Anatomy of a Break Up – How And Why The No Contact Rule Works
If you find yourself broken hearted, and in a break up, I can help you. The no contact rule is your best bet, to win back your ex, and get over that broken heart. Maybe if you understood how a break up works, and what happens. You would understand how, and why the no contact rule, really works. I am going to do my best to lay it all out for you, so keep on reading…OK? Breaking up with your ex is a tough time, but you do not have to lay there, and take it.
Coping With Break Up Pain – First Step to Win Back My Ex
OK, this is the worst part of a break up, you have just been dumped, and your mind is reeling. You have a lot of wants: You want your ex back. You want to know why, they broke up with you. And, most importantly, you want the pain to stop. Your first human reaction is an emotional one, you start begging, and pleading, and crying. This is where the no contact rule can save you. If you follow the NC rule, and stop all the pleading, and begging, the initial shock, and pain will pass much quicker, and you will feel better, sooner…Make sense?
I know this is not what you want to hear, but listen….this is the truth. You will need a good plan along with some support, to help you get started, and follow through to the end. It is only there at the end of the no contact rule, that you will find out if your ex is coming back to you, or not. That is why, it is of, the utmost importance, that you do not quit in the middle of the no contact rule strategy…Understand? In the next stage we will discuss emotional control, and how to master your command of the no contact rule.
Getting Over a Break Up – Get Your Ex Back
The rough part is over, and if you are using the no contact rule, things are starting to become clearer for you. Now you can start to see your way through this, and back to your ex. If not, you are still swimming in a sea of self-doubt, and self-pity, and you will drown, if you stay there. In this stage of the break up, you have come to terms with the breakup, and you are working on your emotional control. You are not swimming in the sea of fear, and doubt. You built a boat, and you’re sailing across it to the other side, where success, and happiness awaits you.
The main point of the no contact rule is to gain control over your emotions, before attempting to reconnect with your ex again. Why? Well, what if you get your ex to agree to a meeting, and during that meeting you break down, and start crying, and begging again? Bam! You are back to stage one again; Do you really want to go back there again? I know (from my own personal experience) that it’s hard, if not impossible to get your emotions under control without a plan, and someone to support you.
If all the advice you are getting is to move on, and you are not ready to, then find, and use a good plan using the no contact rule, that includes personal support…OK?
Break Up Help – Get Your Ex Back
If you really want to make it to stage 3, where you formulate a plan to reconnect with your ex again, you need a plan. The important thing to remember before attempting stage 3 is, you need to have completely passed the other two stages first. This is where personal support comes in, do not listen to people who will not support your efforts. Go find like-minded people, and use them as support. Unfortunately, the heartache forums are not that place, they just like to whine, and bitch. You do not need that, you need support…OK?
If you have any comments or questions about using the no contact rule, please write them in the comment box below, and I will answer them ASAP! What can I do to help you cope with this breakup? What are you willingly to do to get your ex back?
Who Am I and Why Should You Listen to Me?
My name is S. Williams, and I have been helping people for more than 3 years to overcome break up pain, and get their lives back. I even have an “About” section that I recommend you read. I know the name of my site is: How to Get Your Ex Back Fast, but I teach people how to get their lives back, not their ex’s.
If you’re interested in working with me (and our forum members) to get your life back, join my free newsletter for access to the free plan to get your ex back fast, and start getting your life back today. The answers you need to start your personal evolution are waiting for you, don’t hesitate another minute…come and get them.
Once you get your life back, everything else will just start to fall into place…I promise. If you have any comments or questions please write them in the comment box below.
If this article was useful or helpful to you in anyway, please show your appreciation by giving me a “+1″ using the button below this article.
Until next time,
S. Williams
http://www.howtogetyourexbackfast.com
Copyright © 2008 and beyond – All Rights Reserved Worldwide – You DO NOT have permission to reuse this content in any way, shape, or form.
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Hi,
Thanks for the advice, I am hoping it is not too late for me to start the no contact as since my boyfriend left me 2 weeks ago i have been doing exactly what you have told us not to! Texting alllllll the time, asking for us to meet to sort things, beggin for him to take me back and so on.
I have decided to start the no contact rule from today and am hoping to go out and have fun and take my mind of things. But was wondering how i go about if he texts me? Should I text back a few hours later or completely ignore?
Also I wanted to know how you go about making contact again after the break. For example would I ask to meet up or should I just phone out of the blue etc. Or should I literally just wait for him to come back to me?
Lastly a major problem we have is that we have a holiday booked in two month and we still can’t decide what to do about it. At first he still wanted to go but now he wants to cancel it. I really want to go but don’t want to go with anyone else! Do you think we should still go?
Any help would be appreciated.
Many Thanks
Rebecca
Hi Rebecca,
I would cancel the holiday, you have some problems to work out first, you can always schedule another holiday afterwards.
You are smart to start using no contact, because it works.
If he texts you, just be polite and tell him you need some time to think about some things, and would appreciate it if he gave you the space to do it, and you will be in touch when you’re ready…OK?
If he continues to contact you just ignore him.
That goes for any other forms of communication as well, he should respect your wishes.
After 30 days or so, and when you feel ready, you”ll call him to set up a meeting.
No Contact can be confusing, that’s why I recommend following a good step by step plan, with personal support.
If you’re interested, take a look at this:
Using No Contact Correctly To Win Back My Ex
It is a lot easier, and faster when you use no contact correctly the first time.
I hope this helped.
Take Care,
S. Williams
Hi, thanks for the very quick response and helpfull advice! Cancelling the holiday is something i really did not want to do as i was hoping that if anything it would help us get back together, however if you think it is for the best that is what i will do. I watched the video of TW Jackson who said about writing a letter to your ex accepting the break up etc. I am thinking of doing this as a start of my no contact from today, do you think I should put in the letter that i am cancelling the holiday? That way we don’t have to talk about it?
I think I will purchase the plan also so thankyou for the link. Many thanks again for your advice.
Rebecca
Hi Rebecca,
You’re Welcome!
The holiday would always be the focus, and that would distract you from keeping your eye on the real problem, and working on the solution.
Besides, if you went on this holiday, and ended up fighting the whole time, that would only make your relationship problems bigger…understand?
Yes, you should mention the holiday in your letter as well, that will lay to rest any questions about that, and show that you’re serious about taking a break.
I hear from a lot of people that they had wished they found my Blog and this plan sooner.
Maybe they would be together already, or would’ve been able to save their marriage, or relationship.
That is why I always urge people to start using no contact correctly, as soon as possible.
I look forward to working with you.
Take Care,
S. Williams
Hi Scott,
Thanks again for the videos posted, big help for NC.
Just wanted to run this by you:
In the last couple of days I have seen my ex online when I logged onto the IM, but I just ignored it and continued my other tasks there, got off quickly enough to avoid contact. I haven’t blocked her.
