Avoid Being Friends With Benefits With Your Ex Boyfriend – Do Not Become His Prostitute

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The only thing worst than breaking up is getting talked into being friends with benefits with your ex boyfriend. Do not let him turn you into his personal prostitute. If you think having sex is going to get him back, you better think again.

Why It Won’t Work

While it is true that women tend to bond through the act of making love, this isn’t always true with men. If you believe that the time you spend together after a breakup having sex is going to help you repair the break up, you are dead wrong. If anything you are helping him “move on”…how? While you are fulfilling his sexual needs/desires, you are helping to “tide him over” while he searches for another woman to replace you. Plus how will he ever start to miss you?

Being friends with benefits with your ex boyfriend will only make your current broken relationship worse…think about it. You will try to pull him close, and he will pull away. You will get the old “I love you, but I’m not in love with you” line as soon as you try to turn sex into a commitment. You will start to become more attached to him after every love making session, but he will only be thankful for the easy sex…that’s about it.

Do Not Let Yourself Become His Prostitute

This friends with benefit set up will start to look at lot like an arrangement between a prostitute, and a client, only instead of making any money, you will come away feeling empty after a while. You probably didn’t realize it when this all started happening, but you were really not interested in the FWB arrangement. You were subconsciously hoping this would get you back together with your ex, right?

So now you’re thinking how do I get out of this arrangement without making him mad at me? Unfortunately there isn’t really anyway to take away the goodies, and not make him angry. After all you agreed to this type of situation, right? Even if you didn’t really agree to a FWB arrangement, you didn’t stop it from happening, huh? Don’t worry there is a way to end being friends with benefits with your ex boyfriend, and get him back.

Who Am I and Why Should You Listen to Me?

My name is S. Williams, and I have been helping people since 2008 to overcome break up pain, and get their lives back. I even have an “About” section that I recommend you read. I know the name of my site is: How to Get Your Ex Back Fast, but I teach people how to get their lives back, not their ex’s.

If you’re interested in working with me (and our forum members) to get your life back, join my free newsletter for access to the free plan to get your ex back fast, and start getting your life back today. The answers you need to start your personal evolution are waiting for you, don’t hesitate another minute…come and get them.

Once you get your life back, everything else will just start to fall into place…I promise. If you have any comments or questions please write them in the comment box below.

If this article was useful or helpful to you in anyway, please show your appreciation by giving me a “+1″ using the button below this article.

Until next time,

S. Williams

Copyright © 2008 and beyond – All Rights Reserved Worldwide – You DO NOT have permission to reuse this content in any way, shape, or form.

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44 Responses to “Avoid Being Friends With Benefits With Your Ex Boyfriend – Do Not Become His Prostitute”

  1. Richard says:

    I just refused to have sex with my ex because he wanted to be friends with benefits. I haven’t heard from him now in 3 weeks. I hope I am on track, and I hope he is curious about me. I have not contacted him, and I am willing to stay away because I really do love him.

  2. S. Williams says:

    Richard wrote:

    I hope I am on track, and I hope he is curious about me.

    Hi Richard,

    Go to the top of my Blog and find the free plan to get your ex back.

    Follow all the steps, OK?

    That will definitely put you on track.

    Take Care,

    S.W.

  3. Elaine says:

    Hi I need personal help. I live in Australia and my ex lives in USA. I checked up on his email on a regular basis (he gave me his password, i gave him my password too) and one day I found out he had been ‘hunting around” for prostitutes before being together with me. Being a Christian, there was no way I could accept it though he insisted he never ever got to the actual love making because they are all just fake internet ads. Eventually he dropped the bomb on me on Christmas and wanted a break up which he never told me of (he emailed the letter to my dad instead) and cut of all contact with me, mobile, email, facebook, google talk etc.

    That same week, I flew to USA (it was stupid) and I lose my self respect, he hated me more and while I insisted we should wait until marriage when we were together, I give “that” to him for the first time after the break up. He did not take me back. He did not feel guilty.

    Now I am back in Australia. Heartbroken. I was consistently sick (this was too much for me and I used to suffer from depression before) and lost 5 kg.

    What should I do now? Can I get him back? What is my best course of action? I need help but I have no money to buy those online ebooks.

