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Break Up Advice – How Do I Know if it is Over?

Is it over between you and your ex? This is usually the first question that someone asks themselves after a break up. How can you tell if it is really over? Is there some magic signs that you can read, and know that you will get your ex back? How can I tell if my ex still loves me? The best break up advice in the world can’t tell you that, only time can. But, I can show what to do to flush these signs out…interested?

Break Up Advice – Is It Over?

The one point I want to get across right now is that when your ex breaks up with you it is over, for the time being. What I mean is, leave it alone for a while, don’t beg, plead, or threaten, accept the break up for now…Why? Because if you really push it, you could make this break up last forever, and never get your ex back again…understand?

Your initial reaction will be the same as everyone else out there (including me) you’ll fuck up and make things worst. Luckily, after that you’ll come across some good advice like this, and stop yourself before you do any more damage. Don’t worry everyone messes up after a breakup, and it’s not over believe me, that is only your paranoia talking…tell it to shut up, OK?

Break Up Advice – How Can I be Sure It Is Not Over?

Once again we are looking for that magic sign that just doesn’t exist. Your chances of getting your ex boyfriend, girlfriend, wife, or husband will vary from day to day. Your actions today and from now on will dictate your chances of winning your ex back again, not some sign that when they look at you and smile that means they are in love with you again.

The one thing people fail to notice after a break up is the fact that it is pretty much impossible for someone to instantly fall out of love with someone. Unless your ex was some kind of military experiment, they have feelings just like you, and they don’t just disappear. If you were dating a android this break up will be a good thing…I promise.

Unless Your Ex was an Android They Still Have Feelings for You

Break Up Advice – What If I Never Get Over Them?

Here comes the drama that is programmed into us by watching all those fake-ass TV shows. People, those “reality” shows are about as real as Michael Jackson’s nose. What you see, and hear on TV is there for one thing, and one thing only…to entertain you, and keep your ass in front of TV set to watch their commercials.

So, whatever you see on TV is mostly bullshit…OK? It makes us think less, and that is our downfall. What if you never get them back? So what…you were fine before they came along, right? That is not the question you should be thinking about right now. It’s not whether they still love me, or is it really over, or any other negative chunk of paranoia that your media programmed mind comes up with. The real question is what do I need to do to get them back, and find out their true feelings…right?

I am a man of action, not over reaction. How about you? Are you a man/woman of over reaction because TV put your mind in traction? I believe we control our own destinies, that’s why I am here to help you learn how to control your own destiny…you up for that? The fastest way to evolve past this break up is to use the no contact rule. If you need some break up advice, please feel free to write your question in the comment box below, and I will answer it ASAP…I promise!

Who Am I and Why Should You Listen to Me?

My name is S. Williams, and I have been helping people for more than 3 years to overcome break up pain, and get their lives back. I even have an “About” section that I recommend you read. I know the name of my site is: How to Get Your Ex Back Fast, but I teach people how to get their lives back, not their ex’s.

If you’re interested in working with me (and our forum members) to get your life back, join my free newsletter for access to the free plan to get your ex back fast, and start getting your life back today. The answers you need to start your personal evolution are waiting for you, don’t hesitate another minute…come and get them.

Once you get your life back, everything else will just start to fall into place…I promise. If you have any comments or questions please write them in the comment box below.

If this article was useful or helpful to you in anyway, please show your appreciation by giving me a “+1″ using the button below this article.

Until next time,

S. Williams

Copyright © 2008 and beyond – All Rights Reserved Worldwide – You DO NOT have permission to reuse this content in any way, shape, or form.

70 Comments

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  1. Hello Scott again.

    My male friend sent me this email and it panicked me and also realized what I have done to hurt my man:-(

    “Men HATE to feel unsuccessful in anything and when any woman constantly gives a man the messages that nothing he ever does is not good enough and nothing ever pleases you, he loses all desire for the relationship and all desire to try because you just telling him over and over again in countless ways that he is a loser, failure and unsuccessful. Men HATE.HATE to feel that way and while you may say it takes a woman longer to fall in love…yes that’s often true because women are generally colder in nature and in their hearts then men.

