Break Up Advice – How Do I Know if it is Over?

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Is it over between you and your ex? This is usually the first question that someone asks themselves after a break up. How can you tell if it is really over? Is there some magic signs that you can read, and know that you will get your ex back? How can I tell if my ex still loves me? The best break up advice in the world can’t tell you that, only time can. But, I can show what to do to flush these signs out…interested?

Break Up Advice – Is It Over?

The one point I want to get across right now is that when your ex breaks up with you it is over, for the time being. What I mean is, leave it alone for a while, don’t beg, plead, or threaten, accept the break up for now…Why? Because if you really push it, you could make this break up last forever, and never get your ex back again…understand?

Your initial reaction will be the same as everyone else out there (including me) you’ll fuck up and make things worst. Luckily, after that you’ll come across some good advice like this, and stop yourself before you do any more damage. Don’t worry everyone messes up after a breakup, and it’s not over believe me, that is only your paranoia talking…tell it to shut up, OK?

Break Up Advice – How Can I be Sure It Is Not Over?

Once again we are looking for that magic sign that just doesn’t exist. Your chances of getting your ex boyfriend, girlfriend, wife, or husband will vary from day to day. Your actions today and from now on will dictate your chances of winning your ex back again, not some sign that when they look at you and smile that means they are in love with you again.

The one thing people fail to notice after a break up is the fact that it is pretty much impossible for someone to instantly fall out of love with someone. Unless your ex was some kind of military experiment, they have feelings just like you, and they don’t just disappear. If you were dating a android this break up will be a good thing…I promise.

Unless Your Ex was an Android They Still Have Feelings for You

Break Up Advice – What If I Never Get Over Them?

Here comes the drama that is programmed into us by watching all those fake-ass TV shows. People, those “reality” shows are about as real as Michael Jackson’s nose. What you see, and hear on TV is there for one thing, and one thing only…to entertain you, and keep your ass in front of TV set to watch their commercials.

So, whatever you see on TV is mostly bullshit…OK? It makes us think less, and that is our downfall. What if you never get them back? So what…you were fine before they came along, right? That is not the question you should be thinking about right now. It’s not whether they still love me, or is it really over, or any other negative chunk of paranoia that your media programmed mind comes up with. The real question is what do I need to do to get them back, and find out their true feelings…right?

I am a man of action, not over reaction. How about you? Are you a man/woman of over reaction because TV put your mind in traction? I believe we control our own destinies, that’s why I am here to help you learn how to control your own destiny…you up for that? The fastest way to evolve past this break up is to use the no contact rule. If you need some break up advice, please feel free to write your question in the comment box below, and I will answer it ASAP…I promise!

Who Am I and Why Should You Listen to Me?

My name is S. Williams, and I have been helping people for more than 3 years to overcome break up pain, and get their lives back. I even have an “About” section that I recommend you read. I know the name of my site is: How to Get Your Ex Back Fast, but I teach people how to get their lives back, not their ex’s.

If you’re interested in working with me (and our forum members) to get your life back, join my free newsletter for access to the free plan to get your ex back fast, and start getting your life back today. The answers you need to start your personal evolution are waiting for you, don’t hesitate another minute…come and get them.

Once you get your life back, everything else will just start to fall into place…I promise. If you have any comments or questions please write them in the comment box below.

If this article was useful or helpful to you in anyway, please show your appreciation by giving me a “+1″ using the button below this article.

Until next time,

S. Williams

Copyright © 2008 and beyond – All Rights Reserved Worldwide – You DO NOT have permission to reuse this content in any way, shape, or form.

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68 Responses to “Break Up Advice – How Do I Know if it is Over?”

  1. S. Williams says:

    Hi Solomon,

    I will help you.

    Do you have a plan to follow?

    My advice would be to get yourself a plan before you make too many mistakes, and set yourself back months.

    If you do it right the first time, you”ll get your family back faster…understand?

    In my experience just about any problem can be over come with the right plan, and guidance.

    I will be your guide you just need to get a plan…OK?

    I can suggest a great plan and I will provide free personal support for you as well.

    Just go here and follow the directions carefully.

    I look forward to helping you get your family back.

    Because if you read my “about page” you”ll see that my son (my family) means everything to me.

    Take Care,

    S. Williams

  2. Solomon says:

    I need help I love my wife and we have to butfuil kids togethar and I want my family back
    We are married 2 1/2 years and 7 years we have ben togethar we have two boys 5 and 18 month old boys
    Pleas help me to get the love of my life back.

  3. Maya says:

    My partner left me over a year ago after I’d tricked him into having a baby and tried to insist on having another one. He was in a relationship with an older woman for 10 months (who dumped him in January) and is now dating two different women. Me and our 2 year old boy love him dearly and want him back. Is there a chance and what should I do?

  4. S. Williams says:

    Hi Maya,

    If you still love him and want him back there is always a chance.

    Here’s what you need to do:

    1. Do not do anything until you have a good plan to follow. It is better to do things right the first time…understand?

    2. If you do not have a plan yet, get the one I work with here.

    3. Read the book, and follow the plan. I will be your guide, and answer any questions you have along the way…sound good?

    It sounds like you learned from your past mistakes and are ready to do things right this time. There are no “tricks” in this plan, just a step by step plan to reconnect with your ex boyfriend.

    The sooner you start, the faster you”ll get him back.

    I look forward to helping you get your ex back.

    Take Care,

    S. Williams

  5. Carole says:

    I’ve lost my boyfriend. With no warning. And I am a 37 year old woman who’s been through too much to mention. I know the signs, I am wary and guarded, and it takes a lot to get inside. But he did. There is a great love here, not only for my man, but for his two beautiful daughters. We have both been divorced twice, both very much over the exes, not an issue.

    In literally two days we went from a wonderful loving relationship, him texting me usual messages, I loves you’s, can’t wait to see you’s… Then came the phone call. Yes, a phone call. I nearly fainted literally. I saw stars and almost went completely out. I was stunned. I didn’t know what to say, but said I felt that he owed me more than a phone call after the time we’d been together and all we shared.

    He sounded terrible. He told me he never wants to hurt me but he ran into someone from his past that he dated on and off. He met her when he was 14. He wanted to move forward and felt like he had to give this one more try. He said that the 40 minute drive and his work schedule was wearing on him. I apparently live around the corner from another ex who had hurt him, he mentioned that too but that doesn’t hold water for me. We’ve been together too long. And he excused himself and was blowing his nose, twice. I asked him how long this had been going on – after all, he was spending his extra time with me and working the rest, except for some days here and there where we both had to do our own things. He said he only spoke to her.

    Then I don’t remember much. I was so stunned that I couldn’t think. I didn’t sob cry and beg. My voice shook and I could feel the devastation building. The only question I asked was this – Did I do anything to push you into something you weren’t ready for? He said no, I had done nothing wrong. That this was the hardest decision he’s had to make and his stomach was killing him.

    I don’t know what else was said, I just know that I said I had to go, he said goodbye – but I heard it while I was hanging up the phone…

    So my hands are tied. There’s someone else, he lives 40 minutes away, I’ve done nothing wrong to repair. He’s not an asshole, he’s not a liar, he’s a good man – and I love him with my entire soul and am absolutely gutted about the little girls I’ve spent so much time with. Natalie is 7 and Gabrielle is 9. They would occasionally cry when they hugged me goodbye and asked me if I would be there next time… especially the little one. Their father doesn’t know that.

    The break up was a week ago exactly – on Saturday. This past week on Tuesday at 5 a.m. he sends me a text saying “When do you want to come over?” Yes, I have some things there, but this seems strange to me. The wording seems so open ended. It’s not “When are you coming to get your things?” It asks ME when I want to come over… Not only is the time of day completely inappropriate under the circumstances, it’s his house, he broke up with me, usually the person doing the breaking up isn’t emotionally tied and has a plan to evacuate you from their life. They don’t really care about your input – they make it happen and tell you when it will be. If you refuse to come to them, they will drop it off to you asap just to get you gone. ON TOP OF THIS… Tuesday was always “our day” when we got together. Nothing else could stop that except an emergency. And he contacts me. Another stab in the heart.

    Now I need to note here that he would tell me that he missed me in the morning the most. I often got texts early with little sweet notes. So here’s the text at 5 a.m. There’s no other person who would contact me at that time of day. He must have literally opened his eyes and grabbed his phone. Nice start to my day. It’s all I can do to breathe and move. I can’t eat hardly, even though I try. I have hardly slept even with prescribed sleeping pills. I just laid on my bed (yes, on, I can’t even sleep in my bed) but couldn’t rest so I finally got up around 6 – and I see this. I can’t face him. My eyes are definitely the window to my soul. They are so sad looking and I can’t make them change. I am so sad that I don’t have my man and those girls and there’s a hole the size of the earth in the middle of my chest. I just stood there with the phone in my hand. And I thought that I really had to come up with something to answer – the things at his house are valuable. I was almost finished sewing a pair of drapes for him that he paid me for so my sewing equipment is there. So we’re not talking a sweatshirt and some make-up. And then there’s the businesswoman in me that says that really, I SHOULD finish that job, but I simply can’t even fathom doing that. I would have to sew there since his daughter is allergic to my cat. And it’s hand sewing, and it would take a good 3-4 hours to complete.

    So I don’t want to seem weak, I don’t want pity, it’s not me to be a bitch out loud even though I might think of terrible things to say, I don’t want to freak and give him any ammo that he can use to give his friends and family some reason as to why he left – like I freaked out or said x or whatever. I needed a neutral direct statement. Then my favorite Beatles song comes to me and starts playing in my head… “When I find myself in times of trouble, mother Mary comes to me, speaking words of wisdom, let it be… And when the broken hearted people living in the world agree there will be an answer, let it be…” That was it… I typed “Let it be” and hit the send button.

