How to Get Your Ex Back Fast – For Women Only
I do not want to seem biased, but this information is for women only. If you are a woman and you want to learn some secrets on how to get your ex back fast, take five minutes to read the rest of this article. I promise you that it will not be a waste of your time. I realize that a breakup is a painful time and it is hard to be strong when planning your next move, but that is exactly what you need to be…strong.
What Smart Women Do
Smart women know that men are more attracted to women that respect and like themselves. What happens during most breakups when the man is the one initiating the breakup? In most instances the woman finds herself pleading with her partner not to leave her and professes her undying love for him. While this might seem like a good idea at the spur of the moment, it really isn’t and it will not help you to get your ex back fast.
Become a Smart Woman
What you should be doing instead is staying calm and approaching the situation with self confidence. You can empower yourself in this situation by staying calm and resisting the urge to beg and plead. I know you are at a low point emotionally at this time and you will not be thinking clearly, especially if you did not see this coming. If you have already been through this stage of the breakup, do not worry is never too late to change your plan and get your ex back fast.
If you feel that you might have ruined your chances by losing control I would not worry about it. What I would suggest is learning a better and more successful strategy and then putting it into action. Remember men are attracted to smart self confident women, so become that woman and go get your ex back. If you have any comments or questions for me, please write them in the comment box below, and I will answer them ASAP! What can I do to help you get your ex back? What are you willing to do to win back your ex?
Who Am I and Why Should You Listen to Me?
My name is S. Williams, and I have been helping people for more than 3 years to overcome break up pain, and get their lives back. I even have an “About” section that I recommend you read. I know the name of my site is: How to Get Your Ex Back Fast, but I teach people how to get their lives back, not their ex’s.
If you’re interested in working with me (and our forum members) to get your life back, join my free newsletter for access to the free plan to get your ex back fast, and start getting your life back today. The answers you need to start your personal evolution are waiting for you, don’t hesitate another minute…come and get them.
Once you get your life back, everything else will just start to fall into place…I promise. If you have any comments or questions please write them in the comment box below.
If this article was useful or helpful to you in anyway, please show your appreciation by giving me a “+1″ using the button below this article.
Until next time,
S. Williams
http://www.howtogetyourexbackfast.com
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hi,
my name is dana and i have a story for you… ok well 2 years ago i met this guy he was in the navy and stationed in japan.. i lived in ohio .. well within a few days of talking with him i knew he was the one for me.. i fell head over heels in love with him and he did too… he needed my help financially i would send him money, i felw to japan just to see him for a week.. crazy i know… well he came home and got out of the navy about 5-6 moths after we met and he came straight home to live with me…. within 3 months of him being home i got preganat, and gave birth last july. we have our typical fights like any other couple, he hasnt cheated but has been sneaky in the past about girls, i never cheated, i got him this great job making 26 dollars an hour, he told me i didnt need to work bc he made it all… WELL 2 years later i have no credit anymore bc i sent him everything on credit cards and then couldnt pay it back i have no car bc i sold mine so he bought me one but its in his name so he took it… 3 weeks ago we got into a fight about thing like me not working and that i wasnt paying bills fast enough, but the thing is i couldnt bc he would spend the money.. we got into a big fight and i slapped him.. i KNOW it was wrong but it just happened, now he kicked me and my 2 children out, i love him sooo much i gave him everything i ever could, and have his child… i just want him back… not bc of finacail bc i just got a job and bought a peice of crap car but i am doing it all alone now, hearing my girls ask where daddy is is killing me… help me please
I left him for3months. Why I don’t know. He begged me to go back writing love letters
but at the time I was confused of what I wanted. I didn’t leave him for another man. Ther was just alot of things going on in my life with my family. But then when I decided I want to go back with him I found out he’s been seeing another women. I still have all my furniture at his house and everytime I go to get it. he says he has plans so I have to get it another time.He will put out some of my cloths on the porch a little bit at a time. Now he is staying out this womens house all the time. We all work in the the same place. It’s so hard for me having to go to work everyday I work days and he works nights but I still see him coming in . All I do is cry. He says were done. . Please be honest should I move on? I want him back so bad. What do you think.
hope to hear from you.
Hi Dana,
Sorry to hear about all your problems.
I would suggest you go to my Break up FAQs section, and start reading.
Take Care,
S. Williams
Hi Karen,
I really don’t have the right to tell you to move on, that’s your decision.
My advice is this, if you really want him back, then don’t give up without a fight…right?
Like I just suggested to Dana go to my Break up FAQs section, and start reading.
Take Care,
S. Williams
I was reading about you no contact rule. I think it’s to late for me. He says he wants to be with her and
he is putting all my belongings out on the porch. She said he moving in with her. I ask him but his comment was why does it matter. She’s putting all kinds of pictures of him and her on My Space to rub it in. I can’t take it.. She’s alot younger then me and I know I don’t have a chance. Should I still try or am I wasting my time. I love him so much. I think I lost him.
S Williams what do you think ?
Hi Karen,
I can’t tell you whether to give up or not, that’s up to you.
But I can tell you if you are willing to get a step by step plan, I will coach you for free…OK?
Don’t let the age difference get you down, you can win him back if you’re willing to work hard.
If you want to give it your best shot, I will help you.
If you don’t get him back at least you will learn how to move on, and get on with your life…don’t let yourself get trapped in relationship limbo.
Go pick a good step by step plan…you know which one I recommend.
Take Care,
S. William
S Williams how will you coach me for free. What do I do ?
Hi Karen,
You need to get a step by step plan for no contact.
You can get one here on my Blog, or look for one on another website.
This is the plan I recommend:
Get Your Ex Back Fast
Let me know when you have a plan…OK?
Take Care,
S. Williams
S Williams How can I buy the book. I can’t do the E Book because my computer is messed uped.
Caan you buy it in paperback book?
Hi Karen,
What’s wrong with your PC?
The book is only available online and in E book form.
You can always use another PC to download it on to a disk, and then bring it to an Office supply store and have them print it out from the disk.
That’s what I would do, places like Staples, Kinkos offer services like that, do a search on your PC for local places in your area.
I hope this helps.
Take Care,
S. Williams
hi,
My boyfriend was away for 8 months and i waited for him to come.He came earlier than said and i found that out by chance!He told me to “make him the favour” not to annoy him anymore and i am terribly shocked..
How can i get my boyfriend back??We had so many good times together and i wanted to marry him,now i’m sure he sees another woman,lot younger than me, and i live in a constannt nightmare…I simply Can’t sleep,eat,work,or talk to anyone.I live the worst dream of my life.
He was my last chance in life,the greatest love of my life.I once cheated on him and now it is all the way round.
I told about my dreams _while waiting for him_in a couple of neighbours and after that,things went worse than expected.Everytime i tell someone about my relationships,it always ends.I fear,i strongly fear that they curse me and i feel desperate and can’t ease my pain.I blame everyday my neighbours about the break-up,because they advised me,confused me and filled me with worries.Do you think that people can do this harm?
I’m thinking about sending him a text message,leaving my new cell number as a “friend”,or inviting him for a meeting.Which one is best?
What should i do??
with regards
Helen
Hi Helen,
You need to stop panicking, and start thinking.
I would start using no contact for at least 30 days, and let your head clear.
There will be plenty of time to get your ex boyfriend back once you have your emotions under control.
After all you should not be making any big decisions while you are stressed out, because they will always be the wrong ones.
Read more about no contact on my Blog, and read all the different comments other people left as well.
Make sure you go here too:
Start Here First
The worst thing you can do right now is try to get back together with him, before you get your emotions under control…understand?
Just be patient, and think about getting a step by step plan to follow.
Take Care,
S. Williams
My husband came home from work on Thursday and told me he wasn’t happy and wanted to separate. Because his dad’s birthday would have been Tuesday, I had already scheduled to take him away. His dad passed on 11-14-08 and he had great difficulty with the anniversary of his death this year. He sought the help of a therapist, and had 5 sessions with her.
We went away, despite him telling me that he wanted to separate. We had an okay day–he was a bit distant, but I tried to keep things positive. On Saturday night, while lying in bed with me, he told me he was in love with another woman (12 years younger, no kids–we have 3 kids). They met at a work function. He kept repeating that they had a deep connection.