    Appreciation for what a man does is VITAL to his continuing to do what a woman wants in a relationship. If she just takes it for granted and a man gets the message that what he is doing no longer matter and is not making her happy, he will eventually just give up because men are 3 dimensional, mathematical, technical/mechanical oriented.. so in building things if it doesn’t work, we don’t just keep trying, we know that means that the formula or method is not working, so he either tries something else or if he can’t figure anything out he deems it a failure and leaves and abandons the project. If YOU give him that message, then he will consider the relationship a failure, then he will simply give up and abandon you too!.

    It has little to do with a man being able to put his feelings into words per sae for men leave women for only a few main reasons. She aggravates him too much, which includes what I mentioned here about him feeling like a failure. She nags him to death, is unhappy with him as he is and tries to change him, she puts him down again, all of which falls under the main umbrella of “pissing him off BIG time”. One can also add jealousy/loss of freedom/checking in all the time to that as well. ”

    It was the first time I asked him to give me more attention during the weeks with 1 or 2 minutes phone call, text and he stomped out and asked for a break. We never had a fight or disrespect each other.

    Is it still a chance for us while I hurting his ego/pride Scott?. I still on NC but since my situation was on hurting his pride, is it going to work the same?, if he treated me the world then does he still feel the same way about me?, he did say he hope we still be friends, talk about thing and if I need his help he want to be there for me but not like gf or bf and more than that, why didn’t he want to work things out with me rather than break up?

    My other friend said that I hurt him. Hurt his pride and broke his heart. He said all that crap so he wouldn’t come out looking so pathetic but what can I say to make up for that?

    Thanks Scott

    An appreciate woman

  2. Thanks Scott

    His letter didn’t make any sense at all, I sent him the Nc already and I will stick to it, I really have to focus on my business since things are bad. We had best times and I’m sure he will not forget that, now I’m not sure I will be the one who calling after the NC, if he really value our relationship and appreciates me as I appreciated him by not take him for granted then it’s his call. It’s not about pride it’s about principal.

    I don’t think he sees anyone else at the same time he was seeing me since he always saw me on Saturday nights but his actions tell me otherwise, how could he move on so fast while things were going well?, is is possible that is he Sabotaging a Good Thing?, are men scare as women do when things are going well?

    I’m still think of him and can’t understand why it happnes!!!

    Best

    Kelly

  3. Kelly wrote:

    What should I do next?

    Hi,

    Sounds like he moved too fast, and then got pissed off when you didn’t.

    The best way to reveal his true feelings is to use the free plan on my Blog, the link is in the right-hand side bar.

    Read it once all the way through, and follow every link, and read the articles they lead to.

    Then start from the beginning, and follow every step, OK?

    Take Care,

    S.W.

  4. We met and dated 2 1/2 months before thing went wrong, we both 50 with teenager kids he got serious 3 weeks into our relationship ( planed future, planing send our kids to the same college, cared too much too soon with gift/nice dinner/say thing like “we made for each other” I’m glad to found you” ” my house is your future resident”,” my foxy babe”, he always spooned me at dinner, sat next to me and we always held hands, kissed me deeply, sex was compatible bla bla), we went out and had great times even without sex and stayed out until midnight at local coffee shops to talk, laugh so hard when I told him jokes and he made me feel good when he held me in his and allowed me being myself and cried when I missed my sister, took me to massage when I was feeling down..etc..things were going well then I said I didn’t feel butterflies in my stomach ( I put my guard up since he cared too much too soon) and I asked for 1 or 2 minutes during the week to get mentally connected ( we only saw each other on regular wed and sat nights), rarely talk or text during the weeks. he stomped out and asked for “a break”, we still contacted here and there and he still called me “babe” but didn’t ask for a date or talk about the break.

    One month passed, I felt he is drifting away, so I sent him an emotional email demanded to him talk, THEN he sent me an email and said ” What I meant in “taking a break” was that things did not feel right and before I wanted to make a major final decision ( because you are a wonderful woman and important to me ), wanted to step back and think our relationship through. It has been a month and I have given things a lot of thought. After given things a lot of thought, my feelings still feel the same as to the day I decided I needed a break. I started feeling uneasy. I think you are a wonderful person and don’t think you should change anything, I really get along well with you and I think we think alike about most things.I hope to always be your friend and I hope we always keep in touch and talk about things and if you need help, I want to be there for you. We get along so good and in is so many ways, but my own soul searching has convinced me that I really want my, forever women, who I can commit the rest of my life, is one who is very easy going, uncomplicated and not so demanding. I think we should be friends, if you want, but not as boyfriend & girlfriend or anything more than that”. Wth!!