  4. S. Williams says:

    Elaine wrote:

    I have already read the link but my situation is atypical.

    If the free plan to get your ex back is not good enough, I can’t help you.

    Good Luck!

    S.W.

  5. S. Williams says:

    Elaine wrote:

    What should I do now? Can I get him back? What is my best course of action? I need help but I have no money to buy those online ebooks.

    Hi,

    You can read, and follow the free plan on my Blog (the link is at the top).

    Take Care,

    S.W.

  6. Elaine says:

    Hi I have already read the link but my situation is atypical. He’s not getting the sex from me anymore because we are living in different countries. So now, what should I do?

    We still keep in touch via Facebook (thats the only mode of contact he says he would allow and block me off on MSN, Google Talk, email, phone). I know he reads my FB everyday, maybe even my plurk which I update everyday (many times a day).

    He is not sending me any serious emails or comment but when I post photos, he would sometimes comment on it, tag me and such. Then within a couple of hours he would remove the whole message as if he’s afraid others would see it.

    I went to a zoo 2 days ago and uploaded my photos. Obviously I would be home by now (who would be in a zoo for 2 days) but he sent me a message that reads “home? or still on trip”?

    I have a feeling he just wanted me to reply, and maybe wanted to ask who I was with but he never asked. I probably should just ignore the message but after pondering for hours (because I know he knows I am home and using FB right there and then), I replied “back. why?”

    He has never replied ever since.

    My plan is to upload all the photos by today and then cut off all contact (including FB) until Valentines.

    Should I send him a letter? I made a video for him (he said he wanted to see me dance and sing ever so often when we were together).

    My B-day is coming up on the next 10 days. Should I just any of those events to do anything that would be to my advantage?

  7. S. Williams says:

    Haniya wrote:

    realized i do want to be with him but i do think i need to start over

    Hi,

    That is what following the free plan to get your ex back on my Blog is all about.

    You break away from the old failed relationship and evolve past that, find yourself again as a single person, and then reconnect with your ex when you’re both ready in a new “stronger” relationship.

    Keep up the good work Haniya! (Thumbs High) :-)

    Stay Strong!

    S.W.

  8. Haniya says:

    Hey Scott its been a week and he messaged me like the last day of the week i wasnt talking to him and asked me to come over…lol…oh how funny it was! but im doing good and hanging in there and my feelings are becoming in control and i have been fengdhui-ing my room…it feels great..i have realized i do want to be with him but i do think i need to start over

  9. saneldi says:

    Hey Scott:
    Im try to be brief. I lived with this guy for 4 years. I left him – 3 times – to move to another state. Twice he came and got me but not the last time. That was July 2008. October 2008 I came back, and it the beginning, I pretended that I didnt care much if we got back but I did date him. I fell into the FWB! Fast forward to today. He has a new girl. Says he is not happy but loves her and does not see me like that anymore. I made every mistake possible, thinking I was keeping him at least some times. Then they broke up for a week and I thought, voila, we are getting back. WRONG! I know he still has feelings for me.I did the no contact thing and I held strong for 2 weeks (argf!) and then he text asking why I was ignoring him. I just simply said, I need time. Then he called and I answered. He ended up coming over and I kicked him out. I felt so bad and guilty that I sent an apology text. So then he came over again and well, you know! Damn! I regressed! I hate it! I let my emotions take over. I know I need to be away and get stronger.
    So now, how do I recover? I have the MOMU book & now your free plan. I decided I must follow the advice. I have to because I do love him and want him back. So I had a conversation with him after he came, returned my keys and took the rest of the stuff. I asked for NC (I got the basic message from MOMU that went along the lines of Im ok with this, we need some space to figure things out, please respect that and help me let you go by not contacting me either sort of message). It was actually on the phone. It was yesterday – I even marked my calendar so I do not loose track. Do i still need to send your message?

  10. S. Williams says:

    saneldi wrote:

    I just sent the message via text. I didnt realize how hard that was going to be but its done….

    Great Job! :-)

  11. S. Williams says:

    saneldi wrote:

    Do i still need to send your message?

    Yes!

    Especially if you intend to join our forum, you need to send the recommended NC message word for word…why?