After much talking, he told me he would break it off with her. On Sunday night, he changed his mind. He wants to have a life with her and divorce me. He thinks we can do things to minimize the impact on our kids. Yesterday, Monday, he flew to NY to be with her. He’s flying home today.
He is with a younger woman whose mother is dying. His dad died of colon cancer last year. I don’t know if I even have a shot (despite being together for 20 years and married for 12 of those.) The last five days of my life have been devastating.
Just wondering if your advice applies to this type of situation. We have kids, so the no contact rule isn’t going to work…
Scarlett
@ Scarlet:
Hi,
It seems like your husband is freaking out a little bit, he wants to separate, then he wants to stay, then he takes off to go see her.
I don’t think he knows what he wants, really.
Have you suggested marriage counseling before he just runs off with her and leaves his family flat?
As far as no contact not working with children you’re wrong about that.
I believe that working with me and the The Magic of Making Up could help you get your emotions under control, so you could better understand what is happening between you and your husband right now.
A relationship break up is same for married, unmarried, ex wife, ex husband, girlfriend, and boyfriend…it doesn’t matter.
They were relationships that are now broken…right?
No matter how long or short they were, the pain is still the same.
And it’s that pain that blinds you to all the options you have, and leaves you feeling hopeless…don’t let it.
This plan will help you keep things together, until you can either work things out between yourself, or go to a marriage counselor.
Why don’t you start reading my Blog and all the comments, you can start at “Start Here First“, you can also use the search box in the upper right-hand corner to enter terms you would like to read about, don’t forget to read the comments too.
Calm down it is not as hopeless as it seems, but do not let your emotions make it worst…OK?
It won’t help your children if you start freaking out as well, stay calm, and get educated about your options.
BTW – Don’t focus on the age, and family (childless) situation of this other woman, because these are things you can not change.
You can not make her older, or you younger, and you can’t make her have kids either…so focus on the things you can change, like your attitude, and his mind.
Your chances for a happy ending really increase the longer you stay in control, and think with a clear mind about your next move…understand?
I am willing to help if you want to get the book, and work with me.
I hope this helped.
Take Care,
S. Williams
@ S. Williams:
Thanks, Scott. My husband is still living with us. He came home last night, and I tried to modify your approach. When he came in, the kids greeted him like a super-hero and I excused myself and did some household type things–laundry, bedtime rituals. I then went upstairs and read a book and for the first time in a week actually fell asleep! He came up and asked me if I was too tired to talk. I just said, “I need time to process all this and don’t really want to talk for a couple of days…” he was fine with that.
He brought me my coffee in bed this morning, like he always does. I thanked him and got the kids ready for school, made my breakfast, offered him some, and never spoke a word about the negative s%*t that is going on.
My heart is aching. I’m just not sure it’s going to work with him living in the house…if he leaves, his woman will most certainly continue to have open access to him. Sigh… I’m going to try to go back to your blog again and again to get ideas. I’m just not sure the approach will fit our situation.
Also, if he leaves, we will be stressed financially. Ugh… Right now, I taking your awesome advice and trying to stay calm, cool and collected for our kids. Still going to an attorney this week to protect us. He does not know about that, which is crazy because I have always shared everything with him.
I have the distinct feeling that if I granted his wish for separation and/or divorce right now, he’d jump on the opportunity to marry the new gal.
I would love, love, love to hear from your married followers, especially those with kids.
Thanks, again, for your time!
Scarlett
Scarlett wrote:
You’re not sure, but you’re also not positive it can’t, or won’t work either.
A person has no idea of what their capable of until they’re placed in a situation like this.
Our first instinct is one of self preservation, especially if you have kids (I am a single dad) you want to do whats best for them…but what is that?
Is it better to have a split family, or to keep that family together?
Unless there was violence, I would say it is better to keep the family together…you know…united we stand, divided we fall.
I agree see a lawyer, but before you let the lawyer talk you into something too fast, ask him to go to marriage counseling first.
Most divorce lawyers only make money when you get divorced, therefore that’s all they seem to care about…right?
Just something to think about…OK?
Keep your cool, like you’re doing, and the answers will find you…if you’re patient.
Remember hindsight is always 20/20
Take Care,
S. Williams
Scarlett wrote:
It seems we have a pretty quite bunch here on my Blog, but I always encourage anyone who has something to add, to please speak up.
Thanks, again, Scott. He has refused marriage counseling because he is “in love”. Complicating things is that his lover’s mother is dying. They are sharing pain–the loss of his dad and her mom.
I will try again. He emailed me to see if we could talk tonight. I am not ready–my emotions are too intense. I don’t want to be a blubbering fool. Do I just tell him I need more time?
I think the best thing for my kids is staying together. I am seeing the divorce lawyer for information to keep us protected, not to get a divorce. I don’t want a divorce. There is no violence ever, and up to last week, I told everyone how lucky I was to have such a wonderful man.
Boy I wish I’d seen your site before I cried, pleaded and begged. That was Saturday night, and that worked on Saturday. But by Sunday, things were changed again. And I know you’ll want to shake me for this, but I emailed his lover and she called me back within minutes. We talked and she said she was leaving the choice up to him. I wish I’d never made that call. I have too much information now…so much so that it haunts me.
I will ask for more time before we talk. I am having such a hard time looking cool, calm and graceful. I think I must look sad…
This has been the week from hell. I’m talking alternate-universe type stuff. Did I mention that when she spoke with me on Monday morning she told me he had her pick out a wedding dress with her mom so she could do so before her mom passed?
Hard to feel hopeful…
Scarlett
Scarlett wrote:
I think he’s afraid of counseling because it will reveal to him , that he’s just the opposite of that, and he doesn’t want to accept that.
He is like a kid who has made they’re mind up to jump off the garage with home made wings because he believes he can fly…won’t listen to reason, wants to land flat on his ass.
But this isn’t a “kid” and he is risking more than his own ‘ass” this time.
Scarlett wrote:
You made a mistake, no big problem, but like you said now you have more information than you wanted or needed, plus how do you know it’s true, can you trust this woman?
She is obviously just selfish, and wants to get married before her mom dies.
Scarlett wrote:
I think you just painted the whole picture right there, she and he share a death connection…but please what the hell is breaking up a good family going to do to save this woman’s life?
This is like a bad soap opera.
She’s dying and gets to take your family with her?
He needs to really listen to himself, and take some more time to think before he makes a really big mistake.
I would take your time, and settle down more before you talk to him.
The subject of the talk should be how does he feel rushing to marry this woman before her mother dies, and sacrificing his family going to solve any problems, or make him feel any better about his fathers death.
Speaking of his father, what kind of family man was he…what would he think of what his son is doing right now?
I have been through quite a few “hell weeks” and they always seemed worst than they really were once the dust clears…let the dust clear, and keep hope…OK?
Remember this…without HOPE what is left?
Don’t let this situation rob you of everything including your hope.
Take Care,
S. Williams
Okay, Scott. His dad…serial womanizer–married and divorced five times with a sixth in the wings before his untimely death. My husband lived his life to be opposite of that, and now doesn’t know who he is (according to him) but doesn’t think it matters when it comes to this woman. She makes him happy. He’s never felt like this…blah.blah.blah. I am not allowed to talk about the parallels to his dad because it’s insulting and an oversimplification according to him. After telling me about his trouble with his dad’s death he now has done a complete 180 and has blamed his unhappiness on our marriage.
You’re right it’s a soap opera that I got cast in without my permission.
Thanks for your advice and words of encouragement. I’m going to try to lay low this week so my emotions don’t get the best of me. My kids have practices and games all weekend and are used to us doing everything together. We’ll see how it goes…
Scarlett
Oh, and I forgot to add. The woman is playing into the “you deserve to be happy” talk that he needs. She told me that she begged him to go to marriage counseling and even her friend begged him. She said maybe the three of us should go and started to talk about working together. Oh, Lord…I’m talking alternate universe.
Ugh…
Scarlett
Scarlett wrote:
Wow…One helluva role model there.
You’re welcome!
Have a good rest of the week and weekend!
Take Care,
S. Williams
Thanks, Scott…
The more I think, the madder I get. It’s like the stages of grieving. I’m glad to have come across your site. I just sent a reply to my husband’s email asking if we could talk tonight. I simply answered that he has had months to process and I have had days. I need a week.
