How The Fear of Using No Contact Can Imprison You
If you’re afraid of using no contact you need to read this. You are imprisoning yourself in a no win situation, and I’ll prove it. Maybe after reading this you’ll reconsider using the no contact rule. It will help you out of the tight spot you’re sitting in right now.
Do Not Let Fear Stop You From Getting Your Ex Boy Friend Back
Lets start with how you got to where you are right now. Your ex boyfriend/girlfriend, wife, or husband left you, correct? Now, they say they want to be friends, but you want more, that is why you agreed to being “friends.” Here is where you started to build your prison, brick by brick. The no contact rule can help you take it down, brick by brick.
The only way to get your ex back is to change the situation, but you’re afraid, right? It’s like some one left the cell door open, but you’re afraid to leave, because you have in a sense become comfortable, and change scares you. Yet, you long for change…don’t you? Yep, your in prison alright, and you hold the key to the cell door, but you’re afraid to use it…Why?
Get Over The Fear Of NC – Get My Ex Back
Now that we have identified the prison, and how it was built, let’s talk escape. The same way you built the prison, brick by brick, staying friends with your ex, you can use the no contact rule to take it down. How? Everyday you stay in no contact is another brick taken down, and you are one brick closer to freedom, and a chance to have the kind of relationship you long for with your ex.
Are you seriously going to let fear stop you? And just what is this “fear” you have anyways? Are you afraid their going to leave you, again? They already left, that is why they are your ex. So, now that we know they can not leave, what’s your other fear of using the no contact rule? The biggest one I know of is…they will move on, and forget me, right? How do you now that being friends with them, is going to stop them from moving on?
Do Not Be Afraid To Get Your Ex Back
Do you really believe imprisoning yourself in this “just friends” zone is going to work to keep them from moving on? They are “free”, you are not. They can do what ever they want, you can not. They can move on, you can not. Still afraid of using the no contact rule to free yourself? Everyday you stick to the no contact rule, you are one day closer to freedom.
Free to love your ex again the way you want to. You can not stop your ex from moving on by staying friends with them, you can’t. But you do imprison yourself, and that is not good. If you truly want to be free, and get back together with your ex, you will need to use the no contact rule correctly. Everyone that I know who failed at the no contact rule, failed, because they didn’t do it correctly. You need to follow a good plan to succeed, and be ready to learn about controlling your emotions.
Winning Your Ex Back – Brick By Brick
Now that you know you have a prison to break out of, you need a plan on how to do that. Listen, if your ex left you because they said your old relationship wasn’t going anywhere…where is this “just friends” relationship going? If you think being where you’re at now is better than escaping, and getting what you deserve, tell me why…OK? If you have any comments or questions for me, please write them in the comment box below, and I will answer them ASAP! What can I do to help you get over your fear of using the no contact rule? Will you let fear keep you from winning your ex back?
Who Am I and Why Should You Listen to Me?
My name is S. Williams, and I have been helping people for more than 3 years to overcome break up pain, and get their lives back. I even have an “About” section that I recommend you read. I know the name of my site is: How to Get Your Ex Back Fast, but I teach people how to get their lives back, not their ex’s.
If you’re interested in working with me (and our forum members) to get your life back, join my free newsletter for access to the free plan to get your ex back fast, and start getting your life back today. The answers you need to start your personal evolution are waiting for you, don’t hesitate another minute…come and get them.
Once you get your life back, everything else will just start to fall into place…I promise. If you have any comments or questions please write them in the comment box below.
If this article was useful or helpful to you in anyway, please show your appreciation by giving me a “+1″ using the button below this article.
Until next time,
S. Williams
http://www.howtogetyourexbackfast.com
Copyright © 2008 and beyond – All Rights Reserved Worldwide – You DO NOT have permission to reuse this content in any way, shape, or form.
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Hi Scott, i wanted to share my story/situation with u and was hopin u can give me some advice wrt my ?unique situation.
I met this girl online about 9 months ago. We are both sri lankan(nationality) so we have a lot in common. We started chatting and eventually visited her. I visited her for the 3rd time about a month ago. she has told that she is starting to like me more and more and has asked me where things were heading long term. She had told her closest friends bout me as well as her parents. In meantime, I have begun to really like her and I think I’m in love with her. I have told her this recently.
Unfortunately we broke up about a week ago. I was frustrated by her passivity and the slow pace of the relationship. I did it in a bad way by texting her to move on which obviously hurt her. i then panicked at what i had done and apologized a lot and emotionally flipped out trying to get her back for a few days after that.
She says she is an extremely slow person and has taken over a year in the past before she has asked someone to be her boyfriend. Given this is a long distance relationship it’s probably gonna take her even longer to come around with me. But I felt that she was not giving me back enough attention which made me frustrated (for instance, she never visited me last 9 months, i do most of the callin/texting in the relationship, she doesn;t plan ahead at chances to meet me, etc.). I guess I came across to her as being too needy and becoming too serious about our relationship. She said she wasn;t sure if she could be the person to give me this attention in the future because she is not “lovey dovey” type. I don;t think I am but that’s what she said. She also said that being her last semester in college she was stressed out by school and didn’t wanna make a big decision yet. She said she feels “confused” about how she feels about me.
Anyway, she asked us to take a break for a couple of months and continue as friends for now. She said it was ok for me to date other people in meantime. She said that “in summer if we are both single and our thoughts/feelings have settled maybe we can start off fresh.” She told me not to feel obligated to wait for her.