    It works way better than the one in MOMU, the proof is all over our forum.

    Even if you don’t join our free forum, you will have much better results if you use the recommended NC message (without changes).

    Take Care,

    S.W.

  12. saneldi says:

    Scott:

    I took the leap of faith. I have been reading all your articles & blogs I can possibly read all day (since I am at work and can not focus) so anyway, I just sent the message via text. I didnt realize how hard that was going to be but its done…. My road to recovery starts now.
    I will join the forum and use all the help and support I can get.
    Im cheering for myself & have faith on the plan.

  13. peaches says:

    breakup was last Dec. contact was maintained, phone sms or email from both ends and several times intiatied by ex not me. living in differnt countries noz:continents. wanted me to go see him (2hr drive) one week but said it wazs tempting but no and that it wazs late et. the following I get told i am given advance notice for following wk. drove up. chatted over a drink, cathcing up and i spend the night there. I have to add that I nev”e”r begged or asked about getting togethr throughtout. More a matter of me showing I am doing stuff, new job, a few hols here and there, going out, gym etc. txting contined after i visited. ther was one phone call and we were practically talking when:how to mt again when next he was back on work just 2hr drive awway. didnt detact anything in his voice. easter wknd sent greetings on Sat no reply and then again on Sun and got reply; replied only the next day. the day after I get this voice i do not recognise him, saying a one liner ‘contact has to stop, have to go’ and it took loads of me talkign to get more out of him, from his voice i said there is someone near you. he siade he has met someone sice Jan!!so of course i remarkede on us sleeping together and on his constant emailing me and sending happy valentines and photos etc if was with her. i aslo told him he has to take rest of stuff ( i had let him leave it n basement) when we finikshe and i asked him to take his stuff. I cut phonecall. Left him voice mail few edays later saying we should talk like adult after our relatioship and what we had been through and again that he has to take stuff asap. no reply. few days later I called, he replied and i told hi, to hear me out; that he shocked with a voice i didnt recognise last time, that i was not stupid and had not exdpect’e to just get back togher like that, but that actions of both showed confusion; fear and feelings and that it was up to us what to do with them. I also said I wanted peace of mind, as whilst when we broke up it was an adult discussed one nw i a, left with so many questions; and again about stuff.he remarked only about stuff that his friend zill pick them up and i saidf that would be embarasing for me, since htey ar also friends of mineand i would have to do idle chitchat ane prtned it was all ok. then 2 dayzs later I get a sms again I do not see him in how it was written, just saying his frined would contact me for his stuff qnf that i was not to contact him with sms, phone or email, that he would not respond to phone; email or text. that he was wrong and shouldnt have dragged it on; i replieed back he should have phnoned not texted to explain and that his friend was not to contact me; he replies back there is nothing to explain; we broke up last year an communication shoujld have ended then; my options are either his friend taks his stuff or police deal with it!! that it did not have to be like this but up to me; that i had to move on. i simply did not reply. that was around 5 days ago. I spoke to another common male friend of his and I will leav stuff in his basement, as long as it is out of my apart. i wa going to call his bluff and take it police but then thought why hassle. It is mor embaasing for hi, if he asks for it and I simply get the frien to respond an not me that he isz to arrange to collect it.
    It so does not add up. It just edoes not seem like hi, at all, but then again maybe you nevr knoz the person!! we were together 3yrs+. my hunch is the girl he is seeing caught him out and he went on defensive” with her, I may v well be wrong of course. but it is also hard to beleive he met someone but kept up such frequent communication with me, his ex; that he could play like this. so I guess he made the no contact rule himsemf and a definite one!

  14. jennab says:

    is there a correct way to go about ending my fwb “relationship” with my ex and get him back?
    i’m willing to follow anything although i cannot afford to buy ebooks witch sucks because i really love him and if i had the money, he’d be worth every penny

  15. Katherine says:

    I have a different situation. I went out on 2 dates (back to back) with this guy. He didn’t completely ignore me, but I completely overreacted and removed him as a friend on all social sites. He then blocked me. Anyways, I’d like to start all over and possibly fix things. I only do this because I felt we had a deep connection, but I’m afraid I pushed him away and freaked him out a little. Please help.