    And I thought he would let it be. That’s a clear message to anyone, particularly a man. You leave a woman alone when she says… especially one that you know you’ve hurt her and she is mad, upset, completely pissed off, whatever. It’s a “back off” without being mean. I managed to shower and get dressed and am trying to look presentable to get to work and… here comes another text at 7 a.m. Now he’s been at work for an hour doing maintenance work. He’s never contacted me from work except an occasionally quick one during lunch break because really, in his work he needs to be safe and concentrate. And it says… “Are you ok?” What the F? Why does he care? What does he think? Is he stupid, heartless, or both? Yeah ass, I’m on top of the F-ing world sliding down a rainbow into a pot of gold. My stunned – and again crying – self – shut the phone and turned it off.

    And the phone has been pretty much off. I’ve asked everyone to either call me at work, or leave me a message at home. Before the world of cell phones this is the way it worked. It works fine. But I do check my voicemail because I do have some clients that might call. Thursday I never turned the phone on at all until after work, I did have three voicemails (none from him)… and a dreaded text message. I called my friend and I met her and a group out at a bar/restaurant. After downing a glass of wine, I opened the message with my girlfriend careening her neck over my shoulder to see what it said. “You didn’t do anything wrong ok” Did I ask? Did I say let it be? And then it occurred to me later that the time stamp on the text was… 5:15 a.m.

    I am praying for acceptance. I truly love him, I want him to be happy and I’ll suffer if I have to make that happen for him. I really think that he’s going to fall on his face. Not only has this past person never worked before, but now she’s a rebound AND he’s already verbalized that he “very well may fall on his face”. That’s three strikes out the gate. But he left me – after I was the perfect girlfriend – after he was a wonderful boyfriend – after he had talked about how we could work out our future together – after he told me time after time after time I was the answer to his prayers – the love of his life – the woman that he knew would be a wonderful step-mom to his daughters – finally, the right choice…

    I’ve decided that the items at the house aren’t important enough for me to risk my sanity, so I have decided that he can keep it there for his daughters. I had taught them how to use the machine and they were sewing little projects. I have money, I can buy new. I have some duplication at my house already. So eventually I’ll need to get that message to him, but it’s not time. I DO KNOW about the no contact rule, but in the meantime I really don’t want those items to become some type of pawn in a pissing contest to see who breaks first. So there – no “excuse” to see him.

    And I miss him terribly. I miss those two beautiful girls and know they won’t understand why I’m not there anymore or why I didn’t come back like I said to bake cookies and sew doll clothes and play Twister and do hair. I feel like the future that I was looking forward to has been ripped from me for no reason – my mind can’t find a reason to settle on so that at least there’s some rhyme or reason.

    What do his actions mean? I just can’t be hopeful, because no man has ever wanted me back. Even now that I did everything right, I opened up my heart finally, I learned from my mistakes and from a lot of counseling and therapy. My heart screams for him. I’ve had a few very horrible nights of uncontrollable crying, begging, pleading with God to stop the pain. Screaming into my pillows, throwing things at the walls. Drinking, which I don’t do. Anything to dull the pain, anything… I’m a sane, smart woman… and I just can’t get it together.

    Please, please, please help me.

  6. S. Williams says:

    Hi Carole,

    You are not alone, I had the same thing happen to me a long time ago, and I feel your pain.

    In my situation she had practically moved into my house, with her two small children. She talked about getting married, buying a house together, and having more children together.

    I was ecstatic, this was what I had been searching for, for a long time. She was 11 years younger than I, but that didn’t seem to matter.

    Then one night she didn’t come over, I called her house…no answer.

    I tried and tried, but she never returned my calls. I did all the wrong things “drunk dialing”, driving by her house, the whole nine yards.

    I never felt so much pain in my life, and back then (early 90’s) the internet was just for chat rooms and games…no Blogs like mine out there.

    I think the Bacardi stock price rose that next month or so because I was hammered every night.

    She never told me why she left, and to this day I still don’t know WTF happened.

    That was 16 years ago, and I survived, and so will you.

    But!

    You have something I didn’t have…me and my Blog (well, I was there 16 years ago, but I didn’t know “jack” about getting my ex back).

    You did the right thing by not going off the handle, and tearing into him, because that will only be damage you”ll have to repair later on when you reconnect.

    Another wise choice was to wait to go get your things, I don’t think you should leave them there for good.

    They are yours, and when your strong enough you”ll go get them.

    The thing to do now is to form a plan, and stick to it.

    If I had this book back when my ex left me, I truly believe I would have won her back.

    Or at the very least, I would have gotten some answers to my questions, and would’ve been able to move on a lot quicker.

    I will work with you personally through email as you work with the plan in the book.

    Everyday you stick with the plan, the pain will get weaker, and you will get stronger…understand?

    This is why I say you”ll learn “how to kick loves ass”, right now it feels like life, and love are kicking your ass, but I can help you turn the tables…you in?

    I truly believe your ex is confused, and you have a great chance of getting your ex boyfriend back…if you still want him.

    Right now let’s focus on getting you back in control of your emotions, and your world…OK?

    Go get that book I mentioned earlier in my response, and let’s work together to kick loves ass, and get your ex back for you.

    Stay Strong!

    Take Care,

    S. Williams

  7. Carole says:

    Why is he texting me early in the morning, even when I clearly said to let me be, and now he has no responses? I don’t understand.

  8. S. Williams says:

    Hi Carole,

    Good News!

    He is not over you, and clearly still cares about you.

    He screwed up and needs time to think about what he has done.

    Let’s give it to him with no contact.

    Smart people do “stupid” things all the time when they let their emotions over run their common sense…right?

    Instead of analyzing why he is acting so crazy, let’s focus on getting you some relief.

    This is a crazy time for both of you, and trying to make sense of it this early in the game would be pointless.

    The answers will reveal themselves over time, as you work your way through this situation.

    Your best bet right now is to have some patience, and remain positive…OK?

    Take Care,

    S. Williams

  9. Sophie says:

    I got dumped by my ex-boyfriend 9 months ago, I don´t like him anymore. By then, one of his best friends asked me out and we dated for like a month and a half my ex found out he got furious plus we hided the relationship to everybody at church because it was too soon. We all go to the same church and it´s horrible to see both of them every single week. When my ex got furious, he talked to his friend and then he dumped me too. That happened 7 months ago. Two moths ago I went back with my ex we dated for like a week and then broke up again because things didn´t work at all. Fifteen days after that happened my ex friend asked me out again and we dated for a month, today´s a month he dumped me again. I believed him, everything went perfect we never got in a fight but he talked with my ex and he showed him all the text messages I send him WHEN WE WENT BACK TOGETHER and recorded all the calls. He was very mad at me and now he told me he doesn´t want to get in a relatioship at all, and that I hided things to him. I apologized wrote him a letter and talked to him the first 15 days I send him messages telling him that I missed him very much and he didn´t aswered me. I don´t want to beg him to talk to me!! I am tired of begging!!!He has a little girl and of course pays all the attention to her I don´t care about that because of course I respect that but I want to date him again without begging him and letting him show that I am not interested in my ex. I want him. Please tell me the right thing to do, I haven´t send him a text message in a week. I´ve been strong.

  10. S. Williams says:

    Hi Sophie,

    I am not sure who it is you want back, but that is your decision anyways.

    Your best bet would be to use no contact to draw him back to you again.

    I can recommend a very good plan for using no contact, and you can read the articles I have written about it on my Blog.

    If you get the plan I recommend, I will personally support you, and answer all your questions as you use no contact to get your ex boyfriend back.

    Just click here: I Want My Ex Boyfriend Back, and follow the directions…OK?

    I look forward to working with you.

    Take Care,

    S. Williams

  11. sandy says:

    Hi, I have made all these mistakes that you have talked about, I have read all these books about relationships, I have interrupted my exhusband actions and words to be something else. I just think he was just trying not to hurt my feelings. I dont know how to fix this. We were married for 26 years and he has been my one and only. Are relationship broke off and he wanted the divorce because he thought I broke the trust. I did not cheat, I had a spending problem, I thought this is what he wanted also, we did not communicate very well. He was a flirt with every woman and I felt has if he did respect my feelings. So we did things to hurt each other. I dont want to give up on this relationship because I still love him. After two years of being apart he finally said he would have coffee with me, He spent a total of 45 min with me. I thought we had a good talk, but I really did feel that he couldnt wait to leave. But two days ago I asked him to go for a walk and he did not respond to my email, so I texted him and he told me thanks for the offer but I he was going bike riding with someone and was busy. He did not offer for us to make another time to see each other. Now we are getting together for our daughters birthday next week and I dont know what to do, I feel like the biggest fool for ever holding on for so long, A part of me wants to just scream at him for leading me on for the past two years, and then I dont want to do anything to make things worst. He finally admitted to me that he has a girlfriend now. He has had this Friend for the past six months. He calls her a Friend, I dont know if I believe anything he says. I know he is sleeping with her. He admitted to me recentally, that he does not know if he wants to be emotionally attach to anyone right now, So why does he have a girlfriend? I just dont get it. I need some advice

  12. S. Williams says:

    Hi Sandy,

    Having a girlfriend doesn’t mean he is emotionally attached, having sex doesn’t mean the same to a man, as it does to a woman most of the time.

    Have you been following a step by step plan?

    You see reading, and not taking action doesn’t do you much good…right?

    Also a poor negative attitude will undermine everything you do.

    You need to clear your mind of all the past negative things about your old relationship, and make room for all the good memories that will becoming with your new relationship…understand?

    If you keep thinking that this situation is hopeless it will be.

    If you already have a step by step plan send me a copy so I can work with you, if you don’t then get one…OK?

    I highly recommend this one:

    How To Win My Ex Husband Back

    Since he openly admitted he is not attached at the moment, he is sending you a subconscious message that you still have a chance to get him back, so why not take that chance?

    I hope this helped.