    If we got along well then why the “uneasy feelings came from? and his dream woman sounds so easy to find ( I’m supposed I have all those character for being that wonderful woman in his eyes), what happened to trust/honesty/communication that we had to make a long lasting relationship?. I have a feeling that he ended thing with me to see someone else ( we were not exclusive) which I take it as his honesty and give him a lot of respect not to stringing me along.

    I sent him an email back to agreed with the break up, telling him that I feel relief and said we both need some space and I have some fantastic change in fortune and luck as the second chance letter recommended. I have stopped all contact after that email.

    It was one of the best relationship I ever had, we got along well in so many level, I never see it coming. Please help me to understand why?, maybe when we first met, he really liked me and got serious right away but that didn’t make sense for a guy who is 50 year old to change his entire view after 3 months while things were going well and he said he hasn’t spot any of my bad behavior ( cuz I don’t have any hidden agenda)

    I want to get him back as you can tell, I think our relationship is worth to save and fight for, plese help. I followed the online advices and stop contact and I’m a strong woman so that’s not hard to do. I just don’t know if he really meant what he said about what he looking for “a very easy going, uncomplicated and not so demanding woman”, or he just panicked when things were going well and there was no bad spot between us!!

    What should I do next?

    Thanks Scott

  5. Hi Everyone,

    Well, it’s been 20 months since the big break-up.

    (History) We were in a LDR for three years and saw each other as often as we could, considering we were 3,000 miles apart. Two weeks after the split he started calling me weekly “just to talk”. I was confused by this, so I asked him to stop and I started dating again, even though it really hurt to do this.

    About two months post-breakup, I was checking my Personals account and discovered that my ex also had created a profile (I was mad – I felt like he left me because I wasn’t good enough). Once I got passed the initial shock, I realized that the only reason I saw his profile was because he was included in my “Matches!” LOL!!

    In 01/09, we started communicating quite frequently and that gave me hope. However, in mid 2/09 the communication was slowly coming to a standstill. I tried NC in 3/09 (no letter, however) which lasted until 5/09.

    I contacted him by phone, and it went well – he actually seemed to be glad to hear from me, and then we spoke again in 6/09 (this is when I first found out he was dating someone; I had to ask to find out though).

    I decided to use NC correctly (with email message) from 7/09 through the end of 9/09, and he contacted me through IM out of the blue on 10/2/10 (Friday night at 11:30 P.M. PST).

    He asked me lots of questions, and some to see if I was dating anyone – I told him yes (true). More questions about the new guy….. He didn’t mention that he was seeing anyone, so I didn’t ask. He asked me to call him, and we spoke for over an hour.

    I contacted him in 11/09 by IM, and then he called me and we spoke about an hour. Again, more questions from him about my new guy.

    On New Year’s Eve, I texted him from Vegas to let him know my son was hospitalized with meningitis. I was really scared. He responded right away, and after discussing my son he asked me how Xmas was. I asked the same of him and he responded that he spend half time with his family and other half with “C’s”.

    I knew he was dating someone between 3/09 and 6/09, but wasn’t sure anymore as he never, ever mentioned anything about her. I asked who “C” was, and he said, “She’s someone I’ve been dating for awhile.” I said it sounded like he was getting serious with her (Xmas w/family), and he said, “I guess. We really enjoy each other’s company.”

    Personally, I though this was rather odd, as I figured he would have referred to her as his girlfriend, especially after a year of dating.

    He contacted me once more in January to ask about my son, and I waited around five days to respond – I was going through a depression after losing my ex, my job of 14+ years and my parents moving to PA. I didn’t hear again from him, so in late 2/10 I sent him an email.

    I asked how things were on his end, and let him know we were fine here and that I’d met someone new (true). I told him I was happy for his new relationship with “C” (not really, but tying to be), and that this would be the last time I tried to contact him for awhile (wanted to give him his space). I wished him well, and left the door open for him to contact me in the future if he wanted to.

    It’s been a month since I sent the email, and I haven’t heard from him. However, I did send the email with a tracker that confirmed he DID read it – three different times… how funny!