I really think she has some feelings for me (she still has as a profile photo on her facebook with the pendant that I gave her and I had made a comment in past whether she meant to keep me close to her heart with that ). But I just pushed too hard at the wrong time when she wasn’t ready for a long term commitmment yet. she did say that we had only bein in a relationship for a month a that point and that it was too early.
Before I bought ur system, I sent her an email (after I was more calm) telling her that it’s ok if she wants a little time to decide things when she is less stressed after school. I did tell her that I loved her and that if we really care bout each other, we should give it another shot. I also told her that I am aware of some of the quirks bout me although i feel she misunderstands that I need a lot of attention because I wasn;t that way first 6 months of our relationship. But i told her that if she feels those are things that she cant understand/deal with then maybe she is making a good decision.
Since then I have texted her a few times and she has replied right back. But she doesn’t initiate texts/calls anymore.
i am trying to use the techniques in ur system to help me. But I am also trying to figure out if she would really reconsider our relationship in a few months or if she is just trying to be nice and let me down slowly? She told me she cares about me and that she would let me know if it ever came to the point where she had definitely no feelings for me. But I wonder if she really would given she is a passive person.
I have decided to stop contact for at least a week before I maybe send her a brief text. Should I wait longer? I don;t want her to think I lost interest in her. Do u think I can still salvage this relationship?
Thanks for hearing me out,
Mahesh
Hi Mahesh,
Let me get something straight right now…OK?
No contact will not cause her to lose interest in you, if she loses interest in you it will be because of your past actions…not because you used no contact.
There are only so many times you can hurt someone and apologize…understand?
One week will not be enough, you have burned a bad image of yourself into her mind, and she needs time for it to fade away.
If you keep contacting her, you will refresh that bad image over and over again.
Have you taken anytime to read my Blog yet?
I suggest you Start Here First.
You will find a lot of answers to your questions just by reading my Blog.
To answer your question, if you keep learning, and applying what you learn, you can salvage your relationship.
Take Care,
S. Williams
Hi Scott, I am gonna use the NO contact rule for about 30 days(been about 4 days so far
)and I am pretty sure I will be ready at that point to approach her with confidence.
What I wanted to tell u was that this girl happens to live in Texas while I am living in California. I was reading ur material and I think it will be awkward for me in 30 days to ask her to meet up casually given our distance from one another. Also I am the only one who has visited her thus far when we were seeing each other.
She is graduating from college on May 16th about a week after my 30 day No Contact rule runs out. Then she is gonna take a break for a while during summer as far as i know. My plan was to just call her and congratulate her on earning her degree when I get back in touch with her.
Do u have any ideas on how to approach someone who is living far away when I am ready to return after NO contact rule?
thx,
mahesh
Hi Mahesh,
It will be hard to start the bonding experience without making some kind of face to face meeting.
Have you bought any kind of plan to follow, or are you just trying to make up your plan as you go along?
I really don’t see how a phone call is going to attract her back to you, the reason to make a phone call when you’re ready to reconnect, is to set up a short face to face meeting.
Maybe you could wait until you’re going to be closer to where she lives, and call and set up a meeting.
The information provided on my Blog is meant to give you a general idea of what you need to do to attract your ex back after a break up, so you do not keep making the same mistakes over and over and eventually drive them away.
There are some people who can use this information, and save their relationships, and there are people who need more specific help.
People who need more specific help really need to get a plan, a step by step plan to follow, and I will coach them to help them find success.
It seems that you fall into the last group and would benefit greatly from buying a book either from my Blog, or someone else’s so I could coach you better.
You see I will teach you how to drive the car, but you need to provide the car…understand?
I hope this helped.
Take Care,
S. Williams
Hey Scott, I know my situation is a bit difficult given the distance between the girl and myself. I am not sure if she would come visit me in the summer as she had planned before the breakup (last she said “she honestly wasn’t sure whether she would visit california”)
I actually had a bought a plane ticket around her graduation on May 16th prior to the breakup that she doesn’t know about. At one point I was thinking of flying out to tExas and surprising her the day before her graduation just to congratulate her on earning her degree. I am not sure if that would be smart. I may come across as too desperate but on other hand it will show her that i really care bout her. After that if she gets back in touch with me within a couple of weeks then great otherwise I think I would have to move on.
That would be the only sensible time I can think of to go see her again. I don;t know if I should continue NO CONTACT rule until that point or just continue to be her friend for now and support her with her studies.
Let me know what u think and where I can get help to develop a plan for my situation,
Thanks
Mahesh
Hi Mahesh,
You can get a plan right here on my Blog, and there are many others out there too.
The point is I can help you much better, and faster if you get yourself one of these plans, and let me coach you…understand?
These plans have been developed by experts that have tested their step by step plans to make sure they work.
That is why the “good” ones provide a money back guarantee.
It doesn’t matter to me where you get the plan, but I would highly suggest you get the one I recommend, whether it’s from my Blog or somewhere else.
The Magic Of Making Up
I am here to coach people who are ready to get real serious about getting their ex back, and that means getting a plan to follow.
If you decide to fly out for her graduation, I would call her first before just showing up at her graduation, maybe you could find some other reason to be in that area (make something up), and just say since you’re out there you would like to meet for coffee.
Don’t make anything big out of it, this way there is no pressure on either side…make sense?
I look forward to coaching when you decide on a plan of action.
Take Care,
S. Williams
Scott, I am a little lost. Where on your blog is there a plan i can buy? can u direct me to it.
thankx,
mahesh
I already bought the book and audio and I thought it was through ur website but I am trying to figure out, can u help me with ur personal email support.