  16. Shila says:

    hi
    ours if long distance relation. he wants to meet me n have sex. this we did twice. we are on phone sex always when we talk to each other.
    recently we had a fight but I initiated a reconciliation n was willing about our relation. but the scene is the same again.
    I do not understand if sex should be so obvious and always in thriving this relationship. I wish I could talk of a pause for sometime.
    But he talks in all passion I am unable to raise the topic.
    I could say no to sex and immediately ask for NC.

    SW, can there be a situation when both can sit and mutually agree on NC without any definite time limits. unlike email.. any f2f talk ?

    • S. Williams says:

      Hi,

      The free plan is about getting your life back, and feeling in control once again, it is not about getting your ex boyfriend back.

      This relationship seems like a one-sided sex thing for him, but you want more, right?

      If you want to reveal his true feelings for you, go read the free plan to get your ex back on my Blog, and follow ALL the steps.

      That means sending the NC message (no changes) via text, email, or snail mail…do not call, or meet them…why?

      It needs to be emotionless, and unless you’re a robot, you will show some kind of emotion when you are face to face, or on the phone.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

  17. JAP says:

    Hi

    I sent the NC message about 5 weeks ago. During this time a lot of good things happenned to me: I got closer to my mom even tho we live in different countries. I brought a car. I planned a 4 days trip to New York City for Christmas so I can get to spent xmas eve with family. I’ve been going to church more often and I really want to go back to college…So far so good! Life is good. Now, Yesterday while driving I called him. We weren’t in an official relationship and he actual ended it due to the fact that ‘he couldn’t give me what I wanted from him’. He picked the call at the first ring and promised to call back within minutes; he did after of 2min? lol He asked how I was doing it, what I was doing as we spoke and if I wanted to meet later that day. I told I couldn’t talk that much at the moment (low battery) but I’d call again once at home. A hour later he called again; he insisted in wanting to see me. I said I had plans. He asked for the next day, I politely declined that as well but I did offer meeting up on Thursday. I ended the call right away making a little joke. I though I wouldn’t hear from him ’til thursday but to my surprise he called this morning at 7:20am. I was on the phone with my mom so I couldn’t answer…then another call at 1:30pm! I was at work so I called him back hrs later. He sounded weird, too confident for my taste. He even asked why I did not contact him all this time to what I answered that we would talk about it later. Again I ended the phone call first saying “Let you go. See u on Thrusday” (he didn’t like that by the sound of his voice). I don’t know what to expect from him anymore! I know I’ll be going to his place to see all the remodeling/new furniture and perhaps have a tea or soda together and then I will leave saying that some friend is waiting for me.

    What all this looks like to you?

    • S. Williams says:

      Hi,

      Sounds like premature reconciliation to me.

      5 weeks is never enough time, and you are fucking crazy if you go to his place for the reconnection meeting.

      If you end up at his place he will be hoping to get laid…nothing else…lol

      He’s not looking for a new relationship, just a quick piece of ass.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

      • JAP says:

        I understand what you want to say if I put it in diffeent words. I feel the same way about his intentions too. Perhaps this is the confirmation that I’m better off without him ;)

        BTW…”Fucking crazy” “piece of ass” sounds very disrecpectfull. Take in consideration that not all people here have low self esteem.

        Thanks for everything. God Bless!

        • S. Williams says:

          Hi,

          BTW you don’t spell disrespectful “disrecpectfull”, I hope you did not/or are not attending college, I would ask for a refund.

          I am fucking sorry if you have low self-esteem, maybe that is why he sees you as an easy piece of ass, and you can’t see the difference.

          Good luck, and get some help for that low self-esteem before your reputation proceeds you.

          Live Long and Prosper!

          S.W.