    Anyway, I still miss him dearly but I’m determined to move on with my life. I’m dating other people, but right now my heart isn’t in it. I feel like I’m just going through the motions. I’m trying to remember who I was before I met him, and determine how I’m now a better person because of my experience with him.

    It’s been a long, hard road. Always having hope that he’ll come back. Several times, I thought we were on our way, but something always interfered. Now I know “her” name, and for the last three months I’ve been torn between being terrified that he’ll fall in love with “her”, get married, and live “happily-ever-after,” and trying to move forward in life.

    I do have to say to the broken-hearted, my heart is still cracked, BUT, I have decided to LET GO of him and put my life back together (one step at a time); I know healing will come. Each day I’m getting stronger and stronger. I look forward to the day when I no longer feel “In Love” with him (I shouldn’t be in love with someone who doesn’t love me back), and only feel the love that one has for dear friends -for their health, prosperity and happiness. It’s then that I will be free to love another truly and deeply.

    Just a thought: Who’s to say that “another” won’t be my ex? Now that I let him go, he may get curious…

    Change is a funny thing. When we start the change process within ourselves, it becomes a chain-reaction on the outside. Others can’t help being touched by us and the changes we’ve made.

    In my situation…, I’ve let him go, and he knows it. No more will he think that I’m sitting on the sidelines waiting for him to dump his current girlfriend and come back to me; I’ve moved on, I’m healing my emotions and I’m learning to fall OUT of love with him.

    If he comes back, I will have the strength and the emotional detachment to NOT fall all over him and look desperate. He WILL see that I’m different and more confident, and I will have the POWER to choose to be with him or NOT. Amen?!

    If not, then I will no longer be in love with him, and will be able to fall in love with someone else (will not be taking emotional baggage into a new relationship).

    I think the best thing for all of us whether we want them back or not, is to get ourselves to the point where we are IN LOVE with ourselves more than them. It’s easier said than done, but I’ve found that it starts with one step – make a decision to move on with your life, whether the ex comes back or not.

    I’m still in “recovery” and it still hurts, but grief is a process. Please don’t think that if I made the decision to get on with my life without devoting my thoughts and tears to “him” means that I’m giving up on my dream of reconciling. I’m making myself healthy and well again, and this is a MUST if I EVER hope to get back together with my ex or start a new relationship with someone else.

    The great thing about this, is that WHEN the opportunity presents itself, it will be MY choice, and whatever that may be, I WILL be happy!

    Again, I believe that one MUST fall out of love with the ex, before a real opportunity for true love appears. It may be with “him”, it may be with another, but in either case, you can’t be in love with someone – epecially the ex, if you want to succeed in finding love again.

    I’ve learned that emotions keep us from thinking clearly, so we need to get to a place where we’re happy no matter the circumstances, and BTW, I’ve heard that emotional STRENGTH is very attractive.

    As I go through this journey, I hope I’m been able to inspire others to take care of themselves as well. I’ve learned that one of the best things we can do to help heal ourselves, is to reach out to others in their times of need.

    Be Blessed!

  6. Actually, we don’t hook up at all. His choice.

    I do feel like I am banging my head against the wall- very accurate pic of me.

    Thanks for the ideas.

  7. Nina wrote:

    I think this is the reconnection phase.

    Hi,

    You can only evolve to the reconnection stage after you have properly used the no contact stage.

    You even said yourself, he still considers you a friend, I bet he hooks up with you, and after that it’s back to the friends zone.

    You will get the old “I don’t want to hurt you anymore” line. :banghead:

    If you really want to get your ex back, read the free plan (link at the top of my Blog) and follow ALL the steps.

    There is a lot more to this then just stopping communication, you need to start your personal evolution.

    Take Care,

    S.W.

    Nina wrote:

    Also, his birthday is next week and I would feel weird not acknowledging it. Any ideas would be appreciated.

    I would send the recommended NC message (no changes) ASAP, and forget about his birthday.

    Do you want him back, or to be able to say Happy Birthday? 8)

  8. Scott,
    My ex broke up with me 9 months ago. I do not often contact him, but he contacts me about every 6-8 weeks (considers me a “friend” even though I said I could not do friendship!). Out of the blue he texted me the other day that he would be in my area, which is not far from where he lives. We met for the first time in 4 months (it was very emotional that last time and I think he has been avoiding me). I gave him his stuff back because I had it for a long time– although he never really seemed to want it. I only saw him for an hour because I was on break from work. I think this is the reconnection phase. He said he would be back in June and that we should meet again for lunch. Also, his birthday is next week and I would feel weird not acknowledging it. Any ideas would be appreciated.
    Thanks,
    Nina

  9. Jenni wrote:

    Scott,
    I bought the “magic of making up” somewhere else (before I found your page) and the site did not offer the two free bonus e books. Is there any way I can get them from you?