    Take Care,

    S. Williams

  13. sandy says:

    I have bought your books, and I dont have a plan, I dont even know what to do anymore, I have tried everything I can think of. We had a lot of good memories, He did love me I know that, He told me that in 26 years he never doubting my love for him and he loved me has well. But love is not enough when you dont have trust. I dont know how to win his trust back again. I am trying very hard not to be negative, when we were together I pretended I was happy. I have even told him I agree with the break up it had to happen, I have been agreeing with everything he says. I have taken the entire blame for the break-up. He has never said he was sorry for his part in the break-up at all. he was both emotionally and physically abusive to me, and I excepted all of his faults. I forgave him for these actions. Then after all of this he divorces me. It doesnt help that his family and friends all tell him he made the right choice and keep reminded him of all the bad things that has happen. I do not care what others say but he does. I dont understand that, I dont know what to think of his statement “thanks for the offer but no thanks” what am I does he think I just sit around and wait for his calls? Is he so into himself that is all he sees. I am not the kind of person that will take shit and eat it to. But if I say anything I know him, it will just make things worst for my situation.
    Hopeless in Seattle, that is my little joke, :)

  14. S. Williams says:

    Hi Sandy,

    First thing you need to do is calm down, the next thing is to change your attitude, if you really think you’re hopeless in Seattle you will be…OK?

    You didn’t get the Magic of Making Up, But I will work with you on the book you did buy if you can forward me a copy, or you can just get a refund, and buy the Magic Of Making Up.

    Whatever you do you don’t give up because I can teach you how to kick loves ass, and get your ex back…sound good?

    Have you done any reading on my Blog?

    Tons of comments and suggestions on here, a lot of people who feel just like you do, did you look at “What People Are Saying” section?

    Just about every person on there had the same dismal outlook before we started working together, they are doing it, or did it, and so can you.

    Now you’re new name is Hopeful in Seattle :)

    Take Care,

    S. Williams

  15. djinho says:

    Hi again Scott,
    In “How Do I Know if it is Over?” you wrote:
    “The one thing people fail to notice after a break up is the fact that it is pretty much impossible for someone to instantly fall out of love with someone. Unless your ex was some kind of military experiment, they have feelings just like you, and they don’t just disappear.”
    Obviously there is no set rule about this, but how quickly can a dumper get to the point, normally speaking, of having really no feelings… in my case following December 2008 breakup (almost 5 months ago, no warning shots) of 5/6-year relationship, and hooking up with new rich boyfriend during the last couple of months of NC? What would you say is the normal pattern time-wise for love-feelings to die (for a woman)? Also, what would you say might be the normal period of time for the dumpee (male) to stop thinking about his ex? I continue in NC, but often feel like I’m obsessed and don’t have the tools to get her out of my mind, in spite of my very social kind of employment.

  16. S. Williams says:

    djinho wrote:

    What would you say is the normal pattern time-wise for love-feelings to die (for a woman)?

    I would think that depends on how deep the feelings were with the previous lover.

    Did you feel like she was madly in love with you?

    If so it should take longer then a few months with a new guy, but then again it all depends on the person.

    If she is doing everything in her power to remove you from her memories, then it could be quicker.

    djinho wrote:

    Also, what would you say might be the normal period of time for the dumpee (male) to stop thinking about his ex?

    This all depends on the person.

    How long will a person hold a grudge against another for something that happened a long time ago?

    I know some people that have managed to keep them for decades…what’s my point?

    When will people let themselves let go of something?

    That depends upon the person…don’t you think?

    How long will it take you to lose ten pounds?

    How hard will you work at it?

    Some people take ten years, some take ten weeks, and some take ten days.

    It all depends on how hard each individual works at it.

    djinho wrote:

    I continue in NC, but often feel like I’m obsessed and don’t have the tools to get her out of my mind, in spite of my very social kind of employment.

    Instead of working on getting her out of your mind, work on living life.

    I have notice sometimes if I stay focused on the good things in my life, and ignore (do not over obsess about things that are not going well) the bad things, that my life slowly shifts and everything seems to fall into place…but it takes time.

    There used to be a commercial in the US when I was a kid about how many licks it would take to get to the center of a “tootsie pop” (lolly pop with a tootsie roll center).

    The answer: how fast do you want to get to the tootsie roll center..crunch! crunch! (it all depends on the person)

    Give it time.

  17. djinho says:

    Scott:
    The mutual friend I mentioned previously had coffee with my ex yesterday and communicated to me later that although she considers herself, curiously, “uncommitted” to anyone (while flashing new $400 cellphone birthday gift from her recent rich German date with his picture in it), by all signs she is not apt to be coming back, according to the mutual friend. While he noted “lack of enthusiasm” in her about the rich German “friend” and said he doesn’t believe she’s in love, she also told our friend/colleague that she had told me that she was in love just to discourage me from trying to get her back.
    Her job situation has gone up a notch, apparently, and she plans to move in a month or so closer to her job on the outskirts of the city. The mutual friend/colleague reluctantly advised me to just move on and get on with life. She had also mentioned our incompatible work schedules, which she said had always caused her to lose sleep.
    Is “never say never” really applicable in a case like this?
    Do you ever advise anyone who’s been following a late get-ex-back plan to just skip the re-connection phase altogether, forget it, and fast-forward to dealing with really moving on?
    Djinho

  18. S. Williams says:

    djinho wrote:

    Is “never say never” really applicable in a case like this?
    Do you ever advise anyone who’s been following a late get-ex-back plan to just skip the re-connection phase altogether, forget it, and fast-forward to dealing with really moving on?

    I only advise people on how to follow the plan.

    It is and always has been their decision on whether to continue or not.

    It sounds like you don’t have the heart to pursue this matter any further, and that is your choice.

    I don’t ever advise people to give up…ever.

    If you’re interested in getting a Psychic’s point of view I have a new program with a 20 year old “trusted” company that represents the “best” Psychic readers available.

    A reading may give you the information you need to make a decision on whether to continue your pursuit, or move on.

    Psychic Love Readings

  19. djinho says:

    I don’t think a psychic is required to determine that the bird has flown… at least for now. Only time will tell, of course, the shape of things to come over the long-term, and, if we are still in proximity, a phone-call or coffee at some point (never refused up to now) will probably be in order, and who knows wind up going out on “a date” to catch up on one another as people tend to do.
    My take on all this story over the past 5 months is that, no doubt as with the cases of many of your other readers/customers, the breakup might have been contained and possibly fixed if intelligently dealt with early-on and crucial mistakes were avoided and substituted with effective communication. But it didn’t unfold that way. Enter next NC attempting to heat up the embers with absence. The risk of it, like it or not, is: “out of site, out of mind”… slowly but surely. When someone in this situation simultaneously begins, maybe by pure luck, to see cheery and interesting new horizons coming into view, when compared to a history marked by relative struggle, economic strife etc… can you blame them for choosing to try to improve their life with change? Even if the old life was perceptibly turning a corner and getting better? I don’t think so. The only thing that could have perhaps made a difference in my breakup was to diffuse all the accumulated stress with calm and loving communication, and in retrospect a handful of opportunities (you won’t get more than a few) were squandered.
    You are right, Scott, to tell people to get their timing straight, and emotional control, because these are both crucial to success in reconciling before things have gone too far the other way and someone else has come into the picture to replace you. And they certainly can and will if you aren’t around and your ex has been taking good care of themselves. The memory of you can become a mere manageable shadow in no time at all if your presence is not felt somehow, and in a positive way.

  20. S. Williams says:

    djinho wrote:

    You are right, Scott, to tell people to get their timing straight, and emotional control, because these are both crucial to success in reconciling before things have gone too far the other way and someone else has come into the picture to replace you.

    This is only common sense but that seems to be the next thing people lose after their ex leaves.

    They spend too much time trying to explain how their situation is so different then anyone else’s and that this “conventional” wisdom will not be enough to save them.

    They paint a bleak and hopeless picture and expect me to add color and hope to it, but then won’t accept my advice on how to do that.

    Because I just don’t understand just how “unique” their situation is, well let me tell you after reading hundreds of emails, and comments the verdict is in…

    Your situation is not unique…basically your ex left and you made lots of mistakes trying to get them back before you looked for help…sound familiar?

    Another mistake people make when they come here is to not take the time to read my Blog.

    If you did and really paid attention you would see that what I just said is true.

    You’re situation is not unique, and this plan will work if you work with it, not against it.

  21. djinho says:

    I have read every word on this blog several times, as well as the book, and am following the plan, Scott… although as many out there have said, I wish I’d have been aware of the book and blog about 3 days after the breakup instead of 3 months later, when everything began changing very quickly.
    I have nothing to lose by continuing to follow the plan, and meanwhile am concentrating on living and reducing pain in the process. Thanks again for all your support.

  22. S. Williams says:

    djinho wrote:

    I have read every word on this blog several times

    Do you or anyone else have any suggestions on how I could make my Blog better?

    Is there somewhere I need to clarify more so people can read and understand what to do next?

    Please use the Blog suggestion form on my Blog.

    Thanks!

  23. djinho says:

    How about: “How to move forward when your ex is practicing NC”.

  24. S. Williams says:

    djinho wrote:

    How about: “How to move forward when your ex is practicing NC”.

    How do you know she is practicing NC…did she tell you, or are you just assuming that?

    If she did tell you she wanted time to think and would like you to not contact her, and she”ll be in touch when she’s ready…then do just that.

    Agree and initiate NC (tell her the same thing) on your side as well.

    Sometimes you can not “move forward” you just have to be patient and hopeful, and have faith in love.

    Just like the man stuck in the elevator…banging your head against the wall and screaming isn’t going to make the rescue come any faster, right?

    Patience

    Take a look at a new entry in my FAQ section (Start Here First) inspired by an actual suggestion made by another reader.

    FAQ #2

    I highly encourage all you readers to USE THE SUGGESTION FORM on my Blog and send me your suggestions. I will give you credit for them if I use them…OK?