Today she saw me come online and immediately sent “how are you” etc., I didn’t want to appear angry, hurt nor greatly wanting to communicate at this time, so after a minute or so I just responded, “busy, sorry, talk some other time”.
She responded “ok, no prob… just wanted to know how you are, bye, then”. I didn’t respond more, just logged out. What’s your take? Did I screw up, or did I do ok?
Djinho
Just to clarify: I haven’t had any contact with her at all for 2 weeks. I haven’t had IM chats either. The only thing I have done is respond today, with “busy, sorry, talk some other time”. That’s it. Didn’t want to be rude and say nothing at all. Should I just block her?
Djinho
Hi Djinho,
You’re Welcome!
You did just fine.
The whole point of no contact is to keep your ex out of the loop, and to take time to work on your emotional healing.
Once you’re feeling better then you will start to figure out what went wrong in your past relationship with them, so you can be prepared to fix it in your new one.
It is just amazing how someone dumps you, yet worries about how you feel…
Oh, I’m feeling great, how’s my heart…are you done chopping it up yet?
Thanks for reminding me about the break up…Geez!
These are the first signs of no contact working, stick to the plan…OK?
Take Care,
S. Williams
Hi Djinho,
No need to block her unless she starts to really get aggressive about wanting you to talk to her.
Some people get ridiculous about that…
People don’t like it when they don’t get their own way sometimes, but it doesn’t mean they are over you.
It just means they are being forced to deal with their true emotions, and this is the beauty of using no contact.
Take Care,
S. Williams
Hello again!
Soooo today i wrote the letter what T W Jackson has said to do. I mentioned that I am ok with the break up etc. I also mentioned about the holiday and that i am going to cancel it. At the end I put that I would like some space alone to think about things and clear my head. This is where I am going to start No Contact. Have I done the right thing?
You will probably shout because I know how much u think this no contact thing works but I do have one worry about it! The thing is this isn’t the main reason although i think it is a big reason for him…that all of a sudden he wants to go out with some new friends he’s made and when I was going through the begging and pleading stage i said you can have both we can still see eachother. But he said no we won’t because we will never have time to. And basically since we split up he has been out and about with his mates nearly every night. So it makes me wonder whether if anything I am doing what he wants, I am leaving him to go out and have fun without me. In a way i feel how will he have time to miss me if this is clearly what he wants to be doing and what he is enjoying doing? Do you understand where I am coming from?! I think I just need a bit of reassurance!
Sorry, I hope I’m not being a pain!
Many Thanks
Rebecca
Hi Rebecca,
Everyone worries about the same thing, but what they’re really worried about deep down inside is this…
If what if their ex is really not coming back…right?
No contact only works on people who still have feelings for their dumped ex.
If they are truly over you, and want to move on, then they will…OK?
You can always reconnect with them later on in life, it happens all the time take a look at this:
Couple Finds Each Other Again
What I am saying if he doesn’t come back, it wont be because of using no contact, and you can’t stop him from moving on if he truly wants to.
At the end of the plan, you will know the truth…do you want to know the truth, or are you afraid?
Once you know the “truth” you can make an informed decision about what to do next…understand?
If you truly believe that he still has deep feelings for you, then the sooner you act, the quicker you will get your ex boyfriend back again.
All this “what if” this, and “what if” that, is only wasting time, sort of like “stalling”, because you’re really afraid to find out the truth…yet you’re dying to know, Right?
You should take a look at this article I wrote about that:
How The Fear of Using No Contact Can Imprison You
You’re not being a pain, but you’re sure wasting time, and putting off getting your ex back.
Take Care,
S. Williams
i have a few questions….. We were together for 2 yrs and engaged since august of this past yr. We both have kids of our own. I have 2 and she has 1. My kids are still asking about her and her son. And I know they will for some time. It kills me when they do. I ‘m pretty much over the grieving stage… We have been apart pretty much a month @ this point. I pulled the usuall and typical nonsense for the first few weeks. but nothing for the last 2 weeks. no contact of any kind. I am just plain old afraid she has moved on and forgot. When we split it was as if a light switch was turned off. & she pretended we never had anything. How do i know if she has moved on? how do i make contact without trying to upset her or without diggin myself more of a hole? I’ve tried to write a letter with no success. just not sure what to wrtie except to agree with the break up. but am afraid the letter wouldn’t matter to her except give her more resaon to move on. She never gave any closure during this entire situation. It’s as if she all of a sudden went cold….
Please help
Derek wrote:
Hi Derek,
The best thing to do is continue using no contact as hard as that might seem give her a month to cool down and thin things over.
Contrary to what you might think no one “moves on” in a month that wasn’t already gone in the first place…understand?
You mentioned a “switch” being flipped, well she is the only one who can decide if she wants to flip that switch that other way, but the more you chase her (try to convince her to come back) the worst you make things.
It is like “quick sand” the more you struggle, the faster you sink.
Stop struggling now, and wait to see what she does in the coming few weeks…remember 30 days is just a benchmark, and you spent 2 weeks making things worst, so it might take 6-8 weeks for things to calm down.
Be patient and have hope knowing that 2 years together can’t be thrown away in such a short time…OK?
Take Care,
S. Williams
I agree with every thing your are saying. I am starting to believe there is another person in the picture. It is a long time friend of hers. I haven’t fully figured out if something was going on with them before we split. But it sure is starting to look like it. Which would completely make sense whith the light switch i was talkin about above. Beyond all of this……Every day gets easier.
basically my fear, and the part that stresses me out more than anything is the fear that she is already in another man’s bed. whether that is the case or not. It doesn’t change how i feel. As messed up as that sounds, something inside me tells me that she is really my one. I will stick to the no contact, But i need to develop a plan beyond that. I feel that if i have plan I can focus on the big picture instead of the right now. That’s why i was was mentioning the letter. I felt that might be a way to start …for lack of a better phrase . .. begin to flip the switch.
Derek wrote:
Hi Derek,
The book The Magic of Making Up comes with an outline for the kind of letter you’re talking about, and a plan to reconnect.
If you don’t already have it, I would highly recommend you buy it, and start reading it.
Plus, you also get my private email address for private coaching.
Take Care,
S. Williams
i’ve already read the book 3 times.
Derek wrote:
Then start using it, reading is good…but, applying what you’ve read is even more effective.
Take Care,
S. Williams
Hi Scott!
Thankyou for all your help you have been a star! Oh and guess what?! The day he came round was the day I was going to write the cancellation letter for the holiday….and we have both decided we deffinetly want to go! I can’t wait I think it will bring us so much closer together 
Thought I would update you on my situation!….Well I have my man back! I only ended up doing 4 days of no contact and he randomly came round to my house wanting to make things right…he had texted me before that but I reminded him I needed space and ignored from then on like you said. I cant believe it! It has been just over a week since we got back together and I am so happy! I believe it was deffinetly something to do with the letter I sent him
Once again thankyou for all your help!