    No, You have to contact the support email listed on your clickbank receipt.

  10. Scott,
    I bought the “magic of making up” somewhere else (before I found your page) and the site did not offer the two free bonus e books. Is there any way I can get them from you?

  11. Becky wrote:

    I’m glad I took this step towards reconnecting with him, and just to let others know, 30+ days of NC really did help with the “jitters” and fear of rejection I once had.

    Did you think I was lying to you? 😉

    Becky wrote:

    BTW: The same day I reached-out to my ex, my high-school sweetheart contacted me and invited me to lunch this week; I haven’t spoken to him since 2002. How strange….

    When you changed your outlook/attitude you caused a shift in your destiny.

    This is why it is so important not to hide from life because the outcome might scare you.

    Because most every time it will give you what you need.

    An important lesson here is to remember that you can’t always get want you want, but if you try sometimes you”ll find you get what you need.

    Yeah that’s a direct quote from the Rolling Stone’s song.

    But it’s true…how do you know what you want is really what you need unless you follow the plan all the way through…don’t give up half way through…think about it.

  12. @ S. Williams:
    I’ve been feeling really good lately, and felt this weekend that I could try to reconnect with my ex without the fear of rejection. Yesterday was 36 days of No Contact, so I sent him a very short and friendly email. I asked about his work and swine flu stats for his state. I honestly didn’t think he would respond at all, or if he did, it would be in a few days or weeks. But…., in just a few hours he replied to my email. His response was short and to the point, but friendly and caring. I didn’t try to continue a conversation via email, as I wanted to give him some more time to think about me and hopefully contact me by phone at some point in the near future.

    I’m glad I took this step towards reconnecting with him, and just to let others know, 30+ days of NC really did help with the “jitters” and fear of rejection I once had.

    BTW: The same day I reached-out to my ex, my high-school sweetheart contacted me and invited me to lunch this week; I haven’t spoken to him since 2002. How strange….

  13. Ruby wrote:

    I’ve already bought The magic Of making Up somewhere else

    The story of my life…lol 🙂

    Ruby wrote:

    Is there any other plan i should take or is it really over? A

    first I would make sure you used NC correctly.

    Did you initiate NC correctly read my FAQ’s you need to tell him why you’re not sharing personal information with him anymore.

    He needs to know that you’re thinking of moving on, if he doesn’t care then it might be time to move on for the time being…OK?

    Ruby wrote:

    Am i crazy to still be hopeful when he is so mean to me?

    I would seriously think about it before including anyone in my life that was mean to me.

  14. Hi Scott,

    I haven’t exactly read through all your blogs/advice thoroughly yet but already i have found them to be very useful… it really helps to know that I am not alone and that you seem to understand all the things i am going through.
    I’ve already bought The magic Of making Up somewhere else, implemented the plan where I’ve written him the letter agreeing with the break up but i think my letter could probably have been more brief. After two weeks of no contact, whilst we both took 2 weeks off work, i went back and saw him there and instead of acting cool and okay about it all I couldn’t help myself but chose to ignore him feeling embarrassed from the words i wrote in the letter like how much i appreciate the time spent with him and how much he had meant to me. It was really awkward. Two weeks later i slowly became more friendly towards him at work and decided to give him a call. I took all day to gather up the courage to call him and try to sound all happy but the response i got back was very short and blunt. He was like, who is this? What do you want? see you at work… bye. I was so numb and hurt. did he deleted my number? I couldn’t understand why he would not even talk to me for a bit. So after 5mins i stupidly called again and after a few ring his phone replied back saying he was on another call.
    That was since the 3rd of Feb, after that i made no other attempts to call or talk to him again. I don’t know if i should give up but i still can’t forget him… i know he was hurt too when he ended us and he hasn’t found any one new but should i still pursue him any further? Is there any other plan i should take or is it really over? Am i crazy to still be hopeful when he is so mean to me?

