, phone, or email).
You still want me to send the letter correct ?
This will violate what she has asked me to do and will rest the clock to 30 days correct ?
Whatever I must do I will. Thank you !
Please advise on where I have blown it and if I am correct in where the problem lies.
Best/SG
SleepingGraves wrote:
30 days is not a magic number, there is a process involved that requires following a step-by-step plan like the free one on my Blog along with the book.
Do you know why so many people fail using no contact?
It’s not because it doesn’t work, it’s because people think it is just about “taking a break” for 30 days…Wrong!
There is plan to follow, understand?
Hi Mr. WIlliams,
I understand that 30 days is by no means a magic number, in fact in my case I dont think I will be magically over her at all for quite some time.
The question I have asked is do I send the letter or not considering my situation ?
Please advise. Thanks/SG
SleepingGraves wrote:
I am not your parents…I gave you options, you’re all grown up…choose one.
I have sent the damn letter =) Feeling foolish but whatever. Thank you!
/SG
SleepingGraves wrote:
Good Job!
The hardest part is over…now on with your personal evolution.
Hello,
I have been broken up with my ex for about 8 months now. At first he called me a lot and I asked him to stop. Then within the first 2 months he started an intense relationship with a woman which lasted all of 8 or 10 weeks.
Since then, he has called me every so often, and a couple of weeks ago he started calling me every day and when I answered (twice) he asked me if he could “have some sex”, that he would be OK the next day that he could keep emotion out of it. I said well that is because you are a guy. And he said no there are a lot of women like that. And I said well if there are so many women like that then why are you bugging me for sex, just go out with one of them? And he said, well I am not begging you.
He is a good looking guy and has a little black book full of single women, I am sure, so I don’t know why he would ask me this.
Sometimes I really do miss him and wish that we could start again. The break up came after a 2 year relationship and 7 months of living together…he is 37 and I am older than he is by quite a bit.
A lot of our problems stemmed from my insecurity, but he also seemed very committed to me, but with our new work colleagues he resisted calling me his girlfriend, which hurt a lot, I might add.
Do you think after 8 months it would be next to impossible to re-vive our relationship and how should I do it. I did not have sex with him by the way, and I haven’t heard from him in a week, either.
Thaks for your help.
Karen wrote:
You can follow the free plan on my Blog, and during your personal evolution you will find a way to get rid of your insecurities.
people have reunited after many years so 8 months isn’t impossible.
i don’t know how else to contact you scott, but no on replies to my diaries on the forum lol, there are 3 posts… and they’re all by me : ( and i don’t know where my buddy went, think she left
Yoyo wrote:
Have you been interacting with other members, or just asking questions?
If you interact on other members NC Diaries they will respond to your questions too.
It looks like you have made 6 posts, and mostly all on your topics.
The forum is about members helping members…people supporting each other who are going through the same situations.
a’ight i just did a shxtload of posting, i hope this works… but i notice people usually post on the ones with most posts… which kinda screws me as i only have 3 on my topic which are all my own >< i wish the people with like 150 posts can help me out
Yoyo wrote:
Have you tried PMing them and asking for their support?
I am sure someone will help you, and take an interest in your evolution.
good idea, i’m gonna do it right now!
oh, and you should of seen what i wrote on optimistic’s topic, i sounded just like you lol
Yoyo wrote:
Well that’s the point…
After reading enough on the forum, and on my Blog you should be able to help people just like I do.
The funny thing is (well not funny, but strange) is the more you help people…the more these things you tell the other people get ingrained in your own brain, and you start doing better as well.
A win-win situation all around, right?
Here’s my main problem. My ex and I have been broken up for 8 weeks now, and she started seeing a new guy and getting to know him 6-7 weeks ago. As of 2 days ago, they are finally officially dating. So, she has a new boyfriend, but this isn’t the typical rebound relationship as she didn’t move into it quickly. By the way, my ex broke up with me due to lack of attraction and has barely contacted me since the breakup. Many people think she’s still attracted to me, but it seems like she has really moved on. She did tell me, however, that she loves me as a friend (although I didn’t agree to be friends), and that if we are meant to be we will be. How should I go about winning her back even though she has a boyfriend? He seems like an a**hole who will eventually screw her over, but I’d like to take advantage of this sooner than later. How can I win back her attraction while she has a boyfriend. I’ve been following the “Magic of Making Up” for the 2nd time, and have been in strict NC for 18 days.
Trevor wrote:
Have you been following the free plan on my Blog for 18 days?
The NC message in MOMU is not as effective as the one we use on the plan.
If you haven’t been following that plan I suggest you start, and send her the recommended NC message. I know…I know…you already sent one, but it isn’t working very well is it?
This isn’t about what feels right…it’s about getting results…you want results don’t you?
So My ex and I have been Broken up for a couple weeks…after 3 years He just stepped out of the relationship just like you explain in the book. I found out it was because of another girl. I initiated NC with imedietly on my own terms, and he responded by calling me and texting me everyday, showing up at my work ect. I was overwhelmed and not ready by any means to face him especially since I have a feeling he is used to having his cake and eat it too when it comes to me. Finally I wrote the recomended NC message. I needed that time to get my life together, adn let go. He contacted me an Hour after I sent the message and is begging for answers. I still wont respond. The only thing is that I know there are other girls in the picture and Im afraid that he will move on to one of them or worst case scenario never value me enough to want to stop talking to them, so we could be together again one day. What do I do?
Rina wrote:
You’re doing it right now…you’re following the free plan on my Blog.
Stick with it, and stay strong.
I hope you are following all the rest of the steps, and will join our forum.
That could make the difference between failing or succeeding.
It’s been 2.5 weeks. I didn’t use a no contact message because I left him and when I left he asked, no texts or contact or or or. I told him I was all or nothing and have since replied shortly with the 2-3 messages he’s sent me, the latest one to tell me he dropped stuff off at my apartment as I’d requested in my response to his first long message (as if I hadn’t noticed a giant suitcase my roommate showed me). It also says that he knows I want nothing to do with him but he hopes that changes. Do I reply at all? If so, with a, I’m good – I’ve got some decisions to make and thought some space would be good for both of us, or wait for another week as part of the no contact?
Kat wrote:
Yes, this is the perfect opportunity to send your no contact message.
If you read and follow the free plan on my Blog you will find an example for someone who left their ex…like you did.
Send that example word for word, and start your personal evolution.
I’m new to the process and just posted my breakup story. We’ve been broken up for exactly 2 weeks with some contact. He was supposed to bring my stuff over today and I was hoping I could get him to stay and change things.. but deep down I knew that wouldn’t work
He told me to call him yesterday and we’d figure out when he was coming by. I called him we talked for a little and when he said “ok, so I’m gonna stop by tomorrow and drop off your stuff..” I said “Yeah.. I was thinking about that. I know you need your space and you don’t really want to see me right now. and if that’s what you need, I want to give that to you. So, we’ll deal with it another time.” he was very surprised. at first he was like “Really are you sure? because I can have your stuff back in a couple days?” and I said “yeah, the stuffs really not that important right now” and he was like “Well, thank you. I really appreciate you doing this for me. I really appreciate that.” and then when we got off the phone he said “I’ll talk to you soon”. It seemed to end positively.
My plan was now, to have no contact. Does this count? Hasn’t no contact now already been initiated?
decoratedxemergency wrote:
Did you send the recommended no contact message as outlined in the free plan word for word?
If not you have not properly initiated no contact.
Read and follow every step in the free plan if you want to succeed.
I purchased the book The Magic of Making up. Here is how things have gone.
Mon. We broke up. I was really hurt and upset and did a little pleading but wasn’t “crazy”. He asked to spend the night because he didn’t want to leave me alone(no sex) he just cuddled me. I know stupid…
Tues. He left, had to borrow my car as his truck battery died. He asked if he could come over Wed and eat dinner with me since he was dropping my car off. I am not vindictive so I said yes. Downloaded Magic…
Wed. He got so stressed he went home from work called and said he would come over Thurs.