Rebecca
Rebecca wrote:
Hi Rebecca,
That’s Great News!
But, it is really you who are the “star”, you had the courage to fight your own instincts and let him go.
Thanks for the happy update.
I wish you both the best of luck, and I am adding you to my Success Page.
One word of caution…
Please take it slow, and iron out all the things that came between you the last time…OK?
Now Enjoy Your Holiday!
Take Care,
S. Williams
If you ever want to see a reader’s feedback
, I rate this post for four from five. Detailed info, but I just have to go to that damn yahoo to find the missed pieces. Thank you, anyway!
Samuel L. wrote:
Hi Samuel,
Thank for your honesty, but if you would fill me in on what you thought was missing, I would be glad to fill in the missing pieces for you…OK?
It’s really hard to read people’s mind’s, I rely on reader feedback to give them what they are looking for…understand?
I look forward to your response.
Take Care,
S. Williams
scott, i am applying the no contact rule, 2 plus weeks now. But at some point i know i have to initiate. At wht point do i write a letter or anything. At what point do i initiate some sort of contact.
Derek wrote:
Hi Derek,
Do you have a plan?
If not get one like in the Magic of Making up, and start following it…OK?
30 days is just a benchmark, if you don’t feel in control enough emotionally to accept a “no” when you ask her out, then wait longer…read the book, it explains better.
Take Care,
S. Williams
This is something you had already said to me about 4-5 posts up. That’s why i was asking about iniating contact. I’m not saying i was going to call her today or even in the next few weeks. I have been applying the techniques in the book, but just had some questions regarding the tecniques.
Derek wrote:
You can try after 30 to call using the techniques outlined in chapter 6.
If you get a “no” then politely accept that, and try again in a week or two.
FYI – I probably have answered this question before, sometimes you can find the answers to your questions by searching the blog, and the comments.
Take Care,
S. Williams
Hey, i was reading this and was interested in asking some questions of my own. I have recently split up with my boyfriend (relationship of a year nd half) its been 2 weeks since he last spoke to me, he told me to leave him alone because i wasnt giving him time and ‘listening to him’. I was just woundering, will he ever get back with me if i do give him space? please any answers!!
C.Smith wrote:
You will prove him right if you don’t give him “time” like he asked and NC will do just that…and much more.
If you want to discuss this further and learn how other people going through break ups are working to get their ex back…join our forum.
Go to my FAQ section and follow the instructions (carefully) on how to correctly join our forum.
How do i know if he will come back when i give him “time” to his self, this relationship had ended because we were arguing and a member of his family died and he found it hard. Will he ever want me back is the question that keeps going through my mind. And if he does want me back how long am i going have to wait for him to contact me? I miss him so much, im still continuing with the no contact rule and im doing good so far; i just dont know how long i can last. Please contact back xx
@ C.Smith:
How come you haven’t joined the forum yet?
I guess you don’t want free support.
Yes i do want free support, i also wnt my question answered PLEASE, and hw do u join
How do i know if he will come back when i give him “time” to his self, this relationship had ended because we were arguing and a member of his family died and he found it hard. Will he ever want me back is the question that keeps going through my mind. And if he does want me back how long am i going have to wait for him to contact me? I miss him so much, im still continuing with the no contact rule and im doing good so far; i just dont know how long i can last. I really need this answering please, i will join the forum once answerd.
C.Smith wrote:
You really need to calm down, in this state nothing can help you…understand?
I don’t answer questions like this on my Blog anymore…that is why I created our forum…OK?
You will like it much better, just click this link and carefully follow the directions in FAQ 1.F make sure you read all of that section before clicking on the link to join the forum…OK?
FAQ Section
hey can u pls fwd the ebook on my mail id….i dont have ajob hence cant buy it and im goin thru a rough relationship…hope u can help me
hi pls fwd the e book to me. i cant buy it cos i lost my job and im ging thru a rough relationship so pls help
niraj wrote:
Hi, I can not do that, I do not own the rights to the book, besides it wouldn’t be fair to all the other people who found the money to invest into saving their relationships.
Feel free to read my Blog and the plan in our forum and when you have the money get the book ASAP, so you will progress through the plan even faster.
Hey man, just sent the message to my ex which is in your other articles…she replied saying that she was the one that ended it so she doesn’t know why I need time to think about everything and decide. She seemed a tad desperate, puzzled and as if i was the one who ended it. Is it a good sign?
Thanks man
Josh wrote:
Yeah, you flipped her switch, now you need to follow the rest of the plan, OK?
My ex split up with me 8 weeks ago and we have a child together and was with eachother for 3 years, he said he wasnt happy and lost feelings for me he doesnt no when they went they just did. he started dating this women at weekends 4days after we split up they are still involved and he doesnt make time for our child. i never really gave him much space longest i left not texting was 4 days then gave in. i would love to have him back but i no that would never happen as he doesnt want to talk to me and not even seeing his child, he puts everything before our son even this married women and gambling. i wish i had started the no contact from the start of break up then maybe we might of had a chance of getting back together or even being civil for our childs sake
Jenna wrote:
Hi Jenna,
Just about everyone in our forum made the same mistakes you did, and they are following the free plan on my Blog.
8 weeks is not too late to start using no contact correctly, go ahead and start following the plan, OK?
What should i do if he doesnt notice that im doin the nc. when i stopped txting after 5days he hadnt noticed, if hes preoccupied with this women he woulldnt have chance to miss me or our relationship as he says hes happy without me and rushed from one relationship to the next. he says he has no feelings at all but after a child and 3 years together he must feel something esp as the day we ended he was still telling me he loved me and talking about marriage i think it was mainly down to me finding out he had a drunken kiss with sum1 and isaid a few things i regretted.
Jenna wrote:
This is why you send the recommended no contact message, he will notice that…send it word for word.
hi. can you please help me. i am 19 and my boyf dumped me about 2 months ago
i miss his so much and love him to pieces. is it to late to send this letter?/ i just bought the magic of making up.. ??
i want him back soo much. he said he is happier single. we were going out for 2 yrs and madly in love. he must stil love me.. he hasnt talked to anyone about us.. and seems to have kept his feelings inside.. he is sayin he likes being single.. from what ive heard he has not yet kissed any one..
please help please i no its not the end we both just started college there in sept and go to 2 diff one.. i think he doesn want to waste his youth with me.. but i no we are ment to be.. ther are so many lil signs..
PLEASE ASAP
aine
aine wrote:
Hi Aine,
No it’s not too late to send the NC message.
But, I highly suggest you use the recommended one in the free plan on my Blog.
It is a step-by-step system to help you get your life back, and then your ex.