Mahesh
Hi Mahesh,
Send me your receipt and I will check.
If you bought from someone else I will still coach you, but not privately, you have to ask your questions here on my Blog…understand?
The coaching is still free, just not private.
Take a look at this if you want my private coaching…OK?
Free Private Coaching
Take Care,
S. Williams
well i guess i was scared of the no contact rule. i was afraid she would forget about me. well since i continued calling and texting everyday she got annoyed and now never wants to speak again. im willing to give this nc rule a try now im not afraid. but what im afraid of now is that it is too late. she asked me to give her space and i refused for too long. i know i was acting on my own selfish desire to just get her back day by day not taking her in consideration. this must be the last form of hope i have. and the last way i can show i care is just to have no contact like she asked. do think there is any hope i mean we were together for 5 years yeah i made some mistakes in the past few weeks begging pleading and texting constantly. is there still hope?
Hi Chris,
Unless you tried to kill her, there is always a good chance to win her back.
As a matter of fact there is a true story based on a guy who tried to kill his ex, and she took him back.
You think I’m kidding?
Check it out:
A Pretty Twisted Video
My point being that just because you made a lot of mistakes, that once you start doing things right you can get her back again.
Of course your chances will be a lot better if you would get yourself a step by step plan, and let me coach you.
Yes, there is still hope my friend.
Take Care,
S. Williams
thanks…. that does make me feel better. a step by step plan would be good. its been hard to function with my emotions all out of wack
but are you positive its not to late when contacting and begging pleading for 5 weeks even when she asked me to leave her alone for awhile that i was smothering her, i feel there is no chance
Hi Chris,
Only one way to find out, right?
I am positive that you will feel better if you take a chance and use a good plan to get her back, why else are you still looking for help?
Because you still believe deep down inside that you can get her back, so do it.
Go grab a plan, either the one I recommend here on my Blog or some where else, but the point is get serious, and get a plan.
I will coach you for free, but you need to get a plan otherwise we will just go round in circles.
Take a look at What People Are Saying about working with me and the Magic of Making up.
If your interested in joining them, just use the information provided there.
Take Care,
S. Williams
i have the magic of making up and i just dont find much help in it.
i just end up feeling lost no one i know is supporting my decision to get her back my friends and family say i just need to write her off. but i have been in many relationships this one has been the tuffest yet. i really found love in her. i know the relationship mistakes that were made and they were addressed and fixed that did make her happy but now she wants space to forgive i think. she is so confusing and it sucks. i never gave her a chance to be alone yet.
is there any good step by step guides besides magic of making up?
i mean this is a really good guide and all. but my ex told me her mind is made up and she gave me my last chance to stop buggin and i screwed it up. i have really no choice at this point but back off for awhile that is what my fear is now. its the fear that no contact she will love. hopefully love me for it too.
i will stick to no contact.. for now. day by day. i might have more questions tomorrow.
Hi Chris,
How long did you have the Magic of Making up?
Because if you had it for a while, and didn’t follow the program, then that is why you don’t find it useful.
You see there is a difference between buying a plan, and properly using a plan.
It sounds to me like you were, and still are panicked over losing her, letting your emotions run rampant.
You didn’t follow the advice in the book, and you didn’t listen to and respect your ex’s wishes, so here you are…what’s next?
The good news is once you hit rock bottom there is only one way to go…up, or if you want to just feel sorry for yourself you can sit there and weep.
I don’t think you need another “step by step plan” Magic is the best, and people have had great success with it, because they followed it…understand?
What you need is a lot of help with your emotional control, so you can stay strong, and stick with no contact this time.
Why don’t you go to your local library and search for some self help materials, and also take a look at my section titled “Win Back Ex With Emotional Control” for some great free tools as well.
My advice to you is to stop looking for some “miracle plan”, get some self help tools and use them, and start over from the beginning of the book, and do every single exercise in it.
Sometimes it takes a few times reading through the book to actually get the “whole” picture…OK?
As far as your family and friends…tell them to either support you, or leave you alone while you work out your personal problems.
The only thing worse than no support is negative support, it just pulls you down.
One last thing…
If you let your emotions control you, and you keep on making the same mistakes, I guarantee you will lose her for good.
Start doing things right, and stop wondering if it’s too late…that’s your emotions running over you again.
Women are attracted to strong confident men that make them feel safe…become one again, and you”ll get her back.
Take Care,
S. Williams
weird thing happened today. her best friend sends me a message stating lay off her for awhile. and then bang 2 days no contact she calls she calls. i called back hours later. no answer didnt leave a message. and heard nothing since…..
i guess its true i stuck with a plan and im going to continue this nc
@ brian:
brian wrote:
Brian,
You saw NC working and then “broke it”?
I hope you learned your lesson, and stick with it this time.
You have to be strong, and resist the temptation…OK?
Stay Strong!
Take Care,
S. Williams
so that means it was working but since i called back i broke it
and her best friend messaging me on facebook to respect her and her wishes of having some space and then she will talk to me what does that mean? i kind of feel like this is a game. they are playing
brian wrote:
That’s Right!
On both thoughts, she is playing a game, and you can play too…stick to NC, don’t cave in when she tries to contact you.
If you have a plan read it, and follow it, if you don’t I recommend getting one so you can learn how to win this game.