Thurs. Dropped off car, ate dinner. I KNOW what the problems and believe me, I am more than contrite. Anyhow, I gave him the Clean Slate, not to “save” the relationship, but because I OWED him the apology – and yes he kissed another woman, but that isn’t on the table right now, it was what I did.
Fri. I wrote the NC letter and went to his apt. while he was at work and left it on his door.
I don’t have caller ID (yeah, I know..) Mon. he calls at 8:30 a.m. I thought it was another call I was expecting. Tried to be polite said I didn’t have much time to talk. He asked me to read his Air Force essay (which I had given him my word I would help him with before the breakup and download). Said he got the letter and wanted to know what my news was…I popped something off the top of my head as he caught me off-guard and then I got off the phone within 5 min. Tues Eve. I spiffed up the essay and sent it back with the email saying. ” As promised. As for that news, it will come later.”
I have started the NC over again (of course I can’t send another letter) but I need to know if the plan is too badly messed up now? or can I still recover. P.S. When he broke up he told me that he is still in love with me and that people break up and get back together all the time, but he needs time and space and doesn’t want a relationship — so why is he contacting me frequently??? I need the space to heal and am starting the NC again starting today? I need some feedback as I am scared that I blew the plan and confused by his actions.
PPS: I am not answering the phone anymore, I am just screening all the calls for the next month.
MW wrote:
Hi MW,
You messed up by being so available, so here’s the plan
You need to start over, and follow the steps in the free plan (top of the Blog).
It works along with the book MOMU.
If you want the best results I would highly recommend you send the version of the NC message outlined in the free plan (it works much better than the one in MOMU)…word for word.
It is a VERY important part of your personal evolution.
As far as keeping your word or breaking NC…what’s more important?
No contact only works when you follow the plan…not your version of the plan, understand?
That means no contact.
How can your ex miss you when you never left?
He gets his cake, and eats it too…where does that leave you?
It’s your life, and your decision…so what’s it going to be?
I showed you a path, now you have to chose whether to take it or not.
Take Care,
S.W.
My ex and I have been on and off for almost 2 years, and we recently broke up in college because of the distance, although we both tried, it ended because of a lack of trust.
He still texted me on and off just to say hey and invited me to another state for the weekend with some friends, but told me “just as friends” and that he doesnt want to date me anymore but still really wants me as a friend. I tried the friends thing but it hurt so much because he would make me jealous by telling me about this new girl he was supposedly seeing.
I sent him the NC message 2 weeks ago and he asked if I was serious, and then said he will respect my decision. exactly 2 weeks later, he texts me out of nowhere just to say hey at 2am, and asks if he could please chat to me because he was stressed and asked if I am free for thanksgiving break. I told him no, and he stopped replying. But this morning I see he has re-added me on facebook but as of last night, is listed as in a relationship with that new girl he had been seeing. I was devastated and shocked and I feel that all hope is gone. Why would he still text me though, if he has a new girlfriend, and how do I handle this situation when we will be back home in the same city in a month for winter break?
I know I messed up with the NC message, should I re-send it again, wont that make him just continue to fall in love with this new girl if I wait another 30 days?
Sarah Stein wrote:
Hi Sarah,
If he keeps contacting you then send the no contact message again…if not just continue to ignore his attempts until you’re ready to reconnect.
If he was falling in love with this other girl…why was he thinking about you?
If you want your life back, and the best chance of getting your ex back you need to continue evolving.
Keep following the rest of the steps in the free plan…the NC message was only the beginning.
Focus on getting your life back…not on your ex, and the rest will fall into place.
Stay Strong!
S.W.
I’m wondering if the NC approach will actually work in my situation. It seems like a “one size fits all” approach, and there are so many different situations. I don’t want to send a NC in my situation if it will actually make it worse.
My bf never actually gave me the official break-up talk. The story is he cheated, we worked on overcoming it and he said he was definitely sorry, we got back together, but then I looked at his phone texts a couple times and he found out. Then he just stopped seeing me but kept staying in touch saying “I don’t know whether friends or dating” and then later when I asked about starting new he said, “I’m not in the same space I was.”
I stupidly agreed to the “let’s just be friends” line. It’s been 7 months since we stopped dating. He asked me to meet him for coffee one time, and he texts me randomly asking what’s up, jokes and smiles, says he’d like to get together when I suggest it, but then never follows through.
Lately he’s been texting regularly saying hi and asking what I’m up to.
What should I do?
@ Jaye:
Just to clarify my question: It’s been so long that we’ve been “just friends” (7 months). It seems strange to me to send a NC letter at this late point. I can see this method working really well if I had done it within early weeks after the break-up, but what about now?
Jaye wrote:
Hi Jaye,
What have you got to lose?
Do you like the position you’re in now?
If not stop over analyzing the FREE plan, and start using it.
This plan looks like “one size fits all” because it does, and it works.
I am not here to convince you…that’s your job.
I just provide free information, it’s your choice whether you use it or not.
But it really seems to me you want help, but are afraid to use it for one reason or another.
It is obvious that you have tried everything you can think of, or you wouldn’t be here looking for help, right?
It is NEVER too late to help yourself, and this plan does work…I have seen it.
Your move…
Take Action Today!
Or not.
Take care,
S.W.
@ S. Williams:
It is true I’ve tried everything and nothing is working for us getting back together. He seems to want to be just text friends. I’m seriously thinking of trying this out. You’re right, what have I got to lose now?
Hi sw this no contact is really test me but with that free plan of yours I’m makin myself stronger I have to be the exercises of letting that gut twisting pain is better for mei no its just my negative thourts that he aint coming back r haunting me. He must be a bit shocked that I’m not begging and kicking of wich is normal for me thank u for your time to help me see sense an sanity lol
natalie10 wrote:
Hi Natalie,
You’re Welcome!
We have ALL been through break ups and had broken hearts.
I know it’s not easy, that is why I set all this up to help people succeed with, or without a relationship help book.
The book MOMU does make it easier…but if people can’t afford the book, that doesn’t mean they don’t deserve any help, right?
Stay Strong!
You’re doing great Natalie! (Thumbs High)
P.S. If you’re not a member of our forum…join right away the support is amazing, and free.
S.W.
well,i already sent him an sms telling him how he is right about the break up.told him something great had happened lately and that was it.he’s called severally since then and sent me sms’s as well but i replied none.the last one he sent,was more like i should bottle up the “great happening” thant had occured.although that was before i found you.dont know what step to take anymore.though it’s ovious he’s curious.
U see,i actually cheated and after having the guilt get the best of me,i told him to clear my conscience and have him deal with me for what and who i truly am.after he got me to break all contact and even pushed to have the other guy’s name,he went ahead and got his number and tried to reach him.i tried to prove to him that i was now for real until he got me angry one day and i got angry and lashed out at him,asking him to leave me.after a week i tried to contact him but he kept shoving the “still friends” at me and said he was in no mood for any emotional commitments.As a matter of fact,i cant really explain how i got to cheat on him but it did happen and i’ve been sober since then.I really want him back.I’m not proud of what i did.
i see lots of issues with boyfriends and girlfriends using the N/C rule but what about longterm marriages (11years) does this still apply
beemer07 wrote:
A relationship is a relationship whether you have a piece of paper or not, right?
This plan has worked with married people living in the same house with 3 kids.
You can read about it in the success forum.
BTW – did I just reject your forum request?
I have a bunch of people in that area of Canada that like to play pretend in our forum (that’s why I use the approval process now)…real pain in the ass.
I hate having to do it this way, but people take advantage of the internet to play games.
Once I get a feel that you are “for real” you can request again, OK?