  15. Heather wrote:

    Also…with the NC…I understand that I should not contact him at all for 30 days. TW suggests in the video..if he makes contact right away to tell him that “i need some more space”… Is this the correct response? Do I continue to be hesitant about meeting until after the 30 days or ignore all phone calls?? Also…if they do not make contact within the 30 days..should I initiate or just move on until they feel ready to call?

    I would give it 30 days let him see what life is like without you as a friend.

    Verbally agreeing with the break up was the same as sending the letter, and since you’re living in the same house, why send a letter?

    TW’s and my advice is not an exact science because there are so many different situations it would be pretty much impossible to cover every scenario.

    Read the book and my Blog and start to visualize a plan that will fit your situation, and produce the out come you want.

    If you don’t want to be friends then take a risk and go for it by using NC correctly, you can always be friends later down the line.

    Give the plan 30 days once you initiate NC after he leaves only respond to contact that is of the not personal nature (business, old bills things like that) questions like “how are you?” or “are you seeing anyone yet?” none of their business…understand?

    The important thing is to not let your emotions run the show and make things worst.

    The purpose of my Blog is to encourage and inspire you to help yourself.

  16. Thank you so much for the encouraging words! Reading “The Magic..” and finding this website has really helped me deal with the pain and anxiety that comes along with a break-up. I feel I have hope back and an open ear to hopefully help other people here on the site!

    Since we are still living together until he moves out sending “the letter” that T-dub talks about does not make any sense obviously. I did verbally tell him that I am ok with the break-up, briefly apologized for my part, and told him I agreed with both of us having space for awhile after he moves out. Was this ok to do or did I dig myself a deeper grave?? :/

    Also…with the NC…I understand that I should not contact him at all for 30 days. TW suggests in the video..if he makes contact right away to tell him that “i need some more space”… Is this the correct response? Do I continue to be hesitant about meeting until after the 30 days or ignore all phone calls?? Also…if they do not make contact within the 30 days..should I initiate or just move on until they feel ready to call?

  17. Heather wrote:

    I recently bought “The magic of making up” and am implementing the plan…I have started working out, am looking for a new job, and trying to reconnect with friends.

    Very Good!

    You have taken action (to anyone reading my comments or advice in my FAQ’s, or articles this what I mean by take action) you got a plan and started using it ASAP!

    The journey has begun! 🙂

    Heather wrote:

    Right now we are still living together until he moves out in a couple weeks. We still laugh and enjoy each others company being broken up!! What does that mean? We have never spent more than a day apart without communication over the past 5 years. Once he moves out and the communication breaks for awhile will he miss me even though he seems ok with everything and sure of the break up??

    Once he moves out I would then initiate no contact (see my section called “Start Here First”), this will help him miss you more, and let him know that you’re not going to be happy as “a friend.”

    In fact make sure you read all of FAQ #1 and #2 and follow the links in FAQ #1 too.

    Don’t over think you’re situation it is not hopeless you just hit some bumps in the road, and with careful action (and limited over reaction) you can navigate around them and get him back…OK?

    Take some time to read as many comments as possible and get a feel for what other people are feeling and dealing with…this will let you know you’re not alone.

    Just today I received an email from a man who got his ex back and she lives in Russia and he lives in the US…there is light at the end of the tunnel if you”ll let yourself see it.

    Heather wrote:

    If he fell in love with me once and thought he wanted to marry me…is it not possible for him to feel that way again?? or am I dillusional??

    No you’re not disillusioned you’re hopeful and that is a real big part of being successful…maintaining the right attitude.

  18. P.S…

    If he fell in love with me once and thought he wanted to marry me…is it not possible for him to feel that way again?? or am I dillusional??