  25. djinho says:

    Scott:
    Some excerpts from FAQ #2. I re-read it as suggested.
    My comments:

    “the damage has been done”, and there is no plan that will undo it…just time. You need to wait, but people panic… won’t that make them fall in love with their new partner? Maybe it will maybe it won’t…
    IT VERY LIKELY HAS. I AM WAITING, NOT PANICKING. WHAT’S TO PANIC ABOUT NOW?

    but you don’t have any choice but to wait, because contacting them again when they’re not ready will only do more damage…. How do you know they’re ready… well, if they contact you and want to know what is going on with you, you then initiate NC.
    MY EX DOESN’T CONTACT ME. I SERIOUSLY DOUBT THAT SHE WILL.

    This tells them you’re fed up with the roller coaster ride…
    THE ROLLER COASTER RIDE STOPPED SOMETIME BACK.

    … being strong enough to employ NC will help you earn their respect again.
    MY EX RESPECTS ME, JUST DOESN’T WANT ME.

    The whole purpose of NC in my mind is to make your ex decide what they want from you… friendship (which I think is just a stall tactic) or you back as their lover again…
    OR, JUST WANTS NOTHING AT ALL

    The bottom line is you have to let them go, in order to win them back…you can’t hang on and hope for the best…
    I’M LETTING GO WITH EVERY PASSING DAY

    I think the same reason people didn’t see the break up coming and took action early to prevent that breakup is the same reason they are failing to get their ex back…they are not paying attention…
    ATTENTION TO WHAT, EXACTLY? CAN YOU BE MORE SPECIFIC?

    and from FAQ #7:
    “rebound” relationships designed to make them feel better about themselves, while punishing you for making them mad/sad. But there is always a chance that these rebounds can turn into something more.
    THIS SEEMS TO BE HAPPENING.

    My advice, stop waiting around for that to happen, and start taking some action today…
    WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY ACTION, BESIDES NC, PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT, EMOTIONAL CONTROL AND EVENTUALLY ATTEMPTING RECONNECTION DATE?

  26. S. Williams says:

    djinho wrote:

    Scott:
    Some excerpts from FAQ #2. I re-read it as suggested.
    My comments:

    “the damage has been done”, and there is no plan that will undo it…just time. You need to wait, but people panic… won’t that make them fall in love with their new partner? Maybe it will maybe it won’t…
    IT VERY LIKELY HAS. I AM WAITING, NOT PANICKING. WHAT’S TO PANIC ABOUT NOW?

    but you don’t have any choice but to wait, because contacting them again when they’re not ready will only do more damage…. How do you know they’re ready… well, if they contact you and want to know what is going on with you, you then initiate NC.
    MY EX DOESN’T CONTACT ME. I SERIOUSLY DOUBT THAT SHE WILL.

    This tells them you’re fed up with the roller coaster ride…
    THE ROLLER COASTER RIDE STOPPED SOMETIME BACK.

    … being strong enough to employ NC will help you earn their respect again.
    MY EX RESPECTS ME, JUST DOESN’T WANT ME.

    The whole purpose of NC in my mind is to make your ex decide what they want from you… friendship (which I think is just a stall tactic) or you back as their lover again…
    OR, JUST WANTS NOTHING AT ALL

    The bottom line is you have to let them go, in order to win them back…you can’t hang on and hope for the best…
    I’M LETTING GO WITH EVERY PASSING DAY

    I think the same reason people didn’t see the break up coming and took action early to prevent that breakup is the same reason they are failing to get their ex back…they are not paying attention…
    ATTENTION TO WHAT, EXACTLY? CAN YOU BE MORE SPECIFIC?

    and from FAQ #7:
    “rebound” relationships designed to make them feel better about themselves, while punishing you for making them mad/sad. But there is always a chance that these rebounds can turn into something more.
    THIS SEEMS TO BE HAPPENING.

    My advice, stop waiting around for that to happen, and start taking some action today…
    WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY ACTION, BESIDES NC, PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT, EMOTIONAL CONTROL AND EVENTUALLY ATTEMPTING RECONNECTION DATE?

    Djinho,

    There are two kinds of people in this world…

    One’s that see the glass half empty…

    And the one’s that see the glass half full.

    Which one’s do you think are more successful and happier.

    If you really think it’s over then make a decision…OK?

    If you want to give up make that decision for yourself and live with it.

    djinho wrote:

    My advice, stop waiting around for that to happen, and start taking some action today…
    WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY ACTION, BESIDES NC, PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT, EMOTIONAL CONTROL AND EVENTUALLY ATTEMPTING RECONNECTION DATE?

    What else is there to do?

    Do you think I have a magic hat to pull answers out of?

    All I can do is provide as much information as I possibly can.

    Plus you never answered my question…how do you know she is using NC on you?

    You assume the worst and you will get it my friend.

    There is nothing more I can do for you, it’s your own attitude that holds you down.

    Why don’t you try a Psychic Love Reading, one of my other readers did and she has made a complete turn around in her attitude and is back on track again.

    That is why I added it to my Blog, to instill hope in the hopeless.

    After all that is what will help you win back your ex faster than anything…Hope.

    Got Hope?

  27. Becky says:

    It’s been 9 months since we broke-up, and I’ve successfully completed 34 days of No Contact. My moods are better, I’m happier and I’ve lost 20 pounds since the break-up. I’ve dated a little bit, and actually have a couple of guys chasing me for a change. I still love my ex very much, and wonder if his “couple of dates with this girl,” turned into something more, but I’m not obsessing over it anymore.

    I don’t feel I’m ready to reconnect yet, because I still have occasional emotional break-downs (just don’t last as long). In addition, my ex and I have 3,000 between us and I’m still trying to find a solution for reconnecting (I’m hoping for a relocation there in August to be near my family, but if that doesn’t work I’ll still need a way to reconnect with him). He has not contacted me in any way during these last 34 days (I’m wondering if he’s trying too hard to avoid me – I did tell him during our last conversation on 3/5, that I didn’t want to be friends and asked him to delete my number from his phone). I had a problem sticking with N.C. during March (sent an email and a letter), but it gets easier every day. I still miss hearing his voice though….

  28. Becky says:

    3,000 miles between us.

  29. S. Williams says:

    Becky wrote:

    He has not contacted me in any way during these last 34 days (I’m wondering if he’s trying too hard to avoid me – I did tell him during our last conversation on 3/5, that I didn’t want to be friends and asked him to delete my number from his phone)

    Well, if you asked him to not contact that’s why he is not contacting you…make sense?

    You really didn’t initiate NC correctly you’re supposed to be polite, and use the info I have posted in my FAQ’s…that usually has a better affect.

    Don’t worry about what you did wrong just learn from it and keep moving forward.

    Becky wrote:

    I had a problem sticking with N.C. during March (sent an email and a letter), but it gets easier every day.

    That it will…everyday you use NC and do not doubt what you’re doing and it’s out come you’re getting closer to success.

    The end result in this whole process is to get your “life” back and hopefully your ex along with it, and not to lose both along the way.

    Keep up the good work, and keep thinking about that reconnection from 3,000 miles away.

    If you approach this with a “positive” attitude I am sure you will find a way. :)

  30. djinho says:

    What I meant about ex “using NC” was simply that she doesn’t contact me at all… not that she had been using the NC concept described in this blog and the Magic of Making Up book. Whether she suddenly does an about-face someday and starts wanting contact is anybody’s guess. I suppose it’s possible, at which point I would follow your advice and say “I need time to think about things”, and follow the plan to the letter. At this point in time it just doesn’t feel likely. Maybe later on it could. Meanwhile I’m just not contacting her at all, as before. Am I missing something?
    Hope? Good question. Not tons… except for the fact that I’m typing here, which might indicate that there is still some in me.

  31. S. Williams says:

    djinho wrote:

    At this point in time it just doesn’t feel likely. Maybe later on it could. Meanwhile I’m just not contacting her at all, as before. Am I missing something?

    I wish I had a “magic” answer for you, but the best I can say is be patient and don’t make things worst.

    Just let time do it’s work and if she misses you it will grow inside her, and she will come back.

    Right now what else can you do, spike her drink with a love potion…is that how you want to get her back, by drugging her?

    djinho wrote:

    Hope? Good question. Not tons… except for the fact that I’m typing here, which might indicate that there is still some in me.

    Once a student asked Bruce Lee if he could teach him what he knows, and Bruce said he could not.

    The student asked why?

    Bruce replied you have no room for what I have to give to you. Your mind is like this glass filled with Cola, and what I have for you is clear water. You must first empty your mind (glass) to make room for the knowledge I want to give you, otherwise it will just run off the top of the full glass, and down the sides…understand?

    You need to empty your glass and make room for some hope in there, other wise everything anyone tries to give you will just run off the top and down the sides. :)

    I respect people who give and maintain hope, and despise people who spread negative destructive thoughts…the world is a rough enough place without stealing other people’s hope.

  32. Heather says:

    Hello–

    My boyfriend recently broke things off with me after living together for 5 years and knowing each other for 9. I am 25 and he is 33. He told me he felt like he was not in love with me anymore and that he needs space to get his life back in order. At first all I could feel was pain. I spent a week in bed not being able to focus. I would take showers just to sit under the water and cry. I did not make any attempts to yell at him or place blame because I knew the situation had occured because of me. I did try to “bargain” with him saying that I promised to change and that I needed him in my life. Otherwise, I have accepted the break-up…for now. I sat down and made a list of all the reasons I wanted him back in my life and all the things that went wrong. I know now more than ever that I have to get him back. Although I told him I accepted the break up and his space I feel that we are meant to be together. We have the most amazing friendship beneath the relationship. He even pointed out that I am one of his best friends and although things ended, after he has had space, he wants us to remain friends. We share so many things in common and he told me he has a lot of fun when he is around me. This is what is hard for me to accept. Why does he care enough about me to have me in his life as a “best friend” but not a lover anymore??? I have so much hope and faith that we are meant to be together and hopefully he is just going through some things and needs a breather. the only little part I feel doubt in is when i asked him if he may feel differently down the road and he said “I dont think so..I dont think the love is ever coming back”. :(
    When we moved in together 5 years ago everything was great. The big relationship killer was money. I made some poor decisions financially over and over which slowly killed the relationship little by little. Anything sexual only happened maybe once or twice a month and he became more and more depressed over time no matter how happy I was or what I did for him. It came to a point where I was doing any little thing for him to make him happy. I finally straightened myself out financially, but, It became too late. the damage was done. he told me the biggest reason why he left me was because of the responsibility factor. He said that he has seen major changes, but, feels that the love is not there anymore and wants to move on and just maintain our friendship.
    I recently bought “The magic of making up” and am implementing the plan…I have started working out, am looking for a new job, and trying to reconnect with friends. Although I am trying hard to move on…I still want him in my life and feel like if I improve myself for me and set the date to see him in a month or so..he may see how much I have changed and give us another try?? Right now we are still living together until he moves out in a couple weeks. We still laugh and enjoy each others company being broken up!! What does that mean? We have never spent more than a day apart without communication over the past 5 years. Once he moves out and the communication breaks for awhile will he miss me even though he seems ok with everything and sure of the break up?? *sigh*

  33. Heather says:

    P.S…

    If he fell in love with me once and thought he wanted to marry me…is it not possible for him to feel that way again?? or am I dillusional??