Take Care,
S.W.
yes you rejected my request,
I am in state of where we have been trying to fix things for 10 months, we tried a contracted seperation = she moved out and after 2 weeks you start dating again…as time progresses you date more, this went on for 4.5 months, we then did a period of time, about 6 weeks were we limited our contact and she decided to come home and give it a try again..try to get that spark again….i work my butt off trying to show her i am worthy but see decided about 9 days ago to move out again. she went and got an apartment again, she os buying lots of stuff. I got the i love you but i am not in love with you line, she also told me she was my best friend. She seems to be broken hearted by moving out but thought it was best as the spark/connection was not coming back.
not sure what we are doing right now except she is gone.
beemer07 wrote:
She needs time…give it to her, two weeks is not enough time.
You tried it the other way, now try using no contact by following all the steps in the free plan on my Blog.
The link is at the top of my Blog.
I think if you follow the plan correctly and get yourself back as a single man again she will she a new you…not the “old” husband.
Your personal evolution is the key to your happiness.
Don’t think about this as getting your wife back.
Think of it as getting yourself back first…something was lost, and the best way to find it is to not even look for it…it will find you.
Sounds crazy but it works…every time.
Can’t promise you she will come back (50/50 chance – but 11 years doesn’t disappear over night) but if you follow all the steps in the free plan…you will be happy again, with or without her…trust me.
beemer07 wrote:
Re-register I will accept you this time. I have to be careful…not my choice.
Take Care,
S.W.
thanks for the words
we did counsiling, read self help books, you name it.
Can you explain what is with that line, i love you but i am not in love with you
beemer07 wrote:
It is a confusing contradicting statement, huh?
You would have to be a confused person to say something like that…she’s confused and having mixed feelings she needs time to sort them out.
You need time to sort your feelings out too.
That’s what NC is all about, you will see after you start using it and interacting with the other members in our forum.
*Warning – Do not join our forum until you’re ready to send the recommended NC message and follow the plan, OK?
If you want to debate NC do it here on my Blog.
The forum is for “like-minded” people who share a single vision.
NC is hard enough without people spreading doubt and fear, understand?
Take Care,
S.W.
all i can say is i tried everything else…it did not work so why not try this.
I have heard of this working before it just does not seem right, it truly goes against what your heart is telling you.
but i also know people always wants things they cannot have so i am going to try it.
before i contacted you and found this forum i had already decided this method is all i have left to try. just leave her alone.
this women means the world to me, i would die for her.
it is very difficult to let go but if someone is telling you they are not happy in the relationship then what other options do you have??
When all of this started the counsilors made us make up a complaint list. I believe i adressed all of the issues but in vain except i am a better person for it and still not the desired result.
We are each others best friends, we do everything together, i cannot understand how someone states you are my best friend but i am leaving, what is going on in their mind. Is she lieing?
I am very confused
so i screwed up the no contact. i broke down and called him. i had been doing really well. not answering texts and only texting about financial matters that we still have tied up. last night i called him. i said hey and he responded. i asking him how he was and he said fine and that he was just watching the game. then out of the blue he asked why i hadnt answered the phone on nye. he didnt call me on nye, he text me. i told him that i was out and did not get the message until much later than he actually sent it. i then changed the subject and asked him how his nye was. he said fine. i could sense that he has been pissed since nye because of his tone, so i quickly said, i dont want to keep you from the game so i’ll let you go. he said ok and talk to you later. now, before you tear me a new one… i really thought i was going to try to reconnect with him last night. i felt ready. but when i spoke to him and he was all about why haven’t you answered me, i retreated and felt like that wasn’t the right time. we have been having some problems since october and officially broke up on oct 6. since i sent the nc msg, he has called a few times and left some msgs. i dont know what to do now. should i re-start nc again since i found out i wasn’t ready to move to the reconnect phase? the call wasn’t horrible like they have been in the past, but i am kind of in limbo about which way to go. we went the whole month of november not speaking or texting once every week until we finally had a terrible fight in dec and ended things. so it’s kind of like we have been in nc for much longer. help!where do i go from here? he is the love of my life and we have 6 years under our belt. this can’t be it.
li li wrote:
Hi li li,
Kinda of using NC is like trying to get a little pregnant.
As you found out…”kinda” using no contact doesn’t work very well…does it?
You need to follow the whole free plan not just send a message and wait 30 days that just about never works…it takes longer.
li li wrote:
This I find confusing…
You ask for my help, and then when I tell you what to do, you don’t listen.
So…
How am I supposed to help you, exactly?
You don’t want help you want a fucking magic trick to make things all better without any work, right?
All I can tell you (and you should have known this by now) is to re-send the NC message word for word, and this time follow all the steps in the free plan.
I offer some great free tools…but I can’t make you use them.
If you really want to succeed, and not just fuck around wasting your time, and mine…get serious and follow the plan this time.
Stay Strong!
S.W.
We are each others best friends, we do everything together, i cannot understand how someone states you are my best friend but i am leaving, what is going on in their mind. Is she lieing?
I am very confused.
I can see you feel very strong about the NC. I have no contact for 48hours now…it is killing me.
What are your thoughts about my opening statement??
beemer07 wrote:
Following the plan will reveal the truth.
beemer07 wrote:
I feel strong about it because I have seen it work.
Did you send the recommended NC message word for word?
Stay Strong!
S.W.
I spoke with her on Thursday at Lunch time about respecting my space. I did not give her anything in writting yet. We have not spoken or seen each other for 3 days now. IF she tries to contact me i will then give her something in writting, does not seem right to doube up on that message, thoughts????
I purchased the book and read it through quickly this morning. I will try and follow it but i do have a few questions and will read it again.
Dating again….how is she supposed to find out, also it seems a little quick seeing someone, we have been together for eleven years. Would in not be sending her a strange message?
A few other things are this, we are best friends, we do not argue, we get along great…she lost the spark or flame. I cannot really improve my looks any, we both went to the gym together 4 to 5 times a week. So with that said i am not sure how to send her any message except for the NC rule. I need to time with her to rekindle our love do i not??
I help her pack up her things when she left and then we went out for dinner, pretty friggen weird…we got along. Maybe it is the 10 months we have been doing everything else that made this possible.
With her going out for dinner with me this women must still have a strong attachment to me or am i wrong?????
Today i know she came over to the house to pick up her mail but i was not home and she knew i would not be home, That is pretty negative
thanks for your support and if anyone else has hany comments on my bizarre relationship i would like to hear it
beemer07 wrote:
That is why I posted the free plan, it covers things that the book doesn’t.
beemer07 wrote:
She doesn’t need to “find out”, that’s not the point you’re missing the point of dating.
It is about you getting yourself back again as a “single” person.
beemer07 wrote:
She needs to miss you, and if you’re always there for her…how can that happen?
It is apparent she has strong feelings for you, but she doesn’t know it anymore.
You have to start yours, and hers personal evolution by using the recommended NC message in the free plan…the one in the book doesn’t work as well.
This plan has worked for marriages, and for all kinds of relationships, including LDR’s…just read the forum, and the testimonials on my Blog.
You have to believe in this plan in order for it to work, the plan doesn’t fail…people fail to use it correctly.
It takes some real courage to take that initial first step and send the correct NC message.
Stay Strong!
S.W.
thanks for feedback, i am fighting the urges to accidentially bump into her at the gym, harder then i thought.
i will read the free one again and again until it sinks in.
Scott,
one last question, I am trying not to read into this anything more then it is.
My wife is out buying new furniture and stuff for her apartment, spending thousands of dollars. (she walked out without taking furniture as we agreed)
I know she needs furniture to live with but this gives me the bad feeling she has no plans whatsoever to come back.
The last time she left she took the bare minimum to survive.
your feedback on my other whines you felt she is confused, sometimes i think she is and there is hope but as i write this i feel there is none.
what does your experience tell you??? I know i am grasping at straws.
NC for 4 days now
beemer07 wrote:
I am not trying to be funny, but this is what I truly believe.
beemer07 wrote:
Women love to shop.