  19. Hello–

    My boyfriend recently broke things off with me after living together for 5 years and knowing each other for 9. I am 25 and he is 33. He told me he felt like he was not in love with me anymore and that he needs space to get his life back in order. At first all I could feel was pain. I spent a week in bed not being able to focus. I would take showers just to sit under the water and cry. I did not make any attempts to yell at him or place blame because I knew the situation had occured because of me. I did try to “bargain” with him saying that I promised to change and that I needed him in my life. Otherwise, I have accepted the break-up…for now. I sat down and made a list of all the reasons I wanted him back in my life and all the things that went wrong. I know now more than ever that I have to get him back. Although I told him I accepted the break up and his space I feel that we are meant to be together. We have the most amazing friendship beneath the relationship. He even pointed out that I am one of his best friends and although things ended, after he has had space, he wants us to remain friends. We share so many things in common and he told me he has a lot of fun when he is around me. This is what is hard for me to accept. Why does he care enough about me to have me in his life as a “best friend” but not a lover anymore??? I have so much hope and faith that we are meant to be together and hopefully he is just going through some things and needs a breather. the only little part I feel doubt in is when i asked him if he may feel differently down the road and he said “I dont think so..I dont think the love is ever coming back”. 🙁
    When we moved in together 5 years ago everything was great. The big relationship killer was money. I made some poor decisions financially over and over which slowly killed the relationship little by little. Anything sexual only happened maybe once or twice a month and he became more and more depressed over time no matter how happy I was or what I did for him. It came to a point where I was doing any little thing for him to make him happy. I finally straightened myself out financially, but, It became too late. the damage was done. he told me the biggest reason why he left me was because of the responsibility factor. He said that he has seen major changes, but, feels that the love is not there anymore and wants to move on and just maintain our friendship.
    I recently bought “The magic of making up” and am implementing the plan…I have started working out, am looking for a new job, and trying to reconnect with friends. Although I am trying hard to move on…I still want him in my life and feel like if I improve myself for me and set the date to see him in a month or so..he may see how much I have changed and give us another try?? Right now we are still living together until he moves out in a couple weeks. We still laugh and enjoy each others company being broken up!! What does that mean? We have never spent more than a day apart without communication over the past 5 years. Once he moves out and the communication breaks for awhile will he miss me even though he seems ok with everything and sure of the break up?? *sigh*

  20. djinho wrote:

    At this point in time it just doesn’t feel likely. Maybe later on it could. Meanwhile I’m just not contacting her at all, as before. Am I missing something?

    I wish I had a “magic” answer for you, but the best I can say is be patient and don’t make things worst.

    Just let time do it’s work and if she misses you it will grow inside her, and she will come back.

    Right now what else can you do, spike her drink with a love potion…is that how you want to get her back, by drugging her?

    djinho wrote:

    Hope? Good question. Not tons… except for the fact that I’m typing here, which might indicate that there is still some in me.

    Once a student asked Bruce Lee if he could teach him what he knows, and Bruce said he could not.

    The student asked why?

    Bruce replied you have no room for what I have to give to you. Your mind is like this glass filled with Cola, and what I have for you is clear water. You must first empty your mind (glass) to make room for the knowledge I want to give you, otherwise it will just run off the top of the full glass, and down the sides…understand?

    You need to empty your glass and make room for some hope in there, other wise everything anyone tries to give you will just run off the top and down the sides. 🙂

    I respect people who give and maintain hope, and despise people who spread negative destructive thoughts…the world is a rough enough place without stealing other people’s hope.

  21. What I meant about ex “using NC” was simply that she doesn’t contact me at all… not that she had been using the NC concept described in this blog and the Magic of Making Up book. Whether she suddenly does an about-face someday and starts wanting contact is anybody’s guess. I suppose it’s possible, at which point I would follow your advice and say “I need time to think about things”, and follow the plan to the letter. At this point in time it just doesn’t feel likely. Maybe later on it could. Meanwhile I’m just not contacting her at all, as before. Am I missing something?
    Hope? Good question. Not tons… except for the fact that I’m typing here, which might indicate that there is still some in me.

  22. Becky wrote:

    He has not contacted me in any way during these last 34 days (I’m wondering if he’s trying too hard to avoid me – I did tell him during our last conversation on 3/5, that I didn’t want to be friends and asked him to delete my number from his phone)

    Well, if you asked him to not contact that’s why he is not contacting you…make sense?

    You really didn’t initiate NC correctly you’re supposed to be polite, and use the info I have posted in my FAQ’s…that usually has a better affect.

    Don’t worry about what you did wrong just learn from it and keep moving forward.

    Becky wrote:

    I had a problem sticking with N.C. during March (sent an email and a letter), but it gets easier every day.

    That it will…everyday you use NC and do not doubt what you’re doing and it’s out come you’re getting closer to success.

    The end result in this whole process is to get your “life” back and hopefully your ex along with it, and not to lose both along the way.