The sooner you start reading and following the free plan, along with using the exercises in chapters 1-5 in MOMU…the sooner you will feel better.
Get started today!
Take Care,
S.W.
how can i get him back i no we are young but i love him so so much but he is acting like i dont mean a thing to him
aine wrote:
Don’t worry about how he is acting…follow the free plan, and focus on yourself.
He will come around…give it time, and don’t panic, OK?
Stay Strong!
S.W.
i sent the NC text.. changed it a little.. but i did it..
i jsut want him to come back so much
with xmas coming and the new yr..
you are great to reply so quick thanks! even with this time difference!
aine wrote:
It really works much better when you send it word for word.
have i ruined my chances?? can i send it again ?
aine wrote:
Yes, you can send it again…but make sure you don’t change it at all, OK?
Next time you think about changing a step in the plan…ask a question about it in our forum, first.
It is better to get feedback before you do something…make sense?
Stay Strong!
S.W.
is it too soon to send it again as in i just sent it like 2 hrs ago???..
i really dont think it wil make a difference to him he doesn care.
aine wrote:
The sooner the better.
If you didn’t think it would matter…why did you change it?
Anyways to be successful using NC you need to send the right message, and then focus on the rest of the steps in the free plan.
Use the exercises in chapters 1-5 in MOMU to help your personal evolution along.
This plan is NOT that hard to follow, and with the personal support in the forum…you’re all set.
Don’t panic…just make sure you follow the free plan, and not skip steps, OK?
Stay Strong!
S.W.
what sould i say cause i no he wil be like wtf she just texted me like an hour ago sayin the same shit.. PLEASE..
aine wrote:
It is all explained in the free plan at the top of my Blog…go read, OK?
I can’t help you if you don’t ask before changing things around…can I?
If you asked in the forum first you would have gotten good advice.
Now stop bitching about it, and just get it over, OK?
All you can do is learn from your mistakes.
Stay Strong!
S.W.
but he wil think im mad!
Is it okay to use the no contact rule when you have kids involved. If not how can I try to when ex back
Jye Littlejohn wrote:
Hi Jye,
Yes you can, and it is fully explained in the free plan on my Blog.
The link to it is at the top of my Blog.
Take Care,
S.W.
How the no contact rules work when there is children involved and my ex do not feel sefe to live them with me alone. besicaly what I am seing is that she want a divorve and she want me to have a relationship with the three kids and she want to be always present when I meet with the kids.
PLEASE HELP
franco
franco wrote:
Hi Franco,
You can still use NC in that situation as well.
Even if she says with the kids.
Just focus on your children, and do not ask your ex or answer any personal questions she might ask…keep it all about the visit, nothing else.
If you read the free plan on my Blog it will explain how to use NC is different situations.(link is at the top of my Blog)
I hope this answered you question.
Take Care,
S.W.
Dear Scott,
First off, I wanted to commend you for replying to the all the posts above, and so quickly too – I noticed the time stamps! I think you’re helping a lot of people, and advice is always appreciated.
I just need to lay out my thoughts, and get some professional feed back. I’ve made an appointment with my university psychological counseling department, and talked with friends, but I’m interested in your opinion.
Quick synopsis of my relationship with Todd. We meet last year in November, and began dating soon after. I was a religious person, and he was not. He was my first boyfriend; sex had been apart of his last relationship. He was respectful, and I called all the shots when it came to our physical relationship. It was wonderful, and I was happy, but we moved fast. Six months later, we were sexually active – which I’m fine with. However, he harbors a lot of guilt about it. I don’t know what I can do or say to convince him otherwise. I deal with balancing my own feelings of hypocrisy and the desire to live life with passion and conviction, but I can’t make him see why I chose to have sex. I’m happy with my decision, because if something happened to me tomorrow, at least I was able to experience love and a deep connection with someone. Unexpectedly, my brother died over the summer, and he was there for me, and took care of me. He carried me through that situation. He feels the need to take care of me, and protect me. He sees me as fragile, and weak. Coupled with that, his guilt has worn at our relationship, and I can feel him pulling away. I became unhappy with the separation between us, and my own self-image. I expressed my unhappiness, and we agreed to work on it.
After I returned from a week long trip, we felt awkward in each other’s presence. He ended our relationship, but I didn’t fight it. We went to dinner that night. We’ve talked almost everyday, and even took a two day trip together – as ‘just friends’. (It has been just over two weeks since we broke up.) Sometimes it kills me, but other times I’m just so happy to seem him that I don’t notice. We’ve talked numerous times, to make sure we are on the same page relationally, but I can’t seem to believe that we are on the same page emotionally. We’re on a ‘break’ with intentions to get back together, but I can’t get over the relationship and make repairing strides when I’m leaving this wound open.
I think I’ve decided to use the ‘no contact rule’ starting today, but I don’t know if I can bring myself to do that. He contacts me all the time, and I tell myself it’s because he loves me, but lurking in the back of my mind is the thought that he just cares about me, and is concerned for me. He doesn’t want to cause me any more pain, and feels it would be easier on me to invite me to a movie and dinner rather than let me suffer alone.
I recently came to the conclusion that I won’t be ready to be back in a relationship with Todd until I don’t feel the need to be with him, and that seems extremely counterintuitive. How can that be? If I wait until I’m over this heartbreak, over the desire to be his girlfriend, by then, won’t I be over him? Why can’t I understand the logic behind this thought. Is the no contact approach the right thing for this situation? I do want to get back together with him, I love him, he treats me right, cares for me, I’m attracted to him, and we never fight. I can’t think of a good reason to not be together, and it concerns me that we aren’t. Keep in mind this is my first break-up. I can’t justify ending our relationship like this, when we still feel so connected. What is the best thing to do here?
p.s.. Sorry for the novel.
Thanks,
Diane
Diane wrote:
Hi Diane,
Thanks!
I do my best, because I know people are really waiting for some feedback, and they have not gotten any from all the other sites…so they are pretty desperate.
Diane wrote:
I am NOT a professional, but I do have about 2 years experience helping people going through break ups.
I am self taught, mostly out of necessity…someone had to help these people.
Diane wrote:
So you are saying you don’t completely understand how love works…join the club!
No one does…we can only wonder, and do the best we can.
Just because you can’t wrap your mind around how something works doesn’t mean it won’t.
The theory behind the free plan, and the personal evolution is not to get over your ex and not need them…it is to not depend on them for your happiness, understand?
You need to become happy as a single person again, and this will let the old failed relationship die and fade away.
When you rush to get your ex back, you rush right back into your old failed relationship again…make sense?
You believe in God but you never seen God, right?
But something tells you it is the right thing to do, so you believe.
You have to believe in the strength of the love you shared with your ex, and that true love will prevail.
All the free plan does is reveal the true feelings in a relationship, as you both personally evolve you will come to realize your “true” feelings.