Am I right, or what?
You are doing fine…
You need to really try to focus on yourself and getting yourself back as a single man again…and not try to rationalize what your wife is doing at the moment.
She is just having fun buying new stuff.
Stay Strong!
S.W.
beemer07 wrote:
It will get easier the longer you stick to the plan, and begin to understand the grand scheme of No Contact…it’s not as scary as it looks.
Stay Strong!
S.W.
i’ve been in the no contact phase for a minute and things were starting to work out. he was calling and texting and even asked if i was seeing someone else. then i had a moment of weakness and we had sex. how do i recover from this? CAN i recover from this? i feel like all my hard work went out of the window. I want my ex back but I’m scared I may have screwed it up for good. help scott!
Hi SCOTT
I have been doing nc for over 20 days and was feeling very gud. However recently (past week) i noticed that it looked like some of my emails on my hotmail account have looked like they have been read. It is possible my ex new my password and has been into my mail. Ahhh that means he may have read all my emails and will know about the plan im doing. If he jas he’ll be so smug not knowing what im doing and that i want him back. Im so worried as i think now if he has been into my email is there any point in continuing since he cud no what im doing.
Obvioulsy there is a chance that im just being silly and he hasnt actually been in my mail, however i just have a niggeling feeling, simply because it looked like some of my mail had been opened and read.
I have to be honest im so tempted to ring him to find out?
jas wrote:
What happens when you fall down?
Do you just lie there?
No, you get back up on your feet again, and say WTF happened…what did I trip on?
Then you learn from your mistake and continue on your journey.
Just start over and send the recommended NC message word for word again…OK?
Don’t be frightened you can do it.
Stay Strong!
S.W.
Sally wrote:
Change your password, and don’t give it a second thought.
You WILL succeed.
Sally wrote:
Don’t do it Sally…be Good!
Onward with your personal evolution.
Stay Strong!
S.W.
Thanku Scott i wont do it. Password has been changed. I just keep thinking if he has been in my email he will know about the whole plan, does that still make it valid? And will be laughing to himself.
Sally wrote:
Great Job Sally! (Thumbs High)
Sally wrote:
When he starts to miss you…he won’t be laughing for long.
If he had been spying it won’t be long before he will drop you a series of hints, and even if he had been spying you are still in control.
If he is spying on you he is obviously still in love with you.
Stay Strong!
S.W.
Ok thanks, you are so right. I just thought it wud put him back in control as the emails are about ‘getting your ex back’ so obvioulsy its clear i want him back. But this dosent matter right?
Sally wrote:
Nope, because although we are talking about getting your ex back…
This whole plan is really about getting your life back as a single woman, and then deciding if you even want your ex back again.
Plus, it’s doesn’t matter what you’re reading…it’s how you are acting, and you won’t be acting like you need him back during your personal evolution.
You’re a woman with a plan, and a destination.
You’re going to kick loves ass, hard…no mercy!
Stay Strong!
S.W.
I guess what im trying to say is that all alot of my emails which he may of read are all about trying and wanting to get him back. In the chance he has been haxcking into my mail does this matter?
Sally wrote:
Not at all…don’t worry about it…you’re fine.
I am sure he knows that you want him back by the way you acted after the break up, but that doesn’t matter.
There is no “defense” against NC and the free plan…he is not in control…you are.
Stay Strong!
S.W.
Lovely, thanks very much for your support. This is going v well so far. Even have a date on wednesday with a guy who seems very nice.
Will stay strong:) Its a one way road now
Scott,
thanks for your words of encourage…kind of feels like me against the world.
The phone rang tonight and it was her..did not recognize her new phone number.
She asked how i was doing…told her fine. but i was strangly quiet according to her, she kept asking me why..told her i really had not to much to say, we had to talk about a few lose ends about the household, conversation lasted for about 5 minutes.
back to the starting blocks i guess??
beemer07 wrote:
There are over 600 members (and growing daily) in our forum, and over 100,000 searches on Google a month for get your ex back.
You are definitely not alone.
beemer07 wrote:
Did you ever send the recommended NC message word for word from the free plan?
If not, now would be a good time, and now that you know her new number…let it go to VM most of the time so you are not so “available” for her.
Keep reading the steps in the free plan, but do not join our forum until you’re ready to follow the plan, and the rules of the forum.
In order to keep the chaos to a minimum…I strictly enforce them.
You can keep asking questions here on my Blog until you’re ready.
You won’t make much progress until you take that first big step and send NC, and start your personal journey.
No rush…when you’re ready.
Stay Strong!
S.W.
thanks Scott, my network of friends is very small.
For the next few days i will continue of not contacting her but there is no point in giving her the N/C letter until she is totally out of the house i guess. I know she is coming over some time this week to pick up a few more things, Hopefully i will not be at home when she comes over.
I have always been there for her, helping her do everything. very difficult to sit by in the stands and watch this unfold as i do not agree with this breakup of this eleven year relationship. This is my problem and i have to deal with it.
Even with her leaving i would still do anything for her. I am not offering anything but i am afraid what will come out of my mouth if she ask.
Going to read some inspirational letters again, they help somewhat but i do not see anything real close to my situation
Scott, Been reading the forum post and a question cam to mind.
Everyone that is read appears to be quite young or were in a short term relatioship. You still feel this works with people 46 and 53 years old that have been together for just over 11 years.
Older minds think different do they not?
beemer07 wrote:
yeah you would be better off just waiting until she is finished moving.
beemer07 wrote:
You see this as the end of your marriage, I see this as a chance to make your relationship with your wife even better.
Sometimes you have to break something to fix it.
beemer07 wrote:
I look at every situation as dealing with true love.
Not by age, time, or living situation
If there was true love in the relationship before the break up, then NC will help dig that back out again, and make it even better…how?
Everyone wants to repair their relationship, that is like hey patch the hole, and re-paint.
But what caused the hole…did you fix that?
What if the problems go deeper than that?
When people get something into their mind…you can’t just paint over it…they have to work through this on their own.
You can’t be there and tell them what to think, you have to get out of the way, and let them evolve.
She wants to have her own space and evolve, and the only way that seems fair (fair to you) from her perspective her is to break up.
This doesn’t mean it’s over, it means she needs to work things out.
If you love her you want her to be happy, right?
Well then get out of the way and let her rediscover what she wants.
In the meantime why don’t you go out and re-discover yourself as well…then you two can come back together and have a whole new relationship, and life together.
Stop trying to “patch things up”…tear down the whole house and build your dream home (relationship).
Don’t be afraid to dream.
Stay Strong!
S.W.
great feedback…thanks
beemer07 wrote:
You’re Welcome!
Hang in there.
Hi Scott,
I read a few of the inspirational articles again….they give me some much needed strength. A question came to mind
Much of the information is based on taking care of yourself, letting go etc.etc.
Just like before how does your ex know you have gone thru this change if you are not seeing them????
beemer07 wrote:
You’re over thinking a simple plan.
This works for people who don’t even live in the same country.
When the time is right you will follow chapter 6 and proceed with a reconnection strategy…then your ex will see how you have changed.
People have been successful with this plan using a web cam and Skype.
Consider yourself lucky that you will be able to arrange a face to face meeting they are way more powerful.
Stay Strong!
S.W.
another question,
I was given this called “Rebuiding” it does mention many of the topics and helpful advice you give out. most importantly: take care of yourself.
But this came to mind and i would like your thoughts
The dumper (Wife)probably made the decision to leave in my case probably 2 years ago (11 year relationship) and finally worked up the courage to leave.
Do you think the NC will work if this is the case? she still has strong feelings about me as i told you in the past. but if she disconnected years ago????
what do you think??
beemer07 wrote:
Whatever has been disconnected, can be reconnected, right?
You did it once when you first started dating…why can’t you do it again?
Stay Strong!
S.W.
scott,
I have been reading the NC forum stories and not seeing much success as far as getting the EX back but i am seeing stories of people moving on.