  18. Brenda says:

    Hi Scott,
    I sought your advice recently. Set the NC method in motion. It’s working out great for me. This has really helped me since my breakup. Thank you so much. Your words can be quite powerful..literally knocking the wind out of me. It was the truth. It was hard for me in the beginning. As the days go by Im feeling much better ..each day gaining more control over my life. Im following the NC I havent called him or texted him. He leaves voice mails and texts.. “Why are you doing this to me? What have I done to you? I just want to know how everyone is doing? Please talk to me. Yesterday he called. I didnt know if i should answer or let him leave a voice mail. Our daughter in first grade and won the school spelling bee. I thought it would be great for her to share the news with her dad. I didnt answer the phone a family answered. Our daughter told him about the spelling bee win. he told her he was bringing her a present. If it was ok to bring it. I agreed. I sent him a text and told him that my family member would bring her to front door to meet her. And added that he’s not allowed in the house. Its too early That I wasnt ready to talk to him yet.He sent a text after he rung the door bell and asked for a hug. I ignored it. He sent it again I still ignored. Scott he talked to our daughter for 2 minutes max. he never brought her a present only snacks. Its what he usually brought her time to time in the past. He gives me money to support her. If I ask for anything extra regarding our daughter he does his best. Whats the best way to handle the situation of visiting our daughter.As she cant visit in his family home the different culture conflict I mentioned in a past post.And did I handle the visit he had with her properly. Im doing my best at the moment. He lied about the present. Im thinking that he shouldnt be allowed to visit if he lies to her in that way and I dont want him to use our child to break the contact with me. I want to break his damn neck. I want to stop him from seeing her.

    • S. Williams says:

      Hi,

      It sounds like you are handling the visitations very well, I wouldn’t change a thing about how you handle them.

      As far as him lying to his daughter, she will call him on it sooner later, and if she asks you, tell her to ask her father why he did what he did.

      Don’t get in-between her and her father, it will only back fire on you.

      Of course if it is a safety issue, jump right in, but as far as him making promises he doesn’t keep, let him explain himself.

      He is digging his own grave, just stay out of the way, and leave him to it.

      You’re doing great! (thumbs high)

      Keep up the good work, and…

      Stay Strong!

      S.W.

  19. Brenda says:

    Also his text say its hard for him to let go. He will respect my Nc message he didnt disturb me for 2 days then he was at it again. Then after he got tired of me not responding he sent another text that said its that although its hard for him that he will do his best to not call or text. He stuck to it for 2 more days. Thats all. On the 1st he will bring me money for our daughter as he has done this 6 years. Should I ask him to mail it. Should I let him bring or is it best for him to give it my trusted family member for me.

  20. Brenda says:

    Thanks Scott

  21. KB says:

    My ex and I hardly ever argued and after a great weekend together we had a dumb fight that got blow out of proportion and he moved out in one day. He always told me daily he loved me and even told me 2 days before he left that he was so in love with me and I made him happier than anyone ever had. He loved that we barely argued and hadn’t at all in over 2 months and wanted to marry me one day. Even told me the night he moved out that he wanted it to work and he loved me not for our son (we have a 5 month old) but because he truly was in love with me. Next day same thing..i love you, miss you. We planned on going to counseling. Then same day told me all that my doctor suggested we go on a date and he said no that he wasn’t in love with me and after his sister told him not to lead me on he realized that. He still acts jealous when he throws up my ex at me…idk why. He has told me since we would try and go slow and just see what happens. Then he gets mad and doesn’t want too. He has ADD and depression issues. I worry he may even be bi-polar but I love him regardless. He has been awfully mean to me which is so unlike him. He always treated me wonderfully. Better than any of my exes did. I thought I was finally so blessed to find such a great, honest, loving and supportive man. He seems to have just changed over night. The “old” him peeks through sometimes here and there. I don’t understand what happened with us and he says he can’t explain it. I worried he may have male postpartum or be upset over losing his job because around the time he lost his job is when this happened. It’s been a month of arguing all the time which he admits is way, way more than when together. I want my son to grow up with us together as a couple. We are best friends and always enjoyed each others company in fact we started out as friends. When we 1st tried dating he called it off and said he would never love me but later told me he was in love with me then but pushing me away because he was worried I still had feelings for my ex. So my question is could he be doing the same type of thing now? Ashamed he over-reacted and had to get his parents help to move out and money, as well as dad had to co- sign. Maybe? I have thought that but I don’t know! Also joking one night I said don’t have sex with anyone just have sex with me and we will be fwb. He didn’t reply. But today we were texting and I told him we really need to try and get along for our son, and I’d like to be friends because I missed my best friend. He said He did too and he’d like that one day soon also. Then sent another text saying he didn’t know about the fwb though because he didn’t know if I could handle it. I had forgotten all about that and didn’t think he would because we haven’t even hung out since the break up. Why do you think he brought it up? Could he just want sex or could it be more to it and he don’t want to admit it? Do you think he’s been reluctant about hanging out and now the fwb thing because worried about me or maybe worried how he may feel? He has told me before that fwb don’t work because feelings get involved and that is kinda what happened when we first started dating except we liked each other well I liked him. He had told me he only saw me as a friend and we were better that way but one night he hinted through text that he was horny and I said don’t say that to me you know I am and blah, blah etc… he came over and “it” happened. Later he admitted he always liked me and when he would go home all he thought about is he didn’t wanna be home ..he wanted to be with me. Thats why sometimes he would go home then call and come back but never made a move. So…advice please? I really believe this man loved me and possibly still does considering our past of his actions etc…plus when I get worried over our son being sick or something like that he says baby are you ok, sweetie don’t worry. Those were only used for me, and even after a month he still slips up and calls me baby. Please help and offer any wisdom and/or advice you may have. I want this to work. I want the man I love back and my family whole again. We were great together and he admits the only problem we had was WHEN we argued which was seldom sometimes we didn’t know how to without it escalating. Which we can work on with a therapist. Plus impulsive actions and relationship troubles are a part of ADD. Btw he’s 38 and I’m 32. I feel we are lucky to have found each other and it’s a waste to throw it away without even 2nd chance at our age and especially since we have a child, a very young child.