The reason I am so glad about your site is that I now have the benefit of not acting out all of those stages of the grieving process and looking like a loon. Don’t know how not to look devastated, unfortunately.
Yes, his father was not a good role model, but his mother was. She remarried after her divorce from his dad and has been married for 32 years. I can’t imagine having to break the news to her. It’s been hell just emailing her this week. She as most of our family and friends always talk about how stable and loving my husband and my relationship is. Wow…
I’ll leave you with my latest alternative-universe thought… The woman he’s having an affair with is a Sunday School teacher and professes on her Facebook to be a devout Christian. What am I missing?
Thanks again for letting me vent and giving sage advice. Not sure how I’m going to stay strong and disconnected, but I will…somehow!
Scarlett
Scarlett wrote:
You’re right you must go through this cycle, but it is a lot better to do it without making things worst…right?
I am glad you found this Blog too, because so many say they wished they had before they…
Went off the hook.
Find your allies and use them…your Mother in-law could be very helpful in trying to break through this wall he has built around himself.
Scarlett wrote:
It sounds like the only thing she is devoted to…is herself.
Keep your head up, your eyes and ears open, and your emotions in check…your doing great!
Hang in there.
S. Williams
Scarlett wrote:
You’re Welcome!
I am kind of the rodeo clown, but instead of distracting the bull away from the riders, I distract them away from themselves, so they don’t “gore” themselves emotionally.
Dear mr S.Williams,
Thank you so much for your advice,i trully appreciated it.
Actually i still “panick”, but i already left almost 2 months time with no contact..I already used NC in the past with him(until 2 months).So this is a routine for me.I’m so fed up,i need some reality right now,i need to see him,talk to him,and have some explanations(eventhough he might be in love,or living with a younger person).But how can i ask for my right to learn the truth?How can i make him come back to me?To the good times we had together?
I’m thinking about texting him tomorrow.Telling him:”if you want a friend,this is my new cellphone number”and my name.(Does it sound right?shall i write stg else asking for explanations or a meeting?)I won’t show any devastation.But i fear the reply…Because he became another person,and it’s like bugging him right now.But i didn’t react at all back then,when he told me to leave him alone.No reaction.My reaction was pathetic and it was like i was afraid of him.I cut every contact.Silence.Now he has control.How do you think i can win the game and see him and have some explanations about his lack of respect and lying to me when we had plans to be together?How can i stand up for my rights and show him that i deserve another behaviour?The thing is that i waited for him 9 whole months to get back,and he doesn’t want to see me!What can i do?
I don’t want to lose him,i already feel dead without him in my life,i cry everyday and fear that every moment he moves on more and more and gets attached to someone else.
I would be so grateful if you could advise me.I don’t want this to end,i am in serious trouble.
Wishes
Helen
Well. thanks rodeo-guy. I am not sure how to proceed with his mom. She and I are so close that I have kept all communications via email. She would know by my voice that something is wrong. She lives two hours away and luckily is okay with email. She is going to be torn to shreds because she will have never expected this from her son. Scott, I thank her for raising such a kind, generous and honorable man. This is why I keep saying alternative-universe. I simply can’t believe it.
Keeping off the hook for now!
Scarlett
Helen wrote:
Helen, it’s that fear you have to address first, whether by seeking some counseling or using some self tools like I recommend on my Blog.
It actually works backwards, the longer you leave him alone the more he will wonder about you…it works, it really does.
now, if he is completely over you and has no feelings at all left for you, there is no magic trick to make them come back.
But, before you sit there and “assume” all these things, why don’t you calm down, and start following a plan to get him back?
That would much more productive than sitting, and worrying, and crying…right?
Don’t let the fear of loss, drive you crazy, the more you give in to it, the harder it will be to get away from it.
If you want him back you have to fight for him, and the first fight you must win is with this fear that he will never come back…you don’t know that for sure…do you?
Stay Strong!
Take Care,
S. Williams
Scarlett wrote:
Maybe you and her could plan an intervention, you know what I mean, before he runs off and makes a really big mistake, I am sure once this is over he will thank you for saving him from himself.
We all need that at some point in our lives, we need someone to save us from ourselves.
Keep it on the hook!
Take Care,
S. Williams
Wow. Tonight is tough, Scott. He is on his blackberry constantly. The kids keep bugging him–they really miss the interaction. After making plans with me on Saturday, he told me he may have to help a coworker move (God, I hope it’s not him.) Really, it just feels like he can’t wait to get away from us/me. He hasn’t said a word to me (yet) about me needing some time because the kids are around.
Not sure how to proceed. I haven’t even told my parents or sisters. I am feeling pretty isolated not sharing this info. I’m not sure if it’s embarrassment for me, or if I’m protecting us in the event we work it out. Ughhhh… I know, why am I protecting him? I love him and am still in disbelief that this happened so fast.
I can’t think too deeply about the effect this is going to have on my kids. It’s just too raw. Maybe I’ll have to talk to his mom soon. I’m not sure. It may just push him far, far away.
Thanks, again! Still on the hook, for now!
Scarlett
Okay, he just came up and told me lover’s mom is in hospital and has taken a turn for the worst. I said that is sad and I will say a prayer for her. The mom may have surgery and he thinks he has to go if that happens. I told him I wasn’t making that decision for him.
Did I mention that he has to fly to another city? Ugh. Here I was feeling badly for spending $100 upgrading the memory on my MacBook. I need an ipod…maybe I won’t feel so guilty about spending money on myself.
I stayed calm. He told me we really need to talk and I repeated that I need time, and that was the least courtesy he could afford me. He said okay, but wasn’t happy. Scott, I think he’s probably getting pressure from the girlfriend to come up with something definitive, some plan. My staying aloof is probably inadvertently driving them crazy. Hmmm. I need to noodle on that a bit.
I have an appointment to talk with a marriage counselor on May 6. Don’t know if he’ll afford me the courtesy for that long. We’ll see.
Stomach’s in knots, but I’m still on the hook.
Thanks,
Scarlett
Hi,
You are an example to everyone reading my Blog.
Stay on the hook, and keep following your instincts, not your emotions.
Remember where you started, and focus on where you want to be.
Stay Strong!
Take Care,
S. Williams
Thanks, Scott. After hearing about how he might have to fly to a different city last night, my husband stayed downstairs until 6:00 am. I awoke at 2am to his hushed voice on the phone. I forced myself to go back to sleep and hoped he wouldn’t back out on his promise to take our kids to “take your child to work day” at his company. At 6am He was climbing into our bed, The kids are going and I am staying calm. I think that’s the key right now.
Thanks for the encouragement. I am going to be a good mom and wife and help get my kids ready. What I really want to do is stay in bed!
Sigh…
Scarlett.
Scarlett wrote:
That is another great way to get through this tough time…focus on the children, and tell yourself to be strong for their sake.
That’s how I finally quit smoking, after my son was born, I just couldn’t make him pay for my bad habit, so I finally quit.
Man, I struggled and struggled to quit all during the pregnancy.
Every visit to the OBGYN, and doctor where they smelled smoke on me and gave me that look…I felt completely helpless.
But after about a year when he started crawling and grabbed one of my lit cigarettes out of the ash tray…that’s when it hit me, I have to do this for him, and I did.
It’s been 10 years, and I don’t miss it at all, and if it wasn’t for him I don’t think I would’ve ever been able to do it.
Children can be a source of great strength at times.
Hang in there!
Take Care,
S. Williams
Congrats on quitting smoking. I have friends who still can’t do it, and have tried so many things!
I am going to try to focus on my kids, and not the stuff that’s going on with my husband. It’s hard…
I have an appointment with an attorney tomorrow, just to talk things through. I do not want a divorce. However, if I’m served with papers, I don’t want to be caught unprepared.
Crazy thing is we refinanced our mortgage last Friday…why would he do that? It will take about a year to pay off the fees and start “saving” with the lower interest rate. At least I have all the current stuff, credit report and other documents…
Thanks again for your encouragement. I feel like a boat with no tiller, no sails, no anchor–just floating around the vast, wide sea.
Scarlett
S. Williams wrote:
I am worried if I tell his mom I’ll drive him further away…
Scarlett wrote:
He is already planning to leave you, he can’t get much further way at the moment…right?
Plus, he refuses any marriage counseling, what choice do you have, maybe she can talk some sense into him.