Is the focus of the NC to get your ex back or get you life back on track???
beemer07 wrote:
I don’t know what part of the forum you’re reading but there are quite a few success stories of people getting their ex back.
And a few that gave up and moved on (their choice, not because the plan didn’t work), and quite few more that decided they didn’t want their ex back even after the plan worked and their ex came back.
The forum is only 8 months old, and didn’t really get busy until about 3 months ago.
I guess people are afraid to use free support.
beemer07 wrote:
Since there is no way to make anyone do anything short of drugging them, and bringing them back home.
The plan focuses on you getting your life back as a single person.
This called your personal evolution.
During your personal evolution you learn to become less dependent on your ex, and happy as a single person again.
As this is happening you will discover a lot about yourself and your ex, and what went wrong.
Right now all you think about is getting them back ASAP, right?
That’s why you won’t be successful, and only drive them away.
At the end of your personal evolution you will have a choice…get your ex back, or not.
But your chances of getting them back before you personally evolve are very, very slim.
Bottom line this plan works…if there was true love in your relationship, your ex will come back.
Once you become self confident and secure as a single person, you will attract her back.
I have seen it happen.
But if you’re looking for a guarantee…you have a 50/50 chance which will only increase in your favor as you evolve.
So you have a choice…sit at home feeling sorry for yourself, hoping and praying for them to come home.
Or you can use the free plan and personally evolve past the old relationship, and prepare for a new one with, or without your ex.
Your choice…
Take Care,
S.W.
thanks Scott,
I did give her the N/C letter a couple of days ago, (Sunday Morning)
so we will see what happens? i have tried everything else so what have i got to lose.
I am very good friends with her brother and my sister in law, should i just lay low on talking to them as well?
Like i said before she sent me an email stating we should not she each other much so she got the jump start on me.
beemer07 wrote:
Did you use the one from the book, or the free plan?
The one in the book is for people in a less serious situation.
The one listed in the free plan on my Blog is much more effective.
beemer07 wrote:
No, you don’t have to hide and cut yourself off from the world, just don’t talk about your plan, or the break up.
If they want to talk about it just change the subject…if they insist, avoid them because they will only make matters worse.
Beware the “helpful” friends and family members who think they can “fix things” for you, understand?
The fewer people involved…the better.
Stay Strong!
S.W.
Hi Scott. I need a little kick in the butt. My ex and I broke up in decemeber and since then it has been a roller coaster. Calling and not answereing ( on his part), mixed signals, a slip up that ended with us falling into bed together and some broken promises. I am feeling really low right now. He came to my home after stalking me down and made me so confused. “I love you” “Are you dating someone else”, “I didn’t tell you I didn’t want you or us”, “sometimes things just don’t work out” etc…. I can’t take it. I want him back and I love him, but not like this. We have six years under our belt. How do I do this? Is it too late to send the NC msg? I feel like I am going crazy. Please help.
jas wrote:
Hi jas,
No, it is never too late to start taking control of your life, and this situation.
To get started go to the top of my Blog and find the link for the free plan.
Click on it, and then start at the beginning and read, and then do what it says for every step, OK?
You came to the right place, you will kick loves ass and get your life, and your ex back again.
Stay Strong!
S.W.
Scott,
Yes, i used the one from your website but like is said she beat me to the punch and told me we should not see each other.
beemer07 wrote:
Great Job Beemer! (Thumbs High)
It doesn’t matter who did it first, in fact it makes more sense doing it after her, because you are agreeing with her decision.
You’re not begging, pleading, or trying to get her back…she will notice.
You planted the seed now give it time to grow…meanwhile enjoy yourself…it’s very beneficial to your personal evolution.
Don’t look at this like a bad situation, it’s just a chance for you and your wife to fall in love all over again.
This new relationship will be even stronger than the old one.
Stay Strong!
S.W.
thank you for the encouraging words.
With my circumstances of the 10 months of trying everything….do you think it would be best if she contacts me down the road or still proceed with making contact with her maybe in a couple of months.
kind of tired of chasing her..would be nice if she chased me….know what i mean.
beemer07 wrote:
There is no set time frame, or rule about who has to contact who.
Try not to look too far ahead, as you evolve these things will become clear to you…you will know what to do.
Stay Strong!
S.W.
Scott,
I keep hearing from people that there is not chance of her coming home after all of our effort to date. This is the second time she has left.
You know my story.
What does your experience tell you
beemer07 wrote:
Hi,
People say a lot of things, they should mind their own business.
My experience tells me anything can happen, and your best chance is to stay out her way, and follow NC.
My experience also tells me that people who try to predict the outcome of NC never evolve.
They just keep chasing their own tails.
As long as she is still alive there is always a chance she will come home.
The sooner you follow the steps in the book, and in the free plan and allow yourself to move past the old relationship…the sooner things will start to change.
I can’t predict the future, but I do know that a positive attitude really helps.
Stop asking for people’s opinions, and stop listening to them.
You picked a plan to follow, now follow it and give it a few months.
The magic usually starts around 4 months or sooner, some people took 5 months.
But you have to stop thinking ahead, and trying to predict the outcome.
If you’re going to do that make sure it is a positive outcome, not a negative one…use The Law of Attraction to manifest what you want.
Hang in there, and stay strong!
S.W.
Hey Scott…my username is ninijudge…lol…i troed to get a password and it denied me twice! I want to keep you and others updated
Oh and Scott i believe the plan will work but do I really need the book because unfortunately I can not get one right this minute!?
Haniya wrote:
You were registered, but you didn’t follow the rules…I have deleted you…re-register.
Scott
I know i am being a pest but unfortunately my job and training over the past 25 years is to plan ahead and analize.
I guess in this situation i need to stop overthinking like you said.
It has been 15 days sense she moved out and 6 days sinse the Offical N/C . We have not seen each other during these 15 days, we have been in contact with each other twice by email sinse the offical N/C about the upgrades to our Rental property that are happening but nothing else. She keeps referring to me by my pet name she gave me???
beemer07 wrote:
Yeah old habits are hard to break, but maybe you can tackle this one during your personal evolution.
It just takes time.
Stay Strong!
S.W.
Hi S
I’ve been in NC with my ex for over a week now. He’s on a rebound relationship (or so I hope anyway…) and he’s trying all sorts of things to make me feel jealous. I haven’t reacted cause I know that’s what he’s expecting but I’m so mad! From things I know, I suspect things are cooling off between them. May that be due to the fact that trying to make me jealous a provoke a reaction from me isn’t working?
Rox wrote:
Hi,
Are you following the free plan (top of my Blog)?
Did you send the recommended NC message?
If not…you’re not following no contact correctly.
I would worry about that more than what he is doing.
Take Care,
S.W.
Hi S
Yes I’m following the plan now. We’ve broken up in early Dec, and have been in NC for the most part till now. I’ve only found your blog last week, so I started correcting what I was doing wrong right away.
I sent the NC message last week. I just couldn’t help feeling excited for seeing that the NC message is probably already having results and that maybe I still have chances of getting him back, although I’m focusing on myself. Thank you so much for taking the time to do this for us.
this does not help
A family member was talking to my wife and she stated that she thinks what she is doing it the best thing for her and me,( the seperation )
Summary, she has been gone for 16 days, 7 days sense the N/C letter.
What does your gut reaction tell you about her statment?
beemer07 wrote:
First you shouldn’t believe everything you hear, unless you see it come out her mouth…and even then she might not mean it.
Second if you keep worrying about what she is doing and saying you’re going to fail at NC.
Stay Strong!
S.W.
Hey Scott I have been having major dreams about me and my ex getting back together and usually i don’t have dreams about loves or likes!! I haven’t talked to him in 4 days and I am hoping he is missing me
Sry for not posting the question but do u think he is missing me even though he talks to the girl in england…n we both r in ga?