Take Care,
S. Williams
i do have a plan… i started it saturday. she asked for her things i brought them. she yelled screamed what not. so i said this. i am no longer going to text you, call you, of any sort. you can call me if you need something and we can discuss it. im tired of you demands. i decided after that moment instead of 30 days nc. i would wait 6 weeks. a week for every week i made mistakes. then bam that happened. i figured she must have called for a reason so i called back. but im thinking it may be a test to see if i will call again and again trying to see what she needed.
brian wrote:
Here is what you should’ve told her instead of call me and we”ll discuss it.
This is how to properly, and politely start NC:
The Missing Link
Just FYI
Now that you put your foot down, keep it there and watch what happens.
Take Care,
S. Williams
i still love her so much using no contact seems to be getting easier. but i need some advice we have a joint credit card and im paying it. its due before 30 days it up what should i do?
also im very nervous lately that she is going to forget about me too. in this next few weeks
chris wrote:
I would keep paying the card, and find out how to take her off the account until you know where this is all leading.
you don’t want to spend for any of her partying, or shopping…do you?
chris wrote:
That is “normal” for people going through no contact, stick to NC knowing that everything else failed, so this has to work, plus I have seen it work…when people stick with it.
Take Care,
S. Williams
well the card is hers and im the secondary she is being difficult about me paying it. i spent the money.
chris wrote:
Tell her to remove you from the account, and send you a copy of the statement with the charges you owe her for, and you will send her the money when you get it.
I am not a financial adviser or anything, but that sounds reasonable to me.
Take Care,
S. Williams
yeah to tell you the truth i just did that before reading this. because she was contacting me about the due date this afternoon and payment amount. so i responded with this. “ok talk to you in a couple weeks. please dont contact me before i need time. thank you” and left it
when using no contact… do i contact after thirty days… or should i continue until she calls
chris wrote:
30 days is a benchmark that usually applies to couples that just recently broke up, and started using NC without weeks of doing things the wrong way.
That is why I urge people to go find a good book about repairing your relationship, and start following the plan in it right away.
Even better buy it from me, and get my Free Private Coaching.
~And yes, that was a blatant plug, but it is also the truth~
So, to answer your question Chris…the time varies from situation to situation.
I would give it 30 solid days of no contact, and then call her (don’t text, or email) and invite her to a short meeting as outlined in chapter 6 of The Magic Of Making Up…sound good?
Take Care,
S. Williams
sounds good if she doesnt answer do i leave a message or just leave it at that.
@ chris:
chris wrote:
Don’t leave a message, call back again a little later, if she doesn’t pick up that time, try the next day, do not call a lot or leave a message because that will make you look desperate.
If she is not picking up, she is probably screening her calls, and is still not ready yet, when you surprise her by not panicking, she will wonder why.
This curiosity will drive her to either call you back, or pick up the phone next time you call…make sense?
Take Care,
S. Williams
yeah sounds good. as for the card if she doesnt call before its due. i will just wait anyways and not call till 30 days
im actually going to pull a huge dissapearing act
I’ve been thinking of purchasing Magic of Making Up. I’ve read a lot of advice to try no contact, which I’ve done. I do see my ex girlfriend at the gym and always smile and say hi when I see her. If she’s got her back to me I do not go and say hi and leave. We broke up mutually and I did all the things wrong, called her that I wanted her back, told her in a letter it was my fault – I was being clingy, needy and hot showing her how happy she really made me. She said she was already moving on and could show me as a friend I have changed. She said who knows, maybe in a year things will be different. Unfortunately, I was the video on opening move a week after the break up and thought, no, can’t do it, I’ve already initiated no contact which has been successful for 2 weeks but ran into her at the bar and she was picking up a guy in front of me and my friend I was with called her over. She came and put her hands on my waist and I told her I was giving her space, that she looked beautiful. I was trying to hide the devastation but probably not well. She told me, almost in tears, she knew this was breaking my heart and left. So, I’m back to no contact but feel this meeting probably destroyed the two weeks of no contact I started and was so difficult. Any help?
Greg wrote:
Maybe it’s time to “stop thinking about it” and buy the book.
Greg wrote:
Get the book, and read it, and if you buy the book through me you”ll get my private email support, if not you can post your questions here on my Blog.
Get Your Ex Back with The Magic of Making Up
I will purchase it but having read my circumstances, is it posssible to fix. I didn’t even tell her I was going no contact except when I saw her at the bar and said I was giving her space. If you think you can help and there’s hope, I’ll need your email support.
I made the mistake of not telling my ex I was going no contact and just initiated it. It’s been 10 days, should I tell her, email, or write a letter to tell her or keep on going. She did break up with me. I figure the ball is in her court.
Greg wrote:
Believe it or not your circumstances are just like 99.999% of everyone else’s.
Almost everyone tries to “wing it” with free advice at first, and fail, or they buy a plan and do not follow it, and fail.
No contact works best when you actually tell your ex to “give you space” not that you’re giving them space.
See Start Here First” FAQ #1
I have busted my ass to fill this Blog with useful information, and I even ask for suggestions.
But it seems that people are too busy “feeling sorry for themselves” to either read, or to contribute to help others.
What they do, do is start asking me to “predict” the future.
“Do I have a chance? Can I get them back? Is it too late?”
Listen if I could predict the future I would have the winning Lotto numbers, and would hire someone to run this blog for me.
I am adding a psychic love reading service to my Blog very soon, that would be a great place to ask questions like that.
The bottom line is this:
There are no guarantees in life, if you’re looking for a guarantee from me that you’ll get your ex back…your not going to get one.
I am not that ignorant to give anyone any guarantee, when I know anything can happen at anytime…OK?