What, does he think he will be able to hide the divorce from his mommy?
He is really kidding himself, and sounds like a bit of a coward if you ask me.
It was just a suggestion about having his mom intervene, if you feel it will hurt more than help, then don’t do it.
Take Care,
S. Williams
S. Williams wrote:
Sadly, I don’t know what I feel…can’t tell if it will be a help or hindrance…
Scarlett wrote:
Well think about it some more, the worst thing you can do is rush into something before thinking it over.
Take Care,
S. Williams
Thank you so much for your answer:)
I finally texted my new cell number to my ex 3 days ago!I wrote:”if you want a friend,this is my number”.I got no answer and i am hoping he will call somehow…However i think that i was very weak,and passive throughout the whole situation of separation.I acted like a quiter:(
But what can i do to attract his attention again?Do i have to call him,ask him a date for explanations?I didn’t even asked him why he left me(on february)..So now he thinks i accept the whole thing or whatever..He said we would have summer vacations together and i would meet his friend,and now nothing..Since i confessed about my relationship to a couple of neighbours,things went so wrong,and i didn’t even see him.Am i right to think that they brought me bad luck or was it to happen with or without them?
Will No Contact make him curious and call?Or would it be better if i chased him and followed a dynamic procedure?Shall i leave a week with no contact and then follow another plan?What plan would be better?
Thank you in advance for your time and attention,
my best regards,
Helen
Helen wrote:
Do you even have a plan?
Helen wrote:
That is what is called “breaking” no contact, and it showed how weak you are right now.
My last advice was not to do anything until you had your emotions under control again.
My advice doesn’t work if you don’t listen to it, and use it.
And to quote Forest Gump…”And that’s all I have to say about that.”
Take Care,
S. Williams
Need some strength. It’s all I can do to not engage husband in conversation. His Other Woman is following him on twitter…which he hasn’t opened since July 2008 when he agreed to follow his friends new beer business. Anyway, our 13 year old daughter asked to join Twitter. Husband forgot he even had an account, said yes, and my daughter has access to his followers (all three of them–the beer guy, my daugter and the OTHER WOMAN.) Man… I want to strangle him right now. He’s being great with the kids in most respects but is clearly not thinking too far ahead. Need strength to keep my composure.
Not sure how this is going to work with us all living under the same roof.
Scarlett
Scarlett wrote:
Have you thought about getting some counseling by yourself?
How about a local support group, but beware any “ex bashing” group where all they do is complain about their ex’s.
These groups to me are for people who would rather complain, than take some “positive” action.
It has always amazed me how some people can think that “negative” reactions, will bring them “positive” results.
I know this is very hard to do, but try not to find out more than you need to about “her” right now, it will only upset you in the long run…understand?
Hang in there, you’re doing great.
Take Care,
S. Williams
Hi Scott
My ex and i work together and we dated for 3 months. it had been 5 months since he broke up with me but i still find myself crying over him. i really want him back!! At work we would avoid talking to each other but only when we have to. we always make eye contact which seems like more than a few seconds when walking pass one another. he still wears the shirt i bought him for his birthday. i feel that he might still care but i was the last to try contact him about 3 months ago only to have him reply back saying see you at work and nothing more. i really don’t know how to get him back but i still have hope that he might still like me because i sometimes catch him looking at me. tonight my manager who kept trying to set me up with her son is asking me to go have dinner at her house. my ex was around at the time and heard this. In the past she always ask behind my ex’s back saying your bf doesn’t need to know just come over and check my son out. My ex would get really angry at the mention of her son he had some idea what she was up to. it was one of the reason why he thinks i didn’t want to be with him but i told him he’s the one i’m with and want to be with. So now i’m thinking though that maybe i should go over there because people say that it might make him want to fight for me back if he learns about it. besides i am also going to get some stuff for work as well. problem is im afraid that he might hate me for good. What do you think? should i go over and have dinner with my boss and her son about work or not??
S. Williams wrote:
I know this is very hard to do, but try not to find out more than you need to about “her” right now, it will only upset you in the long run…understand?
Hang in there, you’re doing great.
Take Care,
S. Williams
Yes, it is so tempting to want to find out everything I can about her. EEEWWWw…I am not that woman. You know, the one looking through briefcases and blackberries. I still think it’s tempting to want to know what is going on. He is in constant contact via his blackberry, and it sucks. It’s rude and unkind…
In any event, I just need to chill and decide what my next move is…which very may well be taking half of our cash out of the joint account. I’ll tell him when I do it, and will explain that I won’t spend a dime. I just really need to protect my kids. Doesn’t quite fit the plan, huh?
Thanks, Scott. I’m breathing deeply and staying on the hook…
Scarlett
ruby wrote:
He broke up with you…right?
That means you’re a free woman and are free to date other men.
Maybe when he sees you dating other men he will make a decision about coming back to you.
If you want a better chance of getting him back I suggest you get a book, and follow a good plan.
Take Care,
S. Williams
@ S. Williams:
i have and most books advice me about what to do after no contact but nothing on what to do if you are still in contact with that person. i work with him and we still see each other every week which makes it hard for me to move on.
i sometimes want to quit and move on with my life but i still love him so i keep holding back. Should i try be friends with him? Cause after we broke up last December there’s been no talking outside of work. Am I really foolish to keep waiting? He’s probably moving on… He has never been nice to me at work like ask me how i am. He probably wants me to forget about him. But when i see him wear the shirt i bought him and the way he looks into my eyes i just cant help feeling like he still wants me.
I feel stuck, i don’t know what to do i want to be free and i want him back so much. should i stay or should i go??
ruby wrote:
I don’t know why you think I know whats best for you?
If you can’t make a decision about your own life how can a stranger?
If you have carefully followed a plan to get him back, and it didn’t work….I say move on.
If you haven’t used a good plan correctly, then do that right away…OK?
Take Care,
S. Williams
ruby wrote:
Find a new job.
This is why it is a bad idea to have a relationship at work.
Scarlett wrote:
Okay, Scott. I just set up a separate bank account so I can transfer money t protect my kids. Not sure if your plan speaks to this. I spent some time reading through your articles again, but found nothing on this. Do you have an opinion about how to minimize the impact that’s going to have on the plan. So you know, I am going to move half of the cash into a separate account and not spend a dime of it. I do plan to tell him because I don’t want him to think I’m stealing. I just can’t be sure of his actions given the last two weeks.
On a funnier note, I worked your plan ( a bit modified since we’re living in the same house and raising our kids–for now) last night. I didn’t engage him in any conversation that wasn’t necessary. But, we had to go through the schedule so we could plan for the kids. He does this weird thing now, where he hides the blackberry under a pillow on the couch so I don’t know when he’s on it. I came bouncing down the stairs after my shower with giant family calendar in hand, and said hey, we need to look at the schedule this week. He says to me “hold on for a sec” and then picks up the blackberry and says “I have to call you back”. Scott I could hear everything. She was whining, “WHy? Why?” and he just kept saying, “I have to call you back.” More pleading “whys” and “are you sure?s” and “why don’t you just call tomorrow morning?s” from the OW was heard. My husband “Kept saying I’ll call you back later” and “Please” and the such.
Scott, it was awesome. Here he was with his OW being a nag, and I just sat patiently. He wanted to talk about things other than the calendar. And I held strong that I needed to process. He pushed and pushed and I held strong for the most part.
I finally just said, “You’re right we need to talk. You have known for months what’s going on. I have had a little more than a week. It’s as if someone came down and said, ‘You’re life and all of your plans are gone. Pooof! Now let’s talk about it. Please give me the courtesy of some time. I know you’re anxious to make plans with OW, but that benefits only you. I need to make sure the kids are the focus.” He agreed and said maybe we could talk a little bit at a time. I told him I’d think about. I left it completely positive, actually gave him a peck on the cheek (which I didn’t mean to do! It was like autopilot…) and left.
By the time I had to go back downstairs again to print my daughter’s school work, he was on the phone again. Again, I didn’t know and was friendly. I saw that he was on the phone, and mouthed “sorry” to him. I think my friendliness is driving OW mad, because I could hear him say, “I’ll tell her. No, I will” again in a pleading kind of way.
My plan is to stay as positive as possible as she gets “naggy-wife-like.” Who know? He might just begin rethinking things… without even realizing it.