    Keep up the good work, and keep thinking about that reconnection from 3,000 miles away.

    If you approach this with a “positive” attitude I am sure you will find a way. 🙂

  23. 3,000 miles between us.

  24. It’s been 9 months since we broke-up, and I’ve successfully completed 34 days of No Contact. My moods are better, I’m happier and I’ve lost 20 pounds since the break-up. I’ve dated a little bit, and actually have a couple of guys chasing me for a change. I still love my ex very much, and wonder if his “couple of dates with this girl,” turned into something more, but I’m not obsessing over it anymore.

    I don’t feel I’m ready to reconnect yet, because I still have occasional emotional break-downs (just don’t last as long). In addition, my ex and I have 3,000 between us and I’m still trying to find a solution for reconnecting (I’m hoping for a relocation there in August to be near my family, but if that doesn’t work I’ll still need a way to reconnect with him). He has not contacted me in any way during these last 34 days (I’m wondering if he’s trying too hard to avoid me – I did tell him during our last conversation on 3/5, that I didn’t want to be friends and asked him to delete my number from his phone). I had a problem sticking with N.C. during March (sent an email and a letter), but it gets easier every day. I still miss hearing his voice though….

  25. djinho wrote:

    Scott:
    Some excerpts from FAQ #2. I re-read it as suggested.
    My comments:

    “the damage has been done”, and there is no plan that will undo it…just time. You need to wait, but people panic… won’t that make them fall in love with their new partner? Maybe it will maybe it won’t…
    IT VERY LIKELY HAS. I AM WAITING, NOT PANICKING. WHAT’S TO PANIC ABOUT NOW?

    but you don’t have any choice but to wait, because contacting them again when they’re not ready will only do more damage…. How do you know they’re ready… well, if they contact you and want to know what is going on with you, you then initiate NC.
    MY EX DOESN’T CONTACT ME. I SERIOUSLY DOUBT THAT SHE WILL.

    This tells them you’re fed up with the roller coaster ride…
    THE ROLLER COASTER RIDE STOPPED SOMETIME BACK.

    … being strong enough to employ NC will help you earn their respect again.
    MY EX RESPECTS ME, JUST DOESN’T WANT ME.

    The whole purpose of NC in my mind is to make your ex decide what they want from you… friendship (which I think is just a stall tactic) or you back as their lover again…
    OR, JUST WANTS NOTHING AT ALL

    The bottom line is you have to let them go, in order to win them back…you can’t hang on and hope for the best…
    I’M LETTING GO WITH EVERY PASSING DAY

    I think the same reason people didn’t see the break up coming and took action early to prevent that breakup is the same reason they are failing to get their ex back…they are not paying attention…
    ATTENTION TO WHAT, EXACTLY? CAN YOU BE MORE SPECIFIC?

    and from FAQ #7:
    “rebound” relationships designed to make them feel better about themselves, while punishing you for making them mad/sad. But there is always a chance that these rebounds can turn into something more.
    THIS SEEMS TO BE HAPPENING.

    My advice, stop waiting around for that to happen, and start taking some action today…
    WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY ACTION, BESIDES NC, PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT, EMOTIONAL CONTROL AND EVENTUALLY ATTEMPTING RECONNECTION DATE?

    Djinho,

    There are two kinds of people in this world…

    One’s that see the glass half empty…

    And the one’s that see the glass half full.

    Which one’s do you think are more successful and happier.

    If you really think it’s over then make a decision…OK?

    If you want to give up make that decision for yourself and live with it.

    djinho wrote:

    My advice, stop waiting around for that to happen, and start taking some action today…
    WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY ACTION, BESIDES NC, PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT, EMOTIONAL CONTROL AND EVENTUALLY ATTEMPTING RECONNECTION DATE?

    What else is there to do?

    Do you think I have a magic hat to pull answers out of?

    All I can do is provide as much information as I possibly can.

    Plus you never answered my question…how do you know she is using NC on you?

    You assume the worst and you will get it my friend.

    There is nothing more I can do for you, it’s your own attitude that holds you down.

    Why don’t you try a Psychic Love Reading, one of my other readers did and she has made a complete turn around in her attitude and is back on track again.

    That is why I added it to my Blog, to instill hope in the hopeless.

    After all that is what will help you win back your ex faster than anything…Hope.

    Got Hope?

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