If it wasn’t true love you will be able to successfully move on at the end.
If it was you will be ready to fall in love all over again with your ex.
Diane wrote:
The best thing to do is what you trust and believe in.
I think you should follow the free plan on my Blog, but only if you believe it will help you, OK?
Take Care,
S.W.
Hi Scott,
I have a question for you .. My partner and i were together for 9 years he left 3 months ago Im trying the no contact rule but my problem is there are bills in his name that i am paying for how do i go about not contacting him when these bills need to be paid as the bills come in the form of an email and i dont know the passwords or account numbers to be able to open them i have asked him to transfrere them all into my name but at this stage he still hasnt… Also i had asked him numerous times to come and get all his things out of the house and he says yes i will but still hasnt… I get the feeling altho he has said he isnt coming back at this stage.. he isnt ready to let go am i right or is it all just wishful thinking ? your advice would be greatly appreciated
Regards Tanya
Tanya wrote:
Hi,
This is covered in the free plan, just follow the links under the no contact section, and read the articles.
Tanya wrote:
You can pack them up and drop them off at his place.
Tanya wrote:
It seems like he is trying to keep his foot in the door until he decides what he wants to do, don’t let him.
I recommend that you stop “trying” the no contact rule, and you start following the free plan on my Blog.
Take Care,
S.W.
Thanks Scott for your advise, My problem is he wont tell me where he is living so i cant box up his things and as you can imagine 9 years living together theres alot of stuff. The no contact rule makes me feel better until i have to contact him so i feel i take 2 steps forward for myself and then 2 steps back when i have to contact him. I have to say im not ready to be his friend yet as there is alot of hurt in him leaving and besides that he refuses to see me since he left… I just feel if his things werent here and all ties broken then i can move on sort myself out properly without all his reminders and then maybe down the track we can be friends and see where it goes if anywhere.
Again thank you
Tanya
Scott, I was in a short, but very intense relationship with a coworker. One day out of the blue, she informed me that she realized that she shouldn’t be in a relationship with anybody right now, and we broke up. Although we broke up, she continued to come to my office everyday for lunch/and or breaks even though I informed her that I needed some time. I was weak, and kept thinking that we could work it out, so I relented. Finally after three weeks, she posts on her facebook that she is in a relationship with a guy that I know. I was livid, and reponded with a nasty facebook response. We talked that night by the phone, and I told her that I was planning on blocking her on my facebook account, because I didn’t want to know what she was thinking, doing, etc. She still continued to text me, asking me “how are you”. I responded with short answers, like fine, ok etc. After two weeks, I still found myself looking at her facebook page and tearing myself up inside. I decided to remove her from my friends list, and institute the no contact rule. I have to heal. Since then, she has texted me once, and I have ignored it. This is two weeks ago. I’m trying to move on, but admittedly, I still miss her. I’m curious as to how long I should keep the no contact going? I’m not sure that I am ready to see her yet, but we were friends before we started seeing each other, and I do miss that. Any help would be appreciated. Thanks
Jeff
Jeff wrote:
Hi,
It takes between 1-6 months for NC to work, it all depends on each unique situation.
You must follow NC correctly, go read and follow ALL the steps in the free plan.
Take Care,
S.W.
My GF broke up with me on Jan 18 ’10, a week later was the last time we made physical contact, and was in limbo about the status of our relationship for a few weeks as she was dating other guys.
I started reading about what I should do to get her back. So I stopped begging and pleading with her, and on feb 13th wrote her a message saying that I accepted the breakup.
Almost immediately she wanted to talk.
We talked the rest of the day, only to realize, I didn’t get to do the no contact thing. So the next day feb 14th I immediately tell her we need some time apart…and I suggest six weeks. She relunctantly agrees, and suggests she my be weak enough to contact me first….she doesn’t.
I contact her on march 18th to see how she is, and try to ask her out on a friendly date. She said she would consider. Two days later I ask her about her answer and say’s it wouldn’t be a good idea so soon after a breakup.
March 21 I came to her place to pick up an item, but it was also to see her she said “Nice to see you to” as her voice seemed to break.
I vaguely talked to her again over the next few weeks, trying to see if I could keep in touch with her or friends, but she would shut down on me. I apologized and credited her character as a whole, hoping that would warm her up to me again.
Since me talking to her wasn’t working, I decided to try again a second time with no contact (since April 18).
I know she still loves me and probably wants to find a way to make things work and didnt’ want to give up on us (but did tell me what we had is over after saying the opposite weeks earlier).
How much longer must I wait? A few more weeks, months?
My intention is to not contact her ever again. At the time of this message this is our two year anniversay period (may 11-24) it’s May 22, four months after the breakup.
Or have I truly lost her forever?
I never cheated or abused her, and we were very good friends and more.
Calvin wrote:
Hi,
She is right, your old relationship is over, and you must let it go, so you can start a new one later on after you both personally evolve past the old “failed” relationship.
Go read, and follow ALL the steps in the free plan.
Take Care,
S.W.
Hi,iam in NC, 30 days next wk. And i am not planning to initiate contact yet. but given it is LDR I would like to start thinking about how to eventually reinitiate contact. i read somewhere that it could be forwarding some fun email or something and just putting in a general question as one way. this may work? rather than an outright phone call or email out of the blue? cause then again what do you say in the email so as not to have it a too serious one as a fist step?
thanks
pear wrote:
Hi,
Just keep the email light, and about anything but yours/his personal (dating/relationship) life.
This is talked about in the last part of the free plan.
You can read the success stories in the forum, and you can also go read their NC diaries as well and see what methods they used to reconnect.
There were quite a few LDR success stories.
Take Care,
S.W.
Hi S. Williams,
We were living in together for almost 8 years and he dumped me 2 months ago. During the 2 months, there were some time we still see each other and text. I begged btw just so I can see him. He would always say he misses me but everytime I asked him out, he would say he’s busy at work. ALWAYS. I asked him if there’s someone in his life already, he would say there was none or maybe he doesn’t want to admit? My questions.
(1) How can he moved on so fast?
(2) Is the NC rule still applicable?
(3) If your ex tells you that he’s busy would that mean his busy with someone else?
(4) Why do you think he doesn’t want to admit there is someone else already? I caught him before.
Appreciate your time. Thanks.
Lana says:
Hi,
All these questions don’t matter, therefore there is no reason to even waste anytime answering them.
The only answer you want is, does your ex boyfriend still love you, and want you back, right?
You will never find out if all you do is sit around pondering questions like the ones you just asked me.
If you really want to reveal your ex boyfriends true feelings you need to use the no contact rule.
Go read the free plan on my Blog, and follow ALL the steps.
Just focus on following the plan, and stop asking yourself those questions, they will only hold you back, and “stall” your personal evolution.