All I know is that the money is going to tick him off something fierce, but I’m going to stay calm and positive. Any suggestions…?
Have a good Monday.
Scarlett
Scarlett wrote:
That is the key to success, keep your head while others lose theirs around you.
The one who focuses and remains calm is the one who will come out on top.
I would just keep doing what you’re doing if it seems to be working.
Take Care,
S. Williams
Scarlett wrote:
To everyone reading this, the book The Magic of Making up is designed to give you a general idea of how relationships works, and why they fail, and a outline of a plan to help you get your ex back.
It was intended to give you a starting point, and to stop you from doing all the wrong things, and teach you how to do the right things to get your ex back.
It never has been, or will be a detailed custom made plan for each unique situation.
I attempt to help people formulate a plan, but a lot of the time you must figure out how to use the information in the book, and on this blog to best help your own situation…OK?
But the sooner you get the book and start learning what it says and take some “positive” action, the faster you will get them or your life back, or both…make sense?
I have installed a contact form to take your suggestions to make the blog better…guess what?
I haven’t gotten one suggestion, and I know this Blog is far from perfect, but people just don’t seem to care enough to contribute their suggestions.
I could help a lot more if people would speak up, and tell me what they think is missing here on my Blog.
Hi there.
i feel *sad* because i broke the No Contact rule.But i had to do this,because i changed my cell number.Now i only keep my emotions in control,like you said.
I read your article about “Breaking the nocontact rule”,but i really now don’t know what to do… and how long should i wait?
In July he may leave the country for 7 months.I lose him for good.Shall i keep the no contact?What should you advise?I’m sure he won’t call:(.
My extra worry is that he may be engaging or marrying another in these months.What shall i do with these worries?
best regards,
H_
Helen wrote:
Did you initiate no contact with him, or did you just start ignoring him?
Plus, if he leaves the country for 7 months what do you plan on doing if you do reconnect?
Helen wrote:
Why would he marry someone so soon?
I think you are letting panic rule your thoughts.
If you had the book the Magic of Making up I would advise you to use the exercise on page 13 to help you control the feelings of panic.
Thank you for your answer.
Well,he may think that instead i ignore him.But i don’t think so.Because he was the one who left me.
I can’t find a good plan if we reconnect,the only one is to remain concentrated and logical.I have to break NOCONTACT until July,because he will leave,and i have to know about his plans.
Yes, i do panic,but he might be doing rebound relationships,because we were about to move a step forward.I am already 36,and i think that my life is ruined with this separation:((.I had so many plans:(Now,no marriages,no kids,no nothing anymore.He was the love of my life.
I really would like to read your book,for the moment i only read articles
my wishes,
H
Helen wrote:
If he contacts you just use the information in FAQ #1,2 to initiate No contact, this way he will know why you’re not contacting him.
Since you just recently broke NC you could send him a short text explaining how you need sometime to think about your relationship and what to do next. (use info in FAQ #1,2 to get a better idea of how to word it)
Helen wrote:
I did not write the book, but you should really get it because all the information I provide on my Blog is designed to work hand in hand with the book.
You can get it here:
The Magic of Making Up System
What should I do. I’m trying the NC. But he’s living with this younger women. But he still has his own place .He says he’s moving in with her.
I still have things at his house and every time I ask him to pick a day
so I can get the rest of it out, he’s say’s he can’t that day he’s busy.
He will put a few things out on the porch for me to get when he has time, but I haven’t been up to see if he has put anymore out because I’m trying the NC rule. I see them at work and they laugh at me. I can’t take it anymore. What should I do? Is it too late for the NC rule. I can’t compete
with this younger women.
Karen wrote:
What does “trying” mean?
Do you have a book and a plan to follow?
You have to use NC correctly in order for it to work…understand?
Karen wrote:
NC doesn’t mean you can’t go get your stuff, it just means you don’t answer any personal questions…get a plan and read my Blog.
He turned off his answer machine. How do you suggest I get a hold
of him to get my stuff out? I’m not calling out his girlfriends house.
Do I approach him at work or what? Then I would be breaking the NC rule.
He knows I have to get my furniture and stuff out. He keeps saying to pick a day, so when I tell him I can get it out on this day, he says that he can’t he has plans. Is he playing games or what? I really need my things. I’m hopeless on what to do.
Karen
Karen wrote:
Wrong!
That is not breaking NC, asking him about his personal life is.
You just want your stuff back, I would tell him to stop screwing around and let you get your stuff back.
Tell him you will get the police or sheriffs department involved if he wants to keep playing games.
Do you have proof that the furniture is yours?
If he keeps this crap up call the local police and find out what your rights are.
Hi Scott!! NO CONTACT really does work!! You’re the greatest! After 23 days of no contact my ex finally called me about 2 hours ago. I missed his call. He didn’t leave a message or anything. I just recently checked my caller ID and noticed that he called. This is the perfect time for me to initiate no contact since I didn’t get the chance to do it before. What should I do? I’m very nervous to call back because I don’t feel my emotions are completely under control and he may hear it in my voice. Is it okay for me to send me a short e-mailing saying “Hey thanks for your call, I just wanted to let you know that I am taking some time to myself and I will be in contact when I am ready”? I’m not sure if its better to call and say this or e-mail it?? Thanks so much, you are awesome!!
Mary wrote:
Caller ID is a great help in using NC…isn’t it?
Mary wrote:
I would let it ride for the time being, wait and see if he has the “guts” to leave a message.
If he calls again, I would shoot him off an email.
I suspect he is trying to engage you in a phone conversation (that’s why he didn’t leave a message he wants to get you on the phone) to get you to “spill your guts” about what you’ve been up to so he won’t have to worry about you moving on…understand?
Mary wrote:
No…you’re the greatest because you had the courage to use NC.
Wow!
Great job Mary! You will have to let me know what you have been doing and how the heck you got your ex to call you!! I am in the beginning stages of a break up..so any support would be awesome!
Nice work with NC!!
Heather wrote:
Sounds like the new forum will have to have a No Contact discussion area…anymore ideas?
Use the suggestion form to let me know ASAP!
I want to get this forum up and running ASAP, but I need more input.
I am all ears!
Heather wrote:
Hi Heather,
Do you have a book with a plan in it to follow?
Mary does, and she is following the plan along with my Blog and all my advice.
You can make NC work for you too.
@ Heather: Thanks! I’m not there yet but I believe I will get there with time and good planning. Honestly, I have been following the plan, reading every bit of information in this blog, and most of all listening and acting on Scott’s advice. As you can see, I have a lot of posts in his blog. NC is very hard. It’s hard for me too but you really need that time to get yourself together. NC was the best thing I could have done for me at a time like this. It gets easier as time goes on and more importantly you get yourself back. Good luck!
Thanks for the support Mary!
Scott– Yes…I do have the “Magic…” book..and am currently following a plan. I still live with my boyfriend since the break up, but, have been searching for a new job, working out, and “keeping the peace” until then. Actually..he told me yesterday that this is the best break up he has ever had due to my understanding and maturity?!..I told him verbally..since a letter would make no sense living together..that I agreed with the break up.
I did find a new job and will be moving out sometime within the next two weeks. When I do it is NC!! It will be extremely difficult because we have never spent a day a part, but, know that I need to work on me and my life. I am just hoping that after living together for 5 years that he will miss me and just call..so I can ignore it and make him miss me more!
Haha
Scott & Mary–
Are there any last words you would suggest I say to him when I get everything moved out and before the NC that will give him a little more incentive to think of me??
Mary–
I have been doing the same as you! I just dove into “The Magic…” and am using this blog and site as a sort of “therepy” and guiding light to help with the plan and break-up! It really helps a lot! I just do not know how I will feel after I am actually moved out and away from him! :/
Heather wrote:
Excellent! You have already made a great impression on him, he will always remember you as the best break up (that earned you a place in his positive memories…good place to be) he ever went through, most people have horror stories about their breakups.
As counter productive as this might seem at the moment it really isn’t.
Remember things are not always as they seem to appear.
Heather wrote:
Heather wrote:
Don’t fool yourself this will have the same impact on him as well, just give it time…OK?
Love better watch out because it looks like Heather and Mary are getting ready to kick it’s ass
Heather wrote:
Actually this would be a good time to initiate NC properly, just read the FAQ’s and come up with a version of the “I need time to think and I”ll be in touch”…OK?