Haniya wrote:
If you’re using no contact correctly he will miss you.
If you keep thinking about, and worrying about what you’re ex is doing you’re not following the plan correctly.
Your success depends upon your personal evolution, you need to get a life without your ex, before your ex will come back.
Stay Strong!
S.W.
Hi Scott,
My family member told me another few tidbits about what my wife said.
- no connection-
- my lack of true friends
- she is tired of our struggle
there is one more thing but for some reason this person will not tell me
I am getting the impression the wife is justifying her decision to leave.
Is this typical?? not sure what to think about all of the negativity??
beemer07 wrote:
Show me the part of the free plan, or in the book where it says to spy on your ex through family members.
Listen, if you don’t have any faith in this plan…why are you using it?
I will guarantee you that you will fail, if you don’t start following the plan, OK?
I can not help you if you will not follow the plan, understand?
I am not a fortune teller, and I can not read your ex wife’s mind…try a Psychic Site for that information, OK?
Why don’t you get some counseling to help control your doubts and fears?
Stay Strong!
S.W.
thanks.
Going for counseling tommorrow
The plan is my last hope like i said, i am following it.
beemer07 wrote:
Good choice Beemer! (Thumbs High)
beemer07 wrote:
Well, then make sure you follow all of it, not just the parts you want to.
That means no spying, and if these “family members” can’t keep their mouths shut you need to stay away from them until you get through this.
Their information is unverifiable, and it is damaging your personal evolution.
Beware the “helpful” friends, and family, they do way more harm than good.
Stay Strong!
S.W.
I had an LDR with a man in another country, we had planned on me moving in. I am American. Long story short didn’t work, the last time I went to visit I was very sick. (not even able to let him touch me etc.) He said we should be friends I immediatly lost it. I called once after I got off the plain home, then wrote him a letter six months later,having not known anything about NC or this website. I wanted to let him know I was learning to change my extremley negative habbits I hadn’t noticed before, (he sure did)and feeling different,also thankful for the positive times. YAY ME I grew and changed. I had also started a diary to figure myself out. I figured out alot. casually he let me know he missed my affection,we know we have to be friends however I don’t want to be friends with benefits. I have grown alot since last time I saw him. Do I need a plan or is the plan just be myself?
DD wrote:
Hi,
Everyone needs a plan, and I have a free one for you (top of my Blog).
Follow every step in the plan, and watch what happens.
It is good you worked on yourself, but you have to use no contact to stay out of the friends with benefits zone, understand?
Take Care,
S.W.
when we broke up said” I agree with you about the decision to break up, I really believe it was the best thing for both of us. ” I we have not had notact in like months almost year, except the ltter I wrote about all the changes I made, then he contacted me?
Bottom line: my ex gets irrate when he learns I am involved with another guy military (long distance) & folks in a mutual military club affiliation. I have written no contact, etc. he texts and says if he sees me with that club or affiliates when out and about he will make my life painful and i will end up hating him. he called my brother stating i am bashing him online (not true) it’s not my style, says i’m poison to those clubs, trash talk, etc.
He has a gal living with him two days after they met, why does he keep trashing me and he demands I stay away from the club affiliation(s). Also it surfaced through grapevine that he caught new girl emailing back and forth a guy while living in his house and he’s told my brother everything is my fault, what’s up with all this stuff, if I make him unhappy and i’m not there why does he keep on?
DIMPLE wrote:
WTF does that mean?
Are you following the free plan on my Blog, or not?
If you are, make sure you follow all the steps.
If you are not following the free plan…what are you waiting for …it’s free!
As far as his actions?
What can I say, an asshole is an asshole, right?
Take Care,
S.W.
WTF does that mean? Answer: Yes. Your no contact letter was sent, as I stated in my post thus his negative reaction. It did not make him want what he can’t have. He is ignored but your next step does not implicate what that next step is if reaction to no contact is as negative as this. I know there are folks experiencing immediate negative reactions as this thus prompted your response to asshole behavior..your thoughts.
DIMPLE wrote:
Yes, and do you know why?
Because it doesn’t matter what kind of reaction your ex has, this is your personal evolution…not his.
Your ex’s reaction doesn’t mean shit.
Of course he will get mad you kicked him in the ass and took back control.
The plan is simple…just follow all the steps and stop over thinking, OK?
Stay Strong!
S.W.
Thank you for your website. My bf broke up with me about 10 days ago. He’s been in contact with me by text message almost everyday since then saying he still has feelings for me, he still loves me, he misses me. I’m tired of his mind games so I sent the nc message last night. He pretty much freaked out and was texting me and even called me but I didn’t answer and didn’t text back. I really feel I flipped the emotional switch and will get control back. The only problem is we go to school together and have 4 classes together. I’m just going to be polite and keep our conversations short, but I know him. He will hound me about the nc message I sent him and will want to know what it means. Thanks for all your help!
Annie2010 wrote:
Hi Annie,
Just be polite and tell him you’re not ready to talk about it, and you will contact him when you are.
If he keeps on insisting tell him to “fuck off!”…OK?
To quote Patrick Swayze from the movie Road House “You be polite until it’s time to not be polite anymore.”
Don’t let your ex bully you into breaking NC.
Stay Strong!
S.W.
My ex and I “officially” broke up a year ago, we’ve been on and off since then & he has a girl friend now and it got serious, (as it seems to me he does care about her) but he still talks to me/picks fights with me/cheats on her with me. Should I send a NC message anyway but slightly different?
gentile.kristie wrote:
You can still use the free plan, to start your personal evolution, it doesn’t matter what his relationship status is.
gentile.kristie wrote:
What you should really do is ask yourself, why would you trust a man who cheats on his “serious” girlfriend, and what would stop him from doing it to you…true love? (lol)
How desperate can a person get?
Without trust, there will never be true love.
Take Care,
S.W.
Just a question.
My ex already does not talk to me or contact me in any way unless he wants something, what kind of NC message could I send him that isn’t going to make me look crazy, since he ALREADY doesn’t contact me?
I also actually initiated no contact a few days before I found this site and forum.
SamBullington wrote:
Hi,
You must send the recommended NC message as outlined in the free plan, it doesn’t matter what you did a couple days ago, you didn’t do it right, understand?
Now, if you’re more worried about looking “sane” than getting results…I can’t help you, OK?
The free plan is a “gift” to my visitors, if you can’t accept it, I suggest you find another site to help you.
I only deal with serious people, and serious people follow instructions to get great results, the other people just screw around until it’s too late.
Take Care,
S.W.
P.S. I see that you are a member of our forum.
Per the forum guidelines you agreed to follow, you have until the end of today to send the NC message and start your NC diary before I take away your forum privileges…decision time.
Scott
I sent the NC before I found you here, and I followed your advice to try to register the forum but your system keep rejecting me. Plz help me to register it
I will need to get my money to get the book, he is worth for me to seeking out to get him back. We got along very well and compatible on most levels, I hurt his pride and his heart while he cared too much about me, just to soon though and scared the hell out of me
Thanks
Kelly wrote:
You must follow ALL the instructions for joining our forum to be accepted.
Well, I did it.
I never thought I would, but I sent the NC letter.
Wow, I feel almost liberated in a sense already
MS H wrote:
Great Job MSH! :thumbup:
It takes real courage to send the NC message without changes, and it will take the same kind of courage to follow through with your personal evolution, and win back your ex.
But!
That was only the FIRST step, follow all the rest of the steps in the free plan, and continue to evolve.
Stay Strong! :rambo:
S.W.