  34. S. Williams says:

    Heather wrote:

    I recently bought “The magic of making up” and am implementing the plan…I have started working out, am looking for a new job, and trying to reconnect with friends.

    Very Good!

    You have taken action (to anyone reading my comments or advice in my FAQ’s, or articles this what I mean by take action) you got a plan and started using it ASAP!

    The journey has begun! :)

    Heather wrote:

    Right now we are still living together until he moves out in a couple weeks. We still laugh and enjoy each others company being broken up!! What does that mean? We have never spent more than a day apart without communication over the past 5 years. Once he moves out and the communication breaks for awhile will he miss me even though he seems ok with everything and sure of the break up??

    Once he moves out I would then initiate no contact (see my section called “Start Here First”), this will help him miss you more, and let him know that you’re not going to be happy as “a friend.”

    In fact make sure you read all of FAQ #1 and #2 and follow the links in FAQ #1 too.

    Don’t over think you’re situation it is not hopeless you just hit some bumps in the road, and with careful action (and limited over reaction) you can navigate around them and get him back…OK?

    Take some time to read as many comments as possible and get a feel for what other people are feeling and dealing with…this will let you know you’re not alone.

    Just today I received an email from a man who got his ex back and she lives in Russia and he lives in the US…there is light at the end of the tunnel if you”ll let yourself see it.

    Heather wrote:

    If he fell in love with me once and thought he wanted to marry me…is it not possible for him to feel that way again?? or am I dillusional??

    No you’re not disillusioned you’re hopeful and that is a real big part of being successful…maintaining the right attitude.

  35. Heather says:

    Thank you so much for the encouraging words! Reading “The Magic..” and finding this website has really helped me deal with the pain and anxiety that comes along with a break-up. I feel I have hope back and an open ear to hopefully help other people here on the site!

    Since we are still living together until he moves out sending “the letter” that T-dub talks about does not make any sense obviously. I did verbally tell him that I am ok with the break-up, briefly apologized for my part, and told him I agreed with both of us having space for awhile after he moves out. Was this ok to do or did I dig myself a deeper grave?? :/

    Also…with the NC…I understand that I should not contact him at all for 30 days. TW suggests in the video..if he makes contact right away to tell him that “i need some more space”… Is this the correct response? Do I continue to be hesitant about meeting until after the 30 days or ignore all phone calls?? Also…if they do not make contact within the 30 days..should I initiate or just move on until they feel ready to call?

  36. S. Williams says:

    Heather wrote:

    Also…with the NC…I understand that I should not contact him at all for 30 days. TW suggests in the video..if he makes contact right away to tell him that “i need some more space”… Is this the correct response? Do I continue to be hesitant about meeting until after the 30 days or ignore all phone calls?? Also…if they do not make contact within the 30 days..should I initiate or just move on until they feel ready to call?

    I would give it 30 days let him see what life is like without you as a friend.

    Verbally agreeing with the break up was the same as sending the letter, and since you’re living in the same house, why send a letter?

    TW’s and my advice is not an exact science because there are so many different situations it would be pretty much impossible to cover every scenario.

    Read the book and my Blog and start to visualize a plan that will fit your situation, and produce the out come you want.

    If you don’t want to be friends then take a risk and go for it by using NC correctly, you can always be friends later down the line.

    Give the plan 30 days once you initiate NC after he leaves only respond to contact that is of the not personal nature (business, old bills things like that) questions like “how are you?” or “are you seeing anyone yet?” none of their business…understand?

    The important thing is to not let your emotions run the show and make things worst.

    The purpose of my Blog is to encourage and inspire you to help yourself.

  37. Ruby says:

    Hi Scott,

    I haven’t exactly read through all your blogs/advice thoroughly yet but already i have found them to be very useful… it really helps to know that I am not alone and that you seem to understand all the things i am going through.
    I’ve already bought The magic Of making Up somewhere else, implemented the plan where I’ve written him the letter agreeing with the break up but i think my letter could probably have been more brief. After two weeks of no contact, whilst we both took 2 weeks off work, i went back and saw him there and instead of acting cool and okay about it all I couldn’t help myself but chose to ignore him feeling embarrassed from the words i wrote in the letter like how much i appreciate the time spent with him and how much he had meant to me. It was really awkward. Two weeks later i slowly became more friendly towards him at work and decided to give him a call. I took all day to gather up the courage to call him and try to sound all happy but the response i got back was very short and blunt. He was like, who is this? What do you want? see you at work… bye. I was so numb and hurt. did he deleted my number? I couldn’t understand why he would not even talk to me for a bit. So after 5mins i stupidly called again and after a few ring his phone replied back saying he was on another call.
    That was since the 3rd of Feb, after that i made no other attempts to call or talk to him again. I don’t know if i should give up but i still can’t forget him… i know he was hurt too when he ended us and he hasn’t found any one new but should i still pursue him any further? Is there any other plan i should take or is it really over? Am i crazy to still be hopeful when he is so mean to me?

  38. S. Williams says:

    Ruby wrote:

    I’ve already bought The magic Of making Up somewhere else

    The story of my life…lol :)

    Ruby wrote:

    Is there any other plan i should take or is it really over? A

    first I would make sure you used NC correctly.

    Did you initiate NC correctly read my FAQ’s you need to tell him why you’re not sharing personal information with him anymore.

    He needs to know that you’re thinking of moving on, if he doesn’t care then it might be time to move on for the time being…OK?

    Ruby wrote:

    Am i crazy to still be hopeful when he is so mean to me?

    I would seriously think about it before including anyone in my life that was mean to me.

  39. Becky says:

    @ S. Williams:
    I’ve been feeling really good lately, and felt this weekend that I could try to reconnect with my ex without the fear of rejection. Yesterday was 36 days of No Contact, so I sent him a very short and friendly email. I asked about his work and swine flu stats for his state. I honestly didn’t think he would respond at all, or if he did, it would be in a few days or weeks. But…., in just a few hours he replied to my email. His response was short and to the point, but friendly and caring. I didn’t try to continue a conversation via email, as I wanted to give him some more time to think about me and hopefully contact me by phone at some point in the near future.

    I’m glad I took this step towards reconnecting with him, and just to let others know, 30+ days of NC really did help with the “jitters” and fear of rejection I once had.

    BTW: The same day I reached-out to my ex, my high-school sweetheart contacted me and invited me to lunch this week; I haven’t spoken to him since 2002. How strange….

  40. S. Williams says:

    Becky wrote:

    I’m glad I took this step towards reconnecting with him, and just to let others know, 30+ days of NC really did help with the “jitters” and fear of rejection I once had.

    Did you think I was lying to you? ;)

    Becky wrote:

    BTW: The same day I reached-out to my ex, my high-school sweetheart contacted me and invited me to lunch this week; I haven’t spoken to him since 2002. How strange….

    When you changed your outlook/attitude you caused a shift in your destiny.

    This is why it is so important not to hide from life because the outcome might scare you.

    Because most every time it will give you what you need.

    An important lesson here is to remember that you can’t always get want you want, but if you try sometimes you”ll find you get what you need.

    Yeah that’s a direct quote from the Rolling Stone’s song.

    But it’s true…how do you know what you want is really what you need unless you follow the plan all the way through…don’t give up half way through…think about it.

  41. Jenni says:

    Scott,
    I bought the “magic of making up” somewhere else (before I found your page) and the site did not offer the two free bonus e books. Is there any way I can get them from you?

  42. S. Williams says:

    Jenni wrote:

    Scott,
    I bought the “magic of making up” somewhere else (before I found your page) and the site did not offer the two free bonus e books. Is there any way I can get them from you?

    No, You have to contact the support email listed on your clickbank receipt.

  43. Nina says:

    Scott,
    My ex broke up with me 9 months ago. I do not often contact him, but he contacts me about every 6-8 weeks (considers me a “friend” even though I said I could not do friendship!). Out of the blue he texted me the other day that he would be in my area, which is not far from where he lives. We met for the first time in 4 months (it was very emotional that last time and I think he has been avoiding me). I gave him his stuff back because I had it for a long time– although he never really seemed to want it. I only saw him for an hour because I was on break from work. I think this is the reconnection phase. He said he would be back in June and that we should meet again for lunch. Also, his birthday is next week and I would feel weird not acknowledging it. Any ideas would be appreciated.
    Thanks,
    Nina

  44. S. Williams says:

    Nina wrote:

    I think this is the reconnection phase.

    Hi,

    You can only evolve to the reconnection stage after you have properly used the no contact stage.

    You even said yourself, he still considers you a friend, I bet he hooks up with you, and after that it’s back to the friends zone.

    You will get the old “I don’t want to hurt you anymore” line. :banghead:

    If you really want to get your ex back, read the free plan (link at the top of my Blog) and follow ALL the steps.