Just be sincere and polite…but don’t come off sounding needy. The more confident you look and sound the better it will be for you.
If you seem weak or angry he will think you were only “upset” and when you calm down all this “NC stuff” won’t matter anymore…wrong!
What do think will leave a better lasting impression…
A direct look in his eyes and telling him you need time to think please don’t try to contact you, or I hate you I ‘m never coming back?
You’re self control will make more of a impression than anything else, he will know that he is risking losing one “classy lady.”
@ S. Williams: My ex actually called me twice yesterday. I had my ringer off all day yesterday and didn’t notice the second call until this morning when I checked the caller id. Yes, caller id really helps with no contact. He didn’t leave a message either time. Should I continue to ride it out and see if he calls again or should I shoot him an e-mail this morning and initiate no contact? Thank so much for your help Scott. You have really gotten me through a very though time in my life.
Mary wrote:
It is curious why he wouldn’t leave you a message.
Mary wrote:
I would send him an email and tell him you don’t want to talk right now you have a lot to think about concerning your life and where it’s going.
Something along those lines and you would appreciate it if he didn’t try to contact you anymore, you”ll be in touch.
@ S. Williams: I sent him an e-mail saying that I couldn’t talk right now and that I had a lot to think about and I would appreciate it if he didn’t contact me anymore. He e-mailed me back saying the only reason why he contacted me is because his brother’s dad was on the news and he thought I may have seen it. He also attached the news clip. He ended the e-mail with, “that’s all I wanted, have a good one”.
Mary wrote:
He couldn’t have just left a message for that, or sent you an email?
Sounds like an excuse to make contact and see what your up to.
Mary wrote:
Why do I think he is lying?
The NC is definitely working.
hey Scott,
I’m deciding to call him,and ask him out,to clear my worries about our separation..And hoping to make him come back to me.But all that, IF he answers the phone, and IF he doesn’t hang up as soon as he hears me.If this happens,shall i send a text message asking him out?I really need some clearance because i am not calm,and think that this separation is my fault also.
The fact is that in numerous previous relationships, i used no contact and they never called back!(noone),and i’m worrying about him now that he is alienating more and more everyday with my no contacting him,and he’s getting closer the the other woman.How to compete with her?I don’t even have a motive to become better,i lost my job,i’m getting fatter,and sader…What do you suggest?
thanx a bunch
Helen
@ S. Williams:
I email his father and left a message that to tell him I need to get my things out.
That way I’m not contacting him, also I left a note on his door telling him I need to
get my things. What else should I do?. Why is he stalling when he’s living with this other women.
I don’t know what to think!
Helen wrote:
Not a very good idea…do you have a plan to follow, do you own The Magic of Making up?
Helen wrote:
Did you use a plan like the one outlined on my Blog with your previous break ups?
If not, now’s a great time to start…OK?
Helen wrote:
This is not a competition.
I suggest you work on fixing your personal matters first, before trying win him back.
No contact is a great time to take care of these things. It makes him believe that you might be moving on, and gives you time to work on yourself.
Initiate NC correctly and then start attending to your present problems, like employment, and your emotional control.
Take it one step at a time, and don’t try to talk yourself out of it by saying his not coming back…because you don’t know that.
Karen wrote:
Neither do I, but why should he worry about giving you your things when he is having fun with his new girlfriend?
If you don’t get any help from his dad, then try contacting the local police department, and see what they can do to help you get your stuff back.
His father email me back and said that he would try to get ahold of him.I’m
pretty sure he will. He’s a good guy. What do you think about my situation?
I guess it’s too late for me. I don’t think he’s coming back. this is breaking my heart.
Karen wrote:
I think you’re breaking your own heart by telling yourself you have already failed.
You have to believe in what you’re doing or you will fail…understand?
Scott,
I’m so thankful for this site. It keeps my mine off of him,
for a while. Boy, is there ever alot of brokenhearted people
out there. I read their posts and I know how they feel. I know what they’re going through.
I believe in this but, I know him. When he’s with someone he, he stays with them. She is
a very controlling person and she controls his every move. I’m not giving up though. I been
good with the NC rule. But I did call out her house to try and get ahold of him to get my stuff out.
Nobody was home and I didn’t leave a message. She has caller ID so he’ll know I called. One good
thing is that I still have HOPE. Even if that’s all I have, atleast that’s something. Thank you for that
Karen wrote:
OK, then why did he break up with you?
He was with you too.
Karen wrote:
That crap will get old fast…get ready to pick up the pieces.
Karen wrote:
Next time leave a message, you have nothing to hide…you want your stuff back.
Tell him you called his dad because he won’t act like a man and give you your stuff back.
Karen wrote:
I am working on the forum, but I don’t know “jack” about setting up a forum. It might not be as fancy as some of them out there, but I will add to it as I go along…so stand by.
Scott,
No, I’m the one that broke up with him he was controlling with me and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to live like
that anymore. We were separated for 3 months and I wouldn’t take his calls or see him when he stopped by.
I made a huge mistake. I realized how much I missed him and wanted to go back home. That’s when I found out he was seeing this other women. When I told him he said, he can’t trust me again because he’s afraid I’d leave again. I left him before but it was only for a couple of days. I always went back home. He’s a controlling person too. What should I do? Do you think the two of them will, stay together.
karen wrote:
Oops my mistake…well you don’t want to be controlled, you want to be loved and respected right?
karen wrote:
I doubt 2 controlling person’s will last very long, but the real question is…why do you want to go back to a “controlling” person?
Do you think he has changed since you left?
Doesn’t sound like it or you would have your stuff back by now.
Just something to think about before you go rushing back to him.
You need to focus on yourself and getting your life back together first.
Scott,
I know I would go back to him in a heartbeat but reality is
I know deep down that he’s not coming back. But I have too keep
trying. I been good with the NC. Wow is that ever hard. I left a message
on my answering machine that I’m with this guy and I’ll be home tomorrow.
Was that the right thing to do? I don’t want him to think I’m just sitting here
crying all the time. Even though that’s all I do.
Karen if you want your man back go right now and erase that message on your answering machine. I don’t think it’s a good idea to try to making him jealous. That will not work in your favor
Karen wrote:
That just makes you look needy, lying isn’t going to get you anywhere.
Let’s see you are panicky but are you using any self tools to help with that?
There’s a great exercise on page 13 of the magic of making up, have you tried using it?
Karen wrote:
Do you really believe that it?
If you do then “give up”, NC is never going to work if you deeply believe that.
If you don’t then stop saying it…every time you affirm that message in your mind by repeating it and thinking it you are tormenting yourself.
Plus unless your a psychic or something you can not tell the future…OK?
This is starting to turn into a “Whine Fest” and it’s not helping anything.
You have two choices:
Suck it up and start fighting back, or…
Let life and love kick your ass.
What’s it going to be?…you can’t have it both ways.
Scott
I erased it. But what do I do? He’s with this other women and having fun.
You can show that you are happy living your life, but try the tactic of jealusy. And plus that is not even true, why would you want to do. If you want him to know that you moved on, he can believe that but it not true. Not a good diea to lie. Act like a lady and think like one. Don’t play game with him if want him back. Keep it positive and be nice, but not too nice so that you don’t appear needy. I’m telling this because I’ve been there and done that.
Karen wrote:
Follow the plan and start working on your low self esteem.
If you just sit there imagining, and I do mean imagining (unless you have her house wired with cameras and sound you don’t know if he’s having fun) things, you’re just going to go crazy.
Do you like feeling sorry for yourself?
Self pity is a powerful drug don’t get addicted, or you will really be screwed…understand?
karen, please don’t try to make him jealous. This is not going to work
Scott,
You get to the point!!! You’re so right even if it’s not what I want to hear. I have to move on.
I understand. Got ya. I am feeling sorry for myself. I need to get the book but right now isn’t a
good time for me. $$$$$ As soon as I get ahead I plan on getting it.
Karen wrote:
You need to move on from this place you have sentenced yourself to where there is no hope…only tears and pain.
Everyone has to “move on” from their old failed relationship before they can attract their ex back and start a new better relationship…understand?
Don’t get this type of “moving on” mixed up with the I am done with my ex “moving on” they are two different situations.
There are so many other beneficial things you could be doing with your time besides filling your head with notions of hopelessness no matter how romantic it seems.