    • S. Williams says:

      KB says:

      So…advice please? I really believe this man loved me and possibly still does considering our past of his actions etc…

      Hi,

      The best way to reveal your ex boyfriends true feelings for you would be to use the no contact rule as laid out in the free plan.

      Go read the free plan to get your ex back here on my Blog, and follow ALL the steps.

      You can’t reverse a break up, or salvage a relationship, it will only self destruct again.

      So what do you do?

      You let go of the failed relationship, and evolve past it by getting your life back, and creating more positive energy/feelings in your life.

      We started a topic about this in our forum:

      The Law of Attraction and Relationships

      Read all the posts over and over until a light switches on.

      The reason it takes a while for your mind to catch on is because we have been taught to react negatively to just about all bad news/events in our life, and this knee-jerk reaction only increases our problems.

      Everything happens for a reason, your relationship was over, that is why it ended, mourn it, and bury it, but do not dwell on it.

      Move past this to see what the universe has in store for you, it is always something better, if you believe it is.

      Your feelings create your world.

      Make it a positive world.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care.

      S.W.

  22. Thora Dahl says:

    Hi
    I have a question
    My ex boyfriend broke up with me 15th of march this year. We’ve been together on and of for 6 years.
    This was our third fight, I raised my voice since he didn’t listen. I think he drinks too much. And mutual friends, mostly his guy friends, thinks that they haven’t seen him this happy and stable for a long time, and they give me the credit for that.
    The have heard his version, but still they think he was the one at fault.

    After the break up he texted and called me, I didn’t respond to the text messages, but to the one phone call.

    We’ve slept together twice:
    The first time he kept saying it didn’t mean anything.
    The second time he said he missed me, wanted to have kids, that all our friends wants us to be together, and wanted us to move in together, he knows I don’t want that right now.

    I told him on Friday 25.th march, evening, to delete my number and that I didn’t want to see him for a long, long time.
    The reason was that he wanted to stay friends, with benefits.
    I haven’t heard from him since then.

    Does that qualify as No contact, or do I still have to send him the:

    I agree with you about the decision to break up, I really believe it was the best thing for both of us.
    I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over.
    I would really appreciate it if you didn’t contact me during this time. I will be in touch when I am ready.

    Please answer.

    T. D.

    • S. Williams says:

      Thora Dahl says:

      Does that qualify as No contact, or do I still have to send him the:

      I agree with you about the decision to break up, I really believe it was the best thing for both of us.
      I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over.
      I would really appreciate it if you didn’t contact me during this time. I will be in touch when I am ready.

      Hi,

      You really need to send the recommended no contact message if you want the best results, and it is Mandatory if you want to join our forum.