You must evolve past the “failed” relationship and get your life back first.
Take Care,
S.W.
True. Let me try it out and keep you guys posted. Thanks!
Ok, here is my story. My ex and I have been together 2.5 years. We have broken up 2 times before because he wasn’t sure however the first time we got back together he said he couldn’t picture life without me. We broke up a month later due to me, I honestly had a hormonal moment and he said he needed more time. However that past time we didn’t speak for a month and he came back. Next time we spoke a few times and I finally said I couldn’t do this anymore, be his friend when I wanted more. Again, he came back about 6 weeks later. So for about a month we are dating (now it has been 2 years) and I asked him where this relationship is going since he is 39 and I am 38. He said he didn’t know however really loves me. I said this is it, I love you and want marriage and if you don’t want the same we need to go our separate ways. He thought about it for a couple of days and then called me for 4 days straight. In the end he said he wanted to marry me and couldn’t think of anything better. So for the next 9 months he said nothing about a ring, however looked at new realestate for the both of us and ok, I have lost my job and I am no saint. I broke down every single month, starting about month 5, breaking up and getting angry because he hasn’t proposed. Finally at the end I said forget and I had it. I then found out he had tried to call my parents but they were out of town, he bought a ring and RETURNED it (yes he had the nerve to tell me that) however he couldn’t pull the trigger and was getting so stressed at my behavior. I cut off contact except for once to when I found out he was seeing someone and and I went off of him. I pretty much gave it to him and never to talk to him since. I will admit, I am still very much in love with him, is it over? I have the ability to check his voicemail and while the voicemails still appear new, they are there. what are my chances. Please help me!!!!
Hi,
You have a 50/50 chance if you do this correctly.
Go read the free plan on my Blog, and follow ALL the steps.
Take Care,
S.W.
Dear S.W.,
Thank you for helping all of us..
I have a question. I had a 2 years long distance relationship and he broke up with me one week ago. There were 3 month we didn’t see each other, so things started to get bumpy. I was sort of demanding attention as I felt his attention was receding. He got upset one day and ended the relationship. I asked him not to do that ect, the typical drama. He said he never was going to call me again, never see me again and call off our next meeting in a few weeks. This is the 3rd time he breaks the relationship. He always came back before. I am afraid the relationship just broke. I know he has feelings for me though.
We spoke two days after, I asked to call me and told him that I agreed to the ending. I told him maybe one day we can be together again in the future once we had figured things out. I did tell him though that he should reflect on the break up and how much we mean for each other. He said he didn’t think so. He said he will still like to talk to me that I was an important part of his life. He said he was going to call me soon. I just said, yes, feel free. At the end we hang the phone saying “I love you”… I said I was going to miss him… He also advised me that he doesn’t want to create false expectations when he call me, but he does not wan to cut all contact.
Anyway, my questions are: do you think I should apply the NC with him? He is a very solitary guy. Should I answer if he calls or just disappear? Is it possible for a guy to never come back again even he says he loves you?
I want to have him back, but not now… I do want things to work between us, but I realized that have been many problems. Mot seeing him made it really hard sometimes.
So what do you think. Do I call him? if he calls what do I say. or just dont answer? Should I tell him that I want to be back with him in the future? Any advice S.W. I will really, really appreciate. I feel sad about this… the missing is really bad. We haven”t spoke since that day… I am trying to see if he will call me and miss me, but then again I am afraid he will use the time just to get over me.
Thank you for your words… they calm me a lot…
Dear S.W.,
I have another question that I am not sure I explicitly asked in my previous post. I was just reading your page and found the NC letter. Should I send that after 1 week of breaking up. He said that he will call me and I agreed to that. I don’t know if I should just ignore the call or let him now that I don’t want contact sending the NC letter?
What do you think?
Again thank you very much. I hope to hear from you. I will keep on reading your blog.
Hi,
If you want to reveal your ex boyfriends true feelings for you, go read the free plan on my Blog, and follow ALL the steps.
That means sending the recommended NC message (no changes).
Take Care,
S.W.
PS – If you fucking double post on my Blog again, I will ban you from posting.
hey thanks, sorry about that… it was an accident about the double post..
Hello Mr. williams. I have been reading these comments and notice you have pretty much replyed to all of them and that is great dedication. Thanks. Now for my sob story. Well me and my ex of almost 5 years with a beautiful lil 2 yr old girl broke up again. Last time it happined she left me because she told me I didnt give her enough attention. Which I dnt disagree I didnt show her as much as I shoulda I jus didnt notice it soon enough. Well 4 bout a week I did all the usual beggin,pleading,and so on. Then I did some internet searching and bought “the magic of making up” 30 somethin bucks but I didnt care I was desperate and wuld do anything to get her back. So I read his book and applyed his tactics of no contact. Well 3 weeks later of not talkin at all I get a late night call from her. She cried and and said she made a mistake and wanted to come back home. So of course I let her come back. I missed her an my lil girl so much. I was so happy tht it worked. Well we got back together and I made sure I paid more attention to her. And it seemed she was happy. I knew I was. We was talkin about finaly getting married. And she seemed happy. This is about 3 months after the breakup. And bam it happins again. I come home to a empty house. I call her she said she doesnt wana be together any more because I dnt give her enough attention. Same thing she said last time. I am so confused. I thought we were fine. Whats worse this time is shes with another man. No this jus happined bout a week ago of this post. And yesterday she came to my house with a uhaul and got all of her stuff and the babys. So this time it seems like its for real. I am going to try no contact and T.W.s tactics again in hopes that I will succeed again. But I have less hope this time because she completly moved out. I want my family back. Sorry for such a long post but im a former successful user of no contact and I dnt know if it will save it again. Please lend me advice. I need some hope. Thanks
Hi,
It sounds like you broke NC too early, and didn’t follow the reconnection phase properly (moved too quickly).
As soon as she yanked on your leash, you responded, just like a good little puppy.
I would recommend you follow the free plan this time (and the recommended NC message), and then stick to NC a lot longer.
And, if you choose to reconnect this time, that you move much, much slower in the reconnection phase.
Do NOT be so quick to take her back, because you only pick up the relationship right where you left off before the break up, and you breakup again.
The idea is to start a NEW relationship, not revive the old one…get it?
I help people get their lives back, not their ex’s, and it works.
Go read the free plan here on my Blog, and follow ALL the steps.
Take Care,
S.W.
PS – It is pretty obvious that she likes to use the same excuse every time she wants to take off on you. But if you don’t give her what she needs, why does she keep coming back?
Thanks for the reply. And ima stick to it now. Hopfully I do get my life back with my family and why does she come back like u ask? I dunno women confuse me. But thanks.
Donovan says:
Hi,
That’s a no-brainer…
Because she knows you will always take her back.
You are her little doggie on a leash, where are you going?