How did Romeo and Juliet end up?
There are a couple of idiots for you in my opinion, that took this whole romantic I can’t live without them bullshit way too far.
That is not how a romance should end up, and that is not romantic either…just tragic.
Just something to think about before you drown yourself in tears for no reason.
Scott,
Thanks for all your help. No more tears. But I’m not going to give up yet I’m going to keep taking your advice. NC that’s what I need to do right
now to start.
Karen wrote:
Great Choice!
Now go be the first to join the new forum:
The How to Kick Loves Ass Forum
@ Karen:
Hi Karen–
You don’t know me, however, I do know the pain you are facing right now. That is why we have this fantastic site. So we can talk to Scott to help us with questions we may have along the path to getting our ex back, but, we are also here for each other. Having a support system is so awesome when going through something so difficult. Especially when you are not thinking rationally or have dug deep down inside to pull that hope back up to the surface yet. Things are never really as bad as they SEEM. If I could give you a hug and tell you everything will be ok..I definitely would
I am here for support though and just wanted to let you know that! 
We can get through this together and kick loves ass! You just have to do me a favor and reach deep down inside to that place where there is a little bit of hope left. Grab on to it…no matter how hard it seems right now..and DO NOT let go! No matter what! Fighters always win! 
Something that helps is remembering that all relatonships have to go through bumps and curves..that is all this is..another bump in the road so your relationship will last forever!
P.S.
SIGN UP FOR THE FORUM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Scott,
why isn’t a good idea to call him in a week or so??when can i call him?he’s probably leaving in 1 month…
where is your blog to read it?
i’m actually searching a job,because my self esteem is low, i only have 1 friend,i never go out,i still live with my mother,and he was the only solution to fly away with him.Now i am in a below zero condition.
But do u think that no contact won’t alienate him more?because he isn’t going to contact me and i’m sure.
i’m depressed.How can i win him back even if he’s moving on with a younger one?
Helen wrote:
Umm you’re on it Helen.
Helen wrote:
By restoring your esteem and finding and then following a good plan, that’s how.
Helen wrote:
Why do you want to call him…to say good-bye?
Do you think there are some magic words you can say that will make him stay?
Of course not, but there are better ways to spend your time…like working on your own problems at the moment.
You can call him but I don’t think it is a good idea, I am not going to explain why because I have already all over this Blog…which you’re on but can’t seem to find.
@ Heather:
Thank you for your support Heather. I do have a little HOPE left.
That’s all I have to hang on to. I’m not giving up yet. If I
don’t try then I’ll never know. I can tell by the way he looks
at me he still cares. But this younger women has really got a
hold on him. I’m not giving up. NC has been what I been doing.
My sister said he road down her street the other day which, my mother
lives on the same street. I don’t know why he went that way.
He knows I go down there a lot. I don’t know? Maybe I’m making
something out of nothing. thanks for thinking about me when you
have your own troubles. We need to lose this pain and kick ass!
@ Karen:
Anytime!
Sign up for the forum “How to kick loves ass”!! We can talk more there!
Here is the link—–> http://forum.howtogetyourexbackfast.com/
Heather wrote:
You can also use this address it’s easier to remember:
http://www.howtokicklovesass.com
Scott,
yes i’ve read most of this blog:)).i thought you were talking about other blog.I try to take ideas from here,everystory is different.
I’m still blocked.I’m dying to see him and have some explanations in order to move on in my life.I still hope on a reconciliation with him.I miss him so much+don’t want him to tell me to leave him alone.There are 4,5 months passed with no communication..Isn’t it time to communicate and clear things in my mind?because i spend my whole time thinking about the separation,and i really want His point of view..But how can i make him SEE me?He won’t call,it’s been A YEAR we haven’t seen each other,because of his trip.(and 5 months with no contact):(
What to say?My only plan is to work on the words to say to him or text him.That is my plan.And trying to be logical,with emotional control.Is it a good idea to tell him he is everything to me(i don’t think so)?
regards*
Helen wrote:
Yes every story is unique, but the storyline is the same, someone left and someone wants them back…right?
There is no one answer to all these different questions, but I do believe that if someone stops panicking and starts to focus on all the different ideas and view points on this Blog, they will be able to piece together their own answer.
Have you bought a book yet?
This Blog is designed to support the information contained in the magic of making up, not replace it…understand?
Helen wrote:
If he hasn’t called you in a 5 months I don’t think he cares about what you feel or think…right?
Maybe the best thing for you to do is move on for the time being and live your life, and if he was meant to be in your life an opportunity will present itself later.
Have you joined the forum yet?
Hi Scott
)
i want to thank you until now for every single answer.This site was an oasis in the desert!!I couldn’t imagine it could exist a site like this.If it was a possibility i would have bought the book too!
You were absolutely right,he wasn’t interested,because he left me 5 months with no contact.I called him and he told me he isn’t interested and he hang up saying goodbye.It hurts so much(because it’s almost the 10th time i am the one left behind).And this time i thought he was the last one.Now i feel so bad.I do hope there is a solution,i do hope there is hope for the future.
I wish i could have found this site earlier,and i still hope that life will give me an opportunity later this time.I hope this person will come back some day,because i thought he was the man i would marry.Now at 36,where can i turn for some luck,to fix my life?
Thank you for the optimism right here in the site and your wise answers!!They were really helpful in these times and the blog is awesome:))
my best best wishes,
keep it up
Helen wrote:
Helen you never know what the futures holds for you, and everything does happen for a reason….who says you found this site too late?
Helen wrote:
There is something to learn from all your past relationships that will help you find the right person…did you join the forum?
Don’t give up, just stop trying so hard to get him back and look at your life and what you want out of it…OK?
I believe that while you’re busy giving yourself the life you want and deserve that you will find Mr. Right…just not right now…OK?
I wasn’t married until I was 37…so don’t let age worry you too much…this is not a contest.
Oh BTW the marriage didn’t work out but we are still friends and I learned a lot, and that’s what I am passing on to all of you…I am still looking for Mrs. Right and I am 48.
I also learn a lot helping you guys, that’s why I say get in the forum and get involved…the love life you save my be your own.
Scott
Thanx for encouraging words!!I loved this site from the start+i think i’m going to join the forum you told me about.
Life is tough right now,but i have to continue..I have only 1 friend,i am jobless,and i simply crawl thinking about him leaving.Another thing that hurts is that he wanted and was asking me for a kid last year,and now he left me and it hurts that he might have kids from another woman.Can’t bear that thought.And that i probably won’t see him anymore.That hurts more.
Anyway,i’m learning from here and i get some hope to continue!I hope someday i find mr Right,eventhough i need him right now.
regards
Helen wrote:
Get in there Helen we are waiting to help you!
Well, Scott. The OW is out of the picture. My husband is getting the help he needs. He has moved back into our bed and has been fully engaged and affectionate. I still have moments when I want to argue with him or talk over what happened, but that never pulls us closer together.
The OW left him because someone from her church found out. How’s that for sticking with the man you love? Meanwhile, my husband was at first devastated, but now has done a 180. He told his mom. She supported me, and is helping me through this. She is not pushy with him either. She just is the master of the carefully placed question or comment.
The biggest tip I could possibly share with your readers is your very awesome advice to keep your head about you! Do not get over-emotional. Be strong. Look awesome (not just physically, but as a person) and make sure you have a life (or at least look like you do!) The no contact rule is key, but living, truly LIVING, makes you more attractive to your ex (or soon-to-be-ex as in my case.)
My husband would not be attracted to a whiny or screaming crazy woman–no man really would be.
We still have a lot of work to do to make this marriage work and to help take away the pain of betrayal that an emotional affair brings, but I wanted to take a moment to thank you!
Scarlett wrote:
That’s great news Scarlett!
I knew you could do it and that the OW (other woman) was just a flake.
You’re a shining example to everyone out there fighting for their ex’s, families and happiness.
Anytime you feel you need some support, or want to share your experience to help other people and support them, you are more than welcome to join our forum…we would love to have you.
You truly know what it takes to kick loves ass and the OW’s as well.
Hey, Scarlett, Scott, and everyone else, what do you think?