@ S. Williams:
Hey Girl-
In thought & I have used this NC when i was completly done w/ 1 bf, the silence drove him nuts..Ever heard the saying Silence Is Golden…U cand do more w/ silence then u can do w/ words…I admitt it is harder 4 me to do w/ this boyfriend 4 some reason…But once u get the balll rolling it gets easier…It can b very hard….i am exper it now…but u dont love every1 the same…
My boyfriend of 4 years is taking a long break from me because he caught me cheating about a month ago. He used to live with me, but after the incident, he moved a couple hours away and has a new job. Before he left, I asked if we could keep in contact/visit each other once in a while and he said yes, but since he left, he hasn’t initiated contact with me. I’ve been the one to call him about once or twice a week, and he does pick up the phone and we talk like friends. Will the NC rule apply to my situation?
By the way, I also did a few wrong things when it first happened. I begged and pleaded for him to come back while crying in front of him. He told me that the break has to happen so that we can start on a clean slate, and that he’s currently still undecided about whether he wants to be with me or not.
Jessie wrote:
Hi,
The whole idea of using the free plan is to get your life back, not your ex.
I suggest you use the free plan to get your life back, and evolve past the old “failed” relationship, and your cheating incident.
This will leave a clear path for you and your ex to start a new relationship later on.
Take Care,
S.W.
Hi,i dated my ex(H) for 3years while i was in a bad relaytionship with another guy(E)who is the father of my son,and my ex(H)knew about guy(E),me and my ex were really inlove only i didn’t have the guts to leave Guy(E)because of my son.Anyway After 3yrs of waitting for me,i felt like i wansn’t making my ex(e) happy because i couldn’t be or see him as much as we both wanted(not that he complained or made me feel that way)i felt i was holding him back from having a real relaytioship that he deservers,so i told him many times to be with someone else(now i loved so much and couldn’t imagine my life with out him)i moved to another city for school(which he begged me not to)and then he moved back to his country,we kept on talking for months until we had a fight and didn’t speak for about 2 months or 3,then he started writting me on msn and we were a bit back in contact,i asked him if he met someone else and he said no,days later i called him and he didn’t answer his phone so i guessed he was with a girl,he called me back and told me he met a girl 2 months,when i asked him why he didn’t tell me,when i asked him days ago,he said he didn’t want to hurt me and didn’t know how to tell me and that he started dating her to get over me.now the girl knew about me and how much he was in love with me,so he had to promise her that he will not go back to me,after 1 year she is asked him to marry her,he tells me sometimes that he loves her(which i don’t belive)and also tells me that he still has feelings for me.he is working in another country now and we’ve been talking once in a while online and 2 months ago(which was the last time we spoke) he told me that she was going to visit him in the country he is working for 2 months sameday he told me he still has feelings for me.i haven’t tried to contact him in anyway since then but 2 days ago,he left me an offline message on msn saying”hi how are u”i don’t know if i should reply him now or not??even when he is not online after the message.i still love very much and really waitting to be with him,as i’ve been single
sandy wrote:
Hi,
You need to read, and follow ALL the steps in the free plan.
This will give you both time to evolve, and think about what you really want.
Take Care,
S.W.
Hi
I was in a long distance relationship and she broke up with me about two months ago. We didn’t talk for a while at first and after two weeks she called on my birthday to wish me happy birthday. I tried being friends with her but it just ended up hurting me more so two weeks ago i told her i don’t want to be her friend and i deleted her on Facebook. I haven’t talk to her for two weeks now. Should i still send the NC letter? Even though i already told her that i don’t want to talk to her? Please help!
Broke up with her 3 times and after 3rd time she was acting like maybe shed give me the last chance I needed then asked for complete space. Contacted her once every 4 days or so the first 5 weeks. Now i’m done been a week with no contact. I don’t think she needs a no contact message since she needs and wants time to heal and figure things out. Treated her badly for 13 months. She’s being cold and self destructive right now. She needs her time and so do I.
I have been completely changing the jerk I had become btw.
My ex and I broke off almost 2 months ago and he initiated no contact exactly a month ago. He told me over a text message, “Nevermind, its hard for me to tell you everything when you keep demanding for it. Lets not contact for now.” because I kept bombarding him with text messages asking him about our failed relationship the few weeks we did keep in contact.
A few days ago before I found this site, I sent him a text message telling him I got over everything, and that I agree with the break up and that I respect his request for space and that I would do that as of now.
However he didn’t reply me, and a mutual friend accidentally asked him if I did send him a message. He asked her how she knew, and she said that she just knows, only to get a reply saying that he was tired and that he was gonna go sleep. He did say stuff on his webpage like “I miss her now..” (even though I’m not sure if its to me) but I fear I might’ve just screwed up my chances now that our mutual friend went to ask him.
Would you recommend that I send the recommended NC message again despite the fact I already sent one pretty recently?
I can’t find the no contact letter anywhere.
I don’t know if my relationship is possible to get back and I would like some advice/opinion about that before following this plan. Is there somewhere I can post about that before doing all of this? I have read the pages instructed after signing up at the forums, but there was no where I could see to agree and no letter.
I have read two books already including the one mentioned here.
TY
Lumiere wrote:
Hi,
Yes I would, why?
Because the message you sent, was not the recommended NC message as outlined in the free plan…not even close
If you want to get free advice, and support then you MUST follow the free plan, as it is written, and send the NC message without any changes.
If you’re not comfortable with that, then go look for some better advice, OK?
The people who have followed this plan correctly were successful, and the one’s that did not, were not successful.
It’s your choice.
Take Care,
S.W.
x456 wrote:
Hi,
If you read the free plan, you will find the NC message, and everything else you need to do.
x456 wrote:
Umm, that’s what my Blog is for, and you’re posting on it right now.
x456 wrote:
Once again, if you read the entire free plan, and then attempted to join our forum, and “carefully” read each of the emails you received after registering, you would know what to do.
This plan, or any other plan, will not work if you don’t read it, and pay attention to what you’re reading, so you can follow ALL the steps, make sense?
Take Care,
S.W.
Cyke wrote:
Hi,
Yes, you do need to send the recommended NC message, why?
Because the message you sent, was not the recommended NC message as outlined in the free plan…probably not even close.
If you want to get my free advice, and support then you MUST follow the free plan, as it is written, and send the NC message without any changes.
If you’re not comfortable with that, then go look for some better advice, OK?
The people who have followed this plan correctly were successful, and the one’s that did not, were not successful.
It’s your choice.
Take Care,
S.W.
P.S. Don’t ignore the rules, and try to register for our forum, if you won’t comply, and send the recommended NC message, OK?
Everyone else did and you will have to too, if you want to join our forum.
Stop being a chickenshit, and just send it, or go find someone else to help you.
ty for the reply. I will re-read everything again, and try to subscribe once again, perhaps I missed something.
Here is my situation: x and I have split for 6 months now. His choice. I agreed to time away for him initially, but I was not happy about it and I was devastated and I asked him to stay. He said he could not be monogamous but had not cheated. He said he was no longer attracted to me now. He did have one online flirtation 2.5 years ago. I almost split from him then. He said he loved me and it meant nothing to him. He was scared he would lose me.
He wanted to be friends and still live together I think during the break. We lived together part time. I flipped and said no or little contact until he decided what he wanted. We still contacted, then he said he wanted no contact for 2-3 months but then asked me to call him at the holidays and still contacted/responded to me. We have kept contact via email and text. I would say overall I have contacted more maybe.
He then asked me to do a job with him a month ago that we were hired to do together. I was not able to. At some point then I ignored him for 2 weeks. He then contacted via email and said he loved me, missed me and he was thinking of me a lot. He had made me his ICE.
I asked why he did not call me then if he felt that way. He called me from the job and we talked for a long time. He said again he missed me so much etc. He said he would call when he got back and there was more to discuss, but he did not call.
I texted and eventually we talked again. I asked him what he was thinking/feeling and he said he was too tired to discuss it then. Our contact increased a lot, I was going through a lot of stress with family issues and I asked him a few times what was up.
He seemed to be involved in starting a new R 3 weeks or so after he got back from the job. A woman was pursuing him he said. I asked him why he was telling me all of this if he was starting a new R and did he ever envision being a part of my life again in any real way. He had invited me to events and to visit his mom. We were all like a family as I helped care for her for 2 years.