Nowhere, and she knows that, and takes advantage of it as well.
Take Care,
S.W.
Ill no longer be a lil doggy. Lol thanks ill keep ya updated.
I have not had any contact with my boyfriend for nine days. The last text I sent him was a sad face after we got into an argument that morning. I ‘m going through a very difficult time right now and have been wanting to call him a few times to fix this. I feel like he doesn’t care about how i feel since he has not made any efforts to contact me. He has prevented me to see his news feed on Facebook but still keeps me as a friend though. I care a great deal about him and want him back in my life. I know I’m supposed to wait 30 days before I make any attempts to talk to him but…Honestly it would mean a great deal if he would make the first step. Doesn’t he care? Need support
Hi,
I have no idea if your ex boyfriend still cares or not, but you can find out how he truly feels about using NC.
I help people get their lives back, not their ex’s, and this is explained in the “About” section of my Blog.
If you are interested, go read the free plan on my Blog, and follow ALL the steps.
Thank you for writing.
Take Care,
S.W.
Typical sob story… Together 2 years. I was way too controlling. I prevented him from hanging out with his friends and drinking. He graduates college in two months so I’m thinking any shot I’ve got will be after those two months are up and those people disappear… I do realize I was unreasonable and AM getting professional help to work on these issues.
Anyway, this is my question. He told me not to call and after a week of pathetic nonstop calling/Texting/emailing, I gave it up. I decided to go NC before reading the guide but now it’s been 18 days. Is it necessary for me to recontact to use the suggested letter or would I be better off sticking to NC since I’m approaching my third week?? I didn’t see anything in the forum regarding this so any input would be appreciated.
Maggy says:
Hi,
I have answered this questions many times right here on my Blog, and the answer is always “Yes”.
Plus, the only way to become a member of the forum is to follow the free plan…every step.
So everyone in the forum has already sent the NC message, that’s why they don’t ask this question.
There have been people who have been broken up for a couple months (to a year) that sent the recommended no contact message, and were glad they did.
I help people get their lives back, not their ex’s, so there is no statute of limitations on sending the NC message.
If you are hesitant to send the NC message, you may not be ready to get your life back yet.
You have to be “dead” serious about following the free plan if you want to succeed.
If you’re ready, go read the free plan here on my Blog, and follow ALL the steps.
Thank you for writing.
Take Care,
S.W.
Hi,
I’ve just break up with her 2 weeks ago.She said that she can’t stand the difference between us and she have no feelings to me anymore and just want to be friend with me.We’ve been together for almost 2 years and this happened so sudden that i don’t know how to react.I did begged and message her how miserable i am..until i came across this NC rule.
I told her that i agree with the break up and we should give both of us some time and space.After that she replied that she would contact me next month.It’s just been 5 days since i sent her that message.Today is the first day of this month and i received a message from her early in the morning asking me “how are you?”.I didn’t replied and later in the afternoon she sent me another message asking me if i’m working.
What should i do..?
Should i reply her..?
If i were to reply what should i say..?
Hi,
Yes, reply, and send her the recommended NC message as outlined in the free plan to get your ex back.
Following the free plan is the best way to use the no contact rule.
She is obviously not taking your first message seriously, right?
This is your life, your happiness…are you going to fight for it?
I help people survive a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex girlfriend back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.
The fastest way to get your woman back is to get your life back first.
Go read the free plan to get your ex back and follow ALL the steps to heal your broken heart, evolve past the breakup, and get your life back again.
Thank you for writing.
Take Care,
S.W.
Hi,
Please Help… I am 19 years old I have been with my ex boyfriend now for 4 years. Yesterday I just found out he was talking to this girl on skype. He was video chatting her from 4am till 6am. I also found out he shared a kiss with her during a week that we had broken up.But after that week we got right back together and he continued to talk to her thru chat. I found out and broke down, today I thought I could have taken him bak but trust is going to be a big issue. He has lied throughout this relationship multiple times I have found out a lot of things but I always stood by his side. Today he came to me saying he was sorry he will do anything to get me back. I told him I will need to know everything he is doing and who he was with. He told me he didn’t like that he had to do this but he said he would. Then I asked him if he told me everything about this girl he said he never had sex with her. I told him I wanted him to text her and tell her he had a girlfriend because this other girl didnt even know about me. I wanted him to tell her that he was going to fix everything with me and he wanted no contact with her. He was fine with this but I could tell something was eating him inside. He then told me he was hiding something. He started to cry and he said he wasnt man enough to tell me. I broke down and I said you had sex with her and he nodded. My heart is beyond repair right now. I was just about ready to take him back and then I found this out. I dont know what to do. He is living with me and I am literally stuck. I dont know if I should give him another chance but deep down I feel like it can never work. What should I do?
Hi,
You need to walk away from this failed relationship, and stop trying to save it.
This doesn’t mean that you will never get back together with him ever again (hold the drama).
It just means you will not be able to repair this particular relationship with your ex boyfriend.
You can use the no contact rule to reveal your ex’s true feelings for you, and evolve past this break up.
I help people survive a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex boyfriend back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.
Go read the free plan to get your ex back and follow ALL the steps to heal your broken heart, evolve past the breakup, and get your life back again.
Thank you for writing.
Take Care,
S.W.
Hi, I would just like to thank you for doing this before I tell you my story. I have purchased the MOMU book and i’m still confused. Thanks again for your time.
I was in a 5 year relationship. The end of our relationship was long distance and it really took a toll on things. I broke up with my ex a while ago, he tried to get me back, but I wasn’t interested. After months passed, I wasn’t sure anymore, but I really missed him. When I came home on one of my breaks, we were thinking of making it work, but we were both confused. He told me he had feelings for another girl, but not the way he felt for me. I cut him off for months and made sure he couldn’t contact me. I thought I got over it, but months later I started thinking about him and called him up. He was very sweet on the phone. When we spoke about us, he told me nothing ever happened with the girl he thought he had feelings for, but we never mentioned getting back together.
I saw him again when I came home for my break. We saw each other almost everyday and I realized how much I really love him, but I guess I did all the things I wasn’t suppose to do and pushed him away. We fought a lot. He said he’s confused and doesn’t want to be in a relationship right now. We argued so much, and I kept pushing it. I’m back in school again and we still talk. I love him so much, but I feel like i’m losing him. I guess sometimes you don’t realize what you have until its gone. We had a really good relationship until I moved away. I know I really hurt him when I left him.
I’m his first girlfriend. He says he doesn’t know how he feels right now but isn’t looking to be in a relationship. He just wants time to figure himself out first. That’s what I wanted when I left him too, so I understand the feeling. I even started having feelings for someone and felt like I just had to leave him, cause I wasn’t being honest. I realized later it was nothing. I really messed up. I was just going through a lot when I left him, I kind of lost myself. He still wants to stay friends, but I want more.