That at the end of the day, even if the romantic love was there, and this normally quiet and private man said he loved me (in happier times), and we were both gentle with each other, and had good intentions for each other, almost possibly wanting to move in togehter, and that long distance made it very hard (we even broke up on the phone,it was pretty lame….and it was not dramatic at all, which makes me sadder because perhaps we, and esp him, had begun to check out of the relationship earlier in the month prior), that the likelihood of getting back together is very unlikely?
Its been close to 2 months now that we broke up, I think. And I didnt use the NC well, I would do NC for awhile and then go and send a random text to him now and then, thereby spoiling it, and he never once replied. Thats fine actually, Im fine with all that now. Im feeling so much better now, happier, and balanced, and in my mind an NOW doing the REAL NC for 3 days since, and counting. I plan to stick it out,but I WONDER, HAVE I ALREADY MISSED THE BOAT WITH THE first 4-5 weeks of POORLY EXECUTED NCs? I know he is the kind of man to, once he checks out he might never turn back. I DONT KNOW……….
Also, all these while he has been travelling about to various places, so I think the breakup for him must be not too hard to handle as it would have been for me in one place. Im thinking time probably seems to fly faster for him and help him heal faster, since he is so busy and probably wont miss me too soon, or miss me that much. Do you think that means that he will never come back since he has moved on completely WITHOUT ME? I know where he will be for the next few months, but the little detailsin his life I dont know at all,because we haventbeen even friends since the breakup. Its been quite ridiculous I think. I dont know,
What I fear is that the embers will cool forever between us, and it will be very hard to find the loving feeling back again. And that he will be able to convince himself that he didnt love me at all, and that we were not good for each other.
While I wont DIE without him, I would love to have him back in my life just to make it right, like it was supposed to be, from the beginning. You know? Sometimes your gut knows when you could have done a better job. He was a good man, too.
Sigh.
What do all the ladies here think? Should I just move on and forget it?
I mean, good things dont just come by everyday. Moreover, studies have shown thatpeople who are already friends are more likely to partner up, rather than just from random meeting at bars or something, or even blind dates,unfortunately. Please tell me what you think!!!! I know I will be happy either way, but I dont want to regret….although at thispoint really its not about doing SOMETHING to get him back, but whether to hold on to that HOPE that he might change his mind, since Im supposed to be doing the NC. You know?
ladydd wrote:
99.999% of the ladies are members of our forum, why don’t you join and post your question in there?
Go to the FAQ Section on my Blog and follow the instructions in #1.F very carefully.
ladydd wrote:
No means no…NO contact. Sorry, if that sounds harsh, but you will lose him if you continue to send texts and be constantly available. Sorry. I know it’s the pits, but pretty necessary.
Moving over to the forums now.
Scarlett
@ dana shelton:
Hi Dana It sounds to me like he needs you more than you need him. But I understand your pain belive me I do. Has he come back to you and the kids yet?
Hi Scott.
My ex left 7 months ago. We had become distant and my low self esteem meant i could not confront him about issues we had. I do love him. Since the breakup he has made it clear he wants to be friends. I just dont know how to do that with him. He has been in another relationship sice about 3 months after the breakup. We were together 10 yrs.
What should I do?
Arriel
Arriel wrote:
You should join our forum.
Go here and read…OK?
Here Is Your Help
would it be possible that my ex boyfriend broke it off because he wanted to see other woman? because day one after we broke up he was texting this girl who knew his mate from work. I never seen the text messages while we were together and I didn’t suspect that he was secretly getting to know her behind my back, so I assume he was waiting until we were over until he openly contacted her.
later I asked him if he was seeing other girls, his reply was that it was no longer my concern…do you think I still have a chance to get my ex back? Even though it seems he doesn’t want anything to do with me. He said that he didn’t love me anymore and that it wasn’t working out
emit8 wrote:
Yes, just stop chasing him, and start following my free step by step plan.
Scott
I have the ebook and saw the forum…just wondering if I could get him back at this point. It’s been a month since he broke up with me and although I heard through rumor he may be dating a girl, he told me not to believe it…that it’s simply not true. He has called me a time or two since the split to say hi and ask how I’m doing but hasn’t come out and said he wants me back. Do you think it’s too late?
Corey wrote:
Hi Corey,
That’s nice, did you read and follow the step by step plan, or join our forum?
You see “having the ebook” and “looking at the forum” won’t help…you must take action, understand?
Corey wrote:
One month is not too long to get your ex back, and the sooner you take action and stop asking questions, the faster you can do it.
Follow my free plan and properly initiate NC ASAP, and let your “evolution” and the journey back to your ex begin, OK?
Hi Scott,
Thank you very much for the website ! Its my pillar of strength at the moment.
I have a question about NC.
I’ve already accepted the break up face to face. How do I proceed with NC since I already did the “I accepted the break-up” part?
Thanks!
Scott,
Yes I’ve started to read everything. I don’t doubt that this type of thing could work, it’s just that my situation is different in that it’s long distance. I don’t have a reason to be in his state really for any other reason than to see him, so a meet up would be really difficult. That being said, should I even initiate the No Contact Letter if I know I cannot do the quick meetup after at least 30 days??? Really worried about that part and didn’t want to send my letter until I knew the answer to that. Thanks!
Amira wrote:
Hi Amira,
The plan works best when you follow ALL the steps, so follow ALL the steps…send the recommended NC message.
Corey wrote:
Hi Corey,
If you want to follow the plan, yes you have to…30 days is only a benchmark, it usually takes longer than that for people to prepare themselves for the reconnection phase.
If you really want your ex back, follow the plan, send the letter and you will figure how to meet up…when you’re ready, OK?
Just checking in with you! The summer has been unbelievable. My husband has taken me to an island in the sun without our kids and has done a complete turn-around. Most of his time seems to be trying to make amends for the mess he created. Although it is difficult for me to get over the betrayal, I certainly appreciate his efforts (and tell him so.)
I want to reiterate that Scott’s NC strategy means absolutely NC. In the most tumultuous and horrendous period in my life, when my husband was living with me and carrying on an emotional affair under our roof, the lack of contact was just what we needed.
You don’t want to put your significant other in a position of having to “defend his position”. If you constantly call or email or text to tell him why he should be with you, he is going to feel the need to defend his actions. It won’t make him miss you. It won’t make him suddenly reconsider his position. It won’t make him see you in a different light. It will most likely make him dig in…
However, NC (or almost NC as in my case since we were living together…) provides a “quiet” time where your significant other can notice that he misses you. If you concentrate on YOU and try to live your life, you will have a better chance of getting attention. Good attention.
I love the singer/songwriter Ingrid Michaelson. She speaks about breaking up with her boyfriend and how she was doing really well–until she found out that her boyfriend was over her… Here’s a funny clip. She quickly talks about it at the 4:40 mark…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jvVjnkl1veU
No Contact + truly living well is your best shot at having your significant other rethink his position.
Take care!
Scarlett wrote:
Hi Scarlett,
I am so glad to hear things are working out for you.
Give it time, and his mistakes will slowly fade, maybe this happened for a reason, they always say things get worst before they get better.
You went through the worst…now enjoy the better, OK?
Take Care,
S. Williams
S. Williams wrote:
Give it time, and his mistakes will slowly fade, maybe this happened for a reason, they always say things get worst before they get better.
You went through the worst…now enjoy the better, OK?
Take Care,
S. Williams
Trying to keep it on the hook, Scott! Seriously, I’m having many more great days than dark ones. My husband has been more that I could have hoped for a few months back, and I’m trying to stay in the light and live each day really well.
Thanks for all your help!
Wishing you only the best…
Hi,me and my boyfriend had a perfect realatoinship,we had plans of marriage and spending our lives together,we spoke everyday,and it was amazing.we were together for 5 months,he would always say he loved me and never wanted to loose me,and I was the one,but randomly he texted me asking just to be friends,I’m still not to sure of the reason but I was heartbroken and begged him back,I then ignored him and 3 days later,he randomly texted me “no I don’t want to see you later” and made up an excuse just to talk to me,I then ignored him again and a day later he randomly texted me hello,I ignored him and then later on he texted me again and asked how I was,I said I was fine ect,but the next day I contacted him! And he was blunt with me,and then I broke down and told him I missed him ect,he said-I guess I didn’t love you as much as I thought and we will never get back,so I then texted him saying I was pathetic earlyer and to just ignore what I said,and he had a go at me,I’m so confused! I want him back so much! What should I do?