      Go read the free plan to get your ex back here on my Blog, and follow ALL the steps.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

  23. Brenda says:

    Hi Scott, Today was a great but a little messy. Our daughter made the honor roll again and invited to a luncheon with the principal. I called her da to let him know he didnt answer. He texted back congratulations and that he love her and miss her. I texted back that she would luv if he called to tell her she would be so happy. he texted back ” No because no one cares about him.” Its sad but life goes on. Scott its tax season so last week he calls and asks if he can use her on his taxes because he will owe taxes. I said no I was filing her on mine. he went behind my back and filed and claims the Irs contacted him immediately. Now I guess he’s upset. Scott he does his best for her but he can do better. he’s taking care of and paying bills for his whole family they live with him dad , brothers, sister. I have his child. She resides with me. She graduated 1st grade june 2010 he wasnt there and didnt leave any money for me to take her out or buy her a dress he did pay the 11 dollar grad fee. Her birthday is also in june few days before the graduation. He showed no interest. He went out the country on vacation and his brothers engagement for 30 days. He gets upset if she feels disappointed because he rarely shows interests in her life. When he does see her he hugs kisses her tell her how much he luvs her. Since I dont show interests in him and dont answer his calls and texts unless it concerns our daughter I guess he is really rejecting her. Although my love for him isnt as strong as before I dont want him to reject our daughter. What do he want from Scott?

    • S. Williams says:

      Hi,

      There isn’t much you can do to make someone become a better parent, just take care of your daughter and yourself.

      He is digging his own grave with his daughter, it has nothing to do with you or using NC.

      He is trying to make you feel guilty, and it can only work if you allow it to.

      The no contact rule will reveal your ex boyfriend’s true feelings and character.

      Someone people evolve and flourish when they are up against it, and others turn into back-stabbing worms.

      It is a personal choice they make all by themselves.

      Thank you for writing.

      Stay Strong!

      S.W.

  24. aerial says:

    Hi Scott, I have MOMU and your free plan – thanks so much you’re fantastic. I’m in a pickle and want a guru’s advice:
    My boyfriend of 5yrs broke up and I moved out and went into NC for 6 wks. No contact from either of us. Then we ran into each other and he began to contact me – text, calls. After ignoring for a couple of weeks I returned his call and he asked to see me. I got “I love you and I’ve missed you so much” and “it’s been so awful without you” and “there’s no one like you” but no mention of getting back together. I decided to play it cool and let him come to me. Fast fwd about a month and he stepped up the pace and we’ve spent more and more time together – with him professing his love. He asked a while back if I wanted to get back together and I said “if you want a committed relationship like i do”. I made it that I DID NOT want a FWB situation and that he should not contact me unless he thinks we have a future. This didn’t seem to freak him out and he continued contact. In the last few weeks I stayed the night at his (formerly our) house twice. It felt right and I felt safe and loved. No booze or “that was a mistake”. After our last weekend together, he called Sun night to say how great it was but made no mention of getting together again. Since then it’s been 8 days of silence. I’m feeling a bit confused and hurt: have I been tricked into FWB? Has he changed his mind? Am I on a long lead until he’s 100% sure? Is he waiting for me to call? Is he freaking out because it’s crunch time (marriage/kids)? This sucks – I thought we were chuggin’ down reconciliation road. What is my best strategy?

    • S. Williams says:

      aerial says:

      I made it that I DID NOT want a FWB situation and that he should not contact me unless he thinks we have a future. This didn’t seem to freak him out and he continued contact. In the last few weeks I stayed the night at his (formerly our) house twice.

      Hi,

      6 weeks is not enough time for NC to be effective try 6 months next time, NC is about getting your life back, not your ex.

      If you had your life back you wouldn’t have been so easily misled, make sense?

      He used your anxiousness (to get back together) against you, this is why I say you MUST be over the old relationship and your ex before trying reconcile.

      You don’t have to be a “guru” (I am not a guru BTW) to figure out if he is NOT asking to get back together, he doesn’t want to get back together.

      He is avoiding the issue (getting back together), and he is getting laid.

      This sound a lot like FWB’s to me.

      What confuses me is that you told him not to contact you unless he wanted a relationship, yet you slept with him without any acknowledgment of commitment on his part…mixed signals on your part, don’t you think?