What I can guarantee you is, if you work hard and follow no contact you will have a “very good” chance to attract her back again, but then again you might not…understand?
But if you keep doing what you’re doing (which obviously isn’t working) you will not have a “very good” chance to win her back.
Did you read my latest article…probably not.
Pat wrote:
Yeah it was a mistake alright, how will she know why you’re doing what you’re doing?
At this point if she tries to contact you, I would tell her about needing time to process what has happened between you two, and you”ll be in touch when you’re ready to talk.
Don’t make a huge discussion out of it…understand?
so i pretty much screwed up on no contact she kept contacting me then we met up a couple times and then she shot me down saying you are not my friend and never will be……… and boom i think she dropped the bomb of being seriously done with me. should i even hope she will come back this time im going to completly ignore her for a month
chris wrote:
After she said that to you, you should’ve initiated NC like I outlined in the FAQ’s.
chris wrote:
What good is a life without hope?
Plus, if you have a plan, and read the book you”ll know that NC is not about ignoring your ex…get informed, OK?
i still love her endlessly… so i guess hope is good to have. she just seems so stubborn so nc is the best for the both of us at this point. to see her makes me hurt worse. so i have to have nc. h
im still so in love with my ex. im starting over on no contact because i accidently responded to a wrong text. then went back to chasing a little.
its been 2 days now. but i found out she likes a new guy. which sucks. also the word is getting around of things she says about me. and apparently she wishes me dead or to kill me. i see no hope in ever getting her back. although i would do anything to get her back. i truly love her unconditionally. things like this just makes me love her more.
its been 2 months since we broke up and my love is still going strong.
i really dont know what to do. because i love her so much. but i dont think she will ever forgive me for never leaving her alone when asked. im scared that at this point no contact will make her run even farther. she tells me how much she hates me.
@ chris:
Chris why don’t you join our forum and tell us your whole story. Go read the instructions in FAQ #1F under the section called Start Here First.
See you on the inside!
hey i was wonderin cud u help me,i was goin out wit a guy for a year and i lived wit him 4 6months..he broke up wit me,said he doesnt want a relationship anymore.im heartbroken and that was 2months ago.now we have been 2gether few times since but not in the last month.i did sumtin really stupid and he stopped talkin 2 me but we made up as friends soon after..friends is all he wants now and its killin me,i miss him so much and i tink hes wit sumone else now..he stil texts me friendly texts but dats it..i dont tell him how i feel cos he jus ignores it..wat can i do 2 get him back,please help?
brenda wrote:
Hi Brenda,
My advice would be to use the plan in our forum…follow it step by step and things will turn around for you, OK?
If you want my help to get your ex back follow this link:
http://forum.howtogetyourexbackfast.com/topic/read-this-first
Make sure you read the rules and guidelines before you join, I strictly enforce them.
Don’t forget to sign up for my free News Letter for free videos, tips and advice on How to Get Your Ex Back.
Just click on the link under the little red heart in the upper right hand corner of my Blog.
Ok here is the problem me and my ex broke up about 3 months ago.But now he has started calling me everyday and coming to my house most everyday but he says he just wants to be friends.I can not take it anymore.I do want a relationship with him but I don’t see that happening since we are in this friends zone rut! At the same time i am having trouble moving on because he does come to my house.
I have men who want to date me,nice men.
What in the world do I do? I don’t know how to turn this around,I am considering not coming home until later at night and not answering my phone most of the time when he calls.He is my neighbor so he knows when I am home even what time I come home because he has told me what times I return home..lol..
Anyway please tell me how to handle this.He always wants to do things for me and gets mad when I don’t let him.but I can’t take anymore good-bye hugs!
Please HELP!
robin wrote:
Hi Robin,
It’s time to get serious, and use no contact.
Who cares if he gets mad…who’s running your life anyways, you or him?
Go read, and follow the free plan on my Blog.
This will help you get out of the friends zone, and get your life back again.
Take Care,
S.W.
Hi Scott,
My boyfriend and I of approximately 2 years broke up about 6 weeks ago. He graduated from college in May, but he has been unable to find any type of work since then. With that and with his parents constantly pressuring and reminding him about this, he became more and more depressed. He also is being forced to take classes at a local college so he can stay on his dad’s health insurance; he is very sickly. We had started arguing a little bit about really stupid things and decided to go on a week break. I could tell that he just needed to clear his mind and go from there. Unfortunately, after the break, he called me up and said, “I’m sorry, but it’s not good for me to be in a relationship right now. Something inside of me changed; I can’t explain it. It’s not fair for you that I am emotionally unavailable.” He and I were planning on getting married as soon as we were financially stable and after I graduate in May 2010.
We are 500 miles apart currently, and I have been keeping the NC rule. However, something happened to our pets, and I had to let him know. I emailed him on a Friday night, kept it brief and simply asked him how he was doing. He then responded to my email around 2am Monday morning with a very excited tone to hear from me. He seemed genuinely interested in hearing about how I have been doing and asked a little bit more about our pets.
I took a couple of days to respond; I wasn’t sure what to say. I still love him more than anything, and my only dream is/was to be his forever. Finally, I responded and kept things very neutral and simply told him how school was going, etc. I did ask him some questions about some things (he got his migraines back, and I asked him if he knew what caused them).
He hasn’t responded to this email, yet. What drives me nuts and keeps me awake at night is trying to figure out whether or not he still loves me, misses me, wonders about me, etc.
Do you think that there is a good chance he will come back to me once he figures things out in life? Should I tell him how much I miss him?