    There is a lot more to this then just stopping communication, you need to start your personal evolution.

    Take Care,

    S.W.

    Nina wrote:

    Also, his birthday is next week and I would feel weird not acknowledging it. Any ideas would be appreciated.

    I would send the recommended NC message (no changes) ASAP, and forget about his birthday.

    Do you want him back, or to be able to say Happy Birthday? 8)

  45. Nina says:

    Actually, we don’t hook up at all. His choice.

    I do feel like I am banging my head against the wall- very accurate pic of me.

    Thanks for the ideas.

  46. Becky says:

    Hi Everyone,

    Well, it’s been 20 months since the big break-up.

    (History) We were in a LDR for three years and saw each other as often as we could, considering we were 3,000 miles apart. Two weeks after the split he started calling me weekly “just to talk”. I was confused by this, so I asked him to stop and I started dating again, even though it really hurt to do this.

    About two months post-breakup, I was checking my Personals account and discovered that my ex also had created a profile (I was mad – I felt like he left me because I wasn’t good enough). Once I got passed the initial shock, I realized that the only reason I saw his profile was because he was included in my “Matches!” LOL!!

    In 01/09, we started communicating quite frequently and that gave me hope. However, in mid 2/09 the communication was slowly coming to a standstill. I tried NC in 3/09 (no letter, however) which lasted until 5/09.

    I contacted him by phone, and it went well – he actually seemed to be glad to hear from me, and then we spoke again in 6/09 (this is when I first found out he was dating someone; I had to ask to find out though).

    I decided to use NC correctly (with email message) from 7/09 through the end of 9/09, and he contacted me through IM out of the blue on 10/2/10 (Friday night at 11:30 P.M. PST).

    He asked me lots of questions, and some to see if I was dating anyone – I told him yes (true). More questions about the new guy….. He didn’t mention that he was seeing anyone, so I didn’t ask. He asked me to call him, and we spoke for over an hour.

    I contacted him in 11/09 by IM, and then he called me and we spoke about an hour. Again, more questions from him about my new guy.

    On New Year’s Eve, I texted him from Vegas to let him know my son was hospitalized with meningitis. I was really scared. He responded right away, and after discussing my son he asked me how Xmas was. I asked the same of him and he responded that he spend half time with his family and other half with “C’s”.

    I knew he was dating someone between 3/09 and 6/09, but wasn’t sure anymore as he never, ever mentioned anything about her. I asked who “C” was, and he said, “She’s someone I’ve been dating for awhile.” I said it sounded like he was getting serious with her (Xmas w/family), and he said, “I guess. We really enjoy each other’s company.”

    Personally, I though this was rather odd, as I figured he would have referred to her as his girlfriend, especially after a year of dating.

    He contacted me once more in January to ask about my son, and I waited around five days to respond – I was going through a depression after losing my ex, my job of 14+ years and my parents moving to PA. I didn’t hear again from him, so in late 2/10 I sent him an email.

    I asked how things were on his end, and let him know we were fine here and that I’d met someone new (true). I told him I was happy for his new relationship with “C” (not really, but tying to be), and that this would be the last time I tried to contact him for awhile (wanted to give him his space). I wished him well, and left the door open for him to contact me in the future if he wanted to.

    It’s been a month since I sent the email, and I haven’t heard from him. However, I did send the email with a tracker that confirmed he DID read it – three different times… how funny!

    Anyway, I still miss him dearly but I’m determined to move on with my life. I’m dating other people, but right now my heart isn’t in it. I feel like I’m just going through the motions. I’m trying to remember who I was before I met him, and determine how I’m now a better person because of my experience with him.

    It’s been a long, hard road. Always having hope that he’ll come back. Several times, I thought we were on our way, but something always interfered. Now I know “her” name, and for the last three months I’ve been torn between being terrified that he’ll fall in love with “her”, get married, and live “happily-ever-after,” and trying to move forward in life.

    I do have to say to the broken-hearted, my heart is still cracked, BUT, I have decided to LET GO of him and put my life back together (one step at a time); I know healing will come. Each day I’m getting stronger and stronger. I look forward to the day when I no longer feel “In Love” with him (I shouldn’t be in love with someone who doesn’t love me back), and only feel the love that one has for dear friends -for their health, prosperity and happiness. It’s then that I will be free to love another truly and deeply.

    Just a thought: Who’s to say that “another” won’t be my ex? Now that I let him go, he may get curious…

    Change is a funny thing. When we start the change process within ourselves, it becomes a chain-reaction on the outside. Others can’t help being touched by us and the changes we’ve made.

    In my situation…, I’ve let him go, and he knows it. No more will he think that I’m sitting on the sidelines waiting for him to dump his current girlfriend and come back to me; I’ve moved on, I’m healing my emotions and I’m learning to fall OUT of love with him.

    If he comes back, I will have the strength and the emotional detachment to NOT fall all over him and look desperate. He WILL see that I’m different and more confident, and I will have the POWER to choose to be with him or NOT. Amen?!

    If not, then I will no longer be in love with him, and will be able to fall in love with someone else (will not be taking emotional baggage into a new relationship).

    I think the best thing for all of us whether we want them back or not, is to get ourselves to the point where we are IN LOVE with ourselves more than them. It’s easier said than done, but I’ve found that it starts with one step – make a decision to move on with your life, whether the ex comes back or not.

    I’m still in “recovery” and it still hurts, but grief is a process. Please don’t think that if I made the decision to get on with my life without devoting my thoughts and tears to “him” means that I’m giving up on my dream of reconciling. I’m making myself healthy and well again, and this is a MUST if I EVER hope to get back together with my ex or start a new relationship with someone else.

    The great thing about this, is that WHEN the opportunity presents itself, it will be MY choice, and whatever that may be, I WILL be happy!

    Again, I believe that one MUST fall out of love with the ex, before a real opportunity for true love appears. It may be with “him”, it may be with another, but in either case, you can’t be in love with someone – epecially the ex, if you want to succeed in finding love again.

    I’ve learned that emotions keep us from thinking clearly, so we need to get to a place where we’re happy no matter the circumstances, and BTW, I’ve heard that emotional STRENGTH is very attractive.

    As I go through this journey, I hope I’m been able to inspire others to take care of themselves as well. I’ve learned that one of the best things we can do to help heal ourselves, is to reach out to others in their times of need.

    Be Blessed!

  47. Kelly says:

    We met and dated 2 1/2 months before thing went wrong, we both 50 with teenager kids he got serious 3 weeks into our relationship ( planed future, planing send our kids to the same college, cared too much too soon with gift/nice dinner/say thing like “we made for each other” I’m glad to found you” ” my house is your future resident”,” my foxy babe”, he always spooned me at dinner, sat next to me and we always held hands, kissed me deeply, sex was compatible bla bla), we went out and had great times even without sex and stayed out until midnight at local coffee shops to talk, laugh so hard when I told him jokes and he made me feel good when he held me in his and allowed me being myself and cried when I missed my sister, took me to massage when I was feeling down..etc..things were going well then I said I didn’t feel butterflies in my stomach ( I put my guard up since he cared too much too soon) and I asked for 1 or 2 minutes during the week to get mentally connected ( we only saw each other on regular wed and sat nights), rarely talk or text during the weeks. he stomped out and asked for “a break”, we still contacted here and there and he still called me “babe” but didn’t ask for a date or talk about the break.

    One month passed, I felt he is drifting away, so I sent him an emotional email demanded to him talk, THEN he sent me an email and said ” What I meant in “taking a break” was that things did not feel right and before I wanted to make a major final decision ( because you are a wonderful woman and important to me ), wanted to step back and think our relationship through. It has been a month and I have given things a lot of thought. After given things a lot of thought, my feelings still feel the same as to the day I decided I needed a break. I started feeling uneasy. I think you are a wonderful person and don’t think you should change anything, I really get along well with you and I think we think alike about most things.I hope to always be your friend and I hope we always keep in touch and talk about things and if you need help, I want to be there for you. We get along so good and in is so many ways, but my own soul searching has convinced me that I really want my, forever women, who I can commit the rest of my life, is one who is very easy going, uncomplicated and not so demanding. I think we should be friends, if you want, but not as boyfriend & girlfriend or anything more than that”. Wth!!

    If we got along well then why the “uneasy feelings came from? and his dream woman sounds so easy to find ( I’m supposed I have all those character for being that wonderful woman in his eyes), what happened to trust/honesty/communication that we had to make a long lasting relationship?. I have a feeling that he ended thing with me to see someone else ( we were not exclusive) which I take it as his honesty and give him a lot of respect not to stringing me along.

    I sent him an email back to agreed with the break up, telling him that I feel relief and said we both need some space and I have some fantastic change in fortune and luck as the second chance letter recommended. I have stopped all contact after that email.

    It was one of the best relationship I ever had, we got along well in so many level, I never see it coming. Please help me to understand why?, maybe when we first met, he really liked me and got serious right away but that didn’t make sense for a guy who is 50 year old to change his entire view after 3 months while things were going well and he said he hasn’t spot any of my bad behavior ( cuz I don’t have any hidden agenda)

    I want to get him back as you can tell, I think our relationship is worth to save and fight for, plese help. I followed the online advices and stop contact and I’m a strong woman so that’s not hard to do. I just don’t know if he really meant what he said about what he looking for “a very easy going, uncomplicated and not so demanding woman”, or he just panicked when things were going well and there was no bad spot between us!!

    What should I do next?

    Thanks Scott

  48. S. Williams says:

    Kelly wrote:

    What should I do next?

    Hi,

    Sounds like he moved too fast, and then got pissed off when you didn’t.

    The best way to reveal his true feelings is to use the free plan on my Blog, the link is in the right-hand side bar.

    Read it once all the way through, and follow every link, and read the articles they lead to.

    Then start from the beginning, and follow every step, OK?

    Take Care,

    S.W.