      Before you gave up the “goodies” you should have confirmed that this relationship was going somewhere.

      Why didn’t you ask?

      You’re telling me all the things you want from him, but you had sex with him without getting any of them.

      Now you are confused, so am I.

      When you agreed to sex without any sign of commitment besides “he loves you”, then you accepted being friends with benefits with him.

      You should call him and ask if you are officially back together, if you don’t get an answer (you like) start NC over again by following the free plan to get your ex back, and stick to it for 6 months this time.

      Learn from your mistake.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

      • Aweial says:

        Ahh I thought you’d say something like that! Didn’t mean to daub you with the guru brush, just a very experienced observer. I guess I lamed out and took his continued contact after my statement as an implication that he wanted a relationship again. Fail! Funny you sensed anxiousness all the way from up in the northern hemisphere.
        I don’t even feel like ringing and asking. It seems rather obvious we’re not together now. It just felt like we were getting there but I rushed things and now feel like an idiot. And usually I’m pretty switched on!
        Thanks again I appreciate your reply and insight. You are helping so many people.

  25. Brenda says:

    Hi,

    Our daughter missed school today because of Doc appt. The school called dad. Its an automatic system. Scott as before I informed you of the previous situation on April 6th. Her dad texted me ” Y didnt she go to school today”. Scott excuse me but i found this pretty weird being that he hasnt called her to congratulate her on her honor roll status. How do i respond to the text. Im thinking that he texted not out of concern for our daughter. It was to nitpick with me I could be wrong. Am i being overly sensitive.

  26. Mandeu says:

    In the free plan, it says not to talk about the old relationship in the reconnection phase.. I mean, the break-up is ofc a no-brainer, but not even good fond memories from the old relationship? like “Hey, remember that time when you…” and so on?

    • S. Williams says:

      Hi,

      The whole point of reconnecting with your ex boyfriend is to start a NEW relationship.

      That is why you don’t want to bring up the past, it is gone.

      One memory can lead to another, and before you know it, you hit a bad memory.

      It is best not to play the “remember when” game.

      You have to handle this like you would if you were starting to date someone you have no history with, understand?

      One of the biggest obstacles people run into (IMHO) is they believe their past history gives them an advantage, and they try to use it to their advantage and all that does is bring up bad memories (along with the good).

      Let sleeping dogs lie, and focus on a “brand new” start.

      This is one of the BIGGEST reasons I help people survive a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.

      The free plan to get your ex back is about using the no contact rule to start a fresh new relationship with your ex boyfriend, not pick up where you left off just before the break up occurred.

      Why?

      Because you will be right on track to break up again.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

  27. Brenda says:

    Hi Scott,

    Im finally over the big hill battle of getting over my ex. Im doing much better emotionally. Scott I have a question. Ive decided to move to Texas to finish nursing school. My childhood friends reside in Texas and offered support while I finish up school. I agreed. In december I plan to stay for a least a week to get the feel of Texas. Yesterday I let my ex know of my plans to move because we have a daughter. He cried on his knees holding me asking me not to leave. He said to be patient with him he plans on opening a store in January 2012 He suddenly became extremely angry as if he planned to hit me. Shocked I just looked him in the eyes in disbelief. Believe me I wasnt going to take a a** kickn.It bothered me because he never make no plans to spend with our daughter or call her. He does provide financial support and whenever I call for other support he helps out.Scott he is married now with a 6 month old son and other children prior to this which he will never admit that he have. In the past if I ever brought it up he gets very angry. I guess its his business. He seemed so depressed after I told him about us moving to Texas. He said that we’re not leaving. What does he wantfrom us?

    • S. Williams says:

      Hi,

      I wouldn’t worry about what this fucking loser thinks, says, or does…never mind what he wants.

      Go make a better life for you and your daughter. The sooner you are both away from this piece of shit, the better.

      A married man with children should be focused on his wife and children, not you.

      Although your child is his too, he never showed interest, so why the big display now?

      If he cared about anything but himself he would give you (both) his blessing and support.

      You are definitely doing the right thing for both you and your daughter.

      Thank you for writing.

      Take Care,

      S.W.

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