Thank you
Becky
Becky says:
Hi,
You broke no contact, you should have kept it all about your pets, and not asked how he was doing.
You need to re-send the no contact message (no changes) and read, and follow ALL the steps in the free plan on my Blog.
The only way to answer those questions you have every night is to let go of the past relationship, evolve past it, and get your life back.
You are holding yourself back…no one else, you MUST move on from your old “failed” relationship otherwise you will suffer in relationship limbo for a long time.
If you really want to reveal your ex boyfriends true feelings for you, follow ALL the steps in the free plan, and do not break NC until your are ready.
Take Care,
S.W.
Hi Scott,
me and my fiance of 4 years (2yrs engaged) broke up 6 days ago. about a week and a half ago, my fiance had to take her mother to a cancer hospital to have a chemo tube repositioned. after this day she seemded distant, she went out all weekend with her friends and family and the day we split up, she went swimming for 3 hrs. when she come home i confronted her about her distance and she said that since she had taken her mother to the hospital, she has no feelings for anyone else but her motherand she didnt know what to do about us anymore. because she lived with me i said that if she wasn’t sure about us any more, she should move out and take all her stuff with her as it would of hurt me to much having her come back and forth. she left some dvd’s here and rang me and asked if she could pick them up which i accepted. when she came i gave her her stuff and asked her how she felt about me and she looked me straight in the face and said as a friend and cant see a future with me anymore. our relationship was far from perfect but i know she truely loved me. apart from her mother and our own problems, she was depressed that we didn’t have any money as i am a student ant she was about to start uni(college)with me. she had however beein to uni and said she never liked the experience then and not sure if she wants to do it now. anyway, when she picked up the rest of her stuff i told her i wont contact her as she asked for time and space and so far i have kept to my word (4th day NC today).
as you have alot of experience in this field, i was just looking for reassurance that i have done the rite thing, or if anything could have been done better. also, due to (i think) the unique circumstance of my situation, what do you think of my chances for a reconciliation would be if i keep up the NC?
Thanx for your help
sorry, i left out that 2 years ago her mother was given the all clear from cancer but then it came back in 3 different places. wev known about the relapse for about a year but im wondering if her trip to the hospital has really spooked her. i say maybe that was the case but she says she thinks theres more to it that that??
Bryn says:
Hi,
It doesn’t matter what the cause was, she wants to break up, right?
You can’t stop her so all you can do is evolve past this break up, get your life back, and see what happens.
Meanwhile let her deal with her own personal issues without you.
Go read the free plan on my Blog, and follow ALL the steps.
As you personally evolve, you will be able to further explore what went wrong with your old failed relationship, and then you can learn from your mistakes.
Take Care,
S.W.
Hi Scott, thanx for replying so quickly but in regards to getting her back, have i done the right things?
im sticking to NC for atleast 2 weeks, getting her to take all her stuff and so on…
we also have a dog and a cat together. would it be a good ice breaker after NC to say she’s always welcome to come see them?
You are doomed to fail if you are in this just to get your ex back.
I gave you all the advice you need, now it’s up to you to either follow it, or not.
The free plan explains it all, read every word, and follow every link and read every word there as well.
You will learn a lot more reading, than you will from asking questions that are already answered in the plan.
hi scott, i have just read through the plan and i like it. my only question is, with the NC letter im not sure whether its a bit insensitive to the fact im closing the door to her especially with her mother being so ill. am i being stupid and/or nieve?
Just from these few posts I can tell you are not ready to use the free plan, you should look somewhere else for help, OK?
This plan is not for the meek and timid, it is about kicking loves ass, not kissing it, and if you don’t have the right attitude you will fail.
I am not here to help people fail.
Good Luck!
Take Care,
S.W.
so you are giving up on me? I want to use the plan and i would REALLY like some support
Dated him for 1 1/2.We live 2 hours away and try to see each other 2-3 times a month. He always come to my house to stay and we’re in a hotel room when I go to visit him. I have never been over to his home. His mother lives with him. He has met my friends and family. I have NEVER met his family or friends. He knows about my life here and I know nothing about his over there. When I bring it up, he never ever says a word. The way I called it off I stopped answering his calls. He has only called twice and that’s been over 2 months ago. He is a really nice man. I know he adores me, but something isn’t right. Getting back with him is NOT the right things. I’m just writing you for ‘any’ advice. I stumbled on your site and have been empowered! I must admit, I thought he would have called more (only twice since Sept) or come over. Which tells me he wasn’t as invested as I was.
Hi,
You’re right to to follow your “gut” instincts, he is most likely hiding something.
The free plan is about getting your life back, not your ex.
If you’re ready to evolve past your failed relationship (breakup), go read the free plan on my Blog, and follow ALL the steps.
Take Care,
S.W.
Hi William,
I was in india, in a deep relationship with this girl for like one year. We shared everything deeply connected with eachother. I left for United States, and we still talked on phone and our passion for eachother continued for a long time, like more than one year when I was in states.
Only three months were left when I was coming back to India again and I was so confident about our relationship, that it would be a great reunion after such a long time. It would be like dream coming true. But she started to distance her self all of suddenly, and then slowly she started talking with me on phone like she talks to a friend. It hurt me. I asked her many times if somebody is there in her life she said no she is still single. I became depressed and become more of possessive person because I did not want to loos her. I started phoning her many times, text messages, but she remained cold. But before 15 days of my arrival to India she showed interest and said she thinks about us seriously. ” so comeback quickly”. First day when I met her it was still awkward because of depression I went through for 2 months in United States because of her. Second day when we met we suddenly started fighting when I asked about the other guy, and that guy really existed. He is my best friend. She used to meet him every sunday alone. She rejected me all of suddenly. It was like a huge blow on me. I still tried to find out why she is changed all of sudden. She said she is still single, but all of sudden her change of behaviour and my friends also told me about this guy, so it was confirmed that she was leaving me because of this guy.