  49. Kelly says:

    Thanks Scott

    His letter didn’t make any sense at all, I sent him the Nc already and I will stick to it, I really have to focus on my business since things are bad. We had best times and I’m sure he will not forget that, now I’m not sure I will be the one who calling after the NC, if he really value our relationship and appreciates me as I appreciated him by not take him for granted then it’s his call. It’s not about pride it’s about principal.

    I don’t think he sees anyone else at the same time he was seeing me since he always saw me on Saturday nights but his actions tell me otherwise, how could he move on so fast while things were going well?, is is possible that is he Sabotaging a Good Thing?, are men scare as women do when things are going well?

    I’m still think of him and can’t understand why it happnes!!!

    Best

    Kelly

  50. Kelly says:

    Hello Scott again.

    My male friend sent me this email and it panicked me and also realized what I have done to hurt my man:-(

    “Men HATE to feel unsuccessful in anything and when any woman constantly gives a man the messages that nothing he ever does is not good enough and nothing ever pleases you, he loses all desire for the relationship and all desire to try because you just telling him over and over again in countless ways that he is a loser, failure and unsuccessful. Men HATE.HATE to feel that way and while you may say it takes a woman longer to fall in love…yes that’s often true because women are generally colder in nature and in their hearts then men.

    Appreciation for what a man does is VITAL to his continuing to do what a woman wants in a relationship. If she just takes it for granted and a man gets the message that what he is doing no longer matter and is not making her happy, he will eventually just give up because men are 3 dimensional, mathematical, technical/mechanical oriented.. so in building things if it doesn’t work, we don’t just keep trying, we know that means that the formula or method is not working, so he either tries something else or if he can’t figure anything out he deems it a failure and leaves and abandons the project. If YOU give him that message, then he will consider the relationship a failure, then he will simply give up and abandon you too!.

    It has little to do with a man being able to put his feelings into words per sae for men leave women for only a few main reasons. She aggravates him too much, which includes what I mentioned here about him feeling like a failure. She nags him to death, is unhappy with him as he is and tries to change him, she puts him down again, all of which falls under the main umbrella of “pissing him off BIG time”. One can also add jealousy/loss of freedom/checking in all the time to that as well. ”

    It was the first time I asked him to give me more attention during the weeks with 1 or 2 minutes phone call, text and he stomped out and asked for a break. We never had a fight or disrespect each other.

    Is it still a chance for us while I hurting his ego/pride Scott?. I still on NC but since my situation was on hurting his pride, is it going to work the same?, if he treated me the world then does he still feel the same way about me?, he did say he hope we still be friends, talk about thing and if I need his help he want to be there for me but not like gf or bf and more than that, why didn’t he want to work things out with me rather than break up?

    My other friend said that I hurt him. Hurt his pride and broke his heart. He said all that crap so he wouldn’t come out looking so pathetic but what can I say to make up for that?

    Thanks Scott

    An appreciate woman

  51. S. Williams says:

    Kelly wrote:

    My other friend said that I hurt him. Hurt his pride and broke his heart. He said all that crap so he wouldn’t come out looking so pathetic but what can I say to make up for that?

    And what did he do when he broke up with you?

    I would say you’re even on the hurting crap…let it go.

    Kelly wrote:

    why didn’t he want to work things out with me rather than break up?

    Exactly!

    While your male friends are busy Googling bullshit about how men feel.

    Have them look up communication in a relationship, that is the key to staying together, not pouting and then breaking up…he sounds like a big pussy to me.

    Take Care,

    S.W.

  52. hope says:

    S.DUBB , HOW ARE YA MAN ? OKAY SO I’VE BEEN THRU THE 3O DAY NC PERIOD AND I EVOLVED ALOT DURING THAT TIME , ONLY TO FIND OUT I HAVENT EVOLVED ENOUGH . DURING THE NC PERIOD I TRIED HARD TO LEARN HOW TO BETTER MYSELF , BUT I THINK I DIDNT GIVE IT ENOUGH TIME. WHEN ME AND MY EX GOT INTO CONTACT , SHE WAS SURPRISED AND CLAIMED THAT THE ONLY REASON I WAS TALKING TO HER IS BECAUSE SHE TOLD MY CUSIN THAT WE HAVENT TALKED IN AWHILE ND ETC. FAST FOWARD , WE HAVE OUR LIL 30 MIN DATE ND SHES JUST TORTURING ME WITH THE QUESTIONS LIKE WHO ARE U SCREWING , I’LL TELL U IF U TELL ME ( I THINK SHE WAS SAYING THAT JUST SO I CAN SAY SOMETHING ) BUT I DIDNT GIVE IN AND I TOLD HER I WASNT THERE TO DISCUSS THAT . I ENDED THE DATE EARLY BECAUSE OF HER ATTITUTE , LATER ON THAT NIGHT SHE TEXTED ME APOLOGIZING FOR THE WAY SHE WAS ACTING . ND I SIMPLY SED OKAY . THE NEXT DAY I TEXTED HER TELLING HER THAT WE NEED TO TALK , ND I TOLD HER THAT BASICALLY I WAS JUST TRYING TO MEET WITH HER TO CHILL ND HANGOUT BUT SHE WANTED TO TURN IT INTO SOMETHING ELSE , ND SHE WAS LIKE SHE APOLOGIZED ND WHY AM I ACTING LIKE THAT OR W.E . I COULDNT TAKE IT NOMORE , IM LOVING SOMEONE MORE THAN IM LOVING MYSELF AND ITS NOT HEALTHY . I CANT SEND THE RECOMMEND NC MESSAGE CAUSE THIS WUD BE LIKE THE 5TH TIME . ND SHES BEEN QUESTIONNG ME ABOUT WHY I KEEP FOWARDING HER THAT MESSAGE B4 I STOP TLKING TO HER AND ITS GETTING ANNOYING . BUT I DID THE 3O DAY PERIOD AND IDK . IM AT THE POINT WHERE I LOVE HER BUT I JUST HAVE TO LET HER GO ND BE HAPPY IF ANYTHING . I LOVE HER SO IF SHES HAPPY THAN THAT MEANS THE WORLD TO ME , I TEXTED HER THIS MORNING TELLING HER I APPRECIATE EVERYTHING SHE EVER DID FOR ME ND HOW I ATLEAST GOT TO KNOW WHAT REAL LOVE FELT LIKE IF ANYTHING ND HOW SHE WOULD BE A GREAT MATE TO ANYONE IN THE FUTURE ND I JUST WANT HER TO BE HAPPY SO IM NOT GNNA SWELL ON THE PAST . THATS MY NC MESSAGE FROM THE HEART , IDK WHERE ITS GONNA LEAD ME BUT FROM NOW ON I NEED TO LET GO OF MY PAST ND PAIN ND LOVE ME . IF WERE MEANT TO BE THAN WE’LL BE . BUT FOR NOW I JUST HAVE TO DO ME ND LET HER GO BECAUSE THEY SAY IF U REALLY LOVE SOMEONE U LET THEM GO. IT TOOK ALOT OF STRENGTH FOR ME TO COME TO WHERE IM AT

  53. hope says:

    WATCHA THINK ? I DIDNT SEND THE RECOMMENDED NC MESSAGE BUT THIS TIME I REALLY PLAN ON WORKING ON MYSELF AND BECOMING THE CONFIDENT ME AGAIN , ONLY GOS KNOWS HOW MUCH I LOVE HER SO IM JUST GONNA LEAVE IT THERE

  54. S. Williams says:

    hope wrote:

    WATCHA THINK ? I DIDNT SEND THE RECOMMENDED NC MESSAGE BUT THIS TIME I REALLY PLAN ON WORKING ON MYSELF

    The plan works best when you follow ALL the steps, and send the recommended NC message, it is the most important part of the plan.

    It shows you have the courage and commitment to follow through with the plan and succeed.

    Your personal evolution takes courage, determination, and strength, but it will be worth it in the end.

    Take Care,

    S.W.

  55. Kelly says:

    Hello Scott.

    How are you doing?, hope you had a fantastic weekend Scott.

    I haven’t contact my ex after my ND ( I’m naturally done it without or without what I researched online after we broke up. I never see myself chasing a man or allow him to disrespect me ( he stated in his last email that he admired and respect me). When he decided time to go then I will let him. I haven’t have the wanting feeling to call or connect right now, I just feel he took me for granted and that annoying me ( which is true about the “indifference” toward the other person that I have with him right now), I still miss him and feel hurting in my heart but I really don’t want to call. If he didn’t want to call me then I might let it goes for good. Maybe in time I will change my mind to get in touch with him again but right now, I feel I can live almost normal as I was before we met. Time does heel every wounds, doesn’t it?. He made me feel that he sabotaged one great relatiosnhip and didn’t know anything better. Why would I want to be with someone who doesn’t appreciate me and willing to work with me?

    Just to share!

  56. Kelly says:

    Oh Scott.

    He ended thing on March 21, I sent my break up agreement to him on the same day, he contacted me about my blood test for STDs,(which is negative) on March 22, I made him wait for 3 days before I sent my reply about the negative blood test on March 24. he must be up set that I didn’t reply promptly as before. Well, he needed to taste his own medicine since he rarely replied back to me when I sent him text before. That was our last contact. It’s been 12 days. I posted my new personal ad recently where we met with a positive notes. He might sees it and only God knows how he feels!!!. It sent him a message that I’m over him…yeah that fast

    Take care

  57. Kelly says:

    Scott.

    I did go to your free plan and clicked on the red ink ” my no contact diary” and it took me to the forum but I can’t find a way to create a box where I can write my text and send it to create my NC diary, I saw many diary members there( I expected it as this page with a reply button or so)

    English is my second language. Please help

    Kelly

  58. S. Williams says:

    Kelly wrote:

    I did go to your free plan and clicked on the red ink ” my no contact diary” and it took me to the forum but I can’t find a way to create a box where I can write my text and send it to create my NC diary

    Hi,

    Your membership was deactivated because you didn’t follow the forum guidelines.

    I PM’d you and told you what to do,and you didn’t do it, so you are no longer a member of our forum, rules are rules.