He eventually replied that he wants to end our romantic r and remain friends. He said he was not sure how to go about doing that and inviting me to things was his way of doing it. He said there was no R on the horizon when he had initially said that about missing me and so on.
Now that he is, he thinks beginning a new R he un-inivited me to the event. I have not replied or contacted him since then. I’m tired of the flip flops. He kept telling me through the past 6 months that he loves and misses me, but he would never tell me what he wanted.
I have not replied to him and it has been about 15 days- I have not contacted him at all. He has made comments twice at FB to me, I have not responded.
Neither of us has ever married. I am the only one he has asked to marry.He asked me to marry early in our R and we looked at rings but I did not feel ready. Then he did not want to.
A month before our split he was discussing our wedding again. We were closer to each other than to anyone in the world we both said and there were many wonderful things about our R. I asked him at our split to not give up on us, he said he would not. I also asked him at christmas on the phone to get counseling, he didn’t say anything.He said at some point during our phone conversations during our initial split that he thought I did not want him. He also said he had thought about us staying together a lot and trying to make it work.
Is there any hope here? I’m so tired and I don’t know what to do any more. I don’t know whether to just give up or to get back in and fight for my R. Should I just respect that he wants a friendship now. I don’t know if I believe this is what he really wants. I don’t think I can do that at this point in time. He was very hurtful at our split. I don’t know what to make of all this. I have been dating now.
Apparently the new R has not really taken off the ground, but he said he was going to do everything he could to make this one last. I don’t understand why he wouldn’t work to make our r last as he loved me more than anything for so long, asked me to marry him and to grow old with him and he was with me longer than with anyone else. We have problems but I don’t think they’re insurmountable.
I just wonder if it is worth me doing any of this? I really am at the point of just giving up completely. But then I think of all we shared and I dont’ want to. I still miss him. IYO what chances do we have of reconciling?
x456 wrote:
Hi,
You have a 50/50 chance of getting back together, just like everyone else who breaks up.
The free plan is not about getting your ex back, it is about getting your life back, and then deciding what to do after that.
If all you think about is getting your ex back, you don’t have a life of your own.
Use the free plan to get your life back again, if all you want to do is get your ex back, you’re in the wrong place.
The name of my Blog is how to get your ex back fast, and I have found the fastest way to do that is to get your life back first.
Carefully read, and PAY ATTENTION to the free plan before you decide whether to join or not.
Take Care,
S.W.
I am wondering if i have waited too long and if it’s too late to get my ex back. It has been 3 months now and i have tried everything in the book to woo her back except the NC. We were married for 7 years and have 2 young boys ? She now has a boyfriend.. :cursing:
Steve Bully wrote:
There is your problem, you tried to “woo her” into coming back, that doesn’t work.
The free plan is not about getting your ex back, it is about getting your life back first, and then making a clear headed decision about what you want to do next.
Take Care,
S.W.
Thank you S.W. i will get my life and my business back to where it’s suppose to be. After that i will decide how i feel about her. If i feel the same way i do today i will ask her out again.
NC i believe.
I guess I’ll go in a different direction then cause sending a no contact message puts what I need before what she needs. She has already asked for NC from me and I want to start putting her needs before mine for once. So thanks! Also thanks for calling me names…later!!
Cyke wrote:
Exactly!
You obviously haven’t read my Blog, or the free plan, if you had, you would know this plan is about getting your life back, not your ex.
You must get your life back first, then make a clear headed decision about what you want.
You think kissing your ex’s ass is going to work, I have a forum full of people who have learned the hard the way, that doesn’t work, and now you will too.
I teach people how to kick loves ass, not kiss it.
Cyke wrote:
You’re welcome! :thumbup:
And thank you for trying to join our forum when you knew you weren’t going to go what was necessary to be approved.
This is EXACTLY why I have to use an approval system, and still the dense people think they can get around it…geez!
You are better off going somewhere else, you don’t have the courage or discipline to succeed with the free plan anyways, and you know it.
Good luck…
You are going to need it.
Take Care,
S.W.
After the break up (a bit more than a week), I came up to him and said hi one day and he seemed pretty happy to hear from me. He asked me if I was okay right away, and I said I was. When I asked him the question in return, he said he didn’t know. He started going on about a project he started on before the breakup without me even saying anything. The conversation lasted a few minutes before I left.
That was the last time I had contact with him, and it’s been about 3 weeks or so since the break up. I’ve read your NC advice, but I was just wondering if I still need the write the letter to him. I kind of already done the NC rule and did the other steps, except write an offical thing to give to him. To me, I think it’s okay if I just left the situation alone, because we go to the same school and I notice he often seems to walk past me on purpose (I use that to my advantage and become more confident). Do you think I would still need a “formal letter”?
And thank you so much for all of this advice, it’s really helped me through some tough times.
Hukora wrote:
Hi,
There is a BIG difference between “kinda” following NC, and following ALL the steps in the free plan.
One works, the other doesn’t.
Don’t take my word for it, read the success stories in our forum, and on my Blog.
Hukora wrote:
Well, since it is the MOST important step of the free plan, yes, I think you should send the recommended NC message as outlined in the free plan.
Take Care,
S.W.
I have 1 concern about the NC letter. Consider that the NC letter is part of a fairly well-known method to “get your ex back.” If you send the letter word for word, isn’t it possible that the ex may recognize the letter for what it is and therefore the plan? Does it even matter?
Thank you for the advice. What I meant by kind of wasn’t because I was talking to him. I don’t even look at him now. I just meant I haven’t sent the letter. I finally got to getting rid of the stuffed animals he gave me and deleting him off my facebook. It’s just weird he kept all of my comments and photos on his profile, but oh well. I thought it’d be awkward to send him the NC letter now because it’s been weeks since we’ve actually talked. It might feel like I’m bringing up the issues again if I sent it and letting him know I’m still thinking about him enough to send a letter. I’ll do it soon though. I’m so amazed at how you get to helping all of these people. Thank you again!
Remo wrote:
Hi,
Consider that the free plan is NOT about getting your ex back, instead it is about getting your life back, if your ex comes back after that, you may not even want them back.
It has happened quite a few times already.
This is a personal evolution, not some scheme to trick your ex into coming back, understand?
The things you will learn about yourself, your ex, and relationships in general, will forever change the way you look at relationships again.
The NC message puts you back in control of your life, it doesn’t guarantee your ex will come back, but your life/happiness will…sound good?
Do not follow the free plan if all you’re interested in is getting your ex back.
Take Care,
S.W.
P.S. People have found their ex’s diaries, and it was a BIG eye opener for them, it helped them see things through another person’s eyes.
Hukora wrote:
Hi,
But you are “still” thinking about him, aren’t you?
You can’t hide from he truth, you can only face it, and then deal with it.
Sending the recommended NC message is the best way to deal with getting your life back again.
The sooner you send it, the sooner you start your personal evolution.
Take Care,
S.W.
Though it’s only four days from the NC, I find myself sticking to the faith and I’m happy…. Somewhat, I feel like crying when I think of my ex, but it’s not like before. I use to be super lonely whenever we fight, but now I feel much lighter because I disciplined myself to go on with my life! Thanks Brother S.W, I’m thankful for you!
me and my ex have been broken up for about 5 months, we talk on a regular basis because i thought staying friends would help getting him back, but i dont think thats working, is it too late to send the NC message
Hi,
You can start using NC to get out of the just friends zone, it would be better than pretending your happy, right?
Go read the free plan on my Blog, and follow ALL the steps.
Take Care,
S.W.
thanks, can i use the format you have, just as it is word for word.
Yes, that is what is recommended in the free plan…don’t change the message or add anything to it unless the plan instructs you to.
Take Care,
S.W.
Thank you, and wish me look in finding my smile back and getting him to notice haha. read all the success stories, hopeful i succeed too.