After one month when I left India I gave her no contact letter. I said I need space and time. But inside I know it is very tough to get her back, and even if I get her back, will she be same person? Now I am in United States , what can I achieve with No Contact when this girl is meeting this guy every sunday and falling for him. She gave me reason that I am possessive thats why she left me. Can you give me some guidance? I have already decided to move on, and it is my 19th day of No Contact.
deep,
Deep says:
Hi,
The free plan is about getting your life back, not your ex.
What can you achieve, how about being happy again?
If she accused you of being possessive you can turn that around by using NC properly, and evolving past the breakup, not by just ignoring her.
NC will reveal your ex’s true feelings while giving you your life back again.
Go read the free plan here on my Blog, and follow ALL the steps.
Take Care,
S.W.
Hi there,
I’m worried about using the NC rule, because my boyfriend is emotionally volatile and very self-righteous. i imagine it will push him even further away, to his friends who validate his view of things.
he asked me for a break, for a month, but wanted to text me every night to say sleep well, so i know he loves me and wants to move forward. last night was my birthday–he didnt want to see me. i invited a friend of the guy i cheated on him with to my birthday party, and texted him to let him know. he got very angry and wrote back that he is tired of waiting for me to change, and that its time to quit. it was the first night he hasnt sent the sleep well message.
i feel so sick in my stomach, just wanting to be happy with him. i guess i dont want to send the NC message because i feel like i can give him what he wants from me now.
ugh, help?
thanks so much,
priya
priya g says:
Hi,
You are asking for the wrong thing.
You ask for help, but you refuse to use the advice that is given to you.
You need courage, enough courage to do what you know you must do, and that I can not help you with, you have to find that with-in yourself, by yourself.
All the help you need is waiting for you, go read the free plan here on my Blog, and follow ALL the steps.
Thanks for writing.
Take Care,
S.W.
Hi Scott.
i lost the love of my life 3 months back after a bitter fight. earlier i was pinning the blame on her but now i see it was a culmination of both our mistakes. since then im lost. she used to poke me on FB till last month or so but not any more. But all our photos are still there on her profile and she haven’t returned any of my stuff back like i did with her’s. basically nothing has changed. everything is like they were. only difference is that we are not together any more.
she initiated contact with me for more than 5 times after the brake up and her mom recently told me that she has dumped the guy she had a ‘thing’ with after me. now she is posting all sorts of weird status posts on FB like ‘nothing you confess will make me love you less…, if i cant call you angel what else can i call you… etc. what does it mean? is she trying to tell me something?
i havent contacted her for more than 3 weeks after i sent her a NC message saying that breaking up was the right thing to do. should i initiate contact now? or do you advice me otherwise?
im in agony for the past couple of weeks and any help would be great.
thank you friend…
Nel
Hi,
If you’re talking with her mom she probably knows about it, and knows you are still after her, turn the tables.
You can reveal her true feelings for you by using the no contact rule…my way.
I help people survive a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex girlfriend back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.
The fastest way to get your girl back is to get your life back first.
Go read the free plan to get your ex back and follow ALL the steps to heal your broken heart, evolve past the breakup, and get your life back again.
Thank you for writing.
Take Care,
S.W.
Hi Scott.
Bit of a weird one this, not so straight forward. I apologise in advance for the length of it!
I was with my ex for nearly 9 years, and she ended the relationship because of the way I was towards her, generally being controlling etc. I spent the next five months basically trying to win her back(in which time I did buy your plan, The Magic Of Making Up) but didn’t exactly follow it, until it was too late. Well anyway, at the end of the five months, I found out she was dating someone else, and so I finally came to my senses, and decided to cut my losses and get my life back on track. I went to counselling, which was a hard thing to do to admit your faults, but felt it had really helped me, and friends and family had noticed the difference in me.
I then began to feel better about myself and started dating again, and slowly everything got back to normal. I still missed her but was able to keep things in check. Six months after absolutely no contact whatsoever, I received a strange email from her, telling me how she never got the chance to tell me how
much I’d made her feel loved, how sorry she was for everything etc. I didn’t reply immediately, and a couple of days later I received another one saying “you must really hate me, I’m sorry xx” . Well, I did reply, saying I don’t hate her, I had just been busy with things recently. She asked if we could keep in contact and I agreed, and she seemed very happy with that.
Well, she then asked if we could meet up on my birthday so as to give me a present. I agreed, and the meeting was fairly short, and I was polite but not in anyway like my old(needy) self. We said goodbye and that was that. For the next year, she would initiate contact every few weeks, and when we could we would meet up. Now, during that year, she progressively said some things to me which I found very strange. “It was the biggest mistake splitting up with you”, a moment where she kissed me on the lips and said “I love you” etc.etc. Speaking to my family about these things, I/we couldn’t understand why she would say them unless she wanted me back.
I now know that throughout that year, she has told me the couple of relationships she had were because her head was in such a bad place. She has said she would never have gone out with them under normal circumstances. They were rebounds etc. She said one of the guys used to get really annoyed as she was daily saying, “oh, me and james used to do this or that”. He finally said to her when they split up, that he would totally understand if she got back with me as she never stopped talking/thinking about me.