Does being friends keep me in the friend zone? Did I lose him already? I know he cares about me, but I don’t know in which way anymore. When I ask, his answer was, he loves me, but doesn’t know how much anymore. Is he not in love with me anymore? Right now i’m back in school (long distance) and won’t be back until December. I need to stay focused but I’m scared ill lose him. Is he going to forget me? What do I do? I’m going to start the plan. I just wanted your opinion on things. Please help.
Hi,
You might have the book MOMU, but you are not following the no contact rule correctly.
He wants to stay friends to keep you from moving on.
You have nothing to worry about, it seems like he still wants you but he wants to play games instead of going for it.
By using the no contact rule correctly you will kick start yours/his personal evolution and save yourselves a lot of time.
You both need to evolve past the breakup and prepare for a new relationship.
I help people survive a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.
Go read the free plan to get your ex back and follow ALL the steps to heal your broken heart, evolve past the breakup, and get your life back again.
Thank you for writing.
Take Care,
S.W.
IMPORTANT – If you found this information helpful or useful, please give me a “+1″ rating by using the colored “+1 button” at the top or bottom of the above article. I’d really appreciate it.
wow, thanks for the quick reply
I started NC about a week ago, but I didn’t write the letter so I figured that it didn’t count. I started the plan today and will follow through if thats what it takes. Thanks for your support and making this blog. Just reading other people’s stories makes me feel not so alone anymore. God bless you for helping people get their lives back.
Hi,
You’re welcome!
I hope when you say you’re following the plan that you sent the recommended no contact message as outlined in the free plan to get your ex back.
Thank you for writing.
Take Care,
S.W.
yup I sent the no contact message and feel better already since now I’m not waiting for him to contact me anymore. However, I’m just kind of curious why sending the no contact message has so much more of an effect rather than just actually having no contact without the letter. As I mentioned before, after breaking up with him, trying to make it work, then having him tell me he had feelings for someone, I cut him off for about 6 months without the intention of talking to him ever again. Did that not count as no contact? He was really happy to hear from me, but is confused now. I figured after 6 months he would know how he felt about me. Do you have any insights to why this is? He said that he thought I cut him out of my life for good and getting back together didn’t even seem like an option. After initiating NC (this time with the letter) do you think he’s just going to think that its not an option anymore? or do you think its different since I initiated contact and told him how I felt (and lost a lot of dignity doing it)?
P.S: I tried joining your forum, but didn’t respond to the letter within the hour cause my internet was down at school for a while, i’m going to try to join it again, but I know rules are rules, so I understand if I can’t, just wanted to say sorry.
Hi,
When people just stop talking that is usually considered “the silent treatment”.
The big difference between the silent treatment and the no contact rule (when you send the NC message) is there is no doubt about why you stopped talking.
You have made your intentions crystal clear.
The no contact message is for your benefit, not your ex’s…why?
Because this is about getting your life back, not your ex.
You can always re-register for our forum, but if you do it too many times I will start to think you’re not serious enough and never approve you.
There are a lot of people out there that like to waste time. I don’t let them waste my time, it is too valuable.
Everyone’s time/life is too valuable to waste.
That is why I encourage people to follow the free plan to get your ex back, evolve past your breakup, and get your life back in the shortest amount of time possible.
Thank you for writing.
Take Care,
S.W.
Hi SW,
So its been 4 weeks since we last had contact and almost 3 weeks since I wrote the NC letter. He hasn’t contacted me yet and I don’t think he will. When I gave him the “silent treatment” after our breakup, he never contacted me for 6 months even though he said he really wanted to, he said he thought I shut him out and I wanted nothing to do with him. Is this a bad sign if he never contacts me? Our relationship was amazing while it lasted, but after I left him, everything changed. How do you know when its time to let go?
Hi,
Did you send the recommended no contact message?
If not, go to mother bullshit’s covenant for lying women and pray for help.
Thank you for writing.
Take Care,
S.W.
yes of course I sent it… I sent it 3 weeks ago exactly as outlined. When I was mentioned the silent treatment I was referring to the past.
Hi,
It is better to be specific when you ask for advice.
You gave him the ‘silent treatment” which is nothing like properly using the no contact rule.
And that is why even after 6 months, it didn’t work because here you are again broken up, right?
There is no magic number for your personal evolution, but I have seen the best results in the 9-12 month range.
Can you stick to the plan for that long?
If so, you will see great results as far as getting your life back with or without your ex boyfriend in it.
Being happy is the main goal, not getting your ex back, you just think you need your ex to be happy again.
You’re wrong.
I help people survive a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex boyfriend back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.
Go read the free plan to get your ex back and follow ALL the steps to heal your broken heart, evolve past the breakup, and get your life back again.
Thank you for writing.
Take Care,
S.W.
IMPORTANT – If you found this information helpful or useful, please give me a “+1″ rating by using the colored “+1 button” at the top or bottom of the above article. I’d really appreciate it.
I totally understand the entire concept of the No Contact rule and it’s generally 30 days give or take provided that I have maintained my distance and not contacted her at all. That I have completely left her alone. No text messages, no e-mail, no letters, no cards, no flowers or gifts. I’ve been down this road before and I do understand this advice, as a matter of fact I have given this same advice to others in the past based off of my experience in life with prior break ups. My question to you is this.
Being that I am the dumpee and she is the dumper. right know based on me leaving her alone, giving her time and space allowing her to miss me and get over her anger. I want to know the stages of of the 30 day no contact rule as it applies to her… like the first week of silence she is basically feeling like maybe he’s finally going to leave me alone but she still doubts that I will… keeps waiting for a text or something and everytime she receives one she thinks that it is… then I guess the next stage is her thinking ok he’s gone and moved on during week #2, and then stage #3 week #3 is where she starts to miss me and her love for me starts to over whelm her and she cant’ think of anything else and the final week of of the 30 day no contact week #4 she is going crazy with wonder where I am, if I have met someone if I have completely gotten over her and if she’s lost me for good… I guess a good way of putting it is that the balance of power shifts from her at the begining and the at the end it becomes mine
Would you say this is a fair line of thinking on my part?
Thanks so much
David
Hi,
30 days is a myth.
It takes much longer (9-12 months) for lasting results.
You need to use the no contact rule correctly to evolve past the break up, and reveal your ex girlfriend’s true feelings for you.
I help people survive a break up and get their lives back, not get their ex girlfriend back, and I explain why in the “About” section on my Blog.
Go read the free plan to get your ex back and follow ALL the steps to heal your broken heart, evolve past the breakup, and get your life back again.
Thank you for writing.
Take Care,
S.W.
IMPORTANT – If you found this information helpful or useful, please give me a “+1″ rating by using the colored “+1 button” at the top or bottom of the above article. I’d really appreciate it.