    Kelly wrote:

    English is my second language. Please help

    I deal with people from ALL over the world with language barriers, but they work hard and follow the rules.

    You must be able to read, understand, and FOLLOW instructions to be part of our forum.

    You had your chance.

    You can still read the forum, and follow the plan.

    Take Care,

    S.W.

  59. liz says:

    I …. started the NC letter about 5 days ago…… My ex owes me some money. I was just wondering if i should have a friend contact him and get it for me ….. or…… do i wait until I am done with my revolution and contact him when i am ready to meet him for a coffee ? What would be more effective…….

    Liz:)

    • S. Williams says:

      Hi,

      What revolution?

      Can you fucking read?

      It is a personal EVOLUTION.

      Please, at least have the courtesy to read my Blog, and understand the free plan before asking a question.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

  60. Yvette says:

    Hi, I kind of dated a man for about 3 months! We were very much in love and there was alot of passion. I think I became too clingy and he felt it and he left me and hurt me bad. 2 days later I went to a club with another man and we had a lot of fun and I don’t know what went on in his mind but he would not even say hello.

    3 Months later (this is now after I actually put him out of my mind and moved on) he calls me late at night (11:30) and wants to know how my love life was going. There was a problem with connection and when I tried to call back he had switched his phone off!! I sent him an sms and he never replied. I was so confused and could not understand why he called.

    1 Month later I finally had the guts to call him to see him because he had my computer harddrive etc. I wanted to collect it and then cut him out for good because this was still “holding” us together in a way. I went to his office and he tried to copy all documents but it was going to take hours and he said I should leave it there and he will bring it to me. We had nothing to say to each other but when I finally left he grabbed me and starting kissing me passionately and I responded to his kiss. When he tried to get further I pushed him away and said that I needed to go.

    I don’t know if I made a mistake by kissing him and what to do next? Im very confused and just want to know what my next step is going to be. I rejected his advances and I think he has a little bit of an ego problem and im now scared that he wont contact me to bring me my computer data. Do I contact him or how do I handle this. I want another chance with him!

    Please help
    Thanks
    Yvette

    • S. Williams says:

      Hi,

      You are stuck in relationship limbo.

      Make a time to have a friend pick up your stuff (hard drive, and whatever) and then start following the no contact rule…the correct way.

      I help people survive a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex boyfriend back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.

      The fastest way to get your man back is to get your life back first.

      Go read the free plan to get your ex back and follow ALL the steps to heal your broken heart, evolve past the breakup, and get your life back again.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

  61. Lance says:

    Solomon, hi my wife left me 2 mths ago. She is very strong willed woman when she says she done she is done! She kept telling me when she get enough she will leave and never look back. Cause she has been this way her whole life! But first we where in love she told me she was about to give up on love until I came along, that I was her soul mate, she been looking for me her whole life. We had 2 kids we been married for 7 yrs. I mentally abused her I bullied her to where she left. She says she’s done and wants a divorce and it’s final. I read something and did what they told me to do. I told her to go take sometime cause we both needed it. I’m not calling her. I asked her to lunch we went and she was pisses that I brought her a rose. She says that she new I would do something like that and I need to accept that she doesnot want me. And the sight of me makes her hate me cause of how I treated her. That hurt me a lot cause we were soulmates. I also told her that I wanted the divorce also! She wants to be my friend and nothing more! Please tell me is she gone for good? What can I do? She is my everything! Help me? I want her home! What am I doing wrong? Thanks, Lance

    • S. Williams says:

      Hi,

      The best way to reveal your wife’s true feelings for you is to use the no contact rule to evolve past the break up.

      I help people survive a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex wife back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.

      The quickest way to get your wife back is to get your life back first.

      Go read the free plan to get your ex back and follow ALL the steps to heal your broken heart, evolve past the breakup, and get your life back again.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

  62. patrick says:

    Scott,

    Thanks for all you do. Let me put some context around this first. I have not joined the forums and all of that, because I have not taken the required first step; which is to say, I did send the word-for-word no contact letter to my ex, and I want to stay honest.

    I did read the magic of making up, and it was/is brilliant. I more or less followed T. Dubs plan, and it worked, until I got to the reconnection part and made the mistake of moving to fast. So the reuinion was brief, and the next break painful.

    I let myself be strung along by my ex again, and eventually she started dating someone else. At that moment, I knew it had to be over for me; intellectually, I mean. And I knew that T. Dub’s advice in TMOMM was good for that too. So I told her I was going to take some time and clear my head, and that I would be back in touch when I was ready.

    I don’t think she believed me, because she had always had me in her back pocket, but I couldn’t worry about that. It had come down to my own emotional survival. Eventually, she did call, on my birthday. I ignored it. Then she called about a week later, “I think about you all the time. I love you. I love you. I love you. etc . . .” I ignored that too.

    It was no longer about getting her back. It was about me getting past it. No contact was working, not in the get her back way, but in the sense that I was beginning to accept it was over, I had leaned into the grief, and it was fading.

    I broke down once and did call her after she texted saying something like, “Please call me.” So I did, and had a short neutral conversation. I didn’t ask about her life, other than just making sure she was okay, and I revealed little about my own. It was friendly, and I got off the phone fast.

    A week later she called again, and left another, “I’m just calling to have a conversation. I love you. Call me back if you want, or I will call you again soon” message.

    I didn’t respond to that either, because I realized after talking to her that 1) despite myself, I would have a secret agenda in terms of wanting to rekindle something, and 2) I would be being dishonest because I am still angry about being strung along.

    After a week or so of thinking I realized I was close to the point of being able to at least explore a freindship and was thinking of calling, but I wasn’t going to do that until I had really thought about the points above.

    Then, suddenly, I get a text saying, “You have become one of those people in my life that don’t return phone calls. That’s lame. Go away if you need to. That’s never what we promised. We were going to show them how its done. I got nothing but love. I wish you didn’t feel the need to avoid me. Hope you’re well.”

    And — wham! — back to square one. She knows me, and even if that seem innocuous, it is tailor made by someone who knows me quite well to have an affect on me, and it does.

    All of the feelings of panic about losing her (who is gone) came flooding back, and I nearly responded, angrily. I didn’t, and that initial impulse has passed, but I feel like she just planted an emotional bomb in my head.

    I am not over her. I cannot be her friend (not for years I don’t think; not anyway until I feel completely stable). I was content that we were coming to a separate peace, and starting to move forward.

    Is there some simple way, from your perspective, to diffuse this? It’s funny because I know ignoring her can’t make things any worse. She’s gone. And yet, I am suddenly feeling just like I did when I first cut contact about three and a half months ago. It is taking everything I have to keep my head in charge, and not do something stupid like engage the argument, or just ask her what she wants from me.

    Is this typical, in your experience? how would you handle it?

    Again, I apologize for not being officially on your plan. Perhaps that would have avoided all of this. I understand if you don’t want to take the time to answer, completely. But of all of the sites out there devoted to this topic, I have always found yours to be the most level-headed and grounded, so I humbly submit my story, which is currently driving me nuts.

    Full disclosure: Everything I say about not wanting her back is my head; my heart will always at least kind of wish it would work. But I am trying to get myself right, you know? My heart does whatever it wants, but my head tells me she hasn’t changed and getting her back would just blow up again.

    • S. Williams says:

      Hi,

      There is no way to diffuse the situation, the bomb has already exploded.

      The biggest mistake I see people make after a break up is to try and fix things as quickly as possible.

      Relationships break ups aren’t like a broken coffee cup that you can glue back together.

      You are better off throwing that cup out, and getting a new one.

      Translation: evolve past the break up, and reveal/evaluate your ex’s true feelings for you.

      But that takes real courage, and determination — there are no short cuts.

      The no contact rule works real well in these situations. But, only if you have the guts to follow it correctly, and stick to it.

      I help people survive a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex girlfriend back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.

      Go read the free plan to get your ex back and follow ALL the steps to heal your broken heart, evolve past the breakup, and get your life back again.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

  63. jamie smieth says:

    hi,

    I need desperate help.. i was with my ex fiance for 8 years, we were supposed to get married next month and 3 months ago he broke up with me because we were fighting a lot. I guess i took our fights to an extreme and he just wanted to get over it and move on and i tortured him when we fought and he used to tell me all the time how much it bugged him and i just never listened.

    After we broke up he started dating a coworker i guess it was just rebound because they are no longer together (even though shes crazy about him-made a fake profile on facebook).

    However, during the time i would call , beg, cry, scream and blame him for this which pushed him even further. I know BIG MISKTAKE!! but now i am trying the no contact thing and seeing if it works. He tells me that we need to just be friends, that i need to move on and let go. But i can’t. He says maybe he dosent love me the same way anymore but i dont believe that. He also said i made him miserable and he wasn’t happy and that just kills me inside. I want a second chance to make things right, because i do love him a lot.

    Let alone everytthing i went through, i had to cancel a wedding where everything was already set, and tell 400 people that the wedding is cancelled. How about any sympthathy for me? He can’t even imagine what i went through…

    I tell him that no ones perfect and if that was bugging him so much and i changed that what is the problem now? he said he dosent go back on his word and that he created this mess just to take me back would be dumb.

    HELP… does he still love me? will he realize this? im really torturing myself let me tell u!!

    thanks

    • S. Williams says:

      jamie smieth says:

      im really torturing myself let me tell u!!

      Hi,

      You’ve got that right.

      You are torturing yourself by not waking up and letting go of the past.

      You MUST let go of the old failed relationship and evolve past the break up.

      Using the no contact rule “correctly” will not only help you get your life back, but it will also reveal your ex boyfriend’s “true feelings” for you as well.

      I help people survive a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.

      Go read the free plan to get your ex back and follow ALL the steps to heal your broken heart, evolve past the breakup, and get your life back again.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

      IMPORTANT – If you found this information helpful or useful, please give me a “+1″ rating by using the colored “+1 button” at the top or bottom of the above article. I’d really appreciate it.

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