Anyway, a couple of months ago, she gently suggested we go on holiday together, which I didn’t take seriously at first. Well, in the end we did. And on that holiday, the first night I kissed her properly, to which she put her arms around my neck and said “I know you’re the one I’m meant to spend the rest of my life with”. In a nutshell, we had sex a couple of times during that holiday. She would suggest things we could do. The whole time she would say things like “let’s do this, not in a romantic way though!”, “we could do this together, just as friends though!”. It started to sound like the lady does protesteth too much, like she was protecting herself from me seeing her true feelings….
Anyway, we had a great time, and when I got home I felt very deflated, and realised that maybe I still loved her more than I realised. So a couple of days later, I decided instead of leaving it forever, I range her up and arranged to meet her. I basically laid it all out on the table and told her how I felt. Every time in the past year she had said she loved me etc., I hadn’t really known what to say back. Part of me wanted her to ask ME back out, but in the end I thought, swallow your pride and tell her you love her. So I did. But I didn’t get the reaction I expected. She basically said that only in the last few months has she finally begun to feel like her again, the first time since the split 2 years ago. She doesn’t have to worry about anyone else’s feelings and it’s nice to feel free again. I asked if she could/couldn’t see us together at some point, and she said that she genuinely didn’t know. She said that if it was going to cause me pain, then maybe I should move on without her, but as far as she was concerned she would like to see me again, and soon. I asked if she had any dreams for the future, and she said it would be that we had never split up and were still together. She felt the same way she did two years ago, she still loved me the same as back then and never wanted to have to finish it but she didn’t have a choice.
I said I wasn’t giving her an ultimatum, I just thought it was time to let her know how I feel. I said if she genuinely doesn’t know how she feels, then I can’t ask any more of her than that. My only worry I told her, would be that she wouldn’t have the nerve to tell me if she changed her mind. She said, that she could guarantee if she realised she wanted to try again, she would ring me, go bright red and get embarrassed, and tell me. Which I believed….. At the end, she said she would ring me soon. A week later she txts to meet up, so we do. From that meeting we spend the next four days together, and have a really good time. Now…….
A couple of days after that, I was speaking with my family, and I told them how I felt, and I said that I wasn’t sure how much longer I could keep doing this for, now that I realised how I felt about her. So I rang her the next day, and she was bright and cheery when she answered the phone. We started to talk about the situation, and as happens with her, whenever it gets brought up, she seems to back off and come out with the “just as friends” thing. I said to her that the funny thing is, when we are actually together, we don’t act like friends, we act and do things like a couple, to which she agreed. She then reiterated the fact that she just doesn’t know?, needs to be ‘her’ for a bit. She said if I was the person I was now, back when we split up, she never would have split up. But we have split up though she said..
So… and this is what my question is about Scott. I basically said to her, that if she had shown me some/any commitment, like ” I don’t know what I want, but I know I don’t want to lose you, how about we take things very slowly and see how it goes from there”. then I said I could have worked with that, that would have been something. She replied “I can’t commit though”. So I said in that case, because I know how much I still love you, and genuinely feel that you are the woman I should be with for the rest of my life, I cant possibly sit on the sidelines as a friend. .It’s not fair and it’s selfish. Friends do not kiss, but we do?? Why?? We hold hands, why??. She couldn’t reply. If I’m always just on the other end of the phone, you will never have to make a decision. So then, I said, because of that I don’t think we should have anymore contact, unless at some point you realise you’ve made a mistake, then feel free to call, and if I’m single then we can go from there. I said, I’m not saying I never want to speak to you again, ring me if you realise you’ve made an error, and I’d gladly take your call.
The phone had been dead silent while I was saying all this, and she just said in a very quiet and broken voice, “ok then”. She mumbled a few more things including “I’m sorry I’ve burst back into your life and messed with your head”. We said a few more things then I said, “well ok then, take care”, she said the same, we said goodbye, then we put the phone down and that was that.
My question Scott, is do you think I’ve done the right thing?
Because of the different nature of this situation from the normal, ‘she’s broke up with me, NC for a month, then go from there’. I’m not sure if I should have stuck by her while she sorted her mind out so she could have seen more evidence of us and how we could have been together. During the last year she has repeatedly told me how much she think’s I’ve changed, I just can’t help feel maybe I have jumped the gun on doing this, and should have hung in there a bit longer.
It is amazingly difficult to tell someone you love that you don’t want any more contact with them. Especially as this is not the ‘I’ve just been dumped phase’. We were really getting on well. I just couldn’t stand the thought of it dragging on if she (for now) only wanted to be friends, because of the way I feel about her.
My plan is to not contact her at all, and all my family say if she meant any of those things she said, and the fact she has told me she has thought about me literally everyday for the past two years, then she, at some point will more than likely get in touch. But who knows?. She’s told me her friends all say “James is great, you two make a great couple” etc.
Sorry again for the extremely long post, but I thought it important to try and give you the whole picture as it’s a bit of a weird situation.
Regards,
Grant.
Hi,
Everyone’s situation is different/unique, but their question is pretty much the same: what is my ex thinking/feeling about me/us?
I help people use the no contact rule to evolve past the break up and reveal their ex’s true feelings, and sending the recommended NC message is necessary…no exceptions.
I help people survive a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex girlfriend back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.
Go read the free plan to get your ex back and follow ALL the steps to heal your broken heart, evolve past the breakup, and get your life back again.
Thank you for writing.
Take Care,
S.W.